


All Again h.s.

by GigiC



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asshole Harry, Comedy, Developing Relationship, Exes, F/M, Falling In Love, Famous Harry, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Harry Styles, Long-Distance Relationship, Love Triangles, Past Relationship(s), Past Tense, Post-Break Up, Present Tense, Romance, Secret Relationship, Sex, Smut, Touring, celebrity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2018-05-19 15:00:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 81
Words: 440,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5971225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GigiC/pseuds/GigiC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And I hate you and I love you and I'd wish you'd go away..."</p><p> When Becca and Harry decide to come together for a final dinner- it is quite clear their story is far from finished. Their relationship ended two years earlier, but their hearts have not completely moved on. </p><p>The only problem is Harry is now engaged and Becca has a serious boyfriend. They both need closure and decide to try to pick up the pieces so that they can continue on with their lives; but what happens when the pieces start to fit together again?</p><p> </p><p>"And I hate you, and I love you and I wish that you would stay..."</p><p> </p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

PART ONE: Who We Are 

 

CHAPTER ONE

BECCA

 

 

Now.

 

My hands are shaking.

I'm not cold or scared, but I am nervous as hell.

"Fuck." I mutter, as I finally drop the sugar I've been measuring for two minutes.

"What happened?" I hear called behind me.

"Nothing." I say quickly, scooping the now spilt sugar into the palm of my hands.

It was official.

I wasn't going to make it through this.

_This was a mistake._

I feel a presence move behind me and seconds later, a small chuckle.

"You alright there?"

I sigh, turning to Chase; my beau of eleven months.

His warm brown eyes meet mine.

Those  _beautiful_  brown eyes.

Normally by now I would be feeling a shiver or some slight stirring in my belly from seeing him and peering into chestnut orbs-but not tonight.

I bite my lip and put on my best smile.

"I'm great."

But I wasn't. And my voice didn't sound too confident either.

I move past him, throwing the small specks of sugar in the sink.

Why the hell did I agree to this?

"You know, I don't think you even need to make the dessert.” I hear Chase say behind me. “They might not even stay that long."

But I did.

It was _his_ favorite.

The ex.

Harry.

I shuffle my hands together one last time, losing the invisible remnants. I turn back to Chase.

"Well you never know."

Chase smiles those perfectly white teeth at me and reaches out his arms.

I go to him and his spicy cologne fills my nostrils. He kisses my forehead tenderly.

"It's going to be fine."

I feel his hands rub my back in encouragement.

"I know it's been two years, but you guys have been okay for awhile."

Our definition of okay obviously differed.

He continues. "You guys have both moved on and our continuing on with your lives. It's not going to be that bad."

I pull back and stare at him.

Oh I hope so.

He was being unbelieving understanding; or maybe incredibly naive.

I give him a reassured smile, or is it pity?

Chase doesn't know the fire that burns between us.

After all, he had never seen me and Harry together. He didn't understand what sat under the surface.

He caresses my cheek and lets me go.

"I'm going to head upstairs, finish up. I think we have some time."

I glance past him at the clock. It was 6:13pm. I have exactly forty-seven minutes until they would get here.

Or maybe it was really thirty-five. He was always known for being prompt.

'Always be fifteen minutes early if you can' had been his mantra then.

"Cool." I say, my eyes giving Chase a quick acknowledgement. I turn back to the dessert- strawberry cheesecake. Or, better yet, strawberry mess since I couldn't focus.

Dinner was pretty much done thankfully and warming in the oven. Chase, with his lovely self, had already set the table and put everything out for me.

I just need to finish.

I take a deep breath, counting to ten, and dig back in.

By 6:46pm, I am finished and headed for the bathroom to finish up.

I can hear Chase rustling around in our shared bedroom of a month.

What the hell was he doing?

He was already dressed; a casual button up with jeans and he didn't require much maintenance. I had to admit, he was a very well put together man.

Me on the other end...

I shut the bathroom door and took in my appearance. What did you wear for these kinds of things?

I was quite sure my white blouse with jeans was boring but I couldn't exactly dress up for my ex-boyfriend and his new girl.

Oh yes,  _her._

The Barbie doll Julie with the heavy makeup and blond beachy waves.

I shouldn't judge since I had never met her, but the pictures I had seen spoke volumes. She was a model- as most were- and seemed to be the ditsiest of them all.

I grab my brush, pushing it through my lifeless hair.

It figured.

I had spent hours curling it the night before (for the naturally wavy look, of course) only to have the hair flat now. Thankfully my brown hair was dyed a light brown for the summer so that was something.

Maybe my slight mascara and gently lacquered lips would be enough.

It didn't matter.

It  _shouldn't_  matter.

After tonight, I wouldn't have to see him ever again.

This was closure.

 

I give myself one final glance, smooth my clothing and then give up.

Chase meets me in the hallway.

As I take in his appearance-that hasn't changed- I look at him in confusion.

"What were you doing?"

"Sorry. Business call."

He worked in a Public Relations firm as a Public Affairs Specialist. It was how we had met.

"Ah. Who is it this time?" I ask beginning to take the stairs. "What new Hollywood scandal is brewing?"

He chuckles, following behind me.

"Actually you'll be surprised."

"Really? Why?" I ask looking back at him.

But.

Then the doorbell rings.

They're here! Shit. No.

NO.

I'm not ready.

_This is a bad idea, this is a bad idea, this is a bad idea..._

I must have a look of terror, because Chase smiles and rubs my back again.

"I'll get it."

I feel myself nod in response, but I can't move the rest of my body. My eyes are frozen on the door.

"It's going to be fine." he says once more, taking two steps at a time until finally hitting the floor with a thud. "You two need this."

_I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this._

Chase smoothes his already perfect short brown hair back, and opens the door.

And then he was here. My Harry.

"Hey you guys made it!" I hear Chase say, but I can't see him anymore. I can't see anyone but Harry.

His brown curly hair is short again. When we had dated, it had been long and resting comfortably on his shoulders and then eventually past.

He has on his signature black pants and a casual printed shirt, probably Gucci or Yves Saint Laurent, and his forest green eyes are focused solely on my boyfriend.

The popstar is still alive before me.

"Yeah sorry, we tried to get here sooner."

My ears fill with the thick warm British accent of Harry, and the room suddenly feels a little richer.

"No problem." I hear. My boyfriend's American accent, polite and inviting. "Hey, how are you?"

He must be talking to Barbie now, but I don't glance because right at that moment, Harry's eyes venture past Chase and up and then, they find me.

And I fall.

At least, what feels like falling; hard.

I smile slowly, awkwardly and expel the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

He grins back, a small dimple forming- but it is brief because I hear my name called.

I blink. Once. Twice. And turn to Chase.

"Becca?" Chase calls again. Everyone is looking at me now, and I realize I am still standing on the steps, peering down at them like an idiot.

I move quickly, praying I don't trip down the stairs.

As I reach the bottom, Chase meets me and pulls me to the doorway.

I see Harry. I smell Harry. I hear Harry.

"Becca." he says. "Hi."

"Hi." I say back, but my voice is foreign and rushed. I want to hug him at least one more time, but I don't think it's appropriate. "How are you?" I ask.

This time, a full grin forms and I want to die. That fucking dimple still has a small spell on me. His hand finds his lip and he pulls gently. "Can we come in?"

"Oh of course!" Chase says beside me, and breaks from me to usher them in; but I am stuck on the 'we'. My eyes travel past him and I finally take in Barbie.

I'm surprised to see her eyes are already on me.

"Hi!" she says cheerily. I'm further surprised when she pulls me into a hug.

She smells like bubblegum. Like a child.

"Hi." I mumble.

"I'm Julie." she says as we pull apart.

"Becca." I say.

The introductions seem ridiculous. As I look at her, I can feel Harry and Chase' eyes on us, examining how we take each other in. Chase and Harry have already met and are the ones who decided on this dinner.

The shared industry and passing of friends, has made our worlds collide again.

"You have a lovely home!" the Barbie says sweetly, breaking the contact to look around.

I follow her eyes to see what she sees, but my eyes stop at Harry.

He is still looking at me.

Before my mind can grasp, he has moved towards me, and pulls me into a hug.

His scent is still the same, and my body-though I hate it- molds into his perfectly like before. It feels like home but I know it's not.

Our home burned down a long time ago.

"I'm good. You?" I hear whispered into my ear, and I pull away slightly.

Huh?

Our eyes meet with our faces only inches apart.

"You asked me how I was." he reminds me with a small grin.

Oh yes. The peppermint on his breath has me forgetting things.

"So Harry! You guys hungry?"

We both turn to Chase and Julie, who are both looking at us.

The cheer on Julie's face has dimmed a little.

Harry instantly lets me go, and though the house is warm and comfortable, I feel a small chill hit me as he pulls away.

"Yeah. Definitely." he says, focusing solely on Chase.

"Cool. Well allow us to give you the tour first." Chase says, moving to me. He reaches for my hand and I take it. As his spicy cologne fills my nostrils again, I am reminded of what is going on and why we are all here. The Harry spell is partially broken.

"Yeah uh," I say clearing my throat. "Follow us."

I put on an inviting smile and turn to lead the way with Chase's hand entwined with mine.

Bubblegum Barbie mumbles 'awesome' behind me and Harry remains quiet.

I wonder what he is thinking. It has been so long since we have seen each other.

Two years exactly, yet I don't wonder long.

"Jules is right. This is pretty nice." He says.

Jules. What a stupid fucking name.

"Thanks." I say peering back slightly as we begin to walk.

Harry's green eyes are on me again.

"Did you decorate?" he asks. The question is for me.

I nod.

"I can tell." he says warmly.

The words sound rude, but I get what he is doing. It's a reminder, though small, of our time together. My mind shuffles quick snapshots of that condo we once shared and then the memories of him never being there; always doing promotions.

His career, and being one of the most famous men in the world kind of got in the way of all that.

"Yeah she's amazing!" Chase boasts, squeezing my hand lovingly. "We just moved in and it already looks like something off of HGTV."

I smile.

"What's that?" I hear suddenly.

Me and Chase turn to Barbie. No, _Jules._

"Home and Garden Television." Harry answers casually looking at her. He says it as if he is use to explaining things to her.

I turn to Chase and catch his smirk. We both agree, this girl is already looking like an idiot.

I clear my throat.

"So...this is the living room and dining room obviously. Through that door, is where we'll be eating." I point to a small room in the distance.

I briefly let Chase's hand go and continue the 'tour'.

"And this is our library area."

"Get out! You guys have tons of books. How long have you guys been here?" Julie asks, moving towards the shelf of books along the wall.

"A month." Chase answers for her.

"This is incredible!" Julie says moving to run her hands along the shelf.

I want to grab her manicured fingers and tell her not to touch shit, but I have to be polite. I watch her closely as I feel Harry stand by me.

"Still love to read huh?" Harry asks turning to me.

I don't answer, letting the question hang in the air.

Years earlier, before we met, I wanted to work in a publishing house. In fact, it was what I had been studying in school when we met.

Harry's girlfriend-no, fiancé- continues to search the books and I take her in.

She is a catalogue model that Harry supposedly met through a mutual friend. They haven't even been together for a year yet.

We are complete opposites.

Where my hair is brown, hers is blonde. Where I am busty she is flat. Where I am short, she is tall.

I'm 5'5. She appears to be 5'10 and she is more slimmer and toned.

She is pretty and I would be happy for Harry if she wasn't such a cliché.

As she looks, bent over reading book titles, I study her perfectly manicured hands and catch the six carat diamond that rests on her finger. It doesn't look right on her hand.

I want to ask to see it again and get a closer look, but don't need to invite the reminder.

After all, that ring was almost mine once.

I almost have to stop myself from shaking my head. It still baffles me that Harry gave her that ring-  _my ring._

I turn to Chase, but he is watching Harry, who once again, is looking at me.

What is his problem?

As our eyes meet again, he quickly turns and looks at his girl.

"So what else?" Harry asks, pretending to not see us look at him curiously.

"Let me show you." Chase says, taking initiative. Bubblegum stands and goes over by Harry.

She smiles widely at him, and he smiles back and I have to admit I'm a little disappointed when the smile reaches his eyes as well. Something moves through me.

Sadness? Regret? Jealously?

"I'll take you guys upstairs."

Chase begins to lead towards our upstairs quarters and I don't move.

"I'm going to check on the food." I announce suddenly.

I need a moment to breathe. I'm suddenly very, very uncomfortable.

Harry's eyes are on me again, but I don't dare face him.

I give Chase a quick smile before leaving the room and heading to the kitchen. Quickly.

I turn on the kitchen faucet and run my hands through the ice cold water. It feels good as it coats my fingers.

I close my eyes, slowing my breathing.

It's been two years but I can feel the pain creeping in.

And I knew.

I knew it would be like this seeing him again.

I look at my hands that are turning pink and numb from being under the ice cold water.

I cup my hands, scooping puddles of water. I bring the water to my face, not even caring that I'm probably messing up my makeup.

I just don't want to feel or think for a few moments.

After what feels like minutes, I finally turn the water off and reach for a paper towel. I pat my face dry and throw it away.

I decide I should probably do something productive and check the food in the oven. It is done, but I'm keeping it on low to stay warm.

As I open the oven, I smell him again.

"Hey, you alright?"

Harry's voice is thick and his accent makes his words weave together without pause.

I don't turn and my whole body is tense once again.

"I'm fine." I say pulling the roasted chicken out of the oven.

"Why?" I ask, admiring my chicken. I'm thankful for the distraction.

That headless body with the two legs is studied like it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.

"Becca?" he calls, but I don't face him.

"Hmm...?" I call.

Gosh, I made a nice chicken. Brown and juicy.

I spin the container. Even this side looks nice...

"Can you look at me?" he asks.

I bite my lip and turn to him quickly and then back to the chicken.

"What?" I ask with a rushed tone.

"Becca?" he calls again. His voice has a hint of minor impatience. From his position, which is across the room, he moves closer to me.

I sigh. "Why do you keep calling my name?"

I leave my tone light-hearted.

"Why do you keep acting like I'm not here?" he counters back and I swallow.

I break contact from the chicken and look at him.

His green eyes are soft and warm and fucking mesmerizing and I hate him for how good he always looks. I really, truly do.

"I'm not. What are you talking about?" I ask quickly.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. And then he is Harry. He looks down, shaking his short hair and pushes it from his face; a habit, I've seen him do over a thousand times.

His eyes move back up to mine.

"You know what I'm talking about." he says but he doesn't sound angry. His tone is playful. Only for a second though...

"What's wrong?" he asks again. "You seem... _off."_

Off.

That's a nice word to caption this. This whole situation is quite off, I must say. Tonight, I'm having dinner with my ex and my current boyfriend. Oh, and my ex's fiancé.

Yes, off, is a perfect word.

"I'm fine." I say.

"And that makes twice." he says with a chuckle; dimple prominent.

"Twice what?" I ask.

"That you've said you're fine. Are we going to go for a third?"

He is teasing me. Harry Styles is teasing me and my God if he doesn't look smug. And still handsome.

I roll my eyes. "I wasn't aware you were counting." I rub my hands through my

hair, and bite my nail. "What are you doing here? Where is everyone?"

"I'm having a piss." he says resting on my counter. In only a matter of seconds, he has already closed so much feet between us.

Didn't he start out across the room?

He looks back at me with a mischievous smile. "At least they think I am. I wanted to check on you."

I'm immediately defensive. "I'm-"

"Fine. I know." he says cutting me off. He looks down, allowing his eyes to trail up me. He pauses at my stomach, just slightly above my hipbone. "You look...good." he says. His eyes quickly find their way to my hazel eyes again.

He smiles and I already know what he is thinking.

I swallow again.

Yup, it is still there.

I wipe my hands on my hip, inches from where my tattoo of his birthday (2.1.94.) and half a heart rest. The same half, that he has tatted on his chest. I instantly wonder what Bubblegum Barbie thinks of it. Does she study it when he lies on top of her? Does it bother her? Has she asked him to remove it?

Most of the time, I cover mine with makeup, as to not make Chase uncomfortable...but what does he do?

I turn back to the chicken, taking it in again. Harry said something but I can't remember what it was.

I drum my hands on the counter.

"Um...so...how's your mom? Gemma?"

"Good. Excellent actually. Mum is good and Gemma is uh..." He hesitates, looking for the right word. "Well." He says finally with a coy grin.

"You don't sound so sure." I say catching his tone.

He chuckles. "You know just her usual self." he says uneasily.

I smile.

He can't stand it, I know.

"She and Michel still blissfully happy?" I ask, the guy she was dating when we split.

He shrugs. "Seems to be, but ya know Gemma."

I chuckle and shake my head. That girl is something else, but I adored her. I adored his whole family.

"What about you? Your sister? Dad?" he asks.

"Good. Everyone is wonderful."

"Have you spoke to your mum lately?"

I swallow. "No. Not in a while."

Harry is quiet and understanding. The relationship with my Mother has been

complicated for a while.

"Well..." he says slowly. "Good."

I turn to him.

"And what about him? Do they like him?"

I look at him in confusion. "Him?" I question.

"Him." Harry says simply. "Do they like him?"

It dawns on me that he is referring to Chase. It makes me smile that he won't say his name.

"Who?" I force, pretending to not catch it.

"Mr. Fifty Shades." he says gesturing upstairs.

I laugh. LOUDLY.

He does slightly resemble Jamie Dornan and does put you in the mind of a 'Christian Grey' but for Harry to say it, is absolutely hilarious.

Harry watches me in amusement as I struggle to catch my breath.

"Stop." I say finally, the giggle still in my throat. "Besides, what about Malibu Barbie?"

Harry laughs this time. "That's original." he teases. "You realize every blonde i'm

seen with, you call them that."

"Come on you have to admit, she does put you in mind of a Barbie doll."

He puts his hands up. "I'm not saying anything."

I smile and shake my head. "You and these models you date."

I'm teasing him, but his smile fades.

"Yeah, and you."

I shrug him off. "I don't count." I say shifting the chicken nervously.

"That's not true." he says. "You are the only one who has counted."

I turn to him and our eyes lock. He seems to catch what he said.

"I mean, before." he says quickly. "You counted before. _Before_ _now."_ he emphasizes.

I know why he says it, and I get why he says it, but it still stings.

In a couple months, Julie or Jules or 'the ditz' will be the only one who will ever count and it hurts.

I turn from him, tucking my hair behind my ear. It is quiet for a few moments and extremely awkward.

"You should get back." I mumble quietly. "Before they think the toilet swallowed you."

I can feel Harry's eyes on me, but he doesn't say another word. I hear him leave the room seconds later.

I look down at the chicken and suddenly it is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.

I push it away from me and cover my face to compose myself.

I can feel my eyes getting heavy and I know tears want to fall.

I already want this evening to end.

I just can't do this. There's too much that needs to be said and that I can't.

"Hey, Harry! There you are." I hear suddenly. From the level, I can tell Chase is on the steps and they must be meeting halfway. In a few seconds, they will all be back; back here and in my space.

I need to pull myself together. I drop my hands and suck it up.

I head to the drawers and find my carving knife slicing through the chicken easily, thinking if only I could do the same with the tension.

I cut, and I cut, sectioning off pieces.

As they find me again, I am making the plates channeling Rachel Ray or Paula Dean.

"Anyone hungry?" I ask playfully putting on my best smile.

The fiancé smiles back and Chase nods in appreciation but Harry looks away, not meeting my eyes. I watch as his eyes venture away from us completely.

He is thinking; studying a picture that hangs of me and Chase just above him. His lips part and he swallows. I feel Chase near me and I smell Barbie's obnoxious perfume but my eyes stay on Harry.

Suddenly, he's the one who looks uncomfortable. Then, it dawns on me I'm not alone in this.

Maybe, just maybe, he misses me too.

And for a moment, my heart leaps.

His green eyes are cloudy when they meet mine seconds later.

There is a look.

A look so intimate and painful that we both have to look away at the same time. Yet, I know in that moment, that tonight will not bring closure. Despite our two year distance, this does not feel like the start of the end.

This does not feel like moving on.

We are still in the middle of our chapter and that look tells me, we are about to hit resume.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *If you are enjoying the story, please leave me a comment and let me know! Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

BECCA

Then.

_December 2014._

 

"I'm going to scream."

My best friend Kelsey lifted her eyes up at me and immediately gave me a look.

She looked bored already.

I watched as she picked up her coffee cup and rolled her eyes; taking a long sip before replying.

"Here we go..." she mumbled.

I smiled, the pen between my teeth, sliding.

"No just hear me out." I began. I removed the pen and adjusted the screen of my laptop. My eyes glazed over my fall finals scores.

"It's such bullshit. He gave me a C."

Kelsey instantly shook her head in annoyance.

 _"A C Kelsey."_ I continued. "For Shakespeare. Do you know how hard that class is? Do you even know how hard it is to even comprehend what the hell he is trying to say!"

She sighed, scratching her head. I watched her in amusement as her bun shook with each scratch. Her bun was so loose that I knew it would be down in less than an hour.

"I told you to use one of those cheat sites Becca. It's your own fault." she said looking around the coffee shop.

"I can't Kelsey. I'm an English major. This is going to be my career." I said in mock disgust.

She rolled her eyes and completely ignored me once more. We had been friends since we were three so she was use to my freak outs and since we had started college together, there had been more than enough.

She glanced back at her screen. She typed quickly in her computer.

"Bobby's on." She said suddenly. Her voice rose in excitement.

My eyes snapped at her. _Was she even listening to me?_

I didn't care about Bobby 'slacker' Anderson right now. I had never gotten a C in my entire academic career.

Well...no...that's a lie. But it had been a really long time!

"He hasn't gone home yet for the holiday. I think I might invite him tonight." she said proudly with a smile and wink.

I pretended to gag. Hearing about her sexual adventures, was not something I was interested in hearing about at Starbucks on a Wednesday night; especially after finding out I had did so poorly in one of my important classes.

I focused back on my screen, sighing.

She tapped on her laptop more, Facebook chatting, and I continued to glance at my grades. We couldn't be anymore opposite but I loved her.

As I closed out of my current screen, and logged into my campus email to write my professor, my cell phone rang.

I glanced at the screen and saw it was my father. I was currently away for school in New York and he, and the rest of my family, were in California- my hometown.

"Hi Dad." I answered cheerily, happy to hear his voice.

"Hey Hun. What's going on?"

I was heading home in a few days, and he has been checking on me daily. I was pretty sure he and the rest of my family were just excited I would be home for a couple of weeks.

"Not much. Sitting with Kelsey."

"Where are you guys? It sounds noisy."

I looked around and agreed. We were in Starbucks in the city and it was absolutely packed. Every few seconds, the door would open and the draft would chill my bones. Who knew it would be so crowded at 8pm.

"Coffee Shop." I answered. "We're in the city for the night. We got a cheap hotel."

"Well don't let your Mother know."

I chuckled. "Trust me, I won't."

"Well tell Kelsey hello." he instructed. "And let her know her parents are looking for her."

My eyes found Kelsey as she was peering into her laptop and blushing.

"Hey?" I called out.

She looked up briefly.

"My dad says hey. And call your parents."

"Hi Mr. Johnson." she said loudly, causing a few looks from other members in the coffee shop.

She noticed.

"Sorry." she said looking back at her computer. "And let him know I already did.", her fingers already typing a new message.

I giggled and focused back on my conversation with my father. He was going into deep detail about his past week. I felt another draft which signified the door was opening again and shivered.

I had enough.

"Kelsey?" I called.

She looked at me.

"Can we go? It's getting cold."

I was only in sweats and it was the wintertime. I think the temp said high 20's this morning.

Her lips parted and she looked past me.

Her eyes immediately widened.

"Oh my God." she said.

I looked at her in confusion, and then turned. A guy in a Packers hoodie with a winter coat shuffled in quickly. A blond in a long black coat followed him. I didn't catch his face since he was turned and looked at the woman instead but I got it.

I rolled my eyes.

She must think he is hot.

"Kelsey?" I called her name again. _Stay focused._

He's obviously taken.

"Oh my God." she mumbled again.

I sighed. "Dad?" I said into the phone. "Let me call you back. Kelsey is being...Kelsey. And we're getting ready to go."

My dad began to talk, but Kelsey hit my arm.

"Shit! Becca I think that's Harry."

I ignored her.

"Okay yeah...Love you too Dad." I said.

I hung up the phone quickly, and tried to stand to grab my coat, but instantly I brushed against someone.

"Sorry." I said quickly, but the someone- a teenage girl- wasn't even looking at me. She had her phone out and was smiling-widely.

I followed her gaze and she was looking at the hoodie man and the blond. However, they were not facing us. They had moved to the line, which we were not exactly close too.

"Becca!" Kelsey called again. I looked at her.

She was smiling as well. "That's Harry!" she squealed.

Again, people near us, glanced at her, but this time she could care less.

"Who?" I asked.

"Harry Styles!" she said in a loud whisper.

The name sounded familiar but I couldn't place it. Did he go to our school?

"Who?" I asked again.

This time she rolled her eyes.

"Harry Styles." I heard beside me. The voice coming from the girl I bumped into. Her tone was irritated. She clicked her tongue and turned back to this 'Harry'. Obviously my naïve attitude, was enough for her.

_Again...who?_

"Becca...he's in One Direction you idiot." Kelsey finally said, turning to glance at him.

I followed her gaze. I couldn't even see this dude's face, but most people in the coffee shop were watching him, and others were sneaking pics.

He was stood close to the blonde, almost huddled, and they seemed to be discussing their order.

"Cool." I said uninterested, "Now can we go?"

Kelsey stood up. "You're so dense. I wonder if I can get a picture?" she said, pulling her streaked blonde hair out of its bun.

"Um...I think he wants to be left alone." I said slowly as if talking to a child. "I'm sure he doesn't want to be bothered."

"Of course he does. He's a celebrity. This comes with the job." she said with a snort. She shut her laptop quickly and pulled her cell phone out.

I looked around me and at this 'Harry Styles guy'. I didn't even know what he looked like. Sure, I've heard of their band? Or is it a group? And I know a song or two. But...that's about it.

I take in the girl who is standing with him. She is tall and looks pretty.

But, then my attention is moved to the draft that comes through the door again.

I peered and saw more people, around my age. They are all watching Harry and the girl.

 _Oh great_ , this place was about to fill up even more.

"Kelsey." I groaned. "I want to go."

I reached down and packed up my laptop and threw on my Columbia fleece jacket.

She's wasn't even listening. Or there.

I looked around and saw she had moved over to the counter, and was once again in line.

By now, Harry and his girlfriend(?) had moved further down the line and were waiting on their drinks. The tall blonde he was with, was now showing him something on her phone. I sighed as more people pushed past me to get in line and get closer. I quickly bent down and grabbed Kelsey's bag. When I looked back up, hoodie boy was looking in my direction. His eyes moved swiftly, as if he was keeping an eye on things and then, our eyes locked.

He took me in for a few moments and then turned back to the girl.

The moment didn't even rattle me.

I quickly looked for Kelsey. She was still in the line, trying to sneak a picture.

_You've got to be kidding me..._

"I'm leaving!" I announced loudly and many people turned to look at me-including Harry and his date.

I ignored everyone and kept my eyes on Kelsey. I shook her backpack. Come on!

Kelsey's eyes were slits. I knew she was completely embarrassed, but so was I. She was acting like a child.

She instantly looked in Harry's direction, and I do as well.

He was looking at her with a smile. Then, he turned to me, slightly amused.

Well, I'm glad he was happy- he was the cause of all this nonsense.

His name was called, signaling his drink, and he quickly turned from me.

Kelsey used this time to come to me.

"You are such a Debbie Downer!" she hissed, yanking her backpack from my hands roughly.

She snuck a quick snap for her cell phone gallery and stormed past me out of Starbucks.

I took one final glance at the One Direction boy, who now had his drink and seemed to be heading out too.

He was handsome, but that's all I could see. The boy was probably ridiculously rich but he looked like a hobo.

It dawned on me that I didn't exactly look like Beyonce either, with my sweatpants and fleece pullover.

I quickly averted my eyes, and fought my way out of Starbucks past all of the new patrons. I was just in time to see Kelsey hailing a cab.

I ran to catch up with her.

"I should leave you." she said dryly as she opened her car door.

I giggled and hit her shoulder. "But why...you love me." I teased.

She shuffled in the car and I followed and at that exact moment, Harry and the girl, left the Starbucks.

Kelsey was already paying attention as I climbed in.

"Where to?" the cab driver asks.

I spewed out our hotel address since we were about three hours from our dorms.

"Ugh. He is so hot." Kelsey said before turning back to her phone.

I turned back towards them to get a closer look, but his head was down and he was focused on the girl he was with. She was smiling widely at him, and if the slight crowd behind them bothered them, you couldn't notice.

"What's his name again?" I asked.

" _Harry Styles._ " Kelsey said as if I was an idiot, and then, reality seemed to hit.

"Shit! Bobby!"

As she quickly fumbled with her phone, I just sighed and rolled my eyes, thankful I didn't have man problems.

The One Direction guy was still being followed with the girl and they walked past our car.

I was suddenly thankful I didn't have his problems either.

I couldn't handle it. 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

BECCA

Then.

It was three days later when we shuffled out of Colgate University ready to begin our Christmas vacation.  
By now, Kelsey was regretful.  
"I still don't understand why we can't wait a couple more days." she groaned beside me in the taxi.  
I rolled my eyes. Christmas Eve was in two days and our plane tickets were already non-refundable. Plus, they were cheap!  
We were taking a Red-Eye flight and would be in California by 5am.  
"You can see Bobby when we get back. Jeez, don't be so damn thirsty!"  
She giggled and stuck her tongue out at me.  
"Shut up. He's hot!"  
He's hot.  
He's sexy.  
_He's_ all I've been hearing about for the last five days. Since their Starbucks flirtations turned into to a full on hookup, I hadn't heard anything else but.  
"You're whipped." I said. "And not in a good way."

We got to La Guardia airport quickly and we lazily moved through the terminals. Any other time, we would probably be sleeping right now-at least I would be.  
I clutched my pillow that I was carrying on the flight and held it close to me. As soon as I was on that plane, I would be asleep.  
Kelsey walked beside me, scrolling through her phone and then I saw it in the distance...  
NO.  
You have got to be kidding me.  
I must have said this out loud, because Kelsey looked up.  
"What?" she said and then looked up. In the distance, where we were heading, was a cluster of people, and there, once more, was the hobo.  
This couldn't be real life.  
"Ohmigod!" Kelsey said, clutching her suitcase and darting.  
"Kelsey!" I screamed, chasing after her.  
We looked like madwomen, as our suitcases flailed to the side behind us; whipping back and forth and hitting the ground loudly.  
"I'm not missing my opportunity this time!"  
"It may not even be him!" I said breathless behind her. But it was. I could see his tall frame, and the same damn outfit he had on before.  
Didn't he own any clothes?  
He was stopped for now, posing for pictures and this time he had security. Some looked to be his personal security, but he also was surrounded by two of New York City's finest.  
"Harry!" 'Kelsey screamed and I could have passed out right there.  
His head moved in our direction and immediately his security tensed on guard. Kelsey didn't care, continuing to run, but I slowed.  
I'm. Not. With. Her.  
Security put their hands up to stop her as she finally closed the space and gap between them and I continued my calm walk.  
_I'm normal_...see...  
"Can I get a picture?" I heard her ask.  
"We have to keep moving." Security said.  
She dropped her suitcase-fucking slammed it- and put her hands up in a plea, begging.  
"It'll be quick! I promise."  
The other fans around her- who had their pictures already- lingered and continued to crowd him.  
Without saying a word, the Harry guy smiled and opened his arms so she could get a picture.  
Then, it was my time to shine.  
"Becca!" Kelsey yelled. "Come take this picture."  
I tried to ignore her and pretend I didn't hear her. I was beyond embarrassed.  
"Becca!" she screamed again. "Hurry up!"  
Security around him, began to shift Harry to keep moving, and he put his hand up stopping them.  
"It's okay." he said and glanced at me as I approached them.  
He was British? That accent was unmistakable.  
Kelsey practically threw the phone at me, hitting me in my chest and smiled widely.  
I was embarrassed and pissed, but she looked adorable and so happy to be meeting him.  
I fumbled nervously with the phone, trying to activate the camera on her Iphone--I was an Android user- and looked at them.  
Kelsey was still cheesing and Harry was now smiling as well.  
He looked amused again, like at Starbucks five days earlier.  
I didn't have much time, so I broke the eye contact and lifted the phone, finally getting it working.  
"On three." I said.  
I quickly mumbled the countdown and took the picture. Harry smiled widely and Kelsey was in Heaven. It was a pretty nice picture; despite his Packers apparel and hood on his head.  
Meanwhile Harry pulled away.  
"Got it?" he asked and I melted. I was a sucker for British accents.  
I nodded and Kelsey broke away as well.  
"Thank you so much."  
He nodded to her. "Anytime."  
And then suddenly made his way over to me.  
What the hell was he doing?  
He outstretched his arms and suddenly I realized what he must have thought.  
"Oh no, I don't need one." I said quickly placing my hands up. He instantly halted, and everyone's eyes fell on me. I guess I did look like a crazy person.  
"You don't want a picture?" he asked to clarify.  
I nodded no.  
"Oh okay." Harry said and grinned widely.  
"Becca!" Kelsey whispered harshly in disbelief.  
"Sorry?" I offered to Harry since I was sure I sounded pretty rude.  
"No worries." he said and laughed.  
And then as quickly as he had appeared, he seemed to leave. It took only seconds for his security to pull him away and the trail of teenage (and college) girls to follow him.  
Kelsey just looked at me in disbelief as I grabbed my bag.  
"I can't believe you." she said. "Who is this alien and where is my friend?"  
I smiled.  
"Come on, pick up your things! We have a flight to catch." I said, already determined to move on from the encounter.  
"You're freaking insane." Kelsey said picking up her luggage.  
Maybe I was, but what was his picture going to do for my life? Years down the road I was sure no one I knew would even care we had met.  
"You just met Harry Styles and you didn't even care." she mumbled continuing to look at me in disbelief.  
I just shrugged. I didn't get the hype. She was just dramatic and we had a plane to catch.

***************

I quickly caught up.  
Two hours into our flight, with Kelsey's mouth in my ear, and the most uncomfortable plane seat EVER, my fingers found their way to Google.com.  
I got the quick basics on my Ipad.

HARRY STYLES  
Born: February 1, 1994 (age 20), Redditch, United Kingdom  
Nationality: English  
Music Group: One Direction (Since 2010)  
Parents: Desmond Styles, Anne Cox  
Siblings: Gemma Styles.

A series of songs followed and to my lovely left, the latest new articles.  
_Is Harry Styles dating Victoria's Secret Beauty Nadine Leopold?_ was the top article.

Hmm. Curiosity piqued. I clicked the link and saw the blond from a few days earlier. They hadn't seemed too cozy to me, but it made sense.  
I continued my small browse and soon came across Youtube videos, Twitter accounts and just way too much information on the kid.  
I had to admit, he was very handsome and had delectable green eyes.  
For a moment, I did regret turning down his picture, but things happened for a reason and I was okay with that. Besides, I had Kelsey to remind me of the memory for many years to come I was sure.  
So when I finally shut my phone, and laid my head back on the seat and attempted sleep, my mind instantly cleared of all things Harry. I had more important things to focus on.  
I threw good vibes into the universe for him and the rest of One Direction and let it be.  
_Have a nice life guys. May it be merry._

But I had no idea that soon I would be joining it.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR  
HARRY  
  
  
Now  
  
I had seen something like this on a movie once. This dinner.  
On screen it came across as a comedy and you found yourself laughing at how awkward it all was.  
Well, if this was my movie on the big screen, I wouldn't laugh. I would cringe.  
  
Julie St. Clair or 'Jules' as I called her, was one of the prettiest women in the world. She had millions of followers, multiple contracts and was quickly rising in the fashion world. She had this girl next door quality that countries seemed to love.  
She had something that _I_ loved.  
  
But she isn't Becca. And I had forgot that.  
Until tonight.  
  
"How is everything?" Becca asks across from the table we are now sitting at, but I don't look at her.  
I can't.  
All night I've had to remind myself to be on my best behavior.  
Don't stare at her too long.  
Don't smile too often.  
Don't flirt. Don't react.  
  
It's been two years since we've seen each other in person and she hasn't changed. She's still stunning and I have to admit when I saw her on that staircase, time stopped for a brief moment.  
  
"Everything is wonderful babe." Chase says. He is across from me, and my eyes travel to his hands that have just lovingly found hers. I watch as he squeezes her hand, comforting her.  
  
I don't like his hands. They are too big and overtake hers. As I stare, I feel small hands trail across my back and I turn. Julie is touching me, and smiling at me.  
"Babe?" she calls. Her eyes signal that she has asked a question.  
I look up, casting my eyes to the pair in front of me, but they're not paying attention. Chase is in her ear, whispering something.  
  
I feel sick.  
  
I turn to Julie. "Yes?" I ask.  
"Do you like your food?" she says quietly. "Becca just asked?"  
  
I look down at my plate that is barely touched. I'm sure my food is cold now.  
"It's perfect." I say looking at Becca, who now has her eyes on me.  
The warm hazel orbs, unreadable.  
"Are you sure?" Chase asks. "Becca made something else in case."  
I don't glance his way as he speaks, but I am confused.  
"Why did you do that?" I ask Becca.  
"I didn't know what you guys liked. With a models diet and ya know,so many people being vegan nowadays.." she trailed off.  
"So what else did you make then?" I ask.  
"A salad." she says and looks directly at Julie.  
I bite on my lip. I hide my smile. Her dig at Julie is not missed by me. However, it is missed on everyone else. Thankfully.  
"Oh no this is perfect." Julie says warmly.  
"It is." I repeat and settle back in my chair. My attention turns to Chase. Once more he is looking at Becca like a sad fucking puppy.  
Does that look actually come across as attractive? I don't get what she sees in him and I don't understand how they even got this far in their relationship.  
I am curious.  
"So...how did you two meet?" I ask seconds later. Becca instantly shoots her head in his direction and I can tell she is uncomfortable.  
  
Interesting.  
  
"Through my work." he says casually.  
"What do you do? Marketing or something right?"  
"Public Relations." he says proudly.  
I nod as if I'm interested, but I'm not. I do want to know how they met if he is in Public Relations and since we share a mutual friend.  
I lean forward, stirring the mashed potatoes on my plate.  
"So?" I pester.  
The conversation has been paused and I'm curious why.  
"So what?" Becca asks cutting in.  
"Is that where the story ends?" I add humor to my voice to appear as casual as possible.  
"Oh no." Chase says quickly. "But it gets pretty boring after that. She just needed my help with some things and the rest is history as they say."  
He looks at Becca as he says this and I swallow.  
I know that look. He adores her.  
"What things?" Julie says beside me and I could kiss her. I want to know badly, but I shouldn't be the one to ask anymore.  
"Just...some things that were in the media." Becca says quietly and grabs her wine glass. She takes a quick sip.  
"Things in the media..." I repeat slowly.  
The only things in the media were stuff in relation to us and we hadn't dated in two years.  
"When did you guys meet?" I ask quickly.  
"About ten months ago...right?" Chase asks, looking at Becca for confirmation, but she is looking at me. And I am looking at her.  
  
What happened ten months ago that would make her meet him?  
Whatever it is, she doesn't want to talk about it because she quickly changes the subject.  
  
"So Julie!" she says putting her wine glass down. "Tell us about your modeling. How did you get started in it?"  
I shift.  
Fuck. Don't ask her that question.  
Suddenly, Julie sits up a little straighter and clasps her hands together in excitement.  
_Here we go_.  
"Well-"  
  
I go to a different place and tune out. I've heard the story four or five times now and I'm tired of hearing about it. I focus on the food in front of me, digging in. I eat the chicken, potatoes and asparagus. It is all quite good, and I realize I have missed Becca's cooking. But honestly, I have missed most things about her.  
I down my glass of wine and reach for seconds when Julie finishes up.  
"Oh wow. That's interesting." Becca says.  
She is lying and being fake. I look at her and our eyes lock. My right hand meets my lip and I tug. I read her eyes as well.  
There is something she wants to say, but she remains quiet.  
There is something I want to say as well.  
  
"So Harry,"  
I shift my eyes to Chase.  
"How's everything going with you? Your music?" he asks.  
I hide my eye roll.  
It seems we are playing the 'get to the know the other lover' game and I'm already bored with it. Plus, I don't like this guy.  
I only came tonight because I want to talk to Becca. I want to see her smile and hear her laugh just once more.  
I want to talk like we use too, before everything changed.  
I turn and look at her again.  
"Music is good. I just sold out a few gigs. I'm going to be touring soon." I say softly.  
I was solo now and had completely cut ties with my past band musically- though we were all still very close. It had been going on for a while, but everything was really starting to kick off now.  
But it wasn't what Becca wanted to hear.  
She suddenly broke eye contact with everyone, and pulled back her chair.  
"I'm going to grab dessert." she says gently, excusing herself.  
My gaze follows hers. It hurts that she doesn't want to hear what I have going on.  
"Have you heard his stuff? It's been sounding really great lately." Julie says beside me. She sounds proud and I know she is, but right now I don't care.  
Now that Becca is gone, I'm tempted to ask Chase what the hell is wrong with Becca. She's been odd this whole dinner.  
What the hell has he been doing to her?  
They continue to talk about my music, but I mainly watch the door where Becca just left out of.  
I have an internal battle with myself to get up and go check on her again. I don't know what's wrong, but I want to comfort her. It must be the old ways.  
I place my napkin down, allowing the red little man on my shoulder to win and begin to push my seat back when she returns suddenly.  
I catch her eye instantly.  
She gazes back at me and it's intimate. So intimate that it turns my stomach and warms it at the same time but I hold the gaze.  
We do this all the time.  
We read each other well.  
I like to think someone else knows me as well as she does, but I know it isn't true. With her I am a blank page, and she is the words that complete the book.  
For a moment, our minds must think the same thing- what happened to us?  
Then she swallows and turns and it seems she remembers.  
And I do too, though I don't like to reflect on it.  
I run my hands through my hair and sigh.  
"You okay?" Julie asks me and I nod and smile. Julie refills my wine glass and I try to clear my thoughts, pulling my seat back up to the table.  
I don't know how much longer this will all last, but I decide then that I'm going to enjoy it.  
I will probably never get this moment with Becca again and it depresses me, but it makes me want to make the best of it.  
We didn't get our goodbye and that's what tonight is.  
This is our closure.  
She has Chase and I have Julie and in a few months, neither of our pasts will matter. I will be a married man.  
Becca sets the dessert on the table- Cheesecake- and I smile.  
It's my favorite of hers.  
Before I realize it, my hand reaches across and touches hers on the table. "You didn't have too." I say in admiration.  
It is a surprisingly nice gesture coming from her.  
I can feel my smile and I know it is wide. Becca's eyes show no emotion.  
"But I did."  
She looks at Julie.  
I can feel the stare of Julie's blue eyes on me suddenly too and I know she is not happy at my reaction. I guess I have crossed a line.  
I remove my hand from Becca's and I don't turn to either of them.  
Becca sits and Chase looks uncomfortable as well.  
She places her hand on his and brings it gently to her lips. It is a reassuring gesture to him and I don't like it.  
I feel like she is cutting me and slicing at my skin. I don't think she can hurt me anymore in that moment. But...then...  
"So, Julie..." Becca says and then she does it. She fucking stabs me.  
"Can I see your ring?"  
My eyes instantly cut to the engagement ring on Julie's hand as she lifts her hand robotically.  
I grab it quickly and wrap her hand in mine hiding the ring. Chase looks at me curiously.  
"How about later? Let's try this cheesecake." I say.  
Julie frowns at me, I'm sure anxious to show off her ring.  
"No I want to see her ring." Becca continues and Julie slides her hand out of mine.  
"Stop Harry." she says with a forced smile. "This is what us girls do."  
Chase instantly looks at me and pretends to be sick and gagging but I'm not pretending. I can feel my stomach bubbling.  
I try to force eye contact with Becca to stop but she doesn't look at me. She admires the ring as if it is the first time she has seen it.  
It isn't.  
I can remember it being thrown at me two years earlier.  
Technically it had never actually been claimed as hers- she had turned me down after all and the only tie she had to the ring was that it had been designed for her. A process that had cost a lot of money and took a lot of my time... so to be truthful, it deserved to be worn by someone. Why not Julie?  
"It's beautiful." Becca says. "Where did you get it Harry?"  
She asks the question but won't look at me. I can feel a slow anger burning inside of me.  
What kind of game is she playing? Why would she bring the ring up?  
I ignore her.  
"Where's the knife?" I ask to cut the cheesecake. I don't see it.  
"Where did you get the ring Harry?" Becca asks more sternly.  
"Stop." I warn. Her eyes are slits.  
"Why can't you say where you got it? It must have been a recent place?" she throws out.  
I fold my hands and stare back at her. Now I'm pissed off.  
Our eyes shoot bullets at each other.  
Chase suddenly jumps up, probably sensing the tension. "I'll get it! Cheesecake sounds lovely right now."  
He looks at Becca, and places a hand on her shoulder.  
She visibly relaxes and he smiles.  
He seems like he wants to be her Superman, but he can't save her from this. This was way beyond him.  
But.  
I don't want to fight.  
"No worries." I say in disgust. "I can grab the knife. Where is it?" I ask standing.  
Chase looks back at me.  
"Oh cool. Should be on the counter in the kitchen." Chase says and sits back down, giving up easily.  
Becca's eyes are on me. She's not happy.  
I ignore her again and head to the kitchen.  
I see the knife on the counter instantly, but I take advantage of the few seconds I have.  
This is not going well.  
I shake my hair, a nervous habit, and rub my face. Then I hear footsteps. I look up in time to see Becca heading towards me.  
And she is pissed.  
Great.  
"What the hell do you think you're doing!" she says instantly.  
I look at her incredulously. " _Me?_ " I say. "You're the one who brought up the ring!" I quickly accuse.  
"Yeah, MY ring Harry."  
I roll my eyes.  
"How could you do that? Bring her here wearing it?" she continues on.  
"Oh please. It never even made it to your finger because of your own insecure bullshit." I mumble, turning from her.  
"My insecure bullshit?" she says offended.  
"Yes your bullshit Becca." I say, but I don't want to get into this. This is suppose to be a peaceful dinner.  
"Oh I'm sorry. It's kind of hard not to be insecure when your boyfriend spends all his time doing PR and being seen with this model and that model and I have to hear about this rumor, and that rumor-" she carries on.  
"Let that go Becca!" I snap. "You know how I felt about you and you know this job. None of that stuff was important or even real."  
"Well I obviously wasn't that important either!" she quickly throws out.  
I can feel my face scrunch. We've had this argument many times. It seemed to be on a loop every few months. This time I point out something new.  
"Becca, we were together for three years. Obviously I was planning on marrying you....how can you even say that?" I ask her.  
"Very easily. You played me Harry!"  
"I played you?" I asked stepping towards her. "Who broke up with who Becca?"  
"You're right. I did end it the final time. But maybe if you had been there-"  
"I was there Becca as much as I could be." I say. I try to remain patient, but it is not easy.  
"Bullshit Harry! You prioritize your life the way you want. Everyone has to jump for you all the time. I was always the one coming to Los Angeles or London and-"  
I cut her off again. "Your family lives here Becca. Our home was here eventually! Why would I fly all the way to fucking Hamilton, New York or San Diego when it was easier for you to come here?"  
"It was easier for you," she boasts. "And I'm not just talking about school. There were a lot of times you-"  
I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. "I can't do this." I said cutting her off. "I can't have this same argument with you again."  
I look back at her.  
"Why do you always do this? Why do you always have to push and push..."  
"I don't push Harry, I just speak the truth. It's obvious you can't handle it." she says smugly and I roll my eyes again.  
I look at the clock on the wall.  
"This was a mistake." I say more to myself than her. "I should have never came here."  
"You know Harry you're right...I don't even know why were doing this. We should have never seen each other again!"  
Her voice is loud and cuts me.  
"I think you're right." I say frustrated. "Things are obviously never going to change." I say looking at her hardwood floor.  
"Good! So you and Malibu should leave. Just go."  
I look back up at her. I can't believe the nerve of her. Why the hell was she angry with me?  
Why does she hate me so much?  
"Look, I wasn't the one who initiated all of this! This was your boyfriend's idea to have this damn dinner." I remind her. Plus, she was the one who had brought us to this moment. As always!  
"Yeah well it's _my_ idea that you leave." She said callously.  
"Fine!" I said throwing my hands up. "You know Becca, this was our problem. You run. You never deal with your own fucked up issues! So this is a shitty night, fine. But you can't run from everything when it gets tough. That's not how life works."  
"I'm not running."  
"You are the QUEEN of running. You ran from me. You ran from us and our life together. You fucking lifted me up to the highest building and then pushed me off. You shattered me Becca."  
Her voice breaks. "Don't blame us on me. You pushed me away first!"  
"Becca I was there for you! I was always there for you!" I shout, finally losing patience.  
And she has lost it too.  
"Get out!" she screams. "Just get the fuck out of my life!"  
And before I can react, we are no longer alone.  
Chase and Julie face us, as they step in the room, confused.  
Becca pushes past them both.  
"Get him out of my house Chase. Now!"  
And before Chase can throw me out, I grab Julie's hand.  
"Get your things. We're leaving."  
I can hear Becca rushing upstairs and slam her bedroom door.  
I want to scream her name and I want to drag her back down the fucking steps, but we can't do this tonight.  
Our conversation is far from over, but it needs to be done in a different setting and it can't be done with them around.  
"What's going on?" Julie asks as I pull her back to the living room. "What happened?"  
"I don't want to talk about it." I grit.  
"We need to talk about it Harry. You guys were yelling at each other and-"  
I cut her off. "I don't want to talk about it!" I snap. "Get your shit!"  
Julie's face hardens and she scoffs. She grabs her purse roughly and walks past me.  
Now she's pissed.  
I don't even care as she leads the way to the car.  
Chase is somewhere close behind us, but I don't even turn to look back at him.  
We just open the door and leave.  
  
As we get outside, I feel a chill that I didn't feel before. We take the short walk to my car, and Julie can not get away from me fast enough.  
I reach in my back pocket and pull out my key unlocking the car door.  
Julie yanks her door open dramatically and climbs in, making a point to ignore me.  
I climb in the drivers seat, and start the car.  
"You embarrassed me tonight." Julie says crossing her arms.  
I turn to her briefly and roll my eyes.  
"Yeah well I'll take you back to your place then."  
"I don't want to go back to my house!" she barks. "What I want is for you to explain what happened tonight! What the hell was that Harry, you said you were over her!"  
Her blue eyes are daggers.  
"I am over her!" I shout.  
"Didn't look like that to me."  
I put my car in reverse and began to back out of the driveway. "Yeah, well I really don't care how it looked to you right now okay?"  
My tone could not be more cold but I don't care. Becca has done this to me.  
"You're such an asshole." She grumbles. "If you want to be with her-"  
"STOP!" I snap finally. "We're done talking about it. You don't get to question me on her!"  
She stomps her foot in frustration and throws her purse against my dash but says nothing more.  
I reach over and turn the radio up; loudly.  
As I drive the half hour to Julie's condo, my mind runs rampant. I hate the effect that Becca has on me. Even now. She drives me crazy and I already know my whole night is thrown off.  
As I finally pull into Julie's driveway, she doesn't face me.  
She's waiting on an apology and I know I owe her one.  
I sigh and turn the music down. I take a deep breath and turn to her. I am finally a little more calm.  
"Julie?" I begin but she remains tough. She won't face me.  
I turn my body to her and face her.  
"I'm sorry." I say.  
She still doesn't turn or look at me.  
"Look Jules, it's not something you'll want to hear but this is the truth," I pause and she turns to me. I now have her full attention. "There is something about her. There is something that...makes me react. Sometimes, it's good and other times, it's like tonight."  
Julie is confused and I can see it on her face. I continue.  
"There's a lot you don't know and that's my fault, but Becca and me history; a lot of it. And..." I pause again.  
"Do you still love her?" she asks, getting to the main point. "Because its been two years and you told me you were over her...yet, the minute this dinner is proposed, you jump at the chance like you can't wait to see her and then tonight..." she trails off, shaking her head in disappointment.  
I turn from her and grip the steering wheel. She is right.  
She is completely right.  
I don't want to think about that or talk about it anymore.  
I clear my throat and ask a different question instead.  
"Do you love me?" I ask not looking at her.  
"Completely." She says and I turn to her.  
And I know she is not lying.  
Its all in her eyes. She pretty much worships the ground I walk on.  
I give a small smile.  
I answer her and give her what she wants. The answer that will make her happy.  
"No. I don't love her. It's just complicated."  
Julie smiles and reaches over and kisses me. She smells sweet and makes the car smell like candy.  
Her hand finds mine again.  
"Come on, let's go inside." She says seductively when she pulls away.  
She gathers her things and I turn the car off.  
She winks at me and licks her lips before climbing out of the car and for a second, I just stay there, frozen. And I know why.  
I lied.  
It is the reason I agreed to this dinner and seeing her one last time.  
Trust is, I did still love Becca.  
Honestly I had never stopped.  


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE  
BECCA

Now. 

I slam the bathroom door loudly.  
“I hate him!” I yell.  
“I’ve got that.” I hear Chase call out.  
It has been a half hour since they have left and I am still fuming.  
I snatch my blouse off quickly and start the shower.  
“I don’t want him ever coming back here!” I continue.  
“What happened?” he calls out; though he is barely listening to me. By now, he has settled on the bed and is watching sport highlights. Chase Collins doesn’t let little things like this bother him.  
“He’s a dick. That’s what happened.” I mumble. I quickly unbutton my pants and open the bathroom door again.  
“Maybe next time you’ll listen to me!” I accuse.  
Chase glances at me slowly from the bed. “Huh?”  
“Yeah.” I scold, shimming out of my pants. “If you would have never talked to him, I would have never seen him again.”  
He chuckles. His laugh boyish and all American. “No, no, no. Don’t blame this on me.”  
I look at him in disbelief.  
“Chase! You were the one who stopped him!” I mimick his stupid voice. “’Hey I’m Chase, I’m dating your ex-girlfriend and she’s doing well. You should see her.’”  
“That is not how it went trust me. Besides, you seemed okay with the idea. You claimed you and him were over each other.”  
“We ARE over each other.” I say quickly.  
“Then what’s the problem?” Chase asks looking at me.  
“He just irritates me! He never takes responsibility for anything ya know? And then, he brings Malibu Barbie in here and she’s freaking wearing my ex- wedding ring. That he gave me. I mean, how disrespectful is that? Would you ever do some shit like that to your ex?”  
“Woah. Hold on. Back up. You never said you were engaged Becca.” His tone has grown serious and the all American laugh is gone.  
“That’s because I turned him down, but it’s not the point-“ I say waving his concerns away. I throw my pants on the bed.  
“And what is the point?” he asks cutting in.  
“The point is. I just want to forget this night.” I say finally. “I don’t want to see him again.”  
Chase smiles. “Deal.”  
He climbs off the bed and comes over to me.  
“Now go take a shower, your water is probably hot now.”  
I sigh, tense. My eyes trail Chase’s body. Hard and Muscular. He was the guy books were wrote about and he was all mine.  
“Why don’t you join me?” I ask. I can use the release, and Chase with his big hands and skilled tongue do it for me most of the time.  
“You mean you don’t want me to go downstairs and clean up the kitchen first?” he teases my OCD, taking me in his arms.  
“No. I want you to clean me up.” I say with a smile. “Then we can clean the kitchen.”  
He chuckles and removed his shirt.  
“You don’t have to tell me twice!”  
He smacks my butt and I run for the shower, giggling as he chases me. 

The distraction is temporary but nice.  
After the shower, Chase settles into the bed, and I head back downstairs to clean up the mess from earlier.  
It sounds strange but it is slightly relaxing for me to clean. I currently write for a California based column and do most of my work from home. I have found a peace in doing domestic things and a comfort in being at home.  
So after I put everything away, I head to my home office to write for a bit.  
I’m looking for more distractions and don’t want to think about my night.  
Unfortunately, I still have the reminders.  
Glancing at my phone, I can see that my best friend Kelsey has texted me. 

*How did it go?*

I groan. Since she had been there from the beginning, I knew she would want every detail. I just didn’t have it in me to talk about it at that moment. 

*We’ll just say some things are best left in the past*  
*Why, what happened?*  
*Call you tomorrow.* I say shortly to end the conversation. 

I place my phone on the desk and check world news. It is always the same mundane, depressing stuff.  
My phone buzzes beside me.  
“What is it Kelsey?” I mumble, picking up the phone. I scan my eyes over the screen and realize it isn’t her.  
It’s a number I don’t recognize. I open the message. 

*Becca, I hope this is still your number. We need to talk*. 

Even though there isn’t a name, I know who it is from. I quickly text back. 

*Leave me alone*  
*I can’t.* comes the buzz seconds later.  
*We need to talk* He repeats.  
*I don’t want to talk to you Harry. There’s nothing left to say. All we do is fight*  
*That’s exactly why we need to talk. I don’t want us on bad terms*  
*Fine. You’re forgiven. Now stop texting me* I say and place my phone back on the desk. 

I don’t hear a buzz so I figure he is done, but a couple minutes later, my phone begins to ring.  
He is calling me. 

“What is it?” I hiss as I answer.  
“I need to talk to you.” He says. “Alone.”  
That word and his accent sends a shiver through me. The shiver moves down…  
Down…  
I shift in my seat and ignore the stirring.  
I try to focus on what else he said, but now, I can hear the wind whipping into the phone.  
“Where are you?” I ask curiously.  
“I’m outside my house.”  
“Hiding from your girlfriend?”  
I can’t lie, the thought amuses me.  
He sighs, ignoring me. “Can we meet?”  
“We just did.”  
“Damn it Becca. Can you just stop? Please.” He pleads and I grow quiet. “I’m trying to have a real conversation.”  
I don’t exactly want to fight either and I guess we have already had our fill for the day.  
“Well say what you want to say then.” I say suddenly.  
“I will, when I see you. When can we meet?”  
I sigh again, thinking. I don’t want to. It seems like we are asking for trouble.  
“Give me a couple days.”  
“Why?” he asks curiously.  
“Because I don’t have time Harry. I’ve been very busy.”  
He chuckles and I know why. It does seem silly coming out of my mouth- our jobs weren’t even close to comparing. He was lucky if he got a day off.  
I soften as I realize this. “No um…Maybe…tomorrow.”  
“Tomorrow?” he questions.  
“Yeah. Chase goes to work at 10am, we could maybe meet then.”  
“Okay, where?”  
“Come by the house again.”  
“Where there’s knives for you to stab me...I don’t think so.” He says.  
“No, where there is not a hundred people snapping our photo. We haven’t exactly been seen recently Harry. That would be all I need.” I say with a sigh. “People are just starting to forget about me.” I mumble thankfully.  
“Fine. Your house then. Like 11?”  
“Deal.”  
“Alright. Well I’ll see you then.”  
I don’t respond and just hang up.  
I already know I am going to regret this.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX  
  
BECCA  
  
Then.  
  
Some would call it fate, or meant to be---I call it my Grandma Shelly.  
My spring classes would resume in late January 2015, but I would not be there for the start.  
Four days before I was set to take the plane back with Kelsey, my Great-Grandmother, who was ninety-three, unexpectedly passed.  
And I, unexpectedly chose to stay behind for a few days, missing my first few classes.  
My parents had a lot on their plate. Living in Los Angeles and owning a few businesses took up a lot of their free time, and anytime I came home, it was a little expected for me to help and I was glad too, _except_ at the coffee shop.  
  
"Becca, you're spilling." My mother sung in my ear as she walked past me on January 25th, flustered from the busy day we were already having.  
I immediately looked down at the coffee beans that scattered the floor.  
"Ugh!" I groaned. "Mom the machine is jammed again!" I whined.  
I hated the space-like machines they had.  
"Well fix it!" She said impatiently, before turning to a customer and putting on her best smile at the front counter. "How may I help you sir?" she asked cheerily.  
I rolled my eyes and tried to focus on the machine, but it hated me.  
"Need help?" I heard asked beside me.  
It was my younger sister Taylor.  
"Please." I pleaded, bending down to pick up the beans before someone tripped.  
She headed over, helping me and began to try to fix the machine.  
"I don't know how you do this everyday." I grunted. The only jobs I had ever had, were in retail and I thought they were a dream. Food service was not for me.  
"I don't have a choice." she said with a laugh.  
She was sixteen and this was her first real job- though she was cheating, if you ask me. She had it pretty easy. She could start late, leave early and pretty much make her own rules when my Mother wasn’t around.  
I stood, my back stiff from being on the floor for a few seconds.  
Man I was out of shape.  
"I'm going with Dad tomorrow. Help him out at the store." I proclaimed suddenly.  
I was two hours into my shift and ready to throw in the towel. Damn my mother, and her specials.  
"Good luck." she said, snapping something on the machine. It grumbled and then like magic, was back working. She turned to me, resting her arm on the machine. Despite the reddish tint to her brown hair, and her height, we were twins. "It's worst there then here." She noted.  
"Couldn't be." I mumbled.  
I never really had to work in my parents stores, since they had opened both after I went away to college. I was in my fourth year and had two more semesters until I graduated in December 2015. Since I had been away, their businesses had picked up and were doing really well.  
"Stop chatting. More working." My mother said suddenly walking past us again.  
She was a nervous wreck and flustered, but she loved it. I liked to think she inspired the term 'superwoman'.  
I smiled at her, and headed to the front counter. There were five of us working today, but we had a pretty steady line.  
I quickly began taking orders-thankfully, not filling them- and soon the line was working its way down.  
It wasn’t so bad.  
"Can I get a Vanilla Chai Tea, a croissant and a small Caramel Mocha to go please?"  
I nodded, punching the order in. "And your name?" I asked the woman in front of me.  
"Bev." she said shortly, digging in her purse. "Can you guys make it quick too? I'm late for a meeting."  
I nodded politely. I was use to rude customers and was good at brushing them off.  
As she retrieved her money, I stepped away from the counter a bit and gave my sister the order. "And can you speed it up? She has a meeting."  
"Then why did she stop here first?" My sister hissed. "She's not special and I’m not going to rush."  
I chuckled at my sister. She had always been spunky.  
My mother, who was nearby, heard the conversation and cut her eyes at my sister. _You better._  
We both quickly went back to work, and I headed over to the lady.  
Quickly taking her money, I started to wrap up her croissant.  
I moved really fast since she was in a 'rush' and didn’t pay attention to my surroundings.  
I could hear the door chime over our ‘coffeehouse tunes‘, signaling someone had entered, but I didn’t look around.  
I looked directly at the lady and handed her the food.  
"Your order will be up quickly." I said putting on my fakest smile.  
She didn’t acknowledge my words and left the counter quickly, rolling her eyes.  
I sighed and smiled at the next patron.  
She was around my age and noticeably bubbly.  
"Hello!" she says. "Can I get one of your Mango Smoothies please?"  
I nodded and smiled, genuinely. "What size?"  
"A large."  
I nodded 'okay' and tapped in her order.  
As she dug in her purse, I took a quick look down the pending line to see how many people were left to serve, then, my fucking mouth dropped.  
I had to be dreaming.  
"Here ya go!" the girl in front of me said, handing me her credit card.  
My eyes didn’t shift, but I grabbed the card.  
How was this my life?  
Standing in front of me was Harry.  
Harry Styles.  
Again!  
He was dressed in black jeans, a cream shirt and was wearing black sunglasses.  
He was not paying any attention to me and was talking to a guy that was with him.  
I shook my head and chuckled to myself.  
Why did this keep happening to me?  
Why was this guy everywhere suddenly?  
I quickly swiped the girl’s credit card and looked in his general direction.  
The guy he was talking to, was pointing to our menu, and it was clear Harry had never been here before.  
I immediately wondered what his impression was.  
My mother’s shop was pretty updated and retro.  
Various arts pieces lined the wall, and the warm mahogany wood counters trimmed in various hues of reds and whites was there to create a comfy home away from home feeling.  
Most of our regular customers would come plop on our couches and stay for hours tapping in their laptops or talking with friends.  
I hope he liked it.  
Bubbly smoothie girl stepped to the side and an old man stepped up. He wanted his order simple; coffee, black.  
I rang him up quickly and peeked at the line. This time, my eyes caught Harry's. At least, I think they did. He was wearing those sunglasses and wasn't really clear what he was looking at.  
I turned quickly and looked at my sister. No one around me had noticed he was there or they just didn’t care.  
"Taylor!" I called quietly.  
Her head popped up from pouring some milk in a cup.  
I didn't speak and just slowly nodded in his direction.  
She followed my eyes but didn’t catch on right away.  
"Hey how ya doin'" A guy said as he approached the counter.  
I quickly acknowledged the man and then turned back to my sister. Look!  
She peered out again and then this time, she got it.  
"Oh my God!" she shrieked.  
My mother and the other employees all looked at her. My mother's eyes quickly observed what she was looking at and she looked back at her in confusion.  
I turned back to my customer.  
"Hi sir. What can I get you?"  
He quickly spouted out his order, but I was annoyed when he suddenly chose to linger.  
"So your name is Becca?" he asked.  
I nodded and looked behind him. Harry was still watching me, but he had now removed his glasses and our eyes met.  
I blushed and quickly looked away.  
"Short for Rebecca?" the man asked.  
"Short for Becca." I said impatiently.  
"How old are you?" he asked, leaning and getting comfortable. "You're...quite stunning."  
I put on my best fake smile. "I'm also quite _working_. Is there anything else?"  
My voice was honey, but my words were venom.  
He said nothing more, lifting off the counter. I think I heard him mutter 'stuck up bitch' but I didn’t care. He walked away quickly.  
Harry Styles and friend were now one customer behind in the line and boy did I love this next customer.  
It was a mother and a child and she was stalled, scanning the menu for options. I'm thankful she was prolonging the inevitable.  
"Um..." she hummed as she searched. "First time." she said with an embarrassed chuckle. "I've got a Groupon."  
"No worries." I said and didn't dare look behind her. Instead, my eyes focused on the food behind the counter, my sister whispering my name trying to get my attention and the child she was with, who was tapping and playing some game on a cell phone. It sounded like Fruit Ninja.  
"What do you want Michael?" the customer asked her son, still stalled.  
"Idon'tcare." he mumbled, not even looking up from his game.  
The mother rolled her eyes and I heard a small snort of a laugh. Very quiet, but there.  
I looked up and it was Harry who was watching the child. His smile was wide and it was beautiful. Feeling eyes on me, I glanced at his friend and saw he was watching me-watch his friend.  
I turned quickly to the lady.  
"Um...let me get a Peppermint Hot Chocolate for him, and I’ll try a...Vanilla Latte."  
"Sounds good." I said.  
I tapped in her order three times due to nerves and shaky hands (and Harry’s friends stare) and gave her a total.  
She quickly paid and thanked me for my patience.  
"No problem." I said but I was a basket of nerves. My words came out as a mumble.  
Why was I so nervous?  
It was Harry and Friend's turn.  
I took a deep breath and turned to them both as they approached the counter.  
"Hi." I said.  
"Hello." Harry drawled in his unique accent and smiled.  
His friend was no nonsense and began to order; quickly.  
It was obvious he had been here before and I had to quickly look at my screen and enter everything. Like before, I fumbled a bit and had to adjust the order twice before getting it right.  
"Anything else?" I asked when I finished, looking up. His friend nodded no, but Harry was studying me.  
"Yeah, is that your name?" he asked, his accent like butter to my ears. He pointed to my name tag.  
I looked down as if I didn’t know it was there or what it said.  
"Yeah." I said.  
"We met in New York didn't we? A couple weeks ago?" he asked. "You didn't want my picture."  
His voice was playful and I immediately blushed. I was hoping he didn't remember me.  
_Awkward._  
"Um yeah. Guilty." I say.  
He smiled. "Oh well nice to meet you again Becca." he said.  
His friend watched us but didn’t look too amused by the whole conversation.  
“Harry?” he cut in, taking his attention briefly.  
Stay focused. I quickly remembered I was at work too and began to help fill their order.  
It was two Lattes and two bottled waters.  
As I grabbed the waters, my mom unexpectedly slithered over.  
"Hi." she said warmly. "I'm the owner Alicia." she placed her hands out for them to shake it and I looked at her in shock.  
Did she actually know who they were?  
Being in a prime location in Malibu, my mother was use to meeting celebrities and always made sure to introduce herself personally- despite it being a coffee shop. Still, I barely was familiar with Harry a month ago and would be surprised if she was.  
I held the waters awkwardly as they both shook her hand.  
"It's a hot one today isn't it?" she asked, attempting to small talk.  
I inwardly cringed for her. My Mother was a very smooth and a charismatic woman, but I didn’t want her to embarrass herself; especially since I had already taken care of that a month ago at the airport.  
I moved beside her and handed out the waters.  
Harry looked solely at me as he took it from my hand.  
Seconds later, I felt a third presence beside me. My sister.  
She was definitely going to embarrass me.  
_Kill me now._  
"It is." I heard Harry answer. He said something else, but I was to busy whispering to my sister to hear.  
"Who is making their drinks?"  
"Jim."  
I turned and looked at 'Jim' who was not even paying attention to what was happening. A thirty year old man doesn't care about popstars.  
I flashed my eyes at her and told her to go back to her spot before she made this whole thing weird.  
She ignored me.  
"Well your drinks will be up in a sec. Nice to meet you!" My mother said and I realized the conversation was ending.  
"Thank you." Harry said and his friend nodded a farewell.  
Harry placed his sunglasses back on his eyes and waved at me. "Nice seeing you again Becca. Have a good one.”  
"You too!” I said quickly and awkwardly and my sister immediately looked at me.  
“Again? What does he mean?” she whispered loudly.  
Harry and friend both moved out of the way and further down the counter.  
“I met him with Kelsey a month ago.“ I said quickly. “It’s nothing.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked in a rush.  
I shoo her off and point to them.  
“There’s your chance.” I quickly remind her. _Go bug them._  
And of course my sister darts.  
My mother walked away too.  
The next customer was up, but like me, was now watching Harry.  
“Is that…?” I heard her begin to mumble and I turned to look at him once more.  
He was now talking to his friend and concentrating on him.  
I didn’t get starstruck, but he carried something with him when you met him. This time, I just wanted to watch him and soak up his energy.  
As my sister handed them their drinks, I felt myself disappointed. It had now been not once, not twice, but THREE times that I had seen this man in the past month. Stuff like that didn't just happen and I would probably never see him again. I suddenly felt tempted to ask for that picture and a re-do of our previous meeting.  
I didn't get the chance.  
Harry and his friend headed out of the shop quickly.  
All I could do was sigh.  
****************************  
  
I was back the next day at the shop really early.  
I had another red-eye flight that night and wanted to help out all I could before I left.  
Despite my resistance to work at the coffee shop, my sister was right when she said it was more fun to work there than at my father's nutrition store. Selling and restocking vitamins was less work, but definitely not more exciting.  
It was 6am, and I had since got over my run-in with Mr. Styles. Though if I was to be honest, my interest was piqued once more.  
Later that night I found myself browsing Google again and some silly site SugarScape and got the updates. Supposedly Harry and the blonde from last month were getting cozier. They had spent her birthday together and had been spotted a few times in LA together since.  
She was pretty and I found myself browsing her Twitter and Instagram too.  
_Nice work Styles._  
However, he was days away from opening his tour with his band in Australia so I estimated whatever they had, would have to be put on pause soon.  
  
Since I opened with my Mom, I was on preparatory duty and getting everything ready for the day. Soon, the morning rush would bustle in and we would be swamped until around 10m.  
I quickly moved through my tasks, and took a few orders. Before I knew it, it was past 9am, and I had made it through the thick of the rush with my other co-workers.  
My sister was at school, and coming to help in the afternoon.  
"Becca. Can you help me?" I heard called by my mother and rushed to help since the people had died down tremendously. "Can you replace these please?"  
I looked down at the near-empty milk containers and mixers.  
"Sure."  
By now, the main people in the shop were on their laptops with headphones in and paying no one attention.  
I headed to the back to gather supplies and restock everything.  
I found my place out of the way behind the counter and began to replenish the stock. I was happy. As long as I wasn't making the drinks, I was glad to do anything.  
I got lost in my work and tuned everyone around me out.  
I could still hear the door chime and the occasional yell of an order, but other than that I wasn't paying attention.  
Well.  
Until I heard his voice.  
I had been bent over, opening a box, when I heard “Hello Becca.” in a deep British accent.  
Bringing my eyes up slowly, I once again looked at Harry Styles and he was smiling at me.  
"Oh come on!" I said and laughed. What the hell was my life? I was one of the least likely people to care that I kept seeing him. Fate wasn't fair. Where was Kelsey and my sister?  
Harry chuckled at my sudden outburst. I could tell he was surprised by my sudden outburst "How are you?" he asked.  
I shook my head in disbelief. "I'm good. How are you Harry?"  
He smiled. "Oh you know my name?"  
"Of course." I said placing down the gallon of milk in my hand. "You're stalking me."  
This time he laughed. As he did, I took him in quickly. He was wearing a hoodie again and this time, his hair was pulled back in a bun. He seemed like he was on his way to the gym or just leaving one.  
"I promise I’m not. I'm here for the coffee."  
"Oh? You liked it?" I asked.  
"Yeah it's pretty good. Your mum has done a good job. I like the décor and everything." He said gesturing to our walls.  
I looked at him in confusion. How did he know the owner was my mother?  
Had I volunteered that information? Had my mom?  
He noted my expression.  
"She's not?" He questioned. "You two just look alike."  
"Oh no. No she is my mom." I said quickly. "But I didn't think anyone noticed." I said honestly.  
"It's your eyes. The hazel. They're very pretty." he said. I blushed and turned away.  
If anyone had nice eyes, it was him.  
"Um..." I was at a lost for words suddenly. "So have you placed your order yet?" I asked looking towards the cashier who had taken my place at the counter.  
"Uh no. I saw you and thought I’d say hi first."  
"Oh. Is your friend here?" I asked, not even sure what to ask this man in front of me.  
"Jeff? No." he said. "We're not exactly glued at the hip." He joked.  
"Right." I said. I was sure my face was as bright as a tomato.  
He continued to look at me.  
"So I have a question. Do you live here or New York?"  
"Both. I go to school in New York."  
"Oh. What do you study?" he asked casually and I paused.  
Here, Harry Styles was, in my mothers coffee shop asking me what I studied.  
I must have looked at him like he was crazy because he stopped.  
"What?" he asked looking around.  
"Nothing." I said quickly. "I'm just...you're just..." I paused, looking for the right word.  
"What?" he asked smiling again, turning back to me.  
"You're just Harry Styles, and you’re here and you're talking to me about my studies." I said as if I was trying to comprehend.  
He sighed, but didn’t seem upset and shrugged. "Exactly I’m just Harry Styles. This is me."  
I nodded. "I'm seeing that. You don't act like other celebrities." I said bending down to grab some vanilla creamer.  
"Who else have you met?" he asked curiously.  
"None like you." I said with a chuckle.  
"Oh hello! You're back!"  
I turned in time to see my Mother stand beside me.  
"Yeah. Hi." Harry said politely. "I was just telling your daughter Becca that you make wonderful coffee."  
"Do we? Well great! Is there anything I can get you?"  
"Sure. Uh...I don't remember what I ordered yesterday but-"  
His green eyes clouded and shifted to the menu.  
My mind flashed to he and his friends order.  
"I do." I said. "A latte. And I think Taylor put some of that mixed creamer in there."  
Harry looked back down at me.  
My mother instantly smiled at me and winked; proud I’m sure.  
"I'll get it for you. One moment." She said with a warm smile and sauntered off.  
Harry’s eyes locked with mine.  
"Your mum is very nice."  
"Well she's a lovely woman." I said and shook up the Vanilla creamer in my hand. I switched out the older container and began to grab a different bottle.  
I don't know what I said, but it caused Harry to stop and look at me curiously. His gaze was strong.  
"What?" I asked after a few seconds. His stare was intense, and his eyes burned through me. I was surprised I didn’t catch fire.  
"Can I ask you a question?" he asked.  
I shook up the Hazelnut creamer in my hand. "Sure."  
"How old are you?"  
"I'm 20. Why?"  
"Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked ignoring my question.  
My eyes grew wide. "Why are you asking me if I have a boyfriend?" I said quickly.  
He began to answer, but stopped, when he looked past me.  
My mother was headed over with his drink and she honestly had to have made it in two seconds.  
"Here you go! On the house!"  
Harry smiled. "Oh that's sweet, but I feel bad not paying for it."  
He dug in his pocket and my mother waved him away. "I won't hear of it. Have a great day. We hope to see you soon." she said and as soon as she appeared, she disappeared.  
I looked back at Harry and he smiled at me.  
“I really like her.” he said pointing at my mom’s previous spot. His dimples highlighted his face, but I couldn’t focus on that.  
Why had he asked me if I had a boyfriend?  
"Well." he said shaking his drink. "I should go. It's almost been a record that I’ve been standing here so long and no one has bothered us."  
I smiled and nodded. That’s right, he was a superstar.  
It was quite surprising.  
"Well have a great day!" I said cheerily. I was more confident today and not a fumbling idiot.  
Though today was probably the last time I would see him, I was proud of the way I handled this run-in.  
“You too.” He said, reaching for a napkin in front of him.  
"Do you have a pen?"  
I looked behind me and grabbed the nearest one I could find.  
I handed it to him.  
"Thanks." he said with a wide smile.  
He bent down, setting his drink on the counter and began to scribble something.  
I didn't even hide that I was watching to see what he wrote.  
However, he was too fast for me.  
He finished up the 'note' and flipped it in his hand so I couldn't see what it was. He handed it to me and then picked up his drink.  
"Here. Don't share it with anyone please."  
"Is it your autograph?" I asked with slight excitement. Kelsey or my sister would go crazy for it.  
"Yup." he said simply and turned away from me to leave.  
I didn't even watch him walk away, flipping the napkin over. When I did, my eyes quickly looked back up but he was already walking out of the door.  
He was a liar.  
It wasn't his autograph or even his name.  
It was a phone number.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN 

BECCA

Then 

It had to be a joke.  
Any minute now my mom would spin me around and the customers with laptops would revel themselves as actors and camera crews would rush in. There would be some confetti thrown in the air blanketing the floors and Harry would walk back in and it would all be revealed as one big joke.  
He was on some new reality show I was certain and I was his lucky victim.  
I counted down and inwardly scorned myself that I hadn't worn makeup. If I was  
going to be on prime time television and hundreds of Youtube clips- because lets face it, he was Harry Styles- I should have looked better.  
Was my hair done?  
Was there a stain on my shirt?  
Would the thousands of viewers make fun of me or hate me because I had gotten close to him?  
Would I be on that silly site Sugarscape and be an article attached to Harry Styles Google profile?  
Would I be remembered for years to come because of the joke?  
Oh, maybe. That would be cool.  
Maybe somehow I would get noticed and this 'stint' would change my life.  
But.  
It didn't happen.  
At least not that way.  
For five minutes I stood in disbelief waiting for my moment, the moment, when it would all be revealed to be a joke.  
But.  
It wasn't.  
I looked down at the brown napkin and the smeared pen showcasing the ten numbers that probably led me to Harry Styles.  
I. Had. His. Phone. Number.  
Becca 'could care less' Johnson.

But I did care. 

As it dawned on me it wasn’t a joke, I quickly stuffed the number in my back pocket and ran to the employee bathroom.  
I stared back at myself.  
Shit. You look horrible.  
My face was bare and I looked like a lifeless rag doll in my opinion. My hair, which sat a little on my chest, was limp and I had on the least attractive shirt ever. I had chose to wear a plain white long-sleeve shirt and jeans. I didn't exactly scream sexy.  
Luckily my skin appeared tan- half due to the California sun and the other half my ancestry- so I didn't look washed out.  
But I didn't get it.  
I honestly and truly didn't.  
Where was the attraction?  
Why the hell had he given me his phone number?  
I wasn’t even that interesting.  
But.  
Then it dawned on me.  
He had a girlfriend. A pretty blonde supermodel girlfriend.  
He was definitely not trying to ask me out. 

So…again….why did he want my number?

A knock on the bathroom door interrupted my thoughts.  
"Becca? It's Mom."  
I opened the door and faced my Mother.  
She was the one who was stunning.  
Half Ecuadorian and Italian, she had rich and exotic features.  
Sometimes customers would stop in just to look and talk to her. They wouldn’t even order.  
"Hey, I’m heading to lunch. Can you hold down the fort a little while?"  
I nodded and reached to turn off the bathroom light behind me. I started to follow her out of the back hallway until she turned and looked at me with a mischievous smile.  
"What did the Styles kid want?" she asked.  
"Styles kid?" I repeated. "How do you even know who that is?"  
She shrugged. "Your sister told me. He's in a famous band or something right?"  
I chuckled. She had no clue.  
"One Direction Mom." I said, quickly cueing her in.  
"Oh." She shrugged again. "I don't think I know him. But he's a cutie."  
"Story of My Life." I quickly reminded her. "That's his song."  
"Oh." she said. "Cool." She said.  
She probably still didn’t know what I was talking about.  
She gave a quick wave, completely unfazed, and then left. Maybe that was where I got it from.  
I had met Michael Jackson when I was younger, and even that hadn’t impressed me.  
I wondered how she would react if I told her he had given me his number.  
The exact number that was burning a hole through my jeans.  
"When will you be back?" I called behind her.  
"An hour. You'll be fine!" she called before walking out of the front door.  
**********************

I was fine AND I was busy. After she left, I held down the fort as she called it, and worked until my sister arrived from school.  
Then I headed home to pack.  
My parents had a modest four bedroom home in the Sherman Oaks area. They had both been born and raised in California so it was home.  
As I packed my last minute items, and texted back and forth with Kelsey, I found myself thinking of Harry.  
I wondered where he was and what he was doing.  
I wondered if I was on his mind and if he was waiting to hear from me.  
I didn't know what he wanted or why he had even given me his number, but I wasn't in a rush to find out.  
Don't get me wrong, I was definitely curious; but I was leaving town and I didn't have a clue what to say to him anyway.

My Mother, Father and Sister all made it home by eight to have a final family dinner and then I was headed to the airport. Kelsey was already in New York.  
As my father drove me, we discussed my Great Grandma and plans for the future. The next time I would be home would be in March on my Spring Break and my Father wanted to plan a nice trip for the four of us.  
"Sounds good." I said with a smile as I gathered my things. By then we were at the drop off area.  
"Let me help." My dad said turning on his flashers and hopping out of the car.  
He helped grab my suitcase out of the trunk and I slung my carry on over my shoulder.  
"See ya later kiddo." he said giving me a final hug before we were interrupted.  
Behind us, a person in a Mercedes Benz was honking at my father to move his car.  
My father rolled his eyes playfully and ran back to the driver seat giving me a  
wave.  
The Mercedes obnoxiously honked again and I just shook my head walking away.  
I couldn't wait to get back to New York. I had grown up in California and could say  
the people were definitely different.  
There was a sense of 'entitlement' that was in the air that couldn't be found as much in New York. 

I quickly made it through the security checks and check-ins and found my seat at my gate.  
By now Harry's number was saved in my phone and I found myself scrolling over it.  
Should I...  
Could I...  
I switched screens and went to Youtube instead.  
I quickly typed in Harry Styles and saw various news articles about him and the model chick. I scrolled past and clicked on a video that was promised to show his ‘Funny and Cute Moments'  
And then I fangirled.  
Before I knew it, I was on another video, and then another falling quickly in love with his quirky habits.  
My fingers began the itch again and before I could talk myself out of it, I was composing a message to him. 

It was simple and totally vague.  
But I sent it. 

*Hi, this is Becca.* 

And then I regretted it. It was so stupid. And the wait felt like minutes. Hours.  
In reality, it was only seconds.

*Hi, this is Harry.* 

And before I could even comprehend he texted me back, he said, 

*It's late.*

I quickly looked at the clock on my phone and saw it was 11:34pm.  
What a fucking idiot I was. 

*I'm at the airport.* I quickly typed. *I'm sorry.*

*No worries. Where are you going?* he replied back instantly.  
He must have been glued to his phone and the fastest typer in the west.

*New York. Back to School.* I said. 

*Cool. So how do you like my autograph?*

I smiled. By now I could picture the cheeky grin he probably wore on his face as he  
typed. 

*It was horrible. Complete Rubbish. You should learn to write more clear.* I teased back, smiling to myself. 

*Not my fault. I didn't exactly finish school ya know.* he said. 

But I didn't. I knew nothing about how his band had been formed. 

*That's too bad.* I said. *Well don't worry. I'm sure you still have time to find an amazing career*

*Not likely. I have no talents. It's pretty much over for me.* 

I laughed. I liked this kid. He was quick witted.  
But, was I even sure I was talking to Harry?  
It was still quite possible this was all some kind of joke. I decided to dig in and get more information. 

*So what are you doing?* I typed. 

*I'm at home, watching mindless television.* 

*Fun. What's on?*

*I don't even know the name. How's the airport? Busy at 11pm?*

*Actually a little bit. And don't scold me.* 

*What do you mean?*

*You make me feel bad about texting you so late. I really didn't look at the clock. I feel bad.* 

*You should. All I wanted to do tonight was kick back and watch this show and you  
have completely ruined that. You should be ashamed.* 

I laughed again and prepared a response. I needed to write something clever.  
My phone buzzed. 

*I'm joking by the way. It's totally fine.* 

*Got it. Good. I do have a question though.* 

*Ask me anything.*

*Why did you give me your number?*

I waited for the response for 10 seconds. 20.30.  
I waited until a whole minute passed.  
And then another.  
And then another.  
By then I started to get nervous.  
I quickly started to write out a response apologizing for being forward when my phone finally buzzed. 

*Honestly I don't know.*

And then, 

*Is it okay?*

I paused and looked up from my phone. Was it okay?  
I wasn't sure at this point.  
As I thought of an answer, my flight was suddenly called to board.  
Damn.  
I quickly texted Harry. 

*Completely. But I've got to go. We're boarding.* 

He texted back quickly. 

*Oh sure, leave me alone with this stupid TV! There goes me thinking you're a nice  
girl...But, t was nice talking to you. Have a safe flight!*

*You too Harry. Try not to fall asleep.* 

*I make no promises.* 

I didn't respond back and stood to board my plane. My mind was flustered at the  
thought that I had maybe just been talking to him. A man, who was virtually  
inaccessible to thousands of people.  
It seemed surreal. 

As I walked the tarmac to get to the plane, I reread our messages and then I reread  
them again.  
I had decided I liked him and his personality.  
He seemed like a nice guy and though I still didn't know why we were talking, I was welcome to more conversation.  
It could be fun.  
For now I would keep everything between us private and respect the moment.  
I was sure he didn't just give his number to anybody so I didn't want to betray his trust.  
Still, I wasn't incredibly naive and knew whatever this was was temporary.  
I was going to just go with the flow.  
After all, who knew what could happen.


	8. Chapter Eight

CHAPTER EIGHT  
BECCA

Then. 

 

I heard from him again three days later while in my Rhetoric of Style course.   
Believe me, the irony was not lost on me.   
As I typed notes from my professor on my laptop, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Since our late night airport chat, I had kept my phone pretty close anxious to hear from Harry again.   
Over the last three days I had thought about texting him a lot, but didn't want to seem too forward. I had to appear cool, calm and collective. 

I pulled my phone from my pocket, and snuck a peek at the sender; Harry.   
I typed in my passcode so fast and went to my messages. 

*Hello Becca.* sat in my inbox.

Inwardly I squealed and did a mini dance in my head. Outwardly, I sent a clear and concise *Hello Harry. How are you?*

My message took a full three minutes to compose.

*Fantastic. Are you busy?*

I looked up at my professor who was writing notes on the board. In my text delay, I had already missed an important theory I was suppose to be copying. The OCD in me cringed. I ignored it. 

*No.* I said. *What's up?*

*I have a question for you.* 

*Okay. Shoot.* 

*Is Becca short for something?*

I looked at my professor to make sure she didn't see me texting and quickly typed a response. Why did everyone think that?

*No. Some people call me 'Beckham' as a nickname, but it's just Becca. What about you? Is Harry Styles your real name? It seems way too cool.* 

I was joking and I was hoping he got my humor. I didn’t take things too seriously and liked to keep life playful. 

*I'm afraid so. Though people call me Harold, Hazza or H and my sister has a more obscene name for me.*

*Haha. I bet. I feel your pain. My little sister is a rodent. Why Hazza?*

*No clue. How old is she?*

*16. You met. She was the young girl quite anxious to meet you the other day.*

*Oh cool, so it’s a family business then? She was nice. Does your dad work there as well?*

*No. He runs our other store and I only help out when I'm home from school.*

*Oh that's right, you were suppose to tell me what you studied.* 

*That's right. Good memory Mr. Styles. I'm an English and Journalism major. I want to be a publisher.* 

*Very cool. Do you have a lot of school left?* 

*Not too much. Just a couple more semesters. I graduate in December. What were you planning on being before your stardom?*

*I don't know. We get asked that question a lot and I haven't really thought about it. This all happened before I had a chance to make up my mind.* 

*How old were you?

*Sixteen. It's kind of crazy to think about it. It's gone by so fast.*   
And then, *What are you doing?*

*I'm in class, sneaking texts.* 

*Lol. Oh boy I’m corrupting you.* 

*It's alright. I don't mind. :P*

*Lol. But seriously, do you need me to let you go?*

*No. It's good to hear from you.* 

*Did you think I had forgotten you?*

*Me? Never. I'm pretty unforgettable.* 

*Hmm…to be determined. :P But, you definitely have my attention right now.* 

And I had it the rest of the afternoon too. I snuck texted Harry through my next class and through my mini break. I texted him so much that by the time I reached my dorm at 5, it felt like we were old friends.   
The conversation flowed unbelievably easy and I forgot often that he was Harry Styles- megastar boybander. Though there was nothing about him that screamed he was an immature bubblegum star, I knew the perception of guys in boybands. They were all either really cheesy or screwing everything with legs. I was a little scared to find out if he fit in the latter category.   
*So what's on the menu for dinner?* he asked, via text.   
*I'm thinking a big nice juicy burger. You?*  
*Nice. I don’t know. I can't remember the last time I’ve had a burger.*  
*Are you even allowed to eat those?* I teased.   
*Hey! I'm disappointed. You think I’m one of those celebrities huh?*  
*Haha. Just kidding. I'm sure you partake in lots of junk food.*  
*Actually I don't. I do eat pretty healthy but I don't necessarily censor myself much. I box and work out quite often though so it helps.*  
*I can't see you boxing.*  
*I’m actually quite amazing. You'd be jealous I think.*   
*Well that's too be determined…*I said mimicking his words from earlier. *But maybe one day I’ll see.*  
*Maybe one day you will.*

******************************

We kept texting.   
We texted so much that our texts took us into late in the night.   
*Well I’ll let you go.* Harry said finally a little past midnight via text.   
Though I didn’t want too, I agreed.   
*Yeah me too. I’m sure I’ve been keeping you from important popstar duties all day.* I joked.   
The last few hours the jokes and some flirting had come very easy and I was now completely comfortable talking to him. Any apprehension I had, dwindling away quickly.   
*No you haven’t. Trust me, you’ll know when I’m working. I’m pretty unreachable and I won’t answer at all. But I’ve enjoyed talking to you. When are your classes tomorrow?*   
I wanted to lie and tell him I had none so we could talk again all day but I knew he had a life and he was just being polite.   
*Ugh. Early. 9. And they go all day.*   
*That sucks, but at least you’re learning something for your passion right?*  
*True. I’m a little tired of some of the essay’s though. They can get repetitive and redundant after a while.*  
*You just got back to school though. Do you have essays already?*  
*Yup. Lol. Welcome to College.*  
*I’m sorry. I feel for you.*  
*Haha. Thanks! But, I’m going to let you go. I know you are a busy man.*  
*When do you get a break tomorrow?*  
*1 I think and then again at 4. It all kind of runs together after a while.*  
*Gotcha. Well get some rest and good luck on your essays!*  
*Lol. Thanks. Goodnight.*  
*Goodnight Becca.*

The next day he wrote me at 1:03pm and I had to admit I was elated.   
I wasn’t expecting to hear from him so soon and it took me by surprise a little.   
I had been with Kelsey and other friends and immediately tuned them out.   
*Well hello. How are you?* I wrote propping my feet on the couch and settling in. We were in a student lounge.  
*Very well. Are you on break?*   
*I am. I’m sitting with friends. What are you doing?*  
*The same. I’m with my buddy Jeff at his house. How is your day going?*  
*Jeff? Is that coffee shop guy? And great actually! The day has been moving rather quickly.*  
*Well that’s good to hear. Do you have any weekend plans?* he asked.   
I quickly began to type when he texted again.   
*Oh and yeah. Coffee shop guy. *  
I chuckled and finished my text.   
*Still debating. My friends want to go to some party tonight but I don’t know yet. What about you? Any plans?*  
*A few.* He said vaguely. *Why don’t you know about the party?*  
*It’s not my scene.* I said honestly. *Your tour starts soon right?*   
*Next week.* He wrote quickly. *I can’t wait.*  
I began to write him back when I heard my name called.  
I looked up at Kelsey who was looking at me curiously.   
“What?” I asked.   
“Who are you talking too?” she asked.   
“Who says I’m talking to anybody?” I said.  
She smiled. “You’re obviously texting.” She pointed out.   
“It’s probably her parents.” Sam, a mutual friend cut in. “You know Becca is boring.”  
A few of our other friends laughed.  
I shook my head and fake laughed too. “Haha! So funny.” I said dryly.   
I turned back to my cell phone.   
*Where does it begin?* I asked, texting Harry.   
“No really. Who are you talking too?” Kelsey cut in again.   
I looked back at her as my phone buzzed.   
I looked down quickly.   
*Australia. Do you travel much?*  
I looked back up at Kelsey.   
“It’s no one.” I said. “Have you talked to Bobby today?”   
Her face instantly lit up and I was forgotten, just as I assumed I would be.   
“Yeah. I think he’s coming to the party. I texted him earlier and-”  
I tuned her out and looked down at my phone. I quickly wrote him back before I was interrupted again.   
*I did when I was younger a lot. I don’t really have the time anymore.*  
Around me, Kelsey was now talking about Bobby and the others were cutting in, my text conversation no longer important.   
Good.   
*Nationally or overseas?*  
*Nationally for now. But don’t worry, I plan to see all of the major countries before I die! Lol.*  
*Where would you start? And do you have a passport?*  
*No. No passport. I haven’t needed it yet ya know? But, I’m not sure. I really want to go to Australia one day or maybe London.*  
*Don’t just say London because that’s where I’m from. Lol. I won’t be offended.*  
*I’m not! I do want to go one day. My parents have both traveled a lot and they say it is beautiful.*  
*Don’t take this the wrong way because I’m not saying it to offend you, but your parents seem pretty successful and I mean you’re going to Colgate University, you’re pretty lucky.*  
*Haha! I’m not offended. Trust me, my parents are far from rich but they have their own successes. They worked really hard to get where they’re at and they want the same for their kids so I guess I’m a little lucky but I mean…look at you! You’re living the dream Harry.*  
*Well there is good and bad to everything, but I am pretty happy. You should get a passport though. You never know when it can come in handy.*  
*I will one day. I’m sure I don’t need it anytime soon.*  
I sent the message and waited for a reply, but he didn’t get back to me as quickly as he had been before.   
I ended up having to go back to class before he responded.   
I figured he was busy doing some facet of his job so I didn’t worry.   
I was already lucky I was getting so much of his time. 

As I sat in class he was on my mind. I once again wondered what he was doing and if I was on his mind too.   
In just a few short days, he had completely changed my life. I had started the week not even thinking about him and now, every thought was him.   
It had been a while since I had male attention so I was a little thirsty for it, but there was something about him that was pulling me in and it had nothing to do with his celebrity. It was just really nice to talk to him and he made it really easy to get to know him. 

By the time it hit my next break I was really anxious. I still hadn’t heard back from him and was starting to miss him. Though I didn’t think it was necessarily appropriate. After all, it had only been two days.   
As I rode in a taxi with Kelsey to grab some off campus takeout and she spoke on the phone to her parents, I found myself looking him up again on the internet.   
It dawned on me that I was doing a mild form of stalking, but it wasn’t like I could creep on his Facebook. I could however, creep on his Twitter. I looked at his latest tweets. One being a Instagram photo of a fire hydrant and the other a simple “Interested” that he had tweeted on the day he gave me his number.   
My heart did a hop and a skip at that but I knew it was probably related to something else. As I scrolled down, I quickly learned that he was known for some random and sometimes outlandish tweets.   
I continued scrolling and occasionally clicking on his Instagram links.   
I was officially obsessed.   
“Hey Beckham?” Kelsey called in the middle of my stalking.   
“Hmm?” I asked looking up.   
“My mom wants to know if you can call her later. She’s making some hats and she wants to know what colors you want.”  
I smiled and nodded. “Alright.”   
Kelsey’s mom was the knitting queen and could virtually make anything you threw at her. Her new obsession was making me and Kelsey winter gear for the cold winters in New York. We both lived in fleece and sweats right now.   
I turned back to Twitter, but I must have clicked a link while talking because I was off of Harry’s page.   
I quickly went back to the search bar and typed in Harry Styles and re-entered his world. But, then I stopped.   
There were multiple variations of the same picture being posted.   
It was Harry in a black and white patterned shirt and skinny jeans. He had his hair pulled in a bun and he was walking from some place. The pictures were from today and he had been texting someone!  
I instantly wondered when the pictures had been snapped since they were obviously high quality, and more importantly who Harry had been talking too.   
Had it been me? Another random girl he had given his number too? Or something work related?  
An inner voice in my head also reminded me of the blond girlfriend he was seeing and I felt a wave of jealously.   
I clicked out of Twitter and re-opened my messages. It was now going on six hours since Harry had responded and I was starting to think I had just missed his message. But I hadn’t.   
My last response about the passport was all I saw.   
I sighed.   
I was now disappointed and a little upset, but I had to understand. He had important shit to do.   
I was quickly getting in too deep and starting to care too much too soon and that wasn’t me.   
I decided then and there that I needed to take a step back.   
I made a hasty decision and turned my phone off. If he texted, he texted, but I wasn’t going to wait around.   
I needed to live my life too.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

BECCA

Now.

I didn't sleep.  
I tossed all night thinking about our meeting and what I was going to say. Most importantly, I worried about what Harry would say. We would be alone and there would be no need for filters.  
Our final words to each other hadn’t been too kind and there was a reason we had avoided each other for two years.  
There was so much history and bad blood when we ended that it was clear we couldn’t even be friends.

I'll admit that I had kept up with him a little, I mean how could you not. Now that he was solo and his star was continuing to grow, he was a little hard to miss.  
Plus we were forever linked. Thanks to the papers and the media storm that erupted when we were together, my name would forever be a sentence in his bio.  
Every so often I would be in the grocery store and I would be stopped.  
“Aren’t you Harry Styles ex?” people would ask. Not are you Becca Johnson, the columnist…just ‘are you the ex?’  
My identity was solely tied to him and it drove me fucking crazy.  
I couldn’t even post an Instagram picture or update my Twitter without seeing at least one comment about Harry. If I posted a picture of a certain shirt or a quote, immediately people would flood me and remind me we were over.  
‘Harry doesn’t want you! He’s over you!’ I saw often.

Chase was helping with all that though. About a year earlier I had decided I was tired of it all and needed a revamping. I didn’t want to be known as just Harry Styles ex anymore.  
I was someone too.  
I stressed that I wanted every piece of him removed from me. I scrubbed my accounts and tried to erase any reminder of him to my life.  
Ironic now that I was inviting him back in.

Since I didn’t sleep, I wake up early and help Chase get ready for work. He is always unreachable in the mornings and barely speaks to me. He scrolls through emails, reviews cases, and texts with his clients before meeting with them hours later. He believes in keeping an open line of communication, and is extremely dedicated; so much that most nights he is not home until past eight, unless it is a special occasion (like last night). On this morning, he gives me a quick peck on my cheek and asks if I’m alright.  
“Yeah I’m fine.” I say as I eat a small bowl of cereal and watch him move around the kitchen.  
“Yeah?” He asks. “No more thoughts of Harry?”  
He smirks at me playfully.  
“No.” I say.  
“Good. So you’re over it.” he estimates. “Thought you would be.” he says. He adjusts the cuff links on his suit and I don’t face him.  
‘Over it’ is far from the correct term.  
I spin the cheerios in my bowl and contemplate telling him about my morning plans.  
Would he even care?  
Would it bother him that I’m meeting Harry?  
Would he sit at his desk, worrying while we’re together?  
My eyes trail back to him and I instantly doubt it. He is now in his phone typing quickly. He has already moved on from the conversation.  
I decide not to say anything.  
I just scoop more cereal in my mouth. As I swallow, I feel a lump in my throat.  
Chase continues his assault on his phone, texting quickly and I wonder how much longer the keys will last until he needs a new phone.  
He gives me a final glance.  
“I’ll call you later?” he offers. “Normal time?”  
Normal time is after his lunch around 1:30pm.  
“Okay.”  
He gives me a million dollar smile and then heads out of the door.  
Then I am alone.  
I have over an hour before Harry is going to show up and I don’t know what to do with my time.  
I don’t need to tidy up since I did that yesterday for dinner.  
My eyes trail to my kitchen.  
I’m not going to fix him shit to eat either since I have no plans for him to stay long.  
So what can I do?  
I look around the rest of my house and search for a distraction.  
I can’t write because my mind is too frazzled but I also can’t just sit and watch TV either.  
I decide I need a different kind of distraction. The kind that requires me to not think about my life, but someone else’s.  
I quickly head for my cell phone and scroll through my call log.  
Who could I call?  
If I call Kelsey we would talk about Harry and that wouldn’t help me.  
I scroll through more friends from college but they won’t give me the distraction I need.  
I decide finally on one of my gym buddies, Aimee.  
Aimee is a talker.  
On a regular day: she talks about her family. She talks about her work. She talks about the weather and why it only seems to rain on Tuesdays and Sundays. She talks about her puppies and the perfect litter she is constantly trying to make. She even talks about the reason she chooses red nail polish over the pretty pinks that her husband picks out and would prefer her to wear regularly to work. She talks about complete and utter bullshit and today, I want to hear every bit of it.  
I quickly punch her number in and am relived when she answers on the third ring.  
“Becca!” she exclaims in excitement. “I’m so glad you called! I have something to tell you!”  
I smile. “Great!” I say for once meaning it.  
She begins her ramblings quickly. The first topic is some book she wants to start and how she has heard it changes other people’s lifestyles. Next, she moves on to her neighbors and how she has a strong suspicion someone in that house is cheating.  
“Really?” I ask feigning interest as I clean up my empty cereal bowl and straighten the cups in my cupboard.  
“Really!” she says. “Isn’t it horrible? It has to be the wife.” Thoughts of my estranged mother come tome suddenly but I quickly push it to the back of my mind  
“It’s utterly grotesque.” I say attempting to sound and act as bemused as she is, although in my opinion my voice is laced with sarcasm.  
Her interests far from entertain me, and I don’t even know how we are friends. We have nothing in common except for our gym membership and mutual disdain for popular music.  
I often wonder what she will think when she finds out I use to date Harry. As far as she is concerned, I’m dating a rich business professional, and living the life of people’s dreams.  
However, it is not the dream I had for myself. My life has become quite boring and routine and all I have to look forward to are Chase’s lavish dinner parties.  
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy and I’m in love but my previous life was more exciting.  
“It is!” Aimee says suddenly and continues on. Lost in my own thoughts, I had forgotten she was on the phone.  
I turn to the clock as she speaks and watch more time tick past. Soon it is close to 10:30am and I am relieved, but now getting nervous.  
I was barely listening at that point and regularly checking and re-checking my appearance in the bathroom mirrors.  
I’m not fancy today, but I do try. I’m actually wearing a mild form of makeup and am wearing a top that I know Harry will love. Since Chase and Harry’s little girlfriend aren’t here, I’m sure I can get away with it.  
I know what Harry likes and what turns him on and there is nothing wrong with reminding him of what he has lost.  
Becca Johnson is far from the sweet and innocent twenty year old he had met. I was a woman now and blossomed in ways he couldn’t imagine.

When the clock finally strikes10:45, I say farewell to Aimee and rush her off the phone.  
“I have a doctors appointment I have to get ready for. Talk later!” I say quickly before hanging up.  
Three minutes later, my doorbell rings.  
_Fuck!_  
_Shit!_  
_Damn!_  
Why does he always have to be so goddamn early?  
I run to the bathroom mirror and check my appearance again.  
I’m still decent, though now I have decided to pull my hair up. It is more serious and no nonsense.  
I quickly grab a hair tie and walk briskly to the door tying my hair in a tight high ponytail.  
I answer the door seconds later.

My breath hitches and time pauses for a few seconds when I see him. Old Taylor Swift lyrics run through my mind.

_He’s so tall, and handsome as hell…_

I swallow and try to remember how to breathe.

_Heaven can’t help me now…this is going to take me down._

Harry is standing there on my doorstep, turned away from me, looking at my plants and I am looking at him. I can’t take my eyes off of him.  
He looks like a model straight out of GQ Magazine. I swallow again and force myself to blink.  
I clear my throat.  
“You’re early.” I say keeping my voice surprisingly even.  
“I know.” He says not taking his eyes off my plants. “You garden now?”  
I make a step toward him-smell his cologne- and force myself to look at the flowers he is admiring.  
I used a service but he didn’t need to know that.  
“Yes.” I say confidently and Harry finally turns to me. His green eyes shine in the sun and they look iridescent.  
His eyes rake up and down my body quickly before he gives me a small smile.  
“Oh.” He says simply. “Can I come in?”  
He moves towards me, and it is too much to soon.  
My body tenses and relaxes at the same time.  
I want to hold him and I want to push him off the steps at the same time.  
I place my hand on the door quickly, blocking him and bit my lip.  
He can’t come in yet.  
I need more time.  
“Um no. You still owe me ten minutes. We agreed on 11.” I say.  
He rolls his eyes obnoxiously and closes more space between us. “Come on. Seriously? You know me Becca. I don’t like to be late.”  
“You weren’t so prompt last night.” I remind him, not meeting his eyes.  
I focus on his nose.  
It is a nice nose, but I feel no physical attraction to it.  
Looking at it, won’t get me in trouble.  
“That was Julie. She couldn’t figure out her makeup shit.” He says placing his hands in his pants. His small hips buck forward out of habit, and I see the tiny imprint of a bulge. I already know it is not coming from his boxers or briefs.  
A small heat rises in me.  
I need to clear my thoughts quickly.  
What were we talking about?  
_Oh yeah…_  
“So the successful supermodel doesn’t know how to apply her own makeup?” I ask sarcastically.  
“No.” Harry says dryly. “The successful model has a team that does that for her. Now…are you going to let me in or not? It is a little chilly out here.”  
I scan Harry’s outfit. He is wearing the same ol’ skinny black jeans he is known for and a plain white t-shirt. So simple, but he looks like pure sex.  
“Maybe you should put some more clothes on.” I say moving out of the way to let him in. “It is fall after all.”  
He steps inside and I move as far away from him as I can without looking strange.  
I continue.  
“Besides, aren’t you getting a little old for those pants now?” I ask.  
He looks at me and smirks. His dimples are still deep and pronounced.  
He points to my head. “Aren’t you a little old for that ponytail?”  
This time I roll my eyes and shut the door behind him. We face each other completely.  
We are now completely alone and away from any eyes of the world and the silence is extremely loud.  
Having him back in my space is suddenly suffocating.  
He stands in one spot, but he is everywhere.  
I can smell him and see him and he fills the room with his energy.  
“Do you want a drink?” I ask to fill the quiet and move away from Harry.  
“Got any Vodka?” he jokes.  
“No.” I say seriously. I’m not in the mood for humor. Plus I don’t find him too funny anymore.  
He sighs and looks around. “Tough crowd…” he mumbles. “So…where should we sit?”  
I cross my arms. “How about you tell me what this is about first?”  
“No. How about we sit?” he counters back.  
“This is my house Harry. I don’t want to sit.” I say sharply.  
Suddenly he throws his hands up.  
“Are you going to be like this the whole time?”  
“Like what?” I ask offended.  
“Like this.”  
“This is me.” I say quickly uncrossing my arms.  
“Well I liked the old you better.”  
I looked back at him. Looking at him, I felt the same way.  
“So did I.”  
Harry turns from me and moves more into the living room. His eyes begin to scan various things. I watch as his eyes find a picture of me and Chase in the corner. He is holding me from behind and kissing my cheek. Harry pauses to study it, then moves on, scanning something else.  
“You shouldn’t be so bitter Becca. I thought Chase was making you happy.” he accuses. He gestures to our home. “You have the perfect life now.”  
His tone is sarcastic and I don’t like it.  
“He does make me happy actually. More than I could ever imagine. I’ve never been so sated.” I say smugly.  
That makes Harry turn around. He gives me an interested grin.  
“Really?” he drawls.  
I ignore his look and turn. Thoughts of me and Harry in bed and me screaming his name come in quick snapshots. It is the last thing I need to think about.  
“I’m surprised he has sex.” Harry continues. “I wouldn’t think he would want to mess up his clothes.”  
I sigh, annoyed.  
“Says the man who is never seen in anything less than high retail.”  
“Oh but you’ve seen me, or have you forgotten that part of our life?” he asks keeping his eyes on me.  
He pushes a button.  
“There is no ‘our’ Harry.” I say quickly. I cross my arms again. I am impatient and ready to get this over with.  
“So what are we meeting for? I don’t have much time.” I ask.  
“We need to talk.” He says simply.  
“I think we said everything we needed to say last night.”  
He sighs this time. “Why am I even here then Becca?”  
“Because you said you wanted to talk to me. I was giving you the opportunity to apologize.”  
He looks at me in disbelief. “Apologize? Is that what you think I’m doing here?”  
“Well yeah. You were wrong last night Harry.” I point out.  
He places his hand between the bridge of his nose, as if I cause him to lose patience. “Becca. Just stop.”  
He removes his hand and runs it through his hair. “We’ve both been wrong and said bad things. There’s guilt on both parties here.”  
“Maybe so, but I’m not the one who keeps inviting it in. I’ve been pretty content leaving it where it was two years ago.”  
“Oh that’s healthy. You do realize the last thing we said to each was ‘fuck you’?”  
I nod yes. I remember that day very well.  
He sighs, shakes his head, and sits on the couch.  
“You’re sitting.” I quickly remind him. “I don’t want you to sit.”  
He looks at me and then flicks his hand, waving me away. “Well I’m going to sit. We need to settle this.”  
I keep my arms crossed and just look at him. I could be very stubborn in my ways and right now, I was planning on being a complete bitch. Keeping my arms crossed, I go to war with him. His green eyes meet mine and don’t back down.  
He looks at me.  
I look at him.  
He sighs.  
I sighs.  
“Jesus…” he mutters under his breath.  
I irritate him. He runs his hands through his hair shifting it. He suddenly loses patience and snaps “Are you going to sit?”  
“No.” I say shortly.  
“You’re pushing again…” he warns.  
“You can handle it.” I dish back.  
He sighs, a long and patient sigh and I know the storm is about to erupt.  
It scares me. I don’t like to see that Harry. He doesn’t like me very much.  
Fine.  
I make a point to roll my eyes even more before sitting on the couch opposite him.  
Then it is silent.  
I watch the clock behind him and he focuses on something behind me.  
He hasn’t even been in my house for ten minutes and we are already angry with each other.  
This isn’t going to end well either. I could see a repeat of last night happening very soon.  
“So…” he begins, his voice breaking in my thoughts. His accent still does things to me. It is butter and sugar cookies, and that tiny piece of home you always carry with you.  
His accent is comforting and I kind of miss it.  
“I can’t believe you garden now. When did that start?”  
I look back at him and laugh. His attempt at small talk is horrible.  
_“Really Harry?”_  
“What?” he asks in innocence.  
I shake my head and look down. I focus on a penny that is in a far corner.  
Harry remains quiet but I can feel his green eyes on me.  
“So…” I say this time. I would do better at this ‘small talk’ thing.  
“Where does Julie think you are?” I ask meeting his eyes.  
He shrugs. “I didn’t really volunteer that information. I just left.”  
“No questions asked?” I ask skeptically. She seems like the type to track his every move.  
“She was still asleep. But she wouldn’t care either way. We don‘t have that kind of relationship.” he says.  
“Oh she trusts you huh?”  
He looks me square in the eye. “Yes. _She does_.”  
The way he says it seems like a personal dig at me.  
I don’t like it.  
“So why were you sneaking out of your house to call me last night?” I counter back.  
“I already told you that wasn’t what I was doing.”  
“You didn’t actually.” I remind him. “You went straight into the ‘can we meet’.”  
He peers back at me. “Well sorry. I didn’t realize you were memorizing our conversation.”  
“Trust me I wasn’t.”  
“Are you sure?” he asks. With his accent, his words blend together and it seems like one complete word.  
I ignore him and grab for the remote on the table.  
I quickly hit power to drown him out and our big screen comes to life.  
Harry looks at me in disbelief. “Really Becca?”  
He seems almost offended.  
“It’s too quiet in here.” I say looking at the TV. An old Law and Order episode is playing.  
He sighs and shifts his hair again. “You’re not taking this seriously.” He says.  
He speaks as if I’m his child and I’m being scolded for getting a bad grade.  
“You’re not saying anything Harry. We’re talking about pointless shit.”  
“Because you’re not taking this seriously.” He says again.  
I throw my hands up this time, and grab the remote once more. I turn the TV off and then throw the remote on the couch.  
“There.” I say.  
Harry doesn’t react.  
“Thanks.” He just says and sits back. He lifts his leg and places his hands on his ankle.  
I am quickly reminded of some Youtube video I had watched years earlier of him and his then band on a Skype challenge with Jimmy Kimmel where he had done the same thing.  
That had been the Harry I had fallen for: sweet, silly and caring. This Harry is someone else.  
He just keeps staring at me with his piercing green eyes.  
He makes me very uncomfortable.  
I shift. “So…talk.” I say after a few moments.  
He continues to just look at me. I prepare for the snide remark I am sure he is crafting in his mind. He is just too quiet.  
“What’s your problem?” I say finally after I can’t take it anymore.  
Then, he does the unexpected. With his hands still on his ankle, he turns his head to the side studying me even more if possible.  
“When did you color your hair?”  
_Huh?_  
I must have blacked out then for a few seconds and missed how the conversation had shifted. What had been the sentences before that, that led him to ask that stupid question?  
“What?” I ask. I can feel my face creasing.  
“What made you color your hair? You’ve never gone that light before.” He points out.  
“You’re not seriously asking me this question.” I remark.  
He ignores me. “It’s different on you. It looks nice.”  
I chuckle. Boy. This was…I didn’t know what the hell this was. This whole meeting is a joke.  
“Thanks Harry!” I say my voice cheery and dripping with sarcasm. “I’m really glad you like it!”  
“I do.” He says grinning boyishly. “It’s not you, but I like it.”  
“And what would you know is me? You haven’t seen me in two years.”  
He ignores me again. “Chase must like it that way right? That’s how he likes it huh?”  
“As a matter of fact yes he does.” I say defensively.  
“I figured.” He says finally dropping his leg. He sits up and leans forward.  
“I didn’t know you had become one of those type of girls.”  
“And what type of girl is that Harry?” I ask leaning forward as well.  
“The kind that lives her life for other people.”  
I roll my eyes. “You don’t know me anymore Harry, stop pretending you do okay?”  
“But I do Becca. I know you better than you know yourself, and you know me.” He adds and then sits back. “That’s why this whole thing is fucked up.” He mutters.  
I look back at him.  
He sighs and looks at his hands. “Doesn’t this whole thing bother you? We were best friends Becca. We couldn’t live without each other once and now we don‘t even talk.”  
He looks up at me and I instantly wish he wouldn‘t.  
“We had everything Bec.”  
I swallow and sit back. His eyes have changed. Gone was the cocky, sarcastic Harry of moments ago. His eyes hold something different now.  
Regret. Sadness. A tiny bit of love?  
No.  
I don’t like his eyes and I don’t like what they are saying. I’ve given in too much in the past and let those eyes entrap me.  
I can’t venture down that road. That dream is over.  
I need to switch the conversation and turn it, so I say the one thing I know will piss him off.  
“You had everything.” I say turning away from him. “You just dragged me along for the ride.”  
“Do you really believe that?” he asks. His tone has grown darker and I know I have succeeded in changing his mood. “You keep saying that.” He says, breaking up every syllable. “You keep blaming me for my lifestyle that I couldn’t change. When we met you knew who I was and you chose to continue with me. I told you how everything was.”  
“You didn’t tell me anything Harry.” I say in irritation. “Your life was bullshit, still is, and it was a COMPLETELY different world than you described. You benefited from it Harry, not me. I just got my name dragged through the mud and rumors and fans hating me because I was in your bed! You didn’t look out for me. You weren’t there for me Harry. You didn’t protect me.”  
He sighs and shakes his head angrily.  
“This is useless. Your mind is so small and you can’t even comprehend logical thoughts. It’s like talking to a two year old! How the hell did you ever graduate from an ivy league school?”  
“Not with your help in California. That’s for damn sure.” I mutter.  
“Oh I think it was with my help a little bit. Who got you that job with the magazine? I did. My connections.” He says tapping his chest. “And you loved it then.”  
I shake my head in disagreement.  
He continues on. “See that’s your problem. My career was okay when it was benefiting you, but the moment things between us got serious, suddenly there was a problem. Suddenly all these excuses and fears crept in. You loved me, I know you did Becca but you stood right in my face and turned me down. How many times did you try to walk away from me? How many times did you try to end things with me? You were the one who wasn’t there for me. All I’ve ever tried to do was love you, and the moment I buy a ring, and present it-”  
I cut him off. “Oh please Harry. I didn’t want to marry you okay!” I scream. “I was never going to marry you as long as you were Harry Styles! If you wanted me you would have given it up but noooo, you chose your career; so stop bringing that ring shit up.” I say pointing at him.  
“Who does that Becca! Listen to yourself! You wanted me to give up my career so I could be with you. Who asks someone to do that?”  
“Someone who was frustrated and wanted to be with the man she loved.” I argue.  
“Oh so you’ve asked Chase to give his career up?”  
“No.”  
“Exactly.” He says quickly.  
“But it’s different with him. Our relationship is completely different Harry.”  
Harry stands suddenly.  
“No. That’s bullshit Becca. You‘re not happy. I can see it. This is not you. None of this is. Stop lying to yourself!” he spits. “Mr. American Eagle is not what you need or want.”  
I watch him pace the floor in front of me.  
He is steaming. His hands are clenched and he is trying not to lose patience with me, but I have already lost it with him.  
I stand too.  
“Don’t say that about him. You know nothing about him! I love him Harry. He’s good for me and he treats me like a queen; and most importantly his work stays at that front door.” I say pointing for emphasis. “He doesn’t bring it home to me. Your life was so far in the house, it was in my fucking pores. I couldn’t even breathe.”  
Harry finally snaps.  
“YEAH WELL I COULDN’T BREATHE WITHOUT YOU! YOU WERE IN _MY_ PORES BECCA.” he finally shouts. I instantly grow quiet.  
“You were everything to me! _Our life_ was everything to me!” he continues.  
“So I guess that was the difference.” He says finally and turns completely from me.  
He doesn’t look at me again and I know he is upset with himself and probably me too.  
The anger and fighting is not him. I just bring it out of him.  
I don’t take my eyes off of him.  
Those words…That moment…  
For the first time, I can really see that I have hurt him too. For so long I have suffered in my grief and anger. I have hated him for what he did to us; but now I could see it was the opposite for him.  
He truly believed that it was me that had broke us.  
We both were carrying the same hurt and weight of the last five years, but for two very different reasons.  
His breathing is calming down and his shoulders slump, but I know I have pushed too far this time.  
I let my eyes wander from him and focus on the penny again. I know the saying; see a penny, pick it up, then all day you’ll have good luck.  
Well I didn’t think this penny or thousands of pennies could help us anymore. There was no amount of luck that could repair what had been shattered.  
We were damaged; irrevocably and forever.  
The guilt sits on my chest.  
“I’m sorry.” I say slowly surprising myself.  
Harry shifts and turns to me. I can feel his eyes move slowly back to me.  
“What?” he asks in disbelief.  
“I’m sorry.” I say and I mean it. However, my tone is far from sentimental.  
I don’t know how to be that person with him yet.  
“Do you mean it?” he asks  
I look at him and meet his eyes. “Yeah.” I say. “I do.”  
He doesn’t say anything for about a minute. His gaze shifts away from me and then back again. Away and then back.  
I can see his mind running.  
“What are you thinking?” I finally ask.  
He meets my eyes square on and shifts his hair once more. He sits.  
“Honestly?” he questions.  
I nod, curious as to what he wants to say. I sit too.  
“I think we need to start at the beginning. Go over it all again.”  
“What does that mean?” I question in confusion.  
“Exactly what I said.”  
I don’t know what he means. There have been a lot of endings and beginnings with Harry.  
“What does start at the beginning mean? Start how?”  
“I think we need to relive it. Talk about it, and fix the pieces that got us here. It’s obvious for both of us, it’s different parts and we both feel like the other did this. So…I say we start at the beginning.”  
“And what is the beginning? Bangkok?” I question.  
He smiles but nods no.  
“My mom’s coffee shop?” I ask. It was the beginning of all beginnings for me.  
“No. A little bit after that.” He says. “I think you know what I’m talking about.”  
I just look back at him.  
I don‘t, but I have a feeling he is about to remind me.  
“You think this is actually going to work?” I ask him.  
“Why not? We don’t have anything else left.” he says and I know it is the truth.  
I settle back in my seat.  
“Fine. Then what’s the beginning for you?”  
“This.”  
And he begins…


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

HARRY

Then

I hadn’t forgotten about Becca and I didn’t grow busy. That second day that we had texted, I purposely held back on returning her message.  
In those few hours since she had sent the first message at the airport we had spoke a lot. We had easily sent over a hundred messages between those first twenty-four hours and honestly it freaked me out a little.  
I felt like I had connected to her too quickly.  
I knew nothing about her from a trust standpoint, but I was telling her information like we had been friends for years. That was dangerous in my profession.  
When I woke up that next day to work out, she had been on my mind. I had glanced at the clock waiting for the first chance to text her. By 6am my time, I already had a message composed and sitting in my draft folder waiting to be sent on her first break.  
Once I had finally sent the simple ‘Good Afternoon Becca.’ three hours later, I feverishly waited for her to text me back.  
I hadn’t lied to her when I said I was with friends and they had watched me with interest as I quickly exchanged messages back and forth with her at my kitchen counter.  
“Jeez, slow down Bro. You’ll see Nadine in a few hours.” My best friend Jeff had finally said, teasing me.  
Then I stopped.  
What exactly was I doing?  
I realized quickly that my attention had been on getting to know Becca so much that I hadn’t even sent a text to Nadine all day.  
Nadine was far from being my serious girlfriend, but we had a casual thing at this point and we were sleeping together. It was almost an obligation that I should have texted her first.  
I quickly switched tactics and texted Nadine instead. She was flying in to me that day for my upcoming birthday party and so we could spend my last few free days together.  
She was the only one my attention needed to be on.  
So I didn’t text Becca back. And it killed me.

Nadine liked to text and she was quick. She had a thing about sending cute little emojis and sending quotes that made her think of me.  
She truly was a sweet girl, but on that second day, I didn’t want to talk to her.  
The conversation was forced and I was slower to reply to her.  
I wanted to talk to Becca.  
So much that in between conversations with Nadine, I would scroll through the conversation I had with her.  
Becca was quite interesting and she was funny.  
She had a quirky sense of humor and we mirrored each other well.  
I think that was why I had asked for her number. I saw that early.  
She was also very easy on the eyes.  
Very easy.  
I had noticed that in New York.  
She was very natural in the way she carried herself but she was so beautiful that I felt makeup would have ruined her.  
She was already a perfect picture and didn’t need any of the added filters.  
I tried to remember the small details, but none came to mind. I had held myself back from staring at her in the times I had seen her so I couldn’t exactly remember everything, but what I could had completely intrigued me. I remembered she had beautiful hazel eyes, thick wavy hair and a really nice smile. I also liked her voice as weird as that sounded. It was sweet and innocent.  
So early on I decided I needed a distraction. I needed to be kept busy so my hands didn’t find the way into our conversation. If I thought about those eyes and her humor, I would surely text her.  
I kept looking over her last sentence about getting a passport, _I will one day. I’m sure I don’t need it anytime soon._  
I had so many responses and follow up questions but I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t have said bye either, because then there was the risk she would have written me later. I needed to appear busy and unavailable to her so she would leave me alone.  
So.  
I went shopping.  
I left Jeff’s house and headed to some shops to browse some clothes. It was the last thing I needed (especially since most of my clothes were donated from high end retailers for free)  
Plus, it only lasted for so long. Shortly after six, I got a text from Nadine saying her plane had landed and she was on her way to her hotel.  
I knew what was expected of me.  
I needed to make an appearance and go to her.  
By then I was in Paige- a store that specialized in the pants I frequently wore.  
I quickly rang up my items-more pants- and headed to my car.  
On the way I was papped for the second time that day, but I didn’t care.  
My only concern was that Becca wouldn’t come across the pictures.  
She didn’t seem like the type to Google me or follow my every move, and I hoped she wasn’t. I didn’t need her thinking I was blowing her off for some clothes.  
I quickly climbed in my vintage white Mercedes and sent Nadine a quick text.  
*K. I’ll see you soon. x.*  
She texted me another one of those emoticons, this time the kissy face, and I put my car in gear.  
I listened to the radio and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. By now Becca had probably eaten dinner and finished all of her classes for the day. I wasn’t sure and I hadn’t asked for many details of her schedule foolishly.  
I looked at the clock on my dash. It was 6:48pm and I figured enough time had gone by. It had been eight hours.  
I waited until I arrived at a stoplight and sent a quick message to Becca.  
*Hey. Sorry for the delay. There has been a lot going on. How are you?*  
But then I deleted it.  
That sounded so stupid.  
_Really Harry, a lot had been going on…_  
And what exactly would be my excuse for not even texting and saying that?  
No, definitely not.  
I would have to come up with something better.  
I threw my phone on the seat beside me, frustrated, because I had no clue what that was. Too much time had passed and I needed to come up with something that was reasonable for the huge time gap. After all, she was three hours ahead of me and it was now 9pm where she was. I hadn’t talked to her since 1pm-her time.  
I could have always lied and said it was my job, but it just didn’t feel right lying to her and then who knew if she would see the pictures. I drummed my hands again. I was anxious and I didn’t like the feeling. I had a bad habit of over-thinking things and it always screwed me up.  
When I arrived home a half hour later, I quickly discarded my clothes and hopped in the shower. I let the hot water roll on my face and I again, went over excuses in my head.  
Then, finally I said fuck it.  
I was worrying way too much.  
I hadn’t even known this girl a week.  
I quickly climbed out of the shower and dried off, wrapping the towel around my hip. I tied it to make sure it didn’t move then moved to my bedroom to retrieve my phone.  
I unlocked the screen with my passcode, and immediately the screen came to life.  
I had been looking at Becca’s message before the shower so it opened right to her.  
I quickly duplicated my previous erased message and hit send before I could talk myself out of it. Then I headed back in the bathroom to finish getting dressed.  
I moved through my actions quickly and threw on what was near.  
I was positive I wouldn’t be photographed anymore so I could care less about my appearance. My clothes were probably going to just come off anyway.  
After I dressed, I finally returned to my cell phone and saw I had a new text notification.  
Becca.  
I punched in my passcode so fast and opened the screen, but she hadn’t texted me back. It was Nadine.  
*Hey sweetie, you on your way?*  
I ignored her message for the moment and went back to my main messages making sure I hadn’t missed anything.  
I didn’t.  
Becca hadn’t texted me back.  
Hmm.  
I looked at the clock in my bedroom and saw that it was now close to 8pm, which meant it was close to 11pm where she was.  
She’s sleep!  
Of course.  
I smiled to myself satisfied with my calculation. Why wouldn’t she be sleep? She was a twenty year old college student who probably had classes in the morning!  
I quickly scrolled back to Nadine’s message and answered.  
*Yup. Be there in a bit*  
I tucked my phone in my pocket and turned off the lights in my bedroom.  
I mentally reminded myself that I needed to text my Mum before I went to sleep and then I was gone, headed to Nadine’s.

“You smell wonderful.” She said when I finally arrived at the hotel an hour later.  
I had been delayed by traffic.  
“You look wonderful.” I said taking in her appearance.  
She was very natural too and I’ll admit, it was something I found extremely sexy. There was nothing sexier than a woman who was comfortable in her own skin.  
I think that was why I liked models. They had a natural beauty and were often photographed without much makeup on.  
My eyes scrolled her body. She was tall like me and lean. A swimsuit and lingerie model, I was very proud of her body. Though, right now, it was covered in a long white shirt that she had paired with some leggings.  
“I missed you.” She said pulling me in her arms.  
She smelled like melons and soap.  
We shared a soft kiss.  
“I missed you too.” I said.  
We hadn’t seen each other in a week and I had missed her but to be honest, I hadn’t been consumed with it. I had a lot of other stuff on my mind obviously.  
“So what did you do today?” she asked wrapping her arms around my neck.  
She was from Austria so she had a distinct accent as well. Sometimes it annoyed me, other times, I found it extremely sexy. Today, and right now, it annoyed me a little.

I had something else on my mind.   
I shrugged and smiled. “Little this, little that.”  
She chuckled, obviously finding my comment adorable and kissed me again.  
Girls. I would never understand them.  
After the kiss, I pulled away slightly and sat on her bed.  
She instantly intensified the situation and sat on my lap.  
Her lips found their way to mine again, and eventually she began to trail kisses down my neck.  
With her weight on me, I was pressed further into the bed, and my phone, which was still in my back pocket pressed against me.  
“Wait a second.” I said moving her lightly and digging my phone out.  
I began to push it to the side when I saw a light signaling a new notification. I had gotten a text message.  
Becca!  
I began to type in my passcode, and Nadine grabbed the phone and threw it on the other side of the bed.  
“Nope. Not tonight.” she said with a smile.  
I bit my tongue as to not say what I wanted to say. After all, who did she think she was?  
She leaned to kiss me again but I gently pushed her away.  
“It could be work.” I said already reaching for my phone.  
Nadine sighed. “I know but I just miss you.” She purred. “I can’t get enough of you.”  
I ignored her.  
We had only been ‘dating’ for three months. We weren’t that significant in each other’s lives yet.  
We most certainly could get enough of each other.  
“Can’t you turn that thing off?” she asked softly.  
I continued to ignore her and re-entered my passcode. I quickly went to my messages. I sighed in frustration. It wasn’t Becca. It was Niall; my bandmate.  
I looked back at her bluish-grey eyes.  
“Is it work?” Nadine asked reading my face.  
“Nope.” I said throwing the phone back on the bed. She ran her hands through my hair. “Where were we?” I asked with a sigh.  
“Here.“ she said leaning down to kiss me and then she quickly reminded me.

*****************************

I awoke the next morning early to find Nadine lying on my chest; her blond hair sprawled completely over me.  
Now I don’t want to sound like an asshole, but I wasn’t one of those guys.  
I loved to cuddle and I loved to have someone to hold, but when I was sleeping, I hated that shit.  
It was too invasive to my personal space. There needed to be some point at night where I found my side of the bed, and they did too.  
This was the fifth time I spent the night with her and she still had yet to grasp that concept.  
I shifted underneath her and tried to slide away.  
She grabbed on tighter.  
“Hey?” I mumbled.  
“Hey.” She said cuddling against me, her voice thick with sleep. Her legs entwined with me further.  
Was she kidding?  
“Um…I need to go.” I said.  
“What?” she said though her accent made the pronunciation sound different.  
I guessed the accent was still annoying me.  
“I need to get up.” I said a little louder. “I need the bathroom.” I said.  
“Oh.” She said and slid off of me reluctantly.  
Once she found her side, I slid out of the bed, grabbed my boxer briefs and headed for the bathroom. When I got inside, I did use the restroom but then I decided to wash up. I had brought a travelers bag with me but had left it in the other room.  
I headed out to the bedroom where Nadine was resting. Her eyes were closed but I didn’t think she was back sleep.  
Either way, I was quiet and grabbed my phone off the mantle in the process.  
When I was secure back in the bathroom, I pulled the hair tie out of my hair and let my hair flow free. I spent a few seconds shaking it out and running my hands through it since it was tangled.  
It was resting at my shoulders now and I couldn’t imagine it getting any longer. It was already starting to become a bit much but we would see. I hadn’t cut it in a few months and was considering donating it to charity.  
I looked down at my phone, and once more it was flashing a notification. I had five new text messages.  
I quickly went through them reading each message. It was my Mum, Sister, Niall for a second time, my personal assistant and Jeff. That was it.  
I looked at the time on my cell phone. It was a little after seven. Becca had to be up. It was ten where she was.  
Now I was a little worried. Had I pissed her off in some way?  
Was she irritated with me?  
I sighed.  
I should have just texted her back when I wanted too.  
I contemplated quickly sending her a ‘Good Morning’ text then decided against it. Today was really not the day to get caught up with Becca and the ‘should I, shouldn’t I text’ game.  
It was the day before my twenty-first birthday and tonight I was having a party. That needed to be my only focus for the day.  
I sent follow up texts to everyone and a few more to some friends that were flying into town tonight and then I got dressed.  
By the time I left the bathroom, Nadine was up and stretching.  
“Hey you.” She said warmly.  
“Hey.” I said matching her smile.  
She climbed out of the bed, naked, and walked past me to the bathroom.  
I admired her body once more.  
She was a Victoria’s Secret model and I guess she had no secrets.  
I set my bag down and called to her.  
“Are you hungry?” I asked looking at the room service menu.  
“A little.” She called back. “Order something!”  
I looked at the menu browsing our options when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.  
Another damn text message notification.  
I didn’t even get excited this time. I had literally sent twelve messages in the bathroom so it was bound to be a reply.  
I barely glanced at my phone as I pulled it out of my pocket.  
“You want something heavy or light?” I called to Nadine while I still looked at the menu.  
“Surprise me!” she said.  
“Well that’s helpful…” I mumbled and unlocked my phone.  
I was thinking a muffin and some orange juice. Then again, I probably would be severely drunk before the night ended and would need heavier stuff in my stomach.  
“I think I’m going to get pancakes.” I said as I went to my message screen.  
Then I saw it. Becca was at the top of my messages.  
She had wrote me back.  
I quickly opened the message.  
*Good Morning Harry! I figured it was something like that. I understand being busy. Don’t worry about it. At least you warned me right. Lol. *  
I instantly smiled.  
There she was!  
I placed the menu down and quickly typed a response.  
*I did. But I am sorry. How did you sleep?*  
Her response came in seconds.  
*Great! You?*  
I thought back to my night. The sex had been good, but the morning after wasn’t going so great in my opinion. I was anxious to get back to my house and get ready for the party later.  
*I slept okay. What’s on your schedule for today?* I asked.  
*I’m not sure.* She said quickly. *No classes so probably just hang out around campus. I know. I’m boring.*  
I smiled again.  
*Not at all. Did you go out last night though?*  
*I did actually.* She said. *It was really fun.*  
I felt something move through me. If she had gone out, then that meant she hadn’t been sleep, which meant she had ignored me purposely last night.  
*Oh cool.* I said. But it wasn’t. I didn’t think it was cool at all. *Well I hope you have a good day.* I wrote unexpectedly.  
I wasn’t that excited to talk to her anymore and wanted to just get off the phone.  
*I will! You too. What are your plans today?*  
I didn’t tell the truth, but I didn’t lie either.  
*Way too much to say. It’s going to be a busy day lol.*  
*Oh wow. Well, have fun. Maybe I’ll text you later.* She said.  
It dawned on me that she was now the one ending the conversation.  
When had that happened?  
*Cool.* I said simply. *We’ll talk soon.*

She didn’t text me back.  
I stood frozen for a few seconds.  
Well that had taken a turn quickly.  
I had spent most of yesterday wanting to talk to her, and now that we had the opportunity to talk, we weren’t.  
I could already sense that this whole situation with this girl was going to be slightly different than my past.  
I had been friendly with fans before and even had talked to a few regularly, but the interaction always died out quickly. It either became too much too soon, or they quickly realized the fantasy of me was much more exciting than the real thing.  
I could be a pretty boring guy and I still didn’t get why thousands of girls proclaimed to be in love with me. Some of them quickly didn’t understand either and we never spoke again.  
“Did you order?” I suddenly heard called out.  
“Uh no.” I answered. I picked the menu back up. “What did you want again?”  
“Just surprise me.” She repeated.  
Oh yeah.  
As if I could read minds.  
“I’m going to get you a muffin.” I said finally.  
“Sounds good babe!” she said.  
I placed the menu down and headed for the hotel phone.  
Sitting down, I quickly placed our orders and Nadine emerged from the bathroom, refreshed and dressed.  
She took a seat next to me. Close. And placed her hand on my thigh.  
“What’s up?” I asked turning to her.  
“Nothing.” She said and smiled.  
I just looked back at her. I didn’t get why she was glued to my hip suddenly.  
She kissed my shoulder. “What did you get?”  
“Um pancakes.”  
Then she hit my shoulder. “Why didn’t you get that for me! That sounds good.”  
I looked at her body and scanned.  
“Don’t you have a shoot in a few days?” I reminded her.  
“Don’t you have a tour next week?” she teased.  
I smiled. She had a good point. I placed my hand back on the receiver.  
“Fine. I’ll order more pancakes.”  
“Now you’re talking!” she said and grinned.  
I turned back to the phone and began to dial down to the front desk again.  
Nadine didn’t move.  
When they answered, I quickly asked for the kitchen.  
Nadine still didn’t move.  
I quickly revised my order and ordered the pancakes.  
Nadine. Still. Didn’t. Move.  
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.  
“Can you do me a favor?” I asked still cradling the phone.  
“What?” she asked.  
“Can you look in my bag and grab my charger?”  
“Sure.”  
She headed over to my bag and I took the opportunity to stand up and create my space I needed.  
She came back over and sat on the bed in her previous spot, but I didn’t move. For a while I would stand.  
I finished up on the phone, listening to the order be repeated when my cell phone buzzed on the bed.  
Nadine instantly picked it up to see who was texting me.  
“It’s Cam Azoff.” She announced.  
I just stared back at her.  
What made her think she could just look at my phone?  
I was reminded of her antics last night as well.  
There was a thing called boundaries and she obviously didn‘t understand them.  
I suddenly thought maybe it was time for a talk. We needed to first address our sleeping situation and then from there, I had other things to say.  
But then I really looked at her.  
She was completely innocent as she held my phone out to me.  
She was smiling widely at me and I could tell she didn’t mean any harm.  
It dawned on me that she liked me and was just trying to be helpful.  
I tried to relax.  
After all, I was just overreacting.  
Besides, we weren’t married. If I needed space, I could still find it.  
Turning from her quickly, I finished up the call and she placed my phone on the bed.  
“How long?” she asked.  
I leaned and grabbed the phone after her.  
“Not long.” I said. “I’ve got to go make some calls.” I said waving my phone.  
“Sure.” She said. She stood. “Me too.”  
She went over to her cell phone and I headed out of the room.  
I heard her call my name but I ignored her.  
She was suffocating me and right now was the perfect time to get some space, if only for a few minutes.  
I wasn’t trying to be rude, I just needed some time to myself. It was the way I was wired.  
I sat down on the couch in the other room and sent some quick follow up text messages. They had been steadily pouring in from management, reminding me of things for the upcoming week and my friends, excited for the evening.  
It was going to be a good time and I had been waiting on it for a while.  
I could use a good party.

As the thought crossed my mind, Becca did as well.  
I thought of the previous night and the party she had went too.  
I wondered what she was like when she went out. Was she loud and boisterous or was shy and reserved?  
Did she dance?  
Was she flirty?  
Was she the first one to leave or did she have to practically get dragged out of the club?  
It was a bit premature thinking since I didn’t know what she was like in any social setting really. I hadn’t even known her for a week.  
Still, it felt like so much longer for some reason.  
I found myself opening her text messages and scrolling through them quickly again.  
Nothing had changed, and they weren’t that interesting the third time around but I kept scrolling. And I kept reading.  
And I realized, just a teeny little bit, that maybe I already missed her.  
Well...  
Not _her_ per say. But I did miss talking to her.  
Then I started thinking…  
Did she maybe miss talking to me too?  
Was I on her mind?  
She seemed pretty anxious to get me off the phone and I didn’t know her well enough to read her yet.  
I decided I would give her some time and then later, I would shoot her a casual message.  
That would be best.  
That way the line of communication was open, but we weren’t being too forward with each other or expecting too much.  
I chuckled to myself.  
_Woah Harry. Calm down._  
I didn’t even know if she thought I was attractive and here I was worried about us being too forward.  
We were barely friends at this point.  
I needed to stop thinking about her and I needed to focus on my party.  
She would hear from me when she would hear from me.  
I was done overcomplicating this whole thing.  
Hell, I probably wouldn’t even know her in three months.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

BECCA

Then.

Reality hit me hard on Harry's birthday.  
He didn't text me anymore that day and if I was to be honest I kind of expected it.  
His 'have a good day' text didn't seem to suggest we would be talking all day.  
I was okay though. I was curious to what he was doing, but I knew he had a lot going on.  
If I was going to know him I had to get use to gaps. He wouldn't be like normal people and be available at every second of the day.  
I would have to grow use to his silence.  
So, as I carried myself through my day with my friends and working on my essay's, I was content.

He was just working.

I knew he had a tour to prepare for and he could be busy training or rehearsing or whatever the hell it was they did.  
So I kept it simple. I sent him one more text later that evening.

*Hope you're having a great night! Sleep well.*

It wasn't too much and didn't make me seem like I was starved for attention. I liked it.  
I went to bed shortly after so I wouldn't have the stress of waiting for his reply and forced myself to dream happy dreams.  
When I awoke, the next day on the 1st, I found he had texted me back around 1am his time.  
*You too! All the love.*

All the love? I thought it was a strange way to end the message but whatever.  
I climbed out of bed, checking my social media things; Facebook, Instagram and then lastly Twitter.  
I didn't 'tweet' much but I followed a lot of people. As I browsed my timeline, I didn't see anything too exciting happening.  
I refreshed my page and headed to the search tab to see what was trending. The first trend caught my attention.  
#HappybirthdayHarry was trending in the number one spot.  
I clicked the link.

And then I instantly regretted it.

Suddenly thousands of tweets wishing Harry Styles happy birthday stared back at me.  
I didn't even know it was his birthday! I had long since forgotten the Google facts I had read that day on the plane with Kelsey.  
I read the tweets and saw the surrounding pictures. It seemed the night before Harry had a big party in LA and lots of celebrities had been there.  
I was in complete shock.  
He had never mentioned it.  
As I looked at the pictures of him with his friends, happy and carefree, I felt mildly ill.  
Then...  
Slowly... I got pissed off.  
Over the next few hours I became a full on stalker soaking up and researching all I could about that party. Every time a new picture popped up, or some celebrity tweeted him, or someone pointed out that his rumored girlfriend was there, I grew even more irritated.  
Plus I was hurt that he hadn't even told me. When I had asked him of his plans he had been so vague.  
Why would he hide his birthday from me as if I couldn't find out?  
Why would he hide something so simple?  
Hadn't we been getting to know each other?  
Was I not important enough to get that information?  
Then it dawned on me.  
I was Becca Johnson.  
I was a nobody; especially to him.  
He didn’t owe me anything.  
He had been a boy that I had been texting, but I didn't know him, and he honestly didn’t really know me.  
We weren’t close and we were far from even being friends…plus, it was quite clear I never fully would know that side of his life.  
The person I had been talking to was just a small facet of his personality. He probably had hundreds of people he talked to regularly to entertain himself and keep from boredom. Hell, maybe it was even a sick twisted game. He probably befriended regular people just to get a small taste of the life he didn't have anymore. He would overtake them and consume himself so he could probably feel normal a bit, then move on to the next.  
Well he wouldn't with me.  
I decided that day that I was going to cut myself off before I got too involved.  
I didn’t yet realize, I already was.

I didn't care about celebrities and what the hell they did in their spare time, but in the past few days, I had looked him up so much just to see his face that I was scaring myself.  
I had sat by the phone regularly checking it to see if he would text. I had even went to the damn store and downloaded his album Four on my Ipod so I could hear his voice during the times we didn't talk.  
I should have known then he was not going to be good for my life.  
I could already tell he would be more important to me, than I am to him.  
So around 1pm my time, after I made myself completely tired of all of the scoops pouring in, I sat down and wrote out a long text to him.  
I needed to end it.

*Harry, Happy Birthday! I hope that it is going great for you. So...I think you are a wonderful guy. Truly. And I'm so happy that you have allowed me to get to know you a bit these last few days. Things like this don't typically happen to me and I’ve been grateful for whatever this has been. However, I think its best if we don't talk anymore. It's not because you've angered me or some crazy reason, it's just, you're a busy guy and I’m a busy girl and I think its best if we just focus on the other things we have going on. I wish you the absolute best with everything and thank you! Have a good year and good luck with your tour!*

And then I hit send.  
And then I regretted it.  
And then I psyched myself out and convinced myself again I was doing the right thing.  
And then I regretted it again.

Then I found myself on his Twitter page and regretted it even more.  
I looked at the thousands of Happy Birthday wishes, and messages wrote to him; and here I was.  
Though very very small, I had a connection to his inner world. I could send him a message and he would respond. I had the access that thousands craved.  
Plus, for the last few hours he had actually tried talking to me.  
To me!  
I should have been thankful I had even gotten his attention.  
Frustrated, and now pissed at myself for my hasty decision, I turned off my phone. I didn't think he would respond because he was obviously busy and to be honest I didn't want to see his response. I was so positive it would be a cheery 'Okay, I understand!' and I couldn't accept that yet.  
I needed a distraction.  
By now I had eaten and dressed, and was just sitting in my room driving myself crazy.  
I decided to leave my dorm and head to find Kelsey.  
We didn't share dorms or halls anymore and we stayed on opposite ends of campus, but it hadn't tainted our relationship. We had known each other so long that our bond wasn't breaking at this point.  
I headed to her side of campus and knocked on her dorm door but I received no answer.  
"Kelsey?" I called out. "It's me Becca."  
There was no answer.  
It dawned on me to just call her, but I had turned my phone off and left it in my dorm.  
Dummy.  
I headed to the library next where she sometimes hung out drinking coffee and browsing the internet, but I didn't find her. I did find Harry though, or at least his voice.  
In my search I passed a girl with an Ipod and Laptop. She had earbuds in as she transferred her notes, but I could hear the faint drums of 'No Control', a song on One Direction's latest album.  
I didn't like the reminder of him and all it did was make me feel worse.

I headed to one last place, determined even more for a distraction, and headed to Bobby's dorm.  
Then wahlah, I found her.  
"What's going on?" she asked once she was found. She was spiraled on Bobby and they were watching something on his laptop. His hands were in her hair and they looked sickingly cute. For a moment, a very brief moment, I wished I had what they did.  
I had been single for three years, choosing to go on a date every now and then, but I didn’t have that. And my sex life had been nonexistent for a couple months.  
I missed having someone to lay with and talk too. I missed having someone to care for me and fuss over me when something was wrong.  
That was probably why I was so desperate for Harry’s attention.  
Thinking of him now and my decision, depressed me.  
Kelsey must have seen something in my eyes then, because she climbed off of him and came to me quickly.  
She looked worried.  
“What’s wrong?” she asked.  
"I just need you. A distraction." I said honestly.  
She turned back to Bobby and waved at him quickly.  
"I'll call you." she said to him and he looked back at her in confusion.  
One thing I could say about Kelsey, at the end of the day, it was chicks before dicks. Always.  
She waved at him again and closed the door.  
"What's going on?" she asked facing me when we were alone.  
I began to walk down the hall.  
"I'm just stressed out." I said. "Do you want to do something?"  
"Sure. Is it that paper?" she asked following me.  
"No. I just-" I paused and wondered if I should tell her.  
No.  
It was over and it would just invite more thoughts of him once more people knew.  
"It's just stress." I said simply. "I need to just find something else to think about."  
She smiled and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "Kay! I got ya.”  
She pulled me to her. “Let's go scare this fucking town and forget all about it!”  
I laughed and agreed.

We headed back to my dorm and then hers, grabbing our purses. I left my phone behind because it was off anyway, and then Kelsey took me to a distraction.  
For the next few hours, I trailed behind her, as she engaged in retail therapy.  
My mind was not in it and I spent the entire time wishing I had brought my phone.  
I didn't want to check my texts, but I wanted to look on Twitter and see if more stuff had been posted about Harry's party.

I found myself mostly curious about the model he was dating. Supposedly they had been together all night, and a fan had said she had been 'rude and possessive' of him when the fan had ran into him the night before. I wondered how long they had been together and if by now it was getting serious. They had stayed out all night.  
The last photos I had studied, showed him leaving out of some café with her and friends at 5am.  
It seemed Harry not only liked the parties, but the after party and then the after after party.

I wondered what he was doing at that moment.  
Was he drunk?  
Was he awake and spending his special day with her?  
Was he with friends? Family?  
Was he somewhere passed out and sporting a killer hangover?  
The unknown was what was killing me.  
Finally I couldn't stand it anymore.  
"Kelsey can I use your phone?" I asked while she was in the fitting room at Macy's.  
"Course."  
She slid it under the door and I picked it up.  
I knew her unlock code and quickly went into her Twitter app. I searched Harry Styles and saw that he had recently tweeted. My heart leapt and then fell now that I knew he was awake for sure. He must have seen my text by now.  
I quickly read his tweet:

Thank you for all the lovely messages for my birthday. All the love. H

There was that all the love mess again. Was that just something he said when he was drunk? Or was that some type of signature?  
Either way, now I was itching. I needed to get back home.  
"Hey Kelsey?" I called.  
"Yeah?"  
"Are you ready to go? I think I need to get back to the dorms."  
"Really? I thought you were stressed."  
"I'm okay now. Thanks." I said. "But I just remembered I was suppose to email my professor something."  
"Email what?" she asked opening the fitting room stall and carrying the clothes she had just tried on.  
"Some document." I said waving her away. "I'll spare you the details. I know it bores you."  
She giggled. "Gee thanks."  
She shifted the clothes in her hand. "Let me pay and then we can get out of here."  
I smiled back at her and nodded in agreement.  
I loved her. I really did.  
She was the perfect friend.

She quickly paid for her items and we grabbed dinner before heading back to the dorms. She headed back to be with Bobby and I headed back to my phone.  
When I was finally reunited with it, it was like gold.  
I was so anxious as it turned on and my screen came to life. Then bells started ringing and chiming letting me know I had updates and text messages.  
Text Messages!  
I quickly went to my log and saw that Harry had texted me back. Not once, not twice, but three times.  
I took a deep breath and opened the messages.

The first one was simple and straight to the point. It was a question mark.  
The next message was more thorough.

*Well thank you for my birthday wish. I'm confused though. This is random. I know you said it’s because were both busy but it feels like I’m missing something here?*

Then the final message and the one that stopped time.

*Can I call you? So we can talk?*

I quickly tried to look at the time he had sent it, but since I had turned my phone off, all the messages said the same time- 5 minutes ago.  
Jeez. Damn it Becca!  
I didn't know what to do.  
I didn't know when he had sent everything so I didn't know if he would still want to talk?

Why would he want to talk?

Well I would never know unless I replied.  
So though I had no idea of what was going on, I sent a follow up text.

*Yes. When?*

He texted back instantly.

*There you are! :) Soon. Maybe ten minutes?*

*Okay* I said simply, but inside I was freaking out! What we would even talk about! In the past few days, we had only exchanged text messages and he hadn’t offered to talk physically at all. I knew he probably wanted details and more information on my conclusion, but I couldn’t exactly be honest.  
Or could I?  
How would he react if I told him I was scared to get to know him?  
I looked at the clock on my phone.  
One minute had already passed.  
I could feel my chest tightening and beating rapidly and I could feel a heavy lump in my throat.  
I tried to swallow but my mouth was very dry as well.  
This is what I was talking about. Why did he affect me so much?  
Okay Becca, calm down.  
Deep breaths.  
He's just a boy.  
Just an incredibly rich, world famous, and insanely handsome boy. But a boy.  
No big deal.

Another minute passed.  
Then Three.  
Then four.  
Then six.  
And by minute nine my phone was ringing.  
Hmm. He was prompt.

As the phone vibrated and my ringtone sounded, I counted rings so I didn't seem too desperate. By ring four, I answered.  
"Hello?" I said slowly. My voice sounded unfamiliar.  
"Becca?"  
I swooned the moment I heard his voice. It was actually him. The man behind the text messages and the silly jokes the last few days was actually Harry.  
I tried to relax.  
"It's me." I said.  
"Oh hello." he said.  
His voice sounded a little different on the phone than the countless videos I had watched but soothing all the same.  
"Hi Harry."  
"How are you?" he asked politely.  
"I'm good." I said slowly. "How are you?"  
He chuckled. "I'm good. Well...until I got your text message."  
I swallowed. "Yeah. Um...I’m sorry."  
"No it’s okay. I think. I just wanted to talk I guess. I'm a little confused."  
"I know. And I feel so bad because its your birthday...How’s that going by that way?"  
"It's fine. I'm at home right now relaxing."  
"Hungover from the party?" I asked.  
He paused, not answering right away.  
"Uh…yeah." he said after about five seconds. "A little. Not much." he said quietly. "So you heard about that huh?”  
I chuckled this time. "It's kind of all over the internet. You're a very well known guy Harry."  
"Yeah I guess." he said. "I was going to tell you," he said quickly. "We just didn't really talk yesterday."  
"No it’s fine. Why would you need to tell me?" I asked brushing him off.  
"Well..." he began but then stopped. "So that's not the reason?" he asked finally.  
"For what?"  
"Your text."  
“Why would that be the reason?” I asked quickly. Did my voice really give it all away?  
“I don’t know.” he said. “I guess I’m just pulling at straws.” he said softly. “I‘m glad though. Because it wasn't...that's not..." he stopped again. Then he chuckled again. "I'm sorry. This has quickly became about me. How is your day going? Good?"  
I smiled. "Its great. I’ve been with Kelsey all day. My best friend." I quickly explained.  
"Was she the one I met?"  
"The one and only." I chuckled. "I apologize for her by the way. She can be a bit extreme."  
"No she was fine. I liked her."  
"Cool." I said.  
Then there was silence. I think we were both thinking of what to say.  
"So...your party?" I asked. "How was it? It seemed like a good time."  
"It was." he said. "I don't do that kind of thing often so..." he paused again. "It was just because it was my twenty-first ya know?"  
"I do. You can finally drink!" I said. "Congratulations."  
He laughed. "I can even though I already have for four years now. In England the legal age is eighteen. Plus most of the places we visit."  
"Really? Wow."  
"Yeah. But, I don't know. I was just happy to spend time with my friends. We don't all get together that often."  
"Yeah." I said quietly.  
"It's a shame you’re in New York. You could have maybe came."  
I immediately brushed him off. "Me? No. I don't exactly fit into that scene."  
"What do you mean?" he asked.  
"I'm a twenty year old college student. What would I have done at that party?"  
My voice was filled with humor but I was serious.  
"Spend it with me." he said, as if it was the most basic thing in the world.  
"Yeah and Kendall Jenner and Kelly Osbourne and-"  
He cut me off. "They're people too Becca. We may all have a level of popularity attached to our names, but...we're just normal people. We just don't have normal jobs."  
"Is that how you see your celebrity?"  
"I don't only see it that way, I live it that way. My life in the public is very different from what I’m really like. I mean, don't get me wrong, that's me too, but...I don't give the world everything. You can't. You'd go mad."  
I grew quiet, thinking.  
"Can I ask you a question?" he said suddenly.  
"Sure." I said.  
"Is that what it is? Are you, I don't know, scared to get to know me because of everything?"  
Wow he was intuitive.  
"You want the truth?" I asked.  
"Always." he said.  
"I am." I said and it felt like a small weight off my shoulders. "I'm scared because it will always be different for you and me. We may get along and who knows, we may become great friends, but it will never be equal."  
"Equal?" he asked cutting me off. "What do you mean?"  
"I mean that I would always be waiting on you. You can have me. I'm here. I'm not doing anything but studying and being with friends. But you- Harry you're touring the world and traveling and meeting amazing people. You're working and recording albums. You're busy. I could never have your full attention and I’m not a needy person, but what if I want to talk to you? Or share things with you...or..." I stopped myself. I quickly realized how crazy I sounded.  
I had only known him a week and here I was talking like he needed to make some big commitment to me.  
I sounded insane.  
"That's not what I mean." I said quickly. "I'm rambling and I don't know what I’m saying." I said with a sigh.  
"Becca?" he called out. "Can you listen to me for a moment?"  
I physically nodded. "Yes."  
"It sounds unbelievable but this is the truth; I will make time for you. I don't know what this is or where it’s going to go, but I like talking to you so far. And if you become important to me, then you will be able to get to me. It won't be immediate, but you'll know what's going on. I don't leave my people hanging Becca. Ever. That‘s not me."  
I didn't respond. Not immediately. I was too busy smiling.  
I was imagining the future images of being his friend.  
"Does that make sense?" he asked since I didn't say anything.  
"Yeah it does." I said.  
“I promise I really am a simple guy. I’m like the uncoolest celebrity ever.”  
I giggled.  
“I’m serious Becca. Really. You’d be really surprised.”  
“Alright I’ll take your word for it.”  
"Kay." he said. "So um…”  
I heard shuffling in the background. He was moving something around.  
“Are we okay Becca? Friends again?”  
His tone was lighthearted and I couldn’t help but smile.  
"Yes." I said. "Friends.”  
He blew air. "Good. Now that that's over..."  
I laughed at his tone and he laughed back. I could already picture his playful pout.  
It was a nice sound.  
"So enough about me… what else is up?" Harry asked.

I sat back on my bed and settled into the conversation. It was warmer and meant more now that we were physically talking. I could hear his laugh at my jokes, or the sarcasm in his voice when he was teasing me. He did seem partially distracted and there were a couple times he was interrupted, but for the most part, I had his complete attention. I still didn't know if this was all a good idea, but I was going to go along for the ride as long as I could.  
Opportunities like this just didn't happen too often.

After a half hour we finally said our goodbyes and hung up.  
I was on cloud nine.  
Hell, cloud twenty.  
I couldn't wait until the next time we would talk.  
I didn't know it then, but something was beginning and we were about to enter something we both couldn't walk away from.  
I was about to fall for him harder than I had anybody before.  
And he was going to fall too.  
Soon we would be inseparable and tangled in each other.

This should have been the time that I ran. I should have bolted as far as possible.  
But I didn't.  
I stood right there, and devoted myself to him. Fully and completely.  
I let him consume me and lift me.  
And then, when I least expected it, he dropped me.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

BECCA

Now.

"I don't want to talk about your birthday or that stupid conversation.”   
Harry looks back at me and sighs.   
Already he has begun his story.   
"Remember my birthday?" he started. “And your text?”  
He looked back at me with that stupid smile and I knew immediately he needed to be cut off.   
Story time ended.  
"What's wrong with talking about my birthday?" he asks impatiently. His eyes are luminous when he gets angry and it slightly turns me on.   
"It's not the beginning and this is pointless." I say evenly. “Pick somewhere else to start.”  
"It was the beginning." He argues. "And its not pointless. After that, things changed Becca. I began to put the effort in. We became closer."   
"Yes we did. I don't need the reminder. I was there. I lived through it Harry." I say dismissively.   
"But that was the best time. Why wouldn't you want to relive when you fell in love?"  
"Why would I want too? We're not in love anymore Harry. This whole ‘start from the beginning’ thing is just going to draw this out. You need a new plan to fix this."  
I sit forward, continuing. "You wanted to talk and we are, we're talking. But we can deal with our issues without the memory lane."  
"But we can't." he says. "You don't get me and you don't get what you did to us. I need you to understand how you ruined us."  
I throw my hands up. "There we go again. Blaming Becca."  
He sighs, but remains patient. "I'm not blaming you. I just want you to understand."  
I turn away from him. I don’t think this is a good idea still.   
I know it isn’t.   
I need to switch tactics and distract him so we can move away from this dangerous topic.   
I stand up. He watches me.   
"Before you begin, I have something for you." I say looking back at him. His eyes stay locked on me.  
"For me?" he asks skeptically.   
I nod.  
"Is it poison?"  
I roll my eyes. "Harry, here's a fact. I don't hate you that much. To hate you, you would have to cross my mind and here’s a tip, you don't. Like ever."  
Surprisingly he smiles. "Ouch."  
"I'll be right back. I've got to grab it."  
He stands. "I'll go with you."  
"I don't need you too." I say quickly.   
He ignores me and takes a step towards me. His height towers over me.  
"What are you doing anyway? What do you have to grab?"   
"You'll see it when I come back." I say.   
He shakes his head no. "I don't trust you anymore. So either you take me with you, or we forget it."  
I sigh loudly. Why is he always so damn annoying?  
"Fine. Follow me." I say with a clipped tone.   
We head upstairs and Harry follows close behind me. I can smell his cologne and I just pray that it doesn’t linger.   
All I need is for Chase to come home, go upstairs, and smell Harry.   
"I didn't come up here last night." he remarks as he follows me.   
"That's because you were bothering me." I say before opening the door to my bedroom.   
It is a decent size and we have a large entryway that leads to the bed.   
Harry scans the room. He takes in our sitting area and the opening that leads to our balcony.  
"Wow." Harry sings, drawing out the words. "I’m impressed. Is this where the magic happens?"   
I roll my eyes and ignore him, going to my closet. I have buried Harry’s gift to the back so I’m going to have to dig.  
"Is he a good lover?"   
I quickly turn to him surprised by his question, but there is something to it. He is smiling back at me and quite amused.   
I need to wipe that cocky smirk right off his face.   
"He's excellent. Best I‘ve ever had."  
Harry's smile doesn’t fade. "Yeah?“ he questions. “Does he like your tattoo?"  
And then it is clear.   
I knew there was a deeper motive.   
I turn from him and look back at the closet. He can be such an asshole. Well, I can play this game too.   
"What tattoo?" I ask shifting items and reaching for the box that had what I needed to give Harry.  
“Your tattoo.” he says again, emphasizing each word.   
“I don’t have any tattoos.” I bite back, still not facing him.   
“What?” he asks. His voice has immediately changed and I know I have won this round.   
Again.   
He should really stop testing me.   
"Did you remove it?" he asks quickly behind me, all humor from his voice gone.   
I pull the box down and look him square in the eye. "What if I did?"  
His eyes turn to small slits.   
He is incensed.   
"That would be...a bit much don't you think?" his tone is now clipped and offended.   
I shrug him off and begin to walk towards him. I hand the box to him but he doesn’t grab it.   
"Did you?" he asks me again. "Did you remove it?"  
I sigh. "Harry take the box."  
"No. Answer me."   
His eyes aren’t cold, but they aren’t warm either.   
“Take the box.” I say again, shaking it.  
He doesn’t even look at it.   
“If you removed it…” he mumbles.   
“If I removed it what Harry?” I challenge.   
He doesn’t respond.   
I shake the box again, but it is falling on deaf ears.   
Finally frustrated with how long this is all taking, I move to shove the box against his chest, but he catches my arm roughly. With his other hand, he quickly lifts my shirt   
exposing my hip- and my tattoo.   
I slap his hand and push him.   
"Don't touch me!"   
He doesn’t react. "I knew you didn’t.” he says, completely ignoring me. “I knew you wouldn’t remove it.”  
I am still fuming at our small contact.   
"You’re so disrespectful. You can't just touch me like that anymore!"  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." he says waving me away.  
“I mean it Harry! This body doesn’t belong to you anymore!” I shout.   
He looks back at me in disbelief, and it catches me off guard. Angry Harry is back.  
I take a step back.  
“You think I don’t know that?” he yells. “I’m literally standing here in the bedroom that you share with your new boyfriend. I’m looking at the bed that he fucks you in!”  
I immediately wince.  
“I’m quite aware of our situation Becca! I don’t need the reminders.” he spits and I grow quiet.   
He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, and I study him.   
This situation is too damn complicated for me and shouldn‘t be happening.   
This shouldn’t be us.  
Every few minutes is a new argument and the hate for me radiates off of him, with every look.   
As we stand in this bedroom together, my stomach turns.   
This should be ours.   
This should be our world.  
We should be married by now, with a possible child on the way.   
We should still be best friends and happy.   
The fact that we aren’t slaps me in my face.   
I move away from him still holding the box and sit on my bed.   
It feels disgusting suddenly. I can see and feel Chase all over me and sickens me.   
“I don’t want to do this anymore Harry.“ I confide suddenly. “Can you just take the box and leave?” I ask him. “Let’s just be done with each other.”  
My eyes meet his and plead.   
“No.” he says and I sigh.  
“Why? Why are you being so difficult about this? Why can’t you just let it go?”  
“Because I already have. I’m tired of brushing us under the rug Becca. I can’t just keeping letting us go. I won‘t.”  
I mirror his earlier actions and run a hand through my hair. “This is too much.”  
"Lets just go downstairs and finish." he says patiently. "It’s this room that’s making us sick."  
“But why? Why are you so keen on this?” I say. “We hate each other.”  
“I don’t hate you.” he says. “Far from it.”  
“Well you don’t like me.” I estimate.   
“I don’t like this you.” he answers. “But this isn’t you. This is just who you’re pretending to be.”  
His words irritate me.   
“I’m not pretending to be anything.”  
He rolls his eyes.   
“I’m going downstairs. This conversation is going nowhere.”  
I stand. “This day is going nowhere.” I point out.   
He nods in agreement and turns to leave. I am still holding the box as we exit the room together.   
"Will you take this?" I ask behind him as we climb down the stairs.  
“What is it?” he asks.   
“You will know when you take it.” I remind him.   
He reaches the bottom stair first and turns to me.   
He immediately places his hands in his pocket.   
I reach the bottom of the stairs and shove the box gently against his chest.   
"It's yours."   
His hands go up to catch it, and I walk past him, heading for the couch.   
I sit as he comes to meet me.   
He sits on the opposite side of the couch and pulls out the gift.   
He studies it for a few moments.  
"Is this?" his voice pauses.   
I don't say anything as he examines the camera in his hand.   
"This is from that first trip." he says looking up at me.   
"Yeah." I say with indifference.   
"This is what you wanted to give me?"   
His beautiful face is astonished.  
"It's yours." I say simply.   
"No. I bought it for you."  
"Well I don't want it. I never use it and it cost you a lot of money so..." I let my voice trail off. I play with the ends of my ponytail.   
He looks back down at the $900 camera.   
"Still Becca I mean...it's a camera… You can eventually find something to do with it."  
"No. I don't want it." I say dismissing him.  
He looks at me coldly and places it on the table. "You just don't want it because I bought it for you."  
"No. I don't want it because it was $900 dollars. I'm not using it Harry and I know how much you love the damn things...just take it." I say impatiently.   
"I'm not."   
He sits back.   
"I gave it to you. It was the first thing I bought you."  
I roll my eyes and cross my arms.   
"Oh please don't try to act like it has such sentimental value. You got it in Bangkok yes, but its still a fucking camera."  
"You don't even remember why I bought the camera do you?"  
"Just take it Harry. I'm done discussing it."   
He shifts quickly and snatches the camera from the table. He puts it between his hands and then he does something I don't expect- he turns it on.  
I already know what he is going to find. It warms up for a few seconds, and then on cue, he looks back at me.   
"Did you know these were still on here?"   
"What?" I ask playing dumb.   
He flips the camera over and displays a picture of us. It is the first picture we ever took.   
I grimace.   
It hurts.   
"No." I say.   
He turns the camera back around and starts to shuffle through them.   
“Wow.“ he says more to himself than me.   
There aren't many pictures; mainly taken in the beginning of our relationship before we got serious, but it is interesting to watch him look at us.   
He smirks, then smiles, and then smiles brighter. He chuckles and light fills his eyes and he looks so beautiful.   
I hear Adele's voice in the back of my mind singing.   
Let me photograph you in this light in case this is the last time...  
I miss him like this.   
It has been so long since anything related to me made him smile and I wish I can pause it.   
I wish I could freeze time, and leave us here; no bitterness, and no anger.  
Minutes pass.   
He keeps scrolling, and I know by now he has probably ran out of pictures.   
I know he is shuffling through them a second and third time and I smile.   
I don’t have to know what picture he is looking at, because I have them memorized. I know every memory he is seeing and I am reliving it with him.   
But then, something inside of him turns off.   
The light leaves his eyes and his smile disappears. He sighs and sets the camera down and I am confused by what has upset him.   
I haven’t even said anything cold or sarcastic this time.   
"I don't want it." he says finally. "Donate the camera to charity or something. But I don't want to see it ever again."  
His eyes are serious and I know he is not playing games.   
“Why?” I ask quickly.   
“I don’t want it.” he says again.  
"But the pictures…” I begin. “What do you want me to do with them?”  
He looks back at me.   
He shrugs.   
"You don't care about them so why should I? They have sat on this camera for five years. Obviously they mean nothing to you."  
I move to reply, but suddenly a buzz is heard. I follow the noise which is near Harry.  
He turns from me and reaches in his pocket. He places the phone in his left hand and I stare at his cross tattoo. He glances at the screen on his phone that is vibrating and then answers.  
"Hello?" he asks. He stands. My eyes follow.   
"Hey Babe." he says running a hand through his hair.   
I’m interested and he has my full attention.   
"No I’ll be back soon." he says in the phone.  
She must ask where he is because he looks at me and says "Nowhere important."  
It instantly hurts my feelings. I cross my arms and turn away from him.  
I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.   
He finishes up his conversation quickly and then tucks his phone back in his pocket.   
"I need to leave." he says.   
"I thought you wanted to talk." I spew bringing my eyes slowly back to him. I am still hurt by his previous comment. I didn’t think it needed to be said.   
He gestures between us. "Does this look like talking?"   
I swallow. I grow quiet. 

I don't want him to leave. 

"Well sit down." I say acting indifferent.   
"What's the point? You're never going to change and we are never going to change. It’s pointless like you said. I‘ve realized that now."   
"No it's closure, like we agreed upon in the beginning." I argue back.   
"I don't want it." he says and turns from me. He heads towards the front door. "Have a nice life." 

I don't want him to leave. 

I jump up.   
"Wait!” I say and he looks at me.   
I know that I have to give in and give him what he wants. That is the only way this will work out and he will stay.   
“Fine.” I say. "We can do the beginning thing the whole...memory lane."  
I keep my voice dismissive though I am pretty much begging. In my head, I am down on my knees kneeled in front of him.   
Realistically I stand before him with my arms crossed.  
He pauses and looks at me. He studies me. "Why?" he asks curiously.   
I shrug, tightening my ponytail. "Why not? Maybe it'll help me understand you."   
He laughs. "Now you want to understand me? Five years later?"  
I remain quiet. I don't know what to say.

Still.   
I don't want him to leave.   
He can’t.   
This can’t be how it ends again. 

He looks back at me, thinking.   
He scans the door, then me.   
It is an internal battle and I hope I win.   
"I'll behave." I throw out. "And listen. I‘ll be…nice." I say.   
His eyes find mine again. They warm.   
“You’ll be nice?” he asks in skepticism.   
“If you don’t hurt me, I won’t hurt you.” I say.  
He slowly smiles and shakes his head okay.   
I have won.   
"Fine." he says. "But you only get a half hour."  
"That's fine. I'm just letting you get your point out." I admit, but it is a lie.   
I think I want him to stay longer.   
He sighs and heads back to the couch. My inner ego does a little dance and shouts in excitement, but my expression remains stoic.   
I sit across from him.   
"So where do you want to start?"   
He looks down at the table and a small smirk forms. He gestures to the camera.  
"Why not Bangkok?"   
No.   
Absolutely not.   
"You only have a half hour." I remind him. "We should start further back, like when you started your break or when people found out about us."  
"Bangkok." he says again. “You can’t start a story in the middle. We either talk about everything or nothing.”  
“You don’t have time for everything.” I remind him.   
“Don’t care. Bangkok.” he says.  
His tone is final and lets me know quickly it's either starting there or nowhere. I know he will get up and leave.   
I haven’t really given him much reason to stay. I’m foolish to think he would just want to see me.   
Damnit!  
I sigh loudly, giving in. I really don't like him in this moment.   
He has completely flipped the tables, and now I am trapped in his web.   
I reach for the hair tie in my hair and yank it out roughly. My hair falls cascading down to my shoulders.   
I'm stalling. I shake my hair and straighten my clothing.  
Harry doesn't take his eyes off of me. A hand goes to his mouth and he bites a finger. His eyes remain on me; wide-eyed and intense. The most intense I’ve seen in a while.   
"What?" I ask him. I never liked the way he looked at me. It made me too vulnerable and like he could see right through me.   
Right now, I am scared of what he’ll see.   
"Nothing." he says quietly.   
His tone is gentle and I don’t believe him. Something is on his mind.   
I bite my lip and turn from him.  
I decide I’m ready, or as close as I will get.  
If we’re going to resolve this, I have to give him something too.   
I clap my hands together in mock excitement.   
"Okay! Bangkok!" I say. "Go!"   
He just smiles and I know I am in trouble.  
I am already seeing the snapshots of that trip and know I am completely doomed.   
He licks his lips and settles back.   
He is in complete control.   
"Alright. Here goes."  
Then I surprise us both and jump up. I immediately interrupt.  
If he wants to go there, then this will not be easy.   
I will not be dragged to the fire alone.   
If I’m going to burn, then he will too.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

HARRY

Then, 

The rest of the time I was in Los Angeles we called each other everyday; sometimes, two and three times. After her text message, I went out of my way to make her feel included. I didn’t want her to feel that she couldn’t be important and I wanted to prove to her how wrong she was about me.   
I wasn’t the celebrity that she envisioned and I wanted her to know it wasn’t that hard to be apart of my life in normal circumstances. I was easily accessible when I wasn’t touring.   
Through our conversations, she let me get to know her.   
We talked about a lot: her schooling, our childhoods, my career. I discovered quickly that we had a lot of the same interests and opinions on certain things.   
By the time I headed to Australia for my tour in early February, she had became a regular staple of my life.   
The only problem was, we were now on completely different time zones.  
My mornings became her afternoons and my nights were her mornings. Every time I tried calling she was in class or headed there. Every time she called me, I was headed to the stage or on it.   
It was unbelievably frustrating, especially since I was keen on getting to know her, and I couldn’t even get her on the phone.  
She seemed to share my pain.   
“This is not working.” She finally said on Sunday, the 11th. I had been in Australia for a week by the point and we were both fed up with my new schedule.   
“I know. I’m sorry.”   
Her tone was playful but I felt bad. I was minutes from my show and we had been talking since I got to the venue. It was the most conversation we had enjoyed for days.   
“No I get it. Trust me I do. It just sucks because I miss talking to you.”  
I smiled. I knew exactly how she felt. I had grown quite fond of her voice and listening to her. She had stories for days, and could cheer up my mood when I was tired or stressed from my schedule.   
“I miss talking to you too.” I said honestly. “When’s your spring break?”  
“Next month.”  
“Next month when?” I asked.   
“Middle of the month. Why?”  
I bit my lip thinking. I was calculating my upcoming schedule and a way to close the gaps.   
“I’m just thinking.” I said outloud. “It kinda sucks you don’t have a passport.”  
She chuckled. “Why would I need a passport? I‘m not going anywhere.”  
“Well you could come here. We’ll be in Thailand around that time I think.”  
“Thailand?” she questioned. “You’re not serious.”   
“I am. I mean, who doesn’t want to spend their spring break in Thailand?” I teased.   
She giggled and sighed. “Yeah I wish. I bet it’s beautiful.”  
“Well…Get a passport.” I threw out casually. “Then you could see for yourself.”  
“Even if I did, those things take forever to ship. I wouldn’t make it in time.” she pointed out.  
“Yes you would. You can expedite it and have it in three weeks.” I said, already done prior research on the subject. “It would be no big deal, and if you’re worried about the money, I would definitely reimburse you.” I said seriously.   
She paused, growing quiet.   
“I can’t tell if we’re just talking or if you’re serious.” She said softly. “Would you really want me to get a passport?”  
I didn’t answer right away.   
Did I?  
There was still a lot more to learn about her, but it could be fun. Everybody else always invited their girlfriends and friends on tour, why not me as well?  
Why not use that time to get to know each other a little bit…  
But, could I trust her?  
So far she hadn’t ran to the papers about me, but she also didn’t have anything really concrete. Our conversations were still pretty innocent.   
She pulled me from my thoughts.   
“Harry?” she called in a gentle tone. “You still there?”   
“Yeah!” I said quickly. “Sorry. Uh…”   
I looked around backstage. I was still deciding on the right answer.   
“Why not?” I said after a few seconds. “You said you wanted to travel.”  
“I do but…I don’t know.”  
“Would your parents mind?” I asked, hearing her resistance.   
“No. I mean maybe. They don’t know about you.”  
“Well we can figure it out.” I said quickly. “But you should think about it. I mean…this is all getting harder.” I said honestly and it was. If we were going to continue whatever this was, I would need something to hold on too.   
In my profession and experience, and my hectic schedule, I would need a reason to try. I liked her, but it still wasn’t enough.   
Not yet.   
“I will if you really don’t mind me coming?” she asked hesitantly.   
“Of course not. I want you too.”  
“What about Nadine?” she asked suddenly and I froze.  
We had only discussed her once and it had been very brief. I didn’t feel we needed to discuss her regularly.   
“What about her?” I asked carefully.   
“Won’t she mind if I’m spending time with her boyfriend?”  
I chuckled.   
What was it with people thinking she was my girlfriend?  
“I’m not her boyfriend. Honestly I probably talk to you more than I do her right now.”   
“Oh.” she said. I could hear the surprise in her voice.  
“Plus,” I continued. “I don’t think we’ll even be together by then. It’s not like everybody thinks.”  
“But don’t you like her?”  
“Yeah, she’s a nice girl.” I said, but it nothing to do with it. Truthfully something was just missing with her. I already knew the effort I would need to put in wouldn’t even be worth it.   
Honestly Nadine wasn’t giving me much to want to hold on too.   
“Alright.” Becca said finally. Her tone was suddenly different.  
If I knew her better, I could have read it. Instead, I tried to guess what I said to possibly retract it.   
“I’ll let you know okay?” she said before I had the chance.   
“Cool.” I said warmly.   
We finished up our conversation and then I headed to stage. 

Over the next couple days, we tried to keep in touch, but failed, since our schedules weren’t synching well. I needed to talk to her because I was curious if she was considering my proposal. When I had initially threw it out, it had just been a quick suggestion. But, as I thought about it more, I realized it would be nice if she could come. It did get lonely on the road sometimes and she seemed like she could be fun.   
Still, if she was going to come she would need a passport and a quick trip to the doctor for shots-- plus I would need an answer sooner rather than later so my team could plan for it and book her a room.  
I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or pressure her but I was anxious and needed an answer.   
“Have you thought anymore about it? The passport thing?” I asked when I finally got her on the phone for a few minutes.   
“Yeah. It’s already in the works. I’ve been looking into everything and I might be able to get one by break.”   
I was elated; way more than I expected.  
“That’s great!” I said thinking of things we could do. “As long as your parents say it’s okay though.”  
She playfully scoffed. “Harry I’m twenty years old. I’ll be twenty-one in May. If I want to come, I will.”   
“Well excuse me!” I said playfully.   
I could hear her giggle and I started to picture her face. I already couldn’t wait to see it in person. 

After we hung up, she was still on my mind. We were only a few hours away from the official ‘Valentines Day’ and I decided I wanted to do something special for her. Since our schedules were so different, I had more than enough time to decide on something to get.   
Looking on my phone for possible gifts, I finally settled on lavender roses. I called a florist and ordered two dozen and had them sent to her college.   
I had no idea where she actually stayed or if they would get to her, but I figured there weren’t that many Becca Johnson’s and they could do process of elimination. 

Many hours later, when I was sleep, I got a text message from her thanking me.   
*Thank you Harry. They’re beautiful! Happy Valentines Day*  
When we spoke later, she expressed regret that she hadn’t gotten me anything.   
“That’s not why I did it.” I quickly explained.   
“I know, but I’m going to get you something.”  
“Oh yeah?” I asked interested. “And what would that be?”  
“Don’t know, but I’ll bring it to Thailand with me.”  
My heart skipped a beat hearing her say that. I was getting more and more excited at the possible prospect and it made me happy that it was on her mind as well.   
“Don’t promise things you can’t deliver.” I teased.   
“Oh I’ll deliver. And you’ll love it!” she said.   
“Oh will I?”  
“You will.”   
“Alright, well Becca Johnson, I look forward to it then.” I said, enjoying our flirtatious game.  
“Well Harry Styles you should.”

A few days later I would be in Japan and me and Becca would begin to create a bucket list of things to do in Thailand.   
“I’m going to get some Pad Thai.” She said. “Oh, and some Som Tum. I hear it’s a great salad.”  
“I want to go visit some temples. Do some mediating.” I half-joked.  
She laughed. “You are not! You’re so fake deep Harry. You’re going to be in your hotel room, pigging out on junk food and begging me to watch some silly movie.” She joked.   
I laughed with her.  
“I’m not! I swear. I do want to visit a temple, and I want you to come with me.”  
“Alright deal. But you have to take me to the Grand Palace. It’s suppose to be so beautiful.”  
“Deal.” I said. “But I don’t even know why I’m getting my hopes up. You’re going to cancel on me. I can feel it.”  
“I am not.” She said pretending to be offended. “I’ve been looking up flights and I’m going to book my tickets soon.”  
“No you’re not.” I said quickly. “I’m going to get them. Don’t even worry about that.” I said seriously.  
She sighed. “Harry I am not going to let you buy my plane tickets.”  
“Why not? I’m the reason you’re coming here. It’s only fair.”  
“Nooo.” she protested. “I’ll buy my own tickets.”   
“Well we won’t debate it. It’s already decided.” I said smiling. “You just make sure you’re there to catch the flight.”  
“No, it is not decided. Don’t you dare Harry!” she warned.  
I just chuckled, not saying another word. I quickly tried to change the subject.  
She wasn’t having it.   
“Harry… stop trying to cut me off.” she continued. “You better not buy those tickets. I mean it. Okay?”  
I sighed loudly.   
I stood up in my hotel room, and went over to my carryon bag.   
“Alright.” I said. “You win.”  
I pulled out my laptop.   
“Cool. Now tell me more about your bucket list.” she said on the other end of the phone.   
I smiled as I opened the screen.   
“Um…” I said thinking. “I don’t know.”   
I clicked on the internet icon and punched in my email.   
“Have you ever been to the places?”  
“Some of them. I’m actually really excited for the Asian leg.” I said, scanning my inbox. Then, I found what I was looking for.   
I clicked the link.   
“I want to go to some of their shopping centers. See how they build stuff…oh and some of their markets.”  
“M’hmm.” I said.   
I scanned the information in front of me. One first class ticket to Bangkok, Thailand. I had purchased the ticket a few days earlier.   
“So Becca…” I said checking my confirmation. “Are you sure you want to get your own ticket? They can be pretty expensive.”  
“I’m sure.” she said. “I don’t want you to fuss over me.”  
I rolled my eyes and closed the link.   
I wasn’t going to back down. For now I would let her think she was in control of the situation and we would revisit the conversation in the future.  
Truthfully I wouldn’t feel right having her pay for such an expensive ticket--especially since it had been my idea.   
She would just have to get over it.  
After all, what was wrong with spoiling her a little bit?   
I could already tell she deserved it.   
“Well we’ll figure all that out later.” I said. “Just promise me you’ll come?”   
“I promise.” she said. “I’ll be there.”  
I smiled.   
“Good.” I said.   
I must have been smiling like a complete idiot and I couldn’t figure out why.   
My phone beeped at the moment, and I was happy for the distraction to my thoughts.   
“Can you hold on a second?” I asked.   
“Of course.”   
I looked at the caller and saw it was Nadine.   
I hadn’t spoke to her all day. I had seen her text messages but had purposely been ignoring them.   
We just didn’t have great conversation. Most of the time, we pulled at straws for something to talk about, and always ended up talking about the same things.   
I sighed. I knew I needed to take it and attempt conversation. I just really didn’t want too.   
“Becca?”   
“Hmm?” she asked.   
“Can I call you back?” I asked reluctantly.  
“Of course.” she said warmly. “I’m going to bed soon so I’ll try calling you when I get up.”  
I immediately knew that would probably be difficult. I would be finishing up a show by then and probably miss it.   
“No.” I said quickly, making a hasty decision. “Nevermind. We can talk.”  
“Really?” she asked.   
“Yeah, if you’re not going to sleep?”  
“No.” she said. “I’m up for now.”  
The phone continued to beep in my ear but I ignored it.   
“Well if you have to go-” she began.   
“I don’t.” I said. “I want to talk to you.”   
And I realized I did.   
More and more.   
Something was happening between us, and though I didn’t realize it yet, she had me hooked.  
And I wasn’t going anywhere.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN 

HARRY

Now. 

She is stalling.  
“What do you want in your tea?”  
I keep watching her. I can’t take my eyes off of the Becca Johnson of today.  
Since she has untied her light brown hair and let it fall, I have been mesmerized. The color does wonders for her complexion. It makes her tan skin appear a little richer and her hazel eyes appear golden.  
I think I could already be in love again. If I wasn't already.   
I turn from her and look down at my fingers.  
“Nothing.” I answer quietly.  
I can’t figure it out.  
Why is she still so beautiful to me?  
I have met thousands of women and have met women society would deem as ‘prettier’ than her.  
Yet, she is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.  
She moves around the kitchen with ease, hitting the tea bags against her hand.  
She grabs the coffee cups and honey out of the cupboard and then very slowly begins to prepare the tea.  
I watch her as she fills a tea kettle with water and turns it on.  
She moves as slow as possible and draws the process out.  
Yup, she is completely stalling. However, I am grateful for it. 

From the moment I had said ‘alright, here goes’, she hopped up stopping me.  
“I want some tea. Don’t you want some tea?” she asked me.  
I didn’t but I wanted more time with her. “Why not?” I said.  
Now, five minutes later, I stare back at her watching her procrastinate.  
As I look back at her, I can’t hold the words in any longer.  
“I really do like your hair.” I say.  
She instantly turns to me with defensive eyes. Her claws primed and ready.  
I place my hands up in surrender.  
“Really. I wasn’t being sarcastic. It suits you.” I say softly.  
Her features soften and I see the hint of a smile.  
She looks me over.  
She gestures to my hair.  
“Its weird seeing it short again. You think you’ll ever grow it back?”  
I shrug. It’s been a while since my hair was long. I had allowed it to grow to my chest until I decided to donate it to charity a few years back.  
“Maybe. I don’t think Julie would like it though.”  
Honestly she hates the length it is now even though I keep it pushed back most of the time.  
I can’t help thinking she would like something more like Chase; short, and clean cut.  
“What happened to not living your life for other people?” Becca asks resting her hands on the counter. Her tone isn’t rude, but her words are.  
I feel like she wants an argument with me.  
“She’s going to be my wife. It’s slightly different.” I point out.  
Becca doesn’t say anything immediately and turns.  
Behind her, the tea kettle is heating up and the stove snaps as it warms.  
“Well…I wouldn’t make you keep it cut.” She mumbles, just so that I can barely hear it, but I do.  
I smile.  
“I know Bec.” I say.  
She turns to me and her eyes grow wide at her old nickname. I must admit it feels foreign on my tongue as well.  
She clears her throat. She takes a seat on one of her stools.  
“Can I ask you a question?”  
I lean forward in my seat across from her.  
“Sure.”  
“Why her?” she asks resting her elbows and cupping her hands together. “Why is she the one?”  
I look back at her.  
Well I wasn’t expecting that…  
“Um…why?” I ask with hesitation. This could be the calm before the storm. If I am reading the Becca of now, she is going to say something crude after I reply.  
She shrugs. “Just curious.”  
Her tone is casual and she doesn’t seem to care if I answer or not.  
I debate if I should. Then I figure, why not.  
No one would ever know my answer.  
Becca wasn’t going to ever admit that I was here.  
“She’s not the one. Not even close. But she’s the closest I’ve come since us.” I say honestly.  
I expect Becca to blink or shift-anything- but she remains stoic.  
“You’re saying I was the one?” she asks.  
Of course you are!  
I turn from her. It’s shocking to me that she has to ask.  
“Was I?” I ask because now she has my interest.  
“The one?”  
“Yeah.”  
She takes a deep breath in and expels it loudly. “Guess we’ll see.” And then she hops off the stool.  
“What does that mean?” I ask quickly.  
After all this time does she still feel the same?  
Could there still maybe be a teeny tiny slither of hope…  
I am engaged but I feel a strange excitement.  
“Not what you think it does.” She says looking back at me. “I’m pretty sure I’m going to marry Chase so-“  
I cut her off. “But that’s not what you said.”  
She turns and ignores me and my hopeful expression.  
“I’m going to get the tea ready.”  
I roll my eyes and hop off the stool.  
This girl drives me absolutely insane and she knows it.  
“I’m going to take it as yes then.” I say. “That must mean you think I was the one.”  
She shrugs and slightly turns back to me. “I did Harry. For a long time I thought you were my soul mate. But I learned quickly in this life you can have many soul mates and they don’t always last.”  
It hurts, but I know she is partially right. You can love multiple people in this lifetime. I believe you can even have different kinds of soul mates that equal out to be friends or lovers.  
But….you don’t get multiple ones.  
That title is reserved for someone special.  
She is my one, and I guess she feels Chase is hers.  
“So you’re going to marry Chase then? Have you guys even discussed it?” I ask. I don’t even like the way the words sound in my mouth.  
“A bit.” She says as the tea kettle hisses and then she laughs. “Hey maybe we should have a double wedding, that’ll be funny.” She says grabbing the Kettle off the stove.  
I shift uncomfortably. “I don’t think so.”  
“Oh come on? Can’t you see it? It would be hilarious.”  
“I see it but I think we’re seeing two different outcomes.”  
“What do you mean? You’re going to end up punching my groom?” she jokes.  
“No.” I say as our eyes met. “He’ll probably end up punching me.”  
“Oh yeah, and why is that?” she asks pouring the water in the cups.  
I grow quiet. I can picture everything in my head.  
Chase punching me. Julie crying and screaming at me.  
The guests shocked faces as I ran off into the sunset with the love of my life.  
Me not even caring because I would be with her again. My Becca.  
If there ever was a double wedding, there was no doubt in my mind she wouldn’t be leaving with Chase.  
I wouldn’t let her.  
She belonged with me and the story would only end with us together.  
I shift. “Yeah…I don’t think you want a double wedding.” I say finally.  
She doesn’t respond as she makes the tea cups. She dressed mine the way I like, and we wait for them to seep.  
Her house is eerily quiet.  
I look around at her decorations and ‘touches’.  
“How long did it take you to decorate this place?”  
“Not long.” she says.  
“It’s quiet.” I note. “Your neighborhood.”  
She peers back at me.  
“You should get a dog.”  
“Chase doesn’t like them. He says they smell.”  
I roll my eyes. “Why am I not surprised…There are ways around that Bec.”  
“Will you stop calling me that please?” she asks. “No one calls me that.”  
“I thought you liked it?”  
“Yeah Harry, five years ago. You shouldn’t call me that anymore.”  
“Well I’m sorry.” I say. “I don’t know how to not be…” I trail off, and try to revise. “I’m not use to being your friend.” I say when the words find me. “All I know is how to be the way I was, or mean to you.” I say honestly. “I can’t do the in between.”  
She looks down at her cup and spins it.  
“Well luckily we won‘t have to deal with each other anymore after today…”  
Our eyes lock.  
She is right.  
What does it matter?  
I reach for my cup and take a sip.  
The tea hasn’t finished seeping so it is slightly bitter.  
It is the perfect companion to this moment.  
She catches my face and tosses a sugar packet at me.  
“No it’s fine.” I say. She says nothing more and spins her cup again.  
“So do you want to begin again or?”  
“No. I want to finish my tea first.” she says.  
“Okay.” I say quietly.  
I spin my cup this time.  
She looks back at me and I look back at her.  
We are thinking the same thing.  
What now…


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

BECCA

Then.

I talked a lot of shit.  
There was absolutely no way my parents were going to let me go to Bangkok for Spring Break. For that, I was going to have to out my friendship with Harry and it wasn’t happening.  
I was living in a fairytale and I wasn’t quite ready to wake up yet.  
I had a passport in the works, and I had money saved for the plane tickets but I still didn’t know what lie I could tell.  
My break would be from March 14th thru the 22nd. The plan was for me to arrive late on the 15th and leave the 20th. So for five whole days I would need to come up with an excuse to where I was. If I told Kelsey the truth I was positive she would back me up, but I didn’t want anyone else involved until needed.  
I began to research temporary internships in the area. If I could find one, I could stay back in New York and pretend that I was working. I could even throw in the promise of a college credit to sweeten the deal to my parents.  
And as for the time zones, I could pretend to catch a cold and not be available or be super backed up with learning everything.  
It could work if I planned right.  
I could be a pretty smart girl when I applied myself.

By the end of February, Harry had wrapped up shows in Australia and Japan and was headed to London for a break.  
He claimed he needed to spend time with his family because he hadn’t seen them in a while.  
I was happy to hear it, because though he would be in London and a few hours ahead of me in time, it would probably be easier for us to talk.  
So far, he had kept his promise and kept in contact. I knew he was working; performing on stage, filming commercials, and doing promotions—but he did make time for me, even if it was quite limited at times.  
He hadn’t been leaving me behind.

So I was looking forward to getting more time, even though it was my midterms week.  
*How do you think you did?* Harry asked me via text, after I completed my first one.  
I texted him the moment I got out of class.  
*Aced it I’m sure. I just had to write an essay about the one moment that changed my life and how it shifted it*  
*Aww, you didn’t have to write about meeting me.* He joked.  
*Very funny! I think I’m going to change your life more honesty. I should have warned you, you’ll never be the same :P*  
*I believe that. Already I think too much about all of the wonderful Vampire Diaries episodes I must be missing.*  
I laughed. I was obsessed with that show and never missed an episode. I even ended a phone call with him once because it was coming on. Since then, he had been butt hurt and mocking me every chance he could get!  
*Lol. Don’t worry I’m going to catch you up when I come! I’ve got the seasons on DVD*  
*Oh man. On second thought, I’m way too busy in a couple weeks. Lets push this back…*  
*Never! You’re stuck with me ;)*  
*Haha. That doesn’t sound so bad.*

I smiled as I walked in between the halls. I now understood it. I couldn’t count the many girls I passed on the daily, head down, eyes on their phone screens and smiling. I always wondered just what was behind that screen that made them so happy.  
Now I knew.  
For me, it was Harry.

*Can I call you?* he asked. *I’m sitting on my couch bored.*  
*I thought you were in London?*  
*I am. Well Cheshire. I’m at my Mum’s house, but everyone around here is sleeping*  
*And why aren’t you sleeping?* I texted back.  
*I’m not tired. Plus, I wanted to hear about your exams. College life intrigues me.*  
*Lol. And here I thought I was the intriguing one.*  
*Sorry. I’m just interested in your dorms and excessive college papers. It keeps me up at night honestly*  
*Lol. Well I’m glad I can feed your obsession. :P*  
*Yeah, it’s very sweet of you. So can I call you?*  
*No.* I said. *I’m walking to my next class*  
*Two seconds…*  
*No! Go to bed!*  
*Pllleeeaaassseee*  
*Noooooooo*  
*Fine! But don’t think I’m going to forget this Becca. It’s not good friend etiquette. *  
I laughed and shook my head. As I did, I got a stare from a girl I passed. I knew the look because I had perfected it.  
 _Yes, Ms. Judging Eyes…_ _I have become that girl._  
I turned my final hall and landed in front of my next class.  
*I’m sorry. But I’m at my class. I’ll text you when I can*  
*K. Good luck with your exams!*

As I sat in my next class, listening to the mindless conversations of the Canterbury Tales, Harry was on my mind.  
But he was always on my mind.  
By now, my friends had started noticing I was distracted and were beginning to ask questions.  
I remained coy, but Kelsey was the most persistent.  
She was always trying to sneak and take my phone or glance at my text messages. She knew it was a boy, but she couldn’t understand why I was being so secretive about it all.  
Normally I shared the good, the bad, and the ugly.  
“I just don’t know where it’s going to go.” I explained. “You know how I am. He could be gone tomorrow.”  
That seemed to calm her but I realized the words were so true.  
I was tittering on a tightrope with Harry. At any moment, he could get bored with me and move on.

The next day me and Harry didn’t talk much.  
*I’m going to be with my Mum a bit today* he texted me early so I wouldn’t worry.  
It didn’t relax me and I still needed my hit of him.  
Though I was having the pleasure of talking to him, I still didn’t get what normal girls in normal situations had. I couldn’t physically see him anytime I wanted. I couldn’t watch his face pull into a smile when I told a joke, or go out to a movie.  
Me and Harry were far from dating and I wasn’t even sure if there was an attraction on his end, but it would have been nice to have him physically around to do things with. It was why I had to make Bangkok happen.

As I sat in my dorm that afternoon, checking airline tickets, and the status of my passport, I found myself doing my daily check of Harryland.  
I smiled when I saw that his Mother had tagged him in a picture of them drinking some type of warm liquid outside. He seemed happy and rested.  
By now I was aware of the lack of rest he received on tour and was happy he was getting a break. Still, I was anxious for him to get back on tour, because then I would be there.  
Hopefully.

“What are you looking at?”  
I jumped as Kelsey’s voice popped up behind me. I hadn’t even heard her come in the dorm.  
I quickly clicked off the picture and turned back to my word document screen where I had barely been writing.  
“Was that Harry Styles?” she asked taking a seat on my bed.  
“Ah yeah.” I said nervously.  
She looked at me curiously. “Why are you looking at him?”  
“I wasn’t.” I said quickly. “I mean, I was…but…I don’t even know how I got on that picture.” I said with a chuckle and waved her away.  
She turned away from me and picked at her new acrylic nails. “Oh. So Ms. Richards is being a bitch.” She said, moving on.  
I was more than relieved.  
I turned back to my computer screen. “What did she do now?” I asked.  
Kelsey pretty much hated all of her professors.  
“She’s being totally unfair and unreasonable! I turned in my paper one day late and now she’s telling me I’m going to get an automatic C.”  
“Well why did you turn it in late?” I asked picking up my phone.  
I scrolled to Twitter.  
“Because I have a life.” She said. “I get we’re in college, but damn, we need a life too! I mean…I don’t get the stick up her ass.”  
I went to Harry’s page.  
“Yeah I don’t know.” I muttered.  
I was anxious and wanted to talk to him, and watching updates all day wasn’t helping.  
It wasn’t healthy.  
I tossed my phone on the desk. I decided to talk about him instead- at least what I could say.  
“So I think I got the internship.”  
She rolled her eyes. “You’re such a dork. Who does an internship on their spring break?”  
“Me.” I said simply.  
“I think it’s a dumb idea. You should go home. Aren’t your parents going up to San Diego?”  
“I can go to San Diego anytime. We live in California. “I said. “But this internship is exclusive and a one time opportunity.”  
“Who is it with again?”  
“Just a publishing house.” I said vaguely.  
“And have Alicia and John agreed yet?”  
Alicia and John; my parents.  
“They will.” I said confidently.  
Kelsey smiled. “Have they asked for tons of information yet?”  
I shook my head no. _Thankfully._ “No. But it sounds like I’ve won them over. Honestly they’re both so busy with the stores that I think they’re glad they don’t have to take off and go somewhere crazy. Taylor doesn’t care either way ya know?”  
“I do. Your sister has more of a life than you do.”  
I chuckled. “Only when I’m in NewYork. Back in Cali, I’m fun.”  
“You are.” she said. “I just don’t get why you get so boring when you get here.”  
I rolled my eyes as she slid off the bed. “Well it sounds like they’ll let you do it.”  
She came and wrapped her arms around me. “I’m going to miss you though!”  
“It’s just a week.” I reminded her.  
She unwrapped her arms from me and stood. “I know, but I was looking forward to surfing and stuff. But, I get it. You’re a nerd.”  
I hit her in the stomach and she laughed.  
“Stop! But seriously though Beckham… I hope it changes your life.” She said with a warm smile.  
I did too.

 

Ten days later I was on a twenty hour plane ride to Bangkok. There was lay-over’s, but not enough to make the trip seem any less crazy.  
I must have really, really, reeeaaallllly, wanted to see Harry.  
In all the times I had looked up the flight prices, I had never paid much attention to the flight times.  
When I did, I almost passed out.  
“I can’t come Harry. It’s too long.” I said via phone. “I mean, twenty hours on a plane…there’s no way.”  
“I understand.” He said. Then an hour later, he texted me a link. The link took me to first class plane tickets. They had been bought in mid February.  
*Now will you reconsider?* he texted. *I promise you’ll be treated like a queen the whole trip. They have mini beds and everything.*  
I argued with him the rest of the day about getting the tickets and for spending over a grand on me, but it sweetened the deal.

_I got on that plane._

Two books, countless streamed songs, seven hours of sleep, three airplane movies, and countless snacks and beverages later, I landed in Bangkok. The first thing I did on the walk to grab my bags was check my phones. I had so many missed messages from my parents and Kelsey.  
Since I had been in the air, I hadn’t been able to contact them.  
The last one from my mom was urgent and had been sent hours earlier.  
*Call me immediately or we’re going to start calling the hospitals!*  
I quickly punched in her number and she answered on the second ring.  
“Where the hell are you?” My mother asked when she heard my voice.  
“Sorry, sorry! I was working and then I was so tired, I fell asleep and now I’m back at it again. How are you and Dad?”  
“We’re bald and stressed from all the worrying. Why didn’t you just shoot us a text? Me and your dad called and tried reaching you all day-“  
“I know. There is bad service in the building.”  
“How the hell is there bad service? This is 2015. What is the place called again?”  
“Uh…hold on.” I said. “I’m being ah…” I trailed off and dug in my purse quickly. I had wrote down all the details of my fake lie so that it could appear genuine. I quickly rattled off the name of the internship and threw out some fake first day things I did. I just really hoped they didn’t try reaching me there.  
“Oh honey, it sounds like a dream. Is there a number we can reach you at when you’re working since your cell doesn’t work?”  
“Um, they don’t really like me on the phone too much.” I quickly explained. “I’m suppose to be learning ya know?”  
“Right. Well have fun.”  
“I am.” I said.  
By now I was looking up and trying to read the signs, but I was very confused.  
“Mom, can I call you back? I am at work.”  
“Sure, but talk to your dad first. ”  
It was a request and not a question.  
I rolled my eyes and held back my sigh.  
I didn’t have time for this.  
“Hey kiddo!” My dad said coming to the phone.  
“Hi Dad.” I said. I could see an attendant and I needed to ask some questions, but I couldn’t do it with my dad on the phone. So I just stood there out of the way, waiting.  
By now it was 10pm in Bangkok, and 7am in Los Angeles. They both should have been at their stores.  
“How are you?”  
“I’m good. You?”  
“I’m pissed, but glad you’re okay. Have you spoke to Kelsey?”  
“No.” I said. It was a quick reminder that I needed to probably text her next. After she had left, I had literally slipped out ten minutes later to catch my plane. I was on edge the whole time at the airport thinking I would see her.  
“She got here safe. We invited her over for breakfast on Saturday after her plane got in, but she’s been blowing us off.”  
I chuckled. “Sounds like her.”  
“Well I’ll let you go-“ my dad began but then we were interrupted. Overhead on the speakers came some instructions in Thai.  
Damn this airport!  
“What was that?” My dad asked quickly.  
“My computer. Youtube ads.” I said.  
The speaker was still going off around me.  
“Why are you on Youtube if you’re working?”  
“For music dad. But I have to go, my boss is coming! Love you!” I quickly hung up the phone before he said anything or heard more.  
I turned to the attendant, who luckily spoke English, and found the baggage claim area. I also found my driver.  
Standing near there was a Siamese man holding a sign that read ‘Becca Johnson’.  
Then it hit me.  
 _Holy shit._  
I was actually there and in a short time I would be seeing Harry.  
It was unreal.

As I grabbed my bags, and headed to the black SUV that was waiting for me, my nerves were on edge. I hadn’t seen Harry physically in over a month, and by now, our relationship had progressed so much that we were pretty much old friends at this point.  
Still, he hadn’t seen me and probably didn‘t even remember what I looked like.  
Unlike me, he wasn’t lucky enough to have Twitter’s and Tumblr’s track my every move.  
In the car, I quickly worked on my appearance though I was super jetlagged.  
I applied a thin line of black eyeliner and a little gloss. Then I sprayed some hydrating spritz on my face to give myself a little color. I was sure I looked like complete death.  
It was warm there so I was dressed in distressed shorts and a simple t-shirt. I didn’t want to talk about my hair. From the bun up-bun down action on the plane, it was a wavy and tousled mess.  
“Ok we’re here.” The man announced once we reached the hotel. I instantly peered out of my window and took in my surroundings. Somewhere in that hotel was Harry Styles.  
Hell, somewhere in that hotel was all of One Direction.  
I probably needed more makeup.  
As the driver pulled my bags out of the trunk, I quickly applied some blush to my face and then climbed out.  
The driver wheeled my bags to me and then helped me into the hotel.  
I was taken to the front desk and then I gave my name.  
The hostess smiled and then picked up her phone. I had no idea who she was calling.  
In her sweet accent she let someone know I had arrived and then she told me to wait.  
The wait felt like hours.  
It was probably minutes.  
“Becca Johnson?”  
I turned towards the elevator where another man was coming towards me. He had a slight accent as well, but I could tell he was possibly British or American.  
“Hi.” I said.  
“Hey.” He said warmly. He came and grabbed my carryon bag and began to grab for my roll on.  
“Oh I can take it.” I said quickly.  
I didn’t even know who this man was.  
“It’s okay.” He said lifting my bag over his shoulder and beginning to pull my suitcase.  
“How was your flight?” he asked.  
“Long.” I said with a smile.  
He laughed. “Yeah I’ve been there. I’m Matt. I’m part of the security team.” He said.  
“Oh cool.”  
We headed in the elevator and he stuck a key in a small slot.  
“This is yours. Its for the private floors. It’s the only way you’ll get there.” He said and pushed a button.  
“Wow, you even need these in Thailand?” I asked.  
“We need it everywhere.” He said. “People sneak in these hotels all the time.”  
I didn’t say anything. I realized I had to quickly remind myself that these were famous people.  
People were going to be looking for them and curious about what they would be doing. I was actually quite surprised people weren’t already outside chanting their names.  
Then, it dawned on me. What if a fan got a picture of me?  
I didn’t know what me and Harry would be doing, but what if my picture was snapped and I was recognized? How would I explain that to everybody?

This lie was already getting too complicated.

The elevator dinged.  
“We’re here.” Matt said with a wide smile.  
I smiled back and then peered at the floor as the door opened. It didn’t seem any fancier than other hotel floors, but I knew I was in for a surprise when I saw the rooms. I was quite sure these boys weren’t packed in small hotels.  
Matt led the way and I followed. My stomach was on its own personal rollercoaster and my nerves had me a bit rattled.  
I didn’t know where the anxiety was coming from, especially since I had been talking to Harry for well over a month now.

We passed about three rooms before Matt stopped and knocked on a door.  
My mind went into overdrive.  
 _I’m about to see Harry, I’m about to see Harry, I’m about to see Harry…_  
The door didn’t open right away.  
Matt chuckled. “This guy…” he mumbled.  
He knocked again loudly.  
“I’m coming!” I heard from a distance behind the door and I instantly knew it was Harry.  
As I my mind began to process that I was about to see him, and he would be standing there, and he would be looking at me, and I would have to…. the door swung open.  
I felt my heart stop.  
Now standing in front of me, only a few short feet away, was Harry.  
First let me say he was tall. Taller than I remembered.  
“Sorry.” He said sheepishly and smiled. “I fell asleep.”  
I couldn’t respond. He looked adorable.  
He was in a graphic t-shirt and gym shorts and he had his pulled back in a bun off his face. His voice was thick and riddled with sleep.  
However, that was only part of it.  
It was the eyes, and the flush pink lips that held my gaze.  
I didn’t remember him being that handsome in person.  
He continued to smile back at me, with his dimple peeking through and I was mesmerized.  
Why hadn’t I noticed this all at the airport or even the coffee shop?  
He turned to Matt, and I finally swallowed, catching my breath.  
“Thanks mate. I got it.” He said.  
Matt shifted my bag off his shoulder and placed it on the floor.  
“Good. I’m going to bed.”  
Then Matt turned to me. “Nice meeting you Becca.”  
“You too.” I said quickly, not yet ready to face Harry.  
Matt handed Harry my keycard, bid him goodbye and then he was gone.  
And then we were alone.  
I turned back to him slowly.  
He was smiling widely and now leaning against the room archway.  
“Hi.” He said.  
“Hi.” I said back.  
“You made it.”  
“I did.” I said.  
He pushed his body off the door, and then awkwardly reached his arms out for a hug.  
“Oh.” I said nervously and went in his arms.  
He was warm and smelled incredible. I felt like I was melting as his arms wrapped around me.  
Since I was much shorter than him, my head rested on his chest.  
“How are you?” he asked in my ear. His voice was low and I didn’t want to pull away, but I did.  
“I’m fantastic!” I said and I was. I was on my own little cloud.  
I’m sure my response was too enthused and he looked at me curiously.  
His smile remained and he stared back at me.  
His green eyes were even more pretty in person and intense, but all I could really see was the striking dimple that rested by his lips.  
He was beautiful.  
“Um…you look like you had a nice nap.” I said softly.  
He chuckled. “Yeah…” he drawled slowly. “Long day. I’m glad you’re here though.”  
“Me too.” I said honestly.  
“How was the flight? Did they treat you like royalty?”  
“Completely.” I said with a warm smile.  
“Good.” He said. He looked down at my bags. “Well, let me get you set up.”  
He pointed behind me. “Your room is across from mine.”  
I nodded okay. Though I felt a slight disappointment I wouldn’t be staying with him.  
As I said before we weren’t together or anything, but I wanted to be close to him and across the hall felt like miles.  
He picked up my bags and I tried to argue.  
“Stop.” He said with a pout. “You just had a twenty hour flight. Let me do some work.”  
I just smiled and moved out of the way.  
He placed the keycard that was in his hand, in the door and it opened.  
Then he turned to me. “After you…” he said.  
I smiled again and entered the hotel room. It was dark and I looked for a light.  
Harry followed behind me, and hit a switch.  
My carryon was on his shoulder and my roll-on hook in his hand.  
“Thanks.” I said and he gave a polite smile.  
I then turned back to my hotel room and nearly fainted. This room was bigger than my dorm, Kelsey’s dorm, Taylor’s bedroom AND my bedroom at home combined.  
“Wow. _”_ I said.  
Harry shrugged me off and walked past me. “This is nothing.”  
He placed my bags by the single queen size bed and turned to me.  
“Let me give you the tour.”  
Suddenly he began to move around the room.  
“Here we have your desk, complete with full wi-fi and USB hookups.”  
I giggled since he changed his voice and began to model.  
“And here, you have your TV, complete with over three hundred channels-premium and American too-and the channel list.” He said waving a laminated sheet.  
“Well of course.” I said.  
“Then…” he moved across the room. “You have your mini bar. I won’t open it, because it’s something you have to experience for yourself.” He said with a wink. “But trust me. It’s worth it.”  
“I will take your word for it.”  
He smiled and headed to a small room. “Come on, let me show you your bathroom.”  
I followed him and he flicked on a light.  
It was unreal.  
“That shower is not human.” I said quickly.  
Harry chuckled. “Its not. I turned into a raisin earlier. Quite possibly the longest shower I’ve ever taken in my life.”  
“I can imagine.” I said already ready to get in.  
He moved to the counter. “Here are your complimentary products. Your shampoos, soaps, conditioners...all your girly things.” He teased and I just smiled.  
“Oh!” he said getting suddenly very excited. “There is something else!”  
I followed him as he left the bathroom. I watched him.  
“You’re very good at this Harry. I think there might be a job for you in Real Estate if this doesn’t work out.” I teased.  
“Oh I’d be a great state agent.” he boasted. “Nice view means it has windows. Cute would mean it’s too small-“  
I chuckled. “You’ve thought about this haven’t you?”  
“Yeah.” He said bashfully and I laughed. “Come see me, I’ll get you a nice deal.”  
“Deal.”  
He smiled and turned from me. “It is great though, but I’ll let you explore it all on your own. Let you get the full experience.”  
He moved towards the door.  
“Are you going back to bed?” I asked.  
“Probably. Not immediately. Why? Are you staying up?” he asked facing me.  
“No. I can feel the jetlag already. That bed is calling.” I said looking at it.  
“Well you should get some sleep. I don’t want you sleeping all day tomorrow though.”  
I put my hands up in a scouts honor. “I promise I won’t.”  
“Cool.” He said. He looked around. “I would keep you company…I mean, I do feel like a bad hostess already.”  
“No no-“ I began to interrupt.  
“It’s just, I went out last night and...my sister is here, she’s in town too so she’s been keeping me busy and ah-.”  
“Your sister is here?” I asked even though he had just said that.  
“Yeah. That doesn’t bother you does it?” he asked with a look of worry.  
“No, I’d love to meet her.” I said honestly.  
“Okay great. She probably won’t be around too much. She likes spending time with the girls, but she’ll be with us a bit.”  
I smiled. “Have you got your bucket list mapped out?”  
“I do actually. You’re going to be a busy woman.”  
“Oh boy.”  
He smiled. “There is something I didn’t tell you though,”  
I looked back at him. He shuffled his feet.  
“I fly out on the eighteenth to our next spot so you’ll be taking a private plane with me and then boarding back to New York from there a few days later. Is that okay?” he asked. His voice was hesitant and I could tell he was worried I would be upset.  
Meanwhile I was envisioning a private plane.  
“No!” I said quickly. “I mean that’s…that’s perfectly fine.”  
“Good. I promise the flight isn’t as long either heading back. So that’s a plus.”  
I didn’t even care. I had never flown private anything-hell, rarely first class- so I was looking forward to this.  
“Um, what about my ticket though? The ticket you bought was roundtrip.”  
He waved me away. “Doesn’t matter. It was cheap.”  
I looked back at him in disbelief. He was so casual about money.  
 _He’s a millionaire Becca…_  
“Oh.” was all I said.  
He quickly revised his statement. “I mean I don’t mind. I’m just glad you’re here. I would have paid for twenty tickets.”  
I smiled. “I’m glad to be here too.” I said honestly.  
“Good.” He said with a wide smile and then bit his lip.  
Awkwardness crept in a bit.  
“Well!” he said clapping his hands together. “Get some sleep and I’ll…I’ll see you in the morning. If you need me, text me or my extension is already wrote down for you over there.” I glanced at the mantle and sure enough saw a notepad.  
He continued.  
“Or just get up and knock on my door.”  
“Kay. I will.” I said turning back to him.  
“Also…I will be gone in the morning at like six to work out, but I’ll promise I’ll be back by the time you get up hopefully.”  
I waved him away and sat on my bed.  
“Don’t worry about me. I’m just along for the ride. Do what you would normally do.”  
“Okay…” he said and looked me over. “I never asked you, but um…do you work out?”  
“You want the honest answer?”  
He laughed and I smiled.  
“No I do.” I said lifting my leg up and sitting on it. “Just not as regularly as I should.”  
He nodded. “Well you don’t need it…I was just curious.”  
“Thanks.”  
I turned away to hide my blush.  
“Well…um…”  
I turned back around.  
“Goodnight Becca.”  
I smiled. “Goodnight Harry.”  
He gave me a final smile, with that dimple, and then turned to leave.  
I sighed and laid back on the bed as my door closed, a slow smile creeping on my face.  
I was actually there. In Bangkok. Harry was here and literally across the hall from me.  
“Who knew.” I whispered to myself.  
I closed my eyes and felt settled.  
I could feel the sleep creeping in, but I didn’t even care.  
I was in bliss and a dream.  
And Harry’s deep green eyes, his pink small but full lips, and that dimple were at the center of it.  
For the next five days he was all mine.  
And I wasn’t going to waste one moment of it.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

BECCA

Now.

“Are you sure you don’t want anymore tea?” I ask Harry for the third time.  
We are still in my kitchen and he continues to look at me.  
“No, I’m enjoying this.” He says gesturing to me and the cup in my hands. I have been sipping on my tea for the last five minutes while he had downed his in less than two.  
There is a nervous energy in the air and we are struggling for conversation. It seems stupid to attempt small talk but at the same time, I’m not ready to dig into everything; especially where he wants to start.  
I am totally stalling the Bangkok conversation.  
Harry stares back at me with his inviting green eyes, and though I love them, I am getting quite tired of his eyes on me.  
They are too intense, and he is too good at reading me.  
I’m sure by now he knows what I’m doing, and I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he can get to me.  
I sigh and take a deep breath. I need to get this over with.  
“Fine.” I say suddenly, placing my cup down. “You can start.”  
It leaves a sour taste in my mouth to even say the words and to even think that I am going along with this.  
I know what the trip means and I know why he has brought it up.  
“Are you sure?” he asks. “You don’t want to finish your tea?” he teases and then I know.  
He totally knows I’ve been stalling.  
I pretend as if I don’t notice.  
“No you’ve waited long enough. I know you only have a half hour.” I say bitterly. His pretty blond princess is somewhere waiting on him and it nicks at me.  
I don’t get what the hell he sees in her.  
Okay yeah…she’s pretty. Yes, she is everything you would expect in his famous counter part, but she is so different from him.  
Harry is a complicated guy and though on the surface he is kind and loved by everybody, it is hard to peel back his layers. He is a constant enigma.  
How the hell did she break through when many before her had tried and failed?  
How the hell had she gotten the ring?  
Harry smiles and nods in agreement to my earlier statement.  
“I’ve got more like fifteen minutes now since you made your tea...” He mumbles.  
“Well sorry!” I say quickly and throw my hands up. “I was thirsty.”  
He chuckles. “I’m not complaining Becca I’m just saying.”  
“Well _don’t,_ ” I say spinning my cup. “Let’s get started though.”  
He inhales a breath and expels it slowly. He crosses his hands.  
“Okay.” He says. “Well…do you remember the day you arrived? In Bangkok?”  
I look at his hand, studying his cross tattoo.  
I love his hands, even after all this time.  
“No.” I say.  
It is a lie.  
He looks back at me in disbelief.  
“You don’t remember checking into the hotel?”  
“No.” I say meeting his gaze.  
He sighs, already getting frustrated. “Well this is going to take a while…”  
“Why?” I ask impatiently. “Why is that even important? You always focus on the smallest shit Harry.”  
He ignores my dig.  
“I don’t know.” He says running a hand through his hair. “It just was, at least for me. I mean…I can remember what you had on and everything.”  
I look at him curiously. Oh _he did huh?_  
“What did I have on?” I challenge.  
His eyes catch mine for a second and then they focus on something behind me. A slow smile builds.  
“White shirt. Tennis shoes. Shorts with the little…holes in them.”  
I’m impressed. He actually does remember.  
“And why is that significant?” I ask.  
He shrugs and grins. “It’s not. I just thought you looked hot.”  
I had heard him call me many names in our time together; sexy, gorgeous, beautiful, love, _bitch_ …but, hearing him say that after all this time does something to me. Only for a second though.  
“Hmm. I thought you looked like a hobo with your gym shorts and t-shirt.”  
I keep my voice neutral and don’t even look at him. If I do, the words ‘hot’ with those eyes might start something.  
His gaze shifts and his eyes raise in excitement and from the corner of my eye, I can see a wide smile.  
Uh oh…what did I do?  
“I thought you didn’t remember checking in?” he inquires.  
_Damn_. I slipped.  
I roll my eyes and take a sip from my cup.  
“It’s a guess Harry. You use to always wear that shit when you weren’t in public.”  
I purposely make my voice rude.  
“I did not.” He says uncrossing his fingers and resting his chin in his hand. “So what else do you remember about that day?”  
He leans forward in interest and I have his complete attention.  
I look back at him. “I just told you, I don’t.”  
He smiles at me knowingly, not believing a word I say.  
That’s what I mean.  
He reads me way too well.  
“Fine.” He says after a few seconds. “I don’t need you to remember anyway. I’m going to remind you.”  
“Gee…great.” I say dryly.  
He continues on, without pause.  
“After we saw each other and I left you in the hotel room, I headed back to my room.”  
“And?” I say quickly cutting him off.  
He always talks slow, and if he tells his story in the same way, we will be here forever.  
But…maybe….that won’t be so bad.  
“ _And,_ ” he emphasizes, annoyed I‘ve cut him off. “I went back into my room and I laid down and I thought about you.”  
“I was next door.” I pointed out. “Shouldn’t have required much thought.”  
“I know, _that’s the point_ Becca.” he said as if I was a complete idiot. “I already liked you, I just didn’t know it yet.”  
“Well I didn’t like you.” I clear up quickly.  
“Oh I think you did.” He sung, his voice weaving the words together in a harmony. “You didn’t stop smiling at me.”  
I take a sip from my tea and then place it down loudly.  
“You’re crazy and totally remembering it wrong. Plus you wouldn’t know how I felt, you’re not in my head Harry.”  
“No, but I remember the next day.”  
I roll my eyes.  
“We didn’t even do anything.” I mutter.  
He scoffs. “We did everything. That whole day it was just you and me. Nobody else.”  
“And Gemma and Lou and Mark-“  
“Okay so there were a few interruptions in there but you know what I mean,” he says taking his hand off his chin. “It was just us. You know...the beginning of what we came to be.” He says softly.  
I just look back at him and try not to remember.  
For the last two years, I have tried to wish away our time together, but it loops repeatedly in my stupid mind. As I look back at Harry, I can see him replaying every moment of that night, but it doesn’t excite me like before. It kind of scares me.  
He seems happy as he speaks and remembers everything. It is as if he truly believes that time for us was a fairytale.  
It was, but fairytale’s aren’t real and we have already reached ‘the end’  
“I think you’ve watched too many romantic comedies.” I concur. “You should stop. You’re starting to make up your own fantasies and weave them into your own little stories.”  
He ignores me again.  
“We watched a romantic comedy that day. Do you remember?”  
“No.” I say simply.  
“Oh come on Becca. _Lighten up,_ will you? What are you scared of?”  
“What do you mean?” I ask quickly.  
“What are you scared of? It’s like you think you’re going to fall in love with me again if you remember everything.”

 _Yes_. I was.

“No.” I said. “That wouldn’t happen.”  
“Okay alright…so stop pretending like you don’t remember, because you do.”  
I take another sip of my tea.  
I scorn myself.  
Why did I ever go on that trip and begin my time with this man…  
I should have just left him alone.  
_He_ should have left _me_ alone.  
I sigh, slightly defeated.  
I can’t hide and I can’t pretend with Harry. He knows my bullshit well and though I am drawing the day out, all I’m doing is making it worst for myself.  
The longer he stays here, the more he pierces my perfect bubble I have created since he has been gone. I don’t want him to stay so long that it bursts.  
“Fine.” I say after coming to a conclusion in my mind. “I do remember some things.”  
“Like what?” he asks. “What do you remember about that day?”  
“Besides the romantic comedy?” I ask sarcastically.  
He smiles. “Yes besides the romantic comedy.”  
I sigh and access that tiny box in my mind. _The Harry box._  
Images of the morning come back to me quickly as if the memories were never really locked away.  
I remember unpacking and the text from Kelsey.  
And then, the knock on my door….


	17. Chapter 17

 

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

BECCA

Then.

Kelsey texted me early the next morning around 9am.  
*Bobby wants to go away with me next weekend when we get back! Becca I’m screaming! Call me asap!*  
I smiled for her.  
I mentally calculated the time difference. It would be around 9pm yesterday for she and my family.  
I shifted the clothes I had been unpacking since 8:30am and started punching in her number to call her.  
Then, I heard a knock at the door. I wasn’t expecting room service so it had to be Harry or someone on his staff. I hung up the call.  
I ran into the bathroom quickly and double checked my appearance.  
I was dressed casually in loungewear and had absolutely zero makeup on, but I didn’t have time to fix it.  
I fluffed my hair and once again splashed some water spritz on my face and then went to the door.  
I smoothed my clothing and opened the door.  
Harry immediately faced me. Standing in front of my door, he looked finer than ever before.  
“Good Morning.” he said cheerily.  
“Morning.” I said. I was sure my smile was growing impossibly wide.  
He looked totally different from the night before. His hair was down and he was wearing a silk button up with his signature jeans.  
He looked very, verrrrry handsome.  
“Can I come in?” he asked softly.  
I moved out of the way.  
“How did you sleep?” he asked walking in the room.  
“Like a dream. Even the beds are unreal.”  
Harry chuckled as I shut my door behind him.  
“I see you’ve started unpacking.” He gestured to the suitcase on my bed.  
“A bit.” I said following him in the room.  
He sat on the edge on my bed.  
I stood by him and shifted my clothes away from him on the bed.  
“How was your workout?” I asked.  
“Good.” He said and stretched. “I needed it.”  
He looked me over.  
“Cute pajamas.” He teased. I looked down at my plaid pants and grinned.  
“Shut up.” I said and he chuckled again. “So what’s on the plan for today?”  
He laid back on the bed and rested his head in his hands. “Whatever you want.”  
I could see the tip of his hip tattoos; the ferns that seem to point towards paradise and his white boxers.  
He lightly yawned.  
“You still seem tired?” I noted.  
“I am a little. I don’t know why.”  
“Well we can hang out here. I’m still a little jetlagged myself.” I admitted.  
“Really? You sure you don’t want to go out? I mean, start our bucket list?”  
“No. Let’s hang out here, get to know each other a little more.”  
Harry raised his eyebrows suggestively.  
“That’s not what I meant.” I said quickly and he smiled wide.  
“I know I’m just playing.” He sat up. “So? Should I help you unpack?”  
I giggled. “No. Just sit there.”  
He looked around the room.  
“Well I mean, you could turn the TV on or something.” He gestured to the blank screen.  
“Fine.” I said folding a shirt. “Find something.”  
Harry stood and grabbed the remote. “Have you ate?”  
I nodded. “I still had some snacks left over from the flight so…”  
“I mean food.” he interrupted.  
“That is food.”  
He shook his head no and turned on the TV.  
“They have restaurants downstairs?” he suddenly offered, taking a seat back on the tip of my bed.  
“Can you be seen in hotels?” I asked curiously.  
“Sure. It’s a little different when we’re overseas. The laws are a little more protective of our privacy.”  
I smiled. “Alright, well…let’s check it out.” I said.  
“Cool.” Harry said, clicking the TV back off. He stood and put the remote back. “Let me just get my phone out of my room and you can um...change.”  
I scanned my outfit remembering once again I was wearing pajamas.  
I placed my hand on my hip playfully. “You mean you don’t like my outfit?”  
“I love it but uh…” he stopped himself and smiled. “Yeah…” he trailed off, not answering. He looked adorable.  
“I’ll change.” I said and he gave me a thumbs up.

We headed down to the restaurants. We had quite a few options since this was a five star hotel and we were partially connected to a mall. Harry browsed the menus in front of him.  
“Okay,” Harry began, “We have French Fine dining, Chinese, International Barbeque, Casual, Italian…”  
I cut him off.  
“Jeez. You could have stopped at Chinese.”  
He looked at me quickly.  
“Is that what you want?”  
“No, I’m just…it’s a lot.”  
Harry smiled.  
“Well, how about we try traditional Thai?” he suggested.  
“Why not? It is Thailand after all.” I remarked.  
“It is.” Harry said and we headed to the restaurant.  
As we entered, I expected people to notice us, but no one even looked our way. It was 10am in the morning and far from packed though.  
As we sat, Harry pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked his screen.  
He began to text someone.  
In a lot of ways, he was like a regular teenage boy; he seemed hooked on his phone.  
I picked up a menu and began to browse as he texted for a few minutes.  
“Sorry.” he said finally as I decided on a entree. “That was rude.”  
I looked up at Harry. His hands were now resting on the table and I had his full attention.  
I smiled.  
“No I get it.”  
“It was work. Management just emailed me my new schedule and I needed to address some things. There’s some events that I’d rather not go too.”  
“Oh. Is it harder being in a band?”  
“How so?”  
“Well, because you have to depend on other people. It‘s not entirely up to you.”  
He shrugged. “I wouldn’t really know. This is the only way we’ve done things. We do get the option, like I just did, to turn things down.”  
“What did they want you to do?”  
“Go to an event. Show my face. Some of the guys aren’t here, so they want me to go, but I’m not into all that stuff. Clubs and parties is the guys scene.”  
“The guys…I completely forgot about them.” I said honestly. I had been so consumed in Harry the last few weeks, that I often forgot about them.  
Harry smiled.  
“You’ll meet them. It’s just we’re all spread out right now. Liam and Niall are here today if you want to see them.”  
“Why do you guys spread out?”  
“Different interests.” Harry said simply. “In the beginning we use to do everything together, but now, we kind of all venture and do our own things. Liam and Louis are pretty close so they spend a lot of time together but…the rest of us just kind of see each other when we can.”  
“Who are you closest too?”  
“Umm…all of them. I talk to Niall the most when we’re on breaks, and Zayn quite a bit on tour. I like to run things by him.”  
“Oh.” I said as Harry’s phone buzzed.  
He glanced at it briefly and then looked at me.  
“I’m going to ignore that.”  
I signaled for him to go ahead. “Answer it. Like I said, I’m just here. Do what you would normally do.”  
Harry leaned on the table crossing his arms.  
“Nah. I’d rather talk to you.”  
I smiled and lifted my menu.  
“Have you talked to Nadine lately?” I asked casually.  
Harry smiled and looked at me curiously.  
“Why do you like to talk about her?”  
I chuckled. “I don’t. I’m just…I’m making conversation.”  
“Well let‘s talk about you then,” he sat back, “ Besides, I haven’t talked to her. She’s kind of mad at me.”  
“Why?” I asked.  
“Because I didn’t really try to talk to her. I have so much going on, I didn’t really have time for all that.”  
I was slightly confused, after all, we spoke a lot now. How would he have time to talk to me but not her?  
Plus, he used past tense. Did they not talk anymore?  
I started to respond, when our waiter came over and interrupted. She quickly took our drinks-both water- and left.  
“Do you know what you want?” I asked as she walked away.  
Harry shrugged. “I’m not really hungry. I ate earlier.”  
“Then we can leave. I mean I told you I had snacks.” I offered gently.  
“No.” he said. “We’re going to sit here and eat real food, not airplane snacks.”  
I laughed.  
“You’re kind of pushy.” I teased.  
“No.” he said shaking his head in disagreement. “I just care.”  
He said the statement so casually and turned away, but I felt my stomach do a small flip.  
He cared.  
About _me._  
“So what about you?” he asked.  
“What about me?”  
He turned back to me. “Well you never talk about a guy, are you dating anyone?”  
I swallowed. _Oh._ We were going to have this conversation.  
This was going to be embarrassing.  
“Uh no.” I said quickly.  
“Why not?” he asked looking back at me.  
I stared in his green eyes and paused. I don’t think I could ever explain how intense his stare was. When he looked at you, he _looked_ at you. It was like he saw every part of you and he wasn‘t even trying.  
“I just don’t.”  
He smiled slowly. “Is it because of school?”  
I nodded no. “I just don’t date.”  
_“Ever?_ ” he asked in shock.  
“I mean I’ve had boyfriends of course…but, I’m just not interested in anybody right now.”  
He continued to look at me for a few seconds but said nothing more.  
After a few moments, he picked up the menu.  
“I think I want some noodles.” he said suddenly.  
He moved on so quickly from the conversation that I got whiplash. His mind must have been forever spinning. I learned quickly that he didn’t get bored easily and he easily entertained himself. It was probably why he was so charming and interesting. You just never knew what he was going to do.  
I picked up my menu and confirmed my order.  
After the hostess came back with our waters, we placed our orders and settled into a conversation about the tour.  
It was clear Harry loved his fans.  
He told me stories of fan signs and funny concert experiences.  
“I get high on that stage ya know? Nothing thus far has been able to match it.”  
“Nothing?” I asked curiously.  
“Nothing. _”_ he said making a bottom line with his hand. “It’ll be interesting in the coming years to see if I find something I love that much, but I doubt it.”  
“You do seem like you love it.” I remarked.  
He smiled.  
“So who’s your favorite band? I never asked you.”  
I shrugged. “I listen to so many artists, it would be unfair to say.”  
“Oh come on, there has got to be someone.”  
I shook my head no. “There isn’t. I love everybody.”  
He pushed his lips out, thinking. “Okay…favorite song then?”  
“Don’t have one.” I said with a laugh and he playfully rolled his eyes.  
“I do really like James Bay right now though-” I added quickly.  
His eyes lit up. “Which song?”  
“ _Scars_. It's on daily rotation lately.”  
He smiled and nodded proudly. “Nice. I like you a little bit more now.”  
We both chuckled.   
Our food came shortly after and our conversation continued to flow easily.  
As we got up to leave, Harry paid-I protested-and we headed back to my room.  
When we entered, Harry settled back turning on the TV and I continued to unpack.  
Harry watched the TV but he seemed to watch me more.  
“You do realize we will be leaving again in a few days right?” He asked as I placed all my items around the room, arranging it as if it was my personal bedroom.   
I smiled. “I do, but why shouldn’t I make it homey?”  
Harry rested his head on his right arm and laid back against the pillows. “I’m not sure homey is a word.”  
“It definitely is.”  
He sat up quickly and swiped his phone. “I play a lot of scrabble. I’ll look it up.”  
I giggled. “You would play a lot of scrabble.”  
He looked up at me with a playful scowl.  
“I’m offended. Scrabble is an excellent game.”  
“It’s boring.” I teased though I kept my voice serious.  
“Alright.” he said jumping up suddenly. “We’re going to play. I have a scrabble board in my room. I’m going to change your mind.”  
I laughed a little louder.  
“When someone says something is boring, that doesn’t mean they want to do it.” I teased.  
“Actually it means they should, so they can learn to like it.” he said and winked.  
I lifted the curling iron in my hand and showed him. “Sorry, I’m unpacking.”  
He came over and reached for the curling iron. I playfully moved it out of his grasp and he reached for it again. I moved it further away and suddenly we began a small tussle for it.  
We both giggled loudly as I jumped on the bed and ran around the room, trying to maneuver away from him. When he finally caught me, we both fell landing on the floor.  
As we landed on the floor, our legs entwined and he ended up on top of me.  
Using those long arms, he successfully pulled it from my hands and moved it away.  
I was so caught up in the moment that I couldn’t even take in what had happened.  
He was pretty much lying on me; our faces only inches away.  
“Got it!” he smiled looking down at me.  
“Punk!” I teased sticking my tongue out.  
He gently laughed as he pulled himself off of me, and sat on his knees. He faced me. He still had the curling iron lifted high above his head.  
“Do you want it back?” he asked wiggling it around. I gathered on my elbows, and prepared a response.  
He seemed so happy and silly in this moment that I didn’t want it to end.  
But it had too.  
A small vibrate in his pocket broke our attention.  
He rolled his eyes. “This bloody phone.”  
He pulled it out of his tight pocket, without looking at the caller.  
“ _Hello?”_  
Then his face softened.  
“Hey!” he said warmly.  
“It’s my sister.” he mouthed down to me.  
He climbed off his knees and I reached for my curling iron.  
He moved it out of my reach quickly and I smiled.  
He stood.  
“No, I’m not in my room.” he said after a few seconds into the phone.  
I watched him as he listened to his sister and stood over me. I had to fight myself and not allow my eyes to trail down to the slight budge I saw in his pants as he towered over me.  
He was completely oblivious to the large tennis ball in the center of his pants.  
“I don’t know.” he said and then put his hand over the phone.  
“Do you want to meet my sister later?” he asked quietly.  
I shrugged. “Sure.” I said.  
“Cool.” he said and then turned back to the phone. “I’ll meet you later in the afternoon. I’ll probably be in my room all day or across the hall if you need me before then.”  
She said something and he listened, then he hung up the phone.  
“Alright.” he said with a mischievous smile. “Now, let me go get my scrabble board.”

****************************

“Okay, that is definitely not a word!” Harry exclaimed.  
I looked down at the board again and the word I had just added.  
“SMH. Shaking my head.” I argued, pointing it out. “It’s an abbreviation, but a word!”  
Harry laughed. “This is not texting Becca. It doesn’t count.”  
He went and moved my pieces off the board. I scoffed and reached to move one of his.  
“Well then Bogan doesn’t count.” I said flicking the pieces off the board.  
“Bogan is a word.” he said taking the pieces from the side of the table and trying to put them back.  
“It is not Harry.”  
“Look it up.” he demanded.  
“You look it up! What does it even mean?”  
He grinned, his dimple so wide it could swallow me.  
“I don’t remember.” he said picking up his phone. We had been arguing over acceptable words this whole game.  
As Harry tapped on his phone, I fixed my S.M.H. that he had messed up.  
“You just wait,” he mumbled. “It’s a word.”  
“Doesn’t matter. I’m still leading either way.”  
Harry looked up from his phone. “That’s because you’re cheating!”  
“I am not!” I exclaimed and giggled. “You’re just mad because I’m beating you at your own game.”  
He rubbed his nose and shook his head.  
“Okay. Bogan: slang word that can be used to describe a person with a lower working class background.”  
I threw my hands up in defeat.  
“How the hell do you even know that word?”  
“I travel.” he said and winked. “And so…Bogan stays.” he said fixing his letters back.  
“And shaking my head stays.” I repeated right after him.  
“I’m shaking my head at _you_.” he said and I smiled.  
I began to rearrange another word when we heard a knock at the door. We had decided it would be easier to play in Harry’s room so it must have been someone for him.  
“Oh, hang on.” Harry said jumping up. His long legs almost tangled him in the chair and he almost fell.  
I held back my laugh, biting my lip. He was a toddler, in a lanky adult body.   
He just smiled at me as he walked to the door. “Don’t laugh at my clumsiness.”  
I put my hands up in surrender. “I said nothing.”  
He opened the door and a muscular well- built man looked back at us.  
“Harry?” he called out with a big smile as he walked in the room.  
“Hey Mark.”  
He looked past Harry noticing me.  
“Oh Mark,” Harry said turning as well. “This is Becca.”  
I stood as the Mark guy came fully in the room and we shook hands.  
“This is my trainer Mark.” Harry quickly explained.  
“Oh.” I said. “Well I hope you gave him a good workout today because he’s being very mean to me.” I teased.  
Harry sneered. “I’m an Angel.” he said and Mark smiled.  
He hit his chest. “I wanted to show you something quick, but I’ll come back.”  
“No it’s fine. What’s up?” Harry asked.  
Mark pulled out his phone and handed it to Harry. “Read that.”  
Harry took the phone and looked at the screen.  
Mark looked at me.  
“So Becca, how do you like Thailand thus far?”  
“It’s warm.” I remarked.  
He smiled. “You must live somewhere cold.”  
“Only some of the year. I go to school in New York.”  
“Oh yeah? How did you and Harry meet?”  
“Starbucks.” Harry said, not taking his eyes off the phone but I turned to him in shock.  
I didn’t know if he was being sarcastic about my mom‘s shop, lying, or if he really remembered the first time we had seen each other.  
Mark must have read my expression because he turned to Harry too and Harry looked up.  
“In New York.” he finished and then smiled.  
“You remember that?“ I asked in shock. I didn’t even know he really saw me.  
He shrugged me off. “I’m good with faces.” he said and continued reading whatever Mark had put before him.  
“Oh well cool.” Mark said. He asked me a few more questions while Harry finished up, but I was still going over Harry’s answer in my mind. He had been with Nadine and surrounded by throngs of people, I couldn’t believe he remembered me.  
After Harry finished reading, he handed the phone back to Mark.  
“That’s funny.” he said and Mark smiled.  
“Told ya.”  
“Have you seen the new schedule?” Harry asked, switching the conversation.  
“Course.”  
“So tomorrow and then when?” Harry asked and Mark answered. They spoke a foreign language as they discussed upcoming dates and times. For what, I wasn’t sure.  
“Alright great.” Harry said finally cueing Mark to leave.  
Mark gave me a smile and waved.  
“Nice meeting you.” he said. “Maybe I’ll see you again?” he said and then looked at Harry. His words were posed as a question.  
Harry quickly turned as if he didn‘t hear the question.  
I caught it.  
I had a feeling most girls didn’t see a second or third visit.

I didn’t know how I felt about that yet. 

I went back to my seat, sitting back down at the scrabble board. Mark left and then Harry came over, but didn’t sit.  
“I think we have exhausted this game.”  
I smiled. “Oh no, the Scrabble king is ending the game?”  
“I’m _pausing_ it.” he said finally sitting.  
“Kay.” I said playing with the letters left.  
“So are you ready for some Vampire Diaries?” I asked.  
Harry’s eyes widened. “You didn’t actually bring it did you?”  
I smiled wide. “Maybe.”  
“Oh gosh.” he muttered. He started removing pieces from the board. “Well…I guess, we’ll be fair. Since you played a game, I will watch an episode of the Vampire Diaries.”  
“Aww, that’s sweet, but I didn’t really bring it.” I reassured softly. “I wouldn’t actually do that to you.”  
“I don’t mind.” he said. “I have a laptop.” he offered. “And a cord. Is it on Netflix or something?”  
“It is. But we don’t have to watch it.” I emphasized again.   
“No.” he said standing up. He moved to a bag in his room. “Friendship is 50/50. I’ll watch one episode.” he said with a small smile.  
“Well I don’t know Harry. I don’t think you’re ready to get hooked. You don’t exactly get much time to do things and I don’t want you on stage dreaming of a show you can’t watch.”  
He grinned wider. “Well I guess I’ll have to watch it before the show then huh?” he said, pulling his laptop out of his bag and I smiled.  
He plugged up his laptop into the hotel TV, while I cleaned up our Scrabble game.  
He actually seemed quite eager to watch the show.  
“Whose the star?” he asked plopping on the bed. “I forget her name.”  
“Nina Dobrev?” I guessed.  
“Yeah her.” he said as I laid beside him. “She’s beautiful.”  
“Oh, the truth comes out. You just want to watch her.” I said as I rested my back and head on his headboard. He was laying a little lower than me, propped on his elbow.  
“No.” he said simply as the show began.

I watched him more than the show, sneaking glances.  
The outline of his body and face, the way he moved his teeth over his lips when he was in deep thought, the way he smiled and the way his eyes lit up when he was amused, the way he liked to relax, the way he rested his head on the pillow and seemed at complete peace.  
I was as well.  
In the entire time I had been there, I had never been more comfortable than I was at that moment. He was settling with me and I was settling into him.  
“Oh here we go.” he said suddenly breaking my thoughts of the handsome boy beside me.  
I looked at him so our eyes met this time.  
He turned to me with a smug grin.  
“It’s him isn’t it?”  
I turned and looked at the screen as Paul Wesley appeared. He and Nina Dobrev were meeting for the first time.  
“Oh pay attention.” I said quickly. “This is important.”  
He kept his eyes on me instead. “It’s him isn’t him? He’s the reason you watch this show? You must think he‘s hot.”  
I smirked. “Trust me, this show is filled with hot men. He’s not the only reason.”  
Harry smiled, continuing to look at me.  
“So is he your type?”  
“My type?” I questioned.  
“Yeah.” Harry said briefly glancing at the screen and then back at me.  
“No. I think the guy who plays his brother is hotter.” And then I leaned in closer to Harry. “He has gorgeous eyes.” I said purposely swooning.  
Harry looked at me in amusement. “What color are they?”  
“Green.” I said.  
Harry looked offended. “I have green eyes.”  
“Your eyes suck.” I said playfully but I joked.  
Harry’s eyes were beyond beautiful and I would rather stare at him than Ian Somerhalder any day.  
Harry rolled his eyes, faking annoyance and turned back to the screen.  
He crossed his arms and pouted.  
“Aww.” I said looking down at him.  
His eyes didn’t meet mine.  
I reached and caressed his cheek, trailing my hand down his jawline.  
“I still love you though.” I said playfully.  
Suddenly, Harry turned to me and looked at my hand as if it was a foreign object.  
He looked at me so seriously that I instantly thought I had hurt him.  
“Did I shock you?” I asked quickly. He didn’t respond, looking at my hands for a few seconds more and then turning back to the TV.  
“No.” he said quietly.  
I continued to watch him as he cleared his throat and sat up suddenly.  
He shifted completely away from me and didn’t say another word as he turned away.  
I didn’t know what I had done but the moment in the room instantly shifted.  
Maybe he had a weird thing about people touching him, but I felt it was more.  
He grew quiet and wouldn’t look at me.  
As the first episode ended, he got up to start another, and then another when that one went off, but he didn’t really talk.  
Maybe he had grown really into the show but I knew it was a lie I told myself.  
I just hoped I hadn’t offended him. It would be a shame to already ruin the trip when it hadn’t even had a chance to begin.  
“So do you like it?” I asked quietly as the third episode began.  
“Yeah.” he said, keeping his eyes on the TV. He still wouldn’t really look at me, and he had shifted as far away on the bed as possible.  
“Okay.” I just said because there wasn’t anything more I could think of.  
I had messed up.  
I just hoped I could find a way to fix it.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

HARRY

Then.

 _“They don’t know you. To them, you’re mysterious loner guy. Wouldn’t hurt to be apart of it. Make some friends.”_  
_“Says the girl who spends her alone time writing in a cemetery.”_  
_“Hey…”_

I hid my eye roll.  
I hated this show and everything about it.  
_The Vampire Diaries._  
I just didn’t get it.  
Was this truly what teenage girls enjoyed?  
It was beyond clichéd and I could already guess half the plotline.

But I was not moving.  
She was finally here and I was not going anywhere.

As the third episode began, my eyes stay glued to the screen and the obvious love triangle that was eventually going to involve the three main characters.  
I heard Becca move beside me and ask if I like the show.  
I lied.  
I didn’t like the show or anything about it, but I liked spending time with her.  
Sitting there in that Bangkok hotel, miles from my family and closest friends, I was comfortable.  
For the last two hours, I had been watching Becca watch me and have had to stop myself from turning and staring back.  
Becca Johnson was stunning. Truly a beautiful girl.  
All day she had been flawless.  
As she sat beside me, I could smell her Vanilla perfume and a warm coconut smell in her hair.  
She smelled incredible.  
She _looked_ incredible.  
She was wearing jeans today, and though I was disappointed I didn’t get to see her long legs again in the shorts from yesterday, I had snuck glances at her ass when she had turned.  
I could say it had been an even toss up.  
As far as I was concerned, she should never take them off. They hugged her curves beautifully.

As the day had progressed, it had grown more awkward for me. Something about Becca being there gnawed at me just under the surface.  
There was an elephant in the room.  
We got on well, and I could talk to her easily, but there was something about her and our interaction that was bothering me.  
She was very hard to read.  
By then I had summed up that it must have been a slight crush or at least a small attraction. I shouldn’t act on it--and I wouldn’t--but I didn’t know what she wanted. I couldn’t read Becca’s intentions.  
What did she want from me?  
What was the endgame? What was the overall goal for her?  
Was it the allure of being friends with a celebrity that had her here or, was it me, the real Harry that she wanted to get to know?  
What did she even think of me and my celebrity?  
Was I a normal person to her, or was I just some famous guy who lucked up and was now a millionaire with millions of fans?  
Did she even think that I was attractive…and if so, had her mind trailed and wondered the same thoughts I had for the last twelve hours?  
Had her mind pictured me in the ways that I had pictured her?

A part of me wished we were more defined.

I didn’t want whatever this was to turn intimate because then things would really get complicated, but I wished I had more of an idea of what was going on in her head.  
In the past, my friendships with girls who I had an attraction too, had gone one or two ways: we either quickly determined we would be nothing more, or by the second time we had hung out, we had established and determined we would want more (whatever that might be).  
I had been talking to Becca for two whole months and had spent a couple days with her and nothing had happened or evolved.  
We still sat in the same place we did when we met.  
We flirted, but I flirted with everyone. I felt it was a harmless trait that erased awkwardness in certain situations, and it came natural to us.  
We talked everyday; sometimes two and three times.  
When I woke up, I texted her first and before I went to sleep, I texted her goodnight. When something happened on tour, she was now the first person I told.  
But she wasn't my girlfriend.  
She sat in the middle. She seemed to only want friends, and that was fine…but a part of me was curious what more would look like.  
What would it be like to kiss and touch her?  
What would it be like to hear her call me ‘baby’, if not just once?  
She didn’t talk about men and she was coy about relationships so I couldn’t even get a glimpse of that side of her.  
The whole thing was extremely frustrating and confusing.

Beside me, she suddenly laughed as two of the main vampires bantered.  
I snuck a quick glance at her.  
Her eyes were lit up and her cheeks flush in delight.  
Her laugh was girlish and warm.  
It was a beautiful sound.  
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and my mind wandered as I turned away.  
I could picture my hands in her hair, brushing it off her face as I rubbed her lips with my hand.  
Were her lips soft?  
Were they warm?  
Was she a good kisser?  
My fantasies pulled me from her lips, and trailed up her jaw line.  
I pictured her face. It was clear and well moisturized with her tan skin, rich. I could see traces of her mum’s Latin heritage and her beauty routine. It was clear she took good care of herself.  
Yet, I wondered what it would be like to be the one to take care _of her._  
Would should be the kind of girl to…  
My thoughts broke as my phone buzzed in my pants and jolted me.  
We both looked down at my left front pocket. Getting over the initial shock, I sighed as I pull it out, and saw that my sister Gemma was calling.  
I sat up.  
“What’s up?” I answered.  
“Are you busy?” she asked.  
“Watching a movie.” I said.  
“Well me and the girls just got back. Do you want to meet us now? We’re going to grab dinner soon too if you‘re hungry.”  
I quickly glanced at the clock and saw it was after 2pm.  
“Dinner?” I questioned. “What about lunch? Are we completely skipping over that part?”  
“I’m with Lou and Lux.” she reminded me.  
I smiled. Between the thousands of snacks kept backstage and the trail of chip bags and granola bars kept on the vanities where we got our hair fixed, I know what she meant.  
“Alright, well give me an hour, or are you guys heading back out by then?”  
“We’re heading back out. But, Sophia should be flying in soon so we’ll wait a bit.”  
“I don’t know why. She and Liam are going to be shacked up for a whole day after she gets here.”  
Gemma chuckled. “True. But get dressed! Stop being a sloth. I haven‘t seen you all day.”  
“I’m not.” I argued standing and facing Becca who was alternating her eyes to me and the TV. “I have company.”  
“Oh.” she said. “Who?”  
“You’ll meet her.” I said. “Give me an hour.” I reiterated staring at Becca. I looked down at her hand. She was twisting one of the rings on her finger.  
“Why an hour?”  
“I need to finish something.” I said simply and hung up the phone.  
I placed my phone on the mantle and turned to Becca.  
“That was my sister. She and the girls are back and want to do something.”  
“Girls?” she questioned peering up at me.  
“Oh you’ll meet them.” I said with a smile. “They’re the heart of our tours.”  
I took a seat beside her and she nodded okay.  
I laid back down, resuming my previous position when she turned to me.  
“Harry?” she called slowly.  
“Yeah?”  
I turned to her. She looked at me shyly. Behind her eyes, I could see traces of a younger Becca; small and innocent.  
“What is it?” I asked looking at her.  
“Did I do something?”  
“Huh?”  
“Did I do something? You’ve been quiet.” she said. Her eyes look worried.  
“I’m just watching the show.” I said gesturing to the TV.  
“You’re sure?” she asked. I could tell she was uncomfortable asking me the question. I sat up and gave her my complete attention.  
“Yeah. Why? Am I acting weird?” I asked.  
She nodded yes. “It may just be me, but since I-” she paused. “Nevermind.” she said suddenly and turned from me. She quickly tried to drop the subject.  
“It’s just me. Forget it.”  
I didn’t let it go so easily. “Since you what?” I asked.  
She didn’t look at me right away. She swallowed and started twisting her ring again nervously.  
“Since I…I touched you.”  
I didn’t have an immediate response.  
I guess I had been quiet, but that moment had been so unexpected.  
It had begun these thoughts.  
When she touched my cheek, suddenly the air got a little thicker and my pants did too.  
I calmed myself down, but her touch had sent a small shiver through me and it trailed all the way down to my groin.  
I had to shift to adjust myself so she wouldn‘t see.  
I brushed away her concerns.  
“I don’t know what you mean.” I said and turned back to the TV. “I’m fine.”  
She continued to look at me for a few seconds before turning from me. She said nothing more.  
Then we finished our episode.

After, I unhooked everything and faced her.  
“I’m going to change my clothes into something more casual.”  
“Oh.” she said jumping up, ready to leave.  
“You’re fine.” I said quickly. “I’m just going to change my shirt.”  
She didn’t say anything as I my pulled my silk shirt off- a recent donation from Gucci. I had been testing it to see if it would make an appearance later on tour.  
I headed to my suitcase and pulled out a plain grey t-shirt. I turned to her and put the shirt on.  
Her eyes didn’t leave me. Seeing her stare, I couldn’t resist teasing her.  
“See something you like?”  
She shook her head no quickly.  
“You have a lot of tattoos.” she said pointing to my chest.  
“I do.” I said with a small grin.  
“Didn’t they hurt?” she asked.  
I shook my head no. “Some did, but it depends where you get them. Some even feel good.” I said honestly.  
She winced, clearly not believing that. “How many do you have?”  
I shrugged. “I’ve lost count. The one of my thigh is the most recent.”  
“Your thigh?” she asked looking down as if you could see through my pants.  
I dawned on me quickly that she and the public had never seen it, and probably never would unless we were papped swimming.  
“Yeah I got in January. It’s a Tiger.”  
She smiled suddenly. _“A tiger on your thigh…_ why does it sound like a pun?”  
I smiled widely. “Maybe it is.”  
I grabbed my phone off the table. “I’m proud that you caught that.”  
“Well I’m a very smart girl.” she teased.  
“I see that.”  
I headed to my door and she followed. As I opened it so we can leave, she turned to me.  
“Where are they?”  
“Lou’s room probably.” I said shutting the door.  
“Lou’s a girl right?”  
I chuckled. “Yes. She’s a girl. She does our hair, makeup…styling, shit like that.”  
“Oh.”  
“There’s also Lux, her daughter. She’s a toddler. And Lottie, that’s Louis’ sister. She is the main makeup person now. And then every now and then we have-”  
I paused as she suddenly jumped.  
“Sorry!” she said quickly. “My phone.”  
I hadn’t even heard the buzz.  
She pulled it from her pocket. “It’s Kelsey.”  
I gestured for her to answer it.  
She looked at her phone and seemed to be thinking.  
“Shit it’s after midnight where she’s at.”  
“So?” I asked.  
“She’s mad at me. I didn’t call her earlier.”  
I smiled. “So she calls you at midnight?”  
“It’s about her boyfriend. One sec.” She said and put her hands up.  
“Hello.” she said timidly in the phone. It was as if she knew she was going to be scolded.  
“Where the hell have you been!” I heard shouted through the rays of the phone. “I have texted you a thousand times!”  
Becca looked at me and sighed and I smiled.  
I moved away from her a bit to give her privacy.  
I leaned on the hallway wall and looked around.  
She watched me as she talked to her friend. “I know, I know, I’m sorry! It’s the internship.” she said.  
And then,  
“They’ve been keeping me so busy and I’ve been so tired. I’m here and I’m listening.”  
Now Becca had my interest. What exactly was she talking about?  
What internship?  
As she talked to her friend, I listened for clue words, but they seemed to be talking about some boy Bobby mainly.  
“Okay, well I’ve got to go. I’m in bed.” she said. “It is 3am here Kelsey!”  
3am?  
It was just after 3pm.  
Either Becca was losing her mind, or there was a serious lie being told.  
Once she hung up, I quickly investigated.  
“3am huh?” I asked lifting off the wall.  
She bit her lip and looked at me guiltily. “Yeah…uh…no one knows I’m here.”  
I looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”  
“I mean I didn’t tell anyone I was coming.”  
“Even your parents?”  
She shook her head no.   
_“What?”_  
“I just…I wanted to respect your privacy.” she said quickly. “You never know.”  
“Respect my privacy how?”  
“Well I didn’t know how people would react and I didn’t want any slips.”  
“Yeah but…you didn’t tell anyone?”  
She shook her head no again.   
“Where do they think you are? What are you doing?”  
“I’m at an internship in New York City.”  
I smirked. “That’s…bad Becca.” I said.  
“I know!” she exclaimed. “It’s been the hardest lie of my life, but I really did it for you.”  
“You didn’t have too though.” I said.  
“Yes I did.” she said seriously. “You deserve that sometimes. Plus I didn’t know if you wanted people to even know we were hanging out. It wasn’t up to me to make that decision for you.”  
I didn’t respond-just smiled. It was extremely kind. Hell, unbelievably kind.  
Normally people rushed to let other people know we were hanging out.  
It was often I would be with a casual friend, or small acquaintance, and then later, scroll on Instagram and see that they had posted pictures showing they had been with me. Sometimes I didn’t mind it, but other times, I didn’t like my personal time tracked and so public. I needed some moments to myself.  
It was why sometimes I completely disappeared from the public eye. I would go into seclusion for a few days just so I could have some moments to myself.  
The fact that Becca had lied to everyone for me just so I could have a little bit of privacy touched me.  
I didn’t know how to thank her. Just that little bit of thought, meant so much to me.  
I began to walk, resuming my way to Lou’s room.  
“Thank you.” I said as she began to follow me. “That is really sweet.”  
She smiled and then joked. “Well that’s me.”  
I smiled back. I wanted to pull her toward me and wrap my arm around her shoulder playfully, but we didn’t have that type of relationship yet. So I continued to walk down the hall.  
Lou was one floor below us so we climbed on the elevator.  
As the doors closed, I turned to Becca.  
“You should tell your parents though. What if something happens to us? They would never know what happened.”  
“Oh I thought of that. I wrote a letter in case.” she said. “It’s hidden in a purse at home.”  
I chuckled and shook my head. This girl was something else.  
“Well that’s great. They’ll probably hate me for the rest of their lives then if something happens. ‘That damn Harry Styles’” I said mimicking her mom’s voice.  
Becca just smiled.

We found the girls in Lou’s room as I expected.  
Immediately curious eyes met us.  
“Hi, I’m Gemma.” my sister said first, shaking her hand.  
She observed her carefully.  
She was protective of me as I was her and I could see her checking her out.  
Lou was more sweet. She hugged Becca like they were old friends.  
I was curious to see how this was all going to go.  
In the past, some of the women I had allowed around my family had not been liked.  
It was important to me even if it was just a friendship.  
However, I didn’t have to worry too much. Becca fit right in.  
She took a seat on Lou’s couch and they began to talk like they had known each other for years.  
They asked the regular questions; how did we meet, where did we meet, how long was she staying…  
Then, the hints to a definition of our relationship began.  
“We’re good friends.” I said simply and Becca seemed to like that answer. She didn’t protest or seem upset. As my eyes caught Becca’s, I felt the warm gaze of someone else. My sister.  
Glancing at her I knew what she assumed.  
Even though we were in the same room, I sent her a quick text message.

*Gem, we’re not sleeping together. Don't start.*

Gemma glanced at me and typed back.

*Then why are you looking at her like that?*

I quickly glanced up. _Huh?_  
What did she mean?

How was I looking at Becca?

Gemma just chuckled and set her phone down, done with the conversation.

Luckily Becca was oblivious to our secret conversation and watching Lux.  
“She’s so adorable.” she remarked bending on her knees to color with her.  
Lux was big now and her own little person, but it was cute watching her bond with Becca.  
I continued to watch them and Gemma continued to watch me. I didn’t know how I was supposedly staring at Becca, but my sister could exaggerate, so I ignored her.  
“Niall is looking for you.” Lou said after a while.  
“I know. I texted him.” I said. Niall was in the room next door to me, but he had spent most of his day sleeping and playing FIFA. He knew Becca was there, though he hadn’t met her, so he was giving me distance.  
Everyone was.  
“Are you guys hungry?” Gemma asked.  
Becca nodded. “I could eat.”  
I agreed. “It’s a little early for dinner though.”  
“Oh come on Harry, don’t be a mood killer.”  
Lou hit my stomach playfully. I swatted her away and then she pinched my butt.  
“Stop!” I yelled laughing and looked at Becca.  
She turned as our eyes met. I didn’t get why.  
“Well let’s order then.” Gemma said standing.  
“I thought you guys were going out?”  
“We are. Later.” Lou said. “Gem, call Niall too. He might want something.”  
“What about Liam and Zayn?” I asked.  
“Liam left with Andy to get Soph.” Gemma said simply. “Zayn’s unreachable.”  
As she grabbed a menu, Lottie, Louis sister joined us and then eventually Niall made his way downstairs as well.  
Suddenly it was a bunch of us, hanging out, eating room service food and just playing around. Every few minutes, other members of our crew would shuffle in, joining the party and then leave. We were all use to entertaining ourselves in the hotels, since it was more hassle to go out sometimes.  
I looked around at all my family and Becca, and saw that she was fitting in easily.  
She and Niall bonded quickly and as we ate, they sat in a corner talking about Becca’s school.  
Gemma texted me.

*You’re staring again*

I quickly texted her back.

*I’m barely looking at her. Stop being a shit stirrer*

She looked at me and smiled before typing.

*She’s pretty. Who is she?*

*Becca.* I answered. *Friend.*

*Smart ass.“ she wrote back and I gave a quick smirk. *Do you like her?*

*We’re friends.* I said simply again.

*But you want more…?*  
And before I could respond, she continued.  
*I like her. Seems normal. Go for it*

*You’re delusional* I texted back and turned to Becca and Niall.

By now, they were getting really comfortable with each other.  
She kept touching him; a hand on his arm, a lean against his shoulder…  
She was laughing hard at whatever he was saying and giving him her full attention.  
I didn’t like it.  
_At all._  
I shifted in my seat and tried not to stare as Gemma said I was, but I felt myself kept peering at them.  
It dawned on me that maybe Niall was her type. Maybe he was the one she liked in the group.  
It disappointed me, but I understood. Girls always liked Niall.  
Niall was casually seeing another girl, so I wasn’t worried about him, but Becca seemed _really_ interested in him, and _that_ worried me.  
After watching them for a few more seconds, I stood and made my way over to them.  
Becca looked at me with a smile as I stood before them.  
“What are you guys talking about?” I asked first.  
Niall looked at me and smiled.  
“Becca’s boyfriend!” he cackled.  
I stopped and my heart stopped as well. I felt like someone squeezed it tightly.  
I instantly looked at Becca but she was looking at Niall. She hit his arm.  
“He’s not my boyfriend.” she said looking at me, but I only saw red.  
I felt betrayed.  
There was a guy in her life?  
How many times had I asked her about one and she had denied it?  
Niall laughed. “He is definitely your boyfriend. He’s stalking you.”  
Normally Niall’s obnoxious laugh would get a grin out of me, but not this time.  
Right now, it was an unwelcome distraction to the answer I was waiting on from Becca. I wanted- _no, needed-_ more details.  
“Stalkers and boyfriends don’t go in the same sentence.” Becca said to Niall but kept her eyes on me.  
“He’s just a guy at school that keeps calling me.“ she quickly explained. “He‘s _far_ from even close to dating me.” she said simply but I didn’t believe her.  
Her phone hadn’t been blowing up but she would have told me. Hell, Niall knew and they had only met an hour earlier.  
Or…maybe she was trying to make him jealous.  
Or…she _did_ have a boyfriend.  
I didn’t know if I felt more disappointment or anger but both thoughts disgusted me.  
“Oh.” was all I said, and then I walked away. Swiftly.  
I heard Becca and Niall laugh behind me.  
I couldn’t care less to hear any more of their conversation. I didn’t know what kind of games Becca was playing, but I didn’t care to see anymore.  
It was obvious she _turned it on_ for everyone and those type of girls sickened me.  
I sat on the couch and pulled out my phone, ignoring everyone.  
I was pissed at the new information, especially since Becca hadn’t told me before.  
I had been more than open with her and she knew everything. We talked everyday, yet she never discussed guys with me and obviously hid stuff from me. Yet with Niall, he got that information out of her in five seconds?  
It was bullshit.  
I scrolled through my phone and decided to talk to a _real_ friend.  
She was an ex lover and we were still in touch. Every so often, we sent each other flirty messages. We were better friends than lovers, but we were still close and saw each other when we could in Los Angeles. After all, we shared close mutual friends.  
She texted me back quickly and soon I was involved in a full fledged conversation with her, tuning everyone else out.  
Every now and then Niall and Becca’s laugh would pierce my ears and stop my hands from texting and I would roll my eyes.  
I didn’t care anymore.  
Trust me, I didn’t.  
Becca could have Niall or whoever else. I was done worrying about it.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

BECCA

Then.

He had been ignoring me.  
As I sat surrounded by his friends and sister, he stayed tuned into his phone.  
I watched as Harry smiled and typed quick responses; his eyes lit up.  
It was obvious whoever he was texting was a girl and whoever she was, had his full attention.  
I hated it.  
Based off what I had learned, it was probably some famous model or some singer.  
Harry definitely had a type and surrounded himself with beautiful women and I was silly to think that I had his attention even for the day.

Gosh, he was such an enigma. Some times he could be completely in, making you feel like you were the only person in his world- the next, he was cold and distant, acting as if he didn’t care one way or another who or where you were.

Something went wrong.  
I just couldn’t figure out what it had been.

He had said it was nothing when I touched his cheek but he had been odd ever since.  
What the hell had I done?  
It was driving me crazy that I couldn’t figure it out.  
I wanted the Harry from earlier back; the one I spent hours talking to over the last two months.  
This Harry was someone else and I didn‘t think I liked him too much.  
The smug rockstar with millions of fans, and oodles of money seemed to be emerging.

I turned to Niall and listened to him talk about Melissa, the girl he was seeing, and smiled. I had to pretend to be interested at this point because I was so worried about Harry.  
He didn’t even seem to care that I was there.  
He wasn’t interacting with me at all and had pretty much left me alone with Niall- though I wasn’t complaining about that.  
I liked him. He was really nice and made me feel totally comfortable in his presence.  
I could tell he didn’t take being famous too seriously, and he was so easy to talk too.  
He reminded me a lot of the boys I went to college with.  
“Well she seems nice.” I remarked, continuing conversation. “How did you meet?”  
In Niall’s deep Irish accent, he quickly told the story.  
My eyes alternated between Niall and Harry.  
Harry was smiling again and playing with his lip.  
His hands continued to move fiercely into his phone. His green eyes intense in the screen.  
_Who the fuck was she?_  
And _, what the fuck was she saying to him?_  
In disgust and irritation, I tore my eyes away from Harry. I couldn’t watch him be into someone else.  
Was he seeing this chick?  
Did he have feelings for her?  
How often did he talk to her?  
_Why the hell was I even here?_  
I forced a smile as Niall finished up his story.  
“Well that is great.” I said softly.  
“It’s working for now. But…besides stalker…are you seeing anyone else?”  
I nodded no. “I don’t have time for all that. I don’t even casually date.”  
“Yeah I know what you mean.”  
His eyes moved to Harry.  
“It’s kind of funny…when Harry first told me he was bringing a girl here, I thought he had been hiding some secret girlfriend all this time. It‘s not his thing, and bringing a girl on tour…I just figured something serious must be going on.”  
“Are you talking about me and Harry?” I asked curiously.  
Niall nodded yes. “He doesn’t really bring girls here. Even friends.”  
“Oh this is not…he’s just helping me.” I explained softly. “I had told Harry how much I wanted to travel, so...”  
Niall just looked back at me with a smile. His expression pleasant but not moved.  
I could tell he sensed something under the surface.  
I didn’t know why. I didn’t even have Harry’s attention.  
Thinking of him, I turned back his way as Niall broke his eyes away from me and looked around the room.  
He was still texting.  
Still talking to this chick.  
Still pissing me off.  
I sighed in frustration and felt myself give an eye roll.  
Running a hand through my hair, I caught Harry’s sisters’ eye suddenly and noticed she had been watching me.  
I smiled and turned quickly. I was sure she wouldn’t appreciate daggers being thrown at her brother.  
I could see her stand out of the corner of my eye and go and sit by him.  
_Great,_ now I couldn’t even look in that area.  
I focused my attention on Lux, Lou’s daughter instead.  
She was in the corner dancing to some video playing on the TV. I had no idea who the artist was. I chuckled as she continued dancing and Lottie got up to join her.  
“Go Lux! Go Lux!” they chanted.  
My eyes found their way back to Harry’s general direction and I felt eyes on me.  
I followed the gaze and turned to Harry and saw that he and Gemma were staring at me. It appeared that I had caught them talking about me.  
_Awkward._  
Gemma quickly turned but Harry kept his green eyes on me.  
He didn’t smile or even look happy. His eyes seemed detached and indifferent.  
The cold pierce of his eyes made me uncomfortable.  
Why was he so angry at me?  
Was touching his cheek really that bad?  
Niall stood beside me, and Harry’s eyes finally shifted off of me. He looked at Niall, and followed him with his eyes as he moved across the room, joining the dance party.  
Then I was alone on the couch. The room was still full, with management and assistants now joining us. It was a little mini party in the hotel.  
I didn’t know what to do. It felt awkward to go over and join the dance party, but I couldn’t sit there like an idiot either.  
Harry was my only true link to these people and he was completely ignoring me.  
I decided to excuse myself and get a breather. Maybe an idea would come to me when I was away from the craziness.  
I took my phone out and left the room, pretending to make a call.  
I stood out in the hall, leaning against the wall and went to Instagram.  
I began to scroll through my feed when I felt a presence beside me.  
I turned and Harry was there towering over me.  
I swallowed nervously.  
“Hey.” I said softly.  
“Hey.” he said. His voice held no emotion.  
“Are you ready to go back upstairs?” he asked evenly.  
“No it’s okay.” I said quickly. “I’m having a good time.”  
“I could tell.” he grumbled. He turned from me and looked at the elevator.  
He sighed.  
“Well I’m going back upstairs. I’m ready to just kick back.”  
His tanned hands went through his hair, pushing the loose strands away from his face.  
“Then I’ll go.” I said. I had only said I wanted to stay to be polite.  
“Kay.” Harry said simply. He pushed off the wall.  
He disappeared quickly and headed back into the main room where everyone was.  
“Night!” I heard him call out suddenly.  
I dipped my head in and waved as well.  
“You’re leaving?” Lou asked. “I thought you were going to head out with us in a bit?” she said to Harry.  
Harry ran a hand through his hair again.  
I was learning he did that a lot.  
“Nah. We’ll do something tomorrow.” he said and then turned to me. He gave a final wave and then passed me, beginning to head down the hall. I figured I was suppose to follow.  
We were both quiet as we reached the elevator and it came to our floor. When it did, we entered and Harry stuck his keycard in the elevator slot, for our floor.  
There was still an uncomfortable silence between us.  
I picked up my phone and headed to my text messages.  
Well…if he was going to ignore me…  
I began to send a text message to one of my male friends.  
After a few seconds, Harry’s deep voice broke my concentration.  
“Is that the boyfriend?” he asked.  
I looked up at Harry and saw he was looking down at me and my hands. It looked like he was reading my screen.  
“Huh?”  
“Are you texting him?” he asked. “The guy you and Niall were talking about?”  
I smiled and withheld a laugh.  
“You weren’t really listening to that conversation were you? I’m not interested in that guy.”  
“Well why were you talking about him?” he asked.  
“Niall was. We were talking about some of your fans and how they can get a bit obsessive-not all!-” I said quickly so he wasn’t offended. “But yeah…it just kind of led there.”  
Harry gave me an unreadable look and then faced the front of the elevator. “Hmm.” was all he said.  
The elevator dinged.  
We both stepped out at the same time and then headed down the hall to our rooms.  
As I reached my door, I pulled out my keycard.  
“You’re not coming in my room?” he asked suddenly.  
I turned to him. He had his key card out as well.  
“Your room?” I repeated.  
He nodded. “Want to watch some movies?”  
There was the hot and cold again…  
I looked at him in confusion and then I just had to say it. I couldn’t stand it anymore.  
“Aren’t you mad at me?”  
His face quickly turned up.  
“Why do you keep asking me that? I told you I’m fine.”  
“You don’t seem like it Harry.” I said seriously.  
Surprisingly he smiled. He turned from me and placed his keycard in his hotel slot and unlocked the door.  
He pushed it open and then turned back to me.  
“You’re still getting to know me Becca. I’m completely fine. I’m just a little tired.”  
I didn’t respond.  
He gestured to his room.  
“So you coming?” he asked.  
Now he seemed okay again. Back to the old Harry…  
I was unsure about his change in attitude and where it had suddenly came from.  
Still, I was suppose to be spending the trip with him so I relented.  
I put my keycard back in my pocket and went into his room.

We quickly settled into the evening. He stopped texting whoever he had been talking too and spent the night with me watching Netflix movies and being his playful self. We still got the occasional interruption but that was to be expected and didn’t put any major dents on anything.  
By 1am, I headed back to my side of the hotel and me and Harry were on good terms.  
“See you in the morning.” he said warmly. “And be ready for some sightseeing.”  
I was.

The next day, we were up early, dressed and before I knew it, we were on our way to see the Grand Palace in Bangkok and Wat Arun, a famous temple.  
Today, Harry had business to catch up with, so he warned me he might be on his phone a bit.  
I didn’t even care, just happy to be enjoying my trip again.  
As we drove I studied the city while Harry looked in his phone.  
“What’s your Twitter?” he eventually asked.  
“BeccaPenelope94.” I said turning to him.  
“Penelope?” he questioned.   
“My middle name.”  
“Mmm.” he said turning away from me.  
He didn’t reply and kept scrolling through his phone. I wondered what he was doing.  
“You’re not following me.” he said after a few moments.  
He looked at me and his tone had a hint of humor to it.  
“No I’m not.” I said matching his tone.  
He placed his tongue in his cheek making it stick out.  
He tapped in his phone.  
“Well,” he said looking back up. “Now I’m following you.”  
He stuck his tongue out at me.  
I smiled.  
“You rebel!” I teased.  
He grinned and looked back down at his phone. “Hopefully your friends and family don’t notice right away.”  
He had a point. Though I doubted they would.  
I wasn’t high on the importance list most days.  
He started swiping his phone, as if he was browsing something. The tapping had stopped.  
I wondered if he was still on my page and looking at my tweets.  
I couldn’t even remember what I tweeted most of the time.  
I picked up my phone and went to my Twitter, bypassing the ‘Harrystyles is now following you’.  
Mostly it was song lyrics and nothing too crazy. My texts were far from the Morse code that Harry’s tweets were. This was the man who tweeted ‘Burger’ and got thousands of retweets.  
My phone buzzed.  
I had a new notification.  
I had a new follower on Twitter.  
And then another.  
I had no clue who they were but whatever.  
Harry looked up from his phone.  
He looked out of the window. “How far?”  
Harry’s friend Cal was traveling with us and was in the front seat.  
“Twenty minutes?” the driver guessed.  
“Kay.” He responded and then he was back on his phone. The only noise came from the radio and the clicking from his phone.  
This went on for about two minutes before Harry turned to me again.  
“I’m sorry.” he said. “I’m just updating stuff and checking my feeds.”  
My phone buzzed again.  
“I don’t care.” I said.  
I shook my phone. “I’m doing the same thing.”  
He gave me a soft smile. Then we were back on our phones.  
I had another new follower.  
And then another.  
Over the course of the next ten minutes, my Twitter followers jumped by fifty.  
“Wow.” I said.  
“What?” Harry asked turning to me.  
“You must be magic.” I said with a smile. “I just gained a whole bunch of new followers.”  
I was excited.  
Harry didn’t smile. He looked down at my phone as it once again buzzed. I was going to have to turn my notifications off.  
He rolled his eyes and expelled a long breath.  
“I’m sorry.” he said.  
“For what?” I asked in confusion.  
He went back into his phone and tapped before answering me.  
Then, when he began to put his phone away he turned to me.  
“I just unfollowed you.”  
My heart sunk.  
“Why?”  
“I didn’t want to,” he said softly. “You just don’t need those problems.”  
“What problems?”  
“That.” he said pointing to my phone. “Those are some of the more obsessive ones. It’s just a few girls that do that. They follow everyone I do and they track my location and shit. They’re not all like that.”  
“Your fans?”  
He nodded and looked at Cal. He looked back at him with understanding. They seemed to have a conversation with their eyes.  
“I’m just thinking of the future,” Harry continued. “If we continue to hang out and you’re eventually pictured,” he paused thinking of the words. “Let’s just say…that won’t be a good day.”  
“But why?” I asked looking between them. “No one knows who I am.”  
“But they will.” Cal said. “You’ll be hunted.” he joked.  
Harry nodded. “First people will spend all day trying to figure out who you are. That’s not so bad if you don‘t follow it all. But, if you’re seen with me again-they will figure out who you are eventually and being on my Twitter is one of the first places they’ll look. I won’t put you through that.” he said softly.  
I giggled. “You two make them sound like the dad in Taken.”  
“It’s a little like that.” Harry said seriously. “And when they find you, everything will change.” he said quietly.  
His voice wasn’t playful anymore and he seemed…sad…regretful.  
I decided to keep the mood light.  
I smiled, playfully.  
“Stalked by teenage girls…that’s not so bad.” I joked. “But how much do you go through this?”  
“Too much.” he said honestly then he looked past me.  
In seconds, his whole expression changed.  
A wide smile spread on his face.  
“Look.” he said pointing behind me suddenly.  
I turned around and there was the Grand Palace.  
It was breathtaking.  
“Oh my Gosh.” I mumbled.  
It was so tall and rich in color. I picked up my phone and turned on my camera.  
I lifted it to take a picture.  
“What are you doing?” Harry asked.  
“I’m taking a picture.” I said.  
He playfully scoffed. “You can’t take a picture of the Grand Palace with your phone. Where’s your camera?”  
“I don’t have one.”  
“You’re a twenty year old girl. Surely you have one of those little digital cameras to take selfies.”  
I nodded no. “I don’t. I don’t take a lot of pictures of myself.”  
He looked back at me and then his driver.  
“Can you take us to an electronic store?”  
“Why?” I asked quickly.  
“I’m going to buy a camera.”  
“No I have one.” I said holding up my phone.  
He grabbed it and pretended to throw it. Realistically he just put it on the seat beside us.  
“That is not a camera. That is an insult to the Grand Palace. It’s not even an Iphone.”  
I smiled. “Where is _your_ camera?”  
He gestured to Cal. And Cal lifted his camera.  
“See, I come prepared.”  
“So did I.” I said as we left the Palace. I grabbed my phone and shook it in his face.  
“Absolutely not.”  
He said it in the exact same way he said it in the Best Song Ever video.  
I smiled.  
“You’re being mean to me again.” I joked.  
He smiled back.

It took a half hour but we eventually found an electronic store. The whole ride we bickered though. I was adamant that I didn’t want him to buy me anything, and he was adamant that he would.  
“I’m not getting out.” I said as we pulled up. I put on my best pout and crossed my arms.  
He leaned close to me and put on the sexiest smile I had ever seen.  
“I will drag you out.”  
“I’m heavy.” I countered back.  
“I’m not worried.” and then to showcase his inhuman strength, he grabbed my leg and gently pulled so that I shifted down on the seat toward him. I squealed, wiggling out of his grasp.  
“Don’t you dare!”  
He laughed and climbed out.  
“Get out Becca Johnson!” he demanded playfully.  
I turned to Cal, who was barely paying us any attention.  
“I’ve got to call my wife, I’ll be in soon.”  
I nodded and climbed out.  
“If only your fans could see you now Mr. Styles.”  
“If only they could see what I have to put up with.”  
I met him on the sidewalk.  
“Stop being so pushy and I’ll be an angel.”  
“Stop being difficult and let me buy you a camera and you have a deal.” he said.  
I stuck my pinky out. _Pinky-swear._  
He ignored it and placed his hand on my back instead.  
“After you.” he said.  
“I hope they don’t have any cameras.” I mumbled as we entered.  
Harry laughed. “Already breaking the truce. Jeez!”  
This time I stuck my tongue out.  
As we walked further in, we saw Laptops, Phones and Tablets, but not many people to help.  
Harry kept walking, determined on his own.  
Eventually we found the cameras.  
He smiled widely and modeled them.  
“Look at the cameras!” he said. “Aren’t they just beautiful?”  
I ignored his silly behavior and looked at the cameras. I was on the hunt for the cheapest one and then I found it. Fifty dollars in American currency.  
“Okay that one.” I said pointing. “Let’s go!”  
Harry shook his head no. “I’m disappointed.”  
He headed further down the line to the more expensive cameras. He picked up one that was $400 dollars.  
“This is nice.”  
“No Harry.” I said seriously as he got acquainted with it.  
He ignored me and turned it in his hand.  
“I bet it has a nice clear picture display.”  
“No Harry.” I said again, more seriously.  
He smiled continuing on. “And I bet the zoom is-”  
I grabbed the camera from him and placed it back on the shelf.  
“No Mister.”  
“You’re right.” he said with a mischievous smile. “We can do better.”  
I sighed as he moved to an even more expensive camera. He looked around.  
“I wonder where the ones they lock up are.”  
“I don’t know, but we’re not going to find them.”  
“Of course we are. Sir?” he said calling to an attendant who appeared a little far from us.  
“Excuse me sir?” he said flagging him down.  
I grabbed his arm.  
“No, no, no Harry.” I said.  
The attendant came over.  
I waited to see some source of recognition for Harry, but the guy barely blinked.  
“Hi.” Harry said. “ We’re looking for your best cameras.”  
“Okay?” The man said blankly.  
“You’re being obnoxious.” I whispered in his ear.  
Harry smiled and took my hand.  
“Can you help us? She’s a model and I’m looking for a really nice camera for some shoots we have to do today. What else do you have beside these?”  
“I’ll have to check in that back, but they are going to be a little more expensive.” he warned.  
Harry just smiled. “No problem. She’s very big in America so she needs the best.”  
I hit Harry’s arm, completely embarrassed. There was no way this man would believe I was a model. I was far from that kind of beauty.  
The man walked away, no doubt, going to look in that back.  
“I don’t like you today.” I said as Harry turned to me.  
“What? Didn’t yesterday you tell me you love me?” he teased.  
“I take it back.” I said as Cal entered the store. He came over to us.  
“Find something?”  
“They’re looking in the back.” Harry said. “I want to get her one like yours.”  
I looked at Cal’s camera. That had to be some serious money.  
Cal read my mind. “For a few shots?” he asked.  
“And for her stubbornness.” he gestured to me. “I’m going to buy her one of the most expensive cameras to spite her.”  
I giggled. “I am standing right here ya know? I can hear every word.”  
Harry just smiled back at me and the attendant came back.  
He was holding a camera. Harry didn’t even look at it.  
“How much is it?” he asked right away.  
The guy looked at the price tag.  
“33290.55 bahts.”  
Harry quickly punched it in his phone, converting the money like the other cameras.  
I peeked at his phone.  
$935!  
I touched his arms and shook my head no quickly.  
Harry turned to me and smiled.  
“I’ll take it.”

  
In the car I pouted.  
“Oh come on.” Harry said turning the charm on high. “I got you a gift.”  
I ignored him. He took the camera out of the box.  
“Let’s test it.”  
“No.” I said.  
I wasn’t really that angry that he had bought me a camera, in fact, I was very flattered, it was just _way_ too expensive.  
“Oh come on Becca…” he said gently.  
I continued to ignore him.  
Harry shrugged.  
“Fine I will.”  
He took the camera out of its package, adjusted some settings and then turned it in his hands.  
“This is really nice. Becca you should check out some of the features.”  
“The features weren’t worth $935 I bet.” I mumbled.  
He smiled back at me.  
“Well you wouldn’t know until you check right?”  
I turned from him and he leaned closer to me.  
“Take a picture with me.”  
“No.” I said gently, continuing my pout.  
He accessed his inner woman, and turned back to the camera.  
“Fine, I will.”  
He stuck his lips out.  
It was a pout that I had seen a million and one girls do on Instagram to look sexy. The duck face is what they called it. On Harry, it just looked adorable.  
I instantly smiled, as he turned the camera towards himself, ready for his close up.  
“You are not going to pose like that.” I said.  
“Yes I am unless you take it with me.”  
He pouted his lips even more. I laughed and he faced me.  
His lips were so pink and inviting that I instantly wanted to kiss him. It was just something so sexy about his delicate face. His slightly feminine features paired with the brilliant color of his lips, skin and nose made him more beautiful than any other man I had even seen. His facial profile was truly perfect. He had such a chiseled chin and tight bone structure. He could have easily been a model.  
He continued his pout taunting me.  
“Fine.” I said and Cal laughed.  
Harry relaxed his face and pumped a fist in the air.  
_I won!_  
I leaned closer to him and he put his arm around me. For a moment I was completely distracted, smelling the fragments of his cologne and all I could do was look at the side of his face. He felt my eyes but I guess he was use to stares.  
“Look.” he said gesturing to the camera and I looked forward.  
We stared back at the camera.  
He smiled widely and I did as well. Then the picture snapped.  
Harry kept his arm around me and turned the camera to look at the picture.  
I just looked _at him._  
“We look pretty good together.” he said.  
I briefly glanced at the picture and saw what he meant. Surprisingly it was a nice picture. Our features complimented each other well.  
“We do.” I said softly and our eyes met.  
Green met Hazel and I felt a goosebump.  
Since his arm was still around me, we were pretty close.  
I studied his irises. The clear speckles of green wrapped around the small hint of black.  
They had me under a temporary spell.  
“You have such nice eyes.” I heard myself say. _“Really._ They‘re very pretty.”  
“Thank you.” he said softly. His gaze was intense, as we looked back at each other.  
After a moment, I watched as his eyes trailed down and rested on the lower part of my face; my lips.  
His lips parted and he bit his lip. I could tell we were thinking the same thing. He seemed as curious about my lips as I was as curious to taste his.  
My eyes looked at the bright hue of his and they teased me.  
We both reacted at the same time.  
We began to move towards each other, when we suddenly heard a cough.  
I turned and looked in front of us.  
Cal’s eyes quickly averted away and the driver focused on the road.  
We were quickly reminded we weren’t alone.  
Harry removed his arm and parted like the red sea.  
He gave his attention back to the camera as if suddenly it was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen.  
I couldn’t hide my disappointment. I had wanted to kiss him so badly.  
As he fiddled with the stupid camera, I turned away and briefly glanced at Cal again. He was being respectful and acting like he hadn’t seen what was about to happen; but he had. I looked out of the window and sighed gently.  
I knew I was in too deep.  
I was starting to fall for him.  
_Hard._  
I could hear Harry beside me talking about features of the camera but I didn’t listen.  
My mind had zoned out to another place.  
I was imagining a world where he wasn’t this Harry but mine.  
I was imagining an image of us kissing…holding hands…being together…  
A world where he smiled when he texted me, and looked forward to seeing me.  
A world where I got to feel his touch and be on the receiving end of his love.  
I wondered what he was like as a boyfriend but in that moment, I realized I never would.  
I couldn’t have him.  
No matter how much we flirted or how much time we spent together, this would be us.  
I would never have him in that way.  
It was a depressing thought.  
“Hey Becca…look at this.” he called behind me.  
I turned slowly.  
His eyes weren’t on me, but on the camera.  
He pushed a button and went to a menu screen.  
I watched leisurely as he fiddled and walked me through the cool features of the camera.  
He was totally unaffected by what had just happened.  
It only further confirmed what I already thought.  
I was nowhere on his radar, and kissing me would have meant nothing.  
“That’s great Harry.” I said quietly.  
“Isn’t it?”  
He looked at me with a wide dimpled smile.  
“I think you’re going to love this camera.” he said. “I’m glad I got it.”  
I nodded and gave a forced smile before turning away again.  
Being in this car with him was suddenly suffocating.  
I was so close, yet incredibly far from him and it was too much for me.  
As the driver pulled back in front of the Grand Palace, I wasn’t even excited anymore.  
I grabbed my purse and climbed out of the car. Harry met me on the curb with Cal. He handed me my camera.  
“Thanks.” I mumbled.  
I turned the camera back on, and tried to figure out how to work the silly thing.  
Beside me, Cal was flicking off shots.  
“Got it?” Harry asked gently beside me.  
“Yeah.” I said, lifting it and taking my first picture of the exterior of the palace.  
After, I hit the ‘gallery’ button to double check my work and make sure I got this complicated camera’s frame right.

The first picture stared at me.  
Harry and I.... His arm around me and the wide smiles…  
I studied it for a moment.  
We really did look good together in the picture.  
In another world if we got together…  
_No._  
I clicked off the picture quickly.  
Why torture myself?  
I checked the other picture and satisfied, lifted the camera to take more.  
I was here for Bangkok and nothing else and it was time I reminded myself.


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

HARRY

Then.

Becca was quiet the rest of the day and it was because of me.  
I had messed up almost kissing her.  
I had crossed a line.  
By now it was more than obvious that she didn’t want more, and there I was, about to crash my lips against hers.  
She was just so beautiful.  
Seriously one of the prettiest girls I had ever seen and more importantly, she had a beautiful spirit.  
We bonded so easily that it scared me.  
In a lot of ways she had been exactly what I had been waiting on. She was kind, thoughtful, funny…and she didn’t take me too seriously.  
She knew who I was but didn’t let it come between us.  
She was still herself with me.  
“Are you hungry?” I asked when we got back to the hotel. I had been trying to make small talk with her to break the mood but she wouldn’t budge.  
It dawned on me that I had possibly ruined the trip and made things awkward and that bothered me.  
I didn’t want things to change between us and I quickly tried to soothe any tension.  
“No.” she said quietly from her seat. We had went back and visited the Grand Palace as well as visiting the temple I wanted to see.  
“Well what do you want to do?” I asked.  
Earlier in the day I had been texted by a well known DJ in the area and I had gotten to know him shortly before Becca had arrived.  
He had invited me to a club that night to hang out one last time before we left for Hong Kong in the morning.  
I was contemplating going now but didn’t know where me and Becca stood.  
“I need to make some calls.” she said. “I’ll be in my room a bit.”  
“Would you maybe want to go out tonight?” I asked.  
“Sure.” she said but she didn’t sound too enthused.  
I didn’t know what it had all meant and I was starting to confuse myself.  
I kept replaying the moment in the car. I had moved to kiss her and for a moment, it had seemed like she wanted to kiss me back…but now, this.  
She was being too distant to have wanted it.  
I decided to test her.  
“We can get Niall to go too.” I threw out.  
She was practically in love with him so why not.  
I waited for her eyes to light up and a smile to break on her face, but nothing happened.  
“That’s fine.” she said with no emotion. “I’ll be back.”  
She turned away from me and left the room.  
Well that was just great…  
I hopped on my bed and closed my eyes.  
I wanted to just close my mind off for a few seconds.  
I could hear noise coming from Niall’s room next door and I knew he was playing a video game.  
I decided to go hang with him a bit and then check on Becca later.  
Sometimes the best distraction was focusing on someone else.

I left my room, heading next door and Niall opened the door.  
As I entered, I saw Niall, Zayn, and Louis all hanging out.  
Apparently I had missed the hangout memo.  
The only one missing was Liam and I knew he was probably with his girlfriend by now.  
“What’s going on?” I asked going in the room.  
Louis, who had a controller in his hand, looked up at me first. “Hey mate! Where’s your girlfriend?”  
He smiled and I shook my head in discontent. Apparently word had gotten around about Becca.  
“Don’t start.” I said taking a seat on one of the lounge chairs. “Just because you and Eleanor broke up-”  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah-” he said waving me off quickly. I knew he didn’t want to get into _that_ conversation. He was still sore about his longtime relationship ending.  
I smiled.  
I turned to Zayn, who was in the corner on his phone. He hadn’t said one word.  
“What’s up?” I asked him.  
“Nothing.” he mumbled, not even glancing my way.  
I turned away from him.  
He had been in a mood lately, and the only way to fix it was to just give him space.  
“What are you doing tonight Harry?” Niall asked, resuming their game.  
“I don’t know. I think I might go out.”  
Louis looked at me in surprise. “Really? Me and Zayn are thinking about checking out this sick club that’s suppose to be here.”  
“Yeah?” I said casually. “I don’t know.”  
It was all dependent on Becca and how she felt.  
I didn’t know how comfortable she would be going out with my bandmates.  
“Liam too?” I asked, as a second thought.  
They nodded no.  
“I’m not going either. Not my scene.” Niall volunteered.  
Louis and Zayn-finally- looked at me.  
“So you want to go with us? You never come out.” Zayn pointed out.  
I scratched my head before pulling a tie off my wrist. I quickly pulled my hair back.  
“I don’t know.” I reiterated.  
Louis shrugged and turned from me. He scolded Niall for a move he made on the game and then answered me.  
“Well we’re leaving at 11pm. So…be ready if.”  
I didn’t respond and just watched the game for a couple minutes.  
Becca was on my mind and I was mentally preparing for my day tomorrow. I would have the flight, rehearsals and then a show at night. It wasn’t exactly the best time to go out. But, it was my last night and we wouldn’t be back for a while.  
I told the guys I would come, and then shot a text to the DJ and Becca.  
*Can you be ready by 10:30 tonight? Think me and some of the mates are going to a club. I want you to come*  
*I can try* she replied back five minutes later.

It was super vague and instantly irritated me.  
Where was the exciting and fun Becca from earlier?

*Are you okay?* I texted back.  
*I’m perfect* she replied.

To me it read as sarcasm, but you could never be sure with text messages. I decided to just abandon the whole conversation and talk to her in person. I would give her some space since it was only 7pm and we had some time before we had to leave.  
I spent my next two hours with the guys and then headed to my room to shower. I dressed casually throwing on a black tee and black jeans. I had sent a quick tweet about St. Patrick’s Day a few hours earlier, and had been getting many responses.  
I followed a few fans on my Twitter and then decided I had delayed my time enough.  
I headed to Becca’s room across the hall, and knocked.  
I could hear her playing music behind the door.  
It sounded like the Weeknd’s Earned It until the noise disappeared.  
She opened the door.  
_Fuck. Me._  
“Hey?” she called softly.  
_Oh. My. God._  
“Sorry I didn’t really hear you.” she said.  
My mind tried to work words together quickly for a response but I was frozen.  
She looked, quite possibly, like perfection.  
It was obvious she had been getting ready.  
Her hair was curled now and cascading in small waves past her shoulders and stopped at the peak of her chest. She was wearing a tank top so I could see her ample bust more clearly and the small peek of her stomach.  
I swallowed.  
I wanted her.  
Fuck I wanted her.

_Badly._

“It’s fine.” I said in a rush as a sentence came to me.  
Her eyes were curious as they stared back at me. They were now lined with small makeup and made her light brown eyes almost golden.  
“What?” she asked suddenly. “Do I have something on my face?”  
I realized I was staring. I moved to run a hand through my hair, then remembered I had a man bun now.  
“Ah no.” I said dropping my hand nervously. I tucked them in my jeans.  
“You look great.” I said.  
“I’m almost ready.” she said moving out of the way and turning away from me briefly.  
I couldn’t help that my eyes traveled down to her skinny jeans. They were so tight, I could make out a perfect imprint of her legs. I wondered for a brief moment what they would be like wrapped around me.  
“No problem.” I said stepping in the room. “I’m sure the guys aren’t ready either.”  
“Okay cool.” she said and shut the door behind me.  
I could smell the hints of Coconut and Vanilla again.  
She headed to the bathroom.  
“Do you know what kind of club it is? I didn’t really bring clothes for nightlife.”  
I scanned the room, looking for a peek of the outfit she was going to wear but I didn’t see it yet.  
I was contemplating telling her let’s just not go-that way, she could stay in her tank and jeans-but I was curious if it could get better.  
And I had a strong feeling it did.  
“I’m sure whatever you wear is fine. It’s a club so it’ll probably be dark anyway.”  
“And sweaty,” she said walking back out to me. “I don’t even know why I curled my hair.”  
“Oh but I like it.” I said quickly looking at her.  
She smiled. “Thanks.”  
She gestured to herself and her slight transformation. “I usually don’t do this.”  
“You don’t really need too.” I said honestly. “But you look beautiful.”  
She blushed. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Thanks Harry.” she said quietly.  
She sat on the bed and turned to me.  
“I want to apologize to you.”  
I looked back at her.  
“For what?”  
“I feel like I’ve been mean or rude today, and I’m sorry. I’ve just…I’ve been worried about something and-” she stopped and sighed. “Well it’s not that important anymore. I’m over it.”  
“What was it?” I asked.  
Her hazel eyes met mine.  
For a moment, something moved across them.  
“Something unrealistic.” she muttered and then stood, turning from me.  
A realization hit me.  
A big one.  
Maybe she…  
Maybe we could…  
“What’s unrealistic Becca?” I asked quickly.  
She looked back at me and then scanned my outfit.  
She smiled slowly.  
“You’re missing something.”  
I looked down.  
“The famous shoes.” she said as I brought my eyes back to her.  
“I know you’re wearing socks but it’s weird not seeing you in your boots.”  
I smiled, but noted how she changed the conversation. I wasn’t that easily distracted and my question would come back later.  
When there was time, and we could really talk, I would ask her.  
Otherwise it would play on my mind.  
“Well I hate to break it to you, but I’m probably wearing trainers tonight.”  
“What’s that?”  
“Tennis shoes.”  
She chuckled. “Do you even own a pair?”  
I smiled. “I do, but I only wear them when I work out.”  
“Well then its settled! Gold boots it is.”  
I smiled back.  
“I think gold boots is a little obnoxious for this outfit. Maybe just my tan ones.”  
“You’re no fun.” she teased.  
“We’ll do a even trade. Do you want me to wear them on stage for you tomorrow?”  
She snapped her fingers and pointed them at me. Her eyes raised. _Oh, oh, oh!_  
“I forgot about the show tomorrow. I need to pack tonight huh?”  
I nodded. “You do.” I looked around the room at her feminine touches. “Though you did decorate it so beautifully. I’d be anxious to see your dorm.”  
“Maybe one day you will.” she said and went over to her suitcase. “I do need to get dressed though.”  
“You have time.” I reminded her.  
“I don’t. It’s after ten.”  
“Oh.” I said simply.  
I started to head out of the room.  
“You don’t have to leave.” she said.  
I turned as she turned the TV on.  
“I’ll be in the bathroom.”  
She bent down pulling a black shirt and another black and red plaid shirt out of her bag.  
I didn’t know what combination she was about to put together but I wanted to see it.  
She smiled and gently brushed my shoulder as she went in the bathroom.  
I sat on her bed and looked at the TV. There was a game show on and it was captioned in English.  
I didn’t really pay much attention to it though.  
As far as I was concerned it was just white noise.

A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened and I instantly turned to see.  
She came out quickly, not even looking at me as she tossed some items in her carryon bag.  
_Fuck._  
She did look better.  
She sprayed some shit on her face and then faced me.  
I had to be staring once again.  
“Guess I’ll channel my inner Khole Kardashian.” she joked as my eyes raked up and down her body.  
She had tied the flannel around her waist and let the black t-shirt stand out. But that wasn’t what killed me…it was her shorts.  
The same distressed ones she had worn the day she arrived.  
Ended with a pair of black leather boots, she was walking sex. Another wave of interest moved through me, then, jealously.   
I couldn’t let her go out like this.  
The guys would be all over her.  
I stood. “Um…I like your outfit but…” I paused as her eyes grew wide. “Well…you do know we’ll be around men all night?”  
She looked down at her bare legs. “Is it too much? I just know it’s going to be hot in the club and I want to be comfortable.”  
I looked at her legs. They were tan and oiled, and looked so smooth. Two perfect little stems.  
They were way too beautiful to not be seen.  
“No I mean…you can do what you want.” I said finally, deciding _I_ needed to see her like this. “It’ll be fine either way.”  
She looked back at me a moment further and then threw her hands up.  
“Ugh! I’m going to change. You‘re probably right.”  
“No!” I said quickly. “It’s fine.” I said finally. “Really Becca. Please don’t listen to me. I have no clue what I’m talking about.”  
I was being a pervert but this would be the only time I would probably get to see her like this. She was way too casual and conservative.  
Jeez.  Looking at her, how did this girl not have a boyfriend?  
How could no one see how fucking hot she was?  
“Are you sure?” she asked demurely.  
“I’m sure.” I said and smiled. “You look amazing.”  
She blushed again. “Alright cool.”  
I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. Which wasn’t a good thing.  
“Um…I should probably check on the guys and let you finish up.” I offered.  
I needed a quick escape so that I could contain my thoughts.  
“Kay.” she said and I practically ran out of the room.  
This was going to be a long night.

********************

We all loaded in separate SUV’s an hour later.  
As I had initially figured, the guys eyes were all over her.  
“Nice job.” Louis said patting me on my back when she wasn’t looking. I just brushed them off. I had brought girls around before but I was a little more secretive. Everyone was always questioning what I was doing because I didn’t talk about my personal life.  
Still I understood the interest, it was only natural.  
As Zayn and Louis piled in a separate SUV from me and Becca, I couldn’t help but notice the two females that were with them.  
I didn’t know who they were, and neither one of them had mentioned they had guests.  
It wasn’t my business though.

As we arrived at the club with our security, the boys and I stayed together for a bit, and then we all went our separate ways.  
Me and Becca quickly found my friend who was a DJ, and stayed close to him all night.  
Since me and Becca were in a private booth, we were both much more comfortable and didn’t exactly feel like every move was being watched.  
Still Becca didn’t seem to be into it.  
As I chatted with the DJ and his fans, Becca remained on her cell phone. I waited for the right opportunity and it came when we were left alone so everyone could get drinks.  
I sat beside her.  
She was browsing something in her phone.  
“Okay,” I said softly sitting closer to her. “What’s wrong?”  
She looked up and turned to me.  
“Did you say something?”  
Overhead the music was a bit loud.  
I moved closer until our knees were touching.  
“I said, what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing.” she said putting on a quick smile.  
I gently tapped her leg.  
“I’m beginning to learn you. Something is wrong.”  
She giggled. “We always think something is wrong with each other. This is becoming a pattern Harry.”  
I smiled. She had a point.  
“Maybe.” I said. “But you look bored. Do you want to go?”  
“I don’t care.” she said.  
“Don’t say that. You do. You have an opinion. Do you want to leave?” I asked gently  
Her bright eyes looked back at me, unsure. She scanned the booths and people around us.  
“You’re with your friends and this is your last night-” she estimated.  
“I don’t care. Do you want to leave?” I asked cutting her off.  
She sighed. “I don’t know.”  
I sighed too.  
She touched my knee and leaned towards me. “I’m just enjoying this time. I like hanging out with you. So if that’s here, then I’m here.”  
I looked back at her and then looked around the club. We had been there well over an hour at this point and I was pretty bored with it as well.  
I looked around for my bandmates but they were nowhere to be found.  
I was sure they were fine and they wouldn’t leave without telling me.  
I turned back to Becca.  
“Yeah. Let’s go.”  
We stood and just then, my temporary Bangkok friends returned.  
“Hey we’re going to go.” I announced.  
“Really?” DJ Buddah replied. He was the one hosting this whole thing.  
“Oh come on, hang out man. A little bit longer?”  
I turned to Becca and her eyes said everything.  
“No, we’re pretty tired.“ I said turning back to him. “Thanks though mate. We had a good time.” I said patting his back.  
He continued to try to convince me to stay.  
“Well can you meet my friend real quick?” he asked. “He wanted a picture with you.”  
“Um-”  
“It’ll be real quick. Really. Could you?” he said in a rush. “He’s been a fan of yours for a while.”  
“Um-”  
He had been very polite my entire stay and his friends were good people. They had been showing us around the entire time and watching out for us.  
“Uh sure.” I said finally. I turned to look at Becca, who suddenly sat back down and pulled out her phone.  
I couldn’t tell if she was being polite and waiting or if she was suddenly pissed off. She was so damn unreadable.  
“Hold on.” Buddah said and left the booth. I sat down next to her and the people with him lingered with us.  
I turned back to Becca and watched her. She was in her phone again.  
“Hey?” I called softly.  
Though the music was loud, she heard me.  
“Hmm?”  
“I’m sorry.” I said.  
“It’s fine.”  
Her tone was a bit clipped and it was obviously not fine.  
“Just a quick picture and then we’ll leave.” I assured.   
She nodded and tried to look back down at her phone, but I grabbed her chin stopping her.  
Her eyes grew wide as I cupped her face in my hand.  
“Talk to me.” I said gently.  
“Talk to you about what?”  
“I don’t know. Just talk. You haven’t talked to me really since we got back to the hotel.”  
Her eyes searched mine.  
“Well what do you want me to say?”  
I chuckled and let her chin go. “I don’t know.”  
I looked around the room. There was some attention on us but not much.  
“Maybe that you’re having a good time and that you’re enjoying this trip?”  
“I am.” she said.  
“Promise?” I asked turning back to her.  
“Promise.” she said.  
I smiled and sat back against the seat. “So what do you want to do when we get back to the hotel?”  
“Sleep?” she guessed.  
“You’re no fun.” I teased.  
“Aren’t you tired?”  
“No. I’m kind of a night owl lately. I’m up late most nights when we tour.”  
“Well then I’ll stay up with you.”  
“Maybe watch some Vampire Diaries?” I asked nudging her.  
She giggled. “Alright.”

DJ Buddah returned with his friend and a little sign for me to hold.  
“Can you hold this why we take the picture?”  
“Sure.” I said. I quickly got into position and posed for some photos. In between, I watched Becca to make sure she was comfortable, but she was watching with a smile.  
It never left her face.  
“What?” I asked when everything was done and we sat down.  
“I just keep forgetting.” she said.  
“Keep forgetting what?” I asked.  
“That you’re Harry Styles. That you’re famous. I mean even here with your friends…it doesn’t seem real. You guys seem so normal.”  
“We are.” I said simply.  
“I know. I just forget.”  
I leaned forward and gave her my full attention. We were surrounded in a noisy club, with people all around but all I saw was her.  
“Becca promise me something?”  
“What?” she asked leaning towards me and listening intently.  
“ That you won’t see me as Harry Styles. Promise that you’ll just see Harry.”  
She smiled and then caressed my cheek.  
“I already do.” she said softly. I smiled and looked back at her, feeling instantly warmed by her words.  
I placed my hand on top of hers on my cheek and pulled it away. I took her hand in both of mine and kissed it.  
I didn’t even care that I was being too forward and that it was an intimate gesture. In that moment, I couldn’t stop myself.  
She smiled wide and then did the unexpected; she leaned over and kissed me.

She.  
Kissed.  
Me.

 _Kissed me._  
Literally attached her lips to mine.

I instantly kissed back.  
Her lips were warm and soft and….fuck! _I’m kissing her_.  
My hands quickly found their way to her hair and I intensified the kiss. I was just about to introduce tongue, when I heard the cheers around us.  
We weren’t alone.  
_Damn Harry. What an idiot you are._  
I quickly pulled away from her and her eyes wore slight shock.  
I turned and saw that everyone in the booth with us was cheering and egging us on.  
How embarrassing.  
I ignored their stares and acted quickly, hopping up.  
We needed to get out of here.  
And we needed to continue this.  
I could feel her eyes on me. I bent down and grabbed her hand.  
We needed to make a quick exit fast.  
I pulled her up.  
“Harry?” she called in surprise but I ignored her.  
I flagged my security and then began to move through the packed crowd with her.  
“Harry?” she called behind me again.  
I was still holding her hand and pulling her towards the exit.  
My security met me from the front and created the barrier between me and the crowd.  
I held Becca’s hand tight, so that she wouldn’t get lost.  
In my sight, I could see Zayn in the corner making out with some blonde and Louis tossing back a bottle.  
I would deal with them later.  
As we got to the front of the club, I was stopped partially by a fan but I politely moved them away.  
I needed to get away from this place and all these people and process what had just happened.  
She had literally made a move and I was freaking out.  
It could have been just the moment or it could have been more and I was anxious to find out which category won.  
As we finally got outside, Becca called my name again and I continued to ignore her. I didn’t want to talk until we were out of the public eye and in private.  
“Harry!” she said impatiently and then pulled her hand from mine roughly, yanking it.  
I instantly turned to her.  
We were in the parking lot, and though there weren’t many people out here, I wanted to be locked away in the SUV.  
“What?” I finally asked.  
“Will you just stop?” she said breathless and flustered.  
“I’m just trying to get to the car.” I said quickly.  
“I know but jeez!” she said and ran her hand through her hair. By now, her curls had fallen a bit but if possible, she looked even more beautiful.  
“We need to talk.” she said looking back at me. Her eyes didn’t hold the light from before. Now they were cold and dark.  
I could feel my heart as it began to beat. It was bad news whatever she was about to say. I could already imagine it.  
She was going to say it was all a mistake and she shouldn’t have kissed me.  
“Let’s get in the car then.” I said and began to walk towards the SUV valet had parked. Security moved with me.  
“No.” she said in defiance.  
As I turned to look at her, I heard a snap.  
I looked up just in time to see the flash of a camera.  
I instantly freaked. I didn’t want Becca’s picture taken yet. In the club it had been dark and if someone had snuck a pic, there was still possibilities she would be unrecognizable.  
Here, outside, and in the parking lot, she could definitely be recognized. Especially if the girl who snapped me got a good picture.  
I cut my eyes at the girl letting her know I wasn’t happy about the unauthorized shot and my security quickly intervened. I used the moment to my advantage and turned back to Becca.  
“Can we please get in the car? I don‘t want to discuss this out here.”  
She didn’t answer, and she didn’t move.  
What was her problem?  
“Becca, please.” I pleaded. “We could be getting papped right now.”  
That seemed to get her attention. She looked around quickly, shuffled her feet and then finally came to me, protest free.  
We headed to the car and my security followed.  
I opened her door for her and she climbed in scooting to the opposite end. I climbed in beside her and then there was silence.  
We needed to talk. Right then and there.  
“Hey?” I asked suddenly to my security as he hopped in the front seat. “Can you go tell the guys I’m leaving? And flag down the driver?”  
He turned and looked at me skeptically.  
“I’ll be alright. The windows are tinted.” I explained seeing his hesitation.  
Becca remained quiet.  
“Alright Harold. I won’t be too long.”  
I nodded okay and he climbed out.  
Then, we were finally alone as I wanted.  
I turned to her.  
She was twirling her rings again.  
“You alright?” I asked.  
She turned to me. “Are you?”  
Her eyes were still cold and I quickly read her expression.  
“ _What?_ What did I do?” I asked in confusion.  
She rolled her eyes and turned from me.  
I felt a tightening in my chest. She was mad about the kiss. That must have been it.  
_Great._  
“Look I’m sorry.” I quickly explained. “I didn’t mean to kiss you-”  
“Obviously.” she said interrupting me. “I’m sorry I’m so repulsive that you can‘t even be seen in public with me.” she spat, irritated.  
_Huh?_  
“ _What?_ ” I asked in amazement.  
“I’m sorry. I won’t do it ever again.” she said quickly turning to the opposite window.  
I couldn’t believe this. She actually thought I was upset about what happened between us.  
“Becca,” I said gently. “I’m not mad. Honestly. That’s not what happened back there.”  
She turned back to me. “Then what happened?” she asked shortly.  
“People happened. They were watching us and…you think I didn’t want to kiss you?” I asked. I was starting to put two and two together, and it didn’t make any sense. I had obviously tried to take it further until I was stopped.  
Or apparently not.  
“Obviously Harry. And that’s fine. But you’re fucking hot and cold. I never know what you want from me; when you kissed my hand it confused me.”  
_Woah._  
I put my hands up.  
“Becca, slow down…we’re talking about two different things. I actually wanted to kiss you. I’m happy that you did.”  
She turned to me with unsure eyes.  
We looked back at each other.  
I nodded, watching as her features softened and her expression changed to disbelief. “Yeah… I wanted to kiss you.” I re-stated. I wanted to kiss her right now.  
“You’re actually attracted to me?” she asked. Her tone sounded as if it was the craziest thing she had ever heard.  
I couldn’t help it, I chuckled. “Of course I’m attracted to you. You’re beautiful.”  
_“Really?”_  
“Becca you’re beautiful. Truly one of the best people I’ve ever met. I’ve liked you for a while.” I said honestly.  
“Is that why you invited me on this trip then?”  
“No.” I said. “I didn’t realize it until this trip.”  
And that was true.  
She grew quiet and didn’t say another word.  
She looked out of the window for a minute…or was it two?  
I lost count because I was sweating bullets.  
She was making me nervous.  
“Can you say something?” I asked. “Anything…”  
She looked back at me and bit her lip.  
I waited for her response.  
Her eyes studied something on my face.  
“Can I kiss you again?” she said suddenly.  
I burst out laughing.  
“That’s what you want to say?”  
She nodded shyly. A small smile was peeking through and I just wanted to wipe it off her face.  
I smiled widely and closed the space between us quickly.  
Within seconds, I crashed my lips against hers.  
This time we would do this right. 


	21. Chapter 21

 

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

BECCA

Now.

I will never forget that night.  
I hated that thick and musty club.  
As Harry had sat with those people who could care less about him, and would forget him in a months’ time, I kept myself busy in my phone.  
I scrolled through blogs and Twitter. I updated my Facebook and sent a few text messages.  
I didn’t like seeing him in that way.  
Harry has always had a vulnerability and a trusting nature that seems to latch to anyone who treats him nicely. He seems to be getting better, but I have always viewed it as one of his small flaws.  
His bandmates had been nowhere to be found, ditching us as soon as we arrived and Harry’s security had been on high alert watching everyone.  
I remembered him asking me what was wrong, and holding myself back from screaming “Let’s just go back to your hotel room! This is stupid!”  
I had just wanted to be with him and watch mindless television and pig out on junk food.  
We had the flight the next day, and then the show, and then one more day before I would leave. I had wanted to make the best of my time and not waste it.  
“I wonder how they are.” Harry says suddenly creeping in my thoughts.  
I look back at him.  
“Who?”  
“The DJ and his friends.” Harry says. His voice is laid-back.  
We are currently still in my kitchen and we have been briefly reliving the whole Bangkok trip. Ironically we are pausing before the real stuff happens.  
Harry had been so fond to relive the camera debate and the party in Lou’s room.  
‘I was so jealous’ he said with a laugh, enjoying our discussion.  
Meanwhile, I have been on eggshells waiting for what was coming.  
You see, the club and our first kiss was still just the beginning. So much more would happen on that trip.  
“Well you should look them up.” I mumble more to myself than him. “They certainly never did for you.”  
Harry smiles an amused smile. “Why do you let that stuff bother you? Who cares.”  
“Because people use you Harry. _All the time_ and you just let them.”  
“They weren’t going to be lifelong friends Becca. Besides it was a good time. I had fun that night.”  
He winks suggestively.  
I know exactly what ’fun’ he is referencing.  
I turn from him since I don’t need his cheeky grin to remind me even further.  
I see his mouth on me. My mouth on him.  
“Do you remember when we got back to the hotel?” he continues.  
“Of course.” I say with a measured sigh.  
“We pretty much spent the night together.”  
I look back at him. That stupid grin is still on his face.  
Why does the idea of our sex life excite him so much?  
You would think he never gets any.  
I’m sure many have came after me and before Barbie.  
I wonder briefly how she is in bed. I can imagine Julie is stiff, and likes a lot of attention.  
She probably makes him do all the work and just lays there, whining in her small voice and smelling like fucking bubblegum.  
Or…maybe she’s completely dirty doing things he could have never imagined.  
It would explain the ring on her finger.  
Either way, I’m over the whole thing.  
“Oh please. Don’t act like we slept together that night Harry.” I say dismissively. I don’t want to get in a deep conversation about that night, and the activities that took place in his bed.  
He chuckles.  
“I’m not, but it was…we were good.” he says proudly. He bits his lip.  
_That’s it._  
I hop off my kitchen stool and put my cup away.  
“Can we move on please?” I ask but I am already interrupted.  
His phone vibrates on the table.  
I turn and glance his way as he answers.  
“Hey sweetheart.” he says into his cell phone and then I turn back around.  
It is obviously Barbie again and I don‘t want to watch him talk to her.  
Doesn’t she have something else to worry about?  
Why does she keep calling him?  
“No I’m coming. “he says into the phone, sounding like a prince ready to come to her rescue for whatever it is. “When are you headed that way?” he asks.  
Why the hell is this girl so needy?  
She answers him and he says “Alright.”  
I hear him stand behind me.  
His eyes meet mine as I turn and face him.  
I can read what is coming behind his eyes.  
“No I’m leaving now.” he says into the phone confirming my thoughts seconds later.  
No.  
No, no.  
Not again.  
My mind quickly thinks of what I can do to possibly delay him. A word and phrase comes to mind, but that will only invite trouble, and though I want him to stay, I don‘t need those problems.  
Nothing else comes to mind so I just call his name.  
“Harry?” I call quickly. A small peek into my desperation.  
His eyes look at me quickly and they cut into me.  
“Ah I’ll call you back.” he says and hangs up the phone.  
His stare is intense.  
“Why did you do that? She probably heard you.” he says looking back down at his phone.  
“I didn’t think about it.” I say innocently, though that was partially my intention.  
Let her know.  
_Yes Barbie, he still runs to me._  
“You have to go?” I question a second later, keeping my voice soft.  
“Yeah. She’s headed to the restaurant now and she wants me to eat with her.”  
“You live with her.” I point out. “Can’t you eat with her later?”  
“I don’t actually. And I can’t.” he says.  
“You don’t what?” I ask in confusion.  
“I don’t live with her.”  
“But you’re engaged.” I say.  
“And?”  
“Why don’t you live together? Isn’t that the preliminary step to all this?”  
Harry shrugs. “I don’t know. This is the first time I‘ve _actually_ been engaged so I‘m still figuring it all out.” he points out.  
His words sting slightly, after all, I did turn him down before and robbed him of that chance.  
“Well it doesn’t make sense.” I say softly.  
He shrugs.  
“Either way, I’ve got to go.” he takes a step towards the door.  
“I thought you wanted to talk.” I throw out quickly. My voice is accusatory. “Now you’re just leaving?”  
I’m pulling all of the tricks out of my ’Make Harry Stay’ bag and I know this will be one that will at least make him pause. He can’t stand to let others down.  
He sighs in slight frustration and runs a hand through his hair.  
“I do Becca, but she’s---I can’t not go. Then she’ll know I was here.”  
“Well tell her the truth then, tell her you _are_ here.” I argue.  
“She doesn’t like you.” he says suddenly. “I know she acted like she did last night, but she doesn’t. She doesn‘t want me around you…it’s kind of weird. So…”  
_Hmm…interesting…_  
“Is she threatened by me?”  
“I’m sure she is. We were together three years.” he reminds me as if it sums up everything.  
“She has the ring.” I remind him.  
“Yeah, _your ring.”_  
“Does she know that?”  
He chuckles. “Do you think I would be standing here if she did?”  
I smile, but only for a second. He moves another step towards the door.  
I continue my games.  
“I don’t care.” I say quickly. “You started this and now you’re running out on it?”  
My voice continues to try to lay on the guilt.  
“I’m not running out of anything. I’m meeting my girlfriend.” he says, taking his keys out and twirling them in his hands.  
His loyalty to her stings. I can remember the days when he had been that way for me.  
He use to drop everything for me- at least in the beginning.  
“You can see her anytime.” I repeat. “She’s your fiancé.”  
“I can, but not today. We had plans.” he says finally shuffling out of the kitchen.  
“Well then why did you make plans with me?” I ask, on his heels.  
He puts his hands up. “Please stop asking me questions. You wanted me out of your hair, I am. I’m leaving and we can be…I don’t know, done with this.”  
“But we aren’t done.” I say sternly. “Far from it.”  
This makes him stop.  
His shoulders fall as he turns back to me.  
His eyes soften. He looks me over, before placing his head down. “I know.” he says quietly after a moment. He shifts.  
“Maybe we can do this another day and I can meet you again?”  
“When?” I ask, slightly excited at the prospect.  
“I don’t know. I leave out of town in two days…maybe when I get back.”  
“Fine.” I say shortly. I cross my arms and don’t even hide my irritation.  
Now I know it is a lie.  
I won’t see him again.  
If he leaves today, and puts distance between us, he will have time to think this through.  
_I_ will have time to think this through and I know if he tries to come back, I won‘t let him.  
He already sits on my heart like a weight being pressed down. I’m teetering on the edge and today I was either going to sink into the water, or be pulled back up at the last minute.  
If he leaves, and we leave it like this, I will drown.  
  
He sighs suddenly frustrated. His hands pull at the ends of his hair.  
“This is the problem.”  
I look at him.  
“You get mad at me for things I can’t possibly control.”  
“You can control this.” I spew. “You’re just choosing to leave. Like you always do.”  
“Becca, she wants me to meet her.” he argues.  
“Yeah at a fucking restaurant. What is possibly so significant about that? Why is it so important for you to meet her now?”  
He shakes his head, ignoring me.  
“You’re so immature. You’re like a damn only child. It always has to be your way-”  
“No it doesn’t.” I argue quickly. “You called me Harry. You were the one who wanted to come here and settle this. Well, you’re here and I’m standing here willing to work with you and now…you’re cowarding out.”  
“Cowarding out of what?” he asks in disbelief. “You can’t even stand me. Why prolong this bullshit anymore?”  
Suddenly I’m over it.  
I place my hands up, dismissing him, angrily.  
“You’re right. You can leave. Malibu Barbie needs you.”  
He gives me a pointed look.  
“Her fucking name is Julie.” he snaps _. “Julie_. Stop calling her that.”  
“I don’t care.” I say with my own bark. “Go to her! Your precious Jules!” I point towards the door.  
He gives me a final look and heads towards the door.  
He bypasses the camera and the memories that it held.  
This is officially over.  
I know that we won’t get another chance like this.  
_I don’t want it._  
It has already taken us two years for us to come together and I know the chances of us seeing each other in a few days is next to impossible, especially now that he is mad at me again.  
I feel he knows it too. I can see it in his eyes as he turns to me before leaving.  
He waits for me to say something, but I stand firm. I avert my eyes away from him.  
“So…” he says softly. “This has been…”  
“Like always.” I finish.  
I still don’t look his way, but I feel his green eyes on me.  
“Yeah.” he says quietly.  
He turns from me and opens my door.  
For some reason, I feel my eyes get heavy.  
He turns back around and steps directly in my eyesight, forcing the contact. His eyes are clouded.  
“For what its worth Becca, I do wish things were different. Really.” he says. “You gave me something that I’ll probably never see again and I will always love you for that.”  
I don’t have a quick witted or sarcastic response to that. Fact of the matter is, he is right. What we had could never be replicated. I would never love someone the way I had loved him and for a while I thought the same about him. However, it seems like now he is trying. He wants to move on and I should support that.  
I place my hand on the door, trying to hold back the sadness that is suddenly overcoming me.  
“Well regards to your wife then. May your life together be merry.” I say. There is no malice to my tone, just my own regret.  
Maybe I had a hand in our demise after all, but what did it matter; it had ended and now all we would have were the messed up memories.  
Harry moves towards me and then he does the unexpected. He reaches his hand out and caresses my cheek.  
I still love him.  
I’m still completely in love with him and it is confirmed in that moment.  
I still love him so much.

My body melts into him as it always does, and my face presses against his warm hand, so I can feel more.  
But then it is over. Whatever overcame him, ends quickly.  
He turns and leaves, not saying another word.  
I don’t stop him though I feel the burn rise inside of me.  
I watch him as he walks away from me for the hundredth time. Only this time it has been two years since he has been back. Maybe in another two years I would see him again if I was lucky.  
_Married, with children_ …haunts in the back of my mind.  
He climbs in his Audi and gives me a final look before starting his car.  
Then he is gone.  
And suddenly I feel like I’m back to square one. 


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

BECCA

Then.

 

I couldn't stop kissing him.

His lips and mouth were hypnotic.

"Fuck." he whispered under his breath as we broke apart again.

By now I had climbed on his lap and we were filling the car with our own heat.

I didn't know where his security had gone but we were taking full advantage.

"Your lips are incredible." he whispered as our foreheads touched.

We were breathless.

His breath was warm against my mouth and his hands on my hips sent tingles on my skin.

"It's all you. This mouth..." I said cupping his chin in my hands. "It's a gift from the Gods."

And it was.

He did this teasing thing where he pecked your lips before playfully swiping his tongue against yours. It was just enough to drive you crazy and leave you wanting more. And oh, did he give you more. 

He smiled and kissed me again.

His tongue probed in my mouth, dancing and teasing.

I could feel his hand traveling my skin and I wanted so badly for him to take my shirt off. I rested my hands against his shoulders and grinded my hips against his. My hips were aching at this point to feel every inch of him.

"Don't do that." he murmured.

"Don't do what?" I whispered against his lips, rocking my hips again.

He was already hard and if it was possible, I felt him grow harder beneath me.

"Stop." he whined. "These are not the pants for that."

I giggled and finally pulled away. Our eyes truly met for the first time since this had all started.

His beautiful green eyes seemed darker in this light, but still as hypnotizing.

"Well hello." I said looking back at him.

"Hi." he said smiling wide.

"How are you?" I asked.

He shifted slightly underneath me. "Uncomfortable."

I instantly lifted and prepared to move.

"Don't!" he said abruptly, gripping my hips and pulling me back down. "I want you there."

"But you're uncomfortable?" I reasoned.

"Because I want you." he said, staring back at me. " _Badly_. I'm dying in these pants."

Oh.

I leaned and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"I want you too. We need to get back to the hotel." I concluded.

I wanted him. All of him, and I didn't even care if it was socially unacceptable to be sleeping with him so soon.

"No, not tonight." he said quietly, trailing his hands on my skin.

I looked back at him in confusion. He obviously wanted me. The hardness underneath me told me so.

He moved his  hands up and gently traced my lips. 

"I want you but I don't want to rush it." he said reading my thoughts. 

"I've known you for two months." I pointed out.

"I know, but trust me." he said gently. "We should wait."

His voice was gentle and caring.

I pressed my forehead against his and sighed. He had no idea how hard that was going to be. 

"Fine." I groaned. I didn't agree, but if he didn't want to tonight, I guess I should respect that. However, my tone showed how I really felt.

As I backed away, he grinned back at me.

I made a move to climb off him and he gripped my legs again.

"That doesn't mean move."

"I have to or else I'm going to jump your bones in this car Harry. And, I'm pretty sure you don't like your security to watch."

This time he groaned and pouted, but let me go.

As we separated, I finally glanced and noticed the windows. In that short time, they had begun to fog.

As I turned to Harry, he was smiling at me, cheekily. He must have noticed as well.

I smiled back.

"What are you smiling about?" I asked for confirmation.

He didn't answer. Reaching over and cupping my face, he gave me a final peck on my lips.

It was so sweet but said everything.

We smiled at each other like lovesick teenagers until we heard the door open. Harry's security was back.

Though it was warm outside, the minute he opened the door, a cold draft moved through the car.

It was then I realized how much we had warmed the space with our fire.

How long had we kissed? Five minutes? Ten?

We had been left alone for a quite a bit, and I was sure it didn't take security that long to find the other boys.

Harry's driver said nothing as we pulled apart, though he had to notice the partial fogged windows.

He just started the car.

Harry gave me a mischievous smile but said nothing more on the ride home.

Every few minutes our eyes would catch each others and we would smile, both reliving the moments before we were interrupted.

When we arrived to the hotel, Harry opened his door first, sliding out of the car, then he lifted his hand to help me out.

I slid over his way and climbed out.

Then, he took my hand.

We were actually holding hands as we walked into the hotel.

Harry's security stayed with us until we reached the main floor we stayed on.

"Thanks Mate. Appreciate it." Harry said as his guard left us to head to his room, and we headed to ours.

As his guard opened his hotel door, with my free hand, I began to pull my keycard out of my pocket mimicking the action, when Harry quickly yanked my arm, spun me and pressed me against a hotel door.

"What are you doi-" I began but was cut off as his lips crashed against mine.

Instantly he gripped both my wrists and held them over my head. My keycard hit the floor.

I moaned as his mouth moved away from my lips and connected to my neck.

_What was he doing to me?_

His mouth kissed and licked, until he found my lips again pushing his tongue against mine. 

I forced my hands of his grasp and brought it to his hair. He still had his man bun and I quickly wrapped my finger around his hair tie, setting his hair free. It fell wildly on his shoulders.

He broke the kiss.

"Hey..." he drawled pulling slightly back. His lips were bright pink and swollen. "I liked my hair up."

I didn't respond, and moved both hands through his hair, allowing my nails to gently massage his scalp quickly as I parted his hair back.

He closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the sensation.

I smiled, at his partial 'O' face, and then felt a little devious.

Before I could really think it through, I yanked a portion of his hair hard, asserting control, and his eyes shot open.

His face flushed and then he smiled, turned on more.

So Harry had a slight pain kink....interesting.

"Okay..." he said. His eyes had a look of revenge. His hands wrapped around my thighs and he lifted me suddenly.

I squealed at how quickly he hoisted me.

He carried me down the rest of the hall and pressed me against his hotel door.

Using the weight of the door to hold me up, he used one hand to dig in his back pocket for his keycard. I was quickly reminded of my keycard down the hall on the floor.

Harry read my mind.

"We'll get it later. You're staying with me tonight." he said.

"I don't want to go to your room." I teased. "I'm going to bed." I said as he stuck the keycard in its slot.

He nodded no and the door beeped.

"No way."

He lifted me fully again, pushing the door open.

Then using both hands he carried me into the room and dropped me on the bed. Hard.

Oh so this was the game we were playing...

I smiled in amusement as he pulled his shirt off.

His tan, tattooed skin finally looked back at me. My eyes trailed quickly, stopping only to take in his silver cross necklace that he said he kept for good luck.

As he stood above me, in all his handsomeness, I was even more turned on.

He stared down at me, biting his lower lip and running his teeth over it.

He was so fucking sexy. His stance was dominating, but inviting.

If he wasn't going to fuck me, then he was totally confusing me.

He seemed primed and ready.

"Harry," I called softly to break his stare, but he didn't answer.

He climbed on the bed and gripped both of my legs and pulled me closer to him.

Then before I could say anything more, his lips were on my inner thighs, kissing gently. In that moment I was thankful I didn't wear my jeans.

I closed my eyes, laying my head back on the bed.

When I had awoke that morning, I had no idea that this could even be a vision. Harry was practically on his knees in front of me, nestled between my legs placing soft kisses.

"I want to take these off." he mumbled against my skin.

"Do it." I said. I was anxious to see what else he wanted to do to me.

He brought his head up and unbuttoned my shorts. Then, he began to remove them.

"This is getting dangerous." I teased. "You said not tonight."

He smiled. "I have restraint. Do you?"

"Depends on what you're about to do." I said honestly.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked. His smile, and that dimple melted me. I was going to come before he even touched me.

I couldn't think of a daring response so I just said "I'm all yours."

He grinned wider. "Not yet, but hopefully soon." he said softly.

Then he leaned back down and started lifting me to heaven. 

I was lucky I had worn my pink lace boy shorts today. The material was thin and sexy enough for this little hookup.

Harry must have sensed this as he brought his mouth to my most intimate area and licked over the material of the lace.

I immediately shifted.

"Wow, your panties are soaked." he said proudly.

"Do that again." I instructed, ignoring him.

He chuckled as he licked me again and then flicked his tongue against my clit.

_Holy shit._

My panties weren't even removed, but I could feel everything as if it was.

I looked back at him and his skilled tongue.

It was official. 

 "I need to fuck you." I said breathless.

He smiled and moved his hand between my legs.

He began to run his hands up and down my clit.

"Do you?" he asked.

I moaned again. He was barely touching me and I was already going over the edge.

His hands kept moving up and down, up and down...sliding...over the thin lace. 

I wanted so badly for him to just stick a finger in me or just take me right there but he didn't.

His touch was deadlier, and the slow assault unraveled me.

Harry knew exactly what he was doing.

As I got closer to orgasm, he brought his mouth down to my sex and then he combined the two.

"Fuck Harry." I whispered. "I'm going to come."

As I uttered the words, he moved his body back over mine and kissed me. His hands never left my body.

"You're so fucking sexy." he whispered. "I want to make you come over and over again." he said in my ear.

Between his warm breath, skilled hands, and deep accent in my ear, he sent me over the edge right at the time and I came. I moaned loudly and cursed under my breath as I vibrated underneath him.

I remained in my post coital high for a few moments and he stared at me.

When I caught my breath, I finally faced him.

"That's not fair."

"What isn't?" he asked removing his hand from my body and cupping my face.

"What you just did."

"Did you like it?" he asked.

"I loved it."

He smiled and sat up. I studied his body and the tattoos again.

Harry had a lot of them, and typically tattoos turned me off, but on him, it was different.

They complimented him in a strange way and added to his appeal.

Strangely at this point, I couldn't picture his body without the tattoos.

They had become apart of him.

"Harry you are art." I said scanning him.

He smiled and looked down at his body. "Well I sure have a lot on me, don't I?"

I didn't respond and sat up pulling him to me.

I couldn't stop touching him...kissing him...just being with him.

We kissed for minutes until I decided I needed to return the favor. I quickly switched our positions and began to kiss his chest, trailing down.

"Becca." he called gently, but this time I ignored him.

I kissed his 17BLACK tattoo. And his sparrows. And his butterfly until I made my way down to his belly button.

I traced my tongue over the tips of his leaves that rested on his hips, playing a small game of connect the dots, as I weaved up and down each detail of his laurels.

He groaned gently.

I moved from the left to the right and then I went for his pants. I unbuckled them.

His eyes remained on me as I came face to face with his Calvin Klein boxers, and then, as I removed him completely from his boxer briefs.

I wasn't ashamed I had mini dreams of his penis and wondered just what he had hiding in the many skinny jeans he wore.

I was surprised.

He was big.

Quite long actually and easily in the seven or eight inch category. 

"How do you even..." I trailed off and giggled. How did he breathe in those pants?

"What?" Harry asked. His voice was slightly raised.

I realized I probably shouldn't giggle as I looked at his penis. It could be quite emasculating.

"It's better than I imagined." I said softly and from the corner of my eye, I saw him smile.

I leaned down to give the head a small lick. I looked up at him.

His eyes instantly closed and he hissed. Then slowly I inched my mouth down, taking him slowly in my mouth.

Then slowly I eased back up. I swirled my mouth on the tip again and then quietly spit. As my spit coated the head of his penis, I wrapped my lips around him and moved down slowly again.

"Fuuuucckkk." he drawled out slowly. I flicked my eyes up at him and saw he was biting his lip in ecstasy.

I wanted to smile, but continued my work.

I loved to watch men as I made them unravel.

I began to suck while moving my hand in a circular rotation on the lower end of his dick.

Fast, then slow, faster, then spit. 

Slow and then lick.

There was an art to oral sex, and it was one I had learned with my first boyfriend. I had been one of those girls who had been keen to hold on to my virginity for as long as possible, which in turn, had resulted in lots of blowjobs.

"Holy fuck. Bec just like that." Harry  grunted underneath me.

His hips rocked upwards and his hand went to my hair, guiding me.

"I'm so close." he mumbled after a few seconds.

I slowed down my speed, drawing out his orgasm.

It was a give and take game and the look on his face let me know he was enjoying it.

His hands wrapped around my hair, gathering it into a loose ponytail and he gently tugged. That was my cue to go faster.

"Shit!" he said immediately shooting his eyes open. He cursed my name and brought his hands to his face. Seconds later, he jerked in my mouth and I felt the warm liquid shoot down my throat.

I didn't like to swallow but I allowed him to continue to come in my mouth. At this moment, I wanted him in every way possible.

I sucked the excess come until he was dry and only then did he drop his hands from his face.

He looked at complete peace.

"Becca," he said quietly, looking up at the ceiling.

I lifted my body and climbed over him. I peered down at him.

"There are no words." he said softly as our eyes met.

I kissed his nose and he moved up so that our lips met.

He kissed me slow, not bothered at all by the taste of us on our tongues. He gave an appreciative kiss.

"You're quite good at that." he said as we pulled apart.

I smiled widely. "That makes two mister."

He swallowed and looked me over.

I was still in my underwear and black t-shirt and he was completely naked besides the socks he was wearing and his pants that were pooled at his feet.

"This isn't fair." he said flicking his hand on my skin.

I lifted and took my shirt off so I was only in my bra and underwear.

"Better?"

He nodded, grinned and lifted himself on his elbows. I climbed completely on his lap.

"You want to take a shower?" he asked. His green eyes gleamed at me.

"Together?" I asked.

"Yeah." he said casually.

"You just want to see me naked." I teased.

He smiled "I do. Absolutely."

He brought a hand up to my left breast, and fell back against the bed. He swiped his finger over my nipple through the thin lace material of the bra. "I also want to make you come again. I like the face. "

"Oh really?" I asked.

I'd be happy to oblige. I rested my hips against his groin and rode gently.

"You're still hard." I noted.

He swallowed slowly. "I am."

His hands quickly found my waist. I intensified my speed, dry humping him. The lace from my underwear the only thing separating the contact. My panties were soaked through, so I was sure he could feel everything.

He groaned.

"Stop." he said.

"Why? We're pretty much there Harry." I whispered, feeling my own warm sensations. I wondered if it was possible to come this way. He was rubbing my clit just right...

He groaned. "I know, but I don't want to fuck you yet. I just kissed you for the first time like two hours ago."

"But you want me." I said looking back at him. It was all over his face.

"I do." he says. "More than I thought I would."

I removed his hands from my waist and sat up completely before climbing off of him. Let's try a different tactic...

"Where are you going?" he asked quickly.

"I'm going to take a shower." I said. "Are you going to join me?" I asked seductively.

Yet now, I had added a seductive move to my hips. 

He stared back at me contemplating. The moment had changed a bit from his initial question. I was quite sure if we showered together now, we would go all the way.

He was standing at attention before me, and my panties were beyond wet. 

I continued to move my body back and forth enticing him. I was more than welcoming this shower suggestion. 

He watched me, having an internal battle that I lost.

"No." he said suddenly.

I looked back at him as he sat up. He pulled his boxers up, completely ruining the moment.

He lifted his jeans next then faced me.

"You should go first. I'll wait."

He put on a smile but it didn't placate me.

I rolled my eyes.

"You just suggested it Harry."

"I know but...I just want to wait." he said softly. "Do you need anything?" he asked. "I have shampoo and body washes and there's some clothes if you want."

Now he was irritating me.

I knew he had sex-lots of it.

So why was he prolonging this?

He practically went down on me and let me go down on him so what was the problem?

We were both consenting adults and my body was on fire, waiting for him.

I gave up.

"Fine." I said. "Forget it."

I walked past him to the bed and reached for my clothes. 

He touched my arm on the way.

"Baby?" he called. "What's wrong?"

I was angry.

So angry that him using that word for the first time did nothing for me.

"Don't be upset." he said, reading my silence.

"I'm not." I said, moving away from him and putting on my t-shirt.

He sighed. "Becca?"

"I'll just be in my room." I said shuffling on my tight shorts quickly.

"Becca, don't. Just stop." he said moving towards me. "I don't want you to leave, I just--"

I moved away. 

"No it's late. We have a flight in the morning." I reminded him quickly and headed for the door.

He said nothing more and I left the room.

***************************

I heard nothing more from him.

I was aware that we left for our flight at 10am, so I woke up early and packed.

Around 8:30 there was a knock on my door and I figured immediately that it was Harry. By then, I was dressed casually in a light sweater and jeans so I could be comfortable on the plane.

Besides the show that night, it was the only thing exciting me about the day. I had never flown private anything and was anxious to pretend I was someone important; even if it was just for two hours.

However, I didn't want to see Harry and was relieved when it was Dale from the first day.

"Hi." I said, looking back at him.

"Hey. Good Morning. We're going to be heading out soon and I need to take your luggage and load it. Are you all packed?"

I turned around and looked at my room doing a mental scan. I was confident I had everything important packed, but I wanted to double check.

"Can I maybe get ten minutes?"

"Of course." he said. "I've still got to grab Niall and Louis' luggage so I'll start there."

I nodded and smiled 'thanks'. He left.

I quickly wrapped up the rest of my things, double checking that I had my chargers, and other small knick knacks.

Ten minutes later, like clockwork, Dale returned and grabbed my bags.

"We're going to load up soon. We'll have someone grab you." he reassured me.

I thanked him again and then turned on the TV in my room.

I had a few minutes so I leisurely looked at the TV and spun my phone in my hand.

A few friends from school texted me and linked me to useless memes on Facebook while I waited.

Then I heard another knock.

I grabbed my purse and did a final scan of the room, making sure I hadn't left anything then I headed for the doors, ready to go.

When I opened it, I was surprised to see Harry, not security, looking back at me in dark sunglasses.

He seemed to have a grown an inch since the day before and he towered over me.

"Hey." he said quietly.

I didn't respond right away. I was surprised to see him, but I was also looking at what he had on.

He looked pretty casual for the most part: white t-shirt, an open black and pink overshirt, black jeans, his signature tan boots...but then I looked at his jacket. It was maroon and gold  sequined and I could tell it was made by an expensive designer.

The whole combo shouldn't fit together but it was Harry and he made everything a little bit better. I had to admit he looked just as sexy as the evening before. 

"Hi." I said back. My tone wasn't enthused like normally and I know he could tell I was upset.

He ran a hand through his hair and then sighed.

"Can we talk for a second?" he asked.

I ignored his question. "Are they ready for us downstairs?"

"No." he said looking back at me. Though he  was wearing dark sunglasses, I could feel his gaze on me.

I shuffled my purse on my shoulder. I wanted to ask why he was there then. It was obvious I didn't want to talk to him.

"What's wrong?" he asked me. "What was that last night?"

I ignored him and rolled my eyes. I thought the problem was pretty obvious.

He had played games last night.

"I don't get why you're upset." he said looking back at me. "You should be happy I'm respecting you."

"Oh is that what it was Harry?" I asked sarcastically.

He nodded quickly.

"I don't see it that way." I said without pause.

"But why? Obviously I'm into you and last night was great. I don't get why you're being this way. Unless you regret it?" he questioned. 

His question hung in the air with uncertainty.

"No I don't regret it, and I'm not being any way Harry. It's fine. I just don't want to be bothered right now."

His green eyes gave me a pointed look, before he looked down. 

He sighed and bit his lip thinking.

"We don't seem okay." he said quietly as if he was speaking more to himself than to me. Whatever thoughts he was having, he was trying to work out in his mind.

I didn't answer. _We're not._

I was fine with waiting, but I didn't like his dismissive behavior. He was the one who had initiated everything and it seemed like he was the one who was having regrets--not me.

Either way, it was over and done with now. Conversation over. 

I moved to close the door and he stopped me.

"No Becca. You don't get to be mad at me for this. Look at where we are...we're in Thailand and we've had a great few days together. Please don't ruin everything by being this way. I told you I didn't want things to go too far, and I meant it-for last night. I know that things progressed and I'm sorry if..." He looked back at me. "I'm just sorry." he said. "But it's not because I didn't want you or want it to happen, because I do. I just...I didn't want it in that way. It should mean a little more than some random hookup after hanging at a club."

I didn't respond. I wanted to be angry but his tone was incredibly sincere and I could tell this was bothering him.

I looked down at the floor and shuffled my feet.

"Is that really what it was?" I asked.

"Yeah." he said. "I really like you Becca and I just think you deserve a little better than that is all."

"Then why did you even let it get that far?"

He shrugged and leaned against the door frame.

"I really like you like I said. Besides, you were kind of hard to resist."

That got a smile out of me.

He smiled back.

"Fine." I said looking back at him. "If that's really what it was then, I'm over it." I held up my hands in a truce. "Friends." I said softly.

He bit his lips and leaned forward. " _Just_ friends?"

"Well I mean...what do you want Harry?" I asked.

He leaned down and pulled my face to his. He kissed me softly. He smelled like cologne and peppermints. I was instantly his. I moved to deepen the kiss and he pulled back.

"Just that." he said as our eyes connected. "That's all I want."

"Well I don't know what that means. That's not really a definition." I said.

He smiled. "Well we'll figure it out together."

He reached for my hands and I gave it to him. He pulled them to his chest.

"Just don't be mad at me."

"I'm not." I said finally, a slow smile coming to my face.

He leaned and kissed my nose. "Good. Because otherwise it would have been a really long plane ride."

I giggled and he smiled at his own dry joke.

"Speaking of...you should know that Niall is going to be on the flight with us, Cal too."

I looked at him in confusion. "What about everyone else?"

"The girls left yesterday with some of the crew."

"Okay but what about your band?"

"Oh! Oh, they'll be on the other plane. I don't typically travel with Louis and Zayn because they smoke. Liam alternates depending on the mood. He'll be with them today though."

I thought the separation was all a bit weird and a waste of money, but maybe Harry and Niall had allergies or something.

"Oh okay." I said simply.

Twenty minutes later, we headed for the airport. All of the boys rode in separate cars and I rode with Harry (of course). On the way to the airport, Harry gave me instructions.

"If there are fans that want a picture, just keep walking and following Cal. I'll catch up with security."

"Stay by Cal?" I repeated.

"Yes. At all times." Harry said softly. "The fans know we're leaving today so it might be a little crazy but not too bad." he said.

"What if someone gets my picture?"

"It sounds bad but they won't want it. Unless you're standing by me...that's why I said you have to keep walking."

"Okay." I said.

Thus far I had been lucky and hadn't really gotten a chance to experience Harry's fame. I had seen him pose for some pictures, but I had yet to see the worst of it. So far, everything had been very tame.

If the airport was going to be hectic then I wanted to walk right past it all and pretend I didn't see it.

As we arrived, Harry quickly scoped everything out.

"Looks okay." he said and smiled.

I gave him a relieved smile and he rubbed my back. I was just happy he wasn't stressed and that he didn't appear to have a stressful situation pending.

I picked up my purse and prepared to enter Harry's world.

I just hoped I could handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you are enjoying the story. :) Thanks for reading.


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

HARRY

Then.

"Can I get a picture too Harry?"

"Sure." I said shifting my long Evian bottle in my hand. I pulled the young fan in my arms and remained stoic as my picture was snapped for the third time.

"Thank you." she said politely.

"Thank you." I said back, "Nice to see you."

I had been at the airport for five minutes, and everyone else was already inside. The other boys had decided to take the private entrance, and everyone else-besides my security-was already headed to the gate.

I stopped once more, being flagged down and took one final picture, before heading into the airport.

It was much more tame than the airports in the States and I was thankful I didn't have to deal with a big crowd.

As everyone had climbed out of the SUV, Becca had followed my instructions perfectly and just kept walking. She didn't even give me a second glance.

It made me slightly hopeful and happy. Just maybe she could handle all this fame stuff.

We were far from any real commitment, or even being defined now, but I knew it was possible that I would want to see more of her in the future. We got on well, so maybe she would be around for a bit. I didn't have time for love and serious girlfriends, but I was open to a fling and something casual.

When I got to my gate, Becca was there and texting on her phone. She didn't appear to be paying any attention to any of the check-in stuff.

Using her distraction to my advantage, I went up behind her and playfully yanked a strand of her long hair. She looked up.

As our eyes connected, she grinned.

"Hey Stud."

"Stud?" I asked, keeping my voice light, "I don't think a girl has ever called me that before..."

"Of course they have, just probably not to your face."

I grinned. She probably had a point.

"Are you alright?" I asked. She seemed fine, but I wanted to make sure she wasn't overwhelmed in any way.

"I'm perfect. That was easier than I thought."

"I told you they would leave you alone."

"You did." she said.

I glanced at her phone. "Who are you texting?"

"Just sending a quick text to my mom-checking in ya know? Although, she's probably asleep."

I started to respond, but then I was interrupted for another picture.

Getting into position next to a security guard, I posed once more, and then we headed to the plane.

As we walked, Becca was peering at everything and studying the plane. The only thing distracting her, was her bag, which she kept shifting on her shoulder.

"This is so exciting." Becca said once more, pushing it behind her tiny frame. It looked heavy.

I started to lift it off her arm to confirm my thoughts, but she clutched it.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm carrying it for you." I said softly, pulling it off her shoulder and taking it in my hand. "Isn't that what I'm suppose to do?"

She smiled in surprise. "I don't know. Are you?"

"I think I am." I said softly. "That's what courting is right?"

"Oh you're courting me now?" she joked.

"I think so." I said with a teasing smile and we continued our playful banter all the way to the plane. Niall was already boarded and other members of our team.

Becca took her seat and I sat beside her. It was going to be a quick flight, so there would be no need for books and other forms of entertainment. Besides, I was planning on just talking to Becca most of the trip anyway.

She had my complete attention anyway.

I watched as she pulled her hair up into a bun and settled back against her seat, closing her eyes.

"Tired?" I asked.

"No, I just don't like take off."

I reached over and cupped her hand. I didn't know if she would need to squeeze it, but it would be there.

She smiled but didn't open her eyes.

I continued to look at her.

Her slender face grabbed my attention, and kept it.

"You truly are a beautiful girl." I said quietly, taking in the details. "Just perfect."

It was more of a thought to myself, but it made her open her eyes and turn to me.

"And you're very handsome." she said back, her hazel eyes gleaming.

I smiled.

"You're very kind." I countered back.

"You're very sweet." she said back. And suddenly it was a game.

"You're quite nice." I said.

"You're quite charming."

I paused, thinking.

"You're quite smart." I said when it came to me.

"You're quite talented." she said back.

"You're quite-"

"Would you both _quite_ shut up?"

We both turned to Niall who was sat across from us. He was smiling but we got the point.

We turned from him and smiled at each other. I had forgotten we weren't alone.

I pulled an orange out my bag, and began peeling while Becca and Niall began a conversation about the show that night.

Alternating between conversations, and slight dozing off, the plane ride went quickly.

When we arrived in Hong Kong two hours later, we headed to the hotel to change, and then we were all headed to the stadium.

I went to the stadium alone since Becca chose to stay at the hotel and get a quick nap before the show.

"I'm sure you guys are going to keep me up late tonight," she joked. "Better get some rest."

It was true.

Most of the time, we didn't all go to bed until after two on show nights.

At the stadium we went through the usual logistics. As the band finished setting up, we began our sound check but things were off. I was a little tired and anxious to get back to the hotel. Louis was slightly hung over. Liam was tired as well but mainly distracted by his friends. Niall was his usual cheery self, running around everywhere and Zayn had an attitude.

It was a struggle to even keep us all focused.

Zayn was the worst.

He was withdrawn and looking in his phone every few minutes.

"What's wrong?" I asked when we had a moment.

"I don't want to fucking talk about it." he snapped.

I didn't react, since we all had our bad days, and Zayn could be pretty sensitive.

"Well if you need to talk..." I just offered.

He walked away, totally ignoring me. 

He seemed annoyed and pissed off at my general presence.

Now I was a bit concerned.

Did I do something?

For the past few days, he had gone out of his way to ignore me.

A few minutes later I approached Louis and Liam.

"What's up with Zayn?" I asked.

Louis looked at me in surprise. "You don't know?"

I shook my head no. Obviously not.

"Have you even been online today?" Louis asked.

"No." I said honestly. My attention had been on packing and Becca.

"Check the blogs bro." he said simply, but he was smiling.

Despite it, I didn't like the cryptic tone of his words.

Liam and Louis went back to their conversation and I pulled out my phone.

I logged into my private Tumblr account and browsed the 'gossip'.

Then I just shook my head in discontent.

These guys...

Zayn had fucked himself.

Last night, he had posed with a random girl at the club and had been photographed taking her home.

Behind the scenes I had been seeing her for a few days but the fans didn't know that--until now.

I wasn't disgusted or bothered, because Perrie, his fiance and Zayn did have an agreement while he was on the road and he was allowed to indulge a little; as long as he didn't make it public and embarrass her.

Well last night he did.

While I had been in my room, hooking up with Becca, they were getting pictured by fans.

I scrolled through the comments and read some of the stuff being said, and it was a little brutal, but nothing to cause him that much anger- unless Perrie was mad at him.

Oh well. I said shrugging it off. I was there for my mates, but I didn't get involved when they did it to themselves.

It would pass like any other 1D scandal. In a month, no one would even care.

When we finished up sound check, I sent a quick text to Becca.

*Thinking of you. What are you doing?*

She didn't text me back immediately so I summed up that she was probably sleeping.

I headed to the wardrobe room, picking out my clothes for the night-a simple all black outfit- and then headed to the band dressing room. I kept myself occupied, hanging out with the backstage crew and grabbing a bite to eat.

It didn't make sense to head to my hotel for a couple hours, so I decided to remain at the venue until the start of the show.

I was aware that in a couple of hours, we would have to do a small meet and greet and we would need to meet some of the important people in the country.

*Sorry, just woke up. What are you doing?* my phone suddenly buzzed. By now, I was sitting with Lou Teasdale and my sister, and we were just talking casually.

*Nothing really. Did you get enough sleep?*

*Plenty. I'm all good to go for tonight.*

*Good. Come to the Arena then. I'll send a driver your way.*

*Alright. See you soon* she replied.

*************************

Later, I had two options.

"Gold, or tan?"

Becca, who had been playing a game on her phone, looked up.

Her eyes lit up as she looked at my hands and the two separate boots I was carrying.

"Oh. I get to pick?" she asked in mock excitement.

I nodded and smiled.

She looked back at her phone and ended the hum of the game. Then she turned and gave me her full attention.

"You know what you should really wear?" she began mischeviously.

"The Gold ones?" I questioned, already reading her mind.

She smiled and nodded yes.

"Cool." I said.

It was the preferred pair anyways.

I threw the other pair of tan boots down.

"And then you could give me those,"

I looked back at her and saw that she was looking at my tan boots.

I smiled, picking them back up and handing them to her.

"Here. They're yours."

She squealed.

She flipped them in her hand while I placed my gold boots down and went to the rack in my room.

The show started in an hour and I was just killing time.

"Size forty four. What does that mean?"

"Eleven."

"I'm a size nine in women's." she said. "Maybe they'll fit me."

I smiled. "Totally doubt it. But go for it."

She slipped off her flats. I studied her red nail polish before she slipped in my shoe.

She stood.

"Hmm...what do you think?"

"I think you look sexy, despite the fact that they swallow you." I said removing my shirt and tossing it in the corner.

Her eyes caught my chest. She stared intensely at my body.

I looked down.

"What?" I asked as my eyes connected to my two bird tattoos. I didn't see anything out of place.

"You're so hot." She said.

I brought my eyes back up and smiled. She was still staring at my body.

I made my way over to her.

"Am I?"

My hands found the side of her face and I caressed her cheek.

"You know... I haven't kissed you much today."

"That's okay. I was planning on jumping you after the show." She teased. "So I'll get plenty of kisses."

I grinned. "Oh really?"

She smiled back and nodded.

"Well let's start right now."

I leaned and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

She smelled so good, and her warm scents enveloped me while her lips gently kissed back. She tasted like mint and berries

It must have been some flavored lip gloss or something.

After a few seconds, we both deepened the kiss.

My hand dropped from her face and curved around her waist pulling her closer to me.

She moaned against my mouth and her whimper reminded me of something else. I felt myself growing hard and thoughts of me and her having sex in the dressing room overtook my mind. Then, thoughts of being interrupted crept in.

I only had an hour before my show and I couldn't get caught up with Becca right now.

I paused the kiss and pulled away.

As our faces broke apart, she looked hungry for more.

"Later." I whispered, tracing her moist lips with my finger. "You're going to break my focus."

She smiled. "You started it."

She placed her finger on my belly button and trailed up my chest. She stopped just below my cross necklace. Her fingers tickled and warmed my skin.

I grabbed her finger and cupped it in my hand.

"Don't please."

Her soft touch was only making it worst and she noticed.

She looked down, looking at my now apparent boner.

She bit her lip and pulled away.

"Sorry."

Though she wasn't. I could tell by her Cheshire cat grin.

She looked back down at my shoes on her feet.

Using the distraction, I went over to my rack and grabbed a black t-shirt and threw it on quickly.

"Hey Harry?" she asked suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"Is it always this quiet backstage? I always envisioned something totally different."

I nodded no. "There's tension tonight and everyone is a bit tired so we're keeping distance. Plus I kind of let it be known that you're here, so everyone is giving me my privacy...why?" I asked going over to her. "My company not enough for you?"

"No it's fine. I just...I thought the boys would be in here or your sister."

"My sister is in Sarah's Kitchen probably eating and um...like I said, it's a little weird tonight. We'll be good once we get on stage though." I reassured.

"Okay." She said. I sat beside her and then laid on her legs, hugging them like a pillow.

She giggled. "Sleepy?"

"M'hmm." I said and closed my eyes.

I wasn't, but I needed to touch her.

Her perfume was addictive and her hands quickly found their way to my head. Massaging gently, we sat there in silence.

After tonight, we had one more day before she had to go back to New York.

I had to admit it was a little depressing that she was leaving already. I felt like we needed more time.

"When does school end for you?" I asked suddenly.

"May." She said. "Like the 1st or something."

"Hmmm...." I said thinking. "And do you go straight home or do you stay in New York?"

"I go home. By then I'm anxious to be back in my bed and my space."

I didn't reply. I was trying to calculate where I would probably be in May.

We would have a small break around that time and I didn't know yet if I was going back to London or to California.

I was a little more tempted to go back to Los Angeles; especially if we were going to start recording the album soon and she would be there.

I trailed my fingers on her knees.

"Could I see you?"

"Of course." She said, continuing to rub my head.

It was beyond relaxing.

I sighed in appreciation and she leaned down to kiss my cheek.

I smiled.

This must have been bliss.

Thirty minutes later, we were up and headed to the main stage area.

It was noisy and busy as it always was before we go out.

We held hands as we walked. Every so often, I would stop and say hello to someone or introduce her. I could see the boys- minus Zayn and management waiting around.

I was looking for someone specific so that they could assist Becca to her seat.

I approached my fellow bandmates.

"Hey Becca." Niall said warmly when approached.

"Hi." She said smiling widely. She still seemed quite happy to be around him even though she was with me now. Or was she?

I had to keep reminding myself that we hadn't even had a conversation about everything that happened or what it would mean over the next coming days.

I wasn't interested in anyone else at the moment so I wasn't worried on my end, but what if there was someone in New York?

What if she still liked and preferred Niall?

A feeling of intense jealously overcame me.

I placed my hand on the small of back and pulled her a little closer. Me and the boys had never had problems with women. We didn't share them or fight over them, but I didn't even want them looking at her in that way. She was a very attractive girl- but she also wasn't available anymore- especially in this moment.

"Hi." We heard quietly. I turned to the voice. It was Liam's girlfriend Sophia.

The girls were quickly introduced and shook hands awkwardly.

Liam, the talker of the group, began to ask Becca questions as if this was the first time they were introduced.

I bent and whispered in Becca's ear. "We need to get you to your seat." I reminded her since Liam could be a bit much when he was excited.

"Oh yeah." She said turning to me.

Liam and Niall looked at us in confusion at her sudden pause. Louis didn't seem to be paying too much attention to the conversation.

"I need to get her to her seat." I explained.

"Oh I can take her." Sophia said stepping up. "She'll be by us right?" she asked looking at me.

I nodded.

"Kay. Cool." She said and smiled widely. She made a move towards Becca. "Follow me."

Liam pulled her back suddenly, called out a 'hey' and kissed her.

Louis instantly rolled his eyes; over relationships at this point. "Well that's my cue to leave." He said and Niall smiled agreeing.

They both walked away.

Becca turned to me to gauge my reaction.

I figured I was supposed to kiss her too.

I pulled her to me and hugged her, kissing her cheek.

"I'll see you in a bit." I said in her ear.

She smiled and then took it a step further. She kissed my lips, taking me by surprise.

I felt myself relax instantly but it wasn't the time to deepen the kiss.

We pulled apart as Sophia and Liam did.

Then, Sophia pulled her away from me.

Me and Liam both watched as they walked away. The girls were already gigging about something and I could feel myself smiling.

"She's pretty." Liam said when they were far ahead of us and looked at me.

I didn't respond.

They knew I was private and I knew he was trying to gauge my reaction.

No matter what was going on behind the scenes, I was not going to be confirming anything. 

He patted my shoulder,understanding, and shrugged off his own comment. 

"Come on. Lets go get ready."

 

The seconds before we went out on that stage was the best. It was the same band, same music, even same clothes some nights, but the audience and the place always made it a unique experience.

That stage had and could take me to places nothing else could.

As the final minutes whined down, me and the guys did our final chant and hugged.

The tension was there, just a little under the surface still, but it was another show and we were all relieved.

Nothing compared to show days and it was what we waited for.

We opened with Clouds, from _Four_ , and the energy was insane.

We quickly made our way through the set list.

Becca, my sister, and Sophia were stood on the side of the stage. Every so often my eyes would trail to Becca to make sure she was having a good time.

Thanks to my sister and Sophia, she was dancing, carefree and smiling. I played with her a bit, mocking her a little and she would play back, dancing more or sticking her tongue out at me. It was fun.

After the show, we all headed backstage, took quick showers and then headed for our vans that were waiting to take us back to the hotel.

Becca was already in the car when I climbed in.

"Hey Superstar." She said immediately.

I chuckled. "Oh God, please don't start calling me that."

She smiled widely. "It was a great show."

"Looked like it. I saw you dancing."

"Don't know what you're talking about." she said coyly. "I think the stage lights blinded you a bit."

"Oh I think I know _exactly_ what I'm talking about." I said and she blushed shyly.

I placed my hand on her knee and squeezed gently.

She turned to me and smiled.

"So are you tired?" I asked.

She nodded no. "No after that? Are you kidding?"

"Good." I said. "I was hoping you weren't."

Her eyes met mine and I could tell she tried to read them. All day had been slightly hard for me, and I couldn't wait to get her back to the hotel and in my bed. I wasn't ready to go all the way, but it would definitely be fun edging. 

"Uh oh. I don't trust that grin." She said.

"You shouldn't." I said and winked.

"You better behave." She warned wagging her finger at me.

I chuckled. "But why? Dark Harry is real."

She giggled. "What?"

"Just something I see the fans say." I said with a small laugh. "I get tagged in some weird things sometimes."

She touched my face and grinned. " Well I don't know anything about him. I like this Harry."

I kissed her hand. "He likes you too."

We made it back to the hotel and went straight to my room.

"Movie?" I asked as she plopped on my bed.

"Sounds good." She said lying back on my pillow. I looked at her briefly taking her in.

I was a lucky guy; at least for the next few hours until she was gone again.

I opened my laptop and waited for the Netflix to connect.

"Or we can just watch what's on?" she suggested.

"Go for it." I said swiping my hand across the laptops mouse pad, waking it up.

I heard her shuffle behind me and turn on the TV.

We instantly heard something in Chinese. I glanced up at the screen and there weren't any subtitles either.

I smiled. "Well I don't think that's going to work."

She smiled. "Oh ye have no faith." She said and began flicking through channels looking for something else.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was a text from one of my mates in London.

Becca was still flicking channels as I responded.

I looked up at her as I began to place my phone in my pocket but then paused.

She was propped on one elbow, looking at the TV. She had on jeans and a loose fitting top. Her hair which had been up most of the day, was now pooled on her shoulder and chest. It had curled up at the tips and had a natural waviness.

Before I could stop myself, I was over there, pulling the remote out of her hand and kissing her.

She pulled at my shirt as she laid back and I climbed on top of her.

I could tell I surprised her but she recovered quickly. Her lips were soft as I ran my tongue along them, before parting her lips and inserting my tongue in her mouth.

She was good at this, amazing even, and I couldn't get enough of her.

My hand ran through her hair, while the other cupped her face.

I could hear my phone buzz again in the distance where I had quickly tossed it, but I ignored it.

I was lost in her.

We flipped so she was on top and I was underneath her.

Her warm lips found my neck, and her hands trailed my skin under my shirt.

Eventually she lifted it, removing it, and began to kiss my stomach.

My phone buzzed again and this time it caused Becca to jump.

"Bloody hell." I moaned. I searched around for the noise and found it on the edge of the bed. I instantly grabbed it and chucked it across the room.

"Ignore it." I said.

"What if it's important?" she asked.

 _"You're_ important." I said.

It seemed to turn her on because her lips found mine quickly.

We were all over each other. Hands shifting and exploring, sighs and moans murmured and it wasn't long before I removed her shirt.

I traced her cream bra and she peered down at me.

Between the aroused, primal look she gave me and the pink flush that came with her biting her lip, I was ready to take it to the next level.

"You are so sexy." I said, more as a general statement than to her.

She leaned and kissed me again and once more I flipped us.

Now that she was beneath me, I decided to play.

I kissed her chin, her neck and worked my way down to her breasts.

My hands found their way into her pants and I maneuvered until my hand hovered over her most intimate area.

Her body was so warm and I could feel the wetness through her panties.

Using my hand I spread her underwear to the side and stuck a finger in.

She was fucking _tight_ and I grew instantly harder just thinking about being inside of her.

My lips trailed her breasts until I used my teeth to gently remove the part of the bra that was covering her nipple.

She moaned.

I licked gently and continued to pump in and out of her with my finger.

She moaned again.

I inserted another finger and she withered beneath me.

"Harry." she said breathlessly.

My name sounded good on her lips, especially like this.

My tongue moved to the other breast.

She practically whimpered.

Her voice was thick, and needy. I had complete control of her and her pleasure.

I wanted her to moan my name again, so I inserted a third finger and pumped faster.

I didn't get my name, but she instantly screamed "Yes!"

I smiled, satisfied and studied her.

I wanted so badly to just take her. I could already feel myself straining against my jeans.

Fuck waiting. 

I needed contact soon, or I was going to go crazy. My dick already had to be a light blue. Blue balls all the way. 

I hovered over her and whispered in her ear.

"Does it feel good? Do I make you feel good?"

"Fuck Harry. You're perfect" she panted and I kissed her.

Her legs were moving and I could feel she was close to the edge. Her hands found my hair and she tugged feverishly.

My lips found her neck again and I changed tactics. I took my fingers out and she moaned and protested.

"Wait." I teased looking at her flush skin.

I unbuttoned her pants and sat up to pull them off of her.

I removed them quickly along with her underwear, and there she was. Her skin was bright pink and glistening from the sweat and her sex was soaked.

I swallowed and tried to control myself. Sliding into her now would be complete Heaven.

"Bec, I want you so bad." I groaned. My pants were practically cutting off my circulation.

She smiled.

"I love when you call me that."

"And I love when you call my name." I said honestly. I needed to hear it again, and I knew just the way.

I pulled her legs closer to my face and sunk down.

My tongue connected to her clit and she instantly grabbed at the sheets.

I gave a slow roll with my tongue and she began.

"Oh Harrrry..." she moaned.

I smiled and went to work.

I loved watching her come undone and it was only a minute later, when she lost it completely, screaming my name as she climaxed.

I practically came right there.

I needed her. I couldn't even wait any longer.

I jumped off the bed and unbuttoned my pants.

She moved quickly, helping me and pushing my pants down.

I chuckled at how ready she was as well.

"When was your last time?" I asked anxiously as she pulled my boxers down as well.

I sprung free and she didn't answer, connecting her mouth to me.

"Oh my-" I began, but I couldn't even finish the sentence. I was already so hard and I knew I wasn't going to last long.

My hands went to her hair and I tried to remove her but she sucked harder and I was complete putty.

She was good.

Really, really good.

I looked down at me in her mouth, her lips wide and swollen.

"Just like that." I whispered and she pulled me out, spitting on me before taking me in her mouth again.

I wasn't use to girls doing that, but I was learning it turned me on - a lot.

It was so wet in her mouth that all I could do was close my eyes and enjoy it.

I was briefly reminded of her and her nether regions, and how it would be to be buried in her as well.

"Bec..." I said softly. I needed her off of me, no matter how good it felt. Or else, nothing else was probably going to be happening tonight. 

I wasn't a slouch in the bedroom department, and I could definitely work my way around a bedroom; but tonight...

I continued to watch her, taking me fully in her mouth.  There was no gagging or choking, and I was amazed at how well she took me. She completely owned my cock, and I was at her complete mercy. 

"Fuck," I grunted once more. "Bec?"

The familiar feeling in me began to rise....

Rise...

This needed to stop. 

I didn't want to wait anymore and I would rather come deep inside of her, with her wrapped around me...

"Hmm." She moaned with me still in her mouth and the vibration made me pause.

"Lay back." I stuttered and she looked up at me.

Her hazel eyes looking up at me undid me.

I was suddenly closer than ever before.

Fuck. I really didn't want to come that way, but I could myself tightening and I knew I was only seconds away. 

Damn those golden eyes.

"Bec," I called again to let her know but she knew.

She suddenly went into overdrive, sucking and rotating her mouth and I came.

HARD.

"Shit!" I shouted releasing and then pulled away from her.

My dick was so sensitive at that point, that I didn't even want her mouth or any other part of her on me. It had been the best orgasm I had released in a long time. 

As I turned away from her, I could hear her stand, and come over to me. I turned just in time to feel her kiss me.

It was a tender and sweet kiss.

I wrapped my hands around her waist and gently pushed her on the bed before climbing on her. I was careful of my dick which was still extremely sensitive and rested between her. 

We kissed more and our hands continued to explore each other's bodies for a couple more minutes. 

When we pulled away, I remembered my question. I peered down at her.

"You didn't answer me." I said softly.

Her hand went to my loose hair and she shifted it away from my face.

"I was a little busy."

I smiled and she licked her lips.

"My last time?" she questioned. 

I nodded yes. 

"Last year." She finally said. "Me and this guy I was seeing ended things in October."

"Why?" I asked.

"School stuff. I didn't have time."

I readjusted myself, so I was leaning on my arm. 

"Hm." I said trailing my fingers on her belly. "Have you ever been in love?"

She nodded yes. "Think so. You?"

"No. Not real love anyway. More like deep deep lust."

She frowned in sympathy. "Do you want to be?"

"Of course. One day." I said.

"When do you want to get married?" she asked and I smiled.

"Stop flipping the conversation to me."

She chuckled. "I'm not."

"Good. Because I want to know more. Tell me about your first love?"

"Why does it matter?" she asked softly.

"It doesn't. but you don't talk about that stuff."

"I'm just private I guess...sorry."

I kissed her nose. "No I like that. I'm pretty private too."

She shifted her head on the pillow.

"It was my first boyfriend. We dated for three years from fourteen to seventeen. High school sweethearts and all that..."

"Why did you and him split?"

"Grew apart and college was starting soon and we just decided to walk away from it."

"Are you still friends?"

She shook her head no. "I haven't seen him for a while. My mom says he still comes into the coffee shop sometimes."

"Oh." I said and caressed her cheek.

Behind us, the TV was still playing. I turned to the noise, remembering our previous plan.

"Do you still want to watch a movie?"

She giggled. "And other things...."

"Oh yeah?" I asked and kissed her.

I wrapped myself around her and it escalated again. My lips were everywhere on her: her neck, her chest, her stomach.

"I can't get enough of you." She said softly as I pulled back up and met her eyes.

"The feeling is mutual. I don't think we should leave this bed tomorrow." I said honestly.

"Hmm. Room service and sex. Sounds good."

"And sex? You're jumping the gun a bit aren't you?"

"Am I?" she dared.

I just smiled. "I guess we'll see."

I shifted. "Do you want to take a shower?"

"A real one this time?"

"Yes a real one."

I sat up and reached my hands out.

She took my hand and we stood. I looked down at her body and licked my lips.

"Beautiful."

She trailed her hands on my chest and traced my sparrows. "Beautiful." She said back.

"I'm going to count all these later." She said trailing her eyes on my tattoos.

"You want the stories too?"

"Yes please." She said and I smiled.

We headed to the bathroom. I turned on the shower, while she pinned up her hair with a hair tie.

"I don't feel like washing my hair." she explained.

I had already washed my hair earlier after the show, so I knew what she meant.

"I won't get you to wet." I promised.

"Well i didn't say that." she said with a mischievous smile and  I smiled back. 

We climbed in the shower, and kept it PG-13 with me fingering her again and a few kisses. We washed each other up and played a bit until the water grew cold.

When we got out, Becca threw on my robe while I found her something to wear.

I handed her a pair of boxers and one of my many t-shirts.

"Thanks babe." She said changing.

I threw on sweatpants and laid beside her.

"Okay," I said settling back. "What's on TV?"

I pulled Becca in my arms and she laid on my chest. I kissed her hair as I scrolled through channels.

Some of them were in English with Chinese captions.

I, however, was looking for a movie.

"What do you like to watch?" I asked.

"Anything." She murmured against my skin.

I smiled and just picked something random.

She was so quiet in my arms and I could hear her gentle breathing.

"Don't go to sleep." I said.

"I'm not." She said softly. "I'm just listening to your heartbeat."

"Good." I glanced at the clock and saw it was past two in the morning.

I heard my phone buzz in the corner again signaling a text message.It had continued to be steady in its buzzes, but I was pretending like  I didn't hear it.

Becca had different plans.

She shifted so that I could get up, but I clutched her tighter.

"Nope. We're still ignoring it." I said simply and she nestled against me.

It buzzed again and then started to ring.

She looked up at me and I rolled my eyes.

"Fine." I said and sat up, but then I was interrupted.

I heard a loud slam, like a hotel door opening and closing and then shouting.

It was coming from outside the room and in the hall.

Becca sat up hearing it too.

_Fuck you Bro. It's my fucking life._

_You're being a pussy!_

_Zayn just wait._

_Fuck all of you! I'm leaving!_

I stood. I heard multiple voices at a time and I knew something serious was going on.

"Hold on." I said to Becca quickly and headed to the door.

As I opened it, the screams increased by 50% and Zayn was shoving Louis.

I quickly jumped in, playing peacemaker.

"Woah. Woah. What is going on?" I said jumping in between them.

They were both pissed and i'm not even sure if they heard me.

"Zayn's leaving." Niall quickly explained, reaching to grab Louis and restrain him. I kept my hand on Zayn's chest.

"Leaving what?" I questioned in confusion. The Hotel?

"The tour." Liam said walking down the hall towards us. In the distance, I could see Sophia watching the exchange as well, in her robe and Liam's good friend Andy.

As I processed that, I saw security moving to intervene and members of our management team heading towards me as well..

What the hell did I miss?

"Huh? What's going on?" I asked again.

"Zayn is being a little bitch because he got caught cheating. Now he's being a pussy about it and-"

Zayn reached over me and tried to swing at Louis again who was talking.

Liam quickly intervened and we both pushed them apart before security took over.

"Louis shut up!" I said finally, since he could be a snapping turtle when he was angry. I tried talking to the calmer one of the two. 

 "Zayn, talk to me. Where are you going?" I asked. 

"You would know if you checked your phone. We've all been talking for the last hour. " he accused, his Bradford accent strong.

I brushed him off.

"I'm talking to you now." I said. "Tell me."

"I'm going back to London. I'm tired of the bullshit."

"You don't get to just leave! We're a unit." Louis said cutting in.

"Louis is right." Niall said a little calmer. "We can help you with whatever it is."

"You can't fucking help me!" Zayn shouted. "No one has been listening to me. I've been trying to tell you guys-"

Suddenly management cut in talking about him breaching some contract, and how they would sue him- and Niall cut in trying to play peacemaker, and then Liam cut in trying to be the authority and soon, everyone started screaming again. 

I sighed, trying to find patience. 

This was too fucking much for two o' clock in the morning.

I turned and looked behind me. My hotel room door was still open and I remembered Becca could see and hear everything that was going on.

She looked back at me with wide, confused eyes.

We needed to get out of this hallway. We needed to get out of public view. 

I had known Becca for two months, but I didn't know how much I could trust her with at this point.

Sophia and Andy had seen this before, but for Becca, I could tell she was interested and all I would need is for this exchange to leak to the public.

The many disagreements of One Direction didn't need to start coming out now. 

No, we needed to all go somewhere and sit and talk about this more.

I pulled away from the guys since they were restrained, and peeked my head through the door.

"Give me a second, kay? I have to handle this."

She nodded quickly and waved me away.

I shut the door and turned back to the guys.

Zayn was carrying his bag and was ready to leave. He was practically at the elevator.

I needed to intervene quickly.

"Guys, guys, guys...lets all just calm down." I said playing final resolutionist.  There was still many voices going at once, and if anyone had a clear head in all of this, it was me. 

"Let's just talk about this."

"I'm done talking. I'm leaving." Zayn said. "I don't want to be here anymore."

I placed my hand on his chest. "You haven't talked to me. Please Zayn. Please." I pleaded. "Just tell me what's going on?"

He must read something in my eyes because he gave in.

"Fine. Ten minutes."


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Becca

Then.

What the hell was going on?

As Harry shut the door, I ran to the door to try to listen, but the voices slowed and decreased in volume. It dawned on me that they were going in a hotel room, and out of the hall.

Jeez...what had me and Harry missed?

I headed back to Harry's bed and climbed in waiting.

I didn't know how long he was going to be, but it was obvious he needed to talk to the guys.

Maybe he would tell me what was going on later.

I sat back on the pillow. Harry had switched the TV to some mindless station and honestly I wasn't watching it all.

My mind was reeling over what could have gone wrong.

Zayn kept saying he was leaving and it had to be something serious because of how upset everyone was.

Everything at the show seemed fine. 

So, I sat back and waited.

Ten minutes passed. Then, twenty.

Thirty minutes passed, then forty.

As it approached close to an hour, I started wondering if I should just go back to my room. It seemed quickly obvious Harry wouldn't be coming back to the room anytime soon. 

I got up to gather my things but then the hotel door sprang open. It hit the wall loudly.

I looked up quickly as Harry charged in the room, and picked up his cell phone on the floor. The door slammed behind him.

He quickly-and angrily- punched in his passcode and started to scroll. 

His green eyes were intense on the screen, and everything about him screamed that he was pissed.

His face was hard and he didn't even acknowledge my presence in the room.

After a few seconds he clenched his jaw, and then he suddenly threw his phone on the bed beside me. It rested inches from my leg. If it would have hit me, it would have hurt.

"Fucking bullshit." I heard him mumble under his breath. He reached in his hair and pulled his hair tie out, throwing it across the room. It hit the wall with a ping.

Woah.

I watched as he ran a hand through his hair and then over his face, deeply sighing.

The whole moment felt like an intrusion as I watched him. I was quite sure whatever he was feeling, was best in private. 

I moved to the edge of the bed.

Should I say something?

Did I need to comfort him?

As I edged closer to him, he seemed to finally remember me.

As our eyes locked, it was swift and just as quickly he turned away. 

"Sorry." He said curtly going over to the bag in his room. "I didn't mean to take so long."

He pulled out a giant water bottle and took a long swig. I studied the veins in his neck, before he threw that down too, hitting his bag with another _ping._

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yup." He said shortly. It was obvious he was not.

_Stupid question Becca._

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked gently.

"I don't." he said surprising me and sitting beside me. He gestured for me to return to my previous spot on the bed (before the intrusion) and I did.

With trepidation, I sat beside him. 

He sighed in frustration and propped his legs up. Crossing his arms, he stared back at the TV. His eyes were still rigid and he was biting the inside of his cheek.

Whatever wanted to explode, he was keeping at bay- for the moment. 

I figured maybe he needed to be alone. That way, he could properly let go of his emotions.

I made a move to leave. His eyes cut into me.

"What are you doing?" he asked instantly. 

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked softly.

He sighed like I irritated him further and rolled his eyes. "Did I ask you to leave Becca?"

His hard tone instantly stung. 

"No, but you seem like you need to be alone, or maybe-"

He cut me off.

"I'm fine." He said looking back at the TV. "Just give me a fucking minute."

I grew quiet.

Well then...

I fiddled with my rings apprehensive. 

 I didn't know what to do. A part of me felt like I was suppose to dig and comfort him, and the other felt like I needed to just leave him alone.

He started talking quietly.

"Remember when you asked me what I didn't like about being in a band," I turned to him as our eyes gently locked.

"Well this is it." he said. "This bullshit."

I swallowed, hesitant to ask my question, but he seemed to be opening up a bit.

"Did Zayn leave?" I asked fully facing him. "The tour?"

"Yup." He said simply.

"I'm sorry." I said.

He turned to me, running his eyes up and down my body and softened his glance.

"Just...come here?" he called gently.

I shifted, going over to him slowly. 

He pulled me in his arms and kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry....I don't want to talk about him anymore okay? I just want to relax."

"Okay." I said softly.

He said nothing more.

We remained in silence for the rest of the night. Harry didn't want to talk and I was too afraid to upset him. We both just watched the TV, lost in our own thoughts.

Eventually I dozed off in his arms.

The next morning I was awoken by a knock on the door.

I didn't know the time, but I could tell it was early.

The TV was off, and I could feel Harry's arms wrapped around me from behind.

His warm breath was near my ear and his hand rested on my stomach. Behind me, I could feel his chest rising and falling.

It was a comforting feeling, waking up in his arms. For a moment, I contemplated snuggling closer into him, then felt the pull of my bladder and heard another knock. Coming to more consciousness, I also saw my phone flashing, alerting me to a text message on the bedside mantle.

We needed to get up.

"Just a minute." I called out softly to whoever was at the door.

Harry shifted behind me, but I could tell he didn't wake up.

I gently placed my hand over his and tried to remove it from my stomach.

He moaned softly and shifted again.

I attempted once more to move him and he pushed his face into my neck and squeezed me tighter.

I couldn't help but smile. By now I was aware he had to be awake or at least conscious enough to know what I was doing.

He wrapped his legs on top of me. Pinned, I wasn't going anywhere.

"Harry?" I called out.

I knew whoever was outside of the door, was waiting and probably growing impatient.

Harry remained silent.

"Harry, I have to get up." I said softly.

"Why?" he groaned. 

"I need too." I whispered.

He grumbled some incoherent words into my neck, but finally allowed me to break free from him.

"Where are you going?"

Harry's voice was so thick and with his accent, I could barely understand him.

I turned around to face him, and his eyes were now open, but I could tell he was sleepy by his red eyes.

"Someone's at the door." I quickly explained and then, as if on cue, there was another knock but louder this time.

Harry immediately rolled over and flipped his covers back.

"What time is it?" I could hear him mumble but I didn't check.

As he stood, his hands went to his hair that was in a loose bun, ready to fall out. He pulled out his hair tie, and retied it, tightening the hair.

Then Harry stumbled to the door. It was clear that he hadn't gotten enough sleep from the events of last night.

He opened the door and leaned against it.

Through the slight crack I could see, it appeared to be management.

Harry confirmed my suspicions when he left the room and cracked the door behind him.

Gee, great. More news to make him upset.

I used the distraction and headed to the bathroom so I could pee and freshen up. He didn't need to see the wild beast that was Becca Johnson in the morning yet.

All of my supplies were in my room, but I splashed some water on my face and ate a supplied mint from the hotel that was sitting on the counter to try to squash any offensive breath.

I could hear Harry come back in the room and I opened the door.

Once more I could tell he was frustrated.

"Bad news?" I asked reading his expression.

He looked back at me and sighed. "Kind of. I'm sorry."

"What is it?" I asked.

"I have to go to work. I have meetings and rehearsals. Since Zayn left we need to rework some things and they want me downstairs by nine."

"What time is it now?" I asked finally looking for the clock on the bedroom mantle.

It was a little past seven.

I sighed, but I wasn't upset.

It just sucked because it was my last day.

Harry came over to me seemingly reading my mind.

"I know it sucks...but I'm going to try to leave out early. I know you leave tomorrow and I shouldn't have to deal with everything all day. Maybe we could grab dinner or something tonight?" he said hopeful.

I nodded and pushed away his concerns. "No Harry it's fine-"

"It's not fine." He said gently. "But there's nothing I can do."

"I know."

He smiled and caressed my cheek. "Thank you for being so understanding."

I gave him a soft smile.

"You can stay in here if you want," he offered backing away from me. "Run up my tab, piss 'em off a little." He said and winked.

"No I'll go back to my room." I said. "I don't feel comfortable being in here with all your stuff."

His face scrunched. "Why? It's not like I don't trust you."

"I know, but... You're paying for that room. I should stay in it some of the time ya know?" I reasoned softly.

Harry smiled and shook his head. "I don't understand you, but do whatever love."

He headed to the bathroom and closed the door.

I sat on the bed and waited for him, checking my phone.

Since I didn't charge it, it was at 20%.

I sent quick texts to family and friends and then checked the blogs. Since physically being with Harry, I hadn't felt the need to check in as much, but after the events of last night, I was curious to know what was going around.

By now, it was known that Zayn was on his way back to London and the fans didn't seem too happy.

I turned off my phone as Harry came out.

He had removed his sweatpants and was now just in his boxer briefs.

He moved through the room, completely unaware of the sexiness he oozed.

"You should probably order something for us to eat, so we can have breakfast together." He said.

I looked around for the menu as Harry threw on a pair of his black skinny jeans.

I grabbed the menu and he began to fiddle with a watch.

"What are you in the mood for?"

"Something light." He said.

I quickly listed off his 'light' options and he decided on cereal.

I turned to him.

"Don't you want something heavier?"

He shook his head no. "I'm sure they'll feed us, wherever the hell we're going."

His tone showed his irritation about the change in plans.

"Oh." I just said. 

No need helping his attitude.

I decided to order waffles and Harry came over to me. By now, he was wearing a shirt as well.

He leaned down on the bed so he was hovering over me.

"Hey?" he called softly.

I looked back at him.

He reached over and kissed me slowly.

"Good Morning." He said a few seconds later. The infamous Harry smirk on full display. 

I smiled widely. He could be absolutely adorable.

"Morning."

"How did you sleep?" 

"Amazing. You?"

"Very good." He said and pushed himself off the bed. "I don't know what shampoo or perfume you use, but I could probably fall asleep to it every night. I couldn't get close enough." he said as if a second thought. 

I chuckled. "Oh is that how we ended up spooning?"

He smiled and shrugged, his boyish grin keeping a spell on me.

"Well it wasn't mine. I used your stuff last night remember?"

"Yeah, but it definitely wasn't mine. You must just smell good naturally." He said and winked. "But, place the order love." He said softly. "I'll be right back."

I didn't know where he was going as he headed to the hotel door and left, but I did as he said. Our order was slated to be up in twenty minutes.

Since I had time, I decided to go to my room quickly and properly brush my teeth and change my clothes.

As I headed out to the hallway, I didn't see Harry.

I placed my keycard in my room and headed inside.

I hadn't spent any real time in my room, so the first thing I saw were my bags in the middle of the room

They were still barely unpacked.

The sheets had been made from my nap the previous day, but everything else remained untouched.

I shuffled through my things and found my toothbrush, face wash and hair products.

I headed to the bathroom.

Placing all my items on the counter, I quickly worked through my morning regime.

I brushed my teeth and began to wash my face when I heard a knock at my door. I already knew it was Harry.

I pat dried my face, and then opened the door.

When I opened it, his hands were above him and he was leaning against the archway, smiling.

"You don't listen to instructions well."

I smiled. "You didn't tell me not to leave."

He pushed off the door. "I told you I'd be back."

"Well I needed to freshen up." I said turning from him and heading into the bathroom. I could hear him close the door and follow me. He entered the bathroom, bypassing me and sat on the closed toilet seat.

"How long for the food?" he asked.

"Less than twenty." I said running a paddle brush through my hair.

Harry sighed gently and watched me.

"What?" I asked as our eyes met in the mirror.

"Nothing." he said but he was smiling widely to himself.

I sprayed some dry shampoo in my hair and he spoke.

"I really wish we could have spent the day together. I was really looking forward to the room service and sex thing."

I smiled back at him. His cheeky grin not leaving his face.

"Well maybe we can when you get back."

"Maybe." he said quietly and turned away from me. He looked straight ahead for a few moments, and seemed to focus on something in the corner. It didn't take me long to figure out he was now in deep thought. It was something I was growing use too. His mind was constantly going, weaving and turning on.

When he went away to that place, he was unreachable and I didn't take it personally that he seemed to forget I was in the room. He seemed to have a lot going on.

Still I worried about him sometimes. He always found his way out of it after a few minutes, but for those few moments, he was not relaxed and let whatever demons he hid, find him.

When he came back seconds later, he stood. "What time is your flight in the morning?" he asked me.

"One." I guessed.

He eventually came over to me and rested his head on my shoulder. His hand wrapped around my hips. "I'm going to go back to the room." he said quietly. "I'll see you in a bit."

I nodded and he kissed my cheek.

I gave a small smile and I could hear him leave the room.

Long after he was gone, he lingered. I could still feel his hands on my waist and smell his cinnamon cologne.

He seemed more romantic this morning and I wondered why.

Were things changing between us?

Granted, we were at least swapping spit and other bodily fluids now; but were things about to change? Was the gray area of the past few months finally coming to an end?

I quickly finished up so I could return to him. I sent a quick text to my Mom on the walk back to his room. As the days had progressed, my 'internship tale' had become easier to maintain and it was almost nothing for the lie to now spill into the phone.

When Harry opened his door seconds later, I was finishing the text.

When I looked up, I noticed our food was already in the room.

"Oh cool." I said walking past him.

Harry eventually came around me, lifting plates and handing me my food.

We sat on his couch, side by side and dug in.

We ate quietly and watched the TV in the room.

The waffles were good and he seemed to enjoy his cereal.

His phone buzzed on the mantle and he stood. It was a phone call this time.

He answered it quickly. "Hey Mum."

He shook his hair- in what I was learning was a common Harry trait- and flipped it before sitting on the bed.

I alternated my eyes between him and the TV.

It was quiet in the room except for Harry's voice and the TV that was on low, but it wasn't awkward. Me and Harry were settling into a comfort zone and it felt like we did this everyday.

I finished up my waffles and Harry continued his conversation with his mom. They were talking about the show and he was updating her about Zayn.

His voice was calmer now and the anger from last night had visibly subsided.

When the call started to become long and more personal, I gestured to return to my room for privacy and Harry quickly covered the phone.

"Sit down." he mouthed to me, pointing at the couch. He was grinning and playful and I did as he said.

Harry chuckled in the phone. "Okay well Mum, I'm going to have to call you back in a bit okay?"

She must have approved because Harry ended the call.

Then he turned to me and stood from the bed.

He came over to the couch and hovered over me again, trapping me in between his arms.

"Why are you always running from me?" he asked suddenly. His tone was still playful.

I looked back at his green eyes and dimple and warmed.

"I'm not. I just believe in respecting privacy." I said honestly.

He let his lips be a response, as he placed them gently aganist mine. 

When he pulled away, he glanced at the clock.

"So Becca, we have a half hour..."

"M'hmm?"

He turned to me licking his lips. "What do you want to do?"

I wanted to kiss him and rip his clothes off but I was afraid to start something we probably wouldn't finish.

I looked behind him and gestured at the TV. "How about that?" I said. "It's already quite entertaining."

He didn't even turn around.

"Well that's fun." he muttered playfully in disappointment. He stood and I giggled.

He sat back beside me and picked up his half-eaten cereal bowl. He gave me a disapproving glance and stuck his tongue out.

"So what time do you think you'll return?" I asked, crossing my legs on the couch.

"I really don't know." he said. "Like I said, I'm going to try to get out of there as soon as I can. It's suppose to be our day off so..."

"Where is your next show?" I asked curiously.

"Manila. In like three days so...I get the rush but I don't." he said. "My management team does things so backwards."

His voice had a hint of exasperation.

"You don't like them?" I asked.

"I don't like their ways. They have helped make us very successful but some of their rules are too much. You know I've contemplated having private accounts on like Instagram or Twitter because I can't post everything I want?"

"Really?" I asked in surprise. I'd seen Liam's Twitter and Instagram and he seemed to have a lot of control over it. The hundreds of grammatical errors couldn't have been approved by management. 

"Really." he just said simply. "I'm going to one day." he said as if it was a personal goal.

"And will that Harry Styles follow me?" I teased.

He smiled.

"I will follow you and even tweet you regularly." he said with a wide smile.

I grinned back and turned back to the TV.

After a while, they came for him and we had to say goodbye.

"Keep your phone near you." he warned before giving me a hug a half hour later.

I agreed and followed him out of the room.

"I'll be back soon. I promise." he said.

Before I could respond, he pulled me in his arms and gave me a gentle kiss before heading down the hall with the other guys.

Then I was alone.

I went back in my hotel and decided to read.

After three chapters, the task became old quickly and I tried television.

There was nothing on.

I flipped channels for an hour and played on my phone.

Eventually I picked the book back up and read another chapter, before placing it down again.

I was officially bored.


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE  
BECCA

Then.

Around noon, there was a knock on my door.

I had no clue who it could be. By then, I was still in Harry's clothes -the t-shirt and boxers-and I quickly threw on my own sweats before opening the door.

"Hi!" I heard immediately and saw two pairs of eyes on me.

Harry's sister and Liam's girlfriend.

"Uh hi." I said slowly. "What's up?"

I hadn't seen both girls since the show the previous night, and before that, neither one of them had really made it a point to hang out with me despite our introductions earlier in the week.

"Are you looking for Harry?" I asked.

I looked back at their smiles and Gemma nodded no.

"Can we come in?" she asked me.

I quickly moved out of the way and they strolled in the room. They were dressed and appeared to be in a good mood. It was a huge contrast to what I had seen last night. Everyone's tensions seemed high, but looking at the girls now, you couldn't tell.

"What are you doing?" Sophia asked softly.

I gestured to my bed that was scattered with my book, IPOD and a crossword puzzle.

"Trying to keep myself busy." I said honestly.

They smiled.

"We figured. Harry texted me and wanted me to invite you." Gemma suddenly said.

There was instantly too much to respond to in that sentence.

Harry texted her? 

When?

And how come he didn't text me?

He'd been gone for three hours at this point and I was sure, being the texting freak he was, he had looked at his phone. Gemma had just confirmed this.

Lastly, invite me where?

I verbally asked the question.

"Oh. Out." Gemma said casually. "We're going sight seeing and figured you might want to tag along."

"Harry is worried about you." Sophia threw out with a gentle smile and Gemma lightly chuckled.

"Worried?" I asked curiously. "I'm fine."

"He doesn't want you to be bored." Sophia emphasized.

"Yeah it'll be fun. You want to come?" Gemma asked, cutting in after her.

I looked at my bed and the TV; uncertain. I didn't really know these girls. I had spent time with them but I wouldn't say I'd gotten close to them in my short stay. Last night was fun and they had kept me company at the show, but we were far from friends.

Still...I _was_ bored and I could use a distraction.

"Did Harry say when he's coming back?" I asked.

"No." Gemma said. "But I wouldn't wait for him."

"She's right. These kinds of things take hours." Sophia said, then added, "You should come out with us. We'll make it fun. We'll grab lunch and stuff."

"Why not?" I said putting on a smile. They both seemed nice enough and I was in Hong Kong--I should explore.

"Great." Gemma said and pulled out her phone. She began to type and I wondered if she was writing Harry.

"So do you need us to leave so you can get dressed?" Sophia asked gently.

I looked down at my clothes.

"No. Let me just throw on jeans and a shirt." I said and headed to my bag.

Gemma looked around the room as she finished up her text.

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow." I said rummaging through my things quickly. I came across Harry's t-shirt from earlier.

I lifted it to my nose. It smelt like him.

"Oh, I was just wondering why you hadn't unpacked, like anything." Gemma asked me softly.

"Oh I've been in Harry's room." I said and then instantly regretted it. This was his sister and who knew what she would think. The intimate nature of our relationship had already been hinted by others. 

Of course her thoughts would be pretty on the money at this point, but I didn't know what Harry wanted her to know.

Gemma just grinned and looked back at me. 

"Oh okay." she said just as casual as before. 

Sophia gave me a knowing smirk then turned away.

My cheeks must have been red.

I quickly stood with Harry's shirt in my hand. I decided I was going to put it back on.

It seemed loose and comfortable.

I headed to the bathroom and quickly changed.

I bypassed the ladies coming back into the room. I gave them a polite smile and grabbed my phone.

By now, they were sitting on my bed and lightly talking while they waited on me.

As I came back out, I caught Gemma's eyes first. 

"Is that Harry's?"she asked.

Like a deer in headlights, I glanced at his shirt that was long, but with his tiny frame, snug on my body. 

"I don't think so." I said quietly. It was a gray t-shirt and there were literally a million and one in the world. How the hell did she know her brothers?

Gemma said nothing in response again and just smiled.

I felt like she knew more than she was saying and I wondered what Harry had told her.

 

We quickly left the hotel room and I followed them downstairs.

"Do you think Lottie is ready?" Sophia asked as we walked down the halls.

"No. She said come back around three and grab her." Gemma answered.

I'd met Lottie, but hadn't spent much time with her. Still I was quickly understanding that Lottie, Lou, Gemma and Sophia must be 'the girls' crew that Harry referred too.

It was obvious they were all very close.

"How long have you and Liam been together?" I asked curiously as we waited for a car downstairs. All of the drivers were with the boys so we had to get a taxi.

"About two years." Sophia answered me casually.

I had more questions but I didn't want to be rude and invasive. I decided as the day carried on, I would drop them out sporadically.

We eventually waved down a cab and climbed in.

Gemma's phone chimed and she started texting. I once again wondered if it was Harry.

She confirmed my suspicions when she laughed and said "He is crazy."

"Who?" Sophia asked.

"My brother."

I felt my heart skip and drop at the same time. Again I wondered why he wasn't texting me... when I felt my phone buzz as well.

I looked down and 'Harry' appeared on my screen.

*Hey you. Are they driving you crazy yet?*

I looked at the girls who were giggling amongst themselves and pointing out things we passed on the road.

*No they're very nice. What are you doing?*

*You don't want to know.* he replied back but then my phone buzzed again.

*I have to go though, I'll text you when I can. Have fun.*

I was immediately disappointed. I literally got him for two seconds. I texted him a sad face and closed out my messages, turning my phone off.

"So what do you want to see first Becca?" Gemma asked showing me a map.

"I want to go shopping." Sophia interrupted. "I want a kimono or something."

"We should get one!" Gemma said excitedly and then turned to me. "What about you? What do you want to do?"

"Shopping seems fine." I said.

I hadn't brought much money on this trip and already knew I wasn't planning on buying anything, but shopping should be fun. 

"Cool." Gemma said and turned back to her map.

The rest of the ride (to some mall they find) was eventful and the girls made sure to include me.

As we entered the mall, I was surprised to find many stores I knew. We stopped in Louis Vuitton, Macy's and Sephora.

While there, like most girls do, we got into a conversation about makeup.

"I'm not that good at it." I admitted as they discussed liners and eye shadows. I didn't understand the fundamentals of the contour and highlights. I was lucky if I could do a successful outer line most of the time. 

"You should let Lottie do your makeup for you today, at least before you go." Sophia offered. "She does an incredible job."

Gemma nodded along. "And maybe we could get Lou to do your hair."

I chuckled, a bit overwhelmed by their sudden suggestion. "Oh boy, do I look that bad?"

"No!" they both said quickly.

"But it'll be fun." Sophia added.

"Right, take advantage. You could get a thousand dollar makeover for nothing." Gemma said warmly, nudging me.

I wasn't sure how I felt about the idea. The last time someone attempted to give me a makeover had been in the eighth grade and it didn't end too well.

Still I was curious and wondered what Harry would think.

He seemed to prefer the natural look, but tonight was our last night together and he did suggest dinner...it wouldn't kill to look really nice for once.

"Okay. Maybe." I agreed.

They smiled and we got back to shopping. Time quickly passed.

We stopped at the food court and grabbed a quick bite before heading back to the hotel to get Lottie.

It was then that the questions began.

"So Becca? Can I ask you a question?" Gemma asked as she twirled Chow Mein noodles around a fork.

"Sure." I said taking a sip of my soda.

"What's going on with you and my brother? Like, are you official or....?"

Caught off guard, I immediately looked up from my meal. 

"What?" I asked, thinking I  had misheard. 

"I know you guys were just friends or whatever, but it seems like more at this point." she noted, continuing on. 

I swallowed. I didn't know what I was suppose to say this question. What did Harry want me telling people? Hell.. _.I_ didn't even know if we were official.

We were definitely more than friends at this point, but I didn't know what the future held and what this all suddenly meant.

We hadn't had the 'talk'.

"Uh...we're friends." I answered to keep it simple.

"I know, but are you more? It's alright if you are," she said quickly. "I'm just curious. Harry doesn't really bring girls on tour."

"Ever?" I asked in disbelief. I briefly remembered the video of the girls Harry had dated, and thought of their time together.

What did he use to do with them? The Taylor Swifts, Kendall Jenners and Paige Reiflers...

Gemma nodded no. "Not like this. He normally meets girls on the down low ya know?"

And Sophia nodded in agreement.

"We always know he's meeting a girl, I mean we're not stupid," a chuckle, "But he doesn't broadcast it and we never meet her. Sometimes we only see her because of an article weeks later." She spun her noodles more. "And I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't really care," she said scrunching up her face as if the thought alone disgusted her. "My brother's sex life is not something I like to think about. I'm just curious."

I smiled.

"Cuz you.." she continued on. "Well you've met everyone and you're staying in his room. _On the tour_. It's just a little strange, since you just popped up."

"I'm not staying in his room." I said quickly. "We just, hang out I guess. We're friends." I said again simply.

Gemma and Sophia didn't believe me and it was more than clear. Giving each other a knowing look, they turned back to their food. 

I turned the attention to Sophia, hoping to quickly get them off of me. 

I was intrigued by _her._

She was me. 

Or maybe, would be me in some fantasyland future. 

Either way, I was curious to pick her mind about what it was like dating someone so famous; and how she dealt with it all. 

"Is it hard dating Liam, I mean...with everything that goes on?" I asked on cue. 

Sophia moved some hair behind her ear.

"Of course. But I got lucky."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I got the advantage. When me and Liam first starting hanging out, no one knew, and by the time they did, they couldn't get to me. I had moved everything to private and I keep it that way. The fandom knows about me,"

"And loves her." Gemma cut in quickly.

Sophia smiled back.

"Not all of them..." she chuckled. "But they don't know much about our relationship. We make sure of it."

"But what about the distance?" I asked.

She shrugged. "It's not so bad. I'm not Beyonce or Jennifer Lopez. I'm not on a movie set all the time or going on tours, so I get to be with him more. That is one advantage I guess, but it's difficult. Their lifestyle is very different from ours...and I think it's kind of what happened between Eleanor and Louis."

"Who?" I asked.

"Eleanor." Gemma answered. "Louis' ex-girlfriend. They broke up a few weeks ago."

"How long were they together?"

"Three years. We miss her." Sophia said and pouted.

"I talked to her the other day though." Gemma cut in.

"Oh yeah? About what?" Sophia asked and then they ventured on to Eleanor-whoever she was.

I took the opportunity to turn my phone back on, and glanced at it. It was after midnight back home so no one had texted me, including Harry.

We quickly finished up our food and headed to the hotel.

When we got to Lottie's room, she gave me a big hug.

"Hi!" she said warmly. She was always very friendly in the few times our paths had crossed and I liked her.

The girls settled in the room. Sophia plopped on the couch and turned on the TV while Gemma focused on me.

"So we had an idea." Gemma said smiling at me.

"What?" Lottie asked, looking between all of us.

"We think you should do Becca's makeup for tonight."

Her eyes lit up. "What's tonight?" she asked.

"Nothing." Gemma said. "But it's her last night in town and we think it would be cool."

"Sure." Lottie quickly agreed as if it was no big deal. "Sounds like a great idea. What kind of look do you have in mind?"

I had absolutely no clue and my eyes must have showcased it.

"Just spice her up." Sophia said. "Like you did for me that one day."

Lottie smiled and clapped her hands together in excitement.

_Ooh a project!_

"Should we call Lou too?" Gemma asked Sophia.

"Oh yeah!"

"Oh no that's not necessary, I'm just grateful for this." I said gesturing to Lottie.

Lottie waved them away.

"Yeah we don't need Lou. She's busy with Lux and Helene anyway. I'll just do your hair."

I had no clue who Helene was either, but I agreed.

I hadn't seen her work but the girls seemed pretty confident that she would make me look good.

"Let's head to the market first." Lottie said. "I want to get some souvenirs."

"No, do her up first." Gemma argued. "We don't know when we're coming back."

"Good point." Lottie said. She headed to a bag in her room and told me to sit.

She began to pull out cases that I knew carried excessive amounts of makeup.

I was immediately overwhelmed.

Gemma took a seat on the couch and dug in her phone and Sophia excused herself to head to her room for a minute.

"Have you ever had your makeup professionally done?" Lottie asked.

"No." I said.

"Not even for like a dance or something?" she asked

"I didn't go to a lot of them." I admitted. "And if I did, I just went bare with a little lip gloss."

"Ooh a virgin." Lottie said with more excitement. "When I get done with you, you're going to be making a trip to a makeup counter."

I just smiled. I didn't think so.

Lottie opened up one of the cases and began applying-what I assumed- were foundations to her skin as testers.

"You have really pretty skin." Lottie said as she bent down close to my face. "Very even. This won't take me that long."

As she leaned, studying my face, I felt she could see every pore and blemish. 

I felt myself give a small smile, but I was no longer sure about this. 

"Relax." she said with a kind smile back. "I know what I'm doing."

She quickly got to work doing my makeup and refused to let me see when she finished.

"You have to see the final look all together."

"You look great though." Gemma said and Sophia, who was back in the room, agreed.

Lottie plugged up a flat iron, and I sat and waited for it to warm up.

"I can't believe you don't really wear makeup." Lottie said.

"She doesn't really need it." Sophia remarked texting. "You're a pretty girl Becca."

I grinned.  "Thank you."

I was glad to hear it. With their persistence for this makeover I was starting to feel like an ugly duckling.

"Do you model in your spare time?" Gemma asked.

"Me? No. I could never be a model." I said and laughed.

"Well how did you meet Harry?" Sophia cut in.

"At a coffee shop." Gemma cut in. "Can you believe that?"

"I'm not surprised actually." Sophia said and giggled. "Your brother is kind of something else."

I nodded in agreement. He was.

And I was already crazy about him.

Lottie moved behind me and began to separate pieces of my hair, straightening.

When she finished, she finally handed me a mirror.

Wow.

I was afraid she would go a little overboard on the makeup, but she had done an amazing job.

I looked great.

My eyes stood out against the black eyeliner and gold eye shadow, and the blush on my cheeks, made my skin shine.

My hair was parted in the middle, and sleek straight. It looked effortlessly chic and the natural wave of my hair was missing.  

"Wow. Thank you!" I said.

She shook my shoulders and smiled. "No prob! Anytime."

Gemma stood. "Okay let's go."

It was obvious she was ready to get back to her plans.

I stared at myself more in the mirror and then followed the girls out. We headed to the swap meet and the market. Lottie was an enthused addition to our pair and the trip was a little more fun as she tagged along.

Due to her energy and the girls determination to see everything, time moved fast and soon it was seven.

We agreed to grab dinner and then head to the hotel.

When our food finally made it to the table, I finally got a text from Harry.

*Back at the hotel. Where are you guys?*

I nearly jumped out of my seat and packed up my things right there. I had to admit, I was officially sprung.

*Dinner. Are you all done for the day?*

*Yup. Thankfully. You were suppose to wait for me!*

*I know. I'm sorry. I didn't know when you were coming back* I texted honestly. Hell I had barely heard from him all day.

*It's okay hun. I'm joking. When will you be back?*

I looked up at the girls and everyone was in the middle of the meals.

*Not sure. An hour? Everyone is just starting to eat.*

I didn't get an immediate response and Gemma's phone chimed and buzzed on the table.

She picked it up and I waited for Harry to write me back.

Gemma suddenly laughed loudly.

We all turned to her and she flipped her phone, primarily so I could see.

It was a text from Harry.

*Stop stuffing your face and bring Becca back to me. Now!*

I smiled. She typed in a quick reply.

*We're eating. Patience.* she replied. *Besides don't forget who is the older sibling here*

Harry texted her and me back at the same time. She laughed again as I looked down at my phone.

*I took care of it. See you soon* he said to me and posted a smiley face.

Gemma flipped her phone for me to see for the third time.

Harry had wrote.

*Anyways. Just bring her back please. All the fucking love*

Gemma laughed and I did as well. They had such a close-yet weird- relationship, that it instantly made me miss my sister.

We went back to our meal and Gemma continued her banter with her brother. She even snapped a photo of her plate and captioned it 'Eating very slowly...'

In the end, it did take us a little over an hour to get back to the hotel.

On the way upstairs, Lottie gave me a smile.

"Wait until Harry sees you."

I had completely forgotten about my make over and become instantly shy.

How would  he react to my new look? Would he even like it?

We headed up to my floor first, since Gemma wanted to see Harry and yell at him and Sophia wanted to reunite with Liam.

As the elevator door opened, we came into chaos.

A soccer ball flew through the air and Niall charged towards us.

"Oh touchdown!" Liam cheered excitedly, noticing us.

He immediately reached for Sophia.

Harry was further down the hall, and hadn't noticed us yet.

He had a water bottle and was spinning it between his teeth. He was talking to Mark the trainer and laughing about something.

He looked insanely hot, even from the distance. 

I just couldn't understand it. He could be the most plain boy-wearing nothing but a t-shirt and jeans, and could completely take my breath away.

"Hey Styles!" Gemma called suddenly, and his head turned in our direction.

I avoided the ball that was thrown at that moment, and was grateful when it didn't take my head off.

"I need a word with you." Gemma continued. But Harry was looking past her and he was looking at me.

Our eyes locked and I smiled.

As we closed the space that separated us, Gemma reached him first and punched his shoulder.

"Ouch!" he said rubbing his arm but looking at me.

Then he really took me in. His eyes grew wide as he observed my new look.

"Wow." he said.

"Wow back." I flirted.

He was in his signature black jeans and a patterned shirt. His hair was pulled back in one of his buns.

Behind us the ball bounced and the attention was temporarily on the boys who were still playing soccer.

I turned to watch.

I smiled at Niall and watched as he kicked the ball, then I felt a gentle hand touch me.

I turned and it was Harry, who was smiling at me.

He brought a hand to my hair, and pulled a couple strands between his fingers. "What's this?" he asked.

"We gave her a makeover. Doesn't she look beautiful?" Gemma cut in. 

His eyes searched mine and he seemed to take in every detail. "Well I don't think she needed a makeover per se, but you do look beautiful. Gorgeous even."

"It was just for fun."Gemma remarked. 

He didn't take his eyes off of me.

"So, like my work?" Lottie asked cutting in. She had been stopped, talking to her brother,but was now caught up.

"Love it." Harry said, finally taking his eyes off of me. "You did a good job."

"I always do." she said boastfully.

Harry playfully rolled his eyes and looked us over.

"So what did you girls do today? I see bags."

Gemma looked down at the bags in her hand and shook it. "We did just a tiny bit of shopping. Nothing too crazy."

He looked at me.

"Did you get anything?"

"I did." I said with a small smile. "Your Valentine's gift."

"Valentine's?" Gemma asked quickly and Lottie looked interested as well.

Harry ignored both of them.

He turned to me, and once again the ball wheezed past, this time slamming against the wall and almost hitting all of us.

"Niall, what the hell!" Gemma said immediately, and picked up the ball and threw it at him.

Lottie chuckled and chased the ball, jumping in the game.

"Sorry." Niall said and he and Liam fought over it.

Harry used the distraction.

He moved his hand over mine and rubbed my fingers gently between his.

I was surprised by the contact.

"Well I'm tired." Harry suddenly announced. "Long day."

"You're going to bed?" Gemma asked turning around to face him.

At that moment, Harry pushed our connected hands behind his back, so it was not immediately visible.

"I worked all day." he emphasized. "I deserve some rest."

"So why did we rush back here? We could still be shopping." she began to argue. 

Harry quieted her down, by using his free hand and flipping some hair onto her face. She playfully swatted him away.

He broke our hand contact, and used the other to wave goodbye.

"Goodnight!" he announced again and quickly opened his hotel door.

Gesturing for me to enter, the chorus of bye's and see you later's, followed me into the room.

I thanked Lottie again quietly and then watched as Harry said adieu for a final time and came into the room.

He shut the door quickly.

"So you're tired-" I began, but he cut me off.

His hands were in my hair and his lips were against mine before I could even process it.

After a few seconds of him taking my breath away, I pulled away.

"I've missed you all day." he said against my lips. His voice was deeper, rugged even and his breath hitched.

"I've missed you too." I said softly. "I thought you were going to text me more."

"I didn't have time." he said moving a hair from my face. "Besides I didn't really have my phone by me much."

"Oh." I said and wrapped my hands around his neck. "How was your day?"'

He kissed me again quickly. "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to get lost in you tonight."

It instantly turned me on.

"Get lost in me huh? What does that mean?"

"It means whatever you want it to mean. Tonight is yours."

"Is it?" I asked seductively. "Even no more waiting?"

He shook his head no and licked his lips.

"You don't understand. You're so _fucking_ hot Becca. And what Lottie did..." his voice trailed off and he scanned my body.

"Is that my shirt?" he asked suddenly.

I smiled and just nodded.

"You wore it all day?" he asked proudly and I could tell he liked the idea.

"I mean, maybe I just wanted to be close to you." I joked. 

He smiled and cupped my ass and kissed me again.

I instantly wrapped in him again, kissing him back.

He pressed his tongue in my mouth, gliding his against mine.

Our kiss was passionate and we made our way to the bed.

My shirt was removed quickly and Harry's as well.

As we fell on the bed, his mouth was all over me; kissing and exploring.

Outside the door I could still hear the boys playing soccer.

"I want you so bad." he whispered against my skin.

"Take me." I said simply.

He smiled and went for my pants removing them. His hands quickly found their way to my underwear and he began to rub my clit.

I instantly moaned.

He came back up to my ear and whispered. "I want to make you feel so good tonight." he said.

"You already do." I panted.

He didn't respond, and his mouth connected to my neck, sucking gently.

His hands continued their assault in my underwear and my sex became wetter and wetter.

"Take your pants off." I instructed.

I had waited days for him and I didn't want to wait any longer.

He temporarily broke the contact with my body and jumped off the bed.

He moved to his carry-on bag and pulled out a golden foil packet. Sticking it between his teeth, he began to pull down his pants.

I watched him in deep interest and lust.

"Boxers too." I said since he didn't immediately remove them.

He removed the condom from his mouth. "Patience. Ever heard of fourplay?" he teased.

I sat up and unbuckled my bra.

"Fuck foreplay tonight." I said, tossing it across the room.

He smiled. "You're so crass when you're horny. I kind of like it." he said in amusement.

I snapped my fingers at him. "Take off your boxers. Now."

"Why don't you take them off for me?" he challenged.

That I could definitely oblige. 

I smiled and went over to him. I dropped on my knees before him and pulled his boxers down springing him free.

I was still in awe of his size and the thickness of his cock.

I moved to taste him, but he stopped me.

I looked up at him and his intense green eyes.

"Fuck foreplay." he said softly. His eyes were dilated and filled with lust too.

He pushed me back gently on the bed and then removed my underwear.

The foil packet was still in his hands as he kissed me.

"I've wanted you since the first moment I saw you." he whispered as he climbed on top of me.

"Me too." I said aching for him.

"You didn't even want my picture." he teased.

"Because I didn't want a picture. I wanted you."

It was bullshit but he smiled and then reached down. He angled himself up, placing the condom on.

I automatically spread for him and he settled in between my legs.

His green eyes peered back at me and I felt like I was already coming.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked softly. "Sex changes things."

He sounded slightly fearful and I wondered why he was so worried.

"I'm sure." I said. "I want you. I want this."

He nodded 'okay' and bent down until his mouth reconnnected back to mine.  

He kissed me soft and tender and then, I felt him begin to enter me.

I could feel him stretching me and my hands instantly went to his back.

He released a small grunt and rested his head in the crook of my neck.

"Fuck. You're tighter than I thought." he muttered.

I should have been. At that point, I hadn't had sex in months. Still,  I was a woman, so I didn't know exactly what it felt like wrapped around him.

"Is that a good thing?" I asked in slight alarm.

"It's amazing." he said kissing my neck. "You feel fucking amazing."

I shifted underneath him so he could go deeper and he grunted again.

He lifted his head and met my eyes, then I felt him finally begin to move back and forth inside me.

It instantly felt like internal bliss and I had to close my eyes. I had missed having the feeling with someone. There was something about the intimacy of sex and feeling the wholeness of someone inside of you. With Harry, I was filled, and he felt amazing as well. So much, that my eyes remained closed as I took in the new sensations he was bringing to my body. 

"Look at me." he whispered against my lips.

I opened my eyes with resistance and saw his perfect green marbles looking back at me. His eyes were so clear and beautiful.

"Does it feel good?" he asked, pumping in and out of me.

"So good." I whimpered and it did. He seemed to fit my body perfectly.

It's going to sound so cliche, but it felt complete.

"Do you want me to go deeper?" he asked and I nodded yes.

He pulled out of me, and then suddenly slammed into me hitting a new spot.

I instantly screamed in pleasure. He smiled and cupped his hand gently over my mouth.

"They're still outside." he whispered but I didn't care. They could hear every word and scream if they wanted too.

He moved slowly in me drawing out the pleasure, before slamming into me again.

That thrust felt deeper and I immediately recognized him hitting my g-spot. 

I bit my lip. 

Fuck!

I had to shut my eyes again.

"Open them." he demanded but I couldn't. I was lost in ecstasy.

I felt him kiss my neck again and I moaned his name. As he increased his speed, it was harder for me to stay quiet.

It felt so amazing that even the most stiff person in bed, would be calling out his name.

He continued to move inside me and I continued to moan, enjoying every part of this ride. I could hear his sighs and muttered whispers of my name.

Suddenly I heard the TV turn on. In confusion, I finally opened my eyes, and Harry was still looking right at me.

One hand was propped over me and the other was holding the TV Remote. He turned the TV up; LOUDLY.

So loudly that I was sure people could hear it two and three rooms down.

Then he threw it across the room.

He pulled out of me and slammed in me again and my eyes slammed shut again.

Damn he was too good at this.

"Tell me how much you like it." he demanded.

"I love it."

"Tell me louder." he said increasing his speed and I felt like I was going to die.

"Tell me how much you love how I fuck you."

There were too many sensations going on inside of me to even understand how much more turned on I was after that statement. The pleasure was so intense, I could feel a mind blowing orgasm building.

I moaned loudly and chanted his name. "Harry, you feel so good....Fuck Harry..."

He rested his head in the crook of my shoulder again.

"Tell me louder." he mumbled. "Scream it." he said. His voice was breathless and it seemed he was just as gone in me as I was him.

"Damn it Becca, you feel so good. You have no idea."

His breath increased and I could tell we were both getting close.

His movements maintained fast, but started to become sloppy.

I was so close to coming.

I could feel it...

More...

More...

Almost...

Just right there...

Suddenly he pulled out of me and I immediately missed the feeling.

"What the hell-" I began.

"Get on top of me." he panted and cut me off.

It took seconds for us to switch positions and for me to climb on him.

I grabbed his penis and placed it inside of me.

We both moaned in appreciation as we reconnected.

Normally I would draw this out, playing various games with my hips, but I had been so close to orgasm that I just needed to get back to that feeling.

I began to move quickly up and down on him and rocking in a circular motion building the momentum. His hands found my hips and he gave soft grunts.

"Yes that's it...I'm so close." he said as he watched me.

And I was as well.

I was on the brink of multiple orgasms.

Suddenly he grabbed my hips roughly and bucked his hips up. He met me with each other thrust until we both climaxed.

Expletives were screamed and I collapsed on his chest.

For the next few seconds, all that was heard was our breathing trying to return back to normal.

I rolled off of him. My body tingled and my legs were completely numb. It was easily some of the best sex I had ever had and I needed to internalize what had just happened. 

"Wow." I said and he turned to me and smiled.

"Wow back." he said softly.

His green eyes were alight and so beautiful as they looked back at me; cheekily.

Harry shifted off of his back and rested on his elbow. Connecting the space again, he kissed me and ran his hands through my hair.

His kiss was slow and tender.

He cupped my chin and then pulled away.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "Was I too rough?"

"Are you kidding? You were perfect. I haven't come like that in a long time." I said honestly.

"Long time huh?" he questioned. Then he snapped his fingers in disappointment. 

_"Damn it."_

"What?" I asked quickly.

"I thought you were going to say 'at all' or like 'ever'."

I realized quickly what I said and what he must have thought. 

"No it was good." I said. "Amazing."

"But it wasn't the best?" he asked, teasing me.

I didn't answer and spread my legs under him, allowing my body to answer for me.

"Part two?"

He smiled widely. He was still hard despite coming and seemed ready for round two as well.

"Hold on." he said.

I watched him remove the condom seconds later and move to his bag for another.

He headed to the bathroom and when he came back, the old condom was missing and the new one was already on his dick.

I smiled appreciatively.

He came back over and climbed on top of me. I shifted on the pillow getting comfortable. I had just had an amazing orgasm, but I couldn't wait to have another.

His hands found my thighs and he pushed them up so that they were close to my chest.

He gave me a final kiss, then he dove back in.

_Yes._


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Harry

Now.

 

I watch her silhouette through my rearview mirror as I pull away.

Becca watches me.

I can't count how many times we've been in this same position.

It has often alternated between us; sometimes I say goodbye, sometimes it is her, but we always came back together until that final goodbye two years ago.

Something is different this time though. Instead of goodbye, I feel something else.

As I turn off her street, there is an unsettled feeling rising in me.

I don't think we're suppose to be done with each other yet.

Not this time.

Though honestly at this point, I don't think I can be.

As I grip my steering wheel and head into downtown Los Angeles, she remains on my mind.

I wonder briefly if this is how it will always be.

Since our split, I can admit I have constantly rewound our memories together, playing back some moments more than others.

_I miss her._

I don't just miss our friendship.

I don't just miss the intimacy.

I don't just miss our talks.

I don't just miss our bond and the easiness between us- the way everything seemed to fall together naturally-all the time.

No, I just miss _her._

I miss being around her and watching her.

I miss hearing her laugh and watching her nostrils flare when she was pissed off.

I miss waking up to those beautiful eyes, and the smell of her perfume on my pillows.

I miss her touch and the feel of her skin beneath mine.

And man, do I miss the feel of her skin beneath mine.

I think back to the first time in Hong Kong.

That whole day had just been chaos.

From the moment I left the hotel, I had been thrust into meeting after meeting and then rehearsal with our vocal coach Helene to decide how covers would be split up. Zayn and his voice was a huge part of our group and we needed to decide who would take over his vocals.

The discussions and meetings were so intense, that we needed to turn our phone off for the day.

I knew that Becca would sit in the hotel alone all day, probably bored and I texted my sister before I turned my phone off. I knew she was planning on doing some sight-seeing and asked her to have Becca join her.

She did, sending me a confirmation text and I relaxed a bit.

If she was occupied, I wouldn't worry so much about her. I already felt bad about the fact that I hadn't taken her sight-seeing as much as I had wanted.

Since this was the first country-outside of North America- that she had seen, I wanted it to be memorable for her.

Still, despite my focus being on the band, my mind drifted to her often.

I was really starting to like her.

She was fun and laid back and I didn't have to force things with her.

Our rapport came naturally.

When me and the guys finally made it back to the hotel around six, the first thing I did was look for her but she was gone.

I sent her a quick text and discovered she was at dinner.

She assured me she would only be an hour and I was okay with the wait.

To relieve some of the stress of the day, some of the guys decided to take on a game of football (soccer) in the hall and that was where she found me.

I hadn't even known she was back or saw her come onto the floor until my sister called my name.

As I turned, Becca was the first thing I saw.

Immediately I noticed the makeup and the sleek straight hair.

She didn't look beautiful. She looked noxious.

I had immediate tunnel vision, and she was at the end of it.

When she approached me she had smiled.

Lottie and Gemma surrounded us, but the majority of my attention was on her and getting her somewhere alone.

So the moment I sensed a distraction, I called out the 'tired' excuse, and pulled her away as quickly as possible.

We headed into my hotel room and I had to have her.

I didn't care if we were moving too fast or if it was too soon, I just knew I couldn't let her leave the next day without it happening.

Becca was good in bed but I didn't have too many doubts that she wouldn't be.By that time, she had  already showcased some pretty good skills with her mouth. 

Still, I don't think I expected the sex to be as good as it was, because it was quite amazing.

Though as I would come to know, sex with her, always would be.

I played with her that night, rubbing, sucking, teasing...all the while, loving every noise she made.

We had sex three or four times that night, switching and trying different positions, feeling and learning what each other liked.

I loved the way she responded to me and I loved the way I responded to her.

I remember after, just laying there in our post coital bliss, our fingers mildly stroking and tracing pieces of our each others bodies and just being in awe of how great it was.

There was a comfort with her that I was getting use too, and I knew if things didn't go horrendously wrong, she could be around for a while- at least through the summer.

My phone buzzes and pulls me from my thoughts.

I'm back in the present. 

Pulling out my phone, I see it is Julie calling me.

Reluctantly I answer.

"Where are you?" she says immediately. No hello, no introduction- just where are you.

I'm already expected to jump for her.

"I'm on my way." I reassure her with a small sigh. "I'm in the car."

"Well I've been waiting thirty minutes babe and-"

I cut her off. "I'm going as fast as I can Julie."

She has called me at least five times today and her impatience is starting to annoy me.

She sighs too, and relaxes her tone. "Alright. Well drive safe at least."

"I always do. I'll see you soon." I say. My voice is even, but short. I don't have time for prolonged conversations, especially since I will see her in less than an hour.

"Okay, I love you." she says reading my tone.

It turns my stomach and I pause on my usual 'Love you too' response.

I don't know if its because I don't want to hear it, or because I've spent the last two hours with Becca; either way, I don't say it back.

"I'll see you soon." I say again quickly and hang up the phone.

There is no guilt, just uneasiness.

Becca is on my mind again.

She fills the passenger seat, the backseats, the trunk...she is everywhere around me.

I turn on the radio to drown out my thoughts but it is useless. Thoughts of Thailand, and Hong Kong swirl around.

Thoughts of today and the way we left things, sit at the forefront.

I need to see her again.

_When can I see her again?_

With my schedule, I am already contemplating when I can get away. I want to finish what we started, even though this ending terrifies me.

I realize we haven't really accomplished anything in the last two days that we've seen each other and are no closer to having the 'closure' that we agreed on.

But...I suddenly wonder if I can live without it.

Could I marry Julie knowing where I still stand with Becca?

Could I marry Julie with all the what if questions I still have?

I don't think I can.

The problem is I'm in love with both of them and I don't think you're suppose to enter a marriage with that kind of weight on your shoulders.

So when I reach a stoplight, I grab my cell phone and scroll to my messages. I find Becca's alias name and begin to compose a small message. It is direct and straight to the point.

*I need to see you again.*

She texts back instantly, as if she was waiting on the text.

*I do too. When?*

I immediately smile and text her back quickly.

*Julie leaves out of town tonight. So maybe same time tomorrow?*

*Fine. I can make it work. See you at my place.* she responds less than a minute later. I'm happy she's as eager to see me, as I am her.

*Actually, let's do my place instead.* I suggest.

I felt like I was suffocating in there. There were too many traces of her new life with Chase and the life she doesn't have with me.

*Fine. Where do you live?*

*Come to our old condo*

She doesn't text back right away and I know why.

I was suppose to get rid of that place.

But I couldn't.

It holds too many memories for me.

As I begin to drive again, I await her reply. Twenty minutes later, I get a simple, *Fine*

But I know it is not and I get that stirring feeling that tomorrow is going to go worst then today. I've probably already pissed her off again.

*See you then* I reply, keeping the conversation neutral. I want to text more, but it's not appropriate for where we stand and the restaurant is now in front of me.

I valet my car, grab my wallet and phone, and enter the restaurant.

It is just past noon and the place is packed.

Despite this, I quickly find Julie in the sea of people. Her professionally done hair stands out among the crowd.

She looks like usual. From the distance I can see there is not one hair out of place. She is, as always, perfectly done up.

As I approach her, she looks up and smiles at me.

"Baby!" she squeals. "You made it."

The level of her tone, makes a few patrons turn, but I know it is done on purpose. Julie likes attention.

She stands and I give her a quick kiss before sitting.

She looks nice. She is wearing a nice blouse that is tucked in a skirt, with a pair of four or five inch high heels.

She reminds me of a lawyer on her way to trial.

She smiles back at me, but honestly, she's always smiling. Her nickname should be sunshine.

As I look at her, I am quickly reminded of Becca's nickname for her and smile. Though I scolded Becca for misusing her name, it didn't really bother me.

What bothered me, was that she was saying it to piss me off.

_As always._

"I was starting to think you weren't going to make it." Julie says as she faces me. Her blue eyes are outlined with dark eyeliner and she is wearing false lashes. Her skin sparkles with whatever glitter lotion she has put on, and she smells like the perfume Pink Sugar.

My fiancé is stunning and stands out in the crowd, but today...I don't really care.

"Traffic." I say simply.

On my side of the table is a glass of water, and an appetizer of salad.

"I ordered for you." she quickly explains.

"Thanks."

I don't really have an appetite. To be honest, food is the last thing on my mind. 

I shift in my seat and settle back.

Her eyes remain on me, warm and inviting.

"So you left pretty early this morning?" she begins.

"I had a few errands to run." I say looking around the restaurant. It is a place to be seen and I catch eyes with a few people who are staring at us--or at Julie.

Since we've met, I haven't been oblivious to the way that men look at her.

Before I came along, I was well aware of her history of 'handsome' suitors.

With her body and _that_ face, she was one most of the industry wanted.

As they study us- the supposed perfect couple-I wonder what they think.

As their eyes trail over her, they always look at me next...their competition.

I had my own history of beautiful women, and I was use to the curiosity of my personal relationships. With Becca, the interest seemed to be heightened, and everyone was curious abour our intimate relationship. 

How did we meet? 

How did we fall in love?

How was _I_ interested in someone _non-famous_ like her?

Now, I can't help but to wonder.

Do me and Julie look happy?

Do we look like the perfect couple as we betray, but aren't?

Coincidentally we do the press thing all the time. Red carpets and photo ops outside of popular restaurants; the occasional flirty messages exchanged over social media.

It is all very public, and all very not me.

I prefer my romances more quiet and reserved. What I share with one, I shouldn't share with thousands, but it's good PR for both of us and it helps.

With Becca, I had complete privacy, but only for about a year and a half, until all the bullshit crept in.

The moment the world found out about us, there went her privacy and the exclusivity that we shared. The walls that we built crumbled a bit every time she was followed or stalked by the paparazzi or my fans. Girls would flood her social media accounts and comment on everything she did.

People would bother her family, and suddenly everything she did, became attached to me in some way.

She was no longer Becca Johnson, the ivy league graduate rising in the world. But Becca- Harry Styles girlfriend, or ½ of Hecca- the name we became known by.

And when I went solo; forget it.

The press didn't seem to like her.

My professional image of fancy suits and designer labels was a deep contrast from the natural look she sported.

She was too normal or too 'plain' as one magazine quoted.

Becca was an all American girl who drove a Toyota Camry and was papped in sweatshirts and buns when we dated.

I loved her for it, but the hate made it hard for her to fit in my world. She never felt like she was enough or who I was suppose to be with, and once that crept in, it sucked our relationship dry.

It all started going downhill the minute my first single came out.

Now with Julie, I supposedly have an equal.

Supposedly Julie St. Clair is the girl Harry Styles belongs with.

Truthfully, we don't like the same music.

We don't have the same hobbies.

Where I am frugal, she is rich.

When I am humble, she is egotistical.

 I look back at her. By now, she has begun to pull things out of her purse.

"So honey, we need to finalize a venue." she says, pulling out sheets of paper and blown up pictures.

I sigh, and don't lift from my position on the seat.

As always, she wants to talk about our upcoming wedding plans.

"Jules, do we have to do this today? Can't we just relax and eat?"'

"No." she says. "Harry we need to finalize this step."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I'm going to be gone for two weeks, Brenda needs-"

I immediately dismiss my hand. I don't care what Brenda Sapp needs. She gets on my damn nerves. I don't even know why she is planning this stupid wedding and we trust this woman so much anyway. We hardly know her.

 _Because she's the best in the business...._ I hear Julie's tone say in the back of my mind and I want to please her. If Julie wants the moon, I'll lasso it for her, but I'm tired of the back and forth with this other woman. It's been ongoing for weeks.

"Look, whose wedding is this? Ours." I reassure Julie. "She should be working to please us, not the other way around."

Julie sighs back at me impatiently. "Harry these things don't happen overnight. She needs ideas and information from us, _to work for us._ "

"I don't understand the issue." I say. "Every time we talk about this lately, it seems like the list is getting bigger, or there is more shit to do. I don't have time for this hun. I have to go back on tour soon. I'm booked solid right now."

"That's why I'm trying to get everything done now. This way, you'll have your tour, your other promotional gigs and then the wedding. After that, you can have that extended break that Jeff promised."

I shake my head in discontent and pick at my cobb salad.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not in the mood for this today. I have a lot on my mind."

"You don't have to do much, just look at the pictures and pick which one you like the most." she offers softly.

I look back up at Julie's innocent eyes and give in.

Those blue beautiful oceans can make me do most things.

Relenting, I gesture for her to hand me the pictures.

She does and gives a small squeal and clap, happy that she has got her way.

It gets a brief smile out of me, until the pictures are in my hand. There are at least ten different ones.

"These are the possible venues?" I question, lifting my eyes.

She nods yes.

"They are where we talked about. Here. London. Paris...I've picked out three for each place, so we have options."

My hands immediately go to my head and I rub my eyes.

Julie chuckles across from me.

"Don't." she scolds playfully. "You told me I could have options."

I temporarily place the pictures down and look at her. I smile widely and turn the charm on high.

She seems to like my dimpled smile and it's good at distracting her. 

"Yeah but honey...don't you just want to go away? I mean...away from everyone. Just me and you, and our family. Let's just get married on a beach somewhere or in our parents house. It could be small and intimate. All this lavish stuff can be for a later anniversary...how does that sound?"

"My mom would kill me if we have a small wedding. I'm their only daughter, and they have been waiting for this."

I hold back an eye roll. I don't doubt it. The St. Clair's are the snottiest people I have ever met but I love their daughter. The little piece of perfection that sits across from me is the only reason I haven't ran far away from them.

Somehow, and I'm still not sure how it happened, they actually made a decently kind person.

I pick up the pictures and scan through them. Each place more grandiose as I flip.

"These are not my style." I determine.

"Well what do you want?" Julie asks. "You never give me anything to work with."

I shrug. As I have said, I'm not in the mood for this today and cannot supply any answers.

We are briefly interrupted as the waiter finally comes over, asking for my order, and I tell him I need more time.

Julie moves on. She begins to talk about her morning, and her upcoming trip.

I listen, but don't really respond. After a few minutes, she pauses.

"You're quiet." she says suddenly.

I take a bite of the salad she has ordered me.

"I'm just tired." I say.

"You should be." she says and gives me a seductive wink. The same she gave me in the car last night.

I am briefly reminded of the sex we shared the night before, but I don't get excited. Last night it wasn't enjoyable for me.

It was actually a little scary.

The whole time, I kept forcing myself to not think.

As Julie laid on top of me, peppering me with her glossy kisses, I kept seeing Becca and wishing it was her.

 _This is not suppose to be my life._..played on a reel in the back of mind.

The whole thing was terrifying. I saw Becca's face and I heard her moans.

I came, only because I imagined I was inside of Becca again.

I knew it then.

Becca was creeping in like before, overtaking my life and blocking any other person I might fall for. Julie had broke through the wall before, but now I was starting to think it was all a lie. Becca had probably been there the whole time waiting behind the corner, ready to strike and drag me down at the right moment. Maybe now was that moment.

I chew my salad, but it is not good. It is missing something.

Taking a quick sip of water, I focus back on her.

"What time is your flight?" I ask.

"Eight."

I quickly calculate that we have seven more hours together until she heads to Bora Bora.

I then have fifteen hours until I see Becca again.

It seems too long.

"Have you called Jeff? About tonight?" she asks.

I just nod. He is my best friend and he is coming over for drinks; realistically it is just so we can talk about Becca and the night before. He was there from the beginning, and he is the reason I am in this mess again.

He is the link that ties me and Chase together. At one of Jeff's dinner gatherings, I met Chase Collins, bonded with him over the hors d'oeuvres and even thought he was a decent guy, until he dropped the bombshell on me that he was dating Becca.

_My Becca._

Jeff hadn't liked me much that day. I had cussed his ass out for not telling me sooner he had a link back to Becca. He was one of my closest confidantes and he knew how I still felt about her. That fact that he had hid her had almost ended our friendship that night, one month ago.

"Give him my love." Julie says warmly.

"I will." I say, picking up my menu. For some reason she and Jeff have this warm relationship. He had pushed me towards her from the moment they were introduced. He is the one who encouraged me to propose.

He is also the one who encouraged me to stay far away from Chase and Becca and to not go to dinner with them.

I guess sometimes I don't listen well.

I look at the menu.

As I browse my options of Steaks, Lobsters, Pasta's and Lamb chops, nothing stands out. This place is much too fancy for lunch and it is not what I'm in the mood for.

I realize the irony.

It is just like my life.

I want something I can't exactly have.

Julie begins again, talking more about her trip and the models who will join her. Coincidentally my ex Nadine Leopold will be there as well but I haven't spoken to her in years.

"I'm going to really miss you." Julie purrs. "I feel like we haven't had much time together lately."

I totally disagree. There has been too much time together.

"Well absence makes the heart grow fonder right?" I say inattentively still studying the menu.

There is absolutely nothing for me to order.

She smiles and nods. "Absolutely."

I am not really talking about her, or even us. My thoughts are moved once more to Becca.

She would hate this place. If she were here, we would laugh at the uptightness of the patrons and staff and she would share my pain.

We hated places like this.

As the waiter comes over and takes Julie's order of French Onion Soup, I pull him to the side.

"Do you guys make a club sandwich? Something simple like that?"

The waiter looks back at me in confusion as if I've suggested something with three heads. However, I can tell he recognizes me, and I will get my way.

"I'll see what I can do." he says softly.

I pat his back as a thank you and he shuffles off.

"A club sandwich? Really Harry?"

I shrug. "It's what I want."

"Then we could have went somewhere else."

"We should have. Why did you pick this place anyway?" I ask shifting in my seat.

I still feel various eyes on us in this room.

She shuffles her hair and looks away. "I like this place."

She waves at someone in the distance and I don't even turn to see who it is.

Probably some socialite or celebrity...

I look down at my appetizer salad. I can't even pretend to eat it to pass time because it's so disgusting. It is a waste of eighteen dollars.

I decide to make my own small talk with Julie when she beats me to the punch. Though, it is not something or _someone_ I want to discuss openly.

"So...have you spoken to Becca?" she asks suddenly.

My eyes move to meet hers and I pause.

Her blue eyes are locked on me and I have her full attention.

I shift again.

"My Becca?" I ask slowly.

"Becca." she emphasizes. "Johnson."

Her tone is clipped, and I know she doesn't like the word 'my'. I guess she doesn't like the possessiveness of my words.

I don't do it intentionally, but I can't help it. Like I said earlier, I only know her as two things; the love of my life, or the biggest fucking thorn in my side.

The grey area we sit in now can't help but to spill in either side.

I sigh, running a hand through my hair.

"Sorry," I say, though I don't know why I'm apologizing. "And no." I say. "I don't have her number."

Lie.

"Oh." she says.

Her tone is unreadable.

Why is she asking me? Does she know something?

Did she hear her after all when I was at her house?

"Why would I call her?" I ask quickly for clarification.

She shrugs. "I don't know. I guess you wouldn't after last night. It ended kind of rough." Then she chuckles. "I don't get it though."

"Get what?" I ask slightly defensive.

"You and her. Why does she make you so upset?"

_Because she drives me fucking insane._

_Because she knows I use to worship the ground she walked on._

_Because she walked away from me; more than once._

_Because I still love her._

_Because she's his._

"It's complicated." I say simply.

"Well she and Chase seem really happy. He's a nice guy. He seems really good for her."

I turn away from her. I know what she is doing. It's not hard to read through her jealously.

"She seems like she doesn't fit him though. Like at all. "

I completely agree.

I chuckle.

"Saw that too huh?" I ask.

"Yeah. He's like this super successful guy, right? You can tell he's very put together. I mean, look at him... and then you have Becca, and well she...she's so-"

She pauses her thoughts, thinking of the words she wants to say next.

I, however, am no longer going along with this conversation.

I instantly cut my eyes at her, daring her to say she's plain, or something negative.

I can't wait to tell her how wrong she is.

If he's the moon, then Becca is the fucking sun.

He's the one who doesn't deserve her.

Julie catches the pierce of my stare and she quickly changes whatever she was going to say.

"Different from him." she finally says. "She just seems like she's more laid back and he's more sure of himself--"

"Like us?" I question, grabbing my water and taking a sip.

She blinks.

Once.

Twice.

Then a few times, comprehending what I'm hinting at. Then, her face pulls into slight disgust.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Nothing." I say keeping my tone light. "He just seems like he would be your type. Ya know, clean cut...professional. I imagine we don't look like we belong either."

"No, you're my type." she argues. "Just you."

Yeah...I don't think so. Her family has yet to come to any of my shows and I've seen her exes. It's a deep contrast.

I don't respond.

I take another sip of water.

"So is it over?" she asks continuing on.

"Is what over?"

"The thing. The reason you needed to meet." she said.

"Have your questions been answered finally?"

My eyes move across the restaurant, but I don't take in anything. It is all a blur and I don't memorize one face.

I'm thinking...

I don't think my questions will ever be answered.

I will never understand how me and Becca got to this place.

Because Becca is insecure and you're stubborn...

I clear my throat.

Suddenly I am uncomfortable. Becca is on my mind, but it feels strange discussing her with Julie.

"I guess." I say finally in response to her previous question.

"Good." Julie says and her hands find mine on the table. She rubs her manicured tips over mine. "I don't really like you seeing her." she says softly. "Can you promise me you won't?"

"I haven't been." I say. "Last night was the first time in two years."

"I know." she says. "But I just don't want you too. I know you and Jeff are friends with Chase, and you may see her...just...please...promise me, you'll leave that alone?"

Her tone is soft like her and sickeningly sweet.

"Why?"

"Because she's your first love Harry." she says.

I smile back at her.

"What does that mean?"

She pulls her hands off of mine.

"You know what that means Harry. You guys lived together and had matching tattoos. She meant something to you."

"Yeah so? Do you think she's going to replace you or something?" I ask.

She scoffs so loud she practically snorts.

"Of course not. That's the last thing I'm worried about."

"Then what's the problem?" I ask.

She looks back at me. The ocean blues begin waves. 

"Why are you debating me on this," and then she lowers her voice and leans in, "Do you want to see her again?"

I just shrug.

"I haven't said whether I do or don't, but it obviously bothers you and I want to know why."

"How would you feel if I started hanging out with my ex?"

"Un-threatened because that's just it. They are your ex. Why would that bother me?"

"So you _are_ going to see her again?" she asks reading between my words.

"Maybe." I say honestly, purposely omitting our scheduled run in tomorrow. "I don't know what's going to happen."

"But I don't understand it." she says.

"And you never will." I say honestly. "I've told you, Becca is a complicated subject."

"No, I don't understand why you would see her, if I asked you not too." she says in frustration.

I shut up. I run a hand through my hair.

This is becoming a argument and I don't want a ruined mood.

I've had enough of the back and forth with Becca today.

I remember the day in quick snapshots; her high ponytail, the bedroom argument, the camera she tried to return...her stalling with the tea.

It makes me chuckle even now. It tickles me that she still thinks I can't read her.

"What's funny?" I suddenly hear.

I look up at Julie who is looking at me in confusion.

"Nothing." I say quickly. "Let's just eat okay?"

An hour later, we are both full and leave in my car.

Julie hates California traffic so most times she has a driver take her everywhere. Today, she knew she was going with me, so the driver has long left.

It is the main reason I needed to leave Becca's and meet her. I couldn't exactly leave her stranded at some restaurant, waiting on me.

In the car, she turns on the air conditioning, and hits a button turning on her favorite country station.

"No. Not today." I say quickly. I can't stand some of the newer country music. I would prefer Fleetwood Mac and Patsy Cline all day.

"Oh come on, last night we listened to your stations."

"This is my car." I argue with a smile.

Her hand goes to my lap and she squeezes my thigh. "Our car. You need to get use to that idea Styles."

"Yeah, yeah." I say jokingly wrapping her hand in mine.

She smiles back at me and sings along to the radio, taunting me.

"Um...when does your flight leave again?" I tease and she slaps my chest.

We playfully banter on the way to her house.

When we enter, her cat runs up to her.

"Fuzzy!" she squeals and scoops him up.

She sprinkles him in kisses and then plops down on her couch, kissing him and playing.

I check my phone and go to her kitchen.

I've missed a few text messages and I have a new Instagram notification.

Instagram: BeccaPenelope just posted a photo.

I instantly click the link to Becca's private Instagram. I still follow it.

I expect to see a picture of her, but am surprised when I see a quote,

_Don't stress the could have's, if it should have, it would have..._

It was posted ten minutes ago.

I reread the message, once, twice, and then a third time.

It is about us. I know it is.

Though it probably shouldn't, it instantly pisses me off.

I log into my public Twitter account, and leave a public reply message.

She no longer follows me, but maybe on occasion she checks up on me, like I do her.

I send a quick, cryptic response.

_If I could, I would._

It is a simple, and says everything.

Then I set my phone down.

There are no should have's and could have's with Becca and it pisses me off that she thinks that.

Honestly we could still be together. By now, we could be married and expecting a  child.. but it's her. It's always been her and her insecurities.

"Do you want anything?" I call from the kitchen to Julie who is still on the couch.

"You." she calls from the couch and I smile.

Her voice is light and playful.

I go back over to her.

She pushes Fuzzy off the couch, and places her hands around my belt loops. She pulls me to her.

I smile down at her as my hands gets lost in her soft hair.

She kisses my stomach, just below my belly button.

"Two weeks..." she groans. "I don't know how I'm going to deal. I've grown quite fond of this body."

"I'll send naughty pictures." I tease.

"You better." she scolds.

I bend and kiss her glossed lips.

I am going to miss her, but I am looking forward to the space.

Julie has been spending the night with me everyday recently.

I am looking forward to having my own bed and my own time again.

Despite the fact that we live in separate homes, it seems we spend more time together than apart.

Eventually she pulls me down on the couch, and let's her mouth and hands show me how much she will miss me.

This time, unlike the night before, is nice for me.

I actually focus on her, and allow myself to enjoy the moment with her.

It is a slightly comforting feeling.

She is mine and I am hers.

I will be the last man to touch her and she will be the only woman to please me in the future.

We have a whole lifetime ahead of us and for now, I know that I won't grow tired of her anytime soon.

As we laugh and play, I'm reminded that this could really work.

Maybe, just maybe she could be enough.

I stand and button my pants, and help her up minutes later. Her skirt which I have hiked up, is slightly wrinkled but she doesn't seem to mind.

She reaches for my hand.

"Will you help me pack?"

I nod yes, and follow her to her bedroom.

It is open concept with lots of windows and the sun highlights the bed.

"Will you grab my suitcase?" she asks sweetly.

I move past her and pull her suitcase out of the back closet. It is heavy.

Because we are always on the go, we keep a bag pre-packed.

"What else do you need me to do?" I ask, sitting on her bed.

"Hold on." she says unbuttoning her shirt. "Let me change my clothes."

She moves away from me and goes into her bathroom. I can hear her shuffling around.

I look straight ahead at her TV and contemplate turning it on, until I remember the message on Becca's Instagram and my tweet.

I hop up and go back downstairs and retrieve my phone.

I refresh her Instagram and don't see anything. She probably hasn't seen my tweet and even if she has, it was more than likely not for me.

I don't know why I tell myself she thinks of me, the way I think of her. It's obvious our history doesn't affect her, the way it affects me.

I head back upstairs and send quick texts to friends.

By now, Julie has hopped in the shower and I sit waiting for her to come out.

I already know I'm expected to help her pack.

I scroll through more things until I find my way back to my Twitter. I check my feed, and then I see it.

Suddenly Becca's old Twitter name and mine are being mentioned, _together._

 

I'm screaming!!! @BeccaPenelope94. @Harry_Styles. Do you see this?

OMG @BeccaPenelope94 and @Harry_Styles. Hecca is still real!

@BeccaPenelope94 what are you doing? @Harry_Styles is over you! GTFOI!

Me encanta @Harry_Styles, @BeccaPenelope94, juntos!

@Harry_Styles your beard is back. @BeccaPenelope94 must need a job again.

Hecca is rising. Again!! @BeccaPenelope94 @Harry_Styles. Please get back together!!!!!

@BeccaPenelope94 and @Harry_Styles really do never go out of style. #Heccaforever

 

There are many, many more.

What the hell have I missed?

I quickly click on Becca's old Twitter that she doesn't tweet from anymore (since it is linked). After, 'Hecca' began, it became flooded with comments that she hated to read. She used a private one now, but I didn't know it. I only had the Instagram.

I see the tweet.

I read the tweet.

I internalize the tweet.

It is her first tweet on this account in two years.

Two. Years.

A slow smile crosses my face.

She actually responded to me.

She actually responded to me on her old Twitter that she knew all of my fans would see.

She actually responded to me on her old Twitter that she knew all of my fans would see, and then wrote _that._

In defiance, and what I'm sincerely hoping is something else, she has wrote:

_Tell me with your mind, body and spirit._

It is a lyric from Over Again, a song I had with One Direction.

My smile stays impossibly wide.

I had wrote, If I could, I would...and she has wrote this.

I don't know what it means, but it means something.

She has responded to me in her own little way and more importantly, she didn't hide it. She knew exactly what she was doing when she posted it there--she was making sure I would see it.

I look at the clock. I have twenty more hours until I will see her.

Now, even more, I can't wait to see her again.

My hands hover over my phone. I want so badly to tweet her back, or text her.

In the distance, I can hear Julie's water turn off, and I know I don't have time.

Soon Julie will be in this space, and my focus will have to remain on her.

Still, it is there again.

Becca is taking over once more.

The last few hours have been this push-pull.

Becca. Julie. Becca. Julie.

I don't know who is going to win, but I know after tomorrow, I will be one step closer to knowing.

And I can't wait. 


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Becca

Then.

 

I don't mean to start it with a pun; but it was Better Than Words.

Harry was incredible in bed.

He was attentive, loving and made sure you were kept satisfied.

He could be rough if you wanted or extremely gentle, and he drove my body absolutely crazy.

By now, I had lost count of the times we had slept together.

"Are you hungry?" Harry asked as he disposed the fourth- or was it the fifth- condom?

I looked at him, completely naked in front of me.

His tan skin and tattoos...

His muscular but small frame...

The small sweat that was glistening off of his skin...

His cross necklace that hung on his chest...

And his perfect hair that was now wild and fanning his face...

I think I was in love, or, high off of really good sex.

I stretched.

"Sure."

I looked at the clock and saw it was after midnight.

Was room service even still delivering?

"I think my sister said they were going out." he said turning to me. My eyes trailed down to his inked torso.

He was still miraculously hard and standing at attention. For a second, I contemplated pouncing on him again and going on another ride.

As I shifted my legs in anticipation, I rethought.

I was starting to get sore.

I guess Harry had worked me better than I realized.

So instead I said, "Going out where?"

"Some bar she and the others found last night. I guess they have good food. It's downstairs in the connected mall."

I sat up and clutched the sheet to my chest. He bent and picked up his boxers.

I didn't really know if I wanted to go to a bar. It sounded like a lot of people and potential chaos- but I didn't want to interrupt his normal routine.

"If you want too I guess." I said softly.

"I don't want to stay too long." he said softly. "Just pop my head in. My sis hasn't seen me much this year, and I try to spend as much time with her as I can."

"Then sure." I said.

He scratched his head and twirled his boxer briefs in his hand.

"Well then I'm going to take a shower quick."

I stood, slightly pulling the sheet up with me and wrapping it against me.

He grinned, watching me. "You're shy suddenly?"

I blushed thinking of all the not so shy things I had done in the last couple of hours.

"No. I'm just going to go back to my room too. Take a quick shower."

He gestured to the sheet. "You can't go like that. Someone could see you and then people will know what we're doing."

"I think people already know. Your sister kind of implied it."

His eyes grew slightly big in interest. "When was this?"

"Today when we were out."

"What did she say?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing major." I said quickly, so I didn't get her in any trouble. "But everyone thinks we're together."

Harry didn't respond and moved towards me. He caressed my cheek.

"Well please change either way...I'll see you in a bit." he said gently.

Then, he turned and headed for the bathroom.

Well okay then...

I finally dropped my sheet and threw on my clothes from earlier.

I was covered in sweat and our bodily fluids so my clothes clung to me.

I headed quickly to my room and hopped in the shower.

I was sure I didn't have much time to wash my hair so I just put it up in a bun and made a mental note to take a longer shower in the morning.

Well....later, since it was already morning.

My makeup from earlier was still on my face and hadn't bled despite my earlier antics so I added a small slither of lip gloss and threw on quick jeans and a top.

Then, I was ready.

Harry met me in the hallway.

He had on black jeans again (how many pairs did he own?), the tan boots, a white t-shirt and what appeared to be a black over-shirt in case it was chilly. His keycard and phone were in his hands.

Like me, he had also pulled his hair back in a bun.

He was so simple but once again, he looked handsome.

"Ready?" he said with a warm smile.

I nodded.

"I already have my security downstairs." he said as we began to walk down the hall.

"Cool."

He scanned me.

"You look nice." he said softly.

"Thanks."

He grinned widely at me and I returned it.

I think we were both reliving the last few hours in our minds.

As we went to climb in the elevators, his hands gently patted my butt.

I chuckled.

"Don't start anything you can't finish."

"Who says I can't finish?" he teased. "We're just on a mild break until we get back."

"I do have a flight in the morning mister." I reminded him.

"I know." he said and pouted. "That's why we're not going to waste any moments."

He leaned back and rested against the elevator wall, as we continued to travel down.

"I probably won't see you until you finish with school."

"Probably not." I said softly. "That sucks."

"It does." he said.

He looped one of his fingers though my belt hook suddenly and pulled me to him.

He wrapped his arms around my waist as I faced him.

Then he leaned down and kissed me. A slow, sensual kiss.

He smelled incredible.

"Don't forget me." he whispered against my lips.

"Don't forget me." I said back and he smiled.

"Like you warned, you're pretty unforgettable." he said and I melted.

His dimple was so prominent and he seemed so happy.

We stood lost in our own little bubble for a few more seconds until the elevator bell dinged.

We pulled apart. There was no telling who was in the hotel lobby.

As we walked, we continued our knowing smiles until we made it to the guard. We didn't have far to go and it was twelve in the morning- but we were cautious.

As we made the short trek to the club, me and Harry made small talk about my day, and he asked details about his Valentine's present.

In all of the mind-blowing sex, I had forgotten to give him his gift. However, while I had been in my shower in my room, he had opened it.

I had gotten him a New Year Charm for good luck and some Chinese Embroidery.

"You can keep it in your wallet, or car, or hang it in your house." I explained.

He smiled in appreciation, taking my hand for a quick second.

He kissed it.

"Thank you. I will." he said.

By the time we arrived at the bar a few minutes later, he had dropped my hand again and we had already moved onto another subject.

We quickly found the others since the bar was closed and the only area open was a rooftop bar. Making our way through the dimly lit area, we found Sophia, Gemma and Cal. Harry's security trailed behind us.

Harry took a seat next to his sister, and I sat across from them, by Cal.

Harry's security sat a few tables away.

"You two finally made it out huh?" Gemma said studying us. "What was up with the delay?"

Me and Harry locked eyes.

I hid the smile that wanted to peek through and turned away.

"We fell asleep watching some show." Harry said softly.

"How could you? Your TV was loud as hell. We could hear it all the way in Liam's room." Gemma said.

Again, my smile wanted to peek through. It was good to know the TV had masked the moans.

"How long have you been here?" Harry asked, quickly changing the subject. He rested his hands on the table.

"About an hour." Sophia answered.

"Where's Liam?" Harry asked since it appeared they weren't apart too much.

"He's tired." she said with a playful roll of her eyes.

"You want a drink?" Cal asked me.

"No." I said.

"Harry?"

"No. I'm a bit hungry though. Do they have appetizers?"

Gemma handed him a menu and I surveyed the bar.

We were being watched by a few young girls, but for the most part, the bar was empty and no one was paying us too much attention and giving us our privacy. Due to the dimly lit-almost pitch black- atmosphere of the bar, it was hard to make out others anyway. I could just see partial outlines.

I wondered if the girls watching knew who everyone was, and if so, were they curious about me.

"Bec?" I heard called and I turned to Harry.

"Are you hungry?" he asked me again. He was holding out the menu for me to take it.

By now it was bordering on 1am and I didn't feel comfortable eating.

"I'm okay." I said.

"Are you sure?" he asked concerned.

I nodded. My dinner had been light, but it would be enough.

Harry placed the menu down and turned from me.

Cal began to talk then and I felt my phone chime.

I had a text from Kelsey. It was 9am her time.

It was a group text inviting me to some dorm party when everyone got back in town.

I texted back quickly confirming and then was surprised when my phone rang.

It was one of my guy friends, Michael, and one of the recipients of the text message.

"Hello?" I answered standing. Cal was still continuing his story and everyone was paying attention to him.

"Becca! You're going to a dorm party? I can't believe it." Michael joked in my ear.

I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up Michael. You know, just because we spend everyday together, please note there are parts of my life you know nothing about."

At that statement, Harry's eyes lifted slowly and watched me. I figured I was being loud and didn't want to be rude.

I moved away from the table.

I found a secluded place two tables down and sat.

"Yes I am going. You guys act like I never do anything." I said into the phone.

I could feel eyes on me and when I turned, Harry was still watching me.

As our eyes locked, he rolled his eyes, turned and looked at his sister, but he didn't seem too happy.

What did I do now?

As Michael began talking, I cut him off.

"Look we'll talk later. I'm at work."

"Oh yeah, the internship...well call me later kay?"

I quickly agreed.

"Bye Beckham." he said and we hung up. I made my way over to the table and Harry stood.

Were we leaving already?

Reading my expression, he mumbled "Bathroom."

He moved past me and Gemma patted the seat beside her.

I sat down, obliging her.

Cal was still telling some silly story and Sophia and Gemma were paying attention. My eyes wandered to Harry, who was now stopped a few tables from us talking to a few girls.

They were obviously fans but I felt a wave of jealously.

After talking (and laughing for a few minutes) one of the girls pulled her camera out and Harry got into position to take a photo.

I watched in deep interest.

Once more I was awed by the situation.

I couldn't believe I had spent the last few hours sleeping with him. It seemed like he was two different people.

It was easy to forget he was this mega star since he didn't act like it.

Outside of my paychecks equal to his shoes alone, and moments like this, I hadn't seen any sides of that celebrity side.

As I watched in admiration, Harry didn't notice my stare and headed to the bathroom after finishing up the conversation.

When he came back, he was texting someone.

He took a seat across from me, since I stole his seat.

"Mum says call her Gem." he mumbled as he finished up his message.

"I called her earlier." she protested, picking up her phone and he looked at me.

Gemma began to punch in numbers. I however, had Harry's full attention.

"You ready?" he asked quietly.

"To leave?"

He nodded. He leaned and rested his arms on the table. "I'm tired."

His green eyes were soft and he did appear to be a little bit exhausted.

"You just got here." Gemma protested.

"Leave him alone." Cal joked. "He obviously had a long day."

"And a long night." Harry said but he smiled.

"I'm ready." I said.

Harry stood and placed his hand on Sophia's shoulder.

"Well gang, be well."

He waved at everyone and then stuck his hand out for me to take it.

I did, and he gently moved me away from the table.

I led the way out of the bar and Harry followed close behind.

As we headed outside, the air was a little brisk but still warm.

This time, on the walk back, he was pretty quiet.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"I'm fine." he said looking back at me. "Why?"

I shrugged. He seemed off again.

He was present but far away.

"I just want to go to bed. The day is catching up to me."

"Yeah I know what you mean." I said as a yawn arrived.

"Are you sleeping in my room?" he asked. His voice was quiet but calm.

I nodded. "If you want me too."

"Of course I do." he said.

When we reached the hotel, we headed upstairs and Harry opened his hotel door.

He instantly pulled his shirt off and unbuttoned his pants as I laid down.

He stripped down to his boxers and then came over to meet me on the bed.

"Take your jeans off." he demanded softly.

I did as he said, and then he laid behind me.

He pulled the covers over us and wrapped his arms around me.

I could feel his nose against my neck and his breath ticking my skin.

I nestled into him.

"Mmm." he moaned in appreciation. "I don't know how I'm going to say bye to you tomorrow." he mumbled. "I'm getting quite use to this."

His voice was deep but above a whisper.

I smiled, but didn't reply and felt him kiss my neck.

"Goodnight Love." he said.

"Goodnight Hun." I said.

I was sleep five minutes later.

The next morning we slept in. When we woke up at 10:30am, we were tangled together and both sore.

"I need a serious workout." Harry said after we had said good morning.

"I thought I did that last night?" I said with a smile.

He smiled back and tapped my nose.

"You're the reason I need it."

He sat up and stretched.

"Are you all packed already?"

I nodded. "Pretty much."

I sat up as well.

"Anything else you need to do?" he questioned.

I nodded no. Nothing came to mind.

"Good." he said and then suddenly tackled me, climbing on top of me. "Because you're not leaving this bed yet."

I laughed as he began to tickle me and kiss my neck.

We spent the next half hour playing and joking around in the sheets until we decided we needed to eat before I left.

Harry was playful and seemed to touch me as much as he could.

As I ate my eggs and toast, Harry played with my hair and threw things at me.

"You better stop. Or I'm going to attack when I get done."

I grabbed a pillow, prepared to throw it, to show him I meant business.

He chuckled and continued his playful demeanor.

He yanked it out of my hand and leaned down and kissed me. Then as he stood back up, he tussled my hair. I instantly swatted him and he began to tickle me again. My giggles loud in the room.

When it came time to gather my things and get ready to go, he was practically up under me. He hugged me from behind and nestled his head on my shoulders.

"You're a huge toddler." I said as I threw the rest of the stuff in my bag.

He was obnoxiously adorable.

"I don't want you to go." he mumbled against me. "Stay a few more days." he said softly.

"I have class." I argued.

"I don't care." he said and clutched me tighter. "Let me change your ticket. It'll take me ten minutes."

I rested my head next to his.

"Believe me I would if I could."

He kissed my cheek and then let me go.

"Well that's all that matters I guess."

He took a seat on my hotel bed and pulled me to him.

I sat on him, wrapping my legs around his lean torso.

We shared a slow kiss. His hands cupped my cheeks as our tongues slowly moved together.

"I really am going to miss you." he said against my lips when we pulled away.

"When's your next break?" I asked.

"Couple weeks." he said. "Maybe I'll make my way to New York..."

I smiled. "Maybe you should."

He grinned an adorable smile.

"Would you be happy to see me?"

"Ecstatic." I said.

He traced my lips with his fingers. "I'll keep that in mind."

We shared another long kiss and then I climbed off of him. I needed to get to the airport.

Harry texted his driver and had my bags moved downstairs.

Harry held me in our last few minutes together.

"I feel like I should say bye to everyone. All of your tour family has been so nice to me."

He nodded no. "I don't want to share you right now. You'll probably see them again."

I nestled against his chest.

"Okay well...thanks again." I said. "For everything."

He hugged me tightly.

"No, thank you. You were a perfect distraction."

He kissed my forehead.

Then it was time for me to go. I had a little over an hour until my flight, and I was cutting it really close, despite the fact I was near the airport.

He took my hand and walked me to the end of the hall.

We shared more kisses as we waited for the elevator.

"Text me before you get on the plane." he said when we broke apart.

"I will."

"Kay." he said. "And make sure you get some rest."

I had a fifteen hour flight ahead of me.

"I will."

The elevator dinged and I climbed on.

I gave him a final wave as my back hit the elevator wall.

"I'll call you." he threw out before the doors closed.

When I got back to New York sixteen hours later, there was a text from Harry.

*I miss you already. Hope you're well. All my love. x*

*I miss you too. Hope you're getting some rest. We'll talk soon. :)*

I wasn't sure what time he was on anymore since he was now in Manila and I didn't know if he was awake or asleep.

When he would call me back, it would be eight hours later and I would be asleep, missing his call.

I would call him back, and this time he was the one who didn't answer.

*Sorry, been on stage.* he texted two hours later.

We texted for a bit about small things, mainly his show and my flight. We were both a bit distracted, since I was in class, and he was trying to get back to his hotel and settled.

After a half hour, I cut the conversation short.

*Well I'll let you go.* I said reluctantly. *I'll try to catch up with you later.*

*K. Sounds good. I'll call you when I get up* he promised back a few minutes later. I sent him a smiley face and turned my phone off, anxious to focus on class. I only had a month and a half to go until finals and the semester was over.

Picking up my pen, I pushed away all thoughts of the handsome green eyed Brit I was falling for, and began to copy notes.

If only I had knew then I should have kept the conversation going.

I would not hear from Harry anymore that day, or even the rest of the week.

In fact, it wouldn't be until a month later, that his voice would appear on the other end of my phone, and by then, I had forced myself to try to get over him.

However, he wasn't going anywhere and I learned that very quickly.

My time with Harry was still very much beginning.


	28. Chapter 28

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT  
BECCA

Now.

The next day, the drive to my old Malibu condo is long and uneasy.  
I am exhausted from my lack of sleep, and my mind is all over the place.  
I have tried putting on my favorite CD and putting the top down, but it does not ease my tensions.  
Harry Styles prescene surrounds me and I’m not even around him yet.  
Earlier in the morning, he had texted me for a confirmation that I was still coming. For a slight second, my fingers froze wanting to cancel.  
It all seemed too much too fast.

In two days, he had completely barged his way into my life again and I felt like I was starting to suffocate.  
For so long I had pushed him away and now he was everywhere.  
Though, I partially had something to do with that.

After he had left my house, I had been a wreck.  
Seeing him walk away from me again had damn near destroyed me. To know that he was not only walking away from me again, but going to be with his fiancé had affected me in a way I couldn’t have imagined.

Minutes after he had left, I had headed to my office, and opened up a small docs folder. Hidden deep in my computer was the ‘Harry Flies’. Over one hundred pictures of our time together.

Scrolling through the pictures of us reaffirmed what I already knew; I missed him.  
And what scared me the most, was that I still cared.  
Maybe I was still in love with him, and now, he was in love with someone else.  
I needed to understand it though.  
Why her?  
After everything we had went through, why was she the one who got to have him in the end?  
Why after all of the makeup and breakups, had it led us to this point?  
What was the damn point? So he could end up with Malibu Barbie?  
So she could profit off of everything I taught?  
No.  
Hell no.  
It wasn’t fair.  
Where was the happily ever after promised in books?  
This Julie St. Clair, the blonde bubbly supermodel, wasn’t even good enough for him. Sure she was beautiful, and could handle the spotlight, and would give him beautiful children one day- but, could she raise them?  
Would she be a good mother?  
Could she even be a good wife?  
I sincerely didn’t think so.  
She probably couldn’t even screw in a light bulb.

As my mouse hovered over our final picture, a half hour later, I was taken back to our final week together. I could see the fights and the screaming, and me walking away telling him to never contact me again.  
That particular breakup, he had finally listened and kept a far distance from me.  
I didn’t hear from him again, and the traces of our relationship seemed to be quickly demolished.  
Within a month, the public knew and his management team quickly scrubbed our personal links. Due to Harry’s team, our breakup was a small blip on the news radar- thankfully- yet, he refused to talk about me ever again.  
_Becca who_? was the new mantra of Sir Harry Styles.  
  
That was what I wanted to feel again- that anger and pain.  
That disposable feeling he made me feel towards the end.  
I needed to remember why I had hated him for two years and why we hadn’t worked.  
I needed to get over this ‘spell’ he had temporarily cast me under.

I began to look up quotes. ‘Quotes to get over your ex’.  
I saw many that helped:  
Hey _remember that person you thought you couldn’t live without?_ _Well_ _look at you, living and shit._  
Well, yes. I was. And I was living beautifully…

 _An ‘ex’ is called an ‘ex’ because it is an Example of what you shouldn’t have again in the future._  
And I knew more than ever I didn’t need Harry again.

I _think that part of the reason we hold on to something so_ tight, _is because we fear something so great won’t happen twice._  
Yes. That could be exactly what this was.

I kept scrolling down.

And then, I saw it. The one that hit me so profoundly that all of my tears temporarily dried up.  
_Don’t stress the could haves, if it should have, it would have…_ and I realized how true that quote was. I had always been a firm believer of what’s meant to be, will be and Harry was obviously not the one meant for me. If he was, we would have worked out.

I posted the quote on my private Instagram, so I would always have the reminder, and tried to push all thoughts of him to the back of my mind. I put on some music, and opened a new word document to update my column since I was quickly approaching my deadline. A call from my agent was coming soon I was sure.  
Yet, as I typed my forth sentence, getting into the groove, my phone buzzed beside me.  
A Twitter notification had let me know Harry had updated his profile.  
I still followed him, even today, but at first and even a second and third glance, you couldn’t tell the profile was mine. I didn’t have a picture up, and my name had no link to ‘Becca Johnson’. My Twitter URL was now Calichick1994, a name so ridiculous that no one would ever tie it to me. And my twitter name was Ella- the name of my dog who had died when I was ten years old.  
I quickly read his tweet.

_If I could, I would._

Depending on the way you read it, it could have been a direct response to me, and the ‘could have‘ in my Instagram quote. However, Harry had once been known for cryptic and random tweets and I was sure the correlation was coincidence.

Still….what if it was for me?  
He needed to know I had seen it.

So then, in a moment of temporary insanity, I had tweeted him back on my old account. The public one I had when we dated. Some stupid One Direction lyrics that would not only directly link to what he said, but would also have a cryptic undertone as well.  
I wasn’t an idiot.  
I knew exactly what I was doing.

_Then._

Now I was regretting it.  
I was terrified to look at my Twitter to see the damage I had caused yesterday and I was pretty sure Harry had seen it.  
Harry was one of those celebrity trolls who browsed his mentions, but would never let you know.  
9 times out of 10, he saw most of the stuff posted about himself and he got a personal kick out of the ridiculousness of it all sometimes.

I didn’t receive any more 'Harry' notifications, so he didn’t tweet anything further.  
Still I was nervous for what the day would bring.  
What if I started to fall for him again and what if he unleashed that ‘Harry charm‘ on me?  
Could I easily walk away again?

I had spent so long running from the mess we had made, but now I was doing it all over again. I was at his complete beck and call. It was just like the old days when he consumed every thought and it bothered me that after five years, he still had this hold on me.

Lost in my Harry thoughts in the car, I suddenly hear my phone chime on the seat beside me. I pick it up and see it is a text from him.  
Glancing quickly between the screen and the road, I read his message.

*Almost here?*

I glance at the clock on the dash and notice it is twenty minutes from eleven.  
I pick up my phone, tapping the speaker button. I turn down my music and began to speak.

*You should learn patience Styles. I will be there.*

I feel my phone buzz again but I don’t check the text. He would see me soon enough.

Fifteen minutes later I pull into our old neighborhood. The silver lettering of our old building looks back at me. It is a luxury condo that Harry surprised me with a year and a half into our relationship.  
I pull into the private parking ramp and hand my keys over to the valet. Along with 24 hour doorman service, the residential lobby is secured by an officer. I quickly flash my old key and pass and head upstairs to our floor.  
When me and Harry split, we agreed to let the condo go, so I am still confused as to why I am here.  
When I reach our private floor, memories instantly flood me.  
It doesn’t help that a piece of our history stares back at me.  
Stepping onto the Welcome mat I purchased long ago, I knock on the door.  
I look down at the mat, studying how perfectly preserved it seems for its four years of life, when the door opens.  
My eyes travel up and meet Harry.  
My God, is he still an Adonis.  
He is dressed up more today than yesterday in a oversized cream sweater and his darkwash skinny blue jeans. A pair of black sunglasses rest on top of his head, and his silver iPhone is attached to his ear.  
He smiles at me and gestures me in.  
“Yeah, okay I will.” He says into the phone, as I step inside. “I’ve already approved that budget though.”  
I can tell then the call is work- related.  
Forcing myself to not stare at him, I break my eyes away and take in the condo I once called home.  
Nothing has changed.  
I mean, absolutely nothing.  
It is exactly how I left it two years ago.  
My decorations, my touch, some of my things…  
I’m instantly confused.

I turn to look back at Harry as he wraps up his call, and his eyes are all over me.  
Today I have chosen to wear a casual sundress and a lightweight blue jean jacket. He smiles at me as if he approves of my outfit choice.  
When his eyes linger a little too long on my bare legs, I turn back away from him.  
It is then I hear him end the call behind me.  
“You made it.” he says, moving past me and dropping his phone on a nearby table.  
Our eyes meet and I instantly gesture to the condo.  
“Yeah I did…what is this Harry?”  
His eyes follow my gesture and he checks the condo.  
“What?” he asks.  
“This condo.”  
His wide green eyes take in the condo quickly, inspecting.  
He doesn’t see it.  
He smiles back at me and doesn‘t say anything right away.  
I sigh in slight frustration as he just looks at me; not getting it. I gesture again and his eyes travel between me and the room.  
“Well Becca, I’m confused by the question.” he finally says. “What are we talking about?”  
His voice is playful and his smile is wide.  
“Nothing is different.” I point out.  
He continues to just look back at me. “So?”  
“Do you even live here?” I ask in disbelief.  
“Sometimes.” he says and goes into the kitchen behind me. I follow him.  
“Are you hungry? Thirsty?” he asks.

I shake my head no.  
“Are you sure? I’m making BLT sandwiches, and have the cheese that you like, and I even went to the store and got those cheddar chips you use to eat.” And then he looks up at me with a wide smile, “You still like them right?”

I stare back at him. I take him in for a moment.  
He is in a good mood today. A really good mood. His energy is infectious.  
I want to ask him what is up with him, but instead I just nod yes.  
I sit on one of the stools at the bar, and he pulls out a pan.  
He sets it to the side, and I casually observe him as he cuts up an apple.  
It’s a task he appeared to be doing before I came. Yet with the way he sways back and forth and smiles to himself, I’m half expecting him to break out into a song and dance.  
His energy is so unsettled, but in a good way.  
He catches my curious stare and I quickly turn, pretending to still look at the condo.  
“A penny for your thoughts,” he says.  
I look back at him.  
Once again, I try not to get wrapped up in the face that use to hold me captive and focus on what’s important.  
I gesture back to the condo.  
“I thought we agreed to get rid of this place?” I ask instantly.  
He shrugs. “We did, but I couldn’t.”  
“But you obviously don’t live here, I mean…nothing has changed Harry.”  
He heads to the fridge and pulls out some turkey bacon.  
“Maybe I like your decorations.” he argues.  
I look around again.  
“But she’s not here… like at all. Doesn’t Julie want to change anything?”  
“Julie has never been here.” he says and I turn back to him in surprise. “And she never will be. She doesn’t need to know about this place.”  
“You’re not going to tell your fiancé about this house?” I ask in disbelief.  
He nods no.  
“Well that‘s deceptive.” I say.  
“How?”  
“You’re lying to her Harry. This is like a secret life or something.”  
He picks up an apple slice and pops it in his mouth. “No I’m not.”  
“Well why would you keep it? Is this suppose to be some ‘in case’ pad?”  
“In case what?” he asks, opening the bacon pack and pulling strips into a pan.  
“In case it doesn’t work out.”  
He chuckles.  
“No. I just…It’s comfy.” he says simply. “It’s nice to have.”  
He lays the strips like he is creating a canvas and I watch him again in interest. It has been a while since I have seen Harry cook and today, he has my complete attention.  
Still, he has not answered my question. _Comfy,_ doesn’t describe why he keeps this place. It has to be costly.  
“So you still pay for two houses in the city then? Or do you rent this out?”  
“No.” he says. “I don’t let anyone in here.”  
His tone is serious.  
“Since you left, I’ve been the only one that stays here, and it‘s not that often as you can tell.”  
“But why?” I ask. “Why do you like this place so much?”  
Again he shrugs but gives no answer. I shake my head to myself. This makes no sense to me.  
Another great Harry Styles mystery.  
“So…” he begins, moving on. “I talked to my Mum today. She says hello.”  
“You actually told her we were meeting?”  
“Yeah why not?” he asks, eating another apple. “It’s not like she hates you or anything.”  
He then shifts the plate to me to have some.  
I show him quickly I’m not interested, moving it away.  
“It’s just weird.” I say. “Did she seem upset?”  
“Not at all.” he says gently. "I think she was kind of happy."  
As I process his response, he surprises me and moves around the counter taking a seat right beside me.

His Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille cologne is warm and smells good.  
He smells like Harry. The old one.  
He rests his hands on the counter, folding them and locks his eyes on me.  
A beautiful swirl of green and black looks back at me.  
I look down almost instantly.  
For a second, my eyes focus on the cross tattoo on his left hand. It is my favorite tattoo still to this day. My eyes trail past his anchor tattoo that is slightly showing, and the other tattoo I like to pretend he doesn’t have.  
That one, I try not to think about; another personal ode to me.  
My eyes move up his arms until I’m looking into his eyes again.  
Today, despite his cheery demeanor, his eyes look grayer, and there is more black than green. He is tired.  
“You didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” I note reading his eyes.  
He smiles and rolls his tongue over his lip. His eyes light up slightly.  
“That’s good.” he says. He plays with the tips of his fingers and studies them.  
“See, I told you that you know me well. You can just look at me and know things like that.“ he turns back to me, giving me a sincere look. “It‘s nice.” he says softly.  
His statement makes me feel something. Something I’m not sure I like.  
I quickly fight the feeling and roll my eyes.  
“You have bags under your eyes.” I say as disgusted as possible. “Anyone can see that.”  
“Well Jeff came over last night- to my other house.” he emphasizes. “Spent the night.”  
I face him. Good Ol’ Jeff.  
“How is he?”  
“He’s good.”  
I nod. That is good. I liked him. He was a genuine friend and always looked out for Harry.  
“We talked about you.” Harry offers, keeping his attention completely on me.  
I smile. “I’m sure you did. Did he tell you to run?”  
Harry chuckles and nods yes. “He did. Threatened to cancel my tour if I saw you.”  
His voice is light and I know he is partially joking.  
Still, I wasn’t Jeff’s biggest fan in the end so I know Jeff was probably serious in a small way. I guess I had hurt Harry way too many times for him.  
Now, whenever I saw Jeff out and about, we pretended not to see each other.  
I rest my elbows on the table.  
“Then what am I doing here?” I ask. Jeff is like a brother, and normally he listens to him.  
He smiles widely and turns his body towards me. “I guess I can’t get enough of you.”  
His tone is flirtatious and for a second, I think about playing back, but then decide against it. It wouldn’t be good to give him ammo.  
I climb off the stool and prepare to go over to the couch.  
“Well let’s get this over with.” I say.  
“No.” he says looking back at me. “I have to ask you something first.”  
“What?” I ask.  
“About your tweet yesterday.”  
I instantly clam up.  
He did see it as I imagined.  
“What did it mean?” he continues.  
I play the dumb card first.  
“Tweet?” I question. “What do you mean?”  
His eyes narrow, and he’s not going to play that game.  
He waits for me to quickly catch back up.  
I swallow and look away from him conjuring a quick lie.  
_What can I say, what can I say, what can I say?_  
_How can I lie, how can I lie, how can I lie?_  
He calls my name, pulling me back.  
Our eyes meet.  
“Just answer the question.” he says. “No bullshit or clever responses. Just tell me the truth,” he says softly.  
I move away from him slightly.  
“Um…What did yours mean?” I ask instead.  
He smiles. Widely.  
“So you saw mine too?”  
“Obviously.” I say.  
“How?” he asks curiously. “You don’t follow me anymore.”  
“How do you know? You have forty million followers. I‘m not exactly going to stand out that easily.”  
This makes him smile wider; a whole mouth of teeth is practically showing.  
“You check?” he questions. “My stats?”  
“No.” I say. “I’m only guessing.”  
He rolls his eyes. He shifts in his seat and wipes away invisible dust.  
“Well,” he says. “Then tell me. No matter what you say, I know for a fact you don’t follow me anymore.”  
It must mean he checks from time to time. The idea makes me a little happy. After all, I do too. I’m well aware that he still follows my Instagram.  
One day, about a year ago, he liked a photo, and then about a minute later unliked it. If he thought no one saw it, then he was wrong. That one small action had made my whole day. Still, he can’t know that. He can’t know how he still affects me.  
So, being as coy and casual as possible, I answer.  
“I don’t remember how I saw it.” I say.  
“Of course you don’t.” His voice is filled with sarcasm, but surprisingly his tone is not upset or cold. His tone lets me know he already expected me to lie.  
He lifts off the stool and faces me.  
“Well I sent mine, because I saw your Instagram. _Your lovely quote.”_  
His voice is riddled with disdain.   
“That wasn’t for you.” I throw out quickly.  
“No?” he asks curiously.  
“No.”  
“So why did you post it?” he demands softly.  
“Why are we talking about this?” I ask in growing frustration. I just want to move on from the subject.  
“Because you sent your tweet. Those were my lyrics right?”  
I roll my eyes this time.  
“I hardly think you wrote them.”  
“My band wrote them.” he points out.  
“Ex-band.”  
“Whatever.” he says dismissing me. “You still posted it and I want to know why.”  
“Why does it matter? Once again, you‘re hung up on small shit.”  
He ignores my question and asks again.  
“Why did you post it Becca?”  
“Why does it matter?” I repeat as well.  
His hands go to his hair and he pulls his sunglasses off his head. They hit the counter with a thud as they lightly slide across.  
“Don’t start.” he warns. “I can’t handle that shit today. Please don’t act like her.”  
“Who the fuck is her?”  
I’m immediately defensive thinking he is comparing me to Julie.  
“The Becca I can’t stand. The one from yesterday and the other night.”  
I scoff and roll my eyes- meaning it this time.  
“Screw you.” I mutter more to myself than him. I don’t think he would even care if he hurts my feelings.

And he just did.   
“So are you going to answer my question or not?” he says, still determined.  
I cross my arms. Why should I?  
He just insulted me.  
“No.” I answer.  
He shakes his head at my attitude. “Jesus Becca. You can drive someone absolutely insane with your stubbornness, you know that?”  
“Then apologize.”  
“For what?”  
“How you just talked to me. That didn‘t even need to be said.”  
“Yes it did,” he said. “Because you keep doing it. You keep purposely trying to piss me off.”  
“I am not.” I argue.  
“Then why haven’t you answered my question yet?”  
I shuffle my feet and turn away from him.  
I think of a quick lie.  
“Well…” I say, scrambling. “I heard it come on the radio. There. That‘s your stupid answer.”  
He is not satisfied.  
No you didn’t.” he says behind me. “It was never a single.”  
“So what? I heard it.”  
“No you didn’t Becca.” he argues.  
I turn back to face him, and put on the most serious face I can muster.  
“Yes _I did.”_  
“You’re telling me you honestly heard that song, from eight years ago, that wasn’t even a single, on a radio station?”  
I nod yes.  
He sighs.  
He shakes his head in disbelief.  
I know he doesn’t believe me, hell, I don’t even believe my story, but it’s all I’ve got.  
He throws his hands up.  
“Fine. Fine.” he says. “You heard it on a station. So…why did you post it?”  
“For fun.” I say simply.  
“For fun?”  
“I wanted to see if you would see it, and I like getting your fans riled up. It‘s fun to watch them scramble and debate. They always seem to think we're getting back together."  
He bursts out laughing and I have to admit I like the sound.

Yet i'm confused. My eyes narrow.   
“You’re so full of shit Becca." he says a moment later. "I don’t even know why I waste my time. I‘ve literally wasted five minutes of my life trying to get an answer that you‘re never going to give me.”  
Now he seems to be talking more to himself…  
“I’m telling you the truth,” I say turning away from him and going to sit in the living room. “Believe me or don’t.”  
“I don’t.” I hear him say behind me as he follows me.  
I plop down on my old couch and he sits across from me seconds later.  
The couch is comfy and familiar and for a moment, I regret not taking it with me in the split.  
I had been the one who had spent hours in IKEA, and vintage stores -with Harry’s money- buying stuff for our house. I had been the one who had spent hours decorating and making it our home. At the time, he was mostly in Jamaica and London working on his debut album. I was the one who had committed to this place and I shouldn’t have left anything behind- but I did.  
When I walked away, I walked away with nothing.  
I guess I wanted a clean slate, or the more realistic reason, which is I just didn’t want the reminders.  
My eyes find Harry’s as he sits across from me.  
He smiles again.  
Something is different about him today and I can’t place it.  
There is not a care in that handsome head of his.  
“So where did we leave off?” I ask.  
Harry picks at skin around his nails again and sits back on the couch.  
“Can’t we eat first?” he asks. “Before we get into it?”  
“I just told you, I’m not hungry.”  
“What have you ate today? I remember how you use to use snacks as food.”  
“I don’t know Harry. Why does it matter?” I say impatiently. “Are you going to check me into a health clinic if I don’t eat your precious B.L.T.?”  
He puts his hands down and shifts his sleeve up. He leans and his elbows rest on his legs.  
“Can’t we be civil today?”  
“This is me being civil.” I say.  
“I’m sure.”  
He gives another small grin and stands up.  
He heads back over to the kitchen. The space is wide and all connected together.  
In the distance, I could see the beginning of our old bedrooms.  
“Okay, change of topic…Does Chase know you’re here?”  
“No.” I say.  
Harry opens the fridge and pulls out two waters.  
“When are you going to tell him?”  
He comes back over to me and hands me a bottle. I take it.  
“I’m not. This has nothing to do with him.”  
Harry uncaps his water and takes a sip.  
I watch the veins in his neck as he drinks. Is it weird that it turns me on? It reminds me of lines and veins somewhere else.  
I look away.  
“What about Julie?” I ask.  
He stops drinking.  
“I told you, she doesn’t like you. I‘m not suppose to talk to you.”  
“At all?” I question.  
“Nope.”  
“What is her problem?” I ask finally. I don’t get why I bother her so much.  
Harry smiles. “I don’t know. I don’t know why you women get so possessive and jealous.”  
“I was never like that. Don‘t group me in with her.”  
He looks at me in incredulity.  
“Becca you were the main one. Have you forgotten what half of our arguments were about?”  
“You were always helping though. You were never fully innocent with the stupid shit you use to do.”  
He takes another sip of his water. “Well we’ll agree to disagree. I feel I was 100% faithful.”  
And that was one of the problems…  
I sigh.  
“What about Jeff? Does he know about today? That we‘re meeting?”  
“Of course.” he says. “Someone needs to know where to find my body.”  
He chuckles at his own joke but I don’t find it funny.  
For some reason, the good mood he is in today irritates me.  
As far as I’m concerned, nothing about this is worth laughing about. We are a fucked up sight.  
I pity us.  
We need to just get this over with.  
I have three hours and I don’t want to waste any of them. After today, he leaves town and I won’t have to see him again-hopefully.

“So Hong Kong,” I say placing my bottle on the table. “I think that’s where we left off.” I say quickly getting to business.

He cuts me off. “We both know what happens. We had sex. We can move on now.”

“Oh really? You seemed so keen to want to remember it yesterday?” I remind him, “Why the change of heart now?”

He smiles. “There’s a lot more sex coming up Becca. I don’t think we need to focus on the first time too much do you?”

He is right and I hate it.  
I feel disgusted by all the times I gave myself to him. Not because it wasn’t incredible, but because back then, I truly believed he would be the last guy. I didn’t think I would ever have another man touch me. I gave him so much of myself, and to be here now, with nothing to show for it, is depressing.  
“Okay so….” I reflect back on that time. “You didn’t call me for a month.”  
“And you know why.” he says, drinking more water.  
“I know your excuse.” I correct.  
“Which is the truth.” he counters back.  
“Zayn?” I clarify.  
“Zayn.” he says simply.  
I shake my head no. I don’t believe it even to this day.  
He can tell.  
“Becca, why would I sleep with you and tell you I’m going to see you again, only to not call you?”  
“I don’t know Harry. I bet there are a lot of your girls who have wondered the same thing.” I say passively.  
His eyes flash.  
I have hit a sensitive spot.  
He points at me quickly in anger.  
“I have never treated you that way. And those girls knew it was a one night thing. Don‘t try to act like I ever just tossed you to the side.”  
“Oh so you admit you tossed them away though?” I challenge.  
He becomes irritated with me quickly and the first chip of happiness falls.  
“Why are we talking about other women?” he asks with annoyance.  
I shrug.  
Why are we?  
I guess because I don’t want to talk about the other subject, which is us; I‘m just being forced too.  
“How many girls have you been with since me?” I ask curiously.  
“I’m not answering that question.” he says.  
“That many huh?” I say with a proud wink. He sure loves to get his dick wet.  
Truthfully, Harry’s promiscuous ways before me (and probably after me) don’t bother me. He was young, handsome and had the world at his fingertips. It only made sense he would indulge.  
His eyes slant. “How many for you?”  
“Enough.” I say.  
“Well good. Good for you.” he says and I roll my eyes again. It’s not the reaction I wanted. I was hoping to see a flash of jealously or irritation. I was hoping to piss him off even more.  
“Have you ever asked Chase how many girls he has slept with?” he asks me next.  
“I have actually. Five.”  
“Bullshit.” Harry says immediately. “Maybe in one months time. He got around, I can assure you.”  
“You don’t even know him.” I say defensively.  
“Oh I know a lot more than you think sweetheart.”  
I sigh impatiently because he is probably right. I don’t put it past him to have looked into him since Chase and Jeff are friends. After all, I have looked into Julie in the last twenty-four hours as well. Google has become a good friend. I can even tell you the woman's grade school now.   
“Well it doesn’t matter. He’s with me now.” I reassure.  
Then there it is…  
The flash of irritation I was waiting on. That possessive, jealous look he gets.  
Score another one for Becca!  
He takes another long sip of his water, finishing it off.  
He tosses the empty bottle on the couch beside him roughly. Then, “So what were we talking about?”  
His soft tone is gone.  
“Our first time, and the fact that you didn’t call me for a month.” I remind him.  
“Oh yeah.” he says uninterested.  
“It really doesn’t matter in the end I guess.” I say. “We ended up back together either way.”  
“Yeah well you didn’t make it easy.” he says and I smile, taking a sip of my water.  
“Did you think I would?”  
He shakes his head no.  
“No, because you were different.”  
“Different how?” I ask.  
“I don’t know.” he says. “But I actually missed you in that month we didn’t talk.”  
I take another sip. “Well what took you so long to call me?”  
“I already told you that.” he says.  
“Yeah five years ago Harry. I don’t remember the specifics.”  
He shrugs casually.  
“I just remember going to dinner…and I had a waitress. Her name was Becca and by then, I was still thinking about you... I kind of figured it was a sign.”  
“And _that’s_ why you called me?”  
“Yeah. And the other stuff I told you.” he says simply.  
I play with the top of my bottle.  
I think back to that time. Seeing him again...falling into the bubble...falling in love...  
“I shouldn’t have answered the phone.” I say under my breath.  
He smiles.  
“Maybe you shouldn’t have…but you did.” he says. “You know you can hate me, and be mad at me, and we can scream and cuss each other out, but it doesn’t change things at the end of the day. That time happened Becca. _We happened_. And for a while, it was pretty fucking amazing.”  
My eyes raise and look back at him. There is complete sincerity in his statement.  
“So fight it all you want too, but just don’t do it today. Please. Can we just pretend for today that we actually like each other, and get through this?” he continues.  
I grow quiet.

A part of me doesn’t want to fight, I’m just scared.  
I never know what’s going to happen when I’m with him. It’s like I can’t control myself.  
This isn’t our first rodeo and we’ve had similar meet ups like this in the past.  
We use to break up all the time. He even wrote a song about the shit on his debut album.  
Still, back then, things weren’t as bad as they are now and we were able to move past our issues.  
In the past, within days I would be back in his bed.  
Today, it is obviously much more complicated.  
This is not going to be an easy fix.  
For that, the truth would have to come out; and I refuse to ever let him know my secret.

I finally nod yes and he smiles back at me.  
“Thank you.” he says.  
“So,” I begin. “The day you called me…”  
“Yup.” He says. “The day I called you…”  
He nods and settles back against the couch.  
And we start again.


	29. Chapter 29

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

BECCA

Then.

_One Month Later, Mid April 2015_

Parmesan Chicken Pasta  
breaded chicken breast over al dente penne tossed in parmesan cream...

Ugh.  
My eyes moved on and continued down the list. It had only been twenty minutes and I was already over this.  
Chicken Broccoli Pasta.  
No.  
Baked Ravoli.  
No.  
My best friend Kelsey's loud laugh pierced the air and I looked up.  
I briefly turned to her and watched as she and Bobby shared a joke and he kissed her cheek. They had been dating officially since January and were disgustingly cute. Kelsey was really happy and I was sure it was only a matter of time before their blond hair, blue eyed children would be making an appearance.  
As Kelsey locked her eyes with me I tried to appear entertained. This whole thing had been her idea and I was trying to be a good sport, but I was ready to leave.  
This was why I didn't do double dates.  
I gave a small smile and looked back down at the Ruby Tuesday menu.  
"So what about you? See anything you like?"  
I shifted as my 'date' moved closer to me. In honestly,I had been trying to forget he was there. I could smell his cheap cologne and I could feel parts of his body touching me. I didn’t like it.  
I looked around again, reminding myself of my promise to Kelsey, _just one date_ and put on my best ‘date‘ smile.  
My suitors’ eyes were still on me.  
“Still browsing the menu.” I said.  
“Do you want me to order for you?” he asked leaning closer to me. “I come here all the time.”  
I instantly backed away as a strong odor hit me.  
I was absolutely repulsed.  
He smelled like garlic and we hadn't even ordered yet.  
But he was cute.  
That had gotten me this far.  
Miguel- with the big brown eyes, and rich Puerto Rican features.  
He was the stuff of dreams around campus and the ladies loved him. He was never single for longer than a couple weeks and apparently had been interested in me for a while.  
I maintained a polite distance and looked back at the menu.  
"No." I said shortly. I purposely tried to seem like I was studying the menu, but it did no good. He didn’t move away from me.  
"Well...tell me more about your publishing goals. You said you want to work for a publishing house when you graduate?"  
_Garlic, garlic, garlic…_  
I tried to catch my breath to give an answer, but Kelsey piped up, beating me.  
She had been playing matchmaker and trying to ease the awkwardness all night.  
It had begun with a movie and now we were finishing with a late dinner.  
In my mind the whole thing should have been opposite, but whatever...  
"She actually just completed an internship last month." Kelsey said proudly. "While we were all slacking away on our spring break, Becca was hard at work in New York."  
She winked at me, and normally I would have been proud in that moment, but last month was something I was trying to erase from my mind.  
The trip, the kisses, the sex…it was something I had been struggling to push to the back of my mind.

Harry hadn't called.  
Like at all.  
I had texted him a few times, and received nothing.  
I didn't know what I had did for him to cut me off so coldly; but it hurt.  
I knew we were far from being an official couple, but with the way we had left things, I thought we would move towards _something._  
Instead it was like he slept with me and then tossed me to the side.  
It quickly became clear what the whole trip had been about and like a fool, I had made it very easy.

In the past month I hadn’t checked Twitter, Instagram or any of the Tumblr blogs.  
I didn’t want to know what he was doing or who he was hanging out with. By now, it was probably another girl and I didn’t want to confirm what I already knew; he was fine and he was well and most importantly, I had already been forgotten.  
I cleared my throat quickly to move on from the subject of internships and spring breaks.  
"Yeah but…I really don't want to talk about it." I said picking my menu back up.  
Kelsey groaned. "Oh come on...you never want to talk about it," she said and then turned to Miguel. "She's super shy."  
"I'm not shy. I just don't want to talk about it." I snapped seriously. I dropped the menu and pierced my eyes for added affect.  
Since last month, everyone had been asking me questions and every time that 'internship' was brought up, I had to think about Harry and our short time together.  
I was sick of the stupid reminders.  
“Okay Jeez.” Kelsey finally said and took a sip of her soda. She laughed it off, and the conversation quickly shifted away from me. He, Kelsey and Bobby started talking about something, while I finalized my order.  
Miguel leaned away from me and finally I could breathe.  
I quickly picked a cheeseburger and stood to go to the self serve salad bar.  
"Do you need help?" Miguel offered suddenly. One foot was already practically out of the booth.  
Besides his looks, I didn’t like him. He was way too 'something' and just trying too damn hard.  
I was well aware of his playboy status and wasn’t buying the gentleman act.  
"No thank you." I said and headed over to the bar.  
I surveyed my options.  
Nothing looked appetizing and as far as I was concerned, another strike against this little date.  
Half of the stuff was frozen or looked wilted like it had been sitting too long.  
_Great._  
I grabbed a plate and put some carrots and cauliflower on it, taking a chance.  
I didn’t think I was going to eat it, but I needed a distraction from my dinner companions and having something to pick at would be great.  
As I headed back to the table I heard my phone begin to ring in my pocket.  
Digging in my jacket, I pulled it out and saw an unknown number was calling me.  
I began to ignore it, when I looked up and saw that Miguel was looking at me expectantly. His arms was hanging casually on the booth, inviting me back.  
_Good Grief._  
I quickly answered the call and turned away from them.  
"Hello?" I said, expecting it to be a telemarketer or bill collector.  
The caller cleared his throat and said nothing.  
"Hello?" I repeated impatiently.  
"Becca?"  
I immediately froze. I knew that voice. Granted I hadn’t heard it in a month, but I knew it.  
"Becca it's-"  
I hung up before the sentence was finished and headed back over to the booth.  
I couldn’t do this right now.  
Finally after a month, Harry had decided to call me.  
As my butt hit the seat cushion, Kelsey looked at me curiously.  
After all of the years, she read me well and knew when I was flustered.  
"You okay?" she asked quickly.  
I didn't answer her and stuck a carrot in my mouth quickly. My nerves were suddenly on edge.  
Seconds later, my phone began to ring again.  
By now, it was tucked in my jacket, but the obscene ringtone drew attention to it.  
Everyone’s eyes zeroed down to my jacket, waiting for me to answer it. For a few seconds I pretended to not hear it.  
I wanted to answer and I wanted to talk to him, but I couldn’t at this moment.  
I had questions, and I wanted answers, but I was on a date and my best friend was literally inches in front of me.  
I was still determined to keep Harry my dirty little secret.  
The ring in my jacket continued and was loud and taunting.  
Kelsey finally had enough after the fifth ring. “Will you answer it, or at least silence it?”  
“Yeah Becca. Your ringtone is annoying as hell. Sounds like some shit from junior high.” Bobby said.  
Miguel laughed and Kelsey hit Bobby in the chest, in my defense.  
“Hey, leave her alone!”Miguel pipped up, defending my honor.   
Ignoring them all, I plucked the phone out of my pocket.  
"Hello?!" I said quickly. My voice was rushed and I hoped no one could hear the voice through the phone. I already knew it was going to be Harry’s.  
And as always, he didn’t disappoint.  
"Becca, don't hang up." came out in a rush quickly. "It's Harry."  
I sighed.  
"I know." I said.  
Kelsey and Bobby had turned away from me, but Miguel’s eyes were still on me. Maybe he sensed the competition- or past competition. Me and Harry were obviously done.  
"Oh." he responded simply. His accent was the way I remembered it, and I pictured his face.  
I was ashamed to say I missed it.  
"I’m sure you didn't recognize the number.” he said suddenly. “Thanks for picking up.”  
I remained silent on my end and still tried to comprehend that he was finally calling me.  
He had the worst timing.  
"Anyways,” he said “How are you?"  
I twirled a carrot in some dip and my mind tried to formulate that he had just asked me that question- after a month.  
"How do you think I am?" I asked. My tone was curt and harsh.  
He didn’t answer right away and I heard him shuffle on the other end.  
Wherever he was, he was leaving the room. I figured I should do the same and stood, moving away from the table.  
"Who is it?" Kelsey asked but I ignored her. I moved away from the table, and went to a quieter place in the restaurant. It was late, so luckily there weren’t a lot of patrons.  
Harry came back to the phone seconds later.  
"Look Bec I’m sorry. Can I explain?" he asked. His tone was soft and I was already putty. I had forgotten how nice it was to hear him say my name that way.  
"I'm listening." I said, relenting.  
Unlike before, he took a second to reply. He sighed and I could picture him running a hand through his growing hair.  
"Look Becca, my life is very complicated. I have a lot going on." He said and the putty melted.  
That’s it?  
That was his apology?  
"So after a month, you’re saying you were just to busy to call me?” I asked in disbelief.  
"No.“ he said quickly. “I just---Zayn left." he said simply as if that was better.  
The news was everywhere so I already knew, but that had nothing to do with me and him.  
Or did it?  
"And?" I asked, prompting him to continue.  
"And it's complicated. It's too long to go over now."  
His voice was dismissive and I could tell he didn’t want to discuss it wherever he was.  
"So why are you calling me?"  
He bypassed my question.  
"Are you in New York still?"  
"For a few more weeks." I responded. “Why?”  
"I'm in L.A. I'm going to be here most of May because we're recording and well…I was calling because I want to see you and maybe meet-"  
"For what Harry?" I asked cutting him off. "It was quite clear what everything was to you, so why draw this out?"  
“What’s _that_ suppose to mean?” he asked slowly.  
“It means after everything that happened, I wasn’t expecting us to be a couple or anything, but you completely just cut me off. I can understand a one night stand but-”  
“That wasn’t what happened.” he said quickly. “And when I see you I’ll explain it.”  
Before I could respond, I felt a presence behind me.  
I rolled my eyes, prepared to see Miguel, but was surprised when Kelsey looked back at me.  
“You alright?” she asked concerned.  
“I’m fine.” I said quickly.  
"Becca who is that?" she continued on, gesturing to the phone.  
"It's nobody."  
Harry suddenly cut in. "Look you're busy Becca, so I’ll let you go… but I want to see you again. Can you call me at this number when you get back in town?"  
"Will you call me back this time?" I asked sarcastically.  
He sighed loudly. Kelsey didn’t take her eyes off of me.  
I didn’t know why she was suddenly so interested in my conversation.  
"Becca please..." Harry said finally. “Just…give me a chance.”  
I looked back at Kelsey and I gave in. Though he had hurt me, I wanted to see him AND I wanted a more thorough explanation.  
“Fine. I get back in town in two weeks. I’ll call you then.”  
“Great.” he said, his tone chipper, “Just call me and we can figure something out.”  
I didn’t respond and ended the call.  
Kelsey immediately began.  
“Who was that? You didn’t tell me you were seeing anyone!”  
Her tone was accusatory and I could tell she didn’t like feeling left out.  
“I’m not.” I said and gestured to the table where the boys were sat. “Obviously.”  
“Well then who was that?” she asked inquisitive.  
“Jeez. Nosy much? Just a friend.” I said and walked back over to the table.  
“I know all of your friends.” she pointed out.  
“Well not this one.” I said. “It doesn’t matter. He’s not important.” And then getting to the real important task at hand, I pulled her to the side.  
“Look Kelsey, can we just go? I don‘t have time for all of this.”  
Kelsey giggled. “Why do you do that? Give the guy a chance.” she scolded softly. “Jeez Becca, lighten up. If you don’t get laid soon your vagina is going to close up for good, you know that?”  
I didn’t respond.  
“Do you even remember the last time you had a man inside of you?” she asked me.  
Yes. Twenty six days ago.  
“I don’t need sex like you.” I said instead. “I’m perfectly happy with the way my life is going.”  
She rolled her eyes playfully and wrapped her arm around me.  
“Come on, just at least get laid tonight. For me…Bobby says Miguel really likes you. Give the guy a chance, he's been interested in you since we were freshman.”  
I looked straight ahead at the guys. Bobby was in his cell phone and Miguel was playing with his hair and studying his reflection through the window.  
It seemed Miguel really liked _himself._  
“Fine.” I said with a sigh. “But I’m not sleeping with him!” I quickly said as a disclaimer.  
“Fine.” she said leading me back over to the table. “Just have some fun and pretend to like him... At least until I can get laid tonight. I only have two more weeks with Bobby until we figure out break and I‘m not trying to waste them.”  
I smiled.  
I nodded okay, but my mind was far from her, Miguel and even that silly restaurant.  
My mind was now on the phone call I had just gotten.  
“Everything alright?” Miguel asked as I sat back down.  
“Yeah its fine.” I said.  
“Cool. I was worried for a moment.” he said and put his arm around my shoulder.  
_Garlic, garlic, garlic…_  
My eyes quickly went to Kelsey. The deal was about to be off.  
She kicked my leg under the table. _You promised._  
I sighed and put on my best smile and turned to Miguel.  
“So,” I said clapping my hands together. “What did you order?”

***********************  
Harry didn’t give me two weeks.  
I heard from him the next day.  
As I walked on campus, headed to my first class of the day, my phone went off signaling a text message.  
By then I had already saved the random number Harry had called me from, and it appeared on the screen.

*Good Morning Becca. I’m sorry for last night and for being so short. After everything, you do deserve more of an explanation and I hope you’ll be willing to give me another chance to explain. A lot has been going on and I needed to take a step back for a bit. I do hope you call me when you get back in town because I would love to see you again. I hope you’re well otherwise. All the love. Harry.*

I didn’t know what to respond so I didn’t text back. I headed to my class, and listened as the teacher gave out study tips for upcoming finals, and let that be my focus.  
The semester would be ending soon and I would be off and in Los Angeles until August. I was hoping to make the best of everything and I didn’t know where things would stand with Harry--but I wasn’t going to allow myself to get sucked in again.  
If he wanted us to continue to be friends, he would have to earn it this time.

So two weeks later, when I arrived back in Los Angeles, I dialed his number with trepidation.  
“You actually called?” he said in surprise after I told him it was me.  
“Did you think I wouldn’t?”  
“I didn’t no. You didn’t respond to my text so…” his voice trailed off. “How are you?”  
“I’m okay I guess.”  
I was calling from my bedroom. I was home alone and had been back in town for a day.  
“What are you doing today?” he asked.  
I looked around my room as if it provided an answer. Packed suitcases and dirty laundry stared back at me.  
“I don’t know.” I said honestly. “I just got back yesterday.”  
“You don’t work today?” he asked curiously.  
“No my parents are giving me a break this week.” I said honestly.  
“Well then can I see you? Can I come pick you up?”  
“When?” I asked.  
“In like two hours?” he guessed.  
I was surprised he was so anxious.  
“Where are you?” he asked seconds later.  
“I’m at home. Sherman Oaks area.”  
“Cool.” he said. “I’m near Malibu….Can I come get you?”  
My brain screamed that I was giving in too easily, but my heart missed him. It was almost two months since we had seen each other and I was anxious to just get it over with.  
“Sure.” I said simply. “I’ll text you my address.”  
“Alright. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way.”  
We said our goodbyes and I texted him my address and he confirmed.  
Then I slowly started to freak out…  
What the hell was I going to wear?  
I ran to my closet and searched for something casual.  
The weather was nice and I was feeling in a girlish mood.  
I decided on a simple blue sundress and some cream flats.  
I ran to the shower, freshening up and shaving but didn’t wash my hair.  
My hair was wavy from being tied up the last two days, and the natural flow of the waves was surprisingly pretty.  
I sprayed on my usual face spray and added a hint of shimmer to my skin and then accessed my work.  
I didn’t look too bad, but I wasn’t drop dead gorgeous either.  
It was the perfect mix of ‘boy don’t you wished you had called me back’ meets ‘but either way, I’m not trying to impress you’.  
I decided to apply a coat of red nail polish to my fingers and toenails for an added pop of color.  
It was drying when Harry texted me.

*Headed your way shortly. Is it still alright for me to come?*

*Of course. See you soon* I wrote back quickly.

My phone buzzed again.

*I feel awkward asking this, but is any of your family home?*

*No. Why?*

*I was just curious if you had ever told them about us.*

The way he said _us_ , and not _me_ , was not missed. My belly danced happily.  
It all still seemed like a dream, and it was a bit hard to process that he had been in my life, and even more-so, that I had been in his bed. It made me happy that he referred to us in that way; even if it hadn’t been anything too serious.

*I haven’t told anyone about Thailand* I said honestly.

He texted back quickly.

*I don’t know if I should be offended or relieved that you haven’t talked about me.*

That garnered a small smile as I pictured his possible cheeky grin.

*I’m not sure either* I said. *I’ll see you soon though*

*You will* he said and then my phone was quiet.

He said he was near Malibu which meant he was about a half hour from me. Depending on if he chose the highway or streets, I could be seeing him fairly soon.

I double checked my appearance once more.  
I had a nervous energy and I didn’t know what to do with my time.  
I sat on my bed, swinging my legs. My mind was running a thousand laps and I was already regretful of my decision to allow him in again.  
I could easily remember how much I had liked him before and I didn’t want to feel that way again.  
In a way, him cutting me off, had been a wake up call that it could all end tomorrow and I wasn’t sure if I could handle it again.  
The uneasiness and doubt continued to cloud my mind until I heard my phone ring.  
It was Harry.  
“Hello?” I answered timidly.  
“Hey. I think I’m outside?”  
I stood and glanced out of my bedroom window. Sure enough, there was a car parked along my street.  
“Do you drive a Range Rover?”  
“I do.” he said.  
I grinned. “I’ll be down in a sec.”  
“Alright.” he said and disconnected the call.  
I checked and then rechecked my appearance one last time.  
I dug in my purse as I headed downstairs and popped a piece of gum in my mouth as I headed out of the door.  
The pathway to Harry’s car felt like miles and the whole time I had to pray not to trip.  
When I finally made it to the door, and opened it, my nerves were in overdrive.  
Harry was already looking at me, and smiling impossibly wide and I had forgotten just how good looking he was up close.  
“Hi.” I said.  
“Hi Bec.” he said back warmly and I softened.  
His smile with the pretty dimples remained as I climbed in the car. His car smelled like spearmint and him.  
As I shut the door behind me, one hand remained on the steering wheel and the other on his gearshift- but his eyes, remained on me.  
“How are you?”  
“I’m good.” I responded. I placed my purse by my feet and tucked some hair behind my ear. “Did you find it alright?”  
“I did.” he said and looked past me at the house.  
“I like it.” he said. “Did you grow up here or move here recently?”  
“No it’s my childhood home.” I said.  
“Cool. Very fitting for you.”  
I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I still smiled, loving the way his accent pronounced certain words.  
His hand rolled around the gearshift and I watched as he faced forward.  
“Are you too cold? I can turn the air con down.” he offered.  
I turned and faced his dashboard. I hadn’t even noticed it was on. Now that my senses were clearing, I could hear the radio playing in the background as well.  
“It’s fine.” I said keeping my polite smile.  
“Good.” he said shifting his gear. The car was still running, so within seconds he pulled off.  
“Where are we going?” I asked settling back in his seat.  
It was impeccably clean and the space between us was wide.  
He shrugged and gave me a boyish grin.  
“I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. Just kind of wanted to see you.”  
I bit my lip to hide my new smile.  
“Yeah? You missed me huh?” I teased.  
“I did actually, yeah.” he said. “I told you, you’re pretty unforgettable.”  
His voice was playful and I was reminded in that moment how much I had missed being with him.  
Though it wasn’t that hard to forget.  
I chuckled.  
“Are you hungry?” he asked.  
I shook my head no. “I ate shortly before I called you. Are you?”  
“I could eat, but I’m not starving.”  
“You don’t have to work today?” I asked.  
“I have to head to the studio tonight, but otherwise no.” he said.  
“Oh.” I said simply.  
His hand shifted away from the gearshift and he placed it in his lap.  
“So I’m all yours.” he finished.   
I didn’t respond as he pulled on the highway. The radio was playing a familiar Top 40 hit, and I was watching the cars that surrounded us. Harry’s windows were slightly tinted, but self-consciously, I felt like people could still see us. I leaned down and picked up my purse.  
Harry briefly watched me.  
I opened my case and pulled out my sunglasses placing them over my eyes.  
Harry grinned in amusement.  
“Worried about something?” he joked as I placed the bag back down by my feet.  
“Well we’re out in the open.” I reminded him.  
He just smiled. “I can guarantee you drive by celebrities everyday and have no idea. No one really cares about me Becca.”  
I didn’t believe that. I had seen the videos of people following him around.  
“You don’t have to worry.” he said softly.  
I turned to him.  
“Are you use to it by now? People bothering you?”  
He inhaled slowly as if he was thinking.  
“I wouldn’t call it bothering me…I mean…I get it. Some people only get one chance to meet me ya know?”  
“Yeah but, I mean, don’t you want your privacy sometimes?”  
He smiled again and turned to me.  
“I have it if I want it. I know how to disappear. For instance, it’s been a couple days since I’ve been pictured and I’ve been out and about everyday.”  
“Hmm.” I said.  
“But I am conscious since you’re with me now.” he added. “That’s why we’re probably going to my house.”  
“Your house?” I asked quickly.  
“Yeah why?” he asked reading my tone.  
“No reason.” I said quickly. I had just never imagined I would see where he lived. Plus I didn’t know if I was ready to be _that_ alone with him again, where there were beds and things...  
Harry glanced between me and the traffic.  
“I mean, is that okay?”  
“No it’s fine.” I said. “I just didn’t think I would ever see your house.” I said honestly.  
“Oh.” Harry said visibly relaxing. “I mean…its just a house…no big deal right?”  
I smiled. “Maybe for you, but I’m sure you don’t live in a small shack.”  
He grinned back. “True, but I only have the home I have to invest. I don’t typically stay there.”  
“Where do you stay?”  
“With friends.” he said casually.  
I smiled again and turned from him.  
He caught my smile.  
“What?” he asked still shifting his eyes between me and the road.  
“Nothing.” I said.  
“No, what is it?” he asked gently.  
“You’re just different.” I said.  
“Different?” he asked, rolling the word on his tongue. I could tell he wasn’t sure how to take it.  
“Yeah, you just don’t seem like a normal celebrity.”  
He shrugged, not getting my amusement  
He quickly defended my statement.  
“That’s because I don’t see myself as a celebrity. I told you, I’m just a person who has a public job.”  
I reached over and touched his hand.  
“I know.” I said. I didn’t need him to explain it all again. I just needed to learn to wrap my head around it. “That’s what I like.” I emphasized.  
Harry’s smile returned after that and he turned back to the road.  
Eventually the radio took his interest and some new song caught his attention.  
I watched him in fascination as he hummed along, and every now and then let the words ‘shut up and dance with me’ spill from his lips.  
He was comfortable with me and playful, so he started nodding along and lifting my hands so I would sing with him.  
I giggled.  
“Harry, I don’t even know this song.”  
“So what?” he said.  
I smiled and danced with him, snapping my fingers and rocking my hips into the seat, until it carried into the next song. It was Ellie Goulding’s ‘Love Me Like You Do’.  
“Now this song, I love.” I said honestly. I began to show off my vocal skills, and the tables turned as he began to laugh.  
I was overtly dramatic and made sure to sing directly to him. He got a kick out of me playfully acting out the words and blowing him kisses.  
By the time the song reached the bridge, we were both singing at the top of our lunges.  
If someone were to peek in the car, they would have got a pretty interesting show.  
As the song ended, Harry turned the radio down and turned to me. He was still amused.  
“Did you see the movie? Fifty Shades?”  
“Of course.” I said looking back at him. “Did you?”  
“I did actually.”  
“Who did you watch it with?” I asked curiously.  
“A few friends.”  
“Guys or girls?”  
“Both.” he said.  
“I saw it with Kelsey. That movie is very…interesting.” I said.  
“I thought it was quite tame.” he joked.  
Harry pulled off the highway and I took in the scenery around us. We were now in Beverly Hills, and though I had grown up in California, it was an area I didn’t visit to often.  
I took in the new details and the conversation between us, died.  
“You okay over there?” Harry asked after a few minutes.  
I turned to him and smiled. “Sorry. Just taking everything in.”  
“Alright.” he said and grinned. “Just checking.”  
He pulled into the residential neighborhoods and I knew we were near Harry’s property.  
“Is this a private neighborhood?”  
Harry nodded yes.  
I watched in interest, as he winded up the road, going up further into the hills.  
Then we reached a large gate, pulled off the side of the road.  
“Home Sweet Home.” Harry mumbled.  
He hit a remote above his head and the big gate opened.  
“How long have you been living here?” I asked.  
“Since last year.”  
Harry pulled in and we traveled down a narrow dirt road.  
Meanwhile, I tried to mentally guess who could be his neighbors. He was obviously in celebrity land.  
The road to his house was short and then we were there.  
I looked out of the window and took in Harry’s house.  
I heard him turn off the car while I continued to stare.  
It was big as I expected, but it was different then I imagined.  
My eyes scanned and memorized everything.  
“Hey Becca?”  
I turned to Harry and found he was looking at me. His car keys and phone was in his hand and the other hand was on his door. He was waiting on me.  
“Oh.” I said and grabbed my purse. He just smiled at me as we both exited his car.  
My dress blew a little due to the wind as I met up with him.  
Harry twirled his keys and peered down at me, scanning my dress.  
“You look pretty today.” he said.  
I couldn’t stop the smile that highlighted my face if I had tried.  
“Thank you.” I said and he turned away from me.  
I followed him as we approached his front door.  
He stuck his phone in his back pocket and unlocked the main door. Then, he pushed the door open.  
“All yours.” he said warmly gesturing with his hand.  
I gave a small smile and stepped in the house.  
“Wow.” I said as I entered the entryway taking everything in.  
Harry smiled and ran a hand through his hair. He faced me.  
“You want a tour?”  
“Sure.” I said.  
He lifted the purse off of my shoulder and sat it on his buffet table.  
Then, he gently grabbed my hand.  
“Okay, follow me.”


	30. Chapter 30

 

CHAPTER THIRTY

Becca.

Then.

My laugh pierced the air as Harry once again showed me why he was a better real estate agent than a singer.  
“This really needs to be your profession.” I remarked as Harry led me around his house; our hands interlinked.  
“Maybe when I retire.” he said, taking me to another bedroom. There were four bedrooms, and 5½ baths.  
His house was big. Much too large for one person and I wondered if he got lonely often.  
As we moved to his backyard, complete with a pool and wide open sitting area, I was in complete awe.  
“I can’t believe you live here by yourself.” I said.  
He smiled. “Not all the time.” he explained. “I like to be around my mates a lot.”  
He turned away from me.  
“I’m going to be expanding all of this soon. When I go on tour later in the year, I’m going to have some renovations done and have this whole area re-worked.” he said, pointing at various parts of his lawn. “It’s going to look completely different. Or maybe I‘ll sell it…I haven‘t decided yet. ”  
As I looked back at his lawn and tried to envision the future changes, I didn’t get it. His house was quite perfect already.  
Why would he ever want to leave?  
He continued the tour, moving back in the house.  
He headed to his 'Summer Room’-a massively lavish space complete with individual seating areas and plush couches. There were pictures of his family and a few unique art pieces.  
It was all quite comfortable.  
“I like to read in here.” he said. “And write. I actually composed some of the songs from the last album here.”  
I smiled, picturing him on the couch, a pen in hand and his hair wild, while ideas came to him.  
We left the room.  
As we headed back out into the main center of the house, he turned to me.  
“So do you like it?” he asked.  
“I love it.” I said. “I don’t get why you don’t stay here. I would never leave.”  
He swung our hands back and forth and smiled.  
Harry began to pull me towards the kitchen.  
“So I’m going to order a pizza. Do you want anything?”  
I shook my head no as our hands broke apart. He moved around to the other side of the counter.  
“You sure? Its good stuff.” he said pulling his phone from his pocket.  
“What kind are you getting?”  
“Pepperoni with oregano and basil. It’s amazing. My favorite place in town.” he said proudly.  
“Sure. You‘ve talked me into it.” I said and sat on one of his kitchen stools.  
He stood across from me and leaned on the counter.  
He punched some numbers in his phone and connected it to his ear.  
“I’m not this boring.” he said suddenly. “I just realized I was hungry.”  
I chuckled. “I don’t think you’re boring Harry.”  
He smiled.  
“You can turn on the TV or something. Explore.” he said but before I could answer, someone came to the phone. “Oh Hello? Hi, I want to place an order.”  
I didn’t move from my spot.  
If only he knew how content I was to watch him.  
He had on a loose shirt that was partially open and his skinny jeans. I could see the heads of his bird tattoos and the beginning of his butterfly tattoo.  
My mind briefly ran to us weeks earlier, and me running my hands over his chest as I sat on top of him and we kissed.  
I wondered if he ever thought about that and the amazing nights we shared.  
As he continued the order, and gave gate instructions, I studied the kitchen.  
Like the rest of the house, it was large.  
I saw the usual things: a fruit bowl, a coffee pot, hand soap. It was all very normal, but all very not at the same time. Kind of like Harry.  
As I continued scanning and Harry gave out his credit card information, imaginative images of Harry cooking came to mind. I wondered what his specialty was.  
Harry hung up the phone.  
“Forty five minutes.” he said.  
“Alright,” I said and gestured to the kitchen.“Your decorations?”  
He looked at his decorative plates in the corner and impeccably clean countertops.  
“No. I don’t have time.” he said honestly. “I’m usually only home for two weeks max before I have to head out again. I think back in January was the longest I’ve been home in a while.”  
“And do you consider this your home?”  
“Yeah. Here and London. I use to spend a lot of time in New York as well, but I don’t like to go in the winters. Plus I’m not dating anyone that lives there anymore.”  
For a moment I thought of me. Technically I did live in New York; at least a vast majority of the time.  
Harry must have read my thoughts because he quickly revised his statement.  
“I mean at this second.” he clarified quickly, practically fumbling over his words.  
I just smiled.  
I climbed off the stool and leaned on the counter towards him.  
“Real smooth.” I teased.  
He laughed gently to himself. “So…now that your home, what do you do with your summers?”  
I shrugged. “Help out at the stores, spend time with friends from high school and family, ya know…nothing too exciting.” I said. “Before I started college, we use to go on vacations in the summers but my parents have been so busy lately…”  
“What has been your favorite vacation?” he asked curiously.  
“Disneyworld!” I said in mock excitement, channeling my inner six year old. “And then Universal Studios.”  
He shook his head no instantly.   
“I can’t take the rides. I hate rollercoasters.”  
“Well that’s only because you haven’t been on a rollercoaster with me.” I said flirting.  
Harry grinned and leaned towards me.  
“And how would you make it any different?”  
“Well I mean, you’ll be in my presence.” I said. “That should be enough to relax you.”  
He smirked with wide prominent dimples on display. “What if it’s the opposite though? What if your presence excites me?”  
“Does it?” I dared, keeping a serious face and he blushed.  
He actually turned a little red.  
It was adorable.  
He pulled away from me a bit. “Don’t know.” he said and cleared his throat quickly. “Um, lets go in here…“ he said, quickly changing the subject.  
I watched him. He was actually shy.  
I didn’t think I had ever seen that in the entire time I had known him.  
He led me to the living room and gestured for me to sit down as he turned on the TV.  
I did and he took a seat beside me and pulled out his cell phone.  
I didn’t hear a ring but apparently someone was calling him.  
“It’s my brother.” he said.  
I looked at him in surprise.  
“I didn’t know that you had a brother.”  
“Step Brother.” he emphasized. “I’ll call him back.” he said and placed his phone on the table.  
“Are you guys close?”  
“I guess. He’s been in my life for a while. My Mum and Step Dad have been together since I was younger.”  
“Oh.” I said. “Are you and your dad close? You never really talk about him.” I noted.  
“We’re closer now than we were when I was growing up.” he said shifting towards me so I had his full attention. “After my parents divorced, he kind of crept in the shadows. We saw him regularly but it was just a little weird, especially when Robin-my step dad- came in the picture. But since all this,”  
He gestured to his house and his fame. “We’ve grown closer.”  
“That’s good.” I said.  
“What about you? I don't think i've asked you, how long have your parents been together?”  
“Well their story is kind of funny. They were high school sweethearts.”  
“Oooh.” Harry swooned and I smiled.  
“It gets better.” I promised. “They broke up when they went off to their colleges and like five or six years later, they ran into each other at a store. And by then they were with other people and my mom was actually engaged to this guy,”  
“Oh boy.” Harry cut in. I nodded yes.  
“So they started hanging out, kind of seeing each other on the sly…but not cheating. And um, eventually they just ended up back together.”  
“And then you came.” he said with a smile.  
“Yup. About a year later.”  
He chuckled. “Oh wow. I was thinking some years down the line.”  
“Nope.” I said. “They were kind of scandalous. I don‘t think I could ever do that to someone else though. I mean I get it, they were still in love with each other…but…sometimes it’s best to let things just die ya know? They probably really hurt the other people. ”  
“No. They were in love.” he argued. “What if they were soul mates? Besides, you wouldn’t be here.”  
“So you would have done the same thing?” I asked curiously.  
“Absolutely.” he said. “If I really loved that person, yeah. I would fight.”  
I giggled. “You must be a hopeless romantic.”  
“I am actually.” he said. “Don’t tell anybody.”  
I turned to the TV. “What’s your favorite movie?”  
He grinned widely and turned from me.  
“The Notebook.”  
“It is not!” I shrieked.  
“It is. I promise.” he said and laughed.  
“Wow.” I said.  
He smiled wider. “Well don’t say it _that_ way. Sounds very emasculating.”  
I giggled. “Believe me, I find you very masculine Harry.”  
He didn’t verbally respond but he turned from me and pressed his back against the couch, his smile still wide on his face.  
He crossed his arms and looked at the TV. It was quiet for a few moments, then…  
“I’m glad you called me back Becca.”  
“I am too.” I said honestly.

We watched a bit of TV and waited for the pizza, keeping the conversation casual and focused on the actors on the screen. We had already progressed so far in our relationship that it felt weird starting over, but it seemed awkward to just jump back into the kissing and closeness we had before. Harry seemed keen on keeping a respectable distance and not pushing anything on me.  
We still hadn’t discussed his reason for pushing me away and I wanted to get into it, but I also didn’t want to ruin the mood.  
When the pizza finally arrived, we settled back in front of the TV with plates and dug in.  
Harry wasn’t lying.  
“This is amazing.” I said after my first few bites.  
“See. I told you.” Harry said devouring his slice as well.  
I smiled, when a small slither of sauce remained on the corner of his mouth.  
Before he could remove it, I swiped it with my finger and placed it in my mouth. The sauce was so good, that I sucked it from my finger slowly, savoring it.  
I turned back to the TV, grabbing another slice but I could feel Harry’s eyes on me.  
I turned back to him. _What?_  
“That was.... really sexy.” he said and I smiled.  
I playfully rolled my eyes and threw a napkin at him.  
He grinned and his wide green eyes peered back at me in interest.  
“So what did I miss?” he asked casually. Once again he shifted his body towards me and brought a leg up to rest under him.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean. What’s new in your life? How did your finals and stuff go?”  
“Oh alright.” I said nonchalantly. “I passed that class I hated with a B, so I guess I did okay.”  
“And what about Kelsey? She still hate all of her teachers?”  
I smiled. I had spoke about her from time to time. It was only natural since she was another sister to me.  
“Of course. But she did surprisingly well this semester.”  
“And now you only have one semester left right?”  
I nodded. “Though I am considering additional schooling right away. I double major as you know, but…I don’t know, I just want to get it out of the way.”  
Harry finished up his pizza slice. “You’re a busy girl.”  
“Only when I’m in school. When I’m home-like now- I’m starved for things to do.” I said honestly.  
“Oh so that’s why you called me back? Thanks a lot.” he joked and I smiled.   
“No.” I just said.  
We finished up our slices of pizza and then searched for something more to watch on TV. It wasn’t like Hong Kong where we could travel in public and not be noticed. I was sure as Harry had stated, that he was good at hiding, but that was just pushing my luck.  
I wasn’t ready for those conversations with family and friends.  
Harry seemed concerned though.  
“Are you okay with this?” he asked as we lounged on the couch. “I feel like I’m being pretty boring.”  
“No I’m fine.” I assured him.  
“Okay,” he said. “Because I do go out and do stuff.” he said with a chuckle. “I don’t want you to think I’m a total sloth.”  
“No I like this. I’m comfortable.”  
“Good.” he said.  
I turned to him, giving him my full attention.  
“So I know you briefly told me, but what else do you like to do, when you’re not with your friends and family?”  
He shrugged. “I don’t really remember what I told you. It‘s been so long,” he said honestly. “But um, I read. I write. I sleep…I like to keep up with my social stuff for work,” he said gesturing to his phone, “And uh… I do a lot of photography and I’ve started painting.”  
“Painting?” I asked in interest.  
He nodded.  
“What do you paint?”  
“Complete shit.” he said and laughed. “But it’s relaxing.”  
“Will you show me?” I asked curiously and then the cherry cheeks returned.  
“Um..” he mumbled nervously, looking at the TV. “I don’t really share the painting stuff. It’s not that good.”  
“Okay well show me your photos.”  
He smiled quicker this time. I could tell it was a source of pride for him.  
“Alright.” he said with a wide smile and stood. “Give me a sec.”  
He headed out of the living room and headed to the back of his house.  
While he was gone, I checked my phone to make sure no one was looking for me.  
Satisfied that no one cared, I set my phone back down and Harry jogged back in the room.  
He had a large camera and a book in his hand.  
He took a seat close to me but quickly gave a warning.  
“Now, I’m not a professional,” he said. “So be kind.”  
I smiled and crossed my heart.  
He turned on the camera first and then handed it to me.  
“You can just shift through them. There are no naughty pictures.”  
“Aww man.” I groaned. “I was hoping one would pop up.” I said.  
“You can take one of me later.” he said lightheartedly.  
I looked back at him, and he seemed to catch what he said.  
He quickly turned from me and cleared his throat again; the sexual tension between us now present and thick.  
There was no doubt in my mind we were having the same thoughts.  
The goosebump rising, toes curling, incredible last night we had in Hong Kong.  
Still, Harry seemed reserved as it was suggested.  
I smiled and began to look at the pictures.  
I was starting to really like this shy side of him.  
I was use to seeing him so dominant and confident.

I shuffled through the pictures.

Random images of buildings, and animals stared back at me. Abstract images of benches, signs, backstage areas and hotel rooms. Photos of friends and skies, and signed guitars with the occasional cat and band.  
"Wow." I said, as I reached my last one. "I'm surprised."  
"What?" he asked a bit quickly. I could tell he was uneasy about sharing his work.  
"It's better than I expected." I said honestly. "You took all these pictures?" I asked.  
He nodded. "It started as like a hobby but I’ve got some decent shots I think."  
"You've got a lot of good shots Harry." I reassured.  
He handed me the book he was holding.  
It was a photo album, and all of these pictures were black and white.  
I shuffled through them.  
Well I could definitely say he was not vain. I didn't see one picture of him, except a picture he had taken of his knee and a rip in his jeans.  
"Do you really like them?" he asked as he watched me.  
"I really do." I said softly.  
He smiled shyly and turned from me watching the TV.  
I finished looking through his mini portfolio and set it on his coffee table.  
"Why don't you share your work?" I asked.  
"I do." he said. "Sometimes. I've posted some stuff on Instagram but..." he trailed off.  
"You should post more." I encouraged.  
"Maybe one day." he said simply. "I think it’s kind of boring to people sometimes."  
"Who cares." I said honestly. "Its your page."  
He shrugged me away. "Yeah but my fans don't want to see that. They want to see me and stuff with the guys."  
I didn't respond immediately. He kind of had a point. I was a victim myself of wishing he would post a picture of himself sometimes.  
"Well that's just because people like to look at you." I said honestly. "You're very handsome Harry."  
He bit his lip and gave me a cheeky grin.  
"Oh really?" he asked. He said it as if it was his first time hearing it.  
I rolled my eyes. "Anyways...you know you’re gorgeous." I said ignoring him and he chuckled beside me.  
We said nothing more about the photographs and once again began talking about random things on TV.

Time passed quickly.  
I was enjoying lying back on his couch, feet propped up, and just talking.  
At times there was silence, but it was relaxed. We didn't have to force a rapport, because it naturally came and settled between us.  
A few times his or my phone would ring, and we would either ignore it, or quickly end the call and then get right back to each other.  
I forgot quickly that we hadn't spent almost two months together.

Around seven, our TV nostalgia ended.  
"That's Niall." he explained looking at his phone. "I'm being called to the studio early."  
"Oh." I said, instantly sitting up. I was far from wanting to leave, but I knew that was my cue.  
It was getting dark outside now and we had spent the entire afternoon together.  
Harry turned to me. He was standing and looking down at me.  
"What time do you have to be home?"  
“I don't have a curfew."  
Harry looked at me in interest. "Really? Like at all?"  
"Well I live in New York most of the year. My parents don't really think it's fair to put rules on me for three months out of the year when I don't have them any other time."  
Harry nodded 'okay'. "Well that’s a good way to look at it."  
I agreed and stood.  
He looked around his living room, surveying. By now, we had blankets on the couch and water bottles on the table.  
The pizza box was long in the refrigerator and we were snacking on a fruit platter Harry kept in the house.  
I figured he wanted me to clean up, so I bent to pick up my mess.  
But he had other ideas.  
"Hey?" he called out suddenly. I looked up at him. "Do you want to come with me?"  
"With you?" I asked in confusion.  
"To the studio?" he asked tucking his hands in his jeans. "We're not doing any recording tonight, just bouncing off ideas."  
I looked at him in reservation. "Would it be okay if I come? I mean it's your work?"  
"Of course." he said shaking the thought away. "Besides, I still want to hang out." he said.  
I was relieved to hear him say the same thought I had in my mind.  
"Okay." I agreed though I didn't need a lot of coaxing.  
"Cool." he said warmly. "Let me just put this away."  
He gestured down to the fruit and tucked his phone in his pocket. As he lifted the tray, I began to go for the blankets folding them up. By the time he came back, tray-less, I had cleaned up the area back to its original state.  
"Thanks." he said kindly.  
"No problem." I said.  
He gave me another smile and then gestured away from me.  
"Follow me kay?"  
I did as he said and he led us upstairs. I had been up there earlier for his tour and immediately identified when we started heading to his bedroom.  
"I just want to grab a jacket." he explained. "Would you like a heavier sweater?"  
My mind instantly rewound to his grey shirt I had worn in Bangkok and the smell of his cologne against my skin. I couldn't get enough of it that day.  
"Yes!" I said quickly.  
_Too quickly._  
Harry lightly giggled and flicked on his bedroom light.  
Like before, I took in the details of his personal space.  
It was quaint and cozy and he had an amazing view.  
As he headed for a dresser, I headed for his balcony.  
"May I?" I asked gesturing to the door that led outside.  
"Sure." he said.  
I turned away from him and pulled it open.  
I could feel the slight breeze of the Los Angeles air but it was a beautiful night. I didn't think we would even need the jackets.  
I leaned on his balcony porch and took in the lights of the city I could see.  
Seconds later, I could hear him come beside me.  
When I turned to face him, he was smiling and holding a sweater in his hand.  
"Is this alright?"  
I looked down at the white and black pullover that had the words “J'ai du vague à l'âme” written on them.  
"It's perfect." I said politely taking it from his hands. "What does it mean?"

Harry smiled and shrugged. 

"Not sure. It's from my friends' line. Guess I should have asked huh?" he joked.   
I just smiled and turned back to the view.  
"You are so lucky Harry."  
He didn't respond and just peered at the lights with me.  
He placed his hands on the railing, curling them, and then leaned down.  
"I like coming out here. It's humbling." he said softly. "Reminds me quickly just where I stand you know?" he said peering up at me.  
Though it was dark, his green eyes sparkled and captivated me.  
"Yeah." I mumbled, under his spell.  
He continued his gaze. "It's like, we're just one person, and this," he said looking back at the vast expanse of southern Los Angeles, "just reminds me that there are billions of people on this earth. Everyone is living their lives and going different paths...I'm just one person." he said simply.  
I finally turned from him.  
He was just one person, but he was an incredible person.  
He was so unimpressed by his fame or the height of his success and it was so sexy to watch.  
After a few minutes, he lifted from the rail.  
"We should go." he said quietly. "We're not that close to the studio and there could be traffic."  
"Okay." I said agreeing and wrapping his sweater in my arms.  
As we headed downstairs, I snuck a quick smell when he wasn't looking and as I expected, it smelled like him.

 _Mmmmmm_  
Harry secured the house, punching in a key code while I grabbed my purse then we were gone.  
We climbed back in the Range Rover, and unlike before, Harry turned the air conditioner off and put the windows down.  
As I said, the temp outside was fairly warm and I welcomed the breeze. Harry put his radio on a light rock station and then we were off.  
This ride was more peaceful than the first.  
As I rested my head back on his seat, and the wind blew my hair, I had to remind myself this was once again temporary.  
I was at such peace with him.  
With the soft singing of Chris De Burgh's Lady in Red, Harry's soft humming, and the soft drum of his fingers on the steering wheel, I felt like I was in a small part of Heaven.  
Harry had pulled his hair up into a bun, and was so focused on the road that I don't even think he caught my stare- but it was there.  
As the city lights danced off his face and the small loose strands of his hair flew by his neck, his chiseled jawline hardened and I couldn't turn away. I was in awe.  
"What are you thinking about?" he asked me finally, ten minutes into the ride.  
"Nothing." I said still staring and grinning. I was sure my voice gave it all away.  
He turned to me and grinned. My hair whipped and moved around me.  
"Liar." he said softly and then did the unexpected.  
He reached and grabbed my left hand with his right, and curled his fingers in mine. He pulled my arm gently and then rested our hands on his lap.  
It was such a small gesture, but so intimate.  
Our eyes met but neither one of us verbally acknowledged what he did.  
For a moment, I was once again taken back to the hotel room in Hong Kong when we had sex.  
His lips on me…  
Our skin rubbing…  
The closeness…  
And then before I knew it, the words were out of my mind.  
"Do you ever think about it Harry?" I asked.  
"Think about what?" he asked gently, alternating his eyes between me and the road.  
"That night in Hong Kong. The night, we…you know…" I said.  
He turned to me slowly. His eyes were unreadable.  
He gently rubbed the skin on my forefinger between his.  
"Of course." He said. "All the time."  
We were in traffic now so he kept his eyes on the road, but continued.  
"I haven't been with anyone else...since then." he offered and glanced at me quickly.  
I smiled. I didn't know why he had mentioned that.  
I just said a simple "Okay..." but my voice had a question to it.  
"I just didn't want you to think that's why...it wasn't someone else." he said.  
"No?" I asked to clarify.  
He shook his head no. I smiled. It was satisfying to hear.  
"But what about you?" he asked. "Any hot dates?" he teased.  
"Actually yeah. When you called me I was on one."  
He turned to me quickly. "Are you joking?"  
"No." I said and giggled.  
He looked back at the road. His eyes darted back and forth, studying the road.  
"I feel like you’re kidding." he muttered. “You really were on a date…when I called?”  
"Yeah, I really was.“ I said sitting up. The action, caused our hands to disconnect and he used the few seconds to place his hand on the steering wheel.  
Dropping his left hand that was previously driving, he began to twirl the sleeve of his shirt on his right arm.  
"So who is he?" he asked.  
His tone was playful but I caught a hint of jealously.  
"Some guy that Kelsey tried to hook me up with. He's her boyfriend's best friend." I said passively, crossing my arms.  
Harry turned to me for a few seconds.  
"So are you guys dating or..." his voice tapered off purposefully so I would finish it.  
I smiled. "Does it sound like we're dating?"  
He smirked quickly. "I don't know." he said. "I didn't think you would move on that quick."  
I leaned forward and turned my body towards his.  
"Harry who says I’ve moved on? I mean I’m here with you right?"  
He didn't look at me, but a small smile gathered on his face.  
"So, you're not dating him?" he asked again for clarification.  
"No." I said.  
He turned back to me. "What does he look like?"  
I giggled. "I'm not answering that." And Harry chuckled as well, turning from me and focusing on the road.  
I could tell it was a joke and he really didn't want to know...but he was jealous.  
I could actually tell it bothered him a little.  
We listened to the radio for a few more minutes until our attention was pulled to the car beside us.  
We were on the highway but a car next to us began to honk loudly to get our attention.  
“Harry! Harry!!!”  
“Oh my God. It’s you!!”  
I instantly bent down and grabbed my sunglasses to cover my face.  
Harry remained pretty calm and tried to get the girls in the car to calm down and pay attention to the road.  
I could hear them screaming 'I love you!' and 'Thank you!', while Harry just kept instructing them to pay attention to the road and drive safely.  
I wanted to watch, but didn’t want to call too much attention to myself so I tried to stay out of the frame.  
I think Harry remembered I was in the car, because he rolled our windows up after the twenty second exchange and quickly changed lanes after a few seconds.  
"Sorry." he said, turning down his radio.  
"No it's fine." I assured him. "I just can't believe they did that. They could have caused an accident." I said seriously.  
Harry just shrugged it off, obviously use to it.  
When we got further ahead of them, Harry put our windows back down and reached for my hand again.  
I gave it to him and he placed it back on his lap.

When we reached our exit, Harry got off of the highway and then we were back in the busy streets of Los Angeles.  
As he got on a main street, my phone chimed.  
It was my mom.

*Will you be home for dinner?*

I quickly texted her back.

*No I don't know when I'll be home*

*Are you with Kelsey?*

*No. Friend from High School.*

*Be safe.* my mom said safely and I threw my phone by my feet.

"Your parents?" Harry asked.  
I nodded. "Mom just wanted to know if I would be home for dinner."  
"Aww." he said. "Your mum seems sweet."  
"She is." I said honestly. It was kind of sickening how people adored her. It was if she never did any wrongs.  
"So what did you tell them?"  
"I'm with a friend."  
"Oh your date from the other night huh?" He teased.  
I smiled. "Of course."  
He smiled back.  
"Well I don't like him. Whoever he is."  
I pulled our interlaced hands to my lips and kissed his hand.  
"Trust me I don't either."  
He smiled so wide that his teeth scraped his bottom lip.  
Then he pulled our hands back to him and kissed my hand back.  
We smiled like idiots before turning back to the road.  
I focused on the street and had to talk myself down again.  
This is only temporary....  
This is only temporary...  
This is only temporary...  
But it was too late.  
I was already falling again.


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE  
HARRY

Then.

  
It was so good to see her again.  
Truly.  
I had missed her.  
As we drove the rest of the way to the studio, I had to stop myself from pulling over and just grabbing her; just kissing the hell out of her. I had wanted so badly to just jump back into everything.  
It had been so hard to have restraint, but somehow I’d managed to have it all day.  
From the moment she stepped out of her house, I knew I was fucked.  
I had never seen her in a dress before and it immediately did something to me; but I had remained respectful.  
All day, I had barely touched her.  
I wasn't an idiot and knew we would need to rebuild our friendship slowly.  
I had broke her trust and I needed to repair it.  
Still, it was a bit awkward to go from where we had been to where we were now.  
I mean… I had literally been inside of her less than two months ago.  
"How often do you record?” Becca asked beside me.  
Our hands were still interlaced and I was about twenty minutes from the studio.  
"As much as I can." I said facing her as I came to a stop light. "We're looking at releasing the album in the fall, so we've all been quite busy trying to get it done."  
"Is there a rush because Zayn left?" she asked.  
"A bit." I said honestly. "Everyone is kind of freaked out we're breaking up so we're trying to put something out soon."  
"And do you guys have something close?"  
"We're always writing and composing." I said honestly concealing a small yawn. "But nothing concrete."  
"You said Niall was the one texting you right?"  
"Yeah." I said, driving again as the light turned green.  
"Who else will be there?"  
"Our producers." Then I turned to her. "Why? Who else do you want there?"  
"No one." she said quickly. "I’m just worried no one is going to want me there."  
I turned away from her and ignored her comment.  
She said the strangest things sometimes.  
"No one is going to care Becca." I said truthfully. "And if they do, then we'll just leave. I can always go back another day. Like I said, I’m not recording today." I reminded her.  
"Well I don't want to mess with your work Harry."  
I sighed loudly, pretending to be annoyed before smiling at her.  
"You worry too much." I told her.  
"I don't think you worry enough." she said and stuck her tongue out at me.  
I chuckled. "Well good. We balance each other then."  
She playfully sighed this time and turned the radio up to playfully drown me out. Although, she wasn't expecting the song. We had switched to a Top 40 station a few minutes earlier and it had been playing lowly in the background.   
Within seconds, her face lit up and her hands pulled from mine and went to her face in excitement. Like earlier, she began to serenade me and sing an old Pussycat Dolls song.  
As she sang the words to 'Don't Cha', I just watched her in amusement.  
"I'm taking you to a karaoke bar after this." I remarked as she acted out every word.  
It only made her giggle and sing louder.  
It was extremely sexy.  
I was learning quickly she had no fear with me, and wasn’t afraid to show her playful side.  
I cannot count how many girls had been timid with me or reserved because they thought it was what I wanted.  
So many girls of my past had thought because I’m quite chill; that I want that in a counterpart.  
I don’t.  
In fact there’s nothing I like more than someone I can have a good time with.  
I'm actually quite playful and have my own quirky ways and the fact that Becca has them as well, just makes me like her more.  
As the song came to a close, I was actually disappointed.  
I immediately began to shuffle through the stations to find another familiar song so I could watch her sing again.  
"I have to see that again." I told her honestly.  
"Sorry. One time performance." she said.  
"Boo!" I groaned and left the radio station on the original top forty station.  
Maybe I would get lucky.  
"Sorry." she said running her hands through her hair, trying to smooth it. The wind was still blowing it around and I was grateful. My car was filled with her amazing coconut shampoo. "That use to be one of my favorite songs." she said. "I couldn't resist."  
Her smile was innocent and girly.  
I smiled. "No that was really good actually. You have a nice voice. Plus I enjoyed watching you sing." I said briefly looking back at her.  
I was immediately relieved when she didn’t counter back with 'I sound horrible' or some other negative put down.  
I was so use to girls faking coyness as well, but with Becca, she knew she sounded good and she owned that shit.  
She simply said "Thanks." and we moved on.  
It was incredibly sexy.

When we arrived at the studio ten minutes later, I grabbed our sweaters and we climbed out of the car.  
There wasn’t any paparazzi because we were at a private studio that was disguised as an industrial office.

There was barely anyone around.  
I took note of Niall's SUV and my producers cars.  
Putting my hand on the small of Becca's back, I led her into the building.  
My phone was already to my ear as we entered and it only took seconds for me to connect to Niall.  
"I'm here." I told him and he agreed to come out and meet us.  
When he came out, less than a minute later, his eyes first went to Becca's.  
"What are you doing here?" he said to her in what I like to call ’Niall excitement’ and pulled her in for a hug. You would think they were old friends.  
"Just rolling." she said giving me a small smile before turning to Niall.  
"Oh cool." he said. "Did Harry tell you we weren't recording though?"  
His face bared confusion as if that was the sole reason she should be there.  
"She's just hanging out." I emphasized and he looked at me strangely.  
We had been band mates for almost five years so I knew the look.  
This wasn’t something I usually did; especially with women I was interested in.  
I was very big on keeping my personal life and professional life, miles and miles apart.  
Luckily Becca didn’t understand our hidden language and didn’t catch his curious look.  
I placed my hand on her back again and gestured for Niall to lead the way.  
He did, but kept his attention on Becca. He asked her about school and what she had been up too, and I browsed my phone.  
A friend in London had texted me.  
As I quickly returned his message, I kept my ears open for Niall and Becca's conversation. I hadn’t exactly forgotten the last time I had left them together. I smiled to myself as I remembered my jealously from a few months earlier. If only I knew what was around the corner back then. Who knew that before that trip ended that she would end up in my bed.  
"How's Melissa?" Becca asked, giving most of her attention to Niall and pulling me from my thoughts.  
"She's okay." he said in his thick Irish accent. "I haven't talked to her much recently."  
"You broke up?" she asked in concern, but I turned to Niall. I was familiar with his situation because we were in the same boat. We both didn’t have time for dating and women right now.  
Casual flings was our world, and I knew he and Melissa were on and off and far from official.  
"Just been busy." He answered honestly.  
We made it back to the main studio area and I saw my producers Julian and John.  
"Hey man." Julian said standing and patting my back.  
"Hey." I said and quickly introduced Becca.  
She was timid but polite.  
Niall took a seat while I grabbed two seats for me and Becca.  
I already recognized the music playing in the background. It was a song we had been working on since last year.  
After we sat, we all small talked a bit before we began to run through some ideas.  
Julian and John played us some tracks and some demos they had recorded and got our opinions.  
There were a couple I liked, and one I really wanted to consider, but the meeting really was pointless.  
We didn’t write or record anything.  
Still, when I looked over at Becca she was completely interested.  
Some of the time, she was in her phone texting, but I could tell she was in awe of the creative process.  
We stayed about three hours, and when we were on our way out I got a text from my best friend.  
"Who is it?" Becca asked curiously as I paused outside of my car, returning the message.  
"Jeff. He wants me to stop by a bit." I said climbing in and starting my car.  
By now it was a little after ten, and I should have probably gotten Becca home, but I didn’t want too. I was enjoying her company way too much.  
I turned to her.  
"Are you ready to go back home?" I asked.  
She smiled at me and shook her head no.  
"Good." I said, putting my car in gear. "Do you mind if we go meet him quick? I promise we won't stay long."  
She laid her head back on the headrest.  
"Harry I don't care what you do. I'm just happy to hang out."  
"Did you like the studio?" I asked.  
"I loved it. I'm actually rethinking my career now." she teased.  
I chuckled. "Oh really?" I said glancing between her and the road. "Well you know I can help with that." I offered.  
She patted my knee. "Well I mean of course… you're going to be my mentor."  
"I don't think you need one Ms. Love Me Like You Do." I teased.  
She chuckled and turned away from me, looking out of the window at the city around us.  
It was a getting a little chiller, so I only kept the windows cracked. Still, I could smell the faint remnants of her shampoo every time the wind blew a piece of her hair.  
"Do you want to take the scenic route?" I asked.  
"Sure." she said.  
I quickly steered us away from town and towards the coast.  
"It's so beautiful." she mumbled from her side of the car. "I love it here so much." she said with an appreciative sigh.  
"Do you think you'll ever live somewhere else?" I asked.  
"I don't know." she said. "It depends on my success I guess. New York really is better for publishing, but...this is home."  
I continued to drive, but listened to her intently. The music was on faintly in the background, but I was barely listening to it.  
"Do you think you're going to live here mainly?" she asked me.  
I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it depends on what happens with my career too. But I definitely would visit a lot if I don't."  
"Are you going to eventually go solo?"  
"I don't know." I said honestly. "Probably. But it's not something I'm thinking about yet."  
"Oh." she said softly.  
"So who were you texting?" I asked casually.  
"When?" she asked as our eyes briefly met.  
"At the studio."  
"Oh friends in town. Word is out that me and Kelsey are back, so people want to make plans."  
"Are you doing anything tomorrow?" I asked.  
She smiled slowly. "No." And then, "Why?"  
I shrugged casually but smiled as well. "I don't know."  
I looked back at her, hinting with my eyes.  
"Well what are you doing tomorrow?" she asked on cue.  
I shrugged again, non-committal. "No one has made any plans with me. So..." I let my voice taper off and she smiled at me widely.  
"Oh really?" she asked. "Well we might have to change that."  
I smiled back and bit my bottom lip. "Maybe we will."  
I turned to her.  
"But we might have to venture out then. Would you be okay with that?" I asked getting serious.  
"Venture out where?" she asked.  
"I don't know. We could do breakfast or lunch." I suggested. "I could take you to the Soho House. We could have privacy there."  
"Okay." she agreed and gave me a warm smile. "Sounds like a plan."  
I smiled as a confirmation and turned back to the road.  
Becca continued to focus on the ocean around us and I just enjoyed the moment.  
For the past month there had been so many times that I wanted to call her and just check in, but I couldn't because of my own personal issues.  
The communication was cut off so abruptly with her and I just hoped I hadn't hurt her. However, when I had called her a few weeks earlier, I could hear the anger in her voice.  
I had messed up and I was just grateful she was giving me another chance.

We eventually made it to Jeff's private residence that I stayed at on occasion.  
"Is this the Jeff from the coffee shop?" She asked as we climbed out of the car.  
I nodded yes and used my key to get in the house.  
The action didn't go unnoticed by Becca.  
"You live here too?" she asked.  
"I told you, I stay with friends a lot." I said simply and entered the house.  
I called out Jeff's name to make my presence known; especially since he lived with his girlfriend Glenne as well. I had walked in on them in compromising positions more than once.  
"In the kitchen!" we heard called back.  
I took Becca's hand and maneuvered her to the back of the house.  
When we arrived, we saw Jeff and Glenne at the counter making drinks. Though immediately their eyes went to Becca.  
"Hey!" Glenne said warmly giving me a hug and giving a small 'hi' to Becca.  
Becca answered her as Jeff set his eyes on me. He was mixing a drink in a shaker.  
"Took you long enough man.” he said. “What the hell, did you get lost?”  
"Fuck off, I was at the studio." I said with a smile. I turned to Bec.  
"This is Becca. Good friend." I said to them. Then I turned to her, "And this is Jeff and Glenne."  
"Have we met before?" Jeff asked Becca, studying her.  
"We have. I got your coffee for you many months ago." She said softly.  
"Oh." Jeff said and then looked at me.  
His eyes immediately said he needed details.  
I ignored him and gestured for Becca to sit.  
"Do you want a drink?" Glenne immediately asked, trying to make Becca feel welcome.  
"No thanks." she said. She was underage, but we wouldn't care.  
"You can have a drink." I offered to her softly, in case she felt uncomfortable.  
"No really I’m fine." She said giving me a innocent smile.  
"I can get you something else...." Glenne began, but I ignored that part of the conversation. I headed over to Jeff who was now pouring the mix in three glasses. I already knew one was for me.  
I began to talk to him about something business related, while Glenne sat beside Becca and handed her some juice concoction.  
This wasn't the first girl I had brought around them, and it always amazed me how Glenne always settled in the role of becoming their friend.  
She and Jeff immediately accepted anyone I brought into the circle and asked no questions.  
We were a unit, and they always accepted new people, even if it was temporary.  
"Well come with me Becca," Glenne said suddenly, and me and Jeff finally paid attention to their conversation.  
"Where are you two going?" I asked as they stood.  
“Yeah?” Jeff piped up beside me.  
Glenne ignored both of us. Becca gave me an apologetic smile-but didn’t answer- and then followed her away.  
"“Excuse me?! I _am_ asking a question.“ I called out, but heard no response, just giggles. “I'm going to remember that!" I called playfully after both of them.  
I turned back to Jeff.  
Now that we were alone, he began.  
"Banging Barristas now?" he asked giving me a curious look.  
"Who says I’m banging her?" I questioned immediately.  
"Well what are you doing with her?" Jeff asked handing me my drink.  
"Well _Dad,_ we're hanging out."  
He chuckled and hit my chest. "Don’t start….Just looking out for you. Is she a fan?"  
"Yes and no." I said honestly, sipping.  
"What does that mean?" Jeff asked taking a sip of his drink as well.  
"She knows our music but I wouldn't call her a fan really."  
"Well she hasn't been papped, because I haven't heard about it yet... How long has she been around?" he asked.  
I took a longer sip of my drink. "A while." I said honestly. "And she isn't going to be papped. I'm being cautious this time. I'm tired of seeing all the hate people get for being around me."  
"And how are you going to protect her Harry?" he asked. His tone showcased his doubt.  
"I've been doing well." I said. "We've been in Thailand and everything and no one even knew. We even made out in a club and it didn't hit the papers." I said proudly.  
"You made out in a club?" he asked in disbelief.  
"It was a spur of the moment thing...but I’m saying...no one talked."  
I took a long sip of my drink.  
"What if _she_ talks?" he countered back.  
"Then she talks and that'll be the last time she hears from me."  
Jeff just looked back at me, swishing his drink around. I couldn’t tell if he believed me or not.  
"Well be careful.“ he warned. “I don't know her. But she's not Nadine or...any of the other girls. There would be an excitement about dating you."  
I rolled my eyes. It wasn't my first time messing with someone non-famous and he knew that.  
"Thanks _Dad,"_ I emphasized again and he laughed.  
"Besides it’s super casual. You probably won‘t even see her that much." I said honestly.  
Jeff clinked his glass against mine.  
"Well have fun."  
“I always do.” I said gently.  
We continued talking, moving on from the conversation of Becca and sharing one more light drink.  
The girls didn't come back in that time span so we went to find them.  
When we did, they were outside on the terrace, feet kicked up and laughing.  
"Are you girls gossiping?" I said as we joined them.  
I sat on the edge of Becca's lounge chair and pulled her feet into my lap.  
"No." Glenne said. "Just talking about California."  
Jeff remained standing and leaned on Glenne's chair.  
I turned to Becca.  
"Ready?"  
"You're leaving?" Jeff asked me quickly.  
I turned to Becca for her answer. I felt bad drinking with my friends if she wasn't going to too.  
"I mean I don't know." She said. "It's kind of nice out here."  
I looked around their backyard.  
It was.  
There was a pool, but the highlight of the backyard was the fire pit and the lanterns that illuminated the whole area. It was perfect for late summer nights and having a drink with your friends- like tonight.  
"Well we can stay." I offered. "As long as you’re comfortable." I said. My hand gently rubbed her ankles.  
She turned and looked at Jeff and Glenne for confirmation that she could stay.  
Glenne gave her a wide smile, which was the answer.

We remained outside for another half hour, just talking and telling small stories from my past adventures with Jeff and Glenne. Me and Becca discussed Thailand- omitting the intimate details of our relationship and our day together thus far.  
Time passed quickly and it was like having old discussions with your buddies.  
However, this was the first day me and Becca had hung out and I wanted to be respectful. As it neared midnight, I was once again reminded that I should take her home.  
I knew the basics of her relationship with her parents and even though they were cool, I didn't want her to get in trouble, despite the fact she didn‘t have a curfew.  
I headed to the bathroom to freshen up, and brush my teeth from the alcohol I had consumed, then we were gone.  
"I might be back." I told Jeff since I preferred to crash with them then at my place.  
"Whatever." Jeff said. "We'll be home. And you have your key."  
I shook it for added affect and then led Becca out.  
She and Glenne hugged and Jeff shook her hand goodbye.  
When we got in the car, Becca grabbed my sweatshirt and I turned the heat on.  
"Are you cold?" I asked, wanting her to be comfortable.  
"I'm okay." she said and patted my sweatshirt that was now covering her dress.  
I had to admit, it complimented her nicely.

The radio once again provided a background soundtrack and I decided to take the scenic route back to her house again.  
"Did you have fun today?" I asked.  
"I did. A lot actually."  
"Okay." I said. "It'll be better tomorrow though." I reassured.  
She smiled.  
As we drove along the beach, I took note of how beautiful the moon lit the clear blue water.  
"You're right it's beautiful out tonight." I remarked studying the scenery.  
"Do you want to get out?" she asked suddenly.  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
She gestured to the front windshield.  
"Well look at it…it's so beautiful. And you can see the stars."  
I looked around us and noted what she meant.  
"Do you have one of your cameras?" she asked.  
"I don't." I said honestly. "I hadn't honestly thought to bring one."  
She smiled and dug in her purse.  
She pulled out a black carrying case.  
"Well I came prepared this time." she said proudly.  
I smiled, as she pulled out the $900 camera I had bought her.  
"Are you putting it to good use?" I asked.  
"I will tonight." she said winking and I smiled.  
"Alright." I agreed. I drove a little further looking for a section of the beach we could stop by and still have a little privacy.  
It was midnight, but there was always stragglers everywhere you went.  
I eventually took us to El Matador beach in Malibu and found us a private nook.  
"I don't know if we're allowed to be out here." Becca admitted once we were outside of the car, and walking towards the beach.  
I chuckled. "Well its too late to think about that now."  
We were holding hands and in the other hands, carrying our shoes.  
Our sweaters and jackets were intact but it was still a little chilly.  
"It's so pretty." She said as we found a private area to just sit and listen to the waves crashing over the rocks.  
I was happy she had thought of this. It was the perfect ending to our day.  
We placed our shoes in the sand, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her to me.  
We took comfort in each others arms and just listened to the sounds of the water.  
However, Becca was in deep thought.  
"I'm sorry." she said after a few minutes.  
"For what?" I asked turning to her.  
"For how I acted when you called me. I was a little rude." she admitted.  
I smiled. "It's fine. I deserved it." I said honestly.  
She rested her head on my shoulder.  
"I still haven't told you what that was all about." I said.  
"No you haven't." she said quietly, not removing her head. "But we don't have too. I don't want an argument."  
"It won't be." I said pulling away from her so she would have to face me. "But I do want to address it."  
She turned to me and gave me her full attention.  
"Okay." she said. "I'm listening."  
I took a deep breath and sighed.  
"Okay...So...do you remember that night Zayn left?"  
"Of course." she said.  
"Well that night, when I disappeared...I was talking to Zayn. He was saying how he was upset about the music we made, and the pressures and attention and just going on about how unhappy he was." I said. "Now me and Zayn were close in the beginning. And there were many times that I could pick up on things when he was upset or if needed someone. I was good at that and I was that person for him. And...well he just said that in the past few months he felt like I wasn't there.  
He felt like no one was really paying attention to the signs he was throwing out,"  
"Okay…" Becca said prompting me to continue.  
"So I just felt bad. Your name was brought up and I realized that a lot of my attention had been on you and building our friendship and on other things that would be deemed unimportant. I felt like I had let him down and the other guys as well. Then I started thinking what else am I missing? Who else could need me?"  
She turned from me, processing what I was saying.  
"Plus I was just busy. Suddenly there was new photo shoots and contracts and things we had to do...I just...figured it was best to just focus on that."  
"Well you still could have told me that Harry. I would have understood." she argued looking back at me. "All you had to do was shoot me a text message."  
"I know." I said quietly. "And that was my regret. I let too much time pass and suddenly I didn’t know what to say. But...I’m sorry." I said honestly.  
"So is that what you do? If things get difficult, you just push it away?" she questioned.  
"No. That's not me at all." I said quickly. "I don't like conflict and I try to resolve things...but if you’re asking because you think I’ll do it again to you, I won't." I said frankly. "Because it wasn't about you. I was happy that you were in my life."  
"You were?"  
"Of course." I said. "Especially after Hong Kong."  
She smiled. "That's why it hurt." she said. "After those last few hours...I just didn't get what I had done. I thought you had just pushed me to the side and used me."  
"No. I wouldn't do that to you." I said sincerely. "I'm always honest about what I want and what everything is. If I wanted a one time thing, you would have known."  
"So what do you want now?" she asked me. "I mean you are super busy and touring. What...do you want me to be a friend?"  
"I don't know honestly." I said turning from her. "I'm still attracted to you, but like you said, I do have a lot going on."  
I reached for her hand and wrapped it in mine. "But then again when I’m with you..."  
"When you’re with me what?" she asked softly. Her hazel eyes shined against the light of the moon.  
I answered by kissing her gently. Her lips were cold, but I welcomed the sensation. I had wanted to kiss her all day.  
She kissed me back, placing her hand on my neck to pull me closer and I pulled her in my arms.  
Due to our weight and the position of our bodies, Becca fell against the sand. I wrapped a leg around hers and cupped her face in my hands as our tongues danced.  
She moaned against my mouth and I knew I had to hear more.  
I dropped a hand and moved it to her legs. Her dress had already gathered up slightly, so my hands slipped under easily. She jumped slightly as my cold hand connected to her smooth warm skin.  
"Sorry." I whispered against her lips.  
"It's okay." she said back. We paused our kissing and my hand found one of her breasts. I ran one of my fingers across her nipple and she smiled lazily.  
"Ever do it on a beach?" I joked.  
"Can’t say I have." she said.  
I leaned and kissed her neck.  
"So I would be your first?" I whispered against her skin.  
She nodded. "Would I be yours?"  
"You would." I said sucking at her skin.  
My hand that was on her breast, moved down and hovered over her panties.  
"Can I touch you?“ I asked, moving away from her neck and meeting her eyes.  
"Please do." she said and smiled widely.  
I kissed her and let my hands do the work.  
Within a minute she was moaning under me and biting her lip.  
I loved the control I had over her.  
I brought my face down to her neck and continued to suck.  
Then it dawned on me that I would probably leave a hickey and I switched tactics.  
I removed my hands from her completely and backed away.  
She looked at me in confusion.  
"What's wrong?" She asked.  
"Nothing. Here sit on my lap." I said patting my legs. She did as I said, climbing on me and I leaned back on my hands. She moved to kiss me, but I stopped her.  
Her dress had skinny straps and I pulled one off her shoulder.  
She removed her arm, reading my mind and I smiled.  
I pulled the dress down so that only one side of her breast and bra was exposed.  
Today she had on a lace pink bra.  
"You have such nice lingerie." I remarked and she instantly laughed outloud.  
"What? You do." I said, laughing with her.  
I had missed her soft giggle.  
She shook her head at me and placed my face in her hands.  
"Only you would say such things..." she said and kissed me again.  
I was already hard at this point, but our new position intensified things for me. Still, it had been a while and I wanted to please her first.  
I disconnected our kiss and pulled my sweater off. I rolled it in a quick ball and placed it behind my back as an anchor and partially leaned back on it. I brought one hand to her hip and shifted her the way I needed then placed that hand over her clit.  
"Lean forward." I instructed and she did.  
I used my free hand to free her breast from the bra and then connected my mouth to her.  
My other hand began to massage her clit.  
She must have enjoyed it, because she pushed her body away from me and threw her head back.  
I pulled her back to me, placing my mouth on her again.  
My tongue flicked the upper body, while my hand rubbed the lower end.  
"Fuck Harry..." she muttered, keeping her eyes closed.  
I looked up at her in triumph.  
Her faces in bed were so beautiful.  
I shifted and then I felt it.  
I pulled away from her instantly.  
"What?" she asked quickly.  
I shifted and felt it again.  
Great.  
Becca’s pretty eyes looked back at me.  
"I think some sand just went into my pants." I explained.  
"Huh?" she asked and I smiled, looking down to examine.  
Sure enough, my pants were so low on my body that sand had crept into my pants from the back and my boxers.  
"There's sand in my pants." I said turning back to her.  
I don't know if it was the expression on my face or the idea, but she began to laugh loudly.  
"It's not funny." I said.  
"It's very funny." she said continuing to laugh. "It's not as romantic in the movies huh?"  
"No." I said and laughed with her.  
She climbed off me, allowing me to stand. As I did, I felt the sand move and shift down my pants further.  
Fuck my life.  
"Ugh." I said and unbuttoned my jeans.  
She continued to smile at me, tickled by the whole thing.  
"I blame you." I said as I removed them.  
"You can blame me. I take full responsibility. At least I got you out of your pants." she said with a wink and I chuckled.  
I shifted and shook my legs to get the remaining sand out and then she came to me.  
"Let's try a different tactic." She said, standing and placing her hands on my chest.  
"Lets." I agreed. "But not on the beach."  
She pouted and I bent down to pick up my jeans and sweater.  
She watched me as I changed.  
"Oh I didn't get my picture." she said suddenly and grabbed for her purse.  
I watched as she quickly began to peel off shots of the moon and the water.  
"Wait," I said reaching for her camera. She needed to be in one. It could have been a perfect shot.  
She smiled as she realized what I was doing and posed.  
"Beautiful." I said when I finished, but she came around to me, and wrapped her arms around my shoulder.  
"Selfie!" she exclaimed.   
I smiled and kissed her cheek as she took the picture.  
Then I patted her butt.  
"Okay let's go." I said.  
“Wait,” she said examining the picture quickly.  
She smiled proudly as she turned it for me to see too.  
I smiled back.  
It was just me, her and the moon.  
Again, we complimented each other nicely.  
“You ready?” I asked. The waves were still crashing around us, and now that we were separated, the body heat between us was gone.  
I was glad we had brought the sweaters.  
She nodded yes.  
We took the two minute trek to the car and Becca teased me about the sand the whole time. Maybe I was paranoid, but it still felt like some was in my jeans. As I kept checking, Becca kept teasing.  
"See now you're being mean to me." I said.  
"Sorry." she said with a playful smile as we climbed in the car. "You have to admit it was funny though, even if it did ruin the mood."  
I looked back at her. "What do you mean ruined the mood? Come here." I said.  
"In the car?" she asked reading my expression.  
I pushed my seat back and leaned against it.  
I nodded.  
"Come here." I said again and she smiled even wider.  
She hiked up her dress and prepared to move.  
"Take off your panties first." I instructed softly.  
She did as I said and I studied our surroundings.  
No one was around and we still had complete privacy. It was close to 1am at this point.  
I unbuttoned my jeans and she climbed over me.  
"Is this okay?" she asked getting comfortable on top of me.  
"Perfect." I said before placing her lips on mine.  
She moaned against my mouth again and the moment on the beach quickly came back to me.  
After a few minutes of intense kissing, I was ready for her but then it dawned on me.  
I pulled away from her.  
"Fuck." I said in disappointment.  
"What?" she asked.  
"I don't have a condom."  
She bit her lip.  
"Oh."  
“Do you have one?” I asked quickly.  
She nodded no.  
“It’s been a while since I’ve had someone." she joked. “I don’t keep them.”  
I smiled back at her and thought of my options. Maybe there was one in my glove compartment…though the answer was more than likely no.  
"I'm sorry." I quickly apologized. Our faces were both flush and her lips were swollen from kissing. I could feel how wet she was on top of me, and I was straining in my jeans. It was obvious we were both ready for the big moment and my stupidity was holding it up.  
"I'm on birth control." she said quietly.  
"Yeah?" I asked, bringing my eyes to hers.  
She nodded.  
I had this fear of getting a girl pregnant, especially at this point in my life, so I never had sex without a condom.  
"What kind?" I asked. "The pill or..."  
"An implant. In my arm."  
And then as proof, she ran my hand against her left arm.  
"Feel that?" she asked and I did. It felt like a small grain of rice.  
"Doesn't that hurt?" I asked in alarm.  
"Nope." she said.  
She wrapped her arms back around my neck and stared back at me.  
We had two options, I could take her back to my house, where there was a condom and a lot more space--or I could have her now.  
If I waited, I would have to wait almost an hour before being with her and then there was the risk the moment would change. Once we got back to my house, she could easily become tired---or, she could ask to go home instead.  
I knew I couldn't wait and I knew I wasn't ready to bring her back to her parents house.  
“Do you have to go home at all?” I asked.  
She shook her head no.   
“Do you want to stay the night with me?” I asked.  
She quickly nodded yes.  
Her nod was so innocent and adorable, but everything about the moment wasn’t.  
Becca was unbelievably sexy as she sat on top of me, half-naked.  
As I pulled her back to me for another kiss, I gave up.  
Fuck it.  
Moving my hands away from her waist, I quickly adjusted myself out of my pants and placed her on top of me.  
A satisfied sigh immediately escaped her lips as I pushed inside of her.  
Our foreheads touched and we both closed our eyes.  
It was already better than I had remembered.  
“Are you comfortable?” I asked softly, as she began to move on top of me.  
“Yeah.” she said breathlessly.  
“Do you need me too-”  
“Stop talking.” she mumbled kissing my neck.  
I smiled, and brought her face up to meet mine.  
Green eyes met Hazel and skin met skin.  
The only sounds in the car, were from us and the new ride we were taking.  
“You feel incredible.” she whispered, placing tiny kisses on my cheek and neck.  
My hands remained on her hips, guiding and moving with her.  
We were in the car, but it didn’t slow the momentum.  
“Damn. You’re so good at this.” I said as she combined the right speed of fast and slow on top of me.  
She just smiled back at me, flush and beautiful.  
“I feel it…” she said after a few minutes. “I’m going to come.”  
I closed my eyes, already more than halfway there.  
She was so warm, and tight, and it felt incredible without the constraints of a condom.  
I kept my hands on her waist, and closed my eyes as she rode us both to ecstasy.  
And when we got there, it was absolutely amazing.

 


	32. Chapter 32

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Harry

Now.

I pause.  
The oven goes off behind me signaling the bacon is done.  
Breaking my eyes from Becca’s stare and attention, I stand.  
I get up to prepare our BLT sandwiches.  
"Do you want cheese on yours like normal?" I ask. “I can melt it quick.”  
Becca gets up and joins me in the kitchen.  
"You're determined for me to eat aren't you?" she says and I smile.  
"You've been here a bit. Maybe you're hungry." I offer.  
She doesn't respond.  
For the last half hour things between us have been civil. We haven't covered much ground, but the parts we have, are reflected on kindly and without malice.  
I have hopes for today.  
We might actually accomplish something.  
She gives a small sigh. "Fine. And yeah, cheese please."  
"Coming right up." I say. I start separating the foods; the lettuce, tomatoes and cheese- and she watches me.  
"You're staring." I tell her after her eyes don't shift.  
She actually smiles too.  
"I'm just trying to get use to seeing you with short hair again. It's been so long."  
“You’ve seen me with short hair.” I point out. "For a while actually."  
“Yeah but your hair always fluctuated. I haven’t seen it this short in a while.”  
I run my hands through my hair. I want to grow it out again, but Julie would kill me.  
She sees long hair as being unkempt.  
She keeps starting at me. "You look like 2013 Harry with the way its trying to curl up."  
I chuckle. _What the hell is that?_  
"I didn't know there was a such thing as 2013 Harry."  
"Oh yeah." she says proudly. "A fandom favorite."  
I look back at her. It wasn’t often she grouped herself in with my fans.  
"Do you still keep up with everything?" I ask, as I begin to make her sandwich first.  
"Like what?" she asks me.  
"My music, the fandoms..."  
She nods no and I’m disappointed.  
I write about her from time to time and there is some music about our past relationship that I have recorded. To know she doesn't even listen, stings.  
I keep up with her.  
Every now and then I read her column and as I already explained, I still get updates on things she does. Every time my phone alerts me to a new _Beccapenelope_ Instagram post, my hands scramble to check it.  
It helps keep me sane. I don’t know if I’m ready to live in a world where she has completely disappeared yet.  
I turn from her, growing quiet. I begin to melt her cheese.  
As I’m turned from her, she surprises me.  
"It's not because I don't want too." she says suddenly and quietly.  
I turn back to her.  
"It's just too hard too Harry." She says.  
For a moment I can see she is honest. For a moment, she is vulnerable.  
But only for a moment.  
As I begin to smile and respond, she cuts back in.  
"I listen to the other guys stuff though and keep up with what they do."  
Her shield has immediately gone back up and she is back to trying to piss me off.  
This time, I let it go.  
I go to the fridge and grab a pitcher of juice.  
It is cranberry and grape juice mixed together- her favorite.  
She instantly notices.  
"I thought you didn’t live here." she says quickly.  
"I stayed here last night, after Jeff left my other place."  
"Oh that's right, you say Barbie is out of town?"  
I look at back at her and then she remembers how I scolded her about that name.  
“Sorry.” she says quickly. “Julie.”  
I smile and pour the juice for her.  
"You have really got to come up with a different name for her."  
She doesn't respond and takes the glass when I hand it to her.  
"Thank you." she says. "You didn't have to make this."  
"It's no problem." I say. I turn away from her and finish her plate.  
I hand it to her as well.  
"Well it looks good." she admits and picks up the sandwich.  
I don't watch as she takes the first bite and finish preparing my own.  
"It's a shame you don't live here or anyone...it seems like such a nice place to go to waste."  
"So live here then." I throw out casually, popping one of her Cheddar chips in my mouth.  
"Huh?" she asks me. Her sandwich now stuck in mid-air.  
"You can live here." I say. "I'll still cover the bills and you can alternate from time to time."  
"I live with Chase." she reminds me as if I can forget.  
"You need a break from him sometime I’m sure."  
After all I would. Living with him would drive me fucking insane.  
She looks back at me.  
"You would be fine with him coming here sometimes? To our place?" she asks and we lock eyes.  
That would be my only stipulation.  
"No." I say. "He couldn't come here. It would just be for you. Like I said, I don‘t like people here."  
“Why? What‘s the big deal?”  
I don’t answer. I turn away.  
How can I tell her I’m preserving things? I know we’ll never be back together, but in this house we are.  
Everything has stayed the same, because in this condo, it is if time never moved on.  
Her decorations hang on the wall along with our pictures. Our sheets are on the bed. Her perfumes still line the bathroom counters.  
The only thing missing is the majority of her clothes.  
Still, there are some.  
A few days after she left, I discovered a laundry basket of her things she had forgotten about.  
Back then, I thought she might come back- as she always did- and put everything away.  
It may be weird, but I’m not ready to let it all go yet. I don’t want anyone here because of fear of what they’ll say or if they mess something up.  
She narrows her eyes and looks at me curiously.  
“Why would you want me to stay here?”  
“Because like you said, it’s going to waste. Besides, it is your home too, in a way. We could just alternate staying here.”  
"That's shady though." she says. "Chase would probably assume something was going on if I‘m staying somewhere else."  
I smile.  
"Well he wouldn't have to know would he? Just tell him you’re at Kelsey’s or out of town."  
“Kelsey would love that.” she says and bites her sandwich. “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. She’s married now, with a baby girl.”  
She smiles widely like a proud auntie.  
I smile with her.  
“I know.” I say and she looks at me in confusion.  
“I talked to her about two months ago.” I explain.  
Her eyes instantly narrow.  
“What?”  
I nod yes.  
Her eyes gather balls of fire.  
“What’s the big deal?” I ask, looking back at her. She doesn’t like this news.  
“How?” she asks.  
“She direct messaged me.”  
Her eyes look back at me coldly.  
“You’re lying.”  
I grin. “Why would I lie about that Becca?”  
“Why would she contact you?”  
I shrug. “I don’t know. But she’s still amazing.” I say with a chuckle. “She hasn’t changed at all.”  
Becca is not amused.  
“She would have told me if she talked to you.” she guesses.  
“Well…I guess she didn’t.” I say back.  
“What did you and her talk about?”  
“Why does it matter?” I ask. “I can’t even talk to your friends now?”  
“Not her.” she says possessively. “She’s like a sister to me, you know that.”  
“I do.” I say. “That’s why I responded.”  
Suddenly she is pissed off. She tosses her sandwich on the plate.  
“Well that’s bullshit!”  
“Becca, what is the big deal?” I ask losing patience.  
“How long have you been talking to her?” she asks placing her hand on her hip.  
Her expression is stern and no nonsense and quite full of dramatics.  
She looks quite ridiculous.  
I instantly cool down. I can’t help the laugh that escapes my lips a few seconds later.  
“What the fuck is funny?” she says, shooting daggers with her eyes.  
“You are.” I say gesturing to her.  
“You act like I cheated on you because I talked to your best friend. It was a ten minute conversation, and over chat, you know that is not long. Calm down.”  
“She didn’t tell me.” she argues. “And I don’t get why she would contact you.”  
I shrug again unsure. I eat more of my sandwich.  
“Did you talk about me?” she asks.  
“Of course Becca. You’re the link between us, of course you were mentioned at least once.”  
“Who brought me up?” she asks curiously.  
I sigh, and toss my phone at her.  
“Do you want to read the conversation?”  
She looks down at my phone instantly.  
“Please do, because this conversation is driving me crazy. I should have never even mentioned it.”  
She studies my phone and then shuffles it back towards me.  
“No.” she says quietly, tucking some hair behind her ear.  
She sits back on her stool and picks up her sandwich.  
She has moved on for some reason.  
It is quiet between us for a minute, until she picks up her previous conversation.  
"Tell me Harry. What's the real reason you keep this place?"  
I immediately roll my eyes. I don’t understand her obsession and why it matters.  
"I already told you." I say. “ And if this is your attempt at small talk, you suck at it.” I point out. “It is okay to ask me more personal questions.” I tease.  
She rolls her eyes and continues.  
“Why pay extra bills for a place you obviously never stay at? Is it a nostalgia thing?"  
"Maybe." I say honestly. "I don't like to let go of memories. Especially the ones that changed my life." I say and purposely meet her eyes.  
"I don't recall you being here that much." she says narrowing her eyes.  
"Oh but when I was, I made my mark." I boast proudly.  
She bites her lip to hide her smile, but I see it, deep under the darkness. This place is christened with us. We have literally made love in every room and our bedroom was our favorite place.  
We kept pictures of us hanging above the bed. Mostly ones from the earlier days and a quote _'So this is love...'_  
And it was. The greatest love I had ever known.  
"Do you want to see the bedroom?" I ask suddenly. "You haven't exactly toured the house again."  
I wish she would.  
I want her to see the reminders and I want, even for a second, the memories to dance across her face and I want to be there when it happens. I want to see her remember us. I want her to remember we weren’t always like this. We were good for each other once.  
"I remember what it looked like." she says dryly.  
I stop myself from sighing because there is no point.  
She is beyond difficult.  
If she would just give in and allow us to have this short moment, then maybe we really could move on. If we could just talk about everything, I could get it out of my system. All I want is to relive it and get her opinion and feelings so I can have closure. Her point of view is all I need. But instead, she keeps me stuck.  
I can’t understand how we went so wrong so fast and I need to figure it out.  
I know it was my career and the attention on us- but we could have made it.  
You don’t build what we built, just to walk away from it.  
She was and still is suppose to be my wife.

I keep trying.  
"Do you remember the view?" I ask leaning on the counter. "I remembered you loved it. When I was looking at this place that was the part that sold me. I knew how much it would mean to you to be able to peer out and see the city. You should go look at it." I suggest. “It’s a nice day out.”  
She takes a sip of her juice, not even looking at me.  
"If I want to see a view, I’ll go out into the mountains." she says suddenly. "Can we finish though? Our conversation? I have an appointment later."  
In the span of a few minutes, her attitude has completed shifted and I don’t know why. We were civil only a few minutes ago and now the Bitch is back.  
"Fine." I say standing fully.  
I’ll agree to this.  
Maybe this is how I get the nice one back. Maybe if I pack her with good memories, this wicked witch of Becca will melt away.  
"We left off in California." I remind her.  
"Yeah," she agrees. "California. And we both remember. We had sex, I spent the night, we had more sex, London happened and we started dating."  
"I don't think we started dating that soon." I say, ignoring her hasty answer. It is obvious she is trying to get this over with. "It's true, we started seeing each other more, but I don't think anything concrete happened until your birthday week."  
"Oooh two weeks later. What a huge jump." she says sarcastically and I smile.  
"You know Becca if you spent more time being nice instead of trying to be spiteful, we wouldn't be in this mess. We could have been friends the last two years."  
She looks back at me and her expression is unreadable.  
"We couldn't." she says. "We don't get to have the in-between and the sooner you realize that, the better."  
But I do realize that. We are either everything or nothing and I’m really tired of it.  
I take another bite of my sandwich and then take a sip of juice.  
"I guess that quote is true then." I say.  
"What quote?" she asks.  
"When you’ve truly loved someone, you can't just be their friend."  
She doesn't respond to my comment, but she takes me by surprise with her next question.  
"When did you know you loved me?" she asks.  
I smile and I instantly remember, but I can't go there yet.  
"You're jumping ahead." I remind her. "Let me like you first."  
"I thought you already liked me." she argues. "Seemed that way in the car."  
I chuckle, thinking of the little moments and the beach. "I did like you, but I still didn't want to be with you yet."  
"Well when did you want to be with me?" she asks.  
I take a sip of my juice.  
Here we go again.


	33. Chapter 33

 

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE  
Harry

Then.

  
We started to hang out. Not everyday, but we stole little moments here and there.  
After we slept together in the car, I took Becca home with me.  
We showered together and then had round two.  
By that time, it was nearing 4am, and we both needed the rest.  
She fell asleep on my chest, with the wind from my balcony serenading us to sleep.  
When I awoke the next morning, we had switched positions and I was surprised to find myself still holding her, only now it was from behind.  
Normally the closeness all night would bother me, but I hadn’t even noticed in my slumber.  
This would be one of the many firsts I would share with her; but I wouldn’t realize all of that until later.  
Back then I just thought it was nice to wake up to the smell of her coconut shampoo and her soft breathing. It was relaxing in a small way.  
I did my daily routine of washing up, and checking my phone. As always I had an assortment of texts and calls to return but that morning I chose to let them all sit.  
I headed downstairs and decided to make her some breakfast first.  
I didn't know what she liked, but in the short time we had spent together, she had always gone for something sweet; waffles, muffins, donuts....I decided to make pancakes. It was something quick and easy.  
I was careful to not make a lot of noise with the limited pots and pans I had, and played some music in the background.  
I had half the pancakes made when she made an appearance.  
Clad in just her underwear and one of my t-shirts, she was the definition of sex.  
"Good Morning." I said as I took her in.  
Her hair was down and loose and pooled in natural waves past her shoulders. I studied her smooth legs and eye popping red nail polish on her toes as she came to me.  
"Morning." she said warmly.  
I could already tell she had washed up and when she reached me, she smelled like soap.  
I pulled her in my arms and we shared a soft kiss.  
"How did you sleep?" I asked when we pulled apart.  
"Amazing. And you?" she asked.  
"Good."  
She trailed her fingers on my bare chest and traced some of my tattoos.  
"I was suppose to get the stories on these." she reminded me.  
"Maybe later." I said.  
I wrapped my hands around her hip, and lifted her on the counter.  
She gently squealed in surprise, but smiled.  
"I can't believe you’re cooking..." she said looking around her and admiring my work.  
"You think I don't cook?" I asked.  
"When would you have time?"  
"Oh I make time. I enjoy cooking." I said flipping a pancake on my griddle.  
"Oh yeah? What's your specialty?"  
"Lot of things." I said. "Right now, it's these pancakes."  
"Well they smell good."  
"You smell good." I countered back. "Always."  
She smiled and rocked her legs back and forth.  
"So what do you have to do today?"  
"Not much." I said. "I was thinking we could do the lunch thing like we discussed?"  
"Sure." she said.  
"Did you have any plans with your family or..." I paused because she nodded yes.  
"I have to meet Kelsey later. She just texted me."  
"Kay." I said. "That's good, because I have to meet my friend Rande later anyway."  
I quickly finished the pancakes and made her plate.  
We ate together and even playfully fed each other.  
The whole time I was counting down the moment until I could take my shirt off of her.  
"You know this is a great image." I said as we finished up our plates.  
"What?" she asked, standing across from me.  
"You in my shirts. They look pretty good on you."  
"They look better off me I think." she said seductively and I chuckled.  
"Wow." I said, shifting my plate out of the way, and going over to her.  
"What?" she asked.  
"We think the same too."  
I quickly lifted her in the air and wrapped her legs around me, carrying her to the couch.  
She giggled. "We didn't finish eating yet."  
"I want a different meal." I said simply and plopped her on the couch.  
"You're crazy." she laughed as I bent down to kiss her.  
She wrapped her legs around me and then we got lost in each other again.

We didn't make it to lunch.  
The rest of the day was spent alternating between eating and my bed.  
By the time we finally made it out of the house, it was after five, and only because I had to take her home.  
On the drive, we were playful and I was regretting that we had to separate.  
We both had shit to do, and I seriously needed to work out, but it dawned on me that I would have gladly put it on pause for a few more hours with her.  
"When can I see you again?" I asked as I pulled up to her house.  
Both of her parents were at their jobs and her sister wasn't home.  
"I don't know." she said honestly. "When do you have time?"  
"I'm not really free the next few days. I have to do some recording and stuff…but...I’ll definitely call you." I promised.  
"Deal." she said.  
She leaned and gave me a quick kiss, but I pulled her back to me making it longer. I wouldn't taste those lips for a few days and I didn't want to forget them.  
"See you Becca Johnson." I said when we pulled apart.  
"See you later Harry Styles." she said and then she was gone.

Three days later, we would link up again. However, we stayed in touch up until that moment.  
For two days, we texted all day and ended our nights, talking on the phone.  
I was beginning to really like her, but I was aware that I still needed to keep her at arms length.  
It would only be a few more weeks before the tour resumed.  
On the evening of the 8th, I dined with friends at the restaurant Madeo in downtown Los Angeles, but she was on my mind.  
She was out as well, across town, and throughout dinner, we kept in touch.  
I wanted to see her badly by this point, but she didn't have Face Time and we were far from computers to Skype properly.  
*Can I maybe meet you after this?* I texted her around ten. *Just to see you for a few minutes?*  
*I'm not driving* she replied, less than a minute later. *But I can try. Where are you headed?*  
*Back to Jeff and Glenne's house. I could give you the address or we could meet halfway.*  
It took her forever, but fifteen minutes later she agreed to meet me at their house; but there was a stipulation.  
*It's going to be a little late. Probably after midnight*  
*I don't care.* I said.  
It would be a while before we were back at the house either way but I needed to see her.  
She texted me around 12:30am.  
*On my way.*

When she showed up less than a half hour later, I went out to meet her.  
She had a drove a silver Toyota Prius and I was happy to see a little bit more of her character.  
"Is this you?" I asked as she climbed out of the compact car.  
"It is. Don't make fun of me." she said pulling me into a hug. "My parents were obsessed with the TV series Weeds, and the main character drove it."  
"Weeds…” I said thinking. “Didn’t she sell drugs?“  
Becca smiled and nodded. “A great influence isn’t she?”  
I smiled.  
Then she looked me over.  
"You look really nice."  
I looked down at my appearance. I had completely forgot what I had been wearing.  
I looked down at my black dress shirt and pants.  
Then I looked back at her.  
She was casual in a graphic tee and jeans.  
I pulled her to me, kissing her.  
“Hi beautiful.”  
She instantly smiled.  
“Hi.” she said back.  
Jeff lived in a private neighborhood, but it was not gated, so I quickly led her inside.  
"Is everyone still up?" she asked as we entered the house.  
"Yeah, but you're not going to see them yet." I said.  
I led her downstairs to the basement where my 'bedroom' was.  
She plopped on my bed and I took my shirt off.  
"You’re already stripping for me?" she teased and I smiled.  
"No I forgot to change." I said honestly. I grabbed the quickest shirt I could find and then joined her on the bed.  
I pulled her between my legs and wrapped my arms around her stomach.  
Her head laid back against my chest and I kissed her cheek.  
I had been watching Family Guy and an episode was still going.  
"How was your day?" I asked behind her.  
"It's great now." she whispered.  
I tilted my head so I could look at her and her eyes met mine.  
I kissed her again.  
"Thanks for coming." I said.  
"Of course."  
She turned away from me and I kissed the side of her forehead.  
"So at this dinner tonight..."  
"Hmm?" she asked.  
"Were there any guys?"  
She gently giggled.  
"Jealous?"  
"Maybe I am." And then remembering the popular Nick Jonas song that was trending on radio, I sang lightly, "'Cuz you’re too sexy, beautiful..."  
"Yeah I think everyone wants a taste of you." she replied tracing my arms with her fingers.  
I clutched her tighter. "Well I only want you right now."  
"Well you have me." She said and rested her head on my shoulder.  
I kissed her cheek once more and she settled further in my arms.

Time passed quickly as we (barely) watched the show and talked.  
By the time it hit 2am, we were both dozing off.  
"I should go." she said lazily. She still had her back to my chest and I was resting my head on the headboard.  
"Just stay." I said. My eyes were closed, and I was already near sleep.  
"No." she groaned. "I don't want to be that girl."  
I opened my eyes slightly. "What girl?"  
"This is your friends house...that's rude Harry."  
I shifted and gently pulled her away from me so she could face me.  
"I live here too Becca." I reminded her. "You can stay."  
Her eyes were tired and I could tell she wanted too.  
"Are you sure?" she asked me.  
I didn't answer.  
I gently moved her away from me, stood, and turned off the basement light, leaving the TV as the only light source in the room.  
"Do you want some different pants?" I asked unbuckling my own.  
"No." she said climbing off the bed. "I'll just sleep without them. If you don't mind of course..."  
I smiled. "Of course I don't. You can take your shirt off too." I teased.  
"You're not that lucky." she said pulling her jeans off.  
I smiled and climbed in the bed, sans my pants and t-shirt. I preferred to sleep naked or pretty close to it.  
Our bodies connected quickly and I held her from behind.  
"Hmm...my little spoon." I mumbled in her hair.  
"I thought I read somewhere you like to be little spoon."  
"You're so tiny though." I said. "What are you, like five feet?"  
She pushed her butt against my groin in protest.  
"Watch it, I’m 5'5"  
"Really?" I asked nestling in her neck. "You seem shorter."  
"That's because you’re a giant." she argued.  
I slightly sat up and faced her.  
"But I’m a cute giant right?"  
She turned to me and flicked my nose.  
"The cutest."  
I smiled and kissed her. A long, slow kiss.  
"Goodnight Love."  
"Goodnight Harry."

The next morning we woke up early and the first thing Becca did was try to sneak out.  
I was quite amused by the whole thing.  
"Becca, they don't care that you spent the night. It's fine." I assured her.  
"Still Harry..." she tried to argue but I silenced her fears.  
I was sitting on the bed, and I pulled her between my legs. She peered down at me.  
"Are you hungry?" I asked.  
"A little."  
"Lets get something to eat." I said.  
After we threw on our clothes and headed upstairs, we ran into Glenne.  
"Good Morning." she said warmly. "Nice to see you again Becca."  
"You too." Becca said but I could tell she was freaked out. I didn't know why them knowing she spent the night was such a big deal.  
We were young and attracted to each other; obviously we would sleep together at some point.  
I quickly tried to soothe her fears.  
"Hey Glenne?" I called.  
"Yeah?" she asked leisurely. She was use to me, so I was ignored a lot of the time and she kept her eyes on her phone she was scrolling through.  
"Becca stayed here last night." I said.  
Becca instantly turned to me and narrowed her eyes, but I wanted her to see Glenne's reaction.  
"Okay...and?" Glenne asked looking at me in confusion.  
I gave a smile to Becca. "See. They don’t care."  
Becca sighed in disapproval of my tactic and I went around both of them.  
Glenne focused on Becca. "What is he talking about?"  
I didn't hear her response, as I reached for the box of Honey Nut Cheerios on the top of the fridge.  
"Want some?" I asked both girls.  
"Fill it up." Glenne responded and Becca nodded.  
I quickly prepared their bowls and Jeff made his way downstairs as well.  
Like Glenne, he re-introduced himself to Becca and then moved on.  
"Are we going out?" Jeff asked, all business.  
"Yeah." I said. I turned to Becca. "Are you coming?"  
"Coming where?"  
"Just out." I said simply. "You don't work today right?"  
"No." she said.  
"Cool." I said with a smile, "Then come with us."  
Jeff turned to me.  
"What if were papped?" he asked.  
I knew what his warning meant. He was asking if I was ready for things to change. Because they would if people got a picture of Becca.  
"We won't." I said simply. "We satisfied everyone last night. They got their shots."  
"If you say so." Jeff said but he didn't sound too sure.  
I wasn't worried. I knew a place we could go.  
We all finished our cereal, and then Jeff and Glenne headed upstairs to get ready.  
Me and Becca went back to my dungeon and laid around leisurely until it was time to go.  
Jeff had to run to his office and Glenne needed to stop at some store so we had things to do before our planned lunch.  
"Your friends are really nice." she said while we were alone.  
"They are. They’re like family now."  
"How long have you known them?"  
"Couple years now." I said and then I turned to her.  
"They seem to like you already." I noted.  
"Do they?" she asked.  
"Sure." I said. I removed a loose strand of hair from her face. "But you’re kind of easy to like."  
She just smiled.

"So whose car are we taking?" was the main question two hours later, when we were finally ready to leave the house.  
"I'll drive." I offered. I had driven my Range Rover last night because there had been six of us at dinner.  
I opened the car door for Becca and everyone else climbed in the back.  
Once she was in, I slid around to the drivers side and started the car.  
"Don't turn on that depressing shit today." Jeff joked in the backseat.  
I looked at him in the rearview mirror and flicked him off.  
He was always teasing me about my music choices, though, our interests were quite the same.  
"Well I’m not turning on that rap shit Glenne listens too."  
"Hey Two Chainz is catchy!" she argued from the backseat.  
I turned to Becca, pulling out of the driveway.  
"What do you want to listen too?"  
She threw her hands up. "Don't ask me. I listen to it all."  
I mirrored her action and threw my hands up too. I just hit a button.  
Music started playing.  
I had no clue what station it was, but everyone would have to be happy.  
"Where are you going first?" Jeff asked.  
"Your office." I said.  
"Great."  
I drove the way, focusing on the road.  
On occasion I could hear Jeff and Glenne talking in the back, but Becca was quiet.  
I reached over and touched her knee.  
She turned to me.  
"You okay?" I asked.  
"I'm fine." she said and gave me a wide smile.  
I smiled back and looked down at her shirt.  
"I like you in that one too."  
Today she was in one of my graphic tees, though she realistically could have worn hers.  
I didn't know what it was, but I liked seeing her in my clothes.  
"It fits me nicely." she said proudly. "Though you should let me put on your tan jacket to compete the look."  
I looked at my jacket that I was wearing and shook my head no.  
"No deal. My tattoos are already showing. I need it too cover up."  
She smiled.  
"You shouldn't get such translucent shirts."  
"But I thought you liked my shirts?" I argued.  
"I love them." she said flirtatiously. "Never take them off."  
I chuckled and focused on the road.  
From the rearview mirror, I could see Jeff roll his eyes.  
"You two aren't going to be like this all day are you?" he asked.  
"Oh leave them alone." Glenne said with a wide smile. "They're cute."  
Me and Becca both exchanged a bashful look but didn't respond.  
  
When we arrived at Jeff's office, I quickly paid the meter and we all got out.  
I was slightly on edge and looking for paps, but knew it was unlikely due to the time of morning.  
We headed into the Creative Artists Agency, and Becca immediately had wide eyes.  
She was surveying everything.  
I was quite amused by it all.  
“Do you think you’re going to see a celebrity?” I asked.  
It was true CAA had its hands in all areas of art, and being in the heart of Los Angeles, some important and well known clients. Yet, I was quite certain she wasn’t going to run into anyone.  
“No.” she said, but she was lying. It was only human nature to want to see someone famous, when you weren’t.  
I smiled and turned to Jeff. He seemed to read my mind.  
“Do you want a quick tour?” he asked Becca.  
“No.” she said quickly waving him away. “I’m just tagging along.”  
“We can show you around.” I offered.  
“No it’s okay.” she said but she was being modest. Her expression gave it away that she was curious about the agency.  
“Here come with me. We’ll be back.” Jeff threw out, reading her as well and then he pulled Becca away.  
He was being kind, but I knew there was also an ulterior motive to his actions.  
And that motive, slinked up to me as soon as they left.  
“So Harry…” Glenne said.  
I rolled my eyes and playfully sighed. “Please don’t start.”  
“I’m not. We like her.” she said.  
“You’ve seen her two times. You don’t know her.” I reminded wryly.  
“Well we like what we see. She seems good for you. If only temporary.”  
“She seems like a distraction.” I said honestly. “I don’t even know what I’m doing.”  
“You’re having fun, like you should be doing.”  
“Yeah but what if I end up liking her? It’s not the right time.”  
She looked back at me.  
“Do you think you will?”  
I shrugged. I liked her now, but she had potential and I could see that.  
I enjoyed the time I spent with her and I was starting to want to be around her more and more. I already knew it was a good chance, when I wasn’t working the next couple weeks, I would be with her; at least until I left out of town.  
“Stop jumping ahead Harry and just enjoy. You always do that. Just relax. Live in the moment. You never know what is in the plans.” Glenne said softly.  
I looked back at Glenne and she gave me a supportive pat on my back.  
I chuckled. I felt like she was my mum and she was encouraging me after my first date.  
When Becca and Jeff came back five minutes later, we headed up to Jeff’s office and waited while he grabbed some files.  
After, we headed out and to lunch.  
On the way I got a follow up text from my friend in London. He was in town and wanted to meet us for lunch.  
“We’re meeting Nick.” I announced, though Becca had no clue who that was.  
“Where?” Jeff asked from the backseat.  
“Some place he’s already at.” I said. “They’re featuring some type of brunch thing.”  
“Oh that sounds good.” Becca said from the passenger seat. One of the only times she had looked up from her phone in the last half hour.  
Since we had left the office, she had been texting away and I was curious who she was talking too, though I wouldn’t ask.

I drove the trek across town, which unfortunately was in ’pap city’.  
“Still got your sunglasses?” I joked to Becca as we unfastened our seat belts.  
“Yes and that’s not funny.” she warned.  
It was true. It really wasn’t.  
I could agree that I didn’t really feel like dealing with them today.  
As we climbed out of the car, I scoped out the situation but was satisfied when I didn’t see anyone immediately available.  
We headed into the restaurant where Nick was already waiting for us. Once we found him, we took our seats.  
“Hey guys.” he said warmly.  
“This is Becca.” I said introducing them. However, Becca already knew who he was.  
“You’re Nick Grimshaw.” she said as if she was comprehending it. “Harry just said Nick was coming…but you‘re Nicholas Grimshaw…hello.” she said in excitement and Nick smiled.  
“Apparently I have an American fan.” he said amused, sitting across from us.  
Becca gave a shy smile and sat between me and Glenne. Jeff sat on my other side.  
“How long have you been here?” I asked Nick.  
“Like ten minutes.”  
“Why are you even on this side of town?”  
We had all been hanging out the last few days while he was in town for his vacation and he had stayed at a hotel near us.  
“Visiting friends obviously.” he joked.  
“You have no friends.” I said dryly and he smiled.  
Our waiter came over and we all quickly ordered drinks.  
We settled into casual conversation after, and though Becca was a third wheel to our normal group, she fit right in.  
Still I tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible, and leaned toward her when we had a moment.  
“Having fun?” I asked quietly.  
“Of course.” she said.  
“When do you have to leave?” I asked.  
She shrugged. “Are you ready to drop me off already?” she teased.  
“No.” I said. “But if you have other things to do, I don’t want to keep you.”  
My tone referenced her texting, but she brushed me off.  
“No I’m fine. I can hang out as long as you want.”  
I smiled. “Alright. I don’t know what else were going to do, but we’ll probably hang with Nick. Is that cool?”  
She smiled and placed her hand on my arm.  
“Harry stop asking me questions. I don’t care. I’m just happy to be with you.”  
We smiled back at each other exchanging a small intimate look.  
Then, as if she remembered we were in public, she quickly pulled away from me and created noticeable distance.  
Then she moved some hair away from her face and quickly tried to appear as if we hadn‘t just been smiling at each other.  
“Smooth.” I teased. “Real smooth. I don‘t think anyone even saw you look at me.”  
She giggled and slapped my leg under the table and I smiled turning away from her. I really didn’t care about hiding our interactions. I was pretty private but I wasn’t going to act like she was a complete stranger to me, because she wasn’t.  
She had been in my bed hours earlier and it seemed silly to act like we were barely acquainted.  
Still, we were in public, and at any moment, we could be getting our picture snapped, so I kept my PDA pretty PG. Especially because no one needed to know about her yet; at least not in that way.

When we left the restaurant about an hour later, I posed outside with a fan, and then we all climbed in my Range Rover. We had pre-agreed that we would come back for Nick’s rental car at a later time.  
We headed to the other side of town and stopped at the store Glenne needed.  
In between Glenne’s shopping and Jeff and Nick’s jokes, I kept my attention on Becca.  
I played with her; nudging and poking her when no one was paying attention. She played back grabbing my hands, poking and messing with my hair.  
When we had a free moment, I took her in a corner away from prying eyes and pulled in my arms. She playfully pushed away with me and I spun her so her back was to my chest.  
I kissed her neck and leaned close to her ear.  
“Just wait ‘til we get back home.”  
“Ooh am I going to be punished?” she asked with glee.  
My hand was on her stomach, keeping her close and I gently bit her ear.  
“Among other things.”  
She giggled and I removed her from my grasp and she spun around facing me. I took her hand and led her back to where Jeff, Nick and Glenne were. Our whole exchange had maybe taking ten seconds in all and we weren’t missed.  
“Aren’t you done yet?” I teased as we rejoined them.  
Glenne shushed me, as she looked at furniture.  
“I didn’t come all the way from London to look at furniture.” Nick said. His voice was light hearted.  
Becca smiled as Glenne responded, but pulled away from us.  
She moved away and answered her phone.  
I watched her.  
I didn’t care who she was talking too, as long as they didn’t pull her away and make her have to leave.  
She changed my mind when I heard the name ‘Michael’. The same name of the guy she spoke to in Bangkok when we were at the bar.  
Then, I started to really pay attention.  
She was happy and giggly with him and it was obvious they had known each other for a while. They seemed to be discussing a movie. I wondered the complete extent of their friendship.  
This Michael guy called her way too much to be in the ‘just friends’ zone.  
“Oh yeah that sounds like fun.” she said into the ophone. “Let me call you guys back when I get home…”  
“Hey H?”  
I turned at the sound of Jeff’s voice.  
“Yeah?” I asked.  
He quickly slid me his phone wanting me to read something.  
I gave another glance to Becca and peered in the phone.  
I didn’t comprehend what I was reading, because I was still listening to what she was saying.  
“Well nine is fine. I’m not doing anything tonight.” she said into the phone.  
She wasn't _?_  
What about us and plans I may have had?  
I had already made it clear that I was planning on taking her back to the house with me later…obviously that would be tonight…  
I did have plans to meet my parents in the morning since they were flying in tonight, but I was also planning on spending the night with her again.  
“Did you read it?” Jeff asked beside me.  
He and Nick were both looking at me expectantly. I guess I was missing out on some great joke or something.  
I shook my head no and handed him the phone back. I wasn’t in the mood and I was lost in my thoughts.  
“Show me later.” I said and at that moment, Becca finished up her call.  
She came over to us, just as chipper as before.  
My mood however, had grown un-expectantly sour.  
“Glenne are you done yet?” I asked impatiently. “You’ve been looking at throw pillows for an hour now.”  
“Jeez. Chill out. You guys have nothing else to do.” she said smiling, and continued to take her time.  
She was loved and she knew it. It was the only way she got away with this stuff.  
I sat down on a advertised couch and Nick sat on the edge.  
Jeff continued to scroll his phone and Becca went and joined Glenne; becoming shopping buddies.  
“What’s wrong?” Nick asked he turned to me.  
His tone made Jeff lift his head and look at me in concern.  
I looked back at both of them and grinned.  
“Nothing. Why?”  
Nick shrugged me off, uncaring since I appeared fine, and Jeff peered back in his phone.  
I was the only one really watching the girls and how well they got on.  
They seemed like old buddies as they looked at small figurines and decorative plates.  
Still I was unsettled.  
I wanted to address her new night plans when we got a moment alone.

After twenty minutes, Glenne finally finished her looking and we peeled out of the store.  
“Do you have to leave soon?” I asked Becca as we walked to my car.  
“I do actually.” she said. “I need to meet my friends close to 5:30.”  
By now it was just hitting three. Earlier on the phone she had said the movie started at nine. Why was she jumping four hours ahead? Was she really that anxious to be around them?  
I didn’t respond and just climbed in the car.  
I figured why wait.  
I started the drive back to Jeff’s house.  
“Where are you going?” Nick asked from the backseat.  
“I’m taking Becca to her car.”  
She instantly turned to me. I watched out of the corner of my eye, as she looked at the dash and then back to me.  
“I didn’t mean right away.” she said quietly.  
I didn’t even turn to her.  
“Well you never know with traffic.” I said dryly. If she preferred to be with her friends, then I would take her to them.  
She said nothing more and everyone in the car continued to talk amongst themselves.  
When I arrived at Jeff’s house, I pulled in front of her car and didn’t even turn off my engine.  
Her things were already gathered and she turned to me.  
“I’ll call you later?” She said quietly and hopeful.  
“No I know you have your movie. It’s fine.” I said. “Have fun.”  
She paused, looking back at me.  
She seemed like she wanted to say something more, but she didn’t.  
She turned and looked at everyone else.  
“Nice seeing you guys again. Nick, nice to meet you.”  
“You too Becca. See you soon.” Glenne said warmly.  
I gave Glenne a look through the top visor but she didn’t notice it.  
_Don’t encourage her._  
Then, Becca and her coconut/vanilla perfume were gone.  
Nick instantly climbed out of the backseat and jumped in the front next to me.  
He gave me a wide smile as he climbed in the front seat.  
I already knew he was about to say something stupid.  
“What, she gets no goodbye kiss?” he teased.  
I bit my lip to stop my laugh and Jeff and Glenne chuckled behind me.  
I glanced behind me in my mirror and saw that Becca now had her car started.  
Great. We could leave.  
I turned up the radio and drove off.  
I didn’t know if she would call, but for now, I wasn’t going to worry about it.  
I was with my friends.


	34. Chapter 34

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR  
Becca

Then.

As soon as I turned my car on outside of Jeff‘s house, it dawned on me that I was still wearing Harry’s graphic shirt and had left mine inside.  
My eyes shifted to Harry’s black Range Rover pulled in front of me.  
I thought of jumping out or flagging him down, but he was too fast.  
As soon as I looked up, he pulled off.  
_Well okay then…_  
I popped in my Ariana Grande CD and rolled down my windows, preparing to go home.  
It was a little chilly today and I was anxious to just get back to my house and get warmed up and settled. I had hours before I had to meet my friends to see the new Avengers movie and would use it to relax.  
Though I kind of wished I could have spent it with Harry.  
This was all getting harder.  
Since we had started hanging out again, I had forced myself to hold back.  
I didn’t want to fall for him or get used to being around him, so any and everything I could do to keep him at arms bay I was trying.  
But.  
He was making it so hard.  
Last night had been amazing. Nothing physical had even happened between us, but I had been in complete bliss.  
Watching TV, feeling his sweet kisses on my head while we talked about complete rubbish was what I lived for; and then, when we had went to sleep….waking up in his arms was something I could definitely get used too.  
And I already was.

He was being so nice too.  
The fact that he was letting me in his world and around his friends was a privilege I didn’t take lightly. He could have easily kept our relationship hidden, but he wasn’t. He was being quite open with me and with the time that we were spending together.  
So as I drove the forty-five minute drive to my house, my thoughts were on him and the next time I would see him.  
I just hoped it would be soon.

*********************  
Three days later, he called me with a surprise.  
“Do you know where the Montage Hotel is?” he asked via phone. We had been texting pretty sporadically the last few days but I hadn’t seen him since he had dropped me off at my car.  
“No.” I said. “What’s there?”  
“I am.” he said. “Want to meet me?”  
His voice was a little scratchy but playful. His request instantly made me smile.  
“When?”  
“Well do you have to work today?”  
“No. Day off.” I said simply.  
“Then now. Google the address.”  
I glanced at the clock in front of me. It was two in the afternoon.  
I shifted in my seat. “What are you doing in a hotel?”  
I was in my car leaving a boutique with Kelsey but I already knew I was about to go to where he was. I had already begun the trek back to her house.  
I was anxious because the last few days he had spent with his family and doing some work with the other 1D boys. I was eager to see him.  
“Some promo.” Harry said vaguely to my previous question. “But I’m done for the day so…can you come? For a bit?”  
I glanced at Kelsey, who was looking back at me and obviously listening to every audible word of our conversation. It freaked me out a bit.  
“Yeah. But let me call you back.” I said and quickly ended the call. I didn’t even wait to hear his goodbye.  
As I set my phone between the console, I kept my eyes on the road to avoid Kelsey’s stare as we headed to her house. It would be only a few minutes before she realized.  
I heard my phone buzz in the console and saw quickly it was a text from Harry.  
I picked it up and read the text.

*Well that was rude. :P Let me know when you’re on your way.*  
I smiled and typed a quick *K*, then I turned to Kelsey.  
“I need to drop you off.” I told her, already dreading what was coming. We had made plans for the entire day.  
“For what? Who are you about to meet?”  
I immediately tried to trick her.  
“Who says I’m meeting anybody?” I kept my voice casual and light. “I just remembered there is something I have to do for my Dad.”  
Her eyes narrowed and she squinted at me.  
She didn’t believe me.  
I turned from her quickly as she suddenly turned the radio down and faced her body towards me.  
_Shit._  
“What's going on Becca?“ came her curt tone a few seconds later “You’ve been so secretive lately. By now it’s obvious you’re dating someone, so just spill it. Who is he?” she demanded.  
“No one.” I said.  
“Becca.” she cautioned setting her ocean blue irises on me. They grew cold.  
I groaned, giving in. There was no use lying. She knew me too well.  
“I can’t talk about it yet.” I said softly.  
“Why not?” she asked and then hit my arm HARD.  
“Ouch! What is that for?” I shrieked quickly.  
“For not telling me sooner that’s what. I’m your best friend.”  
I sighed. “You are, b _ut I can’t talk about it_ yet.” I emphasized again.  
“Why, is he married, or running from the law?”  
I instantly laughed. _“Really Kelsey?_ Jeez. I _am_ only twenty years old. What kind of men do you think I’m picking up?”  
Kelsey and her crazy ideas…  
“I don’t know, because I don’t know anything about dude!” she exclaimed.  
“Well no. I just don’t know where its going yet. That‘s why I haven’t said anything.”  
“Is this the guy from before?”  
I nodded yes.   
“Well that’s bullshit. You used that excuse months ago so I‘m not buying it,” and then a new question came to her mind. “How long have you been seeing him?” she asked quickly.  
“I’ve known him for five months.” I said purposely not answering the exact question.  
“What’s his name?”  
“Uh…” I stalled. Did I give his real name? There was no way she would EVER assume it was him, but it was just too close for comfort.  
“Henry.” I said, saying the first H name that came to my mind.  
“Eww. I don’t like his name.” she said with a smile and I lightly giggled.  
“What does he do? How did you meet? And does he live here or New York?”  
“Kelsey, slow down on the questions!” I demanded. “Jeez.”  
“Well I don’t know anything about him. You’ve listened to me for months and even…BECCA!” She exclaimed out of the blue.  
“What?” I asked in alarm.  
She hit my arm HARD again. I instantly clutched it.  
“You let me take you on a double date and you were already seeing this guy weren’t you!!”  
“No.” I said rubbing my hand over my arm. When had her punch gotten so hard?  
I was sure I was going to have a small bruise later.  
“No? You’re lying.” she said calling me out.  
I sighed and faced her. Her eyes read the hell out of me.  
Why did I even think I could lie?  
“Fine it was. But we were fighting.”  
“And he was the one who called you that night?” she asked zeroing her eyes further.  
I smiled and nodded. “Guilty.”  
“I can’t believe you.” she said more to herself than to me. And then, she turned back to me. “What does he look like? Do you have a picture?”  
“No.” I said. “He doesn’t use Facebook or anything like that.”  
That got a look of disapproval. “He’s our age right? I mean, what boy our age doesn’t have a Facebook or some social media accounts?”  
“One who likes privacy.” I pointed out.  
“Or one that is a serial killer. Becca, who is this guy?”  
I ignored her and laughed again. “You haven’t even met him!”  
“Well I better soon if he’s got you dropping me off so you can see him.” she warned. She crossed her arms and pretended to be upset.  
I pouted my lips at her. “I love you.” I reminded her. “You’re my number one. Chicks over dicks right?”  
“Yeah, sure.” she said waving me away and turning the radio back up.  
I turned back to the road, still nursing my arm when she cut the music down again.  
“Have you slept with him yet?”  
“No.” I mumbled.  
She reached to hit my arm again, but this time I blocked her.  
“Don’t.” I warned quickly.  
“You have haven’t you? You’ve gave up the goods.” she said quickly hitting my stomach instead. “What happened to only sleeping with boyfriends from now on? You said you were done sleeping with random hookups.”  
“This isn’t one.” I said but then instantly regretted it.  
Actually this was, in a small…unclear way.  
Me and Harry were far from official, and there was no way he was looking for an actual relationship.  
What we had from the beginning was just fun, and this was just a small fling.  
It was silly to define it as something else.  
Right?  
“So he’s your boyfriend?” she asked.  
“He’s…I don’t know.” I said honestly. “I told you. We’re just hanging out.”  
“Well you’ve been getting your rocks off for months and didn’t even tell me that! I mean, are we even best friends still Becca? What else haven‘t you been telling me?”  
I rolled my eyes. “You’re being dramatic. It’s not serious. Its far from you and Bobby. I don’t even see him that much since his job has him traveling all the time.”  
“What does he do for work?”  
“Sales.” I said saying the first thing that came to mind.  
She turned from me and pouted. Then, turned the radio back up.  
“Well this is all bullshit.” she said but smiled. “I just hope he’s worth missing my precious time.” she teased and I smiled.  
It was nice to know I had her approval, despite my lie.  
“He is worth it.” I said.  
And Harry was.  
Really and truly.

Almost three hours later, thanks to traffic, and my need to quickly wash up at home, I pulled up in front of the Montage Hotel. It was about a half hour from the airport, so there was a lot of traffic.  
Located in Beverly Hills, I immediately noticed that this hotel was more upscale than most.  
As I climbed out, I grabbed my purse and phone and the valet took my keys.  
Harry had already given me his hotel room number and directions to get to him.  
The hotel was beautiful.  
Quite stunning actually.  
As I took in the hotel‘s Italian restaurant and spa, I texted Harry to let him know I was there.  
*K. Take the staircase and head to the Garden Terrace rooms*  
I followed his instructions, getting stopped a few times by staff willing to help me and continued to his room.  
When I finally made it to his floor, I knocked and took in his surroundings.  
_Oh to be rich and famous…_  
The door opened and then there stood my beautiful man. He was dressed casual in blue jeans and a light sweatshirt.  
We smiled back at each other before he took me in his arms.  
“How are you?” he asked as he enveloped me in a hug.  
“So good.” I said. His cologne smelled wonderful and I didn’t realize how much I had missed him until that moment.  
As we began to pull away, I tried to go for a quick kiss but he stopped me.  
“I’m sick.” he said and I noticed.  
His voice was thicker and he sounded slightly congested.  
“You should have told me,” I said as he shut the door behind us. “I would have brought you some soup.”  
“Oh I’ve had some.” he said, bringing his hands to hold mine.  
“Did you find it okay?”  
“I did.” I said and then looked around the room.  
It was even more beautiful inside.  
“Wow.” I said.  
He smiled and led me over to the couches in the room. We sat.  
“You’ve never seen this hotel before?”  
I shook my head no.  
“I love it though.” I said.  
“Yeah I stay at different ones sometimes.”  
Then his eyes studied me.  
“You look pretty.” he said softly.  
I melted.  
It was a habitual phrase he used when he saw me, and I was sure he had used it on many girls, but each time he said it, still held a small spell on me.  
“Thanks.” I said.  
It was still crazy to me that he even found me attractive.  
I settled back on the couch, pulling my feet partially up.  
“So when did you get sick?”  
He shrugged and rested his feet on the table. “I don’t know.” he said.  
“Has your mom being looking after you?”  
He smiled at the mention of her. “Yeah, she tries too.” he said. “I’m not very good at being taken care of though.”  
I smiled.  
“Are they staying here as well?”  
“No they’re at a rented villa. We’re all flying back to London in a few weeks so they‘re hanging out…. ”he said casually but the news instantly halted me.  
“Oh you’re going back to London soon?” I asked meekly.  
I was sure he could hear the disappointment in my voice.  
“I am.” he said. “The tour resumes next month in Europe so…I’m going a little early.”  
“Oh.” I said quietly and turned from him. I had completely forgotten about the tour. A part of me felt like he was in my situation- home for the summer. It saddened me to think that I was already losing him again.  
“I’m still going to see you.” he said reading my mind.  
I looked up at him. I crossed my legs.  
“You won’t probably.” I said but kept my tone even. I didn’t want to pressure him or let him know how much I enjoyed his company. It wasn’t fair to him.  
This was his career and I knew what I was signing up for, but it sucked.  
He sat up and reached for my hand. I took it, and he gently pulled me to him, pulling me on his lap.  
We faced each other and our eyes met.  
“How do you figure?” he asked softly as I rested on top of him.  
I placed my hands past his shoulders and cupped the back of the couch.  
“Well you have your tour and stuff.”  
“So?” he said. “There is a such thing as a plane ya know?”  
I smiled. “I have school.” I reminded him.  
“Not for a few months.” he reminded me back.  
His hands trailed my sides and ticked my skin. “There’s a lot of time before that.” he said quietly.  
“Oh you’ll be sick of me by then.”  
He smiled and his eyes shined. “Nah…not possible.” he whispered.  
I smiled back at him and wanted so badly to kiss him.  
I tried to lean again and he stopped me.  
“I don’t want to get you sick.” he warned gently.  
“I have a very good immune system.” I said. “I never get sick.”  
“Oh really?” he said in interest. His hands shifted under my shirt and I could feel him make circles with his fingers.  
“Really.” I said softly.  
We continued to look back at each other.  
His hotel room was quiet and by the position of his sheets, I could tell he had been doing a lot of sleeping or resting.  
“I kind of missed you.” I said suddenly.  
Normally I wouldn’t be so bold, but his eyes had their own private hold on me and it all just came out.  
“Oh yeah?” he asked. “You seemed rather anxious to leave me the other day.” he said smiling.  
I looked back at him in partial confusion.  
Had I?  
“Is that what you think?” I asked him. I moved my hands from the back of the couch and ran it through his loose hair. It was already longer from the time we had spent in Thailand and it rested comfortably on his shoulders. “ Because you’ve been awfully quiet the last few days…” I pointed out.  
He shook his head no. “I’ve just been busy with work.” he said softly. “I did miss you too though.”  
I grinned and leaned forward. “Don’t just say it because I said it.”  
He smiled. “I’m not.”  
I looked at his bright, plump pink lips and wanted to kiss them again. I wanted them to kiss me too-all over. I pulled away from him to clear my naughty thoughts.  
“So…” I said thinking of something to calm me down. “Have you been spending time with Joy?”  
“Who?” he asked evenly.   
“Your girlfriend.” I joked, but he didn’t crack a smile.  
He bit his lip and turned from me slightly. “Heard about that huh?”  
I nodded yes.  
Joy Muggli was a girl that Harry had been linked to only a few days earlier. Some apparent secret girlfriend he had been with for a few months.  
“It’s all over the papers.” I pointed out so he didn’t think I was stalking him in my spare time.  
“I’ve never even met her.” he said and I partially believed him. He had already had his rep deny the story. “She knows one of my bandmates.”  
“You didn’t believe it did you?” he asked seriously turning back to me. His brilliant green eyes stayed on mine and he stared intently.  
“No. It was too random.” I said honestly.  
“Good.” he said and then visibly relaxed. “Thanks for not calling me and screaming at me.”  
“Has that happened?” I asked.  
“Yes.” he said. “It’s tiring saying it’s not true all the time ya know?”  
I nodded.  
He removed his hands from under my shirt and placed them back on my hips.  
“I don’t even know where these stories come from.” And then he looked at me. “But thanks for trusting me. You don‘t know how much it means to me.”  
“Of course.”  
My eyes trailed from his eyes to his lips again. They were calling to me.  
“Becca,” he said using a hand to lift my chin. He grinned. “Stop doing that. You’ll get sick.”  
I smiled. He seemed genuinely concerned that he would make me ill and it was quite sweet-and honestly, made me want him even more.  
It had been over a week since I had felt him inside of me, and there was only so many times I could loop our sex-a-thon at his house in my mind. He was making me quite insatiable.  
“It’s hard though.” I pouted honestly, still studying his lips.  
He gave me a mischievous smile.  
“ _Not yet_.” he said and I giggled hitting his chest.  
“I can fix that.” I said and rolled my hips on him.  
He groaned. “Don’t do that.”  
“Why not?” I said continuing to grind my hips. He closed his eyes and put his head back on the couch, a small moan escaping his mouth.  
His hands remained on my hips but he didn’t stop me. I knew he liked it.  
I bent and kissed his neck. His skin was soft, but warm-like feverishly warm.  
I stopped my hips and pulled back.  
“Do you feel okay?” I asked him and he opened one eye. Then two. He smiled sheepishly at me.  
“No. Now I’m turned on.” he said.  
I ignored his boyish grin.  
“You’re warm.” I remarked. “Like you have a fever.”  
I was a bit concerned.  
“I’m fine.” he said softly. His hands traced my lips. “I want to kiss you though.”  
I smiled.  
“You have an incredible mouth.” he said.  
“And with it, I like to do incredible things...” I said looking down at the slight budge that now rested under me.  
He sucked in a breath and deeply sighed and I laughed.  
I knew what I was doing to him.  
“Okay get off of me.” he said playfully.  
“No.” I said wrapping myself around him even more. “I’m never getting up.”  
He smiled, gripping my hips with his large hands and before I could even process, he flipped us and he was on top of me.  
“What were you saying?” he teased looking down at me.  
“No fair. I’m like five feet smaller than you. You could probably toss me across this whole room.”  
“Nah… I’d only toss you on the bed.” he winked.  
“Are you going too?” I asked with excitement.  
He shook his head no, playing with me now.  
“I kind of like watching you suffer.”  
“The tables can turn.” I reminded him.  
“You would have to get up first.” he said. “Plus I don’t think you’d win.”  
“You’re wrong.” I said and I squirmed. I pushed and I shifted, but I was unable to lift him. He had complete control.   
“Punk…”I muttered and he leaned down and kissed my neck. His tongue swirled around after, creating a 'S' and I waited for him to take the full skin in his mouth and suck…but he didn’t do it.  
He was torturing me and showcasing he could win.  
I needed to get him off of me and gain control of the situation.  
“So I told Kelsey about you.” I said suddenly, and his mouth stopped. He brought his head up and looked at me.  
_It worked!_  
“You did?”  
His face was unreadable.  
I nodded. “Well not you, exactly…but yeah.”  
“Oh really?” he said moving his hands down to my stomach. “So you talk about me?”  
I smiled. “No. Obviously I just said I was talking about someone else. This British hunk named Henry.”  
“Henry…” he said moving his hands down…down… “I don’t know if I like that alias name.”  
“Well sorry. No take backs.”  
He smiled and hovered his hands over my thighs. They were soft.  
“What did you say?” he asked gently.  
“Small details.” I said. “Nothing major.”  
“No, what were your words?” he asked, stroking and tickling my skin. “What did you _exactly_ say?”  
His tone was rugged from his cold and turned me on even more.  
He moved his hands to hover over my sex as I looked back at him and swallowed.  
“Becca?” he called, suddenly cupping my most intimate area. His thumb rested comfortably over my clit and jeans. “Answer me.”  
I felt my body pulse and respond accordingly.  
“Uh…” I said trying to form a coherent thought. “I don’t remember.”  
He didn’t move his hand.  
“What did you call me?” he asked.  
I swallowed again. “Can you move your hand?” I asked. “It’s quite hard to think.”  
He smiled widely.  
His green eyes and his hands were going to unravel me very quickly and I had a feeling he knew this.  
He removed his hand, but didn’t make the situation any better. Suddenly his hands moved up and began unbuckling my pants.  
He kept his dimpled smile on me.  
“A friend?” he asked.  
“Um…”  
He unzipped my zipper.  
“A friend with benefit?” he said slowly after.  
“Uh…” I mumbled.  
He continued to look at me, and placed his hands in my panties.  
“Boyfriend?” he said and I smiled.  
I gave a slow sigh. This was not fair. He had completely changed the moment in a matter of minutes.  
“You’re sick.” I reminded him as his hands began to massage my clit. “You shouldn’t be touching me. You’ll get me sick.“  
My body was already responding to his touch and I wanted so badly to feel his finger inside of me.  
Hell, I wanted _him_ inside of me; filling and stretching.  
My legs automatically spread for him.  
“I’m not going to kiss you.” he said, completely amused by my arousal.  
“Bodily fluids are like kissing. You can still get me sick.” I pointed out and I was proud of myself. I was proud I was able to even get the sentence out, especially since he began to speed up his leisured pace.  
“I have a condom.” he said and slipped a finger down, until he placed it inside of me and curled it deep in a ‘come here’ motion.  
I whimpered. He was dangerously close to my G Spot.  
“Fuck.” I whispered under my breath.  
“What did you call me?” he asked again.  
“Um, I think I said…”  
He swirled his finger inside of me, making a full circle and began to gently probe back and forth.  
I automatically panted.  
“Yeah?” he encouraged.  
“We were dating?” I guessed.  
His hand stopped and his eyes met mine.  
_Uh-oh._  
“Are we dating?” he challenged.  
I bit my lip. I couldn’t tell if he was still his playful self from moments earlier or if he was suddenly pissed off.  
“We’re not defined.” I said. It was definitely the safe response.  
“But is that how you would define us?” He asked seriously. “ _Are we dating?”_ he demanded.  
“Why?” I asked him. My arousal was going away quickly now. It was getting replaced with concern and a slight bit of irritation.  
I guess being questioned twice in one day about our relationship status was getting to me. I didn’t even know why it suddenly mattered. I had just wanted to win the game and get back on top of him.  
“Because I’m curious.” he said. “I want to know what you think we are.”  
“We’re friends.”  
He leaned closer to me. “But are we dating?”  
His cologne continued to fill my nostrils and his beautiful face was only inches from mine.  
“I guess.” I said. “Maybe.”  
We were sleeping together and we spent time together, so…yeah….that was something.  
He was still far from being my boyfriend though.  
He suddenly broke into the biggest smile and kissed me- him being sick and all.  
I was totally confused.  
As he pulled away, my face must have showed my emotions.  
He chuckled.  
“Are you bipolar?” I asked half-joking and he laughed, shifting off of me.  
“No. You’re just very adorable. I just noticed your eyes get dilated when you‘re nervous. It’s quite cute.” He said and gave me his hand. He lifted me from my previous spot so we were sitting up facing each other. My skin was flushed and showcased my previous high.  
“I wasn’t.” I said quickly. “But you just totally teased me.” I said, zipping my pants back up. He had flipped it and made me all hot and bothered.  
He grinned widely. His dimples wide and inviting.  
“Shouldn’t have said I was wrong.”  
I scoffed pretending to be upset and he reached for me. I pulled away and he reached for me again. Once more I moved away and he pulled my leg, shifting my position on the couch once again. He immediately tackled me.  
For the next few minutes, we wrestled, stealing small kisses on skin and blowing the occasional raspberry; both of us smiling and loving our new game.  
We laughed and played, completely settled into our time together.  
Eventually we made our way over to the bed still tussling and joking and he wrapped me in his arms as he laid behind me.  
We didn’t turn on the TV just enjoying being together and talking.  
He caressed my skin-and noted my bruise that was growing!- while kissing my neck until we both fell asleep.

Time quickly passed around us.

When we awoke, it was nine in the evening and clear that we would both be up for the rest of the night.  
Harry ordered us some room service and we settled in the bed watching TV. The subject of sex came up a few times but we kept it pretty tame and I respected that he was sick.  
The next morning, after staying up well past two in the morning, we got up early and had breakfast together.  
“I have to be at work by eleven.” I told him.  
“That’s fine. I’m checking out by noon.” he said.  
He made a few phone calls and had his assistant bring him a carry-on bag of things and one of his cars.  
“I’m going to be on James Corden tonight.” he explained.  
“Oh. I‘ve never seen it.” I said honestly. I was familiar with him, but I was always sleep, not home, or just doing other things when his show came on.  
“Are you spending the night?” he asked, as he moved around the room, going through his things.  
“Spending the night where?” I asked in confusion. I was sitting cross legged on his bed watching him.  
“With me.”  
He said it so casually like it was our daily routine.  
“I guess I can.” I said.  
“Okay.” he said. He pulled his hair up and I studied his Harley Davidson graphic tee that had been hidden under his sweater the night before. For a second, I was paused studying his body and the slight skin that showed as his arms were lifted.  
Gosh he was sexy…and he didn‘t even realize it.  
I sighed in disappointment that I would not be getting to feel that skin against mine any time soon- at least until he was well.  
I turned away and looked at the clock behind me.  
8:36am.  
I stood.  
“I need to go hun.” I said.  
I needed to go home and change, and with traffic, I was already going to be pushing it.  
“Okay.” he said and came to me. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead and pulled me in his arms.  
“I’ll text you when I can today.” he said.  
I nodded in agreement and grabbed my things.  
“See you tonight.” he said warmly.  
“See you.”  
I opened the door and gave him a final wave.  
I headed downstairs, and waited for my car to be pulled around.  
My thoughts were still with Harry as I waited.  
I already missed him.

That was not a good sign.

As my three year old Prius was pulled up, I took the keys, tipped the valet and climbed in.  
Now that I was alone, I could smell his cologne on me. There was a slight, very small pink bruise on my neck from where he teased my skin the night before, and my hair was pulled up by one of his hair ties.

He lingered.

I was now alone with only my CD‘s, and thoughts, but he was there, completely wrapped in every inch of that car.  
His smile danced on my mind, while his voice played through my speakers.  
Promised words of Last First Kisses and the joys of loving at Eighteen carried me home.

He still lingered.

As I quickly changed at home, throwing on my barista uniform and texting my sister about her schedule for the day, pictures of him popped up on my social media account.  
By now I was aware he had left the hotel, and he was somewhere probably in star mode.  
Nonetheless, I studied the picture like I hadn’t even seen him a few hours earlier. I was completely wrapped in his charm--and what I was sure was a curse- even still.  
Yes he was lingering, and I wasn’t sure I knew how to stop it.  
Or if I even wanted too…  
And that was a problem.


	35. Chapter 35

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

HARRY

Then.

 

My throat burned as I took another sip of tea.

I winced and waited for the warm liquid to soothe my throat.

"You gonna make it?"

I turned to Liam, the voice behind the question. He was sitting beside me.

Smiling, he patted my back and I coughed.

"Yeah." I said hoarse.

My voice had grown weaker in the last few hours despite me spending most of my day resting.

I hated being sick. Genuinely hated it, and I wasn't even sure where this cold was coming from; though my immune system hadn't always been the greatest. 

I took another sip of my warm tea and reached for my phone.

I had to commit to an hour and a half of being here than I could leave.

Taping for the James Corden show started at three and it was now 2:30pm. I had already been here an hour, mixing with the staff and getting instructions from our management team. Now, I was just waiting to get the whole thing over with.

James was a good friend and had already warned us on some of the questions he would be asking, so we had already went the routine script of what to (and not to) say.

It had almost been five years, yet our management team still treated us like we were seventeen at times.

Little did they know, I had enjoyed dinner with James and his wife a few nights before, and we had caught up then, so I wasn't planning on speaking much in today's show either way.

My cold had gotten worse since the previous day and now my throat was even more raspy and I was sure the fans didn't want to hear the congested mess that was coming from my nose and filtering through my voice.

It didn't seem Liam wanted to hear it either.

"You should take some cough drops." Liam suggested beside me, checking on me as usual. "You sound kind of rough."

"No I'm fine." I said, finishing up my tea. "This'll work in a few minutes."

He grew silent as I scrolled through my messages, and quickly sent Becca a text.

*What are you doing?*

I was anxious to get home and meet her and then spend the rest of my night relaxing. I could picture a bed and my TV in the foreseeable future thanks to a lack of sleep, and my cold.

My thoughts moved to the previous night. Last night me and Becca had been up late, pigging out, talking and just enjoying each others company. We hadn't had sex, but there was intimacy in the way she fell asleep in my arms and rested on my chest. Long after I heard her soft breaths signaling she was asleep, I stayed awake, kissing her head and watching the TV in the hotel.

I smiled to myself now as I remembered the small drool she left perfectly perched between my sparrow tattoos.

I glanced at my phone again.

She didn't text back right away so I figured she was still working. I scrolled through my phone texting other friends while I waited for her response. I was a little worried about tonight and possibly getting her sick from our repeated contact, but to be truthful, I was being selfish.

I liked her company and didn't want to be alone- plus, I only had two more weeks in Los Angeles and was planning on spending as much as I could with her.

I didn't know what the future held for our friendship, but in my past experience, it was about to get really rough, really fast.

I wanted to enjoy it while it lasted.

I settled back in my seat, closed my eyes and prayed that the cold medicine I had taken an hour ago would finally kick in. Ten minutes later, my name was called along with the other guys and we were being called to the stage.

As we sat through the interview, I let the boys take over, only commenting when asked a specific question or when something was especially funny. James was always a good time so it did go quickly but my mind was venturing elsewhere.

When the interview ended, I checked my phone and saw that Becca had texted me back.

*Staying busy. We have a big crowd today for some reason. How did the taping go?*

*Good. I'm heading back to my house now. Are you still meeting me?*

She texted back seconds later.

*I am. I work until seven tonight, but I'll sneak out to you after.*

*Sounds good. Has any of your family even noticed you've been gone? lol*

*Yes but they don't care. I'm quite responsible you know. :p*

I smiled as I sent the next text, picturing the smile that was probably highlighting her face.

*You're quite a lot of things* I teased back. *And I can't wait to see you*

She sent me a kissy face emoji and for a second I was reminded of Nadine.

We hadn't spoken in two months and if I'm too be honest, I didn't really think about her anymore. Since Becca had found her way into my life she had become the priority and every other girl I was interested in had taken a backseat.

I sent her a smiley face back and wrapped up the conversation promising to see her soon.

I drank some more tea, changed clothes into what I had on earlier, bid farewell to the guys and then hoped back in my Range Rover.

I decided to head to Jeff's job to kill some time. He was a little far from the taping studio but in the general direction I needed to be in.

As I parked and made the familiar trek to his office, I found him huddled behind his desk. He was on his phone finishing up a conversation.

Waving me in, I took a seat and laid my head back on the chair, closing my eyes once again.

The cold medicine was kicking in and helping with my symptoms, but I needed a bed and _soon._

"What's up Hersh?" He asked as he hung up the phone.

"Nothing." I mumbled. I crossed my hands and sat them in my lap. I didn't glance his way yet.

He chuckled. "You alright?"

"I'm tired." I said honestly. I opened my eyes slowly and faced him.

"Me too." He said. "This whole day has dragged."

I nodded in agreement.

"How was the taping?" he asked.

"It was alright. Quick."

I fiddled with my fingers and sniffled.

"Where have you been all day?" he asked. He got up from his seat and moved around. "Your house?"

"No. With Becca at the hotel."

He turned to me in curiosity. "Oh...again huh?"

I looked up at him.

"I didn't know you were still staying there."

"Just last night."

"With Becca?"

I grinned. "Obviously."

"You guys are spending a lot of time together aren't you?"

I shook my head no in disagreement. I felt like I barely saw her.

"What are you going to do when the tour starts back up? Still going to hang out?"

I leaned forward and ran a hand through my hair. "I don't know. Maybe. I might fly her out or something. I haven't really thought about it."

"Well would you want to see her?"

"Yeah, for sure. I mean, she's fun."

"What about when we go to London? Are you going to have her come out then?"

"I don't know," and then I smiled. "Why are you asking me so many questions?"

He laughed, throwing his hands up.

"I'm done. I'm just curious."

"Why?" I asked. It wasn't like him to usually care. When I had been dating Nadine, he barely brought her up and when she was around, he was cordial, but mostly uninterested. Since he had met Becca, he had been almost overtly curious about her.

"She just seems... I don't know. There's something about her." He said gently.

He had my full attention. That phrase could go two ways. He could either really hate her, or he could really like her. Both made me uncomfortable.

"What do you mean?" I asked quickly.

"I don't know yet. And I can't decide if I have a really good feeling about her or a really bad one?"

I knew what he meant. There was a pull to her that I was starting to feel, but I still wanted everything to remain casual. She was a good time but in the back of my mind- in a part I was constantly pushing away-something pegged she could be trouble.

I didn't want to admit that yet, so I cleared my throat.

It felt heavy and coated with phlegm.

"I need some tea." I declared. "Do you have some downstairs?"

"Yeah." he said. "I need some coffee myself."

I stood.

"Cool."

I felt my phone buzz.

Pulling it from my pocket, I smiled as Becca sent me a picture message. It was a meme, making fun of my cold.

I started to text her back when Jeff spoke.

"Hey what are you getting ready to do?"

I looked up. "What do you mean?"

"Feel like running somewhere?"

"After I get my tea." I said wryly.

"Let's go to The Art. It's ten minutes away."

A slow smile came across my face; that was Becca's parents coffee shop-and also where she would be right now.

"What?" Jeff asked, reading my face.

"Becca's there." I said.

He smiled back, already knowing my answer.

"Let me get my phone." He said.

I nodded okay.

I looked down at my phone.

I decided against texting her back and would just wait until I saw her to answer.

We talked about minuscule things and possible plans for the weekend. If I wasn't with Becca, we would probably go golfing. My scheduled appearance at the Billboard Music Awards was in a few days and then after, a short break before I headed to London.

When we arrived at the The Art Cafe, I immediately looked for paps. We had been photographed in this area a couple of times, and I didn't feel like the hassle today.

"Fix your hair." Jeff said as we climbed out of his car.

"What?" I asked looking for the pap he must have seen.

"Check your hair." He said and smiled. "For Becca."

I smiled and flicked him off.

We shared a laugh as we entered the cafe.

Immediately my eyes were on the hunt for Becca.

I scanned the decorum; the pictures on the wall, the rich brown counters, the bright white lettering that outlined the menu on a black board ahead of us, but I didn't see her.

It seemed Jeff was looking for her too.

"Is she here?" he asked.

"I don't know. Let's get the drinks." I said.

By now my throat was dryer (if possible) and though I wanted to see Becca, I needed replenishment.

We approached the counter where a young bubbly brunette stared back at us.

Her eyes immediately let me know she recognized me, but that wasn't what kept my attention-it was the eyes; they were familiar.

It was only once that I had seen her, but I was pretty sure it was Becca's sister.

Jeff began to order his usual coffee, while I looked above her and looked at the menu.

I scanned my eyes over the hot tea options: Cinnamon Spice, Citron Green, Mint Verbana, Earl-

"And for you?"

I brought my eyes back to mini Becca and smiled.

Taylor. I think that was her name.

I looked back at the menu.

"Uh can I get a large Mint tea and-" I paused as if I had a sixth sense and brought my eyes back down. At that exact moment, Becca came out the back.

She didn't see us.

She was completely focused and no nonsense as she breezed past us and to one of the machines. I shifted a bit so that I could see her clearer as she partially disappeared behind the space like machines they had. I couldn't exactly see what she was doing, but she appeared to be mixing something further down the counter.

Her hair was pulled into a high ponytail and I could see the edges of a white shirt underneath her black apron. Her ponytail swayed as she moved around and mouthed the words to a LeeAnn Rhimes song that was playing.

I felt myself smile.

So quiet but so bold.

So plain yet so beautiful.

"Harry?" I heard Jeff call beside me and I was brought back to the moment.

I looked back at Taylor who was still waiting on me to finish my sentence. Luckily nobody was waiting behind us.

"Um..." I tried to remember what I was about to order. "Just a water." I said finally since the thought was lost.

"And the tea?"

"Yeah. The mint tea and a water." I confirmed.

I turned back to study Becca, but now her eyes were on me.

Maybe she heard my voice.

Her hazel eyes were alight with confusion.

I smiled at her and she smiled at me, but she didn't move.

Her sister fumbled a bit in front of me, but I kept my attention mainly on Becca. After we paid, we moved down the counter and that was when Becca came over.

"I got it!" Becca called out in reference to our order and I hovered near her by the counter.

As she began Jeff's drink she smiled at me.

"What are you doing here?" she asked gently.

"I wanted some tea." I said simply. "And Jeff wanted some coffee."

"Oh really? And there's no other places in the area?" she teased; her smile wide enough that I could see the faint traces of her dimples.

"You act like you're not glad to see me?" I joked.

She smiled. "No, no... thanks for thinking of us." she said lightheartedly. "We appreciate the business."

I smirked. She reminded me of her mum from months earlier.

"So how is your day going?"

"Good. Better now." she said. "I've needed some eye candy around here."

"Eye candy huh?" I asked. "Aren't you suppose to be focusing on your...ya know...work?"

She shrugged in surrender. "I can't help it if I have handsome customers."

I smiled and turned to Jeff who was further down the counter. He was giving us our privacy, but I knew I needed to wrap the conversation up.

"So... You're off at seven right?" I asked bringing my eyes back to Becca.

She nodded.

"Can I pick you up later, instead of you meeting me?"

"From here?" she asked in confusion.

I nodded. "You can leave your car overnight right? There's a private lot?"

She leaned forward and lowered her voice.

"What's wrong with me meeting you?"

"I want to come get you." I offered. "I don't feel like waiting for you. I already miss you too much." I flirted.

She smiled.

"Um..." she paused looking around. She lifted the drink for Jeff and gestured for him to get it.

"Thanks." he said as he came over and nodded his drink at her.

"You're welcome _Sir_." she emphasized. Then she went back to work. She began to prepare my tea.

"So?" I asked since she hadn't answered my question.

"That's fine." she said. "But I don't have any extra clothes. I won't have anything to sleep in."

"That definitely won't be a problem." I said and she giggled. I was already imagining her nude in one of my shirts.

Her sister came over suddenly and Becca immediatly tensed.

"Need help?" Taylor asked her sister.

Becca took her eyes off of me and turned to her younger twin.

"Nope." She said. "It's all yours."

She gestured to the machines and seemed to move out of the way.

I was confused when Becca's eyes met mine.

"Well it was nice to meet you." she said quickly to me.

"You too...I guess?" I said with slight hesitation. I didn't get why she was suddenly running away—plus, I still didn't get my answer about picking her up.

I tried to gesture with my eyes for an answer, but Becca wouldn't face me.

"Can you finish it?" she asked her sister.

"Sure thing." Taylor said warmly, keeping her eye on me.

I acknowledged her through a quick facial expression, but her sister was who had my attention.

What was wrong suddenly?

Why was she pushing me off on her sister?

Becca moved away from us and my tea as her sister bent to finish the drink, but not before mouthing some words to me.

"I'll text you." she said so quickly that if I would have blinked, I would have missed it.

Then she was gone, disappearing in the back once more.

I turned to Jeff, still in confusion about what had just happened and he turned from me.

_Don't ask me Bro._

Becca Jr. gave me my tea, a playful wink and then we left.

"What was that?" I asked Jeff as we climbed back into his car. "Did you see how Becca acted?"

He just shrugged. "She's your girlfriend. How would I know?"

I almost corrected him but didn't. I took a sip  of my tea and shrugged it off.

Becca was something to me, but I just didn't know what yet.

Or, what I exactly wanted her to be.

*************************************

At 6:54pm, I pulled up in front of The Art Cafe. I was still in my clothes from earlier and feeling much better. For the last few hours, I had stayed with Jeff, riding as he completed various errands.

I sent Becca a quick text to let her know I was outside and she texted back to let me know it would be a few minutes.

Her sister had already left at five, and her mother wasn't working so I wasn't worried about any of her family seeing me.

As I waited, I sent a few texts to friends and to my assistant.

Then I got a text from my friend Grace, inviting me to dinner.

I called her back. After small talk, I explained I couldn't come.

"I'm with someone, I can't."

"You already promised earlier this week. You're coming." She said stubbornly.

She spouted off the address, which was surprisingly about twenty minutes from us.

"I hear you," I told her. "But I can't. I'm with my friend and I made plans with her."

"Well if its dinner plans just bring her along. Just show your face for a half hour then you can go. I leave town in two days Harry and you promised you would stop by this time around."

I sighed playfully. We had been friends for a while, and I hadn't seen her in a couple of months due to our schedules. I had been pushing her off and I knew over the next few days I would be too busy to see her.

"I'll see you next time-" I started again. 

She immediately cut me off, laying on the guilt trip. 

"You owe me." she explained. "Do I need to list how?"

Rolling my eyes, I caved.

"Fine. We'll stop by." I said. "But _only_ if she says its alright."

"She will. Whoever she is." she said.

"I'll call you back." I said as I saw Becca heading towards me.

I disconnected the call as Becca climbed in.

"Hey you." She said with a warm smile. Her apron from earlier was now off and she replaced it with a jacket.

"Hey." I said starting my car.

"Sorry for the wait. I had to close down one of the registers."

"No worries." I said and turned to her. "Are you hungry?"

"Actually yeah. I've been nibbling on muffins all day. What are you thinking?"

"Well, a friend of mine actually invited us to dinner. They're like twenty minutes away if you want to go." I said. "It's an Italian place."

"A friend?" she asked turning to me, as if that was the only word she caught.

"Yeah her name is Grace. I kind of promised her a few days ago that I would meet her before I leave town...Would that be okay?" I asked hesitantly. I was sure she would prefer one on one time.

"Um.." she said turning from me.

"I know you probably want to be alone, and we will be," I said quickly. "It's just I told her I would and-"

"You know what I'm learning about you Harry?" she asked cutting me off. Her voice was soft.

"What?" I asked.

"You're a people pleaser."

"I'm a what?"

"A people pleaser." she said facing me again. 

I turned from her. I didn't know if that was an insult or a compliment.

"But that's okay." she continued. "We can go. I'm hungry. Besides, I really like your friends Jeff and Glenne and if she is like them then, more the merrier."

"Well she's a little different." I said honestly. "She's very nice though. She's the lead singer of The Pink Slips."

"Never heard of them." she said.

"You'll like her." I reassured.

I drove the short distance to the restaurant and we discussed her day more in depth.

"How's your cold? You feeling alright?" she asked.

"I'm feeling great actually." I said. "A couple of hours ago I really wanted my bed, but now...I'm quite okay." I said facing her.

"Damn. So I missed the train?" she teased.

I smiled.

"Well I mean I was planning on getting you into my bed a little bit later if that excites you."

"That does excite me." she said grinning. "That sounds like where I should be."

I chuckled and she just smiled.

I pulled up to the restaurant and we both got out.

I gave my keys to the valet.

"Do you think when we're ready to leave, you could maybe pull it in the back and we could meet you there?" I asked the gentleman who took my keys.

"Of course."

"Thanks mate." I said as Becca met me. "Ready?" I asked her.

She nodded and I led her in the restaurant. I had already texted Grace to let her know we were coming, so she met us midway.

I quickly did introductions and then she led us over to the table.

From there, there were more introductions and Becca took a seat beside me. We settled in quickly after Becca ordered an appetizer (that we shared). We remained polite during the dinner, but with the looks Becca was giving me, I was aware she would rather be somewhere alone with me.

So within the hour, we were leaving.

The valet pulled my car around to the back, but it didn't help what I already predicted would happen.

Since we were at a popular restaurant in the Glen Centre, some fans met me around the back.

Becca must have remembered my instructions in Thailand, because she went right to the car, not stopping and climbed in.

I posed with a few fans, hugged them and apologized if I got anyone sick from our close contact.

The fans were very sweet and after I bid everyone goodnight, I climbed in my car.

"Thank you." I said as I pulled out of the narrow alleyway.

"For what?"

"Remembering what to do. You just moved out of the way and got in the car, that was great." I said honestly.

"Do you think any of the girls got my picture?"

"No." I said honestly. "But I wouldn't be surprised if its on Twitter that I was with a girl."

"Like what? 'Harry was with a girl tonight. They went to dinner. Sound the alarms.'" she said, mimicking a news article. 

"Yeah, exactly like that."

She smiled. "So you're a creeper?"

"What do you mean?"

"When fans meet you...you read what they say don't you?"

"No...well...maybe...maybe sometimes." I said with a mischievous smile.

She turned away from me and dug through her purse. 

"Well either way that's not so bad. I could be an assistant or something right? If it comes down to it?"

"You'd be a very hot assistant. We'd never get any work done." I pointed out. "But yeah, you could."

We took the forty five minute drive to my house. When we entered, I led her straight to my bedroom, and after the removal of clothes, and exchanging of my t-shirt, we climbed in the bed, and I settled into her.

Resting my head on her chest, I wrapped my arm around her body and closed my eyes.

My TV was on, but I don't think either of us were seriously watching or listening to it.

"This is all I've wanted all day." I said.

"To be on top of me?" she joked.

"Yeah of course." I said with a grin. I inhaled her Vanilla perfume and gathered some of her soft hair in between my fingers.

She ran her hands through my curls and I gently kissed her skin.

"You're softer than a pillow ya know?" I mumbled into her neck.

I felt the curve of her mouth pull into a smile.

"Your hair is so soft." she said. "It's like perfection. What godly products do you use?"

I lifted my head and faced her.

I didn't answer her question. I was paused by our eyes locking. 

I trailed my hands along the lines of her face studying her. I was growing quite fond of the wide eyes, slender nose and full pink lips. I couldn't imagine any guy getting tired of ever looking at her. I sure wasn't.

"I love your eyes." I said as I peered in them.

They were entrancing up close and held so much warmth. The unique swirl of brown and green was a perfect contrast to the rest of her oval face. 

"I love your green eyes." she said back with a light smile.

I leaned towards her for a quick kiss, and she met me.

As our lips touched, I knew immediately it was going to be hard to pull away.

I really didn't want to get Becca sick, but it seemed she didn't too much care.

She placed her hand on the back of my head, and let her tongue enter my mouth. I kissed back, teasing her mouth with my own.

"Those lips are so amazing." she said as our kiss broke.

I bent and trailed soft kisses on her neck.

I was pretty much naked in just my boxers and she was wearing one of my oversized t-shirts and her underwear.

I let my hands trail up her body until I removed the shirt off of her.

"Well that didn't last long." she joked.

I silenced her by leaning and kissing her again and she moaned against my mouth.

"Do you have a condom?" she asked a second later.

"Yeah." I mumbled against her collarbone, gently moving my mouth on her skin.

"Can you get it?"

"I'm sick." I reminded her. 

"I don't care." she said. "Go get it." 

Her tone was playfully demanding and I looked back at her in amusement. 

I smiled. "Jeez, so anxious."

"I've missed you. I need you inside of me."

Her voice was now filled with lust. I didn't face her.

Instead I moved my hands down and rested them above her panties. They were already soaked. She wasn't lying.

Remaining silent, I cupped her panties in my hand and pulled them down her legs.

Then, I lifted off the bed to grab a condom.

As I pulled it out of the mantle and adjusted it on myself, she watched me.

"You're staring." I remarked as I rolled the condom on me completely.

She sat up on her elbows.

Our eyes met.

"I'm staring _and_ drooling actually." She said with a girlish smile.

I smiled and looked at her chest. The angle of the way she was sitting making her breasts in her bra look amazing.

I went over to her and climbed on top, but she put her hands on me, stopping me.

"No." she said softly. "I want to be on top tonight."

I didn't protest and smiled as she gently pushed me down and climbed on top of me.

My hands found their way to her bra, releasing her breasts. I threw it somewhere to the side. Then my hands found her hips and I looked up at her.

 "Beautiful." I said gently. 

She smiled and placed me inside of her.

We both gave a sigh of relief as she lowered herself on me.

Her hands found mine on her hips and she removed them, pushing them above my head.

She leaned down giving me a soft kiss.

"Try not to touch me." she said. "Just lay back and enjoy it."

I didn't know immediately what she meant, but she began to roll her hips slowly on me.

I laid my head back on the pillow and enjoyed her movements.

She moved very slow and sensually, rolling and rocking her hips in different positions.

"That feels so good." I said honestly, realizing at that moment how much I had missed being inside of her too.

"Yeah?" she asked breathlessly. She still had my hands above my head and our fingers were interlaced.

On instinct I wanted to move my hands to her hips, but she wanted control, and I was succumbing.

She knew what she was doing.

She would speed up enough to build my orgasm, but then slow down to delay it.

She was extremely wet and tight, and I knew even with the slow movement of her rhythms, I was going to come quickly. I shut my eyes, and pushed my head into the pillow.

I bit my lip, fighting an internal battle with my body to hold on.

I wanted to last for her, but she was making it extremely hard- pun intended.

"Damn it  Bec." I panted, feeling the familiar rise in my body.

She whimpered on top of me, feeling her own source of pleasure.

Soon, she was letting my hands go, and bringing them down to rest on my chest.

She was such a beautiful sight. Her eyes closed, and her face scrunched in ecstasy; all because of me.

"I'm close." I said watching her.

Her hips finally began to speed up and she bounced up and down on me bringing us both to our own little climax.

"Fuck Harry." she groaned, throwing her head down in defeat so all of her hair fell on my chest.

It was a slight tickle against my skin as she continued to rock and enough to bring me over the edge.

Finally, I gripped her, bucking my hips and matching her actions until we came together.

We both said each others name until she collapsed on top of me completely. One hand moved to the back of her head and the other continued to rest on her hip.

As we caught our breaths, she mumbled, "What are you doing to me..."

I smiled and ran my hands through her hair, lifting her to meet my eyes.

"Same." I said as our eyes locked and she gave me a wide smile.

She kissed my nose, and then unhooked her legs from around me, falling beside me.

Removing and tying the filled condom, I tossed it, then immediately resumed my previous spot and laid on her chest. I rested my head in the curve of her neck.

I could still hear her heart beating rapidly but it was soothing to me.

It was apart of the soundtrack we had made together.

Her hand rested on my back and the other traced my arm.

There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes, as we fell from our bliss.

Then in the softest and sweetest tone, she spoke.

"You still didn't give me the stories."

My eyes found my arm that she was tracing with her short and pink manicured nails.

"You want them now?" I asked.

"Sure."

"Pick one." I said nodding towards my arm that was still draped around her and covered in ink.

"What was your first one?"

I lifted my arm and showed her my five point star.

"This one." I said. "Though I didn't get it filled in until later."

"And what does it mean?" she asked.

"I got it for the boys." I said. "Five points. Five boys."

I sat up and completely faced her.

Her eyes trailed me. "So many...I don't know where to start."

I just smiled.

She started at my left collarbone. "I'll go in order of appearance."

"Whatever you want love."

"This G." Her hands flicked the top left of my shoulder.

"Gemma. My sister."

"1957."

"One of my parent's birthday,"

I brought my hand up.

"And this is the other."

I pointed to the other side of my chest.

"Aww family man."

"Always." I said with a smile.

She trailed two hands over my sparrows.

"These."

"I don't really remember when I got them. I had a different tattoo and I wanted to cover it, and they seemed cool."

"I love them."

She sat up, pulling the sheet up to cover herself in the process. She looked down at my butterfly tattoo, but I looked down at her and the sheet she had just covered herself with.

I pulled it from her and her eyes met mine. She immediately moved to pull the sheet back up. 

"Don't. I want to see you."

"You've seen me."

She smiled and brought the sheet back up, clutching tighter.

"No." I said bringing it back down. "Don't Becca. You're too beautiful to cover up."

"You're supposed to think I'm beautiful. You just had sex with me. Your opinion is a little biased."

I smiled.

"Believe me, I'm not the only one who sees your beauty. I'm still trying to understand how it's in my bed right now."

She blushed. 

"Seriously though," I said continuing. "I want you to be comfortable with me."

"I am." she said. 

I looked down at the clutched sheet. 

"You sure about that?" I asked. 

She cut me a look and sighed. 

Slowly she dropped the sheet, exposing herself again. 

"Only because I like you." she mumbled.

I trailed my finger over one of her raised nipples and smiled. "Thank you."

I looked back at her and her smooth unmarked skin; her curves perfect.

"Would you ever get a tattoo?"

"Probably not."

"You don't like them?" I asked.

"No I just don't love anything enough to have it permanently on my skin...but I mean...who knows the future."

I brought my finger down that was trailing on her skin and circled her belly button.

"If you do, get it right here." I said tapping her hip.

She giggled. "Why?"

"It'll be sexy."

"Right on my hip huh?"

"Yeah. There's an advantage to a spot like that too. It'll be like a hidden spot, that only you know about. Or someone like me." I said honestly. "Like a little secret between two." I said. 

"Hm...well...deal. If I ever get a tattoo, I will get it right there...on this hip." She said tapping the previous spot.

"And I'll be the first one you show it too right?"

She smiled. "Well I don't know. My future husband might not like that too much."

"Hey.." I drawled, wrapping my arms around her and laying on top of her again "Don't talk about another guy." I teased. "You're with me now."

She smiled. "Am I?"

I didn't answer verbally and kissed her. A slow, soft kiss. 

Once more her hands went to my hair and I wrapped myself around her.

I was in complete bliss. 


	36. Chapter 36

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

BECCA

Then.

 

He talked in his sleep.

Very quietly and jumbled.

Long after we had sex a second time and fell asleep, he remained on top of me.

He was heavy but I couldn't imagine him being anywhere else.

Between his light grumbles, light snore, and amazing scent and warmth, I didn't want him to ever move. Every now and then, he would shift or turn his head, but he didn't remove his arm from around my body.

I lied awake, long after he slept, just tracing his skin and watching the infomercials that played on the TV in front of us.

I could see the world waking around us and the moment the night turned to light, but I didn't close my eyes.

I just wanted to imprint the moment.

My thoughts kept running the same loop; he was going back to London.

Back to his other life and this was all ending soon.

I could feel it.

How many days did I have with him?

He hadn't really specified the day he would be leaving, but I knew his tour resumed early the next month so it was soon.

I had two weeks at most and even that was pushing it.

I liked him.Really.

Really, really liked him.

I liked him more than I had ever liked another guy.

Maybe I was even falling in love.

Well no... 

That would be too much. And I didn't want to think about any of that yet. 

As the infomercials turned back to standard TV and a sitcom began, my phone began to buzz on the mantle. By now it was 6am. 

Removing one hand from under Harry, I reached for my phone.

The percentage was low and it would be dying soon.

It dawned on me that I needed to start carrying my charger if I was going to keep spending the night with Harry.

I typed in my password, thankful my keys were on silent, and brought the phone above Harry's head.

There was a new text from my Mother.

*Where are you?*

*Friend's house* I texted back, careful not to move too much for Harry to awake.

*Which friend?*

I stalled.

She didn't know everyone I hung out with, but my mother knew me well. I wasn't the sleepover at random friends type. If it wasn't Kelsey or the other girls I grew up with, then something would be up.

*Janine* I said finally. We had attended high school together, and though we didn't spend that much time together because of our schedules, it would be believable.

*When will you be home?*

I didn't know. I had to work at 3pm, and had been planning on spending the majority of my day with Harry.

*Do you need me home?* I asked instead.

*Yes. Be here by 9. I need your help with something*

I rolled my eyes. Why was she doing this to me?

*Is it with the store? Because I'm working later and I can do it then.*

*No.* she said and then, *9. No later.*

*Fine. Phone dying. I'll be there.*

I didn't wait for her to respond before turning my phone completely off.

I tossed it on the mantle in frustration.

Harry shifted a bit, but didn't wake up.

It was always me.

I was always the one she recruited for special projects.

God forbid she ever bother Taylor who never did anything but sit in her room and text, or lie on the couch pigging out watching shows.

God forbid the precious favorite be interrupted from her life of doing nothing. 

I rolled my eyes. I hated being the oldest. 

I rested my head back on my pillow and closed my eyes. My eyes were a bit heavy and I knew I would be exhausted by the afternoon but it was still worth it.

I gave Harry a gentle kiss on his head and relaxed. Shutting my eyes for a few minutes wouldn't be so bad.

When I opened them again, it was only because I felt Harry move away from me.

The heat from his body left me and the cold draft hit my nude body.

My eyes met his instantly. He was looking down at me and grinning boyishly.

"I'm sorry." he said. His voice was extra deep and rugged from his sleep and cold.

"It's okay." I mumbled.

"Good Morning." he said, leaning and giving me a quick kiss on my lips before turning and flipping his legs over the bed.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

I watched as he bent down to grab his boxers and I shifted, turning to look at the clock. It was 8:02am.

Shit. I guess I had fallen back asleep for two hours. 

I sat up instantly.

"Harry I have to go!" I said quickly.

"Huh?" he said turning to me in confusion.

I hopped up, jumping out of the bed on the other side. I grabbed my underwear and threw them on quickly.

"I have to go." I repeated, as I picked up my bra next.

"Go where?" he asked pulling up his own boxer briefs.

"My mom said I have to be home by nine."

He looked past me and looked at the clock.

"You're not going to make it." he said lightly.

"I know." I said. "Shit!"

I reached for my shirt and jeans, quickly shimming them on.

"Why? What's going on at nine?" he asked.

"I don't know. She texted me early this morning saying she needed me for something."

Placing a hand in his hair, he looked around his room.

I could tell he was thinking of a solution.

"Well..." he said. "You didn't drive here. I still need to take you to your car." he quickly reminded. 

I had forgotten about that. That would delay me even more.

"Can you text her?" he asked. "I can try to get you to your car by 9:15...the latest? I know some backroads."

"I'm going to have too."

"Kay." he said and moved towards his bathroom, mimicking my rushed actions.

I felt immediately bad.

"Harry?" I called and he turned.

"I'm sorry." I said.

His expression told me he was still waking up, but he gave me a sheepish smile.

"I'll be less than five minutes." he said going into his bathroom.

I picked up my phone, turning it on, and saw I was at 7%. My phone would be dying very quickly.

I went to my mom's contact and sent her a quick text.

*Mom, running behind with traffic. Be there as soon as I can*

Once more I didn't wait for her reply and turned my phone back off.

Harry came out of the bathroom seconds later and headed for his dresser. His toothbrush hung out of his mouth and he had already pulled his hair up.

He looked deliciously handsome in the morning.

I inwardly cursed my mom for not letting me get one more time to touch that. I was sure she had delayed some more mind blowing sex.

I sighed in frustration.

"Can I use a towel?" I asked him as he pulled a shirt out of one of his drawers.

He nodded and pointed to the bathroom.

I went in there and he followed behind me.

He removed his toothbrush and went in a small cabinet. Handing me a towel, he then turned and finished brushing his teeth.

He had a double sink, so I went to the other side and began to wet the towel.

"Did you text her?" he asked.

I nodded.

He spit out his toothpaste and then threw on his shirt.

"Can I use your toothpaste?"

"Sure." he said and left the room.

I quickly rubbed my face with the towel and then reached for his toothpaste. Placing a slither on my hand, I brought it to my mouth and began to brush my teeth, the 'walk of shame' way.

Harry came back in the room, fully dressed and watched me in amusement.

I fought a smile as he watched me curiously.

After I was done, I ran the water and rinsed my mouth.

"I do have extra toothbrushes you know." he said. "You could have used one."

"No I like this method best." I said with a playful smile.

He shook his head, chuckling to himself.

It dawned on me what he said suddenly.

"Why do you have extra toothbrushes? Have a lot of female company?" I asked.

" _No_." he emphasized, narrowing his eyes. "From tour. I always find them in my bag when I get home."

"Oh so they're used toothbrushes?"

"Some. What does it matter?" he asked.

He had a point. We had swapped many different fluids since we had met.

"It doesn't." I said finally.

"Are you ready?" he asked. "I'm done."

I scanned him and finally took him in.

His phone was now in his hand and I could see the imprint of his car keys in his pocket.

"You're fast." I said walking past him.

"I'm use to being on the go."

I grabbed my things and we headed downstairs.

"I'm sorry again." I said. "I don't mean to be an inconvenience."

"You're not." he said behind me on the steps. "But you are going to miss my famous French Toast."

I turned and groaned.

"Really? Not fair."

He smiled as we reached the bottom of the steps. He grabbed my hand and kissed it.

"I'll make it for you tomorrow if you come back and stay tonight."

"Deal." I said widely.

He smiled back, patting my butt and then we were off.

"Let's take the Mercedes." he said.

I looked at his vintage white car in the distance.

"Top down?" he asked as we walked towards it.

I nodded yes. I had seen this car in pictures and had always wondered what it was like to ride in it.

As I climbed in, I smelled the smooth leather.

"What year is this?" I asked.

"1968." he said proudly. "Do you like classic cars?"

"I love them. My dad use to restore them when I was younger."

"Cool." he said starting the car.

He put the top down, and then we were on the road.

While we drove, I listened to the radio and Harry talked to his assistant. I was on edge because it was the first time we were out publicly- without the careful constraints of his roof, and the walls of a crowded restaurant. I was afraid my picture would finally be snapped.

As he drove I kept a careful eye on my surroundings. 

Harry patted my leg to calm me down.

"Babe, chill."

"I can't." I said. "I feel like we're on display."

Harry smirked, but didn't reply- not immediately. 

I continued to study everything. 

"You know Becca...you're going to  have to be seen eventually." he said casually. "You shouldn't worry too much."

It was so different from his worry a few weeks earlier.

"But you said your fans-"

"Oh they will." he said cutting me off. "But we're friends and I'm sure you're going to be with me a bit. I can't hide you forever...just promise you wont go to the press and talk about what we do...or when it ends."

"I wouldn't do that." I said.

"I know but...I have to say it."

I turned from him.

No he didn't. 

I was the last person he had to worry about. 

I was the queen of keeping my relationships secret, mainly because I never knew what was completely going on with them.  It had been years since I had a _real_ relationship.

"Maybe you should tell your family though," he continued. "And your best friend so they're not so surprised. I mean...they won't go to the press either will they?"

"No." I said. "But, I don't want that conversation yet."

"Why?" he asked, taking turns watching me and the road.

I grew quiet.

I didn't want to say because I knew it wasn't going to last. I probably shouldn't have, but a few days earlier I had watched a video of the '15 Girls That Harry Styles has Dated' and cringed. It seemed many of his dalliances didn't last, and after they ended, the girls were never to be seen again with him. I was going to be one of those girls, and I figured it would probably be easier to just keep everything to myself so I wouldn't have to relive everything with my family and friends down the road.

That could be worst then losing him.

I picked at the fabric in my jeans.

"I just don't." I answered simply and he turned from me.

"Well that's fine." he said. "But you can't hide me forever either Becca. I won't be your dirty little secret." he said with a smile and I grinned.

We made it to my car at 9:15am on the dot, and I thanked Harry again.

"It's okay." he reassured me.

I leaned and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.

"I'll call you later."

"Alright." he said. "If I don't answer right away it's because I'm at the studio."

"Kay." I said and climbed out. "Drive safe!"

I made it to my car, and drove like a speed demon all the way home.

When I made it through the door at 9:50am, my Mother was not happy.

"What took you so long?" She asked as I walked in the doorway. She was already there waiting for me.

"Traffic." I said shutting the door behind me.

"Janine lives less than a half hour from us, so what's your new excuse?"

I sighed. "Mom what's the big deal? I'm here. And I saw Taylor's car outside...couldn't she help you with whatever it is?"

"No she couldn't. Besides I asked you." 

She quickly crossed her arms. 

"Yeah at _6 in the morning_. How did you even know I was up?"

"I didn't. I called myself giving you enough time to get here, which obviously didn't work because you're still an hour late."

I rolled my eyes. "Well if you bothered to ask Taylor once and a while, we wouldn't have that problem would we..." I mumbled to myself. 

I felt my mom cut her eyes at me and I knew I was in trouble. 

As I looked back at her, I knew I was in for it. 

"You know what, just go in the living room. How 'bout that?" she said sternly, done with the conversation.

I didn't reply and did as she said, ready to hear the long spiel about being responsible and how I had messed up her stupid special project.

I rounded the corner and instantly jumped.

I saw not one, not two, not three and four, but _five_ of my closest friends sitting in the living room.

"What's going on?" I asked as my Mother came behind me and my Dad seconds later.

"Happy Birthday!" Kelsey called out.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

I took in the girls and their bags and their outfits. In some other world, they must have been headed to a club soon.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"The girls are taking you to Las Vegas for the weekend for your birthday." My father explained, standing beside my Mother.

I quickly turned to him in confusion. 

"My birthday is on Wednesday." I said. It was Friday, May fifteenth.

"We know idiot. We got a hotel." Kelsey said.

"That we need to be checked in to by one." my other friend Jennifer threw out.

"Well if she would have been on time, we wouldn't have to worry about that would we?" my Mother said behind me. Her tone was stern like before, but this time she wore a smile. 

I needed to process.

"Wait a minute, wait...what is going on?" I asked in confusion. "We're going to Vegas?" I asked to clarify.

"We're going to Vegas!" The girls screamed in excitement.

I shook my head in disbelief.

"It's Billboard weekend and we thought since you did so well these last couple of semesters-" My Dad began.

"And you've been really helpful with the stores...we'd do something nice for you," my Mother finished. "So go. Your bag is already packed and everything."

"And I'm covering your shifts. So, appreciate it." Taylor said coming out of the back room.

"Where are we staying?"

"The Palms." My Mom said. "One of the Penthouses, so don't waste it."

_Oh my gosh._

"We have set money aside for this. I'm borrowing from my equity line," My father pointed out quickly upon seeing my face. "So be responsible please. We don't want any phone calls."

"You won't get any!" I said quickly and rushed to hug them. All of them.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I said to everyone.

I was going to Vegas!

But I really needed a shower. I hadn't had one since before my shift the previous day.

"Give me ten minutes!" I said darting up the stairs.

Throwing off my clothes, I hopped in the shower and washed up as quick as I could.

When I got out of the shower, my mother was once again waiting in my room.

I gave her a wide smile.

"Thanks so much Mom." I said moving around the room getting dressed. "This is so amazing."

"Don't thank me yet." she said dryly sitting on my bed.

I lotioned up while she looked back at me.

"What's up?" I asked.

"You lied to me." she said. "You told me you were at Janine's."

My eyes grew wide. Janine was downstairs and she had been downstairs the entire time. My lie was out in the open and spread completely across the room.

"Um," I bit my lip. I needed to think of a quick lie.

"Where were you?" she asked.

"Um..." Harry's words from the car were in my thoughts, but I couldn't tell them yet. "I was with a friend."

"What friend? Because the majority of your friends are downstairs, and they have been most of this morning."

"You don't know him." I said and then realized my slip.

"Him?" she asked curiously. "You've been spending the night with a boy these last few days?"

I swallowed and didn't answer.

My parents knew I was no virgin, but we didn't discuss things like this; especially when it was so blatantly obvious it was going on. After all, girls don't just spend the night with boys.

"Who is he?" she asked seriously.

"Just some guy I'm seeing."

"I didn't know you were seeing anyone."

Her tone remained tight and dry.

"It's not serious." I said. "Just...we're having fun."'

I could tell by her face she didn't like that expression.

"So your fuck buddies?" she asked reading between my words.

"Mom!" I said at her crass words.

"What?" she asked simply. "I was your age once too. I know you're not innocent. Besides... it seems that way to me since you've been sneaking out. You haven't brought him over here... You must be ashamed of your own behavior."

I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"I haven't been sneaking out." I said honestly. "And...he's not a...ya know..."

I didn't curse in front of my parents.

"Then what is he? Your boyfriend?"

"No. We're something...I just...we haven't really defined it in depth yet. It just started."

"But you're sure you're dating?"

"Yes." I said. "You must think your daughter is a complete slut."

She ignored me, and continued.

"What's his name?"

I sighed, throwing on some shorts and a top. "Mom I really don't want to get into this now."

"I don't care if you do or don't. Where have you been staying?"

"At his house and his name is Harry."

"His house? With his parents? They don't care that you've been spending the night?"

"He has his own place."

Her eyes grew wide.

"How old is this boy?"

"Mom jeez-" I began.

"Hey birthday girl!" Kelsey said suddenly, popping her head in the door."You ready? We need to get on the road."

I was so thankful for her distraction.

My mother turned to Kelsey. "She almost is. But...Ms.Cahoots, how long have you known about this guy?"

"Guy?" Kelsey asked in confusion. 

"Yeah. The one she's been sneaking to see. I know you know about him." she said. 

"Yeah." Kelsey said after a moment. "But she's been quiet about it...hey wait, did you meet him or something?" Kelsey cut her 'betrayed' eyes at me. 

"No." My mother said. "I just found out about him, whoever the hell he is."

I sighed. She was being too dramatic about this. 

She was angry and I could tell, but she didn't need to worry this much about it. 

This was not something that was going to last. 

My mother pointed her finger at me.

"We're not done talking about this. I want details. _Lots of them_. But when you get back. You guys need to get on the road."

"Are you going to tell Dad?" I asked quickly.

My father didn't react well to me and boys. It had taken him nearly a year to get use to my first love. 

"I don't even have enough information to tell your father." she threw back.

She was right.

She moved her eyes between me and Kelsey.

"Be safe girls. And I better get no phone calls." she warned.

Kelsey smiled. "Yes Ma'am."

My mother gave me one final glance and then she left the room. When she left, me and Kelsey exchanged a look.

"Well someone's in trouble." Kelsey said immediately.

I smiled. "Seems like it."

I moved around the room grabbing last minute things. It seemed my mom was right when she said all my things were already packed. As I moved around, looking for stuff I loved, I was finding most of it was missing.

"Don't worry. I got everything." Kelsey said and sat on my bed. "But hey?"

I turned to her.

"Were you with Henry last night?"

I nodded yes.

Henry...Shit, I had told my mom his real name.

"You little slut." she said with a cheeky grin. "Getting it in every night aren't you?"

I playfully sighed and threw my pillow at her.

"Stop it!"

"Is it good?" she asked standing. "It must be amazing because-"

I placed my hands over my ears and headed out of the room.

"La, La, La" I began to sing while she followed behind me taunting me.

By the time we made it downstairs, we were both laughing and ready to start our trip.

I gave my parents and sister hugs and kisses, and then I was off!

As we hopped on the highway in my friend's SUV, I shot Harry a quick text.

*So I've been kidnapped. Heading to Las Vegas for the next few days. I'm going to have to miss out once again on the delicious French Toast. :(*

*Your loss. :)  Vegas? Why? And by who?*

*My friends. My parents and friends surprised me with a penthouse suite and tickets to the Billboard show for my birthday. Super excited!*

*It's your birthday? Why didn't you tell me! And that's great love! Maybe I'll see you *

*That's right, you are nominated! And hopefully. BTW, birthday is not today...it's the 20th.*

* Well you still didn't tell me! When do you get back? I'll take you out.*

*No you will not. :P And the 21st.*

*That sucks. You know I leave around that time right?*

My heart instantly sunk. I had no idea.

*I thought you said two weeks?* I texted him quickly.

*It will have been two weeks. I think. Either way I can't push it back. I'm flying out with friends and family*

I didn't respond right away. I didn't know what to say.

I couldn't believe my time with him was already up.

All around me the girls were talking and giggling, but my mood was suddenly affected.

Was it bad that I was considering telling them to turn around so I could have more time with him?

My phone buzzed.

*It sucks, but we'll figure it out. I do want to take you out for your birthday, so set some time aside for when you get back if i'm still here. Even if its something quick, I want to do something for you.* he texted.

I still couldn't think of actual words to say, so I just said *Okay*

I sunk back in my seat and rested my head on the headrest. I was riding shotgun, and had a front row seat to all the desert scenery, but I didn't care.

My mind and thoughts were on Harry and how everything was about to change.

I wasn't ready for it.

*Have fun.* Harry texted. *I'm headed to the studio, so text me when you can. I'll have my phone off and on.*

Once more I sent a simple *Okay*

The entire mood was ruined.

Suddenly the Palms Hotel during Billboard weekend didn't seem so appealing.

I would have preferred to be with him.

 _He's lingering again._.. my thoughts warned.

I didn't even care.

Tossing my phone beside me, I closed my eyes and tried to zone out.

I was heading to Vegas, and maybe I could see him in a few days.

Maybe the night of the show, we could meet up afterwards and I could get my temporary fix.

Otherwise, I was on the way to a long and cold withdraw and it sucked. 


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may a bit different than what you remember on 1DFF, but I hope it hits you just the same. :) (More updates on the way later)

CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN

BECCA

Now.

 

He loved to tell stories.

He loved memory lanes.

Combining those two, I knew that Harry was loving this.

As Harry sat across from me, finishing up his thought, it wasn't hard to see that he was loving this 're-hash'.

He was loving every bit of this awkward exchange.

His green eyes stay on me. 

"...Looking back on it now, I'm shocked we even got to your house on time. But that was a really nice thing your parents did for you..." Harry finishes up across from me.

His shirt is pushed up his arms, showing some of his tattoos, and his sunglasses are still resting atop his head.

Despite our disposition, he looks so comfortable sitting across from me.

He seems, even if it is a fantasy, that he still enjoys my company.

He seems like maybe, he still likes talking to me.

As I look back at him, and his now unmoving face, he looks at me curiously.

He is waiting for a response.

I quickly clear my throat.

"Yeah," I say. "It was nice."

I shuffle in my seat, moving my eyes around the room. 

I don't want to focus directly on him. 

Harry's eyes have always been intense and as he stares at me, I feel uncomfortable. 

I get the feeling he wants to talk; really talk, as if we're still best buddies.

 As always a moment later, he doesn't disappoint. 

"So...tell me..." he says suddenly. "What's new?"

"New?" I question. "What do you mean?"

"New." he emphasizes again. "In your life."

I shrug. 

 _Everything is new_ , I want to say.  There is not one piece of my previous life that has remained. 

"Not much I guess." I say instead. 

"No? You're still writing I see." he notes. "I like your column."

"You actually read it?" I ask in disbelief. 

"I have a couple times. When I have time." he says casually. "I've been waiting on your book though."

He gives me a small smile, but I feel no tingles. That life seemed so long ago. 

My column is as good as it's going to get and the reminder of old plans makes me a bit sad.

I'm not quite that ambitious anymore; and as I learned in the past, I can't really be. 

Not as long as he's my ex. 

I never even had a chance to be taken seriously. 

As I remember those times, and my fluid attempts at creating a presence outside of our relationship, I try not to be bitter. I try not to get angry. 

Still, it bothers me. I will forever be Becca Johnson; Harry Styles' ex. 

I turn from him and pick at the skin around my nails. 

"No." I say quietly. "Not going to happen."

"Why?" he asks. "You had some good ideas. Don't you want to write it?"

The whole conversation makes me tense. 

"No." I say again, hoping he'll drop the subject. 

He doesn't. 

"Well why not? Your life can't be too much more than sitting at home catering to Chase. You're absolutely bored, I know. I know you have the time. Do that for yourself. Write your book."

I immediately roll my eyes. 

"You know nothing about my life Harry." I say defensively. 

"I know you're bored. I know you're living some fantasy that this is the life you wanted." he says back with assurance. "But what do you do all day; laundry? Gym visits? The occasional lunch with friends?   _How fun_." he says sarcastically. 

I roll my eyes again. It bothers me that he is right on the money. 

That is the exact premise of my life right now. 

I immediately cut my eyes at him. 

"Well not everyone is you Harry. Not everyone gets to live their wildest dreams." I bite back. 

He nods as if in agreement, then stands, 

"Well you should try" he says finally, looking down at me. "You should do that for yourself. You always could have been anything you wanted Becca. You shouldn't waste your life on some man. You're way too talented for that."

I chuckle. 

"You didn't seem to mind it when it was you."

His eyes wrinkle. 

"And what the hell does that mean?"

"You know exactly what it means." I say standing as well. "You want a quick refresher?"

He rolls _his_ eyes this time, then meets me dead on.

Round one- ding, ding.  

"Coming to a fucking show is not the same thing Becca." he says lowly. 

"I think it's _exactly th_ e same thing. The only difference is his job is 9-5, and yours...well...it's now to forever. I may not have been home cooking your meals at night, but you expected the exact same shit you accuse him of doing. You wanted me accessible."

"I never stifled you." he says quickly. "I always wanted you to do what you wanted to do. I gave us up more than once, so you could live your dream. Remember when you moved to New York-"

"Oh, you mean after you cheated on me-" I cut in and his eyes instantly grow cold. 

That is a sore spot even after all this time. His little indiscretion in our first year, shaped a lot of what our relationship would become. 

But, 

I'm getting ahead of myself. 

And it seems, he's not ready to get there either. 

He sighs loudly and turns away from me, choosing not to take the bait. 

The bomb is quickly defused and we go back to...what was the word he used...Civil. 

Yeah...we're still trying for that. 

"Look, I don't want to argue." he says softly. "Let's just get back to the Vegas stuff...Do you want anything else to drink?" he asks a second later. 

I don't, but we need to move on from all the bad conversations- for now. 

"Sure." I say behind him. 

He moves away from me and my eyes raise as I watch him walk back towards the kitchen. 

This time, I decide to follow him.  

My eyes take in his small frame, and broad shoulders. 

Despite the two years it has been since i've seen him, he hasn't changed much. 

There are a few more tattoos, and a little more scruff where the faint hints of a beard are shadowed, but he is still the man I fell in love with. 

He is still much taller than me, and as he walks in the kitchen, I can't ignore the way he commands the room. 

My eyes don't move off of him, and even a spell couldn't get me to turn away. 

He is still mesmerizing. 

"Full glass or half?" he asks as he reaches my old cup that is still on the counter. 

"Half." I say taking a seat on the stool. 

He moves to the refrigerator, and the hint of his cologne remains among us. 

I close my eyes briefly inhaling the familiar scent and for a moment, it is like I am home. 

As my eyes re-open, I see a moment from the past.  

He was there, and I was here. 

He was cooking and I was working. 

Home from one of his promotional tours, I can see everything as if it is that day. 

As Harry turns back to me, with the pitcher of juice in his hand, our eyes lock. 

For a moment, there is nothing. 

He doesn't move and I don't either. 

For a moment, he is lost in his thoughts and I am lost in mine, yet there seems to be a centralized thought- what the hell happened to us? 

What the hell are we doing here?

How did we let it get this bad?

As he reaches for my cup to pour my juice, I still don't stop looking at him; I can't.

He pours my favorite juice that he has made, and studies the liquid as if it is his first time seeing it. His few rings clink against the glass, piercing the silence.

"God, I hate this." he says, keeping his attention on the cup for a second more. 

I don't say a word as he brings his eyes back up to mine. 

"I  really fucking hate this." he says to me directly. 

His eyes are large crystal balls, and it is not hard to see what he means, but I instantly play the dumb role, needing to hear him say it. 

"Hate what?"

 _"This._ " he says gesturing between us. "Us."

 He takes a step towards me. 

"I hate that I can't even talk to you now without it being a damn argument."

"We're not arguing right now." I remind him. 

"It's only a matter of time I'm sure," he grumbles. A free hand runs through his hair and I  just continue to study him. 

I reach for the juice he has poured for me and the tart taste of the cranberries hits my tongue. 

"Yeah." is all I can say. "It sucks." I says low. 

He looks down at me. The sincerity in his eyes, reminding me of a green eyed puppy dog. 

For a couple moments, he doesn't say anything more, and neither do I. 

We just still there- in silence. 

Somewhere in an alternative world, other events are happening here. 

_He is feeding me._

_We are laughing._

_I am being chased around the house, while my laugh coats the walls._

_He is making love to me in our bed. The tips of his fingers, caressing my skin_. 

_We are happy._

_We are in love._

_We are still one._

"Becca can we-"

"Harry, maybe I sho-"

We both pause, this time in the present. 

Whatever thoughts we were having, quickly come together, mirroring the past. 

Instantly we both stop, ready to hear what the other has to say. 

As our eyes reconnect, he smiles. 

The small dimpled smirk that use to get me weak looks back at me. 

"Yeah?" he asks. 

I shrug off my thought. I want to hear what he has to say more. 

"You first."

He doesn't go- not immediately- 

He takes another step towards me.

His eyes never leave mine, and for a moment, I want  him to take me right there. 

For a moment, I want him to be the old Harry and I be the old Becca. 

I want him to scoop me on this counter and kiss me roughly like he used to do. 

I want to remember- if even for a second - what it's like to be his again. 

"I was saying-" he begins, his voice just a notch above a whisper. "Becca can we-"

_Yes._

Yes we can. 

_Whatever you want, I am yours._

He doesn't get to finish his thoughts because a loud vibration interrupts us. 

I feel myself jump at the sudden noise and I slightly back up, but my eyes stay on Harry. And his, stay on me. 

The vibration is loud but far away and it continues. 

Neither one of us moves. 

The air around us is thick and the phone is the only intrusion. 

Finally I see him, and he sees me. 

His green irises speak words that my hazel ones have been anxious to see, but can't consume because the buzz of the phone triggers my OCD.

"I think it's yours," I say after the fifth, LOUD, vibration. 

"Maybe." he says, but he doesn't move to answer it. His eyes stay on me, speaking. 

The words are on the tip of his tongue. 

My eyes plead for it to spill out, but the phone vibrates again. 

And again. 

Then I know it is mine. 

I have an extended ringer. 

My eyes move away from Harry, and glance at the clock behind him. It is after 1pm. 

My feet make the realization before my mind does. 

I break away from Harry and his sudden disappointed glance and rush to my phone. 

As I estimated, it is Chase checking in at his usual time. 

"Hello?" I ask quickly connecting the phone to my ear. It feels cold and out of place from the temporary heat the room was building. 

My voice is foreign as well and sounds rushed. 

"Hey baby." Chase says on the other end. "What are you doing?"

I turn to Harry, who is no longer looking at me. 

He runs a hand through his hair and turns his head completely from me. 

"Uh...the usual." I say. 

"Yeah? Did you get the laundry done?"

His voice has a lightness, and I know the idea is funny to him. However, for me, it is a reminder of Harry's words a couple minutes earlier. 

Jeez, is that what the highlight of my day has become? Am I that predictable?

"Uh...yeah. It's done."

"Cool. I miss you today. I was thinking, you want to meet me for lunch?"

"Lunch?" I ask. 

"Yeah I know you probably ate, but why not?"

I stall. I look at Harry again. His eyes are back on me studying. 

"Um...you want me to meet you for lunch?" I repeat, internalizing the words.

"Uh...yeah..." Chase says a bit impatiently. I can tell he doesn't understand the disconnect between his words and my comprehension. 

"You got the column done right?" he asks suddenly. 

_Shit._

I still haven't finished it and now I have missed my deadline. 

My eyes remain on Harry. He is the reason. 

He is already affecting my life and it has only been a few days. A hand goes to my head. 

I feel a headache coming on. 

"No," I say into the phone. "I've been really tired." I say. "How's work?"

"Lot going on. Do you remember that client-"

Harry turns. Face and body. 

In the kitchen, he moves back to the fridge, placing the pitcher back. 

He reaches for a new water bottle. 

The cap hits the counter loudly and his movements project sudden anger. 

What does he hate now?

I watch him as he chugs the water in one large gulp and then tosses it roughly into the sink. 

He tosses his sunglasses next. They hit the counter with a loud _ping_

What is his problem?

My eyes don't move off of Harry, even as Chase continues in my ear. 

I'm confused. 

What have I missed?

As there is a pause in the call, I realize Chase is waiting on me to respond to something. 

I don't have an answer.

"Hey babe-" I begin but Harry's sudden rough tone stops me. 

"Fuck this." I hear him say to himself. 

Again, what is wrong with him?

"What's the fucking point?" I hear him grunt. 

He doesn't say it loudly, and I barely hear it- but I do. 

I can hear that accent anywhere. 

I want to call to him but Chase doesn't need to know I am with him. That would just be a new headache. 

No. 

I need to end this call. 

As I begin my new sentence, Harry turns to me briefly and then leaves the room altogether. 

He doesn't look at me long enough for me to read the look. 

He heads to our old bedroom. 

"Are you okay?" Chase asks in my ear, interrupting. "You seem off? Distracted?"

I almost laugh at the irony. Once again, another statement echoed by Harry coming to life. 

He had used that exact phrase at our dinner. 

"I'm just super tired." I remind him. "Can I call you later, and skip lunch this time?" I ask. 

"Of course. I love you. I'll see you tonight." he says. 

"I love you too." I say and end the call before he can say anything more. 

I toss my phone on the couch and head towards where Harry disappeared. 

Something is suddenly wrong with him and I'm curious what I missed. 

As I walk the long hallway to our bedroom, I see a picture of us. 

It was taken by Lou Teasdale. 

It is a picture of me and Harry before he headed to stage during one of his stops on the On The Road Again tour. 

Our hands aren't interlinked and we're not kissing, but the expressions are what made the picture. 

There was so much love in everything; our hands, our eyes, and the way our bodies already started to mold naturally towards each other at all times. 

A finger reaches up to touch the picture as if I can still feel it. 

My finger touches the picture remembering. I begin to reminisce when I hear something slam. 

I'm quickly reminded of what i'm doing and head to the bedroom. 

I am immediately stalled at the image in front of me. 

Harry is naked. 

Well, half naked. 

His lone figure stands in the center of the room, in just tight boxer briefs. 

My eyes take in every inch of him quickly and my breath hitches. 

_Fuck._

He is turned from me. 

I watch him for a moment, as he shuffles a pair of gym shorts in his hand. 

Then I realize I must be intruding. 

I quickly clear my throat to alert him to my presence but he doesn't even flinch. 

Looking at his muscles on his back, I clear my throat again and he sighs. 

"I know you're standing right there. You can stop doing that shit." 

I don't respond as I move into the room. I try to keep my eyes centralized on him and not see the memories that smack me in the face. 

I try to ignore the way the room still resembles two years earlier. 

I see my old sheets and comforter. 

My candle is in the corner and our pictures...they are just above me staring back at me. 

A lump catches in my throat and I force it down. 

"Do you need me to leave? Give you some privacy?"

"Nope." he says. "Nothing you haven't seen before."

He turns to me. 

His green eyes have lost all the warmth from a moment earlier. 

"Are you leaving now?"  he questions.

I shake my head no.

For a second his eyebrows crease in confusion. 

"That was Chase right?" he questions. 

"Yeah." 

And then my eyes trail down. I can't help but look at the ink peppering his chest. 

Man oh man, how I use to ran my hands over that lovely chest. 

Hello sparrows. 

Hello 17BLACK. 

Hello laurels. 

I force my eyes back up. 

I need to stay focused. 

"Why are you undressed?" I ask. 

"I thought you were leaving." he says low, turning back to his shorts. 

"Why? I didn't say I was."

"Yeah, but I heard him." he says as if that sums up everything. 

"And what's that mean? He calls, I run?"

"Yeah. Something like that." he says with a sigh and sits down on the bed. 

He looks down at his feet and I continue to study him. 

Something is different. 

His tone and overall patience seems to have changed. 

"Do you want me to leave?" I ask, hoping he'll say no. 

He shrugs. 

"Wouldn't be the first time." he mumbles. 

I ignore his subtle dig. 

"Well i'm not." I say, hoping it'll get him to smile. "I'm committed to this right now."

_I'm still committed to you._

His eyes rise slowly and look back at me. 

There is something definitely wrong. 

My favorite eyes are clouded and as he looks at me, he looks through me. 

That warmth that spread through me minutes earlier has dissipated. 

I take another careful step towards him. 

"What's wrong?" I finally ask. 

"Nothing."

"I know you better than that," I say with a small smile. "What did I miss?"'

He rolls his eyes and looks away from me. 

And then I make the realization. 

I must have did it. 

Whatever happened when I took that call has pissed him off. 

He's not mad at something, it is _me._

"What did I do?" I ask quickly. "Why are you mad at me?"

"Nothing. You're absolutely perfect Becca. As always." he says.  His voice is coated with sarcasm. 

I take another step toward him in the large room, and he shifts, resting his hands behind him on the bed. 

If this was the old days, that would be a perfect invitation to sit on him. I would wrap my legs around him, and place my arms around his neck. He would smile at me. 

"What did I do?" I repeat. "Why are you pissed at me?"

I take more steps until I am finally in front of him. 

He doesn't face me. His eyes stay ahead, ignoring me. 

"Harry?" I call but it falls on deaf ears. 

I continue to look at him and he continues to ignore me. 

It's fine. 

I welcome the distraction. 

For a second, I  just stare. 

Those chiseled features. 

Those eyes. 

Those lips. 

That still fucking perfect hair. 

The smooth tan skin. 

He is still the sexiest man I  have ever seen. 

He still gives me all the damn feels. 

So I just stare. 

I wait a few seconds to see if he will do anything. 

Cuss me out, roll his eyes, even flinch; but he doesn't move. 

He's _really_ pissed. 

I still remember the weight of his silent treatments and I don't want to see them ever again.  

"Harry." I call again after I can't stand it anymore. "Will you at least look at me?"

His eyes move back to me slowly. 

They cut into me like a professional 8 inch chef knife. 

 _"What?"_ he demands. 

Inner Becca recoils. 

"What is it?" I ask. "What's with this shitty attitude?"

He rolls his eyes again. 

"Whatever it is, you're being very silly." I scold. "What are you even pissed about?"

"You." he says surprising me with an answer. 

"Me?" I question. 

"Yes you." he says keeping the contact. "I'm pissed at you."

"Great, a real answer! Now what did I do?" I ask. I keep my tone light. 

He pushes off his hands and stands. Within seconds, he is back in command. 

I look up at him. For a second, I'm worried what I might have started. 

Moving past me, he goes to our old shared dresser. 

"Why don't you just leave?" he asks. "Go... be with Chase. He obviously needs you."

"Because i'm talking to you. I thought you wanted to resolve this?"

"Resolve what?" he says quickly. "You don't even care Becca. It's been years, and you've been going on with your perfect little life."

I sit on the bed, as he begins his spill. 

"You don't even care. You fucking did this. All of this." he gestures to the room. "You ruined our lives, and look at you- you're just sitting there. Completely unaffected."

This time I roll my eyes. 

Round Two. 

"Oh here he goes, must be blame Becca time." I say turning from him. 

"Do you even think about it? All  that we lost?" 

"Of course I do." I say in my defense, but it is lost. He keeps pounding into me, all of his anger finally spilling out. 

"No you fucking don't. You haven't called. I haven't seen you. You've cut off everybody we shared. You shouted a big 'fuck you' and just left. After our  three years, I deserved more than that."

I dramatically roll my eyes again. 

What. The Fuck. Ever. 

Time to tune him out. 

I shuffle a quick playlist in my mind. 

What can I listen too? What can I use to ignore him?

"Look at you." he says. "And you're still doing the shit-"

Britney? 

Alanis Morisette?

Rihanna? 

"Fuck!" he shouts. "Fucking fool's gold."

I find the song and hum to myself. I turn completely away from him. 

"Are you even listening to me? God you're such a bitch sometimes."

My eyes immediately raise. That is the line he crossed. 

"Don't call me a bitch-" I warn standing. 

My nails sharpen.  

"But you are to me. All the time. Look at how you treat me. Why don't you ever just say what you want to say? Why do you have to be so goddamn childish?"

"That's it!" I say. That's more insults than I can swallow. 

 I throw in the towel, and try to move past him but he blocks my path. 

"No you're going to listen," he says. "I should have said this shit three years ago."

Finally I snap. 

"It doesn't even matter Harry! We're not even together anymore! Stop wasting my goddamn time!"

"And whose fault is that!! Whose fault is it we're here?"

"Oh i'm sure it's mine. I'm sure everything is my fault." I say with deep sarcasm. "It's always me. Everything. I'm always the one who ruined everything, like I was the only goddamn person in this relationship! You weren't even here half the time! Stop blaming me for your shit!"

He turns from me, shaking his head in disagreement. 

"You are every bit as responsible as I am." I continue. I throw my hands up. "But why does it even matter? Why am I even here?" I say more to myself than him. "You're getting married. Your fucking date is set. So go be with her. Go marry your dumb blonde."

"Don't bring her up-"

"Don't bring up your _wife?_ The fucking pampered princess that is wearing my ring. The one you love so much? The one you haven't even known a year, but you're engaged too? The one who gets you in the end? Don't bring her up?" I question. "But why? She's your _everything._ " I say in deep resentment. 

Now he snaps. 

Round Three. 

"Yes! Stop talking to me about Julie! I'm not talking about her, or even your fucked up boyfriend. This is about us."

"THERE IS NO US HARRY!" I scream and I'm sure I'm heard even down the street. "Do you even understand you're engaged?"

"BUT I STILL WANT YOU! Can't you understand that?" he shouts back at me, and I go quiet. 

Time stops. 

The air sucks out of the room and I forget how to breathe for a second. 

Somewhere, nails screech on a blackboard. 

A baby cries. 

A car slams into another. 

Somewhere someone's whole world just changed. Mine has just changed in this room. 

"What did you say?" I question. 

His eyes that were still on me, turn. 

He moves past me, taking another seat on the bed. The bed squeaks with his weight. 

My eyes don't move off of him. 

He grabs his pants off the bed, and shuffles them on. 

He sees me, engaged and fallen at his feet, but he still takes his good and sweet time answering me. 

It's torture. 

I need to hear it again. He couldn't have said what I thought. 

"Harry, what did you say?" I ask again. 

And then he looks back at me. 

Beautiful self-assured green on wrecked confused hazel. 

"I said, I want you."


	38. Chapter 38

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Harry

Then.

 

"Okay come on."

I winced as my hand connected to the pad, stinging my fingers again.

By now my knuckles were sore, but I didn't stop. I couldn't.

I punched again and again. Hitting harder and harder each time.

I blew out air, as the sweat from my forehead ran down my face.

"Alright time out." I heard my trainer call out, laughing as he dropped his hands.

"Give me a second to recoup."

I took a deep breath and was quiet as I pulled back.

I didn't need a break. I needed to keep going.

I needed to clear my mind.

I watched as he took a sip of his water bottle and I mimicked his actions.

The water felt good sliding down my throat, but didn't comfort me. My mind had been everywhere and nowhere for the last eight hours.

It was on a loop. 

_Becca and that guy. Becca and that guy. Becca and that guy._

I put my water bottle down.

"Are you ready?" I asked, getting back into position.

"Jeez. You didn't even give me a minute." he said raising his hands again. "You alright?"

"I'm fine." I muttered.

I hit the pad again.

He winced slightly and I felt slight guilt at the force of my punch.

I could still feel the burn in my knuckles, since the training gloves were crappy but as before, it didn't deter me from stopping.

I punched.

Once.

Twice.

Three times and he pulled back.

"Okay Harry. Hold on." he said.

I watched as he removed his gloves and shook his hands.

I turned from him and sighed.

Even with the protection of the mits, they were red.

"Sorry." I mumbled, picking up my water bottle again.

"It's okay." he said continuing to flex his hands. "But you might want to take it easy. You don't want bruised knuckles in the pictures today."

I rolled my eyes.

The Billboard Awards.

I wasn't even in the mood to go now.

In a few short hours I would be on a private plane, flying to Vegas for the show.

We were nominated and presenting so I had to make an appearance, but I was planning on hiding out most of the night.

_She's going to be there..._

I took a long swig of my water bottle, before tossing it in a nearby trash.

"I'm good." I decided. I didn't need anymore.

"You sure? You seem upset?" he asked.

I waved him away. I wasn't upset, I was irritated.

_Two days._

It had been two days since I had spoken to Becca and since she had went to Vegas with her friends.

However, that wasn't what was bugging me.

It was the pictures I had seen last night.

By now, I had her Twitter name memorized-it was quite simple- and checked on there every now and then. I also had her Instagram name since she often sent links through Twitter.

 _That_ was what was pissing me off.

The pictures.

Since she had left with her friends she had been mum--I mean, not even one text.

It was weird and unlike her but I figured she was with her friends and they were probably keeping her busy so I wasn't sweating it. But then, last night I had seen the pictures she had posted with some random guy.

By now I had memorized his hands around her waist and the kiss he had placed on her cheek. I had memorized the photos of them sharing a shot and the wide smile on her face with the caption 'new friends'. I had memorized the location of the shot, which appeared to be her hotel room and lastly, I had memorized the hour-2am- that she had posted the picture and pretty much summed up that she must have spent the night with this dude.

That was what was bothering me.

She was blowing me off not only for another guy, but she had slept with him as well.

I wasn't naïve and I knew what happened in Vegas- especially during celebrations of 21st birthdays.

And yeah...there was no commitment to me. 

We hadn't exactly had that conversation and she wasn't my girlfriend but it still hurt just the same.

I unwrapped the gloves from my hands and threw them down. Taking a seat on the bench, I unlocked my phone and saw I still had no new messages.

What was she doing?

Was she awake by now, or passed out drunk?

Was she waking up beside the guy or had he left shortly after their tryst?

Was she even thinking of me at all?

"Alright, well we should maybe go."

I sighed, agreeing.

I had gotten more than enough of a work out today and needed to get back home.

I wasn't packing anything since I was only planning on being in Las Vegas for a few hours, but there was work logistics that I needed to go over.

As I left the gym and headed back to Jeff's house, my mind was once again on Becca.

I didn't know many details but I knew she would be at the show tonight in some capacity. We hadn't spoke since she texted me about leaving town so I didn't even know where she would be.

Was she going to the pre-lim show or would she be sat in the main auditorium?

I wanted to ask, but I refused to text her.

If I was an afterthought, why should I give her the satisfaction of hearing from me?

I didn't have separation issues or even jealously, but I liked knowing that I was passing through her mind-if even for a second.

When I arrived at Jeff's house, I hopped in the shower, and changed quickly.

I would be flying with Jeff on his family's private plane, and then meeting with the boys at our temporary hotel.

I had no idea what I was wearing so I would have to go through an array of outfits pre-fitted and then once I arrived at the actual show, I would have to play the media game.

All of this on top of my frustration and a headache from my head cold that I was still suffering from.

"Hey man, you need a drink?" Jeff joked as we rode to the airport in Van Nuys.

"I do. A big one." I said.

He smiled. "Well I can get you drunk tonight if you want."

"No." I said quietly, flipping through my phone.

I was once again on Becca's Instagram and she had posted a new picture of she and her friends in bathing suits by the pool a few hours earlier.

My eyes scanned her surroundings and I was briefly relieved when I didn't see the guys from yesterdays' spread in the background.

"Are you planning on going to any parties tonight?"

"Nope." I said. "In and out."

I closed out of her page and set my phone in my lap.

I needed to stop checking. The more I looked at her photos, the angrier I was becoming.

If she had time to post a picture, she had time to shoot a text.

"Well you seem like you need one. You seem distracted."

I just sighed.

I wished everybody would stop pointing out the obvious.

So what if I was in a bad mood? I was liable to have one, once in my life.

"My head hurts." I said simply. "And I don't want to talk about it." I said with a finality to my tone.

I gave him a look and he knew to back off.

"Well when you want to talk about it, you know I'm here."

I said nothing more, since it was falling on deaf ears.

I just wanted to get today over with as soon as possible.


	39. Chapter 39

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

BECCA

Then.

 

I had just gotten to my messages folder, when once again, my phone was plucked from my hands.

Immediately I grabbed for it.

"Oh come on!"

"Nope. We don't have time for that." My friend Jennifer said, moving my phone out of the way and tossing it across the room. "Whatever boy you're talking too, can wait until your back in town."

I sighed. Now it was getting annoying. For the last two days my friends had kept my phone hostage and only allowed me to update my social media.

And that was exaggerating because most of the time they did it for me.

"I need to check my messages." I said impatiently.

"No. You need to get ready for the awards tonight." Kelsey said cutting in from across the room. She swiped my phone from the floor and placed it in her pocket. "We need to be headed there by one."

I really didn't want to go to the awards for the party- but I did miss Harry.

I felt like these last two days I had been going through deep withdraw and I was  excited to see him- even if he wouldn't be right in front of me.

Though I was slightly frustrated I hadn't heard from him.

In the few times I had snuck my phone away, I had checked and hadn't received one message from him.

I understood he was busy, but he hadn't even checked to see how my birthday was going.

Now tonight he was in town, and we would be at the same place, but I was more than confident I wouldn't even get close to him. Even if I had miraculously got ahold of my phone and sent him a message, it would still be too tricky to see him.

Though I was looking forward to any glimpse I would get.

I stood from my place in the hotel, and looked back at my friends.

Kelsey and Jennifer were sorting through their luggage.

Brooke was downstairs, exploring. Hailey was doing her hair in the bathroom and Janine was taking a small nap in the bedroom.

We had spent the previous day shopping for dresses, so I had something to wear tonight, but I was the least artistic one in this group when it came to makeup so I was sure I would look a mess.

Plus I wasn't too excited to be wearing heels most of the night.

I had exhausted that gig last night, when the girls had decided to bring some boys back to our suite for a late night hotel party.

The girls had spent their night, drinking and dancing with weird guys, while I stayed in the corner, posing for one awkward shot photo and being encouraged to let loose.

I didn't even drink and the 'hot guy' they thrust on me, wasn't even cute.

He had nothing on the warm green eyes, sharp jawline, dark lashes and deliciously pink lips I had grown accustomed to being with the last few weeks.

As I thought of him now I could feel the slight butterfly bubbling in my stomach.

Man I missed him.

I decided to get in the groove and focus on getting beautiful for tonight.

"Okay," I said. "Who's doing my hair?" I asked.

Kelsey immediately stepped up, raising her hand and smiling.

"Let me. I've been making you beautiful since we were little kids."

Jennifer chuckled. "I'll get your outfit started."

I was appreciative that they were taking such good care of me, and was thankful for all they had done. So for the next hour, I let them work their magic and make me into a vixen that rivaled Megan Fox in her prime. I looked damn good, and it was a shame that all my sexiness would be wasted and not seen by Harry.

Or would it?

I decided to send him a quick text and let him know exactly who he had been missing.

So when Kelsey shimmed out of her jeans, and hopped in the shower, I swiped my phone and jumped to refill the 'ice bucket' for the mild drinks the girls were already consuming.

By then the girls were so excited and pumped to be going to the show, that they paid me no attention.

I grabbed the bucket and headed out into the hallway.

Going farther down the hall, I opened my camera and snapped off three quick pictures.

I examined each one- my face completely made up and foreign- and picked the best one.

I decided on a kissy face, with the caption "Good luck tonight. I miss you." and hit send.

I didn't really have time to wait for a response, but I delayed my trip by two extra minutes in case he texted back.

He didn't.

Defeated, I headed back in my room and hid my phone in my clutch for the night.

"Here Becca." Janine said shimming over to me and handing me a drink.

It was a shot glass with a clear liquid.

"To tonight and being 21."

I clinked my glass, and downed the harsh taste of Vodka. The action was met with cheers and even more excitement for tonight.

"Alright, ladies. Lets load up em' and go!" Janine clapped excitedly.

My friends began to gather their things, finishing up remaining shots, while I double checked my appearance and grabbed my clutch. I was anxious not only for tonight and a fun night with the girls, but a certain British hunk that I was hoping to see.

I didn't know where he was or what he was doing, but I couldn't wait to see him!

********************************

We entered the MGM Grand Garden Arena almost two hours later, after delayed traffic, countless security checks and just way too much hassle for an award show.

Our hotels were literally five minutes apart, but it had taken us more than quadruple the time to get there.

I understood celebrities were famous and got the advantage, but I couldn't even imagine what Harry and his team had to go through as well.

As we took our seats inside, we were on the hunt for celebrities, though they were all far below us and ages away.

The red carpet was still alive and active and we had about a half hour until the actual show started. 

As my eyes skimmed, I listened to the musings of my friends. 

"I hear Taylor Swift is here."

"Of course she is, she's getting the top award."

"I wonder if JLO is here. She's my idol."

"No, Nick Jonas. He has been looking too good lately."

I ignored all of the whispers of my friends and kept scanning my eyes for a glimpse of that curly brown hair.

There weren't too many rockstars with his hair length so I was positive he would be easy to spot.

Yet not so much.

I had already snuck and checked my phone and saw he hadn't texted me back, so I was sure he was doing some semblance of his job and had to be there.

I was well aware of all the interviews and press he would need to do before the show; especially since they hadn't really done interviews since Zayn left. 

Still I was curious to see him.

"Who are you waiting on Becca?" I heard suddenly. The voice of Hailey, my friend of six years, pulled me from my thoughts.

"What?" I asked turning to her.

"Who do you want to see?"

_One Direction. Harry Styles. One Direction. Harry Styles._

"No one." I answered. "I'm only here for the performances."

My eyes continued to skim the bottom floor, but I just didn't see him.

Damn. Where the hell was he?

My friends kept talking amongst themselves, while I continued to scan, hearing the announcements that the show would be starting shortly.

As the lights finally dimmed starting the show, I felt gloomy. If I hadn't seen him in the half hour I had looked for him, then chances would be I wouldn't see him unless he won an award or when he presented with his group.

Had he seen my text?

Had he wrote me back?

Was he wondering where I was sitting in the same way I was?

Was he curious about what I had worn?

Did he want to see me after the show?

So many questions and thoughts traveled through my mind, that I barely paid attention as Taylor Swift's Bad Blood video was premiered and she opened the show.

Seconds later Van Halen took the stage, but I was checked out.

Every thought was Harry.

Was he looking at Taylor Swift his ex?

Was she on his mind?

Was I on his mind?

Did he like her dress?

Did he like her video....

_Was I on his mind?_

It didn't help that the first award given out for the night was 'Top Duo/ Group', and then, there he was!

I sat up immediately and with urgency when they were announced as winners.

"Oh my gosh!" Kelsey said beside me. "I totally met Harry a few months ago." she exclaimed as if everyone didn't already know. I blocked her out, and watched the screens waiting to see him.

I couldn't see them as they walked to the stage, because everyone was standing, but as soon as they made it, their faces were put on the big screen.

And then, there was my baby.

I smiled as my buddy Niall took the mic and spoke first.

I listened to him, but my eyes stayed glued to Harry.

He looked so good in his all black and in his celebrity element.

He also looked so unavailable. 

It was hard to separate that man on stage, to the man whose bed I had shared two days earlier. 

It was still so unreal and a hard pill to swallow.

Beside me, Kelsey was screaming and cheering at every word they said, while my other friends, watched in interest and smiled as they accepted their award.

However as quickly as they had arrived, they had disappeared and I was itching to text Harry.

I wanted so badly to say 'Congratulations!' and remind him that I was there. I could see him and in a strange way I wanted to let him know I was sharing the moment with him--but I would have sounded crazy and too forward.

So, I just settled back in my seat and waited for my next glimpse of him.

It didn't come for over an hour later, and by then, I had snuck and checked my phone five more times.

He. Still. Hadn't. Texted. Me. Back.

I now knew where he sat, and knew he wasn't doing anything besides watching the show. It wouldn't have exactly hindered him from responding.

So...then I got pissed.

He and his band won one more award about twenty minutes later, but by then I didn't even care. I hardly moved when he appeared on the screen and thanked everyone for coming to their shows and their support.

Maybe I was being a bit dramatic and overreacting, but it had already been two days since I had heard from him and now he was choosing to ignore me.

I crossed my arms, completely done with it.

At that point, I didn't even want to get a text back.

I just wanted to finish the night out with my friends and maybe pass out drunk somewhere.

Then he wouldn't be on my mind and I wouldn't feel so foolish.

Because I did.

I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet and I didn't like the feeling.

Once again that feeling in the month we didn't speak returned.

_You don't mean that much too him._

_You're just a fuck buddy._

"Lets go to a club after this." I said as the boys left the stage. My friends looked at me in surprise, but were completely down.

"You got it!"

For the non 21 crowds, we had fake IDS, and I had three more days until my birthday.

I reached in my purse, turned my phone off and handed it to Kelsey.

"Giving it up willingly huh?" she questioned giggling.

"I don't want to see it until tomorrow." I said seriously.

She smiled and took it from me agreeing.

Forget you Harry. You don't know what you are missing.

But someone else will.


	40. Chapter 40

CHAPTER FORTY

Harry

Then

 

_Good luck tonight, I miss you._

_Good luck tonight, I miss you._

_Good luck tonight, I miss you._

I kept looking at the picture and the message.

Since I had got the text in my hotel room, I had opened it and closed it at least a dozen times.

Becca had actually texted me, AND she had sent me a picture.

And not just any picture.

Her hazel eyes sparkled with the blue and gold shimmer that lined her eyelashes.

Her cheeks were warm with a light pink blush and her lips that were pouted were accented with a shimmery clear gloss.

She looked beautiful.

I couldn't see what she was wearing, but whatever it was, appeared strapless, and she applied a light shimmer to her shoulders and chest making her skin look iridescent.

It only pissed me off further.

It was all so clear.

Now that she was with her friends and headed to an award show-that I was nominated at- I was important enough to get her attention.

 _Now_ she wanted to talk to me.

In the last two days she hadn't called or texted, but now, when she was going to possibly see me, I was a thought?

It was beyond transparent, and I was disappointed she thought I was so stupid.

When she had been with Ricky the body builder the night before, I wasn't even close to being on her mind. She had probably kissed him and touched him and let him run his hands through her coconut scented hair while he plunged into her.

The mental image made me sick, and it was all I could think of as I stood on the red carpet.

I was being selfish I know, but I couldn't stand to see her with someone else; even at this stage. 

I kept wondering where she was.

Was she at the show already?

Had she seen me in some way and I hadn't seen her?

Was she even on the red carpet or inside the auditorium?

Was she waiting on my text back?

Well, she did  say she missed me...

 

No. 

 

She didn't miss me.

I was certain she missed the _idea_ of me.

I was at work now, superstar Harry Styles, and why wouldn't she latch on to that and try to get close to me? If I were her, I would have done the same thing and sent a quick text as well.

Maybe she figured she would spend the night with me, or show off in front of her friends.

I wasn't sure, but I knew one thing...I was going to ignore the fuck out of her.

She wouldn't hear from me until she was back in town, and that was only because I had already gone out of my way to get her a birthday gift.

It wasn't anything fancy.

A small diamond necklace curved around an emerald heart.

I figured it was girlish and her birthstone and it had cost me about a grand so it didn't mean much; after all, my shoes were worth more than that. Still I had been looking forward to giving it to her.

As I sat in the auditorium, watching the show, I did wonder if she could see me.

It killed me that I didn't know where she was sat and just how far away she was from me. I didn't want her eyes on me and by some semblance of a chance I would see her, I didn't want to lock eyes with her.

As far as I was concerned she wasn't even there.

After the show, some of my bandmates headed to an after party thrown by my ex, but I headed to Jeff, and took a flight back to Los Angeles. I didn't even want to stay in the city overnight knowing she was there.

I took the ride back to his house, and passed out downstairs in the basement.

The next morning I was up early, working out again.

My muscles were tense and my mind was still clouded.

Becca was still updating her Instagram, giving me a front row seat to her dalliances.

More pictures of drinking and partying.

More guys and late night sleepovers.

Didn't she have any shame?

What if her parents came across everything?

Did she even have any class?

I wanted to leave a comment so badly so she knew I was seeing everything.

But my Instagram was tracked by virtually anyone, and I didn't need that drama. After all, my comment wouldn't be too friendly.

I headed back home soon after, taking a hot shower and changing my clothes before heading out to meet a mutual friend.

He and his family kept my attention for most of the day and I ended up spending the night at his house.

I still didn't text Becca back and she didn't text me.

The next day, on May 19th, our silent treatment would continue, and I would repeat my actions from the previous day. I got up early, working out and boxed my frustrations and tensions into the little black pad in my face.

My cold was started to clear up and with it, my energy, so I went to lunch with my friend again.

Becca remained in the back of my mind where I was trying to bury her.

This wasn't us and the longest we had gone without talking since we had reconnected.

It had gone on so long that I wondered if our roles were beginning to change. It dawned on me that maybe she was now mad at me as well.

After all, I had never replied to her picture message.

Still, she would need to text me first before she got any apology.

She was the one who was wrong and I didn't want to think about her.

Still, as I would soon learn, she would have a way of creeping in and never leaving- no matter how far I would push her away.

"So whatever happened to that one girl?" Cal Aurand asked me ten minutes into my meal.

I looked up at him, already feeling Becca running to the surface of my mind.

"What?" I asked him.

"What happened to that girl? The one from Thailand?" He asked. "Camera girl."

_Don't smile._

_Don't remember._

"I don't know." I mumbled.

"You haven't talked to her?" he questioned.

I shook my head no. "We're not friends." I said simply.

"Oh she seemed like a nice girl. She was fun." he said with a chuckle.

I looked back at Cal, feeling Becca now taking a seat in the center of my mind; getting comfortable.

It was like she never left.

Damn it.

"What happened?" he asked. We were very close so his question wasn't out of bounds; I just really didn't want to think about her.

"Can we change the subject?" I asked quickly. "She's irrelevant to me."

He gave me a curious look but took a bite of his sandwich dropping the subject.

After lunch, I headed back to my home, packing for London and having a few conversations with members of my management team, but I was still irritated.

She lingered.

Small traces of her remained in the room.

I could smell her shampoo still in my sheets and in areas of my bedroom.

How was that even possible?

Lighting one of my scented candles, I went over my schedule for the next few weeks. I was very organized when it came to work and knew almost down to the minute what I was doing on a daily, weekly and even monthly basis. The only time my schedule was lax was on my days off, where I made time for family and friends, and lately Becca. 

In the next couple weeks, there would be some recording in London, but for the most part I was a free agent until the shows resumed.

After I hung up, I laid back in my bed and went to sleep.

I needed to shut my mind off and just find a peace.

When I awoke it was 1am. Glancing at my clock, I quickly realized the date. It was now the 20th.

Becca's Birthday.

She was officially twenty-one.

As I laid there in the dimly lit room, she was heavy on my mind. 

I wondered what she was doing. 

It didn't take a rocket scientist to know she was probably out. She was probably downing a drink right now in some club.

She was probably in this club, in a short dress, that showed off her beautiful legs and some guy was probably feeling her up as she grinded her ass against his groin.

The mental image fucked with my mind and anger rose in my chest. I sat up and instantly ran my hands over my face. 

Fuck!

I didn't know why I cared so much.

She wasn't even my girlfriend.

She was no different from the countless other girls I had entertained since I had become famous.

She didn't even have what some of them had.

She wasn't famous or some rich model.

She didn't come from an affluent background or have a lot of money.

She was just some twenty-one year old girl in college, and here I was going crazy over her.

This wasn't me.

In frustration, I moved away from my bed, where I could still smell the faint signs of her previous appearance. Throwing on a sweatshirt, I grabbed my car keys. 

I needed a drive.

A good old fashioned drive on the highway, with the windows down and my music blasting.

Then I would be fine.

The spell would be broken.

She was absolutely beautiful and fun, but that was it.

I didn't need to care this much.

I headed to my Range Rover, starting it up and climbed in.

I plugged in my phone and turned on my favorite Spotify playlist and then rolled down my windows.

I could already see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In less than a hour, she would be off my mind and I would be free from my stupid thoughts.

I didn't fucking need this.

It was time I got my head back in the game. 


	41. Chapter 41

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

Becca.

Then.

 

I came back into town the day after my birthday. By then I still hadn't heard from Harry.

I was beyond pissed and my pride wouldn't let it go-so, the moment my feet hit Los Angeles ground, I shot him an angry text.

*Not that you care, but I'm back in town. My birthday was excellent by the way and everything I could have dreamed for. I hope your days have been wonderful, though they must be since every day you've been out enjoying the nice California weather. Oh, and congrats on your win by the way. I wanted to tell you the other day but I didn't hear from you. Enjoy your trip to London Harry and good luck with the tour. I'm sure it will be great!*

I felt pretty silly after hitting send, but empowered just the same that I didn't let him walk all over me.

I wanted him to know I knew he was purposely ignoring me.

He didn't seem to care either way.

*Thanks. Are our plans still on for today? I'm leaving town in a couple hours.* he replied five minutes later.

That was his response. No sorry. No acknowledgment of the last few days. Just that.

I quickly dialed his number and called him.

He picked up on the third ring.

"Hi Becca."

"Hi." I said, and then getting straight to the point, "What are you talking about?"

"Your birthday. I told you to set some time aside."

"I haven't even heard from you."

"I've been busy." he said, as if it was the most normal thing that we hadn't spoken in five days. "How was your birthday?"

"It was fine." I said shortly, completely confused.

Had I been overreacting the last few days?

Could he really have been just busy and that's why he didn't get back to me?

Even so, it still didn't make sense that he hadn't even texted me Happy Birthday.

"Good. Glad to hear it." he said quickly then moved on. "So are we meeting? Because I have to catch a flight in a few hours, and I have something for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I got you a birthday gift."

"Really?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah. I have like three hours if you meet me now." he said simply.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm at home. Are you going to come?"

I already knew the answer before I said it.

Even though he had pissed me off and practically ignored me the last few days; the truth was, he had me.

I would have still gladly jumped if it meant I would get to see him.

"Give me an hour." I finally answered.

"I'll be waiting." he said softly.

When I finally pulled in front of his gate, and texted him I was outside, I gave myself a quick pep talk.

_Don't give in too easily and stick to your guns._

Let him know he can't treat you anyway; busy or not.

He opened the gate, and I pulled into the driveway with my Prius.

As I pulled in, he walked outside.

 _Damn,_ he was going to make this hard.

He stared back at me through the car, parting his hair with his hands.

He was wearing an old Rolling Stone t-shirt and a pair of skinny blue jeans.

I climbed out and he smiled.

"Hey you."

"Hi." I said closing the space between us. I could smell his cologne and the sun made his tan seem incandescent.

Not to sound like the popular novel _Twilight,_ but he sparkled.

"How are you?" he asked pulling me in a hug.

My petite frame rested against his, and I could have sworn I felt his lips brush the top of my hair.

I pulled away from him.

"I'm good."

My eyes met his gaze, but for the first time I couldn't hold it.

The sun made his eyes intense but that was not why.

I realized for the first time I was shy around him.

I looked everywhere but at him.

"You got here quick." he said. "Not even an hour."

That was because I had sped the whole drive.

"Traffic was light." I said simply.

"Oh," he turned towards his house. "Well come in."

I followed as he led me to his front door, and eventually through it.

I smiled at the familiar scent of his Cinnamon candles and heard the TV playing in the distance.

"What time do you leave?" I asked.

He seemed super laid back and casual to be taking a flight in only a few hours.

"After five." he said.

From checking the time the last half hour, I knew it was a bit after one.

"Oh." was all I said and he looked back at me.

We stared at each other for a few moments.

There was an awkwardness about today that I couldn't place and we were notably different from how we normally were.

"Are you hungry or anything?" he asked.

I shook my head no. "We ate on the road."

"How long have you been back in town?" he asked.

"Since this morning." I said casually though realistically it had only been about two hours. I didn't want him to know I had ran directly to him.

"How was the drive?" he asked.

"Fine." I said simply.

We were still standing in his entryway and I wondered if this was the furthest I was going to get to go.

He hadn't offered for me to sit or even enter his living room which was obviously playing some show.

Then a thought popped in my head.

"Are you alone?" I asked him suddenly.

He looked at me curiously.

"Why?"

I shrugged, allowing my physical action to answer for me.

He smiled. "No I'm not alone. You're here."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "You know what I mean."

He smirked and turned from me, placing his hands in his pocket.

"No I'm alone. Jeff was here, but he left so we could have a moment."

"And your parents are still in town too right?" I asked trying to make forced conversation. 

He nodded yes, then studied me.

"Yup, we're all going back together."

"That's nice." I said softly. 

Harry didn't respond, continuing to look at me.

"So what's wrong?" he asked.

"With what?" I asked.

"With you." he said looking back at  me. "You're acting weird."

"I'm not acting weird...you're acting weird."

"I'm acting weird?" he questioned and I nodded. "How?" he asked.

I gestured to where we were standing. "I mean you haven't even invited me in."

He smiled and turned from me walking towards the living room. I already knew this time I was suppose to follow.

"Becca you've been here a lot lately. I don't have to chaperone you in my house."

"I'm not going to just walk around freely." I argued.

"You can though." he said as he reached the living room. "Mi casa es su casa."

He sat on the couch and patted for me to sit by him.

I did, but further down the couch, creating a noticeable distance. He was leaving back to London, so it was time to start preparing myself. 

He smiled.

"Oh what's that suppose to mean?" he joked. "Are you mad at me or something?"

I smiled. "I am actually."

"What did I do?" he asked.

"I think you know."

He bit his lip and turned from me watching the TV for a few seconds. "I'm kind of mad at you too." he said and I faced him.

He wouldn't look at me, but he allowed a small smile to case his face before turning to me. "So we're even."

"I didn't do anything." I argued.

This time he shrugged.

He picked at some invisible lint on his pants and ran a hand through his hair. He sat back, sinking into the plush couch. 

"So what did you do in Vegas?"

"Not much. Little this, little that." I teased.

"Party here, party there..." he teased back.

I smiled. "I'm not the partying type."

"Well you hardly sat in a corner Becca. I'm not that stupid."

"I did actually. My friends were the ones hooking up and stuff."

"And you didn't?" he asked. His tone had dropped the humor and grown a bit more serious.

"Hey your cold is gone." I pointed out, noticing that his true voice was back.

Harry smiled lightly and turned from me. "And she changes the subject..."

"No I wasn't. I just noticed." I said.

"So answer the question then. Did you hook up with anyone?"

"No." I said. "I was quite satisfied from a hook up I had a few days before with this British fellow."

"A British fellow huh?" he asked keeping his eyes on the tv.

"Yeah. He can be quite annoying." I said and he laughed. "But the sex is pretty good."

He turned to me with his dimples wide. "Oh is that the only reason you stay around then?"

"It's one of them."

"What's the others?"

I shrugged playfully and didn't answer.

Harry smiled and scooted closer to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

He scooted even more.

"Get back to your spot." I said playfully.

"No." he said and laid his head on my legs. He moved so that his back rested against my knees and he could look up at me. His green eyes gazed up at me and I once again, felt my belly do a teeny jump. He was the first boy who had truly given me butterflies.

"So do you want your gift now or later?"

I smiled down at him. "Well that depends on what it is." I teased seductively.

He gathered his bottom lip between his teeth and scraped. It was such a simple gesture but so so sexy.

"Are you coming back after you go to London?" I asked.

He shook his head no. 

"Nope. Just going straight to the shows."

"So when will you be back in town?"

"In July. For our San Diego concert."

"That's too long." I said with a small pout.

He smiled and sat back up.

He faced me.

"Well let's go home and get your bag." he said mischievously. "Come with me."

I chuckled. "I wish."

He smiled widely and caressed my cheek.

"We probably need the break from each other anyway."

"Oh five days wasn't enough for you?"

He pulled away and stood.

"Was it five days?" he joked peering down at me.

His tone said 'I hardly even noticed you were gone'

I swatted at him and he moved out of the way, laughing.

"I'm going to go get your gift."

"I don't want it." I teased. "You didn't even miss me."

"But you will! And I did!" he called, as he left the room, heading upstairs.

I smiled and sat back.

It had only been ten minutes, but I was already sucked in.

He was forgiven; completely and without a fight.

I looked at the TV in front of me, that I had completely forgotten was playing and watched the few seconds of the movie that was playing in front of me.

When he came back down, he was holding a small gift bag.

There was a real gift in there. He had actually gotten me something.

"Harry what is this?" I asked as he handed it to me.

"Your present." he said simply.

"You didn't have to _actually_ get me anything."

"I know." he said softly. "But I wanted too."

I sat the bag on my lap and pulled apart the pretty pink wrapping paper. Inside I saw another long square box wrapped in a light lilac wrapper.

I didn't even have to open it to know it was jewelry.

I gave him a look. "What did you do Harry?"

He grinned widely and gestured for me to open it.

I did as he said, gently ripping the lilac wrapping until the long black suede box peered back at me.

I gave him a thankful smile, before clasping my hands around the opening, and lifting it up.

Peering back at me was a silver necklace with a diamond heart wrapped around an emerald.

My birthstone.

It was gorgeous.

So gorgeous I thought I might cry.

"Harry..." I just murmured since I was at a lost for words.

"Do you like it?" he asked quickly. "Because I can get you something else. I know I leave today but I can always have something mailed to you or maybe even-"

I placed my hand over his mouth.

"Stop." I said. "It's beautiful."

He removed my hand from his mouth.

"Do you really like it?"

"I love it." I said honestly. "It's my new favorite thing."

He smiled widely- proud- and stood.

"Here." he said. "Let me put it on you."

He pushed away some hair from my neck and took the necklace from me.

His hands tickled my skin as he clasped the necklace, and then placed a gentle kiss on my neck.

I wanted more.

 _Needed_ more.

As he moved to sit back down, I stopped him placing my hands on his chest and pulling him down to kiss me.

His mouth was warm and tasted like chocolate.

He moved his tongue against mine and within seconds we both intensified the kiss.

His hands found my hair and my hands gripped his shirt. The passion we shared, quickly returning.

He placed his knee between my legs and gently pushed me back on the couch.

He hovered over me, as my head rested back and our mouths continued to tease and probe.

It had seemed so long and I was hungry for his touch once more.

I went to remove his shirt and he stopped me, pulling my hands down, and breaking our kiss.

He gripped my legs and within seconds lifted me in the air, and wrapped my legs around his waist.

At that moment I was thankful for the height difference and the easiness at which he lifted me.

He stumbled backwards, as he tried to get to the stairs but I didn't make it easy.

I didn't remove my mouth, kissing his lips, neck and any other part of him in reach.

He smirked, distracted and finally rested me against the wall by the steps.

"Giving up?" I teased trying to catch my breath.

"Giving in." he said.

My hands found his hair again and one of his hands went for the button on my pants.

"I can't wait to see how you get them off." I said playfully. One hand was holding me up and the other had just unbuckled my pants. Due to our position, I wasn't sure he would be able to remove them- but he had other plans.

Shifting us, he rested me on the nearby steps and smirked.

"Don't underestimate me."

He got my pants off quickly and removed my underwear as well.

His mouth found my sex and I sighed in pleasure.

His tongue weaved and traced my most intimate areas and I just tried to hold it all together.

Biting my lip and smiling, I tried to keep myself from laughing in pleasure.

Early this morning I had been pissed because he hadn't called me back, now he was eating me out on his steps.

One thing I could definitely say was Harry gave me adventure and I never knew what to expect. Running my hands through my hair, I threw my head back and gave in to his skilled tongue.

"You taste so good." he murmured against my clit, using a finger and tongue coordination that drove me crazy.

"Fuck, you're so good at this." I mumbled, seeing stars, unicorns and all of my wildest dreams.

"Shouldn't be so fucking sexy." he said and then broke his mouth from me and brought it to my lips.

He kissed me roughly, and eagerly. I was just as hungry for him and I feverishly began to tug at his clothes. He practically ripped off his Rolling Stones shirt and tore off his jeans.

Neither one of us waited for a condom, as he turned me around on the steps and entered me from behind.

"Fuuuccckkk." he drawled out as he slammed in me. "Why are you always so wet? It's amazing."

"It's how you make me." I said trying to catch my breath. I was already on the edge from his mouth and now with his long, mastered strokes, I was close to having a second and third orgasm.

I gripped my hands on the rail and he pumped in and out of me quickly. He gripped me tightly and I was sure his hands were leaving an imprint on my hips.

It was the roughest sex we had ever had, but it was the most enjoyable.

There was a carnal desire that hadn't been there before and I repeatedly screamed his name. Maybe it was the frustration from the last few days finally coming out.

When we came together, minutes later, we both collapsed, spent as if we had ran a marathon.

My shirt which I was still wearing clung to my body from the sweat that we had created in that short time. Even my new necklace, that was rested between my breasts, didn't move, sticky from the action.

I sighed, completely satisfied.

Harry was beside me on the steps, stroking his penis coming down from his high as well.

After we caught our breaths, he turned to me.

"So we need to have a conversation."

"Right now?" I asked.

"Yeah." he said. He sat up, letting his penis go and bent to pick up his boxers. I watched as he pulled them back on and then looked down at me.

I reached for my underwear and put them back on as well.

I was definitely going to need a shower when I got home. My panties and inner thighs were soaked with our fluids as Harry came aganist me, and not inside.

"So what do we need to talk about?" I asked bending to pick up my jeans. His playful mood from earlier was gone, and I could tell whatever he wanted to say was serious.

He ran a hand through his hair and stepped into his jeans pulling them up as well.

"Well I've been thinking..." he said softly. "When you were in Vegas I had some time to think and I've come to a conclusion."

"Okay?" I asked in slight uneasiness. I didn't like his tone and where it was going. Especially since he was leaving town.

I felt like this could maybe be the end and that was our goodbye.

It all made sense. The necklace, his weird attitude, and the sex...

This was where we parted.

I couldn't even bare to hear the words yet.

I put my hand up stopping him.

"It's okay Harry. I already know. You don't have to say it."

He looked back at me in confusion.

"You already know what?"

"What you're going to say... and it's fine. I already knew this was going to end."

He flipped his head;  his brows furrowing.

"What are you talking about?"

I looked back at him. 

"You're ending this right? Because you're leaving?"

"No." he said. And then quickly, "Is that what you want?"

"No." I said quickly. "I just...I figured..."I mumured. 

"You figured what?" he asked.

I sighed. "Forget it. What were you going to say?"

"No," he said taking a step towards me. "I want to know what you were about to say."

"I said it already. I thought you were ending this."

"I know that Becca." he said impatiently. "My question is why do you think that?"

"Because you're leaving."

He sat down on the step and peered up at me.

"No. That's not what I was going to say."

"You weren't?" I asked skeptically looking down at him.

He smirked. "Well if you would have let me finish..."

I sat beside him.

"You're right...sorry. go ahead."

He smiled and shook his head back and forth.

"What?" I asked.

"You're just...you make me shake my head."

I smiled.

"What I was going to say though, is this...I thought a lot when you were in Las Vegas. And though we have discussed  us a bit, we're not really defined. It's casual and um...I just want to clear things up before I go."

"Okay?"

"While I'm away...I just, I've decided...that I don't really want you to see anyone else."

"What does that mean exactly?" I asked in confusion.

"Well I don't want to tell you what to do, but I would prefer if you don't see any other guys. No dates, no hanging out romantically, no sex...any of that."

I chuckled. "I'm not doing any of that now."

"Well I know, but, while i'm gone too." he clarified.

I sat up and faced him.

"Well...thats all very sweet Harry." I said honestly. "But I can't commit to that." I said.

"Why not?" he asked.

Well I was thinking about it.

He was going on tour.

He would have other distractions.

Me, the only thing I would have all day, is to sit at home and think about him- at least until school started up again.

If I wanted to go out with friends and hang out with guys I would be locked in.

I knew I didn't want anyone else and no one else was definitely on my mind, but while he was away could mean months, and it didn't seem fair for me to make that kind of commitment; especially when he didn't make it clear, he was doing the same.

"Well what are we talking about? You say away...what does that even mean? London? This summer? All of your shows?"

He looked back at me, his expression turning disgusted.

"Well what are you inconvenienced? You want to see other people?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course not Harry. But I want to be realistic. I need to know what this is and what were doing. What should I expect Harry? It's not like we can date."

"But we are." he said. "We have been."

I looked at him in skepticism. 

He turned to me giving me his full attention.

"What i'm talking about is loyalty. Me to you, and you to me."

My heart warmed for a bit. That was confirmation he wasn't planning on seeing anyone else.

Still, I needed details and I needed to know what I was getting myself into.

"But we can't have that if you're going on tour." I argued.

This time he rolled his eyes. "I'm not worried about that. You're on your break. You can travel with me if it came down to it."

"Would you want me too?"

"Sure. Why not. I just want to spend more time with you. I'm not proposing marriage here Becca but I kind of want to see where this can go, ya know, while we both have the time for the summer."

That comment irritated me.

"I didn't even hear from you the entire weekend and now you want to be with me? I'm sorry if i'm not buying it." I said skeptically.

"I didn't hear from you either Becca and i'm not the one who was in the hotel room with random guys." he threw out suddenly.

I narrowed my eyes. 

"What did you say?" I asked. How could he possibly have known what I did in Vegas? Had he somehow seen my social media accounts?

He didn't answer my specific question. "You heard me." he said sharply. "But I don't care about any of that. We're discussing now. Do you want to see where this goes? For now?" he asked getting to the point.

"Of course I do, but what you're missing is- where can it go? You don't have time for anything and neither do I. Honestly once school starts back up, I'm there. That is my focus."

"I know. It'll be a summer thing." he said finally. "And we'll make it great and it'll be fun. I mean...don't you want to do fun stuff with me Becca?"

He smirked widely, turning the charm on high.

"I do." I said.

"Then let's do it." he said. "There's no crazy commitments. We just won't fool around with anyone else. It doesn't have to be so serious."

"And I join you on tour a bit?" I questioned.

"Yeah, sure." he said leaning back and resting his arms on the step above him. "Let me fill up your passport a little bit." he said and winked. "You can even come out when it resumes in two weeks. I'd love to have you."

"But my parents... they still don't know about you."

"Well then I guess you're having a conversation when you get home huh?" he teased.

I looked back at him and smiled.

Were we really doing this?

Were we really dating now? If that was even the proper term...

I sat up.

"Well i'll _maybe_ agree to this on one condition."

"Yeah?"

I smiled, so he knew I wasn't totally serious.

"Just don't break my heart." I said.

He smiled back and lifted off of the steps. He caressed my cheek.

"Don't break mine." he said back.

"I won't." I whispered gently.

He leaned and kissed my lips. A soft slow kiss.

"Then I won't break yours." he said when we pulled away.

"Promise?" I teased.

"I'm not good at making promises." he said tracing my lips with his fingers.

"Then no deal." I said and he smirked.

"Fine, fine. I promise." he said and we shared another slow kiss. "I won't break your heart."

"Good." I said climbing on his lap and deepning the kiss. I was already ready for more and round two. My lips moved down to his neck.

"Hey- you didn't promise me?" he said.

I lifted my head, and stared into his brillant green eyes. I knew I could never hurt him even if I tried. I already cared about him too much.

Clutching his face in my hands, I gave him a soft peck and stared back at him.

"I promise." I said. "I won't break your heart Harry Styles."

He smiled widely lifting me suddenly.

I squealed as he carried us upstairs practically running to the bedroom.

My giggles and eventual moans the only thing you could hear as he slammed the door behind us.

I guess we both didn't realize at that moment, that promises were meant to be broken; but we would soon find out.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING; ABORTION/MISCARRIAGE IS MENTIONED FROM THIS POINT FORWARD.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

HARRY

NOW

 

I proposed to Julie on a Thursday.

Three days after our seven month anniversary.

You want to know how I did it?

Well she had been out of town for a week, and I had been staying at her condo.

I had surprised her, decorating her condo with scent-less candles, and red rose petals.

It had took me three hours to get the house together and I had walked around the house, taking instructions-that I didn't need- from my sister Gemma.

Place the petals this way. _Up, and down the hallways._

Put on that type of music _. Something soft and romantic._

When she walks in, make her wait. _Let her call out your name a few times._

Make the proposal suspenseful. _Leave a sneaky letter and make her find you._

Make it memorable. _Make sure it's the best night of her life so far._

The funny thing about it was, I had been there all before.

I had been to the floral shop standing in line purchasing the bouquets. I had sat around the house, jumbled with nerves at how the night would go, and I had spent hours on the internet, googling pictures on how to make sure the proposal was worthy of multiple story retellings.

The blueprint for this proposal was tucked away close already.

Truthfully, Julie's proposal had been sitting in my nightstand for two years at that point; long expired from its original purpose and for the intended person.

The same nightstand that rests behind me now.

The ring had been kept in my sock drawer, rolled in two black pairs of socks, that I never wore--the dresser, the one that sits in front of me now.

At first, I felt like maybe that was taking it too far.

So many things about our relationship had been built on borrowed remnants of my relationship with Becca.

The perfume I bought her was the kind Becca liked.

The shoes I picked out had Becca's style.

And now the ring, which had been designed for Becca's slender finger, was going to sit pretty on Julie's manicured hands.

It didn't all seem right and my mother's words that next morning would echo for the next few weeks.

"You can't make her Becca." she had warned after I told her about the plan of the pretty little six carat ring. "You need to let that go and start fresh."

Defensive, and pissed off that Becca was brought up, I had denied what I knew wasn't true.

"I'm over her." I said. "I don't even care about her anymore. Everyone needs to get over it."

I had even added a little grit to my tone, and disgust to sell the words.

But the fucked up part was, I did, and as I stare up at her now, I know I am still completely fucked.

I'm still in love with her.

Completely and foolishly.

As I look back at the source of my hearts turmoil, I don't say a word.

I'm tired and my mothers words, are finally sinking in.

This is a waste of time.

After two years, what am I expecting?

Do I even think she would actually choose me in the end?

No. 

So why am I wasting my time?

 

She has been quiet for a while now.

Silenced by my profession.

Silenced by my truth.

In an act of not thinking, I had finally admitted it: I want you.

I hadn't meant for it to come out, but it had, spilled and coating the room around us. The same room that we had made love and promises many many months earlier.

The same room, that after she leaves, I'm going to finally rip and tear apart.

My mother is right. I do need to let her go, but after that....after the truth, how can I?

I study the floral print of her blue dress in front of me. I almost remember the first day she wore it. If I remember correctly, she had bought it for some promotional event for me.

Ironic that she wears it now.

As she stands in front of me, I try not to stare, but how can I not?

The imaginary figure of my dreams is back before me, and whether I want to or not, I can't help but sneak quick glances when she doesn't look directly at me.

 _Everything_ about her still gets to me, and for the last two days, I have tried to push these thoughts away.

I have tried to move on.

Really.

I've even stopped the comparisons over the last few months.

But today, she pushed me to the edge.

She just doesn't get it.

She just doesn't see the way she ruins me.

I clear my throat and wait.

She hasn't moved much, still frozen in the same spot.

Her eyes have softened, and are no longer wide and demanding, taunting me to continue.

Instead, for the first time, I have completely shut her up.

If it wasn't for what I had said, I would rejoice.

I have finally won a round.

I force my eyes away for a second and scan the room. If this was a movie, you would hear a clock somewhere in the distance, ticking and highlighting the time that is passing.

It's probably only been a minute or two, but it feels like forever.

She stands, while I sit.

She stares, while my eyes wonder.

I think a part of me is too scared to really focus on her again.

I'm not ready for her rejection.

But, as always, she surprises me.

"What am I suppose to say to that?" she says suddenly, breaking the loudest silence I have heard recently. "Why would you say that?"

I want to smile at the accusatory tone of her voice.

She makes it sound like I had a choice in any of this- like I ever have.

"What? The truth?" I ask.

Her eyes turn to incisions and she shakes her head quickly- angrily.

"You don't want me. You're just trying to piss me off and honestly, I don't have time for the games." she says, raising her tone.

I'm sure a screaming match is around the corner.

Round 453.

I look back at her for a second, trying to read if she is serious. Could her mind really work this way?

When I read the seriousness of her eyes, I can tell she truly believes that I'm playing a game with her- as if it's crazy to still love her.

"Wow." I say. I don't really know what else to say.

I'm dumbfounded.

I stand slowly and keep my eyes on her.

"I don't have time for games Becca. The mind fuck games are all you."

She snarls.

"Besides, I don't _want_ to want you." I emphasize.

I bend and pick up my sweater from earlier off the bed.

"I would give anything to just go back to the way my life was."

She scoffs.

"What two days ago?"

"No." I say moving past her. "Before I met you."

"Well I wish I had never met you either." she says quickly and our eyes meet.

I expect to see  darts and flames, but nope...there is something else.

She tries to stand so confidently, but she forgets I know her better than anyone.

I have hurt her feelings. Immediately my defenses melt. I reach for her and try to retract my statement, but she moves away from me.

I can see the wheels spinning in her mind.

She looks in the corner, at her old closet.

"So...what have I been missing?" she says not missing a beat.

"With what?" I ask nonchantlantly. I put my previous outfit of jeans and sweater back in the drawer, and turn to her.

"You say I don't get something...fool's gold...and what is that?"

This time I stop.

I had forgotten the path I was going only minutes earlier.

I was about to spill it all, so loud that our neighbors could hear it.

But now...I hear my Mother.

I need to let her go.

"Forget it." I say.

"No." she demands. "You had your tantrum and called me a bitch so I would listen to you...well...I'm listening. I'm all ears."

She crosses her arms.

I roll my eyes.

If we go down that road, I'm not sure of the outcome.

"Becca that does nothing for me. Tap your foot, and huff and puff...but I'm done. I'm over the whole fucking conversation."

"So you lied."

"I've never lied to you a day in my life." I quickly argue. 

"So you _do_ want me?" she challenges.

I shouldn't respond, but she knows me, and she knows how to get me to react.

I instantly do.

"You already know the answer to that question. You know how I've felt for five years Becca."

She shrugs as if she doesn't- indifferent.

"Guess I don't." she says.

I sigh and regret this, but I answer.

"Fine."

She bites her lip, hiding a smile. Ball back in her court.

"Do you remember that day I came back to L.A. when the movie switched locations and you were still sleeping with that other guy?"

Her facial expression is immediately put off. I expect its because of her other ex, but nope, not so much. 

"Dunkirk?" she questions instead, as if I've filmed more than one movie.

The expression is amusing to me.

I have to admit, a part of me likes to see her annoyed too.

I smile. "Yes Dunkirk. You came and got me from the airport."

"Why are we talking about that?" she asks impatiently.

"Do you remember?" I ask, ignoring her.

"Of course I remember."

Her tone inflects, letting me know she is already starting to lose patience. She doesn't like stories.

"Do you remember how isolated everything was?"

"Obviously."

"The whole time I had been away filming, we had barely spoke-"

"That's because of you Harry." she quickly reminds me.

"Yes, but who did I go too, the moment I came into town?"

She doesn't respond and I continue.

"You were the first person I wanted to see. So much that I practically ran to you. I couldn't wait another day."

She sighs finally over it.

"Why the hell are we talking about this?! Why can't you ever just answer a question?"

I ignore her again.

"That's what you miss." I say pointing at her. "That's what you always miss."

Her eyes immediately furrow in confusion and I quickly explain. 

"Being in your life has never been a choice Becca." I say softly. "Loving you was something I could never control. Despite what you seem to think, you aren't someone I can easily walk away from."

"I know that." she says suddenly cutting me off. "I know you loved me Harry, the problem was, it wasn't enough."

"You didn't let it be." I argue.

She sighs loudly.

She shakes her head and sits on the bed.

"You know Harry, I'm not this Queen that you think I am, and you are not some saint. Some fairytales don't have a happily ever after."

"And some do." I counter back.

She cuts her eyes at me but doesn't say another word.

"Either way I'm over this," I mutter quickly. Time for a quick escape.

"I'm going back in the kitchen." I announce.

She doesn't reply, but she also doesn't make a move to follow me.

I'm actually a bit relieved. It'll give me some time to recoup and get back on track.

I grab my other shirt, tossing it on quickly. She stays, sulking on the bed.

As I head to the main room, passing our old pictures on the wall, I try to zone out.

I try to ignore how her presence invades my space.

I try to ignore the meaning underneath. This hate you but want you feeling.

Love you, but can't have you.

After the last two days, and her tweet yesterday I thought I was ready to see her again- but now, I'm a bit overwhelmed by it all.

I can't figure out how this is suppose to end.

How the hell do I end it?

 

I move back to the kitchen, beginning to clean up our dishes. I put away the bag of cheddar chips I got just for her, and I empty her glass of juice.

Her world mixing and taking over mine.

I have another surprise for her but at this point, I shouldn't even bother.

She should leave.

But at the same time, I hope she stays.

Thinking back on it now, that's what upset me. When she answered the phone for Chase, it felt like a slap in my face.

I felt like she was picking him over me. If he would have asked, I knew she would probably go, and that was what pissed me off. That was when I was over it.

She is with him, and I am with Julie. This ending could be nothing but pointless. 

Now this is where it will stand forever.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I lean my back against the sink as I pull the phone out.

*Hey Love, I hope your day is going well. I already miss you like crazy! I have a break coming up so stay near your phone. Talk soon! Love you!*

I swipe my screen unlocking it, and go to the Messages folder. I hit the reply button when I feel her presence come into the room.

In the few minutes we've been apart, she has pulled her hair up and it bounces with her small steps.

As she breezes past me, she doesn't look at me at first, but after she takes a seat at the counter, her eyes meet mine head on.

Light from the sun is in the room, and it hits her eyes.

They are brilliant and glossy; wet almost.

Has she been...

"Okay I'm ready." she announces.

My hand remains suspended in the air, ready to reply to Julie, and I don't move.

Ready for what?

And has she been crying?

If so, she has recovered pretty quickly.

But what did I do to get her there?

Becca keeps her stare.

She wants me to react.

"Ready for what?" I say on cue, trying to read her eyes.

"To be honest." she says with a measured sigh.

"Honest about what?" I ask.

"How I feel." she says slowly. "About you, us."

My hand immediately shifts off the phone. Julie can wait.

This is going to be good.

Tossing the phone on the counter, I keep my eyes on her.

I cross my arms.

"I'm listening."

"Do you want to sit?" she asks.

"I better stand."

I'm sure whatever is coming is going to make me want to walk away.

Lately she's been very good at pissing me off.

She cups her hands together, and keeps her eyes on me.

I can see the thoughts dance across her eyes but these I can't read.

She sighs slowly, gaining courage.

I suck in a breath, in fear.

"Okay..." she says slowly.

She looks away and begins.

"You said something back there, about me not being affected."

Her eyes rise to meet mine slowly.

"So?" I question.

"That can't be further from the truth."

I continue to look back at her.

She pauses, a dramatic pause. Funny...now she is the storyteller.

"Those pictures...the ones on the Bangkok Camera, this house..." she says making a gesture with her hands. "You think I hate it because it has to do with you, but that's not true. I hate it all because of me, the way it makes me feel."

"And what way is that?"

She looks back at me but doesn't immediately answer.

"Can you please sit?" she asks again.

I nod no.

I'm scared to be that close to her right now.

She sighs and pushes her body away from the counter.

Her hands cup the granite and she gives herself a silent pep talk.

I'm bout to intervene and rush her when it all comes out in word vomit.

"I feel like I've loved you all my life Harry, and sometimes it feels like I'll never stop."

Wait...

Huh?

Her head is down and she can't even look at me as she says it.

Due to her position, the words were so rushed and quiet, that I know she was hoping I wouldn't catch it.

She's shit out of luck, because I hear every word.

"I still feel something for you,"

And then the head rises.

"But I don't want too. We don't work."

The 'work' comment, I've heard before- even recently, but the 'love' word...well I haven't heard that in two years especially not in that way.

I consume her words. 

She. Still. Loves. Me. 

Too.

"And do you know how hard that is? Loving someone you know you can't have...that you could never be with." she says finishing her thought a second later.

I surprise her and myself with my next comment.

"But you could have me."

She rolls her eyes.

"Julie-" she reminds me. " _Your bride_. And Chase. There's too much that's happened-"

"You. Could. Have. Me." I cut her off and emphasize each word. "You could still have me. The last few years didn't have to happen Becca. You made this. You ran and killed our happily ever after. Don't forget that." I say pushing off the counter and bending down. I lean over her and stare down.

Green eyes to Hazel.

I want to punish her, and I give her the coldest look I can muster.

 _Feel it Becca..._ feel the way you've fucked up our life.

Feel the way you've ruined everything we could have been. 

Our future has become a sad, lonely condo that I can barely stand to visit. 

She bites her lips and keeps her gaze steady on me.

"You don't get it." she mumbles this time. 

She shakes her head.

"I get it Becca. _You_ don't get it. Take ownership for this." I demand. "You're the one _who left me."_

Whatever I say, triggers something inside of her. So much that I immediately jump back.

She jumps out of the chair and yanks her ponytail out. She throws the binder across the room.

Before I have time to prepare, she is in my face, hair wild and SCREAMING AT ME.

"You don't have a fucking clue!!! Jeez Harry, you're clueless! Just like back then! How come you haven't figured it out by now! How come you couldn't see how broken I was? How fucking wrecked  I was while you were on the tour?  How could you not hear it in my voice every time you talked to me...and then you came back- God! You came back and you...You! You killed us! You killed her! The fucking stress-"

I grab her. 

I

Shut

Her

Down.

Pulling her to me, my lips hit hers roughly.

I feel her suck in a breath, as my lips swallow hers.

We are instantly slow and high tempo.

Pain and pleasure.

Her lips move against mine quickly, defeated. Her entire body gives into me, kissing me hungrily.

Her kiss is ravenous and for a few seconds, I don't think about anything but her.

Hands grace skin, and bodies slam pieces of the room.

I hit the sink, kissing and sucking.

She hits the counter, touching and rubbing- some tangled back and forth, where we don't come up for air.

She is almost mine and this time I'm not letting her go.

She almost belongs to me again, but I already belong to her.

My hands go to lift her dress and I'm so happy that I can barely contain it.

_I feel like I've loved you all my life Harry..._

The dress comes off.

_And sometimes it feels like I'll never stop._

She grabs for my shirt and pulls it off.

I lift her on the counter.

_You can have me. You could still have me._

I feel her hands go for the hem of my sweat shorts.

My hands move from her body, and begin to pull them down too.

My dick is a rock.

The bottoms hit the floor. 

"Do you have a condom?" she asks breaking the kiss, her tone breathless.

"Fuck the condom." I say. I'm going to go in bare, like before.

I'm going to make her remember what we're like.

Being inside of her is home, and  there's no place like it. 

I truly feel like she was created for me. And I for her. 

_You don't have a clue!!! Fuck Harry!_

She smiles, giggles and looks back at me. Her lips are a deep red, bruised from our rough kisses and she has never looked more beautiful.

I'm so happy.

I yank her to me, and go for her panties.

Thank you God for today. Thank you for the last few words even if she was screaming at me.

It got us here.

It got us back to us.

My hands palm her bra and I go to kiss her again.

Her lips encase mine. That beautiful mouth, molded to that beautiful face.

_How could you not hear it in my voice every time you talked to me?_

 I can't believe I've forgotten how good she tastes. 

She wraps completely around me, gripping her legs around my waist. 

"Man, i've missed you." she says, kissing my neck. "I've missed you so much."

_And then you came back._

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Ever again."

_God!...You! You killed us!_

I go to kiss her again, then it hits me. 

The last words.

_You killed her._

Her.

Something in me stops as I replay the final sentence again.

 _How come you haven't figured it out by now!_ _You killed us._ _You killed her..._

"What is it?" Becca calls gently in concern, as I pull slightly away from her. 

Her.

Her.

HER.

The stress...

I look back at Becca. Really look at her. My smile fades.

I see something I've never seen before, but in a second it all makes sense. All the pieces of the last breakup finally come together. A quick movie plays before my eyes, in front of both of us. I finally get what she was just screaming at me. 

_How come you couldn't see how broken I was? How fucking wrecked I was while you were on the tour?_

_How could you not hear it in my voice every time you talked to me?_

_You killed us! You killed her!_

Becca's smile fades as I look at her and the light in her eyes is quickly replaced with something else.

Her eyes fill up quickly.

I see so many things at once.

Regret.

Sadness.

Fear.

She knows I have finally caught on.

"Becca," I begin.

My voice is not mine.

And she swallows and begins to shake her head no.

"Please-" she pleads in a whisper.

The heaviness of my next words almost choke me. I don't think I can even say it, but I have too.

Her eyes have already told me everything and I need to confirm.

"What do you mean?"

"Harry-"

"What are you talking about?"

My voice is hoarse, almost a whisper.

"Harry don't. Let's forget it- "

She tries to kiss me again, and my hands go out to stop her.

It pisses me off instantly, the way she tries to brush this away now.

Who the fuck does she think she is?

"Harry-" she pleads. "Forget it. We're moving past it."

She gestures between us, and our half nude positions, but forget all that... my dick has quickly become a limp noodle. 

"No the fuck we're not..." I say taking a step backwards. "Who are you talking about Becca? What do you mean 'I killed her'.  Killed who? Who Becca?"

She swallows again and turns away from me. I already know what she is about to do. 

The queen of running has shown me this card a couple times before.  I take my previous step back toward her and grip her face. I make her face me.

 _"Don't."_ I warn. "Answer me."

"I can't-" she cries. "I didn't mean what I just said. It slipped out and-"

"NOW!" I scream.

And then she breaks in my hands. The most gut-wrenching wail I've ever heard. In seconds, trickles of tears fall down her face and cover my hand in streams.

I feel like I'm going to die. I feel like my whole world can end right here.

But I don't even get to make it that far because a second later, she just puts me out of my misery. Her words are quick and jumbled. 

"Harry, I didn't know how to tell you. We were fighting all the time and your tour had ended and we were trying to figure us out and-"

"Just tell me."

She swallows again and I let her face go. She puts her head down and rests the tip of her forehead aganist the crook of my left shoulder, leaning against me. 

In the past, a hand would have quickly gathered behind there, but I can't stand to touch her right now. 

"Please don't hate me-" she begs, bringing her eyes back to mine, but I have no sympathy. 

"Becca if you don't fucking say it-"

"I was pregnant," she says quickly a half a second later, practically cutting me off. 

"What?" I ask, still not possibly comprehending. 

"I was pregnant." she whispers. "We had a baby."

The room goes intantly silent. 

And then it is over.

All the pictures on the wall...

All the clothes in the room...

Everything we have ever had, ends right there.

The realization of what she might have done takes precedent over every prior emotion I had.

I instantly pull away from her.

I hate her.

Instantly. 

HATE HER in a way i've never hated anyone or anything before.

"What the fuck did you do..."

My heart is shattered.

And now I know.

Point of no return.

This is it.

She jumps off the counter and tries to hold me, to explain...

I immediately push her away from me for the first real time in my life.

She hits the counter again, hard this time. It might leave a small sore. 

"Harry, please let me explain. It's not what you think-"

"Don't." I warn. "Don't come near me." And my thoughts scramble. "How could you not tell me something like this?"

"I couldn't."

My eyes raise and cut into hers. 

"What the hell do you mean you couldn't?"

"I couldn't tell you. Everything was going so good for you career wise, and we were...we were a big pile of shit. We were fighting every day. You stopped coming home-"

Fuck her. 

And fuck this. 

"Get out." I say swiftly. 

"Listen to me!" she screams. "You never listen to me!!"

"Get the fuck out of this house!" I scream back.

"But Harry-"

"GET OUT!" 

I've finally snapped. 

Now I know.

Point of no return.

This is it.

This is how we end.

It's finally over. 

 

 

 

NOW...ON TO PART TWO! :) 


	43. PART TWO

PART TWO: Who We Were

 

CHAPTER FORTY THREE  
Becca.

Then.

Two weeks later.

"Ugh!!!" I groaned throwing a shirt in my suitcase. "This is too complicated."  
The soft chuckle from my computer screen filled my room.  
"Becca it's not that big of a deal."  
I looked back at the screen, and the green eyes, and sighed.  
"Easy for you to say. You do this all the time."  
Harry smirked and placed his hands behind his head. He was sitting at a desk in his London home.  
"True." he said. "Which kind of makes me an expert."  
I rolled my eyes and playfully threw a bra at the screen.  
“Oh shut up, you.”  
He sat up in interest.  
"Ooh I like that. Make sure you pack it."  
"You just want to take it off." I said sliding it in the bag.  
"I do." he said and winked. "But I also want you to model it for me. That could be kind of fun. We haven’t tried yet.”  
I smiled and shook my head no, moving around the room. "In your dreams."  
We were facetiming from our computers, and he was watching (and helping) me pack.  
In two days I would be joining him on the road and I was a nervous wreck. His first show was in three days.  
For now, we had agreed on me visiting most of the month of June. We both knew in July, there would be other commitments on both ends. Plus, he had assured me that the overseas dates would be easier for me and we were bound to get more privacy.  
Still, I had never packed for a trip this long and had no clue what to bring.  
"I keep telling you, you'll pick up things on the way." He said as he continued to watch me, sift through the things on my bed,  
"But what if I need something?" I argued. "It's not just a car ride away.”  
"You can buy a duplicate of whatever it is. We travel all the time hun. If there's not something we or the girls have, we can probably get it."  
I sat down and gave him my complete attention. I pulled my laptop on my lap and bit my lip.  
"Yeah but it would be easier for me to just pack it to begin with."  
He sighed playfully and grinned.  
"Is this what my next month is going to be like? Arguing with you?"  
"Maybe." I said. "But just think of all the angry sex we could have."  
"No. The makeup sex." he teased. "It's better."  
I stretched. "I can't wait."  
"Me either." he said. "It's been two weeks too long."  
"Well we went out with a bang at least." I suggested. Before he had left for his plane, we had averaged out two more times.  
He chuckled. "Yeah we did. You're insatiable." he accused. "I'm just glad we kept that in tact."  
He gestured to the emerald necklace that had barely left my neck since he had placed it on.  
"You almost broke it." I reminded him, twirling it in my hand. His idea for some Kama Sutra move he had seen hadn’t worked out quite like we had both hoped.  
He grinned widely.  
"Hey….we said we would never talk about that again.”  
I placed a hand to my lips, sealing them with a finger.  
We both shared a small laugh, as I heard a knock on my bedroom door.  
"Come in!" I called and my Mother peeked her head in.  
"Are you busy?" she asked.  
I gestured to my computer screen that was turned away from her.  
"What's that suppose to mean?" she asked, not getting my lingo.  
I turned the screen and showed her Harry.  
"Oh. Oh." she said quickly, standing up straighter. "Hello. Hi!" she drawled embarrassed. She instantly began to smooth her clothes.  
"Hi." I heard Harry said enthusiastically. I could imagine him waving at her from his side of the screen.  
I turned it back to me.  
My mother instantly began to gesture to me.  
Why didn't you tell me he was there!  
I just chuckled. It had been two weeks since I had told my family (and Kelsey) and everyone was still getting use to it all. It was strange watching how they reacted to him. It was like he was the President or someone.  
They didn't believe me initially of course, and I had to actually call Harry so he could talk to them to prove I wasn't crazy. Otherwise, they were looking at committing me.  
Now, everyone was just curious and wanted every little detail of our last five months together.  
No one even cared that I had lied about my fake internship.  
Apparently he was worth it.  
I turned from the screen and looked at my mother. She was still gesturing to me and it looked like she was trying to figure out what we were talking about or maybe she was asking for my help. I couldn’t really tell.  
"What?" I mouthed to her, trying to read her silly antics.  
"Do you need me to call you later?" Harry asked from the screen.  
I looked back at him and remembered he could still see everything that was going on.  
I nodded yes.  
"Yeah I’ll call you." I said.  
"Alright." he said. He puckered his lips in a kiss and then disconnected the call.  
I shut my laptop.  
"Mom what are you saying?"  
"Sorry. I didn’t know you were talking to him."  
I smiled. "It's fine. What's up?"  
"Can you go into the store for a few hours, help out? It would really help me since you're getting ready to leave."  
"Sure." I said jumping up. I felt bad leaving my parents hanging at their stores, but they both understood this was the opportunity of the lifetime.  
Not taking Harry into consideration, I would actually be touring Europe and seeing things we had all only dreamed of or saw in books.  
The fact that I was going to be spending time with him with just an added bonus.  
"Do you need me to close?" I asked.  
"If you could? I have some errands to make before tomorrow."  
"No problem." I said. Glad that for now my packing would have to wait.

**********************

The next day I got up and began to just throw some shit in the bag. The stress was taking up to much of my time and it was as Harry had said- I could pick up things along the way.  
I stopped at Target, filling my cart up with things to keep me busy on the long flight and future flights I would be taking in the future.  
A book here, a crossword puzzle there…  
I bought a game for the Nintendo DS my sister was going to let me borrow, and multiple packs of batteries for my camera and other devices.  
Then I packed up and headed to the mall.  
I made a personal stop at Victoria’s Secret, the popular women's lingerie store looking for some special outfits for Harry…but then stopped.  
His ex-girlfriend was a Victoria Secret model. I would obviously have to do better. Plus, who knew what she had worn for him in the past.  
So in a moment of temporary insanity, I headed to Agent Provocateur and about died at the prices.  
The only thing I had to shop with was three measly paychecks and some of my leftover tax money.  
A set with bra and panties was easily over $300.  
I wanted to compete with the past women in his life, but there was no way I could afford that; especially if it was made to just come off either way.  
I kept driving around and eventually found a boutique and picked up a few pieces for around the same price.  
I hoped it was all worth it for him. It cut deeply to be spending that kind of money.  
Still…I was really trying to satisfy what he was used too, though in all honesty, I would never get close. I didn’t have the money or trainers. I didn’t have the diets and the beauty.  
The women of Harry’s past would always have one up on me, and the only comfort I had was that it hadn’t lasted.  
Despite their beauty and fame, he had still chosen to walk away from them.  
I knew my time was coming one day, but I wanted to make it last as long as I could. So my next step was to the hair salon, where I paid for my hair to be cut in layers.  
I didn’t want to do anything too drastic and completely change on him, but I wanted him to know I was always evolving and updating my look.  
When I saw the final product I was satisfied and headed home.  
My flight was early in the morning, so when I got home, I took a quick shower, double checked everything and headed to bed.  
Me and Harry hadn’t spoke much during the day, but I was relieved.  
The anticipation to see him was greater and I knew when he met me at the hotel, the reception would be ten times better.  
My plane was scheduled to get in sooner than his, so I would have a few hours at the hotel to myself to get mentally and physically prepared.

When my alarm went off at 4am, I dressed quickly and texted Kelsey who was my ride to the airport. My parents had wanted to take me, but I needed a last minute pep talk and she was the only one who would be honest with me- and who could know all my deepest darkest secrets.  
“I just don’t know what to expect.” I said as soon as we were alone, letting my fears and frustrations flow out into her compact Hyundai Elantra.  
Since she had found out two weeks earlier, she had been very curious but patient and hadn’t flooded me into giving too many details. She knew I worked at my own pace and would come to her eventually.  
Today was eventually.  
“I mean, we’re close.” I said as she drove. “And me and Harry talk all the time. It’s easy with him. Plus we sleep together-”  
“Oh yeah, how’s the sex?” she asked cutting in and I turned to her.  
“What?”  
“How’s the sex? What is he packing? Is it as skinny as his notorious skinny jeans?” she asked with a playful wink.  
I playfully rolled my eyes back. “I’m not answering that question.”  
“Oh come on. It is five in the morning, and I drove from the comforts of my home to drive you to the busy LAX airport. I need something.”  
“No.” I said.  
“I tell you everything! You know about Bobby!”  
“Bobby is not a celebrity who can have all of his information splattered on Page Six.”  
She looked offended. “I wouldn’t say anything. You know that.” she accused quickly.  
I nodded. “I do. But…I don’t feel comfortable talking about that.”  
She turned from me and drummed her hands on the steering wheel. “He’s horrible then. He completely sucks. I knew it! It’s always the guys that look like him too. Drop dead looks, small useless dicks.”  
I giggled. “No he’s not…he’s….” I trailed, looking for the right word. Then I finally gave in.  
“It’s good.” I said. “Incredible.”  
“How incredible? Like incredible, or _incredible?_ ”  
“It’s mind-blowing okay.” I said. “He’s a very blessed guy.”  
She turned from me and sighed in frustration. “You lucky bitch! I still can’t believe it. He barely even looked at you, and you didn’t even want his picture! Now you get to fuck him and go on world tours! Not fair.”  
“Maybe that’s why he liked me. I didn't care.” I said honestly.  
“Well you’re gorgeous obviously so I’m sure that has something to do with it too, but…damn! If I didn’t have Bobby, I would seriously hate you. Like for real.”  
I chuckled. “Gee thanks.”  
“You’re welcome…but you were saying, before I interrupted-”  
“Oh yeah,” I said getting comfortable. “I just don’t know what this is. I mean it’s casual and something fun for the summer, but…then what? And what am I suppose to do? How do I act? Do I treat him like he’s my boyfriend? Will he even treat me like his girlfriend? Or am I just a residential fuck buddy?”  
“I think you’re both honestly.” she said turning between me and the road. “I don’t know what you’re like when you’re alone, but it sounds like he does like you and doesn’t just want to sleep with you. But…this extended trip and the fact that he is bringing you on tour shouldn’t be confused. It is just convenient for him. He probably gets bored and it’s nice to have someone on the road- for sex or more. That way, he can have someone to hang out with and get his rocks off too.”  
I sighed from her crass words, but it was probably true.  
“Yeah.” I said sadly.  
She pushed my shoulder gently. “Becca stop. Don’t even start that.” she said reading my face. “You’re beautiful and an amazing girl. You have no idea how many guys are after you at school. I just never bring it to you because you don’t care.”  
“I don’t.” I cut in.  
“Exactly, so…it could definitely be more. He could like you as I said. But…don’t think too much about it. Just have fun. For the next month, he’s yours. And you can live the dream of thousands of women, including me.” she said with a wink.  
I smiled.  
She could always make me feel better.  
“Alright.” I said quietly.  
“Cool.” she said turning back to the road. “Have you heard from him?”  
“Yeah I texted him. He knows I’m on my way to the airport.”  
“And what did he say?”  
“Safe travels. Can‘t wait to see you.” I said plainly.  
“See! Ugh!” she groaned, hitting the steering wheel. “I hate you. I hate you, I hate you. It‘s not fair.”  
I laughed again and enjoyed the drive the rest of the way.  
When we got to the airport, Kelsey gave me a long hug.  
“Have fun honey.”  
“I will. I promise.”  
“Remember our three rules-” she warned.  
“Don’t come back pregnant. Don’t come back changed and don’t fall in love.” I said quickly.  
“You got it!” she said. She patted my luggage. “Alright. Call me when you land.”  
“I will.”  
“Okay. Be safe.” she said in a sing-song voice.  
I grabbed my luggage and began to walk and then a thought hit me.  
“Oh Kelsey?” I called out.  
She looked back at me before climbing in her car.  
“What about social media, should I post stuff I see or we do? I mean, do you think people will figure out what‘s going on?”  
She shrugged. “That’s probably a Harry question.”  
At the mention of his name in public, I began to look around to see if anyone noted our conversation. It was silly. No one was paying us any attention and there were a million Harry’s in the world. There was no way anyone would know we were talking about him.  
But none like yours…my inner voice said.  
“Alright.” I said.  
I gave Kelsey a final wave and smile and headed to check in.  
My nerves already in a mild form of overdrive.

*************************************************

Two planes later I arrived in Cardiff, France.  
I was hungry, irritated and exhausted after the long trip.  
I moved through the airport quickly, my two huge suitcases trailing behind me and the weight of my carry-on heavy on my shoulder.  
I hadn’t heard from Harry, but I knew it was because he was on a plane as well.  
The plan was to spend tonight in Cardiff after his show and then fly back to London tomorrow until the next show.  
I could already imagine my jetlag. Luckily I was not planning on going to tonight’s show.  
When I got outside into the warm sunny air, there was a driver waiting for me with ‘Becca Johnson’ wrote on a cue card.  
I acknowledged him saying a polite hello and climbed in the car.  
I shot quick texts to my family and Kelsey to let them know I had made it safely and then rested my head on the seat.  
I had already estimated that I had three hours until I could see Harry and I was already planning on sleeping the entire time.  
Luckily the ride to the hotel was quick.

When I got there, I checked in, getting my key card and headed to my room.  
Unlike Thailand and Hong Kong, Harry and I would now be sharing a room.  
For an entire month, I would get to go to sleep with him, wake up beside him, eat with him and just be in his general presence.  
It was intimidating yet exciting at the same time.  
As I entered the spacious room, I briefly took in the room.  
It was nice as I assumed it would be, but less grandiose than the one in Thailand.  
I set my bags in the corner and headed to the bathroom to wash up.  
I felt disgusting and musty from sitting on the plane.  
I went through my routine. Securing my hair with a ponytail binder, I quickly washed my face and gave myself a quick bird bath.  
After adding light perfume and a little extra deodorant, I headed for the bed.  
Turning on the TV, I climbed in my crisp white hotel sheets and wait.  
Minutes later, I was out.

 

 


	44. Chapter 44

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR  
HARRY

Then.

I shut my phone off and stuck it in my back pocket.  
Standing, I roped my bag around my shoulder and prepared to leave the small private plane.  
I looked at my security and the stewardess as she wished us well and opened up the small compartment.  
I had a black SUV waiting for me and I was about a half hour from my hotel.  
By now I was aware that Becca had already landed and was there waiting, and I was anxious to see her.  
We hadn’t been physically together since I had left for London, which was almost three weeks earlier and I actually missed her.  
Still, we had been texting regularly and face timing from our computers when we got a moment so it wasn‘t too bad.  
Prior to the flight I had been spending most of my time in London, relaxing with family and friends.  
Now the circus of tour was about to begin again, and this time, Becca would be right beside me.  
As we drove to the hotel, I sent her a quick text letting her know I was on my way, but she didn’t text back.  
I sent other texts to my Mum, and Dad, letting them know I had arrived and that I would talk to them soon.  
I had well over eight hours until my show and I planned to spend the majority of them laid under Becca somewhere.  
When I arrived at the hotel, I grabbed my bag again, swinging it over my shoulder. I already had a keycard waiting and headed right to my room.  
When I entered it was quiet and I heard the faint sounds of the TV playing and right in the middle, was pure beauty resting on my pillows.  
I smiled and set my bag down quietly and approached Becca.  
Her hair was loose and fanning over her face. Her body was curled in a ball, and her lips in a perfect slumbered pout.  
I sat on the edge of the bed for a few moments watching her, before leaning down and kissing her cheek.  
“Babe?” I called.  
She stirred but didn’t open her eyes.  
I removed loose strands from her face and leaned and kissed her again.  
“Becca?” I whispered as I pulled away and her eyes fluttered open.  
She blinked, focusing and then her eyes lit up.  
I watched as her mouth curved into a smile.  
“Hey.” she said quietly.  
“Hey back.”  
She stretched, sitting up and we hugged.  
“How long have you been here?” she asked as we pulled apart.  
I didn’t answer right away because I was consumed in her Vanilla perfume and the difference in her appearance.  
“What did you do?” I asked quietly studying her.  
“I cut it. In layers.” she said, running a hand through her hair. Her voice sounded uneasy as if she thought I didn’t like it.  
I ran my own hands through her hair a second later and traced her lips. “It’s pretty.”  
“Glad you like it.”  
“I do.” I said and then pulled her in my arms again.  
Our lips met and we slowly got reacquainted.  
I loved her lips.  
They were full, but still small and perfect for kissing.  
I held her face as our kiss ended and she repeated her earlier question.  
“Not long.” I said turning from her. I immediately noticed her stuff.  
Her bags were in the corner and the room looked barely touched.  
“How long have you been sleep?” I asked her.  
She turned away from me, glancing at the clock.  
“Two hours?” she guessed.  
“Jetlag?” I questioned.  
Behind the beautiful Hazel, I could see her eyes were slightly worn.  
“Yeah. Would you mind if I don’t come tonight?”  
“To the show?” I asked.  
She nodded and I stood, looking back at her.  
“You don’t feel like it?” I asked softly.  
“I just want to sleep.” she said honestly and chuckled.  
I watched as she stretched again and took in our room completely.  
I had been so consumed in her that I was just now noticing details. It was a pretty nice room.  
Still, I didn’t care too much. We would only be in this room for one night and hotels all started to look the same after a while.  
“Well you can sleep backstage.” I offered. “I have a lounge chair and a couch.”  
“Yeah but then I’ll be hearing the pounding from the stadium.”  
“I’ll bring you earplugs.” I said with a smile.  
We locked eyes.  
“Sounds like you want me to go?”  
“I do.” I said honestly. “But you don’t have to watch the show. Just stay backstage with me. I do have a small meet and greet but I’ll be there with you most of the time- until I’m on stage of course.”  
She pushed back her covers and I watched her feet dangle over the edge.  
Her legs were bare and she was only wearing a t-shirt.  
The tightening in my pants let me know I wanted to take it off.  
She stood.  
“What time are you headed there?”  
“I‘ve got two hours.” I said honestly. “Soundcheck.”  
“Are you coming back or staying at the stadium?”  
“Depends on you hun. But typically I just stay.”  
She sighed gently, thinking.  
“Fine. You talked me into it. I’ll come.” she said with a small smile.  
She stood.  
“Besides I do love watching you perform.”  
I wrapped her small frame in my arms and pecked her lips.  
“This is going to be fun. You know that right?” I asked.  
I was already thinking of tons of stuff for her to do.  
Plus, I was looking forward to waking up with her in my bed.  
She chuckled. “Yeah.”  
I gave her another kiss and patted her butt.  
“Alright. Go back to sleep. I‘ll wake you when it’s time.”  
“Oh I’m up now.” she said.  
“Are you?” I asked mischievously.  
“What?” she asked.  
I traced my hands on her skin. “There’s something I want to do later when we’re alone.”  
“But we’re alone right now.”  
“Yeah but then it’ll be dark and we won’t get caught.” I said mysteriously.   
Her eyes widened in interest.  
I pulled away from her and sat on the bed. I patted my leg for her to sit on me.  
She did.  
“Now I’m curious.” she said wrapping her arms around my neck.  
“Yeah?” I asked.  
She nodded.  
“Well do you want a teaser?”  
She smiled. “Absolutely.”  
“Kay get off me.” I said quietly.  
She did as I said, and stood again.  
I did as well.  
“Lay down.” I instructed.  
She smiled widely and did as I said again.  
“Take off your underwear.” I said next.  
She looked back at me, pausing.  
She blushed. “What?  
“Take of your pretty black underwear.” I instructed again.  
“No.” she teased. “You haven’t even been here a half hour yet, you’re not getting me out of my pants already.”  
I smiled. “I’m trying to give you a proper welcome.”  
I leaned down over her and she smiled as our faces stood inches apart.  
“So take them off.”  
“I think your skilled hands can do it.”  
“No.” I said standing again, pretending to stretch. “Long flight. I’m kind of tired.”  
“Oh well, then maybe you should sleep.” she said and threw a pillow at me playfully.  
I scoffed. “You know what…you’re going to regret that.”  
I jumped on the bed and climbed on top of her. She squealed and I pulled her underwear down and kissed her neck.  
She playfully pushed me away but she wanted it, and I wanted her. I threw her underwear across the room and kissed her stomach.  
“This is not fair.” she mumbled. “You’re stronger than me.”  
I ignored her trailing kisses down….  
Down…  
Her legs spread and I settled in front of her.  
I pulled her legs to the edge of the bed and then I grabbed the pillow she had previously threw at me.  
Placing it under my knees, I bent down and my lips touched her skin.  
She instantly moaned as my mouth connected to her most intimate area.  
I circled my tongue around her core and she squirmed. I looked up at her and saw her bite her lip trying to be quiet.  
“Let it out.” I said. “No one will hear your screams. We have the whole floor right now.”  
She looked down at me between her legs and smiled.  
“Well stop talking and make me scream then.”  
I smiled with her.  
She shouldn’t have said that.  
I was very competitive, and could be a bit narcissistic. Now I wouldn’t stop until she couldn’t move.  
“Alright.” I said. “You asked for it.”  
I gripped her legs harder and dipped my head once more.  
Her hands immediately went to my hair and she gave a blissful sigh.  
Then, I dragged her down to hell, and she loved every bit of it.

**********************************************

Three hours later, she wouldn’t stop smiling.  
“Stop looking at me.” I said. We were on our way to the stadium and since the multiple orgasms I had given her, she hadn’t stopped glowing or staring at me.  
“I’m not.” she said.  
Our eyes locked. Hers sparkled.  
She smiled widely at me. It was so infectious that I smiled back.  
“Stop Bec. Jeez.”  
The look in her eye would let everyone know what I had spent the last few hours doing.  
We still hadn’t had actual sex yet, but had engaged in two hours of foreplay. I could say every part of her had been thoroughly kissed, rubbed and sucked.  
She giggled and turned from me.  
“I can’t help it.”  
I looked at the rearview mirror and could see my security watching us through the mirror. I knew they were wondering what was wrong with us.  
We were two giggly teenagers.  
“Shouldn’t have challenged me.” I said quietly.  
“Oh I definitely should have.” she said. “I intend to challenge you some more.”  
I smiled.  
I had a response to that but I didn’t want to say it outloud.  
I picked up my phone and went to my messages folder. I composed a quick message to Becca.

*This is only the beginning. I’m going to fuck you so good this month, that you’ll still be calling my name, even when you sleep.*

Becca’s phone chimed and she looked at it curiously.  
I guess she hadn’t figured out it was me texting her, but when she did, she looked at me in shock. Her mouth in a wide, surprised ‘o’.  
I instantly laughed.  
She texted me back.

*Well I still haven’t fucked you yet. Just wait until we get back to the hotel. Your mind is not going to be the only thing I blow*

Maybe it was the words. Maybe it was the word blow. Maybe it was the mental image, but I instantly got hard.  
_Damn._  
I threw my hands up and threw my phone on the seat between us.  
“You won. I can’t beat that right now.” I said.  
She gave me a satisfied smile.  
“Well I meant every word. FYI.”  
She winked at me and I had to shift to adjust myself. She knew exactly what she was doing to me.  
“We’re done talking.” I said simply and she giggled.

When we got to the venue, I instantly headed for my room to get Becca settled but she had other plans.  
“No, where are the girls? I want to see everyone.”  
Thus far no one knew she was coming except for my assistant and management team so I knew everyone would be surprised to see her again.  
We set her things down, and then she made the rounds with me.  
She got reacquainted with the staff while I headed for the kitchen to grab something to eat.  
When she met me, I was already eating some soup and a sandwich.  
She sat beside me, and picked my sandwich up.  
She took a bite.  
I looked back at her.  
Normally something like that would have annoyed me, but with her it was endearing. It was as if she did it all the time.  
I slid a spoon over to her so she could try my soup and we sat there together, in silence, flirting over appetizers.  
Louis came to meet us in the middle and he took a seat across from us.  
“How you been Brenda?” he asked.  
I looked up at him. “It’s Becca.” I corrected.   
“Oh really? Sorry,” he said. “But she doesn’t care…do you?” he joked.  
Becca smiled and said no.  
“See.” he said to me. “So how long you staying this time?” he asked, turning his attention back to her.  
I was hoping she wouldn’t answer, but her response was out before I could interject.  
“A month.” Becca answered.  
Louis looked at me in interest. “Oh so what, are you guys official now or something? Harry’s finally got a girlfriend?” he asked and I dropped my spoon. I knew what he was doing.  
We did it to everyone. It was a mild form of hazing that we did too each other whenever a girl started popping up a bit.  
Since Becca was making another appearance, she must have been fair game now.  
However, he was trying to irritate me. Everyone knew I wasn’t official with anyone.  
I didn’t have the time.  
“Louis, go be a shit somewhere else. I’m not in the mood today.”  
“What?” he asked deadpanned. “I’m just trying to get to know her.”  
I waved him away and then ignored him. I picked up my spoon and Louis bid Becca farewell reading my expression.  
What a way to make things awkward.  
I’m sure now she would be thinking about that, as he walked away.  
I sighed in irritation when he finally got up and left.  
Becca rubbed my shoulder.  
“Ya know, he wasn’t bothering me Harry.” she said gently.  
“I know, but I didn’t even want him to get started.” I said honestly.  
“So they must not have known I would be here?”  
“No. It’s no one’s business hun.”  
“Are you guys close?” she asked.  
“Me and Lou?”  
She nodded yes.  
“Yeah.” I said simply. “I’m close to all the guys. We all have different relationships.”  
“Oh okay.” she said picking up my sandwich and finishing it off.  
I just chuckled.  
“Now you have to go get another one.” I said pointing to the table. “I’m starving.”  
She smiled and stood. “Really? You seemed to eat quite a bit before we came here.”  
Instantly I blushed. “Stop.” I said smiling. “Go get the sandwich!” I demanded, throwing a napkin at her.  
She giggled as she made her way to the table and began to make a new sandwich.  
I watched her. She was wearing skinny jeans and a hoodie and she looked adorable.  
It was amazing to me how quickly my feelings for her had grown. It was true we hadn’t spent that much time together, but I had to remind myself there had been two whole months where we just talked, getting to know each other. Outside of the intimate side, I could genuinely say we were friends and I really enjoyed her company  
This was far from love, but she did bring a sense of comfort. Being with her on the tour for the next month would be good for me; I could already tell.  
As she placed the turkey between the bread, Louis’ words were with me.  
_Harry’s got a girlfriend?_  
Yeah, I wished.  
I had been quite cursed in that department for a while. Every attempted real relationship had ended disastrously. I still didn’t know if I had ever been in love- after all, you’re suppose to know right?-but there were times I longed for someone.  
It would have been nice to have someone to share things with and worry about.  
The casual flings and one night stands I was use too could only keep you fulfilled for so long. Even my regular beneficial relationships with some of my close friends wasn’t enough to cover you in a lonely cold hotel room.  
Luckily I wouldn’t have that problem for the next month.  
Continuing to look at Becca, I studied her.  
She was quite a catch.  
With what I had witnessed so far, I knew if we had met in the future, it could maybe turn into something.  
Who knew if it would be love and butterflies and marriage- but we could be quite beautiful together if we tried.  
Still it didn’t matter.  
This was a fling and I had to keep reminding myself that.  
I still needed to keep her at arms length.  
My feelings didn’t need to go beyond this point.

Eventually she brought her eyes to mine, catching my curious stare. Smiling she playfully wiggled her butt at me and winked.  
It instantly made me laugh under my breath.  
She came and sat back down and pushed the sandwich at me.  
“First bite.”  
I picked the turkey and cheese sandwich up and placed it between us.  
“Same time.” I said.  
And then in a classic Lady and the Tramp move, we both attempted to eat the sandwich at the same time, with bad results.  
As the lettuce and tomato fell out of the sides we both laughed.  
It scattered between us and Becca instantly reached for a napkin and begin to wipe up the excess stuff. I jumped up grabbing some paper towels and to make an additional sandwich.  
“Well that was a fail.” She said as I sat beside her again.  
I helped her clean up and she looked up at me, thanking me.  
Her eyes once again held a light, and her smile was striking.  
I thanked her parents in that moment because they had truly made a beautiful girl and she barely recognized it.  
Between the hazel eyes, the slender nose, the high cheekbones…the lips…  
I could stare at her forever.  
She didn’t have a clue how sexy she was and it was extremely attractive.  
I looked away from her and pulled myself away from my thoughts while I still could.  
What had I gotten myself into?  
Not falling for her was going to be a little hard.  
It was already beginning and I didn’t know how to stop.


	45. Chapter 45

CHAPTER FORTY FIVE

JULIE

Now.

 

I open up the lockscreen on my new gold Iphone X2 when I get a quick moment.  
Since arriving in Bora Bora a couple hours ago, I have been busy prepping and preparing for my shoot. My blonde hair has been curled, my eyelashes extended, and I'm rocking a perfectly (fake) tan on my freshly waxed skin.  
As my screen illuminates before me, immediately the picture of me and my beau stare back at me.  
It immediately makes me smile.  
It had been taken in the beginning of our relationship ten months ago.  
As I stare at us smiling in my bed, I think of him.

My Harry.  
The love of my life.

I haven't spoken to him much since I've arrived in Bora Bora and he has been pretty quiet in the last few hours.  
Opening up my messages, I am quickly reminded of the one word answers and delayed responses. Our text messages have been pretty bare the last few hours.  
The usual 'text when you land' and 'have a safe flight' stare back at me, but the emotion is missing.  
I don't even see an ‘I love you.’  
Shaking it off, I compose a quick message.  
It's just the business.  
I know he is getting ready for his tour, and it is probably the reason for his withdrawal.  
I compose a quick message letting him know I will call him soon.  
I have a break coming up in a half hour and I want to hear his voice.  
I end the message with a cheery "Talk soon, Love you!" and close out the messages tab.  
I go back to the main screen and study our picture while I am picked at. Around me, my long time stylist touches up my hair and assistants apply lotion to my legs.  
In moments like this, I don't think its possible to miss him anymore than I already do.  
I hate the distance, and these constant shoots I have to do.

When we get married, I've already decided to cut my schedule in half so we can be together more.  
Harry Styles, has, and continues to just do something to me.  
As I think of him now, I can't help but remember how we began.

The public believes we had met through a mutual friend, but it was only because I was initially embarrassed about how it had all went down. I didn't need the truth tarnishing the image I had worked so hard to brand. I was Julie St Clair, the sweet innocent model- the girl next door. The world didn't need to know the way that Harry made me in private.

I had seen Harry in London and California a few times before we were formally introduced.  
It was always at an event or some promotional gig and at that time he was far from thinking about me.  
The first time I saw him, he had still been with her—his ex- the young college student he had fallen for a couple years ago.  
At the time I didn't know much about her, but I remember watching them together.  
They seemed happy, but in public everyone typically does.  
I remember being curious even then.  
By then his solo stuff was out, and he was promoting his upcoming movie.  
It was a small gathering thrown by Warner Brothers, celebrating the upcoming release.  
I had been invited because of my growing name in the business, and he had been there with her.  
I remember how out of place she looked.  
On the surface she played the game well; her makeup was flawless and her dress was obviously paid for by her rich boyfriend.  
She almost looked like she belonged in the room, outside of the way she clung to him in fear.  
As he worked the room, used to the attention and bullshit game of public relations, she had looked like she couldn’t wait to leave.  
Their hands had stayed interlaced the majority of the time, and she went everywhere he went.  
That was what kept my attention.  
He doted on her and tried to make her as comfortable as possible.  
Every couple minutes, he would kiss the top of her forehead or whisper something in her ear. It was as if he was saying I’m here, we’re in this together.  
It was obvious he loved her very much and was trying to help get her adjusted to it all.  
I could already tell it wasn’t going to happen. _It’s only a matter of time before they break up,_ I said to my friend that night.  
And my prediction seemed to be right on the money. A couple months later, I would see him again.  
This time though, he was rumored to be single, yet it was still very clear he was mentally with her.  
The girls that surrounded him at an award show were barely looked at or noticed and word on the street was that he and his ex broke up often, so I- as other girls- assumed they were just on a break.

Me and Harry never spoke during these times, but seeing him around and reading the rumors, I was still interested.  
He was handsome, talented, rich, funny, and seemed to be just an all around good guy. Who wouldn't be interested?

When we would finally meet and talk, it would be at a concert a year later. By then, he hadn't been seen with a girl for close to a year. It was obvious whatever he and his ex had going on, was permanently paused.  
This time, fate would have us sitting in the same section at a Twenty One Pilots concert.  
He had gotten there before me, so when me and my best friend arrived at the concert hall, I had noticed him first. I had always hated watching the pre-shows and starter acts so when I shuffled in my seat, just before the lights dimmed, I noticed him right away, only a few seats from me.

He had been there with his friend Jeff, and their mutual friend Chris.  
Cradling a beer in his hand and a wide smile, he hardly noticed the attention that was thrown his way from different parts of the large room.  
I was in the row of seats directly behind him, a few seats to the right so we had a perfect view of each other.  
I was instantly one of those eyes watching him.  
Eventually he noticed me when the first song began. By that time, I was watching him and the stage, shifting my eyes between the two.  
He caught me.

As I had looked to the left, to gauge his reaction at the stage antics in front of us, I was surprised when his eyes locked on mine.  
For a few seconds, they lingered.  
As my eyes met his, neither one of us moved our heads or shifted our eyes away quickly.  
Instead, he smiled and lifted his drink at me.  
Hello.  
I smiled back, probably blushing a bright red, and lifted my water to him.  
Hello back.  
He chuckled, completely carefree, smiled wider and then turned to the stage.  
For the next hour, I would look his way, and he would look mine, gauging each other's reactions to the show; his dimple and cheeky grin appearing often.  
By the time he was at the end of his second drink, I had begun to watch him more than the show.  
He was happy, dancing and nodding his head while laughing with his friends and I wondered briefly what it would be like to be a part of his world.  
There was an air about him. Call it zen... call it chill...but I couldn’t look away. Like a flashlight moving around a room, he commanded my attention.  
It was clear from this brief exchange, that he was someone interesting to be around.

At the end of the concert, he surprised me when instead of shuffling out and leaving with his friends, he called out 'hey' in my general direction.  
Turning to him, we once again locked eyes, and he made a motion to come to me.  
We met halfway.  
Immediately his accent melted me.  
"Hey, good show right?" he questioned, and before I could answer, he introduced himself. "I'm Harry."  
"Julie." I said, and then turned to my friend " This is Reba."  
He acknowledged her and then turned back to me.  
He was blunt, and quickly got to the point.  
"What are you guys getting ready to do?"  
"Get a drink." Reba said beside me, reading between his invitation. She was always down for a party.  
I smiled at her, but already knew with my shoot in a week, there would be no consuming of alcohol.  
"Cool." He said looking at his friends, and then looking back at me. "Want some company?"

We headed to the Troubadour in West Hollywood, catching some late night comedy act and getting to know each other more over martinis, tequila drnks and waters.  
Reba and Harry's friend Chris hit it off quickly, and Harry and I spent most of our time talking.  
Jeff, the more responsible and 'business' one amongst us, spent his time on the phone texting and following up on phone calls.

"So when's your next shoot?" Harry had asked me in the middle of conversation.  
I was surprised.  
"How did you know I was a model?"  
In our dalliances, that hadn’t come up yet.  
"I've obviously seen some of your stuff." He said with a flirtatious smile.  
"Oh yeah? Then what's my full name?" I challenged flirting back.  
He smiled lazily. "Julie St. Clair. You seem to specialize in swimsuits."  
"Swimsuits huh?"  
I was impressed.  
"Yeah, you did a recent ad with Solid and Striped right?"  
I smiled. Now I was really impressed.  
"What are you, stalking me Harry Styles?”  
"Well that depends, do you want to be stalked?"

At that moment--absolutely. The look in his eyes was too dangerous and exciting, and whatever lay behind them, I was curious to find out.

His green eyes had me under a personal spell.  
"Why not?" I said with a smile.  
Whatever ride he was offering, I was gladly hopping on.

And I did.

I slept with him that night.  
The next morning, he made me pancakes.  
Still, our love story wasn't one for the books.  
Though he was charming and flirty, he was still emotionally unavailable and elusive.  
As I walked him to the door of my condo late that next morning, he kissed me quickly, and said "Thanks for last night. It was fun."  
"What are you doing later?" I asked, already planning on seeing him again.  
"Uh...work stuff." He said.  
"Do you want to maybe meet me later?" I asked, throwing on my sweetest smile.  
"I don't know when I'll be done." He said non-committal.  
And before I could get another word out, he kissed my forehead once more. "Thanks again. It was great."  
He was out of the door, seconds later.  
He didn't even ask for my phone number!  
I knew then that it was meant to be just a one time thing, but I wasn't going to let it be.

I waited a week before publicly tweeting him despite being unable to get him out of my head:

JulieStClair: Just heard @Harry_Styles new song. Why is he always so damn amazing?

Less than an hour later, he was following me on the popular social media site and he DM'ed me privately.

‘What's your number?‘ he finally asked.

I was in his bed again a week later, but this time, it was clear, I would be seeing him again.

And I did.

Again and again.

Slowly, I began to break down the wall he built, not even knowing what had caused it.

Until I did.

We had been in New York at the time, about a month and a half into our 'dating', when he saw a familiar face at a restaurant.  
By then, people knew we had ‘hung out’ and we’re calling us the new it couple.  
At the time, outside of great sex and flirty conversation, we didn’t have that much.  
But.  
Every chance I could spend with him, I definitely did.

At the restaurant, he had been mid bite into his appetizer, when a girl popped up and punched him in his shoulder.  
"Bro!" she cheered.  
He turned quickly and I watched as his eyes widened.  
"Oh my gosh, its been forever!" the girl said with a wide smile.

He looked terrified, but got up quickly to hug her.  
She seemed really happy to see him and he hugged her, so I didn't get his pained expression.  
"How have you been?" he asked her a second later.  
"Good." She said and then noticed me. Her eyes raked up and down my body, studying me. Her smile faded.  
Harry did introductions, uneasily.  
"Uh Julie, this is Taylor. Taylor, this is um…my friend Julie."  
This Taylor chick mumbled a quiet 'hi', but I wasn't focused on her.  
My mind was immediately locked on the word friend. I was a whole lot more than that. The things he had did to me the night before telling a different story.  
I immediately sat up a little straighter and instantly became defensive to who this chick was.  
Was she an ex? Had she slept with him before?  
Why were they so chummy?  
She wasn't famous that was for sure, but she knew him- very well- and she didn't seem too happy to see him with me.  
If looks could kill, I would be dead, buried and never found again.  
"I've missed you!" she said turning back to him and quickly caught him up on her life, ignoring me in the process.  
“Did you move here or something?” he asked her.  
“No just here on vacation. You know the parentals would kill me.”  
He smiled.  
“Yeah? How is the family? Good?”  
"Yeah, Becca's doing really good. She finally took your advice and is writing. She just got her own column. You‘d like it. You should look it up." The Taylor chick said and cut a look at me.  
I looked at Harry.  
A blind person could see the way his shoulders instantly slumped, and the way he looked away suddenly.  
His whole mood immediately changed.  
Running a hand through his hair, he tried to change the subject.  
"Uh...what about your dad?" he asked. “Is he well?”  
"He's good too. Dating again, and seems happy. How's your Mom and Gem? You‘ve got to them tell I‘ve finally got the recipe down."  
He smiled. “Did you? Mum would like that. But they’re good. Everyone’s doing really well. ”  
So she knew his family too…  
Who was this girl?  
He answered, but after that, quickly wrapped up the conversation.  
The girl barely acknowledged me any further.  
“I hope I see you again soon.” she said as a final greeting to him before rolling her eyes at me and walking away from the table. He was the only one who got a final wave.  
Well fuck you too.

Harry sat down.

"Who was that?" I asked when he resumed his bite.  
"Just a family friend." He said. "What were we talking about?"  
I ignored him.  
"How long have you known her?"  
"Five years." He said and then took a sip of his water. His eyes started to shift around the room- his mind, somewhere else.  
My mind was on his answer.  
It was…interesting.  
He didn’t answer ‘a couple years‘, like a normal person. He knew the exact amount of time which told its own story. This relationship was locked and stored; exact details memorized.  
"Well she's pretty." I said a moment later to get a reaction. He wasn’t looking at me and I wanted his complete focus to solve this mystery.  
He brought his eyes back to me giving me a curious look before smiling. Maybe he caught on to what I was doing. He looked back at me slowly.  
"She's like my little sister Julie." He said.  
"She's still very pretty." I said. And then I teased, "Come on, even I would date her."  
He shrugged. "I guess. I’ve never really seen it."  
"Why?" I asked curiously. Surely that was a lie if he hadn’t noticed her features. I wasn’t lying when I said she was pretty; in a mousy way.  
"Because she's a baby to me. She literally use to crash at my house on the couch and her sister would kill me." He said absentmindedly.  
"Why would her sister kill you? Does her sister not like you?" I asked naively.  
He looked at me for a moment, as if it quickly registered what he said.  
I don’t think that slip was intentional. The mention of the sister, seeming to have frozen him.  
He cleared his throat and stirred his salsa dip he was eating.  
"What were we talking about before?" he asked again.  
I smiled. I wasn't moving on from this topic so easily.  
I was a model, but the stigma that I wasn’t so smart, didn’t apply to me.  
I caught on quick.  
I asked again, ignoring him.  
He sighed and again with a pained expression, turned from me.

Seconds later, he gave a low answer.  
"No, her sister doesn't like me."  
"What happened?" I asked in concern. Not for the 'sister' who was obviously an idiot (because who would want to miss out on the magic of Harry!), but for him, since he seemed really bothered by the whole thing.  
"Nothing, we just broke up." he said.  
And then it all fell into place suddenly: the shoulder slump, his terrified look and his need to move on quickly from the topic.  
She was related to _that_ Becca.

The Becca who he had been splattered on multiple papers with.  
The same Becca who had been half of the infamous 'Hecca'.  
The same Becca who he shared a matching tattoo with that I traced when he made love to me.  
The same Becca he never talked about.

She had came up once, very briefly. As we had shared the clichéd conversation of ghosts of exes past, he had casually dropped, “I’ve only been in real love once.”  
At the time, my mind naturally thought of the girl from the party and I wanted details. However as quickly as the conversation began, he shut it down.  
“Doesn’t matter though,” he had said a second later. “That whole thing went to shit quickly.”  
He had highlighted his phrase with a flirty dimple, and I hadn’t gotten much of a sense that he was still hung up on her or that he considered it that serious.  
That would be my first mistake.  
I wouldn’t make it again.  
The next time his ex was brought up had been by his manager and best friend Jeff.  
I had met him early and as we all sat having lunch about two weeks earlier, they had been discussing some event from their past, though Harry hadn’t caught on that quickly.  
The details seemed foggy to him.  
“When was this?” he asked in confusion as they tossed around stories like old college buddies.  
“You know. Like two years ago. We took Becca and Glenne and the girls-” Jeff paused.  
As he and Harry locked eyes, a secret message was exchanged and Jeff quickly stopped his thought.  
“Oh who cares,” he had said revising quickly. “It was a long time ago.”  
That was the day my interest was officially piqued.

Naturally now that I wasn’t as distracted, I would use this window of opportunity.  
"Oh...so...have you spoken to her recently?" I asked, slowly.  
"Who?" he asked.  
"Becca."  
His eyes narrowed when I said her actual name. I guess he figured somehow I hadn't known about her.  
It was impossible, because she was all around us.  
She was the ghost of his past, and though he never discussed her, I was well aware of her impact to his life.  
From what I had gathered, in the small tidbits of his life, they had been serious. So serious, that she knew most of his friends, coworkers, and his family loved her. After the world found out about them, their lives had become very blended, and even now, I had come across pieces of her.  
Hell, the second night we slept together, he had given me one of her old shirts to wear.  
So Becca was someone of deep interest for me.

Still, Harry was reluctant to discuss it.  
"You know what," he said smiling and switching gears. "Let's just change the subject.”  
He quickly turned the charm on high.  
“But why? Why don’t you want to talk about her? You guys were together a while right?”  
He sighed and popped a chip in his mouth.  
“She’s not apart of my life anymore. Shes not important.” he said with a dismissive shrug. "So…instead...let's talk about what were going to do tonight?"  
His hand moved across the table, gripping my own.  
"Tonight?" I said feeling a small smile creep onto my face.  
He just grinned and winked.  
"Yeah, when we go back to your place...tell me about all the naughty things you‘re going to do to me"  
I instantly laughed and shook my head.  
The boy was mischievous and always up to no good.  
He laughed with me and the topic of Becca quickly faded into the background.  
Plus, I was pretty satisfied with that answer and didn't probe him anymore.  
The way I saw it, Becca was the past, and if I had my way, I was going to be the future.  
*************************  
That night, when we went back to my place, it didn’t take long for us to end up back in my bed.  
Harry was a perfectionist with most things in his life, and after making my toes curl a couple times, I relaxed in his arms.  
His hands trailed through my hair, and I was at complete peace.  
“Did you enjoy your day off today?” I asked him.  
“M’hmm.” he said under me.  
In front of us, the TV was playing some Amy Schumer movie.  
“What time do you leave tomorrow?” I asked.  
For now, he was only in town to appear on Jimmy Fallon. His appearance had been the night before, so he was headed back to London in the morning.  
“Around 11.” he said moving his hands down to rest on my back.  
“That’s too soon.” I said sitting up and facing him. “I need more time.” I joked.  
He smiled and pulled me back to him. Wrapping my legs around his small waist, his hands rested on my hips.  
We were both still nude, and the contact between us was comfortable.  
As my bare skin sat across his inked skin, I was once more awed by the number of tattoos sprinkling his body.  
I typically didn’t like guys with tattoos and he sure had a lot of them, but somehow I found them strangely endearing.  
As I rested my hands on his chest, the tattoo I despised the most looked back at me.  
The tiny, fading black half of a heart; the ode to his time with Becca.  
I was aware she had it located somewhere on her lower abdomen, where it had only been photographed once in a bikini. The private placing I’m sure something just for them.  
I wondered often when they had got them, and what was the context.  
Who had initiated the tattoo? Who had wanted the commitment?  
They had never been engaged as far as I was aware, but the tattoo had its own promise of forever. Unless he got it removed, she would forever come across his mind when he looked at himself naked.  
I wondered if he realized it back then, or had it been something of quick impulse- some temporary high they shared thinking it would foolishly be forever.  
Tracing it now, it seemed to burn my fingers.  
I wanted answers and the run-in with Becca’s sister hadn’t helped.  
I couldn’t help but wonder if the dinner interruption was on his mind too.  
“So I have some questions.” I said suddenly. “About your tattoos.”  
His eyebrow wrinkled in interest and he squeezed my hip.  
“Okay?” he questioned. ”Shoot.”  
Scanning my hands over his body, I let my first question land.  
“How many of these are personal to you? I mean…have a special meaning.”  
His eyes shifted downward as if he lost his own personal count of the tales on his skin.  
“A few.” he said. “Most was drunken, late nights bored on tour.” he joked.  
“Do you regret any of them?” I asked a second later.  
“No.” he said.  
“Not a one?” I asked. At first glance he had a least sixty between his chest, arms, and even his feet.  
He shrugged.  
“I’m sure there’s some stupid ones in there…in fact, quite a few.” he said with a grin. “But I don’t know. I don’t really think about it. I’m kind of stuck with them.”  
“So you would never get any removed?”  
As I said the sentence, I purposely let my hand circle the tattoo I was referencing.  
Seeming to caught my hint, he switched the conversation to me.  
“What about you?” he asked. “Are you ever going to get one?”  
“I can’t. Contracts and such.”  
“Yeah.” he said. “A few of my friends in the past who modeled, they used white ink and they kept them tiny. It seemed to work for them, in case you ever wanted too.” he offered softly.  
I nodded okay, but I didn’t want to discuss me, I wanted his stories.  
“This is the one you share with Becca right?” I asked keeping my tone as casual as possible. My hand was still circling.  
“That’s what they say.” he said. His tone dropped an octave. His eyes moved away from my blue ones, and focused on my belly button.  
“So you don’t?” I asked, hoping he was confirming the rumor was untrue and that the tattoo had been a trick of light.  
“No I do.” he said adjusting. He moved his hips, shifting me on him.  
I couldn’t help but wonder if it was an attempt to get me to move off of him so he could run from this conversation.  
“Would you ever get it removed?” I asked directly.  
He winced.  
“Uh…Don’t think so. I’m not a big fan of lasers.”  
His tone was still light, but I could see the first flicker behind his eyes. He didn’t want to discuss this.  
“But it’s so tiny. It probably would only hurt for a second.” I said with a small smile.  
He shrugged and turned away from me.  
I knew he was about to withdraw, but he surprised me with his next statement. It would be the first and last true admission I wouldn’t have to force out of him before the conversation would shut down.  
“Yeah…” he said a second later. “But if I remove that one, then I have to remove the other one. And its quite large, so I’m a bit fucked with that one.”  
He smiled up at me, but I was frozen.  
There was another one?  
Where?  
My eyes instantly started scanning the scribbles, looking for the clues.  
He didn’t have her name- only his godchildren- and I was sure the mermaid with the boobies out wasn’t her face.  
Where the hell was it?  
And what did that one mean?  
My eyes continued to scan.  
“Hey gorgeous?” he called a second later, calling my attention back to him.  
We locked eyes, and within seconds, he gripped my hips and changed our positions.  
Soon I was pinned between him and his mouth was connected to my left breast.  
Sucking and kissing me a second later, I was once again lost in the sensation that only the drug Harry Styles could provide.  
Becca who, my mind called as his fingers entered me soon after.  
Once again, she pushed to the back of my mind, but as I would soon learn she wasn’t going anywhere.  
My time with her was just getting started and that chick would be an awful thorn in my side over the next couple months.  
I would eventually learn, maybe just maybe, I should have left him alone.  
The spirit of Becca Penelope Johnson was alive and well, and soon, our relationship would start to be tested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Face claim for 'Julie' is Natalie Roser.


	46. Chapter 46

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

BECCA

Then.

 

He had a nice back.

It was so broad and toned.

He had such a small frame, but watching his back muscles tense did something to me.

"What about this one?" his assistant asked, but I barely heard her.

My eyes stayed focused on Harry's bare back as he went through the clothes rack. A long metal array taking up a large corner in his room where all the pieces of 'Harry' sat.

He briefly glanced at his assistant Emma, and just as quickly focused back on the rack.

"I don't want to be so plain today." he said, looking through his other options for tonight's show.

"I'm in a good mood and I want something more upbeat."

As he said the end of his sentence, he turned to me, flashing a warm smile and I had to admit, he did appear to be quite happy tonight.

I quickly joined in the conversation.

"What boots are you wearing?" I asked.

He kept his eyes on me. "These."

I looked down at the tan boots he had been wearing all day.

I stood, having my own idea. "Why don't you wear those?" I said pointing to a black pair in the corner. "And that." I said pointing to a patterned yellow shirt.

He eyed my pieces and then turned to me skeptically. I could tell he liked the idea, but was surprised _I_ had suggested it.

I nodded in encouragement. "You'll look like sunshine." I said with a smile.

He rolled his eyes playfully. "Oh you're just joking."

"No I'm not." I said. "Really. You should wear it."

One thing I was starting to like was his bold outfit choices. He wasn't crazy with it yet, but I liked the contrasts between the man.

 _My_ Harry was all plain, ratty t-shirts and skinny black jeans. Superstar Harry needed to be something different- at least for my own selfish sanity.

His assistant looked back at me but ignored me. I could tell for right now, she wanted the role of stylist.

"How about this one Harry?" she asked showing him a red and blue shirt with flamingos. "Remember you wanted this one?"

"No." He said still looking at me. "I'll wear that tomorrow. I'll wear hers tonight."

We shared a final smile as he pulled the shirt off the rack.

His assistant rolled her eyes and moved to grab the boots.

I continued to study him, and kept my eyes locked on his chest before he placed his shirt on.

He began to button the shirt when Emma came back over.

"They're scuffed." she said showing him the boots. "You sure you want to wear this on stage?"

He shrugged her off. "I don't care." he said and smiled, and he probably didn't.

He didn't worry about such trivial things.

I sat back down, and watched him as he finished buttoning his shirt.

He threw off his tan boots and then sat beside me.

As he switched shoes, trying on the black boots, his assistant moved around the room straightening his things.

He had less than thirty until he went on.

"Are you still staying backstage?" he asked.

I nodded yes.

I wanted to see him perform, but the sleep was catching up to me again.  I just wanted to lay down on his comfy chaise lounge and cuddle up with a blanket.

The music from McBusted thumping  through the stadium had been enough for me already.

"Alright." he said.

He stood.

"I'm going to head to meet the guys then."

I nodded okay, propping my feet on the couch to get comfortable.

"Do you need anything?" he asked me.

"Nope." I said. I had my earplugs in case and a book if I couldn't fall asleep.

"Alright." he said again, leaning and giving me a quick kiss.

"See you soon." he said.

"Bye baby." I said and he smiled. "Break a leg."

His assistant rolled her one final time in the corner and headed out of the room.

He followed her seconds later.

I could hear  the shuffle and sounds of the backstage crew but it didn't bother me.

I grabbed Harry's blanket that he kept backstage and laid back, closing my eyes.

I didn't know how long it took me to fall asleep, but I had dreams of Midnight Memories and Night Changes....

Harry's singing voice breaking into my dreams more than once.

When I awoke, it was by Harry.

His clothes were already changed and his hair was wet.

"Done already?" I asked.

It was obvious he had just got out of one of the supplied stadium showers.

He nodded and reached his hand out.

"Ready?" he asked.

"I guess."

I pulled the blanket off myself and tried to adjust my eyes.

He smirked  as he watched me.

"Sleep good?"

"Amazing." I said. "I think I heard you."

"Well I've tried waking you three times now."

"No singing." I said. "But...really? I was that knocked out?"

He nodded and rubbed my cheek. "Yeah, and your eyes are red. Let's get you back to the hotel."

I nodded in agreement and grabbed my things.

As we walked to the car, I kept my head on his shoulder, while he kept an arm wrapped around me.

"How was the show?"

"Good. A lot of fun."

"Sorry I missed it."

"S' okay." he said kissing my forehead. "I rather you rest."

I lifted my  head in sudden excitement. I had a reminded thought.

"Am I still getting my surprise tonight?"

He smirked again. "I don't think you can handle it."

I instantly pouted and protested.

"I'm awake, honestly. I'm ready to party now."

He just continued to smile. "We'll see."

As we climbed in the car, I once again nestled into him and he let me.

He kept his arms around me and I watched the city lights through the window.

Neither one of us spoke on the ride since I was consumed in the scenery and he was consumed in his phone.

I snuck a peek at  his phone-who wouldn't- and saw he was texting his mom and an obvious friend from his hometown.

When we arrived at the hotel, we climbed out.

The other boys were already on their way to London for their next gig in the afternoon and Harry with a small team were the only ones staying back until early in the morning.

"Do you have a swimsuit?" Harry whispered in my ear as we walked up to our room.

"Yeah why?"

"How about a midnight swim?" he asked with a Cheshire cat grin.

"Sounds lovely." I said.

We made it to our room and I hopped in the shower.

The hot water did wonders and woke me up even more.

I quickly dressed in my swinsuit and pulled my hair back.

When I came out of the room, Harry was laying on the bed wide awake and sitting in a white robe.

He was flipping through channels idily.

"Did I take too long?" I immediately asked.

"No. Of course not."

He stood and handed me a white towel and a robe.

"The pool is closed. We'll have complete privacy."

"Will your security be there?" I asked.

"Only in the beginning." he said and then smiled.

"Why? What are you planning on doing?" he asked.

"Well that depends...what are _you_ planning on doing?" I asked back.

He smirked widely and turned from me.

"I plan on swimming. And...other things."

I chuckled as he grabbed his phone and faced me.

"After you Princess." he said and gestured to the door.

I giggled. "Don't call me that. Sounds too innocent."

"Well we both know you are _definitely_ not."

I swatted his arm and he opened the hotel door.

His security was already by the door waiting.

He led us downstairs and I sent a quick message to my sister since my time zone was six hours ahead of her.

She would still be up and working my shift.

I sent her a *Thank you. Love you much* text and headed into the pool area.

Harry instantly discarded his robe and my eyes instantly went to his white swim trucks.

I could see the small bulge that had already brought me many nights of pleasure followed by the mouth watering vee, that dipped on his hips.

I already couldn't wait to have him inside of me again.

"Eyes up." he teased.

I smiled as he pulled his hair up in a bun and our eyes met.

I removed my robe and he eyed me in appreciation.

He must have liked what he saw because he gave a half smile and turned to his security.

"We're good." he said.

"I'll be out here." his security replied.

I was curious where 'out here' was, and how much he would be able to see after leaving. My eyes followed him until Harry pulled me from my thoughts. He grabbed my hands and pulled me to him.

As I moved to look at him, his lips touched mine and he sucked me in.

I instantly relaxed in his arms, as our tongues played.

"Hot tub or pool first?" he asked as we pulled apart.

"Pool." I said and he looked back at me in surprise.

My body was already on fire from his touch and I needed to cool down.

We couldn't exactly have sex in a hotel pool...or could we?

"Your wish is my command." he said leading me to the pool, but I quickly learned we weren't here to swim.

The minute we climbed in the pool, he was all over me, wrapping his arms around my waist. His lips met mine in the water and the coolness from the water didn't even calm me.

It was all too much too soon.

"No." I said and pulled away from him surprising even myself.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said with a small smile as I treaded the water. I purposely created a small distance between us.

"Then why are you over there? You don't want me to touch you?" he asked.

I shook my head no.

He looked back at me in worry. " What did I do?"

"Nothing." I said again and he looked at me in confusion.

I continued to tread the water as he tried to figure out what was wrong with me.Eventually I gave in, as the normal nervous hand moved to the hair. Before he realized he couldn't part his binded hair back, I broke out into another wide smile.

"Harry I'm just playing with you."

He visibly relaxed. "Oh."

"I just want you to catch me first." I said playfully. "So, go!" I said and dipped under the water.

It was a stupid move because he was not only taller than me, but as I quickly learned, a good swimmer.

He caught me in less than a minute.

"You should really stop trying to compete with me." he said as he caught me and we came up from the water.

I splashed him and then we began a playful tug of war in the water.

I was happy we were alone because if others were there, we would have surely bothered them with our loud laughing and thrashing.

I managed to get away from him again and swam to the opposite side of the pool.

In quick bursts, he swam to me and this time I let him claim his prize.

Our lips immediately touched as he came to me, and I let him lift me under the water and wrap my legs around him.

His warm lips trailed my neck and his weight pushed me against the pool wall.

Then we were us.

Now alone, and the playful mood passing, his mouth moved to the other side of my neck, placing warm kisses.

"Hmm. I need you."

Lost in the dangerously close proximity of my 'spot', I didn't immediately answer. I closed my eyes enjoying the sensations of his mouth.

"Can we?" he asked suddenly. His voice was husky yet muffled in my neck.

"Can we what?" I asked back.

"Can I be inside of you?"

My body instantly tingled in response.

His words could melt the Everest mountains.

"Yes please." I said immediately.

He kissed me again, and I could feel his hands move my swim shorts to the side under the water.

I pulled him out of his shorts and he kicked them off under the water.

They floated to the top and I smiled.

"What about a pool?" Harry asked me, lifting me partially off the wall, and placing his swim trunks behind me. I'm guessing in case someone walked in.

"Sex?" I asked as he pressed me back against it.

He nodded.

"No." I said.

"Good.Number two off the bucket list." he said, pulling my legs back up and around him.

"Are we starting one?" I guessed.

"Yup." he said and cut me off abruptly as he slammed into me.

It caused a surprised moan.

"Sorry, sorry!" he said quickly kissing my forehead. "I couldn't wait anymore."

"It's okay." I said moving so I could adjust to him. With his girth and our current positions, he seemed to be deeper than ever before.

It didn't even take a minute before I started to feel the effects.

Hitting spots he had never hit before, I remained wrapped around him, taking every fluid stroke.

His thrusts were quick, sloppy, and it seemed our three-week hiatus had affected him.  
I was affected too. I closed my eyes feeling the internal vibrations.

Rising, rising...

Good gracious, was he really going to make me come already?

I called his name as he continued to fuck me deep and fast, not allowing the water to slow him down, and I was quite sure if it wasn't for the help of the water, I would have problems walking in the morning.

It invoked a guttural sound from me. 

"Oh baby." I moaned looking back at him. "Just...like...that."

He gave me a wet  kiss and closed his eyes. 

I watched him in desire.

"Fuck...you....are....this...is...fuck...I'm..." 

His words were a jumbled mess. 

"Say it." I said.

It could have been the buildup and the fact that we hadn't seen each other in so long, but he was completely lost in me.

Normally he would watch me and every face I  made, but this time the tables had turned as he pumped in and out of me.

"Does it feel good?" I asked him.

"You're incredible," he mumbled. "I love....the way...you wrap around...me..."

My hips were moving steadily with his and I pulled him to me.

We shared another long kiss until he pulled away and buried his face in my neck. 

"Fuck! I'm going to come." he said near my ear.

"Come." I instructed softly, already on the way to my own orgasm.

He gave spurts of his last thrusts and I came first.

He came seconds later and pulled out of me.

He let out a satisfied sigh and then slowly brought his eyes to me.

"That was so good." he said.

"It always is."I said honestly.

He grinned in agreement and then kissed my forehead.

As the wave came down, he must have remembered where we were. 

"Are you cold?" he asked. I was freezing but it hadn't dawned on me until that moment. 

Reading my face, he lifted my back off his swim trunks. 

"Come on," he said. "Let's switch locations."

I did as he said, suddenly swimming to the entryway of the pool. Glancing around at the empty area, he quickly pulled his swim trunks back up when we were out of the water. 

We headed to the hot tub, with him holding his arms out. As we climbed in, I once again, was pulled into his arms and that's where we stayed for about another twenty minutes. 

After more kissing...touching...being...we finally made the decision to go back upstairs. 

After pulling on our robes, we found his security who was waiting in the hallway for us.

I was quite sure he knew what had happened between us in the pool, so I avoided eye contact.

When we got up to our room, I collapsed on the bed and Harry laid beside me.

"Do you want to take another shower?" I asked.

"We need too, but I also need to go to sleep. My flights at seven."

I looked at the clocks behind us and saw it was after 2am.

"Kay." I said. "You get some sleep."

My hair was still damp from the pool and I couldn't stand the smell of chlorine on my skin.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked sitting up. He pulled off his wet swim trunks and went over to his bag.

"Taking a quick shower." I said.

He didn't respond as he shimmed on a different pair of underpants and laid back down.

He fell asleep.

When I returned from my shower ten minutes later, he was dozed off and hugging a pillow.

If we were a proper couple and he wasn't Harry Styles, I would have taken a picture of him, but instead I smiled and nestled in beside him, careful not to wake him.

"Becca?" he mumbled and wrapped a long arm around me.

"Hmm?"

I felt him toss the pillow and close the gap between us. He pulled my body into his and nestled in my neck.

"Goodnight." he said.

His voice let me know that he was already half asleep.

"Sweet dreams." I said.

The next morning, I was awoken to the sounds of him shuffling around the room.

I watched in silence as he moved around the room, packing his carryon bag. He was only going to be in London for a couple of hours so I didn't understand why he needed it.

The boys had a show at Wembley Stadium for Captial FM's Summertime Ball. After, they would be flying back for their Cardiff show. Then tonight, me and Harry would be taking a drive back to London where we would be staying a few days.

He hummed gently to himself as he moved around the room and I smiled as I watched him.

He was lost in his thoughts and completely didn't notice my curious eyes.

After he dressed, he headed over to the table, writing something down and then peeked at me for the first time.

I smiled as our eyes connected.

"You're up." he said.

"I am."

I sat up stretching.

"I was just leaving a note." he said.

I finally glanced at the clock and saw it was 6am.

"Getting ready to go?" I asked.

He nodded and came over to me. "How did you sleep?"

"Good."

He traced the outline of my jaw. "You seem tired."

"Stll have a bit of jetlag." I said with a yawn. "I'll be okay." 

Looking back at him though, he looked like he had gotten a full hours sleep- and then some. 

I guess his body was use to the rise and grind of it all. 

"Well get some rest." he said. "I made you a list in case you need anything. There are numbers to call and I'm going to leave you some money."

I waved him away. "Don't. I'm going to probably sleep until you come back."

"It won't be too long." he said quickly. "I'll probably be at the stadium by four or five."

"I'll be there." I said warmly.

He smiled and stood. He leaned, kissing my forehead, then finished up.

His security's knock came minutes later and he blew me a kiss with a peace sign.

"I'll text you." he said.

************************

Hours later we were together again. This time headed to London.

Harry had just finished his second show in Cardiff and I had checked out of our temporary hotel.

"What time do we have to be at the new hotel?" I asked from my position on Harry's lap.

We were in a large SUV, and I was spiraled across him in the backseat as we took the three-hour drive back.

"We're not going to a hotel." Harry answered peering down at me.

I sat up and looked back at him curiously.

Around us, everyone was asleep except the driver. The boys surrounded us in their own SUV's in front and behind us. We had one guard, who was asleep riding with us, but other than that we were alone.

"Where are we going?" I whispered loudly.

"My house." he said. Harry paused the game he had been playing on his phone above me.

"Your house?" I asked in disbelief and he smiled.

"What is it with you and houses?" he joked. "You always seemed so surprised when I take you to one."

That was true, but his houses were his inner sanctums. His inner world. I was still surprised that I was getting the chances to see them.

"I'm not." I said softly. "I just thought we were going to a hotel tonight."

"Oh well no. We'll be in London for a couple days, and I'd rather be home."

"Oh okay." I said.

"Is that okay?" he asked reading my eyes.

I smiled. "Well it would be a bit late to ask now wouldn't it?"

He didn't smile back. His eyes searched mine. I guess he wanted to check if I was upset, because that's quickly what he assumed. 

"I'm just using to making plans." he said a second later. "I don't usually have to consider others too often." he said. "Sorry that I didn't ask you."

"Harry I don't care." I said since his tone had grown serious. "I would love to go to your place."

"Yeah?" he asked,giving a small grin.

I nodded.

Harry patted his lap, gesturing for me to resume my previous position and I laid down.

Harry unpaused his game, and I closed my eyes dozing off.  A few times I felt his hands trail through my hair, his large hands massaging my scalp and he would ask small questions.

Are you hungry?

Are you comfortable?

Do you need them to stop?

He was a very generous lover and I appreciated the way he fussed about me.

"I'm fine." I said mumbling in his legs.  "How much longer?"

"We're almost there." he said.

We were well into hour two, and I was ready to just pass out in his bed.

"You're probably going to sleep all day huh?"

"Honestly, yes." I chuckled. "i don't know why i'm so sleepy." I said honestly. "Did you have plans tomorrow?"

"Nope. Just to be with you. There's some things I want to show you, but I rather you get your sleep so we can do them another day."

I pulled away from his knees and faced him. "I don't know how you guys do this. How are you so awake right now?" I asked.

He looked back at me. He seemed to be completely rested, and unaffected by everyone else's slumber.

"I just got off stage." he reminded me. "Adrenaline is still pumping through me."

"Yeah but, look at you."

He smiled. "Just use to it. I'll probably be up most of tonight."'

"Sucks." I said. "I'm a morning person."

He chuckled. "Well one more way we balance each other out then."

"Guess so." I said.

We pulled up outside a brick cobblestone wall about a half hour later.

"Home Sweet Home." Harry said.

Looking out of the window, I tried to get a good look at his home, but the wall was shielding any of its contents.

Harry opened his car door, hopping out and punched in a code into the wall near an entryway door.

The adjourned gate opened seconds later.

Harry waved the car in and the driver pulled in.

Then, Harry's security jumped out as well.

The both of them  gathered by the trunk, pulling out the bags. They moved quickly and soon we were all in front of Harry's front door. 

As Harry unlocked his front door, he turned to his personal security. I turned towards the house. 

Though we weren't yet inside I could already smell hints of cinnamon seeping through the door.

"You sure you don't want to stay?" Harry offered. "It's two in the morning. You can crash in one of my rooms."

"Nah. My wife is expecting to me. Have a good night." his friend said warmly and bid us farewell.

"Night." we both said and then I followed Harry in the house. 

He flicked on a light, and my eyes instantly took in his dining room.

It was warm and cozy with blankets thrown over the couch, rich green colors, mahogany tables and the plushiest couch I had ever seen.

The contrast between this and the LA home, extremely noticeable.

"So this is home." I said facing him.

"This is home." he said. He pulled me gently in his arms.

"Want to go to bed?"

"What, no tour?" I teased.

He smirked a lazy smile.

"I thought you were so tired."

"I can stay up a couple more minutes."

He broke away. "Alright."

He began a quick tour through sitting rooms, family rooms, a gym, and three bedrooms before we found our way in the kitchen.

As he opened the fridge, he groaned.

"We're going to have to go out tomorrow."

"No food?" I asked.

"Not anything real." he said. "I never know when I'm going to be home so I don't keep it stocked."

"Well no worries. You know me. I love snacks." I said with a playful smile. 

He smirked back. "Maybe, but we'll hit Tesco tomorrow. I'll try to make you dinner."

"Dinner?" I asked in interest. " _You're_ going to cook?"

He rolled his eyes playfully. "Don't make that face.It's not that big of a deal." he said lightly.

But it was to me.

I had never had a man cook for me- unless you counted the pancakes Harry had made weeks earlier.

He pushed his hand out.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." he said softly.

I didn't take his hand.

"Let me grab my stuff." I said gesturing to my bag.

"What stuff?"

"My pajamas."

"No." he said pulling me away. "I'm implementing a new rule while you're here."

"And what is that?"

He looked me over.

"Well you're allowed a three item limit. No more clothes than that at any given time."

I chuckled.

"And are you following this rule too?"

He suddenly lifted his sweater and t-shirt off exposing his bare skin.

"Yup."

I smiled widely as he pulled me back in his arms.

We shared a quick kiss as he unbuttoned my pants and pulled my sweater off as well.

"Down to four." he said, throwing my sweater on the ground. "What else is coming off?"

I answered by shimming out of my pants.

He smiled in appreciation, then I surprised him by removing my tank top as well.

"Overachiever huh?"

I stood before him in just my bra and underwear and he looked me over hungrily.

"And you love it." I teased. 

He smirked that famous Harry dimple, and bit his lip. "You know we're probably not going to sleep now."

I moved away from him slightly, moving towards the stairs. I moved my body seductively like I had seen the models do in the lingerie commercials. I leaned against the banister. 

 _" You promise?"_ putting on my best husky voice.

He lightly laughed and came back to me, lifting me over his shoulders. He slapped my butt and I instantly squealed.

_Let the fun begin!_

So far I was already loving London.


	47. Chapter 47

CHAPTER FORTY- SEVEN

HARRY

Then.

 

The next morning we woke up early and headed to a pancake house.

The weather was warm, and we both dressed pretty casually as we drove through the city.

Becca's eyes were wide. She seemed to take in everything around us. As we passed Abbey Road, her eyes lit up. 

"I always wanted to come here." she remarked, turning to me. "I just always figured it would be when I was married or something."

I looked back at her. Strangely I could picture her in the future.

"When do you want to get married?" I asked casually.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I want to learn myself first, but hopefully soon."

That immediately sent up a red flag for me. If she was thinking about marriage already, then she would probably want something serious. 

"Soon? What is that, like two, three years?" I asked for clarity. Her eyes grew wide.

"No, no, no." she said quickly. "When I'm over the twenty-five hill. Maybe when I'm thirty. Maybe not even then..." she said with a smile. "I'm not big on the whole marriage concept."

"Why?" I asked curiously. 

"It's just a piece of paper with a lot of silly responsibilities and money if it doesn't work out. There are other ways to commit to someone. If I fall in love with you, and i'm in it, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that."

I had to smile. I don't know why, but it was a huge relief to hear her say that. It was something I was never going to have to worry about, but I was glad that this potential blurred line, was a little bit clearer. 

"What about you?" she asked a moment later. 

"Same." I said tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. "I want to get married, but I'm not thinking about any of that stuff for a long time."

I turned to her.

"Do you want kids?" she asked.

"Yeah of course. What do you want, a boy or a girl first?"

She instantly grimaced.

"You don't want kids either?" I asked reading her expression. 

"I don't know." she said with a shrug. "I can't really see myself as a mother. I love kids, and they seem to love me...but me as a parent...God help them."

If we were more serious that would have been, _ping_ , another red flag, instead I brushed it off. It wasn't for me to worry about.

"So where we're going..." I began, focusing back on my driving. "They make super rare pancakes and they're highly rated in town. Like...do you enjoy crepes?"

"I've never had them."

"Oh another possible first..." I said with a smile.

"That makes you proud doesn't it?"

"It does." I said honestly. "I like to be memorable. Years from now, _when you do get married,_ you'll be sitting with your husband and he'll take you to breakfast and you can say 'Harry Styles was the first person I ate these with' "

"Highly doubt that," she said with a giggle. "Don't think my future husband wants to know the things we use to do."

"But why? We're so innocent?" I said with my own grin. 

We both knew we weren't. Becca was a sweet girl, but far from an angel in the bedroom, and I wasn't either. 

She giggled. "Well i'll make sure to tell him about our little pool adventure then too." she said with a wide smile.

"No, _that_ you tell no one. Forever our secret."

"Secrets with Harry Styles? I like that.It's like a secret club."

I grinned again. "Well good, because I plan on having a lot more before it's all over with."

When we pulled into the restaurant minutes later, I led the way.

I came to the restaurant often when I was in town, so the staff knew me.

"Can I get my usual table in the back?" I asked as the manager came out to greet me personally.

"Of course. Good to see you again."

"You too."

This was one of my safe places. Sometimes I came here alone, other times with family and friends, but it was one of those places in town that no one really knew about. Tucked away on a small corner street, was this small place with the best food, and the best people. No one ever bothered me when I was here. 

The manager led the way, and me and Becca sat in the back of the restaurant.

It was mid morning so the restaurant was fuller than usual, but not enough that we wouldn't have our privacy.

Plus, due to our positions in the back, we wouldn't be seen immediately anyway.

Becca immediately began to scan the menu, and I sent a few quick emails.

"Do you know what you want?" she asked me.

"I'm getting their cinnamon apple crepes."

I looked up for my phone and watched her. Her eyes were scanning. Taking in the five-page glossy menu and the words on the wall that screamed 'best in town', I knew she was a bit lost. 

"It's overwhelming isn't it?"

She chuckled. "Is it that obvious?"

"Just get the old fashioned pancakes. You won't regret it."

"I'll take your word for it." she said placing the menu down. At that moment, the waiter came over taking our drinks.

We both ordered waters and placed our orders and then we were alone.

Becca folded her hands and looked back at me.

"So...are you happy to be getting some days off?"

"It hasn't really hit me yet. It feels like we just started working again, so I'm okay. I think when we begin the American leg, then I'll be a bit tired."

"When is that?" she asked curiously.

"Next month." and then I teased her. "You really aren't a fan, are you?  
Shows how much you were planning on coming to my shows."

She chuckled. "My sister is if that counts. She has tickets for your San Diego concert."

"And you're not coming?"

She shook her  head no. "I wasn't planning on it. She got the tickets last year for Christmas. I didn't really care much about you at that time." she joked. 

I smiled, knowing how true that was. It was still refreshing to me that we had started with a clean slate. I think it had helped get us to this place. It had been nice to meet someone who had no clue who I was. 

"Well you should now." I said softly. "I'll take care of you."

She smiled. "Well, I wouldn't say that just yet. A month is a long time. You might be sick of me by then...you'll probably want me as far as possible."

I shrugged, drinking some water. "I doubt that. But, it would make this all easier though."

"Make what easier?" she asked, but my eyes moved past hers. I could see a woman approaching us.

"Hello?" I called to prepare Becca.

This woman was not a part of the staff.

"Hi." she said as she approached us. She appeared to be in her late thirties.

"I'm so sorry to bother you-" she said quickly.

"It's alright." I said waving away her concerns.

The woman smiled and trailed her eyes over Becca, before giving me her full attention.

"My son Nathan, he just adores you. He's a huge fan."

"Oh really?" I asked. "Well i'm a massive fan of his too."

She smiled. 

"He's here,  and he's shy. I was wondering if he could meet you-"

"Sure. Sure..." I said looking for him behind her.

Becca cleared her throat and stood. Her eyes let me know she was making a quick exit.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

She gestured to the woman who was watching us, but who was also looking for her son.

She was waving him over.

Becca made a movement to head to the bathroom and I tried to let her know with my eyes it was alright.

The interest would be there, but I hardly doubted this woman was too concerned about what she was doing with me or was going to rush to Twitter to tell the whole world.

Nevertheless, Becca moved away from the table, disappearing and the young fan came over.

He was quite shy and I got up quickly and shook his hand.

I asked him some questions about school and his favorite sports team, then we posed for a picture.

The mother was very nice and apologized for bothering me, then they were both gone.

I looked around for Becca but she was nowhere to be found. She had been M.I.A. for more than five minutes. 

Pulling out my cell phone, I sent her a quick message.

*Where are you?*

*Bathroom. Is it safe?*

*Of course.* I texted back quickly.

A few minutes  later she came back to the table, but by then, I was slightly peeved. The whole way she had handled that exchange had rubbed me a bit the wrong way.  

"Whew." she blew out as she came back out. "What was I saying before?"

My eyes narrowed. 

"You didn't have to do that ya know? _Leave._ " I emphasized as she sat across from me. "Nothing was going to happen."

She shrugged, looking past me. 

"Well you never know Harry." she said softly. "Did they leave?"

I sighed and shifted in my seat. "I don't know, but...you have to get used to being with me Becca. You know you actually bring more attention to yourself by getting up and leaving."

"They barely noticed me." she said casually. 

"Of course they did. You practically ran out of here. It was kind of rude."

This time she looked back at me. I couldn't read her eyes.

"Well you were the one who was so keen on hiding me Harry."

 _"When?_ " I asked in confusion.

"In general. Did you forget before? I mean you unfollowed me on Twitter because you were worried."

I rolled my eyes. "That's not why I unfollowed you. Some fans can be intense yes...but you always react like that. It's like you're scared to be with me. It makes me uneasy."

"Because you told me too!" she said quickly, slightly argumentative. "Are you completely forgetting Thailand and your instructions?"

"That's completely different." I reasoned.

"No it's not!"

Her voice had raised a little and she was getting annoyed with me. The second roll of her eyes, quickly showcased it. 

I was already annoyed with the conversation.

I dismissed it with a wave of my hand.

"Let's forget it. I don't want to argue. It's stupid." I said. I picked up my water glass and took a sip.

She grew quiet and didn't say anything more.

Turning completely from me she pulled her cell out of her pocket, and pretended to find something interesting on there. 

_So this was angry Becca..._

I watched her in interest, finding her fake attitude incredibly sexy.

I decided to clear the air.

"Hey Becca?" I called and she looked up at me.

I made a funny face and the ice queen melted. Biting her lip to hide a smile, she rolled her eyes again- playfully this time.

I smiled.

She sighed next, pretending to huff. 

"Oh stop." I said. "You should be happy I want you seen."

"I don't get the difference," she said. "How is people seeing me in public any different then you following me on Twitter or something?"

"Fact vs rumor. People can tweet and talk and say they saw you with me all day, but until they get that picture and connect the dots- it's just that, a rumor."

She paused, thinking.  

"You must have experience in this." she noted.

"A little." I said honestly. "I haven't dated nearly as many people as you would assume, but there's been more lovers than my fans know about. I try to protect the  identity of people i'm with."

"Any of them like me?"

"Like you?" I questioned in confusion. 

"Not famous." she emphasized.

I smiled. "Yes Becca, there have been others that have not been in the public eye." 

I was purposely trying to omit the word famous. I couldn't stand it, and I didn't want her putting too much emphasis on that part of my life. Fame was a very small portion to me. 

She smiled seeming to like my answer. 

We were interrupted then with our food, and after it was on the table and first bites in mouths, she resumed. 

"So..." she began. Her voice took on a casual tone. "How many of your girls have you brought here?"

"My girls?" I asked chewing on my small bite of a crepe. 

"Yes, your women." she said with a mischevious wink. 

I chuckled under my breath, cutting my food. 

"I don't have any _women._ " I said. "I have...one. An American girl, who drives me absolutely crazy."

She instantly smiled. 

"Why do you like her then?"

I took another sip of my water, thinking. I could give the real answer but what would be fun about that?

I shifted and took another sip of my water. 

"Well....it's the little things ya know? Like..." I bit my lip trying to compose my smile. "The dimples on her back, and the bottom of her spine. Or the way her hands fit in mine like it was made just for me. So, it must be meant to be-"

She instantly laughed, catching on to the lyrics.

"No don't laugh." I said trying to keep a straight face. "I don't let the little things slip-"

"Oh shut up." she said throwing her napkin at me. 

I  instantly laughed with her. Taking another bite of my food, and re-adjusting in my seat, I got serious. 

"No honestly though...sorry to disappoint, but I haven't brought any of my _girls_ here. You're the first."

"Really?" she asked in surprise. "So who do you come here with then?"

"My parents, or my sister. Friends...ya know..." and then so that we were clear, "I don't really do this often Becca. I don't just pick up random women from coffee shops and let them come across the world with me."

Then I had a thought. 

"Actually," I said continuing. "I don't think i've even brought a girl here- to London- before."

She smiled widely. "Well I appreciate  that I guess...even though you're lying."

"How am I lying?"

"Taylor Swift." she said simply. "I've seen pictures of her here with you a couple years ago. Of course at the time, I didn't realize it was you- but yeah."

"That was different." I said remembering that time three years earlier. "And we weren't even here. We were in Holmes Chapel where I grew up."'

"Aww.. you brought her home?" she swooned. "You must have really liked her."

"I don't remember." I said. "That was a very different part of my life."

"Well were you in love with her?"

Her tone wasn't too be nosy, it was more sincere, and I got the sense she was asking so she could get to know me, not to have an ulterior motive.

Taking another bite of my food, I thought of the best answer. 

The whole Taylor/ Harry relationship circa 2012 was a complicated subject.  There was so much more involved than what people knew. 

"I thought I was for a long time." I said after careful thought. "I was young, and I really liked her...but I don't know..." I paused thinking. "We've spent time together after, and...I just don't think it was meant to be, the more I've thought about it."

She nodded, internalizing my words, but I had my own thoughts suddenly. 

Becca still hadn't really opened up about her exes and I was curious too. Who had let this beautiful girl go? And why?

"So tell me about your first love," I said a moment later. "How serious were you guys?"

"Not that serious." she said. "I don't even know if you would call it love. We were young too ya know...high school sweethearts and all that."

"Do you still talk?"

"We haven't in a while. Mainly because i've been in New York and that was years ago, but he still sees my parents and they seem to still secretly hope we will end up together in the end. I think they're going to be disappointed." she said with a knowing smile. 

I smiled. "Oh he was their golden boy huh?"

"Yeah. Use to get me home early and stay at the house all the time...offer to help out---if only they knew." she said with a chuckle. "He's the same boy who asked for a threesome on his eighteen birthday."

I instantly choked on my food, taken aback by her comment, laughing. 

She giggled. 

"Did you do it?"  I asked. 

"Maybe, maybe not...I'll never tell." she said with a wink. 

I smiled. "Well can we do a threesome?" I asked, because I mean, come on....I had too.  

"Only if you get Channing Tatum involved."

I laughed again. Quite sure that wasn't going to happen. 

"Have you ever had a threesome?" she asked a minute later. 

"I'll never tell." I said mimicking her words a second earlier, but in this lifestyle, it wasn't hard to assume I had. 

We shared a  final laugh as we dug in our plates.  

"You want to try mine?"I offered after a bit, when we began to focus on our food.

She nodded yes.

I cut off a piece of a crepe and lifted my fork for her to try it.

She stuck her tongue out first and sucked the fork seductively.

She loved to tease me. 

"Really Becca?" I asked with a smile. "You do realize we have no food at home."

"What does that matter?" she asked in confusion.

"If you keep eating that way, that will be the only place we're headed."

"Who's arguing?" she asked and then stuck her tongue at me. 

I threw my napkin at her this time.

She threw hers back at me.

We shared a  final laugh easily forgetting we were in a restaurant with other people. 

We were easily lost in our own world. 

For the next half hour, I continued to give her bites off of my plate and she started to feed me off hers.

By now, there was no one else in our section, our else we wouldn't have been so bold.

When we finished, I paid the check and we headed to my car.

"What do you have to get at the grocery store?" she asked.

"Everything." I said vaguely.

She smiled and just shook her head at me.

"I don't even know why I bother asking."

I smiled.

"Do you cook?"

"A little bit."

"What's your specialty?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?" I asked looking at her.

"Because it's a secret." she said flashing her eyes dangerously. 

"I can't know your secrets?" I asked.

She nodded no. "You haven't earned them yet."

I grinned. "Oh alright. Fine."

"What's _your_ specialty?" she asked.

"I'm making it for you tonight."

"Are you really?" she asked in surprise.

I nodded yes. "Why? You look surprised."

"Well I wouldn't tell you mine."

"I know, but that's because you're mean. I'm actually a nice person."

She leaned and kissed my cheek "You are. Love that about you."

I smiled at her, and gave her a quick kiss on her lips since her lips were still near mine.

She leaned away and shifted in her seat.

She was once again studying the area.

"Do you like road trips?" I asked.

"Road trips?"

"Yeah...like...extended car rides."

"Like yesterday?"

"Yeah exactly like that."

"I guess." she said. "I haven't really taken many."

"Well, I think I want to take you to Holmes Chapel tomorrow too. Maybe take you to my school..where I use to work..."

"That would actually be really cool."

"It's a bit of a drive though."

"Oh I don't care." she said waving away my concerns. "I would love to go." she said with assurance. 

"Alright." I said. "It's a pending thing. I don't know what we'll end up doing tomorrow. Knowing us, we might even stay in the bed all day."

"Ooh. That's tempting too...but I think I prefer the drive."

"Really?" I asked in interest. In the past, most girls didn't care to see that stuff. Most enjoyed my company but weren't too interested to see the pieces that had built me. It was about the thrill of my name, or the sex, or what we could do in our short time; and if lasted longer than a couple of weeks, then the only place of eventual interest was meeting my Mum. 

No one ever did. 

Becca nodded yes, and I made mental plans as we pulled up to the Tesco.

"What's your favorite food Harry?" she asked.

"Don't know." I said unfastening my seatbelt. "It kind of changes all the time. What about you?"

"Pizza. Hands down."

"Do you ever make your own?"

"No never."

"You have never made your own pizza and it is your favorite food?"

She shook her head no, demurely.

"That makes no sense. You know I used to be a baker."

She smiled widely in amusement. "Yeah i've heard."

I opened my car door.

"I think we should make some pizza."

"Can _you_ make pizza?" she asked climbing out of the car.

"Sure." I said. "It's quite simple."

She smiled as we met behind the car. "Alright. Let's."

As we walked in, Becca went back to her usual ways, observing everything and watching to see if anyone noticed me. I just chuckled.

"I'm actually looking forward to the day your picture is taken." I joked.

"You say that now, but I'm sure you won't like it."

It was probably true, but her timidness with the whole thing was quite adorable. She was on such high alert, that if someone would have popped out and shouted boo, she would have freaked the fuck out. 

I grabbed a cart and we began to work our way around the store.

We started in the fruit and vegetable section first.

I started tossing stuff in the cart and Becca just watched me as I grabbed a little of everything. Beside me, she grabbed nothing. 

"Don't you want stuff?"

"Oh I'm enjoying watching you." she teased.

"Get some stuff." I said. "We'll be coming back later in the month too."

"You mean we'll be staying at your house more?"

"Yeah." I said simply. "So get what you want."

She grabbed a couple apples, and miscellaneous fruits before we headed towards the aisles. We needed to get some yeast and olive oil to make the dough. We already had grabbed our toppings and would also need the sauce.

As we packed other things in the cart, I was stopped once by a fan for a picture- and Becca didn't run- but for the most part we were left alone.

When we got back to my house, I placed all the ingredients out on the table, threw her an apron and we got to work. We had the TV going in the background, but the attention was solely on each other.

"I can't believe you've never made Pizza." I said as I prepared the dough for the crust.

"Another first." she said and I smiled.

She focused on cutting the pepperoni and the toppings and I watched her

Her hair was pinned up with a few strands hanging in small wisps and she was biting her lip in concentration trying to make the perfect slices.

"Hey Becca?" I called out.

"Hmm?" she asked continuing to slice the meat. She didn't look at me right away but when she did, she confirmed my thought.

"Do you know how sexy you are?" I questioned. "I mean do you even have a clue?"

She instantly blushed and then smiled, placing her head down.

"Um..." she muttered. She struggled with words.

It was instantly endearing.

Moving beside her, more lyrics came to mind. 

"The way she smiles at the ground it ain't hard to tell, she doesn't know, oh oh, she doesn't know she 's beautiful." I sang lightly. 

Again she blushed, pretending not to hear me. 

I leaned and kissed her forehead before continuing my task.

I pushed the dough into the flour on my counter and kneaded it.

Smoothing the dough, she watched me in intrigue as it became the size of a medium pizza.

I coated a nearby pan with oil and then moved it.

I covered it with a damp towel and set it to the side so it could rise for an hour.

"I'm actually quite impressed." she said. "You made that pretty fast."

"Well I was pretty good at my job." I said with a wink.

"You are with most." she winked back and this time I blushed.

The sexual innuendo's had been between us all day.

You would think we would be satisfied after last night.

After I had chased her up the stairs, we ended up staying up another hour, exploring each other's bodies and we were both quite thorough.

By now I was pretty sure I had every part of her memorized and I was quickly learning what she liked.

I knew the touches that made her weak, and she knew the places to kiss to make me moan.

Sexually we were very compatible.

"So what do you want to do while we wait?"

I reached for her hand and led her to the couch.

Removing my apron, I tossed it to the side.

"You're covered in dough and flour." she noted. 

I ignored her and plopped on the couch.

Then I gestured for her to lay on me.

Smiling, she did, and her head rested on my chest.

One hand went to her hair, while the other reached for the remote.

I flipped channels until we both found something we wanted to watch, though it was short-lived.

Five minutes into the show, she had looked up at me to ask me a question, and I had paused, looking at her eyes.

Somehow my lips connected to hers, and we spent the next twenty minutes, exploring each others mouth.

The ring of her cell phone, interrupting us.

By then I was on top of her and she was under me.

She shifted me to the side, and dug in her pocket pulling it out.

She looked at the screen.

"I've got to get this."

I sat up and gave her space.

She answered the call, gave me a quick smile and then left the room.

I was curious who she was talking too, but it really wasn't my business.

I got up, heading to the kitchen and grabbed a water.

Taking a sip, I glanced at the pizza that was slowly rising on the counter and headed back to the couch.

A white mess from the flour of our bodies was all over the couch.

I smiled to myself and ignored it, sitting back down.

I watched the documentary we had agreed on until she came back.

When she did, she was in even a better mood.

"Sorry." she said with a wide smile, plopping beside me.

"It's fine." I said. I looked at her quickly and then back at the TV.

Then she closed the space between us, climbing on top of me.

"Where was I?" she called before connecting her lips to my neck. 

"I'm trying to watch the show now."I teased.

She ignored me and continued the assault on my neck.

I rested my head back and enjoyed the sensations. I could feel myself growing hard beneath her, but somehow that was what I think she wanted.

Her lips trailed down me.

I was still wearing my white t-shirt, but her lips moved down, placing kisses on various portions of my body until she was off of me.

Her hands went to my belt buckle.

 _"Excuse me,_ " I said with a smile. "You're not listening."

She ignored me, unhooking it.

She gave me a mischievous smile and then unbuckled my pants.

"You can watch your show." she said.

"Obviously I can't."

She unzipped my pants and placed her hands in my boxers.

She freed me quickly.

"You can. Watch it. I'm just going to fuck you while you do it."

And before I could respond, her mouth connected to the head of my penis.

I immediately sucked in air.

I was harder than I thought and the warmness from her mouth sent a tingle through me.

I tried to remain firm.

"Becca." I called, but she wasn't talking anymore.

Her mouth was beginning to move in ways I had only imagined.

She licked and sucked, teased and played.

I tried to reach for her as she swallowed me whole. She took the words deep throat to a whole 'nother level. 

"Jesus," was all I could mumble as I closed my eyes and laid my head back aganist the couch. It was all I could do. 

  The way her mouth was working me, I was going to come very quickly.  

 If she wanted this to progress to more, than she would have to slow down.

"Becca," I called. "You should-"

She ignored me, sucking harder.

"Oh my..."

I just smiled as she went into overdrive. She was doing that shit on purpose. I think she liked to see  how far she could unravel me. 

But. 

My mind was on her pleasure too. At the end of the day, it couldn't just be about me. 

"Becca," I said. "You should stop, i'm going to come."  I said when I could finally form a coherent thought. 

She pulled her mouth completely off me instantly. My dick hit my stomach with a _plop._

I looked at her in surprise and my dick was not happy. 

"You told me to stop." she reasoned, giving me a smug look. 

I just smiled. I couldn't stand her. 

She just looked back at me. My dick felt like it was inflamed. 

I groaned. "You misheard me."  I whined. 

"Do you want me to continue?" she asked, torturing me. 

"Do you want me to beg?" I asked her. 

This time she smiled. 

"I'm not that mean." she said lowering her mouth back on me. She kept her eyes completely on me and those Hazel eyes watching me as she swallowed me, was more than I could take. 

Placing one of my hands through her hair, I had so many words I wanted to say. 

And yet, I didn't get the chance too. 

She quickly resumed. 

Suddenly I couldn't even see her anymore.

All I could focus on was the intense pleasure she was giving me.

I murmured a few words but I had no idea what they were.

I could hear her mouth around me, and the small moans she made that vibrated against me.

She was too good at this.

I felt the familiar build which let me know I was close and I tried to warn her.

I guess she knew me well, because she removed most of her mouth off of me, and began a hand combination while she just licked the head of my penis.

"Fuck!" I muttered. "I'm close....so close..."

I looked down at her and wide hazel eyes undid me once again.

It was all I needed.

I released completely in her mouth and she sucked every drop.

Then, I was practically comatose.

What had I been doing before this?

She had came from her phone call and...

I didn't have time to put it together because her lips were on me again, this time my neck and her hands wrapped around me again.

Now she was practically giving me a hand job. Her hands moved gently and just enough that I still felt some remnants of my previous orgasm.

I smiled.

"Bec." I called.

She looked at me with a wide smile. "I love when you call me that."

"I know. That's why I do it." I said honestly.

She gave me a slow kiss and my hands went to her face, cupping it.

I no longer cared about what her hands were doing, I needed more.

"Take your jeans off." I whispered against her lips.

"No." she said.

"Why not?"

She looked past me.

"Because your phone is vibrating."

As she pulled away from me, I finally heard it on the counter.

I ignored it, going for her lips.

"It could be work." she said. "I don't want to distract you."

I sighed.

She was right, but I didn't want her to be.

If it was work, I would need to get it.

I tapped her legs reluctantly to move and she did.

As I stood, I adjusted myself and placed myself back in my pants.

I quickly buckled my pants so they would stay on my waist, though realistically, they weren't going anywhere.

I grabbed my phone and sure enough, it was Simon Cowell calling me.

Fucking great.

I answered the call.

"Hello Simon."

"Harry, what are you doing?" he asked.

I gestured to Becca that I was going to another room and she nodded, turning to the TV.

"Nothing." I answered. "What's up?"

"I need a favor from you."

I rolled my eyes.

I shouldn't  have answered the phone.

I could already imagine what it was.

Still it was my work and I knew I had to comply.

I just hoped it didn't take me away from Becca today.

I was enjoying her company too much.


	48. Chapter 48

CHAPTER FORTY EIGHT

BECCA

Then.

 

 He walked away.

Harry headed upstairs and I looked at the TV in front of me.

By his eye roll, the phone call he had just answered was some type of work.

I was a little happy for the distraction though.

As always, we were about to intensify the moment and get lost in each other again.

I didn't think I would ever say this, but we were moving too fast.

If we didn't slow down, I would be coming back pregnant. We never used condoms, and though that little birth control chip was nestled in my arm; we needed to be more careful, since we never knew what could happen.

Still, I couldn't get enough of him.

Harry Styles was walking sex.

Every smile, every word and every gesture turned me on. Every look and every touch melted me and our sexual chemistry was amazing.

As I had memories of previous experiences, I looked down. Flour was everywhere in the living room. The clumpy white powder was on his floor and couch.

I smiled to myself, and jumped up to get a towel.

I started cleaning up when Harry came back into the room minutes later.

The first thing I noticed was the keys in his hand, then the sunglasses on top of his head.

I looked up at him, meeting his eyes and reading his expression.

He was leaving.

He gave a gentle sigh as he faced me.

"I have to make a quick run. I won't be more than an hour. I promise." he said.

I stood, wiping my hands on my pants.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." he said. "I have to sign a contract that apparently can't wait."

The disdain in his voice was clear.

"Oh okay." I said simply.

He gestured to the couch. "Thank you."

"No problem." I said looking slightly past him. "What do you want me to with the food?"

"It can sit." he said coming over to me. "I'll be really quick I promise."

I nodded okay.

He gave me a quick kiss and placed his sunglasses on.

"Don't get in any trouble."

I smiled.

"Scouts honor."

He smiled back and tapped my nose.

Then he headed for his front door, and left.

I finished cleaning the couch up, then sealed the toppings I had already pulled out so they would remain fresh.

Then I headed back to the couch.

Harry said he wouldn't be longer than an hour, so I figured I could keep myself busy with a tv show.

However as I began to flip the channels I found nothing that was interesting. Plus, I wasn't much of a TV watcher-outside of Vampire Diaries.

I had a restless spirit.

I needed to stay productive and feel like I was doing something.

So I headed to the bedroom where me and Harry's luggage sat pretty much untouched in the corner.

I looked through my bag pulling out my small pile of dirty clothes and decided to head to his laundry room.

For the majority of the month, we would be in hotels, so every chance I came into contact with a washer/dryer, I would make use.

I gathered my small load and then headed down to Harry's washroom.

Luckily, I had already noted he had a bottle of detergent and dryer sheets.

I threw my clothes in the washer, placed them on gentle and then headed upstairs.

I decided to finish unpacking/organizing the items I would need the next few days and clear up the sapce.

I was slightly OCD, and I could be a bit of a clean freak- especially when I was bored.

I liked things to be organized and have their place.

So after I dug through my things and sorted my bag where it was more accessible, I decided to head back downstairs.

I was stopped, when I looked at Harry's bag.

I felt a little bad that I had gone through all of the trouble for my things and had basically left his stuff in the bag.

I didn't feel exactly comfortable going through his things, but I knew where he kept his dirty clothes.

I sorted through them and decided to throw them in the wash as well.

Peeling his bag back, I pulled out his dirty black jeans, cotton t-shirts, used boxers and his prized Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent shirts.

How the hell was I going to wash those?

I headed down to the laundry room, and separted the small pile. Harry had two washer and dryer machines, so I began placing everything in the washer, then a thought hit me; I was going to mess some shit up.

Heading back to the kitchen for my phone, I quickly browsed the internet for instructions on how to wash the silk shirts and his prized pants.

They were already tight and I was sure he wouldn't be able to walk if they got any tighter, or shrunk.

Following the instructions, I threw in the items I could wash, and headed to a large sink to wash the rest.

About thirty minutes later, my load was finished and I was hanging Harry's shirts so they could dry.

I put all the clothes in the dryer and then waited.

Later, I had just finished folding my jeans, when I looked up, sensing a presence.  
When I did, warm green eyes stared back at me.  
I instantly felt myself smile.  
"Hi."  
"Hi." he said, a grin forming.  
Then, he looked around me and the pile that surrounded me.  
"Someone's been busy..."  
I blushed and stood up slowly. "I hope you're not upset."  
He looked back at me in interest. "Upset that you used my washer?" he questioned.  
"Well yeah...and that I washed your clothes too."  
His eyes trailed instantly to the washer that was going. His eyes widened.  
"I didn't ruin anything, I promise!" I said quickly. "I hand washed your expensive shirts and I googled how to wash your jeans so they wouldn't shrink. Everything should be good." I assured and he looked at me with an amused expression.  
"You did all that, in the hour and a half I've gone?"  
"Two hours, but yes." I shuffled my feet. "I figured why not do something productive."  
He smiled and came over to me pulling me in his arms.  
"You constantly surprise me, you know that?" he asked.  
I placed my hands around his hips. He still towered over me as our eyes locked.  
"Is that a good or bad thing?"  
"Good." he said and kissed my nose gently. "Are you getting hungry? We should probably finish the pizza?"  
I nodded. "Yeah. Let me finishing folding these and then I'll be there to help."  
"Okay." he said gently, dropping his hands away from me.  
"How was work?" I asked. "The contract thing."  
He rolled his eyes. "A waste of time. But it's done. They can't bother me anymore." he said and smiled.  
"Good."  
I pulled him back in my arms. "Because I plan on keeping you busy the next few hours."  
"Oh really?" he asked, grinning widely.  
"Not with that." I clarified quickly, tapping his chest. "But with cooking. I've decided I want to make you some dessert."  
He smirked wider. He pulled me closer.  
"You know...you could get some whipped cream and we can go in the room and that'll be like dessert."  
I giggled and shook my head no.  
"No, you can ravish me tomorrow."  
He pouted his pink lips. "No fair. I leave for an hour and you completely change on me."  
"Sorry." I said, but I wasn't. I loved teasing him.  
He gave me another kiss and then headed for the kitchen.  
I finished folding my clothes, and plopped his few items in the dryer before joining him.  
Harry had already pulled the ingredients back out and was prepping everything.  
I pulled my apron on and stood beside him.  
We took turns placing the ingredients on the pizza and then popped it in the oven.  
We cleaned up the kitchen and made small talk until it was ready twenty minutes later, and then we sat down and ate at the counter.  
"Do you like it?" Harry asked.  
"Of course. Your dough is amazing."  
He smiled and grinned proudly.  
"So what dessert are you making?"  
"Something simple. Strawberry shortcake. It'll take me about an hour."  
"Sounds good. What other wonders can you make for dessert?" he teased.  
"I actually make a really good cheesecake. The cook time is just six hours. Do you like cheesecake?" I asked.  
"I do."  
"Well maybe I'll make it for you one day."  
He smiled and took another bite of his pizza before getting up and grabbing a water bottle. He grabbed one for me as well and took a seat beside me.  
"I shouldn't be eating this." he said. "I have a tour to think about."  
"I know. I'm a bad influence. I'm sorry."  
"It's alright." he said, his accent thick. "I like being corrupted."  
We shared a smile and then a kiss.  
"So how is Strawberry Shortcake going to take up my night?" he asked curiously.  
I smiled again but didn't answer. His eyes on my chest telling me the real reason for his question.  
"You're insatiable you know?"  
He chuckled and finished up his bite.  
“Seems only with you.”  
Soon his plate was bare.  
He leaned against the counter and watched as I settled in the kitchen making dessert. I quickly got to work separating the different ingredients I would need.  
When I finished I fed him the first bite.  
“Mmm. Amazing.”  
“Is it?” I questioned. I really wanted him to like my cooking.  
“You tell me-”  
He brought his mouth to mine and I savored the sweet taste from his tongue.  
When we pulled apart, we shared a small smile.  
“Hmm. You’re right.”  
He nodded ‘yes’, his eyes taking on a new expression.  
It didn’t take long for him to lift me on the counter.  
“Here.” he said taking the provided spoon and feeding me this time. A proper bite.  
“Amazing.” I said mimicking his tone this time.  
He moved his lips to my neck, placing gentle kisses.  
“Yeah I think so,”  
He moved around, planting small kisses around various areas of my neck, eventually making his way back up to my lips.  
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I quickly became dessert.  
When he finally pulled away from me minutes later, we were both sticky from the strawberry shortcake spoon to mouth- mouth to skin game we had indulged in the last couple minutes.  
We made our way to the shower, keeping it pretty PG-13, and then decided to take some time away from each other. Harry headed to his home gym, while I curled on the couch with a book.  
When we came back together, about an hour later, he was energized.  
“Hey you wanna run somewhere?” he asked.  
“Sure. Where?”  
By now, the time was approaching six in the evening. We had shared a full day.  
He shrugged casually.  
“I just want to show you around town.”  
I smiled and quickly agreed.  
I headed upstairs, throwing on some fresh jeans and a quick shirt.  
Harry came upstairs behind me.  
“Can you give me five minutes? I just want to touch up my hair.”  
I reached in my bag for a flat iron.  
He smiled.  
“Sure. But it looks fine.” he said.  
I pulled my hair out of its bun that it had been in all day and my hair fell in some ratty mess past my shoulder.  
My layers had curled up at the ends going in different directions.  
I looked at Harry.  
“You sure about that?”  
He kept his dimpled grin.  
“Sure.”  
He sat down on his bed and looked back at me.  
I headed to the bathroom, and a few seconds later he was behind me again.  
He sat on the closed toilet seat and watched me.  
As the flat iron warmed, he just stared at me.  
“What?” I asked after about 20 seconds since he was making me nervous.  
“Nothing.” he said with his piercing green eyes.  
“Why are you staring at me then?”  
He smirked.  
“I can’t look at you?”  
“No.” I said with my own small smirk.  
He turned from me, and sniffled.  
“But I like looking at you.”  
I turned away from him.  
“Why?” I asked more to myself then to him. To this day I still didn’t get what he saw in me. I wasn’t a horrendous troll, but I still didn’t think I was deserving of that look he was giving me. He seemed to be in awe of my overall presence.  
The intensity of his stare was unparallel.  
I looked down at my flat iron and fiddled with it. It hadn’t yet beeped to let me know it was ready.  
I heard him move, and soon he was behind me. His long arm wrapped around my waist just below my belly button and we looked back at each other in the mirror. My head rested near his collarbone.  
He started to sway our bodies.  
“Can you believe we went from the airport at Christmas to this?”  
I smiled.  
‘”I forgot about that. Seems like forever ago.”  
“Not to me. I’ll never forget how you didn’t want my picture.”  
“You’re really hurt by that aren’t you?”  
“Gutted.” he said dryly and I giggled.  
He rested his head on my shoulder and then leaned down. He kissed it, then moved to my neck and kissed that.  
“You always smell so good.”  
Then he slowly moved to my ear and kissed that.  
“I really want to leave a hickey.”  
“Like in high school? People still do that?” I questioned.  
“I do.” he said with a wink. “But not normally where anyone sees.”  
The mental image instantly sent a shiver down my spine.  
 _Who the hell had it done it to_ o, was my secondary thought.  
He placed a final kiss on my cheek.  
“I want to brand you.” he continued looking at me through the mirror. “So everyone knows you’re taken for the summer.”  
I smiled and then broke from his embrace.  
“They do.” I thumbed my hand over the emerald necklace he had given me a couple weeks earlier.  
It hadn’t left my neck since.  
I wrapped my arms around his neck.  
“But you know baby…. I’ll let you. If you let me leave one on your neck too.”  
“Never.” He said. “You don’t want to know the hell I’ll get from that.”  
“Oh come on, live a little.” I teased. “Besides, you can cover it up with your luscious locks.”  
He shook his head no playfully.  
“Not going to happen.”  
“What if I leave it in a place no one will see?”  
“Like where?” he asked in sudden interest, when my flat iron beeped.  
I pulled away.  
“Guess its a conversation for another time.”  
He smirked.  
“Guess I’m dumped for a flat iron.”  
I just smiled as I lifted the flat iron and separated the first piece of hair.  
Seconds later, he left the room.  
I quickly got to work, sectioning off pieces and straightening the crazy bits.  
I was halfway done when Harry walked back in.  
He had his phone this time, and was tapping fiercely.  
It was obvious he was texting as he sat back down on the toilet seat.  
“You must have a ton of friends.” I said looking between him and the mirror in front of me.  
He looked up at me.  
“I stay busy.” he said casually. “You have to remember I’m from here.”  
“Oh, so it’s the London crew huh?”  
He smiled and nodded.  
“So are you going to meet them?”  
“No. I told you, I’m taking you out on the town.”  
“Where will we go?”  
“Anywhere. Everywhere.” he said. “I’m going to be your personal chauffeur.”  
I smiled in excitement.

I finished up my hair and he finished up his texting.  
I grabbed my purse and he once again grabbed his keys and sunglasses.  
“The sun is going down.” I reminded him.  
“That’s not what I always use them for.” he said and pushed the glasses back on his head.  
With his curly hair framing his shoulders, but now pushed back, he looked deliciously handsome.  
I gave an appreciative smile.  
Damn I was lucky.

We climbed in an SUV this time. A Dark gray Range Rover reminiscent of his one in Los Angeles.  
“How many cars do you have Harry?”  
He grinned.  
“You don’t want to know.”  
“I do.” I said.  
He smiled wider.  
“Well I keep three here. I have one at my mum’s house. And then I have a few spread out in California.”  
“Why so many?”  
He shrugged. “I like cars.”  
I turned to the road.  
“Don’t you love your Prius?”  
“No.” I said with a quick scowl. “I want to get a different car so bad. My parents told me I could upgrade when I graduate, but it depends on my closing GPA for the kind of car I can get.”  
“But they’re buying it for you?”  
“That’s what they say. It’s my graduation present.”  
He smiled. “You have the coolest parents ever. My mum wouldn’t have even done that, and she’s the sweetest woman I know.”  
“Well don’t be fooled. Every car I’ve ever had has been a hand me down from them. This one will be mine.” I said proudly.  
“What does your sister drive?” he asked staring ahead at the road in front of us.  
“My dad’s old jeep that he drove for like a month. He said the car was too ‘girly’ for him, and gave it to her. The little brat got a brand new car at 15!”  
Harry looked at me in interest at my obvious disdain and jealously.  
“She’s the favorite.” I quickly explained.  
He gave me a knowing expression.  
“Sucks doesn’t it?”  
“Oh you don’t share my pain, don’t pretend.”  
“No,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong I’m loved. But Gemma gets away with murder.”  
“Lucky bastards.“ I said and Harry laughed.

He started our trek across town with him being my personal tour guide.  
We stopped and got shakes at Tinseltown, a local burger and shake joint, where I was quickly educated on the difference between Vanilla and Malt Vanilla, and then ended up in a park somewhere.  
Since it was now dark, it was only us and we curled up on the hood of his large car. I sat between his legs as we watched the stars.  
“If you could make a wish on any star, what would you wish for?” he asked behind me.  
This. Forever.  
Nestled there between his legs, with his warm scent and warm body, I could just stay there.  
The whole vacation I didn’t even have to move.  
There were probably a hundred mosquitoes and bugs out but I didn’t notice any of it.  
I was so lost in him and everything he was giving me.  
I couldn’t understand it.  
How was the seemingly perfect man single?  
How come none of his relationships had ever lasted longer then a couple months?  
How did girls not fall madly in love with him?  
He was attentive, passionate and witty.  
He definitely knew how to treat a woman, and he was a complete gentleman.  
Where did it go wrong with him?  
“Becca?” I heard called. “You still with me?”  
“Yeah.” I said quickly. “Sorry I zoned out for a bit.”  
I heard his soft chuckle behind me.  
“It’s okay.” he said. “You getting sleepy?”  
“No I’m fine.”  
“Good.” he said. “I’m not ready to head back yet.”  
I tilted my head so I could face him.  
“Me either.” I said before we shared a soft kiss.  
Then I got lost in his eyes.  
His hands traced my skin as we stared back at each other.  
His green eyes were direct and green clear marbles as he looked back at me.  
“Come here.” he whispered gently.  
I did as he said, pulling my mouth back to his.  
He was playful, pulling my face to his, and started his own little kissing game.  
He kissed my nose, then a cheek, then my lips…he moved back up to my forehead, other cheek and then met my lips again.  
Then he began a new game. His hand cupped my cheek and he began to place quick kisses on my lips. Perfect pouty one second pecks.  
He would give me just enough so I would want more, and the moment I would go to deepen it, he would pull away.  
He did this for a couple minutes and I was in complete bliss. The boys grin and charm keeping me transfixed.  
When he finally finished his game, I had to tell him the truth.  
“This is wonderful Harry. I could stay forever.”  
The park was expanse, the weather perfect, and just being there with him…there was no better comfort.  
“You’re wonderful.” he whispered back.  
I smiled at his sweet words, and the way he always said the right things.  
“Don’t try to butter me up.” I said back, jabbing in the ribs.  
“I’m just trying to get laid later.” he said a second later, and I laughed out-loud.  
His dry humor was always something else.  
He chuckled behind me, and wrapped back around me.  
I settled in his arms and we looked up at the stars in the sky.  
“You want to know what I’d wish for?” he asked quietly behind me.  
“What?”  
“This.” he said and then to clarify, he said “In the future.”  
I moved briefly so our eyes could meet.  
“This is all I would want .” he said. “To just be with someone. No interruptions or craziness. No camera flashes and stupid rumors. Just moments like this. Out and about. Completely okay and free. ”  
“You’ve never had this?” I asked. Surely he had privacy.  
“I have. But it comes and goes….Sometimes I wish I did have someone.“ he said locking his eyes on mine. “The guys (of 1d)… most have someone, and its nice for them. It’s always been different for me for some reason though.”  
“Well if you want it, why don’t you get it Harry?”  
He looked at me in confusion.  
“What’s stopping you?” I asked, continuing my thought.  
He smirked.  
“Have you seen my schedule?”  
“They have the same schedule as you.” I argued.  
“Yeah…but…I don’t know.” he said turning away from me.  
I nestled my head back against his chest.  
“I think you choose it.” I said. “I think secretly you like being alone.”  
My tone was sincere and I didn’t mean it with any malice. It was just something I was observing.  
Harry may have seemed like this widely outgoing guy, but truly he was an introvert. I think he liked to be around people, but internally he was lonely- and I think he had grown to like it.  
He was quiet for a few seconds, taking in my words, before he wrapped tighter around me.  
“Well…I’m not right now.”  
He kissed my cheek, before we shared another smaller one against the lips.

The next morning we were up early again.  
This time, we headed to the gym.  
Now before I get into this, let me quickly explain.  
I had seen Harry in a lot of different ways now, but nothing, nothing compared to watching him work out.  
I had never seen him so focused and so motivated before.  
He moved from machine to machine, lifting and running. His hair stayed pulled back and he never looked more sexy.  
As I used one of the ab machines, he came to me.  
“I need to box.” he said.  
By then his shirt was glistened with small sweat and his skin was flushed.  
“Okay?” I said since I didn’t get where he was going with his comment.  
“I’ve got some gloves in my bag. You think you could help me?”  
“Me?” I asked.  
With one tiny punch he would knock me down.  
He smiled.  
“I’ll be gentle.”  
I stopped my movements and stood.  
We had been there about an hour, and I had worked out as well, but it was clear, I was apart of the minor leagues. I was barely sweating.  
“I guess I can help.” I said. “I don’t know how much its going to help you though.”  
“That’s okay.” he said. “I just need to get a few hits in. I usually box everyday.”  
“Everyday?” I asked.  
He nodded. “M’hmm. And its been a few days.”  
We went over to his gym bag and he began to take out the necessary pieces.  
As he got me equipped, he gave me reassurance.  
“Let me know if I’m too rough. I promise to be gentle though.”  
I nodded okay.  
“Lift your hands.” he said.  
I did.  
“Okay, now hold them and the pad like this.”  
I followed his instructions.  
“Ready?” he asked.  
I nodded.  
“Kay.”  
The first hit came.  
Yup, confirmation.  
My hands immediately pushed back.  
He smiled. Through the gloves, he placed my hands back in the right position with the pad.  
“Try flexing them.” he said. “So they warm up.”  
Once more I did as he said.  
He hit again. This time I held it.  
He smiled proudly.  
“Good. Just a few more.” he reminded.  
He quickly gave off a few more punches and I held up on my side.  
When he was finished, he looked back at me with a wide smile.  
“Can you take some more?”  
“Sure. Show me what you’re made of.”  
He quickly began to punch more, and then it became a game.  
“Harder.” I said as he began to punch. The force of his punch was getting stronger and stronger, and I could tell, he still held back so he didn’t hurt me.  
I kept taunting him.  
“Harder. More.” I said, ducking and quickly learning how this whole thing went.  
He loved every moment of it.  
When we finished he took the pads off quickly and his gloves, and lifted me.  
My legs wrapped around his waist as he spun us around. He laid me on the treadmill and hovered over me.  
Once more we were alone in a private gym, but at that moment, I don’t think he even cared.  
“Perfect.” he said peering down at me. “You’re just perfect.”  
I couldn’t do anything but smile. He gave me a long kiss and sighed when he pulled away.  
“Oh Becca…”  
“What?”  
“You’re going to make me leave you alone.”  
“Why?” I asked in alarm.  
“I don’t want to like you this much.”  
I giggled.  
“So don’t.” I gently warned.  
He pulled back on his knees and then stood. Extending a hand, he helped me out.  
“I’m trying.” he said as I stood back in front of him. “But you’re making it hard.”  
He looked around the gym.  
“Ready to go?”  
I nodded yes, and helped him gather his things.

We climbed back in his car, and then drove around looking for lunch.  
“When everything dies down, do you think you’re going to live here permanently?” I asked, taking in the different sides of London.  
“I don’t know. I would be comfortable with it. I wouldn’t even mind being a baker still.”  
“Really?”  
He shook his head.  
I smiled and settled back in my seat.  
I stared at the little shops we passed.  
“I don’t get it.”  
“Get what?” he asked.  
“How your single.” I said turning to him.  
He looked back at me with wide eyes.  
“I mean like I said, its different if you choose to be, but…how do girls not fall in love with you?”  
He blushed immediately. He looked straight. “Are you saying your in love with me?”  
“Totally.” I said playfully. “I’ve been scouting wedding chapels all day.”  
He grinned and continued his smirk.  
“What’s your name going to be?”  
“Becca Johnson- Styles.”  
He smirked wider.  
“Oh you’re one of those women?”  
I instantly laughed.  
“What the hell does that mean?”  
He laughed with me.  
“Well maybe I want you to have just my name….or maybe I wanted the opportunity….After all, Harry Styles- Johnson doesn’t sound too bad.”  
“It sounds horrible.” I said. “Don’t ever marry a Johnson.”  
He smiled and turned from me, focusing on the road.  
Our conversation died down, so I figured we were moving on, but about a minute later, he surprised when he turned back to me.  
“I’ve been thinking about what you said last night…about me choosing to be alone…”  
I turned to him.  
“I don’t know if that‘s true.” he clarified. “I don’t really get the opportunity to have this with many people.”  
He turned to me as he approached a stop light, giving me his full attention.  
“I’m always on the go, and I don’t get much time to kick back like this. It‘s true I‘ve ended things so I didn‘t hurt the other person or it get too hard…but I don‘t choose to be alone. Most of the time it chooses me.”  
His eyes were clear as he stared back at me, and for a moment, I saw a glimpse of a different Harry. This one wasn’t playful and blasé about the whole thing. This one was actually bothered his relationships hadn’t worked out- almost regretful.  
“That’s because you only date famous women.” I pointed out softly. “If you dated someone out of the public eye, your girl would probably be more available to you. She could tour and stuff.”  
He shook his head no. “Maybe. But it still wouldn’t work out. I’ve tried dating girls who weren’t famous and no one knew. But, it’s either my schedule or rumors…most girls don’t handle it well.”  
I just looked back at him. He had me stumped. I didn’t have a response and I couldn’t argue with that. For now, things had been simple. He had been fitting me in his life, and besides that silly article about Joy Muggli, I hadn’t seen the rumors firsthand.  
At this point, I had no idea that they were right around the corner and we were about to be tested for the first time.  
Harry grabbed my hand from across the car.  
He pulled it to his lips and kissed my hand.  
“What made you say that?”  
“Say what?”  
“That. The love thing.” he said.  
I shrugged. “I don’t know. You’re just a really sweet guy Harry.”  
He blushed again and turned from me. Playful Harry was back.  
“It’s just an act.” he joked.  
I leaned and kissed his cheek, starting to understand him a bit more.  
All that was a simple defense mechanism.  
“Well you’re a really good actor.” I said to placate him.  
He smiled and kissed my hand again.

 

Eventually we headed to lunch and then headed back to the house. Harry’s phone had steadily been going off all day and he had been glancing at his messages but not really responding.  
As we pulled in his driveway, his phone buzzed again and he glanced at the screen.  
“One sec.” he said to me before pressing the phone to his ear.  
“Hey Alexa.” he said. “How are you?”  
My ears perked up a little bit at the female name, but I kept my eyes on his house in front of me.  
He didn’t need to know I was slightly jealous.  
Why- I wasn’t sure.  
“No I’m out and about with a friend right now.” he said. “Can I meet you when I get back in town later in the…” his voice trailed off as he listened to her--whoever she was.  
“No, but I just got back to my house…”  
And then he turned to me. I already knew the look. He was giving in too someone.  
I waited for the words I knew were coming.  
“Hold on, let me ask her…” he said on cue a few minutes later. “Do you mind if we make a stop?”  
“No.”  
“Okay she said it’s fine.” he said turning back to the phone. He quickly wrapped up his conversation and began to back again out of the driveway.  
“So where are we going?”  
“Alexa Chung’s house.”  
“That names sounds familiar to me. Did she use to have a show on MTV?”  
He shrugged. “I don’t remember. She’s a good friend of mine though.”  
“Oh.” I said.  
“I have to get some clothes from her.”  
“Your life is just a lot of running around isn’t it?”  
“Kind of, but I like it that way. I like to be with my people.”  
“So how come you and the boys don’t hang out when your on breaks?”  
“Because I’ve spent practically everyday with them the last five years. It’s like we’re all in an extended marriage. We need a break sometimes.”  
I smiled. “I really like them. They’re good guys.”  
He shook his head in agreement and focused on the road.  
When we got to Alexa’s house, Harry gave me an option.  
“I can either run in, or you come in with me.”  
“I don’t mind going in.” I said. Plus I wanted to put a face to the name.  
It sounded familiar to me and I wanted to confirm she was who I was picturing.  
Harry turned off his car and we climbed out.  
Before we had a chance to meet her, she came out of the house.  
A thin, smiley brunette woman. I recognized her instantly. She was MTV girl.  
“There you are!” she rushed over. “I told you I had to leave soon.”  
Harry smiled and pulled her in a hug.  
“It took me literally a half hour.”  
She smiled back at him and then looked at me.  
“Oh hello.” she said.  
Harry quickly did introductions.  
“Alexa, this is Becca. Becca, this is Alexa.”  
She turned to him in sudden interest.  
“Oh this is-” she trailed off and gave me a quick smile. “Well cool. I might have something for you too then.” she said looking at me.  
I turned to Harry in confusion and he placed his hand on my back, leading me towards her.  
She began to walk back toward her house.  
“She works with Vogue… she donates clothes for promotion.” he whispered in my ear.  
I immediately calculated what that meant.  
She would have some pretty expensive pieces she was giving away.  
“Is this where all your stuff comes from?”  
He shook his head no.  
“But most of it, is donated.”  
“And she wants to give some to me?” I asked in disbelief.  
He just smiled. “Guess so.”  
As we entered her house, I got lost in the décor.  
“You guys want anything?” she called. “I can make some tea quick or heat something up?”  
Harry waved her away.  
“We won’t be here long.” he reassured. Then he turned to me. “You want anything?”  
“No.” I said politely. I focused on Alexa. “You have a beautiful home.”  
“It’s just a rental.” she said facing me from her foyer. “My real home is around my work.”  
She led us into the living room and gestured for us to sit down.  
Harry didn’t.  
His eyes were on the clothing rack in the room.  
“Is this it?” he asked making a motion towards it.  
“Yeah. I put all of your stuff on their love.”  
Then she turned to me, studying me. Her eyes trailed up and down me.  
“So what about you?” she asked. “Whose your favorite designer? Are you more of a Balenciaga or Prada?”  
I blinked at her foreign question.  
Was I a what?  
I knew the designers of course, but what was the difference?  
“Umm…” I said thinking. I couldn’t even picture any of their stuff.  
My favorite store was H&M and Forever 21.  
Could that count?  
Alexa looked back at me, waiting for an answer and Harry who was skimming the rack quickly intervened.  
“She’s more of a Becca.” he said breaking the silence. “She probably doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”  
The Alexa girl focused back on Harry. She seemed to read his expression.  
“Oh! I’m sorry.” she said quickly. “I didn’t mean to-”  
“Oh its fine.” I cut in.  
“I just figured…” she said slowly and then she looked at Harry with a smirk. “Hanging with this one over here…”  
Harry turned back around, looking back at us.  
“You know he only hangs with models now?” she teased, bringing her eyes back to me, as if we were sharing a special secret.  
“Hey?” he called from across the room. “That’s not the only people I hang out with.” he quickly argued defending his own honor. “I hang out with inquisitive hipsters from Hampshire too.”  
She instantly laughed, and I figured out he was talking about her.  
They shared more banter, and I just watched them in interest.  
It was obvious they had been friends for a while.  
Soon, the attention was back on me.  
Alexa stood.  
“Well Becca follow me. The good stuff is upstairs. We’ll see what we can find you.”  
I stood with her.  
“Oh we don’t have too.” I quickly explained. “I couldn’t-”  
“You can.” she said and grabbed my hand, pulling me to her.  
“Come on. I’ve got tons of stuff.”  
She began to drag me away quickly. I only had time to get a quick glance back at Harry.  
He was looking at us with a smile.  
“Have fun babe.”  
He gave me a final thumbs up and then he was gone.


	49. Chapter 49

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

HARRY

Then.

My phone had been steady all day.

As I swiped another notification away, I placed my phone back in my pocket and focused on the rack in front of me.

An array of different designers lined the section of Alexa's living room where a small rack of men's clothing sat. Upstairs the girls had went and left me behind.

Though it had been all done on purpose.

In a couple days I had some events planned and what Becca didn't know was, we were here mainly for her- not me.

There was going to be a party and though I hadn't completely settled on the idea of taking her with me-somewhere so publicly- I wanted her to be prepared in case.

As my hands ran over the hem of some Gucci pants, I heard Alexa's voice upstairs.

I had been on my own for about ten minutes, and I felt like enough time had elapsed.

So, shifting the rack to the side, I finally headed upstairs.

As I did, more laughs and giggles came from the rooms where the girls were now housed.

"Oh jeez. I cant wear this!"

I turned just in time to see Becca's dismayed expression at the outfit she was wearing.

It was a silk  blouse with a deep cut in the back. The design rested just at the curve of her ass, accenting her back dimples.

She immediately was a different person.

"Wow." I said coming into the room. "Looks like you ladies are having fun."

And they did. On  the bed behind them piles of clothes rested. I didn't know what that pile signified but they had quickly acquired it.

"We are." Alexa said with a wink. "I've found some things to give her."

"Its too much." Becca cut in as I stood beside Alexa. "She's giving me some of this stuff for free Harry."

I smiled back at her.

"Good."

She shook her head 'no' at me, and focused on Alexa.

"Its way too kind."

This time Alexa smiled.

"Trust me, its nothing. I have so many things donated to me daily."

Alexa stood. She made her way over to Becca,

She played with the shirt for a minute and then handed her another one.

"Here, try this one. The bathroom's that way."

Becca just smiled at her. From the smile, I knew she had been giving her a hard time. Her expression read, _another one?_

Instead of leaving, Becca pulled her shirt off, allowing her breasts to be on full display.

Alexa's eyes widened noting me in the room, and she pushed her concerns away.

"Don't worry. He's seen me naked a thousand times. Nothing new." Becca said grinning at me.

I smiled back.

"Not that much. Maybe a couple hundred." I teased. "We'll get there."

Becca giggled as she put on the next shirt. This one, even more dressy than the first.

I didn't take my eyes off of her.

"Oh you have got to take this one. Look at how gorgeous she is in it." Alexa said looking at me, but I didn't need her to point it out. I was more than well aware.

So as I nodded in agreement, Becca blushed and took her own self in with the nearby mirror.

I could tell she liked what she saw, but she chose to be modest.

"No. I can't." she said once more.

"Oh come on... you can! You've got to get use to this if you're going to be dating Harry Styles. You know this one has quite the reputation in fashion and you can't be looking like a plain Jane with him."

I instantly turned to Alexa. She was smiling and truly meant no harm by her comment, but it instantly changed the tone of the room.

I could tell it instantly made Becca uncomfortable.

I could see something flicker in her eyes, and before any notions entered her mind about what someone dating me needed to look like, I wanted to shut that down.

"Nah...she's perfect." I said casually. "But...uh...we should go...you said you had plans or something?"

"Oh yes! I do. But you guys are welcome to stay. I like helping out," she said gently.

"No, no...this is great. Seems like you've given her some stuff and i'm set-"

"Did you get anything?" Becca asked curiously.

"Yeah, it's in the car." I said, and then I looked back at Alexa. " _Thanks."_

My tone emphasized my goodbye, and it wasn't long before we were out of there.

As we got back to the car, I made sure Becca was okay.

"Was that alright?" I asked as I pulled out of the driveway.

"It was fine." she said gently. "Alexa's very nice."

"She's alright." I said with a grin. "You like your stuff?"

"It's much too expensive...but yes."

"Well if you don't feel comfortable wearing it, don't. "

She smiled, "I'm Harry Styles girl. I have too." she teased, picking up on Alexa's words from before.

I reached for her hand and kissed it.

"Please don't."

_Just be Becca._

She just smiled back at me.

*******************

After we left Alexa's, we headed back to my house again.

I was sure by now the both of us were anxious to just kick back and enjoy each others company.

We only had one more day until we would be flying again for my next show.

After that, I had plans to possibly head to New York, but I wanted her opinion first.

As we settled on the couch in our required three items of clothing-me, shirtless, with just my jeans and boxers- and she, in just a t-shirt and underwear- I played with the tips of her hair.

"So I have a question." I began.

She was lying on my chest and we were watching a movie, curled up with a blanket.

"Yeah?" she asked, not moving her head.

"How would you feel about going to New York...like...for a day or two?"

"When?" she asked gently.

"In a couple days. After the show?"

She began to pull up and her hair tickled my skin as she faced me.

Her chin rested on my chest.

"What's in New York?" she asked.

"Some property Jeff wants me to see. He's been working on a deal that we'll be looking into next year."

"What type of deal?"

I just smiled, not answering specifically.

"Nothing finalized. Just ponderings."

She smiled back.

"Well is it for him or you?"

"Both." I said.

She nodded okay and rested back on my chest.

"Well yeah...That'll be fun. I can maybe see my friends then."

"So I can book the tickets?" I asked to be sure.

"Yeah." she said.

My hands played with her hair again and I could feel her hands making traces on my skin.

It was quiet.

And comfortable.

I closed my eyes and relaxed at the feeling.

This was all I had wanted.

When I suggested she come for the month this was exactly what I was picturing.

My life was go, go, go all the time....it was nice to just stop, and be with someone; to just have a moment to think.

I didn't even want to move; though I wasn't sure if it was because of the rest, or because of her.

As she laid in my arms, I replayed back the last few days and the moments we had already shared.

Already, I had gotten further with her than most women I had dated.

I didn't know if it was a good or bad thing but I was hooked nonetheless.

"Hey Bec?" I called, but she didn't respond.

"Becca?" I called again softly, but there was nothing. Her chest continued to rise and fall with mine and she was completely still.

I smiled as it dawned on me she had fallen asleep.

I pulled her closer to me, tucking my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

Sometime later, I fell asleep with her and when I awoke it was dark outside and the light from the TV was the only light that pooled through the room.

Becca was still on top of me and had barely moved.

I shifted as a natural reaction and felt the stiffness of my bones.

For a moment I needed to get her off of me so we could stretch.

Yet once again, I didn't want to move.

I turned and glanced at the TV that was playing some commercial and then my eyes caught my phone.

On the coffee table, I could see it in the small distance. By now, as usual, I was sure there were text messages, and calender reminders and people trying to get in touch with me.

Removing a careful hand from around her, I reached for my phone and picked it up.

Unlocking the screen with my thumb, I went through my messages.

As I expected, it was friends, my Mum and work.

As I began tapping, replying, I heard Becca moan on top of me, and seconds later she shifted on top of me.

Lifting her head, her eyes connected to mine and I instantly wanted to kiss the natural pout her lips took on.

The groggy, dazed look was completely adorable.

"Welcome back." I said warmly.

"How long have I been asleep?" she mumbled.

"Don't know. I just woke up myself."

She looked around the room, taking in the shift of the day.

"It's dark." she noted.

"It is." I said with a smile. Her incoherentness was endearing.

"What time is it?"

"After seven." I said glancing at phone. She plopped back down on me and nestled against me.

"Ugh." she grumbled.

"Are you going back to sleep?"

"No." she muttered.

Her eyes must have trailed to the TV in front of us, and my hands found her hair again.

I tossed my phone back on the table and settled with her.

_Forget them._

I would return messages later.

Neither one of us spoke, but we didn't need too.

There was comfortable silence.

My hands trailed her skin, reveling in the softness until we eventually fell back asleep again.

When we awoke again, it was after ten.

"Want to go to the bed?" I asked.

She nodded and climbed off of me. She stretched as she stood and I admired her body.

The slim waist, ample- but modest bust, the naturally tanned skin and shiny brown hair- she was a vision of my favorite kind.

In that moment I was so thankful I had given her my phone number many months ago.

I stood as well moments later, shifting the blanket onto the couch. I patted her butt.

"I have to wee, then I'll be up."

She nodded okay, grabbed her phone and then headed upstairs.

"Hey Harry?" she called as she made her way up the stairs.

"Yeah?" I asked, halfway to the bathroom.

"Pop some popcorn would you...?"

I smiled and nodded okay.

I did my business in the bathroom, and then headed to the kitchen to make a quick batch of microwave popcorn.

Then I headed upstairs.

When I found Becca, she was sitting tipee style on my bed and waiting on me.

"I found a good movie I think." she said.

I took a seat beside her and glanced at the screen.

 _Love Actually_ was on. Actually one of my favorite movies.

I handed her the popcorn, propped my pillows and laid beside her.

"This is one of my favorites."

"I've never seen it, but it sounds cute."

"You've never seen Love Actually?" I asked in disbelief.

She nodded no.

"What have you been doing with your life?"

She chuckled, digging in her popcorn bag.

"That good huh?"

"It's amazing." I said.

She smiled at me and settled back on the bed and that was the majority of where we stayed for the next twelve hours.

By the time my security came and got me from the house and loaded our small bags we were rested.

Today, we were headed to Brussels and then a quick trip to New York.

Our tickets were booked and my friends had already confirmed they would be in town.

Becca has texted her friends as well and made plans to go out, so we both would be occupied during the trip.

When we got to Brussels, I went through my usual pre-lim rituals. I hung with the band a bit, ate some dinner and met some fans backstage. Since there were fans rooming backstage this time, Becca set up house in Sarah's Kitchen until the beginning of the show.

Tonight, she would be front and center and I walked with her as she headed out to the main stage.

"You're looking good tonight." she said.

I surveyed my outfit.

I was in all black tonight with my tan boots as my accent piece.

I looked back at her. We matched.

She had on dark jeans and a black flannel shirt.

"You're not looking so bad yourself." I noted.

She grinned.

"Do you know where you're sitting?"

She nodded yes. "Up front. Left stage."

"Yeah I'll probably be on your side of the stage most of tonight."

"No. I don't want you too." she said with a groan.

"Why not?" I asked.

"I don't want you watching me."

I chuckled. "Trust me, I've already seen you dance. Besides, I like to watch you feel the music. It's quite entertaining."

Then, as if to show her, I quickly mimcked her favorite dance move.

She blushed and placed her hands over her face in embarassment.

"Oh God. Please tell me I don't look like that." she groaned.

I wrapped my arm around her neck and pulled her to me. I kissed her forehead.

"Don't worry, I love it." I reassured.

We shared a quick kiss before we pulled away.

We both didn't believe in P.D.A. and members of my crew surrounded us.

"I'll see you out there." I told her when I got as far as I could go, without the crowd seeing me.

"How long until the show starts?"

"Twenty minutes?" I guessed.

"Alright. Have fun." she said with a wide smile.

"You too." I said winking. "We have some surprises tonight."

"What kind?"

"New songs." I said simply.

She smiled, gave me a thumbs up and then we parted ways.

I headed back to our main dressing room and found the other guys. Niall was playing with his guitar, Liam was changing clothes and Louis was texting.

I took a seat next to Louis, and Helene, our vocal coach came over to us.

"Alright." she said. "Let's warm it up."

I stood up again, and the other boys wrapped up their own issues, and then we began to sing.

Warm ups were quick, especially since we had been a band for five years now, and it wasn't long until we were headed to the main stage.

Like most treks, we were quiet as we took our golf carts, lost in our own thoughts and mental preparations for the night.

Tonight was going to be a pretty decent crowd with 55,000 people projected.

Now, just behind the stage, we could hear the cheers and chants coming from out front and the beginnings of 'No Control''s instrumental version that showed our intro video.

We did a quick group chant and then that curtain rose.

The high hit me immediately as we began 'Clouds'.

There still wasn't anything comparable to being on that stage, and I quickly got lost in the allure of it all. For the last few years, it had been my second home.  


When Becca saw me backstage after, the first thing she said was "Who are you?"

I chuckled. "What do you mean?"

"Your energy. Where the hell does all that come from? You were calm before the show started."

"Maybe you bring it out of me." I teased. Like I had promised, I had stayed by her section most of the show; even splashing her with water in the middle of the show. That had got me a giggle and a nice middle finger.

"Don't give me that Harry charm," she scolded. "You're already getting thoroughly laid tonight."

I instantly laughed. " _Oh am I?"_

"Are you kidding? I'm putting that energy to use."

"You do know we will be on a plane until tomorrow afternoon right? We'll be at the airport in an hour."

"Well, I guess we'll be joining the Mile High Club." She said with a suggestive wink.

Hmm. Plane sex with Becca....could be fun.Could also land me on the cover of every gossip magazine by the morning.

I'll pass.

I just laughed, satisfied with the mental image.

"Did you enjoy the show otherwise?" I asked.

"Well no. There was a certain British fella with curly brown hair and snazzy boots who kept looking at me all night so I couldn't exactly let loose."

"Maybe he thought you were cute and couldn't take his eyes off of you."

"Maybe."

" _Or_ maybe it was the other way around, and you couldn't stop watching him."

She smiled. "Well he is quite handsome to look at."

I smiled again.

Shortly after our flirtations, I hopped in the shower and Becca sent quick texts to her family to let them know about our plans.

"Are you excited for New York?" I asked as I changed into my favorite t-shirt and threw on some pants.

Becca just watched as she took in my new appearance.

"What?" I asked catching her look.

"Your shirt has holes in it. Like everywhere."

I didn't even look down. I knew it did.

I had the shirt for many years and it was my favorite.

Despite its holey appearance I wasn't ready to let it go.

I just couldn't find it anywhere else.

"Believe me I know." I said. "Its become apart of its charm."

"You wear it a lot. I've seen it like four times now." She noted.

"Have you?" I asked.

I hadn't even paid it any attention. Most days I just threw on what was handy, and I kept that shirt pretty close.

She nodded.

"Well you keep talking about it...you don't like it?"

"No I love it." She said quickly. "I love everything you wear."

I buttoned my pants and scanned her outfit.

In the short time I had showered she had changed as well.

She had on her own loose tshirt and these tight legging things-jeggins, I think was what they called them.

"How long is the flight?" Becca asked.

"Ten hours." I said. "I plan on sleeping for most of them."

"What happened to your adrenaline rush?"

"Oh it's still there." I said honestly. "I just don't think I'm sleeping much when we get to New York."

She didn't respond.

We gathered our things, I bid farewell to the guys, and then we headed in our separate car to the airport.

There was no security traveling with me, so me and Becca were on our own.

As we made it to the airport, we weren't bothered and took a private entrance.

We quickly went through the security checks and carried on our luggage. Both of us had only packed one small bag.

When we boarded the nearly empty plane, we weren't bothered.

Becca immediately dug into a book, and I placed my headphones on, deciding to do some quick writing for the upcoming album. Our deadline was early August and so far we were halfway done.

In the last few weeks, inspiration was abundant and I couldn't write down the material fast enough.

"Any number one hits?" Becca asked taking a break from her book.

She had been quiet, and completely consumed in her romance novel.

Now an hour into the ride, she was turning to me.

By now, I was no longer writing songs, but random thoughts and ideas.

"I hope so." I said honestly.

"What do you write about?"

"My experiences." I said honestly. "And things I want too."

"Like what?" she asked.

"Buy the album." I teased and she nudged me with her shoulder.

I smiled.

"What are you reading?"

She turned the book and showed me.

"Love Unscripted." I read. "What's that about?"

"A girl who falls in love with a celebrity."

I looked back at her in disbelief. I felt she was joking.

"Really." She said. "See." She turned the cover so I could see it.

"And why are you reading this?" I asked flipping the giant book in my hand.

"To see if she gets it right."

"And does she?"

"Not so far." She said.

"What does she say?"

"Well the girl falls for an actor so it's a bit different. But basically chaos."

I smiled and turned from her.

"You should read something else." I noted.

"It was on sale." She said as if it justifies it, but it makes me think.

We don't really talk about my popularity- at least not on a grand scale.

I don't know if she even cares. She certainly cares about being photographed and seen with me, but does she even keep up with the stuff behind the scenes?

Did she glance at my Twitter or read the fan blogs?

I didn't want her too, especially since she knew me personally and could ask any question but I was curious. Had she heard the ridiculous rumors or my supposed womanizer ways?

"Hey Becca?" I called, turning back to her.

She looked back at me with her soft eyes.

"Question for you?" I asked.

"What?"

"Do you ever...like...read the fan blogs?"

"Read the fan blogs on what?"

"On me. The band."

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"Because I want to know." I said honestly.

She swallowed and turned from me. I could see her bite her lip nervously.

I had the answer.

"Would it bother you if I did?" She asked a second later.

I shook my head no. "I just don't get why you would. You have the access." I said softly. "If you have questions or whatever, you can ask them.You know that right?"

"That's not why I do it." She said and I gave her my full attention.

"I like seeing you. And supporting you." She said softly. "You always ask about my schooling and what I have going on with papers and stuff...for you, it's your music and I like seeing some of the stuff. Your fans are really nice and they write such nice things to you daily...plus, there are times when you aren't available and working...and I don't know...sometimes seeing a fan photo with you satisifies that."

I felt myself smile. It was nice to know she actually missed me, and was concerned with what I was doing in our off time. She was on my mind a lot and she was right, I was curious about her life. This wasn't just good sex for me. I genuinely considered her a good friend at this point. This girl I had come to know was quite wonderful.

She continued to look at me expectantly, waiting on my response.

I turned to her.

"Well...would you like me to send you a selfie then, when I'm working?" I asked. My tone was playful and I was half joking. I wasn't exactly a selfie guy.

"You should actually." She said. "Who wouldn't want to see those green eyes look back at them?"

"I thought my eyes sucked?" I asked, reminding her of her words a few weeks earlier in Bangkok.

"Little white lie." She said. And then, she hummed the melody of my song of the same title.

I grinned. That was what I enjoyed about her.

She was always unpredictable, and open with me. There was no fear in letting me get to know her true self.

I handed her the book back. "Here, get back to your love story."

She tapped my journal. "Get back to work."

"Yes Ma'am."

A couple hours later, we were both sleeping, and a few hours after that, we were in New York.

"Finally home." Becca said with an appreciative sigh as we walked through the private exit back  into the world.

"Second home." I emphasized.

"It might be home one day." She said with a smile.

"Really?" I asked curiously. "So you are considering moving here long term?"

"It would be good for my publishing dreams, but like I've said...who knows the future."

I agreed with her.

"Would you come visit me?"

"In New York?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"If it wasn't the winter."

She giggled. "London is just as cold I'm sure in the winter."

I nodded yes. "It is quite cold, but I don't know...New York chill is something else. I was dying in December when we were doing promotions."

"Well I'll get you a nice cup of Hot Chocolate and keep you warm by the fire."

"Yeah with the Pouges playing on the stereo?"

"Fairtytale of New York? Deal." She said.

I stuck my pinky out and she wrapped hers around mine.

Pinky-Sweared.

When we arrived at the Ludlow hotel on the East Side of New York City , it was close to noon.

"What time do you have to meet your friends?" I asked Becca as soon as we settled.

"Three." she said.

I looked at her in confusion. 

"Why so early?"'

"We're doing a few things." she said casually.

"Like what?" I asked. I was bent down, shifting through my luggage. I had packed enough for one night only, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to wear today.

"We're going to an early dinner then going to see Jurassic World since it comes out today. Then I think later we're heading to a club or something. I don't really know."

"A club?" I asked in slight discontent. I turned and looked at her.

Images of her in Las Vegas came back to me. I was by no means a jealous guy, but Becca was a catch- even though she didn't realize it- and I didn't know her friends. 

Who knew what would become of more clubbing and their influences?

Besides, in the back of my mind, in a thought that we hadn't really discussed, I just figured we would fuse together. She could be with her friends and I could be with mine; but we would do it together. Maybe it was time to stop hiding _whatever this was_ so much. For now, we were obviously apart of each other's lives. 

As I picked up a shirt,  my eyes locked with hers. We hadn't really discussed our plans, but now I was seeing we probably should have. I didn't really want her at some club; especially not while I was in town too.

"I thought you were coming out with me and my friends tonight?" I questioned in confusion. "I figured you and your friends would meet us." I said.

She looked back at me blankly- this time, she was the one confused. 

"I didn't know you and your friends were going out. I know you said you might see them, but I thought it was just going to be you and Jeff hanging out tonight."

"No, I'm meeting Jeff and Glenne but I have some other friends in town too. We're all going to dinner and then there's a thing later."

"What kind of thing?" 

I shrugged. "A party I guess...I don't know. I didn't really get too many details."

"Oh." she said. "Well at this party...who will be there? Celebrities or regular people?"

I chuckled at her word choice.

Everybody was a regular person, we just had stupid rumors and no privacy attached to us. I quickly clued her in on that thought. 

"We're all regular people Bec."

" _You know what I mean."_ she said with narrowed eyes. 

I narrowed mine as well, matching her impatient tone. 

"It's going to be some people that have public jobs yes."

She pulled off her shirt and shuffled through her bag. Her cream bra would have usually drew my attention, but her sudden reaction to the _celebrity_ thing held me. 

"Well then no." she said quietly. "Go and have fun."

I read her tone. "And what does that mean?"

"It means go have fun-"

"No." I said cutting her off. "Why did you say it like that? What is this thing with celebrities?"

"There's no thing." she said quickly. "I would just rather hang out with my friends is all."

"You would rather hang out with your friends, then hang with me?" I questioned. "We could all just hang out together. Ya know...blend it together. It would be easier."

This time she chuckled. 

"Yeah...Me blend with them...don't think that's going to happen." she mumbled under her breath. 

_And what the hell did that mean?_

"Becca, nobody would care if you came." I emphasized. 

"I would care." She said.

I sighed, but said nothing more. I didn't get her insecurities but this was a conversation I didn't really want to have. 

I really liked her so far, and something told me if we went down this road, part of my opinion could possibly change. 

I didn't like the stigma she was holding on to about celebrities, and I couldn't help but think- what did she really think of me?

I turned from her and we both continued to dig through our bags so that we could change.

"Where are you meeting your people?" I asked after a minute.

"At my buddy's house." she said vaguely.

"Where?" I asked for more specifics. This may have been New York-her second home-, but she was a young and pretty girl. She didn't need to be running around New York by herself.

She shrugged but didn't answer.

I looked back at her trying to get a read on her. Something was suddenly off.

I wanted to address it, but I needed a shower more.

After that long flight, I felt disgusting.

I watched her as I gathered my last little things. 

"You're being very cryptic." I noted. I was half joking, but half serious as well.

She was being awfully sercetive and for someone who had only knew about this trip for one day, she had sure made plans quickly.

"How?" she asked.

"You just keep saying your friends and you're not giving me details."

"Details like what? I told you about what we're doing." she asked in confusion. 

"Yeah but I don't know where you're going or who you'll be with. I just want to make sure you're good tonight. I don't need to worry about you not being safe."

She smiled. "Well thanks dad for the concern," she joked. "But, it's not like you know any of my friends, so I won't use their names."

"Well still....why are you guys going to a club? We're leaving back out tomorrow." I reminded her.

She stood up, unbuttoning her jeans. "What does that have to do with anything?" she asked softly.

"I'm just saying...if your planning on getting drunk or something it's a pretty stupid idea."

She smiled. "Trust me, I can hold my liquor. And I don't plan on being drunk. I'm just going out." she said simply.

"So are you meeting me later or no?"

"I guess we'll see but probably not." she guessed. "I'm not driving or even taking a taxi so i'll kind of be on someone else's time."

I shook my head 'okay'. 

"Well can you text me, when you know? We need a game plan. I'm going to be out, but as I said, I don't know all the exact details yet either...but I need to know if I should plan on meeting you back here, or at a different location."

"Probably here." she said.

"How long do you think you'll be out?" I questioned as a final thought. 

"I want to be back here by midnight." she said.

I relaxed then. If she was going to a club, she would be home before any of the weirdos came out.

"Alright." I said. I headed for the bathroom.

Well there went that. 

I had planned to spend the night with her, but first I wanted to let her meet a couple of my New York friends. 

Yet, she was practically running out of the hotel room.

I definitely got it, since she spent most of the year here and she probably did miss her friends, but what about our time together...she could always visit with them tomorrow when I went with Jeff to look at houses.

I quickly hopped in the shower and turned the water heat on high.

The water and the pressure relaxed my sore muscles.

As I reached for my shampoo, I heard the bathroom door open.

"Hey Harry?" Becca called.

"Yeah?" I called back.

"I'm getting ready to leave. I'll call you okay?"

I instantly pulled the shower curtain back. I was about to respond, when I took in her outfit. She was dressed _pretty nice_ to be meeting friends. 

As I examined her floral dress, black leather jacket and the heels in her hand, I suddenly wondered if boys would be whereever she was going. She hadn't specified.

Her breasts were pushed up and she had quickly added some charcoal liner to her eyes.  Barbara Palvin on a Loreal commercial quickly came to mind.  

"Um..where are you going?" I asked. My tone sounded jealous and I didn't even try to hide it.

She looked down at her outfit, reading my tone. Then she looked back up at my eyes, who were still taking her in. 

_Who the hell was this?_

This was not the shy girl in the Bangkok hotel who was scared to show her legs. 

She smiled. 

"With my friends. I told you."

"With friends. _.. Like that?"_

"This isn't even sexy." she argued with a continued smile. 

I completely disagreed.

Her tan oiled legs stared back at me and the swell of her breasts were on full display.

She looked so.damn.good.

"I thought you said you had to meet them at three?" I asked her quickly.

"I need to run to the store. Grab some items."

"Like what, condoms?"

She giggled and ignored my expression.

"Stop." she scolded playfully. "I'll call you okay?" she asked softly.

No. It wasn't okay.

However, she was grown and I couldn't exactly stop her even though she was dressed that way.

"Becca, please be safe." I warned. "And don't do anything...crazy."I mumbled.

"Of course." she came to me and gave me a quick kiss. The water from my face didn't even dampen her lip gloss. 

She ran a quick hand through my wet hair in small possession. 

"Bye babe." she said softly. "Don't _you_ get into any trouble."

She definitely didn't need to worry. Looking at her, I was quite satisified with what i'd be coming home too and man I wished I could have shown her off tonight. 

She turned away from me.

"Are you sure you don't want to meet me later?" I called out one final time. 

"I don't know what i'm doing. But we'll figure it out. I'll text you!" she said.

I said nothing more as she opened the bathroom door and walked out, her vanilla perfume trailing behind her.

I didn't want her to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you waiting on the 'Now' Harry and Becca to return...it's coming...there's a few more chapters first...If you enjoyed the update. Let me know! :)


	50. Chapter 50

 

CHAPTER FIFTY  
Becca.

Then.

I reached the hotel lobby and the first thing I did was hail a cab.  
I climbed in the taxi and pulled up my destination on my phone.  
“Where to honey?” The cab driver asked.  
I quickly gave him the address of the store I wanted to go too and he took off.  
I settled back in the cab and relished in the buzz of the city. It was good to be back in my second home.  
I went to school in Hamilton which was three hours away from the City, but me and Kelsey snuck up here every chance we could.  
As the driver pushed us through traffic, we made small talk.  
“How long are you in town for?”  
“Just tonight.” I said. “I fly out with my boyfriend in the morning.”  
“In and out huh? Is there something special going on tonight?”  
I nodded no. I didn’t think so. Harry hadn’t really specified his night plans outside of the dinner and some party.  
Still as Harry had previously explained, parties were not really his thing.  
Whatever it was, he probably wouldn’t be there for long.  
I was planning on being back at the hotel by midnight, and I had a feeling he would probably already be back there.  
He had told me a little about the property he and Jeff were going to look at and I had to admit it made me a bit excited.  
For now, Harry had no roots put down here, and if he did-especially in the next few months, there was a possibility I could see him more.  
Otherwise, this would have to end at the end of summer like we had agreed.

So far I think I had been doing well.  
I had been following my three rules accordingly.  
I wasn’t pregnant.  
I hadn’t changed. And I was pretty sure I wasn’t in love; though it was getting harder each day.  
Harry truly was different from any other man I had ever dated. It wasn’t the fact that he was famous or rich, it was just the simple way he made me feel. There was something to be said for the way we could be together, doing absolutely nothing, but still completely comfortable. I just hadn’t had that with a lot of people.  
As long as I kept a clear head, and didn’t get too close, I would be alright.  
It was going to be hard to end whatever this was but I was realistic.  
School was coming up for me, and then I would need to look for a job. My entire existence would be wedged in New York.  
Harry’s job was his job and there was no hope there. It wouldn’t be long before he was back on the road, with singles and albums to promote and there was no way he would have time for anything else.  
Still, that didn’t mean I couldn’t make this time memorable while it lasted.

As the driver pulled up to the address I had given him, I gave him a decent tip since he had been so polite and wished him well.  
My heels were in my purse and I could hear them knock around in my bag.  
My mini dress was tight around my skin and I cursed under my breath as I tried to scoot out without exposing my goods to the world.  
As I had explained to Harry, I didn’t know what the night would bring, but if my friends were going to a bar, I had to be prepared.  
Still this whole dress and heel thing was obviously not me.  
Climbing out, I finally peered at the building in front of me.  
_Metropolis Vintage._  
Looking at the t-shirts in the mirror, the place already held promise.  
The time was now closer to three, and I would only have a bit of time before I would meet up with my friends from school.  
I smiled and headed inside.  
Boy I hoped they had what I was looking for.  
“Hi Ma’am.” a young guy greeted as I walked in, taking in the array of band shirts that met me.  
“Hi.” I said warmly. “I called earlier about your Rolling Stone shirts. I put one on hold.”  
“Oh yes. You spoke with me. Let me get that for you.”  
I followed the man and looked around the shop.  
All around me clothes from the eighties and vintage tees looked back at me as he headed to the front desk.  
A few pieces for myself stood out, until I was interrupted by the call of my name.  
“Becca?” the man called for reassurance.  
“That’s me.” I said as I went to the counter as he placed the shirt on top of it.  
My excitement immediately deflated. It wasn’t the shirt I needed.  
Since Harry had told me about his obsession with his favorite Rolling Stone T-shirt, I had been researching possible places to get a replacement shirt.  
His was falling apart and had multiple rips at this point. Give it another two years, and it would probably be demolished.  
I was sure there was a nostalgia to it and he enjoyed the vintage feel of it, but I wanted him to have a backup one for when that one finally crumbled and fell apart, but now…I knew the search would continue. It was close, but not exact.  
“That’s not it. Sorry.” I said softly.  
“No.”  
I pulled out my phone and showed a picture of the shirt I had snuck when Harry was asleep during our sex-a-thon in London.  
“Oh that one is vintage. Um…Let me call around.” he said politely. “I may be able to get it. Hold on.”  
As he picked up the phone to make his calls, I moved around the shop looking at other shirts.  
I tried to remember the other bands Harry liked. In the small times I had stayed at his house, I had peeped other graphic tees and I was starting to note the pattern of what he liked.  
As I was looking, my eyes caught an AC/DC shirt that I thought Harry would like.  
It slightly resembled his brown Harley Davidson shirt that he loved and also wore often.  
I picked it up and looked at the price tag.  
The shirt was $89.95.  
My eyes damn near popped out of my skull. _For a t-shirt?_  
“Ma’am?” I heard called a few seconds later.  
I turned and looked back at the man who had been helping me and headed over to the counter, with the silly $89.95 shirt.  
“Any luck?” I asked.  
He shook his head no. “Unfortunately no. Do you know where he got it?”  
I shook my head as well. “He’s had it a couple years.”  
“Well we have a KISS one that looks like it.”  
I smiled. “He already has that one.”  
The man smiled. “Is he a collector?”  
“He’s just…” I wanted to say ‘Just Harry’, but instead I said, “Just a fan.”  
The man smiled.  
“I think I want to get this one though.” I said placing the AC/DC shirt on the counter.  
“Great.” he took the shirt from me and folded it.  
“Is it for his birthday or something?”  
“No.” I said. “Just because.”  
The man nodded his head in appreciation.  
“Lucky guy.”  
I smiled and he wrapped everything up for me.

When I headed outside, I hailed another cab and then headed for my friend’s place.  
I wanted to run the shirt back to the hotel, but I didn’t know if Harry was still there.  
He had been acting weird since we had got in town anyway.  
I admit I had been shifty since I wanted to surprise him, but he was acting strange too.  
Between all of his questions and snide remarks about my outfit and my whereabouts, I didn’t know what was wrong with him.  
I didn‘t think he was being completely serious, but I couldn’t help but feeling like he could be a little jealous…or possibly upset that I wasn’t spending the night with him.  
As if I would.  
The lifestyles of the rich and famous was something I wanted to be far away from.  
Growing up in California I had seen a few things and Harry’s friends in the industry didn’t interest me.  
Jeff and Glenne were fine, but I’m sure the more famous ones wouldn’t be so welcoming.  
I could already imagine the looks or hidden thoughts.

When I arrived at my friend’s house across town, I instantly was thrust back into college land.  
“Hey Beckham.” Michael, my longtime school mate said, pulling me into a hug as I reached the apartment my closest New York friends rented.  
“Hey.” I said.  
As I walked in the house, I saw my other friends Malcolm, Christina, Rick and Victoria.  
I already knew good times were up ahead tonight.  
Our missing link Kelsey wasn’t here, but I was sure they planned on getting me drunk enough to forget.  
I quickly laid down the law as I got settled.  
“I’m going out of town tomorrow and I have a long flight home. I don’t want to spend it throwing up. No drinking for me tonight.”  
“Bullshit!” Christina said. “ _You are_ drinking, if I have to force the drink down your throat.”  
“Sure are.” Malcolm said sitting on the couch beside me.  
I smiled.  
“This is why I don’t hang out with you guys.” I joked.  
“Should have stayed your pretty ass in California.” Christina teased.  
“Speaking of…I still don’t get why you had to fly up here for one day?” Victoria questioned.  
“I told you. My internship from the spring needed me to come up here.”  
_The fake internship._  
“Are they trying to offer you a position?” Christina asked with excitement. “That would be so cool. You would have a job in publishing as soon as you graduate.”  
“Um…I don’t know.” I said quickly. “I meet with them tomorrow.”  
I said a silent prayer that they would stop with the questions.  
I didn’t remember all the details of my lie before and if they wanted specifics, there was no way I would be able to lie.  
“When are we going to dinner?” I asked changing the subject.  
“Soon. In like an hour?” Michael guessed. Then he looked down at my bag.  
“What’s in there?”  
The words _Metropolis Vintage_ were big and bold.  
“Gift for my Dad.”  
“Oh.”  
I railroaded the conversation a few times before we left for the restaurant. On the way there, I got a text from Harry.

*Still at the hotel. I will be in Manhattan later for dinner. I think we are going to Carbone. I’ll text you and keep you updated. Be safe and have fun. xx.*

I texted him back.

*Cool. With friends now. Heading to dinner in a bit. I will call you about later. Tell Jeff and Glenne hello.*

He texted me okay and then we went on to our prospective plans. I headed to dinner and my movie and from a quick peek at social media saw Harry had been papped out with fans.  
For a moment I contemplated forgetting my friends and pairing up with him.  
He looked deliciously handsome in a red shirt with a black blazer and I was slightly regretful I hadn’t taken him up on his offer.  
Attaching myself to that handsomeness would have suited me just fine.  
Still, a month in each others company could be a long time, and I didn’t want him to get sick of me.

After leaving the movie, I sent Harry another text.  
*Leaving theatre. Movie was excellent! Did you want me to still meet you?*  
He texted me back.  
*I don’t know where I’m going. I’ll have to see you later. Are you still going to a club?*  
*Not sure. I know my friends want to go out.*  
*I would prefer you not*  
*Why? I’ll be safe*  
*I just don’t want you at a club.* he texted simply and then, *I trust you though. I’ll just meet you at the hotel. I’ll be there later.*  
*K. Bye Hun.* I said. Once again, I was slightly regretful he no longer wanted to meet up.  
This time he didn’t text back.

We headed back to my friends house and my friends got dressed to go to a local bar first. I really wasn’t in the mood for the clubbing scene, but I did want more time with them.  
I had been enjoying the time we were sharing and it would be at least two months until we were together again.  
“So Beckham?” Christina began, as she changed clothes at the house. “Kelsey tells me you’re dating someone?”  
“When was this?” I asked.  
“A while ago.”  
She gave me a wide smile. “So…who is it?” she asked in interest.  
I rolled my eyes playfully and sat on the bed.  
“Why is everyone so interested?”  
“Because you haven’t dated in forever. I think the last guy I seen you with was Charles.”  
I immediately had a look of disgust. “Please don’t bring him up. I can’t believe I slept with him.”  
She chuckled. “Well you gave him four dates. You tried.”  
“He’s such an arrogant asshole.” I said honestly.  
“Have you seen who he’s dating now?”  
“Honestly I don’t care to know.”  
She smiled.  
“So tell me about him.”  
“There’s nothing to tell.” I said.  
“Well what’s he like?”  
“He’s nice.” I said simply.  
She rolled her honey brown eyes. “Real informative Becca.”  
I smiled. “I know.” I teased.  
“Well did you meet him at school?”  
“No. I met him while I was working at my mom‘s store.”  
“What’s he look like?”  
“Green eyes. Dark hair. Tall.”  
_Harry._  
She swooned.  
“I love green eyes on a man.” she said with an appreciative smile and I smiled back. I knew the feeling now.  
“So I’m guessing he lives in L.A?”  
I nodded yes.  
“What are you going to do when you go back to school?”  
I put my head down, trying not to think of that. I played with the hem of my dress.  
“We’ve decided to end it.” I said softly.  
“And are you okay with that?” she asked reading my voice.  
“Yeah,” I said looking back at her. I gave her a reassuring smile. “I don’t really have a choice.”  
“Oh. Well I’m happy for you.” she said with a final smile. “Hope he is good to you.”  
I nodded that he was and watched her get dressed.  
She put on a pretty black dress which complimented her caramel skin perfectly and I knew she was going to get a lot of attention tonight.  
I could already picture a musty club with a bunch of drunk guys crowding around trying to talk, or take one of us home.  
Don’t mistake me, neither one of us were drop dead gorgeous, but it was only natural in those settings.  
I wasn’t in the mood for it.  
Truthfully I would rather be in my hotel room with Harry, curled up in his arms and falling asleep.  
That sounded like a perfect night to me.  
Still, I hadn’t seen my friends in a while and I knew Harry was looking forward to the party he was at.  
Wherever he was.

  
We headed out of the house an hour later, and I was still not really in the mood to be going out. By now it was close to 11pm.  
My plans on being at the hotel by midnight were quickly fading.  
As we headed into a popular bar in Times Square the pumping bass of the EDM music made me wince.  
Immediately our crew split with the guys heading one way, and me and the girls towards the bar.  
“Alright, can we get three cranberries and vodka’s? And we‘re going to need some fireballs.” Christina called out to the bartender.  
“Two! And no we‘re not.” I corrected.  
Victoria shushed me and put an arm around me.  
“Come on Beckham, you never come out and we haven’t seen you in a while…have a drink with us.”  
“I don’t want too.”  
“But you’re only in New York for one day.”  
“And I have to meet with the internship people tomorrow.”  
She began to whimper like a dog.  
“Come on, please….preeeettttyyy pllleeeaassseee.”  
I sighed, knowing I was already going to give in. They had always been pretty persuasive.  
Harry was going to kill me.  
“Fine.” I said with a playful roll of the eye. “I’ll have two drinks, and one fireball… but no more.”  
“Yay!” Victoria called and Christina squealed with her.  
“Load ‘em up.” she called to the bartender again, who happily prepared our drinks.  
About a minute later, the small shot was in my hand.  
We clinked our glasses.  
“To our last summer of bad decisions.”  
I smiled and downed the fireball quickly. It burned my throat.  
Bad decisions indeed….  
**********************  
Four hours later, I stumbled into my hotel room.  
Not because I was drunk, but because my feet were killing me from the heels I had brought with me.  
My hair smelled like the bars we had went too, and I felt musty.  
All night bodies had gyrated against me, and guys had stayed in my face giving their stupid lines.  
As I unlocked my hotel room door, and stepped into the pitch black room, I was surprised to hear it was completely silent. The small buzz of Harry’s snore was missing.  
I turned on a light half expecting to find Harry passed out on the bed, but he wasn’t.  
The room was completely empty and the bed was untouched.  
I looked at the clock on the mantle that read 3:12am.  
It was a little strange he wasn’t back yet, but he texted me after midnight and told me his phone was dying and that he would be out late.  
He gave me Jeff’s number to text in case of an emergency.  
I kind of felt like this was. I wanted to make sure he was alright.  
I sat on the edge of the bed rubbing my sore feet and sent Jeff a quick text.  
*Hey. This is Becca. Just checking on you guys and making sure everything is okay*  
The response was immediate.  
*We’re good. H is with me in my room. He’s had a bit to drink*  
I smiled. I had always wondered what drunk Harry was like. However, I had my fair share of drunk men tonight so I would leave him where he was.  
*Alright. I’m going to bed. Be responsible guys* I joked.  
I placed my phone on the charger, hid Harry's gift in my luggage and then headed for the shower.  
I rushed through it and washed my hair quickly before going back in the room.  
In the distance I could have sworn I heard laughter from Jeff’s room where the guys were and summed it up that they were still having fun.  
I climbed in bed with a smile in my face, glad that Harry was having a good time with his buddies.  
I turned on my TV so that I had background noise to fall asleep too and then I went to sleep.  
I half expected Harry to stumble in, and wake me up in the middle of the night collapsing on the bed; however, when I woke up at 5am and turned over, his side of the bed was still cold.  
I wasn’t worried in my lethargic state because I knew he was with Jeff and probably across the hall, but I was concerned for his physical state.  
I hoped he wasn’t somewhere crouched over a toilet emptying his stomach and praying to the porcelain Gods.  
I rolled back over and went to sleep.

When I woke up again, it was 9am, and this time it was by Harry.  
The sound of something hitting the carpet, popped my eyes open.  
I woke up so quickly that I knew I would probably have a headache later.  
My eyes instantly landed on a shirtless Harry who was bending over to pick up a bottle of lotion.  
He turned to me.  
“Sorry.” he said. “I was trying not to wake you.”  
In my groggy state, he seemed alright. There was no obvious signs of bloodshot eyes or slurred speech but he did have bags under his eyes.  
I yawned and stretched, glad to see him.  
“What time is it?”  
“Just after nine.”  
He came over to me.  
I could smell his cologne and I could tell he had just got out of the shower.  
He leaned over me. “How are you?” he asked gently.  
“I’m fine.”  
He leaned and kissed my forehead. “Did you have fun last night?”  
I nodded and rubbed my hands over my face to wake up more.  
“Where did you sleep?” I asked as I began to sit up.  
He backed away from me and peered down at me.  
“Jeff’s room.”  
“Are you alright?”  
He smiled. “I’m fine. Slightly hungover…but alright.”  
I smiled back and scanned his taut abdomen.  
Gosh, he was sexy.  
“What happened to our no drinking rule?”  
He smiled guiltily. “I know, I know…I’m sorry. I really don‘t drink that much.” he explained as if I was his mother.  
“You’re grown.” I reminded him. “Besides, I kind of broke the rule too.”  
“You did go to a club then?“ he questioned.  
“A bar. It was so packed.”  
He smirked. “Yeah? Did any guys hit on you?”  
“Maybe.” I said mysteriously.  
He chuckled and turned away from me.  
He leaned down in and shuffled through his bag.  
“Guess I’ll be checking your luggage later for numbers.”  
I grinned and flipped the covers back.  
The air conditioning was on, so the room was a bit chilly and I felt the immediate goosebumps raise on my skin.  
I wanted to head to the bathroom to brush my teeth and check my appearance, but Harry stopped me.  
As I moved to go past him, he stretched his arms out and pulled me to him.  
He gave me a gentle kiss.  
“Thanks for letting us come. It was good to see my friends.”  
“Of course.” I said.  
He moved a loose hair from my face. “Are you going with me today or staying here?”  
I moved away from him a bit in case my breath was offensive.  
“What time is the flight? Four right?”  
He nodded yes.  
“I think I’ll stay here. I’m a bit sleep deprived from last night.”  
Harry let me go.  
“What time did you get in?”  
“After three. I texted Jeff to check on you.”  
“I know, he told me.”  
“Were you awake at that point?” I teased.  
“Yes.” he said smiling widely. “I was arguing with my buddy Xander by then.”  
“Arguing about what?” I asked curiously.  
“Useless shit.” he said. “It’s kind of a blur.”  
I nodded okay and headed for the bathroom.  
I began to wash up; washing my face, brushing my teeth…  
“Who else was with you guys?” I asked curiously.  
I was pretty naïve on the deals.  
“Couple different people. Some guys, some girls…” he said leaning against the doorframe.  
By now, his other favorite KISS t-shirt was on with his signature black jeans.  
“Getting ready to go?” I asked.  
“Yeah I think so. Jeff is eating next door. Do you want to get some breakfast?”  
“Out or through room service?”  
“I was hoping we could go out, but I don’t think I’ll have time. I have to be at the showing by noon.”  
“Alright, well that’s fine. I’m hungry.” I said simply.  
Harry smiled and I expected him to go grab the room service menu, but instead he came in the bathroom with me.  
At that moment, I was taking my hair down after washing my face.  
He came behind me and I watched him through the mirror.  
“What?” I asked.  
His hands gathered around my stomach and he pressed me against him.  
Due to his frame, my head rested against his chest.  
He leaned down and kissed my neck.  
“I missed you last night.”  
“That‘s the alcohol.” I joked. “You’re still hungover.”  
He smiled. “Yeah…drunk in love.” he sang mimicking Beyonce’s famous song.  
I giggled as his hands trailed my body. It was clear he wasn’t moving anywhere soon as he held me in his arms.  
“Don’t you have to leave soon?” I reminded him, playing.  
“I do.” he said trailing more kisses on my neck.  
“And aren’t we suppose to be eating?”  
“I’m about too.” he whispered against my collarbone.  
I closed my eyes and smiled as his warm breath ticked my skin.  
I felt his hands lift my shirt and curl around my underwear.  
I reopened my eyes.  
He was staring back at me through the mirror.  
His green eyes devious with a wide Cheshire cat smile.  
“Don’t.” I warned.  
He moved to pull them down.  
“Don’t.” I said smiling back.  
He continued to watch me in the mirror. “Your words say one thing, but your face says another…”  
I bit my lip and remained quiet.  
He wasn’t lying. I totally wanted him and he knew it.  
He pulled my panties completely off and they hit the floor.  
I pulled away from him and faced him, my shirt falling over my naked bits.  
I placed my hands on his chest.  
“I’m hungry.” I said. “Go order our food.”  
He groaned. “Why are you a buzz kill? You’re no fun today.”  
I smiled.  
“I’m a lot of fun.” I disagreed. “The boys last night seem to think so.”  
“What does that mean?”  
“Oh you know…they loved dancing with me and stuff.”  
“Oh really?” he asked. His eyes flashed jealously. “You danced with some guys?”  
I smiled. “A couple. Some of them were handsome too.” I teased.  
“How did you dance with them?”  
I gave a gentle shrug.  
“I don’t remember.”  
He looked back at me, trying to read me. He knew I was teasing, but I feel he was looking for any truth laced in the words.  
He wouldn’t find any.  
I hadn’t even so much as looked at another guy, but I was curious how far I could take this.  
I leaned into him, almost kissing him.  
“You want to know what else they said?”  
“No,” he said, and before I could say anything more, he gripped my thighs and placed me on the counter.  
“You know what…you need a reminder.” he said keeping his face serious.  
I instantly laughed at his small possession.  
“Of what?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck.  
He didn’t answer, as his hands moved from the base of my neck all the way down until it slithered across my sex.  
I sighed.  
Harry placed a finger inside of me and I instantly moaned curling around him. My body was already adjusted for him.  
“Of me.“ he whispered in my ear. “So…Tell me about these other guys.” he said moving a finger inside of me slowly.  
“Not much to tell.” I said.  
He pulled his face away from my ear and faced me.  
“No tell me…“ he said, continuing his probing back and forth. “Did any ask for your number?”  
“One or two.”  
He stuck another finger in and I shifted.  
“Yeah? Did you give it?”  
I kept my gaze locked dead on his.  
“Could I have?”  
“Absolutely not.”  
I smiled.  
“But i’m not your girlfriend.” I reminded him. My tone was still light and playful, but he didn’t like that answer.  
Bending his head down, he used his other free hand and lifted my shirt up.  
Exposing my uncovered nipple, he wrapped his mouth around my breast.  
Just as I was about to close my eyes and enjoy the sensation, he bit me.  
Not hard, but just enough to get his point across.  
He released my breast a second later.  
He was smiling.  
“That’s what I feel about that statement.”  
I gave a small laugh and smiled with him and we shared a slow kiss; our first real kiss of the morning.  
After we pulled apart, I calmed his fears.  
“Well you don’t have to worry. I was a complete angel. No one even got close to me. No numbers exchanged, dancing or anything. ”  
“Really?” he asked gently.  
His two fingers were still moving inside of me.  
“Really.” I said starting to finally feel the effects of his actions.  
His finger felt wonderful inside of me, but I was more interested in what was in his pants.  
I trailed my eyes down to the slight bulge.  
“So…” I began.  
“So?” he asked.  
“Do you think I could get a morning quickie?” I asked keeping my voice purposely demure. “Ya know…for my good behavior.”  
“No. I think you deserve something else.”  
“Like what?” I asked, when suddenly he removed his finger and shifted my hips forward.  
From my position, I had no choice but to grip my hands on the counter, but I think that’s what he wanted.  
My hair spray and toiletries hit the sink with a loud thud and my butt rested on the edge of the hard white sink.  
“Harry what are you-”  
Oh.  
I was silent as his head bent down and his tongue connected to me, running up my core.  
My hips bucked.  
“Don’t move too much or you’ll fall.” he instructed.  
He was right.  
This hotel bathroom was small and definitely not made for activities such as this.  
Yet was I going to stop him? Hell no.  
“Oh just catch me.” I said breathlessly, throwing my head back.  
His talented tongue had already began climbing up that mountain to my peak.  
He smiled against me and then brought me to my own little morning slice of heaven.

An hour later, the knock of the hotel room door interrupted us. By then, our bathroom antics had ended and we were eating our breakfast. I was spooning my cereal as Harry climbed off the bed beside me and went to get it.  
We were watching some TV movie and had been eating and talking on the bed.  
I watched as he went to the door and opened it.  
I couldn’t see completely who it was, but I made out the frame of a woman.  
“Hey.” Harry said.  
“Hey. Jeff told me to give this to you. You left it in the room.”  
Whoever it was had a Portuguese accent. I only knew that because one of my teachers had the same kind.  
“Cool. Thanks.” Harry said grabbing something from her.  
“Are you leaving soon?” Harry asked her.  
“Yeah. In a bit.”  
“Kay.” Harry said and opened the door wide.  
A thin brunette stood there.  
I watched as he pulled her in his arms.  
“Last night was fun.” he said, and me and the girls’ eyes locked.  
Her eyes furrowed a bit in confusion as she saw me, but she looked back at him as he pulled away.  
“It was. Thanks Harry.” she said and smiled.  
She was pretty.  
_Very pretty._  
He nodded okay and then shut the door behind her.  
I chewed the Frosted Flakes in my mouth and then shifted on the bed.  
“Who was that?” I asked quietly. I tried to keep my voice casual.  
“Oh one of my friends.” he said just as casual and sat back beside me.  
He picked up his previous apple, and took another bite.  
He was quiet for the next few minutes.

After we finished breakfast, we had another interruption, this time in the form of Jeff telling Harry they needed to leave soon.  
“Alright cool.”  
Harry moved to his bag in the corner and threw on a quick cream jacket that was striped with red and blue lines and grabbed his sunglasses.  
He turned to me.  
“You know what to do right? To get to the airport and meet me?”  
I nodded yes. We had already went over the instructions.  
I was to check out at 1pm, and then head to the airport. He gave me the gate information and I would just meet him on the flight.  
That way, if he was cornered, it would minimize any issues.  
He wanted me there and already away from any craziness.  
“Kay.” he said.  
He came and gave me a quick kiss on my forehead.  
“I’ll see you in a bit.” he said softly.  
“Kay.” I said warmly.  
Still standing by me, Harry looked over me, looking for any small pieces he may have left behind while me and Jeff watched him.  
After he was finished and satisfied, he looked back at me with a small smile.  
“Alright. Bye hun.” he said.  
“Kay. Bye guys.” I said mainly to Jeff since he was watching everything and waiting (im) patiently by the door.  
Harry leaned down suddenly and gave me another kiss. This one, on my lips, and much longer. One of his hands went behind my head, and as I savored the softness of his lips, I think we both forgot Jeff was there for a minute.  
When he finally pulled away, I was still cast in his spell, and could barely focus as he left the room.  
Throwing myself back on the bed, I just sighed.

After, I settled back in bed since I had a little while before I had to get up.  
I was happy we had made the trip.  
It had been good to see my friends and after this morning’s festivities, I wasn’t even upset that me and Harry hadn’t spent any of the time together.  
He had more than made up for it.  
In fact, come to think of it, he had been really sweet all morning.  
After the bathroom cunnilingus, he had kissed me tenderly and stayed close to me all morning.  
As we waited for the room service food, I laid on him and he played in my hair, coaxing me to tell him all the details of the previous night.  
I exaggerated a bit to fuel his playful jealously and he made sure to mark his claim with a smile.  
“Fuck titles.“ he had said kissing my head. “You’re mine for the summer. Only mine.” he said keeping me close.  
It had been really cute.

Now he was gone, and I had a few hours to myself to sit back and reflect.  
My mind had silly thoughts. I sent some texts to family and called my mom to update her on the trip. I spoke with Kelsey to get the newest updates on she and Bobby, who after all this time, were still going strong and I even texted Harry a bit from our bed.  
*Paps outside and fans.* he warned. * Be careful leaving*  
*They’re not after me.* I reminded him.  
*Still be careful love* he said. *There’s other celebrities in the hotel today*  
I was curious who but I didn’t ask.  
*I will.* I promised. *See you on the plane. How is the place?*  
*Nice. We might put in an offer. We’re heading to another place now*  
*K. Well I’ll see you in a bit*  
*You will. x*

I plopped my phone on the bed and enjoyed the silence. Soon we would be back in Europe and the craziness from touring and traveling would resume. I wasn’t looking forward to any drama.  
I didn’t know, it was just right around the corner.


	51. Chapter 51

  
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE  
HARRY

Then.

_K. Well I’ll see you in a bit._

I read Becca’s text and sent her a quick reply.  
Then I swiped my phone and locked it.  
I was traveling through New York City with Jeff beside me in our Mercedes town car and Glenne was in the front seat on her phone.  
Jeff had been watching me text.  
As I looked up at him, catching his eye, he smiled at me.  
“What?” I asked him curiously.  
“Becca?”  
I nodded yes. “Warning her about the paps and stuff.”  
“No one would want her picture.” he reminded, though I already was well aware.  
I smirked. He sounded just like Becca.  
“Still.” I said, placing my phone in my pocket.  
“It’s getting serious huh?” he questioned.  
“What is?” I asked and he looked back at me.  
I read his eyes.  
“Me and Bec?”  
“Duh.”  
I shook my head no quickly. “No, no, no. We’re good though.” I said. “Why do you say that?”  
“You two seem close.” he noted.  
I smirked.  
“We’ve been sleeping together for three months, I would hope so.”  
He smiled back. “No it’s different. You seem coupley. You guys make it official, or are you still seeing other people?”  
I shook my head no once more. “I haven’t been seeing other people for a while. And it’s just… casual. A summer thing. Neither one of us really has time for more. You know that.” I reminded him.  
“I know, but…you should be on the outside looking in. You guys look and act like a couple. You‘re joined at the hip practically. ”  
I looked back at him.  
Yeah… _and?_  
That wasn’t such a bad thing in my opinion. She was a nice girl and I was enjoying her company. What was wrong with spending a lot of time together?  
Wasn’t that what you were suppose to do when you were seeing someone?

I was slightly surprised by how much I liked her though.  
The previous night though I had been intoxicated and with friends, my mind ventured to her often.  
I was a little worried about her being out with her friends, and was quite worried she would end up at a club.  
I trusted her completely but I didn’t know her friends and I didn’t know what they would influence her to do. Peer pressure could be a bitch.  
I was more than relieved when she texted me after midnight and told me she was over the whole scene and would be heading back to the hotel soon.  
My phone died before I could confirm her location, but I was able to relax after that.  
A bit too much.  
I can’t remember how many drinks I had enjoyed the previous night, but when I woke up at 7am, on Jeff’s hotel room floor with a headache, it was all clear.

We ceased all conversation about Becca, and headed to the second location.  
By now, the weather had peaked and it was boiling outside.  
I removed my jacket and pulled my hair back as we arrived at the next spot.  
This time, fans found me and after posing for a few photos and seeing the place, I headed in a separate car to the airport.

Again I was met with fans and this time some paps.  
I hustled my way through the crowd in slight irritation and then checked my bags in.  
*Are you at the airport?* I texted Becca. By now it was close 3:30pm and if she wasn’t there, she would miss our flight.  
I had to be on the plane for my next show and couldn’t afford to stay back in New York if there were complications.  
*Yup. I’m at the gate. They are loading soon.*  
*I know. I’m having the plane held. Be there in a bit. I was held up*  
She didn’t text me back…probably because she would see me soon…and I finished up my processes.  
By the time I reached the gate, boarding had begun and I didn’t see Becca.  
I had purchased first class tickets for us, so I didn’t have to wait to board as they did the economy class and was taken right on the plane.  
Then I saw my girl.  
“Hey.” she said warmly as I placed my bag in the overhead compartment.  
“Hey.” I said, taking a seat beside her.  
She was dressed casually but as always took me aback by her beauty.  
“How was everything?” I asked.  
“Good. You? I saw the crowd outside.”  
I rolled my eyes. “Some girl got my flight information and tipped a bunch of people off.”  
“How did she know?” Becca asked.  
“I don’t know.” I said in irritation. “But that’s the shit I don’t like. People treat me like I‘m a fucking object.”  
She rubbed my arm to calm me, and gave me a sweet smile.  
“Well we’re going back to Europe. No more craziness.” she offered.  
I smiled and looked around us.  
No one was paying us too much attention, but we were in the States and I was worried someone on this flight might notice we were together.  
Due to our seats, it could have been a casual pairing of people, but from the outside looking in, it had to be obvious we were friends.  
I surveyed the area, being cautious.  
I didn’t want any drama following us back to London.  
All I needed was some stupid Sun Magazine exclusive or Twitter rumor popping up after I got off the plane. Becca rested back in her seat beside me, and flipped through her book. It was a different one from the previous day.  
“How fast do you read?” I noted.  
“Fast.” she said simply and I smiled.  
I rested my head back against the seat and closed my eyes as the instructions went over the PA.  
We had a seven hour flight back to Brussels, and all I wanted to do was sleep. And I would.

***************************************

“The black one.”  
I smiled and pulled the black shirt off the hanger.  
“Well this is getting easier and easier.” I said turning to Becca who had just picked my shirt for the stage.  
“I know. I’ve become your personal stylist.”  
“You have. But you’re quite good at it.” I said, pulling my shirt off and throwing on the t-shirt.  
I had forty-five minutes until show time.  
By now, I was well rested and ready for tonight’s show.  
After getting off the plane, me and Becca had went straight to sleep and slept until early that morning.  
We had spent the majority of our time at the stadium doing sound checks and hanging with the band.  
By now, Becca was fitting in quite nicely and building her own relationships with the crew.  
“Are you watching or staying back here?” I asked.  
“I’m watching.” she said.  
“Aren’t you sick of the show yet?”  
She smiled and stood. “Nope. Never.”  
I smiled back.  
“Besides, who could get sick of you prancing across the stage.”  
“Prancing? Is that what I’m doing?”  
She nodded yes, wrapping her arm around my neck.  
I was just about to pull her in for a kiss, when Lou walked in my dressing room.  
“Harry you ready?”  
“Yeah.” I said pulling away.  
I was still not ‘stage-ready’ and had been avoiding her chair all day.  
“Hey Becca.” Lou said warmly.  
“Hello.” Becca said back.  
While they exchanged pleasantries for the second time that day, I grabbed my phone.  
Lou and Becca followed me out of the room.

A half hour later, I was ‘prancing’ on stage and making sure to be obnoxiously energetic for Becca.  
I caught her smiling a few times as I hopped around and teased the crowd.  
Again, after the show, she expressed awe.  
“I just don’t get it.” she said. “You’re literally two different people.”  
I just smiled.

When we arrived back to our hotel, we stayed up a bit, both of us wide awake and just enjoyed each others company.  
We had a rematch of a previous Scrabble game, and then joined the guys for a bit, for their late night antics running around the hotel.

We got up the next morning and headed to London.  
Once again, we headed to my house where Becca had left some of her things.  
“I think I want to just lounge around today.” she said once we settled in.  
She had already showered and we were standing in the kitchen sharing a bag of pretzels.  
“Cool. I need to head to the gym though.” I said. “I haven’t worked out in a couple of days.”  
“I don’t want to go.” she said quickly. “I just want to stay here. In bed.”  
I smiled. “Well I will join you, when I come back.”  
“Are you going to meet you trainer?”  
“Maybe.” I said. “Depends on what he’s doing, but I don’t really need him. I‘m going to be at Barry‘s boot camp.”  
“Cool. I’ve been to the one in New York. Have fun.” she said.  
She bid me farewell and I headed upstairs to change into some lounge clothes.  
After I dressed, I passed her lying on the couch and curled up with a book.  
“Comfortable?” I teased.  
“Very.” she said.  
“K. I’ll see you in a bit.”  
She nodded, blew me a kiss, and then I left.  
As I climbed in the car, I dialed my Mums number and checked in.  
She was lunching with friends in a bit, and we caught up with what each other had missed.  
I was in a great mood. I was still high off the show from the night before and I had a beautiful girl in my house waiting on me.  
What could go wrong today?  
“Alright Mum. Well I’ll call you later. I’m at the gym.”  
“Okay hun. I love you.”  
“Love you too Mum.” I hung up the phone and then decided to turn my phone off.  
I didn’t think Becca would try to reach me, but it was only for an hour while I worked out and hopefully nothing would go too wrong.  
Still, though I was living a blessed life, it didn’t come with out its troubles and own issues and today was about to remind me of the stupid pressures and rumors I faced.  
And unfortunately this time, Becca would be in the center of it.


	52. Chapter 52

CHAPTER FIFTY TWO

CHASE

  
NOW

  
My secretary's warm brown eyes meet mine at 8:03pm.  
"Chase Collins. Time's up." she calls out. Her original Texas accent is strong.  
Bringing my eyes away from my document and facing her, I hit submit on my email.  
I look back at my secretary of over five years and smile. Her light brown skin and long wavy curls a welcome interruption.  
“I know, I know. Finishing up now.”  
I toss my hands up, before she starts in on me.  
She-Vanessa Evans- smiles and gives me a nod of approval.  
I close out my email and browser tabs and check my phone. No new messages.  
Great, I can leave.  
Crossing her arms, Vanessa leans against my office door.  
“You’ve been doing well.” she says.  
I smirk and stand, stretching. I have been sitting in front of my computer for much too long.  
I gesture for my suit jacket that is near Vanessa.  
“I’m trying.” I said honestly. “Tired of Becca yelling at me.”  
Vanessa smiles, and as her name escapes my lips, I glance at the small photo on my desk.  
In it, Becca, my girlfriend of almost a year smiles back at me.  
In my profession, it’s a bit too personal and I know my bosses don’t like the extra reminder of a girlfriend looking back at me throughout the day.  
My job is 24/7 dedication, and my clients are suppose to be not only be my professional, but personal life as well.  
Still, for Becca, I broke those rules.  
Vanessa comes over, handing me my suit jacket and car keys. She keeps my work bag in her other hand.  
I honestly don’t think I could function without her.  
She’s spunky, brass, and keeps my impossibly busy schedule running smoothly- despite being my full time secretary and a mother and wife.  
For instance, right now she makes sure I make it home on time.  
I’m sure my girl is at home waiting on me.  
“What’s Becca making for dinner tonight?” Vanessa asks as I take the jacket and toss it on.  
“You know I’m not sure.” I swipe my phone off of the desk. “Haven’t talked to her much today.”  
“Working on her column?”  
“I’m sure. But with Becca who knows. She keeps herself busy.”  
Vanessa smiles. “Well let me know when it posts-”  
“Got it.” I said cutting her off.  
Since Becca has become apart of my life, she has also become apart of Vanessa’s and I already know what is coming next. They love to connect over dinner meals and she is a follower of her column.  
Vanessa hands me my briefcase, and I give her a quick appreciative kiss on her forehead.  
“Lifesaver.” I say.  
“I know.“ she says boldly. “Give her my love.”  
“I will. We’ll have you over soon. Maybe next week?” I toss out, as I head towards the door.  
She nods okay, and lets me pass.  
I give her a quick farewell and then head downstairs to the parking ramp.  
It’s late, but people are still around the office working, and I’m stopped two times before I make it to my car.  
When I do, I toss my bag in the back, and keep my phone close.  
I plug into the car charger, and start my call.  
I instantly dial Becca’s number.  
With the Los Angeles traffic coming from downtown, I won’t be home until at least nine, but I want to give her a heads up I’m coming.  
Most nights, I make it home around the same time, and she always is waiting for me.  
My dinner is always on the table, and she is always ready to talk about my day.  
Despite my early mornings, most nights we stay up late, making sure we always spend some time together during the day. If we’re not making love, we are laid in the bed watching movies or just talking.  
She works from home and despite the occasional lunch date or 1:30pm check in, most of the day we don’t talk.  
Still at this point, I couldn’t function without either.  
When I met her a year ago, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but for now I plan on keeping her as a permanent fixture in my life for a long time.  
As I dial her number, I’m surprised when her phone goes straight to voicemail. Her phone is off, and her cheery, _Hi it’s Becca! Sorry I‘ve missed you_ …. meets me.  
I hang up and just estimate to see her at home.

I begin the trek across town, through the minimal traffic, and eventually reach our block.  
We are currently renting a three bedroom, two and a half bath, single family home. We recently moved in, but it’s a place we are planning on converting and expanding in the year’s to come.  
I already have many plans for our future.  
When I approach our house, I can already see in the distance the house is dark.  
Becca’s car isn’t in front like usual, and the neighborhood is quiet.  
Pulling in front, I open the garage door and see’s Becca’s Camry from college but the main Mercedes she drives now, is still missing.  
She’s not home.  
I glance at the clock. 9:12pm.  
Unusual, but not unlikely.

I grab my phone and head inside, leaving my work behind.  
Tonight, I just want to turn my phone off, settle in my bedroom and bury myself in Becca.  
The celebrities of Los Angeles can have their issues resolved in the morning.

I punch in my security code, and turn on the lights. I can see the house is immaculately cleaned and it doesn’t seem like Becca’s been home for a while.  
I head to the kitchen for confirmation and sure enough, nothing has changed.  
She hasn’t cooked anything new, and the leftovers remain untouched in the fridge.  
Where is she?

I pull my phone out and bypass her contact.  
The last time we had spoke had been around my lunch-1:30pm- the usual time I call everyday.  
She had answered, though the conversation had been rushed and hasty. Whatever she was doing at the time had her distracted but she had assured me she would be home later. Or had she?  
I try to remember the conversation but that was hours ago, and nothing we spoke about at that time was worth memorizing.  
Had she said where she was though?  
Had she mentioned where she might go?  
Heading over to our answering machine, I try to think if she told me she would be gone tonight.  
I hit play on the first message.

New Message 10:47am.  
Hey _Chase…and Becca…it’s the mother. Just wanted to remind you about this weekend, I’m still coming down from San-_

I skip it.  
I’ll call my mother later.

New Message. 1:04pm.  
Hey _Becca! It’s Aimee! Hope you’re good hun. You never called me back and I didn’t see you at the gym today-_

Skipped too.  
Just some lady that Becca hung out with at the gym.  
She had been by a few times and she talked way too much.  
I was sure I could probably erase the message, Becca didn‘t really care for her.  
I contemplated it as the next message began.  
This one, catching and keeping my attention.

New Message. 3:56pm.  
Hey _Becca. It’s Kelly. Just checking in. It’s around_ 4pm _here on Thursday (today). Just wondering what’s going on with the article? I haven’t seen anything in my email. Did you send it? I’ve tried reaching you on your cell, but I guess_ its _off. Call me as soon as possible. I need to get it edited and submitted. Don’t forget its_ live _in two days._ Okay _…thanks…bye!_

Hmm.  
Interesting.  
Next.

New Message. 6:14pm.  
_Chase, dude. What the fuck do you do all day? I’ve called your cell, and now your home phone and you still don’t fucking answer. Guess you never answer that shit for_ us _plain folks. When you remember you have a brother, call me back. Need to figure out this weekend. Mom’s driving me crazy about some dinner she wants us to go too…I don’t know. Call me…or Becca…make him call_ me _please. Peace!_

I smiled at my little shit of a brother and listened for the last message as the automated messenger prepared me.

New Message. 7:47pm.  
_Hey Becca, Kelly again. I really need you to call me back. Are you okay? Am I just missing the article? I’ve checked my spam folders and I see nothing. Really need that submitted by tonight. Hope you didn’t forget your deadline. I’m going to try your cell again…either way…get back to me. Soon._

Three things run through my mind.  
One, Becca has missed her deadline.  
Two, she hasn’t called her back. I know that, because her phone is still off.  
And three, Becca’s phone must have been off all day- at least since we spoke.  
I’m back to my original thought.

Where is she?

I glance around the kitchen looking around for a note, and then the living room but there is nothing.  
I head up to our bedroom, loosening my tie, and undressing as I climb the steps.  
I figure I’ll take a shower, try her phone again, and if its still off, then I’ll call in the big guns.  
Kelsey- her best friend since practically birth would know where she is.  
She’s been able to find that girl for me many times. Especially in the beginning when she use to run from any possibility of what we were becoming.  
Whenever she would blow up, and pick a fight with me to push me away, I would always find her hiding out at her house.  
Thank God we had been past that for a few months. That shit was exhausting.

  
I turn on the TV in the room, flipping to Thursday night football, and watch a few minutes of the game.  
The Seattle Seahawks and the Vikings are just finishing up the third quarter.  
I undress, and head for the bathroom.  
I shower quickly, letting the hot water relax me in a short span of time, and climb out of the stall.  
Our bathroom is big, and once again I notice Becca’s things are untouched in the corner.  
I don’t even smell the lingered scent of her perfume.  
She probably hasn’t been home since this morning, which would make since considering when the messages started.  
I’m not worried yet, but I don’t understand why she wouldn’t be home if her column isn’t turned in and finished.  
I briefly wonder what the consequences of that will be as I head back to my phone.  
Time to call Kelsey.

I keep my towel wrapped around me, and watch the game as the phone rings. By now, it’s closer to ten, and I’m sure Kelsey isn’t going to like this intrusion- unless Becca is with her.  
She recently had her first child, and according to Becca has been a nervous wreck.

Hey…maybe that’s it.  
Maybe she’s babysitting.

The line connects and the loud sounds of a TV, crying baby, and cheers connect on the other end.  
Guess I’m missing a party.  
“Hello?” Kelsey’s breathless voice comes thru the phone.  
“Hey.” I say, sitting on the bed, listening to the muted game through her phone.  
_Touchdown_!  
“It’s Chase.” I quickly explain.  
“Hey future brother in law. Sup?” she asks.  
I smile.  
She has been calling me that for a while, despite the fact that me and Becca aren’t engaged.  
Becca is terrified of marriage. I’m sure her asshole ex had something to do with that. He had did a number on her.  
I get to the point quickly.  
“Is Becca with you?”  
“Is what- hold on-”  
Suddenly she shouts away from the phone, telling her new husband to get the baby and I can hear her move away from the noise.  
She comes back to the phone seconds later.  
“Okay…Becca what?”  
“Is she with you?” I ask again.  
“No. Is she supposed to be?”  
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m calling. She isn’t here though.”  
“At the house?” she questions.  
“Yeah.”  
“Did you call her cell?”  
I stop an eye roll.  
“Of course. Before you.”  
“Oh well. I’m sure she’s fine. You know how she is.”  
“I’m sure she is too _and I do_ , but still…just trying to track her down…ya know…in case.”  
“Yeah course.”  
“Do you know where she was today? Did she say she was going anywhere?”  
“Yeah. This morning, she said she was going to meet-”  
She stops. Almost instantly. It doesn’t go unnoticed by me.  
“Meet?” I ask quickly. “Meet who?”  
“Um…you said her phone is off?” she says instead.  
“Yeah.” I ask hearing a little concern. “Where is she?”  
I can tell by her tone she knows.  
“I think she met with her editor…yeah…something about her column today.”  
I sigh.  
“No she’s not with her. She’s been calling here all night.”  
“Oh. Uh…well give me a little bit. She might be with some friends from school. Let me make some calls.” she says quickly.  
“Kay. Let me know.” I say and we hang up.

I pull away from the TV and get dressed. Now that Kelsey is on the case, I feel better.  
She may not know where she is at this moment, but as I’ve said, she can find her. Always.  
I head back downstairs, grabbing a quick bite from some leftovers from a couple nights before. We had company, and Becca had made a huge roasted chicken. Outside of the food, I was trying to forget that stupid evening.  
Chewing on some mashed potatoes, I wait for the call back.  
When it comes, fifteen minutes later, it isn’t Kelsey, it’s Becca.  
“Baby, where are you?” I ask immediately. “You okay?”  
“Yeah.” she says.  
Her tone is low and around her, I can hear the wind.  
As it whips against her phone, I can tell she must be walking outside.  
“I’m on my way home.”  
“Did you talk to Kelsey? We’ve been looking for you.”  
“Yeah I know-” she pauses. “I’m on my way. We need to uh…talk when I get home.” she says. I hear the beep of her car, and I know she is at least safe wherever she is.  
As she climbs in her car, I finish up my meal.  
“Sure. I’ve got some food heated up if you want-”  
“Thanks.” she said. “I’ll…see you soon. Kay?”  
“Yeah. Love you.”  
She hangs up.

I finish my dinner. She hasn’t specified where she is, so I don’t know how long it will take her to get here, so I head back to the bedroom.  
When the house beeps forty-five minutes later, I know it is her triggering the alarm.  
I hear her move downstairs punching in the code, and I go down to meet her.

She looks….different.  
Sunglasses pull her hair back, and I look back at her casual outfit of a blue jean jacket and sundress.  
Her hair has been curled this morning, and fallen, and I have to admit she would look pretty, if she didn’t look so tired. Her expression is off and she looks a bit worn from the day.  
What has she been doing?  
Where has she been?  
“Hey babe.” I say going to her.  
She gives me a small smile, one that doesn’t reach her eyes, and places her purse on the kitchen counter.  
Meeting her, I pull her in my arms and give her a quick kiss.  
“You good? Kelly has been calling here all night.”  
For a moment, her eyes widen as she looks up at me.  
“She has?” she questions.  
“Yeah?” I say playing with a string of her loose waves. “You didn’t get your column turned in?”  
She closes her eyes and sighs.  
“Shit,” I hear her call under her breath, and then her eyes open. “Um.” she bites her lip. “No...no I…“ she pauses and looks at me. Her hazel eyes are clouded. “Uh…we need to talk. There‘s some things I need to tell you. About today.” she says cryptically.  
I nod okay and she shifts away from me and gestures her body towards the living room.  
“You want to eat first?” I question.  
She shakes her head no.  
“I ate already.”  
“Where?” I ask curiously. “Where have you been?”  
She doesn’t respond.  
“You want a drink?” I ask next. I make a motion to move further in the kitchen but she stops me. She reaches for my hands to pull me to the living room.  
“Just come here?” she calls gently.  
I smile.  
I know she wants me to shut up and stop asking questions.

For the moment I do as she says. I let her lead me to the couch and I sit down.  
Seconds later, she takes a seat next to me.  
As our eyes lock, she turns away from me, clearing her throat.  
“How was your day?” she asks slowly.  
“It was fine.” I say. I settle back on the couch and run a hand across her back.  
She instantly tenses at my touch and I don’t miss the way she moves away from me slowly.  
She faces me and gathers a leg on the couch to rest on.  
She runs a nervous hand through her hair.  
I stare back at her, reading her.  
She is definitely off right now- very similar to earlier on the phone.  
I touch her leg and lean towards her.  
“What’s going on?” I ask, keeping my voice filled with concern.  
She keeps her eyes on me, and bites her lip.  
“I don’t know how to tell you. We need to talk.”  
Something kicks in, deep inside, but I push away the rising feeling.  
_We need to talk_ never ends well in most conversations.  
I smile at her, to shift the mood.  
“Tell me what?”  
She doesn’t smile back, and her face makes me anxious again.  
Jeez, what the hell did I miss?

Her expression is making me uneasy.  
“Babe what is it?” I ask.  
Her eyes meet mine and the uneasy feeling kicks up a notch.  
Oh shit.  
Could it…  
Is she…  
“What are you, pregnant or something?” I guess, pulling for straws.  
Her eyes immediately rise and her face curls up in shock.  
“What?” she asks  
“Are you pregnant?” I ask, keeping my hand on her leg.  
“No.” she says instantly. “Why would you think that?”  
“Because you’re practically pale.” I note. “You act like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”  
She doesn’t laugh, snicker or smile. She just looks back at me blankly.  
“No I’m not pregnant.” she says quietly. “I have to talk to you about something else.”  
“Like what?”  
She pauses. She reaches for my hand.  
I don’t take it. I don’t like the expression in her eyes.  
I can’t really take it anymore.  
“What is going on Becca? Jesus, you’re freaking me out babe.”  
She shallows and turns from me.  
“It’s about Harry.”  
“Harry Styles?” I question to clarify.  
She nods yes.  
I then immediately cool.  
Oh.  
Him again.  
I sigh and turn from her.  
I wish the kid would just go somewhere and die. At least, be dead to her.  
Since we met, I’ve had to deal with the repercussions he’s put on her life.  
They met five years ago, and since, he’s affected her in a way that I’ve never seen before.  
We met because of him, and he’s caused some of our biggest problems.  
The scarlet letter of Harry has been burned across her skin and it’s taking months of scrubbing to finally get him gone- until two nights ago.  
I had ran into him about a month earlier at an event. Growing up in the family I did, I knew a lot of people in the industry, and the Azoff’s, aka Harry’s second family and his best friend who was his manager- were there.  
I had saw Harry and didn’t too much care when I saw him live and in person.  
He was still just a young, rich stud who had lucked up in life as far as I was concerned.  
His successes had been pretty much handed to him on a silver platter the moment he was assembled into the boy band that was once One Direction.  
I didn’t get it then, and I still don’t get it.  
As he worked the room, in which Becca wasn’t present, I watched him trying to figure it out. What did women see in this kid?  
Becca had loved him and for three years, he was the core of her life.  
Yet, she had moved on.  
_We_ had moved on.  
Until two nights ago, when I had allowed him back in her space and in her world.  
I was regretting it now, but when I had the thought it was for her benefit.  
She wasn’t the same woman he knew, and the broken Becca he had left behind had thrived on without him.  
With my love, she was happy and I wanted them both to see how well their lives had turned out.  
He was engaged to a pretty blonde model, and she was now living her dream with her own column and home.  
They didn’t need each other.  
As I realize she’s still simmering from their brief encounter, I stand.  
I’m going back to what I was initially doing.  
“Look Becca…” I say as I stretch and peer down at her. “I get it, I do, but let’s stop talking about that dinner. It’s done.”  
“Chase-” she interrupts with a sigh. “Sit down.”  
“No babe.” I say moving away from her. “You give him too much of your energy. He’s a fucking loser. I don‘t know why you let him upset you the way you do. It‘s been two years and he’s still a conversation- I know you loved him, but let that go babe. ”  
“I’m not talking about the dinner.” she says. “Can you just sit back down?”  
“Are we going to talk about Harry?” I question. “Because if we are, I don’t care.”  
I move away from her completely heading to the kitchen.  
“I’m sorry honey. I just don’t feel like hearing about your ex right now.”  
She sighs again.  
I grab a beer from the fridge, uncap it, and take a quick sip.  
She is still sitting on the couch, peering at me.  
“You want to go to bed?” I question.  
“No I want to talk.” she says.  
I shrug and move towards the stairs.  
“I don’t want to hear about him. We can talk about something else.”  
My hand touches the banister, just in time to have her stop me.  
“I saw him today Chase.”  
I pause and turn to her.  
It goes so quiet, I could hear a needle drop.  
I turn to her.  
“And yesterday.” she says gently.  
Our eyes lock.  
“What do you mean?” I ask slowly. “You saw him, saw him?”  
She nods yes.  
“Today and yesterday?” I question.  
She nodes yes again.  
I push off the banister and make a step towards her.  
“What the hell are you talking about? Why?”  
“I needed to see him.” she says keeping her gaze directly on me.  
Her words instantly piss me off.  
_Needed._  
As if the world is ending tomorrow and she had to see him.  
She needs to eat everyday…she needs to pay her bills on time…she needs to get her column in to support herself…those are things she needs. She didn’t need to see Harry Styles.  
“What the fuck did you need to see him for?” I say and her eyes widen, noting my immediate anger. “Because you did. Three nights ago, or did you forget our dinner? Ya know…the one you threw him out of?”  
My tone officially has bite, and the sympathetic caring Chase is dwindling away.  
This Chase is pissed the fuck off.  
She stands quickly as I take another step towards her.  
“Let me explain.” she says.  
“No.” I say moving towards her. “Fuck that. Were you with him tonight? While I‘ve been calling, wondering where you were?”  
She stares up at me, her brown eyes, unmoving.  
Her lips part to answer me, but then close again.  
“No. _Answer me._ What are you seeing your ex-boyfriend for? Your _shitty_ ex-boyfriend. Not once, but fucking twice!”  
“Chase-” she cuts in again.  
“No that’s bullshit Becca. Harry? Fucking Harry Styles? _Are you kidding me?_ The same fucking dude who broke your heart? Cheated on you? Left you behind so he could go on tour, and advance his _own_ career. The same dude, we‘re still talking about, two years later-”  
“Okay I get it! Stop talking about him. Jeez, you hardly know him. It wasn‘t like that.” she says shouts quickly.  
I’m taken aback. She’s actually defending him, in this moment, in our house.  
I can’t fucking believe her.  
I sit back down, but I continue.  
“Did you fuck him?” I ask. “Hmm…is that what you have to tell me?”  
“No.” she says as our eyes meet again, and I‘m instantly relieved until she continues. “It’s more than that.” she says quietly.  
“More than that?” I ask. “What the hell does that mean?”  
“Can you calm down?” she asks. “Jeez, you’ve cussed more tonight then you have the entire time I’ve known you.”  
“Well what do you fucking expect?”  
I add the extra word on purpose to piss her off.  
She sighs and plays with her fingers. “Look I’ll start from the beginning.”  
“No.” I say cutting her off. “Start with tonight and backtrack. I want to know if you were just with him.”  
“Yes.” she says unwavering.  
“Becca!”  
“But let me explain-” she says quickly.  
I turn from her. I pace our living room.  
I can’t believe this.  
I can’t fucking believe this.  
“Look Harry is a complicated subject as you know-”  
“Fuck that.” I cut her off. “I don’t want your explanations or words too soothe this shit over. You’re wrong Becca. Sneaking around, going to see your ex…do you have any idea how this shit looks?”  
“Of course I do, that’s why I’m telling you now.”  
“Yeah a day later. You already seen him yesterday too Becca! And what the hell was that even then the other night? Did you and him stage that? Was that all fake so you could do this shit?”  
“Of course not.” she says standing to me and placing her hands on my chest.  
“Me and Harry have issues. Real life issues. I couldn’t fake that if I wanted. We had a lot of shit to work out. That’s why I needed to see him.”  
I’m barely listening to her. My thoughts are going a mile a minute.  
“Does his girl know? That you met?”  
“How should I know?” she says in sudden disgust. I don’t know what thought turns her stomach, but she obviously doesn’t like that she is brought up.  
“Well it seems like you should.” I argue.  
“I don’t talk to her.” she defends.  
“No, but you sneak and talk to her fiance though.”  
She sighs and then rolls her eyes. She takes a step away from me.  
“Gosh you act just like him…Always jumping and never listening to me.”  
I scoff.  
“Now you’re even comparing us?” I ask in disbelief. “What else do you compare Becca? Huh? The way I kiss you? The way I talk to you? The way I touch you?”  
“You’re being ridiculous.”  
“Because you’re _wrong_ Becca.”  
I move away from her in the living room and take a seat on the couch.  
Placing my hands on my head, I try to gather my thoughts.  
I can’t understand what this conversation is suppose to be.  
She’s been with him. All day, and even yesterday.  
She’s coming home to tell me she’s been with him.  
And it’s more than sex. That’s what she said, what it is now, is more than sex…  
What does that even mean?  
I sigh and try to be patient.  
This is the woman I love. The woman I’ve been building a life with.  
She wouldn’t just throw it all away for him, would she?  
We’ve been building for months. Each week, a brick and new layer…  
She wouldn’t come home just to let it crumble, would she?  
“Sit down.” I say a moment later. “Finish what you have to tell me.”  
Maybe I’m making it worst than it is.  
Maybe it’s something so simple, but as I lift my head, her eyes tell me different.  
She looks back at me on the couch and I can‘t read her. One thing is clear though, something definitely happened between them.  
As she walks back over to me, and takes a seat beside me, her tone is now smug.  
“Are you going to actually listen to me, or scream at me?”  
I give her a pointed look.  
Where is this attitude coming from?  
Doesn’t she realize that she’s the one who did something in the wrong?  
“I don’t know.” I say honestly. My tone still has bite. “It depends on whatever it is you have to tell me. And again, start from now and backtrack. I want to know what you were just doing with him.”  
She sighs and runs another hand through her hair.  
Her hazel eyes lock directly on mine.  
She bites her lip and places a gentle hand on my leg.  
“Just try to remember, I never meant to hurt you.”  
Well if that isn’t a shitty preface. Now I’m even more worried.  
“Just tell me.” I say.  
She looks down, her lips un-part, and this time she speaks.  
She begins.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate to be the person asking this, but if you're enjoying the story please let me know. I know I have a lot of older readers, but I have some new readers too, and I want to know how you guys feel.  
> Please and thank you. :)


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because you guys were so lovely and left me kudos and nice comments, here's the next chapter. Brace yourselves, its a long one.

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

BECCA

Then.

I smiled as I flipped another page in my book.

For the last half hour, my mind had been wrapped up in my book characters and the rollercoaster of their lives.

I wrapped myself in the music that was playing on my phone and curled up more on the couch, flipping another page.

Behind me, the calming music of Bon Iver, provided the soundtrack to the love story.

Oh if books were real life...

Oh if you could find someone to love and adore you like the people on the pages...

As I went to flip another page, my music paused and my phone chimed. I didn't feel like talking to anybody but it could have been Harry or my Mom so I placed my book to the side and picked up the phone.

Bringing it to life, my lock screen showed it was Kelsey.

I opened her message expecting to see something totally random or something about Bobby.

Instead, a different kind of message peered back at me.

*Becca...what's going on? Is everything alright?*

Instantly I was confused. I texted her back quickly.

*Everything is fine. Why?*

I waited for a response, but seconds later, got a phone call instead.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Becca what's going on?" Kelsey said on the other end.

"I don't know. You're the one who texted me. What's up?" I asked.

"I heard about the Harry thing. Are you alright?"

"What Harry thing?" I asked in confusion.

"The thing that is all over the papers Becca."

Now I was even more confused, but I didn't immediately react- in fact, I barely moved.

All I did was sigh. Harry had warned me about this. Some stupid rumor was probably trending on Twitter or trending in the tabloids. Like the 'Harry uses Sheep Placenta Masks' rumor a couple weeks earlier, I paid it no mind.

"But Becca...this is a credible story."

"They're all credible stories." I reminded her. "And I bet you there's a lovely 'source' that's providing the quote right?" I joked.

She didn't find me funny.

Instead of a chuckle, I was greeted with a sigh.

I decided to appease her and give in. 

"Fine. What is it?" I asked in disinterest.

She sighed in my ear, but was patient.

"Were you  with Harry in New York . I mean, at all?"

"Of course, you already know that. Why?"

"Did he spend the night with you?"

"He always spends the night with me...." Then I got frustrated. I only had a short time before Harry returned and I wasn't one for the dramatics. "Kelsey, what are you going on about? Would you quickly get to the point? My book is getting good."

"You really haven't heard?" she questioned more to herself than to me.

Her tone was so cryptic and she was prolonging whatever she had to tell me. I already knew it was a stupid rumor and I didn't like that she was reacting so seriously. Granted she didn't know him like I did, but I had been with Harry for the last few days and nothing crazy was going on.

Whatever she had read was obviously not true, and she was wasting too much time on it.

"What was I suppose to hear Kelsey?" I asked impatiently.

"Um...I don't know how to tell you."

"Tell me what? Kels, what's going on? What's the matter?"

"Where are you?" she asked disregarding my question.

"I'm at Harry's house. Why?" I questioned for what seemed like the millionth time.

"Is he with you?"

"No he's at the gym...what's going on?"

"Do you have your computer?"

"Of course."

"Well I need you to look at something."

I sighed. Loudly. I was comfortable on the couch, with the blanket and book.

I didn't want to move. And I wasn't going to move over a silly rumor.

"Just tell me what the hell you're going on about..."I said. "I'm not getting up."

"But Becca, you have to see this-"

"You can tell me." I said stubbornly.

"Fine. Sara Sampaio." she said.

"Am I suppose to know what that means?"

"Harry was with her."

"Her who?"

"Sara Sampaio."

"Ooookkaaay...when?" I asked.

"Do you know who she is?"

"Nope." I said and I really didn't care. The only people Harry had been with recently was the Alexa Chung chick-when I was there- and Simon Cowell- which was work.  Everybody else was his 'bros'

"Well she was in New York with Harry." Kelsey said.

"Okay..." I said asking for more. "Harry was in New York with his friends. That's possible. She could have been with one of them." I said.

"Well they were seen leaving his hotel together. The papers are saying they spent the night together."

I rolled my eyes. "Kelsey don't read that nonsense. It's not true. Harry was with his friends all night."

"Well did you meet any of these friends? And did he spend the night with you?"

I sighed. She was totally overreacting as Kelsey always did. I should have known.

"I already told you, he always spends the night with me."

"Well....there are pictures Becca. I just got worried when I saw them."

"Pictures of what?" I asked curiously. 

"Harry and this Sara chick. She's leaving his hotel with no bra and shit. But...if you were with him then forget it. I'm sorry."

I stopped her. "What do you mean, there are pictures?" I said still stuck back there. "Pictures of what?" I re-asked.

"Get your computer." Kelsey said. "It's everywhere. I'm reading it from the DailyMail though."

I pulled back my blanket finally and tossed my book to the side. I headed upstairs to grab my laptop.

I didn't even know why I was entertaining this whole conversation. It was obviously a stupid tabloid rumor.

Harry hadn't necessarily slept in the room with me, but he was across the hall. There was nothing salacious going on.

"Are you guys good?" Kelsey asked as I grabbed my computer.

"Yeah we're great. Wonderful even. There's been like no problems. Kelsey, he's so great. Like...he's amazing with me."

"I'm sure." she said with a chuckle. "I still hate you...but I just didn't know what to think. Its all in the article. Supposedly they spent the night together but like you said it's bullshit, you were with him-"

"I didn't spend the night with him." I finally confessed. "At least not that night."

"But you just said-"

"I know what I said. He normally does sleep next to me, but he was next door with his best friend that night. I guess they drank a lot and Harry crashed."

Kelsey was quiet for a few moments.

"Then maybe it could be true Becca."

I rolled my eyes.

There she went again....

I quickly started up my computer.

"What's the website?" I asked.

"Dailymail.co.uk." she said as I opened a new web browser on my computer. It took a few seconds for the webpage to load.

"Do you see it?" Kelsey asked.

Yeah. I did.

I didn't even need to search for the article, it was right there in front of me, in a big and bold article.

 

PICTURED:

Harry Styles gets up close and personal with Victoria's Secret Angel Sara Sampaio...before she leaves his New York hotel the next morning in SAME outfit.

 

A picture of the two of them, immediately screamed back at me.

When the hell was this?

The only pictures I had seen of that night had been taken with fans, and the few papped pictures of he, Jeff, and mutual friends.

These were completely different.

"Hey Becca?" Kelsey called.

"Yeah...?" I asked,scanning each picture.

I was super confused.

"Do you see the pictures?" she asked.

"Yeah...I...I don't know what this is." I said analyzing every one.

"He didn't tell you about her?"

"No he didn't tell me anything...he..." my mind scanned, taking in all the information.

I scanned the article quickly.

Words like kiss, and chemistry stared back at me. I kept reading.

_Everyone thinks something was up as she came back and they left so soon after each other the next morning..._

"I didn't even know he was seeing her...I mean...visiting with her."

"Well were you guys together that night or were you only with Michael and them?"

"No I didn't see him that night. We stayed separate."

My eyes trailed the pictures.

"I've seen her." I estimated, remembering the girl from the hotel who had brought Harry something. This was the girl.

"I saw her at the hotel. The next morning."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Kelsey said suddenly, saying what I was thinking outloud.

Could he...

Did he...

"Do you think they spent the night together then?" Kelsey asked me.

"I don't know." I said. And I honestly didn't.

I wanted to believe Harry was innocent, but he had spent the night away from me.

Plus, there were pictures. High quality pictures that seemed to scream that they were taken on purpose.

I wasn't naïve and I understood the Paparazzi game. Every photo wasn't randomly captured, sometimes celebrities- even Harry- called them on purpose. This seemed to be one of those times. It just had all the ingredients.

Why would Harry want to be seen with her? Why would he even do something like that if we 'were together'?

I reread the article.

"It says she left the hotel and came back...and then these pictures from the next day...why would she do that? Why would she come back?" I questioned out loud.

That was bugging me too. Even if it was for publicity, she had no reasons to return to the hotel.

"Maybe so she could see him later."

"Yeah but then why stage the photos of her leaving...I mean, in case, you wanted to make it seem like she had left-"

"So they could have a random hookup and no one know the truth." Kelsey finished, reading where my mind was going.

My confusion quickly turned to anger.

"Kelsey, I'm going to have to call you back." I said suddenly and hung up the phone. I didn't even wait for her response. 

I quickly dialed Harry's number but it went straight to voicemail.

We're sorry but the number you have dialed is currently unavailable...

I threw the phone across the coffee table.

Well this was bullshit!

I pulled the laptop closer to me and kept searching.

By now, I had this Sara girl's name, so I plugged it in the main search engine and a couple more articles about Harry and this model stared back at me.

I felt like a complete fool.

I wasn't buying the spend the night story because he slept with Jeff...but where did she come from? It was obvious they had hung out and she was at our hotel the next morning, so where did she sleep?

And who was she? Why was she so significant enough to hang out with Harry that night?

And furthermore, how come Harry hadn't mentioned her?

Even when she had came to the hotel, he hadn't even bothered to introduce her, even after I asked who she was.

Why....

I read more and more articles. Most repeating the same story.

I needed more information and it wasn't coming from those sources.

I decided to check the blogs.

Nobody was better investigators than his fans.

It just didn't make sense, but it did at the same time.

He had been so sweet the next morning and attentive. Hell, I was practically his meal the next morning in the bathroom.

Was that guilt?

Was that his way of making it up to me in his own way?

But I would know if he had cheated...right?

Because he had.

We were together or exclusive or whatever the hell Harry called this.

He made it clear before I came here that he didn't want me messing with anyone else, and I hadn't because he had made it clear he wouldn't do the same.

Until now.

But I knew Harry and he wouldn't do that.

Or would he?

I picked up my phone trying him again, but his phone once more went straight to Voicemail.

As far as I was concerned it probably further proved his guilt.

He probably knew about the article and was thinking of how to tell me.

He probably didn't have to even work out.

He was stalling.

Well...I would be waiting.

I sat at the kitchen counter with the computer screen opened and did some more digging until he came home.

There wasn't as much on the Sara girl as I hoped, but it seemed she had been in Harry's life a while. There were photos of her at his birthday party.

It only made me further roll my eyes.

What was the deal with these models?

Why the hell were they always around him?

And my God was she beautiful! Why was he even wasting his time with me if she was who he wanted?

Was her schedule just not free enough?

As I continued my search and my thoughts continued to roll, I got more and more pissed off.

By the time I heard Harry's gate open out front, I was fuming.

I didn't move though.

I would let him find me. That way he could see the evidence right away too.

I heard the door slam, and his keys hit his front buffet table.

"Becca?" he called out seconds later.

"In here." I responded from my place at the kitchen.

I kept my tone surprisingly light.

I heard him shuffle towards my location and seconds later, our eyes connected.

I could instantly tell he was in a good mood.

His hair was pulled back in a bun off his face, and he had discarded his sweatshirt.

"Hey love." he said warmly, energized I'm sure by his 'workout'.

I didn't respond.

He came to me, placing a quick kiss on my forehead before bypassing me and heading to the fridge. He pulled out a water bottle, and one for me, and took a long drink.

I just stared at him the whole time, not even reaching for the drink he had given me.

"How was your workout?" I asked a second later.

"Good." he said with one of his infamous Harry smiles.

This time, the wide boyish dimples did nothing for me.

"What have you been doing?" he asked breathlessly as he took another long sip. 

"I need to talk to you." I said shortly.

"Alright. About what?"

He did another half smile, and his beautiful dimple stared back at me.

That damn thing taunted me.

Yet, I couldn't get caught up in that now.

I turned from him and moved my hand over my mouse pad.

My screen came to life, but nothing incriminating showed.

I was still on the Victoria Secret website, peeking at pictures of her.

Harry instantly smiled wider.

"Ooh." he said, his eyes lighting up. "You buying us something?"

I ignored his lust filled grin.

"No. Who is Sara Sampeo?" I asked keeping my face stoic.

"Who?" he asked.

"Sara Sampeo."

His brows furrowed.

"You mean Sampaio? The model?"

"I don't give a fuck what her name is. Who is she?"

His eyes immediately widened in surprise. However he didn't get upset. He was actually amused.

"Jeez. What's gotten into you?" he joked.

"Who is she?" I asked again, bringing no humor to my tone.

He pointed behind me at the screen. "You're looking at her," and then, "Why? Why are you asking me about her?"

"Did you see her in New York?" I questioned, not wavering.

"Yes." he said. "You did too." he took another sip of his water. "Why?" he asked again. "Why are you asking me about her?"

"Did you spend the night with her?"

His eyes widened, and his smug smile finally disappeared.

"What? When?"

"Don't play stupid Harry, you're caught. It's already out."

He chuckled.

"What are you even talking about babe?" he asked incredulously.

I grabbed my laptop and minimized the Victoria Secret site. I went back to the Daily Mail article and spun it to him so he could read it.

He took his good and sweet time, more concerned with figuring me out then looking at the evidence. His green eyes were highlighted with confusion and I could tell he was trying to figure out if I was joking or not.

After I stood, and moved away from him, he finally reacted.

Taking my previous spot, he sat down and pulled the laptop to where he could see it.

Narrowing his eyes, I finally grabbed the water bottle he provided me so I could have something to do with my energy.

His eyes clouded and moved quickly over the page.

"What is-" he mumbled under his breath.

I watched him waiting for a response as he read the whole page.

I got one, but it wasn't what I expected.

He jumped up suddenly and left the kitchen without a word.

"Where are you going?" I asked him following behind, but he ignored me.

I watched as he grabbed his cell phone off the front table and unlocked it.

I guess now his phone was back on.

_More proof._

I didn't say anything as he punched in a phone number and made a phone call.

"Who are you calling?" I asked folding my arms across my chest.

He didn't respond, and walked past me. His green eyes brilliant.

He went back to my computer.

"Is this the only one? The article?" he asked suddenly, meeting my firm gaze.

"No." I said keeping my arms crossed. "There are others."

He rolled his eyes as whoever he was calling came to the phone.

"Hey." he said quickly. "Why haven't you called me about this Daily Mail bullshit?"

His tone was annoyed and I wondered if it was possibly Sara on the other end.

He continued.

"No, my friend just showed me. Supposedly there are multiple articles. Why didn't you tell me?"

 _Friend_...friend...friend...

It instantly stung.

When did my title get  _that_  demoted?

"Well that's bullshit!" he said. "I didn't get any emails."

He typed something on the computer, his eyes scanning.

"Well when did they get the other pictures? I only authorized the shots at night..."

My mind kept running, taking in every word.

So he  _was_  aware that his picture was being taken, and he had still chosen to allow it.

"Well I don't care. That wasn't the agreement I had. I thought it was other paps but if it's the same people we okayed the night before, then that's not okay."

He stood from his previous spot, and finally came back over to me. Peering down at me, his eyes softened as our eyes finally locked.

"Well it's done now. But, it's ridiculous. I don't want any statements made this time...just let it blow over on its own. Like usual. I'll call Sara."

He finished up his call and sighed.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this hun. I had no idea."

I didn't want to hear any of that. I was concerned with only one thing.

"Is it true?" I asked quickly.

"Of course not." he said just as quickly.

"No?" I questioned, not believing him.

His eyebrows creased once more.

"No." and then he gave me a look of sudden disgust. "You mean...you actually believe this story?"

"Of course I do." I said keeping his gaze. "You didn't spend the night with me." I reminded.

"I was in the next room with Jeff.  _You know that."_

"I know what  _he says_ , and frankly, Kelsey would have lied for me too."

"You can't possibly be serious?" he questioned.

I ignored his incredulous tone.

"Why didn't you tell me you would be hanging out with her?"

"Because I don't have too." he said. "You're not my mother and she's just a  friend."

His tone was suddenly harsh. The tables had quickly spun, and our roles suddenly reversed.

As he gave me a sudden cold look, I had to ask-

"Well why are you pissed at me?"

"Because you obviously don't trust me," he said. "Why would I spend the night with some random girl?"

"She's not random." I bit out. "She's been at your birthday party and everything. She's been in your life for a while. Definitely longer than me."

He took a step back, eyeing me up and down. The beautiful playful face I was use too, upturnt in rising anger.

"What the hell Bec? Have you just researched everything on the girl?"

"I didn't have too. It's all there."  I said standing firm. "In those pictures she's not wearing a bra.  _Why_? And why was she at the hotel the next morning?"

"I don't know." he said. "I didn't spend the night with her."

"Bullshit Harry you know." I argued.

"I was literally with you the entire time!" he snapped. "How could you even believe this bullshit?"

"You were not with me Harry. You were with her and your fucking buddies, out until three am in the morning."

He rolled his eyes.

"Oh my God...I can't believe were even having this conversation..." he muttered, finally turning away from me.

"Well we are. How could you do that too me?"

"Do  _what_ to you Becca?" he asked carefully.

"Embarass me like this. You know my family would hear about this. They know I'm with you. You made me look like a fool Harry."

"No, you're making yourself look like a fool.  _Right now._ Why the fuck would I spend the night with her Becca...just think about it. Really...use your fucking brain babe."

"I don't know, maybe you wanted to get laid." I said smugly.

"If I wanted to get laid, I would have just came back to our room. It's not like you exactly refuse me. Since we've met it's been pretty easy to get you out of your pants Becca." he argued back, just as smug.

His comment instantly enraged me. So that was what he thought of me....

I was just his little fuck buddy.

Well no more.

"Fuck you Harry." I spat, moving away from him. I headed for the stairs.

He instantly followed, grabbing my arm.

"Becca don't. Look, I didn't mean  it like that. Fuck can we just take a minute?"

"No," I said pushing out of his grasp. "I'm done fucking talking."

He peered down at me.

"What is this?" he asked, as I turned away from him again, heading back upstairs.

He continued to follow me.

"How the hell are you mad at me Becca? You're the one in the wrong!"

"No you are." I said turning back around. "Did you even read the article?"

"I didn't have too." he said. "I know the truth."

"Well answer me this, why is there a photograph of her leaving the hotel and then coming back? Obviously she wasn't staying in the hotel Harry or she would have changed her nasty ass clothes."

"I don't know." he said again. "I passed out. I didn't even see her the next morning until she came by the room,  _when you were there_... Maybe she spent the night with one of my buddies."

"Stop it. Just stop. You're the one who she is in the pictures with!"

"Because I'm the one whose famous! If you were with me that night, you would have been pictured too Becca! Tabloids love that shit. I'm always linked to people i've only seen once."

I turned away. I didn't want to hear anymore. I didn't want to listen to him spin the lies. I made a movement to go upstairs once more.

He continued to follow.

"You're not even going to listen to my side. Are you?" he said trailing behind me. "I thought you trusted me."

"Hard to trust you when you lie."

"But I didn't."

He stopped me once more; one foot just hitting the first step.

"Then why didn't you tell me who she was when I asked you in the hotel that next morning, and even that night? Why didn't you tell me who you were hanging out with?"

"Because she's a friend. F.R.I.E.N.D." he spelled obnoxiously.

"Oh a friend? Well I'm a friend, you just said it on the phone. And you fuck me so-"

He rolled his eyes. "Don't even start that. You know what I meant."

"No I know what you said. You called me a friend, so maybe she's just a  friend too. Maybe we're all just _'_ friends with benefits'." I said placing my hands in quotations.

He looked at me blankly, not amused.

"Are you done? Are you done overreacting now?"

"No. I'm going upstairs."

This time he didn't immediately follow.

"You're being ridiculous." he called after me.

I ignored him.

I headed upstairs and threw myself on the bed, re-crossing my arms.

I knew I was acting like a child but I didn't care. My whole day was ruined and I didn't care what he said. He was guilty of something. He was just too defensive.

As I sat there stewing, I didn't expect Harry to eventually follow me, but that's just what he did.

About a minute later, he came in the room.

I instantly turned away from him, letting him know I didn't want to talk.

He ignored me back.

He moved to his dresser and began pulling clothes out.

I watched him in slight curiosity as his back was turned.

He was pulling out a lot of different clothes and I couldn't figure out what he was doing.

"Are you leaving?" I asked.

"No." he mumbled, not turning to me.

He gathered the items and then left the room.

Hmm...seemed he was pissed at me now too.

Well fine. I didn't care.

I laid back on his pillows and turned on the TV. We could do this all day.

I could be the most stubborn woman on the planet if I set my mind to it.

I settled into his pillows and watched the stupid sitcom that was playing in front of me.

Across the hall, I could hear the start of the shower, then eventually Harry's feet hitting the stairs. 

I was a little disappointed that I had left my phone downstairs, but I wasn't going to go down to get it.

Whatever 'fight' we were having, needed us both to have some space from each other.

So, I stayed up there most of the morning and well into the afternoon.

Harry never came back upstairs, but every so often I could hear him moving downstairs.

I would hear the fridge slam, or the faint sound of  his voice as he spoke on the phone.

I was a little curious if he was talking to the Sara girl at all, but didn't pry.

He probably wouldn't have told me anyway since lately he was so good at keeping secrets.

By three, I grew tired of the TV and needed my phone. Reluctantly I made my way downstairs.

I instantly saw Harry sitting on the couch, feet propped up with a blanket wrapped around him.

He was watching TV and texting.

He didn't even glance my way as I walked past the room. 

I went to the fridge, grabbing a juice and headed back out to the main sitting area where he was.

I was looking for my phone,  since I didn't find it in the kitchen.

As I moved further in the room, I saw it was on the table, right beside his foot.

Not saying a word, I bent and retrieved it.

He didn't even glance my way.

As I went to move back upstairs, he finally spoke.

"I'm going out for a bit." he said.

I turned to him. His eyes were still locked on his phone.

"Where?"'

"Meet some friends."

"Have fun." I said simply and headed back upstairs.

If he wanted a different reaction from me, he wasn't going to get it.

I wasn't going to beg him to stay around.

I headed back upstairs, and plopped my ass right back on the bed.

An hour later, I heard a car start outside.

Heading to his roof terrace, I watched as he backed out of the driveway in his black Range Rover.

My phone buzzed.

By now, I had conversations going with my parents and Kelsey.

It seemed they had all heard about the story.

*What's going on?* My mother's text had read. *Do you need a ticket back home?*

I didn't want to involve my parents in the drama so I just texted her that everything was fine and it was a rumor.

However, everything was not fine.

I still felt like Harry was lying to me.

He was being so secretive and wouldn't exactly confirm or deny the reason she was with him hanging out.

Had she been one of the people he needed to meet in New York?

How long had they been friends? And how close were they?

Again, why did she need to be there, in the lovely circle of Harry's celebrity friends? How significant was she?

I settled back in Harry's bed, and continued watching the stupid TV. I was looking for a distraction and nothing was helping.

I kind of missed Harry.

A few times I ventured to the fan blogs and read their reactions. Like me, most of them had assumed something devious had gone on. Whether it was for P.R. or the real thing, most believed they had slept together.

It just hurt me further.

Here I was, in his bed, in his house, in fucking London, and yet...everyone was talking about them. Everyone was talking about how much he was into her- or lack thereof, based on the pictures.

_Harry strikes again! What is his obssession with fucking all these models?_

_Maybe they have been hiding their relationship and now they can show it..._

_I'm tired of the whole Harry GF drama, let the boy live his life..._

_If Harry and Sara are anything they will be over in two months, he has commitment issues..._

_I feel like they are serious. She came back, so obviously he was trying to hide her..._

_They are just friends! Gosh, isn't he allowed to have female friends? Harry has even said it 'I have friends that are girls and apparently I'm dating all of them'. Come on!_

My fucking head was spinning. I didn't know what opinion to side with.

Eventually I just chucked my phone across the room, and turned the TV off.

I needed to sleep and I didn't need the reminders.

I felt like a fool enough.

I had been sleeping with Harry for three months and now it was slapping me in my face.

It was like his birthday all over again.

It dawned on me that he didn't tell me about Sara because she _was_ a celebrity and part of that celebrity circle he surrounded himself with.

I wasn't apart of that world and I never would be and there was no reason for me to even know about them or meet them.

He could have introduced us at the hotel but he had chosen not too, because I was just a fling.

I was just one of his girls passing through.

I turned over, letting my thoughts consume me until I fell asleep. 

When I woke up, the house was quiet and it was dark outside.

It was obvious he was still with whatever friends he had gone to see.

I headed downstairs, grabbing a quick snack and then climbed back into bed.

By now the clock read 11:42pm and he should have been back.

I wasn't going to text him, because we were suppose to be in a 'fight' and it was obvious once again I wasn't a priority.

I read a little bit more of the book I had started, but by now, the romance wasn't anything I wasn't interested in hearing about.

I would have preferred something with a bit more angst.

I fell back asleep and didn't awake until the morning.

When I did, it was 8am.  I instantly checked Harry's side of the bed since I hadn't heard him all night and found it was empty and unslept in.

I immediately became irritated again.

It was obvious he had stayed out all night with his friends and there was no telling whose bed he had slept in this time.

I quickly went to the bathroom taking a quick shower and then brushing my teeth, then headed downstairs to the kitchen, slamming everything in my path.

Since I was alone, I was still dressed in my robe, with my hair pulled up in a towel.

I pulled out a skillet, slamming it on the stove and lit the burner. Then, I opened the fridge loudly and pulled out the eggs.

I grabbed some juice and slammed it on the counter as well.

I went to grab some silverware, listening as it skidded across the drawer when I heard a presence.

I looked up in time to see Harry walking in the room.

He was in a t-shirt and his boxer shorts.

His face looked like he was still waking up and his hair was wild on his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" he groaned, rubbing his eyes.

"I...I didn't know  you were here." I mumbled.

"I am.  _And I was asleep._  Why are you slamming stuff?" he asked looking around at the contents on the counter.

I looked back at him and his sheepish, annoyed expression.

"Again, I didn't know you were here. Where did you sleep?"  I asked curiously.

"In a different bedroom." he said and moved past me.

He opened the fridge and pulled out a water bottle.

"Why?" I asked.

He ignored my question and walked past me. He began to head out of the room.

"Can you keep it down please?" was all he said.

I was going to answer, but he didn't even wait for it, leaving before I could respond.

It angered me more. It was as if I still wasn't a priority.

I picked up the skillet and slammed it again in protest.

I heard him say something in the distance, but I couldn't make out the words.

Still it made me smile to know I had slightly irritated him.

After that, I quieted down, and fixed myself a small breakfast of toast, eggs and fruit.

I didn't make any for Harry because it was obvious he was going back to sleep.

As I did, my thoughts were on him. I wondered how long  he had been out last night.

It was obvious he hadn't got much sleep.

Still he had came home and that was my main concern.

I didn't know why he had chose to sleep in another bedroom and it was clear he wasn't going to discuss it.

Fine. Whatever.

I headed back upstairs.

The TV was still playing from the night before though it was on mute and the morning news was on.

I glanced at it for a few moments and saw the weather would be in the 80's.

I would have loved to be outside. It seemed a shame to be cooped up in this house, especially when I was in London and should be out exploring somewhere.

Since I was in London, I couldn't exactly hop up and go anywhere, so I decided to enjoy the weather a different way.

Going through my bag, I found my bathing suit and book.

After changing and grabbing my phone too, I headed back downstairs where  the house was still quiet and I was sure Harry was resting.

I headed outside to his wide backyard.

The area was well maintained and manicured.

Thus far, I hadn't seen any evidence of maids or house keepers, but I was sure he had someone look after the property when he was gone.

I wasn't sure how far his parents and other family lived, but I imagined it wasn't that close based off previous conversations.

The fact that we would have to make a day drive out of it confirmed my thoughts.

Grabbing a lawn chair, I stuck my headphones in my ear, and popped open my book. I could finally feel myself relax for the  first time in the past few hours.

As I re-visited the love story in my hands, my mind was once again on Harry.

I wish we weren't fighting and that we were spending time together.

I kind of wished I could be laid in the bed with him right now. His hands in my hair, my hands on chest....kissing, making love, talking...whatever...

But oh well...

It was not meant to be. Especially after the events of the last few hours.

So, settling back, I got lost in my book and took in the nice rays of the sun. Completely comfortable, I eventually lost track of the time. 

The dark shadow of a figure, the only thing to eventually pull my attention away.

As I lifted, my eyes took in the tall, lanky frame of Harry who had stood in front of me.

By now, his clothes were changed and it was obvious he had been up for a while.

It was likely he had never went back to sleep.

Peering down at me, he began.

"So I have a friend coming over. I don't know if you plan on being out here a bit...but if you're going to come into the house. You might want to change your clothes."

His tone was indifferent, and I couldn't read his mood. He wasn't angry, but he definitely wasn't cheery either.

I glanced back at him as he took in my swimsuit. He was wearing a graphic tee and dark wash jeans. Not exactly dressed up his-self.

"Is it a guy?" I asked.

"No." he said, "But she's a friend. And I work with her some time."

Another girl  _friend._

I rolled my eyes.

"You've just got friends all over the world don't you?" I asked sarcastically.

I was a friend, Sara was a friend, now this girl whoever she was, was one too.

He obviously had friends coming out of his ears.

He rolled his eyes, from  mirroring my expression and turned from me.

He was already done with the conversation.

"When will she be here?" I called as he walked away.

"Thirty minutes"  he answered, but he didn't turn back around and face me.

He just kept his usual long stride back into the house.

Hmm.

Before he came, I had no plans to move from my current spot, but now that a woman was coming over, I would be in that house.

However, I wasn't going to change until I scoped her out.

So resuming the play button on my phone, I turned around so I was flat on my back.

I had a half hour, so I would relax until then. I tossed my book to the side finally and got lost in the soft voices of the musical group Wet.

I allowed forty-five minutes to pass and then I figured the girl must have been there.

Leaving my things on the lawn chair, I strolled in the house with my two piece on.

The first thing I saw was Harry and the girl.

The second thing I saw was her hand on his thigh.

The third thing I saw was him peering at her with a smile while she looked down at him.

He was sitting on the edge of the couch and she was standing beside him.

What the hell did I walk into?

My eyes were stuck on her hands when they both turned to me.

The girl instantly removed her hand and hit me with a wide smile.

"Hi!" she said; her voice equivalent to a high pitched squeak. The cheeriness obviously fake.

She sashayed over to me with long blonde mermaid hair and big heavily eyelined eyes.

She looked like a raccoon, but she was a pretty raccoon.

Damn, were any of his friends unattractive? Definitely didn't seem like it.

"I'm Pandora." she said placing her hand out for me to shake it.

I didn't. I barely looked at it.

"Like box?" I questioned, taking her in.

She chuckled and in the distance, Harry rolled his eyes and stood.

What was his problem today?

He was the one who got caught, and yet, he was the one in the pissy mood?

He needed to seriously grow up.

"Yes like box." the girl responded. "Though my last name is Lennard. You're...Brenda?" she asked.

"Becca."  I corrected, but it was interesting she knew my name. I'm sure the fumble was on purpose.

I wonder what else she knew.

"That's right." she said. "Sorry."

Though she wasn't. I was familiar with these high school games.

Especially when she began to eye me carefully.

I hadn't changed my clothes so my modest 34B cup was on full display along with my newly tanned stomach.

My body was fit so I wasn't self-conscious about that, but I didn't like her stare.  I felt like she was analyzing me; eyeing her competition.

I moved my attention to Harry who was watching us.

"Let's finish." he said to Pandora as he stood fully. "Are these all the ones?"

I looked down at where his eyes lingered and saw clothes that were wrapped in garment bags.

She must have been a stylist or something.

"Yes." she said giving me a final glance and moving towards him.

She joined him on the couch.

As she did, Harry looked at me giving me a disapproving look at my outfit, but I didn't think the girl minded.

She was in a very short sundress herself and not at all professional looking.

Nonetheless, I was now trying to move towards his good side, so I moved away from them for a moment. Heading upstairs, I grabbed my robe upstairs.

This girl was a threat, but I didn't think he would jump her in the living room; especially while I was there.

But then again...lately...

I refreshed my appearance quick and tousled my hair before going back downstairs.

By now, the garment bags were opened and silk shirts lined Harry's couch.

He eyed each piece carefully.

"Did you fix the one from last night?" Harry asked.

_Last night?_

"Yeah. I've got it in the car."

_Last night, last night?_

"I think I want that one. These are nice, but that one is more what I'm looking for."

The raccoon nodded, smiled at me since I had reappeared in the general room, and grabbed her car keys.

"I'll be back." she said warmly. I watched as she sashayed out of the room again. Her dress seemed shorter now than it did before. Lift it about half an inch, and I would have seen everything. 

I turned to Harry to see if he noticed.

His attention wasn't on either of us, as he continued to look at the clothes on the couch. I moved over by him, taking advantage of our alone time and looked at him. 

"So...you were with her last night?" I asked casually. 

I tried to fill the awkward silence.

He didn't answer my specific question, but he did surprisingly answer. 

"Thank you." he grumbled.

"For what?" I asked.

"Putting on something. You shouldn't walk around the house like that when there is company."

His eyes still didn't meet mine or else he would have seen my eye roll. 

"Harry it's hardly lingerie. I'm wearing a bathing suit." I pointed out. 

He didn't respond. 

I remembered then he hadn't answered my question, but somehow I felt it was done on purpose.

"Were you with her last night?" I re-asked. 

He looked up at me, finally meeting my gaze-square in the eye.

"Yes I was. Think I slept with her too?" he questioned defensively.

"I don't know. She's awfully touchy." I said referencing her earlier hand placement.

He shook his head in discontent and shifted a shirt.

"You know Becca..." he drew, "There's something you seriously need to understand..."

"And what is that?" I asked, but we were interrupted before he got the chance to continue.

Pandora suddenly came back in with a new garment bag.

"Here hun." she said as she placed it down.

I didn't like her hun comment, but once again it didn't affect Harry. He barely acknowledged it.

He stood over the garment bag and pulled out the item of clothing she had brought in. It was a red and green shirt with a bow and tassel.

Harry studied it for a second and then pulled his shirt off.

Both me and Pandora's eyes immediately shifted to his newly exposed, inked tan skin.

He was the fire, and he had just drawn us both to his flame, though once more, in his own world, he didn't even realize it.

He shifted the shirt in his hand, and then slowly placed it on.

I immediately knew the shirt must have cost more than my regular paychecks at the café.

Harry shook it on his body, loosening it.

"Oh it's much better." he said to her. "You're amazing." he said giving her a smile.

She moved to him, touching the shirt, and helping fluff it. I didn't miss the hand that casually ran across his chest too. 

I loudly sighed, though the Pandora girl paid me no mind. 

Harry at least looked at me, but didn't respond to my jealousy. Maybe he was getting a secret kick out of seeing me like this because he didn't even attempt to stop it. It was obvious she wanted her clothes on his back, and his body in her bed.  

I tried to calm myself down and refocus on the shirt. When she left, any concerns I had could be addressed then. After all, _I_ was the one who was staying with him. 

Looking back at the patterned shirt, I was curious what he needed the shirt for.

It seemed much too fancy for his upcoming shows.

"You don't need me to alter it anymore?" Pandora asked Harry, looking at him like he was God's gift to women.

I wanted to wrap my hands around the long hair and slap her. 

Guess I was officially jealous. 

"No it's great." he said. "This is the one. I'll keep some of these other ones, but this is the one for tonight."

"Kay handsome." she said and shifted the other shirts.

I bit my lip as I continued to be ignored. I was an obvious third wheel.

Well not for long. 

"What's that for?" I cut in curiously.

"The party tonight. Are you going?" Pandora asked.

I looked at Harry in confusion. I wasn't even aware of a party.

"No." Harry said beside her, answering for me.

I ignored him and his 'tude. 

"What party is it?" I asked her.

Pandora looked at him for permission to answer, but he ignored her too.

Due to answering me, maybe she was now dead to him too. Guilty by association...

"How much do I owe you?" he wrapped up. 

"On the house Haz. I owe you for last night." she said warmly. 

_What the hell happened last night?_

"Cool." he said with a wide smile.

"What party?" I interrupted again, and Harry cut his eyes at me.

Feeling pity, or maybe to rub it in my face she knew, Pandora answered again.

Gathering her clothes she said, "It's at Lou Lou's."

"Lou's having a party?" I questioned quickly. And I wasn't  invited?

We weren't super close, but we spent quite a bit of time talking since I had arrived. When Harry was working or doing backstage meetings, I was often with her. 

"Not Lou Teasdale." Harry corrected. "That's the name of the club."

"What's it for?" I asked, and Harry cut me off.

"Becca, we'll talk about it later. Can you let her do her job please?"

"I just want to know what party it is." I said simply. 

" _And we'll talk about it later_. Just leave it alone." he said finally dismissing me. 

Well screw you too. 

I didn't respond and scoffed as I left the room.

He was still being a major asshole.

As I walked away, I heard Pandora.

"Did I come at a bad time? Girlfriend trouble?" she questioned in a low tone.

I was close enough to hear, "She's not my girlfriend." before I disappeared up the stairs. I made sure to be purposely loud with each step so he knew I had heard his comment. Though at this point, I didn't think he cared.

I plopped back on the bed, holding back the tears and pulled out my cell phone.

I was pissed and now hurt.

First the Sara thing, then he slept in a separate room, and now this...

What was next?

I shot Kelsey a quick text telling her I needed to talk (before the real waterworks began) and headed out to the balcony terrace where I could have privacy.

She called me immediately.

She listened to me as I ranted and raved, and as I spoke disgust when the Pandora chick finally left.

I watched as she pulled her Mercedes out of his driveway, but not before getting a long loving hug in the carpark.

Two minutes later, I heard a presence behind me.

It was Harry.

"We need to talk." he demanded cutting into my phone conversation.

We definitely did. 

I  immediately told Kelsey I needed to call her back.

"Alright, I'm by my phone when you need me." she said in reassurance. "It'll be fine. This is just a minor rough patch."

I didn't respond and ended the call.

Harry took a step towards me.

"We need to get some things straight-" he began but I cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it Harry." I said and shifted past him. "I've had enough of your asshole behavior today. If we're going to talk, it's going to be me leading."

He chuckled. "You're in my house. Or have you forgotten that?"

If he mentioned it to prove a point that I had to listen to him, then he was wrong.

I spun and looked at him.

"No. Trust me, I've been reminded all day. You've pretty much left me alone for the last two days in this house by myself. I'm in London Harry. Where the hell am I suppose to go? What am I suppose to do when you decide to run off?"

He sighed, taken aback for a moment.  I knew he wasn't expecting that response. 

He ran a hand through his hair and looked down.

"I'm sorry," he said gently. "I needed space. You've been a bit much."

"And what the hell does that mean?"

He looked back up at me and gestured to me.

" _This_. This is what I mean. You've totally acted like a different person in the last twenty-four hours."

"And you haven't? You slept in a different bedroom Harry."

"You ignored me all day." he pointed out. "And when you did talk to me, it was to accuse me of sleeping with someone else. So yeah...I slept in another room. Obviously you don't trust me."

"Well look at the shit you do." I argued back. "Who was that girl that was just here?"

He rolled his eyes. "Her too? Really Becca? Even she bothers you? God, I just work with her."

"She's into you Harry. Like in a major way." I assured. 

"Well I'm not into her. Not like that." he nipped back. "I was into you, until you started acting like this."

"So what does that mean? You're over it? Because I can leave...this is just a waste of my time anyway."

He sighed, trying to find patience. "I didn't ask you to leave. We just need to get some things straight. You can't act like that just because you're jealous. This is my work and whatever goes on between us, can't affect that."

"Oh trust me, it's more than work for her."

"Maybe it is, but I haven't given you one reason not to trust me thus far. I've been honest with you and I've tried to include you. And the first rumor you hear, you're jumping down my throat. I can't be with someone like that."

"We're not together Harry. At least that's what you just said. Downstairs you told the mermaid I wasn't your girlfriend."

"That's because you're not acting like one! Again, look at where we are...you're here...with me...why are you threatened by these other  girls?"

I ignored his question.

"It's not just now. You never refer to me as any more  than a friend."

"That's because of what we agreed on Becca." he said. "You don't call me your boyfriend either."

"I sleep with you." I reminded.

"Yeah and I sleep with you. Only you. That's why we shouldn't even be having this conversation. If I wanted a different girl here with me, she would be. It's not that hard to find one Becca. Fans are lined up and down for the picking. But hun, you just have to trust me."

I moved past him and didn't respond. At least not to that question.

"What is this party you're going too?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes again.

"It doesn't matter. It's not important."

"See." I said pointing at him. "You're doing it again. You're hiding shit."

 _"It's not important Becca."_ he said. His voice raised a bit, trying to override my concern. 

"Well then how come you didn't tell me? Or even invite me?"

"I was. You were supposed to go. That's how Pandora knows who you are. Alexa too. The outfits you picked out before at her house were for that purpose. I even had Pandora pull some dresses but then you started acting like this, so I told her forget it last night."

"That's such bullshit." I said. Once again I knew he was spinning lies to fit his narrative. The Alexa trip was obviously for him, and I had just been thrown in there to pass time while he looked. 

"Fuck! Fine!" he said throwing his hands up. "I'm done trying to convince you. You obviously are going to believe what you want so i'm done with it."

"Are you leaving again?" I asked as he took a step towards the door.

"Yeah I am." he practically growled. 

"Where are you going this time?" I asked.

"Nick's." he called out, darting down the stairs.

"So you're just going to leave me again?" I called out, but he ignored me.

He grabbed his keys downstairs and his phone and then he was gone, slamming the door behind him.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to run out the front door and scream "Asshole!" at his car, but I didn't.

I headed back upstairs and pouted like a three-year-old.

It was all I could do.

I was stuck in this stupid house and he was out in the world, free and with no worries.

It was bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think about this one, and I might just post another...hint, hint... :)


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because you rock and once again left lovely comments...here ya go!

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR  
Harry

Then.

Becca’s voice was the last thing I heard as the door slammed behind me.  
Spinning my keys, I unlocked my car door and tossed my phone on the seat.  
I stuck my key in the ignition and the car roared to life around me.  
‘FourFiveSeconds’ by Rihanna was playing and Kanye West was on his verse.

_Woke up an Optimist, sun was shining I’m positive…_

It was the last song I was listening to when I went in the house. And surprisingly it was fitting for the moment.  
It pounded through my speakers so loud that it vibrated my Audi R8.  
The thump mirrored my thoughts. Loud and angry.  
I pulled out of the driveway.

_Hold me back I’m ‘bout to spaz_

I was pissed.  
Incensed.  
And it was all because of Becca.  
What the hell was wrong with her?

When I came home yesterday, the last thing I expected was to walk into a fight.  
When I came home yesterday, the last thing I expected was to walk into that ambush.  
My workout had went amazing.  
The _day_ had been amazing.  
So amazing, that I was anxious to just get back to Becca, get dressed and take her out for the day.  
I booked us dinner reservations and I was planning on taking her by Pandora’s (a stylist) so she could pick out a dress for my event tonight.  
Another Man Magazine was having an Anniversary party, and I was invited to go.  
I had a been a big fan for awhile and for other personal reasons, I felt like I needed to attend.  
I had already made all the arrangements, and tonight, I wanted Becca right there with me.  
Well…before all of this.  
Tonight, I wasn’t going to be stepping out and telling the world, _hey this is my girlfriend,_ but I had no intentions of hiding her either.  
Honestly I was quite tired of it all.  
By now it was clear she was going to be in my life for a bit, and if I was to be honest, I didn’t think she was going anywhere soon.  
Or maybe she was.  
After all, it was quite clear she didn’t trust me and I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t.

I had even arranged all the best designers.  
Stella. Saint Laurent. Gucci. Dior. All at her disposal if she had wanted.  
But,  
Then I came home.

When she first started asking me about Sara Sampaio, I didn’t know where she was going with it. I figured maybe she had heard we were friends and was curious.  
Sara was on the laptop behind her, and I thought she was asking because she was famous. Becca seemed to have this thing about my celebrity friends, so I figured it was somehow related.  
Then when she showed me the article, it all came together.  
I quickly called my publicist, since normally I was given heads up about this kind of thing.  
She was adamant that she had sent me an email- and she had- but being busy with Becca and my morning workout, I hadn’t even seen it.

My first thought after seeing everything had been Becca, but only because I knew it would be inconvenient for her.  
I knew her parents knew about us and her friends, and I was slightly worried what they would think.  
I knew it would probably be annoying for her to stick up for me and tell them it wasn’t true, but t I was surprised when the first thing she did was turn around and accuse me.

She actually thought that I had slept with Sara that night.  
She actually thought that I would cheat on her; as if I could at this point.  
Honestly, I was way too invested in her right now to even think about another woman.  
You could have placed me in a room with a bunch of beautiful women, and Becca would have been the only one I saw.  
That’s how much I liked her.

Plus, it was completely ridiculous.  
That night, I had been with my guy friends mainly and I wasn’t into Sara like that.  
Don’t get me wrong she was a beautiful girl, and she had shared a drink with me at the bar, but I had known Sara for a few months, and if I wanted something with her, I could have approached her a long time ago.  
It was actually my friend Xander who had invited her. They had been flirting and eye fucking each other for months.

Secondly, when this supposed romp was going on, I was passed out on Jeff’s floor, drunk off my ass.  
I hadn’t even seen Sara until the next morning when she came by the hotel room to drop something off for me.  
At that time, I hadn’t introduced her because again she wasn’t that relevant to me, and she didn’t need to be a discussion.

But maybe she did.

I didn’t know where the disconnect had happened, but obviously there was one between me and Becca.  
Obviously there needed to be some type of discussion.

Hadn’t I been there for her?  
Hadn’t I given her enough attention?  
Hadn’t I been showing her what she meant to me?  
It was as if none of the time we had spent together had even happened.  
What kind of games did she think I played?  
Did she think I just hopped around from girl to girl?

As the song finished, I drummed my hands on my dashboard angrily.  
I drove to Nick Grimshaw’s house who I was sure was home. He lived close and he would be a good distraction.  
He would calm me down.  
I didn’t need to go back to the house feeling like this now, because it would only cause another argument and I really didn’t want to fight with her. The last twenty-four hours had been more than enough for me.

When I reached Nick’s house, I grabbed my phone, calling him and telling him I was outside.  
When I reached his door, he read my expression.

“What the hell is up with you?”

I sighed, moving past him into the house.

“I need a drink.”

“Drink? What do you mean?”

“Something with Tequila if you have it.”

I landed in his living room and plopped down on his couch.

He laughed. “Jeez. What’s the matter with you?”

“Long day.”

I tossed my phone on the coffee table and pulled my feet up to rest there as well.  
I had been at his house many times since we had met, and even lived with him for a short time, so it was like home.

“What’s wrong?” he asked sitting across from me.

“Drink first. Talk later.”

He smiled and got up, heading over to his small bar in the house.  
While he was gone, I closed my eyes and rested my head back on the couch.

Thoughts ran rampant.  
Becca. Sara. Fight one. Fight two. Her pissed off Hazel eyes.  
“Harry are you becoming an alcoholic?” he asked, as he came back in the room.  
My drink was in his hand. “You don’t normally drink like this.”  
“She’s causing me to drink.” I mumbled taking a long sip.  
“Oh who?” he asked in interest, resuming his spot.  
I placed my glass near my feet and then placed them back on the floor.  
I scooted to the edge of the couch and crossed my fingers.  
I could talk to him. We had been friends for a while.  
I needed an opinion on this whole Becca thing. A second ear.  
After all, I didn’t know how to resolve this.  
Especially because I had done nothing wrong.

Our eyes met.

“Do you remember Becca?” I asked. “In L.A.?”

“Short brunette. Hazel eyes?” he guessed.

“That’s her.”

“Yeah. What about her?”

“Well she’s here.” I said.

“Here where? You left her in the car?”

I smirked. “No. In London. My house.”

“Kay. So…”

I sighed, irritated as I said the words.

“She thinks I’m involved with Sara Sampaio.”

“Oh I heard that story. How was it?” he joked.

I looked at him seriously.

“I wouldn’t know.” I said. “Becca’s the only person I’ve had sex with for the last  
three months.”

“And let me guess, she thinks you slept with Sara?”

“Yeah, in New York. And apparently every other girl I’m seen with now.”

I shook my head, as it began to spill out.

“I don’t get it. Why is every girl like this? Why do I keep going through this shit?”

I looked back at him.

“I don’t know. I don’t date them.”

I smiled. Briefly.

“Still…its like girls are wired to be insecure. I don’t get it. And I thought she was so different ya know...I mean…we’ve talked about this. We’ve been over this a lot when we were just friends. I told her none of these stories are true. Literally the first rumor she hears, she jumps down my back.”

He smiled.

“Well some of the rumors are true.” he teased.

“Yeah from like two years ago. I’m done with all that. I’m careful now.”

I maintained the seriousness to my tone, since this was bothering me, and his playful smile faded, getting serious with me.

“I know H.”

“It’s just stupid. I mean, we’re together. We may not have said the actual words, but we are. As far as I’m concerned, she’s my girl. I mean, shit, I’m literally paying for her to be here and spending all my time with her and she thinks that. I don‘t even text other girls. I haven‘t seen other girls. I can‘t even remember the last time I‘ve even thought about someone else.”

“Well did you tell her that?”

“No. She didn‘t even let me. I was already condemned in her mind.”

He sighed. “Well look Harry, she doesn’t trust you and she doesn’t believe you-”

“Obviously not.” I mumbled.

He waved my concerns away.  
“Then let her go man. Move on. You have another stress then to be dealing with girl drama.”

I looked back at him. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear.  
I quickly defended her and what we had.

No one had a clue. What we actually had was pretty damn good and I knew I wasn’t ready to lose it. Not yet. No matter how much she was pissing me off.

Still, he was partially right, and I could at least admit that.

“I do have enough stress.” I said honestly. “And that’s why she was here. She’s been good for me ya know…I’ve been relaxed these last couple of weeks. Traveling and the homesickness hasn‘t even been that bad this time. I‘ve been sleeping better when she‘s with me, and she keeps my shit together- at least mentally.”

“Well yeah, but Harry you knew it was only a matter of time. Girls like her can’t  
handle this lifestyle, no matter how much you try.”

“Yeah… I know.” I said slowly.

But I wished it was different.

“I just thought she was different...I thought we could be different.” I said and he shook his head no.

I stayed at Nick’s for a couple of hours and then finally headed back home.  
We talked about Becca a bit more, but it was mainly to reiterate what he thought- I needed to cut it off now before we both became too invested.  
But I couldn’t.  
I actually wanted her there with me, I just wanted her to trust me.

When I returned back to the house, I was surprised to find it was dark.  
Like ‘no one home’ dark.  
I stuck my key in the door, and pushed it open, ready to settle whatever was between us.  
“Becca?” I called out.  
I heard no response.  
“Bec?” I called again. “Becca?”  
Complete silence…  
I immediately panicked.  
I ran up the stairs checking the main bedroom first. I was immediately relieved when I still saw her suitcases in the corner. So she hadn’t left me…  
Next I checked the guest bedrooms but by then it was obvious she wasn‘t home, and hadn’t been for a while.  
Where the hell could she have been?  
We were in London and I hadn‘t left her anything. She had no keys, no money…  
She wouldn’t even know where to go.  
I pulled out my phone and punched in her number that by now, I had memorized.  
She answered after three rings.  
A sigh met me before I heard her crisp tone.

“Yes Harry?”

So she still had her attitude…Great…well I could have one too.

“Where the hell are you?” I asked right away.

“I’m shopping.” she said simply, as if she wasn‘t practically missing and this was her usual thing.

_“Shopping where?”_

“Camden.”

Camden was twenty minutes from my house.

“How the hell did you get to Camden?” I asked in confusion and slight frustration.

The idea of her alone in London was unsettling to me.

“A cab came and got me.”

“How? You don’t know my address?”

“I found a piece of mail.”

I sighed heading to the front of my house.

“Becca what is wrong with you? You can’t do shit like this. You can’t just venture out in random countries. Plus, what if you needed to get back into my house, you don’t have my gate code.”

She immediately was argumentative.

“Well I wasn’t going to sit all night and wait on you to come back. I want to do  
stuff too. I can watch TV at home.”

“Okay fine. But you should have called me. I would have let you use my car.”

I pulled my keys back out.

“Where are you? What street? I’m coming to get you.”

“I don’t need you too.”

“Becca it’s getting dark and you have no idea where you are. Don’t be stupid.”

“I can get a cab Harry it’s not that difficult.”

“And go where? Back to the house? How do you even know I’m there? I told  
you, I have an event tonight.”

“Well then I’ll get a hotel.”

I instantly rolled my eyes.  
Obviously she was being difficult on purpose.

“Hotel where? And with what money? Becca I sure hope you have your credit  
card because you sure don’t have any pounds. You’re in London, with no clue how things work here. All you’re going to do is just get yourself lost.”

“Stop talking to me like a child! I’m twenty one years old, I’ll fucking figure it out. Just go to your stupid party.”

My party…

“Is that what this is about?“ I asked quickly. “Are you trying to get back at me or something?”

I shut my front door and unlocked my car.

“No. I don’t even want to go. I’ve already seen where you’re going thanks to my cabdriver and I’m not interested. I just want to pick up some things for my parents and then I’ll be back.”

I ran my hands through my hair.  
Climbing in my car, I hit the remote for the gate.  
I tried to keep my tone even, and have patience, but she was pushing my limits.

“I’m not going to ask you again. It’s getting dark and you need to be at the house before I leave for my event. What street are you on? I’m on my way now.”

I started my car as she remained childish.

“This isn’t The Walking Dead Harry. I’ll be just fine out on my own tonight. So go  
to your stupid party, with your beautiful girlfriends-”

“Becca!” I snapped. “Just stop with that shit! It’s quite annoying now. Where are you? We‘re not going to debate this.”

She sighed, delaying her answer as much as possible. Then, in a timid, defeated voice.

“I’m at Camden Lock Market.” she said finally.

“You couldn’t have picked a busier street to get lost on could you…” I gritted, pulling onto the main road.

“I’m not lost. I know exactly where I am.”

“Either way, I’m coming to get you. I’m in my black Audi so please don’t stray too  
far. I can’t exactly get out and find you.”

“Whatever.” she said clicking her tongue.

“What store are you at?”

“Lock 24.”

“Becca don’t move. I mean it.”

She didn’t respond and hung up.  
I turned up my music and headed her way.  
When I got to the street which was flooded with tourists, I scanned my eyes looking for Becca but I didn’t see her.  
Goddamnit!  
I grabbed my phone and dialed her number.

She answered again. _“Yes Harry?”_

“Where are you?”

“I already told you.”

“I don’t see you.”

“That’s because I’m paying for something. I’ll be visible in a second.”

“Becca, I can’t just sit here. This is a busy street and they don’t like cars stalled. I  
need you to come to the car now please.”

“I didn’t ask you to come-” she began to argue and I cut her off.

“Becca, _please_. I don’t want to argue about this too. Just come to the car.”

“Fine.” she said and hung up.  
Less than a minute later, I saw her.  
She spotted me as well, recognizing my car, and climbed in. Her bags hitting the floor by her feet.

“How long have you been out here?” I asked.

“A while.” she said shortly. She crossed her arms and immediately turned away from me.

She kept her eyes on the window and ignored me.  
I settled back in my seat, heading back to the house and tried to keep my eyes on the road.  
The cold draft between us was thick.  
A few times I snuck glances at her and I had to admit, the ice between us was thawing- at least on my end.  
Though she was pissing me off, my heart wasn’t in this fight.  
As I looked at her, my eyes caught the emerald necklace I had got her for her birthday.  
Since I had given it to her, outside of the shower, I never saw her take it off.  
Looking at the pendant reaffirmed that the person I cared for was somewhere in there, even though I couldn‘t see her. Whoever this Becca was, was a crazy person and I wished she would disappear, never to be heard from again.

And I couldn’t help it, I still wanted her; crazy and all.  
I turned back to the road and sighed, giving in.

“Becca,“ I began. “Please don’t do that again.” I said softly. My voice breaking through the low hums of the radio.

“Leave like that.” I clarified. “It freaked me out when I didn’t see you at the house.”

She turned to me. Her expression unreadable.

I continued.

“Look, from now on if you want to go somewhere in London, just tell me. I’ll get  
you where you need to go. Okay? I promise.”

Though my voice was soft and genuine, her eyebrows curled up.

“You mean you were actually worried?”

“Of course. “ I said. “I didn’t know where you were and I thought maybe you had headed to the airport or something.”

“I should.” she said quietly from her side of the car. “That should be my next stop.”

I sighed again. Jeez she was getting on my nerves. If this was going to be the next couple weeks while she was here, she would drive me absolutely crazy.

I drove a little bit more, then I couldn’t take it anymore.  
I had to end this shit.

I pulled my car on the side of the road and turned on my caution lights.

“What are you doing?” Becca asked quickly.  
I turned my body to hers, giving her my full attention.

“We’re settling this. Right now.”

“Settling what?” she asked.

“Just listen…Okay?”

She swallowed, but remained quiet.

“Look Bec… I’m tired of this. I’m not going to keep fighting with you for the rest of this month. I don’t need the stress. I already have too much of it.”

“You’re the one whose doing it-” she began, gearing up, and I put my hand up to stop her.  
She wasn’t going to cause another argument.

“Don’t.” I said softly. “Just listen to me please.”

She did, keeping her eyes on me.

“Look…You don’t trust me, and that hurts. And I care about you. I really do.” I said softly. “I want you here and I want us to have a good time together, but if there is no trust between us, then we can’t go any further. I have been 100% honest with you about what we’re doing and how I feel. I would never do anything purposely to hurt you or anyone close to me. Yet, you seem to think that I’m just out here sleeping with everyone… and being with other women and I need to know,” I said keeping my eyes completely on her. “How have I given you that impression? How have I made you stop trusting me?”

“The article-” she began.

“I don’t want to talk about that article.” I said cutting her off again. “That article is  
bullshit. Every single word written in it is. But there is something between us that makes you believe it. So I need to know what it is. What did I do, to make you believe that as soon as you read it? To even doubt me before you even spoke to me.”

She grew quiet, and turned away from me.

“I don’t know.” she mumbled and I barely heard her.

“What?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” she said a little louder turning to me. “It’s all this I guess.” she said gesturing to the car.  
I didn’t get what she meant.

“What?” I asked looking around.

“Its this. Your lifestyle.”

“What is my lifestyle Becca? My life has been pretty normal thus far. What have I done that is so different from everyday people?”

“Everything Harry.” she said turning to me. “Yeah you do normal everyday things, but at the end of the day, you’re still you. You’re still Harry Styles. You still sell out stadiums everyday. You still hang out with your supermodels and go to private parties and wear shoes that cost more than my paychecks-”

“ _What does that have to do with me_ , the person though?” I said, already offended. “This is all my job. This is an image. What we have had is me and you. Becca and Harry. You’re not dating my celebrity side. The person you sleep next to every night, is far from that person on stage. You‘re the one that‘s getting the real me. I thought you understood that.”

“Yeah but…Are you? Are you really that different Harry?” she questioned seriously.

“Of course I am. And if you think I’m not, then we have a bigger problem. Why are you even dating me if you don‘t like me?”

“Are we even dating Harry? A real couple? Because see, you say things like that, and then the minute someone asks for details on us, it’s ‘oh we’re just friends’.”

“And how would you even know that? You’re not with me and my friends when we talk about you. Besides, I‘m a very private person. What I do, or how I feel about the person I‘m seeing is nobody‘s business Becca.”

“No. _I know Harry_. I’m not an idiot. That‘s what you think about us.”

I sat back against my seat.  
In a way that was true, but in a way it wasn’t.  
I turned back to her.

“Well what do you want me to say to that? We both agreed this would be casual.”

“And it is,” she said. “On the surface, but I don’t know…I just…“ she sighed loudly, “Forget it.” she said and turned away from me.

“No. Say what you want to say.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“But it does.” I said in frustration. “It matters to me. Stop holding back with me. Tell me what you want from me.”

“It just feels like more.” she said suddenly. “We feel like more sometimes. I feel like we’re together.”

“We are.”

“But you just said we were casual-” she pointed out.

“We’re both! I mean…I don’t know…” I said honestly. “I can’t define us right now.”

“How come you can’t?”

Our eyes locked. “Is that what you need from me? Some type of recognition or commitment?”

“No.” she said. “I knew what this was when I got into it. But...I don’t know…I don’t know where we stand sometimes.”

“We stand here. Right here.” I said gesturing between us. “We’re together, but we are casual. And it’s not because I don’t want more. I do…I wish, sometimes we had met at a different time, so it could be serious…but it can’t. And we both know that. I care about my career just as much as you care about your schooling…But that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to respect you. It doesn’t mean that I’m seeing other people, because I’m not. I just want you. And you’re here. And that‘s all I want.” I said softly. “I just don‘t want to fight, because it‘s been wonderful. I enjoy spending time with you so much and you‘re changing things.”

“I’m not trying too.” She said. “It’s just my own…“ she trailed off, not finishing her thought. “It’s just I see that article and stuff like that and it worries me.”

“But it shouldn’t.” I said. “You have nothing to be worried about.”

“But I am. Harry you could have anyone you want.”

Her hazel eyes were soft, but looked at me in genuine concern.  
I couldn’t help but look at her with a smile. So finally we were at the source of it all.  
I couldn’t believe how insecure she was.  
If she only knew how much of a catch she truly was.  
Some days I even questioned, how she ended up with me?  
She was gorgeous, but outside of the looks, she was ridiculously smart. She was funny and witty and the thing I loved most, she didn’t need me.  
I was definitely not the center of her world, and she would be quite content whether I was in her life or not.  
That concept alone made her insanely attractive to me.  
It was refreshing to not be immediately idolized and I loved that she made me work for it.  
Like now.

I reached for her hand and brought it to my lips and kissed it.

“Becca,baby… but I want you.”

She looked up at me, her hazel eyes unsure.

“Just you.” I reiterated.

She bit her lip and turned from me.  
She looked out the window again, thinking.

“I’m sorry.” she said a few moments later. “I was a bitch.”

I smiled again. “Yeah you were. But I wasn’t too nice either.”  
She turned back to me and smiled.

“Are we good?” I asked.

She nodded yes.

“Good.” I said and placed my hand on the gear shift to get going again. We had been sitting on the side of the road for about five minutes. “I’m sorry that’s it been so difficult to read me and us…I’ll try to be more clear of how I feel…okay?” I asked.

She nodded and I began to shift the car to go.

“Wait...” she said softly.

I turned back to her, and she leaned over and kissed me.  
It was a soft, sweet kiss. A further apology.

“Forgive me?” she whispered after she pulled away.

“I don’t know.” I said. “Kiss me again, and I’ll see.”

She smiled widely and kissed me again. This time I deepened it, and our tongues briefly tangled.

I caressed her cheek as I pulled away.  
“Come on, let’s get back to the house.”

She nodded okay again.

I checked the street and then pulled back on the main road.  
My hands rested on the steering wheel and her thigh.

“Are you still going to your thing tonight?” she asked a few minutes later.

“I am.” I said. “But I won’t stay long.” I promised.

“Will Pandora be there?”

I turned to her quickly. Didn’t we just go over this?

“Not because I think anything is going on.” she quickly explained. “I’m just  
curious.”

“I don’t know.” I said. “I barely talk to her.”

I looked her over.

“Did you pack any dresses?”

“For events?”

I nodded.

“Not for what it seems like you’re going too. I have my dress I wore in New York and a few more casual things I guess.”

I briefly remembered the dress in New York and figured that wouldn’t work.  
It was dressy but I didn’t want her getting that much attention. And if she wore that, other men’s eyes would be on her for sure.  
I wanted something more simple…conservative.

“No that won’t work. And I don‘t remember all the stuff Alexa gave you.” I said honestly. “I can call my sister though, she’s close right now. She’s visiting one of her friends. Maybe she can bring something over-”

“Harry its fine. I don’t want to go like I said.”

“Well I just feel bad. I did originally have plans for you to go with me, and its not my intent to leave you behind.”

She rubbed my hand on her leg.

“It’s okay.” she reassured. “Like I said…all that is not my scene.”

I smiled back at her.

“Trust me I know…I get it…you hate celebrities.“

She turned from me.  
“I don’t hate celebrities.“

“Seems that way.“

She looked back at me.  
“No. If I hated celebrities then I would hate you too. And I don’t. Not even close.“ she said with a smile.

“Then what’s this thing then? Why is it always an issue?“

“I just don’t trust them. The celebrity concept is all very fake and flashy and…I just don’t want to be around it. I don’t like the games.”

“It’s not all like that. All my friends are not like that.”

“Maybe,” she said. “But I don’t know.”

As her voice trailed off, I decided to tease her.

“You know…if you were my girlfriend _officially,_ you would probably have to go to things like this with me. You wouldn‘t really have a choice with the P.R. game and such.”

“Well good thing I’m not your girlfriend. _Officially_ of course.” she teased back.

I smiled and turned back to the road.  
Seemed we were back to ourselves and I was more than relieved.

When we got back to the house, we finally spent a little time together.  
She showed me the things she had gotten for her family at the shops and I began to get ready for the party.

“Are a lot of your friends going?”

“No. This is an appearance thing.” I said. “A minor form of Public Relations.”

“Oh.” she said. “What’s it for?”

“A magazine. Another Man.”

“Never heard of it.”

“I wouldn’t expect you too. I don’t think its too big in the States.”

“Why are you going? Is there something important happening?”

“No, I just need to make some connects.”

“Connects for what?” she asked.

I didn’t answer her exact question and instead chose the minute to look at her.  
She was sitting in my bedroom, on my bed, in one of my t-shirts. Her hair was pulled up in a loose bun and her eyes were solely on me.  
I headed over to her.

“Doesn’t really matter….but see, it’s not always fun being a popstar. I hate it too.” I said letting her in on the secret.

She smiled as I leaned over her.  
Our lips touched and we shared a long kiss.  
It had felt like forever since I had touched her, and with the fight the last few hours, I was anxious to just push it all behind us, and get lost in each other again.  
I pushed her back on the bed, and climbed on top of her.  
She moaned against my mouth and my hands went under her shirt, cupping a breast.  
“Are you going to wait for me tonight?” I asked softly.

“When you get back?”

“Yeah.” I said.

She smiled.

“And why would I wait?”

My hands trailed her smooth skin.

“Because I think we need to make up properly.” I said softly.

“And how is that?”

“Stay up and you’ll see.” I said mysteriously.

I leaned down and kissed her belly button which was hiding under her shirt and then climbed off of her.

“But hey, I need you to help me.” I said. “Help me finish getting dressed.”

She sat up, crossed her legs on the bed and looked back at me.

“You’re pretty much there Harry. You have the black pants, the blazer…quite dashing you are.”

“Is the shirt too much?”

She scanned my Gucci shirt that Pandora had altered for me.

“No.” she said. “I like you in patterns.”

“Yeah?” I asked.

She nodded yes. “I like a man who is confident in his own skin.”

I leaned and trailed my hand on her bare leg.  
She was following my house rule and only wearing the shirt and some underwear.  
She was naturally beautiful, not wearing an inch of makeup and it was obvious by now, she was quite comfortable with me.

“Touché.” I said.

We shared another kiss and then I focused.  
I needed to leave.

I headed to the party around 10pm and stayed long enough to feel that I had made an appearance. I was papped leaving as I knew I would, and headed back to my house shortly before midnight.  
Becca kept her promise and waited for me.  
As she discarded my clothing and attached her lips to mine, I was thankful.  
For it to be our first argument, I think we had did alright.  
Things were definitely more clear now and I was confident if something like this came up in the future, she would react differently.  
There didn’t need to be any grey areas in our relationship. From now on, I was intending on keeping things pretty black and white.  
That would be the only way this would work.

**************************************

“OSLO! Are you having a good time so far?”  
The crowd screamed back at me and I looked at the crowd that surrounded me.  
Large and beautiful.  
I smiled.  
I scanned the crowd.  
It was a little less than a week later, and I was in Oslo, Norway performing another show.

“Good! You sir with the Golf Pro, good time so far?”

The gentleman I was looking at gave me a thumbs up.

“Good. Okay…”

I moved around the stage, continuing my spill, playing with the crowd and thanking the audience.

“Thank you so so much for all your support, you have given us over the last five years!“

The crowd screamed again and my eyes briefly caught Becca’s who was sat in a reserved spot on the right side of the stage.  
This show was special because right beside her, was my childhood friend Jack in the audience and he was visiting from my hometown.  
Since he had arrived at the stadium, we had been playing catch up and during the show, I had been playing with him and Becca.

“Give me a ’Oh Yeah’” I screamed, and the crowd repeated.

I altered my voice saying the same thing, and he and Becca screamed back.

“OH YEAH!”

I smiled again.  
I moved around the stage, continuing my interactions, and eventually adding Jack into some of the banter; telling the story of when he stole my girlfriend in grade school.

After the show, we all hung out at my Oslo hotel that I had got for the night. Unlike New York, this time with my friend, Becca was with me.  
She sat beside me on the couch as me and Jack told stories from when we were younger.  
“Did he really steal your girlfriend?” Becca asked me with a slight smile.  
We had all been drinking for a couple of hours now and were a bit of a rowdy bunch.

“NO!” Jack instantly protested.

“YES!” I screamed back.

Jack was sitting across from us, still nursing his drink.

“Well this I’ve got to hear.” Becca said instantly with a small giggle.

Jack smiled back, and jumped up. “Fine…this is the story!” he said. His body was swaying from his slight buzz but it only made it all funnier.

“No, no, no you’re too drunk to tell it!” I protested laughing.

He laughed back. “Bro, you’re wasted too.”

By now, I was slightly leaning a bit too.

“You’re both wasted!” Becca argued. She had been holding one drink all night so she was the only sane and (sober) one between us.

“This is how it went.” I said, placing my drink down on the table. I settled in and got ready. I was always good at telling a story.

Jack instantly cut in.

“Bro! Your girl will be sleep before you tell it!”

I started laughing. It was partially true. My speech was even more delayed when I was slightly wasted and everyone always teased my morbid tone.

“Fine, fine.” I said taking a sip of my vodka. “You tell it. But tell it right-” I cautioned.

Becca, who was inches from me, just watched us both with a smile, enjoying the whole exchange. I don’t think she cared who told the story.

“Okay so this is what happened. There was a girl-”

“What was her name?” Becca asked.  
Me and Jack exchanged a glance. We were both to drunk to remember.

“Uh…” I stuttered thinking.

“Um…I think it was Chelsea.”

“It was not Chelsea.” I estimated. “Maybe Christina?” I guessed.

Becca laughed louder. “You guys don’t even remember her name?”

“I was fourteen.” I argued. “Besides, I am a little tipsy. Don’t judge me.” I said with a pout.

Becca kissed my puckered lips quickly and turned back to Jack.  
She wrapped her arm around me, pulling me to her, but it wasn’t intimate, it was playful.

“Okay you’re up Jack. Tell me the story- minus the girl’s name-” she said looking back at him.

“Okay, okay…” he said still standing and swaying. “So Harry was dating the girl.  
Though he wasn’t really dating her-”

“I was dating her.” I argued looking at Becca.

“Harry _liked_ her. It was not official.”

“I was dating her.” I cut in again.

“Okay, ANYWAY, I liked her too. And Harry knew.”

“Ooohhh scandal.” Becca said.  
I shook my head no.

“This is not what happened.” I protested with a smile to Becca.

“So, one day we’re all sitting in the lunch room. And Harry’s off somewhere else.  
And she was sitting with her friends, but she wasn‘t really talking to them, and to be completely honest, she looked upset about something.”

“What!” I exclaimed with a wide smile. “That is totally not what happened. ”

“It is!” Jack argued.

I jumped up.

“Nope. Nope. Not right. This is the real story.” I said bending down directly in front of Becca. I put my hands on her leg.

“Listen Babe-”

Jack instantly grabbed me.

“Bro, sit down!” Jack teased and we started laughing.

We playfully tousled over who was going to tell the story and tell the truth.

“Dude,” I said finally. “I’m not going to let you tell the story wrong in front of my girlfriend. So this is what happened-”  
I began.

“NO,” Jack said placing his hand on my mouth.

We fought our way through the story and Becca just laughed as twenty minutes later, it finally finished.  
I sat back beside her.  
And Jack sat on her other end.

“Don’t sit by her.” I said.  
Jack immediately smiled at her and winked.

“How you doin’” he playfully teased.

Becca just giggled.

”Look, he’s trying to do it again.” I said to Becca.

Jack put his arm around her.  
“She’s hot though. Way hotter than Camille.”

“Christina.” Becca reminded.

“Chelsea.” I threw out and we all just laughed, drunk off our asses.

Around four, we crashed and Jack slept on the couch in the room, and me and Becca took the bed.  
We spooned and my hand rested on her stomach as I buried my face in her neck.  
Giving her soft kisses and the occasional tickle, we played under the covers for a few minutes.  
“Stop.” she squealed girlishly.  
I continued to kiss her neck, ticking her more and let my hands rest just above her panties.  
She elbowed my stomach.

“Stop your friend is sleeping and he‘s right there!” she whispered harshly.

“He’s passed out.” I argued. “He can barely hear you.” I said and tickled her more.

Her laughs took over the room, and I just melted at the sound.  
Our lips touching was the only thing that eventually stopped it, and when the kiss ended, I moved my hands back by her belly button.

“Okay, I’ll stop.” I said after a few moments and pulled her closer to me.

Now I was ready to go sleep.

She rested in front of me, and I closed my eyes.

“Becca?” I called.

“Hmm?” she asked.

“Did you have fun tonight?”

“I did. Lots.”

“Good.” I said. “I‘m glad you like my friends.”

“I do.” she said quietly, her voice calm. “I like all of your friends so far.”

“They like you.” I said.

I felt her face curve in a smile.

“You know what…” I said slowly.

“What?” she asked.

“I called you my girlfriend. Like officially.” I said quietly.

“You did.” she said.

I smiled.

“So you actually caught it?” I questioned.

“I’m not nearly as drunk as you guys.”

I chuckled. “True…did it…um…bother you or make you uncomfortable?” I asked.

“No.” she said. “Why?”

“Just curious.”

She partially turned to me.

“Why are you bringing it up?”

“I don’t know.” I said softly. “I don’t even know why I said it.” I said. “I just want to  
make sure it didn’t make things weird.”

“Or give me hope…” she joked.

I instantly frowned.

I pulled her closer to me. “Don‘t.” I mumbled. “I told you…Don’t think of us like that. We‘re together, in our own way.”

“I know. I’m just joking.” she said with a soft smile.

“Good.” I said and lifted my head.

She turned to me completely.  
I bent down and kissed her.  
Then, we both turned over to go to sleep.  
I settled back into my favorite place; in her hair.  
The times of needing to be on opposite sides of the bed long past.  
I thought back to Nadine and my other flings, and once again how things had been different.  
It was almost a regular thing to sleep up under her now.

“Goodnight Becca.” I whispered.

“Night Harry.”

I closed my eyes and rested for a few minutes.  
The room was completely quiet and Becca and Jack were now passed out sleeping.  
Though I was tired, my mind wasn’t ready to shut off.  
Inhaling her scent, I just thought about things.  
I thought about the show and my schedule the next day.  
I thought about plans for the rest of the month and things I could take Becca to see,  
It was going to be a lot to pack in with the constant revisions to my day-to-day work schedule and promotions, but I wanted to make sure she was still having a good time.  
The last few days since our ‘fight’ had been wonderful. There had been a show in Horsens, Denmark and she had spent some time with me at the studio.  
The boys had been wide-eyed and curious, dropping stupid relationship jokes here and there, but for the most part, they had been pretty chill with my girlfriend.  
Oh yeah…that was the new term coined by the backstage staff, and it seemed to be a running theme amongst my long time tour family.  
I wasn’t immune to the whispers.  
Harry had a girlfriend now. _On Tour_.  
Sound the alarms!!  
The world was ending right in front of us!

It was all quite ridiculous.

But, yet, my mind ventured there…

As I re-opened my eyes, I let the word roll off my tongue again.  
“Girlfriend…” I said silently and she didn’t stir beside me. “Becca, my girlfriend…”  
It was a thought I let seep in and settle for a few seconds.  
“Meet Becca my girlfriend…” I whispered, playing with the phrase.  
It didn’t sound as silly on my tongue as I imagined it would.

A whole new set of thoughts came to me. This time with visions.

Becca and I officially together. Becca and I happy. Becca and I serious.  
Little dates, and always being together.  
Introductions to her family and bringing her home.  
Traveling with her and more secret rendezvous.  
Or would it eventually be public and everyone know about us?

A smile graced my face as I thought of the next thing.

Being in love with her.  
Having that stubborn, precious gem. Eventually two hearts becoming one.

What would it be like, being in love with her?  
What would this feel like long term?

It could be nice.  
We could be good together.

I hadn’t had a serious relationship in a while, and I was much too young and focused to even be thinking about it… yet something told me that if I was going to enter one, she would be the first candidate.  
Something also told me I was already dangling on a small thin edge.  
As it had already been noted, we didn’t really act like a fling and as she laid in my arms now, everything was blurry.  
She felt like she was mine and this felt like it was real--not something ending in a couple of weeks.  
Still, there was a flip side to the coin too, and another part that I often thought about.  
If this continued, it wouldn’t be all rainbows and unicorns.  
Eventually there would be the distance while I worked and she went to school, and the trust issues.  
I could already see the eventual fights and dissolve of everything.  
It was only natural with these type of relationships.  
I didn’t want to lose her, but I didn’t want to hurt her either.  
I didn’t want us to ever get to a place where we could resent each other.  
So for now if I had the choice, I would choose this; the way we were.  
I would rather have these little pieces of her; almost but not complete…  
Something instead of nothing.  
Important, but not serious  
And…  
Mine, instead of someone else’s.

It was selfish I know, especially because she deserved someone who could offer her more.

Closing my eyes again, I settled in her hair and drifted to sleep.  
Becca my girlfriend, the last words spoken.

Still, it’s a funny thing about fate and how it works. No matter how much you think you’re in control, you never really are.  
And when it comes to love, it’s even harder.  
You don’t stop love. Love stops you.  
That’s why its called falling, because once you take that dive, you can’t stop it.  
There are no warnings, and no time to think about what’s happening….  
You just wake up one day and you’re there.

And I had no idea that my time with Becca was just around the corner.  
Hell honestly, maybe I was already there.  
Maybe, just maybe, I was already in love with her…

 


	55. Chapter 55

CHAPTER FIFTY- FIVE

JULIE

NOW

I can remember the day I realized she wasn’t going anywhere.

Becca Penelope Johnson.

The eventual thorn in my side and the ex who for whatever reason, just wouldn't disappear.

Her memory was a stupid forever looming presence and though she and Harry were no longer physically together, emotionally, she still had his heart.

She still had his mind and the power to get to him; even when he continued dating me.

 

  
"Take your shirt off." he whispered.

Harry's hands were all over me, flushing my skin and warming it one spring afternoon.

We were in London and warming his chilly house with our own heat.

I followed his instructions and tossed my shirt on the floor.

His lips were on my neck, and his hands were moved to my hips.

"I've needed this." He said. "Your shoots run way too long."

I giggled. "Well you're not exactly Mr. Available all the time either.”

“That’s because I’m working.” He argued and I just smiled.

We had been dating 'officially' for three months, but our time together was equivalent to a month.

Texts and flirty chats were the premises of our relationship.

Oh and sex.

Lots of it.

He smiled and unbuttoned my pants.

His warm hands entered my pants from the back, cupping my butt.

His lips brushed my skin.

"Did you bring any extra condoms with you?" he asked. "I think we used them all last night."

I broke away and stared into his green eyes.

They were the most perfect hue, and it wasn't hard to get lost in them.

Though right now, I was ready to get lost into something else.

Though partially sore from the night before, I couldn't wait to have him inside of me again.

"I don't." I admitted. "I'm on birth control though. We should be fine." I assumed.

He kissed my lips gently, but tapped my thighs to get up. "Yeah...I don't have sex without condoms though," he said softly. "Let me see if I can find one instead."

I moved off of him and sat back on the couch.

One hand went to my hair and the other fanned my face, cooling myself down.

I was extremely turned on and the small kisses we had been sharing had quickly escalated in the last few minutes.

As usual.

Harry stood, looking down at me with a wide dimple.

That mischievous cheeky look of his he had been wearing for the last hour.

"You alright over there?"

"No." I said. "Every time I see you, you get me caught up."

He smirked, placing his hands in his jeans. "There's nothing wrong with having sex with your boyfriend." He pointed out.

"There's something wrong if that's all we do."

He smiled and leaned over me.

His expression remained playful.

My hands roped around his neck.

"The sex is worth it though right?"

I smiled. "It is. Always."

He kissed my forehead and stood.

"Let's take a break then. We'll do the sex thing later I'm sure. You hungry?" he asked.

"Actually yeah."

I stood and followed him as he led us to the kitchen.

He opened his fridge while I sat on one of the stools at the bar counter.

"What are you in the mood for?"

"I don't know. Surprise me." I said.

"Alright." He said.

He shifted things in the fridge while I surveyed his kitchen.

This was my first time at his London home and though I had arrived yesterday, I hadn't spent too much time taking in the details.

"I really like the colors." I said looking at the warm hues of greens and browns and the large portraits he had purchased that lined the walls. It was evident this was a man's place and his touches were everywhere.

"Thanks." He said. "Alright...here's the options."

He quickly worked through my food choices and I listened while still looking around.

I kept it simple.

"Soup and Grilled Cheese sounds good." I said.

He shut his fridge and smiled. "Coming right up princess."

I smiled and stood, loving the personalized girly nickname, and moved to a large painting in the room. It appeared to be the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz movies. It was one of many.

"I like your pieces." I said scanning the large canvases that made up his living room and dining room area. "Have you had them long?"

"A few." he said starting the process of the food from the kitchen. He could see me, and I could still see him, but while he was focused on the food, I was focused on his house.

The little pieces that made up this perplexing man were finally here spread out in front of me.

He started talking, making small talk, but my eyes still traveled around until eventually a batch of personal pictures from the living room pulled my attention.

Moving to that area in the room, I surveyed the portraits.

Pictures of Harry as a baby, as a child, as a man...

I saw friends, family, celebrities, and one that stood out from the rest.

I picked up the 5 by 7 inch frame. It was located in the back, almost hidden behind the others.

"Which cheese do you like?" Harry called. "American or Swiss?"

"Swiss sounds good." I said not turning around.

My hands traced the picture and the brunette hair. The hazel eyes and tanned skin. The sole, lone person in the picture.

This one was not like the rest, but this one held my attention the most.

I was finally seeing her outside of an internet article.

Becca Johnson.

No Harry, just Becca.

Sitting on the mantle, like a prized possession.

  
Behind her, a large building- a palace I think in Bangkok, Thailand- and she smiled widely.

It seemed pretty clear that this was a picture probably taken by Harry. It had all the ingredients.

The fact that he had framed it and kept it in his house even after all this time was interesting to me.

They had been over for a year, and he had moved on to me.

Why was she still here?

I studied her more. My eyes memorized every detail of his ex, down to the teeny tiny mole on her collarbone.

She was definitely not like me.

Outside of her age, we clearly had nothing in common.

We didn't look alike. We didn't move in the same circles, and our financial brackets had a stark difference, yet we had both gotten him.

The same him, who appeared a few seconds later.

"What are we looking at?" he asked coming up behind me. I felt Harry's hands wrap around my hips, pulling me against his thin frame.

I immediately turned the picture and showed him.

"This. This is Bangkok right?" I asked.

I knew if I started off with 'is this Becca' I wouldn't get too far based of past history. I needed to ease into this.

His eyes zeroed down to the picture. His eyes instantly widened-intense- and frozen on the image in front of him.

"Uh...yeah...that's the Grand Palace." He said after he composed himself, a couple seconds later.

"When were you there?"

His eyes didn't leave the picture.

As if on autopilot, he answered "On tour." His voice was robotic. "It was a long time ago."  
  
"Tour?" I questioned.

He looked up at me.

"With her?” I asked demurely. “This is Becca right?" I continued. "Your ex?"

He looked at me a second more before he sighed gently.

"Yeah. That's her."

"How often did she go?" I asked.

"A few times." He said casually. "In the beginning she use to visit a lot."

I looked back at her. The competition.

He looked at me… look at her.

He tried to shift the conversation.

"I’ve got to start the food. What kind of soup do you want? I have Chicken Noodle, Clam Chowder and Tomato?" he asked, keeping his eyes on me.

I kept my eyes on her still.

"Tomato." I answered, but didn't put the picture down.

He continued to stare at me.I know he was watching my reaction to her.

Then it dawned on me; he was being protective, yet not of me, of her.

He was waiting to see what I was going to say.

"You keep her picture still?" I asked as a thought came to me.

“Yeah.” He said slowly.

“In your living room?” I questioned.

By your parents? By your friends? By your other loved ones?

His eyes narrowed.

"Yeah.” He repeated. “Why?” he asked defensively. “Why does it matter where it is?"

I finally broke away from the cheesing hazel eyed girl and turned to him.

"It doesn’t.” I said as my blue eyes locked on his. “I guess I’m just surprised is all." I said quickly and gently. "I wasn’t expecting to see her."

He looked towards the mantle in her previous spot.

He said nothing more.

His eyes moved away from me and the mantle and eventually looked back down at the picture.  
Studying it for a second, he seemed lost in thought.

I didn’t say anything as he studied the picture like it was a goddamn Picasso.

I didn’t say anything at all, even after he reached and pulled the photo out of my hand.

Moving away from me, he placed it back on the mantle.

Gently...

For a second too long, he studied it one last time, before turning back to me with a sigh.

"Come on," he said. "I'll make your soup."

His face curled into a slow smile, but I looked past him.

She was back on the mantle but not where she was previously. Now she sat front and center in front of the rest.

Wide-eyed and smiley, I felt like she was watching us.

It made me instantly uncomfortable.

I turned to Harry and looked at him.

"Is that the only picture you have of her?" I asked.I didn’t want anymore surprises.

His smile dropped slowly, and he looked at me in confusion.

"Why?" he asked again.The defensiveness was back to his tone and I could tell he still didn’t like questions about her.  
I still couldn’t read his reaction.

What was that look and tone that his voice took on when she was brought up? Was it resentment? Indifference? Pain?

Did he miss her, or despise the ground she walked on?

He must have not hated her too much if she was resting in his living room, just on the side angle from his TV. When he sat down he had to see her. As his eyes trailed his room, if he gave that corner more than a two second glance, she had to pop out; the stupid ‘I’m so innocent’ smile was enough to make anyone notice- and then from there, want to puke.

Harry continued to look at me, waiting on an answer.

His question hung between us.

It was what I wanted to know too.

_Why._

Why did he still have a picture of her? In his house? On his mantle, perched beside his other loved ones?

I surely didn't have any of my exes even within miles of my house, especially not after a year's time.

"I'm just curious." I said, and I truly honestly was.

It was becoming clearer to me that the timid college student who had stood next to him at that party many months earlier had meant a lot to him.

Whatever relationship they had carried on, he obviously still wanted a piece of.

It cast the first sense of worry through my veins, but I would learn it wouldn’t be the last.

He smiled again, and came to me.

Pulling me in his arms, he gave me a soft kiss.

"You're curious about a lot of things." He noted.

"No. Just her." I said honestly, finally letting the truth spill from my lips.

I needed details. I wanted to know everything.

He paused for a moment, not obliging me and not sure of how to respond.

We looked back at each other as I tried to understand the discomfort in his green irises.

I was waiting for the reassurance: Ya know _you don't need to be_....she means nothing to me...that's been over for a while.

However, he didn't give me any of that this time.

Pulling my lips back to his, instead, it seemed he just wanted to forget the conversation.

As his lips encased mine, I tried not to think about it and wrap myself in him.

I had him.  
He wanted me.  
They were over.

But she was there.

There, like sitting on the mantle staring at us, there.

When he pulled away, my insecurities kicked in.

What had I walked into?

  
As he finally moved away, ready to resume his previous task, I pulled him back to me.

I felt uneasy and possessive.

I felt like I needed to do something.

"What?" he asked as I pulled him back to me, but I didn't give him a chance to ask anymore questions.

I crashed my lips against his, pulling out my magic.

I kissed him like I hadn't tasted him all last night and he laughed against my lips.

"Woah," he said. "Slow down hun."

"Let’s forget the food." I said breathlessly, keeping my arms around him. "Let's finish what we started."

He chuckled, his smile growing wider.

"What about your soup? Aren't you hungry?"

I placed my hand on the loops of his jeans.

"I'm hungry for something else." I assured.

Seconds later, I dropped to my knees.

Looking at me in amusement he smiled down at me as I unbuckled his pants and placed my hands in his boxers, digging for the gold.

When my mouth connected to my favorite part of him, he let out a satisfied sigh.

Taking him fully in my mouth, I weaved my mouth back and forth sucking him as if my life depended on it.

With his hands going to his face, the only thing he could do was hold on.

"Oh my—Jesus Julie..." he began. "You're going to be the death of me."

He brought a hand down, wrapping it around my loose blond waves, guiding me to what he liked; though I was already well aware.

I responded by sucking harder, and taking him further in.

I grunted against him, taking his length and I could tell he loved every minute.

  
_I loved every minute._

  
See this was my power.

I had been prepped early on at the ripe age of twelve by my Grandma that the hidden treasure between my legs could make men do anything.

That warm, molten core could make a man pretty much fall at your feet if used right.

I wasn't ashamed to admit that since we had met, I had used this as part of my relationship with Harry.

I was great at sex, hell a fucking goddess at it, and when he was inside of me, I could make him forget everyone and everything.

He had an interview to get too? Guess what, I could make him late.

He a phone call to make? Guess what, I could make him turn his phone off.

He wanted to walk away? Guess what, he always came back.

He had already told me I was the best he had ever had and right now I wanted him to remember that.

Right now, I wanted Harry to forget about Becca Johnson. Right now, I wanted every thought to be of me.

  
As I opened my eyes and peered up at him, a sense of warmth moved through me as our eyes locked.

I loved having him watch me and I didn't break the contact loving the expressions he made. However, there was a specific look I was waiting on. The one that I knew only I could give him.

There was a look, ever slight, and ever perfect that he made when he came.

It was a look of pure reverence and adoration.

I still had yet to see this look outside of the bedroom, but I was hopeful I would see it one day soon.

With the time we were putting in, and the way he was starting to reach out more, I was sure he was beginning to like me more and more.

As we reached the final moments, I looked up, prepared to see my favorite expression.

As my eyes locked on his beautiful clenched jaw, suspended in pure bliss, I saw it. That moment of complete pleasure and love. That moment I adored.

As I hollowed my cheeks, sucking harder and harder, his eyes popped open locking on what was in front of him.

Yet this time it wasn’t me.

This time he didn’t look down at me, smiling in all his glory. This time his eyes remained straight ahead.

As it boiled down to the final seconds, I watched in vexation as his eyes locked in the general direction of that picture behind me.

The picture of the plain college student who was now front and center in front of everyone.

As he spilled in my mouth, his eyes remained locked on her.

I was sure of it.

She got my moment and she damn sure got my look.

“Shit,” he grunted a second later, not moving or shifting his eyes until it was all over.

When his eyes finally moved down to me after I had wiped my mouth and removed all the excess come my mouth didn’t swallow, I was incensed.

As his eyes moved down meeting mine again, he smiled.

“You are fucking amazing Julie St. Clair.”

I stood, this time not basking in the praise of his words. He reached for my jeans this time, pulling me to him, but I was concerned with what was going on behind me. Needing a quick confirmation, I looked behind me to make sure I wasn’t crazy.

And I wasn’t.

Oh he had been looking at her alright. She was the only thing he had to see.

I looked at the image in front of me. Wide-eyed and smiley, I felt like the bitch was taunting me.

“Hey?” Harry called, pulling my attention. “You with me?”

I faced him again, trying to ignore the rising feeling in my veins. That second feeling of worry.

Get a grip Julie.

Right now, he was my mine again, and his eyes were only locked on me, riddled in confusion.

“Yeah of course.” I said, trying to shake away my thoughts.

I was being ridiculous. I was being immature.

Forget that picture in the corner, and forget her.  
He didn’t want her.  
He wanted me.

He smirked and pulled me to him, kissing the side of my face.

“Good.” He said. “Because it’s your turn.”

I smiled as he grabbed my arm, tossing me over his shoulders.

“What are you doing?!” I squealed as my chest hit his back. He spun me around and slapped my butt.

I just laughed as my eyes locked on that picture again, growing smaller and smaller as he led us out of the room.

She was still watching us. Still fucking taunting me with that stupid smile.

Still the Picasso on the mantle.

  
And if I had only known…

This was just the beginning.

She wasn’t going anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one up later tomorrow.


	56. Chapter 56

CHAPTER FIFTY SIX  
BECCA

Then

I awoke to a mass of brown curls in my face.  
A hand on my stomach.  
Small warm breaths on my skin.  
Mumbles and grumbles from the British lad laid across me and a loud hotel alarm.  
Memories of last night were hazy.

Jack and Harry. Tequila. Their drunken antics, and Harry’s Norway show.

Today we had a mild day ahead of us, and as I looked at the clock that read 7:32am, I knew I still wasn’t ready.  
I had only had a few hours of sleep.

“What the hell is that?” Harry moaned, lifting his head.  
“The alarm.” I said, as if the noise didn’t already give itself away.  
My eyes caught his briefly as he reached and hit the alarm with his long arm.  
Within seconds he collapsed back on top of me, and his hands wrapped around me, and I felt him press his face on top of my stomach, going back to sleep.  
“We have to get up.” I said gently.  
“No.” he mumbled, muffled in my skin.  
I smiled.  
“Babe it’s after seven.”  
We were to be on a private plane back to London around 10am.  
“Ten more minutes.” he said.  
“Harry-” I began, but was interrupted.

Further in the room, I heard the famous unlock click of an Iphone.  
Glancing to my right, I saw Harry’s close friend Jack turning on his phone, and rubbing his eyes. He was on the hotel couch a few feet from us.  
I had briefly forgotten we weren’t alone.  
Seemed Harry did too.  
His skin was bare on top of mine, and as he suddenly rolled off of me, I quickly reached for the cover to shield myself.  
I was far from naked, but it was a respect thing.  
Harry’s friend didn’t need to goggle at my wife beater and shorts.  
“Fuck…” Harry muttered beside me, sitting up.  
His hair was wild and his loose curls were tangled.  
“I feel like I haven’t gotten any sleep.”  
“You haven’t.” I reminded him. We had both been asleep for three hours.  
His hazy green eyes looked back at mine.  
“Jesus,” he groaned again. “Why the hell did you let me drink?”  
I just smiled, as he looked at me sheepishly and pouty.  
Grumpy Harry was a new one for me.

Jack stood in the room and headed for the bathroom, briefly acknowledging us. Harry grumbled a ‘hey’ and plopped back on the pillow.  
Raising his hands to his face to yawn, he was all man as I took in the armpit hair, muscles, dozens of tattoos sprinkling his chest, and the small morning wood in his pants.  
I patted his stomach affectionately and then took advantage of the moment.  
The moment that bathroom door closed, I climbed out of the bed.  
Harry pulled his hands down and watched me. I moved by my bag and grabbed my robe.  
“I feel like my head is going to explode.” he whined.  
“Bad headache?” I asked going over to him.  
“Bad hangover.” he clarified. He rolled his body, and reached for me as I neared him.  
I sat on the edge of the bed beside him, and he wrapped a hand around my waist, pulling me down.  
Within seconds, I was pinned underneath him horizontally.  
His lips brushed my forehead.  
My hands went to his loose hair, gently massaging his scalp. His curls were getting longer and longer by the day and fanning over his face.  
“Give me a remedy.” he said.  
I smiled, looking into his foggy green eyes. “Like what?”  
He smirked, boyishly. “You can start with a kiss.”  
I smiled as he leaned down and teased my mouth briefly with his. He quickly undid my robe.  
His hands moved down by my panties, and he settled in the sweet spot between my legs. He seemed to get renewed energy, cupping me.  
“Jack.” I reminded him with a whisper.  
“He’s pissing, and probably puking.”  
His mouth moved down to my neck as his hands rubbed my intimate area.  
“Nice mental image.” I said and Harry smiled against my skin.  
His lifted his head and his green eyes locked on mine.  
He moved a piece of hair from my face.  
“They look greener today.” he said. “Your eyes.”  
“Hmm? Like yours baby?” I questioned softly.  
“No.” he said, and his lips moved back to my neck. He started leaving gentle pecks.  
“Kind of like a sparkling green apple, or like the leaves you see after the winter, ya know, when spring is starting…”  
I instantly brought his head back up with my hand and looked at my curious poet.  
_What?_  
He smiled lazily at his own metaphors.  
“I think I’m still drunk.” he whispered. His words melted together and it sure sounded that way.  
I giggled.  
“Come on, give me a remedy.” he groaned.  
I pulled his face back to mine, and just as before, we kissed.  
This time I deepened it, and as his lips began to trail downward, Jack opened the bathroom door.  
I immediately tensed, but Harry acted quickly and picked up a pillow, throwing it at Jack.  
“You’re not done pissing. And you see nothing! Get back in the bathroom!” he demanded.  
Jack and I both laughed as he disappeared quickly, and as Harry continued his playful assault.  
“You are so silly!” I scolded and Harry remained buried between my legs, just placing soft kisses.  
A couple minutes later, Jack came back out, and this time Harry went in.  
While he was in there, and I sorted through my luggage, Jack came over to me.  
“So last night was fun?”  
I looked up at him and smiled.  
“It was.”  
“I think you’re the only one without a stupid headache this morning.”  
“I think you’re right.” I said. “It’s all good over here.”  
I gestured to my body.  
He smiled.  
I picked up a t-shirt and began to fold it, readying my last minute things.  
“So how long have you guys been-”  
I looked back up as he began.  
“Ya know,” Jack asked, finishing his sentence. “Hanging out? Harry said a bit.”  
“Not long.” I reiterated. “Couple months.”  
“Do you really like him?”  
I looked at him in curiosity. I immediately felt it was a weird question for him to ask me.  
After all, who knew guys even asked this stuff? My understanding was guys typically didn’t care about their buddies and their relationships.  
I shrugged casually.  
“Of course. You know how Harry is. He’s a loveable guy.”  
He nodded yes.  
“Yeah but that’s not what I mean.”  
We locked eyes.  
“Why are you asking?” I asked instead.  
This time he shrugged casually. “No reason. Just being nosy I guess.”  
I turned away from him.  
“I’ve known him a long time.” he reminded me.  
“I can tell.” I reassured. Between the stories yesterday and what Harry told me before he came, I knew they had known each other at least eight years.  
“He deserves someone good.” he said suddenly. “Ya know, someone who will have his best interests at heart….Harry‘s one of the good ones ya know?”  
I just gave a small smile because I didn’t know how I was suppose to respond.  
Of course he was, yet this all sounded like a warning suddenly, and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from.  
“Just keep that in mind…okay?” he asked, and I didn’t respond.  
He turned away from me, and the conversation was suddenly over.  
I went back to folding my clothes but the atmosphere in the room suddenly changed.  
Jack didn’t say another word to me.  
When Harry came back out of the bathroom, he was still half clothed, but much more refreshed then before.  
His hair was pulled back and I could faintly smell his aftershave.  
Me and Jack both focused on him- the link that brought us all together.  
“Are you gonna shower hun?” Harry asked me immediately, watching me sort my stuff.  
He knew me well.  
“Yeah. I shouldn’t take too long.”  
“No worries.” he said waving me away. “We’ll give you your space.”  
Harry moved to his bag and threw on a quick shirt while he and Jack locked eyes.  
“Oh we’re leaving?” Jack questioned.  
“Yeah.” Harry said. “Let’s give her a minute. Go downstairs and get something to eat. I‘ve seen this a few times before. This room is about to become very girly with her things.”  
I smiled. “Whatever.”  
Harry smiled back.  
“I’ll have room service bring you something up.” Harry promised.  
I nodded okay again and Harry gave me a quick kiss. Then the boys were gone.

I quickly worked my way through my shower and blow-drying my hair, and the boys quickly worked their way through their meal.  
They were back before I even had time to miss them, and they took turns dressing in the bathroom.  
By 8:55am, we had our bags and were all set to go.  
Jack was taking different means of transportation, so as we stood in the hallway waiting on the other 1D boys, me and Harry were alone.  
“Are you feeling any better?” I asked.  
He was leaned against the hotel wall, texting someone.  
He pulled his sunglasses that were resting on his head, over his eyes, and looked at me.  
“Little bit. I took an Excedrin so I should be brand new soon.”  
“Kay.” I said with slight worry. I didn’t like to see him in pain and I could tell his head was actually bothering him.  
Still, as always, his focus was not on his-self but on others.  
“Did you need anything before the flight? Do we need to make any drug store stops?” he asked.  
I shook my head no. “You?”  
“Just need some sleep.”  
“I’m with you.”  
“Well Good Morning guys!”  
We both turned as Liam appeared in the hallway.  
“Hey.” I said warmly.  
“Hi.” Harry said quietly.  
Niall followed seconds later, coming out of his own room.  
His carry-on was draped on his shoulder.  
“Good Morning!” he echoed.  
I smiled.  
Seemed everyone was in a good mood today.  
Niall came over, standing beside me, while Liam lifted Harry’s sunglasses.  
“What’s up with you Styles?” he teased.  
“I didn’t get any sleep.” he mumbled, and then swatted him away. “And don’t touch me.”  
His tone was serious, yet playful, and Liam purposely touched him again.  
They jokingly pushed each other until Louis came out, and then security all took us downstairs.  
“You gonna be with us the next few days?” Niall asked as we headed downstairs and walked through the lobby. He was walking beside me since Harry was further in the distance on the phone. Whoever he seemed to be texting, had now called him.  
“For the shows?” I questioned.  
“No the promotion stuff. We have that launch coming up and then the campaign.”  
I shrugged. “I guess.”  
Though it was the first time I had heard about it.  
Harry wasn’t too vocal about his schedule and it was kind of assumed at this point that I was just going to tag along.  
“How long are you actually staying?” Niall asked.  
“Couple more days. I have to be back in California by the 30th. My family is going to Mexico for the fourth.”  
By now, it was June 20th and the month had quickly got away from us.  
“Independence Day?” Niall questioned.  
“Yeah. Family vacation. We do one yearly.”  
“Does Harry know?”  
I nodded yes.  
“I’m shocked he agreed.” Niall said and I looked at him in confusion.  
He smiled. “ It’s just at this point, I don’t think he can function without you.”  
I smiled back and didn’t respond.  
He seemed to be functioning quite well.  
I looked ahead in the distance and Harry was still focused on his call, not giving anyone else a second thought.  
As we loaded our separate vans, I waved bye to the other guys, specifically Niall since he was the only one really talking to me, and climbed in the seat beside Harry.  
His accent coated the near silent car.  
“Well I’ll have to let you know when I get back in town….it‘s in a couple weeks.”  
His green eyes fell on mine as he continued his conversation, then moved around the car, taking in the logistics going on around him.  
“Yeah I’m going, but I don’t know. It really just depends on how everything falls ya know?” he continued.  
As he spoke, I focused on his rings that he never seemed to take off and his freshly painted finger nail.  
He had done it a few days earlier as a joke, and it had stuck. Both of his index fingers were painted a bright eye popping red.  
The car was starting to move, and outside of the radios of security, and Harry’s voice, the car was silent.  
It felt like I was eavesdropping.  
“Alright well I’ll text you in a bit; I’m headed to the airport and I‘m not alone.”  
He turned back to me and gave me a small smile.  
“Kay…” he said into the phone. “Alright, call Glenne she probably knows.”  
I turned away from him again.  
“Yup….kay…bye Kendall.” he said and I instantly turned back to him, feeling his eyes still on me.  
He hung up his call.  
“Sorry.” he said.  
“No problem.”  
He pushed his phone in his jacket and rested his head back against the seat. “I’m so ready to be back at the house…and sleeping.” he added.  
I just gave a small smile again, knowing exactly how he felt.

When we arrived at the airport twenty minutes later, we took a private entrance and boarded the private planes.  
Niall rode with us like usual, as well as Lottie and Lou this time.  
I kept myself busy playing with my sister’s Nintendo DS, while Harry slept.

When we finally arrived back to the Heathrow airport, we all separated, and Harry and I took our private car back to his residence. On the ride, he kept himself occupied once more with his phone.  
He texted right beside me, and I was a little curious who he was talking too.  
London time was a little past noon, and if he was talking to someone in the States, realistically, they would just be getting up.  
Still with Harry you just never knew. Nothing was as it always seemed with him and the ‘Kendall’ slip was playing on my mind.  
I was well aware of their rumored fling years (or was it months?) earlier and didn’t even know they were friends still. Surely it could have been any Kendall in the world, but something told me the chances were slim.  
“Do we need anything when we get back to the house?” Harry invaded my thoughts suddenly. “Any things we were missing?” he questioned aloud.  
“No.” I answered turning to him, shaking away thoughts of any other women.  
“We didn’t need cheese, eggs or milk?” he questioned, giving me his full attention.  
I shook my head no again.  
“What about that almond milk that we liked. Did we drink that all up?” he asked and I smirked at him. Whether he realized it or not, he was making the conversation very domestic, as if we lived together permanently or something.  
“No we should be all good.” I said. “I think the fridge is still pretty stocked.”  
He moved closer to me, resting against the seat.  
“Cool. I think I’m going to barbecue tomorrow though. Get some burgers and hot dogs. Would you like that?” he asked turning back to me.  
“Yeah I’d love it.” I said honestly. I could go for a good old fashioned barbecue, especially since I was going to be missing my normal one for independence day.  
“Well we’d probably have to go to Tesco tonight or the Hampstead butcher that I go too. Would that be okay?”  
“Yeah sure.”  
“Great, we’ll go after we get some sleep.” Harry said, looking back in his phone. His fingers started taping again and his phone pinged with a new message.  
Deeply concentrating, it was clear he was texting someone again.  
Curiosity got the best of me.  
“Who are you texting?” I finally asked.  
Harry looked up at me and then smiled.  
“What?”  
“Who are you texting?” I asked again. My voice had a hint of jealously, though I tried to swallow it down.  
I couldn’t help it though. Harry just knew too many people, and the thought of him having regular conversations with women- and as I had discovered today, exes- was not something I was comfortable with.  
He smiled wider and tilted his head.  
“My London girlfriend.” he said not missing a beat. “Her name’s Marissa if you must know.”  
I instantly cut my eyes at him feeling a wave of jealously and anger take over my throat, hands, face-  
He laughed.  
“God you’re so easy…I’m just kidding! It’s no one important.” he said a second later.  
He kept his eyes on me. “But…Why?”  
“No reason.” I said turning away from him and wiping away invisible lent. I was trying to hide from that new curious stare.  
He continued smiling, amused at my small jealously.  
“It’s not a girl either.” He offered.  
“I never thought it was.” I said looking back at him, though it was a lie.  
“Good. Cuz you don’t need to worry.” he said with an amused grin.  
“I’m not.”  
“Are you sure?” he teased. “You’ve never really taken an interest in my phone before.”  
“I’m positive.” I said turning from him, now feeling foolish that I had even asked. He obviously like the thought that I could be jealous, and he didn’t let up that he was delighted.  
“You’re sure?” he teased again and I looked back at him. “Want to check my phone?”  
“I’m fine.” I reassured.  
“Absolutely sure? You don’t want to-”  
“If you don’t shut the hell up Styles!” I said finally smiling back.  
He laughed again.  
“Fine…well, good.” he said. His deep British accent made the words sound slightly funny.  
“Good.” I said mimicking him with my own small smile.  
He gave me his own look before surprising me and reaching for me.  
He pulled me to him and tickled me.  
“Stop!” I squealed as he attacked me in the backseat.  
“I’ve told you about mocking me.” he warned, placing kisses on my neck, as his hands tickled various parts of my stomach, sides and legs.  
“Punk.” I said when I finally managed to get him off of me.  
He went back to his place in the car and picked up his phone again, resuming his message.  
“’Rissa says hi.” he said a second later.  
I kicked him with my shoe in protest and he laughed.  
“Oh Becca…” he just said.  
I was still curious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to post one more (tonight or tomorrow) then I'm taking a short hiatus; no more than a week or two. I finally outlined the full story and I finally know how I want to end everything. AND HOLY SHIT---you guys are going to love it! I can't wait to sit and write it, which is what I will be doing, and immersing myself in finishing everything.  
> Then, more and faster updates. Yay!
> 
>  
> 
> OOO, and for those worried about the 'K' bomb dropped in the chapter, she will be making a few minor apperances in the future, because she is in Harry's life...but this story is still very much Hecca based, so don't worry about her. 
> 
> :) 
> 
> -


	57. Chapter 57

CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN  
HARRY  
THEN

 

_K. I'll be there._

 

I finished up the message, hitting send and glanced back at Becca. She was still smiling sitting beside me in the small SUV. We were about ten minutes from my house and on our way from the airport.  
Today was my day off and I had plans to meet my Dad later for dinner and as I finished up the text conversation with him, Becca didn’t know it yet, but I planned on bringing her with me.  
It was a small surprise, though my dad was pretty lax and it wouldn’t mean as much if she met him before she met my Mum and the rest of my family.  
With my Mum, I couldn’t lie. She would take one look at me and Becca and know there was something going on between us. She would know immediately how much I liked her, and I didn’t want her getting any ideas. Though she was very happy I was work driven, she worried about me a lot, and she knew a lot times I struggled with loneliness. Though she wasn’t ready for me to walk down the aisle or get serious with anyone, I knew she was waiting for me to get a girlfriend- at least someone she knew who could keep me distracted from the daily struggles of my life.  
Becca had been doing a great job and it was crazy to think of the obvious progression from March til now.  
It seemed like so long ago since we were in Bangkok and I could barely remember what it was like to just be friends.  
We seemed so far from all that now and it had only been a couple of months.  
Still, I didn’t know what was going on with us yet and where this was going, and until it was serious, girls didn’t meet my Mum.  
Even Becca.

 

When we finally got back to the house, we both got settled and went to sleep. Me, from a slight hangover I was still nursing, and she, because she was suffering from small jetlag.  
When we woke up, it was around five, and she returned a call to her mum, while I headed downstairs.  
Looking for a snack, I nibbled on a banana until Becca found me.

 

As she came in the kitchen, she headed for my pantry, grabbing a warm energy drink.  
I watched her.  
“So love, are you hungry?” I asked taking a seat at my kitchen counter on a bar stool.  
She had been nibbling on bird food since she woke up early that morning.  
A bag of chips here, granola bar there…I hadn’t seen her eat one solid thing since we arrived back in London.  
“A little bit, but I’m not starving.” she said.  
“Well I want to take you to dinner today.” I said watching her. “I’ll barbecue tomorrow.”  
“Really?” she asked. She yawned and stretched. “Can we actually not? We’ve been on  the go so much in the last week with all your work stuff that I just want to rest tonight. Are you still  heading to Tesco too?”  
I nodded yes.  
“I’m guessing you don’t want to go there either.” I asked reading her mind.  
“No.” she said with a coy smile.  
I leaned on the counter.  
We needed to meet my dad in the next hour and a half, by seven-thirty. I had to coax  her before then.  
“Well let’s just go to dinner then…it’ll be quick. I really don’t feel like cooking anything today.”  
“Well let’s order out.” she suggested casually. “Are there any good pizza joints?”  
“I’m not really in the mood for pizza.”  
“Chinese takeout? Are  there any good places around here?”  
I smiled and moved around the counter. I pulled her to me. I kissed her nose.  
“No, let’s go to dinner. Please?” I asked, turning on the charm. “We don’t have to stay long.”  
She stared back at me.  
“I don’t feel like getting dressed.” she pouted.  
“Then I’ll help you.” I said. I linked our hands together and swung them between us.  
She sighed, faking annoyance and I pretended to pout with her.  
“I’ll  make sure the food is really good.”  
She didn’t budge.  
“And I’ll pay for everything.”  
She still didn’t budge.  
“And I’ll buy you a big delicious dessert.”  
She smiled, but still didn’t budge.  
Alright, new tactic.  
I leaned and gently pecked her lips.  
“Plllleeeaaassseeee.”  
She smiled against my lips.   
“Plllleeeaaaasssseeeee Becca.”  
She smiled harder.  
“Do you want me to whimper like a dog? ‘cuz I’ll do it.” And then I started making the noises, purring.  
She giggled. She gripped my chin, wagging it back and forth.  
“You’re kind of hard to resist like this.”  
“I know.” I said, and then took it a step further. Getting down on my knees, I bent my head down, placing it against her stomach. I whimpered again, nudging her like a dog.  
She laughed, placing a hand to the back of my head.  
“Alright, alright…Jeez!”  
I lifted back up, giving her an appreciative kiss.  
She just shook her head at me.  
_I can’t believe you._  
“It’s only because your cute.” she warned.  
I just smiled.  
“Am I? Thanks! Now lets go change.” I said re-joining our hands together.  
She groaned instantly.  
Since our hands were still interlinked, she pulled me with her as she headed for the stairs.  
“Can’t I just wear this? People wear their pajamas as clothes now-a-days.” she argued.  
I smiled.  
I didn’t think that was going to work.  
To me, she was beautiful and honestly she could have worn a lamp shade and I wouldn’t have cared. But if I was learning her, she would want to change her clothes before meeting my father.  
Most girls were weird about stuff like that.  
“Well I love whatever you wear. But you‘ll probably be more comfortable in jeans.”  
“Ugh.” she groaned again, finally letting our hands ago. She finally began to climb the stairs.  
“Why can’t I be like you? You can throw on anything and look annoyingly sexy. Sugarscape was right.”  
I chuckled. “Sugarscape?”  
She smiled. “Or whatever that silly site is.”  
 I smiled again. “Believe me, you are sexy.” I assured.  
And for added affect, I slapped her ass.  
She turned to me with a wide smile, and pouted again.  
“Can I wear one of your shirts?”  
We landed at the top of the steps.  
“Hmm…depends on which one you choose.” I said.  
I normally wouldn’t care, but all I needed was her to pick a shirt my father would recognize as mine and then we would have problems.  
I would never hear the end of it.  
He would be calling me whipped the rest of the year.  
Though honestly I was.  
Just a little bit though.  
“Okay.” she said finally. “Good…Maybe some of all _that_ with wear off on me.”  
She gestured to me, making her hands like a fake wand, blessing me with her magic.  
“Its disgusting how you can just be so hot all the time.”  
I didn’t respond verbally, having the same thought, but not about myself.  
I grabbed her shirt, gripping it and pulled her to me.  
 “Becca understand this… _You baby_ …don’t need anything.”  
I wrapped my arm around her and she instantly relaxed in my arms.  
“Baby you’re perfect.” I said.  
“Perfect huh?” she questioned as I gave her another soft peck on the lips.  
“And baby I’m perfect for you…” I sang, humming a new familiar melody.  
She smiled.  
“That could be a song.”  
I smiled wider. “It already is.”  
She looked at me in interest.  
“Really? What’s it about?”  
“Us.” I said and her eyes immediately clouded.  
She blinked. “I’m sorry….um what?”  
I smirked and kept her pulled close.  
“Well parts of it. You definitely have inspired me lately. Don’t be surprised if you end up on the album.”  
She smiled and swayed in my arms.  
“Sing some more to me then.”  
“No. Get dressed. I’m hungry.”  
She pouted again and I patted her butt, pulling away from her.  
“Is that really a song?” she asked as we broke apart.  
“It is.”  
“And it’s really about us?” she questioned.  
I moved past her, heading into the bedroom.  
“It is. And our secret rendezvous.” I teased.  
She smiled, but I could tell she still didn’t believe me.  
She would be pretty surprised in a months time, when it came out.  
For now, it was planned as our first single for the new album.  
She followed me in the bedroom.  
I opened my closet and she stood beside me.  
“All yours.” I said.  
She quickly began to rummage through the closet, while I took a seat on my nearby bed.  
Like any normal warm blooded man I took advantage of the body in front of me, and stared at her butt as she shifted clothes around.  
“Hmm…what to wear…?” she questioned aloud.  
Then she turned to me. I didn’t even hide the fact that I had been staring at her butt, giving her a mischievous smile.  
She wagged her hand at me.  
“Don’t start. It’s either dinner or sex. You are not about to get both.” she said with a small dimpled smirk.  
I playfully scoffed. “I’m not trying to sleep with you every moment of the day. Give me some credit. I do have some self control.“  
“Good.” she said. “Because I’m only giving in once today.” she said and stuck her tongue out.  
My smile didn’t leave my face.  
“Well we’ll see how you feel later.” was all I said.  
She turned from me and giggled.

 

She continued to rummage through my closet.  
It was actually quite a sexy image.  
Soon, every few seconds she would turn around and show me one shirt she wanted to wear.  
“Sure.” I would say every time, but she wouldn’t pick one.  
“I can do better.” she would say and start shuffling again.  
“Baby just pick one.” I said after the tenth shirt.  
“But I love all your clothes. They smell like you and feel good against my skin.”  
I rolled my eyes. “Oh jeez.”  
 Now she sounded like a Sugarscape article.  
She turned and showed me another one.  
“Sure.” I said again barely paying attention at this point. They all looked the same to me, and I didn't know a closet full of  men’s t-shirts could be so interesting to a woman.  
She moved to place it back in the closet.  
“No. Not that one.”  
I stood, finally having enough, and grabbed the shirt out of her hand before she placed it on the rack.  
It was just a simple long sleeve white t-shirt but I did actually want her to put it on.  
I was being selfish but I was picturing after dinner when we got back, and that being the only pair of clothing she wore.  
I already grew excited at that prospect of watching her lie in my bed with my t-shirt on.  
_This isn’t the stain of a red wine, I’m bleeding love_ …I hummed internally thinking of another new song on our pending album.  
That one was written by me.  
“Put this one on.” I said looking back at her. “You’ll look beautiful.” I said.  
I shifted her hair off her shoulder. “And with your necklace, it’ll go great.”  
Her hands instantly went to the emerald and heart pendant that I had bought for her.  
It sat in its permanent place.  
“Fine.” she said giving in.  
She pulled off  her current shirt and then her bra a moment later. I felt like she was purposely trying to entice me.   
“The bra is too dark.” she explained innocently, catching my eyes. “You’’ll see it through the shirt.”  
“Yeah. Uh-huh.”  
I was barely listening.  
I wanted to touch her and her standing nude in front of me, didn‘t help.  
“No. Dinner or sex.” she reiterated and I smiled.  
I moved away from her.  
I needed to text my dad anyway.  
I looked down at my phone, unlocking it, and composed a quick message, confirming I would be at the agreed upon location.  
Becca finished changing in front of me.  
“Where do you want to go?” she asked when she finished.  
“I’ve got a place in mind. I think you’ll like it.”  I said cryptically.  
She didn’t seem to care. “Alright. Give me a few minutes.”  
I nodded okay and she headed for the bathroom.  
She left the door open, so I watched as she brushed her hair and pulled it up in a bun.  
There were a few wisps that hung down and rested on her shoulder.  
They framed her slender neck.  
Damn, she was beautiful.  
I watched as she applied a thin layer of lip gloss and then left the bedroom heading to her bag.  
She picked up a bottle, and sprayed something on her body.  
Instantly the scent of Vanilla filled my nostrils.  
So that was where it came from…  
She headed back in the bathroom and then I watched as she applied eye liner.  
“I’m almost done.” she said softly as she lined her eyes in a small wing, deeply concentrating.  
I didn’t even respond. I just loved to watch her.  
My mind wandered a bit and I wondered how many guys in the past she had did this with.  
How many lucky guys had watched her putting on her makeup, or got to smell the sweet smell of her perfume?  
How many had got to watch the way she moved around a room, keeping everything neat and tidy or rested their head in her hair while she slept beside them?  
How many had got to just be with her, feeling her lips brush against their skin?

 

What we had was far from special and I was sure there were thousands of couples that did the same things we did, but it bothered me suddenly to think of someone else doing it _with her_.  
I knew it wouldn’t be long until that day would be coming. We would have to part and she would move on with her life.  
There would be another man in my place: watching her, thinking about her, missing her…  
Someone else would get these perks, and not just for a couple of months- no Becca had the potential to stick around for a while.  If she actually looked past her studies, there was no doubt in my mind she would be in a serious relationship.  
She was truly a special girl and I was lucky that she was even here with me.   
In this, whatever it was, she was Harry Styles, and I was just her devoted fan.  
I was the one in awe of her.

 

As she continued in front of me, she started to hum, seeming to forget I was there, and I continued to watch her.  
How many more times would I even get to do this? How many more days did we have together?  
I knew we only had a few more weeks together-if that.  
With my schedule the next few weeks, I knew I had a lot of things going on.  
It wouldn’t be long before we released the new single, and from there, whisked off into promotion land.  
Who knew when I would get to see her?

 

An uncomfortable rise sat in the pit of my stomach suddenly and it saddened me to think  that our time may end one day soon. I already knew I wasn’t yet ready for that. I wasn’t ready for things to yet go back to the way that they were before.

 

I was so deeply lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice when she came back out.  
She stood in front of me completely finished.  
“Ready?” she asked.  
I looked up at her.  
I had been right. Now that I was seeing the final product, with her emerald necklace and her makeup, she was stunning. And it was just a simple t-shirt.  
I nodded yes.  
She went to move, and I grabbed her hand suddenly.  
“Wait,” I called gently.  
She looked at me in confusion as I pulled her to me.  
She relaxed her legs between mine and bent down.  
Our eyes locked.  
“Yes baby?” she called kissing the top of my forehead.  
I lifted my head and caressed her chin.  
“What is it?” she asked softly.  
“Nothing.” I said. “I just wanted to look at you.”  
She smiled her beautiful smile and I melted.  
I just wanted to imprint this.  
Long when she was gone out of my life, I just wanted to have the memory and remember how she had made me feel.  
I wanted to remember this face and this moment.  
I wanted to remember what this comfort felt like. The touch of completeness I felt when I was with her.  
That wonderful touch of Becca.  
I stared back at her studying the face I already had memorized.  
So, so beautiful…  
She turned from me shyly.  
“What’s wrong?” I asked.  
“Your eyes.” she said, not meeting my gaze. “They’re so intense right now.”  
“Sorry.” I said softly. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.  
“It’s fine.” she said bringing her eyes back to me. “Just stop looking at me like that.”  
Her tone had a hint of humor to it and it made me smile.  
I didn’t know  how I was looking at her, but I would grant her request.  
“Fine.” I said.  
I pulled her back to me and kissed her.  
Then, I was ready to go.

 

When we were in the car, first I drove to the gas station.  
We were in my Range Rover and it had been a while since I had filled the tank.  
“Do you want anything?” I asked when we stopped.  
She shook her head no.  
“I’ll be back.” I said. I filled up the tank and then headed inside.  
I  grabbed a pack of gum and a water, and as I was ringing up, my eyes caught something in the distance.  
Smiling to myself, I picked it up and added it to my total.  
Then, after I paid, I headed back to the car.  
Becca was in her phone, texting.  
“My mom says hi.” she said warmly.  
“Tell her I say hi back.” I said and Becca turned to me with a smile.  
Then I handed her my new gift.  
She instantly giggled.  
Twirling the Ring Pop in her hand she looked at me in amusement.  
“Don’t say I never got you anything.”  
She smiled, taking it out of the packet and then placed the candy ring on her hand.  
“Fits nicely. Good job fake hubby.”  
“You’re welcome fake wife.”  
I leaned over licking the Cherry flavor.  
“Taste quite good too.” I said and winked.  
She just chuckled and tasted it herself as I started the car.  
I pulled out of the lot, and then headed to the restaurant.  
Both of my parents didn’t live close to me, so I had to drive a bit to meet him halfway.  
Becca settled back in the seat, listening to the music and sucking on her cherry ring.  
“Is this near where you grew up?” she asked.  
“No. We’d have to drive a bit more to go there.”  
“Will you take me one day?” she asked.  
I mentally calculated my schedule. I had quite a few promotional things to do in the next few days and I had to do some more recording.  
“I’ll try.” I said but it was probably not going to happen.   
We only had ten more days together and then she was scheduled to go back to Los Angeles.  
The month had gone by extremely fast and I didn’t want to make any promises.

 

When we arrived at the restaurant a half hour later, we still had fifteen minutes to kill until my dad would be there. I knew his car and knew he wasn’t there yet.  
Becca moved to get out, and I stopped her.  
“No wait a second.” I said.  
She looked back at me curiously as I restarted my car.  
“I want to take you somewhere quick.”  
“But we’re at the restaurant.”  
“We have time.” I said simply.  
“Time for what?” she asked.  
I didn’t answer as I pulled us out of the lot, and took a quick detour.  
Luckily we were only five minutes away.  
When we pulled up, she looked back at me in interest.  
“What is this?” she asked.  
She alternated her eyes between me and the short dark tunnel in front of us.  
“Get out.” I said gently.  
“Where are we?”  
“We’re safe.” I said as she took in our surroundings.  
We were by a park, but we were on a turnoff.  
This place I had discovered on accident a long time ago.  
It was a small tunnel, that was partially lit, and quite private unless someone ventured past it- which in my experience didn’t happen too often.  
“What are we doing?” she asked again.  
“Just trust me.” I said and climbed out of my car.  
She climbed out as well, and I met her on the side of her car.  
I gave her my hand and pulled her inside of the small tunnel. It was still light outside, and just starting to approach dusk.  
We walked quietly, not saying a word to each other until we walked in far enough for me.  
“I really don’t get what we’re doing.” she said with a smile.  
“It’s just something I want to say that I got to do.” I said turning and looking back at her.   
“And what’s that?”  
We entered the tunnel, closer to the middle and the light from my headlights shined on us as I pulled her to a wall.  
She looked back at me in curiosity as I lifted her hands above her head and closed the space between us.  
“What are you doing?”  
I silenced her concerns with my lips.  
A slow, soft kiss.  
She leaned forward, adding more to it, and I instantly closed my eyes.  
As her mouth softly enclosed against mine, she gently moaned against my mouth and her hands fell into my hair.  
Entering tongue, our mouths tangled together, savoring the gentleness of each other’s lips. Hers had an extra hint of cherry, and only further softened her sweet kiss.  
It was one of the more passionate kisses we had ever shared and when we pulled apart, her face was slightly flush and her lips were a deep pink.  
“What was that?” she asked.  
I placed my hands against the wall above her and leaned.  
“I just wanted to kiss you in public.”  
“In public?” she questioned.  
I nodded yes.  
“Besides the park earlier this month, I’ve never kissed you out in the open like this.” I said gesturing around. “Someone could walk by at any moment.”  
“And why is that significant?” she asked in confusion.   
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I jut wanted to be able to say I did it. I don’t like having to hide you all the time.” I admitted honestly.  
“I don’t think you hide me.” she said. “I’ve been to your concerts and stuff. I’ve traveled with you,” she pointed out. “We go out in the open sometimes.”  
“We’ve been lucky.” I agreed. “But I can’t walk into that restaurant right now holding your hand. I can’t pull you in for a kiss all the time like I want too. There is still a level of secrecy between us and I don’t know…it kind of bothers me that people don’t know about you.”  
She continued to look at me, trying to understand my words.  
“I like my privacy,” I made sure to note. “But you’re one of my best friends, and no one even knows. It’s like I’m hiding an important part of my life or something. It just seems so stupid and unnecessary at times…though it is.” I continued. “I can’t share you with the world because then it’ll be ruined and rumors and bullshit… and it just…gets so old sometimes.” I said.  
She continued to look back at me, not sure of what to say. I know she wasn’t expecting that answer, and honestly I hadn’t either.   
I hadn’t meant to think about all this right now, but as the thoughts were passing through, it was just all coming out.   
I smiled at her, and she wrapped her hands around my waist.  
“I mean…don’t you think its ridiculous that I can’t even  follow you on any social media?” I questioned.  
She smiled this time and played with the hem of my black jeans.  
“Well you know when its on Facebook, its official Harry.” she joked.  
I smiled.  
She ran her hands against my chest.  
“I don’t mind the secrecy.” she said a moment later. “I’ve heard about how bad it gets for girls sometimes and I don’t want to deal with it. I’d rather be your dirty little secret then get the tons of hate that comes with being near you. I don’t need the world knowing I know you. For what? Too boast? I don’t care about any of that. Trust me, just having you is enough for me.”  
I touched her cheek.  
That was sweet and I was happy she was so understanding about it all.  
“Yeah…I just wish it was different sometimes. You deserve more ya know.” I said.  
“More…” she said rolling the word on her tongue.  
“Yeah.” I said placing my head down, briefly studying our shoes.  
“And what does that look like?” she questioned a second later.  
I looked back up at her.  
“More?” I repeated and she nodded yes.  
I shrugged.  
“Well I don’t know….I guess we would see each other more. We would definitely not hide as much, and it would be…a real relationship.” I guessed. “Ya know, the vacations and meeting of parents and—you yelling at me because I leave the toilet seat up.”  
She giggled.  
“I mean, I don’t know.” I said honestly. “I don't have a clue what I’m talking about honestly. I haven’t had it remember?”  
She smiled and continued to trail her hands across my chest.  
“Yeah…” she said, and then looked down herself, repeating my previous action.  “Can I ask a question though?”  
“You can ask me anything. At any time. “  
She looked back up at me, her face took on a shy expression.  
“Well…” she began, “I’m just thinking…” she prefaced. “In another time, another world actually…if you could-”She looked back at me.  
“Yeah?” I questioned since she paused with uneasiness.  
“Well…nevermind it’s stupid.” She said growing shy.  
“Stop, don’t do that.” I said. “Tell me.”  
“It’s stupid.”  
“ _Tell me.”_  
I played with a string of her hair.  
“Well…the more…” she trailed off, still not facing me directly.  
“Yeah?” I questioned again.  
“Well….do you think we would have it? You know if you weren’t you with this job and I didn’t have school and- do you think we…we could have it?” she asked completely shy and embarrassed.  
I smiled slowly.  
“Yeah.” I said.  
She smiled unsure.  
“Yeah?” she questioned uneasily.  
I nodded yes. Cupping her face back in my hands, the absolute truth suddenly spilled out.  
“Becca if I could, I would give you everything.”  
She smiled then, the sweetest smile I had ever seen and I know she wasn’t expecting that answer.  
Hell, I wasn’t expecting that answer but it was true.  
I would make her the happiest woman if I could.

 

But I couldn’t.

 

She leaned forward, giving me another soft kiss. My hands remained cupped around her face and that was where we stayed for the next minute. For a second, the dream of what we could never be rested between us and I could tell we both wanted to pretend it was different for a second. As her lips curled around me, her kiss took on a new hunger, and when we finally pulled away, we were both regretful.

 

I could feel the buzz of my phone in my back pocket and I remembered our plans.  
Shit, my father.

 

“We’ve gotta  go.” I said pulling away from her and letting the last few moments finally fade away. “We need to eat.”  
She woke up too, and broke the contact. Placing her hands in her pockets, she pushed off the wall.  
“Deal.”

We hopped in the car, and I drove back to our previous location.  
We both didn’t say a word as we made the five minute trek back.  
When I eventually pulled back in the parking lot, I saw my fathers car.  
_Good._  
We climbed out of the car and headed in together.  
My eyes immediately scanned the place, and I saw my Father wave me down.  
The place was smaller and quaint, and we wouldn’t be bothered here.  
Well…hopefully.  
Tapping Becca’s arm, I led her over to the table.  
Before we reached my dad, I pulled up beside her and whispered in her ear.  
“ Now, don’t freak out. This isn’t a big deal.”  
She looked back at me in confusion and then we were near my dad.  
He stood as we approached the table.  
“Hey Son” he called, pulling me in a hug.  
I smiled and hugged him back. “Hi Dad.” I said back.  
When we broke apart, I glanced at Becca and all the color was drained from her face. She was an interesting shade of green.  
“Hi. I’m Desmond.” My father said barely noticing.  
“Becca.” she mumbled and cut her eyes at me.  
I knew I was in trouble.  
I pulled out her seat, needing a distraction from her stare and sat down as well.  
“How you guys doing?” My father asked.  
“We’re good. Been here long?” I asked keeping my attention solely on him.  
Darts and daggers were to my left.  
“No, no.” he said and took in Becca.  
“This is my good friend.” I quickly explained.  
Then I turned to her.  
“And Becca, this is my father.”  
She didn’t look at me.  
I was definitely on punishment.  
“It’s nice to meet you.” she said to him.  
“Likewise. Have you guys been out and enjoying the weather?”  
“No.” I said honestly. “We’ve been cooped up in the house. Just got back.”  
“Where was it last night? Sweden?”  
“That’s in a couple days. We just came from Oslo.”  
“Oh well that’s no fun. You hear it’s suppose to get up to the nineties soon? It’s going to be a heat wave.”  
“I did. I won’t be here.” I  reminded him. By then I would be doing another show.  
“Oh yeah.” he said and chuckled. “Keep forgetting.”  
Then he settled his attention on Becca again.  
“I hardly see him, but I still forget that my son travels the world all the time. I feel like he’s away at the University or something. ” He joked.  
Becca smiled.  
“So…what do you do?” he asked her.  
“I’m a student in the states.”  
“What do you study?”  
“Literature. And writing.” she said and I picked up a menu.  
“How long have you been studying?”  
I already knew with these questions, they could have a bit too talk about, so I took the opportunity and scanned some food options.  
Becca answered all of his questions and I could tell my Father tried to make her comfortable.  
Until, he ventured into the elephant in the room.  
“So how long have you guys been seeing each other?” he asked.  
His eyes shifted between both of us.  
Becca instantly looked at me for an answer.  
Her eyes read a big, wide _he knows_  
I ignored her expression.  
“Um.” I said, closing my menu. “For a bit. March right?” I asked turning to her.  
Her eyes went wider.  
I guess she didn’t expect me to tell the truth.  
She nodded and a slow smile built.  
“I guess…yeah.” she said.  
I smiled back at her. I guess the tunnel was still casting a temporary spell over us.  
Playing imaginary relationship house was causing temporary insanity it seemed.  
I turned back to my Father.  
Why the hell did I just tell him that?  
“Well its really nice to meet you. I feel lucky.” He cut in. “No one normally meets his girls. Secretive one this one is.” He said cutting me a look.  
“Hey…” I said cutting in. “Let’s not get into that, yeah?”  
He chuckled and we shared a smile.  
We all ordered our food and it went surprisingly well.  
Whatever nervousness Becca had in the beginning, quickly disappeared.  
By the time, we packed up to leave, I knew I had his permission- whatever that might have been, though I wasn’t asking for it.  
He patted my back affectionately and told me he liked her when she wasn’t paying attention.  
I hadn’t brought her for his approval, I was just really tired of hiding her as I said.  
Still, it all went very well and I was happy he liked her.

 

When we got back in the car, Becca immediately started on me.  
“You are in so much fucking trouble. How could you do that to me? Look at me,” she said. “I look horrible, and you choose today to let me meet your dad? What is _that_ shit?”  
“You never look horrible. I  haven’t seen you look any less than beautiful every day I’ve known you.” I said softly, purposely still not meeting her eyes.  
I was being a shit and I knew it. I tried to stop myself from smiling.   
She shook her head in disagreement.  
“That wasn’t cool Harry. Not at all.”  
My smile broke through, so wide I could no longer contain it.  
I turned to her. I quickly came to my own defense.  
“Would you have came if I told you?”  
“No.” she said quickly.  
“Well that’s why I didn’t tell you. I had to trick you.”  
She pouted and crossed her arms, turning from me. I smirked.  
“It’s not that big of a deal. Meeting my dad’s not that important.” I said.  
“Um he’s your dad Harry.”  
“So  he gave me life?” I said casually. “He’s still nonchalant about things. You’re making a bigger deal about it then he is I’m sure.”  
“Still.” She said “I would have liked to know.”  
“Next time you will.” I said touching her leg. “Besides, now we’re even. I know your mum. You know my dad.”  
“It’s not the same.”  
“It’s totally the same.” I said, then finally started my car. “Now with my mum and your dad it would be a different story.”  
“Oh yeah, you can’t meet my dad.” She agreed. “If you’re not my husband you’re not getting through the door.”  
I smiled.  
“See…But…I need to head to get the barbecue. Should I drop you off, or are you coming with?”  
“Oh for the grocery shopping you actually ask me, but for your dad it’s a secret.” She said with a sassy eye roll.  
I chuckled. “That’s not an answer Becca Johnson.”  
“I’m coming with.” she said finally. “Seems like you can’t be trusted today.”  
“Good.” I said. “Because I wasn’t planning on driving back home anyway.”  
She playfully hit my arm and I laughed.  
She settled back in her seat and I smiled.  
We shared a quick kiss, before I pulled out of the parking lot.  
Man, it was going to be hard to let her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are four chapters from the Now coming back, and with it Harry and Becca in the 'Now'. :)


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you all know I write about Harry's life, and real life aspects that take place and real people he is close to and interacts with. A couple weeks ago when I heard of Robin's passing I struggled with what was I going to do with chapters such as this one you are about to read. 
> 
> I finally came to the conclusion that it would be an injustice to not mention him. He was obviously someone very important to Harry and was involved in many aspects of his life. He deserves to be remembered and mentioned. 
> 
> So as you read this, I hope it doesn't make anyone too sad. 
> 
> Rest in Peace Robin, you were definitely taken too soon.

~~~~

CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT  
Harry.

Then.

There was a Ella Henderson song that played on the radio. Yours, is what I think it was called.   
There was a lyric, so simple and significant to that next morning when we woke up.

_The moments waking up, you catch me in your eye, that beauty on my pillow, that holds me in the night._

As Becca rolled over in my bed that next morning, naked, and the sun shining on her skin, that lyric played in my head.   
She was such a beautiful sight.   
As I climbed out of the bed, pulling on my discarded boxers from the night before, I turned to her.   
As her opaque eyes locked on mine, I smiled.   
“Hi.” I said softly.   
“Hi.” she mumbled.   
She stretched and blinked her eyes a couple times, adjusting to the light coming from my patio window.   
“Good Morning beautiful.” I said. “How did you sleep?”  
“Great.” she said softly.   
I kept my eyes on her. Some of her veiled within the thin sheet.   
“Are you hungry?”  
She sighed then groaned, giving me a lazy smile.   
“Jeez. Let me wake up.” she muttered, bringing a hand to her face and rubbing. She looked adorable but exhausted.

We had been up late.   
Memories of sliding skin, and moaned names sat at the top of my head.   
Last night had been a record-even for us.   
After leaving my father and the grocery store, we had headed back to the house where I quickly prepped some food I was planning on barbecuing today and then we began our mini sex-a-thon.   
Multiple positions and barely any sleep later, here we were; tired, and sore.   
I stretched as well, feeling a stiffness in my legs and back.   
“I need to go to the gym later.” I estimated.   
“I just might join you.” she said.   
I smiled and looked back at her. Her breasts were full and nipples hard and the small birthmark near her collarbone looked back at me. My eyes didn’t leave hers.   
I moved over to her, placing my knee on the bed, and leaned over her.   
Her hands instantly wrapped around my arms, pulling me closer as we shared a gentle kiss.   
_Your arms they keep me steady, so nothing can fall apart…_  
She smiled as we pulled apart, and I instantly regretted my plans for the day.   
Staying in bed next to _that_ all morning would have been just fine by me.   
However I had made plans with my parents and sister.   
I had been in London the majority of the month, yet my family hadn’t seen me since late May. It was out of character for me, and it was beginning to be noted and pointed out by my immediate family.   
I needed to see everyone soon, because in the next couple of days I would have promotions, and then I would be back on the road.   
I had gotten my dad out of the way yesterday, and now today was my mum, step dad and sister’s turn.   
Which reminded me, I needed to find somewhere for Becca to go.  
Pulling off the bed, I headed for the bathroom to wash up.   
Becca temporarily moved from her spot to grab her phone across the room, and then she was back to her previous spot; nude and comfortable.   
“I’ll make pancakes.” I announced after brushing my teeth and washing my face. “That should give us some energy.”  
She yawned, still lethargic from her place in my bed.   
“Sounds good.”  
I grabbed my personal phone, unlocking it, and headed out of the bedroom.   
I had three hours until my parents would get there, and I needed to figure something out fast.   
I knew her limbs were stiff, and shopping (with walking) was probably the last thing on her mind.   
Previously I had considered just giving her my credit card, and letting her go wild on the town. I was probably going to drop her off on Oxford Street at Selfridges, but now, she needed something a bit more relaxing.   
As I headed downstairs, opening up the house and lighting one of my Cinnamon candles, I googled things to surprise her with.   
I typed in ‘Relaxing things to do for your girlfriend’  
It took me to a link, and I scrolled through it.   
Everything from ‘Make your girlfriend a signature cocktail’ to ‘Book a mini theater for a private screening’ looked back at me.   
No.   
No.   
And no.   
I scanned the list further, then I saw it.   
‘Book her a day at the spa’  
That would be relaxing and if she got the full treatment, she could stay out all day.   
That was it.   
I started the food, and found a nearby place for her.   
I researched the treatments, and decided to just book them all.   
Hair, nails, waxing, massage…the whole package.   
I quickly called the place and gave my check card information. My card was under my assistant’s name, so it didn’t raise any red flags.   
“Give her anything she wants.” I said as I booked the appointment and flipped a pancake on a griddle.   
Becca came downstairs.   
She was dressed now in pajama shorts, socks and a tank.   
I noted no bra.   
Still keeping my initial three item house rule in effect, I smiled.   
She came by me, stealing a piece of bacon that I had just made.   
I slapped her hand and hung up the phone call.   
When I did, she leaned and kissed my cheek.   
“Smells good.”  
I patted her butt.   
“It’ll be done soon.” I said.   
She nodded okay, chewing on the bacon she stole.   
“Good thing too. Because you have to go.” I said.   
She looked back at me.   
“What do you mean?”  
“You have an appointment.”  
“Appointment where?”  
“At the spa.”  
“What spa?” she asked.   
“Balance Renewal.”  
She smiled.   
“Balance and Renewal, sounds cheesy…Are you being serious?”  
“Yup.”   
She looked at me curiously.  
“You actually booked me a spa day?”   
I nodded yes.   
“But why?”  
I flipped a pancake.   
“I have to head into some meetings today, and I figured you would be quite bored with all that, so…I booked you an appointment. You need to be there by ten-thirty so I’ll drive you.”  
She glanced at the clock on the microwave. 8:42.   
“I’m confused.” she said with her eyes scanning the room.   
“Seems like it.” I chuckled.   
“When did you do this?” she asked with a smile.  
“Just now. You seemed like you could use it.” I teased.   
She bit her lip and smiled wider. “Shouldn’t be so thorough. You actually left a hickey on me last night.”  
“Did I?” I asked. Thus far I hadn’t left marks, though I often wanted too. It wasn’t about the mark, or even the possessiveness of it; it was about the intimacy. No one, but me and her knew about the little love bruise hidden under her clothes and there was something sexy about that. I already shared so much with millions of people that I was grateful for every little thing we could just share between us.   
She lifted her shorts and sure enough, on her inner left thigh, there was a slight pink bruise.   
I smiled proudly. “It looks nice.”  
She giggled and stole another piece of bacon. “Alright, well I’ll get dressed.”  
“Kay. I’ll make your plate so hurry up.”  
“Pushy, pushy…” she said.   
I just smirked and finished up my batch.   
When she came back downstairs a half hour later, she smelled fresh from the shower, and she was wearing one of my shirts again.   
“What is with you and my shirts?” I asked as she came over to me.   
“Do you want me to take it off?”  
“No. I’m actually considering packing a bag for you to take home.”  
“You should.” she said. “I’d sleep in them every night. They smell wonderful.”   
And then to prove her point, she brought the shirt up to her nose. The little flash of her skin turned me on. I turned from her.   
“No deal.” I said. “The only way you’re sleeping in my shirts, is if I’m sleeping beside you.”  
“That can be arranged.” she said.   
“It will be. The moment I’m back in Los Angeles next month. I expect you to be in bed every night.”  
“Okay.” she said with a smile in agreement.   
She came over to me and sat down, grabbing her plate that I had made for her.   
“Now go get dressed.” she said surveying me.   
“I don’t think you can drop me off in just your boxers.”  
I smiled and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back.”  
I headed upstairs, throwing on my Mum’s favorite shirt- in case I didn’t make it back in time- and my regular jeans.   
I pulled my hair back, made a quick call on my work cell and then met Becca downstairs.   
By then, she was finishing up her plate and texting.   
“About ready?” I asked.  
She nodded yes and shifted her plate away from her.   
I glanced at the clock. It was close to ten.  
“Okay beautiful….get your ass in the car. We have to go.”  
“Ohh I love it when your feisty.” she said and giggled.   
I just shook my head and grabbed my keys, following her out of the house.  
“Did I need anything?” she asked.   
“A little late to be asking don’t ya think?”  
“Well you distract me. I can’t think of everything all the time.”  
I just smiled as the car started.   
“You don’t need anything.” I reassured.   
“So what are you guys meeting about?” she asked sitting back and getting comfortable.   
“Um…I don’t know. The usual I guess. Getting ready for the next few weeks. We‘re starting to wrap up everything on the album and send some tracks to mastering. ”  
“Will you be doing any recording then?”  
“Probably not. I have to get back to the house to make the food.” I said turning to her.   
“Oh yeah, Barbeque tonight.” she said rubbing her hands together.   
“Yup, it’ll be done hopefully when you get back.”  
“Yum.”

When we made it to the spa, Becca gave me a long kiss and once again I was regretful that we needed to separate.   
“Text me when you’re about to be done. Give me like an hours notice“ I said. “I’ll come get you.”  
“Kay.” she said softly.   
“Don’t call a cab.” I warned and reiterated. “Just call me.”   
“I will.” she said. “Jeez, I get a cab one time and you can’t let it go.” she mumbled. I smiled and kissed her forehead.  
“Okay. Have fun.”   
“Likewise.”  
She climbed out of my car, and then I rushed back to my house.   
I needed to shower and I needed to clean up the mess from this morning’s breakfast, but I only had twenty minutes until my family would arrive.   
So I quickly straightened up, removing the most ‘visible’ pieces of Becca and began to clean up the kitchen.   
I could shower when they got there.   
I was in the middle of wiping the counter when my mum called to let me know she was outside.   
I went to my door and punched in a code, unlocking my gate and opened my front door.   
My family was in my step dad’s car.   
“Well, well, well…hello family.” I said as they climbed out of the car.   
I outstretched my arms and my mum hugged me first.   
“Hi Honey.”  
“How are you?” I asked taking her in my arm, and kissing her cheek.   
“Lovely.” and then she placed my head between her hands and shook my head back and forth. She then gently pinched my cheeks.   
It was a silly gesture she did every time we were apart for a while.   
It had to remind myself it had been a month since I had seen her.   
As she pulled away I hugged Robin, my stepfather and then Gemma, my lively sister.  
She was all grins and high energy as she hugged me back.   
“How was everything?” I asked, moving in the house. “At Chloe’s?”  
“It was great.” Gemma said plopping down on the couch and making herself comfortable.   
“You were missed.” Robin said.   
“Yeah, Chloe asked about you. I kept telling her, ‘I thought he said he was coming’.”  
“Yeah I was.” I said softly. “I just had unexpected company.”  
“Anyone we know?” Gemma asked.   
“Uh…no.” I said. Gemma knew Becca, but I wasn’t ready to go down that road yet.   
My Mum sat down on the couch next to Gemma.   
“So what have you been doing with your days off?”  
“Not much.” I said. “Just the usual stuff.”  
“Spending time with your friends?”  
“A bit. And sleeping.”  
She pouted her lip. She worried about me- A LOT.   
She was always making sure I was okay; physically and mentally.   
Though I didn’t get to see my family as much as I would have liked, we were all very close and kept in touch vocally behind the scenes.   
I headed to the kitchen.   
“So, I stopped at the Hampstead Butcher recently. Got us some stuff to BBQ.”  
“That sounds great. We didn’t really eat much on the way here, so fire it up.” My mum said standing. “What can I help with?”  
“Nothing.” I said. “I’m the cook today. Just sit back and relax. I’ve got to take a quick shower, then I’m all yours.”  
My family smiled back at me.

After, I quickly got to work, pulling out the meat that I had prepared in advance last night. I made sure to set out Becca‘s requested brats along with the burgers, steaks and ribs I had as well. I didn’t know how long Becca was going to be at the spa, and I was pretty sure my family and her arrival would overlap in some small way.   
I needed to get everything done as quickly as possible.   
“What do you have?” Robin asked coming over to me. I already noted he was going to help me grill and we quickly got to work, putting everything together.   
As I moved in and out of the house from my backyard area, my family caught me up on all that I had missed in my months absence.   
“When’s your next break?” Gemma asked.   
“August.” I said. “I’ll be here.” I reassured.   
“Cool. You know when you get back here, we’re thinking of--”  
I listened intently, while some of the first meat finished. I made plates, and pulled out the sides while they updated me on some fall plans when I got back to town.   
In the middle of it all, Becca texted me.   
Glancing at my phone, I opened her message.

_*Right now, I’m lying back on a huge comfy seat and getting my feet massaged and painted and loving you. This was just what I needed. Thank you.*_

She sent me another one of those kissy face emojis and I texted her back with a smile.

 _*You’re welcome. Glad you’re enjoying_ it _love. I’ll see you soon.*_

“So what else is going on?” My mother asked suddenly.   
She had a glass of wine and was sitting at my kitchen island  
Gemma was fixing her plate and Robin was outside tossing some of the meat.   
“Not much Mum. Ya know…the usual.”  
She glanced at Gemma and then back to me.  
Taking a slow sip of her wine, she kept her eyes on me.   
“I talked to your father today.”  
“Yeah?” I asked.   
“Yeah.” she said softly. “He says he saw you yesterday.”  
And I immediately froze.   
I knew that tone and I knew immediately where this conversation was going to go.  
I quickly played it off.   
“Yeah I had some time. It was a quick dinner.”  
“I heard.” she said. “He told me you brought a friend.”  
Once again I shrugged it off, and shifted the food in front of me.   
If I acted casual, she would realize it wasn’t a big deal.

Yeah…not so much.

“He said you brought your girlfriend.”  
Gemma instantly paused her movements and glanced at me.  
“Huh?” she asked. “Girlfriend?“  
I shook my head no, and looked back down at the food.   
“No. Mum, what do you want on your plate?”  
“I’m not hungry yet.” she said. Then she leaned down and made me force the eye contact.   
Our eyes locked.   
She looked at me, demanding an answer.   
I looked at her, begging her to let it go.   
She won.   
“It‘s not serious.” I said quickly. “It was just a friend…”  
My mother raised an eyebrow, while Gemma kept her eyes on me in interest.   
“Dad, met a girl yesterday?” she asked; both of them, confused and feeling out of the loop.   
I sighed and was thankful when Robin came in the room that moment.  
He had a plate of the now-done steaks.  
“Ooh the steaks.” I said quickly intervening and grabbing them. I was so thankful for the distraction.  
“So why haven’t I met her?” My mum continued.  
“There’s no one to meet.” I said pulling the food from Robin.   
“Of course there is. She met your father.” And I’m your mother.” She protested.   
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean anything.” I said.   
Gemma chuckled. “Yes it does.”  
“No it‘s doesn‘t.” I immediately argued, looking at her.   
“It’s _Dad,”_ Gemma argued back.   
I just shrugged, brushing it off.  
“So? I only brought her because I didn’t want to leave her at the house. That would have been kind of rude leaving her here all alone.”  
I thought this would be a satisfying answer, but instead, it seemed to bring more questions.   
“She’s staying with you?” My mother asked instantly and I sighed.   
“What’s her name?” Gemma asked.   
“What are we even talking about?” Robin asked.   
“Harry’s girlfriend.” My mum answered quickly.   
Robin smiled as if he already expected it. I turned back to my mother.   
“First off let’s stop.” I said gently. “Secondly she’s not.” I said.   
“What’s her name?” Gemma repeated.   
I put my hands up, hoping to halt the conversation.   
“Can we move on from this whole conversation please?”  
“No I want to meet her.” My mother protested. “Its not fair that your dad gets too, and not me.”  
“Mum you don’t need too-” I began, then Gemma cut in.   
“What’s her name?” she asked for the third time.  
“Rebecca.” My mother finally answered, and I groaned.   
Jeez she even knew that.   
Why were she and my dad even talking? It wasn’t like they were still best buddies.   
I had been positive I had a couple weeks before news got out and by then I wouldn’t have a girl, because she would be out of my life.  
“Her name’s not Rebecca.” I said. “It’s just Becca. And she’s not my girlfriend. We’re close friends, but it’s not that big of a deal, that’s why you don’t need to meet her.”  
“Well is she staying with you?” My mum asked and I just looked back at her.   
“Mum, why does it matter?” I asked gently.   
“It doesn’t. It wouldn’t.“ she said. “You know me, I just want you to be safe and responsible when you‘re out there. I just don’t like that your dad got to meet this girl, that he says, _you introduced_ as your girlfriend, and I’ve never heard anything about her.”  
“Ditto.” Gemma said beside me.  
“Plus we haven’t seen you in a month and it would seem we finally know why.”  
I nodded yes.   
“Well yeah, she’s been here staying with me. But that’s because she’s on her summer break and wanted to travel. It’s just casual. Fun.”  
“Well who is she?” My mother asked. “What does she do?”  
“ _Nothing._ She’s just a student in the States. Mum, I don‘t need to introduce you. We dont need to-”  
Then suddenly a thought came to Gemma’s mind.   
“Oh my God!” she said and hit my shoulder. _“Becca?_ As in Thailand Becca?”  
I immediately rolled my eyes.   
Oh boy.   
Here it goes.   
“You said you guys were just friends.” she argued.   
“We _were_ just friends.”  
“Harry?” she shrieked. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. You said she was into Niall.”  
I sighed.   
“What?” My mum cut in; her confusion coming back. “You’re dating a girl who was into Niall? And she’s Siamese?”  
I chuckled at that one.   
“No mum she’s not Siamese, and she wasn’t into Niall…and we really need to move on from the subject.”  
She ignored me.   
“Well what’s this Thailand stuff?”  
“Well that’s where she was.” Gemma answered.   
I just sighed loudly since no one was listening to me.   
“Guys, come back….” I cut in. “It’s not that big of a deal-”I began to reiterate slowly so it would stick when Robin cut in.   
“You’ve met her Gem?”  
“Yeah. A couple of months ago when I was with Harry visiting. March I think. I knew it!” She said. “I could tell by the way you two were. You guys have been dating this whole time huh?”  
“Really?” My mother asked in interest. “And now she’s here with you-in London?”  
 _“Thanks.”_ I said cutting my sister a look.   
That information didn’t even need to be shared. And she had just opened a whole new can of worms.   
Gemma just shrugged me off and smiled, taking a bite of the potato salad on her plate.   
“So she’s been around a while huh? This must be serious” Then my mother winked at Gemma, going into cahoots. “What does she look like Harry? How old is she?”  
I just sighed in small frustration and Robin patted my back in affection.   
“Relax. You had to know it was coming sometime. They‘ve been waiting on this.”  
I sighed and shook my head.   
“Can we move on please?” I just asked.   
“Where are her things?”  
“How long has she been staying with you?”  
The chorus of my nosy sister and now mother sang.   
I just went back to my task, fixing the plates and tried to ignore them both.   
The attention and questions died down quickly, and it became a more playful roast then a curious one.   
Gemma’s final comment seemed to satisfy everyone.   
“Oh let’s not worry about it.” Gemma said. “She won’t be around long. Even if she is his girlfriend. Harry can‘t be bothered.”  
My mother smiled and Robin quickly chuckled.   
I should have laughed and agreed with them, but for some reason, her comment actually had a reverse effect.   
It kind of irritated me.   
She didn’t even know our relationship.  
She knew nothing about us.   
How could she just dismiss it that quickly?

Later, when the parents were eating and settled in my living room, Gemma cornered me; she asked where Becca was.   
“She’s at the spa.”  
“Hiding her from Mum?” she said.   
I didn’t answer that question.  
“Thanks for your help back there.” I growled. “They didn’t need to know she was in Thailand.”  
“It’s no big deal, like you said.” she mimicked my tone from earlier.   
“It isn’t.“ I said. “You didn’t need to bring it up though.”  
“Sorry.” she said chewing on a apple. “I just realized it and it came out.”  
I didn’t respond.   
“So when did it happen?” she asked slowly.   
“When did _what_ happen?”  
“You and Becca? Were you seeing her in Bangkok?”  
“Gem-” I began, flashing my eyes on her.   
She put her hands up quickly. “Fine, fine…you don’t want to talk about it-”  
“No I don’t.” I cut her off and turned away from her.   
“Why?” she counteracted.   
“Why what?”  
“Why don’t you want to talk about her?”  
“Why do I need too?”  
She shrugged. “Because you’re seeing her. For a while.“  
I looked back at her not getting the point.  
“Well she was a nice girl. Seemed like she could be good for you. I’m glad you found someone you really like.” she said warmly.   
“I don’t.” I said quickly, and then to prove a point, “She’s not the first girl I’ve been with. And this is not the first girl that you’ve met. And I don’t get why everyone is going on about it? And why does everybody fucking care?”  
She looked back at me. She finally read my irritation with the whole thing.   
“Oh come on,” she said light-heartedly. “Don’t give me that look. We’ve been teasing each other about this shit for years. What’s the big deal suddenly? We can‘t ask about a girl your interested in?”  
“The big deal is I don‘t want to talk about her. It‘s not serious. I don‘t care about her _that_ much okay? So she’s here? So I’ve been seeing her? So she met Dad? It doesn’t _mean_ anything. I’m not proposing marriage tomorrow Gem. So let‘s just stop talking about it….and stop talking about her.” I gritted.   
“Well jeez.” she said. “What’s wrong with you?”  
“Nothing. I just don’t want to talk about her.”  
“Okay…” she said after a moment. “I get it. You don’t care about her.”  
“I don’t.” I repeated.   
She put her hands up. “Hey I’m convinced. _Are you?”_  
I just looked back at her.   
I got her hint. It did kind of sound like I was trying to convince myself more than anybody.   
I shook it off.   
I turned away from her.   
“Look I won’t bring it up anymore.” she said behind me.   
“Thank you.” was all I said, and took a sip of some juice.   
I could still feel her eyes on me.

As I expected, the Spa keeps Becca gone all day.   
When she texted me at 5:30pm and asked me to come get her, I was more than relieved.   
By then, my parents had shuffled out and I had promised to touch base with them in a few days.   
Gemma was a straggler, plopping on my couch.   
“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked grabbing my keys to pick Becca up.   
“I want to see her again.”   
“You just want to be nosy.”  
“No, I do want to see her. Plus I haven’t seen you in a while. Would it be alright if I spent the night with you two? I miss hanging out with you.”  
She put her sisterly eyes on me and I relented. We hadn’t seen each other in almost two months.  
“Fine. As long as you don’t snitch and tell the parents what you see, you can stay.”  
She looked at me with wide playful eyes.   
“And what exactly am I going to see?”  
“I make no promises.” I said “But I’ll be back.”

I hopped in my car, and a half hour later, Becca was climbing in my car, though I was partially distracted returning a text message. It was my mum, thanking me for the day.

_*Of course. I love you. Talk to you soon.*_

As Becca climbed in, scents of soaps and lavenders filled my nostrils.   
I looked up at her and smiled.   
Wow.   
She was glowing.   
“Have fun?” I asked.   
She sighed against the headrest in appreciation. “It was wonderful. Thanks baby.”  
I scanned her appearance.   
I could tell she had gotten a facial, and her hair was shiny and curled.   
Paired with her new eye popping orange nail polish and the wonderful scents filling my car, I was smitten.   
“You’re welcome…Damn.” I said under my breath, pulling away from the building.   
“What?” she asked.   
“I’m regretting my decision now.”  
She leaned her head off the seat.   
“I look that bad? Is it the way they curled it?” she asked touching the tips of her freshly done hair.   
“No.” I said quickly. “You are _fucking beautiful…_ but, Gem’s at the house.”  
“Gem? Your sister?”  
“Yeah.” I said dividing my time between the road and Becca. “She kind of popped in.”  
“Oh.” she smiled. “I would like to see her.”  
“She wants to see you too. It‘s kind of out we‘re dating now. My dad sort of spilled the beans.”  
“Well we are.” she said softly. “Right?”  
I smiled. “Yeah…it’s just…I don’t know…she probably just wants to be nosy.”  
“Well why the ‘damn’, is she too much?”  
“No. I just suddenly want you all to myself. Like clothes off in my bed in less than an hour, all to myself.”  
I gave her a mischievous grin and she blushed.   
She turned from me and played with her fingers.   
“Well, sorry. That’s going to be a bit hard.”  
“I know. But...I can kick her out. She’ll understand.” I said.   
“No, not because of her.”  
I turned to her.   
“We have other company.” she said quietly.   
“Huh?” I asked in confusion.   
“My period. Started at the spa.”  
My eyes traveled down to her stomach.   
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” I mumbled.   
She smiled.   
“It’s light, because of my birth control but still, it‘s enough to make a bit of a mess…if we…ya know…”  
I groaned.   
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I repeated.   
“Well I’ve got to get it sometimes Harry.” she argued.   
I smiled. “Well yeah…but couldn’t it wait until tomorrow…I mean…Becca, you look incredible right now and we‘re going to be so busy these next few days, I just was really looking forward to a continuation of last night.”  
She smiled.   
“Well I didn’t realize I was such an ugly duckling any other time.”  
“You know what I mean.” I said.   
She smiled. “I do. I like messing with you.”  
I turned back to her. She was stunning. And I was crazy about her.  
I sighed.  
“Well it could still be a good thing. I didn’t knock you up right?”  
She giggled. “No. Though my birth control is pretty bulletproof.”  
I looked at her in mischief _. “Oh, I know.”_   
Since she had told me about her implant, I admit I hadn’t been too quick to grab protection.   
By now, I had came inside of her plenty of times. Which as I was thinking about it, I needed to scale that back a bit.   
Birth control was not infallible as I had learned recently from a close friend, and we had a lot of sex.  
She smiled back and I groped her leg.   
“Are you hungry?” I asked.   
“Starving. I was so focused on relaxing, that I didn’t eat. By the way- I will pay you back Harry… for everything.”  
“For today?” I questioned.   
She nodded. “Yeah just give me a couple weeks, when I start working again I’ll pay you back.”  
I nodded no. “You’re not paying me back. I wanted to do that for you.”  
She gestured to herself. “Yes but Harry its too much…please…let me pay you back.”  
I took her in.   
The nails, hair, skin…it was all worth it.   
“You already do.” I said. “I’m just happy you’re here with me. I really appreciate all you do and miss for me. You’ve literally given up some of your break and time with your friends and family…You didn‘t have to come love, but you did, and…thank you.”  
She reached across the car, and placed her hand behind my neck.   
She gently massaged and we locked eyes.  
“Yes I did.”  
She smiled impossibly wide as our eyes briefly connected and then she surprised me when she leaned and kissed my cheek. I moved so our lips would connect though I was driving.   
She pulled away.  
“You’re so good to me. I‘m lucky.”  
“Well it’s because I love you-”   
I paused instantly as the L word came out and I fumbled a recovery sentence.   
“Know…doing things for you.“ I quickly backed up, pushing the words out like word vomit.   
I fixed the sentence in seconds, and if she caught the slip, she didn’t let on and turned away from me.   
“So what’s on the menu?” she asked settling back on her side of the car while I looked for signs of my slip. “Did you get the barbecue done?”  
“I did actually. Got it all done.”  
“Even with your meetings all day?”   
“Even with my meetings…I’m a man of many talents.” I said mysteriously.   
“Guess so.” she said turning from me.   
Thankfully she hadn’t heard me.

We pulled in my driveway and Becca gathered her things.   
Once she climbed out, I studied her again. My eyes traveled up past her jeans, up to her curled beachy waves.   
Fuck. Me.  
She caught my stare and I smiled.   
The things I wanted to do…  
I had to push those thoughts away for a couple of days. I turned away from her and tried to ignore the stiffness in my jeans.  
“Such a shame.” I sighed.   
She smiled, reading my expression. “Well you can make it up to me. It should all be over with before I leave.”  
“I hope so.” I said honestly. “We only have a few more days together ya know?”  
“Don‘t remind me.” she said and pouted.   
I opened my front door, and immediately my sister stared back at us.   
“Becca!” she said excitedly.   
Becca smiled. “Gemma!” she called mimicking her tone.   
“How are you?” Gemma asked, patting her side of the couch. “Come sit by me.”  
Becca instantly looked at me. “Should I be worried?”  
I smiled. “I’m here. She’s not going to ask you anything crazy. Are you Gem?” I asked cutting my eyes at her.   
Gemma crossed her heart. “I promise. _Not a word,”_ she emphasized.   
Becca smiled and took a seat beside Gemma.   
“I’ll going to heat up your food.” I said to Becca.   
“Thanks hun.” she said.   
I could hear Gemma begin on her and I just smiled to myself, shaking my head.   
I headed in the kitchen, preparing the food that I knew Becca wanted from a previous conversation and watched them.   
They were getting along well, and though Gemma was being a bit of nuisance and trying to get some sly information out of her, it was quite interesting to watch.   
Their personalities were a bit similar. Both were outgoing and up for a good time, and it wasn’t long before they were giggling on the couch.   
“Where’s the wine?” Gemma asked, calling to me.   
I brought Becca’s plate to her.   
“You’re not a very good host.” she scolded.   
“That’s because you’re not a proper guest.”  
She stuck her tongue out at me.   
“Are my clothes still in the guest room?”  
“What do you think?” I asked.   
Becca dug into her food, while Gemma explained.  
“I sometimes stay here when Harry is out of town. He likes me to housesit the place.”  
“She volunteers.” I corrected. “And doesn’t really leave me much choice.”  
“Oh you love it.” Gemma said throwing a small pillow at me.   
Becca giggled. “You guys remind me of me and my sister so much.”  
“How old is she?” Gemma asked turning back to her.   
“Seventeen this year.”  
“Are you close?” Gemma asked and Becca ate her brat and potato salad.   
She nodded yes.   
“And what does she think about you dating my brother?’  
“She handled it well. I thought she was going to scream and fan girl out. But she’s taken it all very well. She’s kind of a Liam girl so I think I‘m safe.”  
I smiled. “I’ll get the wine.” I said moving away from the girls.   
The last thing I heard was, “So you were at the spa all day?”  
I headed back in the kitchen, popping open a bottle, and grabbing three glasses.   
My phone buzzed in my pocket.   
*Band meeting. 11am. Essex.*   
I instantly rolled my eyes. I didn’t respond and grabbed the wine glasses.   
When I came out, the girls were old friends.   
We spent the rest of our night drinking wine, watching TV and just enjoying each other’s company.   
Gemma eventually took her usual guest bedroom, and me and Becca settled in my bed.   
By now, she was still smelling like soap and I pulled her in my arms while we watched TV.   
“You’re breaking my clothing rule.” I said as she laid on my chest.   
She was in full lingerie with sweat pants and a hoodie.  
“Sorry. I’m a girl. I deserve to be a bum during this time.”   
I smiled and kissed her forehead.   
Growing up with my mum and sister, I was use to women’s problems and it didn’t bother me that she was so blunt.   
In fact, it kind of made me want to take care of her a bit.   
“Do you need any tea or aspirin?”  
“I’m good.” she mumbled against my chest and kissed it. “Thanks.”  
“No problem.”   
We fell asleep soon after, and in the morning, I had to shuffle around to get ready for my meeting.   
Gemma left pretty early, with a friend picking her up and Becca remained in my bed.   
“Another meeting.” I explained.   
“I’m going to sit this one out.” she said.   
“Kay. Don’t forget we go to Sweden tomorrow, and then after we have to stay in London for a bit, so you might want to pack a small bag.”  
“We’re in London now right?”  
“Technically Hampstead, but I have work so we’ll be staying in a hotel.”  
She sat up and faced me.   
“Do you mind if I don’t go? Like miss the show tomorrow and some of the work stuff?”  
“Sure…I mean…Are you okay?”  
“It’s just, I don’t feel the greatest and paired with my friend, I just kind of want to rest a bit for a few days.”  
“Are you getting sick? Do you need me to get anything?”  
“Just rest.” she said. “I don’t want to get too deep into it, but I have low iron and I’m anemic, so I get pretty lethargic around this time.”  
“Do you take medicine for it?”  
“Of course. But I would just prefer to rest…if you don’t mind.”  
I leaned and kissed her forehead. “I don’t. But, I have to get to this meeting.”  
“What time will you be back?”  
“Who knows. But I’ll keep in contact.”  
“Alright. Bye handsome.” she said with a wide smile.   
I gave her a final kiss and then headed downstairs.   
I made her a quick cup of tea, and left some aspirin on the counter for her, then I left.

When I returned home she was sleeping. It appeared she hadn’t left my bed.   
Turning off the TV, I cuddled up behind her, and rested my head in her hair.   
“Hmm…” she moaned gently, waking up and I wrapped my arm around her.   
“Didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”  
“Yeah, we just needed to decide on the single.”  
“Is it coming out soon?” she mumbled.   
“Couple weeks.” I said, then closed my eyes. An unexpected exhaustion hitting me suddenly.   
“It’s going to mastering and distribution next week.” I mumbled behind her.   
“Yay.” she said gently.   
I could hear the sleep in her voice.   
I pulled her to me, ready for sleep as well.   
“Do you need anything?” I asked once more, before I dozed off.   
“Just this.” she said softly. “Just you.”  
I opened my eyes briefly and kissed her cheek.   
What a perfect answer.   
I studied the incredible lines of her face, and the little pout of her lips.   
Jeez.   
Why was she so beautiful to me?  
She cleared her throat gently and I felt her butt rub against me, nestling closer.   
I smiled and leaned to kiss her again.   
“Baby get some rest.” I said. “I’m right here.”  
Her perfect face pulled into a smile. My hand went to a string of her hair and as I pulled it through my fingers some of the curls were still there from the previous day.  
I watched her for a few seconds just thinking about things and she continued to keep close with her eyes closed, and pressed against me.   
It felt warm. And comfortable. And familiar.   
Though it was something I hadn’t had before.   
Being here with another woman had never been like this.   
It had just never felt this way.   
I didn’t want to move and suddenly being anywhere else, doing something else, didn’t seem that important.   
I could have laid there behind her. No TV, no music, and no interruptions.   
Just me and her.   
What a feeling.

Before I knew what I was doing I was kneeling down, burying my head in her neck and kissing her skin. She gently moaned and I just rested there.   
Filled with her.   
Filled with us.   
Filled with something.

Sudden words were on the tip of my tongue. As my lips sat inches away from her skin, my mouth suspended in the air with the words ‘ Man, I love you’ sitting at the forefront.   
As my mouth parted, it almost slipped out again.   
I love you.

_Love._

What.  
The.  
Fuck.

I froze.   
I pulled back,

Instantly I shifted and let her go.   
Becca’s eyes opened suddenly and she turned to me as I jumped off the bed.  
She looked at me in concern.   
“What is it?”   
My hands went to my hair quickly and I shuffled it from my face.  
I turned from her.   
I needed to get out of this space.  
I needed to get out of this room.   
I needed to get out of this house.   
I needed to get away from her.   
It was all too suffocating suddenly.   
I quickly patted my pockets for my keys and phone.   
Where was everything?  
“Where are you going?” she asked gently. “You’re not laying down?”  
Her voice was soft and gentle and as much as I wanted to look at her, I didn’t.   
I couldn’t.  
“I just remembered I need to do something.” I said, saying the first thing that came to mind. “I gotta ah…go grab something.”  
“Oh.” she said quietly. “Okay.”  
I kept my eyes off of her, looking at the door.   
“I ah…I’ll see you in a bit. Get some rest.” I said.   
I could hear the smile in her tone. “Kay. Drive safe babe.” she said.   
I left the room, and rushed down the stairs.   
I had my phone but I immediately looked for my keys.

Fuck, fuck, fuck….

No, no, no…..

I found them on the counter by the door.  
Not looking back, I left the house quick.   
The warm London air hit me and I moved to my car so fast, you would have thought someone was chasing me.   
Going to my Audi, I climbed in, slammed the door, and then in the comfort of my car, expelled the breath I didn’t even know I was holding.   
My hands went to the steering wheel, and I took another deep breath.   
What the hell was wrong with me?  
Holy shit.   
I looked around my car. My thoughts focused and saw only one thing.   
Three words.

_I love you._   
_I love you._   
_I love you._   
_I love you._

Why the hell was I going to say that?   
Not once, but now twice.

_I love you._   
_I love you._   
_I love you._

I didn’t.   
I didn’t love her.

_I love you._   
_I love you._

Becca was great, and she was beautiful.   
She was fun and we had a good time together, but that didn’t mean I loved her.

Becca was here and in London.   
And yeah, we had spent most of the previous month together but that didn’t mean I loved her.

Me and Becca had spoke almost everyday since the day we had exchanged numbers and she was the first person I spoke to when I woke up but that didn’t mean I loved her.

Because I didn’t.  
I didn’t love her.

Love was something totally different.   
Love was more.   
Love was something that took months and months and more time, and more doing and….

I didn’t love her.

I couldn’t.   
There was no way.

I started my car.

It just wasn’t possible.   
I had never been in love, but I knew this wasn’t it.   
It wasn’t that simple.

Outside of great sex, and good conversation, we didn’t have that much.   
Or did we?

I turned on the radio.   
Loud and blasting.

No. No. NO.

There was no way.   
I didn’t love her.   
I didn’t love her.

I bit my lip saying it to myself.

“I don’t. I don’t.”

Her face crept in my thoughts. Her voice in my ears. Her smile…  
I thought back to the first time I had seen her face.   
The curiosity.

The first time in New York around Christmas.   
In the Airport her friend Kelsey had taken center stage, holding me and smiling as she asked for a picture but it was Becca who held my interest as she fiddled with the camera, obviously not enthused by the exchange. In the cluster of girls, she was the only one who didn’t care who I was. She seemed almost inconvenienced when I offered to give her my picture.   
That gesture was so refreshing. And that gesture, was why she was the one who was on my mind as I boarded the plane.

A month later, when I saw her again, I couldn’t believe my luck. There she was again, all wide eyed and focused on the customer in front of her at a coffee shop. Through my sunglasses, I watched her, really taking her in for the first time. Call it tunnel vision, but I was only focused on her.   
In the room, she easily stood out and she easily had my attention.  
But that wasn’t because I loved her or even liked her.   
That was just who she was.   
She stood out and made it hard to look away.   
I don’t even know if I thought she was attractive then.

Oh but I did.   
How could I have not?  
How could I have looked at her and not seen how beautiful she was?

“Is that your name?” I asked when I approached her, the bright white letters ‘Becca’ on her chest.   
She blushed, looking away and studying the name tag as if she didn’t know her own name.   
“Yeah.” she said.   
My eyes stayed on her.   
Long after we got our drinks, and me and Jeff were leaving, she was on my mind.

I had to come back that next day and see her again.   
I had to reply when she sent me a message.   
I had to invite her to Bangkok.

_Fuck._

I turned the radio station.

I thought back to the first time I realized I wanted her. That night at the Bangkok hotel the first night she arrived.   
Those short blue shorts and the t-shirt.   
The way her skin glowed and she giggled as I gave her a room tour.

I thought back to the first time we played scrabble. The first time we kissed.  
The first time we touched.

_Fuck._

I thought back to the month we didn’t talk and how much I missed her. How so many times I wrote her a message and then deleted it.   
How I would think of her, even in the smallest moments.   
That night we reconnected in Los Angeles, and the way I watched her as she laid in my bed sleeping after having sex in my car.   
I was doomed then.

_Fuck._

Maybe I did.   
Maybe I did love her.   
In a teeny tiny small way, maybe a part of me, had fallen in love with a part of her.

I glanced back at the house where she was, since I hadn’t yet left the driveway.   
I thought back to Gemma, Jeff, Glenne, Jack, and my dad. Is that what everyone was seeing? Was it love?

Apart of me wanted to go back in there at that tiny realization and lay back beside her and never let her go. Another part of me, was terrified, and freaking out.

I couldn’t do this.   
I couldn’t have this.   
I had a career.   
I had a hectic life.   
I had thousands of fans and contracts and plans.

I needed to end this.   
And soon.

I rested my head on my steering wheel.   
I was so conflicted.   
What was I suppose to do?  
How did I end it?  
How could I end it?  
How could I let her go?

Wait.

What the hell was I saying?   
I couldn’t walk away from her. She was a fucking prize.   
In a lot of ways she had been what I was waiting on.   
Finally a relationship that could go places. Finally an Eleanor to my Louis, or a Sophia to my Liam.   
Someone to finally share more than a couple weeks of my life with.

Could I make it work?   
Could we even be together?  
I had a busy schedule the next few weeks, but I guess I could try.   
I could move some things, and figure out ways to sneak her places.   
I could maybe cancel some things, and with her school….

Then, like a light bulb it hit me.

Why the hell was I even thinking about this?  
Why the hell was I even stressed out?

In a month, I wouldn’t even be seeing her anymore. She would be back in school and I would still be on the road preparing to promote the new album.   
She had her own goals and plans, and I couldn’t be apart of them.   
Her life was in New York where her dreams were just starting to hatch. In a couple months, she would meet her own version of an X Factor stage after graduation, and who knew where her path was going to take her.   
This couldn’t happen.   
This was not going to happen.   
We were not going to happen.

Back to the original plan.

I finally pulled off.   
I just had to push everything to the back of my mind.   
I just needed to push everything away   
I just needed to push her away.   
That would be the only way this would work.   
This had to end.   
And it needed to start today. 


	59. Chapter 59

CHASE

 

There’s something about the honey brown eyes of Vanessa Sims. Something magnetic and something that gets me to do whatever the hell she requests.   
That first day this all began she looked back at me from the doorway of my office, and had that sad pathetic look and I already knew she wanted a favor.   
“What is it?” I asked the minute she appeared. She had been driving me crazy all day so I knew it was coming.   
She smiled instantly. Her grin was wide and the eyes were reminiscent of Shrek’s Puss in Boots.  
The suggestion IneedChasetodosomethingforme, shined through her eyes.  
Here it comes…  
“Now…hear me out first.” she cautioned softly, her long curls sashaying behind her.  
 _“No,”_ I said quickly.  
She smirked and came further in the room.  
“Oh come on. You haven‘t even heard me yet.”  
“No.” I repeated simply. The Vanessa favors infamous for being later regrets.   
“But this one you’ll want.” she said.  
 _“No_ _Vanessa_ ,” I said again. Lifting the sleeves of my shirt, I turned back to my computer, avoiding her eyes.   
“Chase Collins…” she began, coming into the room.   
Her tone had that hint of pleading, and her eyes were already breaking me down.   
I shook her off.  
I quickly gestured to my desk, not letting my eyes leave the screen.   
“Ness, I’ve got a full palate here. Please don‘t start.”  
“But this one is different. You’ll want to meet her.”  
“No I won’t.”  
Then it dawned on me what she actually said.  
“Meet her?” I asked, finally glancing at her. “A new client?”  
She nodded yes, tentatively.   
“Absolutely not.” I said. “I‘m not taking any new clients. You know that Vanessa. My schedule is packed already.”  
“But she’s different.“  
“She? She doesn’t have a name?”  
“She does. And a recommendation.”  
I looked back at her in curiosity.   
“Jeffery Azoff just sent her this way.”  
I glanced at my cell phone. It hadn’t rang, and surely I hadn’t received any emails. Where was the recommendation?   
And more importantly, why had he recommended her?   
Me and Jeff didn’t have that type of friendship.   
It wasn’t like him to ask for favors too.   
“Who is it?” I asked curiously.   
“Becca Johnson.”  
It immediately didn’t ring any bells.  
“Never heard of her.”  
She smiled and nodded yes.   
“You have. She’s Harry Styles ex. Hecca remember?”  
Unfortunately I did.   
Must have been a slow news day the day the story came out. Their ‘secret relationship’ had made headline news.   
I rolled my eyes.  
Suddenly it made sense…the recommendation… Jeff was still Harry’s manager.   
However I wasn’t interested.   
I had never met Harry, and me and Jeff weren’t that close. We only hung out every now and then yet our families were closer than we were.   
“No thanks.” I said. “Tell her to call and make an appointment with Jeremy. I’m sure he would love to help out.”  
“Can’t do that.”  
I looked up at her.   
“She’s already here, and she’s asking for you. I’ll give you five minutes, then I’ll send her in.”  
“No you won’t.”  
“Yes I will.”  
I sighed.  
“Vanessa.”  
She sighed.  
“Chase.”  
“Hey, whose the boss here?” I said.  
She scoffed, growing more serious.   
“Look just hear her out. She seems on the verge of tears and Jeff says she really needs help.”  
That almost made me roll my eyes.   
Great, that was just what I needed.  
An emotional woman in my office on a Tuesday morning…  
I turned back to my document.   
“You actually talked to Jeff? Confirmed she knows him?”  
She nodded yes. “Says its important.”  
“What is?”  
“He wouldn’t say. Just that it’s important.”  
I shrugged. “Look I’m not interested. Get Jeremy.” I warned one final time.   
“I’m too busy.”  
I pierced my eyes to intimidate her, but it fell short.   
“Five minutes.” she warned back before leaving the room, not taking no for an answer.   
I sighed loudly.  
Typical Vanessa.   
The angel secretary who helped everybody.   
Why had I figured she would do anything different?  
She could send her in, but I wasn’t going to give in so easily.   
I continued working until five minutes later, Vanessa knocked on my office door.   
I didn’t even glance up.   
“Chase, this is Becca Johnson.”  
With my hand, I gestured for her to sit, but I didn’t look at her.   
Not yet.   
I wanted her to get a cold first impression. Maybe, just maybe, it would make her leave faster.   
I had way too much shit to do today and I didn’t care what Vanessa said, I wasn‘t taking any new clients.  
Not today.   
I heard the girl come in the room, but I still didn’t look at her.   
I finished up my email and then pulled up my scheduling screen.   
Different hues of yellows, greens, and reds stared back at me, all highlighting the importance of my next couple meetings today.  
As I assumed, I really really didn’t have time for this.   
I grabbed my mouse shifting some things around.  
My office was eerily quiet and this Becca stayed silent as she waited for me to acknowledge her and finish up. I took three full minutes then looked at her.   
Her brown greenish eyes were locked on me.   
She was still waiting patiently. I cleared my throat and shuffled some papers.  
“Hi.” I said adjusting my tie. “I’m Chase Collins.”  
I kept my voice as stoic and uninterested as possible.   
“Hi.” she said meekly. “I’m Becca.”   
I took her in.   
This girl’s face was completely bare-and blank and her attitude...neutral.   
Where was the tears that Vanessa said she was near spilling?  
Where was the desperation?   
I scanned her appearance.   
The pale face, the pulled up brunette hair, the Columbia fleece jacket... Nothing special until the distinguishing hazel eyes.   
They were striking.   
If she put her hair down and wiped away that bored, blank face, she could actually be a pretty hot girl.   
At least worth a second glance.

Still this couldn’t be Harry’s ex. The girl he had been photographed with in the past was way hotter and I didn‘t think Ms. Dull was his type.   
I quickly reached for my phone.   
“So what can I do for you?“ I asked turning away from her. “I‘m sure Vanessa told you I‘m on a limited schedule today.”  
“Jeff Azoff sent me.” she said and I looked back at her. “He said you could maybe help.”  
I didn’t respond. Not right away.   
I was too busy pulling her up on Google.  
I had to confirm this wasn’t a fraud.  
“How do you know Jeff?” I asked stalling.  
“Harry.” she said. “Styles.”  
I was about to question ‘your ex’, when the page loaded showing me the photographic evidence.   
It was her all right, just much more…something…  
Wow.   
What had happened to her…  
This girl couldn’t have been anymore than twenty-five, but she looked like she had the world on her shoulders and the smiley bright eyed girl in the Google picture was gone. The new Becca looked worn.  
I looked back at her.   
She was still looking at me and waiting on me--patiently.   
I had to admit there was a innocent quality to her.   
She didn’t appear to belong in this office.   
She seemed much too innocent to have landed here.   
This girl didn’t look like she could have any secrets.   
I turned away from her, tossing the phone on my desk.   
I quickly got back to the task at hand.  
“So what’s going on?” I asked, now curious about her.  
She looked around the room then, studying my office.   
“Is everything private?”  
Her eyes scanned…  
“That I would tell you?”  
“Of course. May not look it but I’m backed by the bar.”  
She brought her eyes back to mine.  
“You’re a lawyer?” she asked in disbelief.   
“I don’t call myself one, but yeah.”  
This time she studied me. Those clear, curious eyes eyed me up and down, and then when they met mine, they almost halted me.   
Her eyes were extraordinary and the rest of her slender face could grow on me.   
It obviously had for Harry Styles. I was well aware they had dated a few years, and let the papers tell it, they were practically walking down the aisle.   
Suddenly a few questions popped in my mind; the one at the forefront was still- _why is she in my office?_  
The Becca girl kept her eyes on me.   
“You seem so young though.” she said after a moment and for a second, I forgot what we were talking about.  
“I can’t believe you’re a lawyer.” she said.   
Oh yeah…  
My profession.   
I got that a lot. Most people in my profession with my success were much older. However, I had started all this very young, and now I was the go-to guy amongst public figures. The young male Olivia Pope. Though my life was not as glamorous as that of an ABC sitcom.   
It was actually very stressful. Like today.   
Again, I needed to speed this up.  
“I’m thirty one.” I argued looking back at her.  
Suddenly dimples gathered on her face.  
“That’s _young_.” she emphasized with a smile and I found myself smiling back.  
The face was growing…  
“How old are you?” I asked suddenly.   
“Twenty-five.” she answered.   
Ding, ding.   
Did I call it or what?  
I settled back in my seat.   
Again my screen taunted me and reminded me that I only had a couple minutes.  
“So…am I too assume this all involves Harry Styles someway?” I asked.   
The dimples quickly faded, and her eyes seemed to dim when I mentioned his name, and she turned away.   
“Yeah.” she said quietly, then looked down at her fingers.   
Her withdrawal was interesting to me.   
Oh boy…there was a story there.   
I didn’t keep up too much with the gossip on young Harry and especially not with this girl, but last thing I had read, they were no longer together.   
Funny that now she was in my office, though I still couldn’t imagine for what.   
“Okay?” I questioned. I was still waiting on the gaps to fill, but she was quiet.   
“He can’t know I was here.”   
Then she looked up at me, sincere, yet worried.   
“Harry.” she clarified. “Promise me?”  
“I’d be more worried about Jeff than myself.” I said honestly. He was the one who was best buddies with him.   
I could truly and honestly care less.   
“No.” She argued gently. “He’s not going to tell him anything. He’s been one of the ones helping to keep this quiet.”   
I shrugged, non-committal either way.   
“Well then sure.” I said though I wasn’t even sure if that was a promise I could keep.   
I still had no idea why she was there and like I said, I didn‘t need any new clients.   
But,   
I was starting to guess what this was about.   
A sex tape.   
Pictures.   
Some nasty rumor about their relationship Jeff didn’t want getting out.   
Maybe he used to hit her.   
Maybe he used to do obscene things to her in the bedroom.   
Maybe Mr. Harry had a drug problem.   
Whatever it was, it was serious enough for Jeffery to send her, BUT, not serious enough for Harry to know. It was well within reason to assume that if Jeff had sent her, she was here on Harry’s behalf too, but this…her reaction, showed otherwise.   
Why wouldn’t she want Harry to know she was sitting in my office?   
Unless…she _had_ did something. Maybe I was covering up _her_ demons.   
I sat forward, crossing my fingers in front of me.   
Curiosity piqued.   
“So what shouldn’t Harry know?” I asked.   
She sighed patiently.   
Her eyes focused on the picture behind me, some picture Vanessa had picked up to ’warm’ up the room.   
“I’m being blackmailed.” she said almost robotic. Her voice held no emotion.   
“Blackmailed? By who?”  
“A fan. Or not…I don’t know.” she sighed, “I don’t think a real fan would do this.”  
“Why would she be blackmailing you?”  
She sighed again and brought her eyes back to me.   
“Because for some reason, she has this idea that me and Harry are still involved and by getting to me, she can get to him.”  
“And you’re not? Together I mean?”  
She shook her head no. Though it was quite obvious.   
“We haven’t spoke in months.” she said.   
“Well…What is she blackmailing you with?”  
“A baby.”  
Then she turned away.  
“A baby?” I questioned.  
It took almost a full minute for her to respond, and when she looked back at me, her eyes were glossy.  
“Our baby. Me and Harry’s.” she said in an almost whisper.   
I looked at her in confusion.   
I didn’t remember hearing anything about a child- and that surely would have made news.   
She had been out of the public eye for a while, and if she had carried a child to full term during that time, then I really had a scandal to keep under wraps.   
This one might even be too big for me.  
A Harry Styles baby would be big news.   
News that someone would pay big money for.   
“You two had a child?” I asked in disbelief.  
“No.” she said. “It died early. I miscarried.”  
“Oh.”  
The glossy eyes quickly reflected tears, and she wiped one away quickly and turned away from me.  
Oh jeez.   
I didn’t know how to handle this.   
I wasn’t good at comforting women.   
“I’m…uh…sorry.” I said and she looked up at me.   
“It’s fine.” she said.   
I nodded okay.   
I needed to move past those wide, almost broken eyes.  
I cleared my throat and rubbed the back of my neck.   
“So…I’m still confused. Why shouldn’t Harry know you were here?”  
She continued to look at me like a deer in headlights and with that look, and the way she was reacting, I put it all together very quickly.  
“Harry doesn’t know.” I estimated.   
She bit her lip.   
No _he doesn’t._  
“At all?” I asked to clarify.   
“No.” she said. “And that’s why I’m here. This fan is probably going to tell the world, and I’m here, because I need you to make sure that doesn’t happen. Harry can’t ever know. ”  
“Wow.” I said, and she wiped away another tear.   
I inwardly cursed Vanessa for sending her in here.   
She definitely had the wrong guy for all of this.   
I was better on the other side of this.   
If this had been a guy that got his mistress knocked up, I would have no problem jumping in, but this…this was delicate.   
Whatever that baby meant to her, was still heavy on her mind and I didn’t handle the emotional side of this business well.   
I didn’t like to help the women.   
And yes, I was well aware that made me an asshole, but I never said I was an angel.

“Umm…” I tried to think of my next statement.   
It was lost.   
And she needed to get out of my office.  
I couldn’t handle this, nor did I want it.   
“Can you help me?” she asked me suddenly.   
_Absolutely not._   
“I don’t know.“ I said honestly. “Why doesn’t Harry know?” I asked.   
“About the baby?” she questioned.   
I nodded yes.   
“Because he doesn’t need too.”  
This confused me.  
“But you just said it was his child?”  
“It was.”  
“So-”  
“It doesn’t matter.” she said. “He never needed to know.”  
“He does. Its his child.” I argued. I didn‘t have any children or even a steady girlfriend for that matter, but that was common sense.   
“Unless you’re Mother Mary, you both had sex to create it, and you don’t think he deserves to know?” I asked her.   
Her eyes suddenly narrowed.  
“No. It’s my body and it’s my decision.” she said.  
Oh great, a feminist-  
“And _our_ business.” she also emphasized.   
“Well that’s kind of shitty don’t you think?”  
“Excuse me?” she asked, her eyes pierced.   
“Well you didn’t tell him.” I reminded her.   
“I didn’t need too.” she reminded me. “It was my decision.”  
“Yeah.” I said, nodding. “Shitty.”  
She scoffed and crossed her arms.   
“Look you weren‘t there, nor do you know me and Harry’s relationship, what we went through, so who are you to pass judgment?  
“And yet, you’re in my office.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.   
“The only reason I’m here is because you were recommended, and so far, I can’t see why.” she said smugly.   
I nodded _fine._   
“Hmm.” I said.   
This would make all of this extremely easy then.   
I stood.   
That was all I needed to hear.   
“Well then…I’m sorry…I don’t think I can help you.”  
This time she rolled her eyes.   
“Let me guess, because I didn’t tell Harry about our child?” she said sarcastically.   
“No.” I said. “I just have way too much on my plate right now, and this…you just need someone who can give this more time.”  
Plus, she screamed drama and she was a bitch.   
_“Of course I do.”_  
She stood.  
“You know, all you young rich assholes are the same.” she said.   
“I‘m sorry?” I immediately asked.   
She had known me for two seconds, so I must have misheard.   
“You heard me. You’re an asshole. And you’re all the same. Only concerned about your damn self and your jobs—” she paused. “Why am I even wasting my time?”  
Surprisingly her comment actually irritated me.   
“You don’t even know me.” I reminded her.   
“And I don’t want too.”  
She didn’t say another word before she stormed out of the office.   
What a bitch.


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, ROLL CALL TIME. 
> 
> You guys are halfway there! You've read the start of the relationship and have been climbing that rollercoaster...now its time to switch gears and get ready for the end! In another 60 chapters (whew that seems long) this lovely story will be all done. And I promise, the next sixty won't be as long as these were. And i've heard you all---you want the answers...you need the mystery solved!!!!--well its coming. They start after Chapter 70 or so. 
> 
> So...who's still here? I've got a lot of lovely comments over time and i'm curious how many of you are still actively reading? 
> 
> Whose reading from All Again 1.0? 
> 
> Who's new and reading for the first time?
> 
> What's been your favorite chapter or Scene so far? 
> 
> Let me know, LET ME KNOW :) Even if its just a simple "I'm Here (insert hand raise)" lol 
> 
> (How many are you going to see Dunkirk?)

CHAPTER SIXTY  
BECCA

Then.

It was just like a curse the way the days suddenly sped up.  
Shortly after my spa day, and the visit from Harry’s sister, Harry quickly went back to work.  
Between a perfume ad campaign, a charity campaign called action 1D, album photo shoot, studio session and two shows; we didn’t see much of each other the next few days.  
Due to my womanly issues and jetlag, I chose to stay at Harry’s home most of those days.  
We kept in touch by short and sweet text messages, and the one or two nights we spent together (which really didn’t count) because it was only while we were both sleeping.  
By the morning, he would be up and out the door before we could even share breakfast.

On my last day in London I awoke alone, but this time unexpected.  
As my eyes opened, adjusting to the light from the window, I found the bed beside me vacant.  
The clock read 8am, and the house was silent.  
After stretching and checking my phone, I headed for the bathroom washing up.  
When I went downstairs where I expected to find Harry, I was surprised to find the house empty again.  
I couldn’t hear remnants of him in his home gym, and there was no evidence that he was in one of the other bedrooms.  
Calling his cell, it went straight to voicemail and there were no messages left for me.  
I was curious where he was, but I wasn’t going to stress about it. I needed time to pull my thoughts together anyway.  
I wasn’t ready to think about the fact that I was leaving tomorrow and he would be a reminder. Knowing that today might be our last together for a while was already depressing to me.  
I had been quite spoiled in the last month and I wasn’t ready to get back to reality yet.  
For a month, I had gotten to live a fantasy and I wasn’t sure if I was yet ready to go back to the real world. The world where I wake up in my bed alone and don’t get to wake up to incredible green eyes.  
A world where I don’t get to pretend like Harry is mine anymore- as he was for about thirty days.  
The world where I am reminded of what this is- sex, and good conversation. A great summer fling.

I quickly settled in the kitchen, making myself some breakfast, when he finally appeared an hour later.  
By then I was full, back upstairs and just getting out of the shower.  
“There you are.” I said when I found him sitting on the bed, seemingly waiting on me.  
He turned away from the morning news and looked at me. My favorite eyes were glossy and clear this morning.  
“Morning.” He said gently.  
“Morning stranger.” I said moving further in the room.  
“How did you sleep?” he asked.  
“Good.”  
He was clad in sweats, and it was easy to assume he had went to the gym.  
“Did you eat?” he asked.  
I nodded yes. I unwrapped my hair from the towel turbin it was in, and began to let it airdry.  
“Well there’s some bagels downstairs and coffee. I wasn’t sure if you were going to be up or not.”  
I just smiled.  
Since my ‘period’ had started, Harry had went out of his way to cater to me via text. The main texts I got from him seemed to check on me and my status.  
‘Did you drink some tea?’  
‘Is there enough aspirin?’  
‘Do you need my assistant to bring you anything?’  
It was like I was sick.  
I kept reassuring him I was fine.  
It was true I had spent most of the last few days sleeping, but he didn’t need to worry about me.  
Especially since my period had been over about three days now; though he still hadn’t touched me in nine.  
Even when we were sleeping, his hands were no longer all over me.  
I figured it was a couple of things; one, he was being respectful of my body. Two, he was dealing with his own exhaustions. Plus three, a small bout of allergies that seemed to be irritating him the last few days as well.  
As he looked back at me now though, he seemed refreshed and well.  
“So where were you?” I asked as I lotioned up and threw my clothes back on from earlier. I purposely stayed in the room as I undressed and as Harry’s eyes snuck quick glances, I was glad to know my body was still a source of some lust.  
It was safe to say outside of my London ‘leaving’ depression, I was sexually frustrated.  
“Just getting breakfast.” he said casually.  
I didn’t think a breakfast run took over an hour, but whatever…

“So what do you want to do today?” he asked softly.  
I turned from him and gently shrugged.  
Our last day had been on my mind for the entire month, and now that it was here, I had no idea how to spend it still.  
I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had no choice and couldn’t prolong this any longer.  
In three days I would be in Mexico and Harry had his own plans with one of his friends in L.A for Independence Day.  
For now, the European tour was over and in about two weeks, the American leg would be starting.  
“I don’t know.” I said quietly.  
“No? No special plans?” he asked.  
I looked back at him.  
“Did you have any plans today?”  
He nodded and turned from me.  
“I do actually. I’ve booked us dinner reservations.”  
“Dinner?” I asked immediately perked up about the idea.  
He nodded again. “And it’s a pretty nice place, so I hope you haven’t packed up your dresses and heels yet.”  
I smiled. “I haven’t packed anything yet actually.”  
“Good.”  
“Where are we going?” I asked as I finished dressing.  
“It’s a place here in Hampstead. And its private. I know its probably not ideal but I booked the reservations in the beginning of the month and-.”  
“No it sounds perfect.” I said cutting him off as he stood.  
I actually sounded like a good way to end the trip.  
His eyes didn’t meet mine as he looked around the room.  
“Why haven’t you packed yet?”  
_Because I don’t want to leave…_  
“I was just getting ready too.” I said instead.  
Harry went over to a corner in the room. My things were mainly housed there, kept nice and neat in one of Harry’s small dressers and my dirty clothes were inside of my suitcase.  
“Kay. I’ll help you.”  
“Eager for me to go?” I joked.  
He didn’t respond yes or no. Keeping his eyes on my bent suitcase, he shuffled my things around.  
“It feels like you just got here.” he said instead.  
“I know.” I said.  
Closing the lid, and gently zipping it, he picked up the suitcase and brought it over to the bed.  
Packing seemed so final to me, and I wanted a different distraction.  
“Maybe I’ll eat first.” I said suddenly, though I wasn’t hungry. “And you said there was coffee?”  
He nodded yes. “Oh yeah. Let’s eat.” he said. “Might be the last time I get to make sure you have a proper meal.”  
I giggled. “Why are you such a hater? My granola bars and crackers are uniquely satisfying.”  
He smiled, but once again he didn’t respond.  
He started to head out of the room, and I followed.  
As we headed down the stairs, my eyes were only focused on him.  
It felt like I already missed him.  
“So do you think I’m really going to get to see you a lot when we both get back to L.A.?” I asked as we took the stairs.  
“Um maybe…why?” he asked briefly turning to me.  
“Just wondering.” I said gently. “You have your shows, and I know you’ll be in and out all month.”  
“Yeah but…why?” he asked as he reached the bottom step.  
I gathered on the step just above him and our eyes locked.  
I shrugged once more.  
“Just curious. Trying to get an idea.” I said with a small smile.  
Harry shrugged me off. “I wouldn’t worry about it.” He said turning back towards his previous destination.

  
When we finally got to the kitchen, I saw the large box that housed the bagels and assortment of cream cheeses. Right beside it, two grande cups of Starbucks best.  
“I didn’t know what you wanted.” he explained as I moved to inspect.  
I grabbed the coffee first, taking a sip and the warm sweet goodness of a White Chocolate Mocha met me.  
I instantly smiled savoring my favorite drink and peered in the bagel box.  
A blueberry bagel was the first thing I saw.  
My favorite kind.  
“This is perfect.” I said looking back up at him. “Everything I would have got.”  
“Good.” he said gently. “I know you like blueberry waffles so I took a guess. ”  
His eyes trailed around the room, and he ran a hand through his hair lost in a silenced thought.  
“Good guess. You know me well.” I said with a proud smile.  
Finally a man who paid attention to me! I couldn’t count the idiots before him who never took in the details.  
In these short few months, seemed he had picked up a few things and it was true; he was starting to learn me more and more.  
To my observation, he didn't say another word and turned away from me as i took a seat.  
He grabbed the plates in a nearby cabinet.  
He placed one in front of me and grabbed a couple of knives.  
“You want it toasted?”  
“No thanks.” I said.  
Pulling up a seat beside me, Harry suddenly dispersed the bagels and cream cheese.  
We made small talk as we ate, but something was off.  
Harry's words were measured and the chewing of our mouths made more noise than anything else in the room.  
Today, for whatever reason, the notable ‘closeness’ since the beginning was gone.  
Maybe it was because we hadn’t spent much time together recently, but the flirty, touchy-feely Harry had been gone a couple of days.  
He wasn’t making jokes. He wasn’t touching me. And his smiles, though there, were somewhat forced.  
The last few days must have been really rough on him and I couldn't even begin to imagine his exhaustion.  
“Do you need to wash anything?” he asked as he chewed his bagel beside me. “Your dirty clothes are in your bag right?”  
I shook my head no. “I’m just going to wash everything when I get home.”  
He frowned. “Becca, I have two washers.”  
“I leave tomorrow.” I argued.  
He grinned and rolled his eyes.  
“We’ll wash your stuff.” he said. “You never know if a guard is going to have to pop your bag open in front of everyone.”  
I gave him a small horrified expression and he gave me a dimpled smile. The first smile, to actually reach his eyes as well.  
He finished up his bagel, and headed for the fridge.  
Pulling out a gallon of milk, I watched him in interest as he poured himself a glass. He didn’t even notice.  
Today he was so quiet, and as he concentrated on the task before him, I couldn’t help but wonder where his mind was. It definitely wasn’t completely here with me.

His last show in Helinski had been two days before and yesterday when he had returned to me, he had been quiet then too. All day we had tip-toed around each other, and when I went to bed, he didn’t join me until I was already sleeping.  
I wondered what had happened in the last few days. Maybe he had gotten some bad news.  
He wasn’t cold, just not the same.  
He suddenly cleared his throat after taking a drink and turned to me.  
“So do you want me to help you sort everything?”  
I shook my head no, standing.  
“It’s not that much.”  
He shook his head okay.  
“I’ll get your bag still.” he said softly, and then headed upstairs.

I cleaned up my plate and placed the remaining bagels in the fridge. By then, Harry was back downstairs with my bag, and he gestured for me to follow him to the laundry room.  
I did as he said, and when he dropped my suitcase on one of the tables, we faced each other.  
He suddenly attempted small talk.  
“So are you excited? About your Mexico trip?”  
I shrugged, and reached for my bag. “I guess.”  
He leaned against the counter, opposite me. He kept his eyes on me.  
“Oh come on, in a few days you’ll get to rest on a sandy white beach under the bright sun and sip some foo foo fruity drink...look at hot guys.” He said lightly. “Who knows who you might meet.”  
I smiled.  
If only he knew right now I wasn't thinking about any other guys.  
He was the hottest.  
As far as I was concerned Harry Styles was the heater, the coals, and the fucking sun.  
And it all sounded nice-without the guys- but a few more days with him would have been better.  
“What about you?” I asked. “Are you anxious to get back to Los Angeles? I know you miss your friends.”  
He shook his head yes. “Yeah. I can’t wait.” he said. “It’ll put things back in perspective.”  
“Like what?” I asked curiously.  
“Nothing.” he said quietly. “Just work stuff.” he said.  
Then he turned from me.  
The laundry room was silent as I began to ball everything together and get it ready for the wash. I could care less about washing my clothes and though it was a distraction from coming up with last day plans, it was more than obvious I was ready to just get it over with.  
As I mixed up a white shirt and black pants, Harry quickly intervened.  
“Uh let me.” he said. “You seem to be off your game at the moment."  
I playfully sighed, when he took my clothes and began to sort them in small piles.  
My dirty clothes were equivalent to the last two weeks- and the small array of clothes from my suitcase- not even two loads but Harry created his own little masterpiece sorting everything, stretching it out.  
He seemed to like the distraction as well.  
I watched him.  
His hair was now pulled back (must have done that upstairs while I cleaned up the food) and he was wearing a black hoodie and grey gym shorts.  
He was still quiet and lost in his own thoughts.  
I was starting to grow worried.  
I wasn’t use to him being this…off.  
Shuffling my feet I turned from him.  
“Are you okay?”  
He turned to me. His eyes sprinkled with huh?  
“You’re quiet.” I noted.  
He sighed quietly. “Am I? Sorry…I’m extremely tired and my hay fever is starting up again.”  
“Hay fever?” I asked naively. “What’s that?”  
“The allergies.” he said softly. “Mine are off and on, but when they hit, its bad.”  
I didn’t respond.  
I felt like it was more than allergies.  
He moved past me and threw the small loads in the washers.  
“So what should we do now?” he asked after he was done and turned to me.  
I shrugged.  
Normally everything wouldn’t seem so weird and forced. It suddenly felt out of character for me to grab him like before, and be flirty or try to kiss him. I was sure if this was a few days earlier, we would already be making out.  
He seemed to read my thoughts.  
“I’m going to go make a call then.” he said softly.  
I didn’t respond as he walked out of the room.  
Instead I headed upstairs, and grabbed my music player.  
Grabbing my small speakers and phone. I went to Spotify and hit shuffle.  
Then I headed to social media, browsing my Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.  
I passed Harry’s _Helsinki, thanks for having us tonight._ Perfect _way to finish the European leg of the tour. Hope you had fun. All the love_ tweet from a few days earlier and saw on Tumblr a picture from this morning with his hoodie and a wide smile as he posed with a fan.  
The bags under his eyes were notable, but he seemed happy- way happier than he appeared to be with me all day. All I was seeing was the stress.  
“Lou says hello.” Harry said when he came back in the room.  
“Tell her I say hi back.”  
“I will.” he said.  
By now, my speakers were playing some random Britney Spears song, and Harry checked the timer on the washer.  
“10 minutes…” he mumbled.  
And then just as quickly as he arrived, he disappeared again.  
I got lost in my Facebook, messaging friends from back home, and when the timer buzzed telling me the washer was done, I moved everything to the dryer.  
Harry hadn’t reappeared and I didn’t know where or what he was doing.  
I used the few minutes to go stalker mode and I pulled up some Youtube videos of the last show that I had missed.  
I had wanted to go, but Harry had been adamant that it was a quick in and out trip and not worth it.  
“Plus you’ll see the show in San Diego.” he reasoned.  
I had agreed, but as I smiled and watched the shows, I was a bit sad that I hadn’t went.  
The dryer buzzed behind me, signaling the process of folding was now to commence.

I closed my apps, outside of Spotify, and quickly got to work, pulling everything out.  
In the middle, Harry returned.  
“Was that the washer?” he asked.  
“Dryer.” I told him.  
“Really?” he asked in confusion.  
I guess he didn’t realize he had been M.I.A. for forty minutes.  
“Here I’ll help.” he said.  
He came and stood by me.  
The music continued to pulse through my speakers.  
The Man Who Can’t Be Moved by The Script was coming to a close, and as the next song began, I couldn’t help by sway and get excited.  
Amazed by Lonestar was one of my favorite songs and my body instantly adjusted as his words filled the room.  
I began to hum along.

_Every time our eyes meet, this feeling inside me, is almost more than I can take_

I folded the shirt in my hand, and Harry who was beside me, folded a pair of my jeans.  
He was quiet.

 _I’ve never been this close to anyone or anything…I can hear your thoughts, I can see your_ dreams..

And as Lonestar broke into the chorus, my hum turned to actual words.

“I don’t know how you do what you do, I’m so in love with you. It just keeps getting better.” I sang along gently to the chorus.

Harry looked up as I began to sing, turning to me, but I didn’t turn to him, continuing my task.  
I could feel his eyes on me as I continued to sing along.  
I continued to fold my shirts until the second verse begin, and then I turned to him.

His green eyes were still on me, and his folding had stopped. His expression, unclear.

I decided to lighten the weird mood. I put down the shirt in my hand and grabbed his hand suddenly.  
He stiffened, but I ignored it.  
I shifted his body towards me, and wrapped my arms around his slim waist.  
I serenaded him with a playful smile.

“The smell of your skin, the taste of your kiss, the way you whisper in the dark.” I sang with a mischievous pout.  
I swayed him.  
“Your hair all around me, baby you surround me, touch every place in my heart.”

Harry stayed silent, keeping his eyes locked on mine.  
His hands still didn’t touch me, and stayed near his sides.  
I broke from the words, and mumbled. “So grumpy today…”

Then I broke the contact briefly and grabbed his right hand. I made him twirl me and I pressed my back against his. I could feel the tautness of his abdomen through his sweater as I rested against him.  
Finally one of his hands curled around my waist, and his mouth settled near my ear.  
I continued to sing and I felt him inhale behind me, taking in a patient breath.  
“Becca…” he called gently behind me.  
I ignored him and continued singing.  
“Forever and evvveeerrrr.”  
His hands didn’t move and I didn’t want it too. Wrapped around me, curled in his arms was where I was content.

The song went into the instrumental bridge, and he called my name again.

“Becca.” he said. His nose pressed against the side of my hair, as if he was smelling me and I felt him suddenly tighten behind me.  
Whether he wanted to or not, a slight budge grew behind me, and as his hands remained wrapped tightly around me, I reveled in the feeling.  
That was what I wanted.  
Whatever was bothering him, I wanted pushed to the back of his mind. I tilted my head so I could finally see him.  
His eyes were closed and he was biting his lip, speaking a silent language to himself.  
However, his body was talking.  
He was turned on.  
I studied the slender curve of his nose, the pink flush in his lips and the sharp jaw line.  
Harry was gorgeous and for now, mine.  
I kissed his cheek from my position, and his eyes shot back open.  
He looked at me for a second. Two. Three.  
Studying…analyzing…thinking…  
Then he let me go and backed away.  
I turned to him instantly and a hand went to his hair.  
He cleared his throat and moved away from me quickly. He gestured back to his pile.  
“We should finish this.” he said speaking over Lonestar.  
“Let’s not.” I said seductively, making my way back over to him.  
It suddenly dawned on me the way I wanted to spend my last day.  
In bed. With him.  
He kept his eyes away from me, though he read my tone.  
“Bec… _Becca-_ ” he emphasized. “I’m just not in the mood for that right now.”  
I wanted to point out the disagreeing party in the room, but I didn’t want to embarrass him. After all, male genitalia sometimes had a mind of its own.  
“Oh.” was all I said, turning from him.  
“I just don’t feel the greatest.” he said quickly as an explanation, “Ya know…the allergies and…stuff.”  
I nodded sure, and turned back to my task.  
It was the first time he had turned me down and I didn’t like it.  
I immediately slumped.  
Lonestar was still singing his song, and it seemed at this point it was never going to end.  
I quickly reached and ended it.  
Beyonce’s Dance For You began and I turned that too. Harry’s Rock Me and Do It by Selena Gomez followed.  
Damn the universe. Suddenly it was mocking me.  
I kept turning until I stopped on Sam Smith’s I’ve Told You Now.  
Harry’s folding seemed to go in overdrive and after he finished his pile, he left the room.  
Once more I didn’t know where he went, but I headed upstairs to pack.  
His cars were still outside, so he was somewhere in the house, but for an hour, he disappeared.  
When he reappeared it was just to take a shower, and I quickly estimated that he must have been in his home gym.  
Small sweat coated the teeshirt he was now wearing; his sweater discarded and missing.  
“All packed?” he asked after he redressed; in the closed bathroom.  
I nodded yup.  
My music had moved to this room and it played in the background.  
By now it was a little past noon, and I was aware that we still had some hours left to go before our dinner reservations and with the way the day was going, we were probably going to be spending them apart.  
The mood had appeared to grow even more uncomfortable since he turned down my advances downstairs.  
I needed to do something. Get us back to us.  
“Do you want to do something?” I threw out suddenly. “Watch a movie or lay around a bit?”  
One thing Harry was always down for was a movie and a cuddle.  
He smiled.  
“You read my mind. Want to go see a movie quick?”  
_Not really._  
That wasn’t what I had in mind.  
I was trying to close the space gap, not widen it and being in a dark movie theater, in public, would create more distance for sure.  
“What’s playing?” I asked, barely caring.  
He shrugged. “Not sure, but I’m sure we can find something good. I think Ted 2 just came out, and Earl and the Dying Girl has been out a couple weeks. A buddy said that was good.”  
“Sure.” I said. I didn’t want to go, but I did want to get as much lasting time as I could with him and I didn’t want him to head out with his friends or something.  
“I’ll look up the times.” he said warmly and headed out of the room.  
I just sighed.  
_Yay. I couldn’t wait._  
Not.

****************************************  
“You want any candy?” Harry asked me an hour later at the concessions counter.  
“No thanks.” I said. “I’m a Popcorn girl.”  
Harry nodded okay and loaded up his own sweet tooth. As he picked up some gummy bears and chocolate, I surveyed our surroundings.  
It was a Tuesday afternoon, so the theater wasn’t that packed.  
Outside of the ticket attendant who had let us in, no one had even seemed to notice Harry, which was a bit weird to me.  
I was grateful there wasn’t any interruptions, but it didn’t seem to make that much of a difference.  
Harry was and had been off in his own little world all day.  
“Thanks Mate.” Harry said beside me to the man preparing my popcorn. “Appreciate it.” he said as paid for everything.  
He grabbed his snacks, placing them in his pocket and grabbed my popcorn and drink.  
Still a gentleman, he carried everything as we headed to get our tickets ripped.  
“Third theater on the right.” the hostess explained.  
I nodded a ‘thanks’ and we headed to our theater.  
We had decided on Earl and The Dying Girl, and when we entered the small theater, it was still not packed.  
Only four other people lined the seats.  
“Go to the top.” Harry still instructed gently.  
I followed his instructions and headed to the top row of the theater.  
We moved to the middle and had a great view of everything around us.  
Harry sat beside me, handing me my things and pulled out his phone.  
He sent a quick text message,and popped open his candy.  
I continued to watch him and offered him some popcorn.  
“No thanks.” he said and settled back in his seat.  
I sighed again.

Then came the cold draft.  
We didn’t say one word to each other as we waited for the lights to dim and the previews to start.  
It was the longest seven minutes of my life.  
Harry eventually pulled out his cell phone and I just sat there.  
I was use to him being transparent in public for our privacy, but this felt different and it had to show that it irritated me.  
When the movie began, he still didn’t say anything to me and when I stole glances at him, he wouldn’t look back at me as if he couldn’t feel my gaze on his.  
I knew he could.  
The boy was a fucking eagle when it came to stares; often catching them from far across a room.  
I quickly became even more irritated.  
Midway through the movie there must have been steam rolling off of me and my crossed arms.  
Harry finally turned to me.  
“You alright?” he asked.  
I turned to him briefly and mumbled “yes”  
My tone showcased I wasn’t.  
“What’s up?” he whispered. “You don’t like the movie?” he guessed.  
“It’s fine.” I said turning to him.  
We were still the only one in the row, and in our general section.  
The need for whatever he was doing, was obviously not needed. No one had even given us a second glance.  
Yet still, he surveyed the area as if my problem could be found in the red plush seats and turned back to me.  
“We can leave if you want?”  
“It’s fine.” I said, tossing my popcorn bucket on the floor.  
I stood.  
I needed a break and I needed a minute.  
Maybe it was me, and maybe I was being extra needy today, but this was just not how I wanted to spend our last day.  
The movie was good so far-quite touching actually- but I just didn’t want to be there.  
I hadn’t really seen him in the last nine days, and watching a movie where I couldn’t talk to him, or touch him was too much.  
Not too mention, the silence was killing me.  
I missed my old playful Harry and I understood he was tired, but still…I wanted him to come back.  
“Can you watch this?” I asked, gesturing to my purse and small items.  
“Sure…Course…” he said uneasily, not understanding what I was doing.  
I didn’t give him the opportunity to ask as I walked away and headed for the bathroom.  
When I returned back to my seat, Harry handed me my popcorn bowl back and didn’t say another word until the movie was over.

On the way out, Harry was finally stopped for a picture.  
A young bubbly girl who couldn’t have been anymore than seventeen spotted him the minute we got back in the main hallway.  
“Oh My God! Can I get a picture?” she practically begged.  
With Harry’s wide dimpled smile that had been missing all day, he complied like usual, and I walked a bit in the distance while they posed and her friend snapped the picture.  
Leaning against a nearby wall I tried to withhold my eye roll as they smiled wide at the camera.  
With this fan, Harry suddenly didn’t appear to have any cares in the world and if he was tired, you couldn’t tell.  
As they lingered to talk I had enough, pushing off the wall and walking further down the hall.  
I was ready to go.  
Harry must have caught my hint because he quickly wrapped up.  
“It was nice to see you. Take care.” he said warmly as he walked back over to me.  
The fan smiled at Harry as if he was a large Christmas present and then finally seemed to notice me.  
As I handed Harry his soda cup and finally rolled my eyes, the fan took me in.  
Her eyes were curious and a hint jealous as we left together. I could feel the rays of her stare as we walked away.  
_Well girl, don’t envy me. You got more attention than I have the whole day._  
Continuing to be a ‘gentleman’ Harry opened the car door for me as we approached his car, and when we climbed in, he began to speak.  
He talked about the movie and how he was going to recommend it to friends and I just listened, not really having much to say.  
Reading me and I’m sure my silence, he switched gears.  
“So the reservation is at seven, and its just past three now. I was thinking…you want to maybe grab a quick bite and then catch the tube and head to Westminster? I could show you where the Parliament is, and Big Ben. Some known sites.”  
Now he had my attention.  
Actually something I was interested in.  
“Westminster?” I questioned to make sure I heard right.  
He nodded yes. “I meant to take you this month but we just ran out of time, but on the tube it should take a little over a half hour. You have your camera and stuff right?”  
I nodded yes and he smiled.  
“Cool. Do you want to go?”  
My ice and frustrations quickly melted.  
“Absolutely but…isn’t that drawing a lot of attention to yourself?”  
He shook his head no. “We’ll be in a cab. And it’ll be quick. But you can’t come to London and not see it. It‘s like going to New York and not seeing Times Square.”  
He had a point. Plus, I was a sucker for the sights.  
And I was happy he wanted to take me.  
I smiled widely. My first real smile all day.  
“Let’s go.” I said and Harry nodded okay.   
“Alright." he said casually, switching gears.

I should have known it was just another distraction. 

Harry, the asshole was just around the corner. 


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace Yourselves...Another long one.

CHAPTER SIXTY ONE  
BECCA

Then

Hours later, I was flipping through the pictures on my camera of London’s _Big Ben._   
Downstairs, Harry was waiting on me to finish getting dressed.   
The day was going better.   
After we had grabbed a quick bite of some subs, Harry had kept his word and we had loaded the London tube.   
It put me in mind of New York because it had the same feel, and Harry was suddenly more talkative.   
He was proud of his town, and seemed to enjoy showing it off.   
I got some great shots, despite staying inside of a cab, and I even got a quick history lesson.   
“Created by Augustus Pugin in 1855.” Harry informed me. “Its made with cast iron and brick.”  
“Can you go inside?” I said taking in the large monument in excitement.   
“Not unless you were born here. They don’t let outside citizens inside.”  
I frowned. “Well that’s shady. We don’t do that with our American monuments. I didn’t know your people were so snobbish.”  
My tone was light and Harry chuckled as well as the cab driver.   
_Americans_ …they both seemed to think   
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not that wondrous. The 300 plus stairs are enough to turn you off.” Harry assured me.   
I just smiled.

Now we were back at his house.  
I set down the camera, and refocused on the task at hand.   
Getting ready.   
The reservations were around 7:30pm and it was quickly approaching that time.   
For tonight, I had a strapless black dress picked out that showed off my bust pretty nicely, and that rested just above my knees.   
With my black heels and planned emerald accessories, I was hoping to at least look a _little_ sexy.   
If not, at least I had accomplished that goal with what was under the dress.   
It had all been Kelsey’s idea.   
On my small shopping trip before I came, when I stopped in the lingerie boutique, I had picked up a black lace set with a garter.   
The lace which highlighted all the right assets hadn’t been a small penny, but admiring myself in the mirror, I could see Kesley’s suggestion was a pretty damn good one. Perking up my breasts and rounding out my butt, I had to admit I looked pretty good- and Kelsey’s goal might just work.   
“Wear it on your last night together.” she assured. “You’ll stay on his mind long after the trip.”  
As I slipped it under my dress, I hoped the words she said was true.   
After all, I could use a better ending to this day then the way it had started.   
I headed to the bathroom, curling my hair first and then touched up my makeup. I kept it light and let my eyes just be the accent piece. As I finished up the three color combo on my lids, I heard my name called from downstairs.  
It was coming from Harry who had kept his distance downstairs since we had gotten back.  
“Becca?” Harry called, “Almost done? We have to get going.”  
“Coming.” I called. I quickly finished up my eyes, doing quick swipes of mascara and checked my final appearance.  
Well _Becca, this is as good as its going to get._   
My hair hadn’t curled the way I wanted, and I may have slightly overdid it with my blush, but I didn’t have time to fix it.   
I grabbed my small clutch, and gathered my heels in my hand heading for the stairs.   
When I rounded the corner, I saw Harry was standing at the base of the steps, but he wasn’t looking at me.   
With his phone pressed to his ear, he was turned away from me and the banister.   
“Yeah I don’t know.” he said to who he was talking too. “You know me. I don‘t worry about things like that.”   
As he stood there, he didn’t hear me and I took the moment to take him in.   
His hair was down, fanning his shoulders and his stance was broad and tall.   
As his laugh coated the air, I tried to hold back my smile.  
Fuck, could Tarzan be more sexy?  
As I stood studying the back muscles and the growing hair-quite longer from when we met- he finally re-focused.   
“Yeah, hold on man. Wait a second. She’s taking forever. BECCA-” he began to call loudly.   
He turned around but paused when he saw me already standing at the top of the steps.   
I peered down at him, and he peered up at me.   
He was dressy-casual in a nice crisp cream shirt and his signature jeans. A black blazer hung on the banister by his tattooed hand.   
Yet, his eyes had my attention now.   
“I’m ready.” I said as they locked.   
He didn’t say anything. Not to me, and not to the phone.   
He just stared for a second. His eyes moved down me slowly taking in the details of my dress, and then back up to my eyes.   
Unconsciously he bit his lip, and he remained speechless.  
I gave a small smile.   
I think he liked my outfit.   
_Really liked it._   
As I began to come towards him, taking the steps, he seemed to remember his phone conversation.   
“Ah…I’ll uh...um…let me call you back. She just came downstairs.” he said to whomever he was talking too.   
His eyes didn’t leave my dress and as I stood before him, I kept my smile.   
He looked really handsome too. I could barely keep my eyes off of him.   
“Sorry I took so long…Do you like my dress?” I asked as he hung up the phone. His eyes scanned me up and down again, and he cleared his throat.   
“Its um…”   
His eyes moved until they landed on my chest.   
I had to admit, the push up bra had the girls looking good today; nice and plump and his eyes burned a hole through the fabric.  
“It’s fine.” he said moving back up to my eyes. “We’re going to be late.” he said, grabbing his suit jacket. “Do you have everything?”  
I nodded yes, bending to put on my shoes.   
As they dropped, I leaned down, placing them on one at a time.   
His eyes didn’t leave me, or my chest.   
“Do you have a jacket?” he asked when I stood back up.   
“I was just going to rough it.” I said honestly, and he turned away from me.   
Grabbing his jacket off the banister, he handed it to me.   
“Here.” he said surprising me.   
“Oh I don’t-”  
“Take it.” he said. “I don’t really need it myself.”   
“I’m not cold.”   
“Still.” he said holding it out for me. “Please put it on.”  
His eyes briefly met my breasts again.   
I took it, but didn’t immediately put it on. I didn’t need it.

Harry locked up the house, and led me out to the car. He opened the door to his Range Rover, and helped me climb in.   
Then he came over to the drivers side.   
Climbing in the front seat, he briefly looked at me and my dress and then started the car.   
He punched in the location in his phone and then plugged it into the speakers.   
Pulling out of his carport, we headed out into the main road.   
“You haven’t been here before?” I questioned as the navigation began to lead us and he shook his head no.   
“Do you know what kind of food they have?” I asked curiously.   
“It’s like an Italian Steakhouse.” he said keeping his eyes on the road in front of him.   
It was dusk, and the sky above us was a warm hue of dark orange.   
“Oh.” I said looking at the surroundings around me.   
The radio played some Fleetwood Mac song, and outside of the general car noises, the ride was quiet.   
As Harry drove, he kept his eyes on the road, and I kept my eyes on him.   
The disappearing sun danced off his right side, and I studied the tight jawline that outlined his beautiful face.   
He was quiet like he had been most of the day.   
“Hey, what are you thinking about?” I asked gently.   
He turned to me, and once more his eyes landed on the exposed skin that led to my chest.   
Why did his eyes keep looking there?  
“Nothing.” he said quietly.   
I smiled.   
“At all?”  
His eyes raised back up to my own, before he turned from me again.   
He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. The metal from one of his rings, made a small _clink_ sound.   
“Well just one….“he said, keeping his eyes straight. “So uh…this dress… is this the one you wore in New York?” he asked.   
I turned to him in confusion.   
“When?”   
We had only been there one day.   
He didn’t look back at me yet.  
“When you went out with your friends.”  
I kept my confused expression.   
“No. You saw that dress.”  
“Well yeah,” he said gently. “I just didn’t know if you came back and changed.”  
I peered down at myself.   
This was not a dress for my friends. This was only for him.   
“I wouldn’t have worn this.” I reassured. “I only brought this dress for you.”  
“For me?” he asked, finally turning back to me.   
I gave him a small smile and nodded yes.   
“Why?” he asked curiously.   
“I thought you would like it.”  
And I think he did, which is why he kept looking at me.   
Yet when I gave him a teasing smile, he didn’t reciprocate it. He just looked back at me seriously. Our eyes locked for a few seconds and he still gave no emotion.   
His eyes read, _why would you do that?_

I didn’t have an answer.   
Oh.   
Maybe he hated it.   
Maybe he thought it was too sexy.   
I turned from the pierce of his stare in embarrassment.   
Jeez, why had I even thought to wear this?  
“Okay…guess not.” I said quietly.   
I looked out of the opposite window away from him.   
We were both silent again and he didn’t correct my statement.   
It was official, he hated it.

The rest of the ride was silent.

When we made it to the restaurant, the valet opened my door and helped me out.   
I gave him an appreciative smile and stood on the curb. As the valet smiled back at me, I took the opportunity to turn away from him and take in our destination.   
Harry was right.   
The row of cars lining the private valet lot told its own story of the occupants.   
As Harry came out and tipped the valet, I took in the additional details of the space.   
The place had perfect ‘mood lighting’ and seemed pretty romantic.   
It must have been a common place for proposals.   
As my eyes met the valet’s once more, I caught his appreciative glance at my dress.   
He gave me a welcoming smile and I think I even saw a small wink.   
At least someone liked it.   
I smiled back at him definitely soaking up the attention as I suddenly felt Harry’s hand on my back.   
“Shall we?” he asked cutting his eyes at the valet.   
I turned to him, only seeing _him_ once again.   
I nodded yes and walked ahead of him.   
From the moment we walked in, we were treated like royalty.   
Harry’s reservation- though under a pseudo name-must have been a big deal, because the manager was waiting to greet us as we entered.   
“I have your private table already all set. And you’ll have total privacy.” the Manager assured, looking me over.   
“Thanks.” Harry said with only his second smile of the evening. “I appreciate that.”  
We walked through the dimly lit place into a private area of the restaurant away from the other patrons and the manager was correct. Taking us to a small closed off room, we had complete privacy.  
We also had extreme awkwardness.   
Red rose petals lined the table and candles sat around us. Small jazz played from somewhere in the distance and the air was instantly tense.   
I looked at Harry quickly. Did he know it would be like this?  
Avoiding my eyes, he pulled my seat out and I took a seat down.   
The manager asked something about drinks, but I was just looking around.   
This was definitely not the right setting for what we currently had going on.   
We were barely speaking.   
Though I still couldn’t figure out why.   
We weren’t mad at each other and things had been good for a while.   
I didn’t know what was stressing Harry out, but hopefully he would get over it soon.   
“I’m not sure what we want yet. Can you come back?” Harry asked in regards to the drinks.   
The manager nodded yes and then left us alone.   
Harry sat across from me and the weirdness crept in even more.   
We both looked at each other as the room around us, coated us.   
This was a room for smiles, whispered words of love, and possible lifetime commitments.   
Not silence, shifted eyes and cold drafts.   
Not for me or Harry.

Still I tried to immediately lighten the mood.   
“Well this is nice.” I said breaking the ice.   
Harry continued to look back at me, lost in his own thoughts and then surprisingly agreed.   
“Yeah.” he said quietly. “I didn’t know they did all this.”   
He gestured to the room.   
“I knew they tried to set the mood but…” he scanned the table. “You think they used enough roses?” he joked dryly.   
I didn’t respond.   
I thought it was kind of nice.   
It was a sweet gesture and though it was lost between us, I could at least appreciate what the manager and staff had tried to do.   
Harry looked at me.   
“Are you uncomfortable?”  
“I’m fine. _Are you_?” I asked, since his whole demeanor screamed something different.  
He shrugged. “I’m fine, I guess.” he said gently. “I’ll adjust.“ he said with a slow sigh. “I just hope the food is good.”  
“Should be.” I said. After all, the five star accommodations had to be a precursor to everything.   
I looked around the room again.   
Harry looked at his hands.   
Silence…  
 _Dead_ silence.   
I folded my hands.   
He ran his through his hair.   
“Should we look at the menu?” I asked.   
“Sure.” he said softly, almost grateful for my suggestion.   
We both picked up the menus and scanned.   
“We should probably decide on a drink, before the waiter comes back.” Harry said.   
“I’ll get wine.” I said without thought. I think I needed it to get through this uncomfortable night.   
“Yeah? Me too.” Harry said just as quickly.   
“What kind are you getting?” I asked attempting small talk.   
He shrugged.   
I scanned the options and settled on a white wine. He settled on red.   
Then we both looked back at the menus, trying to decide on dinner.  
Midway through, as always, Harry’s phone chimed.   
Glancing at it, he quickly swiped and answered the message.   
The clicking tone of the Iphone and his quick fingers was slightly distracting.   
He cleared his throat when he finished up the message and then looked at me.  
“Business?” I guessed, already having my eyes on him.   
He shook his head no. “Xander. Telling me his flight info.”  
“Xander? The guy you’re meeting in California?”  
He nodded yes. “We’ve been friends for a while.”  
I shifted in my seat.   
“And he was in New York too right? A few weeks ago?”  
Harry nodded yes again.   
I was instantly weary.   
I didn’t know the guy, but he was apart of our first fight.   
He was the guy Harry was adamant that was interested in Sara.   
A part of me still felt that was bullshit, though I had gotten over the idea of Harry sleeping with her.   
As I settled back and thought about it, it didn’t make sense.  
Harry wasn’t that stupid and public with his actions.  
Still, the thought of the two of them hanging out, was unsettling to me.   
I quickly read between the lines.   
“So I’ll guess you’ll be out partying again and stuff huh?” I asked.  
He looked up at me with an unreadable expression. It wasn’t curiosity, but it wasn’t amusement either.   
He didn’t answer my exact my question, but he did respond.   
“What about you?” he asked.  
“What about me?”  
“Well when you’re in Mexico. I’m sure you’re going to have a good time as well.”  
I chuckled. “Yeah, and my dad two feet away.”  
He smiled.   
“Yeah…but I hope you have fun though.” he said gently. “Meet some nice people.”  
I looked back at him.   
What did that mean?  
“And no,” he added. “No partying. I have that thing on the fourth, but other than that, I’m going to just take it easy the next few days. Probably catch up on sleep and stuff before the shows start.”  
“Hmm.” was all I said. “Good.”  
The manager came back, bringing our drinks and we placed our food orders.   
After that, Harry attempted his own small talk. He started to talk about the last show, and some of the experiences. He was enthusiastic as he talked about the backstage meet and greet, fan signs, and silly on-stage interactions but I was just…distracted. My mind was focused on the day and how things seemed different.   
It was the strangest thing.   
With others, he was fine. With me, he was withdrawn. Sure we were talking and he finally seemed to want to have an actual conversation, but it wasn’t like normal.   
Something was missing and it was starting to dawn on me that maybe it was more than exhaustion.   
Maybe it was us.   
Maybe I was missing something that had happened between us. I just didn’t know what.   
I didn’t know what I had done.   
With friends and phone calls, he was laughing and talking.   
With fans, he was smiley and warm.   
With me, he was serious and looking for ways to connect to me- but only so much. He wouldn’t get too close, as if on purpose.   
He hadn’t touched me, kissed me or even held me in nine days.   
He barely had been at the house, and as I even thought about it now, he had barely talked to me too.   
His texts that I had initially figured were warm and caring, were starting to be realized as distractions.   
The quick one-two sentence dialogues throughout the nine days were not tender, it was just basic communication. Quick ways of reaching out so he could (maybe) say he had.   
I looked back at him now.   
What had I done?  
Was he repulsed by my period?  
Had I turned him off in some way?   
Had the great sex goddess been humanized and the spell over?  
I was starting to think so…

As Harry finished up his story about the crew joking backstage, I nibbled on some of the provided breadsticks. They felt dry and spongy in my mouth.   
“Sounds like fun.” I noted wryly, barely listening.   
At this point, I couldn’t tell you if he was talking about Jim, Johhny or Sally, Santa Clause or Kermit the Frog.   
My thoughts were everywhere but in this room.   
“Yeah.” Harry said quietly. He spun his wine glass catching on that he was talking to himself.   
I nibbled some more bread.   
He sipped more wine.   
He looked at me and I looked at him.   
I had nothing to say, and I wasn’t going to pretend with him.   
So we were quiet once more.   
He sighed.   
I sighed.   
He picked up his phone and I did the same.   
I started browsing my Facebook, while he returned messages.   
Then something inside of him seemed to snap.   
He looked up at me suddenly, sighing loudly.   
“This is weird isn’t it?”  
“What?” I asked lifting my eyes.   
“This.” he said and gestured between us. “We should go.”  
I just looked back at him.   
“Do you want to go?” I ask.   
He bit into his bottom lip.   
“Yes.” he said without hesitation.   
I instantly frowned at his quick answer.   
“I mean, noooooo?” he questioned slowly, reading my expression and I grew confused.   
Did he want to be there with me or not?  
“I don’t know Bec.” he said a second later, “I don’t want to be like this. Struggling for conversation. You‘re obviously uncomfortable here with me,“ he said softly. “So let‘s just go.”  
“I’m not uncomfortable. _You are_ Harry.” I instantly argued.   
He looked back at me.   
“I’m fine.” he said instantly.   
“No you’re not.” I said quickly. “You haven’t been all day.”  
He leaned back in his seat. He folded his hands against his stomach.   
“I told you, I’m tired.”  
“Sure. Tired.” I said, leaning back myself. “Thing is, I’ve known you for the last couple of months and I’ve seen you tired, that’s not what this is.”  
His eyes narrowed.   
“Well then I have a lot on my mind.” he argued defensive.   
“Obviously.” I mumbled with a small eye roll, taking another sip of my drink.   
He pierced his eyes at me.   
I could tell he didn’t like the sarcasm in my tone.   
_“So do you want to leave or not?_ ” he bit back.   
“Sure.” I said impatiently and stood up.  
The day had been shitty, why not the night too?  
I quickly grabbed his blazer jacket off the back of my chair and crossed my arms.   
What the hell was his problem?  
His eyes trailed up me from his seated position, taking me in.   
“What’s that stance suppose to mean? You’re pissed now?” he asked sarcastically.   
I rolled my eyes obnoxiously.   
“Becca you don’t have a clue the amount of stress I’m under and half the shit I deal with. Please drop whatever attitude you have.”   
“Attitude?” I questioned and he stood. “You‘re the one acting like a jerk.”  
“A jerk?” he asked, taken aback. “I haven’t said one rude thing to you.”  
“You don’t have too.” I argued. “Your actions have said enough for you.”  
He sighed loudly and dug in his back pocket.  
“Whatever.” he muttered.   
We hadn’t even eaten yet.   
He peeled off two hundred dollar bills and threw them on the table, then his cold eyes met mine.   
“Let’s go then. After you.” he said again, but this time, his tone wasn’t warm like before. It was filled with spite.   
“What is wrong with you?” I couldn’t help asking.   
_Who the fuck was this?_  
“What is wrong with you?” he asked back.   
_Who the fuck are you?_ was the real message in his words.   
His cold green eyes met the storm of my hazel ones.   
I didn’t answer, trying to storm past him. I just wanted to leave.   
He grabbed my arm quickly, pulling me back.   
“Don’t do that.” he scolded. “Don’t make a scene. That’s all we need. We‘ll be on every UK newspaper by the morning.”  
“Don’t touch me then.” I said.  
“Don’t tell me not to touch you.” he argued with dismayed possession. “I’m the main one who gets too.”  
I chuckled, and pulled away from him.   
“Oh really? That’s why you haven’t been able to keep your hands off of me recently right?”  
My voice was once again filled with sarcasm and he took on the role of the female.   
Rolling his eyes dramatically, he sighed.   
I kept going.   
“That’s why we had such great conversation lately, because you just love being around me right now.”  
“Becca don‘t start-” he warned.   
“No.“ I said moving completely away from him. “Look, I don’t know who irritated you recently, but it’s not fair to me the way you’ve been treating me. I haven’t done anything to you and yet, I’m the bulk of the one getting your pissy attitude.” I said.   
“You’re doing something right now.” He mumbled, then he sighed finally losing patience. “Becca you’re pissed about something you don’t have a clue about. You don’t know the shit in my head right now.”  
“Then tell me. Tell me what I’ve done. Why have you been so mad at me these last few days?”  
His eyes narrowed once more in confusion.   
“These last few days…?” he trailed. “Becca I haven’t even seen you…and…you _specifically_ haven’t done anything. I’m not mad at you.” he said gently.   
“Seems like it.”  
He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair.   
“I’m not mad at you.” he reiterated again. “I just…I can’t tell you. I can‘t talk to you about it.”  
I rolled my eyes again and turned from him, ready to walk away once more.   
“Becca please. Believe me. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m trying really hard not to hurt you here.”  
“Hurt me? What does that have to do with anything?”  
“It’s the situation.”  
“What fucking situation?” I said exasperated. “Why can’t you just talk to me? Don‘t you trust me?”  
He sighed again, and looked at his feet.   
“It’s not about trust.” he said to his toes. “You know how I feel about you and you know I trust you.” he brought his eyes back up to mine.   
I didn’t say another word.   
That wasn’t good enough for me, but I didn’t try to leave this time.   
Sensing I was still waiting on a further explanation, he backed up and stood back by the table, by my previous seat.   
“Sit down.” he commanded gently.   
“ _Excuse me?”_  
“Please.” he said. “Just sit down. Lets finish dinner, and then we can talk when we get home.”  
“Talk about what?” I asked.  
“Things.” he said simply.   
I rolled my eyes once more.   
“Can you stop being cryptic? What does that even mean?”  
He didn’t respond, and instead pulled my chair out for me.   
“Please Bec.” he repeated. “Let’s just have a nice last night.”  
I turned away from him.   
No, screw that.   
“The food will be here soon.” he continued. “So…Let’s just sit, eat a little bit, and then after, if you want to throw it in my face, you’re more than welcome.”  
I turned back to him and finally cracked a small smile. I was picturing it and at this rate, maybe I would.   
Yet when he smiled back at me a second later, I softened.   
“Please?” he added. His subtle charm already worked on me and the old Harry I was use too, was finally showing a flirty glimpse.   
Relenting, I moved back by the chair and sat down.   
He took the blazer from my hands and placed it back behind me.   
Then he sat down as well, and scooped the bills back off the table.

The food came five minutes later.

As we ate our food, we didn’t suddenly make up, but we didn’t argue either.   
Both of our personalities were strong when tested, and it was amazing to me, how quickly the ‘argument’ had escalated and then de-escalated.   
He didn’t say sorry, and neither did I, but the rest of dinner was cordial, however, something about keeping the food in our mouths could have had something to do with that.   
When we finally headed back to the house, the silence between us was comfortable.   
“So the food was good.” Harry said.   
“Yeah. Thanks for taking me.” I said politely on the ride back.   
“You’re welcome.” he said softly.   
“Thanks for coming…to London.”  
“Thanks for inviting me.”  
We shared a small smile and he focused the rest of the way on getting us home safely.

When we got back to the house, we both headed upstairs to change.   
Harry went to his closet, while I dug through my suitcase.   
While on the search for my packed toiletries, I felt the thick padding of the inside side compartment. Unzipping it, I came face to face with a grey plastic bag.   
Then it hit me.   
His gift.  
Harry’s graphic tee I had purchased from the Metropolis store in New York.   
I had completely forgotten about it, and had yet to give it to him.   
I picked it up and stood. I turned to him.   
He was still huddled near his closet, bent over, tossing his shoes inside.   
“Hey Harry?” I called out.   
He turned to me slowly.   
“I um-’ I opened the bag, and moved towards him. “I forgot to give this to you.”  
His eyes trailed down to the bag in my hands.  
“It’s something I got for you in New York, I thought you might like it.”  
His eyes looked back up at me as I handed him the bag.   
Taking it in his hands, he pulled out the folded AC/DC shirt and cupped the plastic bag between his arm and armpit.   
“I didn’t know what size to get you, but hopefully it fits….and hopefully you like it.”  
As Harry’s eyes scanned the t-shirt in front of me, I could tell he was briefly taken aback.   
“You bought this for me?” he asked for clarification.   
“Yeah. When I left the hotel, that’s where I headed. I was looking for your Rolling Stone one, with all the colors.”  
He looked back down at the shirt.   
His face slowly curled in a smile, but he wiped it away, gathering his tongue between his teeth.   
“You didn’t have to get me anything.”  
“I know.” I said. “But I wanted too.”  
He studied the shirt, and cluthed it to his chest.   
“Well thanks,” he said looking at me. “I love it.”  
“Yeah?” I asked unsure. “Because I can take it back if you don’t.”  
He smirked.   
“Stop it.” He lifted the shirt again. “No I really do. I would have bought this for myself.”  
That got my own smile out of me.   
“Well good.” I said, taking a step backward. “Glad you do.”  
He didn’t say anything more as I turned away from him, anxious to get out of my dress.   
I huddled back by my suitcase and gathered my things.   
It was hardly ten o’ clock, but I just wanted to bury myself in bed.   
I just wanted to forget this weird day, and just start all over again tomorrow.   
It dawned on me that tomorrow I would be on a plane, but maybe that was best.   
Maybe the month in each other’s presence had finally caught up to us.   
I had tried to warn him.   
I knew he would be sick of me.

I felt his eyes on me as I gathered my things and headed to the bathroom a couple seconds later.  
Shutting the door behind me, I placed all the items on the bathroom stool.   
Then I observed myself.   
My makeup was still flawlessly in place. It seemed with no intimate kisses to smear, it had remained intact.   
I took in my dress a final time.   
The short black dress that had appeared to be the stuff of man’s dreams had obviously done nothing for Harry.   
I debated taking it back or tossing it in the trash where it belonged.   
Well _don’t be_ that _stupid Becca._   
The dress had been well over a hundred dollars.   
I sighed.   
Maybe in the future another lover would appreciate it instead.   
But I didn’t want to think about another lover. I was still foolishly hooked on the one I had.   
Giving myself a final look-over, I began to disrobe my jewelry.   
I removed my bracelet first, then I removed the green emerald necklace Harry had purchased for me.   
I never removed it, and studied it as I laid in it on the counter.   
Even with the place we were at now, I would always treasure that necklace.   
It was the only proof I had that for a moment I was important to him.   
For a moment, I had been important enough for him to go out of his way for me.

As I unclasped the small studs in my ear next, I heard a noise.   
Turning to my left, I saw Harry suddenly.   
He had opened the door and he was there, leaned against the doorframe.   
His eyes were on me and intense.   
So intense, it was enough to make me turn away.   
I gave him a small smile and turned back to the mirror.   
I’m guessing he had to pee or something.   
As I looked down to get back to my task and re-locate, his pronounced accent moved through the room.   
“I’m sorry.” he said breaking the silence.  
I looked up at him slowly.   
“For what?” I asked.   
“Tonight and the last few days.” he said gently. “I know I haven’t really been here. I’ve had a lot on my mind, and you were right, it’s not fair the way I’ve treated you.”  
I dropped my hands, over the dramatics of dinner.   
“It’s okay.” I said gently. “I get it. You’re right-”   
He continued to look at me and then slowly lifted off the doorframe.   
“I don’t really know your job and your stresses. Your life is much more complicated than I could ever imagine, and I was being selfish. I’m sorry.” I said honestly.   
He took a step towards me.   
“I’m not stressed.” he said suddenly. “At least not that much.”  
I instantly was confused. Hadn’t that been what he said in the restaurant? Hadn’t that been the reason for his withdrawal?  
“What do you mean?” I began thinking I had misheard, but he ignored me.  
His eyes scanned my dress again.   
“You look beautiful tonight.” he said.   
I couldn’t help it, I instantly smiled. Those words had been all I wanted to hear all night.   
“Thanks.” I said, though I was still slightly skeptical by now.   
“I mean it.” he said fully coming over to me. “I should have said it earlier, a couple times even, but…you are just stunning. Really. And everyone could see it. I literally wanted to punch that valet for the way he was eye-fucking you.”  
His eyes hadn’t wavered away from me, and I was the one to break the gaze, blushing.   
“Thanks Harry.” I said quietly.   
I turned to the mirror.   
I pulled the studs from my ear, and still felt Harry’s eyes on me.   
As his green irises burned a hole through my back, I nervously dropped one of the studs on the floor.   
Bending to pick it back up, he closed the space even more.   
I reached for a headband.   
I tilted my hair back, ready to pull my hair up, when a single finger trailed my back.   
It was Harry’s hand, and it instantly sent a shiver.   
I paused what I was doing as he came up behind me, pressing against me.   
Our eyes locked in the mirror.   
“I’m sad you’re leaving tomorrow.” he said.   
“Are you?” I asked.   
I really couldn’t tell.   
Verbally he had been saying it for the last couple of weeks, but lately, he just seemed indifferent to it all.   
I was sure in his mind, he had already calculated that he would see me in San Diego so it wasn’t a huge deal.   
“Yeah.” he said quietly.   
His eyes broke away from me and he turned away.   
As he did, I used the distraction and turned my body to him.   
He was still in his outfit from earlier, and he looked handsome as well.   
Sensing a quick withdrawal, I turned to him and re-forced the contact. I wasn’t ready for _whatever this was_ , to end just yet. This had been the Harry I had been waiting on.   
I was finally getting somewhere with him.   
“Well I’ll miss you.” I said. “If that helps.”  
He looked back up at me, and smirked. A little small half smile, that appeared for about a second, before it faded.   
“It does. I’ll miss you too.” he said softly.   
“Well when I’m in Mexico I’ll make sure to get you a souvenir or something.”  
“A souvenir huh?” he asked.   
I nodded yes. “I’ll be with my family, but yes, I’ll make sure I visit some tourist shop or something. Maybe get you a shot glass, or one of those-”   
He cut me off mid sentence when he brought a finger to my lips. He silenced me and then trailed his finger down.   
He traced my bottom lip with his finger.   
Circling my mouth with his hand, he stared back at me.   
“Stop talking about Mexico.” he said gently.   
“Why?” I asked, and he silenced me again. This time with his kiss.   
Immediately he enveloped me.   
His aftershave was fresh on my nose, and his lips were gentle against mine.   
He started his kiss slow, pecking gently as if it was the first time he kissed me.   
Then, his mouth opened a bit, swallowing and sucking on both lips at the same time. I deepened it, bringing a hand to his shoulder and the rest to his hair.   
His arms wrapped around me, and as tongues inserted, my body hit the bathroom counter.   
I felt amazing, and it also felt complete.   
This was what I had been craving.   
Now that we were here, I was reminded once more how there had been no contact for nine days.   
My body responded quickly trying to kiss him hungrily, but Harry slowed me down.   
He broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to mine.   
“Don’t.” he said gently. “Not like that.”  
I didn’t know what he meant, until his mouth connected to mine again.   
His kiss remained gentle and passionate, savoring, and his hand moved up to my face, cupping it.   
My hands dropped moving to his waist and he pressed himself up against me.   
I could already feel the stiffness enclosed in his tight pants.   
He moaned against my mouth and again my body quickly responded. Moving down, my fingers went to his belt and Harry immediately took my hands off of him.   
I broke the kiss instantly ready to protest, when he spun me the opposite way.   
With my back now to him, my eyes went to the mirror and watched as he bent and kissed my neck and exposed shoulders.   
“I love your skin.” he whispered against me. “It’s so soft.”  
He placed a gentle kiss.   
I pushed my ass against him, still feeling the hardness, but it did nothing for him.   
His hands moved around, gripping my breasts and his mouth continued their soft trail on my neck.   
I moaned gently, since he was near one of my pleasured spots and his eyes met mine in the mirror.   
A look of adoration and lust met me and it made me want him more.   
I broke the contact and turned back around, crashing my lips against his.   
Forget this slow shit.   
He was taken aback for a second, and stumbled back a bit as I devoured him with my mouth.   
His hands found my head again, resting in my hair and my hands went for his belt once more.   
He broke the kiss.   
“Stop.” he whispered.   
“Why?” I asked.   
“I don’t want it to be so fast tonight.”  
“It’s been nine days.” I argued.   
He grinned.   
“You’ve counted?”  
I nodded yes. “I’ve missed you.”  
 _Every part of you._   
His hands found mine and he played with the tips of my fingers. His green eyes stayed on me, as his next sentence melted me.   
“I’m here hun. Always have been.”  
“I don’t think that’s entirely true.” I argued softly.   
He just smiled my favorite Harry smile.   
He nodded his head towards the main bedroom.   
“Why don’t you go lay down?”  
“Are you going to join me?” I asked skeptically.   
He smirked lazily.   
“Course.” he said.   
I smiled and backed away from him.   
_Finally._   
Going for the zipper on the side of my dress, I began to pull it down when Harry stopped me.   
“Don’t.” he said. “Just go lay down.”  
“Fully clothed?” I asked.   
“Yes Becca.” he said with a patient sigh. “I still want to take everything off of you, and I _’m going too_ , just give me a second. I need to run downstairs.”  
I didn’t respond and did as he said.   
As I took my position on the bed, Harry bypassed me, heading for the door.   
“Where are you going? What do you have to do?”  
He just smiled again.   
“Patience Becca.” he said and left the room.   
I sighed in exasperation…and sexual frustration.   
My body was on fire, and he had never made me wait this long.   
Normally by now, we would have already been going at it.   
My mouth on him, his on mine and moans being murmured.   
What was with his delay?  
I looked around the room, trying to distract myself when he appeared about a minute later.   
When he did, candles were in his hands and he was also holding a long lighter.   
I watched him in interest as he positioned them around the room and began to light them.   
Harry already kept candles in his room, and soon the room was lit up and romantic.   
“Trying to set a mood?” I teased.   
“Shut up.” he said with a small blush and reached and hit the light.   
“Don’t distract me. We don’t want this to be sacrificial.”   
I lightly giggled.   
Soon, the only light came from the candles and our reflections on the wall.  
I sat up ready to get started, but he didn’t come to me yet.   
“One more thing.” he said more to himself.   
“What is it?”  
 _“Patience_.” he reiterated with a coy smile before leaving the room again.   
This time when he came back, it was with a pair of small speakers.   
Connecting his phone to his device, music suddenly entered the room.   
“Hmm. Nice touch.”  
“I think so.” he said came over to me.   
I instantly sat up ready to pull his shirt off.   
“No lay back.” he said as he gathered on his knees.   
I pouted but did as he said.   
And then there was nothing.   
I laid across the bed, and he didn’t move.   
He just stared at me.  
His green eyes stayed on mine.   
“What are we doing?” I asked quietly.   
Was this some new pre-fourplay game?  
“Nothing. I just finally get it.”  
“Get what?” I asked.   
He didn’t respond, and finally moved towards me.   
“Nothing,” he said. “I’m here.”   
He gently kissed my lips again and grabbed my hands.   
He lifted my arms above my head.   
Keeping me clasped, he brought his face to mine.   
“Ever been in handcuffs?” he asked.   
I smiled and shook my head no.   
“Hmmm.” he said mysteriously.   
“Scoot up.” he said suddenly.   
Once more I did as he said when he let me go.   
As my back hit the pillows, he leaned over me and dug in his nightstand.   
He moved some stuff around, and then produced shiny silver handcuffs.   
I instantly giggled.   
“Have those always been in there?”   
He smirked.   
“They have.”  
“Wow.” I said in amusement. “I didn’t know you had that in you.”  
He chuckled.   
“I only bring it out on special occasions.”  
And then he twirled them.   
“Will you let me?”  
I spread my arms over my head, allowing my position to answer for me.   
He smiled, and took position over me.   
Clasping the handcuffs to the headboard of the bed, I surrendered full control to him.   
He smiled after he got them on and I about died.   
The dimples tried to kill me.   
“Now we’ll take this off.” he said, moving for the zipper of my dress.   
He teased me, pulling down the zipper as slow as possible.   
When it was done, he shimmed my dress down, exposing my strapless black lace bra and lace panties held up by a garter.   
“Oh my God.” he said instantly. “You’ve had this on all night?”  
As his eyes moved over me hungrily, I smiled.   
“Yeah. You like?”  
“I like?“ he questioned. “I love it. I fucking worship it. Why would you do this to me?”  
I smiled.   
“Well I saved it all month for today.”  
He smiled. “I’m kind of mad you did.”  
He threw my dress across the room.   
“But I hope you know, this needs to make a re-appearance again soon. Tonight I can’t wait… but I want a night to fuck you in this. Real soon.” he emphasized.   
I immediately smiled wider for two reasons.   
One, because he liked the outfit and two, because he just confirmed I would not only be seeing him again, but that I would be in his bed again.   
He lifted his shirt over his head.   
Immediately his tattoos looked back at me, and I was a little upset I had these handcuffs on.   
His skin was begging to be touched.   
He moved back up me, and kissed me.   
Losing the gentleness of the bathroom kisses, his mouth sucked and probed until it began to make its way down.   
He moved from my neck, to my shoulders, to my chest, to the curve of my breasts.   
He moved down…  
Down…  
Past my belly button…  
Past my hip…  
Past my most sensitive area and then my inner thighs.   
Keeping his lips on me, he kissed every part of my leg until he reached my left foot.   
Then he shifted, kissing my right foot and working his way back up my neck.   
His hands went for my underwear, unclasping the belt and he pulled them off.   
Then he went for my bra until I was completely nude underneath him.   
Now my body really was on fire.   
He came back up to my lips, placing a hungry kiss, then moved down again.   
This time his mouth connected to my nipple and he began to suck gently.  
I moaned as his hands moved down and began to rub my clit.   
I gave a pleasured sigh and squirmed a bit as his mouth moved over the top while his hand moved over the bottom.   
“Harry…”I muttered and he grinned against my skin.   
He continued sucking, and soon small little bruises peppered my skin. Perfect little pink love bites showcasing a small possession.   
As he noted his new Harry signatures trailing on my chest, his hands moved away from my clit and switched positions.   
Suddenly his mouth was between my legs, and his hands were squeezing my breasts as his mouth worked.   
“Fuck.” I sighed, completely lost and completely his.   
He moved his tongue in and out and around and around; melting my core.   
My hips moved and buckled, but I wasn’t going anywhere with the handcuffs.   
“Does it feel good?” he asked still between my legs. “Do you like my tongue on you?”  
“Yes!” I practically screamed and he smiled.   
He kept working until he brought me to my first orgasm.   
And then as I lay slightly comatose, he climbed off the bed.   
Unbuttoning his pants, he pulled them down quickly and went over to his dresser.   
Grabbing a small silver key, he undid the handcuffs and I immediately went for him.   
He laughed as I pounced on him and began to pepper him with my own kisses.   
I was just about to make my way down to his still covered cock when he stopped me.   
Flipping us, he climbed back on top of me, and pulled his own boxers down.   
His mouth all over me again.   
As he started sucking my neck, I tried to push him off of me, so I could return the oral favor, but he was adamant.   
“Stop. It’s about you tonight.” he said gently.   
My hands went to his hair, and he peered back at me.   
In the flicked light, his eyes were the most beautiful green, and I realized how crazy I was about him.   
How lost I was over him.  
I didn’t want to ever look away.   
He leaned down, kissing me and I felt him at the tip of my entrance. My body craved to be connected to his.   
“Baby you’re so beautiful.” he whispered, moving his kisses by my ear. “The most beautiful girl in the world,” he said gently in my ear. “And so fucking sexy.” he said with a small bite of my ear.   
I didn’t respond and just smiled.   
If it was bullshit, I didn’t even care. I knew years from now, I would play those words on a loop in my private time.

About a minute later after more kisses, he finally pushed into me and both of our mouths fell open against each other at the wanted contact. The feeling was already amazing as he moved in; inch by inch, and he hadn’t even begun thrusting yet.   
As he opened me up, my body reveled with my favorite feeling.   
This is where he belonged and he fit me perfectly.   
The feeling of being filled only uniquely his.   
That little tiny hole of my womanhood had never felt as whole as when he was inside of me.   
Closing my eyes at the sensation, he pulled back slowly and then pushed forward again.   
I moaned and wrapped my arms around his arms, desperately ready for the ride.   
He thrusted in.  
Out.  
In.   
Out.   
And I could do was sigh in pleasure.   
“Open your eyes.” he said softly. “I want to see you.”   
I did as he said, and his eyes were intense before me. They were dilated, but the tiny flicker of green was highlighted from the candles in the room.   
Those eyes could be the death of me. They could nourish all the crops, end all wars, and make Becca Johnson lose her complete fucking mind.   
In that moment, any wish was his command.   
He pulled back again slowly making sure I felt every inch and then pushed forward again.   
I moaned again, lost of real words.   
His thrusts were mastered, slow, but deep.   
I opened my legs wider and his mouth met mine again.   
“You feel so incredible.” he whispered. “So amazing…So perfect…”   
So did he.   
He pulled back slow again and thrust once more.  
The feeling was amazing. I closed my eyes again.   
His mouth moved to my neck.   
“Open them baby. Let me see the way I make you feel.”  
“It feels good.” I moaned, so he was well aware because I couldn‘t open my eyes. It just felt too wonderful.   
“Yeah?” he pulled back suddenly almost completely pulling out, then he slammed into me. “Tell me.”  
“Fuck!” I grunted.  
“Tell me.” he demanded again. “Tell me how good it feels.”  
“It feels sooo good.“ I moaned again.   
“Whose is it?” he whispered in my ear.   
“It’s…It’s yours. All yours.” I muttered incoherently.   
“Yeah? Say it. Say Harry’s its yours.” he demanded.   
His hips were still moving, and pushing deeper and deeper in me. My words and thoughts were gibberish.   
“Its yours. Baby all yours.” I muttered.   
And then it began.   
His hips quickly sped up pace and for a few seconds he fucked me, pushing my hips into the mattress at rapid pace. The sound of our skin slapping, loud.   
I grunted, he groaned.   
I moaned, he sighed.   
Behind us, his bed frame hit the wall loudly.   
My legs wrapped around his waist as he brought us both to incredible heights, making me understand the term ‘fucking the shit out of me‘.   
“You…feel…so…fucking…good…” he grunted. “Always so…fucking…wet.”  
My fingers raked down his back as I felt his muscles contracting and expanding as he moved on top of me.   
He continued to place quick kisses on my skin, as he hit deep spots that made my body shutter.   
The pleasure so intense, I was at a loss of words and when his dirty talk kicked in, forget it.   
“God this pussy…” he mumbled. “I love your body so fucking much. I could just fuck you everyday and never get tired.”  
His mouth met mine, and he bit my lip.   
My second orgasm rose quickly and just as I was about to let go, he stopped.   
I figured it was a cramp or something that made him cease all movement.   
“What’s wrong?” I asked in slight alarm, opening my eyes and he just smiled down at me.  
“Stop closing your eyes.” he demanded playfully.   
“I can’t help it.” I argued, smiling back.  
He laughed, adjusting himself in me and we shared a quick kiss.   
My hands went to his head, pulling him down to me and our mouths began to tangle again.   
When we pulled away, his mind was back on the main event.   
“Just look at me.” he said and I did. “Just watch us together.”  
As he pushed forward and began again, this time it was slow.  
Painstakingly slow, but the tempo had changed.   
This time he didn’t want to fuck me.   
Placing one hand behind my head, and wrapping the other around my body, he lifted me slightly so he had complete control of my body.   
His green eyes stayed dead locked on mine.   
And I saw it.   
I saw why he wanted me to look at him.   
He was no longer having regular sex with me.  
This time, he was making love to me.   
Slow.   
In.   
Out.   
In.   
Out.   
Deep.   
Deeper.   
I swallowed under the pierce of his stare, and moved my eyes to watch.   
As his hips continued to move back and forth in me, I studied the perfect symmetry we made together.   
His small hips inked with the ferns created a perfect pathway that seemed to lead straight to me.   
This was us and it was beautiful and I could see why he wanted me to see it.   
Sex was overhyped a lot and the act itself could be exaggerated, but watching him move in between my legs…nothing honestly compared. He gave me the best sex of my life and I finally saw how people could become addicted to this feeling.   
In that moment, he could have stayed inside of me forever.   
Yet, maybe he already was.   
As I brought my eyes back up to his face, he was still watching me.   
Giving me a small half smile, he leaned and gave me another gentle kiss.   
His lips encased mine leisurely and this time we both had to close our eyes until we broke apart.   
When we did, and his eyes locked on mine I was blessed and cursed in that moment.   
I ‘ll try to find the words to describe the way he suddenly looked at me, but just know that everything in that moment changed.   
As he finally came about a minute later, collapsing in the crook of my neck, I was stilled, still trapped in that look.   
Just pure adoration.   
Just pure love.   
But it wasn’t, because he wasn’t in love with me.   
Yet in that moment, it felt like it.   
It felt like I was the love of his life, the mother of his children, and the only person he would be with the rest of his life.   
It felt like I was the one he _wanted_ to be with forever.   
A wave moved through me, along with a sudden realization.   
Holy shit, please pray for the woman who would one day get _the real_ look.

He didn’t move off of me immediately, peering down at me after his explosive orgasm. His eyes searched mine, flicking gently back and forth as if he was trying to read something off of me.   
I was suddenly scared of what he could see.   
It had to be all there.   
I turned away from him and his hands caressed my face in concern, but not for the same reason.  
“Did you finish?” he asked gently. “The second time?”  
“Yeah.” I said quietly. And then some.

He smiled slowly, his dimples curling into perfection on his face.   
“Good.” he said and kissed my nose. “I think that’s been the best so far.” he said proudly.   
“I’ve never come like that.”  
I couldn’t even celebrate that statement and the fact that I, Becca Johnson had caused it.   
No, I was still stuck back in a world of a few moments earlier.   
The way he made love to me.   
For the first time.   
He rolled off of me and sighed in content.   
The candles had the room smelling of Cinnamon, and around me, my body tingled, but I didn’t move.   
There was no condom to discard but I could see Harry out of the corner of my eye, grabbing himself, maybe slowing the ‘aftershocks’. He gently squeezed his penis and I turned away, sitting up.   
I needed a moment.   
“Where are you going?” he asked beside me.   
“Bathroom. Think I’ve got to pee now.” I lied.   
He had felt dangerously close to my bladder so it was believable.   
He grinned again, catching on to my subtle hint. “Sorry.”  
I didn’t respond and stood, this time choosing not to cover myself with a sheet.   
I already felt completely naked and exposed anyway outside of my birthday suit.   
I was sure now he knew me.   
Well, for his eyes only I guessed.   
I moved to the bathroom and shut the door behind me.   
My legs felt wobbly and my skin felt flush but I couldn’t tell if it was because of the sex, or because the way I suddenly felt.   
My thoughts were spinning.   
Sitting on the toilet, I quickly used the facilities because lets face it, urinary tract infections were the devil and great sex seemed to love to bring them.   
After, my legs still felt light as I lifted and made my way to the sink.   
I washed my hands and then continued to run the water in the room, quickly splashing some on my face and peering at myself.   
My curls were loose, finally falling from my festivities, and my makeup was a bit smeared.   
Looking at my skin, I finally got a clear look at the small trail of pink little bruises, evidence of Harry’s love.   
I chuckled to myself as it dawned on me that my parents were going to see this.   
In a matter of days I would be in a bikini and unless I stayed in body makeup and no water, these babies were going to be exposed to the world.   
My parents were going to kill me.  
Jeez, I looked like such a slut.   
Still, it felt nice.   
It felt possessive, like he was marking me.   
Though I already was marked.   
All I was missing was big black letters across my forehead with the words HARRY on top of it.   
It would have matched quite nicely with the lettering on my heart.   
Looking in the mirror, tears stung my eyes as the heaviness of everything hit me.   
Fuck.   
Fuck.   
FUCK.   
I splashed some more water on my face, and tried to wash away the tears that were suddenly mixing.   
Why had I allowed this to happen?  
Why hadn’t I just left well enough alone?  
Now I was here.   
Now I had broke my own rule.

Kelsey’s voice played in my ear.   
Don’t come back changed.   
Don’t come back pregnant.   
Don’t fall in love.   
Well one rule was definitely broken.   
That last one.

I was.  
I was in love with him.   
I knew it now.   
I had been for a while.

And it was so damn stupid of me.

A knock on the door, made me jump.   
“Yeah?” I called quickly.   
“You alright?” Harry asked from behind the door.  
“Yeah.” I said “I’m fine.”  
“Kay.” he said. “I’m going to go downstairs and get some fruit. How does whip cream and strawberries sound to you?”   
I could hear the humor in his tone and it made me have a small smile. I could already picture what he was planning.   
“Sounds great.” I said. “Though I already look like a strawberry.”  
Harry didn’t respond and slowly opened the door.   
I turned to him and his eyes moved over my body. The hickey’s covered my chest area and trailed up to my collarbone.   
Smiling widely, he placed his tongue on the side of his mouth, caught between his teeth.   
“I don’t know what you mean. Looks normal to me.” he said.   
I laughed and turned from him.   
“Of course you don’t. Thanks. My parents are going to kill me.”  
He smiled and came over to me.   
We were both still naked.   
Pulling me in his arms, he kissed my neck and peered at me from the mirror.   
“Well if they kick you out, you can just come stay with me. I’ve got plenty of room at my place. And I’m never in town, so you’ll have lots of privacy.”  
I didn’t respond as he kissed my ear next.   
“Sorry babe.” he said.   
“It’s okay. I enjoyed myself.” I said honestly.   
He smiled and pulled away from me.   
“Well then I’m going to get the stuff…and chocolate syrup too.” he said with a wicked grin.   
“Kay.” I said putting on a smile, trying to garner some excitement.

He reached down and slapped my butt as he walked away.

“I’ll be back.” he said. “Don’t get dressed.” he warned. “We have a long night ahead of us.”

I nodded okay, and he disappeared out of the room.   
I looked back at the mirror and just sighed.   
How the hell was I going to get out of this one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, hope you enjoyed that one. Becca and Harry in the Now return, next update!


	62. Chapter 62

CHASE

I parked my car in front of my condo  _The Metropolis_  in downtown Los Angeles gathering my last minute things. A quick scan of my car took my attention until the valet attendant approached me. Though they were paid well, I didn't trust any of them and I wanted to make sure I grabbed everything visible.

As I was approached, I made quick small talk and grabbed my bag.

With a small tip, I climbed out and handed the gentleman my keys.

"I might be going back out." I assured once I was out of the compact sports vehicle, "Keep it close to the front."

"As you wish." he mumbled sliding behind the wheel. 

The attendant was a young kid and couldn't be anymore than eighteen and I wanted to be able to peer out of my window and see my car in the shiny distance.  I had saw enough TV to know that my car could easily be taken for a joy ride, and returned in the morning before I even noticed. 

He drove off as I headed upstairs.

Taking a private elevator, I headed to my home of the last year.

My two-story penthouse, a gift from my affluent parents.

Today had been a shitty day; long and nerve-wracking.

Meeting after meeting, crisis after crisis and the slight female interruption around lunchtime.

I shook it off, glad it was semi over.

Once in the comforts of my home I had a few emails to send, but then I could relax, and press resume tomorrow.

Yet, as I stuck my key in my door, I heard the noise coming from the other end.

Rolling my eyes, it hit me why.

I had forgotten she was coming over.

Opening my door, the scent of food and rose candles hit my nose.

Lindsay was here.

Walking into my living room, I saw her there, perched in the kitchen, downing a glass of wine.

Giving me a wide smile, I hid my eye roll and inwardly cursed.

This was the one night stand that just wouldn't end- but that had partially been my fault.

"Hey hun!" she said cheerily smiling at me from behind the counter.

"Hey." I mumbled, tossing my stuff in the corner.

"You're getting here late." she noted. "Your food's been done about an hour ya know?"

I glanced at the clock behind her trying to note the time. It was pushing 9:30pm.

I had done well tonight since normally I wouldn't be home until after 11pm.

"Well, long day." I said simply.

She slinked over to me then, all sleek straight auburn hair, and long legs.

She was a brand manager for Sephora, the mega beauty provider, and we had been fucking for a couple of months.

She was pretty and she was kind, but this was far from love.

She was a good distraction-some nights.

Tonight....probably not.

"Really? Tell me about it. What happened?" she asked wrapping her arms around me in concern. I could smell the remnants of her Michael Kors perfume, and see the swell of her breasts through her thin shirt but I just wasn't there yet. I shifted away from her.

"I actually need a shower," I said pulling out of her embrace, and loosening my tie.

"Why don't you eat first?" she suggested, pouting her glossed lips. "I can heat it up quick."

"No that's okay." I said glancing at her done up face.

"Well do you want me to join you?" she asked with a small grin; her green eyes held small seduction. 

I had never seen her without makeup, and though she was gorgeous and extremely sexy, my dick just wasn't stirring. My mind was elsewhere.

I didn't answer pulling my phone out of my pocket. I shook it, allowing it to answer for me, and headed to my second story to make a call and get out of these clothes.

In the short time between my office and house, I had already missed a couple calls.

I scrolled them, seeing the usuals', and then one that stood out- Jeffery Azoff.

I smiled as it dawned on me why he had called. Definitely wouldn't be calling him back.

I tossed my phone on the bed, rushed through my shower, made a few calls and then joined Lindsay back downstairs. By now, she was curled on my couch, flipping channels.

She was comfortable with her feet propped up and her wine back in her hand.

_Too comfortable._

Hmmm...maybe it was time to get my key back.

When I had originally given it to her, I was picturing coming home to her spiraled on my bed in the newest lingerie, yet now, five months in, I was starting to see different pictures. This was slowly turning into a relationship, and here was a big hint- I didn't want one.

Serious relationships were not for me.I didn't need the hassle.

"What did you cook?" I asked making my way to the kitchen.

My plate was wrapped in the microwave and the smells highlighted something with meat.

"Glazed Chicken with Vegetables." she said cheerily. She jumped up, coming over to me ready I'm sure to serve me my plate.

However, much to her dismay, I quickly placed it in the fridge.

She instantly frowned.

"You're not hungry?" she asked facing me. "I tried calling your office to let you know, but you didn't answer."

"It's just too late." I lied. By now it was well after ten, but I was use to eating late most nights.

Truthfully, I didn't care for her cooking.

Rachel Ray she was not.

She shrugged it off.

"Well take it for lunch."

She moved in the kitchen, standing right in front of me.

"I've got to tell you about today, remember Sarah...that girl I told you about last week?"

I nodded, but tuned her out, reaching for a beer.

She began to get into some story about this Sarah and I headed back to the living room.

Plopping on the couch, her story continued and she sat beside me and draped her leg over me.

My hand casually found a shin, and picked up the remote.

"Well you know how these girls are in Los Angeles babe..." I said gently changing the channel from some reality show. I was half listening-half tuning her out.

"Yeah, this business sometimes just gets on my nerves. And you know-"

I kept scrolling.

Her mouth was still going, and the TV was still flipping, but my mind was still somewhere else.

I was in a trance, thinking about my work day.

My eyes remained on the TV, even when one of her manicured hands reached over and rubbed my neck with affection.

Giving a small smile, I felt her move beside me, getting closer.

I continued to flip the channels.

There typically wasn't much on at this hour, but I didn't feel like having a conversation with Lindsay and I wasn't ready to sleep. And tonight, for whatever reason, I didn't want sex. The TV wasn't even a welcome distraction.

As her feet curled around me and she nuzzled against me, lying on my chest, I finally gave up and tossed her the remote.

Moving away from her slightly, I reached for the phone in my pocket. I began to browse it, finally returning emails, while Lindsay found us a show. Her stories were still going.

Eventually she did and the British accent of James Corden came through the rays of the TV.

And then another one.

The audience laughed at the guest's dry joke and beside me I heard Lindsay purr in delight. Whoever had just told it, had her complete attention.

I looked up, glancing at her first and then at the TV.

And what do you know, tonight's guest was none other than Harry Styles.

I couldn't help it, I chuckled.

The cosmic system was messing with me today.

First his ex had walked in my office today, and then his manager had called me less than an hour ago and now, he was on my screen.

What a joke.

I watched for a few moments as he and James Corden traded jokes about an experience a couple years earlier. Seemed from their brief banter that they had known each other for a while.

Either way, I wasn't too interested. I put my attention back in my phone, tapping quickly.

The only thing to break me from my emails, was the quick sips of my beer and the eventual sight of Reese Witherspoon. After a commercial break, she and Harry were sat together, being interviewed for separate promotions but trading jokes and laughs. Reese Witherspoon was gorgeous too, but I was bored, and the last thing I wanted to watch or listen too was the three of them.

I quickly tapped Lindsay's leg, asking her to move off of me. She did and I stood.

My eyes moved away from the screen, yet Lindsay's attention stayed on him-Harry.

"Am I sensing a crush?" I teased as I moved away from her, and back to the kitchen. It was time for a beer refill.

She didn't turn to me.

"On who?" she asked.

"Sir Harry Styles."

"I don't know," she said slowly. "He's attractive I guess."

I smirked and pulled my Miller Lite beer out of the fridge.

"The kid is sixteen." I reminded her. "Didn't know you were into jailbait?"

This time she looked at me with a smile.

"I hardly think he's that young. I'd say he's a little shy of twenty. Legal enough." She giggled.

I smiled back at her joke and took a seat back beside her.

"I think you're hotter though." She said giving me a sexy wink.

"Gee thanks." I said taking my first sip of the cold liquid.

I settled back against the couch. The show was now on another commercial, prepping for Harry's performance, though Harry was still swimming about in my mind—or more-so, the run-in from this afternoon.

"I met his girlfriend today." I offered suddenly. The thoughts in my mind suddenly spilling out.

Lindsay looked at me in interest.

"I didn't know he had a girlfriend." She said.

I turned to her with an interested glance.

"I didn't know,  _you would know_ he had a girlfriend."

She smiled again. "I don't know why not. It is my job to keep up with the news too, and his models are right up my alley."

"Well this one wasn't a model. Far from it."

"Do tell." she said sitting up and giving me her attention.

"Well I can't tell you too much, but it was some chick he dated a couple years ago."

"Brittany?" she questioned suddenly and turned to me. "I saw her on a couple magazines."

I didn't think her name was Brittany, but she seemed to be on the money.

"Yeah...her." I said casually. "She was annoying as hell. I didn't want to get too involved."

She smiled.

"Well how did it end up on your desk then?"

"She was a walk in. She's tight with the Azoff's and I guess they figured they could just recommend her and send her my way....She had no appointment and she didn't come prepared," I said in annoyance.

"I don't know what the girl thought," I said turning to Lindsay. "But it was like she figured she could just come, spew her story, and then I would help her. It was ridiculous."

"Well what was her story?"

I didn't answer. I still reserved confidentiality and had my limits. Besides, I had never been a big gossiper.

"All I can say is that it involved him." I said.

Lindsay turned away from me, glancing back at the screen.

Sir Harry was back.

I watched him for a few more minutes, still thinking of the plain jane from earlier.

The  _rude_ plain jane.

God, life must have really got her down.

I thought of her ponytail and fleece jacket....The nude, bored face and the attitude.

As I glanced at Harry in his tailored, expensive suit- still looking like a young rich stud, I couldn't imagine how he had even gotten caught up with her.

Surely he had his picks of hundreds, even thousands of more attractive women than her.

She must have looked better when they met or else, I couldn't understand it. Outside of her eyes, there didn't seem to be much there. Plus that attitude...jeez...how did he put up with her?

I continued watching the TV. 

Where had they met?

How had their paths even crossed?

They were from two obviously different worlds.

And wasn't he secretly gay anyway, dating his old band member or something?

Hmm.

Something didn't add up.

I quickly unlocked my phone again. Curiosity piqued again.

I opened my Safari app, and typed in 'Harry Styles Girlfriend'.

Beside me, Lindsay swooned at boy wonder's new song.

I rolled my eyes. His music still wasn't all that great. 

I scrolled through the articles, with the most recent one getting attention first. It appeared to be from a month ago.

_New Couple Alert! Julie St. Clair and Harry Styles Spotted Dining at WeHo's Troubadour._

He was fucking Julie St. Clair?  

Now, that pairing actually made sense. 

I clicked into it.

_He is still one of the world's most eligible bachelor's and she is the new princess of the modeling world- when Harry Styles and Julie St. Clair were spotted on a dinner date this week, it's fair to say it caused quite a stir!_

_The pair were spotted by some fans dining at West Hollywood's Troubadour. The pair arrived together with friends, and appeared 'close' throughout the dinner. This is the first time the pair was spotted, yet our sources tell us, they appeared to be longtime friends._

_Earlier in the evening, Harry was photographed taking in a Twenty One Pilots Concert and_

I clicked off the article. Why was I even reading this?

I didn't even care. 

Back to the damn point. I didn't want to know about him, I was curious about  _her._

What was her name again?

Brittany?

No...no...it was something else.

What name had Vanessa said?

Brenda? Becky? Brooke?

I thought back to the stories over the years.

What was their portmanteau again? What name had the papers always used?

Oh yeah...Hecca...which meant....Becca!

I scrolled past that article and saw a few more on Harry and Julie St. Clair. I saw the Kendall Jenner's and Taylor Swifts, but not much on this Becca girl.

That was strange.

I could remember scrolling past many articles years earlier.

Hecca was a regular news piece.

Yet, searching now, it was almost like Harry had purposely paid someone to erase them.

Or maybe he had...

I tried a different approach.

This time, I typed in the same thing I had typed in my office when she sat before me: Becca Johnson, Harry Styles ex.

Finally!

Like magic, small articles appeared. I saw the most current ones.

_It's Over! Harry Styles and Longtime Girlfriend Break Up_

_Harry Styles & Becca Johnson: Real Reason Why She Dumped Him_

_Harry Styles and Becca Johnson Split! Details Inside!_

_Hecca is Dunzo! Couple Splits After Three Years._

I scrolled past them all. It wasn't what I was looking for. I was looking for the beginning. I moved to page two and then I began to see them.

_Sun Exclusive! Meet Harry Styles Secret Girlfriend of Two Years!_

The date read October 11, 2016; which meant it was one of the first- if not, the one that broke the story. I almost opened it, until I found something else more interesting.

_Who is Becca Johnson? Everything we know so far about Harry Styles' rumored new girl!_

I clicked on the link in interest and instantly saw a much younger, much hotter, 'Becca Johnson'.

I mean, damn, who was this?

I quickly browsed through the facts:

She was a graduate of Colgate University, with honors.

She was a California native.

She had a younger sister and her parents were successful entrepreneurs.

She had also worked for a popular publishing house in New York for a short time.

There was some other nonsense about her and Harry and something about matching tattoos, but I didn't care about all that.

I moved on to the next article and then the next, until I ended up on Becca's Facebook social media profile. Yet, there was nothing.

Unless you were a 'friend', or an 'accepted request', her account was locked down tighter than Fort Knox.

I wondered why.

"What are you looking at?"

Lindsay's curious voice broke into my thoughts and I looked up at her.

For the past few minutes, I had been browsing and reading, and it appeared that she had been watching and studying me.

"Just work stuff." I said turning back to my phone.

"Are you ready for bed?" she asked a minute later. She had removed her leg off of me, and the TV in front of us was now showing credits.

I was glad Harry was off my TV. I was filled enough with his presence in my phone.

"Nah." I said. "Go on up." I suggested, nodding to my bedroom.

She stretched and nodded okay.

"I'll clean up the kitchen first."

I didn't respond leaving her to whatever she wanted to do, and looked back at my scrolling.

I was getting slowly more and more intrigued, though I didn't understand why.

Though maybe because the Becca Johnson I had met today was an enigma.

She was protected.

Despite her very public relationship and life in the public eye a couple years earlier, she seemed to have successfully blended in the shadows these last couple of months.

I didn't even know if she would be recognized by a non Harry stan anymore.

I wondered if that was Harry's doing or her choice.

Had he intervened? Had she asked him too?

Hmmm...

This puzzle was incomplete and still not adding up and I was curious to find the missing pieces.

Long after Lindsay had finished and gave me a kiss on my cheek and headed to bed, I still sat there, reading old articles and eventually finding the old archival stuff.

A part of me was kicking myself, for not getting more information this afternoon.

The Becca of then, was what had my attention.

Her public Instagram that hadn't been updated in two years showed a smiley, happy young girl. A girl who traveled, had friends, went to parties and was clearly in love with Harry Styles, and  _fuck_  was she beautiful back then. Curled hair, heavy lidded eyes and playful wide smiles had her pictures getting thousands of likes. Her follower count was impressive too. She was sitting at a notable 1.7 million- even now.

That girl, whoever she had been, could have even given Lindsay a run for her money.

I stared at one picture of she and Harry with friends.

There was only about four direct pictures of him on her entire page, but it was obvious even to a blind person that they had been happy. Even in a group photo I studied backstage at one of Harry's concerts with Jeff and Harry's other entourage, Harry had been leaned into her, holding her waist, smiling like he had won the goddamn lottery; and who knows, maybe he had. Maybe she had been a prize back then.

I searched and scrolled, and searched and scrolled...until it was well past 1am. By then, I think I knew way too much about the Hecca relationship...

For instance,

The Rolling Stone magazine declaration of love from Harry that had everybody losing their damn minds in 2017....

_I ask about Becca Johnson, the woman rumored to be at the center of it all. A young college student Harry met while touring with One Direction. A British tabloid exposed that relationship to the world, and though its been months, Harry has never addressed it publicly._

_Now today, he seems finally ready._

_He shifts in his seat, getting comfortable. His hands drum the steering wheel as he doesn't face me._

_"We're close," he says simply. "And I guess you could say she's my best friend, but she's also incredibly intimidating too. One of those people who can be anything she wants. She's just ridiculously smart and talented. So,  I like to sit back and watch her. I like to soak her in. She's lovely."_

_I want to ask more about her, but he's protective as the conversation takes a more personal tone. Despite the world finding out about her less than a year ago, he still hasn't come to grips with discussing their intimate details._

_He explains in cryptic words he doesn't know why its different, or why it worked, but he's adamant about what he knows for sure-_

_"I'll tell you one thing," he says wrapping up the already short conversation on Becca. "She keeps me on my toes and it's caused me to get my shit together. She's someone I don't want to lose."_

_And there is nothing more. As he-_

The Birthday declaration at one of his first solo gigs at the Troubadour about a month later...

_"Before we begin this next song, I have to---there's an amazing girl in the audience tonight, who is celebrating her birthday tomorrow, and kicking it off tonight with her friends... I want to dedicate this next song to her. Happy Birthday... I love you for very much. This is Sweet Creature."_

The first time they stepped out at his movie premiere; a special after party in London thrown by Warner Brothers...

_...By his side all night was his long time girlfriend Becca. Though the world is mum on the details of how they came together, it's clear its serious._

_"Harry stayed by her side all night. He doted on her. It's clear he' s more than smitten." a source at the party said._

_And he seems to be. The couple have a matching tattoo of a heart- she carries one side, he carries the other- and are rumored to share a home together. For now, there's no planned walks down the aisle as Harry debunked those rumors while on BBC Radio 1's morning show last week saying "It's not something we've discussed", yet much to the dismay of some of his more devoted fans, this probably isn't ending anytime soon. Harry is clearly in love with Becca Johnson._

And finally, 

The last post about him on Becca's Instagram in February 2018.... The occupying picture, their backs to the camera and her head resting on his shoulder in a black and white frame...the picture taken when his hair was rockstar long in One Direction. 

"Happy Birthday to my best friend. I can't believe it's been three years already. It seems like just yesterday when we were speaking on the phone for the first time- on this very day. Wow. Wishing you the best- Always. Have fun, like you always do."

That post made me pause. It was so generalized that it didn't seem like it was coming from the love of his life. I was well aware from the 3,400 comments posted below it that they hadn't even spent that day together- he was in London, she in California- but still, it was clear something was wrong.

They were never seen together again, and she posted one more thing, the final post on the old exciting Becca instagram; song lyrics about two weeks later,

_Ain't no way to understand, stupid words of pride._

_And there ain't no talking to this man, he's been trying to tell me so_

_It took a while to understand, the beauty of just letting go._

_It would take an acrobat and I already tried all that_

_I'm gonna let him fly._

Less than two months later,  she must have. It was over- publicly and privately. Cue the break up articles I started with.

My browsing had suddenly came full circle and I knew one thing; now I would probably call her back.

I had always liked a good mystery and the fall of this relationship would be a good one.

I was positive I probably couldn't help her, but who knew what could happen.

So before going to sleep, I sent a quick text to Jeff, asking for her number.

The next morning, I woke up to it posted with a brief disclaimer. Bypassing all of that, I saved it to my phone and resided to text her on my lunch break, and when two o' clock rolled around, that's just what I did.

She texted back with resistance, but that was the beginning.

That's how my version of this sordid tale began...

~

As Becca, my girlfriend, sits across from me now, that first day is heavy on my mind.

I should have left her right where the hell she was.

I should have gone with my first mind.

I should have left her Harry issues right where it was- out of my life.

But now, I'm sucked in deep.

I'm foolishly in love.

She has already started her version of where we are now, and it is taking everything in me to not reach across the couch and choke the shit out of her.

She was with him tonight.

Harry.

Fucking Harry Styles.

Talking to him.

Kissing him.

Fucking him.

Probably.

I don't know.

I can't seem to get past the main concept that she was with him. I don't even care if they sat down for five minutes over a coffee at Starbucks, she still saw him.

But see, the thing is, she didn't stop and see him for five minutes at Starbucks. He's been in this house, and she's been in his.

For the last two days, while I worked my ass off at the office, and Harry's girlfriend posed somewhere on some stupid beach, they have been smiling in each other's face, reminiscing on the good times.

Closure.

It's the word she keeps saying.

They needed the closure.

They needed to talk.

They needed to end whatever it was between them.

_Needed._

As if the world is ending tomorrow, and they needed some final fucking farewell.

It's bullshit.

This whole thing is.

I stand.

I pace.

I try to stop myself from saying what I really want to say.

I try to stop myself from realizing what I already know.

This Harry bullshit is far from over.

Jeez, why didn't I read the disclaimer from Jeff many months ago?

He tried to tell me to stay on track.

'Don't get too close,' he had tried to warn. 'She isn't the one to get involved with.'

Damn why didn't I listen?

 

"Chase?" she calls. "I didn't plan any of this," she says.

I can barely hear her.

She's told me all about his time in this house yesterday and how he didn't stay long.

She keeps stressing it which makes me thinks she's lying.

"He only stayed twenty minutes. And I gave him some of his old things back"

"So why did you see him today?' I question.

She grows quiet as she does when I mention the last few hours. She keeps avoiding that topic.

That's what is worrying me.

Something happened that she isn't saying.

Something has changed because we're having this conversation.

We're finally talking about him again.

"So what happened today?" I ask, getting back to the main point.

She has been with him ALL DAY and I want to know why.

What have they been doing all this time? Closure talks don't take that long.

I note the way her eyes shift away from mine, and she bites her lip- remembering.

Her face begins to curve into a smile as she remembers  _him_  and their time together. I see the hint of a crease... a dimple... the fucking happiness spreading over her face, until she catches my stare. 

_What the fuck?_

Then it is gone-quickly. 

What the fuck is that?

Something has definitely happened...

"What did you do?" I ask. By now i'm sure he's touched her. 

He had too. 

 Her eyes meet mine and she sighs again. She runs her hands through her hair and sits back as if this whole thing is tiring to her. 

"Chase," she just says. "I'm sorry..."

I'm sorry too. 

And immediately, for some reason, I think of his girl Julie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, that is not it...as I promised Harry and Becca will return in the NOW with this update. Editing as we speak, you get three chapters for the price of one today, and they all synch together....
> 
> Hold please.... coming back shortly...


	63. Chapter 63

JULIE

NOW

I am counting down the minutes until my break.

I am counting down the minutes until the stupid sand can get out of the crack of my bikini.

My memory lane distraction is no longer working.

I re-adjust.

"Julie Look at me...pose this way."

As my body twists and contorts to get the perfect pose, I deeply regret my day job.

My face has been suspended and stuck in this stupid expression for the last two hours.

I've been smiling so much my cheeks hurt.

"Julie focus!" the photographer shouts, and I go back to my mental place.

A twist here, a wink there...a big playful scowl...

Around me the waves crash, and the weather is warm on my skin, but all I can think about is my upcoming vacation and how much I'm already over this trip.

In two weeks, I will be taking a month off to be with Harry. In two weeks, I will be by his side while he tours the United States.

It makes all of this worth it.

As the day has been trudging on, he has been on my mind.

I like to think about him as I have my shoots, and our upcoming wedding. It's relaxing.

The big day is planned for after the tour, but so far, not many things have been planned.

I hate to say it, but he is a typical man dragging his feet.

I smile, as I think of yesterday and trying to get him to pick a venue. As we shared lunch in Beverly Hills, his disinterest was more than apparent. He didn't want to look at any venues, and he seemed to almost dread the topic of the wedding.

I know he's stressed out. He's had a busy few days.

Today, my thoughts have been on the past and how we met, and our time in London.

I'm not sure why though.

That trip hadn't ended too pleasant.

"Alright that's a wrap for now."

I do a collective sigh as my break has finally arrived a couple minutes later.

A chance to regroup, get the sand out of my bum, and grab a quick bite.

As I stretch, heading over to my rest area, my longtime stylist and friend comes by me and hands me my phone.

"Any missed calls?" I ask.

"Nope." Phylicia says. She tousles my hair behind me and I sit in her chair.

The next location is being set up for my group shot with the other models joining me on this shoot so I have an hour.

As Phylicia brushes out my curls, and pulls my hair up for the next look, we begin our usual girl talk.

We begin to talk about the day and the next shoots while I browse my social media accounts.

While she speaks, I pose for a quick selfie to update my fifty million followers on Instagram; a daily habit.

We both smile big and wide and caption the photo 'Paradise', and it is.

This is one of the better shoots- location wise- I've ever been on and I'm glad she was able to join me.

"Talk to Harry today?" she eventually asks after she's done, taking a seat beside me and digging into her Kale Salad for lunch.

We've been working together the last three years so she's well aware of his prescene in my life.

"No. Getting ready to call him. I think he's been with his manager all day. I haven't heard from him." I say with a pout. For me, it is just past noon, but for him it has to be after two in the afternoon.

"His tour starts soon right?"'

I nod yes with a smile. "He flies out of L.A. tomorrow. First stop is New York."

As I talk about him, I'm so proud. He's so talented and I'm so excited to see what he does next.

"Do you think he's nervous?"

I nod yes again and examine my new hair in the mirror. Phylicia, as always, has done an amazing job.

"It's a bigger headline tour. I'm sure."

I shift in my seat, and curl my leg to rest on my foot.

"He's been waiting to get on the road by himself again. I think promoting and that brief reunion with the boys last year got him pumped again." I explain.

"Yeah but he's been on his own for a while now, even with their last concert." She suggests.

"He has." I note. "But I don't know." I say with a small shrug. "He doesn't tell me about it all. He's protective of it I guess." I say with a playful roll of my eye.

She smiles. 

We talk about him all the time, so she knows what I mean.

"Still doesn't want to talk about a lot of stuff huh?" she questions.

"No." I say in slight annoyance. His elusiveness is his only flaw. I hate the way he always keeps things from me.

Phylicia takes another bite of her food, then looks at me in interest.

"Speaking of... how did dinner go the other night? With the ex?" she asks curiously.

I immediately roll my eyes again. The last thing I want to think about is _her._

I've been trying to forget about that stupid dinner for the last two days.

"Ugh." I say immediately. "Don't even bring that up."

Phylicia chuckles. "That bad huh?"

I nod yes.

"Such a waste of time." I say with a small sigh.

"What was she like? Was she a bitch?"

I place my phone down on the mantle thinking of the best way to describe her.

I try to picture the thorn in my side of the last eleven months.

Well...I can say the experience was different than I imagined. The haunting/looming presence of Becca Johnson had made her this glorified figure. I was expecting so much more for the girl that the love of my life couldn't once get over.

Yet, I was quite let down to be completely honest.

I turn to Phylicia, giving her my full attention.

"I wouldn't say she was a bitch, but she wasn't warm either. She was that kind of fake polite ya know? Like she secretly can't stand me."

Phylicia instantly laughs.

"Well can you blame her? You're the end game. She's probably mad because you got the ring."

I instantly smile with her.

"Oh I know. And believe me, I definitely caught her checking it out. She kept asking Harry where he bought it. It was weird."

"Kept asking where he bought the ring?" she asks in puzzlement.

I nod again. "Yeah, like why did it matter?" I ask out-loud.

"She's probably curious how much he spent." Phylicia says. "She's not in the business right?"

"No."

"How did she and Harry meet? Were you able to find that out?"

"I haven't found out anything." I say in frustration.

To be honest, it was the only reason I agreed to the dinner.

For months, there has been this back and forth with Harry and pull to get more information- but there is nothing.

After all this time, he still doesn't talk about her or anyone close to her. It's a forbidden subject between us, and his family and friends don't even bring her up.

It didn't take long for me to be fed up with it all. It wasn't too long into the London trip to his house that I demanded answers.

It caused our first fight, and breakup.

We made up a few days later, but after everything came to a head, we agreed to never talk about her or let her in our lives, and a couple weeks later, I got the ring.

Imagine my surprise two weeks ago when he approached me with the prospect of the dinner and seeing her again. I was extremely hesitant and immediately said no. Once more, she caused another fight. He had berated me for not trusting him and being insecure.

I had been upset for days and it was actually Phylicia who had changed my mind on the whole thing. She had pointed out this was my chance. 'Now you can finally find out the details, just pump it out of her at dinner and watch them if you have concerns' she suggested.

It was a great idea, and the ONLY reason I agreed to him seeing her.

Yet, now...there still was nothing.

Phylicia stirred some of her lettuce.

"Well that sucks, but it's a good thing you went." She says and takes another bite. "So how was she with Harry? Was it as bad as you thought it would be?"

I smile to myself, remembering the only good thing about the dinner.

"They got into it surprisingly."

Phylicia's eyes grow wide.

"Really?" she says in interest.

I nod yes.

"They got into it before we left. Started screaming at each other."

"About what?" she asks, obviously looking for a juicy story.

"I'm not sure. But I'm glad they did. Ruined that fantasy he had of her."

She looks at me with narrowed eyes.

"So you don't think he's still in love with her?"

"No." I say softly. I look down studying my nail polish.

"I'm positive he's over her now. And I mean, the dinner did help with that. I'm sure now he realizes that it wasn't meant to be or whatever. I mean... He has too right?" I ask with slight uncertainty.

Phylicia nods.

"Yeah, sure." Phylicia says. "Besides, he has you. And you're wonderful." she says reading through my unsure tone. "And I'm sure she hasn't been on his mind in a long time." She says with a warm smile. "He probably got it out of his system..."

I just nod in complete agreement. I'm glad to hear it, even if I don't completely believe it.

I do think he is over her, but I don't think he's over _it._

Something about that relationship still gets under his skin; I can feel it.

A couple minutes later, Phylicia completes her salad, and leaves me alone to call Harry.

'Tell him I say hello' she calls, before leaving me in the space by myself.

Taking a sip of water, and cradling my phone, I settle in a corner and call Harry.

I wait anxiously while the phone rings.

One ring....

Two ring....

Three....

I sip more of my drink and wait as the line continues to ring.

After the six ring, it is painfully obvious he isn't by his phone.

A little while ago I sent him a text telling him I would be calling, but I'm guessing he hasn't seen it.

I hang up reluctantly and decide to give him a moment. He lives near his phone, so I'm sure he'll call back soon.

I head back to my social media accounts, checking on the status of my selfie and the comments and likes. As always, most are positive, with a few 'haters' laced through.

I move away from that account and go to another.

I read a few tweets and then reply to a few fans, before my hands get an inch.

My fingers find their way to Harry's profile.

There isn't much to see.

He isn't heavy on the social media circuit and he only updates his profile once in a blue moon.

I'm mainly checking to get some type of fix.

His last tweet a month ago, had been song lyrics to my favorite country song.

At the time, he had posted it as a joke, making fun of my obsession with the song.

As I pull up his Twitter account, I am expecting to see that tweet at that very top and I anticipate my smile.

However, I'm surprised when a new tweet takes its place in the top spot.

It is from yesterday, around 3pm California time.

His new tweet stares back at me.

@Harry_Styles:  If I could, I would.

He was with me at the time, so I'm a bit confused as to what it's related too.

We didn't listen to any songs with those lyrics, or have any profound statements or jokes.

I try to remember the previous day.

He had met me for lunch and we had went back to my place where he helped me pack. After, he had drove me to the airport where I caught my flight at seven.

So, what's  _if I could, I would?_

I click on the tweet to get more information. 

Sometimes his fans know more than I do and put the pieces together for me. They know him well I must say.

I feel my blood boil. A rise of jealously, confusion and angry overcomes me.

Instantly I'm seeing the name BeccaPenelope94 and his---together.

What the hell?

What have I missed?

Why is Becca being brought up?

Did the media find out we had all hung out and had dinner?

I quickly scroll through the comments, and it doesn't sound like that. Instead the comments are a mixture of celebrations and complete disgust. Hecca this, and Hecca freaking that... Something has happened between them that I don't know. The comments sound like they are back together or freaking best friends again.

_What now?_

My insecurities quickly take over.

I click on Becca's old profile.

I see it immediately.

The first tweet in two years and it is this:

_Tell me with your mind, body and spirit._

My body comprehends the tweet before my mind can.

The anger that is rising, filters through me and explodes.

I know that lyric! I swear I do!

Those are some lyrics to a One Direction song.

I remember in the early days, when I wanted to impress Harry, I use to listen to everything he ever made, and though I don't know what these tweets are and if they are related, it is something. 

Something is going on that I'm missing.

For one, Becca doesn't tweet on that account anymore, and the tweets are minutes apart.

They.

Are.

Minutes.

Apart.

But he was with me...

And they didn't even talk anymore

Or did they?

Have they been talking all this time?

My P.I. skills magnify.

I scroll to Harry's Instagram and try to find more information.

Nothing.

Then, I head to Google and type in his name,

Nothing.

Whatever these tweets mean haven't made it to the mainstream media yet, so what's going on....

Why would she tweet that?

What was Harry tweeting about and why does it pertain to Becca?

Why are they linking them together?

Was it a response, or just coincidence?

And then an alarm goes off....

Has he seen her?

Is he seeing her now?

My thoughts run rampant, and my hands are dialing again before I can even think straight.

I know I may be over-reacting and that it is probably nothing. I tell that to myself.

I am just reaching.

However, something deep inside of me has me worried.

There is that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I try to push away.

That feeling that still comes and clouds around me some nights when were together; He still cares about her. And, maybe he thinks about her more than I think. 

No.

No, no, no...

I'm driving myself crazy.

Its the tweets and the fact that I haven't talked to him.

He is in California, miles away from me and I have no clue what he is doing or where he is.

And she is there.

And maybe, just maybe there was more to that dinner than I realized.

But no...they hate each other, and he loves me.

He loves me.

He loves ME.

As I call Harry again for the third time, I finally get an answer.

I give a huge sigh of relief. He wouldn't answer if he was with her, I'm sure of it.

"Hello?" he instantly says and I smile.

Finally we are connected.

"Hey baby! How are you?" I say cheerily. "I've been trying to call you." I tell him.

He pauses and then gives a long sigh.

"Yeah I know."

His voice doesn't fluctuate or get happy and he seems to be distracted or tired...

"What's up?" he asks me with disinterest.

"Nothing." I say quickly. "I didn't talk to you this morning, and I just started my shoot....just wanted to check in. I miss you so much already."

I say this on purpose to invoke something. If something is going on that I'm missing, I want him to remember and remember where we stand.

Who he belongs too.

"Well I'm busy." He instantly replies. "I'm going to have to call you back."

I'm instantly dejected. We haven't even been talking for a full minute yet.

"Why?" I ask quickly. "What are you doing?"

"I'm working." he confirms.

_Working?_

_No he's not._

"Oh really? Are you with Jeff?" I ask curiously. "Good. I have a question for him."

I need confirmation of where he is and I'm going to bullshit a question.

"No." he says. His voice raises a notch, and fills with...something. "I'm not."

"So who are you with?"

"Who says I'm with anybody?" he immediately bites back. "I'm just working."

"Well, where are you?"

"Why?" he asks defensively, and before I can answer, he interrupts me.

"Why are you asking me all these questions suddenly?"

"What questions?" I ask, "I'm just asking what you're doing."

"And I've told you, I'm working."

"On what? With who?" I emphasize.

"I've already answered that question..." And then, something in him changes. He grows colder suddenly. "What do you want Julie? Why do you keep calling me?? You've called me twice in the last twenty minutes. Obviously I can't talk to you or I would have answered your text. So what do you want?"

"Why do I keep calling you?" I question aloud. "Because I want to talk to you."

"Well I can't right now." he says shortly. "So- I'll call you later or something."

I pull the phone slightly away from my ear and look at it.

Who is this?

"What's wrong with you?" I finally ask.

I can hear it now. There is irritation and impatience.

Someone has pissed him off.

"You sound like your upset-"

He cuts me off.

"Nothing." he says quickly again. "Why are we even still talking? If it's nothing important, then I'll call you back later."

"But-"

"Enjoy your shoot. We'll talk later." he says and before I can respond, he hangs up.

Long after there is silence on the other end, I still hold the phone to my ear.

What is his fucking problem?

Who the hell is that?

He's never been so rude to me before.

I toss the phone on the vanity in front of me.

I'm a thrower.

I like to throw things when I'm angry, and right now I'm irritated and can mess up this whole room.

I don't know what to say.

Before he answered like that, I was going to talk about the tweets, but now, I just want to know what is wrong with him.

Something is  _definitely_  wrong.

He seemed irritated that I was even calling.

He seemed irritated like he was the other night---with Becca.

My worries come back to me.

In a swift move, I pick up the phone to call him again. 

Fuck him, and his attitude. I need answers.

Maybe he is busy and maybe I'm interrupting his work, but he didn't have to be so mean about it.

He should be glad I'm even thinking of him and care.

I quickly call him back but this time there is no dial tone. I am immediately connected to his voicemail.

He has turned his phone off.

I immediately huff.

Now what?

Behind me, I suddenly hear laughter.

I turn as some of the other models fill in the room.

This is a sign that work is too resume soon.

My name is called and I prepare to put on a façade.

I can't deal with Harry and his issues right now. Right now, I'm working and I have to remind myself of that.

But tonight.. _.tonight I want answers._

So as I stand, leaving my phone to the side, I place on my best cheery smile and become who I am; Julie St. Clair. The girl who has everything and no worries.

The girl who has an amazing career and an amazing man who loves her.

A girl who is happy and has the world at her feet.

The girl who is lucky.

A girl who is lying.

 

"Julie, did you get him?" Phylicia asks, right behind them.

Two of the other popular models in the business surround me too.

"Yeah," I answer. "It's all good. He was happy to hear from me."

Phylicia gives me a small smile and the other models start conversation with me, and I just nod along.

But it is not good.

And he was not happy to hear from me.

As I place on my fake smile, he is on my mind.

Where is he?

What is he doing?

I know he is not working. He forgets, I know his schedule.

Today is his last day off.

Who has upset him?

What news has he heard?

Who is he with?

And then, I think of her.

The pit in my stomach knows the answer.

Becca.

She's involved somehow.

I'm sure of it.

My thoughts cloud as I realize they could be together. I'm sure her boyfriend is at work and I know she doesn't have a real job.

She has nothing to do but stare at wallpaper all day.

_My fiancé's wallpaper._

A chill runs through me.

Oh fuck, are they together now?

_Shit,shit, shit._

 

"Julie?" Phylicia cuts into my thoughts. "Still with us?"

Once more, I nod yes and smile.

I have to remember where I am.

I have to remember who I am.

I brush it off again.

I''m Julie St. Clair.

The girl who has everything and no worries.

The girl who has an amazing career and an amazing man who loves her.

The girl who is lucky.

The girl who is lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there...


	64. Chapter 64

BECCA

NOW

The first thing I think I see is my pink mug with the dots.

Shaped like the 'Chip' cup in the Beauty and the Beast, it seems to stand out on an old granite counter.

I see the sprinkles of the Sensa Gallo granite and the way the cup sits by the sink.

My thoughts are stalled: words frozen, eyes heavy, cheeks stained.

In my blurred vision, the cup stands out, bringing me back, clearing my vision. I finally can focus on something.

And what do you know, it is my cup.

What is it doing here? My first thought.

My second immediate thought, I must have left it somewhere.

I blink.

I study.

I blink.

I return. My eyebrows crease at the realization.

Someone has my favorite mug.

Someone has been drinking out of my favorite cup.

Someone has used it this morning as evidenced by is position.

Yet, it couldn't have been Chase.

I haven't even seen this cup in years.

What is it doing here?

How the hell did it end up in this house?

I didn't use it, did I?

 

But...wait a minute...that's not my granite counters. Me and Chase's are Steel Gray.

 

This is not my current kitchen.

What is going on?

I move to examine my old friend, when suddenly it is not there.

The next thing I see is it smashing to the ground.

The sound is loud as the pieces scatter falling off the wall it has just made contact with.

Sharp glass sprinkles the floor; pink and white dots no more.

I immediately look for the madman or woman who has just broke my precious fucking cup; re-focusing again.

My claws sharpen. My face scowls and my hands goes to my hip.

What

The

Hell?

My eyes lift and meet the madman dead on.

Reddish terse eyes, the glare, the anger...

_Harry._

I immediately still.

Oh.

That's right.

We're still here.

In this fucked up room.

In this fucked up condo.

In this fucked up mess.

This is where it has paused this time.

Somewhere in my mind, I had veered into the future, in another year, when we like each other again, and this is all worked out.

Somewhere else where he doesn't know the truth and I am back in the comforts of my own home.

His eyes burn into mine. They are iced and the color of an Evergreen forest and I know he detests me.

He is bare outside of some boxer briefs and his tattoos stare back at me. His hands are clenched and his skin is red- as if his temperature has risen in the last minute or two.

Maybe it has; risen with anger.

Only a few minutes ago, he burned with something else.

As I remember, my hands go to my lips remembering the feel of his lips on mine just minutes ago.

I think of the way his hands touched me and his smile.

I have missed it all so much. 

Damn I've just missed him.

I can't believe I had forgotten the scope of his touch.

I think of his proclamation. 'I want you!', and then minutes later how the truth spilled around us; how he finally learned of the baby.

Man, we were so close.

I look down at myself, suddenly remember I am practically nude as well.

My dress and jean jacket are tossed somewhere in the distance and I am standing in my pretty pink lingerie.

But there is nothing truly pretty about any of this.

I bring my eyes back to Harry.

He is staring at me; not turned on. Not interested. Not moving.

I've never seen this look before.

If he was a violent person, I feel like he would hit me or maybe hit something. That is the way he looks at me.

My eyes trace our other furniture and my broken cup.

He just might...

"Get out." he grits suddenly. "What the fuck are you waiting on?"

He's echoed that to me at least three times in the last couple minutes, but I'm not moving. It would appear instead, I'm choosing to zone out.

His voice is deep and thick and I should be running for my car and dodging grenades- but I can't. 

This time, I can't leave things like this.

My mind quickly reminds me why I'm here at all.

I  _still_  love him.

I _think_  I still want him.

I  _know_  I want to resolve this.

So, I can't leave.

Then, I'll never see him again.

He'll hate me and marry Julie.

They'll live happily ever after and I'll always be the shit stain ex; the mistake.

I can't let any of that happen.

This can't be the way we end; not after everything.

Not this time.

"Harry," I begin taking a step towards him. My voice is thick and heavy too.

I'm choked up and outside of the wetness on my cheek, I now feel the tightness in my throat.

I've been crying- a lot.

When did that happen?

"Don't fucking come near me," he warns. "I told you to get out.'

"Harry-" I call again. He is like a child, digging his feet into the dirt until he gets his way. Well I am the impatient mother.

I sigh and roll my eyes, over the dramatics.

"Are you done? We both know you don't want me to leave. You just told me you wanted me."

"FUCKING GET OUT!" He screams and I jump. "I'm not playing fucking games with you anymore!"

His voice ripples through me and then,

Smash!

I jump again.

More pieces scatter. Another cup broken.

Smash!

Now a plate. Shards fall inches from my feet.

He lifts another plate.

Jesus, he's going to ruin the whole house.

I need to intervene quickly.

I swallow my sudden fear, and kick back into gear.

_Return of Becca, in three, two, one..._

"Stop it!" I shout back at him. "Will you calm down? At least hear me out!"

He laughs.

He actually laughs.

He drops the plate on the counter loudly.

"Hear you out?" he asks. "Now? Two years later? Now you want to tell your fucking story?"

I bite my tongue. He has me there.

His words, two years, remind me how we are.

It is me.

Always me.

I cut off the contact.

I broke us.

I made this mess.

I've put us in this exact spot.

Again.

Me and my secrets.

He continues.

"Because that's when it happened right? Two years ago?" he narrows his eyes. "When you killed our child?"

His words cut deep even though they are a lie.

I instantly protest.

"I didn't kill anything." I argue, trying to find the strength in my voice. "Try listening to me, before you accuse me."

He rolls his eyes and moves towards me.

"I'm done listening to you. I'm done with this whole fucking thing."

For a second, I think this is it. I think, I have finally made him violent.

All these years and all these fights, I have finally made him snap.

I back up , thinking he is going finally  hit me or grab me.

Instead, he grabs his sunglasses off the counter and turns from me. Placing them on his head, he stalks to the bedroom, passing the broken glass. 

"Get out Becca. I'm not going to say it again."

He walks away from me, leaving me with the broken shards of glass and uncertainty. In the distance, I can hear his phone vibrate.

But, I'm not leaving.

Screw him.

I refuse to leave this house.

 _My_  house.

But I am going to pick up this mess.

All of them.

As he heads back to the bedroom and I hear the door slam, my eyes meet the glass. I throw on my old dress and find an old broom.

I sweep the blended hues of pinks, whites, greens and cream shards of broken matter. The splatter reaches far, mixing and hiding in corners around the kitchen. It seems to be an example of our relationship.

The breaking of the items indicates the initial end, and now here we are, spread out and affecting other areas.

I need to be home in my office, finishing up my column, or with Chase at his office, eating lunch.

Harry should be with Jeff and his publicist preparing to fly out tomorrow- the start of his tour, only days away....

But we are here.

After everything is swept and I've wiped the counters and put away the food, almost fifteen minutes has passed. I think there has been enough time between the rounds to start a new one.

My eyes venture towards the bedroom in trepidation.

Taking a deep breath, I give myself a silent pep talk. Here we go.

As I walk, I once again pass the pictures on the wall, and once again, my favorite one stops me.

I pull the picture off the wall.

San Diego, 2015.

I study Harry's long curly locks, and his sheer white shirt.

I study his hand on my hip, and his thumb looped in a hook of my blue shorts. The other holds a microphone.

I study our crooked smiles, and the light in our eyes as we looked back at each other.

We were so in love with each other and didn't even know it- though looking at the picture, it was all there.

Even Lou, who took the picture saw it. Months later, she told us everyone that day was talking about it and the way things had progressed.

I once again feel liquid come to my eyes and I trace the picture with my finger. If only it had stopped there.

I place it back on the wall.

I continue on to the bedroom.

I pass a picture from the day we signed the lease on this condo. 2016.

I pass a picture from our anniversary. 2017.

And just like the next series of years, there is nothing more there. No more pictures line the hallway.

Barely a 2018. Definitely not 2019. A non-existent and not even thought about 2020. We couldn't even make it there. 

When I approach the bedroom door, it is closed and silent.

It is so quiet that I can't guess what Harry must be doing behind the door.

Nonetheless, this time I don't knock, and I barge my way in.

_Ready or not, here I come._

Once again, the sight of Harry stops me. He is huddled on the bed. A hand is on his face, and he doesn't look at me.

Is he...crying?

Is he...sighing?

Does he even hear me?

"Harry." I call quietly.

Nothing.

I take a step towards him.

"I cleaned up everything." I say slowly. I anticipate the next 'get out' but there is still nothing.

Okay, good sign. Maybe he's getting use to the idea of me here again.

He hasn't changed his clothes yet though. He is still in just his boxers.

I take another hesitant step into the room.

"I'm...um...not leaving." I say, testing the waters.

Still nothing.

I speak my next words slowly, not wanting to erupt the volcano.

"I know you want me to go, but I can't."

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

"I can't leave like this...We still need to talk about everything. You need to know about the baby." I say honestly.

The words almost get caught in my throat. Its been so long since I've talked about it all and thinking about that pain...

There is a shift in movement. 

Instantly....instantly...his hand drops from his face and he looks up at me. His left arm goes to rest on his knee and he cups his chin. His eyes stare back at me; bloodshot red.

He has been crying.

"I need to know, about our baby?" he asks chopping up the words, as if he's trying to understand them.

His eyes don't leave mine.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Becca, do you even hear yourself? How fucked up that statement is after two years?"

My mouth uncloses to respond, but he continues.

"I need to know about our baby. Our baby Becca, that we made together, that you admit you killed two years ago?  _Now_ , I need to know?" he questions.

If possible, his eyes grow more cold throwing something at me and I coward up inside.

I don't say another word.

I'm too frozen. Just call him Elsa.

"Tell me then." he says. His voice displays an amused anger- if there is such a thing. "Tell me about our baby.  _Our daughter_." he emphasizes.

I bite my lip.

Where to start...where to begin...

I know when I lost her, well...it...since I'm not positive of the sex. I just always imagined her as a girl.

I know the fight that made me not tell him, even after I lost her or him on our bathroom floor.

I know the aftermath, and my depression and the reason for my withdrawal from the relationship, yet it is as Harry previously said, you can't start a story in the middle. There are layers to this shit. Details weaved in every chapter for someone to catch.

"I'm waiting." Harry says cutting into my thoughts. He's so mean and angry and dark.

I truly believes he finally hates me.

Where is the smile and the sway from when I first entered this damned place? He was practically dancing then.

"I can't start there." I say and his eyes raise. I turn from him and slightly pace the room.

"I need to work my way up to it."

"Bullshit-"

"No really." I say meeting him head on. "This is hard for me."

He chuckles. "Well far be it for me to make you uncomfortable Becca. Excuse me for finally hurting you the way you hurt me."

"No, you don't get what I'm saying." I say ignoring his sarcastic tone. "You and I both know we were broken by then. A baby wouldn't have made a difference."

"I don't know shit, because I still don't know anything about it." he practically spits. 

He scoots up on the bed, never breaking the eye contact. He interrogates me quickly.

"When were you even pregnant? When did you find out? How? Who did you tell Becca? Was it Kelsey? Taylor?  _Anyone?"_

He pauses for a second, and I think he wants me to answer, but then he begins again.

"When did you find out it was a girl? When did you even go to the doctor?...No, I got it-" he points at me. "The thing I really want to know...when did you decide to abort her Becca? Was it over dinner one night as we talked about useless, pointless shit, when you could have been telling me? Or when we laid in this bed, me fucking you and telling you how I couldn't live without you...how I wanted to spend my whole damn life with you? Marriage, children... _all of that_. Was it one of those nights?"

"Of course not." I say quickly.

It's as if he doesn't even hear me.

"No tell me..." he continues. "I'm curious, and I've got shit-loads more. For instance," he stands. "When did you decide this shit wasn't important for me to know? When did you decide it was okay to keep this lie for two damn years!"

"Okay I get it!" I snap. "I screwed up. I know! You don't have to be so mean to me." I plead.  I'm practically crying and on my knees. 

"No you don't get it!" he roars back. "How could you keep something like this from me? Do you really hate me that much?"

"You know I don't hate you. I...I love you." I say, the tears stinging and on the brink of falling. 

My final admittance of truth does nothing for him, as if he doesn't care anymore. 

He turns away from me.

"No you don't love me. This isn't love Becca. Now I'm curious if we even really had it."

I take a step towards him. Now he's just being foolish. 

"Harry," I call gently. "I didn't mean to _not_  tell you. I just needed time to comprehend it all."

He quickly turns back to me.

"Didn't mean too, is a day... maybe a couple more...I could have understood that Becca. If you needed time. If you were scared... But didn't mean too, is not two fucking years!"

"But I couldn't tell you." I cry out. "You were mad at me. We were fighting all the time. You were starting to hate me. Hell, you hate me now."

His face immediately screws in protest. "I didn't like you when you became pregnant? Impossible Becca. And hate is a strong word. I've never hated you until now."

I swallow as he confirms my thought. I look down.

"I mean by the time I lost her. It was after the premiere for the movie, after you left for your first tour, after you asked me to-" I pause. He cuts his eyes at me.

That was a whole different source of pain for us. I bypass the way I turned him down- in front of his family, in front of his friends...

I look back at him.. "It was weeks later, but just believe, I didn't want to make the situation worst."

"And what if you did?" he argues. "That's not an excuse! I deserved to know this. I  _should have known this Bec_. I should have been included in every discussion and every thought!"

He points at me accusingly.

Once more I slink back into myself.

I don't really have anymore excuses, and he's right, there really isn't a good enough excuse for why I didn't tell him.

As I think of the events back then, it made sense, but looking at how hurt and broken he is, I realize nothing about that time authorized me to keep this from him; even after the miscarriage.

He should have known.

"So how do I make it better?" I ask.

Forget this berating and back and forth. How do we move past this now?

Let's just skip to the point.

He immediately rolls his eyes, and moves away from me.

I try not to stare at his bare back as heads to the bathroom in the room.

He keeps trying to get away from me.

"You don't." he says. "You just fucking leave."

"Well I'm not." I say stubbornly.

He stops and turns back around.

He scoffs.

"What don't you fucking get? I don't want you here anymore."

"I don't care. I'm not leaving. I deserve to be here too."

He heads back towards me.

"Who do you think you are?" he begins.

His expression is perplexed, but I don't get his confusion.

He knows exactly who I am.

He knows exactly what I meant to him.

That's why we are here.

"I'm me." I answer, surprised I'm getting the strength back to my tone. "I'm the same girl you were just stripping in the kitchen."

"No." he says. "You're not her. You haven't been here for a very long time.", and then he throws my own words back at me.

"What did you say earlier 'I don't know you anymore' right? It's probably the only true statement you've said lately."

I move away from him and sit on the bed.

I sigh.

This is going nowhere.

I'm ready for a resolve.

"So how do I make it better?" I repeat. "How do we fix this?"

Again he is puzzled.

"Am I even speaking?" he asks, glancing around the room. "Are words even coming out? Because I hear myself saying them. I hear them clearly coming out and in complete sentences, but you're not hearing me."

He moves back over to me, until he is standing directly over me.

He bends over me and I lean back in cowardice.

"Get. The Fuck. Out Of This House. This time, I don't want to see  _you_  ever again. _Get it?_ "

The tear finally breaks and hits my cheek as he throws my words from two years ago back at me. That was the last thing I said to him, beside 'fuck you'.

I try to find my courage again, and quickly wipe it away. 

"No. It's my house too. And we're finishing this."

I meet his gaze dead on.

"You're going to have to throw me out." I challenge.

He looks at me.

I look at him.

I can see he is thinking about it, but he wouldn't' dare...would he?

We are interrupted before we get the chance. As a loud buzz erupts through the room, both of our eyes go to the noise.

It is Harry's Iphone on the dresser.

I'm sure once more work calls.

Thank God for his job...today it is a welcome distraction.

Knowing he has to at least check the caller, he moves away from me in frustration.

Swiping the phone off the counter, he looks at the caller and immediately rolls his eyes.

"Fucking great." he mutters.

He connects the phone to his ear, and I don't move.

"Hello?" he calls out, and brings his eyes back to me.

He is itching... just burning... to say something to me. I can just imagine the obscenities on the tip of his tongue.

Boy I hope this is a long call.

He sighs.

"Yeah I know," he says into the phone. "What's up?"

His eyes continue to watch me, and I continue to watch him.

He is listening to who is talking, until he is not.

"Well I'm busy." he says, much to my chagrin. "I'm going to have to call you back."

I swallow again. If he's pushing back work this is going to be bad.

I don't know what's coming.

I shift in apprehension.

"I'm working." he says suddenly, and I know then, it is  _not_  work. "I'm not." he follows up a couple seconds later.

I wonder who he is talking too, when his eyes move away from me.

I use the quick distraction and at look everything while I have the chance.

I'm about to be cussed out and thrown out of here- I can feel it.

Security will be swiftly called when that call ends and i'll never see him again outside of an internet article. 

I start memorizing.

Hello Brazil Tattoo.

Hello Tiger.

"Who says I'm with anybody? I'm just working."

I ignore his harsh tone in the phone.

Hello Laurels.

Hello Butterfly.

Hello Birds.

"Why?"

His voice is defensive.

Hello 17BLACK.

Hello Packers tattoo.

Hello Half a heart.

Hello Bumblebee. The 'bee' a representation of my na-

"Why are you asking me all these questions suddenly?"

And then he has my attention.

It's Bubblegum Barbie he's talking too. I'm almost sure of it now.

His eyes move back to me.

"And I've told you, I'm working."

Once again, I'm interested.

I like these small peeks into their relationship.

"I've already answered that question...what do you want Julie? Why do you keep calling me? You've called me twice in the last twenty minutes. Obviously I can't talk to you or I would have answered your text."

I want to smile.

A mini fight is unraveling before me, and I'm glad that she's not getting any special treatment too.

It would just kill me, if he was nice to her right now.

He waits for her response before he dismisses her.

"Well I can't right now." he says shortly. "So- I'll call you later or something."

I want to celebrate that he is ending the call, but I know what is coming after.

Or well...I don't know...I just know that I will once again have his complete, and full, pissed off attention.

"Nothing." he says to her quickly. "Why are we even still talking? If its nothing important, then I'll call you back later." he practically shouts in the phone and I know Bubblegum is confused.

For a second, a small one, I feel a little bad for the fiancé.

It's not her fault he's being rude to her; it's mine.

I've changed his whole carefree mood today.

Just another example of how our relationship filters through to everything else.

I don't hear anymore, because seconds later he ends the call and then immediately his attention is back on me.

"Yeah," he says not a second after the call is disconnected, sliding the screen and then tossing his phone near me.

"Let's finish this until there's nothing more. I'm tired of you in my space."

I blink taken aback by his words. I would think he was still talking to Julie, if the phone hadn't just landed inches from me.

"What?" I say. How have we already hit resume this quickly?

I look back at him.

"Come on," he gestures to me. "Give me your fucked up version of events, so you can go. Where did we leave off? Your birthday? Billboard?"

I look at him in disbelief.

"You're not serious. You can't possibly want to finish that. I'm talking about the baby."

"Well I'm not, because I'm tired Becca. I just want you out of my life and I want to move on. I just want to go on tour and marry my wife and have the happily ever after with the right person. I want to be happy again and I can't as long as I'm thinking of you. So come on. Tell me. I don't want to think about this shit ever again. No more loose ends. No more what if's."

There is nothing but sincerity in his tone, and I know he means every word.

Our reminiscent game is no longer for his pleasure, it is to end this.

Well I won't be any part of it.

"No." I say. "I'm not doing that."

"You will-"

"No. So you can despise me more? Absolutely not."

"You owe it to me!" he demands. "Do something right in our relationship for once. Let me finally know the truth."

I shake my head no.

"You just want to yell at me so more. Well then just do it. But don't do it at the expense of our past. Let me hold on to the last good we have left."

"It was all a lie!" he shouts. "Don't you get that?"

Finally I stand. I've had enough.

"It wasn't!"

I am defensive of us and our past relationship.

I won't let him ruin it.

I will protect that time at all costs.

"Look at this." I gesture around the room.

His eyes lift and look at the pictures over the bed behind us.

"Look at our life Harry." I cry out.

Our sheets are still on the bed, my candles in the corner, our dresser where his phone was resting, my damn Falcon brown paint on the walls!

This is all us. This is our world.

"We weren't a lie. I just made a fucked up decision. And I'm trying to make it right."

His eyes don't move from the pictures on the wall. I wonder what he is thinking, but I use the distraction.

I dart to the hallway and pull my favorite picture off the wall.

I go back in the bedroom and thrust it at him.

"See! Tell me you don't remember this."

His eyes narrow down slowly until he looks at the picture in my hand.

San Diego, 2015.

"We're still these people Harry." I reassure. "I'm still her."

My voice cracks, and this is my final plead.

At the moment, I can't think of any tricks in my basket.

He looks at me and then at the picture. Me, and then the picture. Me...

I can tell he's trying to see it.

I shake the photo again.

"Look at it."

He sighs loudly and grabs the photo roughly.

He doesn't say anything as he takes the picture from my hands and sits on the bed.

Resting his elbows on his legs again, he studies it.

It is silent as he keeps his eyes on the picture.

When he looks back up at me, seconds later, his eyes appear to have softened.

He remembers.

It's in his eyes all again.

Yes, yes, yes!

I can turn this around, until....

He tosses the photo behind himself.

"Becca just stop."

_Huh?_

"I don't want to look at any fucking pictures."

_What?_

"That's the fantasy. I want to hear the truth. Your truth. Your fucked up version." he re-states. "So sit down, and tell it to me."

I don't say anything immediately. I can't.

It seems his way is the only way out of this.

I sigh and look around the room, delaying what I'm going to do....what I have to do.

I want to stomp my foot and pout.

I can't see any way to win this and it irritates the fuck out of me.

Why does he get to have the upper hand all the time?

"Fine." I say in a huff and a burn passes through me.

He still looks so...damn...good.

All.. the.. damn.. time. 

"Can you put some clothes on at least?" I suggest. For my own sanity.

I don't hide my irritation, and my voice has taken on the same level as his; over this shit.

He nods yes and stands slowly. Once again, since we are standing close, he towers over me.

"Sure, and then I'll meet you in the living room in two minutes." he orders.

I roll my eyes.

He then turns from me and leans picking up the picture he's casually tossed to the side.

"And here,"

He hands it back to me.

"You can take this with you when you leave. You can take all of this." he suggests. "I'll probably sell this place when I get back in town, so I'll give you a key. You can clear it out over the next two months."

I tsk my tongue.

"That's a bit dramatic isn't it? In a couple weeks you'll probably be over this. Once you know the full story, you'll forgive me." I reassure.

He smiles, the first time since he was peeling my clothes off me in the kitchen.

"You think so huh?"

I nod yes. I'm sure.

"Don't plan on it." he says and then nods towards the door.

"Two minutes." he reiterates. "And we'll pick up where we left off."

"So London, your European leg." I say smugly, realizing I can shift the tables. That was when he fell in love with me.

His eyes thin.

"No." he says. "We'll start back in California. After. When we both should have left each other alone."

"When we didn't." I remind him, having to get the last word.

His eyes meet mine and we look back at each other.

The battle of the exes, ready to commence once again.

This time I smile.

We are still on the good part. Before Christmas and Yacht-gate as his fans call it, we were inseparable. We were still incredibly happy.

It's going to be so much fun to remind him.

"See you in the living room." I say getting excited. "Two minutes right?"

He says nothing. He just bites the inside of his cheek.

What can he say?

This is his idea.

Yet he doesn't know who he's fucking with.

My basket just got reloaded.

Bring it on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments please if you enjoyed it!!! Hope you guys liked the peeks into the future. :)


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your lovely comments. You truly do not know how much they mean to me.

 

CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE

HARRY

Now.

The first night in Casa de Styles-Johnson, she began decorating.

As my old Becca stood over our new bed, arms stretched above her head, with the prettiest smile- my focus was on getting her naked.

'I can't believe this space is so huge.' she had said, as I placed gentle kisses on her neck, holding her from behind. 'I can do so much with these walls.'

'M'hmm.' I mumbled, pulling her hands down, and taking them in mine.

I had smiled against her skin, removing a thin cami strap off her shoulder with my teeth. Her ideas had been spouted for hours.

'Oh! Oh, and baby I could paint in here!' she said in raised excitement. 'Maybe a nice cream or gray...A warm brown!'

'Maybe.' I said as I thought of the other colors I had already heard today.

In the last fourteen hours I had stood by listening as she verbally pieced our house together.

Who knew my girlfriend was a secret interior designer?

By now, she was an echo.

I went for her other strap.

I was still only concerned with one thing- her skin and how quickly I could see it in full.

'Oh, and add some drapes...and maybe a wall decal!' she said turning to me with exclamation.

The brightest smile stared back at me, and I seized all movement.

My girl was happy.

Maybe the happiest I had ever seen her and it was worth taking in.

Things had changed that day.

For Becca, there was a wave of independence and freedom wafting through the air at finally getting out of her parents house, mixed in with a new realization.

_We had made it._

Our relationship was on a new level.

Forget the tattoos and the puppy love words we had said in the past.

We had roots now.

A foundation.

A new chapter to our lives and relationship.

We now had something we could create from the beginning,  _together._

I looked at my bubbly girl and felt proud.

I was apart of that glorified expression and her grin was so wide, a small dimple couldn't be contained.

There was no sign of exhaustion from the long day moving our things in, or the small argument with the movers who had almost scratched one of her new antique tables.

There was no evidence of the small trips she had made after, making sure our home had the essentials on our first night.

Ya' know, hand soaps and towels and the rounded pink rubber spatula Becca insisted we were missing in our lives.

'I can make us pancakes in the morning!' she had boasted.

She had spent hours between the Dollar Store, Target and  a Home Goods store, while I tried to stay in the shadows with a gray hoodie and sweatpants  hoping no fans saw us. After all, as far as the fans knew, I was somewhere reclusing in London and not laid up with her in California.

The majority of the evening then spent hovered over pizza boxes, and tossing around used bubble wrap.

I had watched her in complete fascination not making a peep, as she moved around bumping her 90's 'get shit done' playlist and moving about the house like a madwoman.

She was my madwoman, and I had loved every minute watching as she danced around our kitchen, putting away the new dishes, screaming No Doubt's  _it's my life, don't you forget!_  with a carefree naiveté, and making me already grateful for the decision.

Looking at her I had thought, this living together thing is my best idea yet.

I could easily spend everyday like this.

I could get an endless high from watching the way she sorted and gathered...blending our lives together as one.

Though in honesty, we had been there for a while.

The only difference was, we now had an actual excuse as to why we would spend so much time together.

Now, a year and a half in, we were already considered joined at the hip, and practically living up under each other- thanks in part to my break and the minor breakups we had hit at the year mark. I guess you could call it making up for lost time and most days we were together anyway.

California.

London.

It didn't make a difference. We were there.  _Together._

However, you couldn't see it now. At this moment, I was the last thing on her mind.

I heard more words.

Blend.

Pair.

Add.

As I thought of blending, I pictured a different image of skin sliding and our bodies molding together in my favorite way.

All week, the moment of christening this place on my mind.

Right now her loose bun, cami top and leggings were doing something to me.

I tried to pull her back to me.

She instantly pouted the minute my lips touched skin again. That pretty face upturnt in impatience.

'You're not listening to me, are you?' she had scolded.

'Not really' I said with an honest grin.

She sighed.

'Harry, your such a guy'

I ignored her dig, and reached for her again. She moved a bit out of my grasp.

'No, no...Look at this space Harry. Imagine all the things we can do with it.'

'Yeah...and imagine all the things we can do  _in_  it.' I counteracted, fixing her with my charm.

She shook her head in protest, turning back to the wall.

'We have days and months for that.' she reminded. 'Baby, just listen for a moment. We could put some pictures up too. Some of our favorite moments together'

'What do you mean?' I asked, since I was half listening. The cami top was now off, leaving her bra and leggings. The bright orange bralette in front of me had to be new. I eyed it in appreciation. 

'Pictures,' she reiterated. 'Memories. Favorite moments Harry.'

'Not going to work' I said.

She instantly turned to me in question.

'Well why not?'

'Because every moment with you has been my favorite. This bedroom is huge, but it still wouldn't be enough space.'

She instantly grinned, shaking her head in annoyance and turning away from me.

'Picture it though,' she said softly.  _'Try babe.'_

My hands curled around her slim waist and my mouth found an area of her skin again.

I already had.

I had been waiting on this moment with someone for so long and my thoughts weren't necessarily only sex.

I just couldn't keep my hands off of her.

I needed to touch her and be close to her.

This moment was finally  _real._

I spun her to face me, pecking her lips gently.

'You're such a frustrating man' she said in front of me. 'I'm trying to envision here. Make this space ours. I need some ideas babe and you're trying to get laid.'

I sighed loud as possible, faking complete irritation now, but there was none.

I was completely content.

'We have days and months.' I reminded her, saying her words from before. A finger clasped around her ponytail, yanking, and her hair fell.

I smelled her shampoo, breathing her in.

As always she smelled lovely, and I smiled as I realized now I could wake up to that scent everyday.

She would be stored in my pillows.

This idea was getting better and better.

'I'll make you a deal.' I said turning her back around. Her head leaned against my shoulder. 'I'll give you plenty ideas. _After,_  I make love to you' I reasoned.

She sighed, giving in.  A gentle moan finally escaped those soft lips as my own continued to trail soft kisses across her collarbone. 

She was quiet for a bit, lost in her own thoughts. 

'Harry?' she called as I undid the back of her bra. Like a boomerang, it snapped apart quickly. 

'Yeah?' I asked then, raising my eyes. 

"Aren't you excited?' she whispered in a special secret, as if we weren't the only ones home- as if we weren't in  _our_  home. 'We're here. Living together. We're finally home babe.'

I kissed her cheek and didn't argue with her, though she was wrong.

I had been home, and no pictures or decorations was going to change that.

Home was her and home was us.

And though our 2,500 square feet condo was luxurious with a scenic view, furnished amenities, round the clock guest services and lots of privacy- I didn't need it.

Honestly I had got this place for her and Becca never needed to add one thing.

I didn't need the pictures or 'cream walls' she was planning.

As long as she was here, and we were together, this would be the warmest place on Earth and I was already right where I needed to be.

I didn't need anything else.

We already had our home inside of us.

I had felt it for a long time.

'I'll tell you what,' I said pulling her as close as possible. 'I do have an idea for that wall.'

She pushed against me, and our cheeks touched.

'Tell me.' she said happily, finally getting somewhere with me.

'Remember the first picture we took together?'

She turned her head and looked at me curiously.

'On the beach?'

I was confused for a second, then I remembered; California. Me, her and the moon.

'No' I said, 'Before that. Bangkok love.'

'I don't remember.'

'You do.' I said poking her sides. 'With Cal. At the palace. Before..."

She smiled, remembering. 'Ohhhh. I don't even know where that picture is. Who knows where the hell that camera is packed. And I haven't charged it in forever. Probably doesn't even work anymore."

I ignored her casualness about our potential lost beginnings.

That camera, wherever it was, had at least a hundred pictures of us.

'Well let's dig it up. Place it right there.' I said, letting her go for a second and pointing to a place on the wall.

Her smile widened, picturing it in her eye, then she turned to me curiously again.

'Why that picture though? We have so many others.'

'Because that was the beginning, the first one, and here we are again'

'A new beginning?' she asked softly.

'A new beginning.' I said, confirming, and we locked eyes.

We shared a kiss starting our first night in our space.

~

Now,

I move my eyes away from the picture.

Now,

I run a hand through my hair, breaking my trance. For a couple minutes, I had been lost in our past mini movie, remembering everything from that first day.

Yet now, I am alone, still stuck in the place Becca left me.

More than 'two minutes' has passed and I can't believe I've just been standing there.

Something about that picture though, draws me in.

'Look at us! Look at our life Harry!' she had screamed only minutes ago, demanding I look at this stupid fucked up wall of us.

I had, able to break my eyes away from it and redirect her to the living room, but yet, the moment she left, my eyes went back there.

I haven't even changed my clothes.

I study us: the smiles, the kisses, the happiness in our eyes. 

We were once an incredibly beautiful sight.  

Now, we are just a wall of broken memories. 

Turning away from everything in this dreaded bedroom, I sigh.

I need to refocus.

I quickly go to my old dresser, pulling on the first thing I see.

As I head back to the living room, I feel the flame and eyes watching me from the other wall of our dreaded demise.

They judge me.

Past Harry and past Becca.... _boy, you two really fucked this up._

I try to ignore it all.

"Where did you put my clothes?" I ask as I make it back to the main room, where most of the old memories are housed. After I exit our long hallway passing the other rooms; our home gym, her old office....

I don't wait to lock my eyes with Becca as I head back into our shared kitchen a couple seconds later.

The place is spotless, and there is no evidence of my tirade a couple minutes earlier.

The shards of glass I expect to see are gone. Then I remember.

She says she cleaned up.

I look for my clothes. The ones I had taken off in my few seconds of insanity.

The seconds I spent kissing her and undressing.

The few seconds I thought we could be happy again.

It's almost hard to believe it happened.

Without the evidence, I wouldn't believe it did.

As always, whatever little passion we had left is overshadowed by the darkness that has taken its place.

I have a thought that whatever chance we had is never coming back again.

The other side has won and I'm defeated.

I practically wave to it, inviting it in to get comfortable and settled.

_Hello Misery, almost thought you weren't coming..._

"Over here." Becca calls gently, pulling my sudden thoughts.

She is a short distance away, sitting on the couch and watching me.

She is waiting for us to get started again.

I am just looking for a distraction.

Its weird.

I can't wait to get this over with and for her to leave, yet my body is doing delaying tactics.

In the bedroom it took me forever to throw something back on, and now, once more, I'm using the thought of my clothes to distract me from what I really need to talk about.

I need the distraction from what I'm going to see.

I'm itching to know what happened, but then again i'm not. 

I know once I do, it will really be over. 

Everything I've held on to for the past two years will suddenly mean nothing. The relationship i've tossed and turned over and thought about constantly- will all be meaningless.  Reduced to nothing in a short few sentences. 

I wonder if thats how she feels too. 

Maybe that's why she just won't tell me the whole story. 

 

She lifts slowly as I make my way over to her.

The new Becca holds my clothes out and we don't lock eyes as I take the first item from her. 

I can't.

I'm not ready to see the new person just yet.

Can't I just remember the one from the picture a little while longer?

That one was so lovely. 

"Are you ready?" she asks. Her voice is soft and somewhat timid.

The smugness I heard a couple minutes ago, gone.

That almost makes me turn to her.

A few minutes earlier, she seemed so ready to throw down.

I'm not stupid and I know what is she planning and its not going to work, still, I was looking forward to it.

I like her fire and ambition, and I can't wait to be the water to put it out.

Yet now, a different Becca is standing before me.

In the couple minutes of distance, seems she's been doing some thinking too.

I begin to 'air-fold' my tshirt.

"Are you?" I hear and I'm confused.

"Am I what?" I ask Becca back, lost by her question.

"Are you ready to start?" she asks again, and I blink.

I had forgotten the question that quick.

My eyes stay in her general area, but I still purposely don't make the eye contact.

I'm not ready to go back to that place.

Yet, she forces me.

She makes a movement towards me, and as a natural reaction, our eyes lock.

I wait for it to come back.

Likes waves crashing, I wait for that rush of emotion.

The anger so intense, I couldn't even stand her near me.

I wait for the hate a couple minutes earlier to move its way through my body until it spills out of my mouth, but it doesn't.

Where the fuck did it go?

She hands me my pants, and I'm speechless.

I actually don't want to curse her out.

The red I was seeing, has turned to a bright sunshiny yellow.

I turn from her, finally answering her question.

"Almost." I say though my voice sounds like a mumble.

The hardness to my tone has quickly disappeared too.

What type of voodoo shit did that picture do?

I make a move to walk away from her, but she stops me, grabbing my arm.

Her touch is foreign though- at least something has remained as it was.

"Harry," she practically squeaks. "Can we talk first?"

"We have been talking." I remind her, pulling away from her. And I don't want to hear anything more outside of her story.

Stay. Focused.

She sighs, and her gaze moves to our old balcony.

I use her distraction and walk away from her.

I head back by the kitchen counter. Setting my clothes on the granite, I hear her.

"I've turned my phone off." She reassures suddenly. "So we can't be interrupted anymore."

I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing yet, but it does bring a thought to mind.

"What about Chase?" I ask, still turned away from her. "Doesn't he need to reach his beloved?"

"What about Julie?" she asks a second later. It is her own way of reminding me I've done the same thing.

We both have cut off all contact to the outside world right now.

Unless our old house phone rings, there is no more reasons for distractions.

We are once again, completely alone.

It's a scary thought.

"I don't worry about Julie," I mutter, "She's a big girl. But give me a second first." I say suddenly. "Before you start."

My hand goes to the fridge, and as it opens, my eyes skim.

I'm not hungry and I'm not thirsty, but its there again; the delay.

I'm shifty.

I hear Becca again.

First the sigh, then the feet.

Pad, pad, pad, until she is on the opposite side of the bar.

"Can we please start in London?" she asks behind me. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but its important."

"Maybe to you." I say lowly. "But not to me."

"Not to me." she says. "But to our relationship."

I roll my eyes and keep skimming.

What fucking relationship?

Now that we're here, I realize we never really had one. It was all lies and bullshit.

My eyes catch the bright maroon liquid in front of me.

I try to ignore the juice I made this morning and the other 'Becca' items I had got in case she was going to stay for a while. This morning, after her tweet the day before, I was hopeful. I was thinking maybe this could have a happy ending.

Boy what an idiot I was.

How could I ever imagine this would end good? How could I ever think I would maybe get her back?

She continues behind me.

"Could you at least hear my reasoning?"

"No." I say.

"But it's important!" she says in defiance. 

"Becca-" I begin with an impatient sigh. She's dancing on a nerve.

"No screw that."

Becca starts on me.

"Harry tell me you don't think that was a defining moment? Tell me you don't remember the park, and after your shows, and meeting your dad, and the first time we made-"

I slam the fridge in frustration and she grows quiet.

I hate the constant reminders.

It's getting fucking excessive at this point.

" _No."_ I say once more. "I don't remember and I don't want too."

I close my eyes and press my head against the fridge, sighing.

 _Strike all her bullshit from the record_! I tell my mind.

Don't even think about that time, I internally scold.

Don't remember.

Don't dwell.

But I do.

My stomach turns.

"We're starting in California." I restate. My tone is final. "And actually, I would prefer if you start towards the latter, when I caught you and your boyfriend at Bagatelle." I say, pulling off the fridge and turning to her. "Let's just get to the point."

Her eyes are all over me.

"You're still hung up on that? Harry I didn't want him and I wasn't there for that. I wasn't cheating on you. It wasn't a date, it was just a -"

 _"I was there."_  I remind her, flashing my eyes. "And that's not why I bring it up. It's just a marker."

She gives me an expression, which lets me know she doesn't believe me. She seems to bask in the thought that I could still be jealous of her with another man.

I'm not.

And she was wrong.

She was going to cheat on me. That was the whole point. In her own fear, she was ready to run, ready to-

She takes a seat on the stool.

"Well I'm starting in San Diego at the concert." she says in more defiance. "Its only a few days difference anyway." she notes. 

I roll my eyes again.Of course she is.

She doesn't even listen to herself, why would I think she would listen to me?

"Fine. Do whatever the hell you want, let's just get it done."

She rests her hands on the counter and looks up at me.

"Can you make me a promise first?"

Our eyes lock directly.

"Promise that you will at least hear me out? Have an open mind?"

I don't promise anything.

"Just start." I say.

"Promise." she says again.

My eyes search hers.

She demands with those honey brown irises.

I shrug her off.

"I've told you. I'm not good at making promises."

Surprisingly she smiles.

A warm girlish smile that once again reminds me of the girl in the pictures; the one I use to love hopelessly.

"You always say that, but its complete bullshit. You're the best at promises...when you try." she adds.

I just look back at her.

The face of the old... mixed in with the outfit of the old... mixed in with the smile of the old... has me doing a double take. Present Becca only sits in that pretty dyed hair in front of me. 

Everything else is a reminder. 

It is too much for me.

Things are blurry.

And there is too much in these rooms between us.

Lust. Love. Happiness. Anger. Sadness. Disappointment. Hatred.

Laughing. Playing. Cooking. Sex. Shouting. Endless all day arguments only breaking to sleep.

Memory after memory.

Problem after problem.

"Just please start." I say before I completely lose my mind.

"No, promise." she says with continued determination.

Still so stubborn.

"Fine, whatever." I say with a dismissive wave. "I promise, and I'm listening."

Out of the corner of my eye, she smiles again.

She plays with the tips of her fingers.

"Okay." she says springing into action. "I don't know where to start...um..." she trails off.

She bites her lip in thought.

"Well...Kelsey was so excited." she says slowly. "She kept texting me when I was on vacation with my family. She couldn't wait to see you guys again the day of the concert."

I feel her eyes go to me, but I focus on a cabinet.

That's the safest during this. I can't look into those old eyes.

"And man the drive was horrible." she says with a sigh. "Even though we left early, it was like everyone was coming to your show."

She pauses.

She wants me to say something, but I have nothing.

She drones on, talking more about the ride, and the music they listened too; the fast food run.

Her story seems to take forever as I hear about the hotel check in's and redressing. Blah, blah, fucking blah...

I still remain silent.

"I then remember finally making it to the stadium and waiting on Jeff. It was so funny trying to pretend like I didn't know him. Christina was not that stupid, and it had to be so obvious."

My eyes have not moved from the cabinet- in all of that.

"And then I saw you." she says with a slight raise to her voice, calling my complete attention. "I missed you." she says and the Becca irises taunt me.

I move my eyes back to her slowly.

"A lot." she says the moment they connect.

Green on Hazel.

I swallow.

Her words are laced with something. She's not just talking about the past, I can tell. There is a little bit of  _now_  thrown in there too.

My stomach flips again.

She continues.

"Ya know I loved you so much even then, but I was so scared. Could you tell?" she asks looking at me.

I don't answer.

She sighs, continuing to talk to herself, because I can't say anything right now.

"Well I did. And I was....I was terrified...That pull though...." she says with a chuckle, trailing off.

Her eyes search mine for a second more before going back to her hands.

She grows quiet. She starts playing with the tips again.

Damn her.

She's knows what she's doing.

This time she doesn't start again.

She's forcing me to participate.

"What pull?" I hear myself say seconds later, taking my cue.

"Us." she says and lets the words hang in the air.

She doesn't look at me and she doesn't stop playing with her fingernails.

The weight and meaning of her words is heavy.

I know what she means.

She's not talking about the fear of actually being together as a couple.

She's taking about what lies underneath. Whether it's a good or bad interaction, we can't stay away from each other.

Even now.

Something always makes us come back together eventually.

I've tried to break myself of her over and over, but thatpull.... _that fucking pull_ that is a magnet between us...I've never had it with anyone else.

I've never felt so tied to one person.

Despite our history, it dawns on me that I've probably got more of her in my veins than blood at this point.

"But oh well...back to the point right?" she says, once again meeting my eyes.

Green on Hazel.

Hazel on green.

The old mixing with the new.

My thoughts hazy.

My stomach turning.

"Yeah." I say.

I try to focus on my one detox. The kyrponite between us; our baby.

The one I have to keep reminding myself she killed.

The poor innocent soul she took from me.

That's how I get myself out of this.

That's how I move on.

If she got an abortion, I can move on. I can finally be rid of this fucked up spell.

I look in her eyes again. The old definitely taking over the new.

_Fuck._

Otherwise...

She runs a hand through her dyed hair and I once again think how nice the color is against her skin. Her skin, which has always been a warm olive color seems to have grown smoother with age too- like a wine. 

I think of how Chase must run his hand through her hair. How he kisses her. How she smiles at him.

I feel disgusted. 

I don't think she even realizes how bad he is for her. They don't belong together and underneath the expensive suits and polished haircut, I can see his true colors. He's a fuckboy and she deserves so much better. He adores her sure, but look at how much her life has changed since she's met him. 

Why doesn't she realize that?

I clear my throat and look back at the cabinet.

Well, not my problem. I have the luscious blond locks of Julie St. Clair to grip. I have her sweet glossed lips to encase mine.

I have her smile and her devotion.

 _That one thing_ , even Becca couldn't give me. 

I know I always loved her more than she loved me and its nice to finally have that feeling back.

Yes...Julie is who I belong with.  

So...once more...back to the damn point. 

"Anyways...You were saying?" I hear myself say.

Becca sighs.

I sigh.

And she begins again.

All fucked up again. 

And i'm already sucked back in. 


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright 1.0, we are finally there. This is the last chapter I posted on 1DFF and I hope you enjoy it again. 
> 
> New content on the way for everybody now!
> 
> (For those wondering about Harry and the baby and when he's going to find out---Patience. Have I let you down thus far? It's closer than you think. :) )
> 
>  
> 
> Have a great week and weekend everyone! Thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER SIXTY SIX

BECCA

Then.

Katy Perry's  _Prism_ album blasted from the speakers of Kelsey's compact Hyundai Elantra.

As Katy sang about Legendary Lovers, the car shifted suddenly to the right, just barely missing a Chevy Suburban.

The next thing I heard was Kelsey's horn and a spew of obscenities.

"Fucking asshole! Put your damn signal on!"

Immediately giggles erupted behind me.

Ignoring the two girl audience in the back, I turned to Kelsey and saw my best friend was fuming.

I smiled at the slight steam I saw rolling off of her- a Looney Tunes cartoon coming to life.

"You alright over there?" I asked as she honked the horn again.

"Ugh." she said tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder. "These freaking San Diego people can not drive!"

"Or, is it you that's the problem?" I teased and grinned. "You never could drive Kels." I reminded her.

My best friend of nineteen years turned to me.

"Definitely them! And don't start with me. You're lucky I'm even doing this." she scolded, focusing back on the road. "I could be getting a mani and a pedi right now, or laid out on a beach somewhere."

I shook my head 'no' in disagreement.

"Oh please. You wouldn't miss this for the world and we both know it."

She grinned before honking her horn again.

"Asshole." she shouted again throwing her hand up at the same driver as we passed him.

I just stayed silent hoping we didn't get in an accident or get shot in road rage.

We were driving on the Interstate 5 to San Diego on July 9th. Harry's concert was today and it was just past 10am. We had been on the road for an hour.

We were anticipated to get to San Diego by noon, and then from there check into our hotel for the night, pick up some items and then head to the show.

I hadn't spoken to Harry much since I had left London a couple days earlier, but this morning he had assured me he would be at the stadium by three and to meet him sometime then.

Despite our little communication, things were good.

Almost too good.

In the last week, Harry was completely tuned in; checking in with me when he could, and asking how my Mexico trip was.

Every morning I awoke to a warm cheery 'Good Morning' and went to sleep with a lovely 'Good Night.'

He asked for pictures and sent fun flirty texts suggesting how much he missed me.

Yet this time, I was the one a bit withdrawn.

I took my time returning text messages and I didn't really want to talk to him.

To be honest I was to nervous too.

I hated to admit it, but I was still a little freaked out by our last night together.

A realization had hit me that night, and I wasn't ready to deal with it.

I wasn't ready to face the feeling that had risen in me.

I was in love with him.

Foolishly.

"Hey Kelsey, when are you stopping for food?"

Interrupting my thoughts was Christina, my sister's best friend who suddenly popped her head up front.

"I'm hungry!" she exclaimed.

I briefly turned to her, taking in her flawless skin and shiny black hair. She was Asian, and I had been envious of her for years.

Her ethnic features were beautiful and to be seventeen she was a very put together girl. She and my sister had been friends since second grade and I considered her a kid sister too.

"Yeah me too." My sister chimed in the back. She had been quiet the majority of the ride; snapchatting and texting her friends while only popping her head up in disinterest every now and then.

This trip-for them- had been planned months in advance, yet they were surprisingly calm. I think Kelsey was the one most excited for the show as evidenced by her crazy driving.

She had never seen the boys live, and since my relationship with Harry had began, she had been a bit curious. I think she might have even owned an album or two now.

Turning from them both I focused on the road before us. Kelsey was still driving erratically, and the traffic was congested. It seemed everyone in Los Angeles was headed to San Diego today.

And maybe they were. It had been on KISS radio all morning that the boys had a show and I had seen some early tweets from the hashtag #OtraSanDiego start this morning.

"What do you guys want? I think I see an In-N-Out up ahead." Kelsey said as she continued driving.

"We're going to eat at the stadium." I cut in quietly reminding them. "And there's snacks at the hotel."

We had reservations at a nearby Sheraton Hotel that wasn't too far from the stadium.

Christina immediately protested beside me, hitting me with her brown eyes. "Becca I keep trying to tell you, you're not going to get in." she said. "I don't care who you know, you don't have tickets." She insisted, tapping my shoulder.

I just smiled.

Christina was the only one in the dark in the car. She and my sister had actual tickets to the show, but me and Kelsey were being snuck in and planning on sitting in Harry's section- though we hadn't told Christina that. She had no idea who I was sleeping with nor did she need to know.

For now, the only thing we had told her was that I had a slight 'connection' to someone on the tour and we were invited to hang out backstage. We had even threw my mom in there saying I had met 'this person' at the coffee shop.

Yet Christina wasn't buying it. From the time we had told her, until now, she had suspicions.

"One does not just know someone close to One Direction." she kept saying and quickly reiterated to me now. "Your connection is probably lying to you."

I smiled again and shook my head in disagreement in the car.

Kelsey echoed me verbally.

"Oh hush. Trust me, we'll get in." Kelsey said turning to me and winking. "Becca made sure of that all last month."

I instantly laughed and hit her arm.

"You're going to stop hinting that I've been a slut." I hissed. "Sex is not the only thing we do ya know?"

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with having sex with your boyfriend. Especially when your boyfriend is as hot as he is. I mean, I'd be hopping on that everyday if I were you. Especially as good as you say the sex is." She said with a suggestive wink.

"Kelsey, I don't have a boyfriend." I said evenly, reminding her. "Barely a fling."

"Yeah? Well tell that to the trail of hickeys on your chest."

I immediately blushed and turned away.

I tried not to think about those small little reminders hidden under my t-shirt.

My love bites were faint, yet still there from my last night in London. Kelsey had caught sight of them this morning when I got out of the shower and had been on me ever since.

"Wait, your boyfriend works with One Direction too?" Christina asked catching on to the conversation.

I instantly looked at Kelsey.

_Look what you've done. Now what lie are you going to tell?_

"Well not exactly-" Kelsey began, forced to conjure a quick lie.

"Forget all that." Taylor cut in from the back again. "Are we stopping or no? We're starved! Remember?"

Christina, snapping back, suddenly remembered her original question.

"Oh yeah! Let's get some food."

Kelsey quickly rerouted her answer and began calling out food options.

Meanwhile, I caught my sisters eyes in the side mirror and she gave me a quick wink.

_I've got your back._

Another detour successful.

 

When we checked into our hotel two hours later, the girls instantly threw down their bags, and got ready for our small errands. Since we were far from parentals, and on our own for the night, me and Kelsey had agreed to get some 'adult beverages' to have a fun, ladies night.

My mom had already agreed that Taylor could have a 'wine cooler, or two' and Christina had been drinking for a couple years at parties.

"So should we get dressed for the show now or later?" Kelsey asked.

It was close to 1pm, so we had some time and I wasn't sure if Harry was at the stadium yet.

I knew he had sound checks and such, but he had told me to come after three.

Plus I knew he had been spending his last few days in Los Angeles with friends and was waiting until the last minute to make the trip.

Though I hadn't really been talking I still missed him and caught wind of a few pap pics in L.A.

The last few days he had seemed happy, refreshed, and enjoying his time off.

"Later." I finally answered. "Let's run to the liquor store now."

The girls agreed and we piled in the car.

When we arrived and the youngin's went to make their pick between wine coolers, Kelsey pulled me to the side.

"So have you heard from Harry?" she asked with a small whisper.

I shook my head no, browsing options. "Not since this morning."

"Have you told him what we're doing tonight yet?"

"No. Why?" I asked picking up a bottle of Silver Rum.

"Well...I just think you should have told him. What if he was planning on spending the night with you?"

I immediately pushed that thought away.

"He's not. His friends are with him. I only had plans to meet him at the show." I reminded her.

She rolled her eyes and fixed me with an infamous Kelsey smile. "Becca, you really don't have a clue how to be in a relationship do you?"

"What's that mean?" I asked slowly, wondering if I should be offended or not.

"Becca of course he's going to want to see you. You guys just spent a month together...I'm sure he was planning on being with you tonight after the show. Yaknow...make up for lost time." She said nudging me seductively.

I rolled my eyes again playfully (as I often did when I hung out with her) once more just shrugging her off and grabbing my drink.

"Well he won't be then huh?" I said softly.

Kelsey moved beside me giving me a pointed look.

She grabbed some chips on the wall to the next aisle, then she stared at me.

I knew the stare and I knew her mind was going.

A minute later, she picked back up.

"So what happened in London?"

"What?"

"What happened in London?" she asked narrowing her eyes. "What are you not telling me?"

I instantly turned to her in confusion.

"What do you mean? I've already told you about the trip." I said softly.

"Yeah you told me some of it, but the last thing I heard was that he was ignoring you, and then poof, you're back in Cali...with hella hickeys."

"We moved past that." I said gently, not sure what she was asking. Or why.

"Well yeah...did you guys get in a fight or something that last night?"

"No it was fine. We're good." I said throwing on a quick smile, figuring that's what she needed.

As I did, thoughts flashed.

Memories of our London dinner and the awkwardness danced across my mind.

The avoiding. The mini argument. His weirdness.

Then after, back at the house making up all night long.

The way he worked me...slow, tender, passionate.

The way his eyes never left mine as he fucked---no, made love to me.

For those few short hours, I had felt like the only woman in the world. His world.

I instantly cleared my throat, feeling that rising feeling again.

I needed to seriously forget that night.

"Do you want some wine?" I asked her trying to change the subject quickly.

"Don't start." Kelsey warned, reading right through me. "I know all your tactics..."

I smiled realizing it was true. This was a nineteen year friendship after all.

She kept her light blue eyes on me, studying.

"You're sure there isn't something you're not telling me? Nothing at all?" she asked in concern.

I sighed.

"Why do you keep asking me that?" I asked.

"Because you keep dodging questions about him. I mean even when you first got back. And you don't seem too excited to see him."

"Well it's like you said...we spent a month together." I reasoned.

"Yeah but still...you're not sick of him or something right? You still like him?"

"Of course I do." I said with an impatient sigh.

The problem was, I liked him too much.

"And he still likes you?" she questioned curiously.

I gave a slight chuckle. As if I knew the inner ramblings of Harry Styles' mind...

"Guess we'll see huh?"

I moved away from Kelsey and the conversation, heading back over to my sister and Christina.

My actions purposely ending the conversation.

"You guys find something?" I asked as I approached.

They held up their Strawberry Smirnoff Ice and Mike's Hard Lemonade coolers.

"Great, let's go." I said, moving away from the curious eyes of Kelsey and the wide smiles of the minors.

When we piled back in the car, Kelsey made a quick drugstore stop, grabbing some party items- for what I wasn't sure- and bringing us back to the hotel.

After we settled back in the room, I heard from Harry.

*Hey love. Did you make it to town safely?"

My heart instantly jumped seeing his name across my screen and the inner,  completely fallen, butterflies-in-stomach Becca smiled.

The one trying to move on and ignore the stirrings, sent a clear and concise, *Safe and sound. At the hotel. Are you at the stadium?* I texted back.

*I am. Text when you're on your way. I have to get someone to let you in.*

*K* she continued, purposely withholding any emotion. 

He sent me a smiley face emoji, something he rarely did, but I was done responding once again.

Gone were the days of me attempting small talk.

For now, I didn't know what to say.

Placing my phone down, I turned to the girls. Kelsey and Taylor were applying makeup, and Christina was eating again. This time some chips she picked up at the store.

I sat beside her.

"You really should have waited until we got to the stadium. I've been told the backstage catering is delicious."

She grinned, pulling her hair up in a ponytail.

"We're not going backstage." she reminded me again. "You are really in delusion about this whole thing huh? You don't get how tight their security must be."

"You don't get that I know someone backstage." I reminded her. "Do you really think I would have drove all this way if it wasn't a guaranteed thing?" I questioned.

She just shrugged, eating her salt and vinegar chips.

"It doesn't matter to me anyway. As long as I get to see Louis on that stage, I'm all good."

"He's your favorite?" I asked.

She nodded yes obnoxiously. "He's bae." she said and I laughed.

Louis was attractive but in the past month I had come to know him in a different way.

Whenever our paths crossed, he was always playful, and was seen as more of an annoying little brother now. As he was brought up, my mind reflected on the recent news Harry had told me about him; but for now, I was sworn to secrecy. 

I wanted to say  _Christina, leave him alone for now_. His plate is about to be pretty full. 

 

"No Liam," Taylor said cutting in from the opposite end of the room. She came out of the bathroom she and Kelsey were sharing.

"He is so sexy!" she said.

We locked eyes and I grinned in amusement. It was interesting for me to hear the boys- who were annoying, nosy little shits when I was around- talked about like this.

In the past month, I had forgotten just how ridiculously famous and popular they were with girls in my age range. They seemed like such normal, rowdy boys that you would find in the back of a classroom.

Taylor plopped beside me.

"Do you think Harr _\- the friend,_  would be able to get me an autograph?"

"Sure." I said, catching her slip, but relieved that Christina didn't.

Christina was to busy asking Kelsey who she wanted to see and jumping up to do her own makeup.

Kelsey immediately turned to me with a wide smile.

"Well," she said with a dramatic sigh. "I use to be a big Harry girl, but I've been forced lately to switch teams."

I hid my smile, turning from them all and lifting to go to my bag. I figured I should do the same, and get ready.

"Why?" Christina asked.

I ignored her response since I was the hidden reason, digging in my small bag, and grabbing my clothes.

Before we had left Los Angeles, Kelsey had roamed through my closet, looking for the 'sexiest chic' outfit she could fine.

Apparently my outfit of ripped jeans and a casual tee was much too plain to be going to Harry's concert.

'You've got to represent! All these thirsty girls are waiting to pounce and you don't want him to have the reminders'

I disagreed, but let her change my outfit.

She clearly didn't understand our relationship.

In a month's time, he would be free and on the market again either way, so what did it matter?

Hell, maybe even after this concert.

After tonight, it was probably best I limited our time together anyway. At least, for my own heart.

I stood, holding my new picked out outfit, while they continued their repressed sexual fantasies of the guys.

"So girls..." I said interrupting. "I've got the text." I announced suddenly. "We can head that way when you're ready."

"Yes!" Taylor said throwing a hand in the air.

"Henry texted you?" Kelsey asked, using our old name for him.

"Yup. He's there."

"Are the boys there yet?" Christina asked looking up.

"Probably." I said with a warm smile.

"Then what are we waiting for." Kelsey said heading back in the bedroom to curl her hair.

An hour later we were all dressed.

All the hair was curled and the lips glossed.

Floral and sweet scents filled the room and our clique looked pretty good.

Yet, while they celebrated, my stomach did flip-flops.

Heading back downstairs, my thoughts were abundant.

 _London, London, LONDON,_  was on my mind.

The impending reunion mixing in.

Ten days was a long time, but I wasn't sure if I was ready yet.

How would I react when I saw Harry?

Would it be like before, or would I be like the nervous shy idiot I was when I left?

Once more, the loop of that time, played before me.

 

My last morning in London after Harry made love to me, I awoke to find him in the kitchen making me breakfast.

He was in a refreshed mood with an extra ping in his step.

'Hey love', he said giving me the longest kiss. My thoughts were foggy, still recovering from all the things he had done to me the night before.

My body was still tingling.

He made small talk and kept his eyes all over me, but I couldn't focus.

My words were mumbles and I felt like a giddy school girl.

The butterfly's were all there and suddenly his bright green eyes were intimidating.

On the way to the airport, he was touchy feely alternating between holding my hand and rubbing my thigh and when I made it to my drop off area, he gave me another long kiss behind the dark tint of his car, and thanked me once more for coming.

"As always you were a perfect distraction." he had assured.

I just smiled because its all I had been doing.

He was finally saying all the right things. His previous nine day absence forgotten.

"I'll miss you." he said and kissed my hand. "Call me when you land."

I nodded okay and tried to summon the old Becca he was use too.

"And will you answer this time?" I teased, remembering the first time I left town and didn't hear from him.

He smiled.

"I will never do that to you again. You'll hear from me. I promise."

And I had.

Yet now I wished I could back out of this whole thing...go back in time.

This time, I wish he wouldn't have called me back...

"Should we listen to some 1D on the drive?" Kelsey asked as we reloaded the car.

The chorus in the back said yes.

Minutes later, the _Midnight Memories_ album pumped through the speakers and as Don't Forget Where You Belong brought us to the entrance of the stadium, it seemed fitting.

The stage was Harry's home, and soon he would be reunited and I would be luckily there.

"Where are we suppose to go?" Kelsey asked, as she drove around. "These parking areas are closed."

Gathering my phone, I called 'Henry'.

"Hello?" his unmistakable accent traveled through the phone.

"Hey it's me. We're here."

"Oh! Cool." he said. "I was wondering when you were coming."

Turning down the music in the car, I focused on him.

"What entrance are you by?"

"I don't know." I said honestly. There wasn't much to see where we had entered, and everything still seemed locked down.

"Well go by Gate M. They are letting fans in around there for the VIP. There's some Live Nation booths set up."

"Find Gate M," I whispered to Kelsey and she backed out of where we were, ready to begin.

"I'll send Jeff your way." Harry assured. "If you run into issues, call me."

"Kay." I said and followed his instructions before disconnecting.

Behind me, my sister and Christina were finally getting excited.

They squealed as Kelsey and her dangerous driving tried to find the proper area and as she almost got us kicked out, after arguing with a parking attendant when we found it.

The only tickets we still had were the ones for Christina and Taylor, and there was no admittance yet for them.

"Come back when doors open." the security kept arguing, trying to reroute us and Kelsey kept aruging back. 

Finally, Kelsey and her long hair turned to me. 

"Call your guy!" Kelsey scolded. Yet I didn't need too.

In the gated distance of 'M' land, I saw Mr. Jeffery Azoff holding open a door  with a security guard.

"There he is. That's who we need."' I pointed, telling the guard that was blocking us, he was here for us.

He trudged over to meet him, taking his good and sweet time, unlocked the gate, and went over to where Jeff was.

With a head nod, and a smile in my direction from Jeff, I knew we were in.

"See." I told Christina proudly.

Three minutes later we were at the main door beyond the gate.

"Hey Becca." Jeff said immediately.

"Hey Jeff." I said warmly. "Good to see you."

He gave a brief acknowledgement to my friends.

They did quick introductions as Jeff handled us our laminated passes.

They were dark black tags swirled with big bold 'VIP: On the Road Again', and I took in the details of the Qualcomm Stadium.

I had never been in the stadium before and wanted to get the full 'fan' experience.

As I studied, my sister and Christina looked with me, while Kelsey tried to make small talk with Jeff. She was an extrovert, and could get on with anybody and it was in her nature to talk to people.

As she did, Christina sided up to me.

"This is your boyfriend?" she whispered, taking in the details of Jeff Azoff.

I almost died from laughter. Jeff wasn't ugly, but he was not my type- nor my age.

"No. Just a friend of a friend."

"Is your boyfriend here?" she asked next.

"I don't have a boyfriend." I reassured. "Just a close male friend." I said.

"Well...either way...This is so cool! Thank you for getting us in."

I smiled.

"You're welcome."

In the distance, after some walking, I began to hear music and screams, yet, it seemed impossible that people were here already.

"What's that?" I asked Jeff.

"The VIP Party for the fans. They've been here about an hour."

"Oh. That's cool." I said. "They didn't do that in London." I said, and Christina turned to me in confusion. 

_Since when do you know about One Direction?_

 Catching my slip, I quickly revised.

"At least...that's what I heard." I fumbled.

Kelsey laughed under her breath and muttered, "Nice save..." while I tried to hide the blush in my cheeks.

We sidetracked from that area, and headed to the private area where the boys were housed.

"Isn't that where we were going?" Christina asked in more confusion, gesturing back to the party. "The VIP?"

"Nope." Kelsey said.

"But then where?"

"Wait and see." Taylor told her.

As we made it through security checks, it was evident that we were getting close.

Flashing our VIP passes multiple times now, we finally made it to the backstage area, with the signs leading back to the dressing rooms.

"Oh my God." Christina said, meeting her first realization.

My sister was still studying everything, and Kelsey was still running her mouth.

It sounded like she was inquiring about a future job.

I was just trying to ignore the bubbling in my belly.

I was nervous and it felt like this was the first time I would be seeing Harry.

I didn't understand why but my nerves were in overdrive.

I couldn't even remember being this nervous when I saw him in Bangkok. As I tried to calm down, Jeff wrapped up his conversation with Kelsey.

"So Becca, did H tell you about tomorrow yet?" Jeff asked me suddenly, walking right beside me.

"Huh?"

He smiled and asked again.

"No, what's going on?" I asked back.

Jeff didn't answer the specific question. "He'll probably talk to you about it later. I didn't know you were a golf girl though. Do you have a GHIN?"

My face must have instantly scrunched in confusion. What the heck was he talking about?

Before I could inquire more, the cheery voice of Lottie Tomlinson pulled my response.

"Becca!" she called from the close distance. "Hey Girl."

As our eyes locked, I tried to gesture with my eyes to pretend like she didn't know me, but it was already out.

"How are you?" I asked giving her a nervous hug as she approached.

"I'm great! Harry didn't tell me you were coming."

I bit my lip. Christina was within earshot to hear the comment.

"Spur of the moment thing." I said casually trying not to look at Christina. I was sure my eyes would give it all away.

It was evident the crafted lie was not going to last long. I was sure before the day ended, Christina would know everything. I had never been a good liar.

Still, I was relieved when Lottie didn't linger.

"Good to see you. Stop by later." she said, her usual warm bubbly self. She gave a quick hi to my friends then kept it moving.

"How does she know you?" Christina asked on cue.

"Uh...I uh-"

Kelsey cut in and wrapped an arm around Christina, pulling her away from me.

"Chris, from here on out, its best to just not ask questions. You're probably not going to get a lot of answers."

"At least not without signing an NDA." my sister muttered beside me with a grin.

Christina gave her a look of bewilderment  while Jeff smiled at me.

I guess he was amused by the whole situation.

We kept walking a few more feet until we made it to Sir Harry Styles room.

I let the girls gather in front of me, blending in the background and let Jeff open the door. I needed the few extra seconds for composure.

In 3...2....1...

Immediate laughter came from behind the door.

Entering the familiar dark dressing room, I heard Harry before I saw him. I also heard Christina.

"Oh my God." she said instantly.

"Hello!" came a warm call. I knew that immediate silly voice. "How are you?"

Seconds later, I saw Harry, but he wasn't focused on me yet.

I watched him as he stood up.

"Whooo wants to go first?" he joked; dimples wide and prominent as he gathered on his feet.

As he caught the eyes of my friends first, I quickly took in his white t-shirt, hair bun, and black jeans before I heard Christina once more.

"Oh my fucking-" she began again.

My eyes moved from Harry to a different guy in the room, who seemed to be Harry's twin in his own white t-shirt and skinny black jeans and another lady in the room. She was older and I had never seen her before. She appeared to be a family friend.

As the lady said "Hi" to me with a polite smile, my eyes took in all the other events at once.

Jeff was taking a seat, Christina was saying 'Holy shit' now, my sister was trying to conceal her laughter, Harry's twin was staring at me and Harry was looking at Kelsey.

She had reached him first.

"Hazza!" she called as if they were old friends, with her arms outstretched for a hug. "I've heard so much about you!"

And then, with me and Harry catching her double meaning at the same time, our eyes finally found each other.

Recognition filtered through his green irises and then a slow grin; that kind that took over his whole face, but didn't show teeth.

Our eyes remained locked for a few seconds, lost in a brief moment of  _us_ , before he turned and focused on Kelsey again. Hugging her gently, he smiled wider and said "I'm sure."

Then his eyes shined on me again; with that wide dimpled smile I dreamed about and bright wide eyes.

"All good things I hope." he said smoothly. 

A shiver, quiver.... _hell_ , an earthquake current rippled through me.

Desire. Intrigue.

Love.

My heart beat rapidly.

Damn I had missed him and damn was I nervous.

I couldn't take the weight of his gaze and turned away.

I could still feel his eyes on me and I knew his previous expression.

There was no doubt in my mind after he finished with her, he was coming to me.

My body and mind knew I wasn't ready for that yet.

I quickly moved to Christina, delaying the inevitable.

"Are you okay?" I asked her as Harry finished up with Kelsey. Christina was practically shaking. The composed seventeen year old was nowhere in sight.

"No!" she hissed. "What the hell." she muttered, scolding only me.

I once again, held back a giggle.

"Why didn't you tell me-" she harshly whispered. "Why didn't you give me time toprepare?! Why didn't you-"

Harry's twin stood then and came over to us.

"Hi." he said outstretching his hand. "I'm Xander."

"Hi." Christina said but he was mainly focused on me. And I on him.

In the other part of the room, I could hear Harry (and now Jeff) still talking to Kelsey, but my focus was on this six foot specimen before me.

So this was Xander. This was the guy Harry was often texting and had met in New York.

And this was the Xander who he had been spotted with the last few days. I now had a name to the face.

Interesting...

There was no doubt in my mind  he knew who I was too. He observed me in slight interest back.

But why?

My thought was confirmed about the recognition part when he skipped the introduction altogether and smiled at me.

He said "Glad to be back in town?"

Curiously, I suddenly wondered how much Harry had possibly told him.

It was a strange feeling to think he talked about me with his friends.

"Um... I guess. I mean-" While I paused on my answer, Harry finally glided over.

"Hi." he said to Christina first. "I'm Harry."

Xander turned to Harry in amusement and we both seemed to think the same thing. Out of all the people in this small room, he was the last one who needed to introduce himself.

"Ch- Chris-Christina." she mumbled.

Harry instantly smiled.

"Nice to meet you." he said pulling her in his arms. "Thanks for coming."

Once more, Harry's eyes moved to me. I broke the gaze quickly.

I looked for another distraction.

Taylor was talking to the lady. Jeff was looking at his phone now, and Kelsey...Kelsey was free.

Back to Kelsey I go.

Kelsey had just taken a seat and I quickly went to her, sitting right beside her.

Harry noticed as I darted back across the room, but didn't verbally acknowledge it. His eyes just followed me until I sat down.

My gesture caused a ripple effect.

As we all took our seats and got settled, Harry shifted his focus to everyone else. Sitting somewhat center, he asked how everyone was and how the drive was...was anyone hungry or thirsty...

Kelsey my lifesaver, was the most talkative as well as my baby sister and God bless them.

I couldn't even think of a full sentence for some reason.

This room was small, and slightly congested with all of us, but that wasn't why I was suffocating. It was Harry's presence. He seemed to be in every molecule of the room and though we were in a room full of people, with multiple conversations going, the elephant between us had to be seen by everyone- even Harry.

In all of the introductions and conversations, me and Harry were the only two who hadn't said one word to each other, or even gave a simple greeting, but yet, I had the majority of his attention.

As Kelsey discussed San Diego and the drive, he repeatedly moved his eyes to me. Taking me in and trying to withhold any emotion, we played a silly eye dance for a couple minutes.

Ya know the one: I catch him, he looks away....He catches me, I act like I was looking at something interesting behind him...

It went on a for a number of minutes, before Harry broke down first.

After Harry answered his own question about his travels to the stadium, our eyes found each other again. As his clear green met my clouded hazel, he paused his thought mid-sentence.

This time keeping his gaze on me, he smirked.

 _"And how are you?_ " he asked finally. His voice was peaked, and had a hint of a tease to it.

In the full five to ten minutes we had been in the room, it was our first interaction. I blinked and looked at him, caught slightly off guard.

"I'm fine." I said quickly, almost fumbling over my words.

He smirked wider and said, "Yeah? You sure?"

With the way he said it, 'hun' should have been on the tall end of that sentence, but he omitted it.

His dimples were wide, and my sexy cheeky Harry was in full effect. I tried to ignore the stirring in my nether region and turned from him, brushing away invisible lint on my pants. I tried to act like I didn't hear him and cleared my throat.

Thankfully Harry didn't pester on and quickly moved on to someone else.

I knew he got it.

This was not an us moment, and we weren't alone.

The way we were together didn't need to be broadcasted between our friends.

As he engaged with the next best thing-my sister- Kelsey used the distraction and nudged me.

_What's wrong?_

I gave her a quick smile, looking into her confused blue eyes.

_Nothing, I'm fine._

She gave me a final look of concern, before setting her attention back on Harry.

The small talk continued and the stares from Harry's twin. I focused my attention on him as well.

He was handsome, tall and definitely my type; yet something about him rubbed me the wrong way.

I didn't like the way he looked at me.

I couldn't read him.

Around me the girls ventured into full fan mode, asking the questions they always wanted to know.

What's touring like?

What's your favorite song to perform?

What are the boys like?

Can we meet them?

"Sure." Harry said answering all their questions. "The guys are around here somewhere. I can bring them to you later."

That instantly got grins from the girls, and Harry continued to be polite.

"Do you guys want some merch stuff?" he asked. "I can get you guys some VIP bags to take home."

That even made my ears perk up.

I had never been offered a VIP bag before in my time backstage.

"What's in it?" Kelsey asked.

Harry shrugged casually. "Shirts and stuff. I think maybe even a phone charger or something."

"Uh...yeah!" Kelsey said loudly. "Stupid question."

Harry instantly gave a small laugh and agreed to get her one.

I watched as my best friend and my boyfriend?...beau?...lover?... shared a small smile.

I could tell he was enjoying Kelsey the most in this short encounter.

She wasn't shy, and her bold behavior constantly kept most of the attention in the room.

They spoke the most, and she was very engaging; not the least bit awed by Harry's presence, unlike me, Christina and Taylor.

If I didn't know her as well as I did and grow up with her, I would hate her.

She was just one of _those_  girls and you know the kind I'm talking about.

And though it normally didn't bother me, today it did.

It sucked because I was sitting right beside her, so I had the attention too.

It continued that Harry's eyes found their way in my general direction, and though we weren't talking verbally, I could tell he was trying to send messages through his eyes.

I don't think he was lying when he said he missed me, and I could tell he was itching for me to say something to him.

He wanted some type of acknowledgement from me, but I wasn't going to give it.

I continued to coward under his stare, and I knew if I spoke, it would all be there.

I didn't know how to hide these new feelings well, and in the past when I had really liked someone, I had ran.

I was the epitome of that old Britney Spears song,  _Sometimes._

I didn't do this  _lust love_  shit well.

Yet still.

Conversation continued around me, and eventually the focus was on the youngest members of our brood.

Christina and Taylor centric, most of the questions shifted to the upcoming college plans of the girls.

At the mention of college Kelsey cut in offering quick advice and telling about our school days at Colgate. With my name being mentioned, Harry moved his eyes back over to me-once again. His eyes were warm and interested, and I knew he was listening to every word.

He seemed curious to know how I was when I wasn't with him.

It wasn't a mystery, nor that intriguing, but Harry listened like he was being told the winning numbers to next week's lottery.

I tried to keep my eyes off of him, but I was still a girl, still crazy about him and magnetically attracted so my eyes eventually made there way back over to his during the conversation shift.

I was surprised to find him still staring at me.

As our eyes locked once more, his expression remained serious and unlike before, he didn't quickly glance away.

Something was swirling through his mind. I could see it.

He twirled the rings on his fingers, looking at me for a few seconds before finally looking down.

"So what do you do?" came a question from across the room.

It sounded like the Xander guy and he was looking in my general direction. Harry and I both turned to him.

A moment later, I turned back to Kelsey because I figured he was talking to her, but she looked at me.

Then, the other eyes moved to me as well.

Catching the glances, I pointed to myself.

"Me?"

Xander nodded yes. "You're so quiet over there." he said gently.

Harry gave a small smirk, bringing his eyes back to mine, then placed his head back down, as I shifted uncomfortably.

"Uh...I, um...I don't do anything. I'm just a student."

"What do you study?" Xander asked. "Same as Kelsey?"

"No." I said. "Literature. The classics...I also minor in writing."

"Do you want to be a teacher or something?" he asked. 

"No, Um-"

I froze under the eyes and being the focus in the room. I didn't like it. I was much too shy for it.

"No, Becca's going to be an author one day." Taylor cut in, recovering for her big sis I guess.

Though I appreciated it, I instantly shook my head no.

"Probably not. That's just a dream." I said narrowing my eyes at her.

Xander continued.

"So are you scared for your fourth year? You only have half the semester to complete right?"

Kelsey hadn't mentioned that. She had made no mention of our rank in the conversation and she definitely hadn't mentioned I was only attending half of the year- the rest of the year would be earning my internship credits at Entertainment Voice, a smaller publishing house in California.

I looked at Harry, because I was once again curious how much he had told this man. I knew nothing about him but from his casualness and information, he and Harry had definitely talked about me.

Plus Xander kept looking at me like he practically knew the sounds I made in bed. I wondered if he did.  Did Harry discusss the intimate side of our relationship with his friends?

Catching my look and discomfort, Harry turned and looked at Xander.

He leaned over whispering something to him and Xander instantly shut up.

Then something happened.

Harry quickly stood.

"So do you guys want a tour? Want to see the stadium?" he questioned looking at my friends.

The chorus of yeahs, and sure's followed.

"Cool." Harry said then set his eyes on his longtime friend. "Jeff, can you maybe take them to Sarah's Kitchen for a bit? I'll catch up with you."

"Sure." Jeff said. Like me, he had been quiet most of the conversations, but stood up ready to lead.

I stood up as well and grabbed my small wraparound purse.

I let my sister, Christina and the older lady go in front of me.

We all started to shuffle out, including me, until I felt a small hand grab mine from behind.

Turning, I saw Harry and he was right behind me. So close, we could collide.

Kelsey who was right beside me noticed too and Harry looked at her. Xander stopped as well wondering what he had missed.

"We'll catch up." he said to both of them quietly, moving his hand over mine until they were interlaced. He gently moved me to him and disconnected our hand, only to wrap it around my waist in solidarity.

Luckily Christina was out of the room or I'm sure she would have given us a look and the secret would be out. 

All the secrets. 

Beside me Kelsey smiled and said, "Of course you will," and then, "Have fun."

Xander flashed Harry a knowing smile then they both attempted their exit.

My heart was racing.

 _Don't leave us alone!_  My eyes flashed to Kelsey.

I had been counting on the fact that we wouldn't get a moment like this; then we wouldn't have to talk--or do anything else.

Yet obviously Harry had different plans.

Looking at Kelsey, I tried to speak in the language of old best friends, but Kelsey ignored my petrified look and followed after Xander; right out of the door.

Then we were alone.

Harry's hand instantly let go of my waist and I prepared my first jumbled words.

I didn't get a chance.

Within seconds, the hand previously around my waist, re-grabbed my hand, pulling me in his arms.

I didn't even get a second to look at him before his lips crashed against mine.

Immediately like butter in a microwave, I instantly melted against him and my purse slid to the floor.

Relaxing, a hand went to the back of his head, while the other wrapped around his torso.

I moaned against his mouth feeling the gentleness of his lips, and completely loving the wave of Harry that quickly washed over me; a light switch turned on.

The unique comfort of being close to him returning. My nervousness, briefly forgotten.

He kissed me slow and leisured as if he was re-memorizing my mouth and I kissed back, making sure I wouldn't forget.

The chances of these encounters, getting slimmer by the day- hell, the hour.

There in that private room our mouths tangled for a couple seconds more before I disconnected to catch my breath.

Our faces remained close; so close, that our noses were still touching.

Swallowing and catching his own breath, he whispered, "Hi."

"Hi." I said gently.

Our faces pulled apart slightly so we could finally look at each other, and I smiled.

A blushing schoolgirl was born. As I moved to break his gaze and place my head down, he grabbed my chin, pulling my face back to his.

He pecked my lips one more time,  _slowly._..and then he pulled his face away. Remaining in his arms, he studied me.

"You okay?" he asked gently.

"Of course." I said matching his tone.

His eyes were dilated and wide black orbs swirled in green.

"You've been ignoring me." he said.

His voice once again was light and he smirked. His eyes though dark, had a bright tint to them, and shined in the dim lighting of his personal room.

"Christina." I breathed, trying to find my voice. "Remember?" I questioned.

He nodded yes in understanding, but his expression said something different.

He disconnected his hands from my body and moved one to my hair. He thumbed his hands through my loose curls. My hair was half up, half down and fanning over my silk button up.

"Nice tan." he joked, taking in my partially sunburned skin from Mexico next.

I jokingly rolled my eyes and made a move to get away from him. His intense eyes turning me to jelly again.

He quickly reached for me, pulling me back to him.

"No, you look lovely." he quickly recovered, playing with a string of hair. He must have thought I was offended.

"Kelsey's work?" he asked next.

I smiled.

"That obvious?"

He continued his alluring smile.

"No. I've just never seen you wear your hair like this before."

"Well yeah." I admitted honestly. "All Kelsey."

He smirked lazily, dragging his eyes down and trailing his eyes down my shirt and denim shorts; my slightly heeled boots getting an eye raise.

"Well thank her for me." he said looking back up at my eyes.

I smiled and he moved to me again, closing the small space between us. Wrapping his arm around my waist tighter, he flipped our positions and my back hit a door.

Connecting our lips again, we wrapped around each other and the kiss quickly escalated from a minute earlier.

The kiss was gentle then rough. Slow then fast.

A hand moved down to my butt, cupping and quick moans were expressed.

Harry lightly grunted.

"You smell so good." he said kissing a cheek, and then my forehead. "And damn, you've gotten prettier."

I smiled. 

"You're rubbing off on me." I said honestly. "Always."

He chuckled and kissed me again. His lips roughly encased my own, and I once again succumbed to the heavenly lips.

As Harry's other hand remained on my waist, he began to untuck my shirt, pulling it out from my shorts.

Moving his warm hand under my shirt, Harry briefly broke the kiss again. Moving his lips to my neck, I moaned again. I closed my eyes as his moved over me, and I just tried to keep myself together.

I had to remind myself that we were in a stadium, in his dressing room, and both of our friends weren't far outside.

Yet, when his lips made there way back to mine and he cupped my breast, squeezing a nipple, that thought disappeared.

 _Attack him! Fuck him right here_! My hormones demanded.

Harry's other hand cupped around my ass again and he lifted me. Our kiss never breaking.

Both of my legs wrapped around his waist and my hands went to his hair.

Our lips devouring each other.

It was just about to reach another notch, with the beginning of discarding clothes when Harry pulled away.

He was the one to break the heat of the kiss and rested his forehead against mine.

"Wait, wait..." he mumbled. "What are we doing?"

I didn't respond, trying to ignore the wetness between my legs and the hardness I was pressed against.

We weren't doing what I wanted, that was for sure.

"Fuck..." he continued. "I've missed you." he whispered, more to himself then to me.

"Ditto." I said.

He lifted his head and gave another charming smile. Now cooled, he gently put my feet back down on the ground.

I smiled again as we finally pulled away from each other, creating notable distance.

He instantly observed my outfit change.

He smirked at me apologetically, taking in my new ruffled appearance. My shirt was still untucked and slightly wrinkled, and for the first time I noticed he had unbuttoned my shorts as well.

The boys' hands were magic.

"I did not mean to do all that." he said looking at the small hint of pinkunderwear now showing.

I shrugged and smiled.

"Its okay. Quick fix." I said and then as to show him, I readjusted my shirt back in my shorts and fluffed my hair.

"See? Good as new." I said proudly.

He smiled back at me and then readjusted himself as well.

I watched as he moved his boys around in his tight jeans and shifted his pants to their previous position B.B.--before Becca.

"We should go." he said, "Before your friends get suspicious."

"Good idea." I said.

I didn't know how long we had been in that room but our disappearance was probably peculiar.

Harry untied his bun while I reached for my purse again. Shaking his hair and running his hands through it, my baby Tarzan returned.

He gave a final smooth of his shirt and then a final smile.

"Ready?"

I just nodded yes.

Opening the door and holding it for me, I gave him a smile.

"Such a gentleman." I teased.

He placed a finger to his lips and shushed me as if sharing a small secret.

"Your eyes only." he said with a smile.

He shut the door behind me, and we began to walk in the main hall. The thump of the music above us and the bustle of his staff quickly got us back to normal.

I waived at people I recognized, but Harry kept his focus on me as we headed to Sarah's Kitchen and he placed his hands in his front pockets.

Our friends were nowhere in sight.

"So did you bring a bag?" he asked as we walked.

"Bag where?" I asked.

"With you? In the car?"

"No." I said. "Should I have?"

He turned away from me, nodding hello to a crew member. Then, back to me.

"Well, I mean...were you just planning on wearing that tomorrow too?"

I looked at him in confusion not understanding our sudden conversation and he looked back at me, reading my eyes.

"You are going back with me tonight right?" he said suddenly. "After the show?" he questioned slowly.

"I didn't know I was suppose too." I said just as slowly.

Had I messed that in a text message? Had he relayed that to me this morning?

He smiled.

His eyes stalled, a slight pink flush taking over his cheeks.

"Uh...Well you're not  _supposed_  too, but I just thought you would. I'm sorry," he said, slightly embarrassed. "I guess we hadn't really talked about it."

I turned from him, thinking of Kelsey.

She was right. He had assumed we would be together as well.

Maybe I  _was_  complete shit at this whole dating thing.

I kept walking.

"Well I didn't know you would want me too. I figured you would be with your friends."

"I will." he said quickly. "But," he paused having a thought, then dismissed it. "It doesn't matter. It's fine. Don't worry about it." he said and gave me a slow, wide smile.

Then,

"So what are you doing tomorrow then? Did you and the other girls have plans, or can we hang out?"

"I don't know. I'll probably be nursing a hangover." I said seriously.

Harry's eyes furrowed.

"You guys are going out tonight?" he asked in concern. "To a bar or something?"

"No, no.." I said ignoring his bothered tone. "We're having a ladies night at the hotel." I explained as we walked. "Just some drinks, music...nothing fancy." I said.

Harry turned away from me, watching his feet as he walked.

"Huh...Girls night...So what does that mean" he asked bringing his eyes back to mine. "No boys allowed?"

I smiled.

"No. We just don't have any boys to invite." I joked.

He stopped walking and looked at me directly.

"Well what about me?"

"What about you?" I asked.

"Can I come over?" he asked.

"To the Sheraton?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, if that's where you're staying." he said softly. "I'll come after I finish up."

I turned from him, walking once more.

"You can't be serious. Surely you don't want to spend the night with some boring girls."

He shifted in a casual dismissal and smiled again.

"No, I don't." he said. "But whose boring?"

I brought my eyes to his and we just shared another smile.

"You really would come?" I asked for reassurance.

"Consider it done." he said. "Can I bring some people with me?"

"Like Jeff and Xander?" I asked reading his tone.

He nodded yes.

"Sure." I said. "The more, the merrier."

He smiled wide again.

"Well alright."

As we made our way to Sarah's kitchen half a minute later, he once again played the role of gentleman letting me enter first.

"After you," he suggested, flashing with the flirty smile he had been sporting since we got alone.

I moved in front of him, but not before feeling his hand very slyly graze the dimple of my back and butt.

Giving him an immediate look, he tried to hold back his laugh.

"Sorry." he said. "Couldn't resist. I haven't touched you in a few days and withdrawal is a bitch."

I scolded him with a finger wag before we rejoined our gang.

I tried to ignore the curious looks of Christina as I took a seat at the table everyone had convened at.

Harry began talking to Jeff and Xander, while Kelsey moved by me, holding out some lip gloss.

Catching her hint, I reapplied the small tube to my lips correcting the evidence of the last few minutes while she smiled at Harry seemingly amused by our quick rendezvous.

"Christina's asking questions." she whispered a second later, "I don't think she'sbuying the lie."

"Why? What did she say?" I had just begun to ask, when Harry interrupted.

"Does anyone want anything quick? I want to go see if we can find the guys...oh, and your VIP bags." Harry said.

Locking eyes, I quickly bypassed my question, and instead moved fast to sell our lie.

"No." I said jumping up. "I want a bag though. Oh and Harry- thank you so much for all this. This is more than I expected."

My voice immediately took on the pitch of a 'fan' and Harry smiled, understanding what I was doing.

"Sure, but thank your mom." he said, playing along. "She's the one who arranged all this."

I nodded in agreement.

"She did say you loved her coffee." I threw out.

He nodded yes back.

"I do. I'm an addicted customer." he said and looked purposely at Christina. "For a lot of things actually. Especially the service."

Christina was buying every word, even though Harry had just gave a big clue.

Stevie Wonder could have seen he was flirting with me.

Giving him a quick scolding look, he turned from me and smiled, enjoying this whole thing even  more.

Minutes later, we were shuffled out and on our own little private tour of backstage.

As Harry played guide passing the gym room, lounge rooms, and costume rooms, Jeff walked beside me once more. 

We were trailed at the end of the crowd, he and I easily saying we had seen it all before.

"This is good practice huh?" he said lowly.

"For what?" I asked.

"Ya know...the future...when the questions pour in."

"What questions?" I asked, not understanding.

"Ya know...when people find out about you and-" he nodded towards Harry. "It's a good lie to sell. Just might work."

I smiled.

"Well I wouldn't say that. Christina is pretty gullible." I said lowly.

He smiled back.

"Besides...to be honest...I'm starting to think people aren't going to find out about us." I said optimistically. "Harry's quite determined." I said. "And he's good at hiding me."

Jeff shook his head in disagreement.

"No he's not Becca." he said.

I looked back at him.

"What do you mean? Outside of the tour, no one knows Jeff." I reminded him.

"I know." he said softly. "But that's not what I'm talking about."

I paused.

_Huh?_

I didn't get to inquire more, because he moved on, quickly talking to the older lady in our group. 

After we got our small tour, with slight interruptions and our VIP bags, Harry started to break away.

"Alright gang." he said. "I've got to start getting ready for the show, and I think the doors are opening so we'll have to part soon."

It was true. In the last hour, the faint sounds and cheers from the parking lots had started moving their way through the stadium and in the last couple minutes, they had gotten louder.

"If you guys want, you can soon start heading to the front for shopping and I can have security show you where you'll be sitting." Harry said politely focusing on Taylor and Christina.

"Cool." came the chorus from the girls.

"Need some snacks anyway." Taylor reaffirmed.

"Great." Harry said, then he looked at me.

"I have to do some meet and greets, but you and Kelsey can head over with these guys-" Jeff, the lady and Xander- "And they'll take you to my section when you're ready."

"Sounds good." Kelsey said in agreement, but I had other plans.

"Actually Harry," I cut in. "I was wondering if maybe Christina or Taylor couldtake our seats and we'll take their section."

Eyes moved to me and I continued.

"This is their concert, and it makes more sense for them to have the close seats."

Kelsey immediately interrupted.

"Umm, I'm a fan too." She tsk'd and I gave a small smirk. "I want to sit up front too." she pouted. 

I rolled my eyes while Harry smiled.

"You don't count, besides, they still have great seats." I argued. "We'll still enjoy the show."

"Speak for yourself." she said before flipping her hair, but Harry kept his attention on me.

"Are you sure you don't mind? I can try to get you all-"

"Positive." I said glancing quickly at the illuminated smiles of Taylor and Christina. "This day is for them. And the tickets don't have to go to waste. Me and Kelsey will be fine."

Harry gave me a small smile and then turned to the girls.

"Well alright, they'll show you where to go then. You girls have a little time though. Come with me first, I'll finally let you meet the boys and Icona Pop. You can probably grab some pics too."

Fangirling the hell out, the girls suddenly squealed and cheered.

I giggled, my laugh filling the small space between our friends.

I was so happy that they were enjoying this, and that I could do this for them.

It wasn't everyday that you could say your sister or best friend let you hang out with world renowned superstars.

Sensing my enjoyment, Harry turned to me while the girls celebrated amongst themselves.

Me and Harry's eyes found each others again and he gave me a warm smile.

His gaze lingered for a second...two...three...

Adoration filled his luminous green eyes.

I smiled back at him and for a moment too long, we saw only us.

Lost in our own little bubble, we didn't even notice when the other eyes in the room moved to us as well.

We stared at each other, while they stared at us.

Until Kelsey cleared her throat.

Breaking our temporary spell, our eyes gathered on her and the curious eyes of our friends.

"Well alright." Harry said a moment later. "Follow me."

I made a movement to do as he said, but I was the only one.

Our friends continued to watch us and around us, there was more than a small secret spilling out.

Already , people were starting to see something that we couldn't even see ourselves yet.

Yet, we would.

In just a few short days everything would reveal itself.

For now, the stares from our friends was just the beginning; as was this month.

Everything was about to change, and tonight was just the kickoff. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh...also...concerning the extra details of this chapter--- i'm going to start moving really fast through the events of the 'Then' Chapters so hope you enjoyed it. You won't see it too much like this anymore. 
> 
> As Harry would say, 'We don't have time'.Too much ground to cover. 
> 
> Next update soon.


	67. Chapter 67

CHAPTER SIXTY SEVEN

Becca

 

Then.

 

I loved watching the way he worked a room. All eyes on him; awed and his wide unassuming smile, as he moved around.

‘How are you’

‘Nice to see you’

‘Thanks for coming’, all words he spoke and it amazed me how much he didn’t even realize his magnetic charm.

How did Harry not see the wide, interested eyes and flush blush of cheeks?

He was commanding so much attention in the room; as always.

For the last ten minutes I had been watching him: interact with me, interact with our group, interact with fans.

As the stadium began to fill up, he was once again called back to his rockstar duties. For now, stopped backstage, doing a quick meet and greet with the other 1D boys.

We had found them quickly, shortly after Harry’s ‘follow me’.

 

It became quickly obvious that Harry had prepped them on the deal today, because as they each hugged me, it felt like the first time, and the fact that I had spent a month with these guys, was not even close to apparent.

They all acted like I was some random woman off the street.

We had posed for pictures, and stopped for a quick chat, before management had intervened, saying the meet and greet was going to start; which brings me to here.

As Harry hugged a tall brunette, his green eyes moved across the room and found me.

I was in a corner, far from the action with the rest of the gang, but his eyes found me as if I was right beside him.

I smiled at him and his smile that was already plastered, grew a little wider.

Focusing back on the girl in front of him, who was quickly starting to cry, he turned from me.

For a brief moment, my attention caught the eyes of the other 1D boys.

They were all in different parts of the room, the time for posing for pictures, long past.

Now they were all huddled over autographs and t-shirts, talking to parents or like Harry, conversing one on one.

“You’re staring.”

Turning to my right, I immediately met curious steel blue eyes.

I smiled again as Kelsey stood beside me.

Her eyes hinted to Harry.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said coy.

“Sure you don’t.” she said with a smile, folding her arms.

She looked me over, casting her eyes downward and back up.

“So you didn’t tell me…” she accused.

“Tell you what?” I said breaking my eyes from the distractions in the room, and giving her my full attention.

“How you had progressed. You and Harry.”

I instantly chuckled, and rolled my eyes.

“What are you going on about now? You’ve never even see us together.”

She smiled.

“So this is what you guys are like, staring at each other all day?”

“I have not been staring at him all day.” I quickly argued. “If anything, I’ve been trying to avoid him.”

And I was.

My nerves had still not settled, and after our short rendezvous in his dressing room, I had been even more flustered.

In our small group, his green eyes kept finding mine, and I know he was enjoying this little pre-rehearsed secret.

Though, the cat was out of the bag for the most part I think.

I could tell that for Christina, she had quickly figured out this wasn’t me and Harrys’ first run in.

And Harry knew it too.  I’m quite sure he was enjoying the fact that his earlier statement;

_‘Let’s just tell her the truth, she’s going to figure it out anyway.’_

_‘No, she won’t if we do it right.’ I had said stubbornly. ‘We both don’t need the stress of it leaking’_

_‘Whatever you say, love. But she’s going to find out.’_

Was coming true and Kelsey quickly confirmed it.

She chuckled this time.

“Well he’s not trying to avoid you.”

And then if on cue, Harry looked over at us.

I instantly blushed, feeling like he could overhear us.

He flashed another smile at us, then turned back to his fan.

“You’ve definitely had his attention Becca.”

“Well what do you expect? We’re friends. And he hasn’t seen me in a couple days-”

“And he’s only fucking you, flew you to London for a month, and won’t stop looking at you-” she pointed out, hinting at something.

 _“So?”_ I said.

 “So…He likes you. Really, really likes you.“ she finished. “Like more than it sounded.”

I sighed. “You don’t even know him.” I pointed out. “How do you know what he likes?”

“Because I have eyes Becca.” She gave me a ‘duh’ expression.  “It’s not hard to see he’s sprung off you. Look.”

I followed her gaze, and Harry was once again looking at us.

He gave another small smile.

_Wrong time Harry._

I quickly rolled my eyes and turned from the both of them. 

“And here she goes…” I mumbled, looking at Liam. “I was wondering when you were going to get started…” I muttered.

“It’s a good thing.” she said interrupting me. “I’m happy you’re happy, is all I’m saying.”

Why did it even matter? In a few weeks, he would going his way and I would be going mine.

I turned back to her, not amused with the conversation and the reminder.

“I think you’re reading too much into this.”

She placed her hand on her hip.

“I’m not. I think you and Harry are in denial though about what this is, or have you  guys had the infamous talk yet?”

“And what talk would that be?” I asked in impatience. 

“Hey guys?”

I turned at the sound of my baby sister’s voice, coming back into my surroundings.

Jeff, Xander, Christina, and the older lady who I had come to know as Cindy, we’re all looking at me.

“Everyone’s getting ready to head to their seats. You guys ready?”

I quickly turned my attention back to Harry, who had finished up with that fan, and was shaking the hand of another.

Kelsey nodded ‘yes’ beside me, but I wasn’t moving.

“After he gets done.” I said gesturing to Harry.

This meet and greet was broken up into two sections, and I knew the second group was going to be coming in shortly.

The walkie talkie’s around me told me so.

I wanted to give him a proper goodbye, in case he didn’t make it back to the hotel tonight.

I would have no other way of talking to him before the show, and if he didn‘t come, who knew when I would see him…

Hearing my answer, Jeff who was slightly beside me, flagged Harry down.

Catching the eye of his best friend, he wrapped up his convo, and moved over to us.

“What’s happenin’” he asked, catching our looks.

“We’re heading to our seats. You good?” Jeff asked.

Harry immediately looked at me- then Jeff- me, then Jeff.

“Now?” he asked. “You guys are cool back here, if you want to stay a little bit longer. We’ve got a couple minutes before we have to wrap up.”

Jeff turned to my friends.

“Christina wants to get some merch, and Becca’s sister is hungry.”

I turned to the girls, because this was news to me.

Though I had been stood beside them, I guess my last ten minutes had been focusing on Harry.

He looked back at me and Kelsey.

“You guys going too?”

“Sure.” Kelsey said. “I want to buy some stuff too.”

Then he looked at me.

“You?” he questioned.  His eyes read, _what do you want to do?_

I just shrugged. Honestly I wanted to stay backstage.

I was use to it.

In the past month, watching him do meet and greets and pre-show prep had been my normal.

I already knew sitting in the stadiums listening to the sounds of Selena Gomez and Five Seconds of Summer and the screams of the girls before the show started would be foreign, but if that‘s where I was going….

He quickly looked back at Jeff, having his answer.

“Well you guys can go ahead, I’ll catch up with you after, and Bec can just stay with me. I’ll send her out before the lights dim.”

I couldn’t hide my smile if I tried. It was a nice feeling to know he wanted me to stay back with him too.

Kelsey smiled as well, giving me a quick glance.

_And it continues…_

I tried to ignore her, _and_ Christina, _and_ Taylor, _and_ Jeff, _and_ Xander, _and_ Cindy, who were now all looking at me.

Whatever secret we had now out of the box. The casualness and drop of my private nickname telling its own story.

I tried to ignore the eyes of Christina the most.

“Well alright.” Jeff said. “Let’s round it up.”

Harry said his quick goodbyes to my friends, and promised to see them soon.

Then, he bounced back over to the fans, knowing I was now going to be waiting with him.

I watched him finish up.

He still kept some of his attention on me, making sure I was fine, but eventually my attention went to others in the room.

Cal Aurand, who I had come into contact with quite a lot, came and stood by me, after snapping more photos.

“We meet again.” he said with a smile.

“Seems that way.”

“How long you staying this time? Touring with the US shows?”

I sighed in disappointment. 

“No, school starts back up for me next month, so I’m going to spend most of this month with family and working.”

“New York right?”

“M’hmm.”

He chuckled.

“Yeah Harry said he’s not looking forward to visiting in the winter. Said it’s going to be brutal.”

I smiled.

“New York is brutal. Chill hits your bones.”

Then I looked at him in surprise and excitement.

“But, you guys have stuff lined up there already? For the album?”

“Not me or the crew…It sounded like you and Harry had plans.”

I looked at him curiously.

“When did he say all this?”

He shrugged.

“I don’t know. Couple weeks ago. When you guys went to New York I think. Mentioned it in passing.”

“Oh.” was all I said.

“Maybe I misunderstood.” he said a second later, reading my expression.

I nodded in agreement.

I think he did too. He must have mixed up something Harry had said.

Speaking of…

I turned my eyes back to Harry, and the new, pretty light skinned girls he was joking with now. 

The second group was in and he was getting ready to pose for a picture. 

“Can you kiss my cheek?” one of them asked.

“Sure.” Harry said.

My eyes narrowed.

As he leaned down and kissed the requestor’s cheek, a small wave of jealously moved through me, though I didn’t know why.

This was his job, and he was an easy going guy.

Flirting was almost natural for him and deep inside I knew it didn‘t mean anything; still, if looks could kill...

“Oh that’s my cue.” Cal said, moving away from me quickly.

He quickly snapped off pictures, and I tried not to cut my eyes at the new, bold flirtatious bunch.

Yet, it was hard not to hate them.  It was human nature. Seeing him with another woman was unsettling to me. ‘

I watched as the tables turned and the girls started kissing him.

Ugh.

 

I moved out of the room, and back into the hall.

I had seen enough for now.

Pulling out my phone, I saw some missed texts from my mom, and checked my Facebook notifications.

Since my sister had ‘tagged’ me and already posted the pictures with the boys, my phone was blowing up.

“Hey Becca, say cheese!”

I looked up in time to see the bright light of a flash, and the wide smile of Lou Teasdale with a camera in my face.

“Sorry, sorry.” she said enclosing me in a hug. “I’m documenting everything tonight and couldn‘t resist.”

I just smiled.  

“Why?”

“Just because. First show. It‘s good to see you.”

“You too!”

“Want to walk with me? Im heading to the rooms.”

“Oh I’m waiting on Harry. Just taking a break from all of that.”

I gestured with my hands to the room, and she knew what I meant.

She smiled back.

“He’ll find you. Come!”

“Oh-” I began but it was no use debating, because she started pulling me.

On the trek, we caught up since it had bene about two weeks since I had seen her.

We talked about her boyfriend and some party she was inviting me to that evening.

“I probably won’t be there. I’m hanging out at my hotel tonight. This might all be too much for me.”

She smiled.

“Not used to it yet?”

“Don’t think I ever will be.”

“Which shows you coming to this time?” she asked, getting her station ready.

Touch up’s were getting ready to commence, and showtime was drawing closer and closer.

“I don’t know.” I said sitting in a chair. “This might be my last one for a while.”

“By choice?” she questioned.

I shrugged.

“I have work.” I said simply.

Eventually Lottie joined us and we moved on from the conversations of Harry and shows until he came to find me.

“So this is where you disappeared huh? I was starting to give up.” he asked coming into the room.

By then, we were all enthralled in laughter and sharing a joke.

I stood.

“Sorry.” I apologized with a smile. His stance let me know we weren’t staying.

“No worries.” he said, then looked at the girls.

“I’m going to steal her now. You’ll have to continue whatever this lovely conversation is later.” he gestured to our giggles.

“No, no. I need you. Hop in the chair.” Lou said.

“I’m good.” Harry said. “I’m not changing and my hair is fine.”

For added measure, he tossed it with his hand.

“Well let me touch up your makeup. You guys go on in thirty.”

“Five minutes.” he said holding up ‘five’ fingers. “I’ll be right back.”

Lou agreed and let him pull me away.

“Where are we going?” I asked as we left the room.

Not answering me,  he grabbed my hand and entwined it with his.

We walked down the hall, passing management.

“Thirty minutes.” they reminded, giving me a pointed glance. 

“I know.” Harry reassured. “I’ll be there.”

I knew they didn’t like distractions of their money makers, and their looks showcased they didn’t like me still backstage.

“Where are we going?” I whispered loudly again as we kept walking.

“Just somewhere private.” he said. “I just want another minute with you before all the craziness.”

I smiled and wrapped my free arm around the hand that was pulling us.

“You’re pulling me away so we can neck aren‘t you?”

He smiled at me with wide dimples.

“No. I’m pulling you away because I want to tell  you something.”

“In private?” I asked, but he didn’t get a chance to answer, because we reached the area he was trying to get too.

Opening a small door, he led us into a undisclosed, small room,.

It was the size of a large closet with a small couch.

“What room is this supposed to be?” I asked curiously.

Harry didn’t answer, pulling me to him, but not before he took a seat on the small couch.

His hands gestured for me to climb on him.

I did.

His hands immediately curled around my waist and he smiled.

“So?” he said.

“So?” I questioned back, wrapping my own around his neck..

What were we doing?

What did he have to ask me?

“Tell me about your trip.” he said suddenly.

“What trip?” I asked in confusion.

“Mexico. Playa del Carmen.”

I smiled. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. Did you have fun babe?”

“This is what you wanted to talk about?”

“Among other things.” he said.

A finger began to trail my skin on my back.

“We’re catching up.” he said softly.

I looked around.

“In a broom closet?”

He chuckled.

“Ignore the setting.” he said. “We’re together alone. And this will probably be the last time today.”

He had a point.

“Well it was nice. As you can see.” I said gesturing to my dark tan. “And, the food was amazing.”

He smiled cheekily.

“Did you miss me?”

I instantly blushed and turned away from him.

“I’m not answering that.”

“Why not?” he asked.

“What did you have to ask me?” I asked trying to railroad the question.

“This. I want to know if you missed me.”

His hands traced small letters on my back.

“Maybe.” I said. “Why?”

“Just because.” he said gently and then softly pecked my lips.

“After our last night, you left me wanting more. I haven‘t been able to get your black garter out of my mind.”

“Oh really?”  I asked in interest as our noses touched. “You want to see it again?”

He smiled. “Absolutely. Can I see it tonight? You want to come back to my hotel and do dirty things with me?”

I giggled. With that smirk and those dimples, and that accent it was hard to say no.

But…

“Sounds lovely. But probably not going to happen. The girls and such.”

“Yeah.”

He pulled back and rested his head against the couch.

As our eyes remained locked on each other, for a moment, neither one of us said anything. A comfortable silence took over the room.

After a while, I had to know what we were doing. He had minutes until his show, and he didn't really want to talk, but he didn't really want to do anything obscene either. He seemed quite content just sitting there with me, looking at me.

"Babe," I called.

“Hmm?”

I caressed his cheek. "What are we doing?"

He didn't move his eyes off me. "We're just...enjoying each other." he said gently. "I'm just enjoying the moment...here...being with you." he said.

His hands continued to trace my skin, and though we were in this teeny tiny room, his response made me even more comfortable. Leaning towards him, I gave him a gentle kiss. His hands remained on my skin, and his light cologne stayed in my nostrils.

When I pulled away, he gave me a small smile. He instantly made me re-think my suggestion for that night. Going back to his hotel sounded like a wonderful idea, if just to fall asleep in his arms.

"So what are you doing tomorrow?" I asked him suddenly.

“Golfing. With Jeff and Xander. We’re going to a place in Beverly hills. Kind of by Fox Studios.”

I nodded ‘okay’, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"Is that where you wanted me to meet you?" I asked referencing his earlier question when we had been alone in his dressing room.

He shrugged, seeming to have forgotten that conversation.

"You might be bored." he said honestly. "But yeah...I can set it up for you too if you would like?"

"No thanks. An all-day boys adventure? I'll just wait to see you another time." I teased.

He smiled, nodding okay.

"They'll like that. They've been complaining I see you too much."

"I hardly see you." I argued.

He smiled wider and tapped my hip. "That's what I said!" he exclaimed. "But...i don't know. I don't try to decipher their ramblings."

We shared another smile and he pulled me back to him. Just before we kissed, he whispered against my lips.

"You know, I never said it...but I'm sorry about that last day. In London." he said. "I feel like I kind of cheated you out of a good time that last week."

"In London?” I questioned. “No it was fine." I said pulling back. "Very relaxing. Besides, I liked that last day. Especially the ending." I said with a suggestive wink.

He smiled widely and leaned to kiss me again.

Pecking my lips gently, he said, “Me too.”

His voice was soft and as his eyes searched mine, I felt that wave again; that rising feeling.

I was in way, way too deep.

 

Time to hit pause.

 

“So what did I miss?” I asked changing the course of the conversation. “I haven’t really spoken to you either. How was your dates with Xander?”

 _“Dates?”_ he asked with furrowed brows.

“Yeah. I think- from the pictures- he’s seen you more than me.” I teased.

His eyes twinkled with confusion.

“Pictures? What pictures?”

"Um...ya know...pictures." I said.

"What pictures?" he asked. "I didn't send you any pictures."

"No I know...public...public pictures."

"Public? What public pictures?"

His furrowed eyes quickly took on a new shape of amusement and I froze.

I didn't immediately answer realizing what I had just let slip. I don't think I had ever told him I looked him up from time to time...or had I?

He seemed to catch on too.

"Have you been stalking me Becca Johnson?"

"No!" I said quickly. "No...no..." and then my words became a fumbled mess. "It's not hard to come across your pictures-" I quickly explained. "You're just there ya know? You pop up on my google and stuff."

He smiled wider, obviously not believing a word I said.

"I don't think that’s necessarily true." he continued. "I kind of feel like you're looking for me." he teased.

As he smiled at me, my cheeks must have turned a bright pink red. He wasn't going to let me live this one down. I had finally given away my power- finally he had a peek into the way he really made me feel.

I sighed dramatically, referencing my bruised pride.

"Yes, fine! Fine... I stalk you...sometimes." I added with a smile.

"Ah...so you did miss me?"

"A little. Teeny, tiny bit." I said pinching my fingers together. "Nothing to get excited about young man."

He smiled widely again and bit his lip.

"I disagree." he said pulling me back to him. "Come here." he said softly.

He pulled my mouth back to his.

His tongue tasted like mint, and his cologne continued to fill my senses.

"I missed you too love. And I’ll tell you a secret, I stalk your Instagram sometimes."

"Do you really?" I asked in surprise.

"I liked your pink bikini." and then I knew he wasn't lying. That had been something I had shared in Mexico.

I smiled and hit his chest.

"You're a Creep."

“A Scoundrel."  He joked dryly.

We both smiled at each other again, before reconnecting our mouths.

After more tongue tangling, he flipped us, and it didn't take long before we were rotated and he was above me on the couch.

After ‘necking’ for a good five minutes, we finally pulled apart so he could head to the stage for the show.

“Well I’ll let you get to work.” I said reluctantly pulling away from him.

Watching me, he reached out a hand towards me.

“Hey, come with me?” he asked.

I complied, enclosing his hand with mine and loaded the golf cart with him.

This time as we rode, it was a bit quieter.

I could tell Harry was trying to mentally prepare, and I wanted to limit his distractions.

AS we finally reached the rest of the crew, I watched in interest as Harry was ‘mic’d up and as he secured his in-ears.

Lou quickly touched up his makeup while I avoided the cold glances of his management. I had never gone this far before. I was literally hidden to thousands by a small curtain. I knew they didn't like me still by Harry. This was the time for the band; vocal warm ups, and group chants. Not girlfriends, flings and one night stands.

“I’m going to head back to my seat.” I announced as he got ready. They were minutes from starting, and at this point I would miss the opening for ‘Clouds’.  Plus the stares from his management were giving me an uncomfortable feeling. I got the sense that the friendliness they had showed me in Bangkok and London was quickly fading away.

I had been around too long and getting too close, I guessed.

"Kay." Harry said. Breaking from Lou, he used one arm and pulled me in a hug.

AS he kissed my cheek, I whispered "Break a leg."

He smiled at me, as he was handed his usual microphone.

"Let the prancing begin." he joked.

Chuckling at our long running joke, he pulled me to him cupping my cheek and we shared a soft kiss. This time in front of everyone.

Another first.

As we pulled apart, I caught Lou's look first then Lottie's. Eyes wide they were clearly taken aback by Harry's brashness.

Everyone knew we were sleeping together. Everyone knew we were clearly spending a lot time together and everyone knew we were clearly getting closer.

But I don't think everyone expected to _see_ it; especially backstage, seconds before a show.

Harry was just too private.

Turning at the realization, I caught Liam and Louis' looks next. It was the exact same.

What the hell is up with these two?

It seemed today for whatever reason, there had been a lot of interest on us.

As we pulled apart, Harry didn't even notice the curious glances, seeing only me, and I tried not to notice them as well. Yet, it was hard.

Something told me a line was being crossed. But was it by me, or Harry?

 

He spoke up then.

Keeping his eyes solely locked on me, he said "See you after."

"I hope so."

He shook his head in agreement.

Looping his finger in my belt loop, he pulled me to him once more for a final kiss,

Then, flash!

We both turned at the bright light of Lou's camera.  As we both turned to her- Harry in confusion, Me in amusement- he spoke first.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

"I'm capturing the moment." she argued as he playfully reached for the camera.

“Give me that-“Harry began.

We were interrupted by the loud beginning music of 'No Control'.

He looked up towards the loud speakers, and the sudden piercing screams.

He immediately smiled clearly loving every moment.

"That's my cue." he said and I smiled with him.

"Well have fun love” he said quickly dismissing me for his only love.

The music, the screams and the fans had his new attention.

Checking the mic in his hands, he gave me a passing glance.  “Enjoy your nosebleed seats." He said.

"Fuck you." I said playfully and he looked back up.

Giving me a final smile, he pulled me back to him. Resting me against his chest again, we shared a private laugh and another quick kiss, once more forgetting we weren’t alone. As our eyes locked, smiling at each other, his management quickly intervened.

"Harry? Come on man. What the hell are you doing?" they said impatiently, gesturing for us to break apart.  

I quickly pulled far away from him, and Lou resumed her previous task, pushing a quick sponge to his face.

"Sorry guys!" She said glancing quickly between us. "Couldn't resist. It was perfect." she said as in reference to her intrusive photo from before.

I wanted to respond 'what was perfect?' but we were out of time. Before I knew what was going on, I was being forcibly shuffled out, and the boys were being yelled at, and there were screams and fireworks and Harry's lovely voice boasting through the stadium.

_Know you said, that you don’t like it complicated, that we should try to keep it simple…but love is never ever simple, no…._

Too much happened around me, as I ran back to my seat with security.

By now, most of the fans were in their seat, so it wasn’t that difficult to get to my area.

By the time Little Black Dress was ending, the third song, I was plopping right beside Kelsey.

“There you are!” she exclaimed. “I was wondering if you were even going to watch the show.”

“Sorry. Got caught up with Harry.”

She smiled. “That’s okay. I’ll learn to share you.”

 

Cutting her a look, all conversations of Harry and ‘getting caught up’ were ceased.

We enjoyed the show, and though I couldn’t see my sister from our upper stadium seats, I knew she and Christina were having a grand ole’ time.

From Harry’s VIP section, you could see everything.

He was in full star mode too and once again, the man I had fallen in love with quickly mixed with the enigma before me.

It was hard to see the resemblance between the two especially as Harry ran up and down the stadium one minute, and tossed water on people the next.

 

After the show as me and the girls we headed to our cars with our VIP bags, a text came through from Harry.

*Send me the address, and give me an hour and a half. We’ll be there.*

My response was the same as it was before, *See you soon*

 

The minute the car door slammed, Christina began.

“Becca Johnson!” she screeched. “We need to have a talk.”

The secret was totally out.

 

**************************************

A couple hours later, an Anastasia contour palette stared back at me.

It was a rubic cube to a baby.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" I asked Kelsey, as she stood beside me re-touching her makeup in our small hotel bathroom.

The room was set, our hotel bar was stocked, and the clock was ticking- the boys would be here any minute.

"Touch up. Highlight. Get your game face back on." She said as she reapplied a perfect wing over her eyelid.

Her previous dewy, face now gone.

It was hard to believe two hours earlier, we had both been jumping and down, sweating singing the 1D tunes to the top of our lungs. 

I leaned against the counter.

"Game face for what? Harry's already seen me."

She shook her head in disbelief, not understanding me.

Looking at the makeup spread on the counter; I didn’t understand _her._

We had been back to the hotel for about a half hour (after fighting the stupid traffic), and had been getting ready for Harry- and friends- arrival.

The time was well after midnight, and Kelsey and the other girls had already started hitting the bottle and re-doing the makeup.

I guess they were ready to party.

Me, I just wanted a shower from the sweating I had did at the concert.

Yet, it was not to be.

 

Beside me, my phone chimed.

Glancing down, the words _Harry_ illuminated on my screen.

Tapping the screen, I opened his message.

*Here. Which room?*

I quickly became frazzled.

I shuffled the contour palette out of the way, tossing it in a toilette bag and tousled my hair.

Kelsey looked at me in curiosity.

"Too late." I said. "They're here."

I pulled my hair out of its half ponytail and began to run my hands through it.  My curls had fallen, but the wave of my hair now appeared to be natural and it sat nicely against my chest.

"Where?' Kelsey said beside me, giving a final spritz of perfume.

"Downstairs."

And then remembering, I quickly texted Harry back with our room number.

Kelsey headed out of the main room, alerting the other girls.

I shifted my t-shirt that I had changed into, and gave myself a final once over.

The old wrinkled white t-shirt, shorts, and barely there makeup was the best it was going to get.

 

Vixen ‘Garter Belt’ Becca was nowhere to be found this evening.

As I left the bedroom, I inwardly reminded myself that Harry had seen me in far worst conditions.

He had seen the bed hair, the sleep in eyes, and smelled the morning breath.

As the girls took their shots, I stood off in the corner, counting down nervously...

About three minutes later, voices-and a laugh- appeared behind the door, and a quick knock.

They were here.

Kelsey, Ms. Bold and Beautiful opened the door and Jeff shuffled in first, followed by Xander.

I heard Harry's laugh again before I saw him, followed by one more mutual friend, I hadn’t seen at the show.

"Hey guys." Kelsey said as they mumbled quick hi's. "Come in. Get comfortable."

The boys followed the instructions, sitting- but eyeing the alcohol, and I kept my attention on Harry.

Noticing me as well, unlike before, he came straight to me first.

“Hey you.“ he said as he gave me a welcoming hug.

“Hey.“ I said back. I rubbed his back, wondering if he was injured from his on-stage fall hours earlier. His mic had appeared to be caught in a flap, and he went down at the same time the mic did. I was pretty sure that was a huge highlight of the show.

Catching my gesture, he smiled.

Ignoring my concern, he wrapped an arm around me, and turned to everyone.

"So, where are the drinks?"

 

By 2am, I was buzzed.

Doing tequila shots with Harry's friends quickly eased my tensions away.

My morning thoughts of seeing Harry, Christina knowing and my intimate feelings had dwindled away.

Still beside me, was Harry, who was a bit buzzed himself.

I learned quickly Harry was a touchy- feely drunk and as his hand rested on my thigh, we stayed lost in our own world flirting and sharing private jokes.

By now the secret was out, (and acknowledged) and the others in the room barely paid us any mind.

"So...Still there?" he whispered in my ear, when the crew was distracted. Pulling away, our eyes locked and his eyes hinted below me.

Following his gaze, I saw where he was suggesting; the pink bruises hidden under my t-shirt.

I shifted, once more remembering our incredible night in London.

Man, oh man, when would it happen again?

"Yup. Definitely still there." I said with a knowing smile.

He smiled back lazily.

"Sorry...again… Did your parents freak?"

"Yup. Especially my dad. I don’t  think you’re going to ever be allowed in my house." I said seriously.

He laughed, squeezing my leg. "Tell them they don't have to worry."

I smiled back, but had a follow up question.

Why didn't they have to worry?

Was he never coming to my house?

Before I had a chance to think, he was in my ear, whispering seductively.

"Ya know...I wish I could give you another one right now."

"Oh yeah?" I asked in interest. "Where would you place it?"

"Well...let's go in the bathroom and find out." he whispered shamelessly.

I immediately laughed and I caught his smile as he briefly  pulled away from me. He leaned in as if to give me a kiss on my cheek when we were interrupted.

"Hey H!"

We both turned.

"Lets' do another one."

The voice was Harry's new bff Xander, and he quickly placed a red cup-tequila with ice- in his hand.

"Here man, stay focused."

Harry's Casanova routine quickly faded into the background as he took the cup to his lips.

They downed two quick shots and gave an acknowledged head nod. Whatever eye language they had learned in the last couple days, strictly between them.

With his head 'back in the game', he collapsed back beside me a minute later.

"Slow down partner." I said as Harry sat back down. "You're on your way to a fast headache in the morning."

Harry shrugged me off.

"This is my last time drinking for a while. I'll be fine." he said.

"Why is it your last time drinking?" I asked.

"Just trying to be more conscious. I don’t like to drink when we’re touring." he said. "Fucks with my voice.”

"So why are you drinking tonight?" I teased.

"Liquid courage." he said. I figured Harry was using his usual dry humor, and didn't give his answer a second thought.

 

I should have.

 

Leaning a bit away from me, he crossed his legs and settled back. He pulled out his phone and casually rejoined the conversation going on across from us.

That's where he remained for the next forty-five minutes until they decided to shuffle out.

By then, he was quieter and I think the liquor had begun taking its toll.

"Walk me out?" Harry suggested.

I nodded yes, standing, and Harry said his goodbye's to my friends.He gave quick hugs and took one more selfie for Christina before gesturing to leave.

As he led me out, his buddies went first.

"I'll meet you guys downstairs." he said as we landed in the hallway.

They nodded yes, though they were already making their way towards the elevator.

Something told me, this had all been pre-arranged, and when Harry sobered up about a second later, I quickly understood what was going on.

This was our time.

The door shut behind us.

As he towered over me, I leaned against the door. Placing one hand above me he leaned down over me.

My hands settled on the rim of his tiny skinny jeans.

"Hi beautiful." he remarked flirtatiously.

I instantly smiled. Seemed Casanova Styles was back.

"Hiiii…You are so drunk." I remarked, taking in my flirty man.

"I'm not. I‘m fine." he whined. "You are beautiful. Gorgeous even."

Even though, some of that was definitely the alcohol talking, I blushed.

I pulled him closer to me. My lovable dork.

"So when can I see you again?"

He looked back at me, smiling slowly.

He ran a hand down the curve of my t-shirt that rested right between my breasts. The same breasts, his mouth had claimed as his days earlier.

"You mean you're not sick of me yet?" he asked.

"Are you kidding?" I asked, gripping his shirt and pulling him to me. "Of these eyes?"

He smiled wider and pulled me completely in his arms, he leaned and gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

“Did you have fun today?”

“Tons.” I said honestly.

“Good. I’m glad I got to see you.”

“Me too.” I said bringing his lips back to mine.

As his lips encased mine gentle, I kept my hands wrapped around his waist. His light kiss was like feathers on my lips.

When we pulled away, he whispered gently in my ears.

“You sure you don’t want to come back with me tonight?”

I smiled.

“Your friends would kill me. I have a feeling they want you all to themselves.”

He smirked, the handsome face curled into a beautiful dimple.

“Well I don’t belong to them do I?”

I smiled back at him.

I trialed my hand down his shirt.

“I have a feeling you’ve never belonged to anybody.”

As I trailed his abdomen, he grew quiet.

This time he didn’t respond as he pulled away from me briefly. Giving me a final kiss on my forehead, the mood shifted.

"I should go." he said quietly. "The guys are actually waiting on me."

I looked back up at him.

"Of course." I said.

He ran a slow hand through my hair as he pulled away.

"We'll figure something out with our schedules.” He said gently. “Maybe we can do something tomorrow? Later in the day."

I smiled. "Yeah, that sounds great." I said honestly.

"Good." he said with his own smile.

"I'll call you." he threw out as a final thought.

He gave a final kiss, and pulled away.

I watched him as he walked down the hall away from me; never turning back.

Seconds later, he was gone.

Giving a small sigh, I kicked back into the gear.

Unlocking the hotel door, I went back in the room.

The girls were still kicked back and finishing up their drinks.

Taking a seat back beside them, Harry was on my mind.

The girls started talking about the boys and I barely listed as I felt my phone suddenly buzz in my pocket.

Grabbing the phone, I looked at the screen.

It was a message from Harry. I instantly scanned the room wondering what he could have possibly forgotten. Until I saw the message.

 

*You’re wrong by the way*

 

I swiped my hands across the message keys, typing him back quickly.

 

*Wrong about what?* I asked.

 

*What you just said upstairs.* and then he added, * Who I belong too.*

 

I instantly smiled, typing  back quickly. I heard Kelsey talking to me, but I tuned her out for now.

 

*How am I wrong?* I questioned.

 

His response was swift, as if pre-written.

 

*Well you said I don’t belong to anybody.*

 

And before I could text back, he finished again,  

 

*That’s wrong.*

 

Biting my lip in thought, I texted back just as fast.

 

*Well who do you belong to then?*

 

Four seconds later,

 

*You*

 

The smile on my face suddenly matched the emoji I sent back to him; a wide ridiculously cheesy smile and then a kissy face.

As I curled the phone in my hand, smiling to myself, I was finally noticed in the room.

As Kelsey asked me a question, I barely heard her.

You.

You.

You.

Harry, my only focus.

“You alright over there?” Christina asked a second later.

“I’m perfect.” I said with a smile.

Harry had said he belonged to me, and I didn’t hear anything else around me.

As far as I was concerned I was in my own little Harry bubble- a bubble that no person, event or even time could pierce.

The same bubble I had found myself wrapped up in that last night in London.

And the tunnel before meeting his dad.

And the park in London sitting on his car.

The bubble which told me I was doomed, and fallen way, way too deep.

Yet this time, I felt something new….

Maybe Harry was starting to feel the same way.

Maybe this could actually happen and be more one day.

Maybe he was starting to fall too.  

“BECCA?” Christina called one final time, finally lost of all patience.

“Sorry, sorry.” I said placing my phone down quickly. The Harry bubble temporarily burst until his next text message.

“What did you guys ask me?”

They just shook their heads and I smiled.

 

However, like the Disney fairytales I often watched on TV, this Harry and Becca story had a time limit too.

At this very moment, the clock was finally striking twelve, and my time with Harry was finally up.

Sayonara summer- thanks for the memories.

Cue the first great breakup.

The next day would finally put the cap on everything and as I would unfortunately learn- he _didn’t_ belong to me after all.

Far from it actually.

You see Harry belonged to the world; and his, I would finally see; I just didn’t quite fit into.


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MISCARRIAGE AND ABORTION: TRIGGER WARNING.

CHAPTER SIXTY EIGHT

HARRY

Now.

 

Jeff once told me it was supposed to be Kelsey.

That somehow fate had gotten confused and placed me with Becca instead of her friend.

He said all the signs had clearly been there

For instance, the way we had all met, and the way I saw them both twice...

The way me and Kelsey had always got on really well, almost as if best friends in a previous life.

The way she looked, all long blonde hair and blue eyes; definitely more my type.

He figured somehow fate had misread it.

Somehow in the confusion the pairings had been railroaded and that is why me and Becca never worked out.

_Look at the endless back and forth's._

_The fights._

_The misunderstandings,_  he would say.  _This relationship drives you absolutely insane._

_Love isn't this hard._

It was true he had seen me literally pulling my hair out and affected for days over some of our harder fights; but see, I always thought it was the opposite.

I always thought that's how I _knew_ she was meant for me.

In a strange way, I felt it just meant I was supposed to earn it.

Something so wonderful isn't always easily handed out and for the magic that was placed in her love, I needed to fight like hell- to not only get it, but to keep it.

 

Yet, as I look back at Becca now, I don't know if I still believe it. 

Love  _isn't_  supposed to be this hard; is it?

It seems all too much.

 

"You know you can cut in at any time."

I sigh at the counter I have been studying for the last seven minutes. I haven't looked up, spoke, or made any type of contact with the person in front of me.

Even still I can feel the heat of the hazel eyes, but I try to ignore it.

"This isn't a one sided story ya know?" she says continuing with minor impatience.

I still don't respond.

In the full seven minutes, she has continued on with her ramblings about San Diego and that stupid concert, and that stupid day, and all the other stupid shit she talks about to avoid what's coming.

Her screenworthy declaration of 'I love you' is only minutes away, and I know she is trying to stall. Is it from the embarrassment of the memory I'm not sure, but she's slow to get there, while I am anxious.

Let's get to the real shit now.

The sappyness is dead. 

So she loved me...so I loved her....blah, blah fucking blah. 

I clear my throat.

"Well... why cut in, when you're doing such a lovely job?" I say dryly.

I spin the cup in front of me.

Even from here, I can guess the eye roll that takes over her face.

She sighs.

"Well i'm not going to be the only one talking today." she mumbles.

"Duly noted." I say a few seconds later.

As I don't rush to pick up the story, silence takes over the kitchen. She's waiting on me and I know she wants me to give my version. She wants the gaps filled in for those days that we didn't talk and what seemingly happened after London.

I know she wants to know my thoughts, my feelings, my words...when everything changed for me; that switch that seemed to turn on.  _I want Becca. I'm going to_ be  _with Becca. Fuck the world and what anybody thinks!_

Yet, even after all this time I haven't come to grips with it myself, so its best to take a moment to gather my thoughts.

That time was… complicated.

The day I discovered I loved her was a tropical storm that eventually erupted into a full-on hurricane.

Back then, as I sat in meeting after meeting and did promotional events, she laid in my bed and my thoughts.  My mind had been a constant overdrive of her.  Love her, push her away, love her, push her away...until the frustration kicked in. 

The little time we spent together in the last few days in London, I was pissed off. 

I was pissed at myself because I wanted to be with her and I knew I couldn't. 

However, that final day, I had come back home. 

Her Coconut Frosting shampoo had wafted its way through my bedroom, and I had smiled, well before I had even seen her. 

I had been up since four, hardly sleeping at this point and had gone to work out and see a friend. On the way back, I had picked up breakfast and coffee. 

'There you are.' she had said, all wrapped in a towel and cheery. As she had padded her wet feet across my floor, I tried not to see her.  

Forcing the focus on the morning news, I tried not to get excited at the nude body in front of me. It had been nine days.  _Nine_ , since we had slept together, and since I had really touched her. Two hundred and twenty three hours since I had felt her skin slide against mine or even tasted her lips. 

I guess you could say I had been counting. 

'What do you want to do today?' I had asked minutes later, in which she gently shrugged.  She was just as unsure as I was and not really jumping to do anything. 

Truthfully I wasn't ready for her to leave, but at the same time, I couldn't wait until she was out of the fucking door. 

I couldn't wait to  _breathe_ again; the air suddenly a little too thick when I was around her.

I was on eggshells.

I wondered if she could tell.

Was there a certain way you looked at someone when you loved them?

Was there a change in your tone?

Was it always a constant loop of _them_ on your mind from there on out?

 

I mentioned some plans-dinner- that I had planned well before she came.

I had debated cancelling them the days before fearing it was too intimate, but never did, ultimately  wanting to do something special for her. 

She still wasn't my girlfriend in official terms, and I had already resolved I would never tell her how I truly felt, but pretending sure felt good. 

I had tried for nine unsuccessful days to get her out of my system, but that night I learned, for now, she was permanently kept.

Falling out of the bubble of Becca wasn’t going to be as easy as falling into it

That night as we headed out, I knew something was going to happen.  

The day had just been building up. 

The protected reverie I had hardened when away from her, pierced every time she looked at me, smiled at me or even attempted contact... and I shouldn't go into detail about the one moment in my laundry room it all suddenly became too much, forcing me to run to the nearest bathroom and relieve myself; her name on my lips as I came in my own hands. 

At dinner I was even worst.

Coming down that staircase, she was all fairytales and wildest dreams combined. 

I knew I didn't stand a chance.  

It was going to take a while to get over her and this one would  _hurt._   

It wasn't a question of when I would get over her anymore. No that night let me know the question would forever become _if._

 _If_ I could get over her.  _If_ I could walk away.  _If_  one day I wouldn't care. 

 

Well let me tell you,  _if_  was still a long way away. Even today.

 

I need to gather.

Harry pep talk, number 500. 

_Screw her. She ruined your life._

 

As I begin the mental berating, the newer, more intimidating Becca sighs  and pulls away from the counter.

My eyes lift as she stands, bringing me back once more to our doomed future. 

"I'll be right back." she announces a second later.

I figure she is going to the bathroom or something, but she surprises me when she heads out to our old terrace balcony.

I watch her as she pulls back the door and steps outside. The wind instantly whips her hair and I can tell she closes her eyes taking in the breeze.

She used to spend hours out there. I would often find her gathered on the large chair, feet tucked, hair in a messy bun as she worked. There was always a pile of papers and pens as she hustled to get her assigned tasks done under the warm California sun.

In early 2017, she had landed her dream job working for a popular woman's magazine in Santa Monica. At the time our relationship was public so that helped, and she had managed to get a nice letter of recommendation from Jeffery's dad, Irving- an industry giant. That, paired with the credentials she already bought to the table, she had pretty much been hired on the spot.

And she was dedicated.

At the end of 2016 while I had been working on my solo album she had been there. If I needed her to fly to London, New York, France or even Jamaica- she happily hoped on that plane. After she took that job, she wasn't going any further than the 50-minute drive back to our condo; while I, at any whim's notice could be in any country or state.

Once I released my solo music, our relationship suffered because of it, and it was as people say- the beginning of the end.

Eventually she quit the job so she could support me, though I never verbally asked her too. It sucked that she was never there with my family and friends at promotional events, and I hated her job for keeping her away from me, but I had never asked her to choose. Yet she did, and she chose me.

It would seem later that she regretted this choice, and that fucking job has served as a source of resentment towards me. Remember how she says she gave up more for me than I did for her?- Well I think that's one of the things she means.

 

As I watch her now, she takes a seat on the deck, on her old favorite chair. For a moment, she rests back and lets herself be home again.

And for a moment, I am there with her.

I must admit I miss the old lazy weekends and I miss the feeling of knowing she's close.

Coming home from long ten hour flights to smell the food cooking in the kitchen, the fresh bouquet of flowers on the mantle and to see her, sat there in my lounge clothes, is all I ever wanted. It was the comfort I hadn't found in a dozen women before her.

Even now, I would never come home to find Julie in the kitchen. She gets everything catered and if its not, there's usually take-out on the counter. With her modeling career since the age of fourteen, she's never really had a chance to learn. She promises she's going to learn once we're married, but that’s what I mean. With Becca, everything just seemed to already be there.

I take a seat on the kitchen stool, and just sit there for a moment, watching her. For a moment, I pretend its that year.

Present Becca doesn't have a care in the world, and if she knows I’m watching she doesn't show it.

She just sits there remembering her favorite place, smiling to herself as she takes in our incredible view.

I have to admit it to myself.

I really, really miss her.

Even still.

Even though she ripped my heart out in this very room less than an hour earlier, I fucking miss every part of her. 

And, I still want her.

 

Before I realize, I've lifted and gone to the balcony too.

As I pull the door back, she looks up at me. The light from the sun hits her eyes and they look a warm green.

"Mind if I join you?" I ask.

"If you promise to talk." she scolds gently, reminding me we are still in the year 2020, and things aren't so simple anymore.

"I promise." I said gently taking a seat beside her.

The wind whips around us, and we both smile at the warm but cool Los Angeles air.

Her smile is soft and takes over her whole face. A reflection of a younger Becca peers out at the mountains, and I peer at her. 

"This view is still amazing." she says a moment later. "I've never seen anything like it." she says turning back to me. "I think it's even got your old L.A. home beat."

As our eyes connect, I instantly respond. 

"I think it does." I say. "But that's why I got it." I remind her. "You were someone who can actually appreciate it."

She smiles a little wider, and looks at the vast expanse in front of us. 

"Yeah I loved it out here. Some of my best work was created in this very chair." she says proudly.

She leans back, getting even more comfortable. The wind continues to whip her hair, and I can smell the hints of her shampoo. It doesn’t smell like coconuts anymore.

Another thing that has changed.

She turns to me.

"I will never understand how some people don't see the beauty in things like this...mountains and  nature...and the simplicity of life...just sitting on a balcony, no big broadway production every time you do something." she says.  

Her voice is low, almost reflective and I can imagine there is a deeper meaning to her words. 

Seconds later, she connects the dots. 

Placing a strand of hair behind her ear, she chuckles to herself.  "Ya know, I think it was three weeks ago..."she continues to look at me. "I took Chase up by the Hollywood sign, you know up in Griffith Park to go hiking… the spot you use to take me. It was a cool day, but still kind of warm and I packed us some sandwiches, like me and you use to do- "

Her voice drones on as I instantly turn away.

A story is beginning and I don't want to listen.

I don’t want to know the things she does with him.

I don't want to know how she takes him to our spots and caters to him.

She seems to catch on quick, and is even quicker to brush it away casually. 

Her eyes soften.

"It was nothing planned, just a quick thought over breakfast," she says as if its no big deal. "No biggie..." she says with a small smile. 

_No biggie._

I bite my lip. 

"I'm like 'babe, you got to see the view.'" She continues. " And I thought, this could be something we could do for the weekend, ya know, brush all the bullshit off from the week." she says keeping her full attention on me. I appease her, and finally turn back and she grins. 

"He wasn't impressed. He was ready to kill me." she says with a wide smile. The light catches her eyes again, and I’m stuck idolizing. That pretty face, on that pretty neck...the warm rays hitting the delicate marbles.

"He was all like 'when can we leave?', 'This is boring'." she chuckles again and then sighs.

 She pats her bare thighs.

 "Ya know...Sometimes I think his idea of a view is sitting with a beer in front of a basketball game."

And then she laughs. A sweet sound that makes it feel like we're old friends.  Like, I’m not listening to my ex talk about the new man she sleeps next to every night. It's like we just shared some intimate secret; two girls catching up. I almost want to ask, where the hell are the mimosas?

It instantly makes me uncomfortable and I want to say something about this guy. 

It just gnaws at me. 

Why the hell is she with him? 

What the hell does she see in him?

Before I can stop myself, I'm speaking. 

"I don't get that." I say displaying my disbelief. I hold back an insult, but I still need to get my point across. "He's loaded right? Lots of money?"

"His family is."

"You think he would like stuff like that; going out and seeing stuff."

She shrugs. "Well he's always had money Harry. While we were growing up in Holmes Chapel and Sherman Oaks, he was taking trips to Australia and Paris. He's seen it all. Not impressed that easy."

"Yeah but...you like that?" I question. "There's nothing to discover with him."

She smiles again giving me an amused smirk. "There wasn't much to discover with you either Harry. You forget by the time we met, you had traveled the world too- a couple times."

"That's not the same though. And having money gets really fucking old after a while. Being able to jump up and go or do whatever you want all the time, gets really boring--  _really fast_. It's like you almost burn through everything because you can." I admit.

I turn from her, my eyes shifting around the room, thinking. I realize what she is hinting at and I don’t like the comparison.

"Besides, we've always been different." I say defensively.

I look back at her and she looks at me in interest.

"There was plenty of stuff we did together. We were always out and about trying to find an adventure. We were _nothing_ like you and him." 

Her eyes remain on me, and I’m sincere in my next statement.  No spite fills my words though they want too. 

"You and Chase seem so different from each other. I don't see how he keeps you happy. I'm kind of worried for you if you’re looking at this long term."

She doesn't seem affected by my words, as she throws them back at me. 

"I can say the same for you." She says.

Our eyes continue to be locked until she breaks from my stare.

She stands.

 Leaning over the railing she’s quiet as she studies the sun.

I study her legs and the curve of her dress.

"Can I ask you about her? Julie?" she questions, glancing back at me a minute later and my eyes shoot up.

"Depends what you want to ask."

She's not as sincere in her approach, and I know she is just waiting to rag on her. She can't stand Julie, and I know that she's been waiting to say something against our relationship. The little digs at 'Malibu Barbie' have been mild from the Becca I have seen in the past. Her mouth is ruthless, and you should hear the way she talks about some of my exes; Kendall Jenner being the worst. 

Her jealously has been quite tame, until maybe now.

"Why are you in love with her Harry? _Really?_ She doesn't seem to fit you."

I turn from her. 

Why am I in love with Julie St. Clair?

Hmm…interesting question…

I tell her the same thing I tell my Mum. 

"She's a nice girl. She's got a good heart."

She scoffs, as if already disgusted.

"A lot of people have good hearts Harry." she argues. 

I turn back to her.

"Doesn't make her a good choice for you . Besides...She's really what you want?  _Forever,_  ’til death do you part?"

I don't answer her. Not right away.

Honestly…no.

No she wasn't who I wanted, but she's what I'm going with.

No one but Jeff understands. 

It was hard after she left.

Really fucking hard. 

They always say when a woman gets her heartbroken, she feels it the hardest. 

It's bullshit. 

Men do, and we feel it longer. 

After Becca left me, I had dates and one night stands; nothing worth exploring more than a night.

It just didn't feel like it had with her. Being with those women somehow left me with an emptier feeling than when I had started. After, when it was all over and they were placing on the clothes, I was always met with the same feeling- disgust.

It felt constantly like I was cheating on her and as far as I was concerned, I was. 

I knew she was going to come back like before; I felt it. 

So the first month I gave her space.

I didn't call her or text her.  I just sat back and watched, waiting for the right time we could work it out.  

I watched her social media profiles, little digs tweeting Beyoncé lyrics such as 'If I were a boy...I swear i'd be a better man.' and my personal favorite 'Like Ever..." like she was that goddamn Taylor Swift song or something. 

Her innuendos and subliminal messages to me were reminiscent to the tantrums of a preschooler.

Eventually that whole thing became quite tiring I guess because by month two, she stopped tweeting too. 

By then, the Hecca blogs were starting to speculate that we had split, and she fueled it, liking explanation posts that caused my Twitter mentions to blow up. 

It was all very childish and I knew she was trying to piss me off, and don’t get me wrong, she succeeded.  By month three, the fuse was lit and I started fucking around a lot. 

The first person on the list was one of her friends from college. 

Oh yeah it got bad, and it was definitely not my proudest moment. 

Eventually petty anger turned into hate which turned into depression and when I realized she wasn't coming back, I didn't know how to comprehend that. 

Month four, I was drinking before shows just to get through some of the songs about her.

And by month five there was one final moment of hope.

She reached out one final time.

While in San Jose, preparing for one of my last shows on my second larger tour, a late night text came through from her and as my heart pumped, finally beginning to beat again at her name that was once again on my phone screen. I had never opened a text message faster.

 

*What are you doing about the Condo? I'm a trustee and I want my name off the deed before the month ends.* 

 

And that was it.

She didn’t even have the decency to add ‘please’

 _Pissed_ , and definitely not want I wanted to see, I didn't even answer and forwarded her message to Jeff and made him tell her I was selling it.  

Well we all know that was a lie and they eventually met up referencing the community property laws of California, she signed some documents removing her as responsible.  

I refinanced the condo in my name only and tried to move on with my life too. I recorded a second album, briefly reunited with the other guys doing a limited few gigs of the last Made in The AM album, looked at some scripts....

Nothing helped. 

I had lost my best friend and the woman I thought I would one day marry.

She was a complete stranger and I couldn’t understand that.

She wouldn’t even talk to anyone close to me.

How was it _over_ just like that?

Outside of the revenge fuck of her friend, how could she hate me so much?

 

I kept watching her from afar. 

She started posting again on an account that Glenne eventually followed.  

Happy now and with a new outlook on life she was having weekends in the Caribbean’s and hashtag _blessed._

New hair, zip codes and accomplishments with Instagram videos of partying and new friends. There was never a man- thank God- but I couldn't take it. 

I wanted the secret.

What was the remedy she was taking? 

How had she gotten over me so quickly?

How was she okay? 

It was like she hadn't just lost three years of her life. 

 

For a long time, emotionally I was a wreck, and I didn't think I would ever love anyone else again; until I met her.

Julie St. Clair brought me back, and shes’ kept me in a good place.

Before I heard about Chase, I hadn’t really thought about Becca that much anymore; at least not daily like I did for a year.

Maybe I was finally starting to move on, as I should do now.

 

So finally I answer her. I finally tell her why Julie is in my life. It's quite simple actually. 

 "I just want to be happy Becca."

And then I look at her. 

"That's all."

She doesn't respond to that, turning back to the world in front of us.  She seems to be thinking, and I wait for the response. 

"Happy..." she murmurs. "That’s a clichéd statement.”

She turns her body to me, and leans her back against the railing. She places her head down studying her bare feet.

“And what is that?" she almost whispers.

She speaks low again, and this is more of a thought to herself, then to me. 

She turns back to me, and studies me for a second; a slow smile building again. 

"Hey Harry...Do you remember when we were in Jamaica?"

"Jamaica?" I ask, not understanding why its brought up. 

"Yeah." she says and smiles wider. She crosses her arms and gets excited. "When you were recording the album….I think it was like the second day and it was really really late. Remember, the whole house was asleep, and we snuck out with one of the black vans?"

I bite my lip again and look down. Of course I do, but why are we talking about it?

"Yeah?" I question uneasily. 

She continues on, her voice light and airy. "Do you remember how when we got to the van, the shift got stuck and how when we finally got it working we just drove and drove?"

For a second, she moves her eyes away.  She turns back to the world, her eyes taking in the sun once more.

Once again, her tone is low and she seems to be talking to herself.

And to me.

I can’t read her as her thoughts go back and forth.

"We had talked about this place then and starting this life....what this all could be.” She gestures around us and takes her previous seat again.

I keep my eyes on her.

Her smile returns and her eyes return as well.

“I still couldn't believe you were thinking about us moving in together. We only been back together a few weeks and I couldn't believe you wanted to get that serious." She chuckles. “I still thought the whole thing was some joke you were playing on me-“

"What's the point?" I ask, cutting her off, not ready to get into all of that yet.  

"We drove," she says, ignoring me. "And drove until we got lost in that jungle area. Do you remember?"

I finally smirk, remembering. "It wasn't the jungle Becca."

"Well it looked like the jungle." she argues. "Them huge bugs and wild noises."

My smirk, turns into a full on laugh. I remember the way she clutched me as we walked, wide eyed and jumpy. 

"You were terrified."

She laughs too. "I was. I thought no one's going to ever find us or know what happened. Our resting place would be in some animal's belly."

I playfully roll my eyes. 

"Well I was there, I wouldn’t have let anything happen to you, I would have sacrificed myself before that happened."

She smiles, turning to me. "No I know, but it was fun. One of our best moments." she says locking eyes with me. "And there were a lot." she says warmly.

I agree.

As our eyes meet this time, something moves into the air.

For a moment, the look is back.

The one that makes me weak and guts me at the same time.

The one that reads me to my core and makes my heart race.

_I love you so fucking much,_

But I can't have you.

_I miss you so fucking much,_

But we don't work.

As always, we turn away from the weight of it quickly.

And though it burns, it's nice to know I'm not alone in it.

We both replace our gazes to what's in front of us; the city.

 _There_ , are no memories.

 _There_ , are no reminders of the pain.

 _There_ , is the safe place.

The place that we can't run from.

Still, I'm tired of running.

I need to know the truth.

"So why did you do it?" I say suddenly. 

The wind whips around us and the sound of the world living below us can be heard, but in that moment, it is as if everything goes suddenly quiet.

Becca's gaze finds it way back to mine, slowly.

"Do what?" she asks. Her voice is a hint above a whisper, and I know she knows what I'm talking about.

"Why did you kill her?" I ask turning to her.

Our eyes immediately lock, and as before, as this moment is brought back up, the room tightens around us and something in her changes. 

"We said we weren't going to talk about it yet." she throws out.

I roll my eyes. Un-playfully this time.

"I need to talk about it Becca. I need to know." I said in exasperation. "I can't sit here and do this reminiscent shit until I know the truth. Why Becca? Why did you have to take it that far?"

She doesn't say anything at first, eyes still froze on me.

She seems taken aback as if she can’t believe I’ve asked this of her.

I’m taken aback that she thinks I wouldn’t.

What does she think we’re going to do? Just laugh and giggle all day? Does she think I’m going to forget what she’s done?

No fucking way.

She sighs and a hand goes to her lips, she pinches herself and pulls at the skin.

She sighs again loudly, blowing out air and closes her eyes.

Her whole body slumps; defeated. 

"Fuck. Fine." she says. " _Fine._ We’ll talk about it.”

_Damn right we will._

She opens her eyes, runs a shaky hand through her hair and turns back to me. 

"Well, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“How about the truth? The real one.”

“I’ve told you the truth.” She says gently.

“No you’ve lied to me for two years-”

“No-“ she begins.

“And you lied to me in there.” I finish.

“I didn’t. I didn’t get an abortion Harry.” She says quickly.

I'm immediately pissed back off. 

She's fucking infuriating!

 She's still pulling the shit. Still lying and still cowarding out.

I’m instantly disappointed and the truce spell is once again broken. I'm so sick of her bullshit.

"Stop fucking lying to me." I demand. My voice quickly rises and her eyebrows crease. "Tell me the goddamn truth for once. Just fucking admit it Becca!" I demand. "You fucked up! Its okay to admit. We both already know and stop insulting my goddamn intelligence. Be a goddamn woman about it! Tell me the truth."

"I am telling you the truth!" She shouts suddenly. She reacts quickly and before I know it she is the one yelling. "I had a goddamn miscarriage Harry. I bled right there on that fucking couch!" she points to our living room behind us. "The bulk of it dropped in our goddamn master bath!"

I blink.

I’m silenced.

She stands, coming towards me. She leans over me and I can't move. 

"Do you want to see it?" she questions, eyes blazed and peering down at me. "You want to see where I lost her? Where she bled out of me? Do you want to see it Harry? Because I’ve been so patient…but you keep pushing me there, and if you want it, if you truly want the images I'll give them to you. Every clot, cramp and tear!"

As she says her final sentence, her voice cracks, and the wild enraged Becca is a shriveled, jumbled mess. Tears are instantly filling her eyes and she barely gets her next sentence out. 

"I didn't get an abortion. _I had a miscarriage."_ She continues with an accusatory point, giving me the deadliest look I feel she can muster in this moment. "I'm not that heartless, and  _fuck you_  for constantly thinking it.  _Fuck. You. Harry."_

She turns away from me and collapses back in the chair.

I’m speechless.

Looking away from me, a hand runs through her hair again and she covers her face in her hands.

She's finally broken, right in front of me. 

I'm silent.

My mouth opens then closes again.  Opens then closes. 

I'm internalizing every word; the mental image too much for me to begin to even correlate. 

She

had 

a miscarriage?

She

didn't 

kill

our baby?

She 

was 

here?

She

sat 

on 

our 

couch? 

She

lost

her

on

the

couch?

Or

was

it

in

the

master

bathroom?

What does she mean?

What does she mean?

What does she mean?

"You were in Tokyo." 

I finally blink. I bring my eyes back to her. 

She is lifting now, her tears falling in quick succession down her cheeks.

It bothers me to see her cry, and to know I did it, but I can't move. Her look lets me know she doesn't want me anywhere near her anyway. Not right now. 

"You were in Tokyo....the day it happened." She says again and clarifies. "It was one of your last shows before your big break with the stadium portion and I was here alone."

She's not looking at me. 

"I thought it was normal. Just a normal period. It had been so long since I had one and starting new birth control, I thought my system was just regulating.”

I’m still quiet, studying her.

“It had started the day before...spotting and then gradually more..." 

She sighs, and still doesn't wipe her tears. Her cheeks are now streaming small black lines- her eyeliner beginning to run. 

"I had woke up with cramps, but I didn't think anything of it. Just took some pills."

She runs another nervous hand through her hair and takes a big sigh. 

"I knew something was wrong by lunch. I had soaked a Super Plus tampon in three hours." 

_A what?_

She finally looks directly at me. "And I know you don't know what that means, but its not something that happens usually; especially with me. I've always had light menstruals with the contraceptive. And sometimes-“

She breaks off and waves the rest of the thought away. I guess that information isn't important. 

"Anyway…it got worst." she continues. "And by that afternoon, my cramps were intense and the pills were only helping so much." 

She looks away from me, scanning her eyes around the area. 

"I went through my first pair of underwear....and it didn't stop."

I’m still silent.

I put my head down.

 I don't know if I can listen to this suddenly. 

"I called Taylor first. I was worried because of my anemia and I could feel myself getting weaker through the day." she says. I can feel her eyes on me. "She was at school of course-- too far away but I told her I would keep her posted and try to eat something with lots of iron and take my medication."  

I hang on to every word.

"The day kept going on, more bleeding, and more cramps. I knew by then, you were probably just getting to sleep, fresh off the stage from your show, and we weren't really talking anyway, so I didn't call you-"

She continues. 

"Finally it was about three. Maybe a little after, and I went in the bathroom, because something just didn't feel right...by then I was wearing a pad too- "she explains, "and I remember sitting down at the toilet and feeling something pass through me. Now you don't know anything about this, but sometimes that happens, little clots that are normal but this…was not..” She shakes head and her breath hitches. “This was much much bigger and I remember not wanting to move because I was so scared...I knew something was definitely wrong and I was scared to see what had just left my body."

Oh 

God. 

I can't listen to this. 

I clench my fists.

"I remember looking down in the toilet and it was just red, just….red…just everywhere…”

Oh

God.

“And floating right there in the center-“

She puts her head down and closes her eyes.

Oh God, oh God, oh God…

“Becca-“ I finally cut in.

I look at her almost pleading for her to stop

I want to say you don’t have too. I get it. Don’t tell me anymore, but why shouldn’t I suffer?

Why shouldn’t I finally feel the pain she went through?

I know I need to know every detail.

I need to know everything that happened to her.

To _our_ child.

So instead I say, “It’s okay.”

She just looks at me.

Her look lets me know this is nothing. This is only the beginning.  

I don’t know how I’m going to handle more.

“It was just a mass of tissue.” She says finally. “Maybe the size of a silver dollar….I remember freaking out and rushing to my phone to call Kelsey, bleeding the whole fucking way." 

“Becca-“ I say again. It’s the only word I can get out successfully.  She shakes my concerns away.

"I won't tell you what happened while I waited for her to come get me and take me to the hospital, but just know that was nothing. For hours, it was just chunks Harry...just...pieces...until it all finally passed that next day." her voice breaks and it seems she's finally reached the breaking point. She begins a ramble, as if finally remembering everything from that day.

 I still can't comfort her because I can barely comfort myself. I feel the tears in my eyes. 

"The doctor said I was a little over two months. Later I googled it. Kumquat.” She says.

I look at her in confusion.

“What?” I ask. The first tear breaks and runs down my own cheek.

“That’s how big that baby was. The size of a Kumquat…a website said that at ten weeks… Finger nails are forming…vital organs made-“

“Becca please.” I say finally.

That’s it. I really can’t take anymore. My own tears continue to fall.

I feel like an asshole, a bastard…fuck I’m an idiot.

How did she go through that?

_Alone?_

That tugs at me. It feels like being stabbed repeatedly in the same spot- my heart.

"It was the worst day of my life." She confirms.

Our eyes finally lock, and I’m hurt…and I’m angry.

I’m angry that it happened.

I’m angry that she didn’t tell me.

I’m angry that she didn’t even let me be there.

“Becca, why didn’t you just call me?” I ask finally.  

Her eyes narrow.

“Call you for what Harry? What were you going to do? You were miles away. We were barely speaking. What could you have done?”

“It’s not about what I could have done. Its about the fact that you went through it and didn’t tell me…” and then I grow angrier, thinking of my snatched role.

 “I would have been on a plane Becca. Fuck the shows and all that. I would have been there. I could have done _something. I…_ If not to just hold your hand or watch you cry. Or whatever. I could have been there with you. _”_

She shakes her head quickly.

_No, no, no._

“I didn’t want you to be there with me!” she snaps and I feel like a part of me breaks.

The rejection after all this time…still in this moment…hurts so fucking bad.

She finally wipes her eyes and stares at me.

“Jeez, don’t you get it? Harry… There was already so much shit and we were already fucking sinking and it was like thing after thing after thing, and fight after fight after fight and we were just, we were going down already...and I was already struggling to keep us afloat. We didn’t need this too Harry!” she shouts.

Her voice is so hoarse and we are both fighting through this.

Swinging…

“People don’t recover from stuff like this…couples don’t make it. Some people never get over things like that, and I just couldn’t take another thing, I couldn’t take another thing to ruin us… “ and she cries, each tear so telling, I finally get where she’s going.

“I couldn’t take another thing to damage it and I wanted to tell you, lord knows I wanted to tell you so many times and every time I would see you …I would just look at you…I would stare at you as you turned away from me and I would see that baby…”

More tears fall.

Her cheeks and mine.

“I  wondered who it looked like… _all the time_ … and what it could have been or what it could have done…and I _just couldn’t tell you_ …and then we broke up and it got worst and we were really fucked then and I just…I really just  didn’t want to make it all worst. Please believe that.” She pleads. “Please…”

I place my head down.

 “And it took me a long time. I mean don’t get me wrong …fuck Harry...I was not okay for a while with it. Even now sometimes I still cry over it… I can’t make sense of it. How I didn’t know…. Why it happened that way……But ya know… finally… I just started thinking maybe it would be better if you didn’t know…ya know? Who needs to live with this pain and these thoughts? Who wants to know they lost a child, or wants to know something like that? And then to know you couldn’t even stop it…why would I tell you something like that?”

 

I don’t say anything.

I don’t answer.

What can I say?

Truthfully I kind of wish I didn’t know now.

 

I replay her words and the events.

“You were alone.” I say, and that’s all I can think about after that.

I can’t even think about the child. My mind can’t make it that far yet.

I just keep thinking; she was _alone._

“You were alone.” I repeat and that cuts the most right now.

 

I think of our final weeks and months.

I was so cruel to her.

I resented her so much for not being there.

I thought the ship had already sunk, and now to know this…to know she was dealing with this.

I break.

 

“I’m sorry.” I say. “Becca I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

She shushes me and wipes the remaining tears from her face. She studies the black streaks on her hands; her charcoal liner and mascara barely on her face anymore.

“Please don’t do that.” She says quietly. “After all, I’m sorry too.”

We look at each other.

 

And we both are. I'm sorry any of this had to happened but the messed up part is, this isn't even how we got here. I didn't even know about the baby an hour ago. Our problems are still so much broader and the pieces still are scattered between us. ¼ of the puzzle finally solved but its not enough…there’s more. So much more.

This story isn't over yet. And she knows it too.

 

We sit there in silence for a few minutes.

We let everything settle between us.

Finally, I feel her slow gaze landing back on me.

She clears her throat and her voice is meek.

"So um, what now? Do we ...do we start again? Go back to the happier times, ya know after London?" she asks quietly.

"No. I don’t want too.”  I say honestly, but I know we must. There is still stuff that needs to be addressed this afternoon, though the whole mood is ruined.

I don’t even know how we continue this shit now.

"Yeah, me either." she says a second later, in agreement of how depressing this is.

In shared comradery we look at each other again.

It comes back.

The previous weighted look is still there as if, it never went away.

The one that makes me weak and guts me at the same time.

The one that reads me to my core and makes my heart race.

I love you so fucking much.

I miss you so fucking much.

_I’m sorry._

She looks at me, and I look at her.

But this time, we don't turn and we don’t run.

This time, we feel it collide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, you guys have been wanting it....Now, I want to see those comments...
> 
> Hated it...Loved it... please share.


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU all so much for your lovely comments on the last update. You will never know how hesitant I was to post that chapter. I was so worried about offending someone. Thank you all for your comments. I'm going to comment on an individual basis still...but.....THANKS!
> 
> As you read this next chapter, please remember that things I post in the story do not always reflect my own personal thoughts on Harry, his friends or his family...its strictly storyline stuff. And just because you may see someone 'you do not like' in the story, please do not let it affect your opinion on the story as a whole...again, storyline...Tis all...enjoy this MASSIVE update.

BECCA

THEN

 

Harry was at my house the next day after the concert.

Minutes before 5pm, he pulled up in his usual black Range Rover.

By then, I was already outside finishing house chores while my sister, who was the only other one home, chilled inside.

“Hey love.” He said warmly as he pulled me in his arms.

“Hey.”

As I pressed against him, we shared our usual kiss, though for the first time, I pulled away from him quickly. 

 “I’m sweaty.” I explained, as he surveyed the mess that was Becca Johnson in front of him.

“What are you doing?” he asked taking in the messy bun, holey t-shirt and boy shorts.

“Yard duty.” I said. “Ya know, the stuff my parents claim they are too busy to do so they make me do it.” I said with a playful role of the eye.

He smiled.

“Where’s your sister?”

“In the house. _As usual.”_ I said. “But I’m about done. Let me take a quick shower and I’ll be ready to go.”

He shrugged me off.

“Don’t worry about it. I sent a text out.” He assured me. “I’m all yours. No one’s going to bother me.”

As we locked eyes, I just smiled, suddenly remembering his text.

Yours.

_You._

Since disconnecting after the show last night, we had been in contact.

He had headed back in town early this morning and had spent the earlier part of his day golfing with Jeff and Xander.

I had spent it just catching up on sleep and doing chores.

Now tonight was ours since tomorrow he had another show and soon my work schedule would resume at both of my parents stores.

Not to mention, his already pre-scheduled studio times, band meetings and endless American shows he was going to be doing the next two months; and that was just the big stuff.

As I finished up, he helped.

“So um,” he lifted a bag, helping as I picked the last debris and weeds up, “Did we decide to grab dinner or go straight to my place? You didn’t text me back.”

“We can get something out.” I offered.

He nodded okay, picked my bags up for me, placed them in the garage, and then we headed inside together.

It was Harry’s first time in my home, so he was immediately observative.

“So this is home?” He questioned. “Becca Johnson’s world?”

“A small part of it at least.” I said as he smiled at me.

“It’s nice.”

I led him through my living room, past the awkward family photos and upstairs to my bedroom.

Taylor was still locked away in her own room so we had complete privacy, yet I still closed the door behind us.

“Woooow.” Harry sang heading straight to the wall I wanted him to mainly avoid.

I grimaced as he took in my high school pictures and academic ribbons.

“Well somebody is super smart.”

He turned to me with a wide grin, and I held back my smile.

“Look at all this…”

His eyes took in the wall of my only accomplishments that I displayed proudly.

“Jesus Becca, have you ever not been on an honor roll? And look…you use to cheer?” he asked in surprise. He stared at my red and white SOCES(Sherman Oaks Center For Enriched Studies) uniform.

The big bright smiley Becca in the pictures seemed like a different person. Once again, my blonde best friend was too blame.

“Long time ago.” I said, pulling off my shirt for a shower. “In a repressed part of my life.”

He smirked. “How repressed? Do you still remember your cheers?”

“They’re engrained unfortunately.”

“Really? Show me one.” He said trailing his hands over the old pom pom’s that were hanging right beside the picture.

“No way Jose.”

“Oh come on,” he smirked wider. He grabbed me as I tried to pass him and wrapped his arms around my hips, pulling me to him.

“Show me.” He pouted. His green eyes were entrancing as usual, but he was out of luck. That was a side of me he was just never going to see.

 _I_ didn’t even want to see that side of me anymore.

I pulled out of his arms, giving him a final kiss and moved away. He sat on my bed.

“Well that’s not very nice.” He said.

I just shrugged, shimming out of my shorts.

“I never said I was a nice girl.”

He just grinned.

“Maybe not, but you are a super smart one.”

He gestured to the wall.

“That’s kind of a turn on. A big one.”

I finally smirked.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” He said with a cheeky grin.

I went over to him giving him a quick kiss as he palmed my butt.

“Well show me how much later….but for now…give me five minutes.”

I pulled away and grabbed my robe.

“Turn on my TV or something.”

Harry didn’t respond, still studying my wall and I rushed to the bathroom.

Rushing through my shower as well, when I came back in my room, he was not alone.

He and my sister sat alone in the middle of my bed with a wide book open between them.

The family pictures.

I yanked the book just in time to hear “Told ya she use to have a gap!”

“Get out.” I said to her and “Shut up.” to Harry who had already started laughing.

“He wanted to see them!” Taylor argued, standing.

Harry watched me in amusement as I shooed her out of the room.

“It’s true.” He said quickly coming to her defense. “I was looking for the cheerleading pictures.”

I rolled my eyes and my sister smiled.

“Stop by later Harry, I’ll show you the rest.”

She winked at him and they went into cahoots together.

“Deal.” He said to her while I just cut my eyes at both of them.

I could have killed her.

And him.

I re-dressed, throwing on a simple shirt and some jeans and Harry watched me with a smile waiting for me to finish.

 

 

"Can we make a stop?" I asked fifteen minutes later from the front seat of his car.

"Sure. Where?" He said starting his car.

"Can we go to a Starbucks or something?"

"Course." He said shifting his gear shift and pulling out of my driveway.

As I rolled down my window, he took a back street heading towards the Pacific Coast Highway; a tourist’s dream route. 

The wind blew my hair in the car and I watched Harry nodding his head along to his car stereo. Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon album was playing and Harry rocked his head like it was the greatest album ever created.

I watched him.

“You sure love the classics don’t you?”

He turned to me with a smirk.

“Yeah? Who doesn’t love a good classic?”

I stayed silent, not agreeing either way and turned from him.

As I did, smiling to myself, he leaned over pinching my cheek. Swatting him away, his right hand eventually landed in my own, holding it until we reached our destination.

 

When we arrived at a nearby Starbucks located at a local market a couple minutes later, there was comfortable silence.

"What do you have to get?" He asked as he turned off the car.

"Some Iced coffee." I said vaguely. My attention wasn’t on him. My eyes were on the shops in front of us.

Where were we?

I knew we were in Western Malibu, but I had never seen this little shopping mall before. It was filled with the essentials- a bank, a grocery store, couple small boutique's, and of course, suburbia's favorite; coffee.

"Have you ever been here?" I asked taking in the quaint area.

"With my mum once." He said casually. Unbuckling his seatbelt, he grabbed his phone and opened his car door.

"Did she like it? They look like they have nice stuff." I said, repeating his actions. I was staring at a particular boutique. It was for women and from the window I could tell it was stuff I would have liked.

Harry shrugged.

“Yeah I guess.”

As we gathered in front of his car, Harry’s hand graced the small of my back and I began the trek to Starbucks, until I felt his pull backward.

His finger was curled in my belt loop and he smiled at me as I turned to him.

“Did you want to see?”

“See what?” I asked him.

He nodded to the boutique.

"We have time…Let's go."

I shook my head no.

"Oh no, it's fine. I was just looking."

He smiled again, highlighting my favorite dimple.

He ignored me, walking past me and headed to the store entrance.

“You haven’t taken your eyes off the front window. Come on, let's look." He said encouragingly. Keeping my smile, I gave in, patting his chest lovingly as I walked past him in the store.

 

"Hello!" A woman from the register said almost instantly, giving us a warm welcome.

"Hi!" I said matching her cheered tone, while Harry took in the exchange.

"Can I help you find something?"

"Just looking." I said politely.

“No problem! Let me know if you need me!”

As I walked further in the store, Harry’s hand once again graced my back, gently pushing me forward. The contact was just enough to be considered intimate, but not long enough to be noticed. As quickly as he touched me, he pulled away.

Turning back to him, I suddenly forced the contact, clasping his hands into mine.

As I leaned into him, he brushed the top of my head with a quick kiss.

"See anything you want hun?"

I looked up at him with an honest smile.

"Lots. Why… are you going to buy it for me?"

"Sure. Pick out anything you want."

I just smiled. Millionaires shouldn’t say such things…especially in stores like this. It was a California girls dream.

“Seriously.” He said with a chuckle. “Whatever you want.”

I patted his chest.

"You’re very sweet. But I’m actually way too independent to let you buy me anything.”

He scoffed playfully. “Trust me I know. It must have been really hard for your exes to date you.”

I gave him a wide smile, pulling away and heading to a display of shirts. As I gathered a cream one in my hand, I answered.

“Actually they all fell madly in love with me.” I teased and turned back to him. “Didn’t even know what hit them.”

“I’m sure.” He said. He moved by me, speaking low.

“My parents warned me about the drugs in the street but never the ones with hazel eyes and a heartbeat.”

As I turned to him with a smile, he smiled back.

“It’s a poem I saw once.” He explained.

Before I could say more, he turned back serious.

“You want?” he questioned, already reaching for the shirt in my hand to hold it for me.

I snatched it out of his reach quickly. “No. Go find something to do!” I said shooing him away. 

He rolled his eyes and went to the display across from me.

“You know Becca, while you’re being so stubborn…it’s not like I’m super rich or anything, or crazy about the girl I’d be buying the stuff for so….”

He trailed off giving me a smug, tongue in teeth, Harry Styles smirk.

I ignored him and his dangerous charms going over to a rack.  
That smirk could make me do anything and he knew it.

He had learned me very quickly.

Allowing myself to get lost in the aisles of clothes before me, Harry found a nearby chair and plopped down, taking on the standard boyfriend role.

He pulled out his phone.

"Oh I can get in trouble here.” I said to him since he was still in earshot. Looking up from his phone that was now perched in his hand, he dismissed me once again.

“Then go crazy."

I just continued to make my way around the store. As I shopped, I glanced at him here and there and he as always was pretty consumed in his phone. Though he told everyone to ‘leave him alone’, he was engrossed in something and I welcomed the distraction.

 

Ten minutes later, I returned to him with clothes in hand.

"Do you mind if I try some stuff on?"

He smiled at me. His green eyes looking a bit jade today.

"Babe it's your world, I’m just living in it. Do what you want. I’m fine.”

I could have kissed him, and if he wasn’t Harry Styles, I would have.

"Thanks!” I said. He was so good to me. “I'll be two seconds."

He just waved me away again.

 

I darted to the fitting room, while he glanced back down at his phone.

I quickly worked my way through the items. Finding some too small, some too large and the one of course, I needed Harry’s assistance with.

Opening up the dressing room, my eyes moved over to his previous area. Where I expected to see him, sat alone, deep in his phone, he was now standing talking to two girls. The girls were our age, and obvious fans.

I tried to listen.

“And we saw Jeff a couple weeks ago-" one of the girls continued as I caught the tail end of her sentence.

"How was he? Awkward right?" Harry responded.

They both laughed, and nodded.

Watching the girls, I continued to study the exchange.

"He's so nice though.” They continued. “My friend Tanya use to work for CAA."

"Really? Doing what?" Harry asked.

 

The girl answered, and I just stood there. With my little head poked out, I watched once more as the man I slept with transformed into the popstar. There wasn’t anything he really did to transform, but the contrast between the two was still noticeable to me. Something about watching him interact with fans, or take work calls, or hop into his $80,000 SUV was a quick reminder, though he didn’t act a tad pretentious.

 

As I stared, Mr.Fifth Sense must have felt my gaze, because after about thirty seconds, slowly his eyes moved away from the girls and met mine. Then, the two girls followed his gaze. As all six eyes took me in, I quickly disappeared back in the dressing room hoping they didn’t get a good look at me.

Maybe they would figure I was another shy fan and not put it all together.

 

After all, Harry _was_ in a women’s boutique, and he _was_ obviously sitting waiting on something- or someone.

I just hoped they were as clueless as their fake tans.

 

Focusing back on the mirror, I began to study the top stuck to me, remembering the whole reason I poked my head out in the first place---I needed Harry’s help. Giving it about a minute, I grabbed for my phone and sent him a quick text.

 

*Safe yet?*

 

I waited for his text, while I was distracted by a knock on the door.

“Someone’s in here.” I called out.

“Becca,” the voice behind the door called out. “Open the door.”

I did and came face to face with Harry, glancing behind him.

“Where’d they go? Are they gone?” I whispered looking around.

He smiled back at me in amusement.

"Well if they weren't, you surely would have just alerted them. Again....relax, deer in headlights… they left."

I ignored his mild scolding comment, and turned away from him.

“Can you?”

I gestured to my back zipper and he came fully in the dressing room, shutting us completely in together.

He zipped the shirt up for me.

“Thanks.”

As I admired the shirt, he replaced his previous location, this time sitting on the stool in the dressing room.

“No!” I said shooing him away. “Get out of here.”

His eyebrows wrinkled.

“What?”

“They’ll recognize your shoes.” I argued gesturing to the wide crack at the bottom of the door; the tan Yves Saint Laurent boots practically saying ‘Harry Styles this way!’

“Go sit back out there.” I said.

Harry rolled his eyes and looked down at his phone.

“No way…Calm down.” He said, starting to send a text. Maybe he figured I was joking.

I wasn’t.

“Harry!” I called. “Go!”

He looked up at me, disgruntled and pouted.

“Becca they left.”

“The store?” I questioned for confirmation.

“Yes.” He said with minor impatience. “And I told them not to post anything for a couple hours. We’re good hun.”

“Do you think they saw me?”

He smirked.

“In your two second appearance that made The Flash look amateur—don’t think so.”

I shushed him by throwing a t-shirt at him and he grabbed the loop of my jeans again pulling me in his lap.

 

Tickling me, I tried not to make that much noise in the small room as his mouth eventually attacked me too.

All we needed was more attention.

I kept my squeals to a low pitched level and when I finally freed myself, got back to my original thought.

“Get out here.” I demanded. “And take your Chelsea boots with you.”

“Shut up.” He said before slapping my butt and finally leaving the small room.

 

Fifteen minutes later, I was dressed with a full arm of clothes. As we walked to the checkout area, Harry continued texting and I was once again curious who was getting so much of his attention.

“It’s work.” He said. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with my friend Johan for the last few days for a session and he’s finally getting back to me.”

“Session?”

“Studio.” He clarified. “I’ve been meaning to work on something with him. He’s amazing on the piano. I’ve never seen anyone like him and he’s just really good.”

“Why? I thought you guys were pretty much done with the album?”

“We are. This is just for me. I do a lot of solo stuff sometimes.”

I looked at him curiously.

“I mean of course I wrote for the albums all the time, but there’s stuff I want to work on too. And I mean, I write for other artists sometimes and he helps. We did a song for Ariana Grande last year.”

“Really?” I asked in admiration, but didn’t get to inquire because it was time for me to be rung up.

As the unaware cashier made small talk with me and Harry, I watched my total.

“$156.46.” she said at the end, and I had to blink twice.

_For what?_

I had two shirts, a necklace and a pair of shorts.

Jeez I hated having to count my money all the time. It was so tight fisted because of my college expenses.

Already glancing at what I could put back, Harry quickly cut in. Before I could protest, he was handing her his card.

“Don’t-“I began.

“ _Chill out today.”_ He said. “Let someone do something nice for you for a change.”

“You’re always doing something nice for me. That’s the problem.” I said honestly.

He once again ignored me. With a quick swipe, he foot the bill.

 

As the cashier printed the signature slip, Harry quickly signed his name. The large italized _Harry Styles,_ suddenly stood out to the cashier.

“Hey-“ she began keeping her eyes solely on him, “I hope this isn’t weird, but can I ask you a question?”

“Course.” Harry said.

“You wouldn’t happen to be that guy? The singer would you? Your name looks awfully familiar.”

I instantly looked at him in slight panic, but he just smiled.

“No.” he said, in a sudden polished American accent . “But I get that all the time. He’s a lot taller than me I think.”

And then to hide my smile, I turned away.

Harry grabbed my bags, thanked her, and we left quickly.

 

“Fucking liar.” I teased as we walked to the Starbucks.

“What?” he questioned innocently. “She didn’t say an actual name…she could have been talking about someone else.”

“Sure.” I said mimicking his fake American accent.

He chuckled.

“You know what, I’m going to take your shit back. You’re being mean to me today.”

“Oh poor baby, let me make it up to you.”

He smiled as I pulled him to me, gripping his shirt and kissing him quickly.

I then moved to pull back.

“No, wait-“ he said pulling me back, starting to kiss me this time.

 

For a moment, we forgot where we were and who he was. As his mouth teased mine slowly, he pulled me closer. My hand went to the back of his head, savoring his tongue until the sound of a car door slam broke our trance.

Harry pulled away from me quickly, and landed his eyes in the direction of the noise.

I followed his demeanor and pulled away, keeping a strangers distance until we reached Starbucks. When we arrived, a two store trek later he opened the door.

This store was much busier, but like most coffee shops, everyone was glued to their phones and laptops, and I was relieved when no one even looked up as we walked in.

 

As we moved to the line, we both skimmed the menu.

"What are you getting?" he asked casually.

"Iced Latte with brown sugar."

He made a disgusted face and I smiled.

“Well what are you getting?”

“Good old fashioned Cold Brew.”

"Yuck.” I actually said.

"It's real coffee, which you're supposed to get in a coffee shop." He argued

“It’s gross. And if anyone knows anything about coffee…it would be me. So…you’re cancelled.”

He laughed. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“It’s a college term.” I said laughing back. “The cool kids say it.”

As we shared a laugh, with him shaking his head at me, I turned to the barista.

Harry mumbled beside me, “I should call your mum, tell her where you choosing to spend your Friday afternoon. Does she know you cheat on her with other shops?”

“Shush you.”

I quickly placed our orders and as before, recognition didn't filter through the Cashier’s eyes. Though, he wasn’t really looking at Harry.

"Can I get names?" the guy asked hiking up his black permanent marker and the first cup.

"Becca _and_ Harry." Harry answered, keeping his eyes on the barista, who was keeping his eyes on me.

"Coming right up." he said cheerily.

"Thanks.” I said matching his tone, purposely flirting. “For you.” I said placing a sudden dollar in the tip jar and winking at the guy.

The guy, who couldn’t have been any more than seventeen and not my type, blushed.

I instantly made his day.

Watching the whole thing, Harry shook my bag in jealously, reminding me that he was going to once more ‘take my shit back’ and I turned to him with a smile.

I turned from the guy quickly.

“Jealous?” I began as we headed further down the counter. Harry was about to answer, when he paused. Looking straight ahead, he slightly froze.

Clearing his throat, he gave a forced smile, a quick wave and shifted in front of me. Now shielding me with his body, he lowered his voice and looked directly at me.

“Don’t freak out or anything.” He warned.

“What?” I asked trying to look past him.

He blocked me with his head.

"Those girls from before are in here."

"What girls?"

"From the store, they’re by the door. I thought they left, but they must have just came here."

Curiosity killed the cat and I instantly tried to look.

“Don’t.” Harry said, casually blocking my view. “Besides I didn’t see their phones out. Just act cool.” He said gently. “I have lots of female friends.” He whispered. “That’s all we could be.” He explained.

I just nodded and he moved out of the way.

_Yeah, or we could be fucking for the last four months_ ….as we had.

 

Peeking ever so slightly, I took in the girls who were fans and they were watching alright. Curious, wide eyed glances mainly in my direction.

Harry gave me his own look and I tried to act cool as we waited at the end of the counter for our drinks, but they were watching me, not him, and he was the celebrity!

 

As the girls talked amongst themselves I recognized the look—they were interested in who I was. They also were rising in their thoughts; shifting through a rolodex in their minds.

Friend?

Assistant?

Family?

Fuck Buddy?

Girlfriend?

 

Girl. Girl. Girl. Harry. Harry. Harry.

 

_Screw that._

 

Thinking fast, I pulled far away from Harry and headed to the wall of accessories. As I could hear the disappointed sigh of Harry, I ignored everyone, pretending to find the wall of water tumblers the most fascinating thing I’d ever seen. Screw what the hell he was talking about. He wasn’t going to be splatted all over the internet- I was.

 

Eventually the loud _Harry and Becca_ order was called, and we both made a movement to grab the cups.

As he reached to grab them both, I beat him this time and grabbed my own. Turning from him, I headed right out of the door, hearing another sigh.

The last thing I heard was, a cheery “Bye Harry!”

 

When he met me outside, his expression was unreadable.

 

“Let’s just get to my house.” Was all he said.

 

******************************

 

When we finally got to his house an hour later, the only thing on our minds was food.

On the route, we had stopped and picked up some food from one of his favorite local spots; Cafe Habana.

 

As I sat tepee style on his couch, the silence between us was comfortable and the run in at Starbucks was not mentioned again.

For now, we didn’t have any plans, except for a plan to just be together.

The comfort of London returned and I was happy whatever funk we had been in before I left was gone. I still didn’t know what that had been but I was glad we seemed to be back to us.

I was still reeling from his text the previous night, even though I didn’t know what that specifically meant.

_You._

So he considered himself belonging to me—what did that mean?

We were officially together? Or was it just a flirty thing, a way of reaffirming he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else?

School was a little over a month away and the single- by Harry’s admission- would be out fairly soon.

So while I may have belonged to him, I was well aware it still didn’t mean much; whatever feelings were stewing still needed to sit under the surface. 

I could admit though I was still scared to be around him, but he was regular Harry again, and making it impossibly hard to stay away.

 

Long after we finished the food, we just sat there, with my head on his chest and his hands in my hair watching mindless television and just talking about the upcoming show the next day.

“Do you want to come?” He asked flipping channels. “You can head out with me this time on the bus.”

“Can’t.” I said. “I have a late shift tomorrow. I’ll be just getting off when you hit the stage.”

“Call in.” He said. His voice had an airiness to it, and I knew he was smiling behind me.

“I wish.” I said.

He wrapped around me tighter.

“ _Please_? I need you. I’ve forgotten how to perform without you there. You’re my muse.”

He kissed the top of my head.

I smiled. “I think you’re doing okay. Did you forget I missed a couple of the last shows?”

“You may have missed them, but you were there. Trust me.”

As he placed a second kiss against the temple of my forehead, once again I was in that bubble.

And it was growing.

I was steadily falling in love with him more and more each day.

He was perfect; with everything he said and did.

And the rabbit hole was pulling me in faster and deeper.

I stayed in his arms, doomed with each passing minute.

 

~

 

Eventually the day turned to dusk, and the dusk turned to night, and antsy Harry started to get restless.

He wasn’t a sitter, much preferring to stay busy and I could tell being with me was fine but he was longing to do something more than lay around on the couch. 

As he started shaking his leg in anticipation bored from the TV, I started throwing out suggestions.

“Are there more movies out?” I suggested. “At the theatre?”

He frowned. “I don’t really want to see a movie. It’s much too nice out anyway.”

I turned to him with a mischievous smile.

“Well want to go back by the beach? Long drive…our own flames or paradise?”

He turned to me and smirked.

“Someone’s been listening to too much Taylor Swift.”

I turned back to the TV and shrugged.

“It’s a great song,” I said almost forgetting it was about him.

“Ice Skating?” I suggested next.

He shook his head no.

“I’m too much of a hazard. Didn’t you see the video?”

“What video?” I asked in confusion.

He just smirked and turned from me.

“Nothing.” He said and leaned back on the couch.

“Well…Laser tag?” I suggested, just throwing out things now. “Miniature Golf?”

He turned back to me.

“Wow, you really going there aren’t you?”

“I’m just trying to think of something fun.” I protested. “Don’t want you to be bored with me.”

“I’m never bored with you…And this is fine….I just feel like I should be doing something. My time is not going to be my own for too much longer, but we don’t have to go out if you don’t want too.”

“No I want too.” I said.

He snapped his fingers as a thought came to him.

“How about bowling? I haven’t been in a while.” He said.

I sat up from my spot on the couch, which was no longer in his arms.

“Bowling sounds fun, but also, very public.” I said honestly.

“What do you mean?”

“Well I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Well….I’m sure its going to stand out if _Harry Styles_ and a girl are bowling alone. I’m sure they’ll be pictures and shit by the end of the night.” I reminded.

He stretched.

“So? And first off, don’t say it that way. Hearing you say my full name like that is weird… and secondly, who fucking cares? It’s been four months now.”

His voice still had a lightness to it, so I smiled.

“You do.” I reminded him. “And me. And TMZ.”

He rolled his eyes and sighed. He looked around the room, reaching for his phone.

“Well like I said, we can’t hide forever babe. It’s going to come out sooner or later, and I’m not going to stop living because of what my fans may think. Besides, we don’t have to address it, if it does come out. Let people draw their own conclusions.”

“That’s not the full issue.” I said under my breath. “Besides you’re bias. You’re not the one who gets affected.”

He didn’t answer, but he definitely frowned causing me to explain.

“I’m sure in the past when the world finds out, the hate is thrown at the girl…you may get an article or two, but you’re seen as the lothario. While we, the girls, are the demons sleeping with you.”

“Uh no.” he said quickly. “I get the brunt of it too. Do you know how many times I’ve been called a womanizer? And how many people think I just fuck women and go?   
I literally have ‘winter girlfriends’ because I’m that fucking shallow or something, according to the media.”

“Yeah but who cares Harry?” I said passively. He wasn’t getting what I was saying.

“ _I care_.” He said immediately. “And I told you, I protect the people I care about. The women who have meant the most to me have not been in the spotlight purposely.”

“And if they are what do you do?”

“I keep it between us.” He said.

“And don’t you think that’s messed up?” I questioned. “While the fans flood their page, you stay silent?”

“It’s not anyone’s business.” He argued defensively. “Why should I confirm something for someone else’s benefit? It’s my life and my relationship. Fuck that Becca.”

“You don’t get it.” I said under my breath.

“What don’t I get?” he asked quickly.

“You’re Harry Styles. Their God. The girls get it the worst because they want to be with you.”

“And how would _you_ even know?” he questioned. “You knew nothing about me a year ago.”

I leaned and grabbed my water bottle off the table.

“I’ve been quickly educated. Lou and others have told me what to expect.”

He rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Well I don’t care.” He said.

“Of course you don’t.” I said, but I still wasn’t taking this conversation that serious. My voice was still jokey, but Harry’s grew serious.

“ _Why does it matter_ , if _we’re_ together? Let me make this clear-the only opinion I care about is yours Becca, so why does this shit bother you so much? Why are you talking about it with Lou? I thought we moved past shit like this in London.”

_What shit?_

“I thought the shit was clear now.” He finished.

His smile was gone and I continued to look at him.

_Again, what shit?_

Internally yes I was on a whole different level, but physically me and Harry still sat where we had back in Bangkok. The only difference was a few more hickies and an emerald necklace.

I still wasn’t his girlfriend.

This still wasn’t serious.

This still was ending _very very_ soon.

“Because we’re _not_ together Harry.” I quickly reminded him. “We both know this is nothing but great sex… and for what….another two weeks? What am I moving past?” I questioned.

As the words left my mouth, I didn’t mean for them to sound harsh, but that was the way it appeared.

The sternness in my voice had definitely been there, but only to remind myself.

Every time he said things like that or hinted at something more, my heart danced happily, psyching myself that this could be long term. The fact that he was a lot more casual about people finding out sent sharp little pulses to my heart.

_He’s starting to care Becca…maybe, just maybe you guys could_

My brain shut that shit down quicker than the thought appeared and as the words spilled from my lips, I had to admit it did sound cold and sent a little stab to my own heart.

 _Well geez, it was just a thought._ I internally scolded.

 

The conversation quickly took a different turn.

Harry just looked back at me for a second trying to read me; not saying anything.

I didn’t know what he was trying to see.

My real feelings were hidden far behind some tough girl act I was pulling and for now, that lie of us being nothing was all he was getting.

Though fact of the matter was, he was something.

I just had no clue how much yet. He was already fusing himself in my veins.

 

Biting his lip, he suddenly turned from me and ran a hand through his hair.

He didn’t have anything to say at first. He just sighed.

“Fine then forget it.” he said a second later. “Just forget the whole thing.”

Plopping back on the couch, he suddenly looked miserable.

He picked up the remote and I relented, appeasing his boredom.

Jeez, who knew going out tonight was that important to him?

“No we can.” I said quickly. “We can go out, I just….let’s just go.” I said finally.

He looked up at me unsure.

“We’re bored, so let’s find something to do.” I reassured.

“ _I’m not bored_.” Harry mumbled to himself and then unlocked his phone. “But fine.”

His tone was immediately shorter, and I knew he didn’t want to discuss it all anymore.

He didn’t face me, so all I said was a gentle, “Kay.”

He sent a quick text message and tossed his phone between us a minute later.

“Just made it a foursome. Jeff and Glenne are going to meet us here.”

I wanted to instantly protest, just wanting the night with him, but I didn’t say anything more.

He was noticeably irritated by the whole discussion.

“They’re going to meet us here in about an hour.” He said.

I just nodded and focused on the pile in front of me.

The takeout platters of Shrimp and Fish Tacos were still spread out amongst us and while Jeff and Glenne were nice people, I wasn’t much up for a foursome _anything._

Now ignoring me, he headed to another part of his house, while I quickly headed to the kitchen dispersing everything to its proper place.

Harry eventually headed upstairs to change while I remained my position on his couch.

While he was upstairs, I just thought about things; London…my feelings…my fears...my words. I zoned out until he came back downstairs.

“You want a different shirt?” Harry asked when he eventually appeared back before me.

He was popstar Harry now, refreshed, hair wild and free and in his infamous black jeans, but his patterned shirt and boots cost more than my entire savings account.

“Of course.” I said with a warm smile. “We all know how much I love them.”

He didn’t smile back.

We headed back upstairs together. As I sorted through his closet, I remembered that I still had some of his shirts at my house. I was quickly growing a collection.

“Keep’em for now.” He said. “I’ll get them in two weeks,” then he looked up at me. “Ya know when _just_ the great sex ends.”

His voice was tainted with sarcasm so I didn’t say anything.

Turning back to the closet, I quickly found a shirt and tossed it on, ignoring his pressed stare.

 

A half hour later, we weren’t alone and Jeff and Glenne were standing in Harry’s foyer. As Jeff and Harry debated on cars, Glenne took a seat beside me.

In her inviting smile, she tried to catch up.

“I haven’t seen you in forever.” She said warmly. “How did you like London?”

“Loved it.” I said glancing at Harry. “It was fun.”

Harry turned at that exact moment and we locked eyes. Giving him a small smile, we both quickly had our own thoughts of our previous month together.

“Yeah, where’d he take you?”

I kept my eyes on him.

“He took me to see Big Ben and I got to ride the tube...Oh! and Camden Lock Market. That was fun.”

I turned back to Glenne.

Sharing a small smile with her, Harry turned back to Jeff, but he was lost in his own thoughts. Looking down, he bit his lip and placed his hands in his jeans.

Glenne continued.

Seemed she had been to London quite a few times. As she named more landmarks, I let my own thoughts continue.

For me late nights in his arms, tunnels and our last night was the highlight.

I wondered what was for him?

His shows probably.

He loved to perform.

Jeff sat on the other side of me suddenly, scrolling something on his phone. Peeking, I saw it was bowling alleys.

“Which alley Hersh?” he asked.

“Anyone.” ‘Hersh’, aka Harry replied lowly. His mind was now elsewhere. 

“It’s Friday, they’re going to all be pretty busy.” He reminded.

He just shrugged him off.

“I don’t care.” He said.

Jeff gave him a look; and seemed to have the same thought I did earlier. 

_What about if she’s photographed?_

Harry ignored us both and even rolled his eyes.

“Just pick one.” He said sternly. “I’m ready to get out of here.”

Jeff eyed his friend curiously. His big brother protectiveness instantly kicked in.

I wondered why he was concerned.

 

Piling in Jeff’s car minutes later, the boys continued to debate bowling alleys up front, while me and Glenne discussed her last couple days at work. She worked for Snapchat, the largely growing social media platform and her job was intriguing to me. One day soon, I hoped to have a ‘big girl job’ too.

Between the three musketeers I surrounded myself with tonight, I felt pretty inadequate. They were all well accomplished, while I had nothing in the form of merits outside of my school statistics and I was far from being accomplished in the world.

I couldn’t wait for that to change.

In just a few short months, Becca the college grad could take the world by storm, and I wasn’t going to let anything stand in my way.

 

As the boys continued their small talk up front, eventually a sentence caught my attention.

“I sent a text out. Cam is on his way. And Waseem is in town, so he’s coming.”

I didn’t know who any of these people were, but Glenne turned to me with a smile.

“You hear this Becca? They’re trying to surround us with men. Hey, how about some women too on this little gathering!” Glenne called out front to her boyfriend.

 _How about some clarity_ , I wanted to ask.

When had the foursome bumped up to a six-some?

“Call them.” He said casually.

Glenne just continued her smile.

“No, we can hang with the boys can’t we Becca?”

“Absolutely.” I said, not even sure what I was agreeing to at this point.

 

We eventually landed at Lucky Strike Bowling arena in Los Angeles, and Cam- Jeff’s brother, and Waseem- longtime Jeff and Harry friend-and another girl- Kaia - met us.

The Kaia girl looked really familiar and it took me about a good five minutes to realize she was Cindy Crawford’s daughter.

She gave me a bright warm smile reminiscent of her momma, and hugged Harry.

As I was introduced, I was called ‘Harry’s girlfriend Becca’, and Harry was quick to correct them.

“She’s not.” He muttered walking past us all and opening the establishment’s door. 

This garnered another look from Jeff, and even Glenne looked between us in concern.

Following his gesture, we all walked in.

As we did, Harry sided up beside me.

“You want to call your sister or Kelsey?” he whispered in my ear behind me.

“Why?” I asked turning to him.

The conversation was just between us, as based on Harry’s tone.

“Just because. These are all my friends and I want you to be comfortable.”

I smiled at him. He was always so sweet, worrying about others.

“I am.” I said. “I’m with you right?”

I didn’t mean it in an intimate way, more so like ‘we’re close friends, and I’m comfortable if you’re there’ but he frowned.

“I’m starting to get whiplash.” He said.

“What do you mean?” I asked in confusion.

He didn’t answer as he moved away from me, taking in the lights of the place. 

Cosmic bowling was in full effect and as Jeff assumed, the place was packed already at 10pm. We all walked in the huge dark room with lights flashing, and headed for the nearest corner. It was a pretty nice alley with all the newest bowling amenities.

As we settled, Jeff grabbed Harry.

“Come on H. We’ll go pay.” He announced much to Harry’s own surprise. “What are your sizes?”

As everyone called out their shoes sizes, Glenne linked her arms between me and Kaia.

“Alright ladies. Fuck what they’re talking about…we’ve got to show these guys how we do this.”

I smiled, as we found a corner and began to plot. Harry and Jeff hustled off, while Cam and Waseem went to get some food.

After everything was paid, and the shoes were ordered, and the drinks and appetizers were on a table before us, the game was in full effect.

The Ladies vs The Guys.

I have to admit it was entertaining. Glenne was a ball of energy and I had always been a good bowler. I quickly bonded with Kaia, and at the end of the first game we lagged an impressive six points behind the boys

Harry was noticeably quiet, but played well as well.

As the second game started up, I took a seat by him.

“Good idea.” I said to him, now happy for this bowling suggestion.

He didn’t say anything to me.

I studied him.

“Are you mad at me?” I questioned.

His green eyes rose before turning to me.

“Why should I be mad at you?” he questioned.

I shrugged.

I didn’t know. All I knew was he hadn’t been the same.

“I’m just checking.” I said.

“It’s whatever.” He said. Then, “I just want you to do whatever makes you happy.”

I leaned and kissed his cheek, and then lifted for my turn.

He didn’t say another word.

As the second game came to a close, Waseem was ready to fill the drinks and food before Glenne interrupted. .

“Actually guys…listen up…Kenny says she’s headed to Bootsy Bellows. Want to meet her instead?”

“Bootsy Bellows?” Jeff questioned. “What does she fucking live there now or something? She was there last night.”

Glenne just smiled.

“What’s going on there?” Harry cut in across the room.

 “The usual madness.” Glenne said with a smile. “She’s headed over from the Nice Guy.”

“No thanks.” Harry said quickly, looking back down at his phone he had been watching. 

Glenne rolled her eyes and completely ignored him.

“Becca you want to go? Leave the old man at home?”

I smiled as Harry scoffed at her, and then realized what she said.

Harry’s friends looked at me expectantly and actually seemed pretty okay with the idea.

I didn’t need to get close to Harry’s friends by any means, but the words “Sure” were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

Harry looked at me in surprise.

“You’re going?” he questioned.

“Sounds like fun.”

He gave me an unreadable look, then looked back at Glenne.

He sighed.

“Well If she goes, I’m going too.” He said reluctantly.

“Cool.” Glenne said, clapping her hands together.

 

 

 

 

It was not cool.

It was loud and congested.

All Instagram models in short skirts and six inch heels.

Boys in button downs and jeans; aftershave fresh in the air.

“Maybe this was a mistake” I mumbled as I walked in, taking in the gold and black trim of the club, and the long, long, line.

It was a Friday night and it seemed Bootsy’s was the place to be.

Luckily from the moment Harry stepped on the sidewalk of the club, we were whisked into VIP land; yet, not before passing the hundreds of rowdy partygoers, calling his name.

Staring at them and the dress code of the club caused me to instantly take in my appearance of a t-shirt, sandals and jeans. It was totally inappropriate but as I would learn tonight, Harry’s lifestyle and rules were very different from my own.

“What do you want to drink?” Glenne asked, plopping beside me when we made it to our section.

We had been in the club all of five minutes but she was already feeding off of the energy.

“Coke?” I guessed.

“And?” she asked wanting to me to finish.

“No alcohol.” I emphasized.

“You don’t drink?” Glenne questioned.

“I do.” I said. I just preferred to go through tonight as sober as possible.

Who knew with liquid courage what words may come out and I didn’t trust myself with Harry right now anyways, especially, under the influence.

Not caring either way, Glenne turned to Kaia next.

Exchanging a look and a gesture, they both stood.

“We’ll be back with the drinks.” Glenne announced.

“Just wait for the bottle service.” Jeff piped up.

“I like to get my own drinks, thank you very much.” Glenne argued and sauntered off.

I gave a small smile to her puzzled boyfriend and turned back to Harry.

As an Iggy Azalea song played around us, I studied him.

He was looking in the distance, focused on something and didn’t turn to me.

“Have you been here before?” I asked, finding myself craving his attention suddenly.

We hadn’t spoken much at the bowling alley, and now that we were here…I was kind of wishing I had gone with his initial thought.

It had seemed so long since we had spent any real time together, _just being us_ , that I was kind of already anxious for this night to end back at his place.

He was just getting comfortable.

“Yeah…” he said, not glancing at me and then waved at the distance.

Following his distracted gaze, I was surprised to see two of the members of Five Seconds of Summer in the corner. Michael Clifford and Calum Hood.

Had we all missed the party memo or something? In another corner, I could see another young Hollywood actress and a destructive male paparazzi favorite. 

As Harry seemed to talk to his fellow musicians, through some weird famous sign language I wasn’t privy too, I just watched.

I had met the guys back in Bangkok in March as the openers of the concert, but hardly knew them.

Yet Harry seemed happy to see them and well acquainted.

After a couple of seconds, he pulled away too.

“I’ll be right back,” and then so I wasn’t alone, he signaled Jeff to take his previous spot. I watched him as he walked away.

“So what do you think?” Jeff asked as he faced me. “Like it?”

“Yeah it’s fine-“ I began, watching as Harry moved through the crowd to the other VIP section.

“We come here all the time. It’s one of our new spots….” Jeff trailed. “If you like this place-“

_Yeah, yeah yeah…_

Jeff continued small talk beside me but I was barely listening.

I was watching Harry and his other famous friends. Michael patted Harry’s back as they came together and they exchanged a laugh. Harry gestured to us, and for a split second we locked eyes. I gave him a small smile as he turned back to the guys.

Ugh.

I continued watching.

 

He was carefree, not at all aware of the events happening around him.

Some girls near the VIP had definitely caught on that Mr. Harry Styles was in the building and were watching curiously as well.

The 5SOS boys were guarded so they weren’t getting close, but I watched them as well, watching how they took in their idol.

 _Ping_ , another reminder.

Harry was famous. Harry was well known.

There were people in the world who dreamed of meeting him and talking to him every day.

He was actually an unattainable guy in our everyday society.

Yet thinking of the way he texted me, held me, touched me….I was pretty damn lucky, and tonight while I still could, I vowed to show him.

 

As Cam and Jeff continued talking, I kept watching Harry.

He was laughing now, and I could swear I could hear that unmistakable squeal from his laugh across the room.

Smiling myself at Harry’s infectious demeanor, I watched them for a couple minutes.

After a while, Jeff must have known I was ignoring him because he stopped talking directly to me until Glenne and Kaia returned.

When they did, they had two new friends trailing behind them; one a brunette who appeared as excited as me about tonight and the other a tall leggy brunette who was often on my TV on Sunday nights on E!.

“Hey guys. You came!” the tall guest exclaimed instantly hugging Cam- Jeff’s brother.

She was easily 5’10 and dressed for the night in a cream open silk top and skinny black jeans. The highlight of a choker around her neck, completed the look.

“Hey Ken. Hey Lauren.”

“Hey.” The bored brunette ‘Lauren’ said with a hand wave, but I wasn’t looking at her. I was looking at her friend.

As I took in ‘Ken’, my eyes processed that I was actually seeing Kendall Jenner- live and in living color.

She hugged Waseem next, and then Jeff, and finally locked her eyes on me.

Giving me a quick once over, she turned to Waseem, who was on the other side of me.

It appeared as if she was waiting for him to introduce us, but I beat him to the punch.

“Hi.” I said extending my hand. “I’m Becca.”

She smiled at me, shaking my hand back. “Kendall.”

And then she focused again on the other party on the side of me. Plopping beside Jeff, they began small talk while Glenne handed me my drink.

Taking a sip of the ice cold liquid, my ears stayed on the Kendall conversation and my eyes stayed on Harry still in the corner- at least until the two fused together.

“Where’s Harry? I thought you said he was with you guys.” Kendall asked suddenly and Kaia spoke up.

“He is.” She pointed her slender finger in his direction- and as if he had ESP- he turned and looked at us.

Finishing up his conversation with Michael and Calum, he headed back our way.

All in all, he had been gone about five minutes.

As he leapt back into our section, our eyes locked first since I hadn’t taken my eyes off of him.

“Sorry.” He said quickly.

I didn’t respond as Waseem cut in asking him a question, and he took in Lauren and Kendall.

Giving Lauren a welcoming head nod, Kendall got more of an introduction with a playful fuss of her hair. As she laughed and swatted him away, I watched their interaction.

“I’m still mad at you. Don’t talk to me.” She pouted with a wide smile I had only seen on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Harry smiled. “What else is new?”

Kendall playfully kicked him while he focused back on me. Looking at Jeff, he waved his hand, gesturing for him to stand, and Harry went back to his previous position- by me, and now, by Kendall.

Looking at him, she continued her taunt.

“Well how come I didn’t get any tickets then?” she asked Harry.

“I told you, I couldn’t get any. San Diego was sold out.”

“What about your section? Jeff went.” She said and gestured to him. “And Xander.”

Harry just smiled. “You don’t even like 1D.”

“Of course I do.” She argued. “When’s the next show?”

“Tomorrow.”

She looked up thinking.

“I have a shoot in the morning, but I’ll text you.”

Harry smiled, and made his first real contact with me of the night; but only to shade her.

Leaning into me, he joked “Remind me to turn my phone off tomorrow.”

She slapped his chest again and he laughed.

I wanted badly to roll my eyes.

Maybe I would have to cancel my shift after all.

Taking another sip of my drink, I turned from them.

Watching Harry with a girl was not-

Then it hit me.

 _They had dated. This wasn’t_ any _girl._

I was actually sitting next to another woman Harry had potentially slept with- _and they were friends._

I let that soak in, and my whole demeanor changed. Tossing my drink back quickly, I needed something stronger.

Harry turned to me in concern, as the brown liquid disappeared down my throat. 

“What are you drinking?” Harry asked me a moment later.

Looking up at him, his eyes were only on me.

“Just soda.” I said.

He was instantly relieved.

I stood.

“I’m going to get another one though.”

Harry began to stand too, though I didn’t know why.

“I’ll be back.” I announced not waiting for anyone to interrupt or follow.

I moved through the thick crowd.

Now out of VIP, the floor was more crowded and congested.

I headed to the bar section. It wasn’t as packed as other bars, mainly because of the bar service at the tables, but I still weaseled my way through.

“What’ll it be?”

“Rum and Coke. Strong.” I said.

“Coming right up.”

I turned away from the bartender and looked back over at the VIP section.

Everyone was still laughing and talking and Kendall was leaning whispering something in Harry’s ear.

I sighed and tried to keep my jealously at bay. I didn’t need one of these nights. 

_They’re just friends Becca._

 

Friends that I didn’t want to be around right now.

 

So after I got my drink, I lingered.

Like thirsty wolves, I quickly got the attention I was waiting on.

As a guy I was sitting beside at the bar sat next to me, I engaged in the usual small talk.

Where are you from?

Come here often?

Here with anyone?

The guy was cute, and my favorite kind. He gave me my space, and didn’t push himself on me, and if I was looking, I may have entertained him further.

Still, he was there for a purpose, and as I looked back over to the VIP section, I saw it worked.

Harry was watching, and his eyes creased in confusion and mild possession.

Flipping my hair and smiling, I made it appear that I was flirting, though I truly was not.

Like magic, five minutes later, Glenne was by my side.

“Hey Becca, what are you doing over here?” she called. “Come with me.”

It was obvious she had been sent over.

“Sorry I’ve got to go.” I said to my bar companion and he threw out a quick parting,

“Hey, can I get your number?”

Before I could turn it down, Glenne smiled and grabbed my hand.

“She has a boyfriend.” Then she yanked me through the crowd.

As we shuffled back to the VIP section, Glenne didn’t say another word.

As I took my previous spot by Harry, he looked at me.

“Did you get lost?” he asked.

“No.” I said honestly, taking a long smug sip of my drink.

Harry rolled his eyes, and as I drank more and more, the burn killed my throat.

This time, he must have sensed the alcohol, because he cut in, gently pulling it from my mouth.

“Please slow down.”

His voice was soft and the Becca from a few minutes ago, disappeared.

I was being immature about this whole thing and those concerned eyes had me second guessing.

So, remembering who I was, and where we were, I smiled back at him.

“Sure.” I said.

“Do you need anything? A chaser? An appetizer or something?” he asked next.

I couldn’t help but smile.

Still always worrying about others.

“No.” I said quietly and patted his leg gently. “Thanks.”

Harry turned back to his friends, listening to a Cam and Jeff conversation, while Kendall on the opposite of him, pulled out her cell phone and rocked her body along to the rap song playing above us.

Her best friend Lauren was also fully involved in the conversation, and while they were talking about something I had no clue about, I tried to get back engaged. 

So this was Harry’s usual world.

I could tell that this gang was well acquainted. 

Their conversations were laced with past events, hidden memories and secret innuendos.

Glenne who was always a sweetheart, tried to include me asking my opinions and thoughts on everything but it was obvious I was kind of a third wheel to this whole thing.

Even Kendall noticed, eyeing my place a few times beside them.

Parting from her phone early on, she was an active member of the conversations and spoke the language too, and she kept touching _him._

Casual little pats and brushes had me still sipping my drink in mild irritation.

Kendall didn’t know me and it wasn’t romantic gestures so it wasn’t disrespectful, it just bothered me that it was happening.

I wasn’t friends with my exes and couldn’t understand their relationship now, and I definitely didn’t mix my past and present lovers as casually as Harry did.

He was immune to it.

If it wasn’t his phone, it was other partygoers that grabbed his attention.

Eventually some other famous face pulled his attention too, and he stood.

“I’m sorry. I’ll be back.” He said.

He quickly disappeared into the crowd with Jeff this time.

This time, as he did, Kendall watched him like I did, as he made his way across the room.

As I watched her, watch him, I took in the next events with precision.

She was fascinated by him.

Smiling, she seemed as wrapped up in the Harry bubble as I was.

I wondered about them.

Had she really like him?

Had she loved him?

Who had ended it?

Had it ever been serious?

“Hey Becca?” Glenne called suddenly, pulling my attention.

Turning to her, she was smiling at me.

“Come with me?” she questioned, standing before me. “I need to head to the bathroom.”

I stood.

Kendall’s head snapped up too.

“Oh I’ll come with. My hair always sticks to me in this damn club,” then she looked at me with a smile. “But do I stop coming? Nope.”

Giving her a polite smile back. we _all_ stood- Kaia and Lauren too- and headed for the bathrooms.

We had the help of security shielding Princess Kendall, we made it to the bathroom without any issues.

As we entered, it was semi full. Yet as I learned, with this bunch not for long. Security quickly intervened giving Kendall (and friends) the whole bathroom.

I had to admit, that celebrity privilege was kind of nice.

Lauren headed for the stall, while Kaia, Glenne and Kendall took up the sink.

Me, I just stood off to the side, out of the way.

Fluffing her hair first and digging in her small wraparound, Kendall started the conversation.

“So what were you guys doing bowling? Whose idea was that?”

“H.” Glenne said, touching up her own mascara.

Kendall looked at her in shock.

“That’s surprising.” She said. “When he texted me this morning, he said he would be busy all night.”

Glenne glanced at me from the mirror.

“Well he probably was.” She said casually.

“Well was it fun? Who won?”

“We did!” Kaia said with a smile. “The last round anyway.”

“Which is the only one that counts.” Kendall said. “Which location?”

“Lucky Strike.” Kaia said.

Kendall smiled. “You should have told me. I would have met you guys there first.”

“But you were with Hailey too right?” Glenne asked.

“And Chris. They left and met up with Justin and-“

They went into another world again; more people and events I had no clue about.

This time Kaia noticed.

Cutting in from a conversation on the restaurant The Nice Guy- Kaia turned to me.

“Have you ever been?” she asked politely.

“No.” I said honestly. “I’m never in town to really go to many places here.” I specified. “And I just turned twenty-one.”

Kendall chuckled.

“Oh that doesn’t matter in this town if you know the right people.” She applied lip gloss and looked at me from the mirror. “Where are you normally?” Kendall asked.

“New York.” I answered her.

“Oh that makes sense.” She said, and then turned to me. “How long have you and Waseem been together?”

I looked at her in confusion.

“Waseem?”

“Yeah. Did you guys meet in New York?”

Lauren came out of the stall and went to a sink.

“I don’t know Waseem.” I said honestly. “I only met him here tonight.”

Kendall looked confused this time and looked to Glenne for an answer.

Her eyes seemed to scream—then why is she here? Who is she with?

_How do we know her?_

“She’s with Harry.” Glenne quickly assured and she blinked.

 _“Harry?”_ she questioned.

Glenne looked at me through the mirror and gave me a small smile.

Kendall continued, eyeing me as well.

“With Harry? Like just came together or…”

“No.” Glenne said simply as she further clarified the gray area.

“She’s officially ordained in the club.”   
Kendall looked at Glenne, while Glenne looked at me.

I didn’t say anything as Kendall eyed me from the mirror as well. Her curiosity about me reached a new height.

“Oh.” was all she said. “Oh I…I didn’t know _the club_ was taking new members.”

Her voice had a lightness to it that was clearly forced.

She nervously chuckled and shrugged it all off.

“My bad.” 

I still said nothing.

I had nothing against Kendall Jenner but I didn’t know her, and wasn’t looking to have small talk with her.

She was nice enough, but this was girl code one on one. She had probably fucked the guy I was fucking....I seriously didn’t see best friends and mani dates in our future.

I could tell she definitely didn’t either.

Feeling something uncomfortable waft through the room, I began to turn away.

I was going to head back out to the club area.

She asked a quick follow up question.

“How long have you known Harry?”

“A while.” I said non-committal.

Kendall seemed to look at Glenne then, her voice screaming for details, but I was over the whole thing.

“I’ll see you girls out there.” I said, moving out of the bathroom.

 

I headed back out to the main booth where Waseem and Cam were and they gave me a small smile.

I was so ready for this evening to end.

 

Eventually the girls came back, and then Jeff and Harry, but by then I was so checked out.

I knew I was over it when my favorites started getting played and I didn’t even realize.

As the Pussycat Dolls ‘Don’t Cha fused with some Flo Rida song, Harry quickly turned to me.

Smiling he seemed to wait on me to react.

I just looked at him bored, then I remembered--- just two months earlier, in his car singing to the top of my lungs.

This was one of my _jams._

I just gave him a small smile too.

He looked at me in concern.

“Hey…Are you ready to get out of here?"

This time I wasn’t even accommodating.

“Yes.” I said honestly.

He surprisingly sighed in relief.

"Great! I'll get the car." he said.

I nodded okay and remained quiet as he moved over to Jeff, taking a seat.

Kendall briefly glanced at me once more, but I tried to ignore her.

I know she had been listening to every word, and she didn't even try to hide it.

As Jeff and Harry debriefed in the corner, I remained quiet.

Eventually their conversation took a turn and grew a little louder as Harry stood back up.

"I'm not playing Harry, I need it back early."

"You will. Relax man." he said.

"Harry I’m serious. I need to meet my parents in the morning for brunch."

"I'll be there by nine. Promise."

The keys were in his hands and I didn't understand what was happening, until Harry came over to me.

"Let's go." he said.

I looked around at everyone else who had came with us. They didn't seem to be too aware that we were all leaving.

Harry read my expression.

"They're going to ride with Ken." he explained.

Hearing her name, and still deeply engaged in our conversation, she cut in. 

"What?"

"Jeff says you have a service tonight. I'm taking his car. You can drop them off on the way."

"Uh no..."she said. "I was meeting a friend after this. I’m staying at his house"

The word _friend_ was lingered.

"Besides why can't they ride with you?"

"Because i'm taking her home." Harry said pointing at me.

"Then double back." she argued.

"It's already worked out." he said giving her a final smile. "I'll pay you back."

"In what way?" she questioned, but Harry didn't respond.

He turned to me.

_Yeah, what way?_

Gesturing for me to get up, I followed his instructions and gave an awkward wave to Glenne and the rest of Harry's gang.

"See ya later, it was nice to meet you." Waseem said warmly.

"You too."

"See you soon Becca!" Glenne said just as warm, lifting to give me a hug. "I should get your number."

Harry didn't seem especially enthused by this request and tapped my back.

“Next time. We have to go.” He said.

_Let's go._

I started to head out, bypassing Kendall and she stood.

"Nice meeting you." she said. "Good luck with everything."

Harry and I both turned to her, not understanding her statement, but she sat back down, taking a sip of her drink.

"You too." I said quietly.

Ten minutes later, we were out of the club and back in Jeff's car.

As we fastened our seatbelts, I turned to Harry.

"So you're taking me home now?"

"No." he said, turning on the air conditioning. "I just told them that."

And then turning to me, he had to confirm.

"I thought you were spending the night with me?"

"No I am." I said quickly. "I was just making sure."

"Oh." he said, and turned on the car radio.

We rode in silence on the way to his house. When we arrived, it was nearing 2am.

Punching in his alarm, Harry gestured for me to follow him upstairs.

Taking the steps in front of me, he shook his hair, tousling it like I had seen him do a million times before heading to his master bedroom.

I had been in it many times now, but it still amazed me how wide the space was. I took a seat on bed while he quickly began to undress in front of me.

“Fucking hate clubs.” He mumbled. “See why I said ‘no thanks’?” he asked casually moving around his room.

I just nodded, taking in his inked chest and arms.

“Did you like it?”

“Not exactly my scene.” I said honestly. “More Kelsey’s thing.”

He smiled facing me and began removing his pants next.

It had been ten days this time since I had seen him nude, and my thoughts immediately swirled.

The alcohol was pulsing through me and the heat rose quickly between my legs.

"I need to take a shower." he announced. "You want to go first or...?"

My eyes scanned his skin.

No.

Definitely no.

I pulled my hair in a quick ponytail. Then demurely as possible answered, "How about one together?"

Harry who was moving to remove his boxer briefs paused.

Glancing up at me, he slowly smiled.

I smiled back at him, giving him a seductive look.

He stopped.

"Okay." he said. "I'll see you in there then."

As he headed to the bathroom, I held back my pout.

That moment wasn't exactly what I had been picturing.

In my mind, he was supposed to undress me and we kiss and touch our way _into_ the shower.

Standing in the distance, I heard him turn on the shower and I quickly undressed.

Seemed he actually was picturing a shower to get clean, while my thoughts were more dirty.

I just sighed.

Nothing was ever as I expected when it came to Harry.

Making my way into the bathroom, he was still in his briefs and he handed me a towel.

"For after."

I took it from him gently and he finally pulled his briefs down.

My eyes quickly moved to my friend; long and thick in front of me.

He was barely flaccid and my eyes searched hungrily.

I was already nude, and a second later, he reached his hand out to me.

Taking it, he led us into the shower that was already slightly steaming the room.

Falling under the warm water, Harry wet himself first.

As his curls dissolved in right of me, and he ran his hands over his face, I just watched.

Damn, damn, damn. He was Adonis and all the other Greek gods’ love child.

He reached behind himself and handed me a loofah.

“Thanks.” was all I said as he confirmed my previous thought.

We were very much together in this shower, but very apart.

Reaching for his body wash in the opposite corner, I lathered the small sponge and turned from him.

The minute I placed it on my chest to get started, Harry stopped me.

His large hand curled around my own and my back pressed against his chest.

As I began to turn to look at him, his mouth landed on my neck, and his hand moved over my own, moving the loofah lower…lower…lower until it was over my most intimate area.

Helping me clean and lather my lady bits, his mouth gently probed my neck. I couldn’t help but smile as the moment became what I wanted it to be.

Switching to the other side of my neck, he moved the sponge back up, this time focusing on my breasts.

I could feel my friend in my back, and I could care less what he was doing.

Pulling away from him, I dropped to my knees, instantly taking him in my mouth.

He instantly gave a surprised, “Oh! Okay…”

His hands moved to my hair and his eyes didn’t move away from me.

The water was falling over his shoulders and I didn’t let the water cascading down, interrupt me.

As I edged him closer and closer, he finally had enough, lifting me and pushing me against the closed shower stall.

“Lift your leg.” He demanded grabbing my left leg.

I did as he said and this time he bent before me.

Long story short, he came, I came, we got clean and we ended up on his bed.

Damp and our bodies riddled with droplets of water, I sat on his lap.

His mouth was all over me, and my hips slowly rocked on him pushing towards the main event.

"Do you have a condom?" I asked, as his mouth played some tongue game with my nipples.

"Always." he said then pulled back. "But why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just checking." I said going for his deep pink lips again but he pulled back.

He stopped me.

"Well I mean...don't get me wrong. I'm glad we're thinking safe sex, but you haven't asked me lately. We haven't used condoms in a really long time." he pointed out. "Why are you asking now?"

"Louis." I said, thinking of the news he had recently told me. "Just don't want any mistakes." I said honestly.

Harry looked at me skeptically, and then ultimately nodded in agreement.

"Oh ok...It’s in my nightstand if you want to get it.”

Lifting off of him, I grabbed the foil packet and he placed it on.

Climbing back on him, I quickly tried to resume my previous position.

"Wait Becca-" he began pushing me away once more. "I need to ask you something first."

"What?" I asked.

He looked up at me, all clear green eyes.

His expression was serious.

"Did you mean what you said earlier?"

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I didn't know what he meant.

"About us." he clarified. "Has this really only been about sex for you?"

“Of course not.”

“Then why did you say it? That this is nothing…Are you not happy?”

I smiled at him. What a ridiculous question.

“I’m very happy.” I said honestly and thumbed his damp hair. “Babe-“ I leaned to kiss him again and he stopped me again.

“Then why did you say it?” he asked again.

Swallowing, I backed up.

I shifted on him, trying to get comfortable. He was still hard underneath me, and resting wide and at attention on my thigh.

"It came out wrong. That wasn't what I meant to say."

"So what did you mean to say?" he asked, not missing a beat.

I shifted on him again.

"Can we kind of talk about this later...at least...after?" I questioned.

He smirked.

"Oh you're ready to use me huh?"

I didn't answer, leaning and kissing him again, letting my mouth do the talking.

His left hand rested on my hip, while his right cupped the back of my head.

Seemed he gave in, but now I had my own self-doubts.

I pulled away breaking the kiss.

"Was it ever for you?" I asked quietly. “Maybe not now. But maybe in the beginning?”

"Was what for me?" he asked re-opening his eyes.

"Was it ever about sex?"

"Never." he answered gently. "Not even close."

His eyes searched mine.

"You mean something to me. You get that right?"

I put my head down, as my insecurities took over.

He lifted me by my chin.

“Becca?”’

“Yeah I do,” I said a second later. “But-“

“But what?”

I thought back to the club and tonight.

“Kendall Jenner. She’s really pretty.” I said.

His face immediately contorted.

_“Huh?”_

“She’s really pretty. Why did you two break up?”

He looked at me in disbelief.

“You’re sitting on my lap, naked, in my house and you’re asking me about Kendall Jenner?”

“Yes.” I said honestly.

He shook his head as if he couldn’t even begin to comprehend why I was asking this.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I’m curious.” I said. “I didn’t realize you guys were still friends.”

He sighed and placed his head in the crook of my neck.

“Jeez Becca…please don’t.”

I didn’t know what he meant until he pulled away.

His boner was quickly deflating.

He faced me and dropped his hands from my hips. 

“I don’t want to talk about her.”

“Why?” I asked. Was that a red flag?

“Because I’m here with you.” He said quickly. “Jesus Becca, what is this? What’s up with you lately? You’ve been different since London.”

I ignored his comment.

“It’s a valid question.” I said.

“It’s a _stupid_ question.”

“Why? Wouldn’t you be curious?”

“No.” he said.

“Yes you would.” I said. He was weirdly jealous in his own ways. “You would care if I hung out with my exes.”

“Do you?” he asked, not missing a beat.

“Well no. Not lately.” I said honestly.

“Well if you did, do you still like any of them?”

“No.” I said.

“Then I wouldn’t care.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You would.” I said. It was human nature.

He sighed and wrapped his hands around my waist.

“Becca, look at me.”

I did, but I didn’t have much choice.

We were still close and only skin separated us.

“I don’t care about Kendall Jenner. I’m not _sleeping_ with Kendall Jenner. We haven’t even hooked up since last year.”

_Last year?_

_“_ She knows me. And Jeff. And his family. We’re all close in that way, and that’s all it is. I barely even talk to her like I use too.”

I didn’t respond.

“I’m here with you.” He continued. “I like you. Really, really like you. And _this_ , with you--- is where my head is at.”

I still didn’t respond. I sighed and looked at his patio.

He didn’t take his eyes off of me.

“Please tell me that’s where you are too?” he asked gently.

I turned back.

“Because I think you’re hot, and amazing, and smart, and funny and if you only knew how much I” he paused. “...Anyway… this…this insecurity thing you seem to now have is going to drive me fucking crazy. I don’t know what else to do to show you I’m here and to get you to trust me.”

“I do trust you.” I said.

“I don’t think you do-“

“I do.” I said in exasperation.

And that’s why I didn’t want to drink.

The alcohol was bringing things out I didn’t want him to know.

He didn’t need to know the inner workings on my mind, well…here it was…

“I just see her, and like I said…I don’t get it Harry. I truly don’t. I don’t get why you like me. I’m not rich, I don’t have a modeling contact. I don’t travel all over the world or have access to the lavish things. I flinch when my total comes to a damn hundred dollars! I’m a college student, that yes may be headed to a great career in five years, but for now, I have nothing but student loan debt and exams to look forward to in my near existent future. What are you getting out of this? We’re nowhere near on the same levels. But some of those other girls are…What can I offer you that you don’t already have except yes, decent sex-”

“Something that’s real.” He cut in and I paused.

“And something I can build.” He said.

He continued to look at me, completely relaxed.

“You could give me something that I’ve never had,” he said seriously and as I comprehended his words, he smiled.

“I mean…if you would just chill the fuck out.”

I couldn’t help it, that garnered a laugh out of me, and he smiled back at me.

“Okay?” he questioned.

Losing my smile, I grew serious too.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” He said in agreement.

I shifted on him again, and he used the moment to remove the unused condom. He leaned and tossed in the wastebasket.

Well there went that.

“I ruined the mood didn’t I?” I questioned.

He just shrugged and placed his hands on my hips again.

“It’s fine.” He said. “I told you, it’s not about the sex.”

I rested my hands on his shoulder.

“Still….I made this the most complicated summer fling ever huh?"

This time he chuckled.

He pulled me to him for a kiss.

As his kissed me slow, his hands trailed my back.

“Well actually…I have something to tell you.” He said when he pulled away.

I looked back at him.

“What?”

He trailed his hands on my back.

“You have to promise not to tell anyone—even Kelsey.”

“I promise. Besides, I don’t tell Kelsey much anyway.”

“Well still-“ he said. “I know how it is when you’re with your best friends.”

I smiled. “So you and Jeff talk about me?” I joked.

He rolled his eyes playfully.

“Yes we do. But you already knew that.”

I smiled wider.

“Well what did you tell Xander about me? He seems to know a lot..” I joked.

He smirked.

“Oh I told him everything.” He joked giving me a quick kiss. “He’s in love with you too now.”

“Ooh he’s my type too! Did you still have that threesome request? He might be a good candidate.” I joked.

His smile faded. “Absolutely fucking not.” He said and I laughed again.

“That will never happen. I’m going to keep him far away from you now.”

I laughed harder as he began to laugh with me.

A minute later, I grew serious again.

“Okay, okay…what do you have to tell me?”

He grew serious too.

“It’s about the band.” He said.

“The band?” I questioned.

He nodded yes.

“And I mean baby, you can’t say a word.”

“I’m not…besides…what is it? You guys breaking up or something?”

Smirking, ever so slightly, he gave me a telling expression. 

 _“Are you?”_ I asked in disbelief.

“No.” he said. “It’s a break though.”

“What do you mean?” I asked completely confused.

I had seen them all yesterday and everything seemed fine. There was no signs of any pending changes.

“We’re going on a break. It’s something we’ve been discussing for a while, and…well…it finally went in my favor yesterday. Louis' impending fatherhood helped and I found out before you came. There’s nothing. No album. No tour, _nothing_ next year.”

“ _What_?” I asked kind of upset by this news. “The whole year? And what do you mean in your favor? And what do you mean by break? And for how long?”

Harry just smiled.

“Slow down.” He said. “I’ll start from the beginning.”

“Please do.”

“But you can’t -“ he began again.

 _“Tell anyone_. I know.” I said.

“Sorry. I just have to keep saying it. I haven’t even told my own mother yet.”

So this was big news. I looked back at him.

“So why are you telling me?”

And then he smiled. The widest, most comforting smile.

“Well Becca Johnson…I’m telling you, because this changes things for me.”

“In what way?”

“Well I’m off all next year.”

“So?” I questioned.

“That’s five months away.” He said.

I still didn’t get it.

“Sooooo?”

“Sooooo, you technically finish school in December right? Until you graduate in May… right?”

“Yeah?” I questioned.

“Well…the possibilities are endless.” He said cryptically. 

And then I slowly started to catch on….

Was he?

Could he be?

Was I not imagining the undertone of his words?

“Get me?” he said finally.

I smiled.

“Maybe.”

I needed to hear the actual words. I needed the gray area, a bright and vivid black and white.

“So what are you saying?” I asked.

He shrugged casually, a teasing smug look taking over his whole face.

“I don’t know.” He said. “Tell me what you want me to say.”

He placed the ball completely in my court.

I bit my lip thinking.

“Five months….” He taunted. “Just five…I mean…its already been four now. Time can fly.”

“You’re touring.” I reminded him.

“I have breaks.”

“I would never see you.”

“I have a computer. And a phone. Skype and Facetime are lovely inventions.”

I smiled.

“It would never work.”

“We haven’t tried.” He argued.

“People would find out.”

“Maybe.” He said. Then, “Maybe not.”

His smile was just as wide as mine.

“You’re drunk.” I estimated. These had to be ramblings of a drunk man.

He gave me his infamous Cheshire cat smile.

“I guarantee I’m not. I didn’t drink tonight.”

Then he suddenly lifted me, flipping me on the bed and rolling on top of me.

“But…I am something else.”

As his head dipped between my breasts placing a quick kiss, he looked up at me.

As our eyes locked, he once again waited on an answer.

Finally, the one thing I had always dreamed about was here, and I couldn’t believe it.

“The possibilities are endless.” He said again. “Just remember that.”

And before I could say anything more, he was inside of me, deep and working me again.

Making love to me.

Again.

As I finally came, his name was on my lips and his words in my head.

_Just five months._

We would only have to make it five months and then I could see him as much as I wanted too.

It could be a real relationship.

He could fall in love with me too.

 

Holy shit. I could actually have this!

 

Well…

I didn’t give my answer that night.

I needed time to think about it.

I needed to fully weigh my cons.

Yet so far, all I saw was pros, and man was I unbelievably happy.

 

**************

Hours later, I couldn’t' sleep.

It wasn’t the thoughts. It was the heat.

Waking up, tangled with Harry, I had only been asleep about an hour when the heat from the room awoke me.

Shifting out from under him, the clock read 5:42am, and my body was covered in small sweat.

I was clothed again in one of his long t-shirts and before moving, he had been bare behind me.

Tip toeing out of the bedroom, I swiped my phone and headed to his master bathroom.

Running some water, I quickly went potty and tried to cool myself down.

For the first time the air conditioning wasn't on in his house, and the warm weather of Los Angeles breathed through his patio's open door, creating a warm muggly feel to the air .

Going back in the room, I wasn't sleepy, but I didn't want to lay around either and I didn’t want to wake Harry up, who was gently snoring.

So grabbing my phone, I headed downstairs.

Going to his living room, I turned on a small lamp and his TV.

His bedroom was far from the living room area so I didn’t worry about waking him.

I turned on my phone.

Hours earlier, before entering Bootsy Bellows, I had turned it off.

Now, as it loaded, the chimes began alerting me to missed text messages.

I scanned the senders only catching the start of the sentences.

 

Taylor:

*Are you alright? Are you freaking out? What-*

 

Mom:

*Hey sweetie. Taylor told me. Looks okay-*

 

Christina:

*Nice ninja moves! I could barely tell it-*

 

Sabrina:

*Hey Cousin. Miss you. Um this is going to-*

 

_Ping. Ping. Ping._

 

Seven more messages. Four, from Kelsey alone.

 

What did I miss?

 

I started with the messages from my best friend and quickly got caught up.

Apparently there was a picture circling the internet of me and Harry today.

 

When the hell did that happen?

I instantly freaked.

 

Logging into my Tumblr accounts, I browsed my dashboard. I followed Harry blogs so it led me right where I needed.

 

Starbucks.

 

The two girls who had been watching me, had of course posted the picture of them with their idol, but also a blurred picture of me and Harry. It had been snapped as I left the shop.

‘Harry and the girl he was with’, they had captioned on the original post.

Clicking the link, I went to the Instagram account of the girl who had posted it, and saw the 500 comments underneath it. 

 

Who was he with?

Who is she?

Were they alone?

Did they seem like they were together?

 

It’s Kendall!

It’s Joy Muggli!

It’s Glenne!

 

It’s a friend!

It’s an assistant!

Guys…how do we even know they were there together?

 

My head started to spin.

I sighed, sifting through it.

It was a lot of arguing and a whole lot of clueless guesses.

 

Who cares who it is, Harry can have friends!

Harry’s dating Sara Sampaio!

Harry was with Kendall tonight, its her! Hendall is real!

 

Ugh. Fucking Ugh.

 

Evne though it was 5am, I clicked out of the Instagram mess and texted Kelsey back.

 

*Thanks. Didn’t know. We’re good, but…let the fun begin* I typed with an eye roll emoji.

 

And then I headed to Twitter. I purposely headed to update sites trying to see more of what I could find, because my social media was dead.

There was nothing and _no one_ knew it was me; except my cousin who had came across the picture and had some questions.

The top rated post by HarryStylesDailyUpdates, was getting the most traction.

A brunette girl, some chick named Madison Dupree, was this fandom’s answer to who ‘Starbucks girl’ was.

As I read through the long thread, I saw why.

She knew Harry.

She had lunch with him, Xander and friends only days earlier while I had been in Mexico.

She had even been at the concert yesterday.

I had never seen this girl before and I was proud of myself, as she was thrown before me, that I didn’t react.

I barely blinked an eye.

Yawning I leisurely moved to her page and saw what more I could find out, though I knew it wouldn’t be much. 

I didn’t really care.

Something about the last few hours had my insecurities on a whole new playing field.

You couldn’t tell me anything right now. Harry wanted to be with me and that’s all I was thinking about.

I was just bored and not ready to go to bed.

I scrolled through her pictures.

She was a consultant for some media based company and as I clicked on the most recent picture, posted hours earlier, my attitude changed.

In her carefree smiley picture in her house, the hate messages stood out like a sore thumb.

 

Slut.

Bitch.

Fuck off.

Get lost.

You are soooo ugly.

Leave him alone.

Stay away from Harry.

Fucking whore.

 

And it went on and on and on and on….800 comments.

800.

In seven hours.

 

And nothing was even confirmed. No one even knew the status of their relationship or if it was her in the picture.

 

I should have clicked off.

I should have closed the page.

 

Yet, I read every post.

Every

Single

One.

Slowly starting to feel some type of way.

This was supposed to be me.

These posts would have been on my page if people knew it was me. And while some people may have felt relief she was getting the hate, I felt disgust.

It was some eerie foreshadowing that turned my stomach.

 

This is what I had to look forward too?

This is what they would do?

Would this be an everyday thing?

Would they spam me the way they had spammed her?

Would they eventually send these messages to my friends and my family?

Would that be the forever assumption of me, just some slut that Harry was sleeping with?

Some girl with no life, no feelings or no self respect?

Because of what, who I was sleeping with?

 

Plus Harry had already said he was not going to defend it. His stance was just to not get involved.

 

Well seeing this, how could he not?

Is this what the girls went through in the past?

Is this what he saw and chose not to get involved in?

Is this how he abandoned them?

 

Granted it was 5am and he wasn’t sleeping with this girl—I didn’t think—but Harry never confirmed anything in the past; even _I_ knew that.

How could he just sit back and let people rip apart people he cared about?

 

This shit was disgusting, and more importantly hurtful.

This type of shit could give somebody an extreme insecurity complex.

This shit was the worst type of cyber bullying there was and I was not going to be dealing with this.

 

As I sat there, reading every word that _was_ meant for me, tears filled my eyes.

Harry was worth so much, but not this.

This is not something I needed in my life.

I was a strong girl, but I knew shit like this could break me.

I wanted out.

 

So logging off everything, with my cheeks unexpectedly stained, I picked up the phone dialing my sister.

 

After four rings, a groggy voice was on the other end.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.” I said quickly. “Sorry to wake you, but I need you to come get me.”

A shift, a cough…

“What? What’s going on? Where are you?”

“I’m at Harry’s. And I need you to come get me. I’ll text you the address.”

“Why? And where is he? And what’s wro—Becca its five in the morning! Have you lost your mind?!” my little sister exclaimed.

“Just come get me. Please.” I pleaded .

“Becca, i am not driving-“

“Please?”

“No way! I have a shift at 8! Where’s Harry? Or Kelsey-“

“Look I don’t ask you for much.” I snapped. “But I need you right now. Your fucking sister needs you, so please come get me.” I demanded, damn near in tears.

“Okay.” She said finally. “Send me the address.”

“Thank you.” I said and hung up on her.

I headed upstairs to grab my clothes.

I was leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, whose ready to slap some sense into Becca, raise your hands! lol 
> 
> Also, did anyone catch Harry finally telling her he was in love with her??? Becca sure didn't...
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to make it really clear, I don't like this chapter. I have been re-writing this thing for months, and I just can't get it where I want it to be...hopefully you get something out of it, and enjoy. :) Better update next time.

 

 

CHAPTER SEVENTY

HARRY

 

Then.

 

Day 1

I woke to an empty bed.

Rolling over half past seven the sun beamed bright through my bedroom.

Jumping up to piss first, I headed to the bathroom and quickly washed up.

The house was quiet, nothing outside of the wind from my open balcony and the birds.

I worked my way through my morning routine and then headed to my phone checking my schedule for the day.

It had been a long night and it would be an even longer day.

On show days in the hours before I always found myself anxious.

As I browsed my work stuff, ignoring the text messages and emails waiting on me, I headed downstairs.

The house was still quiet, and Becca where she had disappeared to must have been genetically mixed with a mouse because I didn’t hear her.  

Heading to the kitchen first, she was nowhere to be found, but I plugged up my coffee pot making us both a cup.

I wasn’t a heavy coffee drinker but I would need it for the day I had planned.

Glancing at the clock, I had about an hour and a half before I had to meet Jeff to return his car. Becca had already made me aware her shift didn’t start until 2pm, so hopefully we could grab some breakfast too and spend some last minute time together.

Thinking of my Hazel eyed beauty, I headed to my living room, then my dining room still not finding her.

I didn’t think she would be in a guest bedroom but I headed to check…and nope not there.

I searched every crevice of the inside house, before heading to the last location, which was outside by my pool and still didn’t find her.

She was not here.

Grabbing for my phone, I pulled up her number.

I figured maybe she had ran out to get some breakfast or coffee, and I wanted to tell her don’t worry about it. I was already going to have that covered.

As I dialed her number, it went straight to voicemail.

I didn’t worry yet and headed upstairs to take a shower.

I got dressed, gave Becca until 8:15am, and then called again.

If she was out getting breakfast or something I wanted to make sure she made it back in time, or at least met me at Jeff’s house.

Once more, her phone went straight to voicemail.

 

For a couple seconds I tried to think of where she could have gone.

I scanned the places close to my house, but it wasn’t like her to just leave without notifying me.

If anything, she typically would just wait until I woke up, and then go with me wherever it was.

Still with Becca lately, I hadn’t been very good at guessing her actions.

Since she had left my house in London, she had been a little off.

Yet, I could argue something had changed about me too.

 

Still I suddenly had an idea. Heading to my front door, I peeked outside, browsing my cars wondering which one she took.

I was surprised to find they were all there; all lined up and untouched.

So she hadn’t left on her own, she had been picked up.

By who?

And to go where?

And why?

 

I hoped everything was okay, yet I assumed it was. It made sense. It was probably work calling her in early and knowing I had to meet Jeff she probably didn’t want to bother me.

 

So knowing I had to get across town, I headed out.

Jeff was texting me already.

As I got in my car, I did try her once more, and again the cheery _Sorry you’ve reached Becca_ , was loud in my ear.

 

I started my car, turned on my music, and headed to my friend’s house.

Midway through, the phone rang in my car, and the words Madison Dupree came up on my dash.

Accepting the call, I grimaced.

“Hi Maddy.” I said .

“Good Morning Harry!” she said in a cheered expression yet I could hear the sarcasm in her voice and I knew instantly what this call was about.

“You got my text I assume?” I asked.

“Yes I did, and the hundreds of notifications I woke up too. I’m a pretty popular lady today it seems.” She joked.

I bit my lip. It seemed it never failed.  

“I’m so sorry. I tried to catch you in time.”

“No it’s fine. I got your text, I was just already asleep. But wow, your fans sure are a mean spirited bunch aren’t they?”

I smiled.

“Passionate.” I corrected. “They mean well. Some of them are just young and…don’t know how to express themselves yet. They’re just protective.”

She chuckled. “Well that’s a nice way to look at it…but yeah. It’s fine…I might have to make my page private, but-“

“Yeah go for it.” I said. “Give it a day or two, it typically dies down. With nothing else, you should be back to semi-normal in a week or so.”

“I hope so. Being called a slut every day before I’ve had my morning coffee isn’t going to be the best way to start my day.”

Her voice was light and I was happy she had a sense of humor about the whole thing. I was so happy she hadn’t overreacted before speaking to me and wasn’t pissed about the harassment- though she had every right to be.

“Well yeah…thanks for being so cool about it though.” I offered.

“Of course. It’s not your fault.” She said softly.

I came to a stoplight.

“What’s the real culprit think though? She’s probably relieved huh?”

“She doesn’t know.” I explained. “I was going to tell her this morning, but my coffee companion is nowhere to be found at the moment. I’ll tell her when I talk to her.”

“Yeah, and don’t worry. I’ve already talked to Xander. He thinks its comical.”

“Oh he doesn’t think I’m stealing his girl then?”

“I can’t be stolen.” She joked and I smiled.

She and Xander had been casually seeing each other for a few weeks despite their distance across the coasts. I had met Madison a couple days earlier while Becca had been in Mexico. I had even spent the night with them a few nights so we were acquainted though far from true friends.

“Well good. I’ll talk to you later okay?” I wrapped up quickly.  

I didn’t quite feel comfortable talking to her unless Xander was around, even though we had personally exchanged numbers.

“Course! Have a great show tonight!”

“Thanks.” I said and disconnected the call.

 

As I pulled up in front of Jeff’s house less than fifteen minutes later, he was already waiting on me.

“Tick tock.” He said meeting me at the front door. He tapped his imaginary watch.

“I’m not even late.” I argued. “I’ve still got eight minutes.”

“Yeah right.” He said as he walked through the corridor. “Where’s Becca?” he asked glancing behind me.

I shrugged, shutting his door.  

“I don’t know. She disappeared this morning. Probably got called in.”

“Oh.” He said. “Well want to come with us then? Mom asked for you.”

“Shelli’s looking for me again?” I questioned with a wide smile. Me and Jeff’s mother had always had a close relationship- though, I had a pretty close relationship with his whole family. I was quite fond of them.

He rolled his eyes at my hidden joke.  

I quickly agreed.

As we discussed Jeff’s family, Glenne came in the room.

Dressed herself and ready to go, Glenne faced me with a smile.

“Hey.” She greeted casually. “I didn’t even hear you guys come in.”

“Just got here.” I explained.

“Oh cool. Are you and Becca coming with us?” Not waiting for my answer, she scanned the room. “Where is she?”

“Becca’s not here.” Jeff answered, then he patted my back. “Seems he’s only gracing us with his presence this morning. Better enjoy it too, now that he’s in love and all.” Jeff said with a wink.

I instantly rolled my eyes, and turned to him.

“See _that’s_ why I didn’t tell you.”

“Well technically you still didn’t. I had to get you drunk first.” He argued. “Besides, I’m glad you told me. I’ve been waiting ever since New York.”

Once again, I just shook my head.

I don’t know how he knew in New York. I didn’t even know.

Plus I didn’t even love her then- or did I?

Glenne smiled and interrupted. “Anyways you two…. Harry, I have a favor. Jeff and his dad have plans after; you think you can come with me? I’ve got to make a few stops and could use your help.”

“Yeah sure. I’m going to try to see Becca before I leave on the bus, so I can’t be too long but we can go a few places.”

“Jeez, can’t stay from her can you?” Jeff teased.

I pushed him.

“Will you get out of here? Go find something to fucking do.” I said as he moved away laughing. He headed out of the room.

Glenne maintained her smile and took over for her boyfriend.

“Speaking of Ms. Becca, did you tell her yet?”

“Tell her what?” I asked cautiously.

“How you feel.” 

I turned away from her.

I guess it was gang up on Harry day.  

“No, and I’m not telling her.”

And then I sat down.

“At least not yet. I let her know about the break, so…I’ll ease her in slowly. I’ll give it a few months; give it time to gauge where her head is at.” I joked.

“Months!” Glenne exclaimed. “For what?” she asked. “She’s crazy about you too.”

I turned back to her.

“I can’t tell sometimes.” I said honestly.

“Are you joking?” she asked in disbelief.

“No I’m not.” I said then I started to get uncomfortable. “But can we move on from this subject and-“

“No. Why do you think that?” Glenne asked in concern.

She was protective; a second sister at this point and I could tell she was genuinely worried about my thoughts on this.

I sighed.

“I just don’t know.” I said honestly again. “Sometimes she seems like she’s there, and may want more…other times, I feel like she’s just using me to pass the time.”

This time Glenne rolled her eyes. She quickly put her hands up and waved that thought away.

 _“_ She’s not _. Trust me.”_ Glenne said. “Be on the outside looking in. I’m willing to bet you any money you both feel the same way.”

I didn’t respond thinking of the night before and her insecurities.

I still wasn’t convinced.

I didn’t know what was up with her lately, but something was different.

As I looked at Glenne she gave me a small reassuring smile.

“You’ll see.” She said wrapping up the conversation.

That thought definitely made me smile.

Becca was just so hard to read sometimes, but even thinking we may want the same things made me incredibly happy.

For now, I still didn’t know what was in her head, but I had put it out there.

Last night I had finally let her know I wanted to see where this could go.

She hadn’t agreed, but she hadn’t disagreed either.

So that was something…I think.

Still…this was getting too personal and I still didn’t like discussing my personal relationships.

I shifted, moving away from the conversation of my heart.

“So…um…when are we leaving?” I asked. “I’m hungry.”

 

 

The rest of the day was spent with Jeff and his family, until I eventually got the call I had to get ready for the show.

Becca’s phone was still off and by 1pm- close to her shift- I had called two times and received the same voicemail messages.

All was quiet on her social media pages, so I knew she must have started work earlier, and I left it alone.

 

Back in 1D land, it was the usual.

Pre show rituals along with meet and greets and the quick meetings they had us do because we were finally all in the same location.

We had come a long way from the days when we use to spend every waking minute together, and now, if it wasn’t for work purposes, we didn’t see each other.

Of course there was the texting behind the scenes, but our group had been in a weird funk for the last month.

Since Louis had announced privately he would be a father, I had been pushing something that had been a long time sore subject between us- a break.

No one wanted it, and when I had initially brought it up in late 2014, everyone had been pissed at me (Except Zayn).

Lately I had been bringing it up again, and once again, the eye rolls and brush offs had begun.

Yet, in the past week, it had finally went in my favor. Louis had finally gotten on board with me, and it was announced yesterday that we would put the plan in motion.

I was buzzing.

Not to leave the band or anything, but just so I could breathe. I was exhausted and ready to have control of my own life again; if just for a little bit.

I could travel. I could relax. I could see my family and my friends. I could get to know myself creatively.

Hell, I could sleep all day.

And then, after the meeting, a different feeling settled.

_I could have her._

I could maybe actually explore this thing with Becca.

I could see where it could go.

 

So as I pranced up and down that stage, there was an extra pep in my step. Right now everything was going right.

After the show, and the shower, and I was in my car headed to my temporary hotel, I tried Becca again.

It was near midnight, and while it was late, I hadn’t heard from her all day and I wanted to hear her voice. Plus I was curious about this picture mess. I wondered if she had come across them yet?

I wondered if she was somewhere picturing the worst.

With her recent issues, I could just see this being something else.

In part because when this stuff started with Sara, I had initially thought maybe it was just the normal jealously of imagining me with other women, but last night I had seen a side of her that I hadn’t realized was festering.

Her thoughts of me and other women were nothing to the blanket it was wrapped in: Becca not thinking she was good enough, and more concerning, she was questioning her place beside me, as if I what she was giving me was much lower on some grand metric scale.

 

That on top of this picture mess was a cocktail that didn’t need mixing.

_This could be me_ , she would think. _How would I handle this?_

_His fans are going to hate me. I don’t deserve him either._

And blah, blah, another insecurity blah…

 

I couldn’t understand it though.

This wasn’t her, and something had been triggered that I just couldn’t figure out yet.

Since we had met in January, Becca had been this confident wildly attractive woman; almost untouchable, and definitely someone to be in awe of.  For the past few weeks, I had idolized that woman who could care less about me and my fame and who had turned down my picture in that airport, not caring either way who I was or my place in her world.

There was a chase, and an internal battle to keep _her_ interested.

I had to fight for her affections, wowing her and trying to keep her interested in _me._

It was refreshing and a big reason I think I was in this place.

She had actually fallen for me, not the celebrity, and though she wasn’t in love like I was, I had gravitated to that; wrapping myself in that anonymity and falling for the simplicity of it all.

Now she was practically kissing me and thinking she was tasting Kendall Jenner’s lip stick. Now she was worried, but I didn’t know why.

My fans, my fame, my celebrity friends…all little pin needles, poking holes at her psyche, and poking at what we had begun to build.

I didn’t know what had happened after that day she met my dad and I disappeared, but I needed to give her reassurance.

After all this was nothing.

Whatever was being discussed and debated on the fan sites was tame in comparison to what it could be.

There could be more and it could be bad, but I would be there.

If we pursued this, I had a plan to make sure she would be okay.

Being in a relationship with me, was exactly that; and we could block all that out together.

As long as she had me, and I had her, we could build a solid foundation on trust.

I would protect her as hard as I could and I would make sure she could understand her place in my world, which would be dangerously close to the front and center.

 

I just needed to talk to her.

 

As I placed the phone to my ear, it finally rang and I was relieved to know her phone was back on.

As it rang, and rang, and rang, it became increasingly obvious she wasn’t going to answer and was probably sleep so I disconnected and left her a text message.

*Hey love. Hope your day was well. I miss you. Call me when you get a chance. xx*

I didn’t get a text back as I assumed, and headed to my hotel.

I would talk to her in the morning, I assumed.

 

Day 2

Bright and early the next day I was back in Los Angeles; this time working.

Studio was the name of the game today, and first I had to meet the boys then my friend Johan.

As I headed into my first session, I still hadn’t heard from Becca.

It was noon and she had another shift, but usually she would have at least texted me back.

Still I didn’t worry yet just going to work and getting lost in the music.

The song Wolves was the project today, and so far the album was 90% done. Of our anticipated seventeen songs, we had a solid fifteen and a couple that we were undecided on.

The album was missing a component; a certain piece of something no one could put their finger on.

We had the upbeat stuff, the rockier stuff, and even a newer sound. Still we didn’t have the love ballad; the You and I, or Little Things.

Hopefully I could change that this afternoon.

 

As I finished up one session and headed to the next, I got a phone call.

A longtime friend was inviting me to dinner while I was still in town.

I hadn’t decided on my night since it was still around3pm, but the preliminary guess was Becca.

I knew over the course of the next few days we wouldn’t be able to spend extended amounts of time together, but dinner here….breakfast there…a possible sleep over…I would take until we could figure out something.

I sent her a quick text. It fell underneath the one from the previous evening she hadn’t responded too.

*Hey. Busy tonight? Dinner?*

I stuck my phone back in the center console, not expecting an immediate response but heard a chime.

Grabbing my phone again, I was surprised to see she texted me back already.

*Sorry I have plans.*

Smiling that we were finally connected again. I quickly texted her back.

*Want to meet after?*

Her response came in seconds.

*Can’t.*

I texted her again.

*Ok. How’s your day going? Work okay?*

*Its fine. I’m on break and I have to go back soon.*

Figuring she had at least a couple minutes to talk then, I didn’t text back. I called her.

She didn’t answer and rejected my call after three rings.

Hmm.

Confused, and starting to text her again; she beat me.

*Can’t talk. I’ve got to go.*

*Okay.* I finally texted back. *Miss you. Call me when you get off.*

 

She didn’t.

 

 

Day 3

The next day was more work; this time fittings and an interview for a teen magazine. It was going to be small, no more than a couple questions for all of us, and it wouldn’t even have an accompanying photo shoot, but I wasn’t in the mood.

They asked the usual’s:

_What’s the most amazing thing a fan has ever done for you?_

_What’s your worst habit?_

_What do you like about being on a tour?_

And a few, I didn’t hear too often.

_What was the last book you read?_

_Where was your last selfie taken?_

I answered them all quickly and then found a chair far away from everything and everybody and just took some time for myself.

I had gone to the gym early that morning and now sitting in front of a bunch of clothes and answering personal questions was the last thing on my mind.

I checked my schedule again for the day.

More work, no rest.

More things I didn’t want to do.

Checking my schedule was a habit I did regularly, but even more-so now.

Since we were taking time off next year, everything was being pushed into the next few months and the last few days I had noticed little things here and there being added.

The single was days away and there was even deliberations about that. Currently management was trying to schedule in a show at Good Morning America in early August and launch interviews.

The shit never stopped.

Noticing I was alone, going to my mental place, Lou came and sat by me.

“How are you feeling today Harry?” she asked in concern, sitting beside me.

“I’m good. Ready to be done.”

“I’m with ya.” She said warmly. “Didn’t get any sleep last night myself.”

Then she turned to me.

“You have plans tonight?”

“Not really. Just want some time to myself tonight.” I said honestly.

It was dawning on me I was in a mood, and I just didn’t want to be bothered today.

I had these moods every now and then; though not lately.

“Well we’ll be finished soon.” She assured.

 

When I finally made it home, I went to sleep, taking a late afternoon nap.

When I woke up, I fiddled with things to do. We had a show in two days, and tomorrow I had plans with a buddy to meet for golfing, but outside of that, I just wanted to rest and take it easy one night.

I ordered some takeout that consisted of a large salad, and lived in my thoughts.

I had a melody in my head and I was waiting on the words.

The session with Johan had gone well, and he had played me a couple of melodies to write too.

For now, there was a line I had written down a month earlier that I kept coming back too.

_For your eyes only, I’ll show you my heart, and I’m missing half of me when we’re apart._

It was all I had, but I figured since I had some time I would play around with it.

Heading to my ‘writing’ room, I played his track from my phone and grabbed my journal.

I thought about things. The year so far…

Starting in sunny California, I had spent the beginning of my year on a mini break preparing for tour, spending all my time with Jeff and Nadine.

Nadine…that was a name I hadn’t thought of in a while.

I wondered how she was.

I would probably shoot her a text later.

Yet what for, we weren’t friends anymore, and nothing was going to come of it; my heart was wrapped with a bow tie, and shipped to the front door of Becca Johnson for weeks now.

I shrugged the thought off and moved on. 

I thought of February starting the tour, anxious and excited, looking forward to the long year ahead on stage- my favorite place, and then journeying into March where there was another break and Becca.

I remembered the nervousness wondering if she would actually come to Thailand and texting her everyday thinking of things we could do. The anticipation of what the trip could mean was still fresh on my mind. I still hadn’t been planning on hooking up with her, but remembering those days of her little distressed shorts and Vampire Diaries, I smiled. 

Who knew what I was getting into as I gave the unfazed brunette girl my number in a coffee shop.

Surely not this.

 

I sighed.

 

Around me, the melody was still playing, but I still couldn’t think of a way to pull it all together.

 

Thoughts continued.

 

April.

Zayn leaving.

Meeting, recording, meeting, rehearsing, meeting…missing her.

I wish I knew how many times I picked up my phone to call her and didn’t.

I wish I could you tell how I memorized our texts, reading them as if they were my favorite book when I was alone.

It had to have been a record somewhere.

I wondered often if she hated me and if I had let her down.

Had I hurt her?

Did she miss me?

Was she seeing someone else?

 

The melody continued behind me.

 

May.

Her coming back.

Me finally breaking down after dinner one night and calling—nervous the whole time that she would just hang up on me.

 

Seeing her.

Kissing her.

The beach.

My bed.

The hotel.

The promise of a committed summer fling.

 

Last month.

Cooking together.

Driving together.

Sleeping beside each other.

Making love, the first time heavy on my mind.

 

Fuck, I missed her.

 

The melody continued behind me.

Clearing my throat, I tried to focus.

I needed to pull this all together somehow.

Yet I _couldn’t_ focus.

Hazel eyes and a pretty smile had me completely distracted.

 

I reached for my phone. I shot Becca a text.

*Hey you! What are you doing?*

It was eight in the evening and today was her day off. Tomorrow, going off memory she had another shift, and I was missing her more than ever.

I peered at the words in front of me as I waited for her response.

_For your eyes only, I’ll show you my heart, and I’m missing half of me when we’re apart._

I stared at the words; it was an algorithm before me.  

My phone buzzed.

*Helping my parents*

I texted back.

*Well what did you do today?* I asked inquiring more.

*Spent time with friends.* she answered.

I waited for more of the message; it was fun…we went shopping…how was your day?

She didn’t text anything more. For whatever reason, her texts were short and sweet today.

I got straight to the point.

*Can I see you? I’ll come get you.*

Quickly she texted back.

*Probably not tonight.*

And then,

*Sorry.*

I sighed disappointed.

*When?*

I texted back.

I wasn’t getting anxious yet, but I needed something tonight- or someone.

Maybe I needed her.

It had been a long day and I was still in a weird funk.

Lately she had shown she could pull me out of it.

_I’ve got scars, even though they can’t always be seen._

I tapped my phone.

Thinking…

Thinking…

The texts lagged and suddenly my phone went silent as I waited for a response.

_And pain gets hard…_

*I’m not sure.* she said after twenty minutes. *My schedule is insane right now.*

I texted her back quickly.

*That’s fine.* I assured. *I just miss you. I want to see you even it’s a couple minutes, so I’m willing to work with you, just let me know when.”

And then I had a thought.

*Have you thought anymore about my offer?*

_Think I might, give up everything just ask me too._

*Haven’t had time.*

_Pay attention I hope that you listen, cuz I’ve let my guard down._

I sat back, getting comfortable. My thoughts on writing were suddenly on the back burner.

*Do you have a couple minutes? I’m going to call you so we can talk.* I asked.

I needed to hear her voice; her texts though there, were cold in comparison to the tone of her voice.

* I actually have to go.* she said and I sighed again.

*K. Have a goodnight.* I said reluctantly and tossed my phone on the table.

_Know that I’m just wasting time._

I shut my journal.

I stopped the music.

I wasn’t in the mood to write.

Looking at the gibberish scribbles in my journal, the shit made no sense and I still only had one good line.

My mind was only on Becca.

 

Oh well.

 

 

Day 4

The next day I was golfing.

She was still on my mind.

“Oh look at you!” my friend Scotty Cameron, exclaimed as I hit another bunker shot.

“You gotta a blast for sure!”

Watching the ball, we smiled at each other as my ball went right into the green.

“Jeez, you’re on a role today.” He said, as we grabbed our clubs.

“I’m focused.” I said. And I was.

Golf was the only other thing that could completely distract me from the outside world, and going to Scott’s studio, one of the best in the PGA, instantly relaxed me.

I had been waiting on this all week.

“You’re getting better and better.” He said. “This maybe could have been a second job for you after all.”

 _Maybe on the break_ , I wanted to answer but instead I just said.

“Who knows?”

 

When I finished, I headed to Jeff’s house, changed and just hung around with he and Glenne until it got late.

Once more, all day there had been nothing from Becca and tonight it would settle in that something was wrong.

As we sat around discussing dinner options, Glenne brought her up first.

“Is Becca coming to meet us?” she asked casually as we browsed menus.

By now, my next statement had already dawned on me, but saying it aloud, would finally kick it in.

“I haven’t even talked to Becca.” I said.

“Busy girl huh?” Glenne asked.

“I guess.” I said. Outside of work, I wasn’t even aware of anything else she might have had going on. She was barely talking to me though I didn’t think it was on purpose.

“Well call her.” Glenne suggested. “Tell her the sushi is to die for. She’ll love it.”

Scanning my own menu, I shook my head no.

“I don’t think that’s going to make her come.” I said honestly. It was obvious where her priorities were at the moment.

Glenne studied me.

“What’s going on?” she asked. “You guys fighting or something?”

“No.” I said, then added. “I don’t think.”

“You don’t think?” she questioned and I just shrugged again.  

I turned to her.

“Well why do you say that?” Glenne asked.

“I just haven’t heard from her.” I said, “And normally I would. Its just been work, work, work the last few days. Really since we’ve got back from London... she hasn’t really been very talkative unless we’re together.”

“Well good for her.” Glenne said with a smile, and I grew confused. “Appreciate that.” She nudged. “You don’t want a clingy girl. If you really are looking at this long term, then you both have to settle into this distance thing. It’s good that she keeps herself busy too.”

She turned from me.

I didn’t agree.

“No.” I said. “She’s not that busy that she can’t shoot a quick text. It takes two seconds to say ‘good morning’ Glenne.”

Glenne smiled at me amused.

“Aww you really do like her-”

I immediately rolled my eyes while she patted my leg. She quickly became my therapist.

“Listen, you’re only worried because you care about her and this is new. Plus you guys have been ridiculously up under each other…  Think in normal situations Harry…couples don’t text each other all day. Me and Jeff certainly don’t.” and then she continued. “Let the girl work. She has to make her money just like you. You’ll link up soon I’m sure.” She advised. “Be patient.”

“Yeah,” I said quietly, though I wasn’t totally convinced. Something _was_ off, and I just couldn’t put my finger on it. My gut knew it was something else.

“Maybe she’s just playing games.” I surmised.

Glenne looked back at me.

“You girls love the mind games.” I said with a smirk.

Glenne smiled back. “Maybe she is. Playing hard to get is fun. Keeps you on your toes right?”

I just smiled as well.

“She doesn’t need to keep me on my toes. Let you guys tell it, she’s already got me on my knees.” I joked.

“She does.” Glenne said with a wink and we shared a final smile.  “And you love it.”

 

Day 5

“SEEEEEEEEEEEEEATTLE!!!”

The crowd roared around me.

I walked the stage.

“Do we have any Seahawks fans?”

More cheers and chants.

I smiled and fed off the energy from the crowd.

“What a shame.” I said, reaching for a fans Cheesehead.

I stuck it on my head, displaying it proudly.

“Chhheeessseee.” I teased, dancing, referencing the Packers, my favorite American football team.

“I’m sorry.” I said laughing as I continued my taunt on the crowd and they gently booed. “I’m sorry.”

Tonight I was in Seattle, Washington. Show number three.

Rejuvenated.

Refreshed.

Loving my job.

I had a friend in the audience tonight from the Pink Slips who I had took Becca to meet weeks earlier, and the fan meet and greets had been a lot of fun.

By the time I got back to my hotel, I was still buzzing. I would be returning back to California in the morning, and then back on the stage in Vancouver in two days.

Alone in my bed, and alone in my thoughts, it ventured again to Becca.

It had been a week in business days since we had really spoke or saw each other.

Earlier in the day I had contemplated texting her, but had heeded thinking of Glenne’s warning.

What it was just work?

What if she was just busy?

The girl hadn’t gotten all of those scholastic ribbons and honors by being lazy. She was obviously someone who worked hard and she was probably just committing to her parents right now.

We were still good, and this was still fine…I just needed to give her some time.

So though I missed her, instead of texting her at 2am becoming a nuisance, I went to her accounts.

I started with Twitter. She had tweeted tonight, only a few hours earlier around 12am.

 

BeccaPenelope94: …Will rise the first place on the charts…

 

Cryptic.

Short and sweet.

And I had no idea what she was talking about.

 

She was a quote person.

Her Twitter was riddled with song lyrics, book dialogues, and movie quotes.

Sometimes, honestly, I think she just tweeted for the hell of it.

So I didn’t inquire.

It wasn’t worth figuring out.

 

Yet.

 

I headed to her Instagram.

Another post. Only an hour earlier posted just after 1am.

My intrigue rose a little bit.

So she might have been up…

I looked at the photo.

A photo of a TV screen, with the lovely Olivia Newton John in the movie Grease. It was a screenshot of her famous scene from the song Hopelessly Devoted To You with the subtitles Becca must have had on her TV. The white lettering read “My heart is saying, “Don’t Let Go”

Her personal caption read #MOOD.

 

I smiled. I could relate.

Man, I missed her.

Hopelessly devoted to _her._

Now I was interested though.

I headed back to her Twitter, punching  in the quote she had posted shortly before her Instagram post.

I googled it.

 

It was another Grease quote. Another song.

 

 _Beatings of my broken heart will rise the first place on the charts_.

 

Hmm.

That was a bit weird.

Her posts sure were depressing tonight.

 

Was she upset about something?

Was she feeling lonely?

Did she miss me?

 

Fuck appearing needy.

I sent her a quick text.

 

*Hey love, you awake?*

 

I waited five minutes…ten…twenty…before figuring she was asleep.

I stayed up a little longer until I started to drift to sleep myself.

I was thinking about her.

I was hoping she was okay and not lonely.

I was hoping she wasn’t thinking about our distance and having doubts about this.

I hoped she understood it was killing me too.

As I flipped in the cold hotel bed, a line came to me. A perfect line straight out of thin air.

_For when you’re lonely and forget who you are…_

I hummed it.

I blended it.

Finally a second line.

_For your eyes only, I’ll show you my heart. For when you’re lonely and forget who you are, I’m missing half of me when we’re apart._

I sat up.

Something came to me.

I needed my pen.

 

Day 6

“I worked on it all night. I think I’ve got the song.”

As I faced Johan, I held my pad in front of me.

I was back in Los Angeles, and back in the studio.  
“You finished it?” he asked in surprise.

“Well it needs some tweaks here and there, but yeah….I got it down early this morning. Can you play it for me?” I asked him.

We were alone in the session, and he was sat at a piano in front of me.  
He nodded yes and swerved around on the bench.

As he began to play the opening chords of the song I had blended the words too, I began to sing.

 

 _For your eyes only, I show you my heart_  
_For when you're lonely and forget who you are_  
 _I'm missing half of me when we're apart_  
 _Now you know me, for your eyes only_  


_I've got scars, even though they can't always be seen  
And pain gets hard, but if I think about you, I don't feel a thing_

_Right now, I’m completely defenseless_

_Pay attention, I hope that you listen, cause I’ve let my guard down._

_For your eyes only, I’ll show you my heart_

_Now you know me, for your eyes only_

As he finished his final chord, I looked at him for approval.

“I like it.” He said. “It’s beautiful. You wrote that since we met?’”

I nodded yes and smiled widely. I could tell he genuinely liked it.

“Yeah. Thank you.”

I shuffled my papers and rubbed my ankle.

“I haven’t figured out how to start it, but that’s the bulk of it. I’m going to call it obviously, For Your Eyes Only.”

“And is that what you were looking for?” he asked in surprise. “For the album?”

I shrugged.

“I don’t really know. Depending on how it all falls at the end, it might be too much and something I wouldn’t want to necessarily share with the world, especially on our type of album. But ….its been on my mind and I had to write it.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to share it?” he asked.

His question didn’t cross the line.

In my sessions, I was very open. You had to be, to get the best stuff. The writers often knew some of my deepest darkest secrets.

“It’s a bit too honest.” I said. “It’s about someone I’m close too.” I said honestly. “And I don’t know if I want to necessarily be this open.”

“That’s when the best stuff comes out.” He argued.

“Yeah but, still…”

“Have you played it for the person?”

“No.” I said quickly. “I haven’t decided yet if I want too.”

“Well you want to finish it though?”

“Of course…I think I need too.”

He turned back to the piano and played with the chords.

“You said you need help with the beginning?”

“Yeah.” I said honestly.

He played a chord.

“Well tell me.” He said. “What did you think about?”

“With her?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Yeah and the song. Take me back to that place you were at when you wrote it.”

I thought back to last night in the hotel room.

The day before that, and the one before that.

The last time I saw her, falling asleep as I held her against me.

“Well I missed her.” I said immediately. “Still do. I haven’t seen her in a few days, and its fucking sucked to be honest.”

I shifted my papers to the side for a moment. I quickly explained.

“I’ve been here and she’s been there. We’ve been working and we haven’t really talked like we usually do. Its just been like… driving me crazy cuz I’m use to speaking to her consistently through the day.”

“Cue the missing half of me?”

I smiled. “Maybe. I don’t know if I’m in that deep yet.” I said honestly. “She’s just my person right now. She’s keeping my shit together.”

He was still playing the song on the piano, trying to get the juices flowing.

I sat back, thinking to myself.

“It’s weird though…with her…Ya know sometimes you meet people and it’s like _good…_ everything just kind of flows together, but it dies out quickly ya know? Or like things are right, but it’s still wrong in some ways-”

He nodded yes. “Been there.”

“Me too. I’ve had that a lot.” I said honestly working through my thoughts.

“But?”

“But….” I began. “But then…I met her and since, it’s like… _what is this?_ What the hell have I walked into? Like I never want to leave it and I don’t even know how the hell I got here. And with everything that is wrong, it still ends up right.” I said.

He kept playing, listening and waiting for the peak of inspiration to complete my thoughts on paper.

“I don’t worry about things when I’m with her. I can sleep. I can block shit out. And I can actually be completely busy, and completely still at the same time. It’s weird...and it becomes all you think about.” I continued. “And…worry if they feel the same…and it does kind of start to feel like missing something when you’re not with them…ya know honestly,  if she called right now, I would go to her…if I could be anywhere, _right now_ , I’d go where she is, as crazy as that sounds.”

Johan paused as we locked eyes.

He looked at me if as if I had just had some profound statement.

Really, the ramble was my sleep deprivation picking on me.

I sighed again, rubbing my eyes.

_What the hell Harry? And what the hell was the original question? And boy, oh boy you shouldn’t have stayed up so late._

“Anyway, scratch all that.” I said waving the thought away. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.” I said with a chuckle. “I’ve only had three hours of sleep.”

He smiled.

“I disagree. I think you know exactly what you’re talking about. She means something to you. And everything you said, everything you’ve written is just coming out of that. Use that. Embrace it. Don’t run from it.”

“What if she runs from me?” I joked.

“Tell her not too.” He said, then turned back to the piano.

 “Grab your pen.” He said gently. “I think I may be able to sort this out for you.”

“Really?” I asked sitting back up, getting suddenly excited.   _From all that ramble?_

“Yeah.” He said. “We may be able to tweak it into something. Get the right words.”

“Great! Play it again?”

 

The song was completed four hours later.

We even had a rough demo cut of my vocals.

After the session, I was anxious.

He had me thinking about shit I hadn’t thought of and itching to say shit I shouldn’t say.

Once again I needed to talk to her.

  
I called Becca, while in the private comforts of my car.  
This time, _finally,_ she answered.   
"Hello?" she answered after the fourth ring.   
"Hey!" I said already excited to hear her voice. "Hey love."  
"Hey." she said.

Wherever she was, I could tell she was in a car and the wind from an opened window was loud in the phone.    
"How are you?" I asked.    
"I'm good." she said quietly. "How are you?"  
"Good! Just got out of a session. What are you doing?"  
"I'm driving. With friends."  
"Oh." I said. "How’s your day been?"  
"Fine." She said shortly.

Okay…fine…  
"Cool. Um," I shifted in my own car. "How long will you be with them? I um...have something for you. And I need to talk to you about something.”  
"What?" she asked.   
I smirked.   
"Well I’m not going to tell you over the phone, that defeats the purpose... you have to meet me for a bit.”

I kept my voice playful, and waited on her response.

"Oh, um. I’m kind of-"   
"Just for a few minutes-" I threw out quickly. "I know you're busy too, and i just want to see you quick.”

“I don’t think I can Harry.”

“Please?” I asked putting charm in my tone. “I’ll make it worth it. I promise.”

She didn’t respond.

“You still there?” I questioned.

“Yeah.” She said. She cleared her throat. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Okay but…look, I know we haven’t really spoken the last few days and I haven’t really been updating you…but my schedule is changing…almost everyday now and I’m going to be heading to Chicago sooner than I thought and that’s just today, at the rate I’m on, that may change tomorrow….so if we can, I’d really like to see you today. I’m kind of missing you a bit.” I said honestly.  
The Chicago bit was new news to her.   
"Chicago? For what?" she asked.  
"Work stuff. A division of our label is headquarted there, and we have some stuff to work out. In between the shows, we'll be stationed there, and I head out (for now) on the 21st so…can we figure something out? Can we maybe do dinner, or you stay the night?”

She was quiet for a moment, letting the wind whip in the phone. Then it completely cut out.

I instantly thought she hung up.

“Becca?” I called. “You still there? Babe?”

Seconds later, she and the noise returned. Her cheek probably hit mute or something.

"I can't." she answered finally.  
I sighed.   
"Why?" I asked this time. "What are you guys doing?"  
"Well me and my friends um…we made plans and..I just can't Harry. I'm sorry. I’m nowhere near you right now to get away."

“Well I don’t care about that, I’ll come to you.” I offered. “I’m done working for the day, so just tell me where. I’m in my car right now. I’ll come now.”

“I can’t.” she said again.  
I tried to not get upset but as I said my next sentence it came out a little bit irritated.   
"Well when can we make plans?" I asked. "I know you're busy with life, and stuff… and I get that, but seeing your friends--- I mean, can't you do that a different time?"  
"No." she said. "They're important to me Harry."  
"I didn't imply they weren't.” I said quickly. “But I’m sure they’ve seen you, a couple times even and I haven’t.”  
"Well I told you I would be busy-“

“Yeah I know that love, and don’t mistake me, that’s not the issue. I’m happy that you’re working. I just want to see you….and…don’t you want to see me?” I asked.

She didn’t answer my direct question, though she did answer.

“I’m not in town.”  
Now that was news to me.   
"Where are you?" I asked.   
"I'm...” she paused a beat. “I'm… in San Francisco."  
"Since when?" I asked.   
"Yesterday." she said. "I left yesterday morning. I'm with Kelsey and her family."  
Now that was a lie...  
I had seen her Instagram photo—to remind you, that had been in her bedroom; only a couple hours earlier.   
She was definitely not in San Francisco and she was booked solid at work...i knew because I had a screenshot of her schedule she had forwarded on to me the day before the San Diego concert.

Did she forget she had sent that to me?

Did she forget the plans we were planning on making?

  
Why was she lying?  
And to me?

I grew quiet.   
The wind was still whipping wherever she was and she grew quiet too. 

What the hell was I missing?  
"Becca-" I began. My mind pieced everything together very quickly.  I was starting to figure this shit out.  

Maybe her leaving my house the way she did was something more?

Maybe I had said the wrong thing?

Maybe I had pushed a little too hard.

Either way, my own insecurities took over, and my mind drifted to the worst.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.   
"What do you mean?" she asked slowly.   
"With you? Or...us? Are you mad at me?”

“No.”

“Did i do something? Cross the line or-"

“No.” she said quietly again.

“No?” I questioned.  
She was quiet. 

“Well did I say something? Did you read something? I mean what’s going on?”

She grew quiet again.  
One second.   
Two seconds.  
Three seconds.   
Four seconds.

“Why does something have to be wrong, and why are you asking me all these questions?” she asked defensively.

“Because I miss you. And I’ve been trying to see you.” I said honestly.  “I want to make sure I’m not missing something here. I want to make sure we’re still on the same page.”

Quiet.

Again.

One seconds.

Two seconds.

Three seconds.

Four seconds.  
Five seconds.   
Six seconds.  
"What do you mean?" she asked again.

I rolled my eyes.

“I think you know what I mean Becca." I said honestly. "Is it still the Kendall thing? Or maybe what I asked you? Did I scare you? Because if I did, just tell me. We can talk about it. You can tell me anything." I said softly.  
"What did you ask me?" she questioned.

_What?_

I felt my whole face crease.

_Huh?_

Had I been asleep for the last six days?

Had there been some alien abduction taking certain people and wiping their brains?

Had I imagined the whole conversation as she was nude on top of me?

I could be a pretty creative guy, but I seriously doubted it.

“What do you mean?” I asked her this time. “ _What I asked you_.” I reiterated. “About us.”

She grew quiet again, the phone cutting out- the wind and her voice gone.

This had to be the weirdest phone call I had ever had.

“Becca?” I called again. “Are you there?”

Un-muted again, she came back.

“Yeah I’m here.” She said in a rush.

“Becca what’s wrong with you?” I asked suddenly. “Are you drunk or something?”

What the hell was going on with my girlfriend?

She giggled.

 “No I’m not drunk at two in the afternoon. I just can barely hear you.” She said, and then, “I’m going to have to talk to you later.*

I ignored her.

“Forget that. When do you get back from San Francisco?” I asked.

“I can’t hear you.” she said.  
I just sighed, getting impatient. 

“You can hear me enough Becca.”

“Barely.” She said.

“WHEN DO YOU GET BACK?” I practically screamed.

“In a week.” She said.

My heart damn near fell out of my chest.

“So after the 21st?“ I questioned for clarification.

“Yeah.” She said quietly. “Probably.”

I sighed.

I pushed my thoughts into overdrive, I was trying to remember my  Chicago schedule and the next time I could see her outside of that, and how I could get to San Francisco-

“Harry I’ve got to go.” She cut in quickly. “I’ll have to call you later.” She said.

“But Becca I-“

She hung up before I could even say more.

 

************************  
DAY 7

I still didn't hear from her.   
No phone calls.   
No texts.   
No, nothing. 

********************************

DAY 8

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

 

 

DAY 9

 I was over it.

 

Up early the next morning at the gym, I was trying not to think about her.

It was my day off and the thoughts of Becca were pushed to the back of my mind; at least, trying to be.

I was confused.

I was frustrated.

I was kind of pissed off.

For now, I was trying to get over her.

Cycling along to the rap song in my earphones,  I tried not to think about what she was doing.

Oh yeah, in San Francisco…

With Kelsey’s family.

 

Bullshit.

Bullshit.

Bullshit.

 

Her 2012 Silver Prius parked on the side of her mom’s coffee shop, three miles from my current location told me that was a lie.

She was at work, living her gloriously, doesn’t want to be bothered with Harry life.  Well she could have her wish.

I paused the machine I was on.

The Soul Cycle class I  had been  in, long over and now just passing time.

 

I thought of my next steps.

 

I didn’t want to go to the studio.

I didn’t want to write.

I didn’t even really want to hang out with anyone.

I just wanted to talk to her.

 

So leaving the small gym, I had half the thought of heading to the café. A little morning coffee to accompany my morning workout paired with the wide eyed surprised expression of Becca Johnson.

That could be satisfying to me.

Yet I didn’t care that much.

Why should I let her know I knew she was lying- she obviously was trying not to see me again.

Though I didn’t know why.

I didn’t know what I had did or what I had missed on our last night together.

She had slept with me, screamed my name, kissed me and cuddled against me as we fell asleep.

Then, _this._

I couldn’t understand it.

 

 

Getting in my car, I eventually headed home.

I fussed around.

I cleaned.

I did laundry.

I watched TV.

Texted.

Anything to keep busy.

Eventually the texts came through from Jeff, asking if I wanted to meet he and Glenne for dinner.

I still didn’t want to see anyone, but I was quickly running out things to do.

So reluctantly I agreed, as usual.

Heading upstairs, I sent the agreement text .

I laid down.

 

Hours later I was back up, dressed and headed to his house.

My texts and emails had picked up with the run of the day, and now I was no longer jumping to check them.

None of them were going to be her.

 

When I got to Jeff’s house, my mood was still bothered but pretending to be still over it.

“Where are we going?” I asked as Jeff grabbed for his keys and Glenne her purse.

“Bagatelle. French Cuisine. We made reservations a few nights before. Supposed to be a trendy place.”

“Great.” I said uncaring either way. I wasn’t the pickiest of eaters, and just wanted to get the night over with anyway.

 

I was still thinking.

 

Maybe I would do some investigating.

Maybe tomorrow I would go by the coffee shop and demand answers; I deserved that much.

You don’t just spend all your time with someone, completely in and then just decide to be out. It didn’t work that way- and for finally putting my heart out there and trying-I wasn’t going to just let that shit be in vain.

She had meant something to me, and if I meant even a slither of anything to her, we were going to work this shit out.

 _I wanted to be with her_ and I needed to know why she suddenly didn’t want to be with me.

 

 

“Have you heard from Becca?” Glenne asked causally as we drove.

“Nope.” I said and before she could get started, quickly put out the disclaimer. “And I don’t want to talk about her.”

She shut up quickly, giving me a look from the rearview mirror and I ignored them both.

It wasn’t their business anyway. 

We started on the opposite of town, with Glenne needed to pick up something.

Deep in pap city, I posed for multiple photos and tried to make the fan photos appear even a little more genuine.

In reality, smiling and throwing a huge thumbs up was the last thing on my mind.  I couldn’t fake this shit today if I tried and as I hugged one, two…fucking fifteen fans I became more and more irritated and my small smile a little tighter.

I finally understood the words to my own 2014 song.

_Mind is running in circles of you and me, everyone in between is the enemy._

Yeah…where did broken hearts go?

Guess I needed to figure it  out.

“You want to go home?” Jeff asked noticing after a while. “Skip dinner?”

 “Gotta eat.” I reminded him. “Let’s just actually get to the restaurant and you guys do your shit later.”

“Sure.” Glenne said quickly. “Sorry.”

 

 

In the back of the car, I continued to be the third wheel grump until we made it to Bagatelle.

The place was nice, all stark white clothed tables, big unscented candles surrounded with tall wine glasses and sparkly chandeliers.

It was a romantic spot, definitely some place Glenne and Jeff should have came alone. It was also a place I could have maybe taken Becca…but I had to forget about all that.

I had to go back to thinking of I, and not us anymore.

Maybe I sounded dramatic. Maybe I sounded like I was jumping ahead a bit; but wouldn’t you?

Hadn’t she made it more than obvious she didn’t want to be bothered with me?

 

When we arrived, the celebrity privilege of being an Azoff, standing next to an A-lister boybander, got us one of the best seats in the house, and an area where we had complete privacy.

Taking a seat, we were still in the general area, but more secluded further off so that  our presence wasn’t immediately noticed.

 

As we ordered our drinks, I tried to focus on the menu, thinking of what I even wanted to eat while Jeff and Glenne made small talk.

There were talks of future plans, some vacation they wanted to take in the near future, while I realized the only vacation I was going to be taking would be from my hotel room soon. I had a day and a half before it all kicked off again.

“Harry are we going to meet you in Chicago, or wait for London?” Jeff asked eventually.

“Don’t worry about it. Xander’s coming out.” I said.

“Oh really?’” they asked in surprise.

“Yeah, he agreed to be my...ya know…” I trailed off hating to say the words.

My person.

My reassurance.

The person who kept me out of depression and homesickness.

“Oh.” Jeff said quietly. This was a role he was used to taking on, as he and others had done in the past.

Sometimes I needed someone on the road with me- just to keep a clear head and since Becca-

“What about Becca?” Glenne asked, bringing the person of my thoughts front and center. “Is she able to take off for school?”

I sighed.

They were going to keep asking me about her, so I guessed I should tell them.

“We’re not together anymore.” I said finally. “So let’s move on.”

As I said the words they seemingly burned my tongue and I had to take a sip of my wine to  push it down.

“What do you mean?” Glenne asked in worry.

I lifted my hand, waving her concerns away.

“It’s fine.” I said. “Mutual decision.”

Glenne looked to Jeff, and Jeff looked to me.

They were itching…just dying to ask me more…

I tried to ignore them both.

 

Eventually the wine came with the breadsticks and the salads, and I picked at my food.

The girl at the table beside us was a fan, and outside of dodging her curious looks, I was continuously trying to  block out Jeff and Glenne’s conversation and worried looks.

I wanted to be back home.

I wanted to be alone.

I wanted to knock some sense into my own goddamn self.

She was just a girl.

And I didn’t need to care. But I did. I really did.

 

Dropping my fork, I needed a second.

Harry pep talk time.

I stood.

As their eyes lifted, I smiled at the protective glances.

“Going to the bathroom.  Relax.”

Jeff smirked, but Glenne continued to give me a look- the same look she had gave me since I made the announcement of me and Becca.

 

I moved away from the table, heading towards the right side of the large room, near the tucked away corner of the bathrooms.

As I passed through  the tables, I tried not to make direct eye contact with anyone. Lord knows I didn’t want to do more pictures or sign autographs.

I loved my fans, but popstars were entitled to bad days too.

I shuffled quickly until I heard a laugh.

A laugh so distinctive that it was a large alarm in my ear.

Turning swiftly to my left, about three tables from me, my eyes landed on the source of the sound.

The sound I had heard a million times in my home, in my bed, in my arms…yet now, mixed with a heavier tenor voice.

It took all of three seconds for my eyes to lock on hers and hers to lock on mine.

Becca was here.

Not at the coffee shop. Not in San Francisco.

Here.

And she wasn’t alone.

As our eyes connected, her breath hitched and her laugh suspended in mid _he haw._

_What the hell?_

Her companion- her date- turned to my direction after seeing her pause.

I looked at him.

As my eyes locked on the light skinned male in front of me, the video for Night Changes was on sudden view before me and I finally understood why this particular scene was given to Zayn.

This remake in front of me was about to have the real ending.

I wanted to grab him.

I wanted to kick his fucking ass, and then, I wanted to move to her; but not to hurt her, but to understand.

_Why?_

_Why me?_

_Why him?_

_Why did you move on?_

_Why did you have to do it this way?_

_Why didn’t you just tell me?_

As her mouth opened, unpausing to speak, I just looked at her and she at me.

What could she say?

It was all there before us and suddenly every missing piece of the last few days quickly gathered together.

She had moved on, and she had moved on to someone else.

She couldn’t see me because she was seeing him.

_Why?_

“Babe? You okay?”

As the other man spoke turning back to her, calling her the name I had called her so many times, I felt it.

That’s when I knew I really loved her and that it wasn’t just some figment of my imagination. It wasn’t just deep lust.

This time it had been real, and now, this shit burned.

It burned through every muscle, every tendon, every vein until it filtered out through me singeing the air between us.

She had broke my heart; though for the first time, but not certainly the last.

As her mouth remained paused, with no sound and her eyes moving back to him, I pushed forward.

I pushed forward heading towards the bathrooms where I started.

Whatever. Let it go. Move on.

She didn’t even call after me.

She didn’t stand and follow me.

She didn’t plead for me to come back or cry it’s all a big misunderstanding.

No, she just sat there.

Looking at him, looking at her.  

She just sat there.

She just let me go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters until Part Three; my favorite chapters in the whole series. :) Yay!


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I'm on the go today so i don't have time to edit this chapter if you see any errors-- please ignore them for now. 
> 
> Happy Reading!

CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE

BECCA

 

Now.

 

I always said those eyes could be the death of me.

They still could be.

I’ve started all the wars, but those eyes could end them.

Those eyes could make me not go home tonight.

 

There is something in them. Something so beautiful.

 A perfect hint of black swirled around that basil green that makes me always weak.

I’ve stared at those eyes for five years now, but right now in this very moment it’s like looking at them for the first time.

 

I don’t turn away.

And he doesn’t turn  away from me.

 

They are intense and beautiful.

 

I’ve asked where does it go now.

Do we start again?

Do we sit here?

Do I leave?

I don’t know what to say to him now that he knows the truth.

I don’t know what to do with the hate that has temporarily left his body.

 

I don’t know what to do with those eyes.

 

He doesn’t stop looking at me; some unreadable look that at the very least tells me we are on good terms right now.

Right now, this could go either way.

Right now this could turn into whatever I want it too.

 

And he knows it too.

 

I just don’t know what I want yet; outside of him.

 

I can’t think in this house.

I can’t come to a conclusion as I sit on my favorite lawn chair, but turn around and see where I lost my child.

It makes me fucking dizzy, and those eyes…

 

I need to get the hell out of here.

 

“Becca,” he calls, still looking at me, and I am him. “I really am truly, truly so sorry I wasn’t there…I know you didn’t want me to be, but…I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

 

He won’t move on from the moment.  Its been minutes, or has it only been seconds?

 

 He just keeps sitting there and staring at me; apologizing.

 

“It’s fine.” I say, finally moving my eyes away from his. That delicate part of me I lost is the only thing that can make me turn away from him.

 

I see that baby you know. All of the time. Especially in that face.

 

She would have had green eyes.

My nose.

The mouth would have been some perfect mix of  both of us.

I hoped she would have had his smile.

And his heart.

My brain would have been the only good thing I could have offered; though it hasn’t been thinking too clearly as of lately.

 

I need to get the hell out of here.

 

I turn back to California spread out before me.

The mountains are vast, and the sun is still shining so bright.

It’s a beautiful day, and I’m stuck in this stuffy condo, suffocating with each passing second.

I need to move on. I can’t keep sitting here and dwelling on this shit.

It hurts too much.

 

“So where do you want to start?” I ask again, attempting to move this on.

 

Harry keeps his eyes on me.  His face slowly creases into a frown.

I’ve said this four times now and maybe he’s finally catching on.

Hopefully he’s realizing I still can’t talk about it.  

I’m not naïve though. I know what he wants.

He wants to think about her, or him.

He wants to make up for all that time lost _right now._  

He wants to make up for every snatched moment of him not knowing.

 

Every time he speaks it’s some apology; but not really to me, but to it.

 

_It._

My child never had an identity.

No name.

No real gender sex.

No time to even know it was there.

 

I bite my lip. I can feel it.

 

Harry continues.

 

“Why won’t you listen to me?” he asks gently. “I’m trying to tell you I’m sorry.”

 

Again, not to me.

His words move through the light wind.

 

_Little one, I care about you._

_Little one, I wanted you._

_Little one, I wish you were here._

 

Well, I can’t do that shit.

I can’t think about it.

I stand.

I shuffle.

I run my hands through my hair.

I’m suffocating and my tears are still there, waiting in a very short line behind my eyes.

 

I need to get out of here.

 

“You said California?” I question, moving to the rail of the balcony. “Bagatelle?”

 

He just watches me as I slowly unravel.

 

 _What the hell is wrong with you,_ is on the tip of his tongue but he won’t say it because he knows.

He stands too and I grip the railing harder.

I think this is a panic attack.

 

“Becca?” he calls, moving to me slightly.

I turn the opposite way and the first tear is there, waiting to fall from its place.

 “Love?” he calls. “Becca talk to me.”

_I can feel it, I can feel it, I can feel it._

The first tear falls and I grip the rail tighter.

I can feel it; that rush of emotion that wants to break.

My breath quickens and I try to calm myself down, but I can’t.

 And it happens.

 I crumble.

One, two, three tears fall fast.  

 

As my body hunches over the railing void of breath, I’m in his arms before I can even understand it, but I pull away.

I break away roughly.

I don’t want his comfort. I just don’t want to think about it anymore.

 

I need to get the hell out of here.

 

“Do you want to leave?” I ask him quickly, wiping my tears.

 

I can’t even look at him.

 

He towers over me. I’m sure his face creases. 

_What?_

“I know a place we can go. We can take my car.” I say, fusing my words. “I’ll drive.”

“Becca,” he calls. His voice is…mature. Hard. Ready to take over. “Come here.”

 

I move further from him.

“Do you need to grab anything? Or can we just go?”

He sighs.

“Becca,” he begins again. “Bec?”

It is then my eyes lift. My old nickname can always elicit a response.

I look at those eyes. The black swirled in basil green.

My favorite eyes are filled with so much empathy for me that it turns my stomach.

“Please?” he asks, lifting his arms. “Just come here.”

I move further away from him, I practically dart to the door of the balcony.

“ _Please?”_ I plead back, leaning against the clear glass.

Please let me get the hell out of here.

 

He looks at me and I look at him.

“Okay.” He says finally. “You drive.”

I’m absolutely relieved, I almost hug him.

I turn to move away and a thought seems to come to him.

“Can you?” he asks. “Are you okay to drive?”

I don’t turn back to him, opening the balcony door.

“I’m fine.”

I always force myself to be.

 

I move back in the large room, passing the living room and kitchen and he follows.

The clothes he stripped are still in the corner of the counter and I just sigh.

He continues to follow me.

“Where are you going?” he questions.

“To get my things.” I explain. I remember his warning of clearing everything out, and I can’t let him toss our memories.

I head for my favorite picture first, the one I placed back on the wall of us in San Diego.

As I reach for the frame, he cuts back in.

“Becca?” he calls and I briefly turn to him.

His eyes are still filled with the empathy.

“It’s okay.” He says and it irritates me. I hate the way he talks to me like a delicate broken child.

It’s okay to feel pain, I guess is the undercurrent to his words and it pisses me off.

Who is he to tell me how to feel?

As my mouth opens to shut that look down, he further explains.

“Just leave it there.” He says.

“You told me to take it?” I question. “In the bedroom.”

He bites his lips remembering his own promise a couple minutes earlier.

_Once you know the full story, you’ll forgive me._

_You think so huh? Don’t plan on it. Take this with you._

 

His eyes stay on me.  
“It’s okay.” He says again as if it sums up the discussion. “You don’t have to move stuff right now.”

I ignore him and pull the picture off the wall.

I want this photo.

I head for the next one.

“How many are you going to take?” he asks.

“All of them.” I confirm.

I grab the picture from the day we signed the lease. Big smiles, mid kiss, that Glenne took.

“Why do you want them?” he asks, as I reach for the other one. “And what are you going to do with them?”

“Why?” I ask. “You said you don’t care.”

He doesn’t confirm or deny but his eyes stay on them as if I’m taking something of his.

He watches how I handle them carefully.

“I thought you wanted to leave?” he asks.

“I am.” I say, and I move away from the wall. “I also know I can’t come back to this place again so I need to get everything now.”

He reads between my words.

The baby.

Harry continues to follow me as I move into the bedroom. I head for the dresser where my Diptyque candles sit.

“I should have sold this place then.” He guesses. His voice is low and it’s a thought to himself. “I’m sorry-“ he begins again, and I stop my eye roll. “I would have sold it, if I’d known it was going to hurt you.”

“It’s fine.” I say again. I grab the candles, channeling my inner waitress. I balance everything in my arms.  “My name isn’t on the lease anymore.” I remind him. “Do what you want with it. It’s your place.”

He gives me a look- he doesn’t like that statement- but he doesn’t say anything more.

I move to the bathroom.

He sighs.

“Becca, this is getting a little silly…you can come back for everything. Or I can send it to you-“ he offers.

I ignore him.

“Do you have a bag?” I ask.

“No, but you do.” He says not missing  a beat. “In the closet.”

I temporarily sit everything on the bed, and head that way.

The walk-in closet is ridiculously large again. It hasn’t looked this huge since we moved in, but my clothes are missing so it would make sense.

I bypass Harry’s clothes; trying not to see some of my favorite shirts.

Now that my things are missing, it smells like him. His different colognes fill the room with a unique scent of Harry.

I inhale it while I can until I eye the ‘bag’ in the corner.

My old Victoria Secret duffle bag I used for school.

I can’t believe I left this gem behind.

Why didn’t he call me? He knew this was a favorite.

 

I head back into the room, heading to the bed of items.

He is still standing there, observing, not saying a word.

“I’m pissed at you.” I say lightly as I settle in front of the bed.

He looks at me confused.

I smile and shake the bag.

“You should have told me I left this.”

He just looks back at me.

“I thought you knew.”

“Of course I didn’t.” I say placing the frames in the bag gently. “I wouldn’t have left it. Honestly I thought I lost it.”

He shuffles his feet and places his hands in his pocket.

“Well you did leave pretty quickly.” He reminds me, and I almost stop what I’m doing.

“You wanted it that way.” I remind him.

“I didn’t.” he says immediately. “I was waiting for you to come back.”

I look up at him and he looks at me.

Those eyes….so rich and clear…they could make me not go home.

I need to do something.

Say something.

I need to break the curse.

“Was this before or after you fucked Victoria?” I question suddenly.

He winces immediately.

I’ve silenced him.

I move back across the room, and grab the rest of my candles.

It worked.

I grab them and place them against my chest.

This bag is going to be heavy and I’ m going to need a buffer; something soft to separate the items so they don’t clink against each other.

I look around.

“It wasn’t like that.” He says as I move back across the room and pass him. “It was a shitty thing to do, but she meant nothing to me. The whole act itself meant nothing.”

I don’t respond.

“I was trying to hurt you.” He explains. “Like you had me.”

“Well you didn’t,” I clarify. “You just ruined a good friendship.”

“She was never your friend.” He says almost immediately. “She was coming on to me for years when your head was turned.”

I roll my eyes.

Another lie to fit his narrative.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” I ask. “If you cared about me so much, why didn’t you tell me what my ’friend’ was doing?”

“Because I didn’t want to hurt you.” He says softly. “I knew you guys were close in college, and I didn’t want to interfere with that.”

I roll my eyes.

“You wanted to hurt me…you didn’t want to hurt me…you should really figure out what lie you want to go with. It’s confusing.” I say.

I head back to the closet, the aroma of Harry still wafting through the room.

I scan quickly looking around the closet making sure I didn’t miss more.

“I’ve never been confused.” He says coming into the room.

He is only a foot or two away from me.

“I’ve never wanted to hurt you Becca, but you still consistently intend on hurting me.”

Oh boy. Here we go…

“Why do you have to bring up Victoria?” he asks. “You know shit like that doesn’t matter. But you still do it.”

I turn to him.

“You fucked my friend Harry.” I remind him. “That’s kind of a big deal.”

“I’ve fucked a lot of people.” He says. “But you know I _loved_ you _.”_

“You couldn’t have. You don’t do shit like that to people you love.”

And then the room is suffocating again.

He is too much in this space. The room instantly grows ten feet smaller, I feel like I’m in a children’s coffin.

I try to move past him and he grabs my arm stopping me.

“You don’t purposely hurt them either.” He spews and I look up at him.

I don’t have a response.

I do still do it after all.

I enjoy ruining this.

I’ve been on this rollercoaster so long that I need a new thrill.

I try to pull away but he grips my arm harder.

“Why do you like hurting me?” he asks, keeping those dangerous eyes pressed against mine. “It’s fucked up Becca.”

“Let me go.” I say.

“Why?” he continues. “You’ve been doing the shit since the beginning. It’s always got to be some revenge tactic or ploy to get to me.”

“Harry-“

“Sara Sampaio and your Camden Lock Market stunt.  The club with Kendall and you flirting with that fucking guy. Bagatelle-“

“I don’t need the list.” I spew.

“Why?” he asks again. “What have I ever done to you? Were you like this with Evan? Rhys? Or am I the only one you do this shit too?”

“It’s just you.” I say smugly. 

“I’m sure.” He says and he lets my arm go. His voice has hardened again, and I’ve succeeded once again.

I sure can flip this boy all around.

I head back to my bag. 

Forget the little things. I have what I really need.

I’ll come back with Kelsey when he leaves on tour tomorrow, then it’ll be done.

 

As I lift to put the bag on my arm, everything loud and colliding he cuts in.

“ You know what, I don’t want you to take it.” He says and I turn around. “you can take your candles, but leave the pictures.”

I look at him in disbelief.

“They’re my pictures.” I argue.

“They’re mine too.” He says. “And you don’t fucking deserve them so leave them here.”

I roll my eyes and throw the bag back on the bed.

“Really?” I ask. I cross my arms. “You’re _that_ immature?”

He ignores me and heads towards the closet again. The door remains open so I see him bend and grab some shoes.

Seems he’s still planning on coming with me.

It’s shocking to me after that rant.

“We’re not going to argue about some pictures.” He states quickly as he picks up his old tan Chelsea boots. I haven’t seen those babies in a while.

In pap pictures, he has a new favorite designer and Yves Saint Laurent has been placed on the very past backburner.

He continues.

“We already have enough shit between us to fill a whole book.”

I ignore him.

I’m taking my pictures, and he needs to understand this.

I want them.  
“You can have these.” I say pointing to the wall behind me.

“I am.” He says as he comes back beside me. _“And these_.” He says.

He sits on the bed, and moves my bag possessively by his side.

He reaches for the first shoe.

“So I’m going to have to take you to court.” I estimate. “For some pictures.”

He looks up at me, his eyes sharp.

“Why do you want them?” he asks again. “What are you going to do with them?”

It is his previous question from the hallway.

“I’m going to rip them up and burn them.” I say speaking his worst fear. “At least that’s what you think right? That I’m going to destroy them?”

He rolls his eyes. First shoe on.

“No, I know you’re actually not going to do anything with them.  Just like the camera.”

Oh the Bangkok Camera…

“And what would you do with them Harry? They’ve just been sitting on the walls in some fucked up shrine.” And then I remember my original question. The question I’ve had this whole day. “What the hell is this?” I ask. “Why do you keep this shit around Harry? I told you the truth about the baby, now tell me.”

The second shoe is on.

He stands.

“Not even close to a comparison.” He says.

“I still want the answer.”

He opens my bag, and pulls out the first candle.

“I’ve already told you.”

“You haven’t told me shit.” I say.

He pulls out the second one.

“I have.” He says. “If you actually listen.”

I roll my eyes.

Third candle.

He doesn’t look at me as he shuffles my things and it irritates me.

“Stop touching my shit.” I snap as he reaches for the fourth candle. “And just answer the question.” I finish.

He actually does what I say and looks up at me.

“I’ve told you.” He says again and I begin to protest.

_That’s not an answer._

“Harry stop the bullshit-“

 He instantly cuts me off.  

“I thought you were coming back.” He says finally, and then, “You use to always come back so I figured that time was going to be no different... And …honestly… I guess I was just waiting on you.”

I shut up for a second.

Mr. Unpredictable has struck again.

I shuffle a clever response but I can’t think of one.

“For two years?” I question.

He shrugs as if that’s no time at all.

“But you’re engaged.” I remind him. “Surely you stopped thinking that after you met Julie.”

He shrugs again, as if it’s not true, or as if he just doesn’t care.

Maybe he doesn’t.

I have to understand this.

“So if I would have come back…even then, _after_ you put my ring on Ms. Prisses finger,” his eyes narrow, “You would have let me?”

He puts his head down, he grabs my fourth and final candle. He tosses it on the bed.

“You said it not me.”

Then he grabs the bag of pictures. He shakes it one final time.

“This stays here.” He says finally. “And we’re not going to fight about it. I’ll send you some copies.”

He takes every photo out, and then replaces my candles.

I don’t say another word.

Eventually he takes the photos and places them back on the dresser and brings me my bag.

I still don’t respond, I just watch him.  

 

He would have let me come back?

Even a couple months ago?

What does that mean for now?

 

“Are you ready?” he asks a second later as his eyes land on my face.

My eyes rise and meet his.

No I’m not ready actually, but if I stay in this house more memories of that day will haunt me.

I can already see the master bathroom looking at me.

“I’ll get my keys.” I hear myself say.

He doesn’t say another word.

 

 I head to the living room. I grab my jean jacket off the couch and my small purse.

Harry grabs his wallet.

“Where are we going?” he asks as I head back to the front hallway.

“I know a place.” I say.

“I thought you were scared of being pictured?” he questions.

“We won’t be,” I assure.

I place my hand on the front door handle and the door feels weighted.

I  shuffle my bag on my shoulder and head out first.

Harry follows behind me, turning and locking the door.

The hallway is quiet and lonely.

We still have the whole floor, and I study a spot where we made love in the corner.

Some lust filled night after a concert, where he had hiked me up against the wall, penetrating me the way only he could.

I have to turn away, and then what do you know…another goddamn memory.

This time crying as I left this damned place with my suitcase and him watching me.

 

_I was waiting on you. I thought you were coming back._

I should tell him I was waiting on him too.

“Are you ready?” Harry asks me again, and I blink.

He is looking at me, studying as I replayed the movie in my mind.

I wonder how longed he watched me.

“Yeah.” I say, blinking a couple more times, making sure I’m still in 2020.

He smirks and moves past me.

I’m sure he thinks I’m cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

This time I follow him as he pushes the button for the elevator.

We stand together quietly waiting.

 

It’s like a goddamn movie.

He looks at me. I look at him.

We turn away..

He looks again.

I look again.

We turn away.

He smirks, still finding amusement in the little things.

I swallow.

 

I see that baby again.

I hoped she would have been silly like him too.

 

The elevator dings.

He gestures for me to enter first, and I do.

I push the button for the parking garage where my car is secured.

“What do you drive now?” Harry asks making small talk as the door encloses us.

“A Mercedes.”

His eyes widen in surprise and I know why.

It’s the last thing I would or _should_ be driving.

“Doing well then?” he asks. “With your column?”

“No. My boyfriend’s rich.” I remind him.

Harry’s quiet, thinking to himself for a few moments.

The elevator continues to move down…

Down…

“Does he spoil you?” he asks and I turn to him.

“Ya know, flowers, chocolates….all that?”

“Sometimes.” I say honestly, but I don’t understand why he asks.

He smiles.

“Good.” He says and turns from me. “You deserve that. At least he does that part right.”

Our eyes lock.

Once again, those eyes…

I turn away quickly.

I focus to my right- far away from him, and I can’t help it, a small smile curles on my face.

It was a nice thing to say- even now.

 

The elevator dings.

We are there.

 

Once more Harry lets me step forward first and I take the lead.

I take one of my final treks across the parking lot, and Harry strides behind me.

His legs are ridiculously longer than mine, and he can outwalk me on a normal day, but he is slow, almost hesitant for us to leave.

I am too.

Out of our old world, we both don’t know what to do.

2020 hasn’t been good to our relationship so far, and this day still holds so much uncertainty.

“This is me.” I say as we approach my car finally and Harry whistles.

“Wow. He _really_ spoils you.” He says as I unlock the door.

I toss my bag of candles in the back and he slides in the passenger seat.

As I slide into the front, he smiles.

“What?” I ask as I start the car, not understanding that wide Cheshire smirk.

The radio cuts on and I turn it down.

“You don’t see the irony?” he questions.

I’m still confused.

“Everything you never wanted with me…you have with him. You’re turning into the exact person you use to fight.” And then he chuckles.

I don’t see shit funny.

What _is_ funny about that?

He continues to explain.

“You ended up with my life anyway, just without me.”

 

 _Well…_ That _shit is depressing._

 

Harry is amused.

“See…Guess you could handle it after all huh?” he questions.

 

I ignore him.

I turn the radio back up.

Shut up Harry.

Placing my hand behind his seat, I turn around.

I sigh and back out of the parking spot.

“Anyway…” I say . “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Let’s.” he says. “Show me your new world.”

He settles back in his seat, hands on his lap, getting comfortable.

I don’t respond as I shift the gear forward again.

I lead us back into the sunshine.

What new world?

I’m still ridiculously attached to his.

 

I drive forward heading to the location.

 

The radio is loud around us; some future one hit wonder plays.

Harry, Mr. King of Light Rock and Throwbacks, looks at the radio in disgust.

We haven’t even driven a mile yet and he’s already back irritated, though luckily, not at me this time.

I change the station, shifting until I find a station he will appreciate.

 

Bertie Higgins pours through the station.

 _Key Largo_.

 

I turn it up.

Ah, a childhood favorite.

I sing along to the first verse.

 

“…Honey  I was you hero, and you were my leading lady-” I start to finish, then Harry cuts in enthusiastically.

“We had it all! Just like Bogie and Bacall. Starring in our old late late show, sailing away to Key Largo!”

I turn to him slowly and he has the widest, cheesiest smile I’ve ever seen. He is obnoxious in the most adorable way.

I try to hold my smile.

“Um…excuse me,“ I begin. “I take it you like this song?” I ask sarcastically.

He smiles wider. He bops his head and sings louder, snapping his fingers.

“Here’s looking at you kid! Missing all the things we did.” He sings and I turn back to the road.

What have I gotten myself into…who knew he was a _CasaBlanca_ lover…

He is loud in my ear and I have to bite my lip to stop my smile as he performs the second verse; my car his temporary stage.  

I want to crack a giggle so bad.

And he wants me too.

He’s trying to make me laugh.

“We can find it once again, just like they did in Key Largo.” He continues to sing beside me, and I realize maybe this doesn’t have to be so bad.

This could be _our own_ Key Largo.

I can enjoy this.

That wouldn’t be a crime.

Maybe just maybe…finally…I can be nice? Sweet?

At least tolerable to be around…

Maybe today, in these final hours I don’t have to be a complete bitch.

He’s being nice to me, more so than he should be and I should follow the mantra.

What’s the saying he use to coin; treat people with kindness?

Yeah…I should try that.

Finally, give him what he’s always wanted from me; just a chance.

So as the songs comes to a close, I pay him a compliment.

“Nice.” I say. “Your singing has gotten better too.”

He smirks again.

“I didn’t know it was so shit before.”

I finally smile.

“You know what I mean Harry.”

He sighs, resting his head back against the headrest.

“Yes Becca, I do. Just giving you shit.”

His eyes move back to me, taking me in from his side of the car.

I don’t look.

“Where are we going?” he asks again.

I smile once more.

“Patience. You’ll see in time.”

He doesn’t turn from me.

“Are you finally going to kill me?” he asks. “Got a shovel in the back?”

I turn to him quickly, still trying to stay focused on the road.

“No, I’ll keep you around a little bit longer. It’s fun.”

He gaps in mock shock.

_“Did Becca Johnson just say  the ‘F’ word in relation to me?”_

Once again, I try to stop my smile.

I try to ignore him and that snide smirk. I try to ignore those deep green eyes.

 

As I said, they could be the death of me.

Still.

I’ve started all the wars and he could end them.

Right here in this very car.

 

“You know what? Let’s just listen to the radio, shall we?” I question as his mouth curls  into another wide smile.

I turn to the road and he faces forward again.

“Yes mum.” He says.

I cut him a look and he peeks over at me, giving me a sly smile. The same smile that made me fall stupidly in love.

 

Ugh, and that dimple.

That perfect jawline.

Warmth spreads from my eyes to my heart to my sudden turned on lady bits.

 

Those green eyes.

The black swirled around the basil.

Yeah…they can be the death of me.

 

I hum and focus on the music. I try not to think of how I miss this.

I try not to notice the way his eyes watch me from the side of the car.

I try not to feel the way he studies me, as if he can’t believe we are here again together.

I try, and I fail.

My eyes move back to his, and they don’t dart away or look ahead, he doesn’t hide that he is watching me.

 

I inhale.

 

Those fucking eyes again…

 

They just might inspire something after all.

 

This time I chuckle and he looks at me curiously.

Oh God the irony…how fucked up would that be…running so long and fast only to run  right back to him…to end up with him after all…

 

Well he was supposedly  waiting on me so he’d get his wish. Finally it would go his way.

 

“What are you laughing at?” he asks from across me.

 

I turn back to him coming to a stop light.

 

As our eyes lock, the realization comes with it.

 

He said he was waiting on me, and well finally I realize, fuck it, maybe I was waiting on him too.

 

Even still.

 

Maybe just maybe I was waiting on a moment like this one.

 

Its been too long.

 

“Nothing.” I say.

“Me?” he questions.

“No.” I say quickly.

“Liar.” 

 

He turns from me and I smile.

 

Still knows me so well. Mentally, physically, emotionally…even better than Chase, and I like that shit.

 

I like that shit a lot.

And I miss it.

 

Our eyes lock again as the light turns green.

 

Yeah, they’re going to be the death of me.

Those eyes…

Hmm…

I just might not go home after all.

I’m screwed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy your weekend! Don't forget to leave those kudos and comments......hint, hint Silent readers--


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments and KUDOS. I appreciate you all so much.

CHAPTER SEVENTY- TWO

BECCA

 

Then.

 

I’m screwed.

Today was dragging in the worst way.

I had been here since seven and I still had four hours to go.

I was counting down the minutes until 6:30pm.

Had I ever mentioned how much I hated this barista life?

The coffee, the muffins, the iced skinny latte; vanilla- no whip?

 

Please somebody stick me back in retail.

 

Today, I wanted to be anywhere but.

And I didn’t want to be bothered.

 

 I was working counter. Luckily for me, I had broken a machine at the start of my shift, so I was banned from all drink making.  

But these freaking people kept coming, little ants wanting their cold Frappuccino’s.

As  I gave a woman her change, there was finally a minute break between the crowds and I sighed.

As Maria, a long time ART café worker and shift lead came up, she flashed me a wide smile.

“Cheer up Buttercup!” she said jokingly.

I gave her the most bored face I could muster.

“Does it show?” I questioned.

“Just a lot.” She said with a smile, opening the register beside me.

I reveled in the couple seconds I had of freedom and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

However, it was time for my hourly check.

Looking at the screen, it was silent. Almost dead silent.

No texts.

I shuffled the phone back into my pocket.

It was finally working.

I sighed again, and rubbed my face.

Boy that was a depressing thought.

_Don’t think about it…_

 

I looked at Maria, happily counting and unbothered by this whole day. Let her take over for a while.

“I’m going to take a break!” I announced moving away before she could protest. Discarding my black apron, I headed back into the break room and grabbed my keys.

I headed outside, immediately hit with the heat wave we were experiencing and climbed behind the wheel of my fuel efficient vehicle.

Starting it, and turning on the air, my phone was back in my hand.

I needed to refuel, and readjust.

A pick-me-up.

I called my relief.

 

“Hello!” a bubbly voice sang through the speakers of my car.

“Hey. What are you doing?”

“Tanning.” Kelsey Borchardt said cheerily. “You?”

“Ugh.” I began. “Working. Which shop you at?”

“No shop. The beach.  Meet me! When are you off?”

I hated her.

Truly hated her.

“Six-thirty.” I said with disdain. “Do you work tonight?”

“Yup.” She said. “Start at ten.”

She was  a bartender for a trendy downtown club and as far as I was concerned was living the life.

Up all night dancing, flirting, getting hella tips, and then the freedom of the mornings and afternoons.

She cut back in.

“Why?”

I physically shrugged in my car.

“Just needed something to do.”

“Well if you would just-“

 _“Kelsey.”_ I warned before she started. The best friend advice had been heavy for nine days, and I was tired of it.

She couldn’t understand.

She wasn’t me.

 “Fine, fine…” she said with a sigh. “I’m out of it. But…if you need something to do, call some of the girls, or you can come by tonight. I can get you crazy drunk so you won’t think about it.”

“That sounds like the best plan so far.” I joked. “Free shots all night?”

“Hell yeah, and hot guys! You should just apply then we could work together.”

“My parents won’t let me. Need to help out the family business and all.” I said with a  quick roll of my eye.

“Yeah,  but I’ll talk to John and Alicia about it…and you girly, go back to work. I know you’re hiding.”

I sighed.

Completely caught.

“Okay. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye!” she said and hung up.

 

My car was immediately silent.

Dangerously silent and my fingers itching.

Moving quickly where I shouldn’t, my hands headed to the internet browser I needed to avoid.

With a quick push of the ‘Go’ button, he was back before me.

Tons of pictures of the tall lanky figure- white tshirt, black jeans- in Vancouver appeared before me.  

Others, backstage, all black this time, kissing, smiling and hugging fans.

It was only two days earlier.

The day after we last spoke.

I bit my finger as I studied each picture.

He seemed so happy and so content.

I settled back in my seat and clicked off the site.

Why the hell did I keep torturing myself?

I turned my car off, abruptly cutting  the engine and tossed my phone in the glove compartment.

This shit was getting unhealthy.

I climbed out of my vehicle, leaving my phone behind and went back to work.

 

~

The hours moved so….fucking…slow….

An hour after my mini break (which felt like a day) I kept working the line, thinking about my phone, imagining my pending bar shots.

As I handed out this drink… that drink… iced tea, I became a zombie to my surroundings.

The people and their faces all became a blur.

Stupidly.

If I had been more aware, I could have prevented the pending exchange in front of me.

Instead, warming up a muffin, my fingers tapped the microwave, un-enthused until I heard my name called.

Turning slightly I prayed it wasn’t _the_ voice, but with my day, it most surely was.

Evan.

I turned and locked eyes with the familiar brown ones of my ex.

Oh, great.

More fun.

“Finally!” he called, leaning on the counter. “I was wondering if you ever worked.”

He smiled. The pearly whites that had me quaking in my panties at seventeen; luckily now I was over the charm.

I took him in. All 6’1, surfer body, and cropped hair. He was mixed, and I had to admit, the years had done him justice.

He did look good- still very handsome, but if I was willing to bet- still a playboy.

“Hey.” I said, keeping my voice even. “How are you?”

“How am I? I’m great!” he said enthused. “It’s been what, a year, since I’ve seen you?”

“Two.” I corrected.

He seemed amused that I knew the specifics and gave me a look. I already started to roll my eyes while he laughed at my expression.

Heading back over to the patron I was actually assisting, I handed her the muffin with a genuine smile.

I signaled to Maria I needed a minute, and came around the booth.

As he hugged me, he smelled nice and I had flashbacks of being in his car, his cologne and aftershave filling his car.

His presence brought me immediately back to high school, and with his frequent visits to this coffee shop, I was surprised we were only just now crossing paths.

“So what are you doing now?” I asked making casual small talk.

“Oh I’m working with a nonprofit for the summer. Just got off work.”

“What kind of nonprofit?” I asked.

He gave me the details, taking me in too.

He ran a hand through my hair.

I didn’t even flinch. This boy had taken my virginity and I had been with him three years so his touch was familiar.

“Layers?” He questioned. “And did you dye it?”

“Nope.” I said. “But you got the layers part right.”

“Looks good. When are you off?” he questioned, getting quickly to his point.

“Why?” I questioned.

“Let’s do something. Catch up.”

I gave him a look. I wasn’t about to get caught back up with Evan Rodgers.

He smiled the pearly whites again.

“Don’t give me that look. I got a girl. It’s just to catch up. I’m sure you’ve gotta eat tonight right?”

“I’m meeting Kelsey at the bar.”

“With who else?”

“No one. She’s working tonight.”

“She’s still doing that shit?” he questioned, shaking his head. “What’s wrong with your best friend? When is she going to get a real job?”

That got a smile out of me. She had been in a league of her own since we were in our pre-teens. 

“Hey, she’s in college. We didn’t think she would make it that far.” I reminded.

“Yeah.” Evan agreed. “I’m surprised too. Figured she be city and country hopping by now; one of those extended gap years ”

“Give it a couple years, you won’t see her.” I assured.

He smiled.

“What time are you meeting her?”

“Don’t know. She starts at ten.”

“Oh shit, we’ll we do dinner first then.” He said with assurance. “What time are you off?”

“Six- thirty.” I said annoyed.

“Cool. I’ll be here by six-thirty five.”

I gave him another look.

“I don’t remember agreeing?” I questioned.

“You did.” He said. “Besides my cousin works at Bagatelle. Says it’s a pretty cool place. I’ll get us some VIP service.”

“Never heard of it.” I said honestly and unimpressed.

“Well then let me introduce you.”

I bit my lip, trying to think this over quick.  I didn’t want to be alone tonight, and he did said he had a girl, but right now I liked depression.

Sitting in my thoughts and feeling bad for myself was working out just fine these last couple days.

“I’m going to need  a shower.” I began, thinking of excuses.

“Why? You’re not doing any real work. I already know you’re skirting around, doing everything but.” he joked and I smiled.

One of the first genuine smiles I had in the last couple days.

He still knew me too well.

Hmm….

As I said I could use the pick me up, and he always could keep me laughing.

I rolled my eyes and turned from him.

“You’re paying.” I said as I went back behind the counter.

“Always.” Then he headed to the front door. “Bye Beckham. Be ready!”

I just waved.

 

Six-thirty seven he was leaning against my car.

Twirling my keys, I met him.

“Driving your mom’s car?”

“It’s mine now.” I said.

“Oh.” He lifted off the car, and peeked in. I could already read his thoughts.

“Let’s take my car.” He suggested.

I smiled.

Predictable.

Those long precious legs were too good for my compact vehicle.

“Whatever.” I said following him over to a newer model Jeep.

“Your dads?” I questioned following the assumption.  

“Mine actually.” He said proudly.

“Hmm. Nice.” I said climbing in the passenger seat.

A Jay Z song instantly blasted from the speakers.

Welcome back to Evan Rodgers world.

I just smiled, getting another quick hit of my high school years; thank God for growing up.

As he skirted out of the parking lot, he adjusted his sunglasses- Mr. Cool- and I just smiled to myself.

This was going to be interesting.

 

As we treaded across town, conversation was minimal with the company comfortable.

We had a nice break up. No fights or bitterness. The relationship had just run its course and I wasn’t in love with him so it was a sweet escape.

I had headed to New York and he had went to Atlanta.

For now it was as if no time had passed, and we picked up right where we had left it; as  casual friends.

As he nodded his head to more rap songs, I just sat back shaking my head until my phone started buzzing.

Glancing at the screen it was Kelsey, skyping me from her Iphone.

I accepted the call and she immediately frowned.

Rap was loud in her ear now and she immediately said “Um, where are you?”

“KKKKEEELLLLSSSEEEYYYY!” Evan called from the front seat.  “Hey Blondie!”

Her face dropped.

“Please tell me that isn’t…No, just _no_ Becca.”

I instantly laughed and Evan grabbed my phone before I could respond.

“Hey girl! Waz up!!!!” he teased and I continued to laugh from my side of the car.

As she groaned, I finally turned down his music.

I couldn’t think with some idiot  screaming,  _I woke up in a new Buggati!!_

“Oh God. Is it 2010?” She was saying to him. “Becca no. Just no. You don’t want to do this again.”

Her voice was teasing but I was aware she was also very serious.

Ashes to ashes, dust to fuckboys.

“We’re doing it. We’ve already fucked.” He said to her and I slapped his arm.

_Don’t give her ideas._

He turned to me with a smile, and they continued to bicker.

By the time Evan handed the phone back to me, he was over it.

Turning his music back up, I faced my best friend.

“Becca—“ she began placing a frustrated hand to her forehead, though I could barely hear her.

“Harry.” She mouthed. “What are you doing?”

Turning to Evan, who was not paying attention anymore, I turned back to her and signaled a done  gesture with my hand.

_That’s over._

She flashed her eyes at me.

“Becca… _What are you doing?”_ she mouthed again.

“Just hanging out.” I mouthed back.

She continued to cut her looks.

“You fucked him?” she continued to mouth.

I shook my head quickly no.

She sighed. She rolled her eyes, and I read  them. 

_Don’t Becca. Don’t mess with him again._

“I’m not.” I said verbally.

“What about Harry?” she began to mouth again and I gestured again, flashing my own eyes.

_It’s done! Stop bringing him up._

“You love him.” She mouthed. “Call _him_.” And then her voice actually cut in. “Stop being fucking stupid.”

“Kelsey.” I actually said, cutting my voice in too. I kept my voice stern so she got my point.

_Don’t._

She rolled her eyes, and signaled peace.

She hung up before I could say anything else.

 

We were at Bagatelle ten minutes later.

As Mr. Cool got out, his sunglasses were on his head and his phone pressed to his ear. “I’ll have my cousin meet us out here.”

“Why?” I questioned, but he ignored me.

Two minutes later, his cousin was in front of me. I recognized him though we had never really spoke.

“Follow me guys.” He said. Leading us into the restaurant, I was surprised when he led us pass the tables and towards the back of the restaurant where the staff was.

“What are we doing?” I asked.

“Getting the VIP service.” Evan explained. “I’m going to take you to meet the chef.”

He looked at me with a wide smile and I tried to seem impressed.

I didn’t want to burst his bubble.

This wasn’t VIP service.

 _I had seen VIP service_.  Pathways cleared, protected security, everything available under the sun with people practically bowed and kissing toes. When I had been in London, staying in the random hotels, with the call of a phone, I could have had anything I wanted.

That was VIP service; the kind I had gotten with Harry.

As I thought of him, my smile dimmed a little.

I wondered what he was doing.

Where he was…

Who he was with…

Did he miss me?

Was he mad at me?

Surely by now he understood I was dodging his calls.

_Don’t think about it._

 

As I was introduced to the chef, I was polite and even appreciated when they let me get a little behind the scenes appetizer  taste tester but now I was worried and thinking of Harry.

 

By the time I was actually in my seat to eat, he was well on my mind.

“So what’s new?” Evan asked. “What’s up with Colgate?”

Taking a sip of our _VIP wine_ , I just shrugged.

“Not much. Can’t wait to graduate.”

“May?” he asked.

I nodded yes.

“What are you doing after?”

“Haven’t decided.” I said honestly. “Trying to get in a publishing house I guess.”

“Still interested in all of that huh?”

“Course.”

“Still on honor roll?”

I smiled.

“Course.”

“Still dodging every guy that comes your way?”

“Yup.” I said and flashed him a wider smile.

He shook his head.

I took another sip of wine.

“Tell me about your girl.”

He actually smiled.

I was immediately happy for him.

“You want to see her?” he asked pulling out his phone.

He even had pictures.

I was impressed.

As he showed me ‘Jennifer’, I gave him props.

Seemed he was doing well with his recent choices.

“She’s pretty. Does she know you’re here with me?’

“Course.” He said as if that was a stupid question.

I smiled wider.

Aww.

He had finally grown up and been properly tamed.

I was glad he was happy.

He tucked his phone away.

“What about you? For real…seeing anyone?”

I immediately stiffened.

“I was. Not anymore.” I said quietly.

“What happened?”

I shuffled everything in my mind.

His fans.

His fame.

His celebrity friends.

The pending doom of people finding out.

His exes.

His past history with non-commitment.

My fear of being in love with someone that wasn’t going to last.

He was going to hurt me, his fans were going to hurt me _and_ the relationship was going to end badly. I liked him way too much for it not to get complicated.

“School.” I said finally. That was the simple answer; the uncomplicated answer I had started with.

That was a big one too, and the promise that had been pending since this all began.

“Oh he’s not in New York?”

_Nope, he’s all over._

I just shook my head no.

“Well you’ll figure it out.” He said taking on a weird big brother role. “You’ll meet someone nice one day.”

I didn’t respond.

I already had, I just couldn’t do anything with it.

 

I eventually shuffled the conversation on and ordered my food.

Digging through my pasta meal, the conversation eventually moved to family and mutual friends.

 As we talked about silly moments from high school, I kept a smile on my face sipping my wine, actually relieved I had come out.

I needed this.

This was good for me.

So as he laughed and giggled, I was once more distracted from the events around me.

“Remember Ms. Mueller?”  he asked.

I giggled. “Yes! She was freaking nuts!”

“I saw her recently!”

“No you didn’t.” I exclaimed.

“I did! I did! And the hair, even higher!”

“Shut the hell up, are you kidding!” I said with a loud laugh. “HOW! She’s so freaking-“

 

I stopped.

I completely froze in my place.

 

No.

 

No, no, no, no, no.

 

“Yeah she’s old, but-“

 

No, no, no, no, no.

 

My eyes remained froze suddenly-suspended on the image in front of me.

The person in front of me.

Harry.

Life size and only two tables away from me.

Standing and looking at me.

 

No, no, no, no, no.

 

Why was he here?

_Right now?_

Right here as I was with-

 

No, no, no, no, no, no.

 

Evan turned, looking at what made me pause.

I barely saw him.

My eyes were locked on Harry and Harry’s locked on me.

His expression was one I’d never seen before; at least not directed at me.

 

He looked at Evan, his eyes narrowing and sharp.

 

No,no,no,no,no.mo

 

Evan turned back to me, then Harry, then me.

“Babe? What’s wrong?”

 

Finally I broke my eyes from Harry.

 

Babe?

What the hell was that?

_Babe?_

 

I wasn’t his fucking babe.

 

Why the hell would he say that?

Did Harry hear it?

 

I looked back at Harry to check, but our eyes didn’t lock this time.

He shuffled away; turning from me and heading towards the back hall where the bathrooms were.

 

I looked back at Evan.

Fuck!

“Becca?” he called again. ”What’s wrong? You know that dude?”

“Babe.” I said speaking my first coherent thought.  My teeth had to be clinched together.

“What?”

“You called me babe. He heard you.” I accused quickly.

 _“Who?_ And no I didn’t.” he said  brushing me off not even a second later.

“Yes you did. You said, babe are you okay?”

“So what?” he questioned, completely confused and lost. “Force of habit. What’s going on? What? What am I missing?”

He turned back around to where Harry  had been standing, but he was gone.

He had disappeared in the bathroom.

My feet were itching to follow him.

 

But I couldn’t.

 

“Who’s dude?”

“Nobody.” I said quickly.  I kept my eyes on the bathroom door.

What was I going to do when he came back out?

Stop him? Follow him? Stand up and explain?

Jeez I could only imagine what he thought…what he heard….

What the fuck was I going to do?

“Becca-“ Evan continued. “What’s going on? What am I missing?”

“Nothing.” I said. “Just…drop it.” I said finally.

“Drop it?”

“Yes, drop it.” I pleaded.

I was flustered, and my thoughts were going a mile a minute.

I didn’t know what to do.

 

What could I say?

 

I had been avoiding him for days and I was supposed to be in San Francisco.

If I hopped my little ass up, quickly explaining ,he probably wouldn’t listen anyway, plus, we were in public.

A spat with a lover was not something I could do with him.

I needed to talk to him alone- privately, where the patrons and even Evan couldn’t see.

Where it wouldn’t be on Twitter within the hour.  


I took a big bite of my pasta.

I just needed to eat, finish this shit with Evan and figure it out.

I need to figure out my next steps.

I kept watching the men’s bathroom door.

Waiting…

Shaking…

Unsure of how to react when he finally came out.

 

Evan started talking, looking at me like I had lost my damn mind and I just kept watching the door.

I kept watching the door.

I kept watching the door.

 

Until there he was.

Shuffling out quickly, his head was down this time, and his eyes securely locked on his phone.

He didn’t even glance my way as he breezed back past me.

_Oh Babe…_

 

It took everything in me- _everything-_ to not call out his name and chase after him.

Evan continued to study me until Harry was out of view.

Wherever he was sitting, was secluded and unless I turned the corner of the restaurant I wasn’t going to see him again.

How long had he been here?

Who was he with?

Evan cut into my thoughts.

“Becca who’s dude?” he asked again and I just sighed.

I cut him a look.

Oh just shut the hell up.

Maybe this was why I didn’t have a clue who Harry was for years- sitting with this idiot…

 

I took another big bite of my food.

I needed to leave as soon as possible.

 

~

Less than an hour later, I was back in Evan’s car headed back to my own.

I hadn’t seen Harry again and I didn’t go seek him.

I was watching my phone though.

Confrontation wasn’t Harry’s thing, but after the way we had left things, he was well within his rights to cuss me out.

 

Yet he didn’t.

And my phone continued to stay dead silent.

 

“Are you still meeting Kelsey?” Evan asked eventually. “I’ll get some friends, we can meet you?”

I immediately said no.

“Nope. Just heading home.” I said honestly.

“You’re boring.” He said with a smirk, yet I didn’t respond.

I was still watching my phone and he was starting to notice.

As we got to my car,  and I turned to leave, he stopped me.

“Beckham?” he called. “Hold on.”

I turned to him in haste, ready to get home and deal with everything.

“Who was dude?” he asked again.

“Just somebody I know.” I replied honestly.

“Was that the guy you were seeing?”

I sighed.

“Yes Evan, why?”

“You haven’t been broken up long huh?’ he questioned.

This time, I didn’t answer but it had to be written all over my face.

He sighed.

“Do you want call him quick? Facetime him? Have both of us tell him it wasn’t what it was.”

I immediately wanted to smile. Who was this guy?

Definitely not my ex.

“That’s nice of you.” I said.

He shrugged it off.

“It’s nothing. Just want you to be good too.”

I smiled.

“It’s fine. Not necessary. I’ve got to fix this on my own. I did all this to myself.”

“Good luck.” He said with a solitary nod. “Keep in touch kay?”

“Sure.” I said practically running to my car.

 

Behind the wheel of the small car, my thoughts raced.

I tried to think of the words.

I played our confrontation.

 

_It wasn’t what it looked like._

_I’m not seeing him._

_Sorry I lied about San Francisco._

 

None of that would work. He would need more.

 

_Sorry I didn’t text._

_Sorry I didn’t call._

_Sorry, I was busy?_

_It was the store and my parents. They needed me._

_I wasn’t with friends these last few days._

_I wasn’t dodging you on purpose._

 

No that wouldn’t be enough.

It was lies anyway.

I thought of the truth.

The same truth I couldn’t say.

 

_Sorry I’m scared._

_Sorry I thought I could handle it._

_Sorry I’m not stronger._

_I’ve missed you._

_Desperately._

_I want you._

_I want this._

_I love you._

 

I sighed, near tears.

I didn’t know what to do.

 

I knew I had to talk to him and explain. I couldn’t let him think Evan was the reason, because that’s where his mind would go. He would look at my running, as running to someone else, when in reality I was just running from my own heart.

 

The only person I wanted to run to was Harry. I wanted to fucking smash into him.

 

I pulled up in front of my house.

All quiet on the home front.

My sisters car was gone, and I couldn’t tell if my parents were home.

 

I entered the quiet house, which had limited lightening, but heard a shuffle in the far distance. Someone was home, though it was too quiet to tell who.

Maybe it was my mom sitting at the kitchen counter painting her nails or doing her usual Sudoku puzzle.

Or my father, stuck at his computer, budgeting the stores and bills.

I bypassed whoever it was, and headed to my room.

Heading for a nice hot shower still didn’t solve my puzzle.

As the warm water shimmed down my muscles, it didn’t relax me.

I needed a resolution.

I needed to know what I was supposed to do.

I needed to solve it tonight. I couldn’t let this shit sit and stew anymore.

 

Heading out of the shower, I lotioned up and started to get dressed.

Bypassing Harry’s limited shirts in my dresser, I threw on a large tshirt and sports shorts.  

It smelled like him; the whole dresser.

His scent was like a potpourri candle that lit the rest of my clothes.

I breathed him in, molding him inside me even more.

 

I headed to my phone.

It was still silent except some texts from Kelsey warning me not to ‘fuck up my life’

 

*You’re being so stupid about all this. What if Harry finds out?* was the last text she had sent.

 

I grimaced.

 

Well dear friend, he was well aware.

 

I headed downstairs. The silence was now pierced with the click of keyboard keys and I knew it was my dad.

He had been  coming home later the last couple days and we hadn’t really spoke.

I headed to his personal office.

I needed a distraction while I figured this shit out.

 

As I entered our eyes met and he smiled.

“Hey kiddo!” he began. “Just getting off?’

I plopped in one of seats, getting immediately comfortable.

“Nope.” And then knowing he would get a kick out of it, further explained. “Went to dinner. With Evan.”

He immediately looked at me in interest.

“He came by the shop today.  Took me out to catch up.”

His mouth took on an immediate ‘O’ shape.

“Oh boy, and how was that?”

“Good surprisingly.” I said. “He’s got some good things going on. New Job. New car. New girl. He seems happy. I’m impressed.”

My dad chuckled.

“Yeah your mom said something like that when she saw him last. Glad he’s finally got his head on straight.”

“I thought you liked Evan?”

“I do. He’s a great young man,  but even I know you’ve outgrown him by now.”

I smiled.

He turned back to his computer, he started tapping on the keys again.

“So you heading out?” he asked after about a minute. “Going to Hickey’s house?”

I instantly chuckled.

“Dad, you have really got to stop calling him that. His name is Harry.”

“I know what his name is.” He assured. “Hickey just seems more appropriate in light of recent events.” He said with a playful narrow of his eyes.

“No comment.” I said.

I turned away from him.

 _Hickey_ was still on my mind. I played with a fingernail.

What was I going to do?

“So?” he called after I grew quiet. “You leaving?”

“No.” I said finally. “We um…I’m kind of not seeing him anymore.” I said honestly.

Another ‘O’ face.

“Ah,” my dad said. “So that’s why you’ve been home the last few days? I was wondering. Normally you’re running to be with him.”

As our eyes locked, I didn’t respond.

The thought made me sad.

I looked down at my nail again, picking at my polish.

“Do I need to get my gun?” he asked seriously, immediately taking on a protective dad role. “Load my bullets up?”

I smirked and looked at my dad.

I didn’t put it past him.   I was the Daddy’s girl and he was studying me.

 “No.” I said quickly. “I um, I ended it. I broke it off.”

“Why?” he asked. “I thought you liked the kid?”

I looked up at him.

I grew serious.

“I love him.” I said and my dad’s face curled in concern. “I really love him dad.”

My dad’s expression softened. It was a moment of honesty between us and something I didn’t know if he was ready for.

The last proclamation I had about a boy had been when I was five and I told him I was marrying a boy in our church.

He sighed gently and turned from me, not sure what to do with this information- or so I thought.

He wiggled his computer mouse, typed a bit, then picked back up.

“Is that why then? You left?”

I nodded yes, feeling a wet heaviness to my eyes.

I shifted in my seat, leaning forward.

A rubbed a hand over my face, keeping the tears at bay.

“What was I thinking Dad? Who I was kidding?”

He looked back at me.

_“He’s Harry Styles.”_

His hands stopped almost immediately,  He blinked, then gave nothing else.

“ _You’re Becca Johnson.”_ He said a moment later.

I smirked, and sat back up.

“Not even a comparison dad.”

“Why not?” he questioned. “He shits and bleeds like you doesn’t he?”

I looked back at him. Well yes, but…that still wasn’t a comparison.

“It’s not the same.” I emphasized verbally.

He sighed and moved away from the computer.  He moved, giving me his complete attention and crossed his fingers on the desk.

Fatherly advice queued in three, two, one…

“Becca, listen.” He began. “Unless you completely mess up this year, and I mean just don’t anything…you’re going to be graduating Magna Cum Laude in May. You are in the top 1% of your graduating class. Of the five colleges you applied for prior to getting to Colgate, you were accepted into all of them; all of them Becca.”

Once again, no comparison.

He continued.

“Once again, there was no waiting lists Becca, no extra essays needing to be submitted. They wanted you, almost immediately. You have hundreds of accolades; ribbons and bows that have lined your walls since Kindergarten.  We have boxes upstairs in the attic, just sitting there-“

I smiled.

He continued.

“You’ve got solid recommendations from deans Becca, not professors that you can take with you out into the career world. The president of your school is aware you exist, the man has shaken my hand and said ‘you are one to watch’. You’re smart Becca.” He said. “But more importantly you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You’ve got a great heart. You always volunteer in your community, if someone needs help you’re there; dropping everything.”

I continued to smile.

“I don’t say it enough kid, but I’m proud of you. You’re the baddest chick I know, and your mom is freaking Wonder Woman, so that’s not an easy task. So once again…you’re _Becca Johnson_. And this boy...this Styles kid may have money and be famous all over the world, but from where I’m sitting, you’re the one out of _his_ league Becca. He’s lucky you even looked _his_ way.”

I smiled.

“Dad-“ I began. Don’t be crazy.

“I’m serious.” He said. “Take his money and fame away and what is he left with? What does he bring to the table?”

I didn’t answer, but there was a lot.

Harry _was_ an incredible person, different from any other guy I had ever met, but as my dad was helping me to see...so was I.

“I don’t think I can handle it though Dad.” I said honestly.  Even with all of that, “He’s amazing, really…and you’d really like him Dad. But his lifestyle…I just don’t think it’s for me. “

He shrugged.

“Then it’s not for you. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But don’t put yourself down. Stop pushing yourself off, so he can be placed on the pedestal. You both can bring something to it if he is as great as you say.”

I sighed.

He continued his wise wisdom.

“If it’s his fans, then you can handle it. You’re tough Becca, and I know you can stand up for yourself. If it’s his work, then remember you’re busy too, and you got one of those stupid things you guys use to look at each other.”

“That’s not it.” I said though by now he had me smirking.

“Then what is it? His fame? _The paparazzi?”_

“Yeah, I mean…if people find out…it’s going to be rough. And I don’t know if it’s worth it. People will  be really mean to me and I’ll have no privacy.”

He sighed and shrugged.

“Well I can’t speak on that. I don’t have those problems. But he has friends, and exes, and parents…they handle it…maybe you can too.”

I sighed.

Maybe…

“Look Becca, life is short, and if he makes you happy- go for it.”

I looked up at him with a smile.

“You’re actually telling me to date him? Hickey guy?”

“I’m not telling you to _have sex with him_ _and stay in his bed_ ,” he emphasized. “But just don’t limit yourself is all.” He said. “You’re stronger than you think.”

“Do you really believe that? That I could handle it?” I questioned still unsure.

“Absolutely. “ he said without pause. “But still…let’s not waste our time on a bum…does he love you too?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’ve never asked him?”

“No.”

“Well did you ever tell him you loved him?”

“No.” I said honestly.

He sighed and shook his head.

“Well what the hell are you doing talking to me? Go talk to him!” he joked, but I couldn’t smile.

“I can’t.” I said gloomily.

“Why?”

“He saw me with Evan.”

“When? Tonight?”

I nodded yes.

“He was at the restaurant and I didn’t know he would be there and he saw us together. So I’m quite sure he hates me and I’m quite sure he never wants to see me again.”

“Well why? Did you explain when you saw him?”

“No. I froze. I didn’t know how to react or what to say to him in public.”

“Well have you texted or called him since? Is he rejecting your calls?”

“No. I haven’t.”

“You haven’t called?”

“Or texted.” I confirmed.

He sighed again.

“Oh dear.”

 

He took his attention off of me, and looked back at his screen, bringing it back to life. He started typing again.

I watched him for about a minute until I grew confused…

Seemed he was done talking.

“Is that all?” I questioned, suddenly confused. The great big pep talk over?

“I can’t help you Becca.” He said. “Until you help yourself.” He said. “And frankly, you shouldn’t even still be sitting here. You should already be in your car.”

As he said the words he looked at me and gave me a head nod.

_Get out of here._

I stood.

“I don’t know what to say to him.” I said, feeling like I was being thrown to the wolves.

“ _Then tell him that_.” He said. “But don’t just say nothing.”

I bit my lip.

“Do you think he’s going to forgive me?”

“Becca,” he said impatiently. “I don’t know. You know him best…but, stop talking to me. Go talk to him.”

And then to make sure, I fully understood, he gave a dismissive wave.

“Go.” He said finally.

I did as he said, reluctantly moving back to my room.

The final thing I heard was his yell of, “Don’t come back with more hickies! Or you’re grounded!”

I smiled as I headed up the stairs.

I was going to get my purse and hopefully find my sanity as well.

 

I still didn’t know what to do , or to say, but my father was right.

I needed to face this.

I needed to just tell him what was in my head.

Harry told me once all he wanted was honestly, and well tonight, it was finally going to come out.

 

I grabbed my purse, pulled my hair into a tight bun, threw on some lip gloss, and pulled myself together.

As I headed out of the room, I passed my dresser of his shirts and decided I probably needed all of them.

After tonight I was probably never going to see him again, and dealing with the hassle of shipping them would be a  headache I could avoid.

Grabbing my Victoria Secret tote I used for school, I shuffled in his shirts, hoping some of his scent would linger in the bag in my short trip.

I grabbed a jacket, called out bye to my dad, and then was on my way.

 

I resolved to head to Jeff’s house first.

Harry wasn’t often at home, and reading his past actions, it’s probably were he fled.

Unless he was in someone else’s bed.

Maybe he had decided to get revenge and had called up an ex. Maybe he was fucking her right now.

It’s something I would immaturely do.

 

I almost turned my car around at the thought, then realized my mind was just playing tricks on me.

It was looking for ways to stall this; again.

 

I carried on; taking the 101 straight to Jeff’s house.

By now it was pushing 11pm, and I was regretting this whole thing.

What the hell was I doing?

Barging into Jeff’s house at 11pm? Surely they would think I was crazy.

 

Yet, there I was.

I turned my car off, grabbed my Harry bag and sat there for 30 seconds.

To go in, or not to go in?

To be strong, or coward out?

The lights were on in the house, and Harry’s truck was definitely parked on the side in front of mine.

He was definitely here, and for all I knew they were watching me from the window.

 

I climbed out.

 

I headed to the front door, deciding knocking was more polite then ringing the doorbell.

Tentatively and as delicately as possible, I tapped my knuckles against the door.

One time, two time, three times, and here we go!

It took a couple seconds, but the door creaked open.

The puzzled and confused look of Jeffrey Azoff met me.

“Hi.” I said nervously as our eyes met.

“Hi.” He said.

“Is Harry here?” I asked stupidly.

“Yeah?” he began looking at me like I was crazy; as I assumed.

“Can I talk to him?”

He briefly peered behind him as if the figure of Harry was hiding behind the door.

And maybe he was.

Oh shit.

This just got complicated.

“He’s probably sleeping.” He said, turning back to me.

“I need to talk to him.” I said.

“Okay?” he questioned as if he wasn’t understanding me. “And I just said he’s probably sleep. He headed down early. I don’t think he wants to talk to anyone right now. He said he had a headache. ”

So he knew.

He was probably there at the restaurant too.

“It wasn’t what it looked like.” I said quickly. “I need to tell him that.”

His forehead creased in confusion.

 _“What_ wasn’t what it looked like?”

“Tonight, with the guy.”

His eyes narrowed.

I read them clearly.

“He didn’t tell you?” I asked in confusion. “About tonight?”

Once more, he looked behind the door.

“No. What happened tonight?” he asked again.

It was then I realized he didn’t know.

And Harry probably wasn’t behind that door. He would have surely had him slam it my face by now.

“I just need to talk to him. Can you please let me in?” I pleaded. 

“He’s sleep-“

“Please.” I pleaded. “I really need to tell him somethings. It’s important.”

He studied me.

In my white t-shirt, boy shorts, tight bun, flip flops…I looked a mess.

And he could finally sense the urgency.

“Fine.”  He said stepping out of the way and letting me enter.

I quickly turned to my left and as I assumed, no Harry.

No Glenne either.

“Basement?” I questioned.

He nodded yes and watched me as I headed down.

“Hey Becca?” he called out.

I turned back around.

“My loyalty is to him. Don’t make me regret letting you in.”

As our eyes locked, I got the true best friend stare and I realized he would call the police if he had too.

It made me smile. I was glad he had such a good friend.

“I get it.” I said.

I turned from him and headed back down the stairs to the basement.

As I traveled down, it was dark and the light from a TV was the only thing highlighting the room.

As I made it down to the second to last step, I saw him.

Lying on the bed, legs crossed, earphones in his ear.

He didn’t see me, entranced by the screen of his phone.

I immediately felt the butterflies, and the nerves.

I took the final step and he finally looked up glancing my way.

As our eyes locked, his widened and then narrowed in the span of a few seconds.

_Why are you here?_

 

I took careful steps towards him and he yanked his earphones out but kept his phone held high.

He looked at me.

I looked at him.

I swallowed.

He stared.

 

“Hi.” I said.

His phone remained suspended in his hand, but he didn’t take his eyes off of me.

I swallowed again.

Oh boy, the flare of those green eyes.

I don’t think I had ever seen this look before.

If he stared too long I was a going to catch fire.

“Sorry I’m here so late. I hear you have a headache so-“ I said.

“Why are you here?” he cut in, cutting me off.

“I need to talk to you. I wanted to apologize.”

The stare stopped. With an obnoxious roll of his eyes, he turned back to his phone and stuck one headphone back in.

“I’m not interested.” He said.

I was already losing him.

I took another step toward him.

“I brought your shirts,” and he slowly turned back to me. “In case you were going to want them.”

He rolled his eyes again. He turned back to his phone, typing something quickly.

“Toss ‘em in the corner.” He said under his breath, and then “I’m not in the mood to be bothered, so please leave too.”

I did as he said with the shirts, but didn’t honor his last request.  As I removed the shirts from my bag,  I turned back to him.

“I need to talk to you.” I said again. “I want to explain. That wasn’t what it looked like tonight.”

He didn’t say anything, or even look my way.

“I wasn’t on a date.” I clarified.  “I haven’t been seeing him.”

“Well how was San Francisco?” he cut in, finally looking at me. “Weather nice? You sure got back here fast to be there for a week.”

I swallowed again.

Completely caught.

I shuffled my feet.

He kept his eyes pierced in my direction.

“I don’t know.” I said honestly. “I was never in San Francisco,”

As I looked at him, he had the nerve to partially smirk.

“No shit.”

And then it faded.

His eyes moved back to his cell phone screen.

He reached for his second headphone.

He was done talking.

“I’ve been working.” I cut in quickly. “Every day. I haven’t been seeing anyone else or with friends.” I said in a rush before I was completely drowned out. “I’ve just been working.”

He paused, mid headphone to ear.

He looked at me.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I wanted you to know…I wasn’t dodging you and just living it up.”

The phone finally lowered.

“So you admit it? You were? Dodging me?”

“Yes.” I said gently.

“For him?”

“No.” I said quickly. “I only saw him tonight.”

He rolled his eyes again. This time though, he tossed his phone by his side.

He yanked out the headphones and sat up.

He gave me his full attention.

“You’re really going to sit here and still  lie to me Becca? I saw you tonight. I heard what he called you.”

I ran a hand through my hair. So he had heard the babe comment…that was not going to help my case.

“That was Evan.” I explained.

He looked at me.

He slapped his knee.

“Oh Evan!”

His tone was covered in sarcasm. 

“The Great Evan. How did I not know?”

 I immediately realized he didn’t.

We had talked about him but I had never said his name. He had no clue who my dinner companion was.

“Evan, my ex.  The guy I was with for three years.” I quickly clarified.

He continued to look back at me, until he wasn’t.

This time he swallowed.

He didn’t like this  news.

He looked down, running a hand through his growing hair.

He was quiet as he then studied his hand.

“Well good for you.” He said. “Glad you’re back together.”

“We aren’t.” I said quickly and took a step towards him. “I don’t want him.”

He looked back at me.

“I don’t even care about him.”

“You don’t care about me either.”  He countered back and finally lifted from the bed. Moving away from me, I watched him.

He was so mad at me and I wasn’t use to him being this cold.

It hurt.

“I do Harry.” I said, though my voice was breaking. “More than you know.” I admitted.

He chuckled and turned back to me.

“Oh you do? Wow! How could I not tell? You’ve been so wonderful the last few days that I can’t believe I’ve forgotten?”

I held back my eye roll.

“Harry-“ I cut in. Let’s not be immature.

 _“No_.” he said cutting me off. “You disappeared on me Becca. You dodged my calls. You didn’t _want_ to see me---so what the hell are you talking about? Why are you here? You made it quite clear where you want this to stand.”

“No.” I said quickly. “I just—I didn’t know what to say or how to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” he asked. “That you’re fucking flaky? That you’re a coward? If you didn’t want to be with me, you could have just said so. I gave you plenty of times. The last time we were together, I gave you a wide opened window, and you didn’t say shit. You fucked me and then walked out as I was sleeping. Who does that? After everything, who leaves like that? Why couldn’t you just finally be honest and tell me?”

“Because I couldn’t Harry-“ I began again.

“Why?” he demanded. “What happened to make everything change? What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything. You’re wonderful,”

He rolled his eyes again.

“It was the fans and their comments.” I said finally telling the truth. “I saw the pictures of us at Starbucks and I saw how they were treating the girls- the ones they thought were me and-“

 _“That’s it?”_ he said with exasperation. “That’s what you’re so pressed about? That’s why you left?”

I nodded yes.

His hands immediately went to his face and he ran another hand through his hair.  

“Oh my God. I can’t believe this.” He muttered to himself.  “How many times do I have to explain this shit to you-“

And then he dropped his hands.

“Ya know what I can’t even do it. If that’s it, if that’s enough to make you run away from me, then it doesn’t even matter.”

“Harry-“ I began again.

“Can you just leave? Get your things and go?”

“I’m not done.” I said feeling the heaviness of my eyes again.

He scoffed at me.

“Becca you’ve been done! I haven’t heard from you. You disappeared on me. You left me remember? Now you want me to listen to you? No, fuck that, I was willing to listen then, when you sat on my lap. Not now, not days later. Not when you chose to just walk away.”

“But I was scared. “

“Of what?”’

“All of this.” I said.

“All of what?” he asked.

 _“Everything.”_ I said and I could feel the tears ready to fall. “I’ve never felt like this before. I never dated anyone like this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to react. Give me some credit Harry. I’m not famous or use to having my business splattered all over the world. I’m sorry.” I said. “I’m truly sorry I didn’t react the greatest but that shit scared me. It drove the point home for me, that this is not what I pretend it is. At the end of  the day you will always be who you are, and one day it’s going to blend together. One day people may find out about us, and that shit scares me. I’m sorry.”

He remained quiet.

“I am flaky.” I admitted, “And I was a coward about it. But…I think I have every right to be.”

“You don’t though Becca…and why couldn’t you just tell me that?”

“I tried too. When I brought up Kendall, I tried to tell you my issues-“

“And what did I tell you?” he asked. “Fuck Kendall, and the other women, and the rumors and…Fuck what people may eventually say.” He said. _“I wanted you_ , and I would have helped you. I know its shit dating me. I know its fucking frustrating.  You think I don’t realize what you would go through or worry about. I do, and the shit bothers me. I’m terrified and I’m  walking on eggshells the whole time, hoping no one would ruin it, or you wouldn’t change your mind, or it wouldn’t be too much…but I thought it was worth it Becca. I thought it was worth it for what we had… I’ve tried so hard to show you what you mean to me. I stopped just short of letting you meet my mum. I’ve let you in so much and I’m constantly trying to tell you, the shit you worry about doesn’t matter in the end-“

“But it does matter Harry! You think because you say you want to be with me, that it makes a difference? Hell I’m in love with you and the shit still hasn’t mattered.  None of it matters! It’s not enough! I need more reassurance then some words. I need to know you will fight for me and protect me. I need to know I’m not wasting my time.”

He just looked back at me.

 _“What?”_ he asked.

“I  said I need to know you will protect me-“

“No, no. Shut up.” He said waving those words quickly away. “What did you say before that?”

“The same things I’ve been saying.”

“No Becca… you didn’t.” he said. He looked back at me, as it dawned on me what I had slipped out.

Oh dear.

Oh no.

He took a step toward me.

“What did you say?” he asked me again.

He looked at me, those eyes crystal and warm.

“Nothing.” I said.

He sighed, and turned from me. Pulling his lips between his teeth, he moved away from me.

Oh no, the cold Harry was returning.

“It was just dinner.” I quickly cut in. “With Evan. He came by the restaurant today and it was the first time I’ve seen him in two years. It was just dinner to catch up. Please believe I don’t want him.”

Harry looked back at me. He turned to me stupefied.

“Becca, we’re not even talking about that right now. I don’t care about that fucking guy anymore.”

“Good.” I said honestly. “Because he means nothing to me.”

“Okay.” He said, and I was instantly relived. “But tell me,  what do I mean to you?” he asked me, not even a second later. “Just finally tell me.”

He gave me a look, a look that let me know he wanted me to say the great giant ‘L’ word again, but I wouldn’t.

I wasn’t going to put myself completely on the line just to have him tell me to leave.

Still, he did need to understand. He needed to know that if we left this tonight, that it had meant something to me.

“Everything.” I said honestly. “These last few months have been amazing.”

He kept his eyes on me, thinking.

“I want to ask you a question then-“

I didn’t say anything, waiting.

“If I wasn’t who I was, ya know, in the public eye like I am, would we even be having this conversation, or would we just be together? Because outside of that, is there anything else preventing you from being with me?”

“No.” I said honestly. “School maybe, but no.”

“So we would be fine?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let’s be fine Becca.” He pleaded. “My fame, it’s just a job.  It’s all just a facet of my career.”

“It’s not.” I argued.  “This is you. This is your life. The concerts, the shows, the pap pics is you.”

He shook his head no.

“Becca it isn’t.”

_“It is Harry.”_

He sighed. “Okay, then I have a question… what did I eat yesterday?”

“What?”

“Where did I go? Who did I hang out with? What shows did I watch?”

“How the hell should I know?” I said.

“You mean you can’t Google it? You can’t find it on your phone on Harry Styles updates?” he asked. “You should be able too, if it’s all blended together. If my life is truly linked to fame.” He argued.

I grew quiet.

“My personal life is just that. Personal. No one knows what we do Becca, or what we’ve done. No one knows the specifics; even my most devoted fans.  But  you do. You know what my favorite food is, you know where I probably was. You knew how to find me tonight. You know every facet of my daily life, because you’re actually in it. Harry Styles, the boybander singer is one part of me; and yes, a lot of people know that part. But Harry, the guy whose talking to you right now, whose taken you to London…who slept beside you night, after night, after night—only you know that part.” He sighed. “And you were the only one I wanted too.”

I remained quiet. I didn’t have a response yet.

“I’m in love with you Becca,”

I immediately looked up.

“The Harry that matters, the one who will remain when all that shit fades away- is in love with you. With y _ou_ Becca.”

“What?” I said this time and he just shook his head yes.

Our eyes maintained locked.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”  
He smirked. “The same way you still won’t tell  me?”

I bit my lip. He had me there.

I turned from him.

“Do you love me?” he asked quickly.

I turned back to him slowly.

His eyes wide and unmoving on me.

Oh dear…

I shuffled my feet.

I clenched my fingers.

I instantly wished I had some pockets or hadn’t tied my hair up. I needed to do something with my hands.

And those eyes. 

“Well…Harry see-“

“Do you love me?” he asked again.

I couldn’t even look at him.

“Well see the thing is-”

I clasped my hands squeezing them together. I bit my lip.

“Becca-“ he warned. _Don’t start._ _Don’t be flaky._

“I-I-I um-“

“You’ve already said it.” He reminded me.

“Then why do I need to say it again?” I argued, meeting his eyes again.

“Because I’m narcissistic  and I want to hear you say it again. And you _need_ to say it.”

“It doesn’t matter.” I said quickly and in sudden frustration.  “It doesn’t matter if you do or I do. We both know its-” I began my rant, and he cut me off.  

“Becca, I’m only going to ask you one more time, or I’m going to kick you out. Do you love me?”

Those eyes stayed on me; still not moving. 

Fuck the hair tie, I needed my hair down.

I took the string of black elastic out and ran my hands through my hair. It was still semi damp from my shower and curling up. I ran my hands through it nervously.

He still stood there, looking at me, waiting on me.

I sighed loudly.

Gosh I hated him.

“This is fucking annoying…” I muttered to myself then gave in. “Fine, yes. YES! Yes, I love you. I’m fucking in love with you okay!”

He smirked at my frustration.

“Oh, you’re _fucking_ in love with me?” he questioned.

“Yes.” I said cutting my eyes at him. Screw him and his amusement. Screw him for making me say it.

He chuckled. His smile was wide on his face. 

“Well okay.” He said. “Okay then.”

“Okay.” I  said because I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do or say.

He shifted towards me.

“Well _fucking_ get over here then?” he teased.

I smiled and moved to him reluctantly.

I stood directly over him on the bed and he looked up at me.

He didn’t  touch me.

He didn’t grab me and kiss me and wrap his around me like in some great romance movie.  

His expression, instead, turned serious.

“What do you want from me? What do you need from me, if we try?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” I said honestly.

“No. Screw that...I need to know. If we’re going to get anywhere tonight, I really need to know this. How can we make this work?” he asked again, but in a different way. “How do I ensure that we don’t keep having these conversations.  Because I love you Becca.  I love you hun. And I want to try. I want to see where this can go, because I feel like it can be great.”

“I do too.” I said quickly.

“Then you’ve got to talk to me.” He said. “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what the problem is. I can’t be all in, if you’re only partially there.”

“I am all in.” I said. “But I also have worries.” I said honestly.

He shook his head okay.

“Good. Tell me all that. Tell me how I solve them. Tell me what you need from me.”

“I don’t know.” I said turning from him. “I don’t know what’s going to make this better.” I said moving away from him. “It’s just my own shit I have to get over.”

“Is it more time? Me being there more?”

“No.”

“Is it the words then? Did I need to tell you I loved you so you got it?”

“No.”  I said.

“Then what is it Becca? What would make this work?”

“I don’t know.” I said. “I don’t know Harry. God stop asking me!”

I turned from him and sighed.

He sighed too.

We didn’t face each other immediately.

I knew we were both lost in our thoughts for a moment.

He broke the silence first.

“So you’re just going to go then?” he asked. “Just walk away because its suddenly got too hard for you?”

I shrugged.

I didn’t know what the answer was.

“I don’t want too, but how can it work?” I questioned, turning back to him. “Especially when you’re going to be there and I’m going to be here. How can it work with so much uncertainty and potential doom already?”

He sighed and stood back up from his place on the bed.

“Becca?” he called.

He came over to me.

He grabbed my hands and climbed on his knees in front of me.

“It doesn’t have to be this complicated.”

I immediately tensed.

_“What are you doing?”_

He looked up at me, peering with those eyes.

His face serious _._

“Becca,” he gently squeezed my hands. “Listen to me. I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him.”

“What?” I said instantly.

Was that the movie Notting Hill?

“I didn’t plan on falling in love with you and I doubt you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening.”

Huh?

“What?” I asked again.

“You never have to give away a piece of you to me. But you can have as many pieces of me as you want. You can have all of me forever.”

I finally smiled.

Those words were too good to be made up, and hadn’t I heard that in-

“Harry what the hell are you talking about?”

He smirked slowly, keeping his eyes on mine.

“I’m quoting Romcom’s too you.”

 I instantly laughed, and then stopped…because…was he serious?

 _“What?”_ I asked again.

“I’m out of ideas!” he exclaimed reading my expression. “I don’t want to lose you to these silly concerns you have. And I’ve said everything I can say to you and you’re just not getting it so I’m copping out. This is me saying the shit that the girls like in the movies. It works for them so-I have another one- listen, after I spend the day with you-”

I placed a hand over his mouth, before he could even get the rest of the sentence out and continued to smile.

This dork.

I looked back at him with so much endearment.

This was why I loved him.

This was the shit that made him worth it. This was the shit my dad couldn’t see.

Who else could give me something like this?

What other idiot boy would try this hard?

I had no more words.

I leaned down and kissed him, finally letting my mouth do the talking.

His lips curled around mine hungrily.

My hands wrapped in his hair and his hands grabbed my waist.

Supporting my weight he pulled me down so I was pinned beneath him, continuing to kiss me.

When we broke away, he only said one thing.

“Please don’t run from me Becca. Please don’t ruin this.”

Looking in those eyes, I couldn’t help but agree, though I should have.

“I won’t.” I said.

“You’ll try?”

Running  a hand through his hair, I shook my head yes.

“Until I can’t anymore. I promise.”

He smiled and leaned down to kiss me again.

His lips instantly put me in a spell. All the danger signs flashing, abruptly cut out and dimmed.

“I love you Becca.” He said seriously.

“I love you too.” I said finally, and I had to admit, a weight in the room lifted. Though not the internal one.

“Sooo…Let’s do this?” he questioned. “Together?”

I smirked.

My gut was screaming.

She was shouting at the top of her lungs to think this through…take more time…tell him all the concerns…and really talk it through…don’t just jump into this…

Don’t be blinded by this deep lust.

“Let the fun begin.” I answered.

He smiled back at me. My favorite smile, on my favorite person.

 Leaning to kiss me again, those amazing lips curled around my own, making me lose all rational thought and slicing my gut to pieces.

He was mine, and I was his.

This was going to go fine.

We could make it.

We were going to be great.

Well there’s only one thing to say;

 

I should have listened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, and that's the end of Part Two. 
> 
> You've had the drinks and the appetizer...welcome to the main course. 
> 
> Welcome to Part Three.  
> The who, what, where, when, why and how....Finally. 
> 
> But first, to ensure I keep you guys consistently happy in the final wind down; 
> 
> 1) Whose point of view do you like reading more? Harry or Becca?
> 
> 2) Does it bother you the amount of Harry's real life events I put in the story? Is it fine, or would you like me to make more stuff up?
> 
> PART THREE BEGINS OCTOBER 25TH


	73. Three Days; A Prelude

"You built a nest inside my soul  
You rest your head on leaves of gold  
You managed to crawl inside my brain  
You found a hole and in you came  
You sleep like a baby breathing  
Comfortably between truth and pain  
But the truth is nothing's been the same  
Since those three days"

                                              -Lucinda Williams 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See ya Wednesday.


	74. PART THREE

PART THREE: Who We Became

 

 

CHAPTER SEVENTY FOUR

BECCA

 

Then.

November 2015

Almost four months later…

 

I have been in the airport sixteen times this year.

Sixteen.

Through baggage claims, US Custom departments, expensive food courts and all the wonderful congested chaos.

 

Tonight, L.A.X.

Home sweet home.

For the weekend.

 

“Hi honey!”

I shuffled my bag on my shoulder, as my mom hugged and greeted me.

She instantly knocked the wind of me, hugging me tightly.

“Oh I’ve missed you so much!” she said enthusiastically in my ear.

“Can’t breathe.” I hummed, as she broke apart from me.

She smiled.

“How was the flight?”

“Great.” I said. “Glad to be back on solid ground though.”

“Great! Pop your bag in the back, and lets get you home.”

I did as she said, tossing it in the trunk and climbed in the passenger seat.

The world of my mom, country music and rose perfume filled my nostrils.

Ah…good to be home.

She fastened her seatbelt and pulled off.

“I was wondering when you were going to get here, you said your flight was delayed?” she questioned, making her way through the busy Los Angeles streets.

“Ugh, let’s not talk about it. I’m just happy it’s over.”

She smirked. 

“You’re so sick of planes aren’t you?”

“Yes! More than you know.”

She chuckled. “I’ll bet.”

Thinking of planes, I pulled out my phone.

“Well at least you’ve seen some cool places.”

“Yup.” I said scrolling to my text inbox.

I pulled up the name that was already 2nd to the top, under my mom’s.

My mother instantly sighed.

“The boy? _Already_ Becca?”

 I smiled, as I opened up the folder; Harry.

“Telling him I landed.”

She just shook her head from the front seat.

After I shot the quick text, I turned back to her.

She turned to me slowly as I gave her a playful smile.

“Well…I have good and bad news then…”

“What?” I asked.

“Well tonight I’m making one of your favorites. Mexican. We’re having enchiladas.” And then to sell the excitement home she did a light shimmy.

I smiled.

“Yummy.” I said. “But mom I won’t be home tonight. Remember?”

She nodded her head yes, but didn’t meet my eyes.

“Well…that’s the bad news.”

“What?” I asked zeroing my eyes at her.

“Well-“ she turned the radio down. “Me and your dad were talking, and we kind of want you to stay home these next few days-“

I instantly lifted my head and sat up- at attention.

“At least on your first night home.” She finished.

“I’m supposed to meet Harry. He’s been waiting on me to land.”

“I know,” she said. “But we want you home tonight. We haven’t seen you.”

“I haven’t seen _him_.” I argued.

She rolled her eyes.

“Becca, you just saw him.”

“On Halloween, that was almost a month ago.”

“And we haven’t seen you since August!” she argued. “And, sorry, I miss my kid. So…you’re staying home.”

I sighed.

I rolled my eyes too.

“I’ll be home tomorrow.” I reminded. “He has work all day.”

“Great. You’ll be home tonight too.” She finalized.

“That’s not fair.” I continued to argue, adding as much grit to my tone as I could to my mom.

“Life’s not fair.” She countered back.

I sighed loudly again.

Ugh! I couldn’t stand my parents sometimes.

Once again, they were playing the restrictive parents game. Since they only got me a couple months out of the year, it seemed when they saw me, they loved to exercise their authority.

_We’re the parents and we have control over you now._

I crossed my arms and turned from her, looking out of the window.

“Are you going to pout now?” she asked.

“It’s totally not fair.” I said cutting my eyes at her. “You’ve known all week I was coming home. And we’ve talked plenty of times… and now that me and him made plans, I have to cancel them at the last minute-“

She smiled at me in amusement.

 _“Oh please Becca_ , I’ve had a boyfriend too that was long distance. Your plan isn’t anymore to be in his bed, and frankly, you can do that anytime.”

I rolled my eyes again.

“But family time,” she continued. “Is precious. I’m going to be dead and long gone one day and you should want to spend all the time with me while you can.”

I just sighed.

What. Ever.

I uncrossed my arms.

“Guess I should text him back.” I said bitterly.

“Well actually before you had your rant, I was going to tell you maybe you could see him tonight.”

I turned to her quickly.

“I can?” I asked getting excited again.

“We’ll give you ten minutes, to get all the kisses and miss you’s out- but then he goes home.”

 I narrowed my eyes.

“So he can come by?”

“For a couple minutes yeah…as I said, I’ve been there. When I was in college, just before your father popped back up in my life, I was dating this-“

I immediately tuned her out, going back to my messages folder.

A text from Harry was already waiting on me.

 

*Great! Give me an hour.*

 

I quickly texted him back.

 

*Change of plans. I have to stay home tonight. You can stop by though. 10 minutes*

 

His reply came in seconds.

 

*Why? And what does ten minutes mean?*

 

*That is your allotted time for this meet up. I’m being constricted to my house tonight.*

 

*That sucks. When does my ten minutes start?*

 

I turned back to my mom. 

I cut her story off.

“Mom, when can he come?”

She paused mid pool party-

“After dinner. Tell him after eight.”

 

I went back to my phone.

 

*After eight.*

 

Once again, his text came in seconds, as my mom picked back up, only talking to herself.

 

*K. See you then.*

And then,

*Love you.*

 

I instantly smiled. His favorite phrase.

*I love you too.*

 

I sent my text with the kissy face emoji and set my phone down.

 

Man I missed him.

 

When I got home my sister was there to greet me, but my dad was out.

“At the store. He’ll be home for dinner.” My mom assured.

I rushed upstairs, digging through my small luggage, and hopped in the shower.

It was still early in the day-just after 5pm- and I quickly redressed.

 

Heading downstairs to my dungeon of the night, I housed myself in the kitchen, and watched as my mother moved around the kitchen making dinner.

It was true I hadn’t seen them since August.

Dropping me off at the door of my new Hamilton, New York apartment at the start of school, my parents hadn’t seen me since. 

 Harry on the other hand had seen me more times than I could count, though in person only three times.

After our proclamations of love in July, we had spent two more days together before he headed to Chicago. From there, I saw him again in August as he headed to New York promoting the newly released single- we got a hotel room for one night- and again, a week later, when he took me home to finally meet his mom in his hometown of Holmes Chapel.

I smiled as I thought about that trip.

Meeting his family.

Meeting his friends.

Seeing where he grew up.

Matching Tattoos.

It had been so nice.

 

From there, I saw him again in September as the tour moved East and he had his show in New Jersey. Surprising me at 3am, we had spent a couple of hours together before he headed his way and me on mine.

Every night we facetimed, and texted consistently through the day.

It didn’t matter what was going on, we made sure to make time for each other.

If I had a paper to write, he sat there quietly watching me from the screen of his computer.

If he was restless after a show, I kept the phone to my ear listening to him ramble until I fell asleep.

After his visit in New Jersey, we had experienced a partial drought, that only ended in late October. Surprising him this time with the help of Gemma, I had been there for his last One Direction show and then, a couple days after as he spent time with close friends and family.

Now it was November, and while he had been extremely busy promoting the newly released album, we were both counting down the weeks. Just a couple more now, until I finished with school and the official ‘break’ of the boys would begin.

Then, finally, we could be together properly.

 

As my mom shuffled around the kitchen, finding her inner cowgirl, I just sat back watching in interest until my dad eventually joined the mix.

Coming in just as the food finished, I watched as my parents bickered about the Salsa he was supposed to pick up.

Once more a sweet reminder of home and I was glad to be back, though I had been living it up the last few months.

 

Now in my own place with Kelsey in New York, the freedom of being twenty-one was kicking in.

I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, in the confines of my place.

Of course I had to deal with Kelsey and her disorganization, and the sometimes faint moans coming from her bedroom when Bobby was over; but it was nice.

In a couple of weeks, I would be moving back here, and Bobby would be moving in with her permanently.  While I was far from moving anywhere with Harry, I was happy that finally we could take our relationship to the next level- like them.

It had been a complicated road, but everything was going well.

Almost too well.

 

As we sat around the table, having dinner like a family, my phone consistently went off with Harry anxious to stop by.

“Aren’t you guys sick of each other yet?” my dad said with a grimace.

“Nope.” I said, texting him.

My dad rolled his eyes. He wasn’t as welcoming about the relationship as back in July.

It bothered him how much we had committed in a short time, and when I told them about the matching tattoos, they had flipped.

“You’ll see him in a few days when he comes over.” My dad reminded. “Put down the phone.”

“Actually, I’ll see him in about a half hour.” I said with a teasing smile.

My dad quickly turned to my mother.

“You didn’t tell her? Alicia we-”

“I did.” She said quickly. “I also told her she could see him a couple minutes. They miss each other dear.”

He rolled his eyes again- his favorite thing to do when Harry was discussed- and dug in his plate.

“The whole thing is disgusting…and I for one, can’t wait to meet this guy. See what all the hype is about.”

I smiled.

“You will. In three days.” I reminded.

My sister smiled besides me.

“I can’t wait to see this. Dad and your boyfriend…make sure I have some popcorn!” Taylor teased.

“It’s going to go fine.” I assured. “Mom’s already in love with him, just got to win over dad.” I joked, looking specifically at my mom.

“Hey! He did look nice the other day.” My mom cut in quickly. “That suit was complimenting him very well.”

My dad groaned again. 

I just giggled.

Harry had been on the Jimmy Kimmel show a few days earlier, and after watching from the comforts of her bed, my mom had sent me a text.

*Okay. I get it! Just saw Harry on TV and my God! I finally get why you’re crazy. I didn’t realize he was so handsome Becca*

I haven’t let her live it down since.

“Well just don’t drool when he’s here.” I said. “He’s mine. _And,_ he just wants a nice normal Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Well he shouldn’t come to this house then.” My mom joked, sipping her beer.

 This time I just shook my head as I finished up my food.

 

As I headed back upstairs, Harry texted me again.

*With Rande at Café Habana. Catching up with him, then I’ll be your way.*

*Kay. Miss you. See u soon!*

*You* he texted back, the grammar Nazi, and then once more, *Miss you too. Love you!*

 

I just smiled again. Since he had said the words in July, he overused them, saying them every time he could.

I think he liked the way it felt on his tongue, or maybe, he did it as a reassurance thing- some way to remind me that he was serious about this.

I was more than aware.

All I had to do was listen to the new 1D album to see I was riddled all through it.

Every song Harry wrote had hints of us, and his song If I Could Fly--  I had cried the first time I heard it .

That paired with his insistence of the tattoos, and need to be present for the important parts of my schooling and everyday life- had my insecurities of him and his fame, fading to the very near black. 

He had been right, and I had been wrong.

We could do this and it wasn’t as hard as I made it out to be.

 

About an hour later, I finally got the text I had been waiting on. He was en-route and I quickly headed to my bathroom to spruce up.

Pulling my hair out of its tight ponytail, I fanned the curls I had applied earlier, and added a hint of makeup.

He still much preferred the natural look, but I had been on a long flight, and I was slowly becoming exhausted.

I needed to hide those deep circles and drying skin.

 

Twenty minutes later, my sister was calling my name.

“BECCA! I THINK HARRY IS OUTSIDE!”  she called through the house.

My dad who was in his bedroom, called out a reply.

“Thanks for letting the whole uncaring house know!”

“YOU’RE WELCOME!” she screamed back.

As I laughed at the daily life of my family, I didn’t even check my phone and darted out of the door.

Harry was definitely at my house, but not in his usual SUV.

As he climbed out of the front seat and opened his door, I dashed to meet him.

Not even halfway out, I collided into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him.

Instantly chuckling against my lips, he wrapped his long arms around me too.

“Hi!” he said enthusiastically.

I ignored his introduction, and properly kissed him, tangling his mouth with mine.

As he pressed against the car, that was where we stayed for two minutes, until I returned the hasty “Hi!”

“Hi.” He said again, finally shutting his car door. “That’s a nice welcome.”

He pushed his keys in his back pocket.

“I’ve missed you.” I reiterated for the hundredth time.

“Me too.” He said curling an arm around my waist and pulling me to him. “More than you know.”

I looked past him.

“New car?”

“Rental.” He said. “Debating if I want to get it.”

I playfully rolled my eyes.

“You and your cars.”

He playfully patted my butt.

“You and these shorts. I told you, you can’t wear these around me.”

I smirked.

“That’s why I wore them. You can look but don’t touch.”

He smiled back. 

“You like torturing me don’t you?”

“Just a little.” I said pinching my fingers together. I pulled him back to me and kissed him.

When we broke apart, he nodded behind us.

“Your dad home?”

“Yup.”

“Can I come in yet?”

I smiled. “I didn’t ask yet.”

I pulled away slightly, forgetting the ban placed back in July after the hickey incident.

“I’m sure he doesn’t care since he’s meeting you in a couple days.” I curled his hand in mine quickly. “Let’s go in, get it over with now.”

He pulled me back to him.

“No, no, no… let’s wait…give it a couple more days.”

I just looked at him with a smile. 

“Are you still nervous?” I asked.

“Of course.” He said. “This could make or break me.”

“No it won’t. I won’t leave you if my dad doesn’t like you. But I’m sure he will. He’s only hated a couple of my boyfriends.” I said for reassurance.

Harry scoffed.

“Gee the odds sound incredible.” He said dryly.

I smiled.

“You’re different.” I said patting his chest. My hands were only a few inches of where our matching tattoo rested.

He smiled and pulled me back to him.

“I’ll just kidnap you.” He said pecking my lips gently. “My Mum and Robin like you. They’ll adopt you if you need parents.”

“Oh so we’ll be creating incest?” I asked teasing.

He smirked, his dimple wide on his face. 

“We’ll be the hottest brother and sister out there.”

I made a ‘yuck’ face.

“No thanks. I’ve been seeing too much of that lately.”

“Incest?” he asked, in confusion.

“Yeah on the porn websites. Everything is starting to be step-siblings or like brothers and sisters sneaking around and the whole time, the girl is like ‘this is so wrong. What if mom finds out?’ It’s quite gross.”

Harry’s eyes narrowed.

“First off, what are you doing watching porn sites?”

“I have needs.” I argued.

He bit his lip and frowned.

“Heeeeeyyyy….That’s my job.”

“I haven’t seen you.” I reminded him.

“Well get in the backseat, I’ll take care of you right now.” He  joked.

I instantly smiled and shook my head no.

Pulling him back to me, we shared another long kiss.

When we pulled apart, his green eyes were steady on me.

I loved looking at them.

“So are you excited about tomorrow?” I asked.

“Not particularly.” He said.

“Are you kidding? Lights, Camera, Action!” I said with mock excitement. “AMA’s. Woot, woot.” I sang.

He shook his head no, completely humorless.

Leaning against the car, his head rested on the window.

“I’m so sick of this shit already.” He said. “I can’t wait until its over.”

I pouted my lip in a frown.

“You have been going quite a bit the last few weeks.” I agreed. “But its over soon.”

“Yup.” He said and then smiled.

I trailed my hands down his abdomen.

I traced his hidden butterfly tattoo. 

“So what are you wearing tomorrow?”

“Can’t say.”

I looked up at him.

“Oh come on. Tell me.”

“Nope.” He said being a secretive little shit.

“I bet I can guess.”

“Can you?” he asked in interest.

His hands were still around my hips and I felt him loop them in my belt loops, gripping me a little tighter.

“Yup. Some black jeans-“

“Hmm?”

“A blazer jacket-”

“Hmm?”

“And some silk shirt or another. Something eye catching.” I said.

He just smirked.

“Am I right?”

I knew I was pretty on the money.

I knew my boyfriend pretty well I could say.

“Can’t say.” He said again with a playful shrug.

“I really dislike you some-“ I began.

He cut in.

“But I can tell you, you probably don’t want to take the bet this time.”

And then he leaned as if sharing a special secret.

“You’re a bit off.”

“Oh really?” I asked in interest.

He shook his head yes.

“Well I can’t wait to see it.” I said honestly.

“You will. In American screens everywhere.”

I smiled again.

“What are you guys performing?”

“Perfect.” He said, this time giving something away.

“Perfect?” I said again in pretend mock excitement. “You mean you’re publicly trying to get Taylor back now. Good job Styles. Taking big boy steps.”

He just grinned.

“You are something else you know that?”

I nodded yes.

He smirked wider.

“Thanks for that by the way, I hadn’t even thought of that. The papers probably will fucking say that. Great,” he muttered.

“Well Mr. _I think it’s up for interpretation for who it could be about_.’ You did it to yourself.” I said putting on my best Harry accent.

He wasn’t too pleased.

“I don’t sound like that.”

“You do.”

“No I don’t.”

“You do!” I said. “You totally do!”

You do!” he said this time mocking me. His accent was the most obnoxious Valley Girl accent I had ever heard.

“I don’t sound like _that_!” I exclaimed hitting his chest and he pulled me back to him- specifically my lips.

“You do love.”

As our mouths tangled again, words were quickly forgotten, and the kiss bumped up quickly from G to Pg-13.

We stood there, wrapped in each other.

“I should go.” He said when we finally pulled away. “I think that’s been ten minutes.”

“Don’t.” I purred. “Stay a little longer.”

He gripped my hips removing me from my place up against him, and separated us.

“No. That’s enough for now.” he said. “Go back in the house.”

“Now who’s being mean.” I pouted.

He smirked and grabbed his keys out of his back pocket. He twirled them.

“That’s for wearing those shorts.”

I turned and did a sensual roll so he could get a good look at them.

“Oh really?” I asked. “Well here ya go, watch them and this ass walk away.”

“Fuck you.” He said and I giggled.

“And look!” I said lifting my shirt and flashing him my bra. A pretty lace number he had shipped me in New York.

He instantly cut his eyes at me.

“Is that-“

“Yup.” I said moving far away from him.

“Bye babe.” I teased heading back up my driveway.

He just chuckled as he opened his door.

“I fucking can’t stand you.” He laughed to himself. 

“No. You love me.” I reminded him.

“I do!” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he called.

“You better!”

He gave me one final smile and climbed in his car.

I headed back in the house.

 

The next day he was on my TV.

Mr. Gucci in the white and black speckled floral suit.

I was so happy I hadn’t actually betted him as  I would have surely lost.

*Nice suit* I texted him, though I was well aware he was in work mode. I couldn’t tell if those pants even had pockets so I knew he would get back to me later.

And by later, I meant in his house.

The hold was relinquished and I could finally go to him.

Tonight, after he finished up, I would be in his house, and as my mom had conveniently pointed out, in his bed.

I couldn’t wait.

“He sure is colorful isn’t he?” my mom asked, plopped beside me. “He’s got to be quite bold to pull that suit off.”

“He is.” I said. “and the disgusting part…he can. I haven’t seen him look bad one day of his life.” I said with annoyance.

“Well that’s not entirely true.” Kelsey cut in, from my laptop.

She was still in New York spending the holiday with Bobby and his family, and watching the American Music Award’s with us through computer.

“Becca called him a hobo when we first met him.”

I smiled, remembering the Packers hoodie.

“Oh yeah!” I said.  “Forgot about that. I thought he didn’t have any other clothes.”

“And you eventually ended up with him?” My mother questioned.  

“It was the British charm. I didn’t stand a chance.”

“Is he still coming by for Thanksgiving?” Kelsey asked my mom.

“He is.” She answered. “Which reminds me, I need a list of some of his favorites. From his interview the other night sounds like he likes Sweet potatoes with marshmallows?” she questioned.

“Don’t know.” I said honestly.

“Well does he like Turkey, Chicken or Ham?”

“I don’t know.” I said. “He’s careful about what he eats.  And he’s been on this tour diet…May not even eat meat anymore.”

“Macaroni?  Green Bean Casserole? Desserts?” she asked throwing out more options.

“I don’t know mom.” I said with a smile. “I’ll have to text him.”

“You sure don’t know a lot about a man you have tattooed on your skin.” My mom teased.

“They don’t do much talking.” Kelsey cut in and my sister, who was also present laughed.

I just ignored them all. 

“Shut up all of you! I need to look at my man.”

 

Five hours later, he was back in front of me.

“Where’s the suit?” I asked as he answered his door.

He looked down at his sweatpants and graphic tee.

“In a garment bag upstairs.”

“No fair.” I said entering his home. “I wanted to take it off of you.”

“Well sorry.” He said pulling me in for a quick kiss. 

“Did you have fun?” I said as our met again.

“Loads.” He said sarcastically.

“Well I’m here to make your night better.” I reminded.

He smiled.

“I know. Upstairs you go.”

 

The next morning, he made me breakfast.

“What do you want to do today?” he asked, from his kitchen bar.

“Whatever you want to do hun. It’s your day off.”

“It’s your Thanksgiving vacation.” He replied back. “We can do whatever _you_ want to do.”

“Right now, I just want to be here with you.” I said honestly.

“Sounds good to me.” He said. “Have you thought of a place yet?”

I dropped my spoon of yogurt and avoided his eyes.

Uh oh. This conversation…

“No,” I said and he cut his eyes at me. 

_“Becca Johnson.”_

“There’s too many options.” I said quickly.

He sighed.

“Love, stop stalling. I have to get our plane tickets and hotel. Holidays book up fast.”

“It’ll be January in the second week. Tickets at an all time low.” I assured him.

“Not if we go somewhere warm.” He assured back. “Especially if we’re looking international.”

“It’ll be fine.” I said waving his concerns away.

He rolled his eyes.

“Well have you thought about St. Barts for New Years? Going on the Yacht with all of us?”

“Yes. And I told you, I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going to happen after Christmas. I don’t know if I’m going to feel like flying all the way back to Los Angeles, just to turn around and jump on a plane for Miami. And then after that, another plane to go to this pending vacation. You live this jetlag life, not me.”

He sighed again. He stirred his own yogurt.

“You’re a frustrating woman.”

“Hey I’m coming to London, I’ve made up my mind about that.”

“And that was like pulling teeth.” He mumbled.

“Well its cold.” I argued. “I live in New York. I’m trying to get away from the cold for the holidays, not run to it.”

“Christmas is for the snow.” Harry argued back. “And it’s going to be nice too.” He said. “I’m going to have the tree decorated and Christmas carols playing.  I’m going to make it a Christmas wonderland.” He said proudly.

I smiled.

“Sounds fun. I’m actually looking forward to it.”

You should. Mum said  if we have time, she’ll make you a roast and stuff. And you’ll get to meet my grandpa, he’ll be home from the facility. Gemma’s bringing her boyfriend too, my uncle and cousins.…its going to be a nice get together.”

“Can’t wait.” I said.

Harry smiled back at me and then leaned over the counter.

We shared a quick kiss.

My hands cupped his chin as he inserted tongue.

“Want to go back upstairs?” he asked a moment later.

“Yup. Carry me.” I instructed.

He grinned and stood, coming over to me.

“Who do I look like?”

“You’re my prince in our complicated fairytale. You have to carry me.”

He chuckled, and wrapped his arms around my legs.

Within seconds I was lifted in his arms.

“Am I heavy?” I asked wrapping my arms around his neck.

“No.” he said. “I can practically press with you.” And then he began to show me, lifting me up and down.

“You better not drop me!” I argued.

He rolled his eyes, leading us upstairs.

“That’s the last thing you have to worry about. I would never hurt you.”

I smiled.

“I know.”

As we shared another kiss, he led us back to our new permanent place- his bed.

 

****************************

 

The next night he was in front of me again, a jumble of nerves.

Our early Thanksgiving dinner, was finally amongst us.

“You look nice.” I said as he climbed out of his rental SUV again.

He had dressed up- blazer jacket and all.

Earlier in the day we had disconnected so he could meet up with Lou Teasdale, and now he was back before me, handsome and looking very tailored.

“Well I didn’t want to look like a complete dickhead.” He said.

As he pulled me in his arms, he gave me a quick kiss.

I smoothed his suit when we broke apart.

‘Thank you.” I said. “Means a lot to me you’re trying to impress my family.”

“Of course.” He said. “I’d do anything.”

I smiled wider as we headed into the house.

“So do we have a plan if they don’t like me?” he whispered behind me as I led him up the driveway.

“The incest thing.” I said.

“Okay. Good.”

 

As I reopened my front door, the aromas of the pending Thanksgiving feast met us.

Technically the holiday was in a few days, but we had moved it up since Harry would be away on the actual day.

Shutting the door behind me, I tried to think of where to go first.

I was well aware my parents were in the kitchen, waiting to be introduced and my sister was in the living room.

We passed her first.

“Hey Harry!” Taylor said getting up and giving him a quick hug.

“Hi.” He said to her.

They hadn’t seen each other since that day Harry had picked me up at the house after the concert, but you couldn’t tell it.

“You look nice.” She confirmed to him as well.

“Doesn’t he?” I questioned. I patted his chest again in appreciation.

He winced, just looking around. He was very nervous about this whole thing.

Interlacing his fingers in mine, I pulled him towards the kitchen.

“It’ll be fine.” I whispered.

He didn’t respond.

 

As we made it in the kitchen, my parents were bickering again, arguing about something or another.

“John, I can do whatever the hell I want to do. Move around.”

“You always do what the hell you want to do.”

“Hence why I’m grown.” My mother argued and then turned to us. With the switch of a light, she put on a bright smile.

“Harry!” My mom said. “Good to see you!”

My mother made her way over to him first, hugging him and he gave her a warm smile.

“Nice to see you again.” He said.

“You too. Do I call you son yet?” she joked and I just rolled my eyes.

As they broke apart, my mother took his hand while I just watched the whole thing. 

She pulled him away from me.

“And this is my husband John; the _man_ of the house.” She said sarcastically and I just studied them. 

I guess they were actually arguing this time.

My smile quickly faded.

Well this wasn’t a good start…

My father, completely ignored my mom, pretending she wasn’t even standing there.

He extended a hand to Harry, and Harry shook it.

“Nice to meet you Sir.” He said.

“You can call me John.” He said. “You hungry? My wife, the apparent jokester has put on a lovely spread.”

“Yeah of course.”

“Great!” he said and patted Harry’s back. “I’ll give you a tour first. You can follow me.”

Harry did as he said, and I followed too- close like a puppy, monitoring this whole thing.

My mom pulled me back, grabbing my shirt.  
“Let them get on alone.” She whispered in my ear, “I need your help in the kitchen.”

I groaned.

“But mom what if he eats him alive?” I asked as they moved to the dining room and we stayed behind.

“He’s not.” She assured. “Let your father get to know him though. Leave them be.”

“Fine.” I said going over to the stove. “What can I help with?”

“Stir this.” She said handing me a spoon.

I followed her instructions and turned to her.

“What are you and dad fighting about?” I asked.

She just rolled her eyes and shrugged me off.

“He drives me crazy. He’s fucking infuriating… You would think after twenty three years plus, I’d be use to him pushing on my nerves, but as always I’m thoroughly surprised.” She said her voice was filled with sarcasm.

I was about to interject, when she pushed my concerns away.

“But stir. I need to finish this so everyone can eat. And you can get back to your boyfriend.”

Sensing her no nonsense mood, I stirred faster than ever.

 

 

By the time we all sat down for dinner less than a half hour later, my dad and Harry were old friends.

They had quickly bonded over a mutual love- golf.

Still in true parents fashion though, they had to give him a little shit.

“So Harry,” my father began. “Your break is coming up right?”

“Yeah, um, three weeks away.”

“That’s exciting.” My mom cut in. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

I waited for the rehearsed answer Harry always gave.

“Spend some time with family and friends.” He said right on cue.

I turned to him and gave him a knowing smile.

He was planning a little more than that.

“I bet your mom is happy.” My own mother said. “That’s got to be hard not seeing you.”

“Yeah, it was in the beginning. I think everyone is kind of use to it now. I’ve been doing this a couple years.”

“Well I’m not.” My father says. “I hate it when Becca goes away to school. Glad that’s almost done.”

I smiled.

“Me too.” Harry teased and I smiled at both of them.

“Dad, you sent me there-“ I interjected.

“Had to keep up tradition.” He argued.

Harry read between our words.  
“You went to Colgate too?” he asked.

“I did.” My father said.

“And you?” he asked my mother.

“NYU.”

“Where you both born there?” Harry asked.

“Nope. Here. Becca truly is carrying on our traditions between the coasts. And hopefully Taylor next year.”

“Nope.” She cut in. “I’m going to UCLA. So don’t even start the conversation.”

“Hopefully. Get those grades up.” My mother warned, giving her a look.

My sister scoffed.

“Not everyone can be as perfect as A plus plus Becca. I’m the problem child. Remember? Know the roles mom.” she said.

Harry smiled and I just shook my head.

“Speaking of,” my mother cut back in. She looked back at my boyfriend. “I have a question for you Harry-“

“Yes?” he said,

“What does your mom think? About our daughter?”

He slowly stiffened.

The hand went to his hair.

Here it goes…

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well…what does she think about you dating a college student that’s in New York, _and_ getting matching tattoos and all that-“

I cut in.

“Guys let that go. It was three months ago.”

I had been hearing about the tattoos for far too long.

Harry smirked.

“They love Becca.” He said. “Matching tattoos and all.”

“Was that your idea?” My mother asked. “Did you persuade her?”

He chuckled. “I didn’t actually. The tattoo itself was all her idea, I think she was getting one anyway... I just decided to get what we got. It was really spur of the moment.”

I shook my head in agreement.

“You know in my day it was taboo. Getting a tattoo with your boyfriend was a ticking time bomb.”

“Well jeez honey,” my dad cut in. “Tell them how you really feel.”

“It was!” she said with a smile. “Surely, you guys know that too.” She said glancing between us. “I mean…don’t get me wrong. I’m very happy you two found each other, but…maybe the tattoo was kind of _much?”_

“I don’t agree.” I said while Harry remained quiet- it was probably the best idea. ”I’d get another one tomorrow.”

Harry turned to me in surprise.

“ _Would you?”_ he asked.

I smiled at him and nodded yes.

He smiled back at me.

If we weren’t in front of my parents, we probably would have kissed, instead my dad interrupted. 

“Well now I have a question-“ my dad began.

We both turned to him.

“What do you think about this internship deal then?”

“Internship?” Harry questioned. “I think it’s great. _Entertainment Voice_ sounds like a great opportunity for her. I think when it starts in January she’s going to really like it.”

“Not that one. “ My dad cut in.  “This new gig.”

Harry immediately turned to me in confusion, while I locked eyes with my dad.

No Dad.

_Don’t say anything yet._

My father looked at me in confusion too.

There was an awkward few seconds as everyone looked at me.

Shifting my eyes quickly across the room, I explained.

“I hadn’t told him yet.”

“Told me what?” Harry said immediately. 

I turned to him.

He looked at me, definitely curious about whatever secret I could have been keeping from him.

“I was going to tell you tonight.” I said quickly.

Harry turned to my dad and then my mom.

“Tell me what?” he asked again.

“It’s nothing serious.” I said reading his eyes.

“Well what is it?” he asked, and then turned back to me. ”You got a new internship?”

He asked.

“Well talk about it later.” I assured. “After dinner.”

He kept his eyes on me.

He smiled nervously.

“Should I be worried?” he asked me, understanding I wanted to discuss it privately.

“No.” I said quickly. “It’s just a  new development. I’ll give you the details. It just came up this weekend.”

Harry turned back to my dad in concern, not liking to be left out.

However, my dad was thinking about me.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to start anything-” My dad cut in, speaking to me. “I thought you told him already.”

“He’s been busy.” I reminded. “I’ll tell him.”

And then I turned back to Harry.

“I will. It’s nothing baby. Its fine.”

He gave me a look, and I smiled.

“I promise.”

He gave me another look of uncertainly, and I rubbed his leg under the table.

He just dug back in his plate.

 

After that, things remained cordial, but I could tell Harry was itching to speak to me privately.

He didn’t like secrets and for a relationship that had been based on total honesty in the last four months, he was taken aback that there was something he didn’t know.

As we ate through our dessert, he continued to get on well with my parents and by the time we broke away, heading upstairs, they didn’t even care when we went up to my bedroom and shut my door ;something that definitely would not have happened a couple months earlier.

As Harry took a seat on my bed, I moved to my dresser, looking for a sweatshirt.

I wasn’t going to be spending the night with Harry today since he was flying to Mexico in the morning, but we had a few minutes to cuddle.

“See that wasn’t so bad.” I said to him with a warm smile as we finally got alone.

“No it was fine.” He assured.

“Sorry about my parents in the beginning.” I said, tossing on my sweater and going over to him. “I didn’t know they were fighting.”

“Its fine.” He said again. “Hardly noticed.”

“Good.” I said and then I climbed on him.

Bringing his lips to mine, his hands wrapped around my waist and I moved to push him down to lay on top of him.

Refusing my advances he looked to the door.

“What are you doing? Your parents are literally down the hall.”

“My door is closed.” I reminded him. I leaned to kiss his neck.

“Bec, stop”

I pulled away and we locked eyes.

He smirked. “I’m not about to touch you in their house. I just got your parents to like me Becca, plus your dad showed me his shotgun. It’s big.”

I giggled.

“Did he really?”

“Yes, and the shiny bullets…so… couple inches distant at all times please.”

I pouted my lips at him.

“You’re no fun. Other boyfriends would be ripping my clothes off by now.”

“I’m not your other boyfriends.” He maintained. “I intend to stick around for a while- which reminds me-“ he said growing serious. “What is this internship mess?”

“Oh!” I said leaning back and climbing off him. “That’s right.”

“Yeah that’s right.” He said. “What have you been hiding?”  
I turned to him with a  smirk.

“I don’t hide things from you, thank you very much. I’m quite an open book.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“That’s why your dad told me.”

“I was going to tell you tonight,” I argued. “Plus it’s very new,” I confirmed. “Something that started on Sunday.”

“Well what is it?” he asked.

I leaned against my dresser and faced him. I didn’t think he was going to be mad, but I didn’t want to distract him either by being close to him.

His reaction to this was important to me and could change a lot of things.

I kept a six foot distance from him.

I bit my lip. 

“Well…when you were preparing for the AMA’s the other day-“ I began slowly.

“Yeah?”

“Well I went to lunch with my dad, and his old friend from College, and he brought his girlfriend. They were in town visiting.”

I paused.

Let that sink in first.

Harry smirked, not catching on.

“Okay?” he questioned.

I continued.

“Well the girlfriend works at a publishing house. A very popular publishing house, Simon& Schuster and well…she was telling me that they have these two internships every year and one starts in January-“

“Uh huh?” Harry questioned trying to move it along quicker.

“And well…we got the talking about my major and my interest in all of that, and I guess my dad had already gave her a sample of my writing, and she really liked what she read-“

“Uh huh?”  he said again impatiently.

I smiled .

“And well…she mentioned that she thinks if I apply, she can maybe still get me considered. As  a favor to a friend type thing.”

He smiled.

“Really?” he asked.

“Yeah. I would have to do a lot.” I quickly explained. “I would have to gather up some references quick and find some records of my past editorial skills, plus do the whole application and stuff, but she’s interested and wants me to get her everything before I leave town this week.”

He maintained his smile.

“Well what would you be doing?”

“Everything.” I said honestly. “Full hands on experience. I even get to edit my own manuscript at the end. It’s just so much experience packed in this program and I’ve been reading up on it. The people who’ve had it in the past, have gone on to have great careers in the publishing world.”

He smiled wider. 

“Well that’s great hun.” He said.

“Yeah? You think?” I questioned.

“Of course! Look at you,” he exclaimed proudly. “Already securing a job and you haven’t even graduated yet.”

I moved to him.

“It would be a job.” I confirmed. “It’s a potential temp to hire position and well they only want two people.” I said uneasily.

Harry studied me.

“Well why do you look so unhappy about it?”

I climbed back on his lap.

“Well, they have been accepting applications since September. Thousands of applications.   So it’s a really slim chance, but she mentioned it and I would feel like an idiot if I didn’t at least apply.”

“You would be.” Harry said. “This is exactly what you want to do, and you should be jumping from here to the ceiling.”

I smiled again.

“Yeah but like I said, the chances are so slim and-“

“And you’ll get it.” He assured. “You’re super smart and hella determined.  If you want it hun, its yours.”

“I don’t have much background.” I said honestly. “I mean yes I have the grades, and the recommendations. But I haven’t done anything editorial since high school. I don’t even work for our school’s newspaper.”

“You’ll figure it out.” He assured again.

“Yeah but I only have three days. And everything is packed away upstairs,” I sighed. “Its just a lot. I don’t know Harry. I may have bit off more than I could chew this time.”

He scoffed. He cupped my face.

“I can’t believe you right now. This is everything you’ve ever wanted and you’re acting like this. I’ve even heard of Simon and Schuster hun, so I know it’s a big deal. If you get this, it could be amazing for you. Why are you so worried?”

I smiled. I shrugged.

I had been stressing about it the last few days, thinking of how to tell him.

“It could be amazing.” I agreed to sell it again.  “Plus its paid.”

“You’ll get it, and it does sound amazing.” He said again. “I know you have the skills, and this lady sounds like she wants to help you. If she was half as impressed with you as I am, then you’ll get it. That job is yours babe.”

I smiled wider.

“You think so?”

“I know so.” He said tapping my hip. “When does it start?”

“The 4th.”

He grimaced.

The first pebble in the water.

“I know.” I said reading his expression. That was days before our planned vacation to wherever.

He shrugged it off.

“Well we can re-schedule.” He said. “If we go to St. Barts we’ll come back on the 3rd. We can figure it out from there. We can always do another vacation in a couple months. We’ll still be together either way.”

“Well…That’s not all.” I said quietly and Harry looked up at me.

“There’s another part of it, which is why I waited to tell you-“

“What?” he asked quickly.

“It’s in New York.” I said.

He paused.

“What’s in New York?” he asked.

“The position. I would have to move there.”

Second pebble.

“How long is this internship?” he asked; that big smile finally fading.

I didn’t meet his eyes.

The biggest pebble of all.

“Well if I get it. And they like me…I’d want to stay hired on, and I would have to move there. Permanently.” I said again.

His smile collapsed. The previous smile was nowhere to be found.

He sighed and leaned back, resting his hands behind him.

“Oh.” He said.

“Yeah.” I said reading his expression. “Oh.”

He wasn’t so happy anymore.

He looked around the room, thinking.

The room grew immediately silent, and his expression; disappointed.

I studied him. 

“Say something.” I said.

He turned back to me.

He swallowed.

“I have nothing to say.” He said gently. “It’s a great opportunity. I hope you get it.” he reaffirmed.

“But New York-“

He sighed again.

“That part sucks.”  He said. “For sure...really sucks.”

I quickly intervened.

“Do you know anyone in New York?” I  asked. “For recording? I mean I know everything was going to happen in L.A., but do you think you could come there sometimes? For your album?”

He looked away and sighed again.

“Well we don’t know if it’s going to be an album yet.” He reminded me. “But I mean I guess I will… I’d have too…Otherwise I’d never see you…so…I can try to see…work some stuff out with Jeff…um…”

The uncertainty in his words had me biting my lip in concern.

I knew this job offer was a bad idea. 

I put my head down, already regretting my decision to pursue this.

He turned back to me.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said as our eyes met. “We’ll figure it out. Whatever happens, we’re in it together and we’ll figure it out.” He said rubbing my back.

“I probably won’t get it.” I said, reminding him.

This time he wasn’t as quick to say ‘you will’ as we both knew, now, he probably didn’t want me too.

Nonetheless he took on the supportive boyfriend role, and patted my back.

“Don’t say that.” He said. “Whatever happens it’ll be good.” He said. “If you don’t get it, then you have the internship in Los Angeles to fall back on, and for that we _can_ be together.”

“Yeah.” I said.

He smiled up at me.

“I’m proud of you.” He assured. “Either way, I’m really fucking proud of you.”

I pressed my forehead against his in endearment.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome” he said before we shared a gentle kiss.

His soft lips curled around mine and I pulled back.

“Thanks for being so supportive.” I said as our eyes met again.

He smiled.

“Of course. Like I said, I want to be with you. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

A half hour later I was walking him to the front door.

He gave a final farewell to my parents and I helped walk him to his car.

“Have a safe flight tomorrow.” I said.

“Thanks.” he said, unlocking his car door.

He turned to me.

“I’m going to see you one more time, before you leave right?”

“Absolutely.” I confirmed.

I only had three more days in town, and two of them he would be in Mexico.

“Kay.” He said. He pulled me in for another quick kiss, but I interrupted.

“And then,” I began. _“London_.” I said with a wide smile.

He smirked back. “That’s right.” He said. “So get your boots and hats ready.”

I chuckled.

“I am. You just get that fire place with The Pouges set up.”

He turned to me in amusement.

“You remember that?” he asked. “I told you that in New York didn’t I?”

I nodded yes, and wrapped around him.

“I remember everything you’ve ever told me.” I assured.

He smiled and kissed my nose.

“That’s why I love you. I’ll see you soon love.”

“You will. Get some good rest tonight.” I said, pulling away from him. 

“I will.” He said. “Heading home to sleep now.”

“Good.”

He opened up his car door and gave me a final hug.

“Bye Bec.” He said. “Go get to work on your new assignment. Start sending those emails to your professors.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t remind me. To hell with my Thanksgiving vacation.”

“It’ll be fine.” He said in reassurance. “You got this.”

“Thanks.”

He gave me a final kiss on my forehead and climbed in his front seat.

I pulled away as he shut his car door.

“Don’t forget, hats and boots.” He said. “It’s going to be cold.”

“Oh I don’t care. I’m going to be up under you anyway.”

He smiled.

“Oh yes, now I definitely can’t wait.”

“See ya Friday.” I said tapping his open window.

“And then London.” He said with a wink.

“And then London.”

I blew a final kiss and then he was gone.


	75. Chapter 75

_HARRY_

_Now._

_I should start this, by saying I’ve been lying to you._

_I’ve been complaining and blaming…_

_I’ve been quite honestly, whining._

_There’s been the woe is me….oh she did me so fucking wrong…_

_There’s been the ‘she broke us- she broke my heart’_

_All lies._

_All exaggerations._

_Honestly I just wanted you on my side, and the truth…where we are…_

_This is all on me._

_This beast and monster you see before you is solely my own creation._

_Becca wasn’t always like this ya know._

_She had been kind._

_She had been trusting._

_She had been loving…completely devoted, and I made her like this._

_The Becca of today I created. I am_ the _Henry Frankenstein._

_It bothers me how people always ask me; why?_

_Why do you put up with her?_

_Why don’t you just walk away?_

_Why do you still love her?_

_Why do you still care?_

_Why do you let her hurt you the way she does?_

_Why this, why that….why , why, why…._

_Well I’ll tell you._

_Because its right there._

_That quick flicker of the flame, right here._

_The original Becca is still in there._

_The one I didn’t hurt._

_The one I didn’t break and let down._

_The one I’m still trying desperately to get back._

_The one I’ve finally gotten…_

 

“I’ve forgotten how obnoxious you can be.”

There is a smile, a tiny smirk that highlights my exes’ face as she turns away from me.

As the corners of her mouth widen, I can’t help but smirk at her too.

Less than ten minutes in her car, and I’ve already got her smiling.

The truce is already working.

 

“Becca you still think I’m funny, admit it.” I tease.

She grins to herself and just shakes her head.

She clears her throat as  she turns from me.

“Nope. Just obnoxious.” She says with a final smile and I turn away too.  

 

The radio is still on, playing some light rock station she found just for me.

The car smells like a unique blend of her. The vanilla-coconut mix I was accustomed too is gone, but it has been replaced with the scents of apples and oranges- her new chemical mix.

Her new car is polished with not even a rock found on the floor mats and the leather is shined.

This car is all Chase Collins; I’m sure of it.

 

As I run my hand against the tan door, she grows quiet and leaves me in my thoughts.

Becca of today.

This car.

Her house.

 

I think of a Mercedes ad;

_Seductive lines...athletic and elegant...impeccably detailed, coming from an artist's eye and a drivers soul._

This car is not her.

I move my hand from the expensive leather.

 

What happened?

What has Chase done to get her this way?

She's so tied to him and his lifestyle that I’m not even sure if she realizes it.

How is she so devoted so fast?

He deserves a medal for his accomplishment.

 

“What happened to your Toyota?” I ask suddenly.

“I still have it.” She says and I turn back to her. “I just keep it in my garage.”

I shake my head ‘okay’, happy something has remained.

That black Camry was her jewel in 2016; the reward for great grades and wonderful life decisions, given as promised by her parents after college.

I still remember the first time she showed it to me.

She was so happy to have her own wheels and proud to show it to me.

‘Does it have a sunroof?’ I had asked. No.

‘Does it have heated seats?’ I had asked next. No.

‘Navigation?’ Nope.

‘Does it even have automatic windows?’ I had asked finally, in which she had just smiled.

She had been like that then; not bothered by the details and added amenities.

She had been given the whole buffet, _no cost too much_ , and yet she had gone with the most basic model.

 

This car though…

This baby is loaded.

This car is definitely Chase.

 

“So Chase bought this?” I ask, still awed at the thought. “Was it a special occasion or something?”

“He didn’t actually. I should clarify.” She cuts in, and I turn back to her in confusion.

 “He gave me the downpayment, but it’s a lease.  It’s still my car and I make the payments.” She explains, keeping her eyes on the road, and not meeting mine.

 

I want to immediately clap.

Thank God!

She hasn’t completely lost her mind and gave him all the reign.

Still, she _has_ changed.

I can note the differences finally.

 

Everything is manicured.

The hair, the nails, the smooth polished skin…

Her shiny light brown hair looks so healthy it could be fake, and her tan looks like it was worth a couple hundred dollars at some tanning salon.

Becca was always put together very nice, yet now, he’s the one keeping her together. I’m almost sure of it.

She is a kept woman now and I’m finally seeing how much.

 

Her new life is wrong, but intriguing.

 

I want to ask if they do dinner parties. Ya know, the little events where she has to be his arm candy.

Has she met his parents; the self-made millionaires that have been featured in Forbes magazine?

Do they like her?

Do they think she is good enough for him?

 

As I’ve said, Becca is the sun, but I can’t imagine she is any more than a small star in their world.

 

I think back to August 2015 when my mum first met her.

My mum loved her; _genuinely_ that the moment she walked in our house, my mum had pulled me to the side and _hugged me._  

“Finally.” She had whispered in my ear. “I’m so happy for you. She’s lovely.”

She had fussed around her, trying to get all the details; genuinely interested in what she had going on.

What do you study?

What do your parents do?

What are your long term goals?

 

We had stayed four days at her home in Holmes Chapel, and by the last day, she was scolding me to make sure I brought her back.

And when she saw her again in October of the same year- forget it; they had been baking buddies. 

 

I keep my eyes on her.

The once Sun in my world.

Becca keeps hers on the road.

Her looks are limited, and she studies the road like she’ll get lost if she turns away.

I turn back to the street too.

We past tree after tree, and wind up road after road.

“Do you even know where we’re going?” I ask.

“Course.” She says, and plays with the air con.

She turns to me; her slight dimples warm and girlish.

“Gosh, you’re frazzled. Sit back and relax.” She teases.

Her tongue swiftly sticks out and darts back in, further making me smile.

 

I shift.

How do I tell her I can’t?

 

As the commercials begin from the radio, she reaches for the music dial again.

She scans the stations.

“So your tour starts tomorrow?” she questions, moving into small talk.

“Monday.” I correct. “I fly out tomorrow though.”

“I’m shocked.” She says finally glancing at me. “Jeff is actually allowing this? You’re not confined to a rehearsal right now?”

I smile again.  

“You say that as if he dictates my life?”

“No.” she says quickly. “I just know how you guys are. How you prepare.”

I shrug it off.

“I’m used to it now. Besides it’s only Thursday. Still have time to get some rehearsals in.”

“Where does it start?”

“Chicago. Midwest first, then I head East, then back around to West.”

“Domestic, then international?”  she questions.

“M’hmm.”

She nods and keeps her eyes on the road.

“When does wifey come?”

At the mention of Julie’s pending title, Becca hardens her tone. The name is drenched in cement.

“Couple weeks.” I say casually.

“She’s actually leaving you alone that long?” she asks in what could only be assumed as jealously.

“It’s not that serious.” I confirm, giving her my sole attention. “Me and Julie aren’t glued like you think.”

“You’re engaged,” she turns, giving me a look. “You’re the definition of serious.”

“It’s not the same.” I admit.

“As what?”

“Well for example, you and Chase.” I say and we approach a stop light.

Using the few seconds we have, she turns to me, catching my eyes briefly. As my eyes begin to search hers, she shifts them away quickly.

“How long have you guys officially been together?” I ask, forcing the contact back.

“Chase told you. Less than a year.” She says with a casual shrug.

I need specifics.

“Yes, but how long?” I ask again.

“Nine, ten months?” she says with a guess.

“And do you realize how knotted to him you are?” I question.

She just looks at me.

“Why do you suggest that all the time? I’m not.” She says.

I smile and face my body towards her.

“Becca you live together, he’s helped buy you this car…you do everything for him. It hasn’t even been a year yet and he’s your world.”

She sighs.

She turns.

She drums her perfectly painted fingers against the steering wheel.  

“Well if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black.” She mumbles.

“No, no, no,” I interrupt. “Me and Julie are only tied together by the ring. Outside of that, we share nothing else. She has her life and I have mine.”

“Do you hear yourself?” she asks with a smile. “How weird you sound?” She says turning back to me.

“No, you and Chase are weird…how did it get so serious? How are you so in love with him already?”

“Who says I’m _that_ in love with him?” she bites back.

“Well he’s in love with you.” I argue back. “Have you seen your house? The added bedroom? He wants the whole picture with you.”

She just shrugs; her smile fades again.

I slowly swallow as I ask my next question.

The words cause a lump that I push down.

“Are you going to have kids with him?” I ask. “Have you guys talked about that?”

“Maybe… _why_?” she questions.

Her tone has changed.

She doesn’t like this conversation.

She must think of our child.

“Because I don’t get it.” I say in honesty. “I thought we were solid. But you didn’t want any of this with me. You would have had a fit if I would have bought you a car. And dotting on you—you hated that shit. You were so independent and pulled away at every little thing that even hinted at security.”

She doesn’t face me or turn back around.

“Harry I lived with you.” She mumbles.

“That’s as far as it went, and for us, that was the whole Pacific Ocean. I mean you’ve already admitted you may marry him and _kids_ —Becca we couldn’t have even began that conversation. We barely could talk about the stupid ring.”

She shifts suddenly.

She’s becoming uncomfortable.  

“Why?” I ask. “What did he do different?”

She sighs again; loud and rising with annoyance.

“Why are we talking about this?” she questions. “This feels like the start of an argument. And I’m not trying to fight with you anymore Harry.”

“We’re not arguing.” I say. “I just want to understand. Tell me what I’m missing. Why is it so different?” I ask.

The light turns green, and she practically darts in traffic with her foot heavy on the gas.

She’s officially flustered.

“I don’t know.” She says quickly.  “I don’t want to talk about it Harry.”

“Why?” I question.

“Because you’re asking me why I chose him over you? It’s not a nice question, nor fair.”

“What isn’t fair about it?” I ask. “I genuinely want to know. As you’ve pointed out, I’m getting married. I’m tied and bound too…it’s not going to hurt me. I just want to know.”

She sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

“Today is supposed to be about answers.” I remind her. “Well this is a question I have.“

She finally smiles to herself. Another smile, slowly appears.

“It’s a shitty question Harry,” and then she flips it, keeping it playful. “You just can’t enjoy this moment can you? You can’t just let it be peaceful?”

I don’t respond.

I’m asking because I’m actually trying to get there- _and stay there._

I finally see a light in this tunnel, and I want to push forward, but before I do, before I go there-

I need answers.

She sighs and blows out air.

“Fine.” She says turning to me. “It’s simple.” She says with another casual shrug. “Chase has this way about him…and I was tired of holding on.”

I continue to look at her as she doesn’t finish her thought.

“Holding on to what?” I ask.

“You. And us. And my ‘issues’ as you love to put it… Ya know for a whole year after we split, I couldn’t even look at another guy. I wasn’t even looking when I found him. And…I didn’t want to like Chase. Trust me, he was an asshole when we met, and I tried to stay away…But he was there for me. He helped me. And slowly... he made me feel again. He made me get the butterflies and had me checking my phone all day… I don’t know…I guess I wasted so much with you, that I just said this time, I’m just going to go for it—leap and jump into whatever its suppose to be. Just not be scared for once in my life.”

I’m quiet as I process, yet I already know what I want to say.

 

So he wins.

He’s get the prize in the end, while I was the one who put in all the coins and played for hours and hours.

In this slot machine of life, he’s the lucky bloke who came right behind me and won. 

It’s not fucking fair.

 

“And marriage and kids?” I question again.

“Maybe.” She says gently. “I haven’t given it too much thought.”

“I thought you didn’t want kids?” I remind her.  “I thought you said you’d be a bad mum?”

She turns to me.

“I did say that.” she says honestly. “And I didn’t. I never wanted a child until that moment I didn’t have one anymore. When the doctor said she was gone, it was like a switch- I never wanted anything more. ”

I’m instantly silent.

Her eyes stay on mine for a few seconds before she shifts back to the road.

Once again, she shifts in her seat and focuses on the destination in front of her.

Me, myself…I study the dash.

Our child…

I think of the little boy or girl stolen.

Gosh I wish I would have known.

Even if that was the outcome, even if he or she was meant to pass and float off into the universe; at least, I wished I had known.

Those two months that baby was in her tummy could have been cherished instead of what it was.

I try not to think about the fights, and the way I use to talk to her.

I was so _angry_ at her; hating to even hear her voice.

It dawns on me that the night we made that baby was probably the last good night we shared.

Everything after that was just _bad._

And maybe that’s why it happened.

Somewhere in the universe, the skies knew we weren’t ready.

It wasn’t our time.

 

I turn back to her.

She is still studying the road; avoiding my presence for now.  

Whatever secret location she is taking us too, she is still trying to ensure we don’t get lost, or worst, hurt in some accident.

I see the protectiveness.

 

Despite her doubt, I know she would have been great.

She would have been a wonderful mum.

She would have been completely there for the moments; every smile, every fallen boo-boo, every extracurricular activity.

 

That life could have been so great with her.

 

I just sigh.

I don’t say another word.

I’m back depressed.

 

Ten minutes later, we are in front of a brick building.

“Where are we?” I ask.

“Jeez. Get out and see.” She teases, unclasping her seatbelt.

I do as she says, undoing my own.

She turns her car off, and meets me on the side of the street.

Traffic has slowed since we are near a residential area.

Becca leads the way as we enter the building.

We walk a narrow hallway, following the eventual pathway to an elevator.

As we enter, and the doors enclose us. I study her actions.

She hits a number, and presses back against the wall.

Where the hell are we?

 

It appears industrial, this building, but the inside appears as if it’s an apartment complex.

I don’t ask again where we are, and just wait.

As the elevator beeps up one…two…three… four…. we both remain silent.

 

I study her again.

She’s relaxed.

 

The elevator dings.

Floor eight.

“We’re here.” She announces gently.

The door opens and another hallway; much shorter this time.

She shuffles through her keys and I follow her out of the elevator.

As we approach the singular door of wherever the hell we are, I study her again.

Her edges are softening and spongy.

Glenda, the good witch, is still present in our OZ.

She sticks a key in and pushes open the door.

“After you.” She says warmly.

“That’s okay.” I say. “Ladies first.”

I’m scared.

I don’t know where the hell she has taken me.

She smiles, a perfect contort of her features, and pats my chest.

As her hand casually moves down my abdomen, gracing me gently, she pulls away.

I feel like I’ve been shocked.

The slight touch has breathed life into me.

I follow her in the wide room.

 

It’s an apartment.  

And a studio.

 

Whatever this place is, has been converted and art lines the wide space.

I instantly smile, piecing things together.

“You paint?” I question, already proud.

Her talents truly know no bounds.

“No.” she says and then moves to a large oil painting. “Taylor.”

As she stands next to the painting, I follow, studying the seven foot portrait before me.

“Taylor?” I question. “Baby sis Taylor?”

She smiles and nods proudly.

“Isn’t she amazing?”

I scan my eyes around the room.

She’s more than that.

This is incredible.

The art that lines these walls is from a seasoned professional; someone whose been doing this a long time.

“She did this?” I ask gesturing to the picture in front of me.

Becca nods again.

“All of it. Started a couple years ago, and kept it a secret.”

I run my hands over the large painting.

The hues…the sharp lines…the detail…

“She’s…gifted.” I say and Becca continues to smile proudly. “I didn’t even know she painted.” I admit.

“No one did.” She says honestly. “Until about a year ago. And that’s not all. She does other stuff too.”

“I thought she wanted to be a veterinarian?” I begin and study the room again.  Paintbrushes, cups, white sheets filled with dried paint- an artist’s chaos- with the time and dedication more than apparent.

“Is this her career now?”

“Yup.” Becca says moving away from me. “She dropped out of college. And she’s been doing really well. My dad gave her money from the divorce, and she’s up and running now. Making some decent money too.”

I can’t stop looking around. There is at least thirty paintings in here.

There is no beds or furniture- its just her art.

I go to a different painting and study.

“Where is she?” I ask following Becca, and passing more art.

Surely she should be here working.

And would she even care if I was here?

This trip was sporadic, and Taylor must call this her safe haven.

I feel like I’m intruding.

“She’s out of town.  She’s on vacation with her girlfriend.”

I stop walking.

“Girlfriend?” I ask.

Becca just smiles again.

“I watch the place for her while she’s gone. These are her babies, and she likes to know they’re looked after. I didn’t know if you still painted but I figured you’d like seeing this. She won’t mind us here.”

I’m still stuck on the girlfriend part.

“Come here.” She says a moment later. “I have something I want to show you.”

 I do as she says, but then ask my next question.

“When did she get a girlfriend? Or become…bi?” I question.

“That Harry, is a story for another day.” She says with a giggle. “But little sis has definitely grown up.”

“I see.” I say.

She takes me to a smaller painting with a wrapped sheet, and turns to me with a wide smile.

“This,” She begins. “Is what I really wanted to show you.”

I wait for her to lift the curtain, but she doesn’t. She stalls.

“Please don’t think this is weird.” She says quickly. “Taylor made it when we were still together. And I couldn’t let her throw it away or destroy it.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“It was going to be a gift for our anniversary.” She continues with her disclaimer. “So I hope this is okay and you won’t get mad at me for bringing you here. It’s the first thing she did; it’s what started all this and how she discovered herself, so its uniquely special.”

“What is it?” I ask again.

“Please don’t freak out.” She warns. “Remember we’re Ghandi right now…we’re all about the peace.”

I smile.

She sure knows how to build anticipation and I can’t help but find amusement in her diplomatic stance.  

“Becca just show me.” I say, now more anxious than ever.

She bits her lip uneasily and turns to the picture.

Delicately unwrapping the sheet, she removes it.

And then there we are.

On a tapestry before me, is me and Becca.

Obviously handmade, it is a picture of me holding her and we’re engaged in a small kiss.

It is a remake of an existing picture.

This one however is black and white, and the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.

It’s beautiful.

I instantly have no words.

Becca watches me unsure.

“What do you think?” she asks studying the large canvas before me. “Are you freaked out?”

I turn back to her slowly.

How could I ever be freaked out by this?

“Your sister made this?” I ask again because I just can’t believe it. “Little Taylor Johnson?”

She nods yes. “For us. She said it took her six months. It was for the house.”

I turn back to the painting. Stitched piece by piece, I can’t even imagine the dedication.

I run my hands over the picture and Becca continues to study me.

“Do you like it?” she asks uneasily.

“I love it.” I say. “This is—“

Again words fail me.

I turn back to Becca.

I can’t believe her sister took the time to create this, and then to not even be able to give it to us.

She must have been so disappointed.

I imagine a bit angry too.

“She hates us doesn’t she?” I guess aloud.

Becca blinks in question.

“She did all this and we broke up before.”

She breaks into a smile.

“Oh! Yeah, she wasn’t that happy.” She cuts in and chuckles. “But I love it. I loved her so much when she gave it to me a year ago. I couldn’t believe it, and I still sneak and look at it sometimes just because of the time she put into it.”

She continues to look at me.

“It’s the only thing I didn’t despise. Maybe because it wasn’t in that house.” She says honestly.

I turn away from her and look at the picture again.

I scan left, and then right.

Up and then down.

I study the white cue card next to it.

 _Hecca_ , is in big bold cursive lettering.

“What’s that?” I question.

“That’s what she named it.” She teased. “Original right?”

She smirks, teasing our fan given name.

I smile back.

I turn back to the painting that is the size of a preschooler and bend down.

I can’t get over it.

It’s soo beautiful; but I can’t decide which part.

Is it the work put into it, or the actual image- seeing us, happy and filled with so much love for each other…?

I don’t know.

I scan my hands over the sudden words I see.

Taylor has written something on it at the bottom with her signature.

 

I read the words.

 

_To my sister and brother, thank you for reminding me what true love looks like. Happy 3 year. Love you guys._

 

I pause, as I look back up at Becca.

Her smile has faded as our eyes connect.

Her eyes stay on me, as mine stay on hers.

She pauses too.

For a moment.

“I’m sorry.” She says quickly as I stand again. “I forgot about that part.”

I tower over her and peer down at her.

She chuckles nervously.

“It’s okay. It’s nice.” I say softly, keeping my expression even. 

Becca doesn’t say anything as I look down at her.

We both just stare.

I see it .

Finally.

A teeny tiny flicker.

_Hi Becca._

The original.

She turns from me uneasily before moving away from me.

“Um…uh…Let me show you some more!” She says quickly.

I don’t turn or move.

Her feet quickly begin to squeak on the wooden floorboards.

“Becca?” I call.

“You’re going to love this next one.” She says continuing to move across the room. “This was her first abstract one and it’s your favorite color!”

“Becca?” I call again.

I hear her sandals pause on the hardwood floor.

I finally turn to her, and she is waiting on me across the room.

I don’t look at the picture behind her. I just stare.

At her.

“Come here.” I say.

“What?” she questions.

“Come.” I say.

She does as I say, padding again until she is on the side of me.

“What?” she asks again quickly as if she’s forgotten something beside me.

She browses the space, looking for the item causing my delay.   

I turn back to the painting. I outstretch my hand.

“Come here.”

She doesn’t move.

“What is it Harry?” she questions.

I turn to her, and smile.

“Hey _Ms. Stubborn,_ come here.” I say.

She smiles at the tease, and moves to me slowly.

As she invades my space, I pull her in the crook of my arm, and pull her into me.

I rest my hand around her waist.

“Let’s just look at it.” I say.

She looks up at me un-expectantly.

She is so close to me now that I can directly smell her shampoo. She holds her hands awkwardly in front of her chest as I hold her; stiff.

I remove my hand from her waist and move her hand between mine.

“Just relax.” I tell her. “I’m not going to bite you.”

“What are you doing?” she asks uneasily.

I nod at the painting.

“Just look at it.” I say softly. “Your sister gave this six months, the least we can do is give it a couple minutes.”

She looks up at me, her hazel eyes searching mine as my fingers curl in hers.

Slowly….

Slowly she smiles.

“Okay.” She says.

She turns back to the picture, and we both just stare ahead.

We study the perfectness of the picture.

The perfection we never could reach in our real life.

I study every curve and every line. 

The incomparable symmetry of us together.

I’m wondering what Taylor saw.

Why did she idolize us, even in the end?

We were a mess.

What did she see that we didn’t?

I read Taylors words, over and over again.

_Thanks for reminding me what true love looks like…_

Becca moves beside me.

I feel her lift her head and study me.

I don’t look at her immediately, because I know what it would mean.

She would give me a look. She would pull away. This quick closeness would be over, just as it starts.

This is too much too soon, and I’m forcing it all too quickly.

I know her so well remember…

“Harry?” she calls.

I can’t do it.

I can’t look at her.

The hazel lightbulbs burn a hole through my skin, but I can’t.

I can’t let her go yet.

_Thanks for reminding me what true love looks like…_

I need a couple more minutes….even a few more seconds…

She shifts again and those eyes don’t move.

“Becca look at the picture.” I say again; almost demanding.

 _Please, just look at the damn picture_ , I want to beg.

She shifts and doesn’t respond, but I feel it.

I feel her try to move away from me.

“Harry?” she calls again, and with reluctance, I finally move my eyes to her.

Why?

Why does she always have to ruin it?

As my eyes catch hers, I sigh, counting down the seconds.

My hand loosens her waist.

I let her go, but its instantly replaced.

Our fingers pull apart, and before I realize, I’m clutched. Her fingers have wrapped around my shirt pulling me closer to her and my chest hits hers, only separated by her hand.

As my eyebrows begin to crease, her eyes are back on me, wild this time.

I’m confused until I feel the cool compress.

Her lips are back on mine.

And our tapestry is suddenly reality.

 

_Here it is_

_Finally._

_The flicker, the flame._

_Hi Becca._

 

And I kiss her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 25 chapters to go and this lovely story ends....can you believe it!


	76. Chapter 76

CHAPTER SEVENTY SIX

HARRY

 

Then.

London.

Three weeks later.

 

“Song. Two words. Got it. I’m ready.”

She smiled and put up two fingers.

“Second word, got it.”

She gave me a thumbs up and instantly began to toss a ball at me- a pretend ball.

“Baseball!” I called out looking at my girlfriend of nine months.

Becca instantly waved her hands no.

She swung again and I tried to guess what she was doing.

“It is a baseball!”  I exclaimed. “Um... Bat?? Um game?”

She shook head no. She began to dribble a ball.

“Basketball.”

She swung again.

“Oh! Ball…ball?”

She jumped up in excitement.

_Yes!_

She lifted one finger.

“First word.” I said.

She nodded and then instantly started thrashing her arms.

 I was instantly confused.

“Hacking? Killing? Hitting?” I called out.

“Oh I know what it is!” Glenne squealed beside me.

Becca kept thrashing as if that would inspire me to know.

“Ten seconds!” Jeff called.

Becca thrashed more.

“I don’t know babe-“ I said, and then she went to a vase in the corner, pretending to smash it.

“Break? Ruin? Wreck?” I called out, shuffling things out quickly.

She instantly jumped in excitement.

_Yes! Yes! Yes!_

“Five seconds!”

“Oh, oh Wrecking Ball!” I said as the timer cut out. “Wrecking Ball!” I shouted. 

“Yes!” she said with  a shout and a jump.

She came to me and slapped my hands.

I smiled in accomplishment.

“And another one!” I teased looking at our competitors as Becca took a seat back on my lap. “We are going to win this shit.” I said as if it wasn’t already figured out.

Jeff and Glenne booed us, standing for their turn.

While Xander smiled, shuffling the Charade cards.

“You guys are sickening.” He said.

I ignored him.

“Good job babe.” I said kissing her back.

I wrapped my arms around her and she relaxed against me as we continued the game.

This was our third night together, and tomorrow Xander, Jeff and Glenne would be leaving back to their homes state side- while me and Becca stayed in London.

She was staying with me until the 23rd, only parting so she should could be with her family on Christmas, then rejoining me on the 27th in Miami. She had finally agreed to St. Barts for New Years and we had decided on a vacation spot as well in January.

Ibiza, Spain was ours starting January 7th.

She hadn’t heard anything about the internship in New York, and at this point, we had just assumed she didn’t get it.

It was only three weeks away from starting and she hadn’t made any plans to up and move to New York.

She had nothing lined up, so that whole thing was dead.

Thankfully.

 

For me, for now, the break was started, and I no longer had the obligations of the band. All the hard work, and running had ended just a few nights ago on the London X-Factor stage.

Becca had came two days later.

 

As Jeff and Glenne began their routine, I focused on the empty feeling settling in my stomach.

“Are you guys hungry?” I asked, cutting in. “Can we go eat?”

It was getting late, and we had all been together the last few hours relaxing at my house.

“I could eat.” Becca said turning to me.

“Don’t try to interrupt,” Glenne said. “So that you guys win. We want our turn.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I’m actually starving, but fine, focus on your game. That you’ve already lost.” I added with a smirk and she threw a pen at me.

“Hey!” Becca exclaimed with a laugh as it just missed her ear. “I did nothing to you.”

“Sorry. You’re on his lap. Casualty of the war.”  Glenne said and they started the game again.

 

We eventually won- as I called- and we all lifted to go to a restaurant in Hampstead.

Tossing on a beanie hat and my coat, I led the way.

It was fucking freezing in London right now and as I climbed in my car, I quickly struggled to turn on the heat.

 Becca, who had been living in New York most of her time the last four years, watched us all in amusement, not at all bothered by the weather.

She was wrapped in my sweats, with her boots and hat, and completely fine.

 

We all made small talk on the way and when we got to the restaurant, Becca was once again sat beside me.

I wrapped my arm around her, keeping her close to me and she huddled in the nook of my arm. 

Now that the break was over and her school was done, we were inseparable.

I had been waiting on this moment for months, and finally we had gotten to the place I was waiting on.

 

After the proclamations of I love You, I had still had my doubts that this would end up okay.

Becca had deep rooted insecurities, and I was fearful that it was only a matter of time  before they popped back up.

However since that day in the basement, we hadn’t had one fight, one disagreement or any misunderstanding about our relationship or where we wanted it to go.

I wouldn’t classify us as serious yet, but we were definitely committed to each other, and ready to take on whatever path this relationship would take in the future.

 

For now, no one still knew. Despite in October, there being some ramblings of a potential news story about us, all had been pretty quiet.

Though I can agree, I had contributed to that.

I knew the PR game and I knew how to work it to my advantage.

As soon as I got word that a pending story of Harry Styles’  secret girlfriend was coming, I got to work.

Purposely- with Becca’s permission- I placed myself around certain girls and situations to garner certain rumors about who I may or may not have been dating.

I kept the conversation open about Taylor Swift and my single Perfect which briefly referenced her.  I had pretend weekend retreats with the model Georgia Fowler,  and invited Kendall Jenner  and my first girlfriend to my shows.

This kept all the attention on them, and none on my real girlfriend, who the papers had no solid proof I was seeing; and after the run-in’s with the other girls, doubted she even existed.

Becca was very good at filtering out her social media, and though she posted stuff about us, it was never anything concrete outside of a tan shoe, or a place we visited.

Though I doted on her, and behind the scenes showed her off to friends and family, I was quite happy no one still knew about her publicly.

 It was making this all run very smoothly.

 

After we all ate and headed back to my house, we lounged around on the couch. Becca laid on me while we all just basically talked shit. We made plans for the future, briefly discussing me, Jeff and Glenne’s upcoming birthdays-‘Sign me up! I’ll make cakes!’ Becca boasted-and just enjoyed each other’s company.

By the time we headed upstairs to the master bedroom, Becca was back in my arms as we watched a movie from my bed.

“You going to sleep?” I asked as she laid quiet in front of me.

“No.” she said as I pushed my hands inside of her pants.

She turned to me, her mouth connecting to mine and our tongues mingled.

She tasted like Jolly Ranchers, the candy she had been sucking on all evening.

“I’m happy you’re here.” I said when our mouths broke apart.

“Happy to be here.” She assured.

Our eyes locked. Her hazel ones, warm and sheepish.

“Get some rest.” I said kissing her forehead.

“I’m fine.” She assured.

“No you’re not.” I said taking my hand out of her pants. “Let’s go to sleep.”

She easily agreed, curling up beside me.

“Goodnight.” She purred. “Love you.”

“Love you more.”

 ************************

Two nights later, she was dancing in my kitchen.

As Cindy Lauper blared from her speaker dock, I sat and watched in amusement as she cooked me dinner and dessert.

We were alone; having the house to ourselves and it felt blissfully domestic as she moved around my kitchen.

“You know, I could get use to this.” I said to her as she shuffled around, measuring her ingredients.

“Use to what?” she questioned measuring a giant flour bag.

“Watching you like this. It’s quite sexy.”

“That’s just because I’m half naked.”

I smiled, letting my eyes study the nude legs before me; my t-shirt and her panties the only thing she had on.

“Hmm…not yet, but it can be arranged.”

She smirked, beginning to pour some flour in a cup.

“Calm down you.” She scolded. “Or I won’t make you dinner.”

“It smells good like its already done.” I said honestly. “Is that the fish?”

“M’hmm.” She said. “I’ve just got to get these brownies in the oven, and then we can maybe eat.”

“Sounds good to me.”

I stood, grazing a hand over her bum as I went to the oven to check.

The Herring was nice and glistening.

I came behind her then, wrapping a hand around her tiny waist.

Hmm…she smelled so good.

“You constantly amaze me.” I said kissing the tip of her ear.

“Stop it.” She scolded, immediately getting flustered.

I trailed my lips to her neck, and moved my hands against her skin.

“You are so sexy.” I muttered. “I love everything about you.” I said licking the base of her collarbone.

She giggled.

“Harry, stop.”

I moved to the side of her face, kissing gently.

“Has anyone told you how beautiful you are today?””

“Yes. My annoying boyfriend tells me everyday.”

“He doesn’t tell you enough,” I argued burying my face in her neck and kissing again.

“He is very, very, lucky. And probably stupidly happy.”

She just continued to smile.

As my lips moved closer to her spot, she pulled away from me with a smile.

“Stop it!” she scolded. “You’re going to fuck this up by distracting me. I can’t even remember what I was doing.”

I smirked at her.

“Well then, maybe I should just do something else to you instead.“

She threw some flour at me.

“Hush you! You’re on the fast track to being kicked out of here.”

“Fine.” I said pretending to seal my lips.

I took a seat back on my stool as she continued to cook, smiling the entire time.

 

I was so fucking lucky.

And she was all mine.

 

“Do you need help?” I asked growing serious as she continued to move around, showing me women were the true superheroes of the world, and she just smiled.

“Nope. Sit there. Catering to you tonight. Cuz baby this is your day. Do anything for my man. Baby you blow _me_ away.”

“Why does that sound like a song?”

She shrugged with a smile.

“Don’t know. But shut up, I’m measuring.”

 

Thirty minutes later, she was on my lap and we were eating.

As she fed me, I reveled in this feeling.

Everything was perfect.

“You want to head to my mum’s tomorrow?” I questioned rubbing her back.

“Sure.” She said.

“Oh I can have them come here. My mum has been asking to make the trip.”

“Whatever works.” she said.

“Cool.” I said back. I turned back to our food.

“Do you want to decorate the tree finally tonight?”

“Uh yeah. It’s been waiting.” She said. “I thought you were going to do it for me before I came.”

“I wanted the experience with you.” I said nudging her.

She smiled.

“Well yes, let’s decorate it. There is only six days to Christmas now.”

“Ultimately this whole thing is kind of silly anyway, since we won’t really get to celebrate it together.”

“We will.” She said. “We’ll just do the gift exchange before I leave.”

“Who says I got you anything?” I said with an amused smirk.  
“You better have, and I flew my butt 3000 miles to be here.”

I smirked.

“You’re getting a brand new car for Christmas. I think your gifts are maxed out.”

“Well fine, I’ll just take your slippers back since you won’t appreciate them.”

I smiled.

“You got me some slippers?” I questioned.

“Yup. Its what you’ve been saying for weeks now.”

“ _I didn’t mean it_.” I said.

She playfully scoffed.

“Well calm down I got you a robe too.” She joked.

I kissed her inviting lips.

“ _Now_ we’re talking.” I said.

I kissed her cheek next.

“See baby, told you I know how to keep you happy.” She teased.

I smirked, gently laughing to myself.

“You do Becca.” was all I said.

 

Soon, I was pulling out the stuff for the decorations.

Still nibbling on Becca’s brownies, she gathered on her knees digging through the stuff. Behind us , the Christmas tunes were playing.

“Okay what do you typically do first?” she asked. “Lights or the ornaments?”

“I think you’re supposed to always go lights first, right?”

“Okay.” She said pulling it out of the box. “And you have a star! Perfect!” she said.

She stood, looking at the fake tree I  had put up first.

“I’m kind of disappointed.” She said unraveling the lights, “I would have figured someone like you would have had a real tree?”

“Who someone rich?” I questioned.

“No. Just in general, with the type of guy you are.”

“I’m never home.” I said standing and assisting her. “Normally I would already be at my mum’s house and we keep the real tree there, so I never get one.”

She looked up at me instantly taking it the wrong way- as only Becca could.

“So I’m ruining your regular tradition?” she asked frowning.

“No way.” I said stringing the lights in a straight line. “I’m loving that you’re here right now.”

She gave me a skeptical look and headed behind the tree.

“Well if I am, let me know.” She said. “I don’t want to be a burden, and we can do whatever you’re use too.”

I just rolled my eyes.

I didn’t even encourage her with a response.

 

We quickly laced the tree with lights and then Becca headed for the box of ornaments.

As she began to dig again, I pulled away.

“I’ll be right back.” I said to her quickly.

She barely glanced up.

“Okay.” She said lifting the star for the top of the tree.

Heading back upstairs to my bedroom, I headed to the closet digging for the secret gift I had hid from Becca days earlier.

As I headed back downstairs, gift in hand, she was placing the star on top.

“Hey love?” I called and she turned to me.

“I got you something.” I said, holding out the bag.

She looked at me curiously and came over to me.

“We’re already gift exchanging?” she asked.

“Nope.” I said with a smile. “Just open it.”

She did as I said, carefully separating the paper in the bag.

Silver glitter coated her hands the second she stuck her hand in.

“What is it?” she asked pulling her hand back out.

“I don’t know.” I said innocently. “I’ll guess you’ll have to keep digging and see.“

She smiled widely at me, replacing her hand back in the bag,

Then, seconds later, she pulled out her gift.

“It’s an ornament.” She said examining it.

“M’hmm.”

“An ornament that says the number one?” she questioned.

“M’hmm.” I confirmed.

“What does this mean?”

I took it from her and moved towards the tree.  I placed it in the center.

“Well…this is our first year together. And I don’t know where we’ll be next year or the year after that, but…I got this because I want to always remember this year. There’s so many new beginnings starting for the both of us, and I want to always look at this every year and just remember how this place feels; especially having to be here and start it with you.”

She smiled. She grabbed my shirt and pulled me back to her.

“You’re so romantic.” She said with a sweet smile. “And also super cheesy.”

I smiled back. “You could have stopped at romantic.”

“And corny-“ she added. “Definitely can’t forget you’re corny. The corniest guy I’ve ever- AH!”

I lifted her off her feet.

She squealed as I wrapped her legs in my arm and she curled her arms around my neck, giggling the entire time.

Smiling at her, I carried her out of the room.

“Where are we going? The tree!” she said with a loud laugh.

“Forget the tree. You made fun of it.”

“I didn’t.” she said quickly as I led her back upstairs.

“You hurt its feelings. It probably doesn’t even want any ornaments now.”

“Oh dear.” She said. “And Emotional. Add it to the list. “ she said quickly. “We’ve got romantic, corny, cheesy, and emotional. Oh, and sensitive.”

She said to me in amusement with a wide smile.

“Keep talking-“ I said as we reached my top step. “I’m about to completely wipe that smile off your face.”

“Never.” She said, kissing my cheek. “You’ll only widen it.”

Smiling back at her, I paused, leaning to kiss her lips.

Her hands went to my loose hair and I temporarily forgot I was holding her.

Almost dropping her, she recovered in time and slapped my chest as her feet hit the ground.

“I’m sorry!” I exclaimed pulling her back to me. “I’m sorry.” I said quickly.

She pouted at me as I pulled her back to me.

“Your lips distracted me. I’m sorry.”

“You almost killed me.” She muttered as my lips connected back to hers.

“I did actually.” I said honestly. “But I love you.” I resigned.

“Gee thanks.”

She wrapping against me again. Within seconds, we both completely forgot everything around us; our lips tangled together once more.

 

 ***********************************

“Why are there no ornaments on your tree?”

The next day, I hid my smile as I turned back to my mum, who had asked the question.

She was in the living room with my stepdad, my sister Gemma and her new boyfriend.

It was suddenly a family affair.

I turned to Becca who was there as well, playing cards with Gemma in a corner.

“We like it that way.” I said as Becca smiled back at me.

“Okay,” my mother said. “And is it some irony that the only ornament I do see is a number one?”

“Your son is a jokester Anne.” Becca cut in from across the room. “If you didn’t know, everything’s got to be a pun.”

My mother just smiled, completely not understanding our joke- and she wouldn’t- and sipped her wine.

I stood. I grabbed my mum’s wine glass that was slowly getting low.

“Thanks son.”

“Anyone else?” I asked playing host.

Everyone nodded no.

I headed out of the room, with the voice of Jimmy Stewart following me.

We were all sitting around watching the Christmas classic, Its A Wonderful Life and just catching up. Earlier, my mum had made a Roast for dinner.

As I headed to the kitchen, popping open the cork, I heard a noise behind me.

Turning, it was Becca following me.

“You need a refill too?” I asked opening the bottle.

“Nope.” She said heading to my fridge. “Thought I’d grab the cheese platter for you.”

“Oh yeah.” I said. “I forgot about that. Thanks baby.”

“Anytime.” She said quickly kissing my cheek and heading back into the living room with the platter in hand. 

I followed behind her, and she resumed her game with Gemma.

I plopped back next to my mum and watched the movie I had seen more than a dozen times growing up.

“Oh this is my favorite scene!” Becca piped up eventually. Turning to the screen, she stared at the scene unfolding before her.

The first time the two main characters kiss.

My mother turned to Becca with a smile and I did as well. Yet while  my mum turned away just as quickly, I continued to watch her.

Her eyes were bright and wide, mouthing the words of the scene she loved so much.

I don’t think I could explain how much I loved her in that moment. In such a simple moment, I couldn’t take my eyes off of Becca.

I truly was crazy about her.

A phone chimed eventually interrupted the scene, and had everyone scrambling and checking their phones.

“It’s not mine.” Robin called out as if we were calling dibs.

“Mine either!” Gemma said.

“Me either.” My mother said.

“It’s mine.” Becca said, pulling her phone out of pocket. Glancing at the caller, she seemed confused for a bit, but then stood, placing the phone to her ear.

I continued to watch her, as she moved away from everyone being polite. The last thing I heard her say was “Yes, this is Becca Johnson.”

I turned back to the TV.

She headed into the kitchen.

“Should we pause it for her?” My mother questioned beside me.  
“If she’s quoting it, I’m quite sure Becca has seen it over a hundred times. Just let it play.”

“Well that’s not the point.” She said gently. “You have us pause The Notebook all the time.”

I grinned. “That’s just not true.”

“You do too!” she argued and stuck her tongue out at me.

I just shook my head as me and my mum playfully grabbed for the remote.

“Well who can hear it between you two?” Robin cut in eventually with a smile.

“Oh hush!” she said. “No one asked for your opinion in the room.”

I just smiled as Becca came back in the room, and then past us, darting out of the room and up the stairs.

“Yeah, let me get a pen.” She said in haste. “One sec.”

My eyes briefly followed her up the stairs and then focused back on the TV until she came back in the room.

When she did, she tossed her phone on the table and I glanced at her.

Running a hand through her hair, she bit her nail in thought.

“You alright?” I called from across the room.

As her hazel eyes met mine, she gave me a look.

_Um…Harry?_

“What?” I asked her and everyone else turned wondering what was wrong.

She stood and nodded her head towards the kitchen.

“Can I talk to you?” she called gently.

I stood almost immediately.

“Is everything okay?” My mother asked in concern, taking the words right out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, oh yeah.” She said with a wide smile. “I just need Harry for a second.”

As I stood in front of her, she grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room.

“We’ll be right back.” She announced.

When we reached the kitchen, she was a jitter of nerves. She pulled from me quickly and grabbed a new wine glass.

“What’s going on?” I asked as she quickly poured herself a new glass.

She didn’t answer until she took a big gulp.

“Becca, you’re scaring me.” I said honestly as she looked back at me. “Please tell me no one died.”

“No.” she said quickly.

She gave me a wide smile and reached for my hands again.

“Honey,” she began.

“Yeah?” I asked peering at her and giving them to her.

“I got the job.” She said.

I misheard her.

“What?” I asked her.

“I got the job.” She said again. “In New York.”

 “What?” I asked again.

“I got it.” She said. “I mean…well…technically I didn’t accept yet, but they offered it to me. That was an agent calling me just now.”

I immediately felt the color drain out of my face.

“At eight in the evening?” I asked because that was all I could say. I was processing.

“It’s three in the afternoon there.” She reminded me.

“Oh yeah.” I said. I need to clench something.

I broke my hands away from hers and ran them through my hair.

This was not good.

Not good at all.

It was December 20th.

I didn’t even know that internship was a possibility anymore.

Just when I was starting to relax that she didn’t get it.

_Fuck._

“Can you say something?” she asked, studying me.

I looked at her as she looked at me in concern. The light in her eyes had already visibly diminished and I know she was waiting on me to get excited and jump around and congratulate her.

Yet, I couldn’t do that.

“What took them so long?” I asked. “To call you?”

She took another sip of wine, and shrugged to herself.

“I wasn’t first pick.” She admitted. “Or even second. They had their people, and one backed out because his wife is pregnant so he can’t make the move right now. So…they called me.”

Her smile returned and that smile was all light and fireworks and I wanted to be happy for her, but I just wasn’t.

“And you like that? Being someone’s third choice?” I questioned.

Her smile instantly faded.

Again.

“Huh?” she questioned.

I blinked and turned from her.

“I mean…Becca it’s not the most ideal thing to be last.“

She grew quiet.

I turned back to her, and she was already frowning. That beautiful face completely scrapped of all her previous happiness- because of me.

I quickly stopped myself.

Ugh.

Damn it.

I moved to her quickly and pulled her to me.

“Forget what I was saying-it’s great.” I said kicking in. “You got it love? Then, congrats!” I said.

She continued to look at me in uncertainty as I plastered on the fakest smile I could muster.

“Do you mean that?” she asked skeptically, knowing me well.

“Yeah for sure.” I said. “It’s a great opportunity right?”

“Yes it is.” She said honestly, and then she pulled away from me.

“I had no clue it was them calling me. I thought it was going to be one of my friends calling  from the City, but...baby, I’m excited.” She said grabbing for the wine glass again. “And I wasn’t expecting it. Wow.” And then she looked at me again. “Holy shit, babe I actually got it! I actually got the internship. _Out of thousands_ , _I_ _got it_.”

 _By a technicality,_ I wanted to say but I held my tongue.

She seemed to kick into her own source of happiness. Smiling even wider, she turned back to me.

She moved back to me and pressed against me.

“I got it.” She said again and laughed in my arms.

That small hint of my favorite laugh, made me actually smile. I was excited to see her happy.

I tried to push my dark thoughts back.

I inhaled slowly.

“So you’re going to take it?” I asked after she finally calmed down.

 She took another sip of wine.

“I don’t know.” She said honestly and I let the breath go. “I have nothing prepared. I don’t have a place to live or anything arranged. I thought I didn’t get it.” She said again.

I shuffled my feet. I tried to keep my next statement in, but I was unconsciously trying to talk her out of it.

A big part of me knew what it meant if she took the job, and I didn’t want her to do it anymore.

“You’re right. Two weeks is a short time.” I said. “You’re flying to California in a few days and then what, you’re going to hop on a plane to New York? Where would you go?” I asked. “Where would you stay while you figure it out… _in a weeks time?”_

She bit her lip listening to me.

“Yeah…” she said thinking to herself  “I didn’t think about that-“

“I mean, do you think you’re actually going to find a place in a week?” I asked skeptically.

She looked up at me, biting her lip.

“No I guess not…It doesn’t make any sense right? It sounds crazy doesn’t it?” she questioned to me.

“Kinda.” I said.

She turned from me, still thinking to herself.

“I just can’t believe I got it though.” She muttered. “Wow, I actually got it.” She said with a chuckle. “Who would have fucking thought?”

I sighed.

My words weren’t sinking in yet…

“Is everything alright?”

I turned at the sound of my sister Gemma’s voice.

I guess since there hadn’t been any screaming or cussing, it was fine to come check on us.

“Yeah we’re great.” Becca said turning to her. “I just got a job offer, and we’re trying to figure it out. We’re all good.”

“Well that’s great.” Gemma said coming into the room. “For what?”

“Simon and Shuster. It’s a big publishing company-“

“I know who they are. That’s awesome!” Gemma cut in. “What kind of job is it?”

“Editorial assistant.”

“Get out! That’s great!” Gemma said quickly pulling her into a hug. “You go girl!”

Becca smiled and then looked at her with uneasiness.

“Yeah it is, but …I don’t think I can take it.”

“What? Why?” Gemma asked.

Becca turned to me for conformation.

“We just don’t think it’s a good idea.” She said. “Right Harry?”

I had to turn away.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t answer that.

It truly wasn’t fair for me to say.

I just wanted to plant the seeds.

I moved away from them both.

“Its your decision.” I said ultimately, pouring my own self a glass of wine too.

Gemma looked back and forth between us.

“Well why would you turn it down?” she questioned.

“Well its in New York and I would have to find a place.”

“Oh that’s easy.” Gemma said. “How much time do you have?”

“Two weeks.”

“Eek.” She said, then pushed the thought away. “It doesn’t matter.” She said quickly. “We’ll get a laptop and find you a place. Right Harry?”

Once again I didn’t respond.

I definitely wasn’t going to jump and help her leave me and I think finally my sister realized this.

I just sipped my wine again.

My sister looked at me, I looked back at her and she seemed to read my eyes.

“I don’t know.”  Becca cut back in, not even focused on us. “It’s a lot to think about.”

“No its not.” Gemma cut in. “Take it from me, you know about my job at the Debrief? Though its an online magazine-“

I tuned them both out, downing my drink quickly.

Here it went…She was about to completely talk her into it.

I cut in.

“When do you have to let them know?” I asked. “What’s your deadline?”

“Tomorrow.” Becca said. “I told them I’d let them know by noon- their time.”

I nodded okay.

“Well good.” I said ready to end the conversation. “Then we’ll figure it out tomorrow. We’ll sleep on it.” I said.  
Gemma ignored me.

“You don’t need to sleep on this. Call them back right now!” Gemma said with a smile. “You’ll love this job. And it’s right up your alley for what you want to do.”

I cut my eyes at my sister, but what could I say?

I couldn’t fault her.

She was saying everything I was suppose too.

“You think?” Becca asked smiling, ready to listen to her.

I moved to Becca, pretending my sister had left the room.

I pulled her to me.

“Baby,” I cut in. “Trust me. Think about it. Gemma has her shit established. She had a place to live when she took her job. “

Gemma scoffed behind me.

“ _For you_ , it would be a lot to commit to with nothing finalized. Do some research tonight and get your laptop out if you have too and…we’ll make a decision tomorrow.” I said.

 _“You’ll_ make a decision.” Gemma cut in. “You don’t need my brother.”

I turned to her, giving her another look.

She flashed a smile, but I heard the sting in her words.

She was queuing up a sibling rivalry.

This I wouldn’t let her get in the middle of. Not me and Becca.

Becca instantly nodded, listening to me only.

“Yeah that makes sense.” She said. “Okay. I’ll wait until tomorrow. And we’ll figure it out then?” she questioned to me.

I kissed her forehead and nodded yes.

“We’ll work it out.” I assured.

“Cool.” Becca said.

 I headed back into the living room. While Becca and my sister stayed in the kitchen.

“Everything okay?” My mum asked again.  
“Yup. Nothing to worry about right now.” I assured.

 ~~

Before the night was up, everyone knew.

Pulling Becca out of the kitchen ten minutes later, Gemma quickly announced the news to everyone, and the chants of congratulations and “you’ve got to take it!” chorused.

“She’s going to make her decision tomorrow.” I said as my mother hugged her warmly. “Nothing is finalized yet.”

Gemma waved me away.

“Actually Harry, we’ve been in the kitchen researching.”

_Already?_

“We think we found a place for her to live and everything.”

I instantly looked up at them.

 “She called and they can get her in for a viewing this week, and if she comes with a deposit in hand its hers.”

I could have killed my fucking sister.

I glanced at Becca, and she was smiling again, bubbling with excitement.

I had to admit, once again that smile was nice to see.

“This is awesome. Have you called your mum?” my mother asked. “What did she say?”

“Oh no. I haven’t.” Becca said hitting her forehead. “I probably should.” She said and chuckled. “Sorry, excuse me.”

“Of course.” My mother said.

Becca quickly went back to her phone, dialing as she left the room, and Gemma came straight to me.

She slapped the top of my head.

“Ouch!” I immediately screeched.

“What is wrong with you!” she exclaimed. “What the hell was that in there?”

I rolled my eyes and turned from her.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You do!” she scolded gently. “How could you react like that? She seemed so happy to tell you too.”

“Stay out of it.” I warned.

“What’s going on?” My mother asked, seeing the sibling fight bar rise.

“Harry doesn’t want her to go.”

I looked up from my place on the couch.

“No I don’t. What’s wrong with that?” I questioned.

“Why don’t you want her to go?” Robin asked.

“Because ,” I said. “It’s in New York.” And then I turned back to the TV. “I would never see her.”

“See!” Gemma exclaimed in exasperation. “Can you believe him?”

My mother just looked between us.

“Well son, I don’t think it’s about you this time.” She said gently.

“It’s not.” I said honestly. “But that doesn’t mean I have to be happy she wants to go. Why should I willingly push her to go knowing what they’ll mean for us?”

“Because you’re suppose too.” Gemma said.

“What will it mean for you?” My mother asked continuing to play referee.

“We’ll break up.” I said. “I don’t have a life in New York, or anything going on there.”

“Well Harry, technically she doesn’t have anything going on in London, and she’s here anyway because you’re here, so maybe-“ Robin cut in.

“Its not the same.” I said. “I’m not committed to London. I can go anywhere I want to right now.”

“You couldn’t a few months ago, and you made it work.” Gemma cut in.

“No I couldn’t. But she couldn’t either.” I reminded. “We both had our own obligations. And stay out of it.” I said again. “Your boyfriend is sitting right here, and you guys are ten minutes from each other. You don’t get it.”

At the mention of his name, Michal looked up, but didn’t say anything.

That was probably best.

My mother sat beside me.

“Did you guys talk about this at all when she applied?”

“Of course we did. I didn’t think she would actually get it though.” I said. And then I looked between my family as they gave me disappointed looks. “No.” I said quickly. “Don’t look at me like that… don’t get me wrong. Becca is super smart and she can do anything she wants to do. I’m ridiculously proud of her, and can’t believe the things she does…but the odds were stacked against her…I didn’t think this time she would have a chance.” I said.

“Well now she does, and you have to deal with it. Don’t be selfish Harry.” Gemma cut in.

I rolled my eyes, getting more and more irritated.

“Screw you Gemma, It’s the first time I’ve been in love with someone, I think I have the right to be selfish-“

“Oh boo freaking hoo-“ Gemma cut in, and my mother quickly intervened.

“You guys, enough!” she said. “You’re going to let her hear you and Harry trust me, you don’t want that. Nothing will hurt Becca more than knowing the person she loves doesn’t support her right now.”

“But I do!” I said quickly. “I’m her number one supporter. But that doesn’t mean she has to go to New York. Why can’t I support her in California? She has a great internship lined up there-“

“Because she wants this one Harry-“ my mother cut in.

“Why? Why can’t she do this at a later time then? Why can’t she find something more convenient? We’ve made plans mum.”

“She wants to live her dreams too Harry.”

“She’s twenty-one. She has her whole life.” I argued.

My mother sighed.

“Now Harry, I’m disappointed in you. Did we say that to you when you were sixteen? Or were we all there, supporting you? Cheering your name as you sang Isn’t she Lovely? We did that because you had a dream…why shouldn’t she follow hers?”

I just sighed and turned from them.

They didn’t get it.

They didn’t know how good everything was right now. How long I had waited and tried for months just to get to this place.

How much I was in love with her…

I sighed.

Look I appreciate the input,” I began. “But this is between me and her.”

“Not if you’re going to crush her dreams Harry-“ Gemma cut back in.

“She’s right.” My mother said. “This time you’re wrong Harry. You’re not making a clear decision in this.”

“It’s not my decision.” I said.

“Exactly.” My mother said ultimately. “It’s not yours. Its hers. Your job is just to go with it, and be her number one supporter that you claim you are.”

I just rolled my eyes again.

“If you love her,” she continued. “Then you’d want her to be great.”

“I do.” I said again.

“Well then let her be great.”

I turned to her.

“Well then I lose her.” I said honestly.

“And she’ll come back to you if its meant to be.” Robin said. “You’re young too. You’re acting like you guys were getting married tomorrow.”

I rolled my eyes for the final time.

They still didn’t get it.

She was important to me.

I had never had this with anyone before.

“Just think about it Harry,” my mum said ultimately. “And please don’t ruin this for her. It would mean so much to her if you just support her right now.”

Once again I just sighed and said nothing more.

 

Later that night, we were alone and this situation was still between us. Becca wasn’t talking about it, but I could tell it was deep on her mind.

As we dressed for bed, I studied her.

 

“You alright?” I asked quietly.

She smiled at me.

“Yeah, just thinking.”

“I can tell.” I said honestly.

She sat on the bed, shimming her jeans off.

“So everyone knows?” I questioned. She had been on the phone all night; with family…friends…professors…long after my family left.

“Yup.” She said.

“What did your mum say?”

“That she doesn’t want me to take it. Says it’d be too dangerous living in the City by myself just starting out. She says I need somebody there with me.”

I withheld my smile.

I knew I always liked her.

“And your dad?”

She playfully rolled her eyes and smiled at me.

“He said I should have already called them back.”

I hated her dad instantly.

“And you—what do you say?”

She looked up at me, hazel eyes unsure.

I don’t know.” she said. “You don’t want me to do it do you?”

“It’s not up to me.”

I know that.” She said quickly. “But you don’t want me to do it right?  
“I don’t want you to do it for selfish reasons. I don’t want you to leave. I want our Ibiza trip and London and California, being together every night like we planned.”

She bit her lip.

“Yeah.” She said quietly. “That was going to be nice.”

Our eyes locked.

“I guess I could turn it down. It would keep things simple. And I do have the California internship.” She resigned.

“You do.” I said.

She stood.

“And us…I don’t want to interfere with that.”

“I don’t want it to either, but...don’t factor that in.” I said honestly.

“Why not?” she asked.

I shrugged.

“Because if you use us as the excuse, and you don’t do it, you’ll be mad at me later.”

“So I should do it?” she questioned.

“I didn’t say that either.”

She sighed.

She lifted her shirt, removing it. She tossed it in the corner in frustration.

“This is so frustrating. I don’t know what to do.”

“Love…Do you want to do it?”

“Yes.”

I sighed.

I knew it.

“But I’m scared too.” She said a second later. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

I went to her and pulled her in my arms.

I ran my hands down her back and rested them on her butt.

She was.

Totally and completely.

That’s what scared me.

I kept it neutral.

“Well like you said, you have until noon tomorrow to think about it. Get some sleep. It’ll come to you.”

She pressed her forehead against mine and then kissed me.

“Yeah maybe…” she said. She looked up at me with those pretty eyes. 

“I wish it was in California.” She said honestly. “Then it wouldn’t be so hard.”

“Me too.” I said honestly. “Me too hun.”

 

The next morning she awoke before me.

As I headed downstairs grabbing a water bottle, I saw her sitting at my counter, laptop open and a pad scribbled with black ink.

“Couldn’t sleep?” I asked.

It was only 6am, and Becca was usually a slower riser.

“No I could.” She said. “Just want to get an early start on this.”

I peeked at her computer.

New York Lofts.

Her pad, filled with apartments.

I held back my sigh, grabbing a cold water bottle.

“See anything?” I asked.  
“Tons.” She said. “But not necessarily in my budget range.”

“What about that place Gemma said you found?”

“Its nice, but I’m not sure of my salary. In the excitement, I forgot to ask, and it may be too expensive too.”

I took another sip.

“Well how much would you need?” and then I couldn’t believe I was saying it. “I could give you something if you need to get there.“

“No.” she said quickly. “I’m not dating you for your money.”

I smirked.

“I’m well aware.”

She turned back to her screen.

“We’ll call it a permanent loan…Think of it like a gift. Ya know…something I’m buying on a shopping trip.” I said with a smile.

“No.” she said again. “What’s the point of being independent, if you’re still being dependent? I’ve got to do this on my own- if I do it.” She said gently.

“I think you’re very independent.” I said honestly. And then I stood beside her, leaning against the counter.

She looked up at me.

“It’s one of the things I fell in love with.”

She smiled.

“You might be a little bias then.”

“And you might be a little stubborn.”

I looked down at the computer.

“Do you need me to help you look?”

“No. that’s okay hun. Go lay back down.“

“I’m heading to the gym actually.” I said. “But first, want me to make some phone calls? Me and Jeff were working with a guy, I can see if he can find something.”

She looked back up at me with a smile.

“That would be being dependent again.”

 I rolled my eyes and raised my hands.

“Alright, I’m out of it.”

She smirked, and I left the room, heading upstairs to change to leave.

After I was dressed and showered, I found her in the same place.

“Harry?” she called as I prepared to walk out of the door.

“Yes love?”

“This morning, it kind of sounded like you wanted me to go.” She said and I stopped. “Do you?” she asked.

I just shrugged.

“It’s not up to me.” I said.

She sighed and turned back to me.

“No I know, but I need an outlier.” She said. “Half of people are telling me to go, others are saying I shouldn’t.  I need you opinion.” She said.

I smiled.

“You don’t. That would be being dependent.” I teased.

She smirked.

“No. That would be being a nice girlfriend and considering how my boyfriend feels.”

I moved away from her moving towards my front door.

She didn’t want to know.

“Well you always say you’re not nice.” I reminded. “So I’m not answering…”

And then I jiggled my keys.

“I’ll see you in a bit.”

She didn’t respond as I left the house.

I headed to my workout. My thoughts surging as I boxed out my frustrations with Mark Jarvis, my old trainer.

I knew what I needed to do, and I knew what I needed to say…I just needed to find the strength to say it.

 

It took four hours, but I finally got myself there.

 

When I returned back, she was still at the counter, though with more pages filled and her cell phone in front of her.

“Still at it?” I asked.

She smiled at me.

“Yup. Couple hours to go and I still don’t know what I should do.”

“I do.” I said finally and she looked up at me. I turned to the living room.

“Can we sit for a second?”

She looked up at me in concern and smiled.

“Should I be nervous?”

I didn’t respond and gestured to the living room.

“Please? Before I lose my nerve.”

She pulled back from the counter and stood coming to me.

“What is it?” she asked.

I didn’t answer, gesturing to the living room and I followed her in.

 She took a seat on the couch, and I huddled in front of her, climbing on my knees.

She smirked.

“Uh oh. Last time you did this, you quoted RomCom’s to me.”

I smirked back.

“I’m not this time. Trust me.”

“What are you doing then?” she asked. “Proposing?” she joked.

“I love you, but nope. Not there yet.”

She caressed my cheek.

“What is it?” she asked gently.

I rubbed her knee and sighed.

Here it fucking goes…

“Becca,” I began slowly.

“Harry?” she questioned mimicking my tone.

I smirked.

“Please don’t make this harder.” I said honestly. “That kills me.”

She smiled and zipped her lips.

I looked back at her, growing serious.

I rubbed her knee again.

“Becca,” I began again and she remained silent. “look I’ve been thinking the last couple hours about this job and this New York stuff…and I know you’ve been trying to debate what you’re going to do, and I know a part of that is because of me and because of us, and because of what we’ve planned on doing in the next couple of weeks and just in general and,” I paused and I sighed.

“What is it?” she asked.

“This is…an amazing opportunity for you. You have the opportunity to do something that you really really love and something you’ve wanted to do your whole academic career. You finally can get your dream job and finally be the great editor that you want to be, and as much as it kills me to say it… I want you to take the job. I want you to go to New York.”

She instantly frowned.

“What?” she asked. “Why?”

“You’ve been supporting me the last few months. Watching me, and traveling with me and flying around the world to be there for me. And I’ve loved every minute of it. But I’ve also loved it for the last five years…And I just…I want that for you too. I want you to live your dream and I want you to have every happiness there is and be successful and I know this is how it starts for you.”

“But Harry, us-“

“No,” I said cutting in. “Listen…I’d be a really shitty boyfriend if I told you I don’t want you to take that job because of me, because that’s all it is…everything else can work itself out. You can find a place to live and you are strong enough and smart enough to succeed in this job. So… I want you to take it hun. I don’t want you to think about me, or your mum or your friends…or this or that, I just want you to think about you and your dream…because it will start it, and I know you want it…and I think you’ll kill it to be honest.”

“Yeah but-“ she sighed, keeping her eyes on me. “What does that mean for us? I mean, your job is in California. We’ve talked about this for weeks, planning and...you and Jeff….I mean Harry. I have to think about that too.”

“You don’t.” I said.

“What do you mean?” she questioned. “Of course I do. You’re important to me Harry. _We are important. ”_

I smiled.

“Becca I know that, but its not about me.”

She sighed and tried to move away from me.

“Ugh, this is getting complicated.” She pouted. “I knew it. I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have even applied. I shouldn’t have listened to my dad.”

“Becca-“ I began.

“No.” she said looking at me with broken eyes. “I need to know what it means. What would it mean for us?”

I turned away from her.

“I don’t know.” I said honestly.

I wasn’t going to move to New York. It didn’t make sense for me, but it made sense for her.

“I don’t want you to think about me.” I said again. And I had to keep saying it. This wasn’t about me.

She stood. She turned from me, breaking our contact. She took a few steps away from me.

“Becca-“ I called standing myself.

I went to her, flipping some hair off her shoulder.

“Honey its okay.”

“Don’t touch me.” She said gently.

She turned to me with chilling eyes.

“You know what this would mean for us…why aren’t you begging me not to go? Do you want this to be over?”

I had to smile.

“Becca honey, don’t ask ridiculous questions… seriously I have been. I’ve been trying to talk you out of it for hours….but I shouldn’t. I’m being an asshole about it, and Becca,” I grabbed her hands. “Stop thinking about me. Hun, this is _your_ dream. And nothing we’ve been doing, impacts that.”

Tears quickly filled her eyes.

“And you’re going to be great,” I said once more.

She looked down, not facing me.

“So this means that you’re breaking up with me.”

“I’m not.”’

“You are. This is you breaking up with me.” She said defensively.

“It’s not.” I said. I lifted her face. “Look at me, I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you are! And I am. I’m going to fucking New York Harry!”

I smiled at her dramatics.

“Yeah you are. And I can’t wait to see the things you’re going to do.”

She tsk’ed her tongue.

She pouted like a toddler before the single tear fell from her eye and I wiped it.

“Oh Becca.”

I pulled her back to me and kissed her temple.

“It’s fine.”

“No its not…You’re breaking up with me.” She mumbled again.

“I’m not.” I said. “I’m…pausing this.”

She looked up at me.

“Yeah...that’s what we’ll call it…a pause. You go to New York and get your feet wet, I’ll go to California and do some recording, then we’ll come back together. It could still be great. Just later down the line.”

“How much later?”

“I don’t know. Couple weeks maybe?”

“You don’t honestly believe that do you?” she asked me skeptically.

“Yes I do. Because I love you, and I’m _in_ love with you. You’re the one I want to be with.” I said.

She pouted and I pressed into me again.

 **“** Becca,  be truthful,” I began. “Is this job what you want? What you’ve been working for?”

“Yes. It is.” She said quietly.

“Then its settled.”

She looked up at me and we both said nothing else.

It was solved.

 **************************

Later that day, as she dressed, getting ready so we could go eat, I made the phone calls letting everyone know.

My mum was happy I hadn’t been selfish and I was too, but this shit sucked.

I called Jeff next.

“So she actually got it?” he asked.

“She did. I can’t fucking believe it.” I said to myself.

“Me either.” He said. “Your girlfriend is kind of badass.”

I sighed.

“Yeah…seems she’s not my girlfriend anymore though.”

“Why?” he asked.

“I can’t go to New York Jeff.”

“Yeah I know.” He said. “We’ve got to get this Full Stop stuff up and running.”

“I know.” I said. “I just… I can’t figure out how to make it work, so I left it.”

“Well is she moving there, full time?”

“Full time. Rest of her life. Digging her fucking heels into the busy streets.”

“Well what about the trip? Is she still going to that at least?”

“Nope. She leaves tomorrow and then is heading straight to New York. Sayonara St. Barts and everything else.”

“Wow.”

“It’s fucked up.” I said honestly. “We put in all this work the last three months, only for her to turn around and throw it away. All gone in a day.”

“Do you want me to cancel the trip?”

“No, no.” I said quickly. “She wasn’t determining it…we’ll just be one person short is all.”

“No I’m just thinking so you can be with her, help her get settled.”

“Why should I?” I questioned. “She’s fine. She has Kelsey and her friends there…She’ll be good. This is the life she wants…So…don’t cancel anything. I need to go more than ever now.”

And then I sighed, realizing. “I’ll just be the third wheel…as always.”

He chuckled.

“Can Xander come?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t asked him. He’s trying to stay low anyway since that cell phone shit.”

“Oh the catfishing?”

“Yeah,” and then I sighed. “I still can’t believe people think I’m fucking him…I mean, I’d do him in another world.” I joked, “But first off, why would I be so public with the shit? Like…honestly…?” I questioned.

“Who knows?” he questioned. “I’ve seen a lot of crazy shit in reference to you that I can’t believe.”

“Yeah.” I said, lost in my own thoughts.

“Where’s Becca now?”’ he asked.

“Upstairs.” I said.

“What’s the mood?”

“Fine. She won’t let me touch her, saying some shit about getting used to being apart, but its fine. We’re going to go eat and then I’m going to help her pack.”

He sighed. “Bigger man than me.”

“Yeah…but I’ve got to go.”

“Kay. I’ll keep working on it. We have the space, so I’ll try to find someone to come.”

“It’s not necessary.” I said.

“No you’ll need it. Two days into the trip, you’re going to be fucking missing her and I’m not dealing with that shit alone. I’ll get a buffer.”

I smiled. “Alright…well buff away then. I’ve got to go.”

“Bye man.”

“Bye.”

*****************************

“Are you sure you got everything?”

She looked down at her purse and carry-on bag.

“I think so, though it would be too late now. You’ll just have to ship it to me.”

I looked past her, at the people moving around us.

We were at the airport and shielded from the dark tint of the car.

“Kay.” I said, glancing at the clock. She had forty- five minutes until she was on her plane. “Well have a safe flight.”

“I hope so.”

She turned from me and placed her hand on the door, ready to unlock it.

“Hey?” I called and she quickly glanced back at me.

“I don’t get a kiss or anything?”

Becca smirked.

“You’re not my boyfriend anymore.”

That instantly stopped my own smile.

 _“It’s paused.”_ I reiterated. “Don’t start that…it’s a break…And by the way…don’t go fucking crazy in New York Becca…you’re technically not single.”

She smiled again.

“Well then I’ll say the same thing to you.”

I smiled back.

“Who am I going to see? I’m focused on work.”

“Good.” She said. “Bye Harry.”

She turned to leave the car again.

I pulled her arm.

“I want my kiss.” I demanded.

“No.” she said.

“Why?” I said with a pout.

“You see that? That longing…that wanting feeling you currently have for me…keep it. It’ll keep you focused. You’ll come back to me.”

I shifted my eyes away from her. I turned to the front of my car, looking out of the window and sat back.

“I don’t think you understand how much I’m in love with you. I always want you.”

She maintained her smile.

“No I do.” She said.

And then very gently, she leaned and kissed my cheek.

Her lips were soft against my skin; just like a feather.

I turned to her instantly wanting more.

“I love you Harry.” She said caressing my check and before I could interject, she was gone, quickly darting out of my car.

“Love you too.” I said to her shadow as she walked away from me, heading into the airport.

And us.

 ************************************

This place was beautiful.

The Forge in Miami, truly was something to see.

I had never seen so much wine, paired with the avant-garde twist of a 20’s mansion, I was already relaxed.

I lifted another wine glass, clinking against the glasses of my friends and family.

It was December 26th, and the first night of my vacation.

“So good.” My mother said immediately as she sipped the wine, worth thousands of dollars footed between us.

A table of millionaires, the youngest money maker to my right, seconded that notion.

“Oh my God. It’s amazing! _So good_.” She said looking back down at her phone. 

Turning to my right, I watched as Kendall Jenner savored the red wine in her hand.

Giving her a polite smile, I turned back to the rest of the table.

My mother, my stepdad, Jeff, Glenne and the immediate Azoff clan. A few family friends were also with us and tomorrow we set off for Anguilla and then by New Years, St. Barts.

We had landed early this afternoon, and we were all staying at a nearby hotel.

Tomorrow we would set off for the C2, the yacht we had rented, and I couldn’t wait.

 

It had been a long year, and I was ready to place 2015 behind me. The new year held so much potential and promise that I was anxious to get there, and I would be bringing it in with the people who meant the most to me. Well…except one person, but I tried not to think about her.

By now she was in New York too, landing this morning, and I needed to temporarily forget about her. Our lives were about to take on new directions and I needed to get use to the idea.

As I turned back to my right, listening to the different conversations around me, I looked at Kendall.

She was texting; always in her phone.

“Who are you talking too?” I questioned, leaning and looking at her phone.

Playfully she placed her hand on my face, and pushed it away.

“Mind your business.” She said with a wide smile.

I laughed as I turned from her.

She had gotten here fast; being added to the guest list on Christmas Eve.

However, I was well aware she was already headed to the Caribbean with model and friend Hailey Baldwin; at the last minute, at Jeff’s insistence she had switched routes. 

Now here we were.

I took another sip of my wine.

It really was…so good.

“Let me see.” I teased turning back to her.

She once again pushed my face away and we tousled over the phone until I finally focused my attention back to my left.

 

We stayed at the restaurant another hour, until we all shuffled to the hotel.

My mum and Robin were across from me and after we all got there, I waved to them and headed to my room alone.

 I headed to my luggage huddled in the corner and changed my clothes, I had showered earlier after the plane and for now, I just wanted to relax.

Grabbing for my phone, I turned on the TV and just browsed my apps.

Scrolling through Twitter, I read some of the usual comments, and smiled as I read messages from fans. I wasn’t big on following people- because it felt so impersonal, but whenever I was alone, I did appreciate scrolling through their comments wishing me good tiding.

On the TV in front of me was the Al Pacino classic _Scarface_ and I barely paid it any attention as I sent a few texts to friends back in London.

I hadn’t heard from Becca, but a quick peek at her Instagram let me know she had made it safely.

The latest, a picture of she and Kelsey captioned with, “The gang is back together again!”

I smiled.

I contemplated texting her, and then ultimately decided against it.

 It had been three days since she left London, and I had been going strong. Outside of a text wishing me a cheery _Merry Christmas!,_ I hadn’t contacted her and she hadn’t contacted me.

We were both doing well with this distance thing so far.

I settled back on my pillows.

It was close to 11pm, and jetlag was kicking in.

Normally at this hour, I would just be getting up and heading to the gym. My system was restless.

Reaching for my phone, I texted Jeff.

*What are you guys doing?*

*Sleeping.* he replied.

*How are you texting then?* I replied back.

*Noctambulism asshole.*

I smiled.

*How long did it take you to Google that?* I joked, then sent my follow up text. *Can’t sleep. I’m going to come bother you guys.* I texted him.

*Nope. Sorry. Really going to sleep. I’ll send you some relief.*

*What?* I questioned, but he didn’t text back.

 

Anyways….

I leaned back on my pillow.

 

Five minutes later, a knock came on my door.

I sat up and lightly jogged to the door.

When I opened it, Kendall was looking back at me.

“Hey?” I questioned. I was confused why she was there.

She reached out her hand.

“Gift for you.” she said softly. 

I looked down at her hand as she exposed a little white pill.

I looked at her in confusion.

Drugs wasn’t my thing.

She smiled.

‘’Sleeping pill?” she clarified. “Jeff said you need it. I’ve got tons.” She explained.

“Oh!” I said and grabbed the pill. “Sorry.”

She chuckled and shook her head.

“Night Harry.”

As she walked down the hall, I came partially in the frame of my door and peeked at her.

“What are you doing?” I asked her.

“Watching TV.” She called casually, reaching her hotel door.

“Oh.” I just said.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Watching TV.”

She turned around.

“What are you watching?” she asked.

“Scarface. And my phone.” I said honestly.

She smiled.

“Me too.”

And then she moved away from her door, turning to me completely.

“Up for some company?”

 ~~~

Three hours later, Scarface was off, and we were watching some TV crime show.

Kendall was deeply into it.

“I bet he killed her.” She said. “Watch.” She said beside me.

She was on the left side of the bed, I was on the right.

A bag of chips was between us, and our phones finally silent.

I was barely watching.

As with most of these mystery things, I could guess the ending….yet this one, was brutal.

The way the TV victim had been killed was enough for me to be turned off.

I turned to her.

“You know this a pretty vile show right?” I asked.

She turned to me with a smile.

“It’s not. It’s interesting! I love the crime stuff.”

I just shook my head and dug in the bag of chips.

Snapping the potato crisp in my mouth, the TV cut to a commercial.

As with most, she finally turned back to me, small talking.

“So what were we talking about?”

“You were talking, I was listening.” I reminded.

“Oh yes!” she said hitting my chest. “This solo stuff.”

I smiled as she leaned down and got comfortable.

“So are we thinking album this year? Tour the next?”’

“Well there’s only five days left in the year, I think I’m going to disappoint.”

She rolled her eyes at my dry humor.

“You know what I mean!”

I smiled.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged casually. “I’ve only been writing when I can. I don’t even have anything good recorded yet.”

“So is that what you’re going to do over the next couple months?”

“Hopefully.” I said honestly. “I want to spend some time at home and stuff first, but yeah…I want to play with it, see what eventually comes out.”

“Do you know what you’re sound is going to be?”

“Nope.”

“What type of genre?” she asked next.

“Nope.” I said again.

She laid back on the pillow.

“That’s exciting though. This is the beginning for you. You get to start something from scratch…that’s all yours. It’s so cool. It’s your dream come true right?”

I grinned back at her.

“Well Ms. Victoria Secret angel, I think you know about that.”

She smiled.

“I fucking loved that. Can’t wait to do it again.” She said gently.

“I know. I remember you telling me.”

She turned back to me, and then gave me her full attention again.  
She rested on her elbows.

“So, another question.”

“I don’t want to answer anymore questions.” I said with a playful smile.

She ignored me.

“Becca.” She said simply.

My smile instantly faded a little.

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing with that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…Jeff didn’t tell me much, but she moved to New York or something?” she questioned.

I sighed.

I shifted.

“Yes she did.”

“I thought you guys were serious?” she asked gently.

I shrugged.

“Guess not.” I said. “Seems she found something more serious than me.” I said passively.

Kendall smiled and rolled her eyes.

“Someone’s bitter.” She muttered and then lifted from the bed. 

Grabbing a hair tie off the bed, she pulled her hair back.

“Oh you’ll figure it out…I have faith in you two.”

I looked up at her, sitting up myself.

“You didn’t even like her.” I reminded.

“I didn’t.” she said honestly. “I didn’t think it was real. I thought she was going to use you.”

And then she climbed back on the bed.

“Like you let a lot of people do.” She added with a smile.

“I disagree. I’m actually got a good judge of character.” I said with slight defense.

“Don’t think so.” She said and leaned back on the pillow.

“I’m friends with you.” I reminded her and she smiled at me.

“I’m awesome!” she exclaimed and I smiled.

 

~~

“Another one is starting.”

“I can’t do another one.” I said yawning.

It was four in the morning, and Kendall was still hanging with me.

Still watching murder mysteries. And still talking about random shit.

For now, we were both lying down, and somehow or another she had ended up laying on me.

Her hair tickled my neck.

“Oh come on.” She purred. “You’re not tired. Are you?” she asked looking up at me.

“I’m exhausted.” I said. “The problem is my body thinks its 9am.”

“Oh please! I’m on SoCal time. It’s one for me. You can do it.”

“Congratulations.” I said, though it was no competition. “ _I’m fucking tired.”_

She smiled and sat up, trialing her long ponytail against my chest.

She looked down at me as she sat up.

“Well fine. I’ll head back to my room.”

“Lovely.” I said gathering on my elbows.

She smiled at me and I smiled at her.

“Thanks for keeping me company.”

She tapped my nose.

“You’re welcome. Didn’t even need the little white pill.”

“I might need it right now.” I said honestly.

She smiled at me a little wider and I returned it.

She held my gaze for a few seconds.

I read her brown eyes before they shifted downward from me in hurry.

I turned away from her too.

So….that.

We didn’t talk about it.

In fact we always pretended it didn’t happen.

I gently sighed.

 

Hot and heavy for a period last year, she had cut it off, eventually choosing work.

I had waited a bit, waiting to see if we would come back together.

There had been a few meetings; casual hookups, wishing for the promise of something more.

We shared a lot of mutual friends so I saw her a lot and I wasn’t going to lie and say we weren’t close.

For a long time, I still talked to her regularly, and in October of last year, she finally came back.  Throwing out a line of interest, only this time I hadn’t respond back; as I had just started dating Nadine Leopold.

She had waited. Casually dating others herself, but making it clear she still wanted to see where it could go.

Then, Becca.

 

After that, she didn’t stand a chance.

 

As she turned away from me, she shifted until she was completely off the bed.

I sat up and studied her.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” She said gently.

“You will.” I said standing up.

She made her way to the front door, and I followed her until I realized she didn’t have her phone.

“Hey Ken,” I called and headed back to the nightstand.

Swiping it, she waited for me, as I came and handed it to her.

“Thanks.” She said not meeting my eyes.

It was there again; the unspoken words between us.

I finally figured it was time to address it, after all, I had been slyly getting that look for the better part of the year.

“Kendall-“ I began.

“No its fine.” She said quickly. “I get it.”

I sighed, looking in her eyes.

“Do you?” I questioned.

She gently smirked.

“Yeah, you fell in love with her. What isn’t there to get?”

I placed my head down. I shuffled my feet.

“I did. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize… like I said…I get it. I’m happy for you. I just wish it could be different sometimes. ”

I didn’t respond. After all, I didn’t necessarily agree.

We may have shared good times, but Becca was still where my heart ultimately was…and now, she had taken my heart to New York….

She turned from me.

The awkward silence and all that, immediately cut in.

This was going to be a long trip. 

“I don’t want things to be this way.” I said studying her. “I just want us to be good.”

She turned to me and smiled at me.

“We are good Harry.”

“Well…I don’t want it to be awkward.” I said softly.

“Then stop making it that way.” She joked.

I smiled back at her and she smiled back at me; hers was forced.

I reached for her and pulled her in my arms.

As she hugged me, I let the unspoken dialogue do its thing.

If it had been another time, another place…if she had gotten back to me before it started with Becca…

I kissed the top of her head and she pulled back looking up at me slightly.

Those brown eyes were soft.

Pulling me in….

I had once been so entranced by them…thinking of them daily…waiting for her…happy she was in my life.

I bit my lip but I didn’t break my stare.

Those eyes had me caught in a small web.

Before I knew what I was doing, my lips were on hers.

Maybe it was the multiple glasses of wine earlier…probably was.

And maybe it was that it had been building for a year…probably also was.

Maybe it was Becca, and that I was already missing her and a little angry at her for actually leaving and throwing our relationship down the drain… _definitely_ was.

But as she kissed me back, I drowned everything else out, and everyone along with it.

 As we broke apart, she looked at me and I looked at her.

And there was no stopping what happened next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy that sure turned quickly didn't it...
> 
> For those of you who don't like Kendall Jenner, no worries, this her last appearance. ( outside of her name being used of course) 
> 
> And also, I had Ever Since New York on a loop while I wrote this chapter. Matched so perfectly. lol 
> 
> Enjoy the rest of your week! :)


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Enjoy. STRONG LANGUAGE.

CHAPTER SEVENTY- SEVEN

BECCA

 

Then.

New York.

 

“So do you want to take an application?”

I peered at the sweaty, burly man looking back at me.

The paint chipping on the walls.

The putrid smell coming from the bathroom.

The music blasting from the neighboring unit.

Placing on a polite smile, I steered away and thought of a quick lie.

“Actually I’m better with the digital stuff…you know part of the millennial generation and all that.” I chuckled.

He smiled.

“Well here let me get you the instructions-”

“No need!” I said quickly. “It’s on the website right?”

“Yeah.” he said running a calloused hand through his greasy hair. “Right on that paper. Just look right there. It’s a great deal.” He said warmly. “And like I said, we can get you moved in by the weekend.”

“Great! Thanks for letting us seeing it!” I said faking enthusiasm and plastering on a faker smile. “You’ve been very accommodating. I’ll let you know.”

“Yes, thanks!” the overly clueless blonde echoed beside me. Kelsey appeared ready to sign on the dotted line.

When he turned away, I quickly tapped her shoulder, practically pushing her out of the building and got the hell out of there.

 Outside in the fresh air, finally letting my breath go, my best friend turned to me.

“He was so nice!” she said warmly. “We may have a winner finally, what did you think?” she questioned, unlocking her car.

I said nothing as I slid in the front seat.

I didn’t face her.  Maybe I could just ignore her, and she would drop it…

“So?” Kelsey called again. “What did you think Becca? He said as soon as this weekend.”

I looked at her and prepared for the look; the look she had perfected over the last two days.

Here it went again. 

“I don’t like it.” I said meekly.

And there it was.

She immediately rolled her eyes and loudly sighed. 

_“Becca.”_

“I know, I know-“ I cut in quickly. “But I just don’t like it.”

She clicked her tongue and turned her ignition.

Then she tossed my note pad at me.

“You’re ridiculous. And I hate to be the barer of bad news…but you don’t have much choice.” She said.

As I looked at the scribbles in front of me, eight apartments crossed off, I knew what she meant.

“In case you haven’t realized, we are quickly running through our list of ‘immediately available apartments’ so you’ve kind of got to get it together here.” She said pulling off into the traffic.

“I know I just…I just didn’t like it.” I said honestly. “I wouldn’t last a month there.”

“Well what was wrong with it?”

I looked at her in disbelief. She couldn’t be serious?

“Kelsey, I could practically hear the rats running in the walls.”

She smiled, paying attention to the road.

“Well you better start calling yourself Michael Jackson, and naming ‘em Ben, because you’re running out of options. You start work in a week.” She reminded.

“I know.” I said with a loud sigh. I peered at my list. “Um…”

My eyes dragged over the short list of apartments left.

It seemed so promising yesterday when this all started, but now…

“It’s just something wrong with all of them.” I explained. “It’s either they’re too small, or they’re in a bad neighborhood, or they’re too far from the internship.” I rolled my own eyes. “I just don’t know. This whole thing is so fucking irritating to me.”

Kelsey briefly turned to me, listening.

“I mean these people call me at the last minute, and here I am uprooting my life, and trying to rush and find a place in a week. A fucking week Kels! It’s so irritating and inconvenient…its staring to really tick me off.”

“Yes it is.” She agreed. “But they don’t care Becca. They’ve got their big jobs, and fancy offices, and credentials…and though it sucks, you know honey, now its your turn.  And while I totally understand not wanting a rat infested place…if you don’t figure something out, you’re going to be in a hotel next week—or, driving three hours from here to Hamilton every day.”

I grimaced.

“Yeah I know, and I mean that wouldn’t be so bad if hotels weren’t so expensive…I mean by the first week do you know how much I would have spent? The City hotels are so expensive.”

“Yes I do, which is why we have got to figure out something for you to do so that we don’t have to worry about that.”

Kelsey turned back to the road, and I punched in the next location on my phone.

Yes we did. And fast.

However, Kelsey wasn’t done.

“You know Becca,” she began slowly,  “You could call up a certain someone, with long rockstar hair, and an even longer bank account and tell him you need some money. I’m sure he would help you out. I’m sure he could cover you until you find a place, and put you up in a nice hotel too. Five star service all the way.” She estimated.

“No I don’t want to ask Harry for any money.” I said stubbornly.

She tsk’d her tongue.

“And why not? That’s his job Becca. That’s what a boyfriend is supposed to do; take care of his girl. Especially one who is a millionaire.”

I rolled my eyes and turned to her.

“I don’t even know if he _is_ my boyfriend anymore Kelsey. We’re not exactly defined at the moment.”

“Your ‘hopped on a plane to London for the holidays ass’ is defined.” She said stubbornly.

“We’re not.” I assured. “He legit has no title in my life right now.”

She rolled her eyes this time.

“Yeah well whatever….I don’t know what this game is that you and Harry are playing or like this truce you guys claim where if you go to New York it’s over---it’s  all bullshit. You and I both know, and he knows it too- that you’re not going anywhere, and neither is he. It’s going to be a couple weeks and you guys are going to miss each other, and he’s going to crawl his ass up here, and be up under you. And you’ll be back together.”

I smiled.  Seemed she knew us well.

“Yeah probably…but right now, he’s in Miami, and I’m here trying to find a place, so I’m not calling him. Especially when he’s made it clear he didn’t really want me to come here or take this job so-“

“Well that’s his stupidity.” She cut in. “And he can’t fault you for this. This is a great job and a great opportunity for you. I don’t care how happy he makes you…this shit is not something you pass up.”

I sighed and just shook my head in agreement.

“Hence why I’m here. And frustrated.”

Kelsey turned to me with a smile.

“Maybe not. We have two more places…what’s the next one?”

With a sigh, I read out the address, and said a silent prayer.

 

************

 Three days later, I was back in Hamilton.  

“Can I take this?”

I turned to Kelsey and Bobby who were relaxing on the couch- my old couch I was leaving behind.

Leisurely glancing at me, Kelsey shooed me away.

“I don’t care about pictures Becca.” She explained. “That’s your thing.”

I smiled, pulling it off the wall.

I placed it down gently next to my growing pile.

“Well this is easy.” I said. This hadn’t even taken a full hour.

“Told ya. Just stay out of the kitchen, and we won’t have any problems.” Kelsey said and I smiled.

If you hadn’t guessed, I was cleaning out my place; taking things on with me to my new place.

Oh yes, I had found one. Right smack dab in  New York City, fifteen minutes from work. It was a precious egg in a congested basket.  A place we came across just driving by.

I was still waiting to hear back from the landlord, to get the official ‘okay’, but the preliminary report said it was all mine.  He had my security deposit and we were just waiting on my credit report.

I knew my credit was in tip-top shape, so that place was mine.

I turned back to the wall I had decorated only three months earlier.

I looked at the next picture, a quote, _the beginning is always today._

“What about this one?”

“Ugh. Stop asking me.” Kelsey said standing and coming over to me.

She helped me lift the art off the wall.

“Thanks.” I said again, then glanced between she and Bobby. They were tucked together, barely even moving as I took pieces of their new home away.

“I have to really thank you guys,” I said a second later. “I just can’t believe you guys are letting me take so much. I mean even my old bed—you guys are lifesavers.”

Bobby stood and stretched.

“We’re not going to be home much.” He resolved. “And we’ll get our own stuff.”

“Aka his Xbox, and Mountain Dew cases.” Kelsey teased and turned back to me. “I’m  just glad we could help.  It’s finally coming together.”

“It is and you are. Thanks.” I said hugging my best friends. “More than you know.”

“Alright, the clothes are done.”

Looking up I peered at my sister as she walked in the room.

She was there too, helping me pack.

At the last minute my parents had secured her a plane ticket too, to help and come get me ‘settled’.

She would be with me through the big move over the weekend, and staying to be there for my first day.

“You too Taylor. You’re awesome!” I said suddenly, “Group hug.”

I was feeling so warm and tingly and blessed.

Everyone grimaced as I enclosed everyone together.

I just smiled looking at my crew.

They never let  me down.

 

***********

 

“What about this one?”

I did a twirl, showing off the dangerously hemmed black number on my body.

“Twirl again.” Kelsey suggested.

I followed her suggestion.

“Nope, don’t like it. You can do better.”

I huffed.

“You’ve been saying that about every dress I’ve tried on.”

“That’s because every dress makes you look like a nun. You do know your twenty-one right?”

I peered down at my body.

“Kelsey, my whole left leg is out of this thing.”

She just shrugged, not appeased.

“Keep looking. It is New Years Eve, and you are single, and about to take this city by storm- you need a better dress.”

She stood, coming over to me.

We were at the mall, early on Thursday morning, and I was still in Hamilton, New York.

“Let’s try this one.” She said, pulling out a dress that would definitely accentuate my breasts- and everything else. 

“Um no,” I said grabbing it from her hand and placing it back on the rack. “My parents are probably going to see the photos from tonight and I don’t need any calls reigning me back home. I just got here.”

Kelsey smiled and turned to my sister.

“Well have Taylor pick your dress out then. I’m out of it.”

“Taylor is busy with her own dress.” She assured from her seat.

 We were in the dressing room area, and had a personalized rack of dresses before us.

Kelsey was set, having her dress picked weeks earlier, and my sister was deciding between the two on her lap.

It was a group of us- five in all- getting ready for tonight’s festivities together.

I turned to my other longtime friend Victoria from school, who was scanning the rack beside me. 

“What do you think?” I asked her displaying the black number I wanted.

“I think it looks good.” She said with a wide smile.

“Me too. Screw you Kelsey.” I said and stuck my tongue out at her.

Kelsey just smiled.

We had the shoe store to hit next, then the salon for our hair and nails.

“Whatever.” She just said, reaching for her cell phone. “I’ve got to update my account anyway.”

I just shook my head. 

These young adults and their social media.

Seemed no one could move anymore without updating their Twitter first.

I headed back into the dressing room. 

Anyways…

Shopping was all done for me and on to the next adventure.

This was the one.

As I removed the sleek number from my skin, I quickly changed back into my sweats.

Gathering my items, I opened my dressing room stall.

“Alright, I’m ready.” I announced as I peered back at my sister and Kelsey.

They were huddled together, glancing at something on Kelsey’s phone; mouths suspended in O’s.

At my announcement, my sister’s head lifted and Kelsey quickly put away her phone, pushing it in her jacket pocket as if it suddenly burned her. 

“Great!” my sister said, standing and gave me  a quick smile. “I’m ready too.”

She peered at Kelsey who was still looking at me—curiously.

“What?” I asked reading her raised blue eyes.

“Nothing! Nothing!” she said quickly. “Let’s go…um…I’m good too.”

Victoria was M.I.A, and our other friend had headed to the makeup counter.

Standing with me, Kelsey and Taylor(and eventually Victoria) followed me until we found our other friend.

We quickly paid for our items and headed to the next location.

Kelsey was driving and the girls made small talk as we headed to a shoe depot.

Sitting in the passenger seat, Kelsey watched me as I exchanged texts with my dad.

He was checking in on me, and my pending move, which was happening in two days.

I had definitely gotten the place.

“Harry?” Kelsey questioned beside me.

I turned to her.

“Nope. Just dad.”

She turned back to the road, switching her eyes between me and the road.

“Oh, have you heard from him?” she asked casually.  “Harry I mean?”

“Nope.” I said again and continued tapping my fingers across the small screen.

“He hasn’t called? At all?” she questioned. Her voice was raised in surprise, but I ignored it.

“No.” I said turning to her. “Why?”

She just shrugged, lost in her own thoughts.

“I just thought he would have called by now, ya know the woman he’s in love with…check in…ask how you are…tell you about his…activities.”

 “He wouldn’t.” I reassured. “Haven’t talked to him since Christmas. But that’s kind of what we agreed on.” I said gently. “I told you, we paused it. Why should we keep talking daily?”

Kelsey just shook her head in disagreement.

She didn’t say another word  as she kept her eyes on the road.

She was over the conversation.

Continuing to drive, she grew quiet with something on her mind, but I didn’t inquire.

Knowing Kelsey, she was thinking about our plans tonight and the future hairstyle she wanted to get.

This was her favorite holiday after all.

I continued to text my dad until we headed to the next location.

We quickly all found pairs of shoes and then headed to the salon.

Staying as uncomplicated as possible, I kept my growing waves bumped at the tips and went for a mermaid look tonight.

We got our nails done; blood red for me, and headed back to my old house.

By now, boxes were huddled in the corner, ready to be loaded onto the small moving truck in a couple days as I headed back to New York to begin the internship.  Bobby, Kelsey and some of Bobby’s friends were helping me move and making the trip back with me.

As we all got dressed, heading into the dinner time hours of the night, Kelsey took my phone expressing hers wasn’t working and we all got ready.

 For a moment, as I shimmed on my dress, and applied my light makeup, my thoughts moved to Harry.

It had been eight days since we had been together and since we had really spoke. There had been the one text on Christmas, but before all of this, it would have been weird if we hadn’t spoken.

Now I understood it all.

We were both trying to move on, and settle into this new role of not being attached.

Still tonight, I would end the silence.

Wherever he was on that yacht, he would be getting a cheery New Years text or call from me. We were finally on the same time zone and I was missing his voice a bit.

I just hoped he was enjoying himself.

It wasn’t often he got to be with his family and closest friends and I hoped they were making up for the lost time- in that blazing heat.

Lucky bastards.

I sighed as it dawned on me that I could be in a bathing suit, drink in hand, laying around with my boyfriend at this very moment.

Instead I was in a bathroom, warmed by the apartment furnace preparing to party in the twenty degree weather.

Life just wasn’t fair.

Applying my final layer of mascara, I was ready.

Heading back into the main room- music was blasting, alcohol pouring, and friends celebrating.

Kelsey still had my phone and was using it to take pictures of everyone.

Coming over to me, she handed me a shot glass.

“As a prelude.”

I just smirked, shaking my head as always and downing the small burn in the glass.

I reached for my phone, ready to reclaim it and she moved it away from me.

“Its dying.” She proclaimed. “Let me put it on the charger.”

I just rolled my eyes.

Typical Kelsey.

We all continued our preliminary shots and then headed to our friends New Years party- the first stop on this anticipated long night.

 I left my cell behind, because it was dead as Kelsey proclaimed, and headed out of the door.

 

At the party, I stayed close to my sister and just casually observed the antics of my friends.

It was nearing midnight with each passing minute, and though I was around my usual gang of friends,  I wasn’t feeling it.

My mind was on my pending move…the internship…worried everything wasn’t going to work out.

Everything was falling together too nicely and I was on high alert.

When we reached the final fifteen minutes of 2015, my sister sat beside me turning to me in concern.

“You alright?” she asked quickly. “You’re quiet tonight.”

“I’m fine. Just a little tired.” I admitted.

“Oh.” She said visibly relieved.  She played with her phone and I studied it. I needed mine badly.

“Can I use that when you’re done?” I asked, remembering my plan at the house.

Since it was nearing midnight, it seemed as good a time as any to finally reach out to Harry.

“For what?” she asked.

“To call Harry.” I said honestly. “I want to tell him Happy New Years.”

She turned from me and looked ahead.

“It’s almost midnight.” She said locking her eyes on a dancing Kelsey in the distance. “Why don’t you just call him tomorrow?”

I smirked.

“Because he was a big part of my 2015, and I want to talk to him—before its 2016.”

She looked down at her phone.

“Um…Give me a minute. Kay?” She asked.

“Of course.” I said and turned back to the antics in front of me.

She quickly got back to her texting, while I watched Kelsey.

She was all over Bobby; wide and smiling and I was so happy for her.

At least one of us still got to live the fairytale with a real life prince.

Yet Kelsey pulled away from him as her cell must have buzzed and looked at the text message in her hand.

Beside me, my sister was still texting and after reading her phone, Kelsey headed over to me.

“Hey girlies.” She said.

“Hi.” I said, looking at her. “Seeing double yet?”

She giggled, reaching for my hand.  Kelsey Borchardt was gorgeous in her gold dress, and more than slightly buzzed.

“Dance with me.”

“You’re dancing with Bobby.” I reminded her.

She pouted and shimmed in front of me.

“I want to dance with you. Come on best friend, have a good time tonight.”

“I’m fine.” I said with a grin.

She yanked my arm, pulling me from my seat in disagreement and my sister wrapped her hand around my purse as I just laughed.

“I’ll watch it.” My sister said shooing us off. “Have fun.”

“Great!” Kelsey said pulling me to the small designated dance floor.

Heading to the center floor of our friends, I let Beyonce’s Partition move through me, forgetting my previous thoughts.

Laughing and shaking my hips, this action took me into the final ten second countdown of 2015.

As we all counted down loudly, my New Years kiss came from Bobby too, joking with he and Kelsey as we all spent the moments together.

After the shouts and the shots, and the lifted spins up in the air from longtime college friends, I moved back to my sister.

She was up and with us now, and I only had one thing on my mind- her phone.

“Can I see it now?” I asked my sister.

“Just call him tomorrow.” She said again.

“I don’t want too.”

I lifted my hand, gesturing for it.

My sister froze before me. Shifting her eyes away from me, they landed on Kelsey.

“Um Kelsey?” my sister said looking past me. “A little help here.”

Kelsey who was in earshot distance of us, cut into the conversation.

“What’s up?” she asked making her way over, while I ignored both and gestured for her phone again.

“Can I get it?” I asked my sister since she obviously didn’t hear me. 

“We need to tell her.” My sister said speaking over me and looking at Kelsey. 

The girls locked eyes, having a secret conversation I wasn’t privy too, and then turned to me.

I looked between them while Kelsey studied me. She analyzed me quickly; doing some quick assessment.

“We’ll tell her later. Out of the crowds.” Kelsey said, looking back at my sister as if I wasn’t standing there and they weren’t talking about me.

“What’s going on?” I asked in confusion.

“She wants to call him.” Taylor continued; both ignoring me. “She needs to know.”

“She needs a couple more drinks-“ Kelsey began and I cut in.

“What the hell are you two talking about? Can someone talk to _me_ please?” I demanded.

They both turned back to me and Kelsey sighed.

“Fine.” She said in frustration. “We can’t hide it forever.”

Grabbing my hand, she pulled me through the small crowd and back by the bedrooms.

Taylor followed.

“What are you guys doing? What’s going on?”

Neither one answered me as we found a vacant bedroom.

Switching on the lights, I was holstered in and Taylor shut the door behind me.

I just watched as Taylor gave the phone to Kelsey, and she punched in something.

“Sit down.” She demanded gently.

“I’m not.” I said stubbornly. “What the hell is wrong with you guys?”

“Becca, sit your stubborn ass down…please.” My sister said and gave me a look.

I read it and knew something was wrong.

Whatever was going on was serious and they knew I was going to be upset.

“Mom?” I questioned. “Or Dad?”

“No.” Taylor said.

“Grandma? Oh god is it  Tina?” – our Aunt who was battling breast cancer.

“No one died.” Kelsey cut in. “And it’s not family. It’s your _boyfriend.”_

The final word was said with so much reverence, that I heard the anger laced all through it.

“Oh no did it leak?” I asked. “People know about us?”

Kelsey didn’t say anything more, handing me the phone. I was scared to look at it or even take it but I did.

Slowly curling my hands around it, I took the phone in my hand.

I looked at the picture in front of me.

Yet while I expected to see a picture of Harry and I, I was quickly surprised.

White shirt.  Harry’s long hair. Black shirt. More long dark hair. A wrapped arm. Smiles.

Harry. Glenne. Kendall.

I swallowed.

The three of them at some restaurant. Glenne a small side profile in the picture, and the main image, Kendall with her arm wrapped around Harry’s back. Other people huddled around them, but unclear.

I sighed slowly at the blurry image.

Okay…so she was there.

Kendall was on vacation with them. 

A trigger of mild irritation moved through me, but nothing to be too pissed about.

They were friends.

Their families were friends.

The Azoffs and Karadashians were practically cousins; and Harry was an Azoff adopted son, it made sense.

Rolling my eyes, I handed the phone back to Kelsey.

“It’s nothing.” I said quickly, getting what they assumed. “Their friends. It doesn’t mean anything. Harry and Kendall aren’t even like that anymore.”

“Keep scrolling.” Kelsey said dryly, not taking the phone.

I didn’t, turning to my sister and she nodded yes in sympathy. 

Turning back to the phone, I swiped my hand up.

Harry in a towel standing on the yacht.

Harry showering in his swim trunks.

I quickly smirked.

His fans were going to love that.

I kept scrolling.

Harry in water.

Jeff and Cameron Azoff.

Glenne. Kendall.

Another slow sigh.

I kept scrolling.

How many damn pictures were there?

Back on the boat.

Feet in the air.

Hands in the air.

Kendall…and Harry.

I looked back up.

The photos were quickly changing.

“Keep scrolling.” Kelsey said taking a seat beside me. “You’re still on Day 1.”

I looked back at her.

“How many days are there?”

“Keep scrolling.” She just said cryptically.

I did as she said, and then…my fingers singed.

Harry and Kendall under a blue blanket.

Kendall and Harry laying together; she directly on top of him.

Kendall pushing her breasts in his face.

Harry and Kendall kissing.

I looked back at Kelsey quickly and she gave me a sympathetic look too.

My sister came around and bent before me.

Both there as I finally saw the reason for this sit down.

He was cheating on me.

I bit my lip and took a quick inhale and pushed it back out.

Nope, nope, nope.

Didn’t have time for this.

I couldn’t deal with this right now; or comprehend it.

I quickly handed the phone back to Kelsey.

“I don’t want to see that.” I said.

“What do you mean?” Kelsey asked.

I quickly stood and ran a hand through my hair.

“There’s more.” She argued.

“I don’t care.” I said quickly, and then I found some inner strength within myself.

I gave  a quick smile, and swallowed everything down.

“Are you okay?” my sister asked in surprise as I composed myself.

“I’m fine.” I said.

I smoothed my dress.

“Becca are you sure?” Kelsey began.

“I’m sure.”

I forced a  wider smile.

I had too. 

“How are you fine? I would be calling him-“ Kelsey began.

“And cussing him the fuck out-“ my sister finished.

“I’m fine.”  I said again. “He’s not my boyfriend anymore. I told you.” I said.

“But Becca-“ Kelsey began and I walked out of the room ignoring them both.

I didn’t want to talk anymore.

This bomb couldn’t be diffused if we talked about it.

I couldn’t hold it all in.

They followed like puppies until I made it to the homemade bar area.

“Beckham!” My friend Michael called. “What can I get you?”

“Vodka. Straight. And fast.”

“You got it!” he said cluelessly.

“Becca-“ Kelsey called standing beside me. “You’re upset, and I know what you’re doing. That’s not going to make it go away. Get drunk, but lets talk about it first.”

“I’m fine.” I said for what felt like the hundredth time. “I just want a drink.”

He poured me a third of a glass.

“More.” I said.

“Becca its okay to be mad.”

“I’m not mad.” I said simply.

“Sis-“ Taylor said on the other side of me. “You’re pissed.”

Michael kept pouring.

“More.” I continued and he looked at me like I was crazy. They knew I didn’t drink this way and his mix would surely have me passed out drunk by the end of night- as I wanted.

“Becca. Let’s go back in the bedroom-“

“Leave me alone!” I said in frustration. “ Fuck guys, I’m fine! Let me just get a goddamn drink.”

They both shut up as I downed the harsh liquid in one long gulp.

It immediately went to my head.

After, I had to admit I felt a little shaky but empowered just the same.

“I’m fine.” I said to them in reassurance, heading back out into the dance crowd.

“Michael keep them coming, and ladies, let’s dance!”

 

 *********************

Hours later I didn’t pass out, but my head was buried in the toilet praying to the porcelain gods.

My head was pounding something fierce, my stomach was in knots, and my cheeks stained.

Wiping my mouth for the third time that night, I headed back into my old bedroom, after rinsing my mouth; completely miserable.

Happy fucking New Years to me.

Heading back to the bed I collapsed, alone, and stared at my phone.

I couldn’t sleep and right now, I couldn’t get out of my thoughts either.

Unlocking my phone, I continued my browsing.

By now, I had the statistics.

Thirty two pictures.

Twenty two of Harry and Kendall.

Sixteen of them alone.

Seven of her lying on him.

Three of them kissing.

Every single one breaking my fucking heart.

I gripped the phone, wanting many times to chuck it across the room.

I gripped it, going to my messages folder, and typing draft after draft to Harry.

_Fuck you._

_You prick asshole._

_How could you do this to me?_

_To us?_

_You said that was over._

_Do you care about her?_

_Are you with her now?_

_Do you even care about me?_

_Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you._

_Don’t ever call me again._

_I hate you._

 

I never pressed send.

I couldn’t.

 

Technically he was wrong, but technically he wasn’t.

He wasn’t my official boyfriend, and I knew that. We were on some stupid fucking break as he called it, but still….it had only been nine days.

Nine days and he had already stuck his dick in another slot, and not just any slot…his ex, a woman who he claimed meant absolutely nothing to him. A woman, who I had allowed him to continue his close relationship with because it was ‘long over with’.

A woman, who was now probably in his bed as I laid there, throwing up and agonizing over this shit.

I chuckled to myself.

Wow, I was _so lucky._

Why didn’t I know?

Harry Styles was such a fucking prize to have.; a real stand up guy and the best boyfriend in the world!

And God,  he loved me _so much._

And wow, he wanted to be with me _so bad._ So much that the moment I moved to New York, I had been completely forgotten.

Fucking jerk. 

I tossed my phone away, feeling a new bundle of tears.

Within seconds, I was crying again; this time, the internal wail finally coming from my lips.

_This hurt._

How could he do this to me?

This was more agonizing than fans, or some stupid rumors.

In all my concerns, I had always worried about that; the stupid fame breaking my heart.

I had never once settled and thought that _he_ would be the actual one to do it.

But he had, and now it was over.

Whatever it was, whatever we had would never be the same.

I knew that.

I would never look at him the same, or even trust him.

If he came crawling back…if he apologized…it wasn’t going to change my mind.

What we had was over, before it really started.

Now, I just had to get over him.

 

 ********************

Monday morning, bright and early, I was in the offices of Simon and Shuster, getting the grand tour.

By now I was moved into my place, still unsettled,  and trying to push the last few days behind me.

It had been four days since the big New Years reveal with even more pictures coming out, and I still hadn’t heard from Harry.

By now, I was immune to it all.

I wasn’t even keeping up with it anymore.

Harry obviously didn’t care about me, so why should I care about him.

By now it was obvious whatever we had was paused- indefinitely now.

His silence was more than telling.

He hadn’t even  bothered with the clichéd  ‘I’m sorry, it wasn’t what it looked like’ texts or calls.

 

Well, I hoped they were happy together. 

I couldn’t wait for her to break his fucking heart.

I was praying on it nightly and I knew it was surely going to come.

 

As I moved along the tour, I tried to garner some excitement. After all, this could be my potential future job.

My start in the publishing world would begin right here.

Being introduced, I shook the necessary hands and plastered on the necessary smiles.  I even saw my contact; the lovely woman who had made this all possible.

Giving her a warm hug, she told my manager to ‘look out for me’.

While I appreciated the gesture, it seemed to turn off the other person who had gotten this opportunity  and she eyed me with disdain.

It wasn’t hard to see what she assumed.

She was a Brainiac and had obviously worked very hard to get here, and the impression, shown by hour four, was that my connections had gotten me here; and possibly not my hard work.

After the usual orientation,  we took a break, and were placed at our desks.

As we were given the time to setup up desks; ya know personalize, organize, setup templates, it was virtually silent.

My deskmate didn’t talk to me, and I didn’t talk to her.

She obviously didn’t like me.

I knew immediately this was going to be a long few weeks.

 

By the time lunch rolled around, I was glad to have a breather.

Stepping outside the offices, and heading to a deli across the street, I scrolled through some texts on my phone and headed to my online banking account.

With the security deposit, first months rent, moving expenses, everyday traveling expenses and my splurges on New Years, my account was quickly depleted.

My savings was on its last leg and a measly $456 was due to carry me until I got my first paycheck and with daily taxi rides, it was going soon.

I sighed as I shifted some money.

Bowls of instant noodles and rice were in my future.

Mid – transfer, my phone began to vibrate in my hands.

I had a phone call.

 

The italized _Harry_ lit up, and danced across my screen.

Surprised, I almost dropped my phone.

As it rang once… twice… three times, I just studied it, not believing he was finally calling.

On the windy and chilled streets of New York City, I debated what to do.

Four rings.

Five rings.

Six rings.

I just stared.

I wanted badly to answer, but there was nothing he could say to me.

I was so done with his ass he was lucky I hadn’t blocked his number.

 

I let it go to voicemail, thinking to myself, and freezing my ass off on the sidewalk; stalled.

I waited for the follow up _ping._

A voicemail.

A text.

 

I waited and waited.

There was nothing.

 

Seemed his call was all he could be bothered with.

Sighing in irritation this time, I completed my transfer and pushed my phone back in my pocket.

Fuck him.

Long haired, prick asshole.

 

**************** 

That night, I was the Maruchan Instant Lunch Queen as I shuffled the numerous  Ramen noodle soups in my cupboards. 

Making a stop after work, I was fully stocked, ready to weather the next three broke weeks of my life.

Munching on a bag of chips, I headed back to my boxes continuing my task of the last few days; moving in.

I had my ‘I Don’t Fuck With You’ playlist going, my hammer steady, and a fuzzy picture of a game show playing from my living room TV.

I was ready.

Climbing on a chair, I began to hang a picture when the regular buzz of my phone’s vibrate buzzed loudly from my kitchen counter.

My sister was out, sightseeing on her last night, and I figured it was her calling me to let her in.

Darting to the phone, I almost quickly answered it until I saw the caller.

Harry.

Again.

Once again I froze.

I studied the phone, watching the final buzzes, once again, not answering and letting it go to voicemail.

Like before, I waited for a ping, signaling my notification and this time, he didn’t disappoint.

My phone flashed a small dialog box across the top of my screen and I never opened  a message so fast.

 

Going to my text messages, I opened and read his words.

 

*Hi. Please call me when you get this.*

 

I scoffed.

_Hi._

_Please call me when you get this._

That was it?

That was his message?

Please…call…me?

Was he fucking serious?

 

The phone buzzed again.

Another message.

 

*I hope your first day was nice, by the way. They’re so lucky to have you. I wish I could have been there to see you.*

 

And then,

Again,

 

*Please call me Becca. So I can explain.*

 

I tossed my phone on the counter. I scoffed again.

This fucking guy…

God, he was the definition of clueless.

And fucking irritating…

Anyways….

I headed back over to the painting, popping another chip in my mouth.

The perfect song was playing. Good ‘Ol Travis Garland.

Lifting my hammer, I let the words of the song escape my lips; you made your bed (so lay in it)

The hammer hit the nail.

Once again, fuck him.

 

 ************************

*I’m sorry*

The next one.

Next day.

11am.

Pinging as I sat in training.

*I don’t want to do this over text, but I want you to know I am. I’m so, so sorry.*

Once again, I just stared at my phone.

*More than you’ll ever know.*

I just rolled my eyes.

Fuuuucccckkk him.

I didn’t reply.

 ******************

*She means nothing to me. You are everything, and I fucked up. I’m shit, I know.*

Same day.

That night. Coming through as I brushed my teeth.

It had been accompanied by a phone call, that I had once again let go to voicemail; only this time, I had sped it along, rejecting his call three rings in.

He continued his text.

*You have every right to be angry. And you can never forgive me, I understand. But please at least talk to me. Give me one chance to explain. Cuss me out, scream at me. Give me your silence over the phone. Whatever. Just please answer. Let me explain Becca. Everything is not what it seems.*

I kept brushing my teeth.

Who was he to make demands?

Who was he to tell me what to do?

I closed out his message.

Fuck him again.

*****************

*Should I stop texting you? Should I leave you alone? Is that what this is supposed to mean?*

He was still so very clueless.

Next day, sighing once again from my desk, I didn’t take the click bait.

That’s what he wanted; a response.

I wasn’t an idiot and I knew he wanted to gauge my reaction and how I was.

Well he wasn’t getting anywhere near me anymore.

Everything was private; every social media account and every link to me.

Unless he followed me on his very public Harry_Styles accounts (which he would never do) he was no longer going to be looking at what Becca Johnson had going on in her life.

He didn’t deserve too.

*Becca I’m not going to leave you alone unless you talk to me and tell me too. Silence is not an answer. We’ve been together almost a year and I’m not going to just drop this.*

I rubbed my head.

*I’m going fucking crazy over here. I wish you would just answer me and tell me you hate me. Or if you don’t care and want me to piss off, at least tell me that too. Can you just tell me something Becca? You have no idea how sorry I am.*

“Can you silence that please?”

I glanced at my co-worker who was cutting her annoyed brown eyes at me.

I had to agree, the incessant buzz of my phone didn’t seem to be ending anytime soon.

Turning from her, I once again rolled my eyes and began to switch my phone to silent.

Then said screw it, and just completely turned the thing off.

I tossed the phone in my desk.

The silence was instantly golden.

 

***************

Early the next day on the 7th of the January, the villa in Ibiza, Spain was calling me. Our luxury retreat, the Casa Blanca Jondal, in all of its $3,000 a night glory was still expecting us. Seemed between Harry’s preoccupation with getting up under Kendall Jenner he had forgotten to cancel the reservation.

The villa which we had reserved for eight nights was still ours, and as the lovely woman was calling to let me know ‘would gladly still hold it’, as our reservation was paid in advance and Harry had ordered special amenities. We had a full four bedroom house, complete with staff and tour guides, and the shit honeymoons and romantic getaways were made of.

Well also, all down the drain for a fuck on a boat and the reminder made my stomach crawl.

What a shitty last two weeks.

So much had changed in less than a months time.

“We won’t be there.” I assured. “ _At all_. You can give the villa away.”

“But Ma’am, we don’t do refunds and-“

“That’s perfect.” I said quickly. “If you still have my boyfriend’s debit card on file, then take an extra tip for the inconvenience. We don’t mind. A few thousand should suffice.” I said spitefully, then hung up the phone before she could even begin to inquire more.

I got dressed, went to work and said screw everyone and everything that wasn’t Simon and Shuster.

It was quite easy too.

My phone for the day stayed silent; and finally I hoped Harry got the message. He wasn’t going to be talking to me anytime soon, and I was hoping he was realizing it was done; the love, the friendship….everything.

 

 ******************

The 8th, there was a delivery.

2:52pm, and my manager was popping her head in our small office, reserved for interns.

“Um Becca?”

I looked up facing my manager as she looked at me in confusion.

“Yes?” I said quickly and with a wide smile; ready to serve.

She came in the room. She bit her lip uneasily and shifted for me to come to her.

Doing as she said, she led me in the hall.

In a quiet tone, she broke the news to me.

“There’s um, some flowers here, in the lobby. Roses, that um are addressed to you? They’re ah…quite big and we’re not sure if it’s a joke.”

I looked back at her in confusion.

“I’m sorry?” I asked not fully comprehending.

She smiled.

“There’s flowers for you in the lobby. Huge roses. Were you expecting them?”

My eyes must have widened as I shook my head no quickly, because she gestured for me to follow her.

My manager led the way, making small talk and further explaining.

“We didn’t know if it was a joke…or if we should send them back…”

When I reached the lobby, my eyes widened even more.

Well she wasn’t lying. There was definitely a man carrying a huge bouquet of red roses-at least fifty dozen in his hand.

However, these couldn’t be for me.

“Are you Becca?” the man asked.

I just nodded as he came to me, with my manager watching the whole thing.

“Can you sign something for me?” the carrier asked, coming to me with the obnoxious bundle.

“Sure.” I said. “Can I check something first?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the white card perched in the middle of the nonsense.

“Of course.” He said.

Grabbing the card, I opened the small letter.

In another person’s penmanship, I read the words of my ex- boyfriend.

The words that once held significant weight as I tattoed half his heart on my skin.

The words he whispered against my lips after; reassurance that he was deep in this, and this wasn’t going to be some huge mistake.

Words that burned my eyes and tongue. 

 

_Totally, tenderly, tragically…I’m yours._

_I’m sorry._

_H._

 

I instantly bit my lip and felt my blood boil.

His words hardened me even more.

“Where do I sign?” I said in frustration.

The man quickly shifted the flowers on the front desk mantle and I signed the slip.

“Have a good one.” He said warmly.

Yeah…not so much.

My manager smiled at me. “Someone really loves you. Anniversary?”

“Not those kind of flowers sadly.” I said crumpling up the white paper and tossing it in the nearby trash.

How the hell could he say that to me? Now?

“Oh?” My manager questioned. 

“We broke up.” I explained quickly.

Her expression instantly changed. “Oh gotcha. Well,” she began. “While I can appreciate personal lives and…situations…lets keep them out of the work space, yeah?” she questioned.

I nodded yes quickly.

“Absolutely! I’m sorry. Obviously, I didn’t know. I would have told him not to send them.”

“No worries, just please don’t let it happen again.” She said with a small smile. “Want to put them in your car?”

“Right away.” I assured quickly before I even had time to think about the statement.

She moved away and headed back to her desk.

 As I stared at the large bouquet, the receptionist- about my age- stood, and examined the flowers.

“She’s just jealous no one brought her flowers.” She said running her hands over the tips of the long stemmed roses. “I think its sweet.”

As she gave me a bright smile, I studied the bundle.

How the hell was I going to get….what the hell even was this?

I looked for a sticker which confirmed my suspicions.

A Hundred…. 100 dozen red roses that I had no clue how to get home.

I didn’t even have a fucking car.

Ugh.

Why would he do something like this?

And then to send them to my job?

Obviously it wasn’t professional.

As I stood there, with no idea where to put the damned things, it dawned on me that he didn’t know the details.

He didn’t know where I lived.

He didn’t know if I had found a place or was staying in a hotel.

All he knew was I was at this internship. Outside of Colgate University, this is the only way he could get to me in this state.

“Do you need help putting them in your car?” the receptionist asked.

“I don’t have a car.” I admitted honestly.

She chuckled, and grabbed her keys off her desk.

“Oh, we can put them in my car. I have a truck.”

I shook her off.

“Oh no, no…I’m just going to toss them.” I said honestly. “I don’t want them.”

She looked at me like I was crazy.

“He cheated on me.” I finally admitted. “Don’t need the reminder.” I said with a dry chuckle.

She gave me a sympathetic look but then looked back at the flowers.

“But they’re so pretty though.”

And they were. Harry had dropped a nice little penny- at least a couple hundred dollars- for these fresh vibrant roses. Even the stems were a vivid, healthy green.

I sighed.

This was taking too long, and Harry was taking up too much of my thoughts, as I was sure he wanted.

“Fine. Where’s your car?” I asked.

I would figure it out later.

“Follow me.” She said with a smile.

I did, with the obnoxious red flowers.

**********************

The next night, Kelsey was back.

 Ending out my first work week, she made the three hour drive so we could have drinks, and spend the weekend together.

The minute she walked in my house, the first thing she saw was the flowers on my living room table.

She smirked.

“Now that’s just being obnoxious. What the hell is wrong with him?”

I didn’t answer, rolling my eyes and heading to my kitchen.

She followed.

“Is that a hundred dozen?”

“You got it.” I said trying to keep my voice even.

“Well I guess go big or go home.” She said.

I didn’t even respond.

“Has he called?” she asked getting settled.

“Nope. I guess he’s on to the gift stage.” I said dryly.

“And what stage are you on?” my friend asked studying me.

“Indifferent.” I said honestly. “I don’t even care anymore. I just want to be left alone.”

“You haven’t answered him at all?”

“Nope.” I said handing her a soda.

She popped it open and sat on a stool.

“When are you going too?”

I ignored her again, and gestured to my walls.

“You haven’t said anything about my place. You like?”

She looked around quickly.

“It’s fine.” She said. “Now, when are you going too?”

I rolled my eyes again.

“I hope you didn’t come here just to talk about Harry. You’re going to be hugely disappointed.”

She smiled.

“Not totally. But we do need to talk about it.”

“Why?”

“Because. The trip was what, a week ago? You’ve let him simmer enough. He handed you the gun, you’ve loaded it…now it’s time to start shooting.”

“It’s not about simmering, or shooting.” I corrected. “I really don’t want to talk to him.”

“You do.” She said taking a long sip of her drink.

“I don’t.” I said quickly.

“You do, or you would have told him to fuck off.” She said. “If you really didn’t want to be bothered, you would have already called and shut that shit down- I’ve seen you do it before.”

I shook my head in disagreement.

“It’s not like that. I just don’t want to hear the excuses.”

“’Fuck you. Stop texting me.’” Kelsey said suddenly, moving her hands in a texting gesture. “That’s not inviting excuses.”

She took another sip of her soda.

“Admit it,” she said. “You like the torture.”

“I love it.” I said with a smile. “I wish I could do more. To him and her.”

This time Kelsey smiled.

“Yeah that bitch is a skank for sure. And if I had a way to get to her, you know I would have some choice words for her…but…they’re not currently together, so that’s something.”

“What do you mean?”

“Harry’s in London. She’s in Los Angeles. So he’s not laid up in her bed.”

“Harry’s in London?” I questioned. That was news to me. I thought for sure he would be headed back to Los Angeles. He had recording, Jeff and Glenne…pending birthday and big celebrations up on the horizon.

Kelsey just shook her head yes.

“Been there a couple days.”

I shrugged it off.

“Doesn’t mean anything. I spent most of my time in New York too. They could still definitely be together.”

“I don’t think he’s with her.” Kelsey said. “I don’t think it was that deep. You know man think with their other heads, plus he’s obviously more worried about you than her.”

I cut my eyes at her.

I wished she would just shut up.

 “I don’t care either way.” I said again. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Talk? Well when are you going to talk _to him_?” she asked again.

“Never?” I guessed.

She smiled.

“You have a piece of him tattooed on you—want to revise that answer?”

I sighed and moved away from her.

Kelsey, please let’s talk about something else.”

“I don’t get you.” She continued. “I don’t get this  strength. He would have been cussed out about ten times by now, and if it was Bobby I would have definitely picked up the phone. Aren’t you even the least bit curious what he has to say?”

“For what? Why give him that satisfaction?” I said. “Why let him know how I feel? Right now, I hope he’s not sleeping. I hope he’s sitting at home, stewing over how I feel and what I think.”

Kelsey just stared back at me.

“He was wrong Kelsey, and I hope he thinks long and hard, even daily about how he fucked this up. You realize we _are done Kelsey_. My best friend is gone—and for what—some sex? His ex? He tossed me to the side like I was literally nothing. He didn’t even let me get fully settled before he lifted his hand and said a giant fuck you--- so stop defending him!”

 “I’m not Becca.” She said keeping her expression serious. “He’s a fucking asshole, and we hate him. I hate what he did to you. But its not entirely his fault. Even I know those pictures were never supposed to come out. It wasn’t a deliberate act to hurt you-“

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I asked, getting upset at her now.

“Let me finish.” She cut in. “Like I said, he’s an asshole, and he’s definitely wrong. But he’s _your_ asshole Becca. He’s the man that you’re in love with, and despite how it may feel right now, I really do truly believe he was in love with you too. And he’s obviously sorry--- look at this—look at the text messages. I mean Becca at least hear him out.”

I rolled my eyes, plopping on my couch and kicking the vase of flowers with my foot. They barely moved from the weight of the flowers.

 _Stupid fucking red thorny things._ That’s what I felt about that.

“Kelsey for your sake, I’d stop talking. The conversation is over. Fuck Harry Styles.”

“Fine.” She said. ”I’ll say one final thing-“

 _“Kelsey_ , I’m about to say fuck you too-“

“I’m older. So shut up.” She demanded cutting me off.

She came over to me.

She sat down on the couch and looked at me.

“All I have to say, and all I want you to think about is this--she that is without sin, should cast the first stone.”

I just looked at her.

My eyes narrowed.

“You’re quoting Bible verses to me now?”

“Nope.” She said taking a sip of her drink. “Tis’ all. I’m done talking.”

 ***************

He left me alone.

By week two, the texts and calls had stopped.

The flowers it seemed was his last attempt.

Kelsey had been right. I liked the torture, and now having no one to take my anger out on had my mind wandering.

I started thinking about him.

In London.

Where he was….who he was with…had he given up…

I hadn’t physically looked at him since that day on New Years Eve.

I had no clue what was going on in Harryland, and I was partially curious.

Had he been papped?

What was he spending his time doing?

Was he out living his life like nothing had even happened?

(Probably)

Was he thinking about me, the exact times I was thinking about him.

(Probably not.)

 

It got my fingers twitching though.

On Wednesday evening, the thirteen, my fingers finally ventured back to him.

Going to an update account, I archived it, and looked at the month at a glance.

The goddamn ‘Hendall’ pictures were still ridiculous in their abundance **.** I rolled my eyes flicking past them. I felt the flush of anger surge through my limbs.

Maybe this already wasn’t a good idea.

I moved to the pictures after the trip, as he was caught at the airport and then a few days later with fans.

Wide eyed, popping up the ‘peace sign’ Harry was back.

This asshole was fine.

Forget his text messages and Kelsey’s reassurance.

He was doing quite alright in his life.

Mr. Heartbreak and Tears was warm and gay.

Rolling my eyes, I had seen enough.

About to close the whole page, my hands froze on one picture that was not like the others.

Black and white, a picture of a rainy window was a contrast to the other stuff.

It didn’t fit and I clicked on it, not understanding why an update account would post it.

My phone quickly shuffled out the page, opening up a new tab and taking me directly to Harry’s Instagram.

Ah…so he had posted it…

I looked at the facts again.

January 7th. No caption.

Just the picture.

A black and white rainy day.

Ironically posted the day of our cancelled Ibiza trip.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, the picture played tricks on me, instantly queueing the Bill Withers song; ain’t no sunshine.

Though knowing Harry, he was going for an aesthetic; Mr.Cool with the moody Instagram.

 

I closed the tab.

All of them.

I sat there.

Thinking.

 

Still…

In a shift motion, Harry was off my phone, but not my mind.

I wanted to talk to him.

Finally, I wanted answers.

Yet I wasn’t as strong as I portrayed. 

 

Heading to my kitchen, I grabbed a wine glass and opened a bottle of cheap wine.

I let the cool liquid coat my throat as I studied my phone.

I hadn’t heard from him, and finally he had got the message, but not mine.

Suddenly everything I hadn’t said, was itching to come out.

I suddenly wanted him to know every thought and every feeling.

 

I gulped the wine in a swift toss.

I would need to be a little tipsy first.

Pouring another glass, and taking big sips, I headed back to the couch.

Plopping down, the roses and the phone stared back at me.

How long did it take to get drunk?

How many glasses would I need to get the courage to say everything?

I gulped the second one down, and let it sit.

Couldn’t get too drunk too fast. 

I did have work the next morning after all.

 

I gave it ten minutes then picked up my phone, feeling slightly warmer and tingly.

Here goes.

I punched in the first five numbers I had memorized then stopped.

He was in London which meant it was 1am where he was.

I couldn’t call him right now. He would be sleep.

Then I thought…great!…I actually wouldn’t get to talk to him. I’d get the voicemail and get to leave the long drunken soliloquy.

I punched in the numbers again with a dancing stomach and I heard the first ring.

_What the hell was I doing?_

I heard the second ring.

_This was stupid._

I heard the third ring.

_I’m going to hang up._

“Becca?”

_Fuck._

“Becca are you there?”

His tone was rushed.

I bit my lip and placed a hand to my face, rubbing roughly.

Oh dear.

“Yes.” I said gently.

He instantly grew quiet, I guess comprehending that I was finally calling.

Only for a few seconds though.

“Hi.” He said after what felt like minutes.

“Hi.” I said back, because what else was there to say.

“You’re calling me.” he stated as we were still working with a two year old comprehension.

“I am.” I reaffirmed.

“Thank you.” He said quickly. “I didn’t think you would; not for a while at least.”

This time I didn’t respond.

He shuffled.

Wherever he was, I could practically hear the nervous hand pushing through the long hair.

“How are you?” he asked.

“Peachy.” I said.

It came out harder than I intended, but I wasn’t going to apologize.

Still, he chose to bypass it.

He shuffled again.

The phone was so silent on his end that I could hear everything he was doing.

Right now, playing with a pen.

“How’s work? The internship? You like it?” he asked.

“It’s fine.” I said shortly.

“Did you find a place?” he asked next.

“Yes.” I said, shorter than my previous response.

“Good.” He said. “I’m glad you’re settled.”

And then the wine began to settle. My big girl boots beginning to be put on.

“Are you?” I questioned. 

If he had any semblance of a brain, he would have ignored my retort, but instead, he fell right into the trap.

“Of course.” He said quickly. “I’ve been worried about it. I was hoping you weren’t in a hotel.”

I practically chuckled.

“You’ve been worried about me? Forgive me if I’m not convinced.”

He began to loudly sigh but then stopped himself, as he must have realized he was still in the wrong.

Gently, and above a whisper, he cut back in.

“Please don’t say that. You know how I feel about you.”

“No I don’t Harry. I actually truly don’t know.” I said.

“I love you.” He said simply. “You’re my world.”

I instantly chuckled; dryly.

“And I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry Becca. Words can’t explain.”

“Oh really?” I questioned. “And there it is. The same only word you can seem to formulate. _Sorry.”_

Oh the boots were getting strapped now.

“Anything else to say, or should we start the clichés?” I asked.

He sighed, not hiding it this time.

“Becca…” he said with a second frustrated sigh. “It’s not what it looked like.”

“Cliché one.”

“I don’t want her.”

“Cliché two.”

“It just happened.”

“Boy you’re going for all of them aren’t you?” I said sarcastically.

“Stop it.” He demanded. “Can you actually listen to me?”

I grew quiet for a moment.

“I fucked up, and I get that. I know I hurt you, but Becca please…you have to believe me. That shit was not intended. I didn’t even want her there. It was a last minute thing.”

“No? As you pulled her leg back to you in the water, you didn’t want her? As she rubbed her tits in your face, you didn’t want it?”

I could hear him wince.

He grew silent and I waited for his next sorry excuse, but instead he went a different route.

“How many did you see? Of the pictures?” he asked.

“Why does it matter?” I asked back. “I fucking saw them Harry.”

“Because it was only one day. Maybe two. I ended it immediately after it started.”

“You mean after you got caught.”

“No.” he said quickly. “It’s not like that. It’s not how it seemed.”

“Well how was it Harry? Tell me? Did she stay with you on the boat? Did you share a room, reliving the memories of exes past? Did everyone smile and laugh as you kissed her on New Years Eve? As you kissed her on the top deck?”

He sighed again.

More shuffling.

“I don’t care about any of that. None of it mattered. I’m not in love with her.” He said again.

“No I know. You’re in love with yourself.”

“Becca-“

Boots strapped and walking now…

The wine gave me all the courage.

My voice instantly rose.

“No Harry. You didn’t even give it a week! I was barely off the plane when you were probably fucking her! I get it. We were done. It was  a break of whatever the hell you called it.  But that was the shittiest thing you could have done. You fucking disgust me. You will never touch me again.”

“Becca-“

“No, so screw you Harry. Screw You. I hope she was worth it.”

“I didn’t even touch her!” He said quickly. “Not like that. There was no sex whatsoever.”

“You really expect me to believe that?”

“No.” he said. “But it’s the truth. I didn’t take it that far. We hooked up, we flirted…but I didn’t fuck her. I wouldn’t have done that to you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Becca please.” He pleaded. “I’m in love with you. For months now, i've loved you and only you. I told you, I don’t want anyone else and I still mean that. It just happened.”

“Just happened?” I repeated.

“Yes, just happened. And it will never happen again. I promise.”

I scoffed. I lifted from the couch going for my bottle.

I needed more. Seems I was going to have to get truly drunk to get through this conversation and night.  I brushed the whole thing off quickly. 

“It doesn’t matter. We’re done.”

“Don’t say that-“

“So don’t call me and don’t send anything else to my job-“

He sighed.

“Becca-“

“And don’t text me. And don’t try to look me up-“

He sighed louder.

“Becca you’re being-

“Don’t write me on social media. Don’t go to The Art in L.A.-“

“Fuck Becca! Will you stop? Fucking listen to me! I don’t want her! I want you!”

“Or my dad’s shop.” I finished. “We’re through. Lovers, friends, all that.”

“Becca please.” He pleaded finally. “I just want you and I want us. I’ll get on a plane right now and come to you. I fucked up, but don’t do this to us. Let me get a ticket and come. I don’t want to lose you. Baby please, let’s just work on this.”

“No. I’m done.” I said and hung up the phone.

Fuck him.


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Strong Language.

CHAPTER SEVENTY EIGHT

HARRY

 

Then.

Six Days Later

 

"Hi! You've reached Becca, I’m sorry I can't come to the phone right now…"

From my seated position I kept the phone to my ear.

Sighing, I waited for the voicemail I now had memorized.

As it finished, I could even anticipate the beep.

I began my usual message.

"Hi Becca. It's me. Again. I um...hope your day is going well. I looked at the weather today and saw that it was thirty- nine degrees where you are. I hope you're warm and bundled and enjoying work. And well... right now I'm headed to a party that Nick is throwing me for my birthday; some final goodbye before I leave tomorrow, and I wanted to give you the updates but I’ll wait… So...if you listen to this, I miss you, and hope that you're okay. I'll try you again tomorrow. Again… I love you very much. Bye."

I hung up the phone.

With a small sigh, I already knew what was going to happen.

Becca wasn't going to call me back and she had probably already deleted my good morning text from earlier.

Yet I had to keep trying.

One day she wasn't going to be mad at me, and I would wait faithfully, trying everyday if I had too until that day arrived.

I just had to keep focused on the positives.

At least she wasn't rejecting my calls anymore.

Six days earlier, she had hung up on me and for two days straight sent me swiftly to voicemail when I called her.

Now, she was at least allowing me to leave voicemails, so we were making progress.

 

Baby steps.

Maybe in a month, we would be at the toddler stage, and she would at least speak to me before rejecting my calls and texts. Then, in a couple months, full on teens, having semi- adult conversations again.

I could only hope.

 

Standing in my Hampstead bedroom, I stretched and pocketed my phone and headed downstairs.

The soft laugh of my mum coated the downstairs living room, and I pieced together a small smile as I re-joined the living and vibrant.

Tonight was my final night in town, before taking the long 10- hour flight to Los Angeles for Jeff's birthday in the morning. Spending our birthdays together was a regular tradition we had begun a few years earlier, and this time, I had a special plan for his thirtieth.

"There you are!" Nick Grimshaw exclaimed as his eyes landed on me. "Are you ready yet? We have a reservation."

"Yup. Sorry. Had to make a call." I said.

My mother and step-father were going to the dinner as well as other long time London friends.

Grabbing a coat, I closed down the house and led the way, piling everyone into my new Audi SUV.

As I drove, they made small talk, and I kept my thoughts to myself; quiet and thinking about Becca.

I knew she was at work and I wondered what she was doing.

Did she like her  new job?

What were her day-to-day tasks?

Had she made any friends?

Were there any guys who had caught her eye?

Was she already moving on?

The last thought played on my mind the most, and I was walking through eggshells waiting for her to get me back.

I wasn't an idiot, and I knew the mind fuck and revenge tactic games ex-scorned lovers played on each other.

For now, since I was blocked she couldn't tease me with social media antics, but she could definitely have someone in her bed.

Touching her...kissing her...fucking her every day until she felt we were even.

Though I had did it to myself, I was selfish, and thoughts of her with another man and moving on had me going slowly crazy as the days progressed.

I couldn’t let her move on.

So I kept calling.

I knew if she gave me a chance, we could make it through this.

We had come too far, not too.

 

Pulling into the entryway of the restaurant, I valet'd my car, and headed in to spend time with some of my closest friends.

I had dinner, ate a few cupcakes, smiled through the anticipated happy birthday song and spent the reminder of my night packing with my parents.

Now committed to my official break away from One Direction, I was getting in as much time as possible with family and they were coming with me to Los Angeles too.

For now, the music and all that was on hold and I was exploring other avenues.

I had been stuck in writers block for the past couple weeks, and after the drama of Becca and my New Years St. Barts Trip, I hadn't really been too interested to get in a studio.

Honestly, the mood was ruined.

 

The next morning as I boarded my flight, I was once again attached to my phone, dialing Becca's number.

This time, she was probably sleeping so I sent her a text. I studied the green boxes, all mine, piled one on top of the other, with no grey interruptions.

It was my new usual way of communicating with her; one sided conversations.

*Good Morning. You're probably sleeping. If you are, I hope you're sleeping well. I'm going back to L.A. today, and I know you probably don't care. But I just wanted you to know.* I sighed as I typed, frustrated with all this. *I’m probably going to see Kendall. Just in passing. And knowing how it goes, there's probably going to be stories being that we are in the same place again and the press bullshits everything. So I just wanted you to know before it begins, I won't see her, not alone, and I definitely won't meet up with her on purpose. Jeff has his party, but if you don't want me to even talk to her, I won't. I'll avoid her at all costs. Just say the word…*

I hit send and continued my message.

*I'm sorry I keep bothering you. But I’m still very much committed to this, and I’m committed to you. You've made it very clear you want nothing to do with me and I am respecting that but I don’t want to hide anything from you, ever again. So when you're ready to talk to me, or whatever it might be, I’ll be here. I love you. Have a good day. H.*

As I  finished up my long text, I caught my mother's eyes.

Knowing me well, she must have sensed what I was doing.

She was well aware of where me and Becca’s relationship stood, and while she wasn’t verbally voicing her concerns—the looks had been abundant the last few days.

She was worried about me and I knew she just wanted me to leave it alone.

“Time.” Is the word she used in the beginning. “Time, is the best healer.”

Yet I also believed in pushing it.  How were you going to get out of bed, if you didn’t take the first step?

So, ignoring her concerned glance, I just settled against my seat and closed my eyes praying no drama was going to come from this trip.

************

"So this is the entrance, and this is where we're going to have everyone seated."

I traveled my eyes around the Troubadour theatre barely listening. Jeff's party was that night and I was the host, but my mind was on different things.

I had been in California for two days, and had been nonstop going, between my family, meetings and catching up with friends.

“Where are the lights coming in at?” I asked. “And where’s his pictures going to go?” I asked, beside Shelli, his mother and Xander.

The planner for the event, moved us around the room.

He began his new spill.

In my pocket, I could feel a  small buzz.

Opening my personal cell phone, it was Jeff, wondering where I was.

“We have to wrap this up.” I said quickly to the man. “I’m supposed to be at the gym and we have to meet him.”

“Jeff?” Shelli questioned. 

I nodded yes, and the planner moved around quickly, giving the quick and final logistics.

After he finished, we all headed in our respective cars- Xander traveled with me- and we headed to Jeff’s house.

On the drive we made small talk.

My phone was steady- my work, and personal-  and my eyes flicked to the screen every so often as the callers and texts displayed on my dash.

“Why are you so busy?” Xander asked. “Aren’t you on a fucking break?”

I smiled.

“It’s the audition, plus this Louis and Kendall shit. If people don’t want a comment on his son, they want one on Kendall. And Emma is off this week, so I’m getting forwarded all the calls.”

He smiled.

“Are you going by the hospital?” he asked.

My face instantly creased.  
“Of course not. Do you know what would happen if I went anywhere near there? “No,no,” I said quickly “I already sent something.”

Xander just kept his smile.

“But you have too. Larry Sty-“

“Don’t even start.” I said with a smile.  I looked at my dash as it lit up again.

Bloody hell.

Rejecting the call, the music came back into my car, and Xander finished his thought.

“What’s his son’s name?”

“Freddie Resse or Reign something.” I answered.

“Are you going to see him at all? I know how you guys all feel about the little guy.”

“Probably not right now.” I said honestly. “Liam’s flying in tomorrow. He’s going for us.”

“Still got to be the group leader huh?”

“Always.” I said.

My work phone rang again. An unknown number appeared on my dash,

“Fucking-“ I reached in my cup holder and quickly turned it off.

I sighed in frustration as I tossed it back down.

“Ya know…That fucking yacht is like the nightmare that won’t end.” I said. “It’s caused me so many problems.”

“Yeah, bet you wished you had never went huh?”

“Honestly, yes.” I said.

“Have you talked to Kenny?” he asked and I briefly turned to him.

Her name was a trigger for me right now, and I instantly shifted, not wanting to talk about her in depth.

“No.”

“She hasn’t called?” he asked in surprise. “That’s strange.”

I just shrugged.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

After all she had, even this morning, but between dealing with the repercussions of that…and this party…and Becca…and the fucking phone calls…I just couldn’t wait for tonight, when I could have a tequila glass in my hand and blur all the shit out.

He grew quiet, reading my tone and my car calmed down.

Turning off the main source of interruption, we made small talk about other things until we reached Jeff’s house. 

 ***************

“Harry how’s it going buddy?”

_Flash, flash, flash._

“Hey, so are you and Kendall dating?”

_Flash, flash, flash,_

“Are you going to meet her mom?

“Is it serious?”

I just rolled my eyes.

More fucking flashes.

“Alright, have a good time man.”

I ignored them all.

Entering the Troubadour, my mood was already soured as I bypassed the paparazzi stationed outside.

Inside, Jeff was minutes from arriving.

He was riding, blindfolded in a different car.

Inside I quickly got to work, grabbing myself the much needed drink, and made sure everything was in  place for his planned ‘roast’.

As I did the final organizing and mingling with our longtime friends, I caught the eye of the person I had been avoiding for days.

Turning away, I pulled out my phone checking the status.

 

Tommy Bruce: Five minutes. Around the corner.

 

I quickly began shifting the chairs in front of me and ordering people to their spots.

“Harry?”

My eyes lifted as I heard the American accent of my ex.

Glancing at her quickly, I swallowed.

“Hi.” I said quietly, turning from her  brown eyes.

I had never been good with confrontation.

“Can I talk to you?”

“I’m um…a little busy.” I said uneasily.

She instantly rolled her eyes.

“Whatever Harry. We’re not going to keep doing this. I’m not leaving until you talk to me. So find me later.” And before I could even respond, she walked away.

I just chewed on my lip.

Fucking great. Now I was going to have to deal directly with Kendall Jenner too.

Taking another sip of my drink, I downed it quickly and got my mind on the night.

Please, please let there be no drama…

 ***************

_Pandora was spotted leaving his house in Hampstead Heath, north London, last Sunday afternoon after arriving at 10pm the night before. Sources say…_

 I gritted my teeth early the next morning, as the bullshit of my life continued.

Fuck, I couldn’t catch a break.

I didn’t even finish the stupid _Mirror_ article, before I was clicking off and going to my text messages.

Pulling up Becca’s contact, I quickly needed to add to my message from earlier that morning.

I bypassed my simple, _Hope you’re enjoying your weekend,_  and began a new draft.

 

This stupid article was only going to make shit so much worst.

I began typing.

 

*Becca, sorry to bother you again,  but if you read something today I need you to know it’s not true. I’m not-*

 

I paused. This shit was too much to explain by text, especially because it was far from true. I knew how Becca still felt about Pandora Lennard  from the summer and where her mind would go.

Closing out the message, I punched in Becca’s memorized cell phone number and called her.

After the seven rings, once again, I was connected to her cheery voicemail.

I quickly began my message.

“Hi Becca. It’s me. I’m sorry to call and I hope you’re enjoying your weekend. I’m calling this time because a story came out yesterday and I-“

I paused as my phone started beeping in my ear indicting a call.

Glancing at my screen, Becca was illuminated on  my screen.

_My Becca._

I figured it was an error since I was leaving a message and she was ignoring me, but I switched the call either way.

“Hello?” I asked with uncertainty into the quiet abyss. There was no way she was calling me.

“Stop leaving me voicemails.”

The curt, serious voice of the love of my life was on the other end.

“Becca?” I asked quickly.

“No Santa Claus.” She said sarcastically. “Stop leaving me messages and stop texting me. You’re clogging up my inbox.”

“Okay.” I said quickly, excited she was even on the other end.

She had actually called me…

“I told you to leave me alone.” She continued. “You said you respect that, but you’re not. You’re fucking stalking me and its irritating me.”

“I’m sorry. I just need to talk to you.” I said again in a rush. Every second was precious, and I quickly cut in.

“Can we?” I asked. “ _Please_. Just for a second.”

“For what? I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I know.” I said. “But there’s a lot- have you been listening to my messages?”

“No.” she said.

I withheld my sigh because what did I expect.

I quickly expressed them while I had time.

“I wanted to tell you about Kendall and the stories that are out. I’m not with her Becca. I’m not hanging out with her despite what people say.”  
“What else?” she asked. “I don’t care who you’re fucking.”

“I’m not fucking her.” I said with exasperation. “I won’t fuck anyone…but you.”

“Well I feel sorry for your dick, because that’s not happening.” Then she sighed loudly, getting irritated. “But what else? _What do you want Harry?_ Really? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because I love you Becca-“

“Stop saying that.” She said with a rising attitude. “You don’t love me.”

“How can you say that to me? Becca I practically tattooed your name on my skin. We were going to live together. Do you even understand how committed to you I am?”

She completely ignored my statement.

“She’s been wearing your necklace.” She cut in “Did you know that? The Lotus one? I’ve seen it in pictures.”

Oh fuck, more shit to-

“You gave it to her? On your boat fuck of what ‘a day or two’ as you claim, you still found time to do that? Exchange jewelry?”

“It’s a necklace.” I said seriously. “That doesn’t mean shit Becca.”

“Its your necklace Harry!  I never even wore it! What, is the how you claimed her? Is that how you made sure she knew she was yours?”

“Becca it’s a goddamn necklace. It’s a piece of silver. I can literally get it at a flea market. It means nothing to me. I get it, but please stop finding additional things to be mad about-”

“Finding things?” she questioned. “I’m not finding anything. It found me Harry! You know the girls even talk about it at work? Your relationship with her? It’s fucking headline news.”

“I don’t have a relationship with her!! I have one with you!” I practically screamed. “Becca I get you’re mad at me, but just stop!  Stop listening to other people and reading the articles and shit! It means nothing. That’s what I want you to get. I don’t care about her. I care about you. And this.”

Becca grew quiet, not responding, so I continued.

“This. _Our_ relationship. You’re the only thing that matters to me, and Becca I…fuck!” I screamed finally losing all my patience. “I hate this! I can’t even talk to you like this. Over the phone with us screaming at each other. This could be endless.“

Her smug tone cut back in.

“Well too fucking bad, you did it.”

This time I ignored her.

“Can I see you?” I questioned. “Can I come to you so we can talk the right way?”

“No.”

_“Becca.”_

“No, I don’t want you here.”

“Becca you’re being ridiculous. Be a fucking adult about this.“

“An adult? I am a goddamn adult Harry! _I’m working._ You get that right? That I have an actual job. A career that I’m trying to build.”

I grew quiet this time.

“You call me all goddamn day, while I’m sitting at my desk. _Learning_. Do you understand that? Do you even have  a clue how important this is to me, while you keep calling me with your shitty excuses?”

“Of course I do Becca. I’m proud of you and I want this for you. That’s why I let you go.”

“That’s why you _let_ me go?” She questioned quickly offended. “It wasn’t up to you. My life and career was not something you dictated. It didn’t revolve around Harry fucking Styles-“

I just sighed again.

She was driving me insane.

The whole goddamn conversation was, but at least we were talking…

Though not the right way.

“Becca please stop.” I muttered, cutting in over her rant. “Please let’s stop arguing. Let’s just talk. Like real people.”

“I.Don’t. Want.To.Talk.To.You.” she said breaking up every syllable.

“Then why haven’t you hung up yet?” I finally asked and she instantly paused **.**

“You want to work this out.” I said reading her to her core. “Maybe not get back together, but you don’t want to fight either. I know you, and this shit has got to bother you as much as its bothering me. We’re best friends Becca. And I just want to come to some understanding on this shit. So can we? _Please?”_ I begged.

She grew quiet for a few seconds, and then, the curt tone returned, but it had worked.

“Then what is it?” she asked finally. “Talk.”

“I’m done doing this over the phone.” I said. “I’m booking a ticket.” I finally resolved. “I’ll come to you in the morning.”

“I don’t want you here.” She said quickly.

“Jesus Becca-“

“No. You’re not welcome here. I don’t want you apart of this life.”

I had to admit hearing that cut a bit, and took me aback.

It was obvious  in her mind there was a still a clear black and white line.

The ‘before’ the Yacht, and now the ‘after’.

Seemed our life, and the life we were building had been completely severed.

“Well how can I see you?” I asked.

She sighed.

Loudly.

Then quiet, as she thought of something.

I waited the better part of a minute listening to her breathing and the clicking of her fingers on a keyboard. To be honest, after the last few weeks of her silence, it was a comforting sound.

“Okay,” she said finally. “I just checked my schedule and I can maybe come next weekend.” She said.

“Next weekend?” I questioned.

“Yeah. My manager is gone the following week, and we were just going to be shadowing other departments all week, so I’ll talk to them. You can probably get my ticket for Friday night and I stay the weekend.”

“Next weekend?” I asked again unsure, though I was rising with excitement.

She was actually considering this…

“Yes!” she said in frustration. “You’re asking to see me,   I’m flying to you and you’re going to complain?”

“No, no!” I said quickly. “That’s fine. It’s totally fine. It’s just…next weekend is my birthday weekend and I was going to be in Palm Springs…I didn’t know if you realized that.”

She grew quiet.

 “Oh-“

I could hear her retreating.

“But its fine! It’s totally fine. I’ll arrange it. I’ll do it right now, and I’ll cancel it. I’ll meet you in L.A.-”

“What’s in Palm Springs?” she asked, cutting me off.

“I was getting a villa with my family. And for Glenne, we were going to-“

“That’s right.” She cut in again. “You guys celebrate your birthdays together.”

Her tone let me know it was more of a thought to herself, and knowing her, she wasn’t going to want to intrude.

“It’s fine hun.” I said quickly. “I’ll cancel. Obviously this is more important to me. Where do you want to meet? You want me to book the Soho House?”

She sighed.

She was quiet again.

I was losing her…

“Becca?” I questioned. “I can cancel-“

“No. I’ll meet you in palm Springs.” She said finally.

Her words were laced with apprehension. 

“You don’t have too.”

“Don’t tell me what I have to do.” She said, the wicked Becca quickly returning. “Just buy my ticket and we’ll take it from there.” She demanded.

I couldn’t even argue.

“Okay.” I said. “I will. Right now.”

“Okay.” She said. “And Harry….this doesn’t mean get your hopes up. We’re not back together or made up…this trip is just to decide what I want to do.”

“Of course.” I said. “I understand.”

“Good.” She said. “Figure it out.” and then she hung up.

I just smiled.

_Yes, yes, yes!_

We had jumped to toddler steps….

Finally.

 ***************

“I’m going to send a car for you.”

“I don’t need a car.”

“Becca, stop being so stubborn. I’m going to have someone come get you.”

“I don’t need a car.” She said again.

The big day.

Speaking, but now arguing about every little detail.

Her flight was booked, and she was coming.

I was still surprised.

But…maybe, just maybe she cared more than she was letting on…

Still I was just grateful, and would do anything she wanted me to do—except this.

“Becca I’m not going to let you get in some weirdo’s taxi.”

“I’m getting an Uber.”

“That’s weirder.” I argued. “No. I’ll send someone to come get you. You don’t need to be in an Uber, coming from the airport at 10pm.”

She sighed, in frustration.

I sighed, at her stubbornness.

“Fine.” She said with a grumble. “Any other demands?”

That garnered a small smile. I loved her spunk.

“Yes, be safe.” I added.

She ignored me.

“I’ll see you when I land.”

“You will.” And then, “Thank you. Really Becca. This means a lot to me.” I said.

She didn’t directly respond.

“Bye Harry.” She said disconnecting before I could say anything more.

I didn’t even care.

She was coming.

I just had to wait a couple more hours.

 ***************

I was a nervous fucking wreck.

She was landed and en-route and I couldn’t settle down.

I had a glass of wine in my hand, and I was sitting, but the room felt like it was spinning.

I kept looking at the clock anticipating how long it would take Xander to return with her.

If I was any good at math, I had about twenty more minutes.

A small hand patted my knee and I practically jumped.

Looking at the warm smile of my mum, she smirked.

“You okay?” she asked.

“I’m fine.” I said glancing at her.

All the eyes in the room were on me, and I hadn’t even noticed.

“It’s going to be fine Harry.” Glenne cut in across the room. “You got her here and that’s step one.”

As the curious eyes stayed on me, I brushed them all off.

“I don’t know what you mean.” I said standing. “What are you talking about?”

Glenne grinned, standing as well.

Everyone’s parents surrounded us, Glenne, Jeff, mine…it was her birthday.

“I’m talking about the bubbly brunette on her way here.”

“She’s not so bubbly anymore.” I admitted honestly, swishing my wine around. “But I’m fine.” I finished turning from everyone. “Just zoned out a bit.”

Heading to the kitchen area of the room, Glenne followed.

 “What do you want?” I asked as she trailed me like a puppy.

“What are you going to do when she gets here? Let’s rehearse.”

I smiled at her.

“Rehearse?” I questioned.

“Yeah what’s going to be your opener?”

I turned from her, going into the fridge.

“Hi Becca.” I said with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes sitting on a stool.

“No.” she said. “First are you going to hug her, or just keep a strangers distance?”

“Of course I’m going to hug her, she’s my girlfriend.”

Glenne set her drink on the counter with a loud thud.

“And that’s why I’m here. You’re already going about this all wrong. She might not want to be touched.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Be touched? You do realize I’ve been the only one touching her for the last year? It’s kind of a done deal at this point.”

“When you were together.” Glenne emphasized. “Things are different.”

I shook her off.

“No, she came.” I said simply. “She wants to work this out too.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” She said softly. “I just want you to be prepared for both. I know how much she means to you and if this weekend doesn’t go the way you want it too, that you’ll be okay.” She said carefully.

“What are you even talking about?” I said getting slowly irritated by her presence. “Did you come over here to help me relax or to piss me off?”

She smiled, standing back up.

“I came in here to help. Just take it slowly.” She said finally. “Give her some space at first.”

I just waved her off.

She didn’t know anything about us. 

I knew Becca better than anyone.

Grabbing a quick bite out of the fridge, I stayed there, sitting by myself and gathering my thoughts until the headlights flashed outside.

It was after 11pm, and while everyone in the house was still up and moving around, I could care less what anyone else was doing.

Immediately heading to the front of the house, I quickly opened the door to greet her.

The SUV truck was  front and center and Xander was already hopping out.

My eyes shifted to Becca who wasn’t paying attention with her head down, shuffling something in her lap.

I immediately resolved to make my way over to her door to open it for her, until I heard Xander’s whistle.

He quickly gestured for me to come to him, as he headed for the trunk.

Shuffling to him, I finally caught Becca’s eyes as she watched me approach him and I flashed a quick smile.

She turned her head the opposite way as I cleared out of her view.

“What?” I asked him as I approached.

He leaned against the car, using the few seconds we had.

“Heads up. She’s pissed.” He said.

“About what?” I asked in a whisper. She hadn’t even been in town an hour.

The trunk was up by now, and if we spoke too loud she would hear us.

“At you.” He said with a smile. “She’s not as over it as you think.”

I just looked back at him, not understanding why that was cause for a smile.

I just stared at him waiting for more; at least some details.

“Well what did she say?” I asked.  
“Not much.” He said honestly and I was confused.

Then how the hell did he know she was angry?

He just brushed off my look.

“You told me to gauge her, and I gauged that she’s pissed.” He explained. He patted my chest.

“So basically, you don’t know shit?” I guessed.

He just grinned.

“I wouldn’t say that… good luck buddy.”

I cut my eyes at him and his amused expression.

“Well thanks a fucking lot.” I said seriously, “I should have sent James, at least his humor could have gotten some information.”

He gently laughed and shrugged. 

I was glad he was enjoying this.

“Why don’t you fuck off?” I asked him heading to the trunk.

He laughed louder and called out “See you later Bee!” as I pulled out her first bag.

He was a fucking idiot…

As I reached for her second small toilette bag, I smelled her before I saw her, taking in a quick whiff of the perfume I had memorized even in my sleep.

I turned just in time to latch to the golden eyes; though dimmed tonight.

I took her in.

Wearing a Colgate University sweater, and dark wash skinny jeans,  my eyes moved up her taking in the quick details until I reached her high ponytail.

“Hi.” She said with a blank stare.

“Hi.” I said.

 I wanted desperately to pull her to me, but after Glenne’s suggestion and Xander’s advisory, I hesitated.

She gestured for her bag.

“I can get it.” She offered.

“Never.” I said pulling it completely out and curling my hand around it and her other bag. “I got it hun.”

She didn’t say anything as she quickly turned away from me, done with the conversation.

Okay then…

Moving away from me, I shut the trunk and followed behind her, studying her the entire way.

White headphones quickly made an appearance, and I watched as she placed them in her ears ahead of me.

As we reached the front door, they were secured in and she stopped only so I could open the door.

Though already unlocked, I did the gentlemanly thing and held it wide opened as she passed through.

The noise from inside quickly resumed, but I wondered if she could even hear it.

I couldn’t figure out why she had placed her headphones in.

“Where are we going?” she asked quickly from the foyer, doing a quick scan.

I pointed to the steps in the distance, and she once again began her trek, with her Nike tennis shoes squeaking across the floor.

“Hi Becca!” we heard mid-way;  the voice of Glenne. 

The living room was to our right, and though we could see everyone, as we moved to the stairs, Becca just kept walking.

Glenne approached, jumping up from the couch, with her smile warm and bright, but Becca barely acknowledged her.

“Hi.” She mumbled, still steadfast in her wanted direction.

“How was your flight?” she asked, and once again Becca completely ignored her.

Moving her eyes quickly away, Becca just didn’t have the time.

The hazel eyes locked on me instead.

“Which room?” she asked, heading to her first step

 “The far left.” I said then quickly felt the other eyes.

Glenne (and others) were still waiting on their acknowledgement.

“Hey Bec?” I called gently. “You want to say hi?” I asked gesturing to the numerous pairs of eyes watching us from the distance.

“Nope.” She said shortly, and then climbed the steps.

Glenne just looked at me as Jeff came behind her.

“Hi Becca.” He called as well, and this time, she didn’t even respond, still going up the stairs.

At her void response, they both gave me looks, but I ignored them as well, darting quickly up the stairs behind her with her luggage.

She was fast, and I barely had time to catch up with her small carryon.

As she reached the bedroom though, she stopped.

Popping her headphones out, she turned to me quickly.

“This is where I’m staying?” she questioned. Her voice was laced with displeasure.

I looked beyond her studying the room.

It was perfect. A queen size bed… cleaned….  even space for her things.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

She turned away from me and pointed to the other bags in the corner.

My bags.

And then if I didn’t get it, she spoke.

“We’re sharing a room?”

I hadn’t even thought about it before she said it, but looking at the way her eyes narrowed and the way her mouth curled around the words, she wasn’t happy.

“Oh, no! I’m sleeping downstairs.” I said quickly. “I’m taking the couch.”

It was bullshit, and something I hadn’t planned on doing, but if it would appease her….

She rolled her eyes.

Finally walking into the room, she threw her purse on the bed.

“Should have known.” She mumbled. She sighed then looked at me. “Of course you’re not.” She said. “It’s your birthday. I’m not going to make you sleep on a couch.”

I leaned against the entryway, watching her, not sure of what to say.

I didn’t want to sleep on a couch, and technically she was right. This was _my_ vacation.  Plus sleeping away from her seemed silly. Before the weekend was up, we would be made up.

I was sure of it.

“I’ll just deal with it.” She said finally, scratching her neck.

I smiled in relief.

Her eyes lifted as I didn’t say anything.

She read my expression.

“We’re not having sex.” She said quickly, and I had to smile wider. “That’s not what I’m here for.”

 “I didn’t think we were.” I said.

“And don’t think you’re going to get to see me naked either.” She said, beginning her list. “Changing happens in the bathroom at all times please.”

The words…the ridiculous point of her finger…

I maintained my smile.

_Yes, teacher Becca._

“Okay.” I said, quite amused.

I figured it wouldn’t be a good idea to tell her I didn’t need to see her naked. I already knew what she looked like.

I could envision every freckle and mole on her skin. I knew every curve and every line.

Hell, I practically was seeing her naked now and she was fully clothed.

“And no spooning.” She finished. “Don’t touch me. Even in my sleep.”

Once again I agreed.

She turned from me again.

I finally moved into the room, putting her bags in the corner.

“Do you need anything?” I asked.

“Just a shower.” She said as a passing thought. “I’m going to bed.”

“Long flight?” I questioned.

“No, it’s 2am.” She said and then I remembered.

She was on New York time now.

I quickly nodded okay and made a move to give her privacy.

“Let me know if you need anything, I’m right downstairs.”

“I know.” She said dryly with a hint of sarcasm.

I said nothing, as I just left the room.

Sheesh.

She had definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

 

As I headed back downstairs, the door closed behind me with a loud slam.

I turned back partially thinking _what the hell,_   and heard the chuckle in front of me.

Xander.

I looked back down.

Glenne, Jeff and Xander were standing there waiting on me.

Glenne had her arms crossed and addressed me first.

“What’s _her_ problem?” she asked.

It was easy to see she didn’t appreciate being ignored especially on her birthday.

I just shrugged off her concerns and tart expression.

“Give her  a second. She just got here.”

Xander though, was still finding amusement in the whole thing.

“Told ya. She fucking hates you.” He said and laughed.

I flicked him off and Jeff even smirked.

“Gonna be a long weekend?” he asked, wanting a clear warning.

“No.” I assured. “She’s just tired. It’s nothing.”

They all just gave me looks, and I understood them, after all I wasn’t so sure either.

 

I stayed downstairs for the rest of the night and she didn’t make a reappearance.

It was noted  by Jeff’s parents how rude it was for her to enter the house and not say anything to the occupants, but me and my mum stuck up for her.

“Give her a break.” My mum said quickly. “She’s got to get re-adjusted.”

“Yeah its nothing.” I said again.

 

As everyone headed to bed,  I headed upstairs pensive.

The door had been closed the entire time and I didn’t know if she was sleeping or stewing.

Knocking gently on the door, I let her know I was coming in. No response.

Opening the door, I found her and instantly a smile came to my face..

She was sleeping.

Becca, the sleeping beauty.

The white ipod headphones were still in her ear and I could hear the faint sounds of music coming from the buds, but I knew her face in slumber.

She was out.

She had changed her clothes.

Wearing a long t-shirt and I what I assumed were shorts, I came over to her.

Searching for her hidden ipod device, I lifted it and turned it off, disconnecting the loud noise in her ears.

I gently pulled the buds from her ears and placed them on the dresser.

She didn’t move.

I wanted so badly to touch her. Just to even run a hand through her loose hair, but I left her alone.

Heading to my bags, I bent down and grabbed my clothes and then, following her rule, headed to the bathroom.

 

I quickly washed up and changed.

Normally I would sleep in my boxers, but once again, due to her _new rules,_ I threw on a t-shirt and some pants too.

Then I cut out the lights.

Climbing in the bed beside her,  I could smell her shampoo on the pillows and once again I had to resist the urge to fall in behind her.

My whole body pulled to her, wanting desperately to just hold her as I always did.

I settled for second best, and turned to her.

Facing her from the bed, I watched her for a bit through the dark.

Her chest rose up and down gently and her breaths were some gentle soundtrack.

Man I loved her so much and there were no words to describe how much I missed her.

Reaching, I couldn’t help myself, and ran a finger through a small strand of her hair.

“Goodnight Becca.” I said gently. “I love you sweetie.”

She didn’t even shift.

Then I closed my eyes, and went to sleep.

Maybe tomorrow would go better.

 ***************

When I woke up, she was gone.

Rolling over in the bed, I was alone, encased in her smell.

My usual morning wood was alive and well, and I rushed to the bathroom to piss.

The wine from the night before and the endless bottles of water I consumed in the day was still passing through me.

I brushed my teeth, checked my phone and headed downstairs.

It was 6am, and the house was quiet.

Heading to the kitchen, Becca wasn’t there and before I proceeded with anything else, decided to find her.

Eventually I did, outside on the terrace, resting by the pool in the backyard; with a big giant book in her hand.

“Hey?” I called as I approached her.

She looked up at me, her eyes bright from the rising sun.  The golden lightbulbs were still the highlight of her slender face.

“Hi.” She said quietly and then turned back to her book.

Her sweater was back on, shielding her from the chilled air, but I barely noticed it.

In my thin t-shirt, all I cared about was her.

“How did you sleep?” I asked.

“Fine.” She said, not looking back up.

“Can I sit?” I asked, gesturing to the seat beside her.

She shrugged, indifferent either way, and didn’t move her eyes from her page.

“Are you hungry?” I asked as I sat down.

“A little.” She said and  then finally peered back at me. “What do you guys have to eat?”

“Lots. I was going to make French toast though for everyone. You want some?”

“Sure.” She said. “Who’s all here?”

“Jeff and his parents- though Shelli and Irving are leaving today. Glenne’s parents left last night so its Ben and Mer, James Corden and his wife. My mum and Robin. Glenne, Xander and us.”

She just looked back at me.

“You don’t hang out with anyone your own age do you?”

I smirked.

“You.”

She turned from me.

“Besides, I don’t like anyone else.”

In the past she would have cracked a smile, but her face remained hard; unamused at my joke.

I continued to study her as she began moving her eyes over the page. She pretended as if I wasn’t there.

I withheld a smile.

I didn’t like this.

Though we were speaking, and she wasn’t yelling at me, I couldn’t stand the way she was treating me.

I didn’t like fighting with her and this bothered me more than her hanging up on me.

We needed to resolve this as soon as we could.

“When do you want to talk?” I asked gently.

“Not yet.” She said simply.

She didn’t look at me or acknowledge me any further.

I stood.

I guess the conversation was over.

“I’ll start your food.” I said, and she just nodded, reading the book like it was the best thing ever written.

I headed back inside.

 

Going back to the kitchen, I quickly separated everything making sure I had enough to feed our small brood and got to work.

Midway through, Meredith, Ben Winston’s wife, came in, yawning and making a beeline for the coffee pot.

“Morning Harry.” She said warmly, giving me a warm smile.

“Morning.” I said.

“Making us breakfast? Smells yummy.”

I smiled.

“Trying. Becca’s hungry, so I figured I’d get started early.”

“Oh where is she? I missed her last night.”

Meredith had been in the shower when Becca arrived.

“You didn’t miss much.” I said honestly.

She smiled.

“I heard.” She said with a small glare. “She was tired I guess?”

“And some other things.” I said honestly.

She smiled and continued her thought.

“Well where is she? I want to say hi.”

“Out back. By the pool.”

“Cool.” She said replacing her mug in the cupboard. “I’ll be back.”

“I’ll start your coffee.” I offered.

She smiled again and patted my back.

“Such a sweetheart. Thanks!”

And then she was gone.

The ladies had met in July, on my final day in the city before heading to Chicago, and then again in November, when she had been at my house for the holidays.

Meredith reminded Becca of her mum, so they had bonded easily.

As she walked away, I scolded myself figuring I should warn her of Becca’s tart mood, but didn’t have the time.

I started the coffee, and finished my tasks.

The main parts of the food was done, and I could hear shuffling beginning in the house.

It took a couple minutes, but soon I was seeing my mum, Glenne and Xander.

As everyone came in, appreciative of the pending breakfast, I finally moved away to go check on Meredith and Becca.

She had been gone way more than a few minutes, and if Becca hadn’t drowned her in the pool, then maybe she had pulled her out of her mood.

As I headed back towards the back of the house, I heard laughter and saw Becca standing in the distance.

Whatever they were talking about had Becca up and jumping around, telling some part of a story. Her laugh was loud and girlish. 

Her smile was a relief to see, and I watched them for a few seconds through the window.

_She was finally back._

Thank God for Meredith Winston.

Smiling to myself, I opened the patio door.

As I moved towards them, walking into the warming California sun, Becca instantly paused meeting my eyes.

Giving her a smile, she just looked at me and suspended all movement.

I don’t think she appreciated the interruption.

“Hey, the food is pretty much done.” I announced. “My mum is finishing up the turkey sausage.”

Meredith who was sitting turned around.

“And your coffee.” I added.

“Lifesaver!” Meredith said with a smile.

Standing she came to me, patting my chest lovingly and gestured for Becca to follow. “Thanks Hare!”

“You’re welcome.” I said, but my eyes stayed on Becca.

“Come on.” Meredith said again, gesturing to Becca. “Let’s eat!”

“Go ahead. Give me a second.” She mumbled, reaching down to pick up her things.

Meredith gave a final smile and wave, and headed back inside.

As she gathered her small items of her phone, ipod and book, I shifted forward.

“Do you need help?” I asked. “Need me to carry anything?”

She just cut her eyes at me quickly and gave a quick eye roll.

“I’m fine.”

I swallowed.

Meredith wasn’t that good I guess.

“I made your juice too.” I offered, trying to make conversation. “I think I finally got the recipe down. It’s been in there since yesterday if you want to try it.”

“Kay.” She said not facing me, and wrapping her earbuds around the tiny ipod device.

“Do you need me to make anything else? I made sure we had your favorites.”

“No.” she said and then looked up at me. “I need you to leave me alone though.” And then to ease the rude blow, she added “please?”

I didn’t say anything.

She gave me a final look as she pocketed everything and walked past me.

She still couldn’t be bothered.

 ***************

“So have you got to edit a manuscript yet?”

More texting.

More ignoring.

I kept my flashed eyes in Becca’s direction as my mother asked her, her second question.

We had all been sitting down to eat for the last five minutes, and Becca, who was with us, was more engaged with her phone.

Everyone had greeted her, and outside of her small mumbles she hadn’t said much as she made her plate.

Sensing the attitude, everyone had left her alone as we sat down, except my mum.

My mother, the Glenda in this OZ movie, had begun her opening of inclusion with _how’s the internship going_ , and was met with a swift ‘fine’.

Now, on the follow up, Becca still hadn’t even looked at her.

“No.” came the chopped next answer.

As my mother looked at her, and I as well, I debated getting involved.

Maybe there was something interesting in her phone…maybe someone was texting her something interesting…maybe the fucking building at her job was burning down…

Otherwise, she was being incredibly rude, and my mother didn’t deserve her attitude.

She was pissed at me, fine, and she could hate me, but I wouldn’t let her be rude to everyone else; especially when minutes earlier, she and Meredith were practically best friends.

“So what do you do all day?” Glenne asked next, trying her hand and Becca actually paused.

Lifting her eyes, she cut her eyes at Glenne, giving her the coldest look I had seen thus far.

 _“I learn.”_ She said stiffly. “ _Any other questions?”_

Glenne, who wasn’t dealing with any drama queens, cut her eyes back. She dropped her fork.

“And what’s that look for?” she challenged to Becca.

Becca, who really was saying fuck you to all of us rolled her eyes dramatically and dug in her plate.

She ignored her and resumed her texting with her other free hand.

Glenne moved her eyes to me, wanting me to say something, and the other eyes followed.

As I looked at my closest friends and family, I knew they wanted me to put her in place.

Irving, Jeff’s dad was giving me the harshest glance.

They had never met before this, and he was not impressed.

I ignored them all, and cleared my throat.

“So…” I said. “Whose all going golfing today?” I asked.

Jeff instantly cut in,  helping me to ease the tension, and we quickly moved on.

During breakfast, Becca remained in her phone and didn’t talk to anyone, except Meredith who was on the side of her.

Glenne was pissed and my mother was hurt.

I could tell the brush off to them she couldn’t understand.

I couldn’t understand it either, and I wanted to figure it out when we were alone.

 

As we finished up breakfast, Becca finished first, grabbing her plate, cleaning it and tossing it in the sink, then she stomped her way upstairs.

Immediately, the second the bedroom  door slammed, they began.

“What the hell is her problem?” Glenne began lifting from the table.

“Glenne-“ Jeff warned. “Leave it alone.” He flashed his eyes for her to be quiet.

“No screw that. Who does she think she is?” she asked. “I get she’s mad at Harry, but what’s with the shitty attitude to everyone else?”

“ _Seriously_.” Shelli pipped up, standing as well. “You would think she would show some respect to the people paying for her to be here.”

“Guys, maybe she’s tired.” Julia, James wife cut in, playing peacemaker. “She did just come off a three hour flight.”

“That’s not tired.” Glenne said.  “ _That’s bitchy.”_

Xander and Robin laughed.

“Harry what did you do to her?” my stepfather joked.

I didn’t find it funny and I didn’t respond.

Still someone else had the answer.

“He slept with someone else.” Xander cut in with a smile, once again seeming to find amusement in this whole thing. “Why are you guys acting like you don’t know what happened?”

“Because _you_ don’t even know what happened.” Jeff cut in, coming to my defense. “You weren’t even there man.”

Xander threw his hands up, as if saying ‘don’t shoot the messenger’.

“I’m just telling you what I’ve observed.” He said. “You’ve pissed her off.”

“Harry you need to talk to her.” Shelli estimated, ignoring him. “Before she ruins this trip for everyone.”

I didn’t respond again.

I didn’t know what to say. Technically she was entitled to the attitude in my opinion.

I hadn’t been an angel the last few weeks, and she had every right to still be upset…however I did want her to take it easy on everyone else.

There weren’t too blame for my fuck up.

Meredith stood. 

“She’s fine you guys, “Meredith defended for me. “I don’t see what you guys mean and I’m sure she’s fine. I’m sure she is just tired.” She said echoing Julia.

“Maybe when talking to you.” My mother said in annoyance. “She’s your new best friend.”

“I’ve just known her a long time.”  Meredith estimated. “She likes me.”

“And what am I, chopped liver? The girl has slept in my house. She’s helped cook in my kitchen! I _love_ that girl.” My mother said. “I embraced her like she’s my own kid and she claimed to like me too!” She said offended.

“She does mum.” I said finally speaking up. “She’s just in her feelings.”

And then I looked around at everyone.

“I’ll talk to her…but please…just give her the benefit of the doubt. Becca can be sensitive.”

Irving and Shelli just rolled their eyes and everyone else just seemed to shrug off my comment.

“Let’s all get dressed! Huh, have some fun?” I suggested as a follow up and everyone seemed to agree.

We were a couple miles from the country club and we had the plan today to get a few rounds in.

 

As everyone shuffled back to their rooms, I headed up to mine, praying the category five storm hadn’t bumped up to a six or seven.

I once again knocked on the door, and Becca called out it was okay for me to enter.

When I did and found her, and she was once again on the bed,  stuck in her phone.

Becca wasn’t a social media addict, and though she had friends, wasn’t normally that tied to her phone.

I wondered who she kept talking too.

I hoped it wasn’t a guy.

“Hey.” I called gently.

Once again, she barely glanced up.

“We’re all getting dressed to go. Are you coming with?”

“Nope.” She said.

I studied her.

“I thought you liked golf?”

“I don’t want to go.” She said bringing her eyes up to meet mine.

“I think everyone is going though. You’d be here alone.”

She sighed as if relieved.

“Great.” And then she sunk down into the pillows. “I could use the quiet.”

I bit my lip thinking.

It was time to address it. The attitude and the surface anger…

I took a step towards her and sat on the edge of the bed.

Invading her space, she looked at me.

“Can we talk?” I asked gently.

“You literally did not just hear my words did you?”

“No. I did.” I said softy. “you don’t want to be bothered, I get it…but…downstairs…I want to talk about that.”

“What about it?”

“Well what’s wrong?” I asked. “Why were you so rude? Especially to my mum and Glenne. They just wanted to ask about your-“

She instantly rolled her eyes and reached for her headphones, drowning me out. She stuck them in her ears and I just looked back at her.

Jeez she was being a bitch.

“Can you shut the door when you finish?” she said next not even looking at me.

She was once again done talking.

Knowing I still had no cards, and no hands to play yet, I just stood back up.

Fuck it.

Whatever.

If she wanted to be a miserable mean person all day, she could do it in peace.

I grabbed my clothes and left the room.

I didn’t have time for the drama either.

 ***************

Later that night the cakes were out.

I chuckled as Glenne handed me my birthday cake and I gave her, hers.

We both smiled through the cake exchange and I examined my _Happy Birthday Harvey_ cake with a wide smile.

“This is great.” I said with a grin. “Thanks guys.”

Even though Glenne’s birthday had been the day before and mine was only hours away at this point, we were still celebrating it mainly together.

As we set the cakes on the table, we both huddled behind a table, posing together for a picture.

As my mum snapped the photo, my eyes met the corner, where everyone was sitting watching us. My eyes met Becca’s.

Keeping my face expressionless this time, she once again turned from me, but I was over it.

By now, her attitude wasn’t bothering me.

It had been a good day at the golf course, and I came up with a plan while there.

I knew my girlfriend.

I knew what upset her and I also knew what made her happy.

Right now she claimed she wanted to be left alone; but it was actually the opposite.

She just wanted me to work for it and she wanted attention; the kind that had me being her little puppy.

 

So as we cut up the pieces,  I ignored her; as did everyone else.

No one even asked if she wanted a piece except my saint of a mother.

Turning it down as I knew she would, my mother just turned to me with bothered eyes.

She brought the piece back and placed it on the table, defeated. 

Like me, she didn’t like people upset at her, and I moved over to her, and just rubbed her shoulder letting her know it was okay.

“It’s not you.” I whispered in her ear and gave her a kiss on her cheek. “Just ignore her.”

She nodded okay and finished dispersing everything.

As we all sat around laughing and joking for the next hour, Becca remained in her spot, out of the conversation.

The TV was playing in the room, and that was where she kept her attention.

I continued to ignore her – as much as I could anyway. In a room, she was still the only person I could really see and decided tonight would be the night.

Whatever was bothering us, whatever issues sat on top and under the surface, would be addressed behind the closed door of our bedroom.

With the way I had been ignoring her, I was quite sure she would be opened to the attention, and finally want to talk.

 

After about two hours of everyone having a good time, Becca must have figured she had enough because she left the room.  Heading up to our bedroom, we let her go.

Meredith and Ben- the only two people she was actually talking too- noticed right away and wanted to follow her. 

“No leave her alone.” I said in assurance. “Let her come out it.”

Meredith protested with  a pout, saying we were being mean and I said it again.

“No, we’re not. Let’s just give her space.”

 

And we did.

Well into the night.

 

Close to midnight, I figured she had been alone enough.  By then she had relocated to the pool.

Making my way out there alone, she was in the pool doing small laps in the dimly lit area.

She noticed me right away.

As I stood on the edge of the pool looking down at her, she peered back up at me.

“Can I join you?” I asked.

She shook her head no.

“You’re not wearing the proper attire.”

Not responding I pulled my shirt off and unbuckled my pants.

She said nothing, but she didn’t move her eyes off of me either.

Her eyes burned through the skin of my laurel tattoos.

I kept my face passive as I undressed down to my briefs.

“You were saying?”

The small hint of a smirk appeared then quickly disappeared. She pretended to be unbothered.

“I don’t think that’s really appropriate with your mother inside the house.”

“I’m not getting in to fuck you.” I said, “This is innocent” And then I jumped in.

The water was freezing and chilled my muscles.

I glided underwater to her location.

As I came up, she was an arm’s length away from me.

Her hair was up as was mine, so we saw each other clearly.

As our eyes locked on each other, she just looked at me; the golden irises as warm as the lanterns that were lit around the pool.

“I need to talk to you.” I said simply.

She backed away from me, treading the water slowly.

“I don’t want to talk yet.”

“Then when?” I asked, watching her.

She lifted her body up, laying back In the water as if lying in her bed.

“I don’t know.” She said casually.

“We can’t ignore this forever.” I said, continuing to tread my own water. “I know you’re enjoying being pissed at me, but I miss you. I need us back.”

This caused her head to at least turn to me, but she didn’t say anything.

She looked up at the stars.

She was quiet for a moment.

Then, 

“Everything reminds me of her.”

I looked at her in confusion.

“I’m in this water with you and all I can think is how you were in the water with her.”

I instantly frowned.

“Don’t.” I said. “Stop thinking about her. It’s all in your head.”

“It’s not Harry.”

“It _is_ Becca.” I determined.

She sighed and then shifted.

“You don’t get it.” She said in frustration.

She dipped her feet and eventually her head under the water.

Staying underwater I didn’t know what she was doing at first until her thin torso moved past me.

Swimming past me, she stayed underwater until she was across the pool and reaching the medal steps.

When she came back up, she pulled herself out of the water.

Reaching for her towel, she finally turned to me.

“I’m going inside.”  
 She wrapped it around her body and I just looked at her.

“I’m sorry.” was her last words.

She left me alone.

 ***************

I followed.

Five minutes later I was out of the pool too, dripping into the house through my redressed clothes and made my way up to our bedroom.

I didn’t knock this time as I entered.

Luckily for her, she hadn’t changed yet.

Still she met me with irritated eyes, as she stood over her opened luggage bag. 

“You could have knocked.” She began.

“I wasn’t done talking.” I said quickly and she rolled her eyes.

“I was.”

I shut the door behind me.

I looked at the prettiest girl I had ever seen; even pissed off.

“When are you going to forgive me? What is it going to take?”

She just shrugged, tossing her pajamas on the bed.

I continued.

“You act like I actually got with her.  We spent a couple days together and it was just something that happened. A thing. A tiny thing that was over before it even began. Am I going to be punished for the rest of my life? It was a mistake Becca. A mistake that everyone makes at some point.”

She met me with sharp eyes.

“It wasn’t a mistake Harry. You didn’t switch out the salt and put sugar… You cheated on me.”

I shook my head no.

“It wasn’t cheating. We weren’t together.”

She scoffed.

“Are you kidding me?”

“We were on a break.” I corrected. “Besides, you told me I wasn’t your boyfriend, literally as you boarded the plane.” I quickly reminded her. “You chose to ruin us first.”

“You told me not to hook up with anyone! Remember that,” and then she mocked me, taking on her best Harry accent. “ _Technically you’re not single Becca, so don’t go crazy_ ’, remember that bullshit?”

I sighed.

“Of course I do. And yeah…that was wrong of me to say, I’ll admit that now. But you know how I am. Thinking of you with other guys fucks with me.”

“Yeah, well actually _seeing_ you with girls fucks with me too.” She said harshly.

I took a step towards her.

We needed a resolution, and fast.

“What do I have to do? What do I have to say so you’ll forgive me?”

“How about trying to be actually sorry?”

That comment immediately pissed me off.

“I _am_ sorry Becca.”

“You’re not!”

“I am Becca! I’ve been on my goddamn knees begging all month, needing stitches from crawling across the floor to you.”

“That’s only because you got caught!” she shouted, her voice instantly raised. “You didn’t even tell me. The whole time you were on that boat, you didn’t even call!  The pictures were out Harry. Spread all over the internet, and you didn’t even reach out to me. You didn’t even attempt to contact me as it was happening.  Hell, you didn’t even call to see if I made  it safely to New York. You couldn’t even be bothered-“

“That’s not true-“

“So fuck that Harry. Fuck all your sorry’s.”

“You have it wrong.” I said quickly. “I wanted to call you-“

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Because it wouldn’t have made a difference. I was still there. On the boat, and she was there with me. What sense did it make calling you and telling you I would stay away from her? You would have thought it was bullshit.”

“Because it was bullshit Harry!”

“No Becca. I’ve told you from the beginning she meant nothing to me, even at the start of this. You’re just being insecure.”

That seemed to enrage her.

 _“Insecure?_ You think I’m upset because, what, you were around a girl?”

“Yes I do. You’ve always had issues with her.” I said honestly. “And you’ve never trusted me. Since the start of this, you’ve had issues when it comes to other women. Look at the Sara shit. Look at how you question me about my exes. This all boils down to trust- and you never have. You’ve never trusted me Becca!”

She lost it.

Throwing her towel at me, she was done.

 _“You stuck your dick in her Harry!_ How the hell am I supposed to trust you? _And_ what the _fuck_ are you even talking about? This has nothing to do with me!!!” she screamed.

I threw it back.

“It has everything to do with you. And I didn’t! The only place I’ve stuck my dick in, is in you!” I shouted. “I’ve already told you that! Fuck Becca, I barely touched her! Stop overreacting!”

“YOU’RE A FUCKING LIAR.” she shouted, her volume raised at full max.

I matched it. 

“Becca, GODDAMN IT WAKE UP!”

I was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Becca quickly rolled her eyes, scoffed, grabbing her pajamas and heading for the bathroom.

“What the fuck now…” She grunted.

I ignored her and opened the door. I met Glenne’s concerned eyes.

“Sorry to bother you.” She said quickly. “But um…you might want to keep your voice down. We can all hear you.” She said gently. “Even your mother.” She said above a whisper.

I sighed.

_Great._

“Sorry,” I said. “We’ll try to keep it down-“

“Oh piss off.” I heard behind me. “Now you want to get involved? Go back to your fucking room _Glenne.”_

I quickly turned, completely shocked at the spite filled tone. Turning to Becca, she stood there, eyes cold and accusing in Glenne’s direction.

She had came back out of the bathroom.

“ _Excuse me?”_ Glenne questioned quickly.

“You heard me.” Becca said.

“What the hell is your problem?” Glenne said taking a step in the room. “Why do you keep snipping at me?”

“Because you’re my problem.” Becca said instantly and I just looked back and forth between them.

 _“Really_?” Glenne said fully coming in the room, accepting the challenge. “Well I’m _fucking_ listening then.”

It was like a goddamn movie.

I had never seen this side of either of them, and I was instantly intrigued.

They were seconds from taking out the earrings and grabbing Vaseline.

Still, this wasn’t something I could enjoy.

One was my sister, and the other was the love of my life. If they started swinging, I would have to take Becca’s side and ruining my relationship with Glenne….I couldn’t do it.

 _“No._ I got it.” I said quickly, grabbing Glenne’s arm. “I’ll handle it. Just go.” I said to her.

“No,” Glenne said pushing past me. “She has something she obviously wants to say to me so let her say it.”

Becca instantly took the challenge and took another step. Here come the punches and bitch slaps…

“No.” I said getting in between them. “ We’re not even doing this. Becca’s right. Please just go back to your room.” I pleaded. “This is between me and her.”

Glenne instantly gave me a look.

I read her eyes.

_You’re picking her over me?_

Through our three year friendship, I knew she was taking it personally.

I tried giving her a look back.

_I’m saving you. Becca’s ready to swing. And tonight, she would probably win._

“Please Glenne.” I said again.  _For your sake_. “Just give us some time.”

She gave another look at Becca and then scoffed.

I read her eyes.

_I can take her._

“Glenne.” I called again, practically shouting.

_It’s not worth it._

She gave me another look and then gave up.

“Fine! Whatever.” She said leaving the room. “You deal with it!”

The door vibrated loudly as she slammed it.

After, Becca turned to go back into the bathroom, but we weren’t done.

I grabbed her arm.

“Becca, talk to me. “ I said. “What is your issue? What did Glenne ever do to you? Hell, anyone in this house.”

“Don’t touch me.” She said pushing out of my embrace. “And I’ll tell you. She’s fake.”

I just looked back at her.

She continued.

“Everybody in this house is fake. Except maybe Mer and Ben…and Xander, though I’m still on the fence about him sometimes.”

“On the fence about what?” I asked in confusion. “How could you even say that? Everyone’s always been nice to you. And my mother? My mother’s not fucking fake Becca.” I said getting upset.

My motto was always; protect mum at all costs; and for her, Becca would get cussed out.

“She is Harry!” she said quickly. “Everyone is!”

It was official. She had lost her mind.

 _“What is wrong with you-“_ I began.

“They were all on that boat.” She said.

Her voice cracked as she said the words.

“ _Don’t you get that?_ They were all there. They literally stood right there, doing nothing as you kissed her, and as you guys laid around.”  
_Oh._

“They all pretended to be my friends, and Glenne…we were close outside of you Harry. You know that. We talked all the time. She even came to New York to visit me. And then what did she do? Just turned her fucking head.”

I stayed silent.

“We had just spent the holidays together. I was just with these people. All of them. Jeff, Glenne, your mother! Everyone was practically family to me now, and no one… no one thought to say ‘Harry this isn’t right.’ ‘Harry your girlfriend is in New York waiting.’ ‘Harry, you love Becca, what are you doing? _’ No one Harry?”_ she questioned.

She kept her wet eyes on me accusing but I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to answer.

She was right after all.

We were all guilty in our own ways.  Some of them had initially tried to get involved, but then ultimately decided it was on me, and our business. 

“Baby it wasn’t really like that.” I said gently.

“Fuck you, and fuck them.” She said not even hearing me. “You’re all fake to me.” She said.

As she said the final thing, there were tears and she wiped the first one quickly as it fell.

Turning from me, she headed back in the bathroom, and I just stood there for a second.

Thinking…

Gathering…

Wondering what to do next…

I gave it a few seconds and followed her.

By now, the shower was on and she was untying her hair.

She didn’t even glance at me as I entered the room.

“So why did you come?” I asked, because it was all I had left.

I was out of excuses.

I was out of reasoning’s.

She was hurt, and at this very moment, there was nothing I could do, except try to figure out why she had at least came back.

“Why did you come if you hate us so much?”

She ran her hands through her hair, with tears dripping into her swim top.

It killed me to see her cry, but I knew I was banned from even going close to her.

She just ignored me as she sniffled.

“Becca?” I called, as she began to remove her top. “Please answer me.”

As her chest became bare in front of me, it seemed she no longer cared about me seeing her.

I think we both knew at this point, that I wasn’t even going to come close to touching her, and nothing was going to be sparked in this moment.

“Why did you come?” I asked again.

“Because I love you.” She said looking at me with red eyes. “And I wanted to see you, even still…It’s fucking stupid I know, but that’s why I came. I thought maybe if I saw you it would change things. Maybe I could feel the way I felt before.”

“And do you?” I asked, keeping my eyes on my hands, though I watched her out of the corner of my eye.

She shook her head no.

“Right now, honestly Harry I can barely stand to look at you.”

I looked back up.

I didn’t respond.

As she removed her swim trunks next I said nothing more, letting her get in the shower.

I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t know what to say.

***************

I sat on the bed waiting for her to come out.

I was too embarrassed to leave the room, knowing everyone had heard us, plus I didn’t think it was done just yet.

The keyword was love; present tense.

She had came because initially she thought maybe we could work it out, like I had.

I just had to figure out how.

We  had to just keep working through this.

Tonight.

 

When she came back out, she was refreshed.

Her face was red, from the tears she must have continued in the shower, and she was fully dressed.

I was still in my wet jeans and wet shirt.

“I’m going to bed.” She announced, trying to cut off the fight before it could even start.

My eyes followed her around the room.

“Just tell me what to do.” I said in defeat. “Tell me how to fix it.”

“You can’t.” she said.

I bent down and rested my elbows on my legs.

I could feel my own tears coming.

“Becca, I get it…I understand… but this…this can’t be how we end.” I said looking at her. “After everything.”

She just looked at me, and for a second I had hope.

For a second, I thought maybe this would go my way.

Those hazel eyes peered into my green ones like they used too.

“Harry?” she called.

“Yes love?”

I was ready.

Whatever she needed…

I looked at her expectantly.

“Can you sleep on the couch please?” she asked. “I need to be alone.”

And then once again she was done talking.

 ***************

The next morning my back was stiff.

Seemed the mansion rental with all of its other amenities wasn’t complete with nice couches.

Sitting up, and stretching, Jeff was unexpectedly there, staring back at me.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Just sitting here.” He said.

It seemed there was something he wanted to say, but instead he just stayed silent, speaking to me with his eyes.

I turned not even wanting to know what it was about.

“Want to go for a run?” he asked a second later.

Blowing out air, it sounded like a great plan.

Everything was tense and I wasn’t ready to face the morning.

“Yeah,” I said standing up.

“Gonna change?” he asked.

I looked in the distance at the stairs.

“I don’t know if I’m allowed.” I said honestly. “She pretty much kicked me out of the room.”

Jeff gave a small smirk, then washed it away.

“Well, she’s not up there. She left.”

I looked at him quickly.

_No._

“Relax.” He said standing with me. “She just ran to get some coffee. Julia and Meredith went with her. They took the car.”

“Oh great. Fucking girl talk.” I muttered.

“I wouldn’t complain.” He said “She can actually stand them, might do you some good. They might get her to like you again.”

I just sighed again.

Either way, the weekend was ruined.

Tomorrow was my birthday, but I didn’t even care to celebrate it anymore.  It was also her last day, since she was leaving on the 2nd, but what did it matter…

For now, this shit wasn’t going to be resolved.

“Let me go change.” I said peering at Jeff. “I’ll be ready in twenty.”

“See you then.”

 

 When we returned, the girls were back.

Huddled in the  small ‘movie theatre’ room, me and Becca didn’t even lock eyes as we announced we were back from the run.

After everything last night, she was avoiding me and I was avoiding her.

Still not for long.

 

Heading back upstairs, sweaty from my run, I decided to properly wash up for the day, and heard the door open.

Walking in slowly was Becca and I quickly shuffled my things.

“I’ll be out your way in a second.” I said quickly.

“Harry?” she called.

Looking back at her, I was afraid to answer.

“What?” I asked.

She crossed her arm and leaned against the wall.

“I’m waiving the white flag.”

I looked back at her, as our eyes officially locked.

“I don’t want to fight anymore.” She continued. “I don’t like it.”

I almost blew out air in relief.

“I don’t either.” I said. “I hate it. It’s killing me.”

She nodded okay, as if we had just come to a truce.

Placing her hand on the doorknob I quickly intervened as she moved to make a quick exit.

“Can we hug or something?” I asked quickly. “Make up properly?”

“We’re not made up.” She said. “Far from it. I’m just done fighting about it.”

And there it was; my sigh.

I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.

“Becca you’re being so unreasonable.” I said softly.

“Then you shouldn’t have broke my heart.” She said, and then keeping the truce in effect, left the room.

 ***************

The rest of the day was….cordial.

We mainly stayed on opposite ends of the house- me with my parents, Jeff, Glenne and Xander. And Becca, with Meredith, Ben, James and Julia.

Once again, the clear line was drawn in the sand; those involved with the yacht and those who had been far from it. If me and Xander weren’t so close, I was quite sure she would have wanted him on her side too.

 

As the day progressed, no one talked about it.

Whatever had been heard the previous night or whatever opinions they had about our relationship were kept inside.

For now, we were all just trying to enjoy the final days of our trip.

My parents were leaving soon and thanks to Jeff I had some potential work lined up on the 3rd; though not of the music sort.

I needed to quickly get my head in the game, if I was going to go for everything this week.

The first round had gone in my favor, now the second and final assessment for the project was happening just around the corner.

Which reminded me…I needed to study some lines…

 

By the time the evening rolled around, we all began mingling again; coming together for dinner, and for the first time, me and Becca attempted conversation without arguing.

Sitting beside me while we ate, we made small talk over the pasta, vegetables and breadsticks and even shared a few smiles before the dessert was on the table.

After I decided we needed some time to ourselves.  Just me and her.

Finding a quiet spot outside as everyone headed to bed, we just sat there, in silence, looking at the stars.

Once again, we worked hard not to argue, and for the first time, I got a detailed description of her time in New York.

Seemed she was liking it, and had her new apartment set up nice.

“The money is shit and my coworker hates me, but it’s an editor’s dream.” She explained.

The light in her eyes I expected to see was missing, but she gave me a small smile.

“Do you need help with anything?” I  asked. “Need some money?”

“No.” she said waving me away quickly. “I’m good.”

“I’m serious.” I said. “ For your place or anything else?”

She shook her head no again, being completely stubborn.

I smirked. 

“Becca I have more money than I know what to do with. If you need anything, let me know hun. No cost is too much for you.”

She smiled back at me, and gently said thanks.

We kept pushing…

“Um so…how’s recording going?” she asked a moment later.

“Non-existent at this point.” I said. “I’ve only written two songs.”

She frowned, giving me a look of concern.

“I’m sorry.” She said. “I know how much you wanted that to work out.”

“It will.” I said. “Just need some inspiration first.”

She smiled, dimples wide.

“You mean I’m not enough? You should have enough material to fill two and three albums by now. Especially after this weekend.”

I smiled back.

“No I have some stuff. I’ve written about you, but…I just haven’t figured out what I want to do with it yet.”

“Can I hear it one day?” she asked coyly.

“Sure. It’s nothing bad.”

She leaned forward.

“Give me a line then.”

I smirked.

“You think I remember the shit off the top of my head?”

“Yes I do.” She teased. “An artist is always prepared…you’ve got three seconds, go!”

I just shook my head and chuckled.

“You’re shit out of luck. My brain is fried.”

She continued her smile.

“Well is it another If I Could Fly? Because, if it is, I don’t think I can handle it. Made me cry too much.”

My smile faded slightly as she brought that back up.

I had decided to put that song on the 1D album in August, shortly after we got the matching tattoos.

It was another way of telling her I wanted this; I was committed and I wasn’t going anywhere.

In that month, I had completely handed her all the keys.  In this relationship, I submitted completely to her, giving her all the power.

Whatever she wanted…wherever she wanted this relationship to go…I was her ragdoll; and would be eternally dancing on her string. Like right now.

“I wouldn’t say that.” I said a second later. “But I think you’ll like it.”

She just smiled again.

Shifting in her seat, she looked up at the stars again.

“It’s so pretty out here.” She said.

Looking at her, the woman of my recent dreams, I couldn’t help but agree.

She was more than beautiful.

 

 

We headed upstairs a half hour later.

Now getting late, we both yawned as we moved to grab our pajamas.

After I had mine, I gave her a hand salute.

“I’ll be downstairs.” I answered, heading for the door.

“Oh stop.” She called and I turned to her. She gave me another smile. “You can stay in here. I’m not going to bite tonight.”

I shook her off.

“No, we don’t have to force it.” I said. “I’m just happy we’re not arguing. I’m fine downstairs Becca.”

She smirked.

“Harry you’re 5’11. The couch is about 5’8…you sure you want to do that again?”

I paused as I remembered the restless night I had endured.

My back was still sore.

No I actually didn’t. I removed my hand off the doorknob.

I didn’t need any more coaxing.

She smiled again, as I came back over to her.

As I plopped on the bed, she tossed the extra pillows on the floor.

“Sorry I did that to you by the way.” She said.

“I deserved it.” I said and placed my head down.

I deserved all of it.

I had fucked up something so good, and though it killed me, I deserved all the punishment I could get.

Becca tossed the remaining decorative pillows on the ground.

“So whose going first?”  she asked. “You or me?”

She gestured to the bathroom, and I rested back on my arms.

“Go ahead.” I said. “Ladies first.”

“Thanks.” She said and went back to her bag, grabbing her face wash and toothpaste.

I just sat on the bed.

My phone, which had been a second thought the last few days buzzed in the corner.

Lifting, I peeked at the numerous messages coming in.

In the UK, my hometown, it was officially my birthday and as people were waking up there, the numerous messages from my friends were pouring it.

I didn’t even check social media knowing I was probably trending there too.

My fans were so lovely sometimes.

As I replied to messages, giving thanks and making jokes about being old, Becca came back out.

“All yours.” She said, smelling like a fresh bar of soap as she came back to me. “There’s lots of hot water if you want to take a shower.”

I paused my text.

“Are you trying to say I stink?”

She giggled. “Never.”

I chuckled back with her as our eyes locked.

She shook her head in discontent.

“You’re so silly.”

I smiled and stood.

I stood over her like before and tossed my phone on the bed.

Heading to the bathroom, it buzzed again, and though I ignored it, Becca pointed it out.

“Harry your phone-“

I shook it off.

“It’s just birthday messages. Nothing important.”

She looked back at me as she looked at the clock on the mantle.

“Oh my God. It is your birthday.” she estimated, looking at the clock that read 12:34am. 7:34am, in London. 

I didn’t say anything as she came to me.

“I have something for you.” She said.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

She didn’t say anything as she dug in her bag and produced a tiny box wrapped in blue wrapping paper.

“Becca-“ I began, touched that even through everything, she had still thought to bring something to me. “You really didn’t have too.” I said.

“Yes I did.” She said. “In my defense, I bought it months ago…but I would have felt bad not bringing it.”

I smiled back at her and gripped the present in my hand.

She took my clothes as I took the box and unwrapped it.

When I did, and unwrapped it, I smiled.

“Really?” I asked lifting the black gift card.

She instantly burst out laughing.

“For your endless collection.”

I burst out laughing too, and pulled her in a hug, curling the Paige gift card in my hand.

They were the endless supplier of the black pants I wore.

“I love it.” I said in her ear, understanding her humor.

She just chuckled in my ear.

“Happy Birthday Harry.”

“Thanks.” I said seriously, and kissed her cheek.

I hadn’t even thought about it, but the moment my lips hit her skin, I felt her immediately stiffen.

For a second I had forgotten.

As she pulled away, I quickly apologized.

“I’m sorry. Shit Becca I forgot.” I said quickly.

She just shrugged me off.

“It’s fine.” She said gently. Then she grabbed the blue box out of my hand.

Trailing her eyes down my hidden torso, her eyes rested on my hips.

She tossed the  blue box behind her and dropped my pajamas on the floor. 

I looked at her in confusion.

My eyes searched hers as she brought her eyes back up to mine.

She sighed.

“I’m going to regret this,” she said. “And we shouldn’t but…it’s been a month and…you’re looking really...really… good tonight and…Really your whole fucking existence you’ve been gorgeous with those stupid eyes-“

_What?_

I smirked.

“What?” I asked verbally.

“Don’t interrupt me.” She said. “Because I guess, I’m saying…I guess I’m asking…can we fuck it out? Just this once?”

I looked back at her.

_Huh?_

“I don’t want to think about anything else and I don’t want to have some big discussion about it before or after,” she said quickly. “But I want to fuck you. I just want you; like we use too and-“

_Say no more._

I lifted her before she even finished the sentence, accepting her offer.

Curling her legs around me, her mouth quickly landed on mine; passionately.

I kissed her back hungrily, in case after tonight we were back fighting and the regrets kicked in. Though I would imagine only on her end.

Us, I would never regret.  

 

We didn’t stop kissing as my hands cupped her butt. 

I  threw her on that bed, all over her, as her hands pulled at my boxers.

My mouth was everywhere on her skin. My lips found their way to my favorite area, between her breasts and I kissed the dip until her bra rested between my teeth.

“Take it off.” I demanded.

She did as I said, quickly removing the lace number and I was awed as I came face to face with her nipples.

The perfect melons.

_Hi gorgeous._

I admired my favorite body.

I thought of her words from two days earlier and smiled to myself.

_You’re not going to touch me and you’re not going to fuck me._

Well Becca, I was, and I was going to fuck the shit out of you.

I ran my hands across her smooth skin; _my skin_ , inked with the half of my heart she carried.

My love for her was more than equivalent to the sand that clung to the ocean floors.

Gosh, she was _mine._

“You’re still so fucking beautiful babe. How could you ever think I’d want someone else?” I asked as I stared at her.

She flicked her eyes at me, shifting up. She swallowed, not liking my words.

She reached for the button of my pants.

“Stop talking.” She said, pushing my pants past my waist. “Let’s just get it over with.”

_Let’s just get it over with?_

How romantic…

I didn’t say another word as I removed them for her and then went for her underwear.

Practically snapping her thong in two, I pulled them off quickly and connected my mouth back to her.

She moaned, moving so my lips connected to her neck and not her actual mouth.

Underneath me she sighed, and it took only seconds before she was guiding me inside of her.

She instantly swallowed me.

As she gave out the sweetest moan, I thrusted in her, feeling her tightness once more.

This was us.

My hands were her hands.

Her tongue, my tongue.

Her pleasure, the only thing I was concerned with.

As she whimpered underneath me, I put in the work, rocking my hips into her deep and fast as she liked it, and caused my name to spill from her lips.

She kept saying it in some ritual chant with each hard thrust, long until I felt the familiar throbbing against me as she came around me.

That feeling elicited my own response and I came inside her. 

After, collapsed in the crook of her neck, neither one of us said anything right away.

I didn’t want to move.

I didn’t want to lose the closeness.

This, with her, was the closest we had been in weeks. I wanted to engrain it all again.

 

After a minute, she spoke.

“Um Harry…” she shifted under me. “Can you move? My legs are getting numb.”

I looked at her and she shifted her eyes away.

I moved off of her reluctantly, and turned to her.

Now that was over, I wanted to talk again.

She still didn’t meet my eyes.

“You should go.” She said covering herself with a sheet, “So I can…re-wash up.”

“You want to take a shower together?” I asked instead.

I instantly caught the uneasy expression.

Seemed, even though we had just exchanged fluids that she wasn’t ready for that just yet.

“Nevermind.” I said quickly. “We’ll go slow….and we’ll take turns. I’ll be right out.” I assured shifting off the bed. She said nothing as  I grabbed my things again and shuffled to the bathroom.

 

I worked my way through the shower and I when I came out, she swiftly went in.

Lounging in the sheets, I continued to return texts and phone calls until she came back out.

When she did, once more, she could barely look at me.

“Good night.” She said climbing in beside me.

“Do you want to talk about it? What just happened?” I asked through the silence of the room.

“Nope.” She said and plopped on the pillow.

She was out in minutes.

 ***************

The next morning though I was happy.

It was my birthday. Surrounded by family and friends, I smiled as my mum hugged me from behind the kitchen counter.

I had gotten up early, going for another run, and I was already dressed and ready for the day.

“Oh my baby is twenty-two now.” She said kissing my cheek. “You’re growing up on me.”

I just smiled and leaned and kissed her back.

“You want anything?” I asked gesturing to the pitcher of orange juice in front of me. 

I reached for a glass.

Hugging me again, she shooed me away.

“You don’t have to do anything for me today, but have a good time.”

I just smiled

As my family catered to me, making my breakfast plate and singing happy birthday, I was elated.

I was with my favorite people.

I loved each and every one of them.

Yet, one person was missing.

One person hadn’t made an appearance all morning.

Before I dug in my plate, I pulled my chair back.

“I’ll going to get Becca.” I announced. “I’ll be right back.”

My family shooed me away as I darted upstairs.

Heading to our shared bedroom, I once again remembered our original rule of knocking, and the soft voice behind it told me to enter.

When I did, my eyes locked on two things.

Her.

And the bags, spread over our temporary bed.

 “What are you doing?” I asked staring at her large carry-on.

“I’m packing.” She said simply.

“I see that. Right now?” I asked. “Your flight isn’t until tomorrow morning. Why the rush?”

She turned from me, avoiding my yes.

“Actually I’m leaving right now.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I switched my flight.  I’ve already called the cab.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, not comprehending. “When?”

“A couple minutes ago. My flight is at 11am.”

I just looked back at her.

I tried to gauge if she was joking.

She was dressed, her things were packed…she had everything gathered…

She wasn’t.

“Well when were you going to tell me?” I asked.

She finally looked up at me, as my accusatory eyes hit hers.

“You knew I had to go back to New York.” She said gently.

“Yeah tomorrow. That was the plan.”

“I’m sorry.” She said simply tossing some clothes in her bag.

That wasn’t good enough.

“Well…were you even going to tell me Becca? Or just wait until the cab got here?”

“Honestly?” she asked looking back at me. “Probably just wait for the cab.”

“Why?” I asked. “I thought we were okay.”

“We had sex Harry that doesn’t mean we’re okay.”

“It seemed like it.” I said. “I know we still have to work on this but…leaving…sneaking out…I mean fuck, do you even realize today is my birthday?”

“Yes. That’s why I gave you your gift last night.”’

“So you knew this shit even last night? That you were leaving?”

“Yes.” She said.

“Becca, that’s fucked up.“

“I don’t want to get in a fight.” She said placing her hand up. “Just let me leave in peace, please. White flag remember?”

“Fuck that.” I said, growing upset. “This is bullshit.” I said. “You told me you could stay until Wednesday if need be.”

“And I could.”

“Then what’s the rush? Why did you switch your ticket?’

“Because I need to get out of here Harry. I feel like I’m suffocating. This is your world, and I’m not a part of anymore and it’s fucking stifling…I just need to get back to New York. That’s my life now.”

“No your life is with me.” I argued. “It may be strained and awkward right now, but last night…last night was real. That was us Becca.”

She just shook her head.

“It wasn’t.”

“How could you say that? It was perfect.” I said. “Outside by the pool, and then up here…we were fine.”

“You were fine Harry. I’m not over it. I’m sorry. You still touch me and I think about her. I told you. She’s in every thought. The whole time you kissed me, I just kept thinking about you kissing her. I kept feeling like I was having her sloppy seconds.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

She just shrugged.

“It’s how I feel.”

I sighed, sitting on the bed.

“Why are you doing this? Why are you making it so hard?”

She didn’t respond, zipping up her suitcase. She was done.

“Becca if you love me, why won’t you just let this be enough?”

She sighed.

“I know we have a road ahead of us, but we can work on it. Not every part of this has to be a fight. We both saw that last night. We’re still in here somewhere.”

“I’m not.” She said shifting her bag to the floor. “And I don’t want to keep debating it. I’m leaving.”

“No.” I said standing. “What did I do?”

I blocked her path.

“Move Harry.”

“No, what did I do to change it? We were okay, and then after, you pulled away. After it was over, it was like I repulsed you.  Did I hurt you? Did I say the wrong thing?  Did I touch you the wrong way?”

“Harry, move.”

“Tell me!” I demanded.

‘There’s nothing to tell. It’s done.” She said finally. “I told you that either we were going to work it out, or end it…well I want to end it. I want to be done with this. That’s my decision.”

“No, there’s got to be a reason Becca.”

Then I put the pieces together.

“Unless…is it someone else?” I asked.

She instantly rolled her eyes.

“Who is he?”

“What?”

“Who is he? Who have you met that changed your mind?”

She just sighed impatiently. “Are you kidding? Now who’s being ridiculous?”

“What’s his fucking name?” I demanded feeling the jealously shoot through me.  “Do you work with him?”

She pushed past me.

“Stop it Harry. There’s no one else.” And then she turned back around. “Is your ego that fucking big? Is it so hard to believe someone actually doesn’t want to be with you? Gosh, grow up.” She said turning back towards the stairs.

I ignored her.

“It’s my birthday.” I continued following her. “You’re really going to leave me? End us on this day? _Right now?”_

“I’ve made up my mind.”

“This is bullshit!” I said again. “This is the shittiest thing you could have ever done to me.”

She just looked back at me, still annoyed.

“If you wanted to get revenge, if you wanted to make a fucking point, then you have.  I get it. We’re even now.”

It’s not about that-“ she began.

“It has to be!” I roared. “You’re fucking breaking me Becca.”

She just sighed, tossing her hair behind her shoulder.

Once more, perfect fucking stuck up Becca couldn’t be bothered.

She lifted her bag, beginning to descend the steps.

I just stayed on the top of the steps, watching her.

“ _Becca.”_ I called again.

_Don’t do this._

She just kept walking.

Right out the door.

Right out of my life.

“I’ll be outside.” The final words as she reached the front door.

She opened it and walked through; finally ending us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright...so much drama. I think we should all just chill out...
> 
> I'm ready for some lovey-dovey stuff. 
> 
> The 'Now' returns, next update! :)


	79. Chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Missed you! Hope you enjoy this next update, i've been editing this chapter everyday for the last week, so I've probably over-edited it at this point but I know you guys have been waiting on it. 
> 
> Hopefully this crap makes sense...if it doesn't...please don't judge me! lol 
> 
> I'll make up for it on the next update. :)

CHAPTER SEVENTY NINE

BECCA

 

Now.

 

Elvis said it best.

Only fools rush in, and well, we must be the biggest fools of them all.

I can say I’ve been many things in my life, but I must admit this one is new to me.

_Cheater._

The word curls around my thoughts the way his hands curl around my waist.

The word is revolting and I can’t believe it’s my new title.

Hello world, meet Becca ‘Cheater’ Johnson.

Hello world, meet Becca Johnson- _the man stealer_.

 

The man in question has his tongue wrapped in mine and I don’t even know whose breath I’m breathing anymore as his mouth fuses against my own.   

Everything is welded together.

Hands matching hands.

Lips; pink and slippery.

His aftershave is minty, and the butterflies are bubbling in my tummy.

Mmm.

It’s gotten better.

All of it.

His lips have never tasted sweeter, and his kiss, is the most passionate it’s been in a looooonnnngggg time.  

I couldn’t tell in the kitchen but right now, in this moment, everything is heightened.

I can finally enjoy him again, _and my goodness,_ have I missed this.

My goodness does he feel-

“Bec?” he whispers breaking the kiss for the first time.

His tone pierces my psyche and my perfect imaginative bubble.

“Don’t.” I demand instantly keeping him pressed to me.  

His mouth instantly curls into a smile as I put his mouth back on me.

I feel the crease of his dimples just before his lips wrap around mine again.

 

My hands haven’t left his face, only clutching his hidden stubble; keeping him to me.

Our mouths get reacquainted.

Five seconds…

Ten seconds…

“Baby?” he calls again stopping me.

His hands instantly begin wrapping around my own.

I feel them.

Moving off his face…

Shifting down…

“Don’t.” I whisper against his mouth as he pulls away from me. “Don’t stop.” I say.

 

The smirk is still there. I can hear it; wide and fucking mesmerizing and totally amused by my desperation.

“Becca?” he calls, and I open my eyes. “Let me catch my breath love.” He says lightly.

As he creates a small distance between us, our eyes finally lock together.

His eyes practically twinkle.

My hands are still in his, and as he drops them down between us, I feel them enclose mine. I feel like I’m supposed to pull away, but he has other plans. It takes seconds but he pulls me back gently to him, and then replaces _those hands_ back on my hips.

As I’m pulled back in his arms, my own wrap around his neck.

My eyes search his hungrily.

I want to fucking kiss him again.  Him and that perfect face.

“Hey you.” He says a moment later.

“Hey.” I say back,  moving my eyes back to his pink lips. They are perfect.

"I've missed you." he says next. 

I barely hear him. 

Well…forget that face. Bring on the godly things attached to his mouth.

I lick my lips in anticipation.

Sensing the shift of my attention, he smiles and bends down, coming eye level with my own and playfully forcing my eyes back up to the cause of all this mess; those green basil eyes.

As they connect again, I have to stop my own smile.

This is him.

Playful silly him.

The Harry I fell in love with.  

“You with me?” he jokes.

“I don’t know.” I say honestly.

And I don’t.

I’ve temporarily lost my mind.

He keeps his smirk and the faint hint of a chuckle comes out.

He taps his fingers against my waist.

“Well…I am.” He says a second later. “With you.”

His smile widens again, and my own grows.

“I’ve missed that too.” He says _. “A lot.”_

“Yeah…you’ve gotten better.” I admit.

An eyebrow raises; curiously.

“At the whole suck and then kiss thing.” I clarify.

The trademark Harry 'smug' look quickly appears.

“You think so huh?” he questions.

I don’t respond, as he tightens around me.

His eyes don’t leave mine, searching them dangerously.

“You want me to show you again?”

Those green eyes give me a look- _the look-_ that have left many pairs of panties in balls on hardwood floors.

The invitation is right there, and I could just…

No would ever know…

We could just…right here on this floor… _.I would ride the hell out of him._

Then it dawns on me.

Holy fucking shit.

This is how it always happens.

He does this...and I do that..and...

No.

Not anymore.

“No.” I say quickly and verbally. 

Instantly.

“No.” I say again.

I break out his arms and there is a new crease in his face.

“Oh my gosh.” I mutter. “ _Oh my gosh Harry_.” I begin as it all comes to me.

The sensible and responsible Becca is back.

What the hell am I doing!

“Hun?” he calls out watching me.

“Oh my gosh.” I cry out as our eyes lock again. “You’re engaged. Fucking hell… _you’re getting married in a couple months Harry_. What the hell did I…?” my voice trails off unable to say the words.

My hands go to my face, rubbing roughly, washing his taste off me.

“Becca don’t think about that.” He demands gently and I just look back at him.

He’s lost his fucking mind too. I’m sure of it.

His worried green eyes remain on mine, worried I’m about to freak the hell out.

Well I am!

“Harry, what are you talking about?” I scold. “Do you hear yourself?”

“Do you _see_ yourself?” he questions back. 

He takes a step towards me.

“It’s okay Becca.” He says. “We both wanted it to happen…don’t start freaking out like you do. Besides...I mean you kissed _me_ after all.” He reminds.

I’m immediately argumentative.

“That doesn’t make it okay!” I exclaim. “I’m with Chase Harry.”

He instantly shifts his eyes and groans. 

“Oh stop that shit before you even begin…we both know you don’t love him.”

“Of course I do.”

“No you don’t.” he says, his face hardening in seriousness. “You don’t kiss someone like that, if you’re in love.”

“That’s just how I kiss Harry.” I bite back. “I’m an all-in kind of girl.”

 _“You know what I mean Becca.”_ He says nonplussed. _“_ You still want me as much as  I want you.”

I turn from him.

I can’t even listen to him.

He’s a fucking lunatic.

I can’t even be near him right now.

I move across the room.

“Are we really going to do this? Again Becca?”

I turn back around and my eyes meet his.

“This dance is getting a little old by now isn’t it?” he asks.

“Screw you.” I mutter.

“You will.” He answers. “Though usually it takes us a few more days before we’re at that point.”

I roll my eyes as his smile comes back teasing our history.

I’m glad he finds amusement in this.

I’m glad he likes cheating on his girlfriend.

No…fiancé.

Julie St. Fucking Styles.

I sigh.

Fuck, fuck, fuck…

Stupid, stupid, stupid me.

“Okay,” he says moving by me. “I'll stop. No more jokes. Let’s get serious.”

I instantly shift away.

He sighs loudly.

“Becccccca let’s just talk about it….like adults.”

I chuckle, and lean against a table.

Like…adults…

I secure myself firmly between two paintings; where he can’t get to me.

I don’t feel like an adult.

I feel like a pubescent teen who couldn’t contain her immature urges.

I look at the sixteen year old male in front of me who can’t control them either.

Smug.

Tall.

Handsome.

A freaking nightmare wrapped in a fairytale; a fairytale that I thought ended two years ago.

He begins.

“Okay so I’ll start.”

He intertwines his fingers, and outstretches his arms.

Mediator Harry is in the building.

He crosses them against his chest next.

“So we’ve kissed now. _Twice_.” He emphasizes.

“You kissed me first.” I emphasize back.

He waves me away.

“The kitchen at the condo doesn’t count. I was trying to shut you up.”

I raise my eyes.

“No you were trying to fuck me.” I say honestly.

He smirks.

“I don’t _fuck you_ Becca.” He says. “I make love to you. _And only you._ Every time."

His accent weaves those words into a goddamn poem and a shiver runs down my spine. Pair that with those eyes, and _ping,_ Becca’s back turned on.

Oh dear.

We need to get back into a wide, crowded space very, very soon.

Fuck his fans and the paps, I need distractions…

 I clear my throat.

“Anyway.” I say quickly, running a nervous hand through my frazzled hair. “You were saying?”

He continues his smile and finds the table directly across from me.

Leaning against it, he can’t physically touch me from the sides of the surrounding pictures, but his eyes touch every part of me as they stare back at me.

“I was saying,” He begins. “It’s happening again.”

“And now you’re engaged.” I argue back, pushing forth my own smug look.

“And now you’re… _in_ _love.”_ he says sarcastically, throwing up quotations with his fingers.

“I do.” I argue again. “I love him.”

He rolls his eyes again.

Dramatically.

His green eyes flip so violently to the top that I feel they could get stuck there.

He clears his throat this time.

“Anyway.” He says, repeating my previous phrase.

He moves his eyes back to mine.

“What do you want to do?” he asks me.

I look at him in fascination.

“There’s nothing _to_ do Harry.”

He ignores me.

“We should go over the tour huh? Fill the gaps first, then figure out what we should do about this.” He says to himself.

“Are you listening to yourself?” I ask him.

His eyes move back to mine.

“You’re engaged.” I say very, very slowly.

Harry can be on the’ deep thinker’ side quite a bit, but it shouldn’t be too much for him to work out.

We are not going to end up together this time.

“I don’t want to talk about Julie.” He says, shifting.

“She’s your wife.”

His eyes narrow.

“Stop.” He says. He flicks lint off his pants. “She’s not…and I’m here with you.”

“ _And?”_ I emphasize leaning forward. “What does that mean? She disappears? Because I don’t think that’s how it goes Harry. There’s still my ring on her finger and-“

“Stop.” He says again. “ _Jesus Becca,_ don’t bring that up.”

I scoff. I’m on a roll now.  

“What do you think is going to happen here?” I question, peering into those determined eyes. “What did you even think was going to happen today? We make up, we _fuck,”_ I emphasize to piss him off. “You tell me you miss me, and then what? You go home to her, and I go back to Chase?”

His eyes narrow, looking down at his pants.

“I don’t know.” He says quietly.

“Well figure it out!” I demand. “Because _that,_ whatever you’re thinking is not real life-“

His eyes raise again.

“I know that Becca.” He says. His teeth clench with the statement.

“Do you?” I question. “Do you understand that we’re with other people-“

“Of course! Jeez, stop it! Stop talking about them.” he shouts. “I know Becca.  I know we’re in a fucked up situation this time…I get it. Just let me think.”

He continues to look at me.

“I need to work on this. I need to figure out an ending, and I’m not leaving you until our shit is worked out. Completely this time, so just _give me a second_.”

I scoff again and turn from him.

He doesn’t get it.

“It’s a waste of time.” I mutter. "I'm going home to Chase."

As I say my statement, silence overtakes the room.

I study a painting and he does the same, though I can feel his eyes move to the area of the one we should avoid- us, on that large tapestry.

He speaks, bringing his eyes back to me.

“Well let me ask this…if you don’t want to work it out, why did you bring me here?” he asks a moment later. “Why did you want me to see that picture?”

I just shrug and don’t even give him the pleasure of a response.

“You brought me here for a reason. You had too.” He says, ‘working through it’ in his own mind. “You wanted me to see it.”

I roll my eyes and turn back to him.

“Of course I did.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s a nice picture.” I answer. “And like I said, my sister spent months on it.”

He uses his feet as a response.

Lifting from the adjourning table, he comes over to me.

I shift to move and hit the painting to my right.

It practically topples over.

I’ve trapped myself. No escape.

He stands directly in front of me.

“Becca listen to what I’m saying-"

“I’d rather not.” 

“You brought me here to look at this picture and then you kissed me.”

I look up at him.

“Why?” he asks me. “Do you want to work this out?” he questions gently.

“Work _what_ out?” I say stubbornly. 

“Us.” He says simply.

“There is no fucking us-“

“Becca-“

“No Harry there isn’t an us.” I shout so it sinks in. “There’s an ‘I’, and a ‘you’. But us…that hasn’t been around-“

“Oh shut up.” He says and pulls me back to him. “I’ll show you ‘us’.”

His lips hit mine again and I instantly melt.

I also devour him.

_Oooh those lips…_

My hands are back in his hair, and his hands are around my legs, until….I’m floating.

My legs are no longer on the floor but wrapped around his waist.

He spins me quickly and I only come to my senses again when my back hits a table.

He’s laid me down.

Guess we’re at the removal of clothes stage.

No,

No, no, no….

I can’t take it that far.

I shift quickly and pull away from underneath him before he can even get started. I’m back across the room before he can even stop me.

His hand slams the table in protest.

“Oh my fucking God Becca…you’re worrisome.” He grits, turning back to me.

I don’t respond as his eyes fall back on me.

“You don’t even know what you want do you?” he asks.

I don’t respond.

I actually do.

“Why are you playing games?” he asks me.

“I’m not.” I say quickly.

He runs a hand through his short hair and leans against the table.

“You are.” He mumbles; then he pierces his eyes at me.

“Who do you want Becca? Me or him?”

I just continue to look at him in disbelief.

I’m not answering that freaking question.

Besides, who the hell does he want!

Gosh, he doesn’t even care.

It’s almost like it’s nothing for him to forget her.

To forget that he’s engaged.

It’s like his woman doesn’t even exist.

“What is wrong with you?” I ask him. “ _Julie Harry._ Do you even think about her? Do you love her?”

He looks at me, but he doesn’t even answer.

“Because you really don’t care right now.” I estimate.

“I don’t.” he says honestly. His face doesn’t even flinch.

I don’t get it.

How could he be such a selfish asshole?

I don’t even like the prissy witch, but I respect the sanctity of marriage.

The words aren’t on the paper yet, but he is hers; that ring eternally ended anything that could have begun today.

“Wow.” I say giving him a look of partial disgust.

I’m speechless.

“Don’t do that. Don’t look at me like that.” He says coming back over to me. “You know how I feel about you. It’s not like…I just cheat on her.”

“Sure seems that way to me.”

“It’s not like that.” He says towering back over me. “I love Julie. I care about her well-being a lot actually.”

I just look back at him.

“But I’m in love with you Becca. I’ve _always_ been in love with you.”

I don’t respond.

“In a room of a thousand women, I would only choose you. Then and even now. You have to understand that by now?”

His voice is tremendously soft as he questions me, and his eyes, the green orbs, are softer.

Wherever he’s going with all this, it’s the truth.

There is not one hint of a lie on his face.

I don’t know what to say.

I don’t know how to respond.

He finishes his thought.

“When it comes to you, I’m sorry but she means nothing to me. No woman does.”

A hand reaches out to caress my face. He gently swipes his hand over my cheek.

“You and what we had is everything…and Julie…she just happened Becca. I was just passing time.”

His eyes stay on me. They are crystal balls, trying to read this future.

Yet I can’t even go there. I’m still stuck on the past.

Despite this being _the moment_ I have been waiting on for two years, there is a trigger.

His words instantly flicker something inside of me.

_Nothing to me…_

_She just happened_ …

I can’t _stand_ that phrase.

Even now.

It’s been four years and hearing him say those words, leaves an instant sour taste in my mouth.

_I remember._

Yet this time I try to push it down and swallow down that… _bullshit._

I shift my face and move my eyes away from him.

His expression changes as mine must have.

“What?” he asks quickly. “What did I say?”

I just cut my eyes at him.

I still remember.

Yet…we’ve moved on…we made a promise...

“Nothing.” I say. “It’s nothing.”

“Don’t do that.” He pleads. “You never talk to me. You never tell me what the hell is going on in your head. Stop that.” He demands gently. “I need to know sometimes.”

“You don’t want to know.” I say honestly.

“I do.” He says back. His hand goes to my cheek again. 

"Tell me Bec."

I cross my arms. I face him head on.

“Kendall.” I say simply.

His eyes crinkle- confused.

They narrow- appalled.

They roll- irritated.

They, along with his body, shift completely away. His hand has been quickly removed. 

“You’re right. I don’t want to know.” He says immediately.

I don’t let it go.

“Is that what you told her too? Back then on the boat? That I didn't matter?”

His eyes squint and I’m immediately on rocky waters.

_We made a promise Becca._

I shift my question quickly. That is a fight we truly don't need. 

“Do you still talk to her?” I ask instead.

He blows out air loudly.

“We’re not.” He says simply shifting serious green eyes on me. 

_Drop this shit Becca._

“Its just a question.” I say innocently.

“We’re not.” He repeats again; tall, demanding and dangerous.

And hella sexy.

I use this to my advantage.

“Fine, fine…” I say. “But, speaking of exes…I should tell you about Rhys.” I offer suddenly.

“Your loser ex-boyfriend?” he asks flatly.

I smirk.

_Ding, ding._

Long before Chase Collins, Rhys Cullen was the man that got under Harry Styles skin.

He is his Kendall.

He was also his replacement back then, and the irritation coats him- even now.

He can’t stand anything about him or for him to be near me.

“He’s doing really well.” I offer. “He asked about you.”

“Lovely.” He says dryly.

I smirk wider.

“I don’t know why you never liked him. He’s always spoken highly of you.”

“He wasn’t good enough for you.” He says. “Like all the men you date.” He adds.

“And I suppose you were?” I question automatically.

“No.” he says. “But I wanted to be.”

My smirk begins to fade. Once again, he's not joking anymore. 

He immediately shifts the tone of the conversation. 

“I wanted to be the best for you Becca. The whole time.”

The 100% sincerity is still dripping from every word of his tongue and he's still a sweetheart; even after all this time. Julie is so fucking lucky. 

“Well you still can be,” I determine. “For Julie.” I make sure to add.

He doesn’t respond.

He just stares at me.

I can’t tell if he’s pissed…irritated…bored…

He just studies me for a second.

The green is still wrapped around the black and those eyes have put me through the motions today.

I’m not sure with this new expression if I’m ready for what comes next.

I wait.

 

And wait some more.

 

And wait even more.

 

“What?” I ask him finally.

He sniffles and runs a hand through his hair.

His eyes stay on mine.

“I’m going to ask you something.”

“Okay?” I question with unease.

“Not right now…not when there’s still more to talk about…but later.”

“Okay?” I ask again in confusion.

“I want you to be completely honest with me when I ask you…and I don’t want a bullshitted answer.”

I stay silent.

“And I need you to promise me that you’ll think about it…really, _really_ , think about what I’m going to say and consider it.”

“What is it?” I ask. “Why can’t you just ask me now?”

“Because we’re not there yet.” He says simply. “We have other shit to get through.”

The anticipation kills me.

I hate the way he baits me and just won’t tell me.

“Just ask me.” I demand.

“No.” he says finding a chair in the room.

He scrapes it across the floor and sits down.

He crosses his arms and looks up at me.

“So should we get to it?” he asks. “Just wrap it up then?”

I cross my arms back.

Oh.

We’re still doing that game.

Gee, I can’t wait.

I stop my eye roll.

“Where are we starting this time?” I ask playing with a nail in disinterest.

“How about your tongue down my throat five minutes ago?”

My eyes instantly lift and throw fire into his and he laughs.

Warm.

Filling the room.

_My old Harry._

“No,” he says, still smiling. “I'm just trying to loosen you up love....How about _The Sun,_ the day the world found out?”

This time I smirk. His need to constantly wash away the memory of Rhys Cullen is still comical to me.

He really doesn’t handle jealously well and he can't ignore that relationship. I was with Rhys quite a nice length of time and I know he wants to bypass him. 

I have an idea.

“What about Dunkirk?” I offer.

“Dunkirk?” he questions. “We weren’t even speaking.”

“Exactly.” I remind him. 

He shrugs me off.

“That breakup isn’t important.” He resolves.

“It was six months Harry.”

His eyes shift downward.

 _“I remember.”_ He says. “I still have the Instagram pictures to remind me.” And before I can interject, he continues.

“Yeah, and speaking of…that shit never made sense to me. How come he’s still on your Instagram? How come you never deleted that shit, even after we got back together?”

I shrug casually.

“Because that would have been rude. He was still my friend.”

Harry just shakes his head.

In all honesty, I used it to fuck with him. It was my own version of a Freakum Dress. A child of the Beyoncé generation, I kept the reminder there to tell him he could be replaced again ‘in a minute’, and if he ‘tried that shit again, he would lose me' _as everything._

No more Kendalls and Yachtgates for me…no more sorry’s…

“I hated that shit.” He says quickly. “The fucking fans use to talk about it all the time. ‘Why is he on her page? She must still like him. Oh he liked a picture!’, and then when he started calling you when I was on tour---I fucking hate that dude.” he grunts.

I smirk wider.

_Oh I know._

I grab my own chair.

I place it right across from his.

“Well again, lets not pretend like you were a perfect angel on your tour either.”

He scoffs and shakes his head.

“Well how would you know Becca? You only came to five fucking shows, and that might even still be an exaggeration.”

His tone has hardened and it seems like it’s still a sore spot between us.

I don’t want to fight, and I for sure am not ready to dwell on the bad again.

We’re just starting to get somewhere.

“No. Let’s not go there yet.” I cut in. “Dunkirk. That’s where we’re starting. Tell me your side. Tell me about your filming and stuff.” I say gently.

“I cut my hair. I swam. I slept. I swam some more, freezing my balls off all summer….ladies and gentlemen; Dunkirk.”

I smile.

“You’re so obnoxious.”

He smiles back.

He leans forward.  

“What about you?” he asks. “Tell me about those months we didn’t talk, and how much you didn’t miss me.”

There is a tease at the end of the sentence and I bite my lip so my smile doesn’t widen anymore.

If I smiled any wider, it would hurt.

“Oh but I did.” I say honestly.  “For a while, I thought about you every day.”

“Did you?” he asks curiously.

 I just nod.

“You never called.” He reminds me. “You never reached out to me.”

“We hadn’t spoke… since I went away.”

I rhyme the words in a melody, mimicking a song from his first album; a song about us.

He smiles instantly.

“Now whose obnoxious?” he asks.

I lean forward, shifting in my seat.

“Oh I definitely am.” I say. “But you love it.” I argue. “Admit it, you’ve always loved the challenge of me.”

He smirks that smug smirk again.

“A challenge would suggest that it’s been difficult to get you, and it hasn’t been.”

“You don’t think so huh?”

His smirk never leaves his face.

“Well…let’s ask Rhys….see what he has to say. I think he’d agree pretty easily with me.”

_Prick._

I put my hands up.

Styles has actually won a point for that one.

I nod okay.

“Alright, I’ll give it to you…that was a good comeback.”

“Yeah? I finally got something on the board?” he teases, scraping his perfect teeth against his lower lip.

I flick my hands in a so-so gesture.

He just smiles wider and I have to admit, this is really nice.

I like this side of us.

“Anyway,” I say with a playful smile.  “Back to what I was saying.”

“Before you do,” he says. “You should come back over here.”

“For what?” I ask; my smile instantly fading.  The alarm bells que to sound.

He smirks even wider.

He loves this.

“I don’t…bite Becca.” He says slowly.

“No you just kiss me.”

He chuckles.

“You _kissed_ me.” he says with a warm chortle. 

“You kissed me first.” I remind again.

 _“That doesn’t count babe.”_ He argues. “The kitchen was a totally different circumstance.”

“And what’s the circumstance now?”

“I just want you to come here for a moment.”

I sigh.

I stand.

I follow his command, moving my feet like a magnet to his pull.

When I reach him, he stares up at me in amusement.

“Okay, now what?”

He just looks at me with a smile.

“Relax.” He says running a  hand along my arm. “You’re so fucking stiff.”

“You stress me out.” I say honestly and he just keeps his smirk.  
“Don’t worry.” he says. “We’re even now. We both gave in once and we’re both too stubborn to let the other person win, so nothing’s going to happen….or else, you’ll have to admit it.”

“And what would I be admitting?” I ask in confusion.

“That you do want me.” He says. “As much as I still want you.”

As he says the final sentence, his tone is back serious, and whatever playful game we were having, has moved back into the other territory.

The dangerous one.

Yup…definitely shouldn’t have gotten up.

I sigh.

“Ah…and is that the stupid question you have to ask me…what I need to be honest about?”

“No.” he says and then taps my stomach in protest. “And  don't call my question stupid. You don't even know what it is yet."

His lips poke out in stubborn defense.

That makes my smile come back.

Young, pouty Styles.

I roll my eyes playfully.

“And the ten year old is back.” I announce.

He gently laughs.

“You know what…why don’t you ever just be quiet?“

“Why don’t you ever make me?” I challenge.

His hand is on my stomach before I can stop him and my laugh is loud in the air as he suddenly tickles me. Knowing my favorite places, I am at his immediate mercy as his hands shift around my body finding my ticklish spots. 

One of his large hands curls around my back to hold me up while he finishes his assault and all I can do is giggle until I collapse on top of it.

As my weight falls on him, he finally stops, gripping both of my waists to hold me upright before we both fall to the floor from the shenanigans.

“You good?” he questions as he stands me back upright, but I am still wiping away the tears from laughing so hard.

“I hate you.” I murmur.

His hands remain on my hip, steadying me until we face each other.

He smirks in triumph and I look down at him with adoration.

Oh, I’m just really happy we’re not fighting anymore.

This is lovely.

“That was mean.” I finally say placing my hands on his shoulders; like the old days.

“You had it coming.” He says.

I peer down at him.

I am still standing before him.

His legs are opened, with me in between, while his hands still rest on my hips and mine on his shoulders.

It’s intimate.

We just stare back at each other.

In the past, I would lean down. We would kiss. I would wrap my legs around his waist and we would just…be….

Completely complete when together.

As we both remember, understanding the difference of time and the situation, we both make a move to correct it.

Realizing our new positions, his hands push forward to move, like mine do off of him, but stop when they brush a familiar spot.

Our eyes stay on each other as his hand graces the hidden skin on my hip.

My tattoo.

He says nothing and I say nothing.

His thumb caresses,  rubbing a circle around the spot, and I can’t take my eyes off of him.

There is an unspoken language happening between us.

As his eyes stay locked on mine, he grips that area.

Cupping my right hip, he removes his thumb off the small hidden heart, and replaces it with something warmer.

My eyes close as he bends and kisses the spot; marking it delicately with his mouth.

He doesn’t lift his head right away, instead, resting it against the center of my belly for a moment.

More unspoken words.

When his head finally lifts and we finally face each other, we both make a move at the same time, and within seconds his mouth is back on mine.

And we both give in.

And we both play our cards, losing the hand.

I climb on him, wrapping my legs around his tiny waist and he lifts my dress, letting his hands travel past my legs and rest on my butt.

We both don’t care anymore.  

I do still want him.  

And he still wants me.

Yet there is Chase.

And there is Julie.

This time, I don’t know.

What are we going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys we're finally getting somewhere...leave those comments! :)


	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And WE'RE BACK. Oh my gosh guys I didn't mean to be gone so long. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Blame my new job, and new boyfriend, and just my stupid busy life...but... you guys are back to being priority... This next chapter has been expanded as to give you guys as much content as I can in one update. Enjoy these 40 pages :)

CHAPTER EIGHTY

BECCA

Then

 

So it was over.

Finished.

Finito.

The great love affair, ended in Palm Springs after only eleven months **.**

 

Or so I thought.

Fate wasn’t letting it go that easily.

 

As I boarded the plane back to New York on Harry's birthday, I was a wreck.

Harry had gotten me first class seating, and through the small glasses of wine and tissues filled with tears, I was sure my seatmate wished I had taken a different flight.

I wasn't as strong as I portrayed in the house, and on the plane ride back I tried to think how I was going to adjust.

How was I going to finally move on from Harry Styles?

For a year he had been one of my closest friends and a confidante, and as I didn't yet realize, the love of my life.

And now, in the span of a day, he was nothing.

Despite everything though, I did know that I couldn't forgive him yet.

Whatever had happened on that boat was still playing routinely on my mind; almost hourly and I did mean it when I said I could barely stand to look at him. As he touched me the night before I left, I just kept imagining him inside of Kendall the whole time. I came, but felt immediate disgust as he laid on me after.

My mind played on a loop thinking of the way he must have kissed her and the apparent 'hickeys' he was rumored to leave on her skin.

I just couldn't get passed it.

 

So when I landed at La Guardia, I did what any other woman would do; I tried to flush him out of my system. For the next month and a half, my life was Simon and Shuster.

I went to work, came home, maybe stopped at the gym or the grocery store, but didn't make friends, didn't date, and outside of Kelsey, barely acknowledged the outside world outside of my office.

It was a very sad and lonely existence.

Outside looking in, I was living the dream: single girl in New York City with the big city job, and yet, I hated everything about it.

I didn’t like my coworkers. I didn't like the work.

I didn't even smile when I was handed my first manuscript to edit.

It was not the life I wanted and I realized quickly that the life I had planned so meticulously for the last couple years, was not what I was destined to do.

I didn't want to be an editor and I for damn sure didn't want to work in a publishing house the rest of my life.

So, what to do?

 

Harry seemed to figure it out. Though we cut all ties, it wasn't long before I was hearing about him in the regular office gossip, and it seemed he was shifting his life in the right direction.

Though I knew my ex-boyfriend was well known, he suddenly seemed a lot more famous than I gave him credit for. Outside of the 1D bubble, he was actually still a very well-known guy and in small doses he popped up.

 

"Did you guys catch the Clive Davis Grammy party last night? The pictures are all on Yahoo."

It was the question of the morning two weeks after Palm Springs that was  laced in with the weekend gossip and kicked off by my manager.

The previous night had been Valentine's Day and the girlies had started the day with that, and their fancy dinners...and their rose petaled hotel rooms...and their helicopter rides in the skies.

Lucky heifers.

I couldn’t stand them all.

Typing away, I tried to tune their conversations out.

"Yes! Chrissy Teigen looked so pretty with her little bump!"

"Oh yes, she-"

Type, type, type.

Ignore, ignore, ignore **.**

Most at the office didn't talk to me, and outside of my manager and the Senior Editor who had gotten me the job (and the receptionist who helped me with my roses), I didn't talk to any of them either.

I didn't like their shallowed conversations.

Despite lying next to a celebrity for numerous months, the lives of the rich and famous still wasn’t my thing, and I could care less about the Hollywood gossip they spewed on the daily. Yet, they seemed to think I would.

“Becca did you ever hear anything about those parties? Any juicy stories?” my manager cut in.

As I barely turned my head, I just shook my head no.

“Nope. Not my circles.” I quickly explained.

My manager gave me a smile, I guess thinking the native California girl would have some juice, but quickly moved back on to the other girls **.**

They kept browsing the Yahoo website from their computer screens, oohing and aahing at the dresses and people, not getting any work done.  

Jlo!

Ryan Seacrest!

Barry Gibb!

Taylor Swift!

Once again, type, type, type.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

“Who is this?”

“Who?”

“This guy. With the long hair.”

I just sighed, and glanced at my clock.

It had only been two hours at work so far…six to go….

Yet, maybe it was time to put my headphones in…

I didn’t glance up as one of my co-workers stood and went to the main speakers’ computer. I couldn’t stand her anyway. Being an Associate Editor, she thought she was hot shit.

As they both peered at the computer screen, the one that didn’t bother me as much, spoke first.  

“Oh that’s Harry Styles. The One Direction guy.”

My eyes instantly raised.

_Harry?_

“Who? He looks familiar.” Hot Shit asked.

“The guy Taylor Swift is always whining about.”

I almost rolled my eyes as hard as Hot Shit.

“Oh. Jeez! Has the kid ever heard of a pair of scissors? His hair just looks so gross.”

My eyes instantly cut into her.

_Bitch, what would you even know about it._

“Oh, I think he’s sexy.” The other one stated. “He could slap me with that hair and I wouldn’t complain. It’s that Rock God hair.”

“Yeah but look at his girlfriend, her hair is just as long as his.” She argued.

As they shared a small laugh, my eyes were perked and eyes raised again.

Girlfriend?

My little fingers itched and paused on my computer wanting desperately to pick up my phone and reactivate my Tumblr account.

There, all the photos of Harry and his ‘girlfriend’ would surely be.

With the Harry updates sites I use to follow, I could have the scoop in seconds.

Yet I didn’t.

I sighed.

I bit my tongue and lip.

I tried not to think about him.

 

 ****************

“Jeffrey Azoff Exists CAA To Form New Company: Exclusive. The son of music industry veteran Irving Azoff-“

Across the room, I sighed.

Big wide blue eyes looked up at me from my living room couch as my grunt pierced the air.

“What are you doing?” I questioned as her cheeks curled into quick dimples.

“I’m reading the news.”

“You’re doing it again.” I said to her.

I was in my kitchen, barely listening to her as I popped some popcorn from the stove.

Until…she started reading about Jeffrey.

“What? This is interesting.” She said turning back to her phone.

I just shook my head.

She was never ending.

At this point, I figured she and Harry had worked out some secret contract, because she kept bringing him up-without sometimes even bringing him up. She was the queen of hints, and ever since she heard we hadn’t ‘worked it out’, she had been on  a mission.

Anything that could cut Harry’s name and associations back in my world, she willingly tried.

Now, a month later, this was her new approach.

“Listen to this; longtime Azoff client Harry Styles of One Direction is expected to join the roster at Full Stop-“

“Old news.” I said, opening my fridge and grabbing the sodas.

She tsked her tongue.

“Well I know that, but listen. This proves Solo Harry is coming. _Publicly._ You have to wonder what the other boys think huh?”

“I don’t. And good for him.” And then, “I don’t care.” I emphasized.

“You do.” She mumbled to herself.

Scrolling through her phone, her reading became silent while I finished up everything.  

As I plopped back beside her, resuming our Netflix; Orange is The New Black marathon, she continued to think to herself. Season four would be returning in the summer, and this was our new favorite show. We only watched it together, though it was a bit difficult since most days she was still three hours from me.

I was anxious to get back to the characters crazy lives and as I moved to press resume, she continued.

“You know how I know you still care?”

“Ugh!” I groaned immediately pushing my head back into the couch.

“You haven’t made your pages back public yet. And you still haven’t rehung your pictures of you guys together-“

“Kelsey-“

“And you get upset when I bring him up.” She finished.

I just looked at her.

“Why must you do this every time?”

She ignored me, finishing her thought.

“Those are signs that you still care. You care enough to go out of your way to avoid him.”

I faced her, popping a kernel in my mouth.

“Kesley, my supposed best friend, why do _you_ care?” I questioned back. “He cheated on me. I broke up with him and for the last month he’s been seeing Kendall.  He’s happy. I’m happy. He’s moved on. So have I. So why can’t you?”

She just smiled at me.

“None of that stuff you said is true. And I care because I’ve been looking at you… you have not moved on, and you’re definitely not happy. In fact I think you’re quite miserable Becca. You hate it here.”

I grabbed a small handful.

“I do.” I said honestly. “But that’s just because I’m not in Hamilton where all you guys are. In May, when we finally graduate I’ll be good. I just need some company.” I estimated.

“You won’t.” she said. “You should go back.”

“Go back where?”

“To California.”

I scoffed.

“For what? Besides I have a job here Kelsey remember?”

“A job you hate.” She muttered. “You should call up Entertainment Voice again.”

“And  a lease.” I added.  “I’m not going anywhere until January 2nd, 2017-“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah I know…but at least go back and visit. Take some days off or something. Get the sunshine back in your life.”

I just smiled at her, and finally resumed my show.

“You’re so dramatic.” I resolved. “I’m totally fine.”

“I’m serious Becca. I love it here. I have Bobby and…this place works for me. But I think you’re forcing it. I’ve known you a long time and you’re in a funk. You should do that. At least for a weekend; just go back and see if that’s where you should be again.”

As she looked at me with concerned eyes, I just turned back to the show.

If anyone could read me, it was her, and the look in her eyes let me know she was serious.

I was in a funk, and I was borderline depressed, but it was just because I was lonely.

This time last year I had friends, and papers and deadlines… nightly phone calls and quick texts with Harry…now, I had the nightly game of Family Feud to look forward too and the attention of my charcoal walls.  

She was right.

I needed to do something, and I did need a moment to get away from it all.

Maybe for a weekend…maybe for a week….

But I needed it.

 

  ****************

I booked a flight.

Family emergency was the excuse.

March 14th-20th, was for me.

Hello Sunny California.

 

Of course my bosses were reluctant to let me leave with such short notice, but at this point, I was ready to be fired.

I just didn’t care anymore, which is why I needed to go.

I needed to get my spirit and sanity back.

 

On the day I arrived, my mom picked me up from the airport; frazzled.

The usual tanned, ready to take on anything, hot mama of mine, looked like she was ready to shoot herself.

“I have so much shit to do today.” She explained as she rushed into traffic, cursing at everything and everyone. “I should have let your dad get you.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked, not even offended.

She just rolled her eyes.

“God forbid anybody bother John David Johnson.”

As she tsked her tongue, I just studied her. More and more, I was starting to see my parents upset at each other.

When I called home to check in with my sister, sometimes I could hear them arguing in the background.

I didn’t know what was going on, but they had been in a rough patch for the past few months. 

“Is everything okay with you guys?” I asked, giving her my full attention, before she ignored me, honking loudly at the car in front of us.

“Asshole this is the Fastrack lane!”

She honked even louder and I just turned from her.

I couldn’t tell if she was avoiding the question, or just truly frustrated.

“Fuck, I just don’t have the energy for this!” she huffed, reaching for her phone. “I’m going to have to call Shelly.”

Shelly was her assistant manager, who also managed three other stores. If she was calling her, it was an emergency.

“Mom what’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t have time for this!” she exclaimed. “I love ya kid, but this is cutting into my day. I’ve got people out at the store for vacation, and I’ve got a new girl I’ve got  to train,  who let’s be honest is dumb as a bag of nickels. I have a dentist appointment that I’m going to have to cancel. And I’ve got to meet with contractors, on top of, taking Tina to her doctor appointment today and-“

“Mom, slow down.” I suggested. “Take a breath.”

She was rambling in the worst way.

She sighed and rolled her eyes.

“I can help out.” I suggested. “Use me. I have nothing to do here except lie around the next few days. What can I help with? Tina? Do you need me to take her to the doctor?”

My aunt was still battling with complications of her breast cancer from the winter.

“No,” my mother said. “I need to be there for my sister but…Hey!” she turned to me with a big smile. “Do you want to train the new girl?”

“The dumb as a bag of nickels one? No thanks.”

She giggled.

“Oh come on! It’ll be fun. You’ll like her. She’s really a sweetheart.”

I turned from her, already shaking my head no.

I wasn’t going anywhere near the Art Café…

“She kind of reminds me of Kelsey.” She added.

I instantly laughed.

“Wow. If that isn’t an insult-“

“Not because she’s dumb….but you’ll see what I mean.  She’s into the makeup and shit like her….can you? Please? It would really help me out. Taylor is so busy with her studies this week or I would ask her.” She said in a small plead.

I sighed. It really wasn’t what I had in mind.

I wanted to help with my aunt.

I still hated that place and training would mean I would have to interact with the coffee machines, which we all knew was my least favorite thing in the whole world.

“Fine,” I said with a measured sigh. “Is today her first day?”

“Yes. If you could just give her the crash course, maybe today and tomorrow that would really help me. Just the basics. Ya know, where stuff is…how to make the quick coffees. Our coffee shop culture...”

“Tomorrow too?” I asked, stuck on that part of the sentence.

“You offered.” She said innocently.

I just rolled my eyes. Me and my big fucking mouth.

“Fine.” I said. I was only home so much, and I did need to help out sometimes.

Still I hadn’t even been in Los Angeles three hours, and I was already headed back to work.

Bloody great.

Some vacation…

“Opps!”

I looked at the numerous coffee beans scatter the floor and smiled.

“Yup just like that.” I said.

I had just giving an instruction or what not to do, and seconds later…

The trainee, a bubbly redhead named Julia bit her lip in nervousness.

“I’m so sorry!” she said quickly.

“It’s totally fine.” I said bending down on my knees. “I do this at least twice a week.”

“She’s not lying.” Jim said trailing past us.

Another long-time employee, I smacked a towel at his feet as he laughed darting away from me.

“Stay away from him.” I warned the girl with a smile as she bent on her knees to help me.

“Okay.” She said.

She gave me a warm smile.

I liked her, and my mom was right. She was Kelsey’s twin with the mannerisms, the one-liners and the same polished look.  If Kelsey was here, they would be new best friends.

For now though she was mine.

I had been training her since the day before, and my mother was right, she was sweet as pie, but the common sense trait was missing.

Yet, she was willing to learn and had that innocent quality that my mom’s customers would love. I could see why she had gotten the job.

As we cleaned up the beans, I decided to restart the lesson.

“Okay again,” I said going to the machine I hated the most. “This is what you’re supposed to do.”

As she stood beside me, I re- started my steps, pausing after every one to make sure she understood.

She nodded, but with the wide eyed expression I wasn’t sure if she got it.

Luckily it was mid noon, and not a peak time so we had time to learn this.

We had made it through the morning rush, and in an hour would be getting ready for the lunch people.

As I pushed a final button on the machine, the warm steamed milk started pouring on top of the fresh ground coffee.

“See.” I said in triumph..

“Got it.” She said warmly.

“Alright, grab the stuff. I want you to make this one.”

“Okay.” She said.

As she complied the ingredients for our featured White Mocha drink, I sat back and watched.

Above me, Justin Timberlake was singing about Strawberry Bubblegum, and the patrons were click, click, clicking on their computers around the shop.

As I sang the words of the song, nodding my head along, I watched as she reached for the can of whipped cream.

The signal of the doorbell rang, but I didn’t look up.

We were more than staffed today as I trained.

As she opened the can, she began to apply a smooth lather to the cup.

She looked up at me as it swirled.

I gave her a warm smile.

“Perfect.”

It was just whipped cream after all, but that was what I meant.

She was truly concerned about everything she was doing, not wanting to make any mistakes.

As I lifted my eyes back to hers, I turned behind me quickly, reaching for the cup lid. She was decent at this coffee making thing. Once she got the other logistics down, she would be rocking on her own by the end of the week.

Or maybe not….

When I turned back around, I moved to hand the lid to her, but was instantly stopped.

“Oh no! Too much!” I said looking down at the cup that was now overflowing with whip cream.

She cut her nervous eyes at me quickly.

I just smiled as our eyes locked.

“Woah, what happened?” I asked.

She peered beyond me and nodded her head at the front counter.

Turning quickly to her distraction I paused as well.

_Harry._

 

Looking at me.

All 5’11 inches of him.

Immediately my eyes locked on his frozen green ones.

I wanted to smile.

I wanted to run and hug him.

Yet I also wanted to run and dart to the breakroom.

It was such an awkward feeling.

Why the hell was he here?

Oh dear, dear, dear…

“Um,” I began quickly. I turned back to the drink. “What was I saying?”

Julia blinked at me, and then looked down at the cup too.

Then back at me.

Then back to him.

I couldn’t focus on that.

“Okay next lesson!” I said quickly, snapping my fingers. 

Moving further away from that front counter, I bent and quickly tried to get myself as busy as possible.

I heard Julia shuffle behind me, but I knew she was paying no attention to me.

As I bent down level to a cabinet, she sided up to me.

“Do you know who that is?” she whispered loudly.

I immediately played the dumb role.

“Huh?”

“Harry Styles!” she whispered loudly.

I bit my lip. Little warm tingles moved down my arms…

I didn’t look up.

I shrugged it away.

“He comes in here all the time.” I said casually.

Which should have been a lie…back in January I had banned him from stepping foot in here so I didn’t know why he was here…looking at me, looking at him…

I dropped a paper cup, flustered.

Besides my mother and sister hadn’t mentioned seeing him.

What kind of luck was this…

“What?!” Julia practically shrieked. “He does? Oh my gosh. I use to be _so_ in love with him.” She quickly offered. “About three years ago, he was the love of my life, until I discovered Shawn Mendes.”

She chuckled as if  we were about to go into some cahoots about boy band members and sexy male singers.

I didn’t even crack a smile.

“Good for you.” I said handing her a stack of cups.

I still didn’t  bring my eyes over to the front counter, but by now I could hear him.

His voice was rich; almost velvety and whispering…

It still amazed me the way I could pick him out of a crowd.

I didn’t know the specifics of what he was saying to Maria, the team lead and the cashier at the moment, but I tried my best to continue to ignore him.

“Okay next drink.” I said lifting and going to the farthest counter in the back area. I turned my back to all the patrons, and began my next lesson.

Julia, who was still in awe, looked at me, ready for her lesson while looking at him in the small distance.  

I quickly started my instructions when I was interrupted.

“Uh Becca-“

I instantly recognized the voice of Maria.

I still didn’t turn around.

“Yes?” I questioned, pouring some steamed milk in a cup.

“That guy is asking for you-“

“Harry Styles?!” Julia quickly exclaimed.

I felt the immediate burst in my stomach. Little itching things started fluttering inside of me this time.

His name was still doing something to me…

“I’m busy.” I said before she even finished.  

“He asked for you though. What should I tell him?”

“Tell him I’m training.” I said and I was.

I looked at Julia, who was still watching Harry in the distance.

“Are you paying attention?” I called out.

She quickly turned to me and her body with it.

She was now.  

“Of course.” She said.

“But Becca-“

“Becca?”

The itchy things burned. His voice moved through my body.; loud and close now.

I slowly turned and saw Harry.

He hadn’t waited for Maria. He was there, feet in front of me, looking at me.

As our eyes locked again, it felt like time stopped.

Fuck, shit, damn…all the curse words...

He looked _amazing._

I studied the red, white and blue patterns of his floral shirt and his skinny dark wash jeans.. His hair was long and flowing with his usual sunglasses parting it back.

So damn long now…

I also noted the other pair of sunglasses, hung on his chest.

Only Harry….

“You’re back?” he questioned, seeing me and only me.

I stopped. I paused.

I didn’t know what to say.

Maria and Julia looked at us curiously.

I was nervous, more-so than any of them.

Yet I didn’t know why.  I had dated him for close to a year.

He looked soooo good though. The past month had done him really well. 

“No.” I said turning from him. “Just a few days.”

“When did you get back?” he asked igniting conversation as if no time had passed.

As if the last time I had saw him I hadn’t screamed at him, cried for hours, fucked him, left him…

I gave him a confused look and he read my eyes.

Remembering where we were and that we had an audience, a hand went through his hair.

Pulling his sunglasses from his shirt over his eyes, he gave a small head nod towards the door.

It was some not so hidden gesture to follow him back to the front counter.

As he began the trek, I knew I was supposed to follow.

Dropping the items in my hand, I gestured for Maria to assist Julia and made the reluctant trek back to the counter.

I was praying there would be a different patron who would need  help so I wouldn’t have to talk to him. Yet, no such luck.

As I stood back before him, we faced each other.

Our eyes locked, at least I assumed they did, behind the covered lenses of his sunglasses.

“What is it?” I asked quickly crossing my arms as he peered down at me. “What do you want?”

My voice was rushed, and I immediately saw that he was taken aback.

The question in my tone was rude and bothered, though it wasn’t what I had wanted.

Swallowing, he immediately looked down at his feet, shuffling.

Now he was back there- the last time we had spoken. I knew what he immediately assumed.

“That came out wrong.” I said quickly, looking at his dejected stance. “I’m just busy…training…”

He looked back up.

His head tilted to the girls in the corner who had to still be listening to every word.

“Training? I didn’t know you were here.” He said bringing his eyes back to me.

Again, an assumption.

I couldn’t see anything behind those expensive glasses.

“When did you get back?”

“Yesterday.”

“How long are you staying?” he asked placing his hand in the pockets of his skinny jeans.

His tiny hips had my partial attention until I brought them back up to his face.

“Until Sunday.”

A hand lifted immediately. He ran a hand through the tall end of his long curled locks.

I was mesmerized by it.

I hadn’t realized how long his hair was until now.

For months I had been around him, and seeing him on  regular basis so I didn’t notice the quick growth, but now, with the distance, his shit was growing a quick and steady pace. By the end of the year, it would be halfway down his back. Hell it was almost there.

“What are you doing here?” he asked next. “You’re still in New York right?”

I nodded yes.

“Just helping out.” I said simply.

“Oh.” He said and then it started.

The small perfect face birthed two small dimples.

“It’s good to see you.” He said gently.

That face…

I shuffled my own feet.

I couldn’t repeat the same phrase.

I was too nervous still.

“So um…” he paused glancing around the shop. “Work didn’t care? That you’re here?”

“I didn’t really care if they did. It’s not really working out.” I said, completely honest with him always and his dimples instantly dropped.

Worry, creased between his brows.

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?” he asked gently.

His immediate concern warmed me, though I hadn’t meant to be so blunt. I hadn’t meant to invite the additional inquiry.

“Um…” I paused.

He took the second to remove his glasses and as the green eyes met mine again and the sunglasses curled in his hands, I stuttered.

“Uh…um…it’s nothing. Forget I said it.” I waved away.

“No, what do you mean? You don’t like it?” he asked.

Boyfriend Harry was in full effect and he looked at me the way he used too when I would complain about a stupid paper or something upsetting.

He hung on every word ready to swoop in and help.

The bell rang, signaling the front door opening.

Glancing behind him, I had a patron.

Yes!

Adios to this awkward exchange.

Harry turned as well, sensing the distraction and then turned back to me.

I quickly kicked back into gear.

“Uh what can I get you?” I asked.  “What are you here for? A latte or something?”

He just looked back at me.

He froze as if I asked a foreign question, then lifting his eyes he looked at the menu above me.

“Oh that’s right.” He said. “Um..”

He stalled, shifting his eyes back and forth over the menu. He was now the one frazzled.

As the next patron stood behind him, he must have felt the presence.

 “Nevermind.” He said quickly. “I’ll come back.”

I looked at him in confusion.

“Later. Tonight.” he said suddenly. “If that’s okay?”

His voice had a question to it, and I knew the hidden meaning of his words. 

If he came back tonight it wasn’t for the coffee, but so he could talk to me more.

The thought terrified me and excited me at the same time.

Did I really want to do this again, when I could barely handle it now?

Well looking at him right now….

Absolutely.

I couldn’t believe he was here.

“Um…sure.” I said nervously. And then, “We close at 7.”

We actually closed at ten, but he also read between my words. I  had just given him my shift end time.

“I’ll be here in time.” He said with a small smile and then moved out of the way as the other patron pulled up to his previous spot.

As our eyes stayed locked together, he began to back up.

“Thanks.” He said. “Bye Becca.”

Those green eyes held me in a private trance, until he turned away.

As the bell rang, signaling his departure, I finally blinked. 

Oh no.

What did I just do?

***************

By my shift end, I was a jitter of nerves.

The employee bathroom was my best friend as I shifted my hair up and down deciding how I wanted to wear it.

I smacked my cheeks pushing some color into my face and debated if I wanted to add a small slither of makeup.

I didn’t know why I cared and I didn’t know why I was worried.

It had been a month since we had seen each other, sure…and the last time hadn’t been that great.

Yet, nothing was about to change.

I was still in New York, and I was still not over everything.

I hadn’t forgiven him.

At least, that’s what I hoped.

Julia had gotten off at 6:30pm, and the only other stragglers at work were staying until the end so I didn’t worry about anyone seeing this meetup as I exited.

Shifting my wrap around purse, I headed to the back of the café parking lot, where I assumed Harry would meet me.

The interesting thing was that had been our only contact.

For the rest of the day, I waited on the text message I was sure he would send as confirmation, but nothing came through my phone.

As I headed outside, the parking lot was bare outside of my car, a few employee cars and the patrons who had snuck in the back, avoiding the metered parking.

The ‘California’ privilege still alive and well.

Yet, there was no Range Rover, or White top down Mercedes, or the sports like Audi Harry drove in town.

He wasn’t here.

As I looked around, I had to admit I felt immediate disappointment.

Maybe he had changed his mind or maybe I had misunderstood what he was suggesting.

Either way, as I hit the key fob of my Toyota Prius, I sighed in disappointment.

I realized then I had actually wanted to see him and it made me a little sad.

Opening my front car door, I tossed my purse in first  with small frustration and lifted a leg  to climb in when I felt a  gentle tap on my shoulder.

Jumping out of my damn skin, I practically screamed as I turned around and faced Harry hitting the top of my car door in panic.

Innocently, and with the most charming smile, he looked down at me.

“You alright?” he asked quickly.

“Where the hell did you come from!” I exclaimed,  clutching my chest.  

He gestured to a large Cadillac Escalade truck behind us.

“Right over there?” he said with a casual point. Then his eyes narrowed.

“ You were just going to leave me?”

“I didn’t think you were here.” I said and then looked down at his Chelsea Boot covered feet. How the hell didn’t I hear him?

“You didn’t see me?” he questioned.

“Obviously not.” I said raising my eyes back to his.

He  was still looking at me.

“I told you I would be here.” He said as if that summed up everything.

I pushed off my car, re-gaining my balance.

 “Well  I started thinking  I misunderstood.”

“Oh.” He said finally, then smiled again. “No. I was coming. I just sat in an hour of traffic to be here.” He assured.

And then he took me in. Giving me  a quick up and down scan, he gave an appreciate nod.

“Sorry for scaring you.”

“It’s fine.” I said, and then I _took him in._

He was still in his outfit from earlier and his hair was still long and flowy…yet for someone who had been here for the past two months, he was missing that slight California tan.

He was practically pale, yet still devastatingly handsome.

Jeez I had been a lucky girl once.

Well…before he cheated on me and humiliated me.

As our eyes locked, we both waited for the next words.

“So um…” he began, fumbling his words first. “Do you have anywhere to be immediately?”

“No.” I said honestly, keeping my eyes completely on his.

Those green swirls were dilated. He was nervous this time. 

“Um…well…are you  hungry?” he asked. “Want to go get something to eat?”

I froze.

I didn’t know. Talking in a parking lot was something short and sweet.

It was safe.

Fast food drives or conversations over a dinner table would be more intimate.

I didn’t know if I was ready for that yet.

I didn’t even know what was going on with him.

He had been so royally flushed down the drain he was practically a stranger to me again.

I didn’t know if I was ready to know about his world again.

Though, I was glad to see him. I could admit that.

And man, the way he looked…

“I don’t know if I’m hungry.” I said.

He smirked, dragging his teeth against his lips.

“Oookay?” he practically teased. “I don’t know what that means. How do you not know?”

As he smiled at me, I had to stop my own smile. It was infectious.  

“I mean,” I cleared my throat and looked at my open car door, that I was still trapped inside. “I hadn’t thought about food yet.”

He just looked back at me, waiting on me to come to my own conclusion.

Those green eyes stayed on mine; piercing.

“Where?” I asked next.

He shrugged casually.

“Wherever. I’ll drive.” He said.

I used the moment to tease him.

“And what’s wrong with my car?” I asked. “Too compact for you?”

“No.” he said. “It’s fine.” Then he studied it. “I thought you were getting a new car though?”

“I am. One day.” I added. “My parents said they’ll get it when they come up.”

“Oh.” He said. “They haven’t came up yet to see your place?”

“A lot going on.” I  assured. “They will soon.”

He just nodded okay.

He waited on an answer, eager for me to make a quick decision and end this awkward exchange. I shifted my eyes back and forth thinking.

“Where could we go?” I asked next.

“Anywhere.” He said.

“I mean where we won’t be seen.” I emphasized.

His eyes met mine, reading my words and then he seemed to have an idea.

“Lock your car.” He said. “I have a place in mind.”

“I haven’t agreed yet.” I said stubbornly.

He paused, taken aback again and then I had to address it; last month.

Though we seemed fine in this moment, we had history and the way we had left things was suddenly on my mind.

Surely he had to be mad at me, or upset or something…..he hadn’t even came outside to say bye as they cab took me away and I hadn’t forgotten the broken look in his eyes.

“I mean, I don’t know if we should.” I said honestly. “With the way we left things.”

Harry’s eyes shifted away from mine, gazing somewhere in the distance.

He bit his lip then seemed to shrug it off.

“It’s fine. I’m over all of it.”

And then he turned back to me, studying me.

“Are you?” he questioned gently.

 I just shrugged too.

I didn’t know.

 He gave me a soft look, shuffling his feet. I had never seen him so nervous.

He crossed his arms.

“Well Becca,” he began slowly. “Before we were anything else, we were friends. Why can’t we just be that again?” he asked innocently.

Friends….

I practically laughed.

I didn’t think I could _just_ be friends with him.  I didn’t know if I knew how too.

Still, his expression and invitation was 100% serious.

He looked at me for answer, waiting on a response.

I shuffled my own feet. We kept mirroring each other’s awkward gestures.

Boy this was the most uncomfortable moment we had ever shared; well except the day I told him I loved him for the first time.

“Where would we go?” I asked  a moment later. “Where are you thinking?”

“Soho house. In Weho. We’ll have complete privacy.”

Soho, in West Hollywood  was a place he had been trying to take me for the last year.

The exclusive club to those in the creative fields.

That would be an intimate place and we wouldn’t be bothered unless he wanted us to be.

The word “Okay” was out of my mouth before I could even think it through.

He instantly smiled.

Digging his skinny pants, he grabbed his car keys out and locked his doors. The Cadillac, lit up and beeped.

Then, he headed his long frame to my passenger seat.

“Wait!” I called out quickly as I realized what he was doing.

I actually preferred his car.

My compact car would have him too close to me, and the huge Cadillac SUV in front of me was guaranteed to be more spacious.

Where did this car even come from?

It wasn’t a ‘Harry type vehicle’

“You can drive.” I assured meeting his raised eyes and shutting my car door.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I don’t care who drives. I like your car.” He said.

I smiled.

“I’m sure.”

I locked my car for confirmation.

Shuffling back towards me, I followed this time as he led us over to the large vehicle.

Unlocking the door, he surprised me when he went to the passenger side first.

Opening the door, he held it open for me and gestured for me to climb in.

Ever the gentlemen I had to once again swallow my smile down, as I climbed in the wide space.

This car was nice.

As Harry hopped in the front seat, I smelled the faint scents of his cologne, and smelled the cinnamon from the car.

He had either  had a car refresher in here, or he had been chewing on lots of cinnamon gum the last few days.

“When did you get this rental?” I asked curiously as he started the car.

“Its not a rental.” He explained. “I got it in January.”

“What happened to your Range Rover?” I asked.

“I still have it. Wanted something new though.”

Hmm…

As he pulled out of the parking lot, I did a quick scan.

I was looking for evidence then; a pink hair tie, jewelry…something to confirm what I assumed; that I was  currently sitting in the recent spot of Ms. Kendall Jenner.

As Harry studied the traffic, waiting for his turn to go back onto the main road, I studied him, looking for differences.

“How was your day?” he asked making conversation.

“Okay.” I said, still keeping my eyes on him, though he was shifting his own eyes back and forth between the road.

He moved into traffic, and then looked at me.

“You said you were training?” he questioned.

“Yeah our new girl.”

“Why?” he asked “Where’s your mum?”

“Running around like a chicken with her head cut off. She’s got a lot going on right now.”

“Where’s your dad?” he asked next.

“Don’t know.” I said. “He didn’t come home yesterday and he’s supposed to be at some retreat all day today.”

“Hmm.” He said. “So just here to help then?”

“If I can.” I said honestly.

He grew quiet, thinking to himself.

“I didn’t know you still came to the café.” I said next.

He looked at me with a smirk.

“I don’t.” he said. “Today was my first time since last year.”

“Really?” I asked in surprise.

“Yeah.” He said. “And then when I saw you I thought I was losing my mind a bit.”

I chuckled and turned from him.

“That happened like two weeks ago.” He suddenly offered. “I was in London, and I was at Tesco, and I saw this girl and I could have sworn she was you. I even called your name.”

“And did she answer?”

“Yeah, even asked for an autograph. That’s when I knew for sure it wasn’t you.” He teased.

I smiled.

“What were you doing in London?” I asked. “Aren’t you recording here?”

“I’m going back and forth.” He said honestly. “I just got back myself a couple days ago.”

“Oh.”

I kept my eyes on the windshield.

“How’s that coming? The recording?”

“Good.” He said. “Stuff is coming out now, but I’m not trying to get too deep in it yet. I’ve got other stuff coming up.”

“Like what?” I asked

Coyly, he kept his eyes on the road.

“Well, it’s not a huge deal but…I’m um…going to be in a movie.”

I turned to him in surprise.

“A movie?” I asked.

He turned to me with a wide smile.

“Yeah I never told you I was auditioning. With everything…” his voice trailed off. “It’s a Christopher Nolan film.”

“Christopher Nolan, Christopher Nolan?” I asked.

“Yeah, Dark Knight, Inception, Memento.”

“Get out of here.” I said and he smirked.

“No I’m serious.”

“Doing what?”

“It’s a war pic.”

“What are you doing in it?”

He shrugged casually.

“Not much, just have a small role ya know…it’s not  a big deal.”

“Yes it is.” I said excited for him.

He was always shy when it came to his work.

“Wow, I wish I would have known. Good job though. When did you get it?”

“Last month.”

“Wow.” I said again. “I’m so proud of you. You’re so talented.”

He just smiled slowly.

“Thanks. That means  a lot to me.” He said gently.

“When will it be announced? Like everything start and stuff?”

“Well it’s already been announced.” He aid honestly. “It hit the papers last week and-“

“Really?” I asked cutting him off. “And did it mention you?”

“Yeah.” He said. “Variety reported it.”

I turned from him.

I was really out of the loop.

Normally I would have already known this news then.

Harry must have sensed this too, because he looked at me.

“Well you’ve been busy I know.” He said a moment later. “Tell me about your stuff. What’s going on with you?”

“I’d rather not.” I said honestly.

“Why?  
“Because it’s the most boring job on the planet.”

He smirked thinking I was joking, but I kept my expression serious.

“You really don’t like it?” he asked, reading me.

“No.” I said.

“Oh.” He said. His expression immediately fell, as if he too was personally affected by my unhappiness. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It is what it is.”

“Did you at least get to start the manuscript process?” he asked. “I know you were looking forward to that at least.”

“Yes.” I said. “Still don’t like it.” I said.

Harry kept his attention between me and the road.

“So…what are you going to do?” he asked. “Stay there or…” his voice trailed off again.

“I don’t know.” I said with a small sigh. “I’m locked into my lease on my place so, I’ve got to figure it out.”

“Oh.” Was all he said. His ‘oh’ was laced though.

There were thoughts swimming in his gorgeous head.

 

As we made our way across town, we continued our small talk, mainly discussing his new movie and how he got the role. By the time we were at the Soho house, I was deeply engrossed in his audition story and his usual small humor as he explained the  battle of his gray beanie and trying to be a shorter haired Styles.

Seemed this movie would eventually call for those luscious brown locks to be cut, and as he explained how short, I couldn’t believe it. The long hair was pretty much a part of him at this point.

“No you won’t.” I said.

“I will. I have too.” He said. “That’s the way they use to wear their hair.”

He had a picture pulled up on his phone. I continued to look at it in disbelief.

Shifting across the seat, I moved a hand through his long waves.

“You’re going to even cut this?” I asked running my hand over the set of his hair above his ear.

“Yeah.” He said not even flinching at our first contact. “Even that.”

He grinned at me.

I just shook my head as I turned from him.

“I don’t believe you.” I said with a smile.

“You’ll see.” He taunted.

 

The valet approached then. As we both got out,  Harry tipped the man, but kept his attention on me.

Approaching me, he gently patted my back, gesturing for me to follow him.

As he led us inside, he did have to flash his ‘membership’ badge, and I followed close behind.

“You want a tour first?” he asked.

I nodded yes.

He pressed his hand out then, asking me to take it.

Without thought,  I curled his hand in my own. I had instant memories of us before.

As he led me around, past the  roof terrace and screening rooms and the garden, I just looked at everything in awe.

Once again, I was reminded of the perks of being in his life; things only he could introduce me too.

As we eventually stopped at the restaurant portion of the building, our hands finally broke apart.

By then though I was in my glory.

I’ not going to out the celebrities I saw inside, but I was perfectly nestled in that world.

As we sat down, Harry took over, ordering our drinks while I  browsed the menu and prices.

Chips and Guacamole was fifteen dollars and the dinner I was eyeing, Lobster Spaghetti, was forty two dollars.

Harry must have read my expression because the moment we were alone, he cut in.

“Get whatever you want.” He said.

I looked up at him.

It all looked so good but pricey.

“How often do you come here?”

“All the time. Why?” he asked.

“No reason.” I said.

In my mind, I was calculating that coming here on  a regular basis would hurt my pockets.

Harry picked up his own menu, scanning and before he called out, I already knew what was going to get.  A Kale Salad, and the shrimp tacos.

Two minutes later, as he made his announcement, I just chuckled.

“What’s funny?” he asked.

“You.” I said honestly. “You don’t change.”

He playfully scoffed.

“I change all the time.” He said.

“You don’t.” I said. “I knew exactly what you were going to order before you even began.”

“That’s not because I don’t change, that’s just because you know me Becca.”

“Hmm, maybe.” I said still scanning the menu, but for me it was a passing thought. “Would it be okay if I got the spaghetti?” I asked looking in his warm eyes.

“Of course.” He said. “Get whatever.” He said.

As he dropped his menu, he took a sip of his water.

“I shouldn’t get it though.” He said a moment later. “I literally had the same salad about two hours ago.”

“Where?”

“I met Rande and Cindy at the café.”

“Oh.” I said, his favorite spot; good ol Café Habana.

 “How are they?”

“Good.” He said.

“And your family?” I asked next.

“Good too.”

“Good.” I said.

“My mum asked about you the other day.” He offered.

“Really?” I asked lifting my eyes. He read my expression.

“She was just curious if I talked to you…nothing too crazy.”

“I’m surprised she asked. Doesn’t she hate me?”

He frowned.

“Why would she hate you?”

“Last month. At the house.” I said honestly.

He paused and took a slow sip of his water.

“That was…a lot.” He said simply. “But I think everyone kind of understood. It was a tough couple weeks.”

“I was  a bitch.” I said slowly, saying the truth.

“Yeah you were.” He said gently, with a small grin. “But…I was never mad at you. Her either. Hurt, maybe. But not mad. I didn’t have a right to be.”

I didn’t say anything immediately.

Despite what he said, I was still quite embarrassed by my behavior that trip. After I got home, I realized just how rude I must have seemed. The bitchy Becca from the Palm Springs house wasn’t me; though, maybe Harry triggered it from somewhere deep inside. He had hurt me in an unexplainable way.

I spun my glass.

“What about Glenne?” I asked next. “I’m sure she hates me.”

“I don’t know.” He said honestly. “We haven’t talked about you since all that.”

“Probably does then.” I remarked. “I can’t believe I was going to fight her harry.” I said as remembered my moment of insanity. “I was actually considering punching her.”

He chuckled. “I remember. Who knew Becca ‘Rocky’ Johnson was in that tiny frame of yours.”

“She would have beat my ass.” I said seriously and he smiled wider.

“Yeah probably. But, then again you were pretty mad. ”

I giggled. Man that had been a night. Those poor people who were forced to listen to it.

“Either way,” he said then. “I’m quite sure if she started swinging I would have been taking all the hits either way it went…so you would have been okay I’m sure.”

“Hey I can fight.” I said defensively.

“That’s not what I mean.” He said quickly. “I’m pretty sure you can, but… I wouldn’t have let her lay a finger on you. Not while  I was there.”

“Even if I deserved it?” I questioned.

“Yeah even then.” He said. “I wouldn’t have let anyone hurt you Becca.” He said.

His voice had a hint of _duh_ to it, but I didn’t respond directly.

I took a sip of my water this time. That was sweet. As it always was. For all the grief Harry had put me through, I couldn’t deny that outside of his discretion, he had always treated me very well. He was good to me.

 

We moved on.

 

By the time the food was on the table we were talking about other small trivial things. So I decided to sprinkle my own kindness.

“I’m sorry.” I said and his eyes lifted to meet mine. “For everything.”

Moving his eyes away from mine for  a moment, he kept his green eyes on his new iced tea glass.

“Me too.” He said after a moment. “More than you’ll ever know.” He said.

His tone was once again sincere and I couldn’t help the smile that highlighted my face a second later.

It was nice to be back here.

There was no definition of lovers, or…even associates…but we were okay again and I think we were both flooded with relief.

As we headed back to his car over an hour later, we were back on good terms.

With potential _friends,_ as a promising new beginning.

 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked as we buckled back into our seats.

“Day off.” I said honestly. “You?”

“Working with the guys. Full stop stuff.”

“Oh.” I said.

“But,” he said piggybacking off my answer. “I’m free in the morning.”

I turned to him.

“You want to…I don’t know do this again? Get some breakfast?” he asked gently.

“Do this again?” I questioned.

He just smirked as I gave him an interested look.

“Don’t try to act like you didn’t have  a good time.” He threw out.

He smirked wider.

I smiled because he was right. I had. A really good one.

“I mean at least once… before you leave town” He said next.  With his statement, his cheeks reddened and he appeared suddenly shy.

His shyness and quick way to sell it was adorable to me.

“I think I’m free.” I said to put him out of his misery.

“Kay. I’ll pick you up about eightish?” he guessed.

I nodded okay.

“Cool.” He said with a smile and I smiled back.

****************

“Work, work, work, work, work, work. You see me I be work, work, work-”

“Oh Jeez.”

“Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, nana, nana, nana,”

“Oh please no.” Harry said with a loud laugh.

I flicked my hair, putting on my best Caribbean accent, in his passenger seat as the R&B hit began.

In my romper, I instantly accessed my inner Rihanna, while Harry drove and tried to keep his composure.

Laughing loudly from the other side of the car, his laugh was a warm sound as moved into Drake’s rap.

“We just need to slow the motion. Don’t give that away to no one. Long distance, I need you. When I see potential I just gotta see it through.” I rapped. With  a wink from me, Harry just continued to shake his head.

When the song finally dwindled down, Harry was silent with a smile.

“And that is why I’m always anxious to get you in a car.” He said. “No one is ever as entertaining as you.”

“That’s a great song.” I said taking a sip of my provided water bottle Harry had brought for me. Though it was early in the day, it was going to be a warm one.

He shook his head no.

“I love Rihanna, but that is the most annoying song I have ever in my life.”

“Don’t disrespect her.” I scolded. “Anti is a masterpiece.”

 _“You’re_ a masterpiece.” He said gently and then flashed a regular Harry smirk.  

I grew quiet on my side of the car, until he turned the radio down, turning to me.

“I want to ask you a question.”

“Sure.” I said.

“And tell me if it crossing a line but I wanted to ask you yesterday and I hesitated.”

“What?” I asked bringing my eyes to his.

“Well…in New York. What’s your life like? I mean I know you have work and you hate it, but what about when you go home? Do you have friends, or boyfriends or…I don’t know…people that you see regularly?”

As his green eyes stayed on me, waiting, I turned away from him.

I guess I was going to have to come clean about my lonely life.

“Kelsey Borchardt.”I said honestly.

He rolled his eyes playfully.

“Outside of her.”

“Kelsey.” I said again seriously.

He looked at me skeptically, then paused, trying to read me again.

“You haven’t made any friends?” he asked a moment later.

“No.” I said. “I told you, my coworkers don’t like me.”

He scoffed.

“You keep saying that but we both know that’s an exaggeration. You are the least unlikeable person I know.”

I just shrugged. I rubbed my hand over a pattern on my dress.

“They don’t like me. They think I’m stuck up.”

He gave me an unreadable expression and then tapped his finger on his steering wheel.

“Well I can see that.” He said.

I turned to him quickly.

“What do you mean?”

“Well you are sometimes.” He said and I continued to look at him.

He followed it up with a smile, so I immediately assumed he was joking.  

“That’s a mean joke.” I said and he once again just smirked.

Yet then I thought about it.

Was I?

And was he kidding?

Did people get that impression from me?

“Do you really think that?” I couldn’t help asking a moment later. “You think I’m stuck up?

“Stuck up is the wrong word.” He said gently. “But yes…you have your moments where you’re…uptight.” He said seriously.

“That’s the same thing!” I exclaimed, immediately offended. 

 “It’s not. Besides its just appearance wise,” he said quickly. “And you know how I feel about you, but you’re very unreadable. Sometimes…and if a person doesn’t know you, you could seem mean.”

I zeroed my eyes on him. This was all news to me.

“Did you think that about me when you first met me?”

“No. But I also didn’t meet you under normal circumstances either. I got to know you digitally before I was ever around you, so I know when you make certain expressions, like _that one_ ,” he joked, “That you don’t really feel that way. It’s just you.”

I turned from him.

This was  a big revelation to me.

Sure Kelsey said I was mean to the people at college, but that was because they were idiots; partying and mediocre grades seemed to be the highlight of some there…yet….was this the perception everyone got of me?

“Did Glenne or Jeff ever say that? Or your mum or something?” I questioned generally curious.

“No.” he said and then patted my knee, “Don’t worry about it love. It’s just something I’ve observed.”

“Observed when?” I asked. ‘

“With other people.” He said casually. “Forget  I said it.”

“I can’t. People think I’m a bitch?” I questioned.

“But you’re not.” He said. “You just have the bitchy face sometimes. That’s all Becca. It’s not a big thing.”

“So that’s probably why they don’t like me.” I estimated

“Maybe.” He said. “But surely they’ve got to talk to you and know you by now, which is why I said they should like you….once someone knows you, you’re wonderful. A person could never forget you.” He said sincerely.

 As his green eyes met mine again, they were soft, and I relaxed ever so slightly.

“Don’t worry about it Becca. You’re great, “ he reassured gently again. “Why do you think I fell in love with you?”

I pouted beside him, not entirely convinced.

“Stop being so hard on yourself…you’re great. A tad insecure, but great.” He joked again and I lifted my hand and hit his chest this time.

“Shut up.” I said. “Done talking to you.”

He just chuckled once more from his side of the car.

 

When we finally got to Ken’s diner, our breakfast spot, Harry’s proclamation was still on my mind.

I pushed a wide Joker looking smile on my face, so anyone who came into contact with me, couldn’t question if I was nice or not.

Harry, who realized what I  was doing, just kept watching me in amusement.

As we sat in a booth, I kept my smile.

“Okay now it’s getting creepy.” He said. “Feel like I’m sitting across from a serial killer.”

I smiled wider and we both cracked up.

“What are you getting?” I asked as we opened up our menus.

“Don’t know.”

“I think I’m going to get French-“

“French Toast.” He said at the same time.

I looked up at him and smiled.

“Well it’s not yours, but yes, that’s what I’m getting.”

He smirked back as I stuck my tongue at him.

He was proud that he had the correct answer.

“It’s scary isn’t it?” he said a moment later. 

I just looked back at him.

“What?”

“How in synch we still are.”

“It’s only been a month.” I reminded him.

He looked at me for a moment as it dawned on him. It had only been a couple weeks since we had been together.

“Yeah I guess it has…” he said. “Feels like longer. Like a lifetime almost.”

As he sat back in his chair, I didn’t meet his eyes again.

Scanning my eyes over the menu I just stayed quiet.

I knew what he meant.

I missed this.

 

Time passed quickly.

Conversation about the coffee shop and his Full Stop stuff with the boys took up most of the time.

He admitted he had about four ‘good’ songs recorded, but was writing every day.

He assured me that he didn’t yet miss the band and the guys, but that he was terrified, taking baby steps and not ready to yet fully plunge into this solo stuff.

“I don’t know who I am yet.” He explained. “When I’m in my sessions, I feel like its just a jam session, but I’m not quite sure if anything significant has came out yet.”

“Do you like the people you’re working with?”

“Love them.” He said. “They kind of all fell in my lap, but its going good. I’m excited.”

And he was.

As he looked at me with a wide smile, he was Harry- my Harry, though far from belonging to me.

I was happy to see him settled, but I couldn’t help feeling left out and though I shouldn’t have, my mind wandered if maybe just maybe…he thought about me sometimes.  My place in his world was supposed to be perched beside him, yet not anymore.

 

“You ready to get out of here?” he asked finally.

“Sure.” I said.

We hadn’t spent that much time together and as his phone began its usual buzzing, I knew that we couldn’t sneak anymore time even if we wanted too.

As we climbed back in his new large SUV, there was silence, though I couldn’t tell if it was comfortable.

There were things on my mind, and Harry was in his own thoughts.

 

As we pulled up to my house, I mumbled a small “Bye.”  and gathered my things.

 “Hey Becca?” he called out.

I turned to him.

Hesitant, wide green eyes met my own.

“Can we do something tomorrow?” he asked suddenly.

“Tomorrow?” I questioned in confusion.

“Yeah.” He said. “Can I see you again?”

I smiled.

I wanted too, and I was happy he said it but…I was confused.

I added a chuckle to my tone.

“Three days in a row? You haven’t had enough of me yet?”

He smirked back. His cheeks turned a small pinkish hue as they had the day before when he asked. Though today, he was even more nervous. Biting the inside of his cheek, he didn’t meet my eyes with his next statement.   

“Well…I don’t want it to be awkward or anything, but I’d like to make you dinner, _tomorrow_ at least.”

I looked at him curiously.

“Why?” I asked.

He looked at me then. He didn’t say anything right away waiting for me to catch on and when I did,

“Oh my gosh.” I exclaimed.

It completely hit me. What tomorrow was…

“Tomorrow’s Saint Patrick’s Day.” I suddenly remembered.

He nodded yes, shyly.

Which meant it was also our one year anniversary.

One year ago on that day, we kissed in the club for the first time. We had also went back to his hotel room and hooked up as well.

That was the beginning of all this.

I was shocked he remembered, even after everything the last few weeks.

Even with the last few days, I had honestly forgotten.

Harry continued to look at me waiting on an answer.

My silence must have sent an uneasy answer.

“It’s a bad idea isn’t it?” he questioned. “We don’t have too-“ he began in a quick rush.

“No we can.” I said even quicker. “I just hadn’t realized is all.”

He looked back at me.  

“So…its okay? Dinner at my place is alright?” he asked gently.

“Sure.” I said with a reassuring smile.

I wish I could explain his wide Grinch like grin then.

“Cool. I’ll text you the address in the morning.” He said

I looked at him in confusion. It had been a month, but it hadn’t been _that_ long since we had been together.

“I remember where you live Harry.” I assured.

“I moved.” He said. “I um… got  a new place in this area.”

Wow. More things that changed.

“When?” I asked.

I was aware of one of his properties he had sold back in June, but the last I heard about his main residence was that the place was still on the market from December.

“January.” He said. “It’s kind of why we were all in Palm Springs. My place was filled with boxes.”

“Oh.” I said, feeling that left out feeling again.

I’ll text you.” He assured with a warm smile. “The address and time…and all that.”

“Sounds good.” I said.

He just smiled at me again and  I finished grabbing my things.

I was back in my house in less than a minute.

 

 ****************

The next night, I couldn’t decide what to wear.

“What about this?” I asked my sister as she watched me, pull outfit after outfit out of my closet.

“That one is a bit too dressy.”

I sighed.

Boy did I know.

 This was a very confusing night for me.

I was torn between wanting to look nice for this ‘anniversary’ dinner, and wanting to look like a bum as to not spark any ideas.

I knew this dinner was just a friendly gesture; a peace offering, and that we weren’t about to get back together. Still, the old Becca couldn’t help but want to look her best and go all out.

After this week I would be returning to New York, and as it seemed, Harry’s path was about to be busy and singular.

Whatever could have happened or been worked out, had been washed down the drain.

“You should wear a skirt.” My sister offered finally. “Some flowy dressy design, and throw it on with a simple t-shirt. You’ll look dressed up but casual.”

“Skirt?” I asked skimming my closet.

“Yup.” She said from the bed. “And I have one in my closet, that’s perfect.”

As she stood and headed back to her own bedroom, I just accessed myself.

The makeup and hair was next, and I just hoped he liked the final product.

****************

 When I pulled up to Harry's new house, two hours later, I was in awe.

The place was amazing.

As I stared from my car, he came out to meet me.

"Well I hope you brought your appetite Becca Johnson. I may or may not have made too much food." He said with a bashful smile, approaching my car.

"Starved." I assured.

Climbing out of my car, I studied him. He had on a black silk button up with the stark white 'Styles' embroidered on the front.

His Tom Ford cologne moved through the air and we both smiled as our eyes locked.

"You look nice." He said scanning my sister's colorful skirt I had ultimately decided to wear. "You're showing me up."

I looked down at the snazzy piece.

"Is it too much?" I questioned.

"No it's perfect." He said and I brought my eyes back up.

His new place was highlighted by lanterns, and the warm hue of the lights made his eyes twinkle in the fading sun. I couldn't hold his gaze and moved my eyes back to the large home in front of me.

The lawns were manicured and I couldn't believe this was his new  _home._

"So this is an upgrade." I admired.

"You think?" he questioned, looking around. "It was a good price. Kind of a quick buy."

"Yeah. It's nice Harry. Seems like it has more character than your Beverly Hills place too...but, I'm surprised." I said honestly. "You're so close to everything. Isn't this going to be an easy target for your fans to find you?"

He shrugged. "I'm never here, besides, no one knows I've moved yet."

He then brought his eyes to the house.

"You want to go in?" he asked. "Get a proper tour?"

"Sure." I said curling my hands around my purse and following him.

His hair was down once again and I studied the shiny curls as we entered the front door.

When we did, the aroma in the air took my attention.

"Oh my God, what is that?" I asked immediately.

"Lasagna." He said. "Hope you like it, as I said, there's more than enough."

"It seems amazing." I said honestly.

He just smiled.

Leading me through a quick tour of his house, I was jealous.

This place could have been perfect for me.

It had my favorites and the way it was furnished was definitely my tastes.

When we made it to his bedroom, and the new view he had looking at the expanse Los Angeles, he must have realized.

"You like it?" he asked, watching me with a smile as I stared out of the window.

"I'm in love with this house Harry."

He smiled.

"I knew you would like it. I picked it with you in mind."

I turned to him.

"Did you really?"

He shook his head yes.

"I knew we weren't together but I thought-" he paused and our eyes locked. He pushed his thought away. "I just knew you would like it." He finished.

"I do." I said and then turned away from him, "For this house, I would say fuck London. I wouldn't leave."

"Saying fuck London would be saying fuck my mum, and not going to happen." He joked.

His voice was playful so I knew he wasn't offended.

He shuffled and sighed and placed his hands in his pants.

"Well...I should check on the food. You coming?"

"Oh yeah," I said quickly. "Show me the kitchen."

He just nodded okay. That had been the one place he had avoided knowing it was going to be where we eventually ended up.

As I followed him back down the stairs, I once again studied him. This time, his back muscles were the highlight of my attention.

"I got some wine too." He offered as we continued our trek in his spacious 4,000 square foot home.

"What kind?"

"Merlot." He said.

"Perfect." I said.

I was a white wine drinker, but Harry much preferred red, and with the dinner it sounded like he had planned, I had a feeling his choice would be better.

As we made it to the kitchen, the aroma was stronger than ever, and Harry's full feast was spread across the counter.

"You made all this?" I asked surveying the huge tray of salad, breadsticks and fruit salad. "You didn't have to work today?"

He shook his head no.

"No I've been home all day. I stopped at the store last night to get the stuff, and just dug in a couple hours ago."

"Well I'm honored." I said sitting on a stool. "You made the full spread."

"It's no biggie." He said, grabbing an oven mit and securing it on his large right hand. "Figured it was time I did something nice for you."

I smiled. "You always do nice things for me."

He didn't answer as he bent and opened the oven while I took in the kitchen.

He had some candles burning and some music was filtering in from somewhere.

It was cozy and I was completely comfortable.

As my eyes shifted around the room, one item stood out to me though.

As Harry pulled the lasagna out of the oven, hitting the burners with a thud, I was back on my feet, going over to a painting hanging on the wall.

It was clear and see-through and right in the center was something familiar.

I turned to him and was surprised to see he was already looking at me.

"Is this...?"

He smiled.

"It is."

"You still have this?" I questioned.

He shook his head yes.

"I'll admit I brought it out to test you tonight though. You found it; good job."

I looked back at him with curious eyes.

"I've always kept it close... but a part of me wanted to see if you would notice it tonight. Seeing as we are once again in that timeframe."

As I brought my eyes back to the small Good Luck Charm (my Valentine's day gift of 2015 to him) bought in China, I just chuckled.

"Well...sorry," I said. "Guess you lost this round."

He smirked, with his dimples wide on his face.

"Guess so." He said.

He gestured back to the stool for me to sit.

I did as he said, and he pulled out some silverware.

"Its way too hot at this moment, but we can eat in a couple minutes." He assured.

He reached for my wine glass and poured me a quick glass.

"I made dessert too if you want it. Pie."

I just shook my head in amazement.

"Well alright Chef Styles. I don't think I've even done this much for you before. You're the one showing  _me_ up."

He shrugged boyishly.

"Well it's probably the last time so I wanted to make it count."

As he said the words, it was a reminder again of where we were and what we had become.

In a couple days I would be back in New York, and he was right, this was probably the last time we had something like this.

Real life romance wasn't like it was in movies, and ex scorned lovers didn't return....at least, none I'd seen.

As Harry recapped the wine bottle, I took a sip of my wine.

The music was still playing in the background and we both listened for a moment; lost in different thoughts.

"You want to move to the dining room?" he asked eventually. "I have everything kind of setup in there."

"Sure." I said lifting off the stool.

Harry grabbed the silverware he had just pulled out and once again led the way.

I followed and the music grew louder.

More candles highlighted the trek and when we reached his dining room, I was once again taken aback.

Ignoring my look, Harry tried to pretend he didn't see the interested glance I gave him.

Sitting at the long table in the room, my eyes stayed on the small bouquet of yellow roses highlighted with red tips in the center.

I had never seen the type before but they were gorgeous.

"Interesting color." I said taking them in.

Harry who was right beside me, planted my fork and knife in front of me, then glanced at them.

"You like them?"

"They're gorgeous. Do they mean something?”

He once again just smiled.

“Maybe.” He said mysteriously.

He moved to his side of the table, and set his own silverware down.

Before he took his seat, he gave me another bashful look.

"This isn't weird is it?" he asked.

"No it's fine. I appreciate it all Harry."

"It’s just I know this is our anniversary and…” as our eyes locked, he desisted his thought. “Good." He said, and sat down.

Lifting his wine glass, he took a sip.

Lifting mine, I took one as well.

"So?" he began.

"So?" I repeated and we both chuckled.

He rubbed an eye and ran a hand through his hair.

"Oh jeez...This _is_  weird."

"It's not." I reassured him again.

"It is." He said. "I feel like I'm fifteen on my first date or something."

I chuckled back.

"Well you've done very well for a first date."

His hand went through his hair again.

"Gee thanks."

As I smiled at him, I spun my glass.

"What was that like? Your first date?"

"In life?" he questioned, resting back against his chair.

I nodded yes and he shrugged.

Shifting his sleeves up his arms he just grinned.

"You don't really want to hear about that do you?"'

"Sure. We've never talked about it."

"For good reason." He said. "I wasn't any cooler then than I am now."

I just smiled.

"Tell me." I gently begged. "I want to know."

Pretending to sigh in impatience, he told the story of his first date and the shy awkwardness of it all.

"And you're comparing us to that?" I asked after he finished.

"Yeah!" he exclaimed. "I'm still not trying to fuck this up."

"You're not." I said. "And honestly I don't want you too. I've missed this." I said softly.

"Really?" he asked, this time looking at me in interest.

"Yeah," I said sipping my wine more. "Like you said, we were friends before anything and well...I miss that."

He studied me for a second, but didn't directly respond. He folded his hands in front of him.

"Does Kelsey know you're here?"

"No." I said. "Jeff?"

"No." he said. "I didn't tell anyone."

"Why?" I questioned.

He shrugged. "Just didn't want anyone in our business."

I looked down.

"Well I didn't tell Kelsey because I didn't want to freak her out. She's been praying for this."

"What? Us?" he asked.

The way his accent curved the words, it sent a tingle down my spine and I just nodded.

"M'hmm. And for us to hang out or something." I explained.

He winked and nodded his head in amusement. "I've always liked her. She's always looked out for me."

"She's your biggest cheerleader that's for sure."

"Jeff too." He said. "Despite what you may think, on the boat, he was very adamant what a dickhead I was being. He was definitely on your side."

As the 'boat' was brought back up, I had to inhale, remembering in quick snapshots everything.

His hands broke apart and they went to his head.

He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair again.

"And I still am..." he muttered. "Fuck I'm sorry Becca. I shouldn't have brought that up."

"No, no. don't apologize." I said quickly. "We're moving past that....it's...done." I reassured.

"Yeah?" he questioned.

"Yeah." I said finally.

He gave me a look of relief, before standing.

"Well good...I'm glad...I'll um... get the food...I’m sure it’s getting cold now."

I shifted my chair back. "Do you need help?"

"No." he said. "Just sit back and relax."

Doing as he said, I smiled and sat back in my chair.

I already was.

*************

It was an orgasm in my mouth.

His food was mouthwatering tonight.

"Oh my God." I said patting my stomach and pushing my second plate away. "That is the best lasagna I’ve ever had."

Harry who was across from me just gave a shy smile.

"You don't have to butter me up." He teased.

"I'm not. Trust me." I said taking a sip of my wine. 

I was on my third glass of that as well, and everything was just so damn  _good._

"Well glad you liked it." He said standing and coming for my plate. "You want dessert?"

I groaned, already in a food coma. "Give me some time."

He just chuckled.

"Deal." He said, grabbing my plate and heading back to the kitchen.

This time, I got up and followed, watching as he pushed everything in the sink.

"I want to help you clean up." I said surveying the large, now picked through spread.

He waved me away.

"No way, you're a guest."

"I'm not a guest." I said. "I'm your ex-girlfriend."

As I made my way over to the sink, I turned on the faucet letting my actions continue the conversation.

Harry just shook his head and reached for the fruit bowl.

"Thanks Bec. I appreciate it."

"Anytime." I said rolling up my sleeves. 

Reaching for his dish soap, I poured a small amount in the water and watched as the bubbles formed.

"So what have you been making in New York?" Harry asked making small talk. "What fabulous dishes have been coming out of your kitchen?"

"Not much." I said honestly "It's just me so I don't really have anyone to cook for, and when I do cook its just quick stuff."

"You sound bored." He said finally.

I turned to him with a smirk.

"Now you're catching on."

He smiled as he turned back away from me.

He was separating the food, putting stuff in separate containers, and I watched him leisurely as I worked my way through our small dishes.

"You've gotten more stuff." I noted.

Harry turned back to me.

"For your house." I said gesturing to the dishes.

He just smirked again.

"Oh yeah...decided to take your advice. Get some stuff."

"You actually seem like a fully functional adult now." I teased.

"Heeeyyy." He called out, pretending to be offended. He poked out his pink hued lips and sided up next to me.

In protest, he plopped two serving spoons in the water.

The unspoken words, _well shut up and wash this then,_  was all in his actions.

Smiling, I plopped my own hands further in the water after the intrusion and brought them back up, splashing two handfuls of water unto his custom shirt.

"Hey!" he shouted, digging his own hand in the water and tossing water back.

It became war.

As he flicked me and I flicked him back, both of our clothes quickly became covered in the dirty sudded water.

Our laughs broke the tunes of the music that was still going until we made our final assessment.

"Well I'm soaked." I said looking down at my clothes a couple minutes later.

"Me too." Harry agreed shaking his watery hair in my direction.

Shielding myself I continued laughing while Harry moved further in the kitchen.

Trying not to slip, he gestured for me to follow him.

"Got something for you." He said as I followed him back up the stairs to his main bedroom.

On the way it was still playful as I rubbed my hands on the back of his shirt and as he continued to shake his wet hair in my direction.

By the time we reached his bedroom, we were once again laughing.

"Here." He said going over to a dresser. "You left some of this stuff."

As he lifted a shirt, I instantly recognized the pattern as one of my own.

As he handed it to me, I looked at him in surprise.

"You still have some of my clothes?" I asked in disbelief.

He just smirked.

"Don't you?" he asked and I thought to myself.

Yes I did.

In fact, I had almost a full drawer of some of his stuff spread between here and New York.

As I clutched my shirt to my chest, I studied him.

"You want some of them back?" I questioned.

He just shrugged me off.

"Keep 'em." He said. "I'm not using any of it."

He handed me some sweatpants next and I continued to curl my own things in my hand.

"I didn't even know this stuff was here." I said honestly.

Harry just smirked.

"And you packed it up and moved it too." I said as a thought to myself, but Harry found this funny.

"Well did you want me to throw it out?"

"No." I said quickly. "I'm just trying to imagine it...You huddled over a box...folding and packing my things."

He smiled.

"I handled it with care I promise."

As she shut the dresser, he moved to a different part of the room and began unbuttoning his own shirt.

"I'll let you take the bedroom...let me just grab a shirt." He offered gently.

I waved his concerns away. He had seen me naked enough times, and my reservations from the month before only seemed silly now; especially since he had gotten me naked that trip too.

As I tossed my shirt and pants on the bed, I lifted my own t-shirt and Harry pretended not to notice as he removed his own shirt.

He didn't look at me as I undressed, but I looked at him.

As he headed to his closet grabbing a shirt, the hidden tattoos under his left arm stared back at me.

I was studying the cage tattoo when he looked back at me.

By then, I was still frozen in just my bra, watching him.

"You alright?" he asked as his eyes met mine.

I blinked.

Once and then twice, pulling myself back.

"Of course." I said quickly.

I once again reached for my shirt, this time throwing it on with a superhero speed.

When we finished and both dressed, we faced each other.

"You want me to hang your stuff?" he asked gently coming back over to me.

"Sure." I said handing it over.

As his hands graced mine, my thoughts started swirling.

"Or I can toss everything in the dryer? Probably be quicker?" he estimated.

"Whatever." I said not really caring either way. My mind was elsewhere.

As he turned from me, they spilled from my lips.

"Harry?" I called out before I could stop myself.

Turning to me, his eyes met mine again.

"Yeah?"

As he studied me, waiting for my next words, I couldn't say them.

I couldn't go there no matter how much I wanted too.

"Nothing." I said.

He studied me for a moment, waiting on me to change my mind and tell him, but I didn't.

I just gave him a small smile.

Biting his lip he turned from me and headed out of the room.

I followed.

As we both headed back downstairs, he to his laundry room, and me to the kitchen, my thoughts were surged.

I hardly heard when he came back in the room. I was too busy scolding myself for my foolish thoughts and hasty decision from a month ago.

"Well the kitchen looks good." Harry announced as he finalized his shuffling and turned to me.

"Did you have to leave right away?"

I shook my head no.

By then, my own dish washing was finished and as I wiped my hand on a towel, he leaned against a counter and faced me.

"You want to just hang a bit then?" he asked. "Watch a movie or something?"

"No." I said and he looked back at me.

Giving him a mischievous smile, I leaned against my own counter.

"I want to hear your stuff." I said.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Your music. The stuff you've been working on...I want to hear some of it."

Bashful, rosy dots quickly sprung across his cheeks.

"No way." He said.

"Oh come on. I want to hear some of it."

"It's not finished yet."

"So?" I questioned.

He smiled.

"It's shit Becca. It's nothing good yet."

"Says you, but you can't critique your own music."

"Ah actually...I'm the number one person who can." He said playfully argumentative.

I pouted.

"Please? I really like your ideas...and I've always loved your voice...let me hear something."

He sighed and turned from me.

I could tell he was thinking about it...

"You said last month you had written some stuff about me,"

His eyes raised.

"Why can't I hear that?"

"Oh you definitely can't hear it." He said quickly.

"Why not? Is it fuck you bitch die?"

He instantly laughed.

"Fuck you bitch die?" he questioned in amusement. "How much do you think I disliked you?"

"Honestly...I think you hated me."

"Never." He said gently. "The only feelings I've ever had for you start with an 'L'"

"Oh, so loathe?" I joked and he smiled.

He pushed off the counter and ran a hand through his hair.

"Oh Becca," he muttered under his breath.

I tapped his arm and gently punched him.

"Come on...let me hear some of your stuff."

He sighed loudly and looked at the ceiling.

"You're not going to leave it alone until you do right?"

"No I'm not...so...pull something out."

"Fine." He said throwing his hands up. "If its shit, don't say I told you so."

"I won't." I said and then crossed my heart.

He smirked again and moved away from me.

"Let me get my phone." He said finally.

I grinned back at him as he moved back into the dining room, and I took a seat on the stool from the counter.

When he came back to me, he was deep in his phone scrolling through his files.

"I got to get my headphones too." He said setting his work phone on the counter.

As he did, my eyes peered over the numerous song files in front of me.

"These are all the ones you've written?" I asked ready to do some exploring. I reached for the phone.

He quickly smacked my finger.

"Stop." He said and I smiled up at him. "You're only getting one."

I fake pouted again and he moved to a drawer.

"I have some headphones around here somewhere." He said shifting through cabinets.

I ignored him as I peered at the voice notes in front of me. Stacked one on top of the other was Harry's most prized possessions right now.

Eventually he found some headphones and came back over to me.

As he stuck them in I looked at him in confusion.

"I don't understand why I need this?" I said.

"Because," he said picking his phone back up, and setting me up. "I don't want to hear what you're hearing. Its weird for me."

"You're so dramatic." I said softly as he narrowed his eyes at me and handed me the small Iphone.

"Press play when I leave the room." He demanded.

"Yes sir." I said as he gave me a final smile and moved back away from the kitchen. "And don’t listen to more than one! I have it timed."

I just smirked.

"So much distrust...I don't remember it being like this before?"

"You heard me." He said with a final point, and then he was gone.

Still smiling, I gathered the white headphones in my hand and popped them in my ear. I pressed play.

The smooth textured tone of Harry filled my ears within seconds.

_Sweet Creature, had another talk about where its going wrong...._

I immediately looked for him as if he would be standing there, but he wasn't. What an opening...

I listened to the following words, moving through the first verse.

_We don't know where we're going but we know where we belong..._

I settled back in my seat and settled into his words. His lovely words.

His lovely voice.

If this was a taste to come, then he was wrong. He most definitely did not have shit.

His music was beautiful. I closed my eyes internalizing every word.

As he moved into the second verse, I swallowed down the first chorus.

_Sweet Creature, I'm running through the garden of where nothing bothered us....I  always think about you and how we don't speak enough...._

I paused it.

As with the first time I heard If I Could Fly, the waterworks were beginning, and this song wasn't even about me.

Or was it?

I wasn't sure. Yet there were definitely hints of us sprinkled throughout.

I couldn't listen to it anymore. At least, not right now.

In a strange way, the song was hurting my feelings.

Listening to Harry sing about finding his home...in possibly someone else...made me feel suddenly very uncomfortable.

And very stupid.

Everything from the last few weeks hit me.

Mainly, everything I had lost.

Sitting back, my mind started reeling.

I used the remainder of my listening time, thinking.

When Harry finally returned, he read my expression first.

"Oh jeez, you hated it?" he asked carefully as he came over to me.

By then my eyes were heavy and as they lifted to look at him, his own eyes filled with concern.

"Hey?" he called quickly, and bent before me.

"What happened? What'd I do?" he asked, resting his hand on my knee.

"Nothing." I said, waving his concerns away.

"Don't say nothing-" he began.

"No it's nothing." I said, wiping the one singular tear that finally threatened to fall. "Just... it's a great song." I said.

He looked back at me uneasily, not sure what to say, and I felt the second one that came to my eyes.

Brining a finger up to my eyes, he wiped that one away gently.

"What's wrong?" he asked and I swallowed.

The question was out of my mouth before I could think it through.

"Are you seeing someone?" I asked him.

Taken aback, his eyebrows furrowed together.

"Huh?" he questioned.

"Are you seeing someone?" I asked. “It's none of my business, but with this song... I'm just curious."

Studying me, he remained bent in front of me.

"Why?" he asked.

I gestured to the phone and the meaning in his words.

"She sounds nice." I said finally and his eyebrows crinkled more.

He looked at the phone and then back to me.

"You think? No, no, no, no, no," he said quickly. "I'm not seeing anyone. Especially not anyone to write a song about. Especially not after a month Becca." He added.

"Well what if its been longer than a month? Kendall?" I questioned.

He gave a firm and quick, "No."

"But the articles?" I began to question. "You guys aren't hanging out?"

He sighed and dipped his head. The question seemed to irritate him, but he answered.

"We're _friends."_ He said bringing his eyes back to mine. "Like we've always been since I met you."

"So whose the song about? Gemma?" I questioned next.

"Gemma?" he questioned. He chuckled. "You think I would write a song like that about my sister?"

"Yeah." I said honestly. "Two hearts in one home." I said quoting a lyric.

"Yeah." He said and touched his chest. As his hand traced and tapped his half of our matching tattoo, it came together.

Flicking his hand between us, he explained what I already realized.

"Two hearts, yours and mine...in one home."

As our eyes locked, he smiled at me.

"It's a play on words. It’s really 'two hearts, make one whole.' type thing."

I looked at him in disbelief.

"So that's about me?" I questioned.

"Yeah." He said gently. "Its about you. Us…" He trailed off.

As we looked back at each other, he rubbed my knee, keeping his eyes solely on mine.

"Is that okay?" he asked.

"Its fine." I said. "I just...wasn't expecting it to be."

"You thought I'd met someone else?" he questioned.

I shook my head yes.

He smiled again.

"No." he said. "Even if I had, if would take....a while...and a lot to feel... the way I felt about you for someone else...I haven't even figured that out yet."

"Figured what out?" I asked.

"How to get over you." He said.

And as his eyes remained on mine, I couldn't help the smile that highlighted my face.

I felt like that was a sign....a window...

Using the moment, I bent my head down, ready to take advantage of his words, when he pulled back.

Moving his head and lips out of my way, I looked at him in confusion as he pulled away from me.

"Let's not do that." He said as my eyes met his.

Dejected and feeling truly rejected by him for the first time, I sat back in my chair. Now the tables had turned.

"Oh." I said. The rising feelings of hurt moved through me.

_Wow._

He wasn’t over me, but he didn’t want me anymore, that much was clear.

"No," he said quickly. "Becca don’t. I just…I want…" he stood and looked down at me, searching for the words. "I wanted you too. And I want too." He said honestly. "Since I saw you in the coffee shop I've been thinking  about this and what if we would be like to just get back here.”

I looked up at him.

"So what's the problem?"

"I don't know." He said running  a nervous hand through his long hair again. "But last time that happened. Where we gave into a moment....you left and ran far away from me...you fucking boarded a plane back to New York a day early and….I can't deal with that again."

As the moment of last month was once again brought up I was silent.

I wished that trip had never happened. I wished I would have just given myself more time to forgive him…to figure out what I truly wanted to do.

Because now…

He continued.

"I just don’t want things to switch to bad again tonight. Its been nice." He said. "Having you here and I just...I want to be around you like before, and… we shouldn't." he finalized.

"That was different circumstances." I admitted. "You had just cheated on me. I hardly think we’re still in that place."

"I thought that too. _That night_. And we were okay." He offered. "For a couple hours, we moved on from it, but then when we---I just... I don't want to go through that again. I don't want this to just happen because we miss each other."

"Then why should it happen?" I asked in confusion. “If we miss each other, then why not?”

“Because we’re not a one night stand. If it happens again, I want it to be because we want to work it out." He said honestly. "If you want to get back together, then I'm here. I'm ready Becca....but if its just sex, some one night thing...then I don't want it."

I sighed. "Maybe it doesn't have to be. I do miss us." I admitted.

“Do you?” he asked.

I raised my eyes and locked them solely on his.

“Of course.” I said. “I was in love with you. That doesn’t just dwindle away in a month.”

Tucking his hands in his pocket, a small smile gathered on his face as he looked down at his covered feet.

"No it doesn’t. But…you still live in New York." He resolved. "And I'm still here. I start my movie in two months so…let’s be realistic here."

As he said the words, they made sense; perfect sense, but selfishly a different part of my body was protesting.

I looked back at his phone that was blackened now and grew quiet.

I didn't know what to say.

"Look,” he said. “This is more than I wanted this night to be.  It’s getting complicated and I don’t want that.” He said. “So… can we just simplify it? Let's go watch TV or something." He practically pleaded and I looked back at him. "Let's just hang out like we use too." He said. "Be best friends again. Please?"

As he lifted a hand for me to take it, he gave me a small warm grin and I just studied his hand.

Best friends?

I looked at it all skeptically.

What a reach…

" _Pretty please?"_ he added and I finally smiled.

Taking his hand, he lifted me from my seat. As he curled his hand around mine, we continued to smile at each other.

“Come on.” He said finally. “I’ll even let you pick the movie.”

“Oh so no Notebook?” I teased following him.

He just rolled his eyes playfully as we headed to the living room.

Though he had made his stance clear, it was obvious we both weren’t ready for me to leave yet and we wanted to try our hands seriously at this _friends_ thing.

Still…

The night was young, and when it came to Harry and me, who knew what would happen…

It never went to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update is coming soon... thanks for your patience and loyalty. Love you guys. :) Oh! and I will be replying to messages and reviews soon as well.


	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friends. I cannot even begin to explain how much I feel I let you guys down. i'M SO SORRY for the delay. I was always reading your messages and seeing the interest but I didn't want to reply to get your hopes up, only to let them down with a promised time that i didn't deliver on. 
> 
> I made you a promise that this story was going to finish, and that is one that I can continue to meet. Thank you to those who checked daily, regularly...or even reached out to me on Tumblr. As i said, i read lots of your comments and I replied to most of them this morning and hopefully you got the notification before they got deleted. (I deleted my last posts). 
> 
> The update is here, and hopefully you can get something out of it still. Some of you have read the first part of it, and may not want to read it over, so i will bold where the unread part begins.
> 
> From the bottom of my heart, thanks for still supporting this story.

CHAPTER EIGHTY ONE

HARRY

 

Then.

 

Of all the movies she could have chosen, Becca picked this one.

As her voice carried across the wide space of my new living room, I watched her once again in amazement.

Ponytail high with a small plate of French Silk Pie, she continued to recite the movie in front of us, word for word.

Taking a small bite, I smiled as she continued to access her inner ‘donkey’.

She mouthed the next words of the movie.

“We can stay up late, swapping manly stories and in the morning, I’m making waffles!”

As she turned to me with a smile at the last line, I smiled back.

Shrek, the computer animated classic was on, but all I was watching was her.

“Well its official.” I said, biting my own pie.

Giggling and wiping cream from her mouth, she didn’t move her eyes off of me.

“What is?”

“You’ve seen this movie way too many times.”

She just smiled wider.

“I told you it was a favorite.”

“I remember.” I said.  My first run in with this movie had been while I was on tour, months earlier. Calling her one night from my hotel, she was laid up, reciting it word for word then.

I missed that moment.

I missed those times.

It used to be endearing watching her from the screen of my computer as she studied, or having quick check in’s after my shows.

At this moment in time, it seemed so long ago. 

 

Turning from her, the cream of my own  pie melted against my tongue, and I focused back on the screen.

She had been at my house for about three hours now, and it was going on 10:30pm, but even though dinner was long over, I wasn’t ready for her to leave.

 

I missed her.

I missed _this._

 

She continued to recite more words, while I stayed locked in my thoughts.

I couldn’t believe she was here.

 _Here_ , on the couch inches away from me.

Three days earlier when I saw her again for the first time, I had figured I was hallucinating.

So much of her was still laced in my day; dancing around in my thoughts of what if’s and what could have been’s that when I saw her, I just thought I was going slowly crazy.

I couldn’t believe it was really her, in that familiar white apron which immediately took me back to the spring of 2015 and picking her up when things were simpler.

Now, this interaction was undefined.  

Us at this moment of present, I couldn’t read.

 

“I don’t know why you’re not enjoying this. This is a great movie.”

Pulled from my thoughts, I swallowed my bite.

“It’s a classic.” I admitted. “But I don’t know…I thought you would pick something different.”

As she suddenly scrambled for the remote, she tossed it back to me.

We had already spent the time playing TV tag, and flipping through the channels, that I was surprised she handed it back to me.  

“Find something then,” she said gently. “I’ve seen this a million times.”

“No its cool.” I said.

It was just weird.

Today marked one year since the intimate side of our relationship began,  and now here we were broken up and watching Shrek.

The joke was writing itself. We didn’t need the comedy on the TV as well.

Flipping the remote between my hands, her eyes stayed on the screen until the commercials came on.

She looked around my space and turned to me.

“It’s quiet here.” She noted.

I looked back at her.

“Peaceful.” She clarified. “I bet you get a lot of writing done here, especially on your patio. It’s so pretty.”

I just shrugged off her thoughts.

“I haven’t  spent too much time here.” I said honestly.

Her eyes narrowed as she listened.

“I mean yeah I sleep here, but…” my voice trailed off, looking at the TV. I wanted to get up, move around…switch locations. Something about just sitting there with her was stirring me. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.

If this was the past, I would be touching her or she would be curled in my arms.

Now, with a  strangers distance of a woman I knew inside and out, I was unsettled.

“You want to go out there for  a bit?” I asked a second later. “Take in the view?”

Swallowing her last bite of pie, she nodded yes and tossed the plate on the table.

“Sure.” She said agreeing quickly. “I was waiting for you to ask me.”

I smirked.

“Were you?”

She just smiled back, not officially answering and smoothed her skirt as she stood.

As I studied the pattern of the cotton, she began the trek, leading me as if she had been here many times before.

 

We made pointless small talk on the walk, just filling the silence.

When we fully relocated, I took the seat on the patio while she rested on the banister.

She began words then, but I must admit I barely listened as the girlish rumbles with the Californian backed accent spewed in the air.

I was still lost in my own thoughts.

 

It’s going to sound weird, but she had changed. In the month since we had been apart, something had changed about her, but I just couldn’t figure out what.

I accessed her.

Her hair hadn’t really grown and her skin was slightly pale; evidence of the harsh winters she was enduring…

Her nails which she kept painted, were a pretty red and there had been no weight gain; but something was off…different…

Becca turned to me as I grew quiet.

“What’s on your mind?”

“What?” I asked looking up at her.

“What’s up?” she asked crashing beside me. “You’re being weird.”

I smirked again.

“Am I?”

“Yeah. You’re quiet.”

She toyed with the pattern of her skirt and stared ahead.

“Did  I make it weird in the kitchen?” she asked gently a moment later.

“No of course not.” I said quickly, though it was a partial lie.

Fact of the matter was, my mind was on the kitchen and the words she had said, and  where we were and where we had been and… _everything._

 

In a moment of honesty, finally everything I had wanted for the last month had came true.

For a moment, even if it was insanity or just a fluke, she had admitted she missed me, and furthermore, wanted to try us again.

 

 “Well then why are you so quiet?” she asked, nudging me. “Not enjoying my company?”

My smirk remained as it matched hers, and for a second we just looked back at each other.

It had been a year of looking into those hazel eyes and smirking at her flirtatious behavior, only now, the realization that in a few days it would be gone once again; probably permanently was now _also_ playing on my mind.  

I needed to stop thinking about shit.

Cutting my eyes from her, I glanced back at the lights of the city and gently cleared my throat.

“Did you get enough to eat?” I asked, saying the first words that came to mind.

“I did. You?”

I chuckled.

“Yeah I did.”

I turned back to her, and this time she stood once more. Moving away from me, her body sashayed across the balcony until she was leaned on the rail.

“I really like this place Harry.” She said.

“Good.”  I said gently stretching my own legs before lifting to join her.

“Maybe you’ll come back and visit then?”

I didn’t mean for it to be a question, but that was how it sounded as I stood back beside her.

“Would you want me too?” she asked not missing a beat.

“Sure.” I said, beating right on back. “I need someone to come put Shrek on and wet up my kitchen.” I teased.

“Hey!” she argued quickly. “You started it.”

“I didn’t.” I argued keeping my face passive, and my words playful.

“You did.” She said. “And you’re lucky too. I should have done more damage to you.”

I smiled again.

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

She leaned into me then, as if she sharing a secret.

“Don’t tempt me.”

I just smirked back at her, as I caught the quick whiff of her perfume; coconuts.

She moved away from me again and this time my eyes didn’t shift away as she moved to another section of the balcony.

It was all the same image, but she moved around curiously as if she wanted to engrave every inch.

I engraved every inch of _her._

Still.

A small faint yawn was the only thing to break my temporary spell.

“Tired?” I asked a moment later.

“No.” she said. “I don’t know where that’s coming from.”

I chuckled.

I did. I knew her sounds better than anyone.

“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go back in.”

“Can we not?” she asked. “Can we just stay out here a little longer?”

“Really?” I questioned, gesturing back to the house. “You sure? You know I got a warm blanket in there.”

“I’m sure. In there seemed kind of weird.” She admitted.

I smirked, relieved.

“Felt that too huh?”

“Yeah.” She said. “Do you think it’s going to always be like that?” her voice was a low hush.

“No.” I said honestly. “I hope not at least.”

She didn’t respond this time, choosing not to say another word.

Moving back by her side, we took in the lights together; just like old times.

Finally, it was nice.

 ****************

Ten  minutes later, we were back in my living room.

By then, the small yawns of Becca had duplicated and as she covered her mouth for a fourth time concealing a quiet moan I finally spoke up.

 “You want to stay?” I asked suddenly.

Like a deer in highlights, her eyes widened as she turned to me.

Plopping back on my couch, I looked up at her.

 “I mean I know you don’t live too far, but its getting later and you’re obviously tired.”

Becca looked back at me curiously.

“You’re asking me to spend the night? Seriously?”

“I have all this space.” I reminded. “It wouldn’t be like _spending the night_ , spending the night… I have guest bedrooms and stuff.”

“You want _me_ to take a guest bedroom?” she asked in disbelief, repeating my words.

I chuckled.

 “Or mine?” I questioned, not sure if the issue was the location or the suggestion. “Wouldn’t matter. ”

She continued to look at me. Those bulbs were unreadable.

 _“What?”_ I asked noticing her look.

“Nothing,” she said quickly. “It’s just uh...Well,  um…Would you be in it?”

“Would I be in what?”

 “The bed. Your bedroom?” she questioned, keeping her demure eyes on mine.

“No!” I said quickly. “No, no, that’s not what I’m suggesting. This isn’t like a booty call or anything.”

She instantly chuckled.

“Booty call?” she mimicked with a slight smile. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say those words…and with that accent…don’t ever say that again.”

I playfully sneered and she full on giggled.

“Well got it…but don’t worry, I got the point earlier too.” She teased.  “I’m quite aware where we stand now.”

Though internally, I winced, I didn’t respond while she continued her smile.

Stretching a second later, she nodded okay.

“Fine.” She said. “I’ll stay. Though I’m not sure of how many amenities Hotel De Styles is going to have for me, but-”

I smiled, standing back up and cut her off.

“Oh well that’s a stupid statement. I have everything. You know that. Follow me.”

Lifting off the couch, she reached for my remote, quickly silencing the TV that we had never turned off and lifted her plate next.

“Leave it.” I said. “I’ll get everything,” briefly glancing at the empty pie plates.

She smirked.

“No.” she quickly argued. “You know it’s not like I’m a real house guest Harry. We practically lived together last summer. I can clean up.”

“No I got it.”

“It’ll take me two seconds.” She argued, continuing to clutch the plate.

“Oh shut up.” I teased. As my ex, she was still just as stubborn as she was when she was my girlfriend. “Put the damn dish down.”

Smiling and surrendering her hands, she tossed it back on the table.

“Bossy, bossy.” She scolded, following me as we left the living room area.

Rolling my eyes playfully, we headed back up the stairs.

 

Even though I initially suggested the guest bedroom, I headed to my bedroom.

Re-entering the space, Becca’s eyes were once again on the view in front of us.

“Alright, I call it.” She said quickly. “I’ll take this room.”

Smirking I already knew she would and headed for the small closet in my bathroom.

She followed while I pulled out a towel, extra toothbrush and toothpaste.

Placing the items on the corner, next I headed for the cabinet under the sink reaching for a bar of dove soap.

She shook her head in appreciation as I handed her the items.

“Wow. I’m impressed.”

“I’m never home.” I reminded her. “You know I’m always on the go. I get tired of moving shit back and forth.”

She smiled and shook her head in understanding.

“Well you’ve gotten smarter since I left you.”

I playfully pouted my lips and reentered the main portion of the bedroom.

“Do you need anything else?”  I asked.

“Nope.” She said. “I’ll sleep in this and grab my clothes in the morning.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I said, going to my own dresser. I wanted a shower and began digging for some boxers.

As I grabbed my items, Becca took the time to stand by my front window.

“Fuck, I love this house.” She mumbled, and I smirked to myself.

I had done well then.

When I had initially picked it, she had definitely been in mind and I was glad I knew what she liked.

This was going to be ours, in its own little way. At least…back then.

“Well, I’m out of your hair.” I announced a moment later, closing my dresser. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Our eyes locked.

“Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be up a bit.” I gave as a final offer.

Her eyes remained on me as I made the stride back across the room.

As I reached the front door, she called out my name.

Turning back to her, she looked back at me demurely.

“Yeah?” I questioned, peering into her delicate hazel eyes.

The towel from the bathroom was in her hands, and as I peered back at her, she shuffled it around a bit uncomfortably.

“Well…um…” she bit her lip and ran a nervous hand through her hair, before speaking the hesitant words.

“You want to… stay with me a bit?” she asked slowly a moment later.

As I peered back at her, she was nervous.

“Stay?” I asked slowly.

“Lay with me?” she clarified.  

I glanced quickly between she and the bed, not understanding.

“I know! We’re friends…but…” her voice trailed off as she asked the question. “You want to just talk a little more?”

She looked back at me and I looked back at her.

Talking was a great idea, but up here, in my bedroom, I didn’t know if I could handle it.

I didn’t even know if it would be a good idea with where we stood.

It could quickly trickle into that gray area that neither of us wanted….

Yet, my feet already started to move.

“Sure.” I said, standing in front of her bed. I tossed my clothes on the floor beside me and sat in the edge of the bed.

Smiling slowly, Becca repeated my action and tossed her towel on a nearby dresser.

Coming over to the bed, we both took a side and awkwardly glanced at each other.

“You want to lay down?” she suggested as we both guessed the next steps.

“Uh sure.” I said.

This was awkward, and _we_ were awkward and I didn’t know why.

As our heads both hit the pillows, our eyes both faced the ceiling.

“Okay? Now what?” I asked and she replied with a giggle.

Her small body shook beside me, until she turned to look at me.

Glancing her way at the same time, those warm golden eyes hit mine.

“Well don’t be so excited to be in my presence again.” She teased.

She lifted on her shoulder and peered down at me.

I smiled.

“It’s not that. It’s just…I’m not in beds with you, talking very much.”

“That’s not true, we use to talk all the time.”

I turned away from her and peered at the ceiling.

Yeah…we did. In other capacities.

Keeping my eyes on the ceiling, my thoughts ran.

“I miss things like this.” I said honestly.

I turned back to her.

“The sex and the physical part of the relationship was nice, but…just talking to you and being around you…hanging out…that’s what I miss most.”

Maintaining her playful nature, Becca cut back in .

“No?” she questioned. “You don’t miss our hot passionate sex even a little bit?”

I smirked even wider.

“Of course I do, stupid question but-“

“I’m just joking.” She cut in, plopping back on the pillow. “Don’t answer that. I just wanted to see if you would fumble the question.”

“Why would you think I would fumble the question?” I challenged back.

She shrugged and didn’t meet my eyes.

This time I lifted and rested on my elbow.

“No tell me.” I said.

As I peered down at her, partially hovering, she looked up at me.

She was quiet, not saying a word as she searched my eyes.

I searched hers back.

Those mixed marbles of green and brown still held a spell over me.

In the cornucopia of Becca, it was one of my favorites. Holding my gaze, after a few seconds she lifted as well.

As she peered back at me, I waited on the words that were surely coming, but before there were words, there were actions.

Moving at the same time, it took less than three seconds for her lips to meet mine.

Curling over them slowly, I savored the fullness of her bottom lip as she sucked my top one.

Continuing the tangle, our mouths moved slowly, remembering…feeling it all again.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she broke first, pulling away and apologizing. “I didn’t mean-“

I ignored her.

I needed just a bit more; for old times sake.

As I pulled her back to me, her elbow collapsed and I laid on top of her.

Swifter and more hungry, my mouth enveloped  hers, kissing her like she was once again mine.

If only for this moment.

 

When I finally pulled away about a minute later, my forehead rested against hers, regretful that it had to end; but it did, have to end.

 

As she peered up at me again, as we fully broke apart, she said nothing.

The night had been building and that moment was the volcano finally erupting.

Still, like the hot blistering lava, these next steps didn’t need to add to the damage already started.

It was overkill.

 

**I moved away from her.**

“I’m going to go.”  I announced quickly.

Lifting off the bed, I reached down and grabbed my things in a swift uptoss.

“What?” she asked, in what I’m sure was confusion.

“I’m going to go back downstairs.” I announced, unable to meet her eyes dead on. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“But why? What’d I do?” she asked quickly.

“Nothing.” I said.

“Then why are you leaving?” she asked, shifting towards me.

As our eyes finally locked, I swallowed.

“I don’t want to do this.” I said gently.

She quickly glanced at my pants, which I could feel myself; straining against.

“Are you sure about that?”

She brought her eyes back to mine and I grimaced.

“I mean…we shouldn’t.” I revised.

She came to me, moving her stout body across the room and resting on her knees before me on the large bed.

“We both want too.”

Running a hand across my face, I sighed.

She didn’t get it.

“I don’t want to fight with you Becca.”

“Whose fighting?” she questioned.

“You know what I mean.” I said narrowing my eyes. “We’re not completely fine yet.”

“Of course we are.” She resolved. “Look at us. We’re good.”  
I sighed again, louder this time.

She was making this hard.

“Becca-“

 “No,” she said cutting me off. “Forget Palm Springs.”

I looked back at her.

“It happened and it was a fucked up weekend, But Harry…I’m over it. I have been for  a long time. Really.”

“You’re over it?” I questioned skeptically, and she nodded yes.

“Becca you hated me. You left me. You—“ I paused as I remembered everything and how much it hurt.

The distance…and the ignoring…the fighting…the unknown, wondering if we would recover; which we ultimately didn’t.

“I can’t go through that again.” I said to her honestly. “We should just leave it like this. This is…okay.”

It was my final resolve.

I couldn’t get my hopes up again., especially with her still in New York and me headed off to France in a couple weeks for the movie.

She smirked and scoffed.

“ _You_ can’t go through it? _You’re_ the one who cheated.”

I instantly rolled my eyes and shifted.

And there it was…that was what I meant.

We weren’t over it.

The pathway out of the woods may have looked clear, but we still had peaks and trees ahead.

I turned from her, but she quickly grabbed me pulling me back.

“Don’t leave.” She practically begged. “I want too.”

“You’re just horny.” I argued. “You don’t really want too.”

“Don’t tell me what I want to do Harry.” She argued quickly. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”

“Then how come you haven’t called me?” I argued back. “If it was fine, and you’ve been over it,  why haven’t I heard from you? Why did it take me seeing you at the coffee shop for us to talk?”

She grew instantly quiet.

Finally she had no answer.

As her eyes shifted away from me and her head bowed in defeat, I backed away from her as silence overtook the room.  

That’s what I thought.

Moving back to the door, I paused in the entryway.

“I’m going to go down the hall, to the room to the right…let me know if you need anything.” I offered again. Though I didn’t want her too. This shit was hard. Walking away, pretending like it wasn’t killing me…

I needed my space.

Soon.

I needed her away so I could think and catch my breath.

Heading out of the room quickly, I had just made it to the room, when I heard the feet pad to me loudly.

Sighing I prepared  for the fight with her and myself.

I turned just in time to see Becca stop behind me.

Yet it wasn’t to talk.

Grabbing the back of my head, the force of her kiss stumbled me backwards and my back hit the wall in a matter of seconds. My heart led everything else and dropping everything on the floor, I lost all temporary thoughts.

Gathering her ass in my hands, I lifted her and those beautiful legs wrapped around me.

Taking control now, I pushed off the wall and pushed us into the guest bedroom instead.

Fuck it.

The room was dark, but I quickly navigated us to the bed and practically tossed her on.

She recovered quickly, pulling me and my lips back to hers, and going for the belt of my jeans.

I assisted reaching for the hem of my shirt and immediately pulling it off.

I pushed her back on the bed again, and climbed on her.

Her hands were everywhere, while my mouth got reacquainted with the skin on her belly.

Feeling her fingers tug the strands of my bun, I went for her skirt next, pulling it off swiftly.

Then it was a blur.

The next few seconds of our entanglement were hazy until I was inside of her, then it was like everything was re-awakened.

As I began my initial thrusts, I stayed as close to her as I could, nestling in the corner of her neck, kissing every delicate spot.

She moaned underneath me, keeping her arms wrapped around my back.

It was intimate, way more intimate then the time before  a month earlier, when all we had between us was my thrusts.

This time, she was completely there with me, even switching us around so that she could take over.

As she rode me to our eventual climax of the ride, all I could do was grip her hips and close my eyes.

I had missed it more than I thought I had.

“Holy shit.” She said when she finally collapsed beside me.

Smirking, I repeated her words.

As she laid on her chest on the pillow beside me, smiling at me in a postcoital high, my hand reached over and rested on her upturnt butt in front of me.

Rubbing, I reclaimed what was mine, until she reached over and pressed her lips against mine.

Kissing me again, seconds later she was back on top, and once again we were joined together.

I would deal with it in the morning.

****************

The next morning I was up before her.

Rolling over and stretching, she was still nude before me, entangled in my black sheets. I was discombobulated.

My phone was missing and I knew the house was still in the way we had left; lights on, plates on the living room table…all of it.

Cracking my neck, I peered down at her, wondering what the morning would hold.

We had tapped out at round four, and the furthest I had made it away from her was the bathroom.

Now it was morning, and reality was going to settle in.

In a few days she would be back in New York, and I would be resuming my own path.

This temporary moment of lovers insanity was bound to hit her the moment she woke up.

As I locked at the clock that read 6:52am there was no doubt in my mind that I had about an hour until she would stumble out of here, grabbing her clothes quickly and coming up with some awkward excuse.

Well…it was fun while it lasted.

 

Heading for the bathroom of my main bedroom first, I quickly used the facilities and did a quick wash up, tossing on some fresh clothes.

I headed for my phone next, seeing the usual missed calls and texts.

Jeff sat at the forefront, asking me to come pick him this morning.

 

*Give me a couple hours. I’ll call you* I texted him back before heading for the living room.

Cleaning up the mess from the night before, I tried to think of how I was going to clean up my other mess; the one that had ended with Becca in my bed.

I couldn’t help but to smile to myself as I remembered little details though.

It really had been nice the last few days. Seeing her again…

 

Reaching for my phone again, huddled over my kitchen counter, I got lost in my thoughts and that’s where Becca eventually found me.

Back in her sweats from the night before, and her hair pulled up in a ponytail, we faced each other for  the first time since the exchange of bodily fluids.

She smiled; her face fresh and upbeat.

“Good Morning!” she said warmly.

“Morning.” I said peering back at her.

I waited for it… here it comes…

“Do you have any coffee?” she asked moving towards me.

“No.” I said honestly, though I knew she knew the answer. I much preferred to go out for things such as that.

She stretched.

“I’m so sleepy.” She offered, as she came over to me.

“Did you sleep okay?” I asked quietly as she stopped a few inches in front of me.

“I did.”

Then in a surprised movement, she wrapped her arms around my neck.

Pulling me into her, her lips gently met mine giving me  a proper welcome.

Befuddled, my arms wrapped around hers, pulling her into my bare chest.

“How did you sleep?” she asked when she pulled away a moment later.

“Good.” I said honestly.

She smiled again; widely.

“You want to go get some coffee with me?”

My eyes narrowed as I looked at her in confusion.

Huh?

“With you?” I questioned.

“Yeah.” She said. “Or do you have somewhere to be?”

“No.” I said quickly. “I can uh…cancel…but…”I looked at her skeptically studying her.

“We’re okay?” I questioned

Her own eyes narrowed, taking on a look of confusion too.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…you’re not leaving?” I asked for clarity.

“Do you want me too?”

“No!” I said quickly again. My arms were still wrapped around her, and I couldn’t think of anything I would want less.

“Okay?” she asked, still not understanding our conversation then.

“I thought you were going to leave.” I explained.

“Why?”

“Well I just figured after last night-“

“What do you mean?” she cut in.

“Well…” I trailed off, thinking of the right words to not stir up the memories. The bad blood.

“Oh.” She said catching on quickly. “Last time?”

As our eyes met, I looked back at her.

“Yeah.”

She shook her head no quickly.

“I told you, that was  a mistake.”

“A mistake?” I asked curling the words on my tongue.

She just nodded, pecking my lips once more.

I looked down and around the kitchen.

“Sooo,” I began drafting the next words, thinking…

“Sooo,” she repeated, smirking…

She kept her arms wrapped around me.   
“Where do you want to go?” I asked.

She just gave me a wide smirk.

“I’ll get dressed!”

****************

“Fuck yes!” Becca screamed as her back and head hit the shower stall collapsing in pleasure.  With a narcissistic devilish smirk, I just looked back at her.

The water dripped and the humidity of the room, caused her skin to flush and appear dewy.

Dropping her naturally tanned left leg, she finally opened her eyes.

Hitting me with a satisfied smile she gave me a quick kiss.

“Fucking fuck.” She said breathlessly.

I felt my eyes immediately crease.

Huh?

With my continued smirk, I continued to look back at her.

“Fucking fuck?” I questioned.

She rolled her eyes playfully.

“Goddamn it. Debra Morgan.”

“Who?” I asked, as she wrapped her arms back around my neck.

Her nipples were still hard against my chest.

“I don’t have cable in New York.” She explained. “It’s a TV show character… Dexter. They’re becoming a part of me.” Then she added “unfortunately” as an afterthought.

I chuckled.

“Dexter huh?”

She just nodded.

“She’s got a bit of a dirty mouth. Sorry.” She said quietly.

“No, don’t apologize. I like dirty.” I said honestly.

Chuckling herself this time, I pulled her back to me and we shared a small kiss.

The water was still falling around us and we had been in the shower way too long as evidenced by our worn skin.

“You ready to get out?” I asked.

“Yeah.” She said.

Reaching for the water dial behind me, Becca quickly used a soapy water combo to re-wash her lady bits before I switched the water off.

 

Exiting the shower, we headed back into the main room-my master bedroom-tossing our clothes on from before.

 

It had been a few hours now, and after sharing lunch and a splash in the pool a half hour earlier we had ended up in the shower. Now, just after 2pm, we headed back downstairs.

 

As we took a spot on the couch this time, she laid down first, resting her head in my lap.

“Comfortable?” I asked looking for the remote.

“Completely.” She said with a warm smile peeking her eyes up at me.

I quickly used my left hand to flip through the channels while  the other rested in her head.

A comfortable silence took over the room as we both quietly watched the TV.

Then my mind stirred.

“So…Dexter huh?” I asked making conversation. “He’s a serial killer right?”

“Oh, Mr. No TV, you actually know that?” she asked in surprise.

“Jeff watches it.” I explained.

“Hmm.” Was all she said.

I continued to run my hands through her hair.

“Yeah its addictive.”

“Hmm…What else do you watch on your lonely nights in New York?”

I felt her smile against my leg.

“Oh anything I can find I guess. Gets pretty quiet living on your own.”

“I’ll bet.” I said. I knew how it felt. It was exactly why I always spent the night with friends.

“So no friends or a…. date at all?” I asked gently.  

It was a subject I probably should have avoided, but after last night and the last few days, hell….last couple of weeks, my mind had ran rampant of her in New York. She wasn’t mine in technical  terms, and I understood that. Yet still…I was curious, and also silently praying she would say no. I still didn’t think I was ready to see or hear about her with anyone else.

“No.” she said a second later.

I felt her eyes raise once more.

I approached my next question with trepidation, looking for some type of definition of where _this_ could all go now.  

“Do you want too?” I asked slower than before.

She shrugged underneath me.

“Haven’t really thought about it to be honest.”

I just stared ahead.

I wasn’t satisfied with that answer. It nicked at me like little cat scratches.

“Hmm.” I said gently shifting in place. “I wish I could have seen your place.” I said a moment later, reflective. “I’m sure it’s all decorated nice with your Becca trimmings.”

She giggled.

“Yeah you know me. Little trinkets everywhere.”

My hands continued to feather her hair.

“Yeah.” I said trailing off.

My thoughts continued…

“When do you normally get off work?”

She looked up at me again, and this time we locked eyes.

“5:30ish why?”

“Everyday?” I asked, not answering her direct question.

She nodded yes, “Why?” she asked again.

“Well just thinking….“

“Just thinking what?” she cut in.

“Well,” I began with more trepidation. “I have some time next weekend. I could fly up….ya know…if you’re bored or lonely?”

“Next weekend?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a five hour flight.” She noted.

“So that’s a no?” I questioned reading her answer.

“No! No!” she said sitting up quickly. ”I want you too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She said with a sudden smile leaning over and kissing me. “I’d love for you to come but didn’t you have plans for work?”

I waved her thoughts away. “I’m on break. I’ll do what I want.”

She smiled again and we  shared another kiss.

“Kay, then yeah. Definitely come.”

“Cool.” I said. “I’ll try to figure it out then.”

 ****************

After settling into the couch, with more kisses and intimate touches, after 5pm, she was finally called home.

“I need to go.” She said checking her phone. “I have to work tonight.”

“Really?”

“Half shift. Just filling in.” she explained.

“Oh.” I said. “Need help?” I asked, looking around for any little piles she may have left behind.

“Nope. I’m good.” She said.

Tossing her phone in her back pocket, she headed to my kitchen, tossing her current water bottle and granola bar she was munching on.

“I’ll see you again before you leave right?” I questioned, after she finished.

“Course.” She said, coming back over to me. “Can I see you tomorrow?”

“Sure.” I said, wrapping my hands around  her hips. “You want to come by tonight too, when you get off?”

I raised a suggestive eyebrow and she smirked.

“I would love too, but I can’t.”

She trailed her hands down my shirt.

“So tomorrow will have to do.”

“Cool.” I said. “I’ll cook again.”

“Again?” she questioned, pulling out of my grasp and finally gathering her purse and items to leave.

I walked her to the door while we finished up small talk.

“Yeah, there’s not much going on tomorrow, I would love too.”

She smiled again with her girlish dimples on a warm display.

“Well I won’t complain.”

Stepping on her tippy toes, she gave me final kiss and then headed to her car.

“Bye Beautiful.” I called out as she pulled out my driveway.

 

I was already anxious for tomorrow.

 

With settled energy,  I headed back inside and towards my phone. 

 

I soon headed to Jeff’s house, I had put him off all day and we needed to meet to go over some logistics especially since I now had a New York trip on the horizon.

After grabbing my usual items; wallet, phone and the docs we had to go over, I headed his way.

Becca sent me a text mid-way and smiling I felt the continued excitement of recent events as she flashed across my cell phone screen.

 

*Kinda missing you already! Last night was great and I’m so glad we were able to work things out. Love you. See you soon.*

Smiling I waited until I got to a red light before responding,

*Love you too. Have fun at work. Miss you more.*

 

I pulled in front of Jeff’s house using my usual key to enter and immediately heard the music playing from the kitchen. From the sound, Glenne was the DJ.

 

“Hey guys.” I said as I entered taking in the usual scenery and smell of fajitas.

“Hey H.” Glenne said heading over to the stove, tossing some strips of meat.

“Hey man.” Jeff said giving me a quick hug. “Finally made it I see.”

“Sorry I was.” I paused, not ready to give details of my day. “What are you guys doing?” I asked instead.

“Just making dinner. Pull up a chair.” Glenne suggested.

“You want a drink?” Jeff asked.

I waved his suggestion away. The wine with Becca the night before had been enough.

I took a seat and browsed my phone.

“I’m good.”

I got lost in my phone and thoughts quickly working through the rest of my night with my business and friends.

 ****************

The next morning, I woke up on Jeff’s couch, not knowing in a few short hours, all hell was going to break loose again.

Instead waking up with heavy eyes, the only concern was why I had crashed on the couch, and not my usual bed downstairs. My back was killing me.

 

Stretching, I wiped the usual sleep from my eyes and headed to the nearest bathroom to piss.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I groaned as I saw I had also forgotten to tie my hair up, so my loose curls were tangled.

 

Grabbing for my phone in my basketball shorts, Becca was the first text I saw from 20 minutes earlier.

**Good Morning Handsome**

She  had added the kissy face emoji and I instantly smiled. Going to her contact, I called her instead of returning a text.

After three rings, her soft voice was on the other end.

“Hey babe.” She called.

“Hey.” I drawled, leaning against the counter. “How are you?”

“Good.” She said warmly. “You?”

“I’m good.” I said partially stretching. “What are you up too?”

“I’m at breakfast with Taylor.”

“Breakfast with Taylor huh?” I questioned. “Good o l’ fashioned sibling time?”

She chuckled.

“Something like that…attempting before we kill each other.”

I smiled.

“Tell her I said hey.”

She passed along my message, then repeated my previous question.

“What are you doing?”

“Not much. I just woke up. I’m at Jeff’s.”

“Jeff’s? What, did you spend the night?”

“I did.” I said, not providing anymore unnecessary details. “What time am I supposed  to see you today?”

“What time will you be done with Jeff?” she questioned.

“Whenever.” I said honestly. “Kind of on my own time.”

“Well then I’ll let you know.” She said softly. “I know we’re going to have some breakfast and then from there run a couple errands for mom…I’ll call you then.”

“Sounds like a plan. Have fun.”

She chuckled.

“You too.”

We tossed around a few more sentences, before hanging up.

 

Heading out of the bathroom,  I headed back to the living room where the rest of my stuff was gathered.

An open laptop with shards of paper rested on the coffee table in front of me.

We had been working late until the night, and the more it seemed, I had dozed out mid-concept.

Waking up the small computer, Jeff strolled in the room, patting my back.

“Morning.” He said absentmindedly.

“Hey.” I said, occupied with typing as he headed into the kitchen.

When he came back, he had a glass of orange juice in his hand and collapsed on the seat beside me.

“What’s up?” he asked, watching me.

“Not much. Just checking some stuff.” I said lifting my eyes to meet his.

“You staying a bit?” he questioned.

“Not long.”

My fingers continued to be steady on the keys as I checked my email.

“Why?” I asked a second later, “You guys got somewhere to be?”

“Nah.” He said, drinking his juice. “I’m just going to run to the gym.”

“Oh.” I said, typing a little more. “Wait,” I said lifting my eyes. “When are you going?”

He shrugged, “An hour  or so…why?”

“I’ll go with you.” I offered. After all, having someone to talk to during gym sessions was better than the blare of headphones.

He just took a sip of his juice uncaring either way.

 I finished up my business on my laptop, grabbed a quick bite to eat and then headed out with Jeff to the gym.

The gym was a private members only place that Jeff had a membership too.

 

Getting settled we both quickly worked through our routines, spending no more than two hours at the center.

On the way out headed back to Jeff’s Audi, we made small talk about a mutual friend. I had been mid-laugh when I felt a small buzz on the left side of my abdomen.

Shifting my gym bag on my shoulder, I continued to feel the vibration as I dug for the familiar device creating the intrusion.

My phone had been vibrate for the last half hour as I had showered and wrapped up my gym sessions.

“Hold on man.” I said with a chuckle as I located my small IPhone and  the just missed call;  Mum.

As my phone reloaded the boxes of notifications, I saw I had more than one missed call from her, and an additional call from my sister Gemma. Pair that with the other missed calls from my assistant Emma and Kendall, I knew something was off.

Jeff was still talking to me, as I quickly pushed the call to return my mum’s call first, not even shuffling through the rest of my phone to see what was going on.

 “Harry?” My mother breathed into the phone a couple seconds layter, just as I climbed in the front seat of Jeff’s car. Now seeing that he was being ignored, he had silenced himself, sitting in the sit beside me.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I asked quickly, tossing my gym bag behind me.

She began a spill—

Pictures….and Twitter…and leaks…and ICloud hacks…

“Huh?” I questioned, completely confused as to what the hell she was talking about.

“My personal pictures are on the computer Harry.” She practically shrieked. “Public computers.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked again, completely confused as to what was going on.

In hysterics, and a tone I rarely heard from my mom, I listened as she explained the apparent breach of her privacy- and the small abundance of leaked pictures that were currently spilling on the internet.

Hustling for a pen, I interrupted asking for the information to see for myself.

Jotting everything down, I ended that call just as I pulled up the culprit Twitter account.

“What’s going on?” Jeff asked beside me, sensing my panic, as I pulled up some account by some person named Leoslut—whoever the hell that was.

One after the other, after the other…updating every few minutes and _ping,_ a new one uploading as I searched.

What. The. Fuck.

“Jeff give me your phone.” I demanded, and without argument, handed it over.

“What’s going on?” he asked again.

“I don’t fucking know.” I said honestly, punching in the Twitter address on his phone so I could track it as I made my next call.

Pushing my phone back to my ear, I scrolled looking at the pictures of the past. Most, from the beginning of the year, and the worst around the time of that fucking yacht.

That trip truly was the gift that just kept on fucking giving, and even now, two months later, I couldn’t escape.

And how did this person…this Leoslut even get the fucking pictures?

As my phone rang, making my new necessary calls, I tossed Jeff’s phone back to him.

 

“Look at this.” I said.

He was driving, but quickly scrolled through the photos.

“Holy shit.” He immediately exclaimed. “What the fuck is this?”

I had no words, as the irritated tone of Kendall Jenner met mine next.

“What’s going on?” he asked, just as she seemed to echo his retort, and I could I do was shake my head…

I had no fucking clue…

As I listened to the impatient rant of Kendall Jenner next, I scrolled some more.

Me in London.

Me in California.

Me on that fucking St. Barts trip.

One right after the fucking other.

“We need to contact Twitter.” Jeff said, as we headed back into his house, “Shut down the account. Get it reported.”

“That’s already happening.” I said honestly.

I was well aware of the wide spread panic within the fandom currently, but I was also aware of their fierce action to block and report the user.

Like my own private little beehive, my little bees were already out, with their stingers sharpened protecting their Queen. They were already trying to get the account blocked.

 

Entering the house, Glenne greeted us with a  “What the fuck?”, as she was prepped by Jeff in the car, and my thoughts were racing.

It was one thing to have your privacy violated, but to have it violated like this—so publicly—and affecting so many people…I was incensed.

As I made it back to my previous spot on the couch, I pulled my laptop up, now in ongoing calls with lawyers and my Mum still.

This person was still posting pictures, under the username haarrystyles now, as her previous Leoslut account was quickly shut down.

This bitch.

Who the fuck was this?

Sitting across from me, Jeff and Glenne talked quietly amongst themselves, until Glenne had an idea.

“Hey Harry?” she called as I covered the phone with my hand, listening to her.

She was watching the action from her phone as well, included herself in this picture spree, and looked up at me with worried eyes.

“What?” I asked, speaking over the lawyer, who was just rumbling anyway.

What was posted now?

“Becca.” She mouthed.

My eyebrows creased.

_Becca?_

_Oh. Becca._

Fuck _, Becca._

I hadn’t called her and I wasn’t sure if she knew yet, but if she did...

_Shit._

“Have you called her in New York?” she continued to mouth to me. “You should.”

I didn’t correct her, after all, Becca was nowhere near that state, instead perched still in California and in my bed only hours earlier.

My mind immediately ran.

What if she saw these pictures? Would she be upset? What would she think? Would she just brush them off as some shitty event in the fandom, or would this be a reminder of a few weeks ago, plopping us right back to New Years?

Shit, shit, shit!

But… Glenne was calling my name for a different reason. Seemed she had a completely different reason for wanting to call Becca; one I hadn’t thought of.

 “What if they leak her pictures?” she asked next. “It’s around the same time. What if people find out about you guys Harry?”

I sighed.

Fuck.

More shit to think about.

I needed to call her.

Now.

Getting back to my call, I quickly cut my lawyer off.

“I’m going to have to call you back.”

“But Harry-“

Ending the call, I quickly punched in the familiar number of Becca.

As the phone rang, I practically sweated bullets not knowing what was going to fiund me on the other end.

“Hey.” She answered fifth ring in.

“Hey.” I said with trepidation. I gave it a few seconds…waiting for the next response to kick in.

She was quiet.

“Uh…what are you doing?”

“Shopping.” She said. “I’m in the lingerie aisle.”

Her voice was light and giggly.

“And they have some stuff in your favorite color.” She teased.

If she heard she was doing well. Hell, she was practically shopping for me.

She didn’t know. She couldn’t have.

“Oh…um… good.” I said thinking of my next play.

Did I tell her?

Did I warn her?

“When are we meeting?” I asked stalling for time as I thought this call through.

“I don’t know. When are you ready for me?”  
“Um, soon.” I said quickly. “I um…want to see you, as soon as I can.” I said.

There was an urgency to my tone, but hopefully she wouldn’t read the reasoning between my tone.

With relief, she just chuckled.

“Well can you give me like an hour and a half? Then I can head your way.”

“Sure.” I said making up my mind in that instance that I wouldn’t tell her over the phone.

This would be handled a lot differently than the last situation.

Last time I had fucked up.

It was similar that I hadn’t called until it was all done, but this wasn’t something to be done over a phone call. There needed to be eyes locked and calm voices as I explained everything- every detail noted and reaction physically read.

Though everything was in a different place then it was then, this time, whatever news I would need to break—be it, the initial leak, or the pending big reveal of Harry’s Styles secret girlfriend--- it was best done face to face and where we could work through it together; instead of apart.

“Well I’ll see you then.” I assured. “I love you.” I made sure to offer.

“Love you too.” She said warmly. “See ya soon.”

The expression and conversation garnered looks from Jeff and Glenne, and when I hung up, they began.

“Love you?” Glenne asked.

“When are we meeting?’ Jeff asked, repeating my words. “You guys worked it out?”

I just looked at them.

I couldn’t begin that conversation, as my computer chimed again, showcasing another fucking picture. This one, me and mum on Christmas.

I just gritted my teeth.

Sitting and not being able to do shit was pissing me off.

I slammed the laptop.

“I’ve gotta go.” I announced. “I’ve gotta get to the house and I’m supposed to have lunch with Becca.”

Jeff and Glenne didn’t argue, just watching as I gathered my items.

I was positive steam and frustration was falling off of me and they knew it was best to just leave me alone at this point.

“Call us later.” was their final call as I left their home.

 

As I headed back to my house, my phone continued to ring and I was back on the phone with my lawyer when I pulled into my carport.

It appeared there was some legal action that could be taken in terms of the photos, but actual prosecution of the person would be difficult unless we could find evidence of the actual person tied to the hack and then track the IP address. The frustration thing was, the person whoever ‘she’ was, kept changing her usernames and was posting from different accounts and platforms. So if we shut it down one way, there was no definitive way to shut her down all the way—at least today.

 When I got in the house, I quickly pulled up the pages on my Twitter so I could continue to track the mess and quickly got to work throwing some type of lunch together for Becca.

About 25 minutes in, I got the text that she was outside.

Texting her to ‘come right in’, she appeared in the kitchen about three minutes later.

Casual in a long-sleeve shirt and shorts, I observed as she gave me a small half smile before taking a seat on a stool.

“You made it?” I said quietly, shuffling things around the kitchen. “Your estimation of time is incredible.” I said.

She had noted an hour and a half, and outside of a few minutes, she had stuck pretty close to her time.

“Yeah.” Was all she said tossing her purse on the counter.

Her beautiful eyes met mine, a bit browner today, and I smiled at her.

“So how was your day so far?” I asked.

“Fine.” She said shortly. She kept her eyes on me, studying my actions.

“What have you been up too?” she asked.

As my phone rang, almost on cue, I looked up at her.

Glancing at the caller, Mum, I quickly slid my hand across the screen.

“One sec.”  I said quickly to Becca.

She didn’t reply as I placed the phone to my ear.

“What’s up Mum?”

“She’s still posting Harry.” She said in my ear.

I just sighed. The frustration and sadness was in her tone.

By now, she was angry and growing more pissed by the second.

“I know.” I said gently. “I’m still working on it.”

“Why can’t they shut this down?” she hissed. “What’s the damn problem?”

Averting my eyes away from Becca’s observant gaze, I turned away from her.

“I know Mum and I know it’s frustrating. Just trust the process. It’s going to work itself out by the end of the day.”

“And then what? More shit tomorrow? Are they going to hack my bank accounts next?”

I just sighed as she began a ramble.

“Mum?”

“Why aren’t you affected by this?” she cut in. “You’re so casual about all this?”

I just shrugged.

Because what could I do? And honestly, this wasn’t new to me.

This degree of invasion was new, but the actual hacks and ‘pretend’ fans leaking things pertaining to us had been going on a long time.

At this point, I just gritted my teeth and moved on.

Like the other past issues in my life, I had already resolved I wasn’t going to be addressing this, because it wasn’t anyone’s business; especially since it was involving more than my family, and the Jenner/Kardashians had agreed to do the same.

“Mum, we’ll figure it out.” I said finally. “Becca’s here though so I want-“

“What? She’s in town?”

“Yeah.”

“Well you’re hanging out? You worked it out?”

“We’re trying.” I said turning back to Becca, to see if she was still listening  to the conversation.

She was, as her eyes immediately met mine.

“Oh honey that’s wonderful. I hope it works out. You guys are so great together.”

I just smiled.

“Me too.” Was I all I said, “But I’ll call you back a little later. Just… stop watching it.” I offered. “Take a break from the apps and maybe cut your phone off.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me. I’m about to delete all this shit.”

I chuckled as she gave me a final goodbye and I said I love you.

As I hung up the phone, I glanced back at Becca.

She was still watching me with an unreadable expression.

“That was Mum.”

“I gathered.” She said, “How is she?”

“She’s been better.” I said, then I decided to take the opening.

Picking at some fruit on the counter, I began slowly.

“Bec…we ah…have a situation.”

I waited for the raised worried eyes and the crease of confusion to come across her face. Instead a strong stoic expression remained.

“The pictures?” she questioned.

Narrowing my eyes, our suspected roles reversed.

In confusion, I peered back at her.

“You heard?” I questioned.

“And saw.” She clarified. “Shortly after we hung up.”

I held back a sigh, and dropped my eyes. Wrapping my hands around a water bottle, I spun it.

“Oh.” I said.

I had thoughts.

She hadn’t called me and she wasn’t cussing me out?

This could be…okay.

She must not have been upset.

Thank God.  
I relaxed and quickly caught her up.

“Yeah, I’m working with lawyers now. I’ve been on the phone with them all morning. It’s such a shit storm babe.”

“Who leaked them?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” I said honestly.

Looking around the room, she was quiet, thinking.

“How’s does your mom feel about it?”

“Pissed, hurt…feeling invaded.” I said honestly. “It’s never directly affected them ya know?”

She just nodded.

“Well I’m sorry for her.” She said.

I just nodded, appreciative.

I turned away to work on the food, then it dawned on me.

Smiling, I made my way over to Becca.

“It just hit me,” I said taking the steps.

She raised her eyes,  reading my frame as I towered over her.

“I haven’t properly said hello.”

As I wrapped my arms around her tiny hips, I lowered my lips to kiss her.

She immediately turned her head away.

Pausing, our eyes met and hers cooled, chilled like winter weather.

“What?” I asked in confusion as her lips kept a crisp thin line. “What’s wrong?”

She looked at me and I looked at her.

My hand dropped.

“What?” I asked again.

Keeping her eyes locked on mine, they taunted me.

“You lied.”

_Huh?_

“You lied…to me.” She clarified “About everything.”

“What did I lie about?” I asked.

Twisting her head, she studied me before shaking her head.

_Disbelief._

“You can’t be serious.” She said as she jumped off her stool.

I just looked at her, frozen in place…frozen in what to say.

“Did you even look at the pictures?” she questioned.

“Some of them yes.”

“So then you know…you know that I know.”

“Know what?” I asked.

“That you fucked her! That you were with her! That it wasn’t some _thing_ that just happened.”

I instantly sighed…here it goes…The lava was quickly becoming magma—hardening.

“Becca; no.” I began. “I told you.”

“What you told me was bullshit.” She practically spat. “Your fucking hands are all over her.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“What!” she exclaimed.

“I’m like that with everyone.” I quickly explained. “You’ve seen me be like that with Glenne…Nick…hell some fans Becca”

“You haven’t fucked Glenne. You didn’t date Nick for months! It’s not the same thing.”

I turned from her. This was the one thing I didn’t want.

This was the one thing that I was hoping to avoid.

Grabbing for my cup, I put the liquid in my mouth.

Silence.

I wasn’t going to say another fucking word.

That would be how I would handle this. You can’t have an argument, if the person you’re yelling with doesn’t participate back.

She could scream, she could bitch…but this time…I wasn’t giving her ammo.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” she questioned.

I looked at her, still not responding.

“You were with her Harry.”

_No I fucking wasn’t!_

Silence.

“How could you do this to me? And then lie about it, not once but multiple times! And now…now that the evidence is staring me in the face you’re not going to say shit? Do you really not care about me that much.”

I lowered my glass.

That would always be a trigger.

My feelings for her would never be left for question.

“You know I care about you Becca. You know how I feel about you.”

“When did it start? How?” she questioned ignoring me. “Who made the first move Harry?”

I lifted my glass again.

“It seemed to be pretty swift. Maybe before Miami even. You wanted her the whole time didn’t you? When I said I was leaving for New York, it was your fucking open window.”

Silence.

“How many times?” she rambled with a broken  tone. “How many times did you touch her?”

Glass lowered again.

She was going to bring it out of me.

“Becca-“

“Tell me!” she demanded. “Tell me how it happened. How you cheated on me.”’

I just sighed.

“I don’t want to do this.”  I said honestly. “I’m not going to fight with you anymore about this. _I’m tired Bec.”_

“You owe it to me!” she screamed. “Finally tell me the truth.”

“No!” I said slamming my cup down. “I don’t want to fight about this again.” I said.

I continued to look at her.

“Aren’t you tired of this? This same fucking argument Becca? It’s been weeks of this _same bullshit.”_

She didn’t respond.

“When are we going to be over this?” I asked. “When are we going to move past this shit?”

“When you stop lying about it.”

“I didn’t lie to you. It was nothing and these pictures mean nothing! You’re the something. You’re the something in my life Becca!”

“So where am I?” she questioned. “Where is my face splattered in all these pictures? Where am I Harry?”

My eyes instantly narrowed.

“ _That’s_ what you’re focused on? This is what you’re bitching about now? Why people don’t know about us?”

“Kind of.” She said. “I’m so tired of it. Kendall, Kendall, Kendall…all the fucking time. I’m the one you have the tattoo with, I’m the one you brought home to London, I’m the one you so desperately love but once again, you and her—“

I just rubbed my face.

“Oh my fucking God.” I mumbled under my breath. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” I said, “Becca?” I began raising my eyes.

“We’re not going to do this.” I said sternly cutting her off. “This Kendall shit… I’m done with it.” I said with a slash of my hand. Crossing the dotted fucking line.

“We’re done talking about this. I’m not going to be punished for the rest of this relationship—hell the rest  of my life for some shit that lasted a day or two. I told you what you mean to me and I told you what she means to me as well. You’re what’s important to me, and I’m done  rationalizing and explaining the shit to you, especially when you’re not listening.”

“Excuse me?” she questioned narrowing her own eyes.

“Yeah I’m done Becca.” I said. “We’re done discussing this.”

As her cold eyes hit mine, she just shook her head, coming to her own firm realization.   
“You know what…You’re damn right.” She said a second later. “Fuck this.”

But there was more in her words.

Mine while final, didn’t compare to the weight of her tone.

“We’re fucking done.” She said.

“What does that mean?” I asked quickly.

“It means what I just said. You’re tired Harry? Well I’m fucking exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open!” she shouted. “When is it going to stop? When am I finally going to get to rest and not wake up to bullshit? When is the shit from your life not going to come home to us? In a couple months it’ll be something new. Some other fucking story…and you know what, it’ll probably be about Kendall again-“

“And that’s _my fault_?” I questioned.

“No.” she said honestly. “But I’m done with it.”

And then the unexpected happened.

Tears.

“I can’t keep dealing with this.” She said. “We’re never going to be over this are we?” she questioned as a single tear fell down her cheek. “This is going to always haunt us…no matter what happens…”

Within seconds, two and three more followed.

“It’s never going to be like it was again? Me and you?”

Her eyes didn’t move off of me.

“Is it?” she demanded.

Looking back at her, I didn’t think it would.

No matter how much I tried to convince her that the yacht trip meant nothing to me, she would always believe something different, and now with these photos to back up what she suspected, we would never get this resolved.

I knew it now.

Not responding, we both grew quiet.

Her words hung in the air, as we both gripped with the realization.

We weren’t going to move past this.

 _We_ would never be the way we _were._

She would never trust me again.

Whatever we had and built, had ended outside of that airport months ago.

We both knew it now.

“Becca,” I began after the longest uncomfortable silence.

Her eyes met mine, filled with tears.

“I don’t know what else to say.” I said.

“There’s nothing you can say.” She said honestly.

Turning away from me, her eyes fell on her purse.

With her thoughts running, I knew what was next.

“Maybe I should just go.” She said

“No.” I interrupted. “Stay. This is…this is nothing.” I assured. “Stay and just eat Becca.”

She just looked at me.

She wouldn’t and…she couldn’t. We both knew it.

It was pointless to even maintain a friendship. I would always want her, and after today, I realized it was pointless to think I could still have her.

Everything was severed.

“Should I get the rest of my things?” she asked, as we both realized where we finally stood.

I bit my lip.

Her things…

Her clothes.

Her knick knacks.

The last piece of her I was holding onto.

Those were the things she now wanted. Those things that signaled this was really done.

She wasn’t going to come back.

Not tomorrow, not next month…not next year….

Sighing, I ran a frustrated hand though my hair.

“I’ll get it.” I gritted to myself.

I was pissed, and hurt…and frustrated.

Reaching for the nearby wash cloth beside me, I tossed it on the stove in frustration,  upset that this was the way it was finally ending.

After everything.

The towel hit the burner with a loud thud.

 

Making my way back upstairs, I quickly gathered everything she had left behind. Tossing it in a small bag, I headed back downstairs and dropped it at her feet in anger.

“There you go.” I said.

Looking up at me, her eyes were still moistened with tears, hurt I’m sure by my final gesture, and I couldn’t help but pull her against me.

I relented.

“I’m sorry.” I said.

“No don’t be-“

“No I am.” I said wrapping her against me.

She stayed huddled in my neck, sniffling and gently shaking.

“Becca I---“

But there were no more worries. The apologizes and reassurances wouldn’t work this time.

This was a crushing blow.

All I could say was the thing I wanted her to leave with. The one thing I didn’t want her to forget.

“Becca…” I said slowly. “I will always love you.” I whispered against her ear. “No matter what happens, and where you go. I will always care about you.”

Gently she pulled away.

Her broken eyes softened.

“Who are you Whitney Houston now?” she joked, lightening the situation.

As she gave a gentle smirk, I smirked back and wiped her tears that were still spilling.

Neither one of us said another word.

She picked up her purse and hoisted it on her shoulder.

As she looked at me, I looked at her.

_I love you Becca._

_I love you Harry._

“Well...Bye Harry.”

“Bye Bec.” I said.

And then she was gone.

For real this time.

It was time we both moved on.


End file.
